WEEK 1: CONTENTS PAGE

Page Contents
1. COVER
2. CONTENTS PAGE
3. HEADLINES
4. RESULTS
5. GAME OF THE WEEK
6. GAME OF THE WEEK
7. NFC STANDINGS
8. AFC STANDINGS
9. TOP PERFORMANCES OF THE WEEK (TEAMS)
10. TOP PERFORMANCES OF THE WEEK (PLAYERS)
11. LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)
12. LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)
13. LEAGUE LEADERS (TEAMS)
14. COMMERCIAL BREAK SPONSORED BY ORCIDAS
15. THE BIFF INTERVIEW
16. OBITS AND PIECES
17. THE WEEK IN CHEATING/LOW EXPECTATIONS
18. GAZ ATTACK!
19. JOHNNY BLOOD BOWL/BROKEN NEWS
20. IT’S TOTALLY NAF
21. PREVIEW OF NEXT WEEK
22. ADVERTISMENT: REPLICA UNIFORMS NFC WEST
This Week’s Contributors
Cover, 4,5,13,14,15,16: Knute Rock-Knee (Insta: @NAF_2489_90)
Page: 18, 19, 21: C.Z.Matic
Page 17: WT Brown @ScorpusFlex | Linktree
Page 15: Alex Rathbone (Illustration)

DISCLAIMER: This book is a work of fan fiction based on the game ‘Blood Bowl’ which is owned by
Games Workshop. The book uses intellectual property without permission, no challenge is intended.
This fanzine is produced solely as a hobby-based project and is not commercially available.

Sports Killerstrated, Issue 1. Published by the NAF.net September 9th, 2023.

 NAF WEEK 1: HEADLINES
The NAF roared back into action last new uniforms dirty. The 1-0 Raiders now have
an early advantage in the NFC West title race.
Moonsday with an amazing opening round of
games! After some major upsets, fans across
the known world have high expectations that
Pit Fail
the next 16 weeks will see murder, mayhem Warhammerers coach Insane Thorssen
and touchdowns in world’s greatest Blood Axeheim was left red faced last Moonsday
Bowl League, the NAF. when his pre-season boasts of having
developed ‘The Mother of All Secret
Howl Victory Weapons’ over the summer, was revealed as
nothing more than flim-flam by the Skaven
The Westside Werewolves made an
Scramblers. Pundits have been quick to point
impressive start to the season as they pulled
out that using a series of adapted pit traps
off a shock win against the Elfheim Eagles at
against the slippery Skaven was not the wisest
the Vale. MVP Wilhelm Chaney took an
of tactics. Every concealed land mine, acid
incredible three interceptions, although he
bath and giant scorpion nest was deftly
tried returning one of them back to the
avoided, as thrower Shisk Fourarms,
nonplussed Elf thrower Soaren Hightower.
scrambled for an impressive 45 paces against
Thumpings Central the leaden Dwarf defense.

The AFC Central looks to be a tight race this

year. Both the Reikland Reavers and Gouged
Hubris: “You’re No Jem!”
The Blood Bowl Champion Darkside Cowboys
Eye had thumping wins against divisional
got off to a winning start, in a surprisingly
rivals in a fearsome display of both teams’
close game against the Everbold Unicorns.
power.
Their NFC Central rivals Athelorn Avengers
Jacob von Altdorf put his horror show
also had a field day against the no-hopers
in last season’s Blood Bowl final out of his
Greenfield Grasshuggers. In what was more
mind as he dissected the Naggaroth
an exhibition than a competitive ball game.
Nightwings with a series of long passes.
Avengers’ Thrower Jem Goldstar passed for
Meanwhile, a super grumpy Varag Ghoul-
251 paces, starting his bid to be the league’s
Chewer took out his frustrations at losing last
top passer. However, in a post-match
season’s Chaos Cup final by stomping the
interview, Cowboys captain Hubris Rakarth,
Bluchen Berserkers into the dust as the Eye
started the mind games against the Wood
ran out 3-0 victors.
Elves by saying, “Goldstar has to be the most
overrated passer in the league. He only ever
Gladiators are Stick in the Muds gets the big numbers against teams who are
The Galadrieth Gladiators uncharacteristically under 4 foot.”
changed tactics and went with a pass heavy
offense when they faced the Orcland Raiders
in the Moonsday Night Game at Skull Stadum Wanderers Lost
in Orcland. However, canny Raiders coach The Chaos Cup champions Albion Wanderers
Crueleye used homefield advantage to the full were brought down to earth with a crash,
ensuring the mud playing field was drenched when an inspired passing display by
pre-match. The resulting quagmire horrified Middenheim Marauders’ Thrower Gulden von
the Gladiators’ receivers who were off form all Sulkhof tore their secondary to pieces. The
game as they tried to avoid getting their shiny Marauders offense combined for an
impressive 316 paces.
 RESULTS WEEK 1
Home Team Score Away Team Fat’l
Albion Wanderers 1 - 3 Middenheim Marauders 0 0
Champions of Death 3 - 0 Arctic Cragspiders 1 -
Bluebay Crammers 2 - 3 Icecastle Wolves 0 0
Bluchen Berserkers 0 - 3 Gouged Eye 3 1
Naggaroth Nightwings 0 - 3 Reikland Reavers 0 1
Dwarf Giants 2 - 3 Underworld Creepers 0 0
Chaos All-Stars 3 - 0 Oldheim Ogres 4 2
Bright Crusaders 3 - 1 Scarcrag Snivellers 0 0
Hobgoblin Team 1 - 3 Khain's Killers 0 0
Elfheim Eagles 2 - 3 Westside Werewolves 0 0
Dark Renegades 2 - 3 Bruendar Grimjacks 0 0
Stunted Stoutfellows 2 - 3 Evil Gits 0 0
Everbold Unicorns 2 - 3 Darkside Cowboys 0 1
Greenfield Grasshuggers 0 - 3 Athelorn Avengers 0 1
Creeveland Crescents 3 - 1 Southstorm Squids 1 0
Dwarf Warhammerers 1 - 3 Skaven Scramblers 0 0
Nurgle's Rotters 0 - 3 Vynheim Valkyries 0 0
Lowdown Rats 0 - 3 Asgard Ravens 0 1
Orcland Raiders 3 - 2 Galadrieth Gladiators 0 0
Worlds Edge Wanderers 3 - 2 Lustria Croakers 0 0

NAF Rules Recap

1) The first team to score 3 Touchdowns is declared the winner.
2) A tie occurs if no team has won after 10 hours of play.
3) A game is abandoned when it is impossible for both teams to continue the game.
4) A conceded game is registered as a 0-3 loss to the conceding team.

Key
The table above reveals the following information from left to right:
Home team name/ Home team score (TD)/ Away team score (TD)/ Away team name/ Fat’l=Home
Fatalities caused/ Away Fatalities caused*

* Fatalities Caused includes opposition players, opposition staff, officials and members of the public.

Teams in Bold won the game

“Well Bob, I didn’t see that
2-3
one coming!”
“Judging their red faces,
neither did the Dwarf Giants
Jim!”

“Woah look
b reath’s out! The
“Talking tactically, old Grim Helmsmashe
“Grimw a t the r’s going
Bob, how did the g m ad after the re
Creepers pull off this steamin b.” like he’s ab
f, Jim. It look
s
Bo
referee, out to get hi
s
incredible upset? im Jim, first referee
bla me h f send fa tality of
“I don ’t a re
the season
.”
“Cheating, Jim. Their er seen ving an
rule breaking was I’ve nev fo r ha “Hold your
e r o ff horses, old
a play y beard”
top-drawer out there
xc e s s iv ely bush buddy. The
ref’s from
‘e Sylvania, I’m
today.” no
before.” he’s what yo t sure
u’d call
‘alive’ in th
e first place!
”

ning
of Spike Skinelf’s win
“What did you make
Touchdown, Bob?”
totally
pace stroll downfield,
“Fantastic, Jim. A 94 e.”
Gia nts’ defens
unopposed by the
the referee
t the Giants though t
“It certainly helped tha
had stopped play.”
trick was
ating, Jim. That dirty
“Like I said, great che ref!
ny the y paid the
worth every pen
Dwarf Giants Statistics
Player Rushing Passing Blocks Fouls Pass TDs Inter- Casu-
Paces Paces Made Made Comp. Scored cepts alties
Grimwold Grimbreath 32 0 13 1 0 2 0 0
Icesplitter Wyrdheim 43 0 4 0 0 0 0 0
Kurt Livingrock 38 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Axebreaker Jones 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0
“Pick” Seamsunder 0 0 12 0 0 0 0 1
Granite Rivalblade 0 0 8 0 0 0 0 0
Rockrider Howitzer 0 0 9 1 0 0 0 0
Dimitri Coaleyes 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 1
Fritz Herbgrinder 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0
Grum Durrandang 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Flintforge Hammer 0 0 1 2 0 0 0 0
Longstrider Anvilsteam 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 0
Gunner Diamondvein 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Stout Ironfist 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Stoneshape Peakbreaker 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Ferdinand Gunnarson 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
TOTALS 113 0 59 4 0 2 0 2

Sent Off: G. Grimbreath; R. Howitzer; F. Hammer.

Underworld Creepers Statistics

Player Rushing Passing Blocks Fouls Pass TDs Inter- Casu-
Paces Paces Made Made Comp. Scored cept alties
Garbage Throttlesnot 12 0 4 0 0 1 0 0
Spike Skinelf 94 0 6 0 0 1 0 0
"Slasher" Bowelgrim 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Shaftsplitter Grim 10 50 3 0 3 1 0 0
Split Tendoncutter 0 0 7 0 0 0 0 0
"Fast Draw" O'Gore 0 0 4 0 0 0 0 2
"Race" O'Bunyon 0 0 9 0 0 0 0 0
"Fat" Brainsplatter 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Firespitter Cleave 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Stickpig Maim 0 0 3 2 0 0 0 0
"Ace" Fireblade 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0
Fester Rustblade 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 0
Lickfester Midden 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Piles Openwound 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Notchblade Abcess 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Wildman Teethgarland 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
TOTALS 116 50 39 2 3 3 0 2

Sent Off: None

MATCH FACTS

ATTENDANCE: 58000
VENUE: Three Towers Stadium, Calagarth
MVP: Spike Skinelf (Underworld Creepers)
REFEREE: Mr Josef Dread (Sylvania)
STANDINGS WEEK 1

W L T PF PA FF FA
Athelorn Avengers 1 0 0 3 0 1 0
Evil Gits 1 0 0 3 2 2 0
Darkside Cowboys 1 0 0 3 2 1 0
Everbold Unicorns 0 1 0 2 3 0 1
Greenfield Grasshuggers 0 1 0 0 3 0 1

W L T PF PA FF FA
Vynheim Valkyries 1 0 0 3 0 0 0
Asgard Ravens 1 0 0 3 0 2 0
Dwarf Giants 0 1 0 2 3 0 0
Nurgle's Rotters 0 1 0 0 3 0 0
Lowdown Rats 0 1 0 0 3 0 1

W L T PF PA FF FA
Skaven Scramblers 1 0 0 3 1 0 0
Creeveland Crescents 1 0 0 3 1 1 0
Bluebay Crammers 0 1 0 2 3 0 0
Southstorm Squids 0 1 0 1 3 0 1
Dwarf Warhammerers 0 1 0 1 3 0 0

W L T PF PA FF FA
Worlds Edge Wanderers 1 0 0 3 2 0 0
Orcland Raiders 1 0 0 3 2 0 0
Lustria Croakers 0 1 0 2 3 0 0
Galadrieth Gladiators 0 1 0 2 3 0 0
Hobgoblin Team 0 1 0 1 3 0 0

Key:
The table above reveals the following information
W=Games won; L=Games lost; T=Games drawn/abandoned (*=game abandoned)
PF=TD scored; PA=TD Conceded; FF=Fatalities For; FA=Fatalities Against

Fatalities For (FF) includes: Opposition Players, staff, officials and members of the public.
Fatalities Against includes: Players only
STANDINGS WEEK 1

W L T PF PA FF FA
Reikland Reavers 1 0 0 3 0 1 0
Gouged Eye 1 0 0 3 0 1 0
Underworld Creepers 1 0 0 3 2 0 0
Naggaroth Nightwings 0 1 0 0 3 0 1
Bluchen Berserkers 0 1 0 0 3 3 1

W L T PF PA FF FA
Champions of Death 1 0 0 3 0 1 -
Middenheim Marauders 1 0 0 3 1 0 0
Icecastle Wolves 1 0 0 3 2 2 0
Albion Wanderers 0 1 0 1 3 0 0
Arctic Cragspiders 0 1 0 0 3 0 1

W L T PF PA FF FA
Chaos All-Stars 1 0 0 3 0 4 1
Khain's Killers 1 0 0 3 1 0 0
Bright Crusaders 1 0 0 3 1 1 0
Scarcrag Snivellers 0 1 0 1 3 0 1
Oldheim Ogres 0 1 0 0 3 2 0

W L T PF PA FF FA
Westside Werewolves 1 0 0 3 2 0 0
Bruendar Grimjacks 1 0 0 3 2 0 0
Stunted Stoutfellows 0 1 0 2 3 0 2
Elfheim Eagles 0 1 0 2 3 0 0
Dark Renegades 0 1 0 2 3 0 0

Key:
The table above reveals the following information
W=Games won; L=Games lost; T=Games drawn/abandoned (*=game abandoned)
PF=TD scored; PA=TD Conceded; FF=Fatalities For; FA=Fatalities Against

Fatalities For (FF) includes: Opposition Players, staff, officials and members of the public.
Fatalities Against includes: Players only
WEEK 1 TOP PERFORMANCES
(TEAMS)

MOST RUSHING PACES

Skaven Scramblers 169 Chaos All-Stars 201

MOST PASSING PACES

Athelorn Avengers 320 Reikland Reavers 294

TOTAL OFFENSIVE PACES

Athelorn Avengers 397 Reikland Reavers 468

Sports Killerstrated’s TEAMS OF THE WEEK

VYNHEIM UNDERWORLD
VALKYRIES CREEPERS
WEEK 1 TOP PERFORMANCES
(PLAYERS)

MOST PACES GAINED

Digger Novgorod 95 Spike Skinelf 94
Worlds Edge Wanderers Underworld Creepers

MOST PASSING PACES

Jem Goldstar 251 Jacob von Altdorf 294
Athelorn Avengers Reikland Reavers

MOST TOUCHDOWNS
Luarn Proudbow 3 Varag Ghoul-Chewer 3
Athelorn Avengers Gouged Eye

MOST FATALITIES
Rrr'krag Smma'gugg 3 Karla von Kill 2
Creveland Crescents Middenheim Marauders

MOST BLOCKS
Greybranch Oakwillow 12 Wilhelm Chaney 12
Bluebay Crammers Westside Werewolves

Sports Killerstrated’s WEEK 1 NAF MVP

Spike Skinelf (Underworld Creepers)

94 Paces Rushing, 6 Blocks, 1 Touchdown
 LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)

RUSHING LEADERS
PLAYER PACES TEAM
Digger Novgorod 95 Worlds Edge Wanderers
Spike Skinelf 94 Underworld Creepers
Vinny Valhalla 91 Vynheim Valkyries
Crour Nightshade 90 Khain’s Killers
Ulfric Holzfeller 87 Bright Crusaders
Verner Vestgard 85 Asgard Ravens
Dirk Hundslieb 81 Westside Werewolves
Rigor Mortis 79 Champions of Death
Kefft the Despised 79 Chaos All-Stars
Varag Ghoul-Chewer 79 Gouged Eye

PASSING LEADERS
PLAYER PACES TEAM
Jacob von Altdorf 294 Reikland Reavers
Harg Vainkill 257 Gouged Eye
Jem Goldstar 251 Athelorn Avengers
Gulden von Sulkhof 199 Middenheim Marauders
Egon Saintlyburg 196 Bright Crusaders
Rudolf Runespear 193 Vynheim Valkyries
Chandra Sniperblade 189 Khain’s Killers
Luthor von Hawkfire 177 Chaos All-Stars
Valen Swift 170 Elfheim Eagles
Breda Freedom 155 Galadrieth Gladiators

TOP SCORERS
PLAYER TD TEAM
Varag Ghoul-Chewer 3 Gouged Eye
Elrik Wolfherd 3 Asgard Ravens
Luarn Proudbow 3 Athelorn Avengers
Gobfrey Smallweed 2 Bluebay Crammers
Moloch Arcaneson 2 Bruendar Grimjacks
Stefan Helmhand 2 Champions of Death
Kefft the Despised 2 Chaos All-Stars
Grimwold Grimbreath 2 Dwarf Giants
Breda Freedom 2 Galadrieth Gladiators
Chandra Sniperblade 2 Khain’s KIllers
 LEAGUE LEADERS (PLAYERS)

LEADING KILLERS
PLAYER FATALITIES TEAM
Rrr'krag Smma'gugg 3 Creeveland Crescents
Hengist O'Hooligan 2 Asgard Ravens
Da Rock 2 Gouged Eye
Elreth Hatemonger 2 Khain’s Killers
Karla von Kill 2 Middenheim Marauders
"Fast Draw" O'Gore 2 Underworld Creepers
Ivar the Boneless 2 Vynheim Valkyries
Wilhelm Chaney 2 Westside Werewolves
Neville d'Etiquette 1 Albion Wanderers
"Rabid" Lars Loonström 1 Asgard Ravens

INTERCEPTION LEADERS
PLAYER INT’S TEAM
Wilhelm Chaney 3 Westside Werewolves
Manian Devil 2 Khain’s Killers
Thorgard Thwackson 1 Asgard Ravens
Luarn Proudbow 1 Athelorn Avengers
"Clean" Hans Weiss 1 Bright Crusaders
Sekhmeht VII 1 Champions of Death
Jurgen Demonfeeder 1 Chaos All-Stars
Hoshi Komi 1 Creeveland Crescents
Erdich Panzer 1 Creeveland Crescents
Hubris Rakarth 1 Darkside Cowboys
 LEAGUE LEADERS (TEAMS)

LEADING RUSHING TOP

OFFENSE OFFENSE
TEAM PACES TEAM PACES
Chaos All-Stars 201 Reikland Reavers 468
Reikland Reavers 174 Gouged Eye 400
Champions of Death 169 Athelorn Avengers 397
Skaven Scramblers 169 Chaos All-Stars 378
Bright Crusaders 164 Bright Crusaders 360
Vynheim Valkyries 160 Vynheim Valkyries 353
Worlds Edge Wanderers 146 Khain's Killers 330
Gouged Eye 143 Middnheim Marauders 316
Khain's Killers 141 Champions of Death 297
Asgard Ravens 128 Asgard Ravens 276

LEADING PASSING HIGHEST

OFFENSE ATTENDANCE
PLAYER PACES
Athelorn Avengers 320 94000
Reikland Reavers 294 Nightwing Cavern
Gouged Eye 257 for
M’heim Marauders 199 Naggaroth Nightwings
Bright Crusaders 196 vs
Reikland Reavers
Vynheim Valkyries 193
Khain's Killers 189
Chaos All-Stars 177
Elfheim Eagles 170
Galadrieth Gladiators 155
Sports Killerstrated
WORLD EXCLUSIVE
BOB BIFFORD TALKS TO
 Obits and Pieces
Your Handy guide to this week’s most spectacular fatalities.
foul which led to the Orc Team’s first Touchdown. With the
REMEMBERING… Berserkers 0-2 down, Bullfrost started crumbling under the
pressure of his status as the number one pick and went utterly

ICEHORN berserk. Forgetting the game, he charged headlong towards

the Eye’s star Catcher Osgar Vilechuck on the side-line, who

BULLFROST
casually side stepped out of the way, causing all 393lbs of the
raging bull to crash fatally into the Orc team’s dugout.

It’s hard to say for sure what happened next because the
A Big, Fat, Bull-Headed clouds of dust, blood and Gatorcade obscured much of the
Bust! action. However, when the clouds cleared, the scene was one
of total carnage.

As a result of his deadly fall the mad Minotaur had taken out
three of the Eye’s support staff (Their kit manager Old Scrote,
accountant Dosh Wonga, plus head of public relations Blarg
Sound-Biter) and, incredibly, had somehow managed to
fatally impale himself on a life-sized mannequin of Varag
Ghoul-Chewer (which had just been placed there as part of the
Eye captain’s lucrative deal with Orcidas to endorse their new
range of codpieces). The real Varag Ghoul-Chewer argued
persuasively that the kill should be attributed to him, but the
NAF eventually credited it to substitute Ugly Rackspike, due to
him being the player who’d positioned the mannequin.

Despite his underwhelmingly short career, Icehorn Bullfrost

would have been delighted to know that his spectacular
demise got the biggest cheer of the day from the sold-out
crowd at Axehead Stadium, and he’s now the bookies’
favourite to win this season’s coveted ‘Most Entertaining
There’s always a frisson of excitement when a Minotaur Death’ award! Icehorn Bullfrost, whether you’re now playing
rookie is recruited via the ‘Crush’, not least because their iron- a harp in Elysium or burning for eternity in Hades, we here at
shod hooves and vicious horns can do some considerable Sports Killerstrated salute you!
damage to the other tyros in the scramble towards that
famous door! It’s unsurprising then, that the first choice in this
year’s Crush- the hulking Minotaur Blocker Icehorn Bullfrost- Sports Killerstrated Fact File
had scouts and coaches across the NAF salivating like a
Halfling in tuck shop at his destructive potential. Sadly,
Bullfrost’s untimely demise is a cautionary tale of how even Name: Icehorn Bullfrost
the mightiest of talents can be crushed by the weight of
expectation.
Age: 75
Height: 7’.9’’
As a product of Midgard College’s controversial ‘Big Guy Weight: 393 lbs
Programme’ (which critics unkindly claim involves nothing
more than handing out spurious athletic scholarships to College: Midgard College
anyone who’s over 7’.9 and muscular), Bullfrost was put Crush: 1st Round 2489
straight into the Bluchen Berserkers first team by head coach Team(s): Bluchen Berserkers
Ivan Bloodshed. In his one and only interview, the Minotaur
had told reporters he was relishing playing the highly fancied Position: Blocker
Gouged Eye in his first game, “Me like the smelly green men. Honours: 1st choice in the 2489 Crush.
Taste good!”
Shortlisted for 2489 Hikeman Trophy.
Unfortunately for Bullfrost, Gort Severlimb’s tactics saw the Career Statistics: 1 game, 1 block,
Gouged Eye completely neutralise theMinotaur. In the first 1 foul, 3 civilian fatalities.
half, he only managed one badly timed block and a clumsy
 that the NAF assigned Max ‘Kneecap’
The Week in Cheatind Mittlemann (and his chainsaw) to officiate.
The Killers got the hint, the Hobgobs didn’t.
Find out Who’s This By the final whistle only 1 Hobgoblin player
Week’s Sneakiest Gits was left on the field! What’s more, of the 15
players languishing in the treatment room,
Week 1 is always full of surprises on the
only 5 of them were put there by Khain’s
cheating front, as a summer’s worth of new
Killers’ players, the other 10 were a result of
dirty tricks are tested for the first time in
arguing the call with the formidable Mr
match conditions. This season was no
Mittlemann. Asked why he’d been so
different, there was a host of dastardly
excessive in dealing with the Hobgoblin
innovations debuting on the Astroturf, with,
miscreants, a defensive Max replied, “I only
it has to be said, varying levels of success:
‘ad to use me chainser once, me pliers woz
The Dwarf Warhammerers pit trap strategy
enuff to sort out de uvvers”.
was a spectacular fail, whereas the
Underworld Creepers’ judicious use of good
old fashioned bribery proved to be the
difference in their astonishing upset win over
the Dwarf Giants.

However, the most notable cheats of week

have to be the Hobgoblin Team. Their game
against Khain’s Killers always had the
potential to get out of control, so much so

‘respectable’ losing season, but normally they’ll

Low Expectations consider themselves lucky to win even one
game. With this in mind the ‘Low Expectations’
A Round-Up of the NAF’s column will shine a spotlight on the misfortunes
most useless Teams of the Greenfield Grasshuggers, Stunted
It’s a new season, and before a ball (or head) is Stoutfellows, Bluebay Crammers, Lowdown
kicked in anger, several teams already know Rats, Scarcrag Snivellers and the Hoboblin
their league position in 16 weeks’ time… Rock Team, as they set out on a quest not to end the
bottom. The reason they can be so confident season 0-16.
has nothing to do with far eastern betting
syndicates (chance would be a fine thing!), but So, looking at week 1, The most awful team
rather because, the diminutive Halfling and performance has to be the Greenfield
Goblin teams simply don’t stand a chance Grasshuggers 0-3 loss against the Athelorn
against hulking maniacs they’ll be facing week Avengers. With 0 paces gained and a whopping
in and week out. 392 conceded, they’ve set the standard that all
other thrashings will be measured by this
Sure, one might occasionally manage to season. When the opposition actually start
negotiate a preferential schedule in the annual helping your prone players back onto their hairy
Sock Exchange (like the Stunted Stoutfellows big feet, you know you’re in trouble!
did two seasons ago) and scrape together a
 -Reavers) think they have a chance at
Sports Killerstrated’s winning the AFC central, well the
Star Columnist: chance they got is no chance! Ha ha ha
ha.

Von Altdorf might lead the league in

Gives You A Piece of His
passing yards for week one, but in
Mind ! week two I bet he is going to lead the
league in being punched straight in
the face. Some stupid people might
think that Griff Ober, er, walled, or
whatever, stupid long name, might
pose a threat to our super strong
defense but you know wot, I reckon
this game is going to go down to who
is the toughest, the roughest, and the
most mean, not who can do all the
fancy ball moves the best. We ‘ave got
top notch blockers like Da Rock, who
had a proper good time smacking
humans this week, which is great
practice for smacking humans next
week.
‘Ello orc sports fans and welcome to
my proper column. You daft lot might And that’s not all. If for some strange
know me, Gazbag Linchker, from ‘da reason you're not a hardcore Gouged
gud old dayz’ in 2464 when the Eye supporter, then you must be an
Gouged Eye were the top team in the Orcland Raiders supporter. Despite
NAF, never mind the AFC. Well would not being as good as the Eye in my
you know it, those days are back. We opinion, the black and yellows still
absolutely thrashed those Norse nobs, managed to beat some poncy elves,
and even killed their new star player! but only just mind. The Gladiators
They should call Axehead stadium managed to score two touchdowns
Bullhead stadium, cos the only thing before the raiders could seal the deal.
Bullfrosts’s head is now good for is Grishnak Goblin-Throttler is a decent
decorating the wall in the guest locker up and coming blitzer and could take
room. That’s what you get when you the blood bowl world by storm, that is,
try and play nasty against the Eye, you if he played alongside Varag for the
can’t beat a good orc at his own game. Eye. He is going to get nowhere with
those stinking mud dwellers in the
And let’s not forget Varag Ghoul- NFC.
Chewer. Not only does he eat a pack of
Gorkers before every game, he scored That’s all for this week. Don’t forget,
all three of the Eye’s touchdowns this every bag of Gorkers you buy, I get
week. Those daft humies (The Reeking paid for, So keep buying ‘em, or I’ll
stomp ya teef in.
 into a frenzy - and they’re hoping the player
who psychotically leapt over an Ogre to
score a winning touchdown can give them
a real Blood Bowl push.
However even as early as week 1, it
seems the Berserker charge to title might
not be all it’s cracked up to be!
Following the Trials and The first sign of things going wrong
Tribulations of the Bluchen was when Man’s-Hell was NOT arrested for
Berserkers’ Sensational New being part of a drunken fight with his fellow
Signing… team members the night before the big
Around the razed towns and villages of the game against the Gouged Eye. Whilst the
Chaos Wastes there’s been a big hoo-ha rest of them produced fake IDs to get
(not just from that blind lawyer!) about an themselves out of trouble, local sheriffs
exciting young prospect playing down in were perplexed when Johnny produced
the Double B leagues at Hexas ATM - Yes his REAL ID with onlookers claiming that
you guessed it - I’m talking about Johnny during the wild fight, Johnny sat quietly
Man’s-Hell, also known as JOHNNY reading a book.
BLOODBOWL! The Berserkers were forced to
There’s been a lot of buzz(ing of release the following statement: “We are
chainsaws) over the high profile signing of disappointed with his actions and this is
this exciting Chaos tainted Thrower/Blitzer out of character for Johnny”
to Bluchen Berserkers at this year’s Crush. To make matters worse, the
Berserker fans have whipped themselves Berserkers went on to lose the game 3-0.

BROKEN NEWS
the halfling team from Bluebay!PdO “…
Piers d’Organ: “Before we carry on with They’re going to call off the game?
our regular feature “ouch, why is my FFF: “… Erm ... I think so!”
bone sticking out of my skin like that?” PdO: “Because of the snowstorm?”
we go live via Hyper-Cabalvision to our
reporter Fran Frankofrankerson who is FFF: “Exactly!”
bringing us pitchside reports all season
giving you the most up to date Blood PdO: “I find that strange considering that
Bowl insights! Fran, you’re covering the the game is being played at their
Icecastle Wolves today, what’s going on” OPPONENTS stadium and the Sicklehof
Stadium in the Duchy of Creeveland
FFF: “The Wolves might need an extra fur hasn't seen snow in 87 years ...”
coat today Jim, the temperatures are sub
zero, even the tears of their opponents FFF: I - I -
have frozen over?”
PdO: “You’ve gone to the wrong stadium
PdO: “… it’s ... it's frozen there?” haven't you Fran?”

FFF: “Absolutely frozen Jim, and with the FFF: “… Yes I have. I’m at the Icecastle
fierce snowstorm right now meaning I stadium.”
can't see the spectacles at the end of my
nose - it seems that this game is probably PdO: “Thank you Fran, utterly pointless.”
going to be called off! A lucky escape for
 IT’S TOTALLY NAF
A SIDEWAYS LOOK AT THE LEAGUE

Our investigative reporters get

everywhere.
This week one even managed to get
his ear against the door of the Dwarf
Warhammerers’ locker room.
At great personal risk he transcribed
this inspirational speech by their
head coach ‘Insane’ Thorson
Axeheim.
Despite being chased by a
deathroller he made it back to the
offices to file the following…

Check out the delicious

offerings available at the
various stadia across the
NAF.
Send in your best (or worst)
half-time snacks!
 PREVIEW NAF WEEK 2
Icecastle Wolves Albion Wanderers
Middenheim Marauders Champions of Death
Nurgle's Rotters Arctic Cragspiders
Underworld Creepers Naggaroth Nightwings
Reikland Reavers Gouged Eye
Lustria Croakers Bluchen Berserkers
Oldheim Ogres Khain's Killers
Chaos All-Stars Scarcrag Snivellers
Dwarf Warhammerers Bright Crusaders
Stunted Stoutfellows Dark Renegades
Bruendar Grimjacks Westside Werewolves
Elfheim Eagles Everbold Unicorns
Evil Gits Greenfield Grasshuggers
Athelorn Avengers Darkside Cowboys
Southstorm Squids Bluebay Crammers
Skaven Scramblers Creeveland Crescents
Asgard Ravens Dwarf Giants
Vynheim Valkyries Lowdown Rats
Galadrieth Gladiators Hobgoblin Team
Orcland Raiders Worlds Edge Wanderers

BIGGEST GAMES: WEEK 2

The Eye’s Have It? To the Death
It’s the match-up the world has been The unbeaten Middenheim Marauders will
waiting for, the unbeaten Gouged Eye and be looking to continue their good start
Reikland Reavers go head-to-head in the against the Champions of Death when they
Moonsday night game. Both teams enter it meet in the Thrudsday night game live on
on the back of 3-0 routs… is it too early to ABC.
be calling this a title decider?
Cheats Never Prosper?
Elves on the Verge of a Nervous The world’s greatest rule-breakers meet the
Breakdown goody-goodie’s goody-goodies: Yes, the
The sports psychologists are on standby as Dwarf Warhammerers face the Bright
the Athelorn Avengers host their bogey Crusaders in what should be a hilarious
team and current world champions the match up of mutual misunderstanding.
Darkside Cowboys!
 your chance to dress like your heroes from the

NFC WESTERN DIVISION

for the first time ever, you can buy the "official"
kits and become a blood bowl star yourself!
Home alt Home alt

ORCLAND GALADRIETH
RAIDERS GLADIATORS

LUSTRIA the
CROAKERS hobgoblin team

GET YOUR KIT NOW!

if you want one of these
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send 2 gold crowns to
castle and fill
out the form below:

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