DEALING WITH PERSONAL ATTACKS

In case of a negotiation, emotional intelligence involves yours as well as other people’s emotional
responses to the discussion. If you find the emotional temperature in the venue to be hot, you may
consider taking a break. There are negligible advantages of building up a negative environment
within a boardroom. Moreover, a negative environment may destroy the negotiations that are at a
fragile standpoint.

Personal attacks, also known as ad hominem fallacies, are a common and frustrating form of
logical error that can undermine your professional communication. They occur when someone tries
to discredit your argument by attacking your character, motives, or credentials, rather than
addressing the substance of your point. How do you counter personal attacks in professional
communication without losing your credibility, composure, or respect? Here are some tips to help
you deal with this challenge.

Recognize the attack

The first step is to identify when someone is using a personal attack against you. Sometimes, it
can be obvious, such as when someone calls you names, insults your intelligence, or questions
your integrity. Other times, it can be more subtle, such as when someone implies that you are
biassed, ignorant, or dishonest. The key is to pay attention to the tone, language, and context of
the communication, and to notice whether the person is addressing your argument or you
personally.

Respond calmly and rationally

The second step is to respond to the personal attack in a calm and rational manner. Avoid getting
defensive, angry, or emotional, as this can make you look weak, unprofessional, or guilty. Instead,
focus on the facts, logic, and evidence that support your argument, and politely challenge the
person to do the same. You can also acknowledge any valid points or criticisms that the person
may have, and show that you are willing to listen and learn from different perspectives. This can
help you establish your credibility, confidence, and respect.

Reframe the conversation

The third step is to reframe the conversation in a way that shifts the focus from the personal attack
to the main issue or goal. You can do this by asking questions, clarifying your position, or
suggesting alternatives. For example, you can ask the person why they think your argument is
invalid, how they would solve the problem, or what they hope to achieve by the communication.
You can also clarify your intentions, assumptions, or expectations, and invite the person to do the
same. By reframing the conversation, you can avoid getting sidetracked by irrelevant or personal
matters, and steer the communication towards a more constructive and collaborative direction.

Report or disengage if necessary

The fourth step is to report or disengage from the personal attack if it becomes too severe,
persistent, or abusive. Sometimes, no matter how calmly and rationally you respond, the person
may not stop attacking you personally, or may escalate their hostility or aggression. In such cases,
you may need to report the incident to a higher authority, such as a manager, a mediator, or a
human resources representative, and seek their intervention or support. Alternatively, you may
need to disengage from the communication altogether, and end the conversation politely but firmly.
You can do this by stating that you do not appreciate the personal attack, that you have made your
point clear, and that you have nothing more to say.

Reflect and learn

The fifth step is to reflect and learn from the experience of dealing with a personal attack. You can
do this by reviewing the communication, identifying what went well and what went wrong, and
evaluating your own performance and behavior. You can also seek feedback from others who
witnessed or participated in the communication, and ask them for their opinions, suggestions, or
insights. By reflecting and learning, you can improve your critical thinking, communication, and
emotional intelligence skills, and prepare yourself for future challenges.

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CONTROLLING YOUR EMOTIONS

Even the most talented negotiators struggle with their emotions from time to time. At the end of the
day, emotions are one thing we can’t fully control. We’re all human, and it’s only a matter of time
before we respond to something or someone with emotion. That’s just the way it is.

Although you can’t prevent emotions from affecting negotiations, you can devise a plan to reduce
their impact. With that in mind, let’s look at five ways to control your emotions during negotiations
and experience better business outcomes.

1. Be prepared.
To control your emotions during negotiations, you first need to prepare for the fact that you may
become emotional at some point in the process. At the same time, you need to thoroughly prepare
for the negotiation by outlining your goals, and summarising your counterpart’s position.

2. Be in the right mindset.

To control your emotions during negotiations, you need to be in the right mindset. By staying
curious and accepting that you’re going to get attacked during the conversation—and that those
attacks may cause you to become emotional—you will be ready to control those emotions when
they arise. Venting ahead of time with someone you can trust is also key. Deflating some of those
possible triggers before the negotiation or difficult conversation will lessen the likelihood of a
reaction in the moment.

3. Expect that you’ll make mistakes.

As a human being, you are not perfect. During any negotiation, it’s only a matter of time before you
misstep. It’s one thing to make a mistake during a negotiation. It’s quite another to let that mistake
rattle you and derail your efforts. By going into the conversation expecting that you will make
mistakes, you won’t be as flustered when they happen. If you’ve prepared and gone in with the
proper mindset, recovering from a misstep will be that much easier.

4. Expect the unexpected.

You can’t predict the future, meaning you never know how a negotiation will turn out until it’s in the
rear-view mirror. When you prepare for the worst-case scenario—for things to go off the rails
entirely—you will be in a better mental place and prepared to respond appropriately if it actually
happens. Staying curious and looking for the motivation, or the “why” behind, what the other side is
saying or thinking will help to keep an emotional reaction at bay.

5. Find a mitigation technique that works for you.

If your goal is to control your emotions during negotiations, you need to find tactics you can use to
calm yourself down and stay cool and collected when the going gets tough. There’s no right or
wrong tactic here. You just need to find a technique that works for you and stick with it.

How can you recover from an emotional outburst?

Even when you actively work on controlling your emotions, there will still be times when they will
get the best of you. So how can you recover if you lose your cool at the table?

-By calling yourself out and acknowledging your errors, you can build trust with your
counterpart.

-By auditing the negative thoughts and feelings that your outburst provoked on the other
side you can overcome the fears created and still get the deal done.

DECIDING WHEN IT'S TIME TO WALK AWAY

Negotiating is an important skill for salespeople. While it’s only one part of the sales process, it’s
usually the point when things either come together or go completely off the rails. That’s why every
entrepreneur should learn how to negotiate, especially if they’re selling a product that doesn’t have
fixed pricing.

Here are signs that you’re probably at the point where you might be better off walking away:

1. You’ve reached your “walk-away” point

Before you go into a negotiation, you should always have a “walk-away” point in mind, usually in
the form of a number. As a seller, this number is the lowest you can go (discount) before the deal
no longer makes sense. It’s critical that you know this number before you sit down to negotiate,
and not try to come up with it in the heat of the moment. Once you’ve settled on the number, stick
to it. It’s simple: when the person you’re negotiating with isn't willing to meet you at that number (at
least), walk away.

2. There are huge warning signs flashing

In sales we sometimes tend to ignore huge red flags, hoping that things ultimately work out. You
ignore them at your own peril, because sooner or later things will go off the rails. When the person
you’re negotiating with is telling you things that don’t add up, or you spot something along the way
that seems questionable, you’re better off taking a step back or walking away completely until you
have a better understanding of what’s actually happening. If not, when the deal falls through, you’ll
probably find out that the warning signs were there the whole time.

3. Understanding Your Needs and Limits

When entering into contract negotiations, it is essential to understand your needs and limits. Begin
by identifying your must-haves, such as non-negotiable terms or specific requirements. Next, set
your priorities based on what is most important to you. Consider what you are willing to
compromise on and what is non-negotiable. Finally, define your limits, such as a maximum budget
or timeline. Having a clear understanding of your needs and limits can help you negotiate with
confidence and avoid agreeing to terms that do not align with your goals. It is important to
communicate your needs and limits effectively to the other party to ensure a fair and transparent
negotiation process.

4. Terms keep changing after an agreement

There are people whose negotiating tactic was to agree to an initial deal, and then keep changing
the terms as the discussion progressed. They did this hoping that the other side was so invested
that they’d go along with them, practically in perpetuity. More often than not, they were right.
They’d usually end up getting themselves a better deal than what was initially agreed upon. This is
an absolutely terrible way to negotiate, and you shouldn’t feed into someone who is playing this
game. Sure, the deal might change as more information comes out. But, if someone is changing
terms after you already shook on it, you should not continue with the negotiation.

5. Your values are being compromised

This is one of the more difficult dealbreakers to quantify, since everyone has different values.
However, it can often be the most important reason to walk away. If making the deal happen would
compromise you or your company’s values, then it’s unlikely that it’s going to be worth it. This can
take many forms, from putting your co-workers or other customers in a bad position, to asking you
to do something unethical or dishonest. Whatever the case, if you’re being asked to deviate from
conduct that you believe to be acceptable, you should walk away. There’s no deal that’s worth
losing your integrity over.

6. Understanding when the project is not feasible

Sometimes, a project may not be feasible due to budget constraints, site limitations, or other
factors. It is important to recognize when a project is not feasible and to communicate this to your
potential business partner. Continuing with an infeasible project may lead to significant problems
and could potentially lead to legal issues down the line. Knowing your limits and recognizing when
a project is not feasible can save time, money, and stress in the long run.

7. You can’t honour what’s being requested

This happens when someone wants a deal so badly that they’re willing to overcommit in order to
get a signature. The problem with doing this is that you’re setting yourself up for failure. Even if you
get the signature and the payment, you’re just going to have a disaster on your hands when you
can’t deliver what you’ve promised. The customer will be upset and will want their money back,
and will never do business with you again or recommend you to anyone else. If you know you can’t
honour what’s being asked, you should do the right thing and walk away.

8. Assessing the Risks and Consequences

Before making any decision, it’s important to assess the risks and consequences of signing a bad
contract. The impact of a poorly negotiated contract can be costly and time-consuming, leading to
legal battles or even financial ruin. One must also consider the impact of walking away from the
deal. It’s essential to evaluate the potential costs of losing the deal, including wasted time and
resources invested in the negotiation process.

Weighing the benefits and costs of walking away can be challenging, but it’s necessary to
understand the potential outcomes. For instance, if a builder is not willing to negotiate on essential
terms, it might be better to walk away from the deal instead of facing the risks and costs
associated with a poorly drafted contract.

As an aside, if you do end up walking away, make sure you do it with courtesy and
professionalism. Just because a deal didn’t work out this time around doesn’t mean it can’t at
some point in the future.

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