Luces laterales ACT ONE #1—Overture/ Big

verdes y SCENE ONE Bright beautiful

azules-CALLES. world

VOICE of SHREK :Once upon a time, BANDA

SEGUIDOR A there was a little ogre named Shrek, who
SHREK-DERECHA lived with his parents in a bog by a tree.
SHREK: “It was a pretty nasty place, but
he was happy because ogres like nasty.”
(We reveal his PARENTS behind him.
THEYare beaming with excitement.)

VOICE of SHREK : “On his 7

th birthday, the little ogre’s parents sat him
down to talk, just as all ogre parents had
for hundreds of
years before.”

MAMA OGRE: LISTEN SON, YOU’RE

GROWING UP SO QUICKLY, GROWING
UP, BIGGER BY THE DAY.
PAPA OGRE: ALTHOUGH WE WANT
YOU HERE, THE RULES ARE VERY
CLEAR—
LUCES VERDES A MAMA OGRE: NOW YOU’RE SEVEN,
DERECHA PAPA OGRE: NOW YOU’RE SEVEN,
BOTH: SO IT’S TIME TO GO AWAY.
(Party horns! The LITTLE OGRE looks
around, confused. His PARENTS pack him
up to leave over the following…. )

PAPA OGRE: TAKE SOME WORDS OF

WISDOM, FOR YOUR TRIP.
MAMA OGRE : THESE ARE LITTLE
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW.
BOTH : WHEN YOU ARE GROTESQUE,
LIFE IS KAFKAESQUE.
MAMA OGRE : JUST KEEPWALKING...
PAPA OGRE : JUST KEEPWALKING...
BOTH:
AND YOU’LL FIND SOMEWHERE TO
GO.
IT’S A BIG BRIGHT BEAUTIFUL WORLD
WITH HAPPINESS ALL AROUND.
IT’S PEACHES AND CREAM
AND EVERY DREAM COMES TRUE.
BUT NOT FOR YOU.
IT’S A BIG BRIGHT BEAUTIFUL WORLD
WITH POSSIBILITIES EVERYWHERE.
AND JUST AROUND THE BEND,
THERE’S A FRIEND OR TWO...
BUT NOT FOR YOU.
MAMA OGRE: GOODBYE!
 PAPA OGRE : GOODBYE!
MAMA OGRE: WATCH OUT FOR
MENWITH PITCHFORKS!

(His PARENTS fade away. LITTLE

SHREKcontinues walking. BIG
SHREKaddresses the audience again.)
SHREK :Ahh, I know its sad, very sad, but
orges are used to that—the hardships, the
indignities, the endless streammiser—

FIONA : Oh hello! Sorry I’m late! Welcome

to Fiona: The Musical! Yay, let’s talk about
me. “Once upon a time, there was a little
princess named Fiona, who lived in a #2- Big Bright King
kingdomFar Far Away. One fateful day, her & Queen
LUCES AZULES A parents told her that it was time for her to
IZQUIERDA be locked
away in a desolate tower, guarded by a
fire-breathing dragon—as so many
princesses had for hundreds of years
before.”
(Inside the story book, we see a little girl,
YOUNG FIONA with her parents, KING
HAROLD and QUEEN LILLIAN. THEYare
taking her to the tower.)
KING HAROLD : YOUR MAMA PACKED A
DOLLY FOR YOUR TRIP.
QUEEN LILLIAN : YOUR PAPA PACKED
YOUR BOOKS AND BUBBLE GUM.
BOTH : DARLING, DON’T BE SAD, A
TOWER’S NOT SO BAD.
QUEEN LILLIAN : JUST KEEPWAITING,
KING HAROLD : JUST KEEPWAITING,
BOTH : AND SOMEDAY YOUR
PRINCEWILL COME.
FIONA : Isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve
ever heard? A poor little princess hidden
away from the world, high in a tower,
awaiting
her one true l—
(SLAM! SHREKslams Fiona’s Door shut)
SHREK : Sorry about that, technical hitch
(back to the story)
“And so the little ogre found a perfectly
rancid swamp far away from civilization.
And
whenever a mob came along to burn him
at the stake, he knew exactly what to do.”
(holds up “Beware Ogre!” sign.
SHREKtakes one deep breath. Another
perfect morning.HE grabs his buckets
and heads offto run an errand.)
LUCES FRONTALES ACT ONE
VERDES-CÁLIDAS SCENE TWO

(SWAMP. As soon as Shrek is off, a few

FAIRYTALE CREATURES are led on. An
armored guard is here to
process them.)

GUARD 1 : Right this way. Don’t mind the

mud. You’ll get used to it.
PINOCCHIO : This place is a dump!
WOLF : It’s not fit for a pig!
PIG #3: Hello!
PIG #2 (German accent) Vee can hear
you!
PIG #1 (German accent) Vee are standing
right here!
GUARD 2:Look, you all read Lord
Farquaad’s decree.
PINOCCHIO :Yeah, yeah, we read it. “All
fairytale creatures have been banished
from the kingdom of Duloc. All fruitcakes
and freaks
will be sent to a resettlement facility.”
WHITE RABBIT : It smells like bum.
GUARD 1 : Alright, when we call your
name, step forward. Pinocchio the Puppet! #3- Story of my life
#3—Story OfMy Life
PINOCCHIO :Oh, I’m not a puppet, I’m a
real boy. (nose
grows—bwooooop—beat—awkward
laugh)
GUARD 3 :That’s your patch ofmud down
there. (next on his list) Fairy Godmother!
S HR E KTHEMUS I C A L— 6 —
FAIRY GODMOTHER (steps forward, a
nervous wreck)
GUARD 3: Right here. (The GUARD
indicates her spot.)
GUARD 2: Ugly Duckling!
(PINOCCHIO settles in as the others are
checked in.)
PINOCCHIO:Dumped on a swamp!
SEGUIDOR A PETER LIFE IS DISAPPOINTING.
PAN - CENTRO WOE IS WHAT I KNOW.
OUTED BY MY NOSE—
THAT’S JUST HOW IT GOES
FOR POOR PINOCCHIO.
STORY OF MY LIFE.
ALWAYS DOOMED TO FAIL.
CHEATED BY A FOX.
SWALLOWED BY AWHALE.
THAT’S THE STORY OF MY LIFE, OH
YEAH.
THAT’S THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

GUARD 2 : Three Bears, take your spot

over there by Pinocchio.

(THEYtry to find it)

GUARD 1 : No, that’s too close. (again)

GUARD 3 : Too far. (again)
GUARD 3Ahh, just right.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: STRIFE IS

NEVER-ENDING.

PETER PAN : BANISHED FROM THE

TOWN

GUARD 1 Sugar Plum Fairy!

GUARD2 (WickedWitch!

UGLY DUCKLING:
THEY DRAGGEDME FROM THE POND.

SUGAR PLUM FAIRY : THEY BROKE MY

MAGICWAND.

GUARD 3 :Big BadWolf!

WITCH :LIFE IS BUT AWITCH-HUNT.

MAMA BEAR :MAMA’S IN DA MUD.

MAMA’S IN DISTRESS.

MAD HATTER :THEY RIDICULEDMY

HAT.

3 PIGS:ZEY SAID ZAT VEE VERE FAT.

WOLF: THEY TORE MY COTTON

GRANNY DRESS, AND CALLEDME A
HOT ‘N TRANNY MESS

GUARD2 Humpty Dumpty!

FAIRYTAL E CREATURES:
STORY OF MY LIFE.
BOOTED FROM THE BALL.
THE PARTY’S OFF THE HOOK
HUMPTY DUMPTY BUT I’M TOO OFF
THEWALL.
FAIRYTAL E CREATURES

THAT’S THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

THAT’S THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

GUARD3 :And remember if we find you

back in the kingdom, you will be executed.

FAIRYTAL E CREATURES:
I ALWAYS DREAMED I’D GET A HAPPY
ENDING.

WITCH: AND THIS RIGHT HERE?

NOT HOW IT GOES.

FAIRYTALE CREATURES:
I ALWAYS DREAMED I’D GET AN EVER
AFTER.
IF THIS IS IT—IT BLOWS.
IT BLOWS.
IT BLOWS.

(The FAIRYTALE CHARACTERS settle in.

Chit-chat, etc. SHREKcomes back from his
errand, and can’t believe his eyes. He’s
confused and angry.)

PINOCCHIO Settle in, everyone. Might as

well try to make the best of this. I don’t
know what choice we have. Wow, this
place reeks.
Etc.

SHREK:WHAT ARE YOU DOING INMY

SWAMP?!!!
(They gasp. Uh-oh, nowwhat?)
PINOCCHIOWell gosh, we were forced to
come here.
SHREK Forced? By who?
PIG #2 Lord Farquaad! He hoofed und he
poofed, und he signed an eviction notice.

SHREK Huh. Well, not my problem. Now

you all need to turn around and go back
where
you came from.
MAMA BEAR Go back?! We can’t go back!
PIG #1 Farquaad vill turn us into bratvurst!
WOLF The guy’s bad news.
SUGAR PLUM FAIRY (Russian accent)
Hey, maybe you could talking to him.
ELF Yeah, he’ll listen to you! You’re big
and scary.
SHREK I’m also an ogre, which means I
 stay on my swamp and avoid large crowds.
Or haven’t you read the stories?
WOLF You mean those stories that say I’m
a big “bad” wolf?
WITCH And the ones that say I’m a
“wicked” witch?
(THEYall laugh uproariously.)
PINOCCHIO Or the ones that say I’m a
“wooden” boy! (offtheir uncomfortable
silence) What? I’m not a wooden boy.
(nose grows -
bwoooop) I have a glandular condition.
WITCH Look here, ogre, I’m gonna spell it
out for ya. We don’t want us here any more
than you do. But you’re the only one tough
enough to stand up to that no-good
flim-flammer Farquaad.
SHREK: Tough enough? You don’t even
knowme.

PETER PAN (stepsforward and sings

forlornly) I ALWAYS DREAMED I’D GET A
HAPPY ENDING.
UGLY DUCKLING ITWAS FORETOLD
INMY HOROSCOPE.
PINOCCHIO CAN’T YA HELP US
OUTWITH AN EVER AFTER
FAIRYTAL E CREATURES CAN’T YOU
SEE THAT YOU’RE OUR ONLY HOPE?
YOU’RE
OUR ONLY HOPE. YOU’RE OUR ONLY
HOPE…
WOLF HOPE.
YOU’RE OUR ONLY HOPE…
YOU’RE OUR ONLY—

SHREK Okay, fine, I get it! Attention

all…fairytale things! Your welcome is
officially worn
out! I’m gonna go see this Farquaad guy
right now, and get you all offmy land and
back
where you came.

APAGÓN

ACT ONE
SCENE THREE
LUCES FRONTALES
VERDES (FOREST. SHREK enters looking at his
map.)
SHREK Now this can’t be right, I’m all
turned around. I took a right at the candy
house,
passed that weird old woman in the shoe,
and then took a left at Oprah’s castle…
(HE notices a crossroads sign pointing in
different directions. In one direction,
“SWAMP”—and in the other, “DULOC.”)
Nowwhat’s this? “Swamp.”—Yeah, that’s
true. “Duloc,” good….

(notices an arrow pointing

up—“DONKEY.”) (Then we hear a
terrified scream coming from
somewhere. SHREK looks around,
confused. Where is that coming from?
Then…)

DONKEY (falling out ofthe sky)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Watch
where you’re going Mary Poppins

(DONKEY lands behind the bush center

stage. After a moment, he comes crawling
out.)

I’m okay. You just stay where you are. I’ll

be alright.
(climbing up—in some pain)
That’s a lesson right there. Donkeys should
not be climbing trees. But I had to do
something to shake those goons. Guess it
worked
because—

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARDS (offstage) I

hear voices over here!

DONKEY Uh-oh. Help a Donkey out,

wouldja?

(HE hides behind the confused Shrek as a

phalanx ofarmored GUARDS comes
running
on. THEYstop in their tracks when they
see Shrek.)

GUARDS Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

(THEY draw their swords at the sight

ofhim.)

GUARD 4: Ugh, it’s hideous!

SHREK Aw, that’s not very nice. It’s just a
Donkey.

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD (terrified) Step

aside, ogre, and let us at him.

SHREK:Why? What did he do?

DONKEY I-don’t-wanna-die-
I-don’t-wanna-die- I-don’t-wanna-die…

GUARD 5 He’s a talking donkey. A freak of

nature. As are you, you
unsavory beast.

SHREK Hey now, you’re going the right

way for a smacked bottom, you
are.

CAPTAIN OF THE GUARDS (trying to

muster the courage) By the order of Lord
Farquaad, I am authorized to place you
both under
arrest.

SHREK Under arrest, eh? (advance on

them)
ROOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAR!!!!!!

GUARDS (pure terror)

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

(Their scream outlasts his roar. There’s a

moment ofbewilderment, then…)

SHREK (whispers) This is the part where

you run away.

(THEYdo, screaming as they flee.)

And don’t come back!

(
With that done, SHREK takes out a map
and tries to figure out which way leads
to Duloc. DONKEYsmiles up at his new
hero.)

DONKEY Can I just say? That was

incredible. Man, they were trippin’ over
themselves to get away from
you. I liked that.
SHREK
(nose in the map) Oh good, I’m glad,
nowwhy don’t you go celebrate your
narrow escape with your
friends.

DONKEY But I don’t have any friends.

SHREK Now there’s a shocker.
DONKEY (chuckles) Heh-heh. Say, you
lost or something?
SHREK No, I’m just trying to figure out the
best route to Duloc.
DONKEY Oh Duloc! I know Duloc! You
gotta let me show you the way, because I
am like a GPS with fur!
SHREK (barely acknowledging him) I’ll be
fine on my own, thanks.
DONKEY But nobody’s fine on their own!
Not when you look like we do!
(realizes he’slosing him)
Hey! Didn’t you hear what they said? Man
this place is goin’ Stepford! We gotta join
forces! Otherwise
they’regonna lock me up! And I can not go
back in a cage! I don’t know if I mentioned
it
or not, but I did six years in solitary for
impersonating a piñata.
SHREK (finally fed up)
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAA
AAAAAAAAR!
DONKEY Whoa, that was really scary. And
if you don’t mind me saying, if that don’t
workyour breath’ll certainly get
the job done.
S HR E KTHEMUS I C A L— 1 5 —
SHREK Listen, little Donkey, take a look at
me. What am I?
DONKEY Ahhh… really green?
SHREK No! I’m an ogre! You know—grab
your torch and pitchforks! Doesn’t that
bother
you?
DONKEY Nope.
SHREK Really?
DONKEY Really really.
SHREK Oh….?
DONKEY Man, I like you. What’s your
name?
SHREK Shrek.
DONKEY Shrek? Huh. Well, you knowwhat
I like about you, Shrek? You got that
whole, “I
don’t care what anybody thinks ofme”
 thing. I like that, I respect that, Shrek. You
all right.
SHREK Oh good. Goodbye.
(moves to go but DONKEYstops him)
DONKEY HEY-HEY-HEY, YA GOTTA LET
ME GOWITH YOU.
YOU DON’T KNOWWHAT IT’S LIKE TO
BE CONSIDERED A FREAK. WELL
MAYBE YOU DO, BUT THAT’S WHYWE
GOTTA STICK TOGETHER.
Pleeeeeease!
SHREK Alright, look, only because I’m lost,
you can come—
DONKEY(immediate hysteria and joy)
Yeah! Woo-hoo, alright—!
(cuts him off)
SHREK On one condition! You keep the
talking to a minimum.
DONKEY You got it! No talking. Man, you
will not regret this. BANDA
SHREK Too late. Travel Song
DONKEY Now that’s what I’m talking
about! Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart
friends off
on a whirl-wind big city adventure!
(THEYwalk offtogether,
DONKEYhumming.)

APAGÓN

ACT ONE
LUCES LATERALES SCENE FOUR
AZULES Y ROJAS-
CALLES #4- Regiment
GUARDS
FARQUAAD IS ON HIS WAY.
HE’S ON HIS WAY.
HE IS NEARLY HERE.
HE’S DOWN THE HALL. GETTING
CLOSE.
HE IS JUST OUTSIDE.
BEHIND THE DOOR.
HE IS ON HIS WAY.
SEGUIDOR A HERE HE IS. RIGHT HERE.
FARQUAAD:CENTRO
FARQUAAD Thelonius, I’m ready. Bring in
the cookie!
(Familiar cries ofa terrified
GINGERBREAD MAN, who is wheeled in
on a shrouded cart.)
VOICE OF GINGY Ohhhh, gosh. Uh-oh,
what’s happening now? Oooo, this is scary.
Ohhhh, geez. Ohh, no.
FARQUAAD Ha ha heh heh heh…
GINGY Oh-no-oh-no-oh-nooo….
(and then he sees Farquaad)
Ohhhhh, it’s you…
FARQUAAD “Run, run, run as fast as you
can, you can’t catch me—I’m the
Gingerbread Man!”

GINGY Look what you’ve done to my legs!

You’re a monster!
FARQUAAD I’m not the monster here, you
are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash
poisoning my perfect
kingdom.
GINGY It’s not a kingdom! Because you’re
not a king!
FARQUAAD Oh, but I will be. Just as soon
as I find a princess to marry. And I hear
you know of one. Tell me where
she is!
GINGY Eat me!
(spits in Farquaad’s face)
GUARDS Ahhh!
(Farquaad’s GUARDS all pull out torture
devices—a rolling pin, a giant spatula, an
egg-beater, a carton ofmilk, etc...)
FARQUAAD (through clenched teeth) No!
I’ve tried to be fair to you creatures, but
nowmy patience has reached its
end!
GINGY (stalling) Uh-uh, uhh, okay, well,
maybe I have heard tell of a princess.
FARQUAAD Fromwho?
GINGY Do you know the Muffin Man?
FARQUAAD The Muffin Man?
GINGY
The Muffin Man.
FARQUAAD
Yes. I know the Muffin Man. Who lives on
Drury Lane?
GINGY: Well, I heard it from the Muffin
Man.
FARQUAAD: The Muffin Man?!
GINGY: The Muffin Man!
FARQUAAD:(thoughtful, to himself) He
heard it from the Muffin Man…
GINGY Can I go now?
FARQUAAD You haven’t told me where
the she is!
GINGY I can’t!
FARQUAAD: You must!
GINGYI won’t!
FARQUAAD: Tell me or I’ll—! (reachesfor
Gingy’s buttons)
 GINGY
No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop
buttons!
FARQUAAD Then where is the princess?!
GINGY (broken) Okay… I’ll tell you. She’s
a day’s walk from here. In a
dragon-guarded castle, surrounded by hot
boiling
lava.
FARQUAADWell, that sounds dangerous.
GINGY Ya want a princess or not?! In the
highest room in the tallest tower, you’ll find
a fiery red-head named Princess Fiona.
FARQUAAD Ooo, Princess Fiona. She
sounds perfect. Except for that dragon and
lava thing. I’ll have to find someone else to
go…
GINGY (to himself) Big surprise.
FARQUAAD (in his own revelry) I shall
make Fiona my Queen, and Duloc will
finally have the perfect King! (to his
underlings)
Captain, round up your men, summon the
citizens, and bring that cookie to the
swamp!
GINGY Swamp?! That’s the thanks I get?!
FARQUAAD Thelonius, tell the Royal
Coiffuer I need to get my hair pressed.
We’re going to get a queen!
APAGÓN

LUCES FRONTALES ACT ONE

LUCES Y ROJAS SCENE FIVE

DONKEY The rules are very simple,

whoever spots a horse and cart along the
road—(suddenly) Punch buggy! (punches
his arm)
SHREK Ow!
DONKEY Fun, right?!
SHREK No! What kinda insane game is
that?
DONKEY Haven’t you ever been on a road
trip?
SHREK No.
DONKEY Man, you need to get out more,
because—Punch buggy! (punches his
arm)
SHREK Owwww!
DONKEY I gotcha with that wagon full of
hay over there.
SHREK Donkey, if you do that one more
time—
 DONKEY See, that’s another reason you
need me around. Who else is gonna fill
you in on all the fun stuff you missed out
on? You
may not know it, but you are one lucky
ogre to meet up with—
LUZ DE ATRÁS DEL SHREK Punch buggy! (punches Donkey)
TELÓN ROJA Y AZUL SHREK Donkey, look! Lord Farquaad’s
castle.
DONKEY Didn’t I tell you I’d find it?
SHREK It’s a bit much isn’t it? (leading) Do
you think he might be compensating for
something? (HE laughs. DONKEYdoesn’t
get it.)
Ah, forget it.
(SHREKmoves on as a GREETER in a
giant Farquaad head appears.)

GREETER Welcome to the Duloc Fetch a

Princess Festival! The show’s about to
begin!
SHREK Hey! Hey, you!
GREETER (sees Shrek, screams with
terror) Ahhhhhhh! Ogre!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

SHREK Oh, now come on, I’m not gonna

eat ya! I just—
(The GREETER, unable to see in his giant
head, slams into a wall. Bam!)
SHREK& DONKEY (wince) Ooooooooooo!
GREETER (dragging himselfoff, pained)
Uhhhhhh…ohhhhhhhh…Whyyyyy!
Whyyyy?!
SHREK This place is weird. (turns to go)
Let’s find this Farquaad guy and get outta
here.
DONKEY Oo, I wanna stop in the gift-shop
to get a t-shirt.
SHREK (heading off) We’re not stopping
for t-shirts. #5—What’ s Up
Duloc
PERFORMERS
#6- What´s up
WELCOME TO DULOC. Duloc 2
SUCH A PERFECT TOWN.
HEREWE HAVE SOME RULES,
LET US LAY THEMDOWN.
DON’T MAKEWAVES, STAY IN LINE,
ANDWE’LL GET ALONG FINE.
DULOC IS A PERFECT PLACE.
PLEASE KEEP OFF THE GRASS.
SHINE YOUR SHOES, WIPE
YOUR…FACE.
 DULOC IS, DULOC IS, DULOC IS A
PERFECT PLACE.

PERFORMERS
SEGUIDOR A And here’s the man who made it happen!
FARQUAAD-CENTRO That towering colossus ofmoxie!
Loooooooooord Farquaad!

(LORD FARQUAAD appears on a central

balcony, a la Evita. Turns around and
feigns surprise.)

FARQUAAD Oh, it’s you! What a terrific

surprise.
(HE sings and dances with the loyal
Dulocians.)

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP HERE IN

DULOC.
THE THINGS I’M COOKING UP HERE IN
DULOC.
A MODEL THAT AMAZES.
A PLAN WITH SEVEN PHASES.
THINGS ARE LOOKING UP HERE IN
DULOC.
IN DULOC!

FARQUAAD Maestro! (Indicates to

Conductor) And now good people of Duloc,
the moment you’ve all been waiting for!
The raffledrawing to determine who will
have the honor of setting forth to rescue
the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery
keep of the dragon!
Spin that barrel!

SEGUIDOR A SHREK (SHREKand DONKEY walk on)

2 SEGS
SHREK Uh, excuse me. (THEY all look up,
stunned. What’s going to happen? SHREK
sighs, and reluctantly obliges.) Roar.

LUCES ROJAS Y EVERYONE (flee in terror) Ahhhh! What is

AZULES that?! An ogre! No one is safe! He’ll kill us
all! Hide the children! Crucify him!
Ahhooooahhh! Etc.
SHREK Hey, are you Lord Farquaad?
FARQUAAD Maybe. Does the name strike
fear in your heart?
SHREK No, but that little hat does.
FARQUAADWho let this thing in here?!
SHREK Look, I’ll be out of your silky hair
just as soon as you gimme my swamp
back.
 FARQUAAD Your swamp?
SHREK Yes, where you dumped those
fairytale creatures.
FARQUAAD News flash, Ogre, that oozing
mud pit is actually within the province of
Duloc, and therefore under my jurisdiction.
SHREK Now look here, Half-Pint—
FARQUAADWait a minute.
Wait…a…minute. (chuckles) Oh this is too
perfect.
SHREKWhat is?
FARQUAAD You! You’re big and hulking
and…wonderfully expendable. (to his
audience) People of Duloc, we have a
winner!(Fanfare. Shrek and Donkey are
confused.)

FARQUAADCongratulations, ogre. You’ve

won the honor of embarking on a great and
noble quest!
DONKEY But we’re already on a quest.
SHREK To get my swamp back.
FARQUAAD Yes, and you’ve nearly
accomplished it! All you need to do is one
more simple little task, and I’ll hand over
the deed to
your swamp.
SHREK (considers) And what exactly is
this “little task”?
FARQUAAD OhWalter!

(The GREETER—with a large bandage on

his giant head—enters.)

FARQUAAD The dossier on her royal

highness! (GREETER hands the confused
Shrek a file.) My people, your queen is on
her way!
APAGÓN

ACT ONE
SCENE SIX

(FARQUAAD and the DULOCIANS have

all vanished. SHREKand DONKEY find
themselves back outside the gates of
Duloc.)

LUCES VERDE SHREKWell that was odd.

CENTRO DONKEY Not as odd as you agreeing to
go on this quest! What do you know about
rescuing a princess?!
SHREK I’ve read the stories.
DONKEY And I’ve read the sports
 page—that don’t make me a hockey
player!
SHREK Oh come on. Dragon…
tower—how hard can it be?
DONKEY Oh, I bet we’re gonna find out, I’ll
ya tell that. (re: file) What’s it say about the
princess anyway?
SHREK (looks through file) She apparently
likes pina coladas and getting caught in the
rain.
DONKEY Oh, she sounds fun. What else?
SHREK (reading file) She’s been locked in
the tower since she was seven.
DONKEY Aw, that’s sad. All alone since
she was seven years old… (echo) Seven
years old… seven years old…
SHREK (as THEYexit) You are so weird.
DONKEY I don’t get it, Shrek. Why didn’t
you just make Farquaad give you your
swamp back? Pull some of that ogre stuff
on him?
You know, the whole ogre trip.
SHREK For your information, there’s a lot
more to ogres than people think.
DONKEY Example?
SHREK Example. Okay…um… (light bulb)
Ogres are like onions.
DONKEY They stink?
SHREK Yes. No!
DONKEY They make you cry?
SHREK No!
DONKEY Oh, you leave them out in the
sun and they get all brown and start
sprouting little white hairs.
SHREK No! Layers. Onions have layers.
Ogres have layers. Onions have
layers—you getit?! We both have layers!
DONKEY Ohhh, you both have layers. You
know…not everybody like onions.
SHREK You know, this may turn into the
longest day ofmy entire life.

(THEYcontinue to stroll right over a rickety

bridge thatstretches across a boiling
lake oflava. DONKEYdoesn’t even notice.)
LUCES ROJO FUEGO DONKEY (pleased) Ooo, you feel that
PROSCENIO-HUMO warm breeze?
SHREK Aye.
DONKEY It came up so suddenly.
SHREK That’s because we’re on a bridge.
DONKEY Oh, I didn’t even notice. What
bridge is this?
SHREK The bridge to the Dragon’s Keep?
DONKEY (startsto getsuspicious) Ohhh,
the bridge to the Dragon’s Keep.
(considers) So that intense heat I’m feeling
comin’ up
under my hooves?
SHREK
That would be the lake ofmolten lava.
DONKEY (suddenly terrified) Ohh, THE
LAKE OF MOLTEN LAVA?!
SHREK Donkey—
DONKEY We’re on a rickety bridge over a
lake ofmolten lava!
SHREK You’ll be fine, just keep walking.
And whatever you do, don’t look down.
DONKEY (looks down—jaunty music
stops)I’m looking down, Shrek! I’m looking
down!Oh for the love of Pete. I am frozen
with
terror!
SHREK Donkey, just take a step!
DONKEY I can´t!
SHREK Look in my eyes
DONKEY I can´t
SHREK Just take my hand!
DONKEY I ca-!
SHREK (grabs his hoof) Nowwalk.
DONKEY Okay, but- don´t let me go.
SHREK I won´t let you go.
(A real moment between them.
DONKEYtakes a step. HE looks into
Shrek’s eyes, and knows he’s going to be
okay and DONKEYstrolls the rest ofthe
way acros thebridge.)
DONKEY What did I do to deserve you?
We crossed a bridge together. What a
beautiful metaphor.
(SHREKfinds a helmet)
SHREK Oh hey, this’ll come in handy.
Hope it’s fire-proof. (heads offwith the
helmet)
Alright, now you wait here and I’ll be back
in a
bit.
DONKEY Wait here?! You mean by
myself?
SHREK Unless you’d rather come slay the
dragon and rescue the princess?
DONKEY Uhhh…no, I’m good. Waiting is
fine.
(SHREKheads off)
But hurry back!
(Left alone, HE looks around)
Man, this place is creepy.
KNIGHT 1 You don’t know the half of it.
DONKEY(terrified scream) Ahhhhhhhhhh!
LUCES GRISES
(Four KNIGHTS with long beards are
chained to the wall. Bits ofrusted armor
may hang offthem. They’ve
been here a long time.)
KNIGHT 1 Sorry.
KNIGHT 2 Hey, it’s a new guy! We haven’t
had a new guy in a couple years!
DONKEY Shrek! Come back!
KNIGHT 3 Shhh! You don’t wanna wake
her up.
KNIGHT 4 She gets really mad.
DONKEY What are you talking about?
Who are you people!
KNIGHT 1 We’re knights. We came to
rescue the princess.
KNIGHT 3 Just like you.
KNIGHT 4 None of us made it though.
KNIGHT 2 We’re the lucky ones. Everyone
else she incinerated.
KNIGHT 1 She keeps us around because
we sing backup.
DONKEYWhat? (Grrrrrrrrrrowl. Donkey
turns around and comesface to face with
the dragon.) I’m outta
here.
ALL KNIGHTS (laughter) That’s what we
thought.

DONKEY (runs around looking for an exit)

Oh my god oh my god oh my god! #7-Forever
ALL KNIGHTS (laughter) That’s what we
did!
DONKEY (cornered) DRAGON!
ALL KNIGHTS (laughter) That’s what we
said!
DONKEY (on the music)
DRAGON
SEGUIDOR A ANOTHER DAY
DRAGON DERECHA INSIDE MY KEEP.
LUCES I GET NO REST.
ROJAS-VIOLETA LIKE A HOUND DOG ON ALL
FOURS YOU SNIFF AROUND,
AND AROUND, AND AROUND.
I GET NO SLEEP.
‘CAUSEWHEN I START
TO COUNT MY SHEEP
YOU COME AROUND.
I DRAWMY SHADES
AND LOCK MY DOORS.
STILL YOU COME
FORWHAT AIN’T YOURS.

DRAGON FOREVER
 DONKEY I wish I could stay, but forever
sounds like a long time. And I got a hair
appointment.
DRAGONWho am I kidding? I´m no
princess. No great beauty. NO one ever,
ever,
wants me.
DONKEY Hold on! I got something to say
here! First of all, I am not a knight, I am a
Donkey! And if you don’t #8-Forever 2
know that, then you need to get your eyes
checked! Secondly, that princess is not
even my type! Now if you´ll
excuse me, I´ll be on my way.
(HE turns to leave, but SHEwhips around
and cuts him off. Smitten, SHE bats
hereyes.)
DRAGON
I’MNO PRINCESS.
BUT HEWANTS ME.
NO GREAT BEAUTY,
BUT HEWANTS ME.
NO ONE EVER…EVER…EVER…
EVERWANTEDME.
YOU’RE GONNA STAY…
YOU’RE GONNA STAY…
YOU’RE GONNA STAY…
YOU’RE GONNA
STAAAAY…FOREVER.
DONKEY I’ll come back later
then.
(DONKEYtries to go, but can’t escape
the Dragon.)
YOU’RE GONNA STAY…
YOU’RE GONNA STAY…
FOREVER.
YOU’RE GONNA LOVE…
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
DONKEY Oh, I wasn’t talking
about me specifically.
I’M GONNA LOVE YOU FOREVER.
YOU’RE GONNA STAYWITHME
FOREVER MORE.
You got somethin’ in your eye?
(Big finish. Donkey is trapped. A prisoner
oflove. No escape. And we transition to…)

APAGÓN

ACT ONE
SEGUIDOR A SCENE SEVEN #9-I know it´s
TORRE- IZQUIERDA. today
SEGUIR LAS (FIONA’S TOWER)
CANTANTES
LUCES CÁLIDAS FIONA
I KNOW IT’S TODAY…OO-OO-OO-OO
I KNOW IT’S TODAY…OO-OO-OO-OO
I KNOW IT’S TODAY…OO-OO-OO-OO…

SEGUIDOR A SHREK SHREK (offstage) Helloooo! Anyone up

QUE SUBE POR LA there?!
ESCALERA. (FIONA stops, and looks around, in a
LUCES CÁLIDAS EN panic. Is this really it? After all these
TORRE. years?
SHE runs around straightening up.
SHREK, meanwhile, climbs up the side
ofthe
tower outside.)
SHREK (calls up to her) Shouldn’t you toss
down some hair or something?
(grunting as HE climbs) Man, I should’ve
worn my cup.
(As his voice gets closer, FIONA leaps into
her bed, and straightens her dress. SHE
grabs a bouquet, clutches to her breast,
and resumes her Sleeping Beauty pose.
SHREKfinally climbs in her window.)
SHREK (winded) Phew. (And then he sees
Fiona lying in her bed, eyes closed.) Aw
great, I got one of the
snoozers.
(HE approaches the bed, visor lowered.
FIONA puckers her lips slightly. SHREK
bends over her… grabs her by the
shoulders, and shakes her.)
Wake up! Are you Princess Fiona?
FIONA(being shaken) Uhl-uhl-uhl!
(recovering) I am. Awaiting a knight so bold
as to rescue me.
SHREK Ah, that’s nice. Now let’s go.
FIONA But wait, Sir Knight! I have long
awaited this day! (with a flourish) And I
would’st first like to
knowest the name ofmy champion.
SHREK Um…Shrek.
FIONA Sir, Shrek… (produces
handkerchief) I pray that you take this
favor as a token ofmy gratitude.
(SHREKregards the handkerchief, then
wipes his neck with it, and hands it back to
her.)
SHREK Thanks. (looks around, confused)
So where’s the door?
FIONA There is no door.
SHREKWhat do you mean there’s no
door? How do we get down?
FIONAWhy, the same way you got up?
SHREK The same way I—?! Oh come on!
 I just—! (realizes he has no choice) Alright
then, let’s go. (moves to
the window)
FIONA Now hold on, Sir Knight. Don’t you
want to savor this moment? It is our first
meeting. It must be a
wonderful and romantic scene. #10-This is how a
dream comes true

SHREK Aw geez, I’m like a crackpot

magnet.
FIONA
THIS IS HOWA DREAM COMES TRUE.
THIS IS HOW I PICTURED YOU—
CLIMBING IN TO RESCUE ME.
THIS WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE.
SHREK Oh, that’s lovely. (re: his back)
Now hop on.
FIONA
THEN YOU SMILE AND GAZE AT ME,
TAKE MY HAND ON BENDED KNEE
(beat—repeats)
…BENDED KNEE.
(grits teeth)
…BENDED KNEE.
(pushes him down,she’s strong)
SHREK Ow!
FIONA Sorry.
(sings)
AND THOUGHWE’VE ONLY MET,
SOMEHOW I ALWAYS KNEW
ITWOULD LOOK LIKE THIS, WHEN
DREAMS COME TRUE!
DONKEY (far off) Shreeeeeeeeeeeeeek….
LUCES ROJAS EN FIONA (being led out) Hey! What are you
ESCENARIO doing?!
SHREKWell, I have to save myself.
(HE leads her out ofthe tower, and they
race through
the Dragon’s keep over the following…)
(And as THEYrun, DONKEYruns by in the
other
direction, being chased by the amorous
DRAGON.)
DONKEY No, get away! That is unwanted
physical contact! I do not give you
permission to—(EVERYONE
stops for a moment and notices each
other.)
SHREK Donkey!
DONKEY Shrek!
FIONA Dragon!
DRAGON Rhaaam-mrah!
EVERYONE (beat—scream)
 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(DRAGON goes into attack mode, lunging
at Shrek)
FIONA OHMY GOD, WE’RE GONNA DIE!
DRAGON AAHHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHHH
SHREK Get back!
DRAGON AAHHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHHH

(DRAGON) I’M GONNA LOVE YOU

FOREVER!
(SHREKgrabs an axe from a nearby pile,
and smashes a chain-lock, releasing a
portcullis, and trapping the dragon just in
APAGÓN time, to save them).

ACT ONE
LUCES VERDE SCENE EIGHT
CENTRO
FIONA You did it!
You-did-it-you-did-it-you-did-it. You’re
amazing, you’re wonderful, you’re…a little
unorthodox I’ll admit but—
(regains her composure)
Thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I
am eternally in your debt.
(SHREKenjoys the attention. DONKEY,
however, feels slighted.)
DONKEY Ahem.
FIONA And where would a brave knight be
without his noble steed?
DONKEY Alright! I hope you heard that.
She called me a “noble steed!” She thinks
I’m a steed.
FIONAWell, Sir Shrek, the battle is won.
You may remove your helmet.
SHREK Ahhh…no.
FIONAWhy not?
SHREK
I… I have helmet hair. (coyly)
FIONA
Please, I wouldest look upon the face ofmy
rescuer.
SHREK Oh no, you wouldn’t… tst.
FIONA (giggles) But—howwill you kiss
me?
SHREKWhat? That wasn’t in the job
description.
FIONA No—it’s destiny. “A princess is
rescued by a brave knight and then they
share true love’s first kiss.”
DONKEYWith Shrek?! You think that Shrek
is your true love? Hahahahaha!
FIONA What is so funny?
 SHREK (also laughing) Well, let’s just say
I’m not your type, okay?
FIONA (losing patience) Of course you
are. You’re my rescuer! Now remove your
helmet.
SHREK Look, I really don’t think that’s a
good idea.
FIONA Just take off the helmet.
SHREK I’m not going to.
FIONA Take it off!
SHREK No!
FIONA NOW!
SHREK Okay! Easy. As you command,
Your Highness…
(SHREKremoves his helmet. FIONA stares
at him blankly, confused but not
frightened. SHREKsmiles.)
FIONA You’re…an ogre?
SHREK Oh, you were expecting Prince
Charming?
FIONA Well…yes actually. Oh no. I’m
supposed to be rescued by my true love!
Not by some ogre and his…pet.
DONKEY Well so much for noble steed.
FIONA You’re not supposed to be an ogre.
(HE sighs, irritated.)
SHREK Princess, I was sent to rescue you
by Lord Farquaad, okay? He’s the one who
wants to marry you.
FIONA Oh. Then why didn’t he come
rescue me?
ATARDECER SHREK Good question. You should ask
him that when we get there tomorrow.

FIONA (stops) Tomorrow? (suddenly

realizes)
Oh my gosh, it’s almost sunset! So? (looks
to
setting sun)
SHREK So?
FIONA I didn’t realize it was so late. We
need to
make camp.
SHREK Camp? But you’ve just escaped!
FIONA Yes, and I found the whole ordeal
quite exhausting. I need to rest
immediately.
SHREK That’s unfortunate, because we’re
gonna keep going.
FIONA I NEED TO FIND SOMEWHERE
TO CAMP RIGHT NOW!
(SHREKand DONKEYstop in their tracks.)
SHREK Very well. There’s a cave right
there.
 DONKEY Shrek! That’s no place for a
princess.
FIONA (more concerned with the setting
sun) No, no it’s perfect. Well gentlemen, I
bid thee good night! (heads for the cave)
DONKEY You want me to read you a
bedtime story? Cause I will.
FIONA I said GOOD NIGHT!
(SHE disappears into the cave.
SHREKand DONKEYstand in silence for a
moment.)
DONKEY She seems nice.
#11—Act I Sunset
(SHREKand DONKEYhead off. As sun
goes down, the sky glows green and #Recitado
APAGÓN- SOLO magical, and we hear…)
ATARDECER ATRÁS VOICE OF FIONA
DEL TELÓN- “By day one way, by night another—this
SEGUIDOR A FIONA. shall be the norm, until you find true love’s
first
kiss and then take loves true form.”
APAGÓN

ACT ONE
LUCES SCENE NINE
NOCHE-ESTRELLAS
DONKEY And this is what I realized – ifwe
escaped a dragon, then we could do
anything. Man, I could be a steed. Or I
could work the
Crusades circuit if I wanted to. I could even
be one of those horses who pull those
wagons full of beer! I’d need some hair
extensions
on my ankles, but I could do it. Who do you
wanna be?
SHREK I don’t wanna be anyone.
DONKEY Just for fun though, who would
you pick?
SHREK I wouldn’t.
DONKEY But if you had to.
SHREK Donkey—
DONKEY Like if a guy had a sword at your
throat and was like, “look here, you can’t
be an ogre anymore, pick something else,”
then
who would you pick?
SHREK I would pick that guy up and hurl
him into a tree!
DONKEY Man, you are no fun at all, you
know it? Is this what it’s gonna be like
when we finish rescuing the princess? Us
sitting
around our swamp all day doing nothing?
 SHREK Our swamp? Donkey, there is no
our. There’s no we. There’s just me and my
swamp. And when I do get back, the first
thing
I’m gonna do is build a ten foot wall around
my land.
DONKEY (beat) You cut me deep, Shrek.
You cut me real deep just now…What’s
your problem anyway? What do you got
against
the whole world?

SHREK I’m not the one with the problem,

okay? It’s the world who seems to have a
problemwith me. You saw how that
princess
reacted. That’s how it always is. People
take one look at me and it’s all, “Aghhh!
Help! A big stupid ugly ogre!” They judge
me
before they even knowme. That’s why I’m
better off alone.
DONKEY (after a moment) But you
knowwhat, Shrek? When we met, I didn’t
think you was just a big, stupid ugly ogre.
SHREK (looks down at him, and softens)
Yeah I know.
(A moment between them.
DONKEYdecides to push the issue…)
DONKEY So there’s really no one else
you’d rather be?
(SHREKcan’t help smiling a bit. HE finally
relents a little…)
SHREK I guess… I Would be a hero. With
sword and armor. Or I could be a poet
(loses hope) Whatever. We all know an
ogre always
hides, always stays in the dark and alone.
ESTRELLAS- That´s my only destiny. #11- Who I´d be

SEGUIDOR A SHREK
DERECHA-CENTRO-
IZQUIERDA

APAGÓN

ACT TWO
SCENE ONE

(FIONA) (sees Donkey and Shrek) Oh,

AMANECER why good morning, men. And the first thing
I’d like to do is apologize for my behavior
SIGUE LUCES yesterday. We obviously got off on the
CÁLIDAS DÍA wrong foot, and I’d like to make it up to
you.
SHREK You would?
FIONA Yes, you did rescue me after all. So
I’ve gathered a basket of berries for the
trip, and I made you each a daisy chain!
(presents themwith their daisy chains)
DONKEY Oh look at these! They’re
beautiful, princess! Aren’t they beautiful,
Shrek?
SHREK (not sure what to do with it)
Uhhh…ihhhhh….
FIONA You’ll grow to love them, I promise.
Lead the way!
(SHE skips off. SHREKdumps his daisy
chain in the pit. THEYtravel over the
following scene…)
FIONA So tell me about my groom-to-be.
Lord Farquaad. What’s he like?
SHREK (with a smile to Donkey) Well, let
me put it this way,
Princess—men of Farquaad’s stature are
in short supply.
FIONA (impressed) Really?
DONKEY (chuckles) Oh yeah, but he is a
little intimidating.
FIONA (loves it) Well he must be!
SHREK And yet very good at small talk.
FIONAWhat are you guys doing?
SHREKWhat? Just saying you might
wanna lower your expectations a bit.
DONKEY Yeah, like three feet or so.
(THEYlaugh.)
FIONA
Alright, yuck it up. Doesn’t bother me. Not
today. After a lifetime ofmisery, things are
finally going my way.
SHREK (chuckles) Oh, a lifetime ofmisery,
right. Okay, I´m sure it was very difficult
living in a dragon-guarded tower.
FIONA It was.
SHREK I’m sure.
FIONA Alright then. (SHE turns to go.)
SHREK Although, it must’ve been nice to
have a roof, and a cozy bed. Which is
more than I had when I left home.

FIONA You’re not actually comparing

yourself to what I endured?
SHREK I’m just saying you don’t corner
the market on unhappy childhoods.
FIONA (more defensive than she intends)
There are things you don’t know, you
know. About me. About how rough I had it!
SHREKWhat, you run out of shampoo a
couple times?
FIONA I mean about my life! (impatiently)
Arrgh…Never mind.
SHREK Tell me.
FIONAWell, did you ever feel…
SHREK Lonely?
FIONA Exactly.
(Connection. Huh. THEYlinger in the
moment.)
(We come upon an OLD BARN. Our
heroes stroll on. SHREKand FIONA
continue
their bonding. Eventually, HE gives her a
brotherly shove. SHE shoves him back. HE
shoves her alittle too hard, and she goes
flying offinto some bushes.)
SHREK (laughing) Oops. You okay?
FIONA Yeah, I’m fine.
(SHE comes up laughing. HE helps her to
her feet. There is a moment where they’re
nearly nose to nose.)
DONKEY Yoohoo! We’re here.
FIONA What?
SHREK Oh wouldja look at that
FIONA
What is it?
SHREK
It’s… it’s Duloc.
FIONA
Oh. Duloc. I didn’t realize we were so
close.
SHREK No, me either.
DONKEY Congratulations, Princess. Your
future awaits.
FIONA
(tries to smile) Yes, it does.
SHREK Ah well, so much for that batch of
S’nothers I was gonna make us.
FIONA S’nothers?
SHREK They’re traditional ogre campfire
snacks. A little bit like S’mores but instead
ofmarshmallow and chocolate, we use
squirrel
gizzards and mulch. Oh, they just melt in
your mouth!
DONKEY (queasy) I think I need to sit
down for a minute.
SHREK No, no sitting down. We need to
get the princess to Duloc.
FIONA No, wait, Shrek… I, um…Well,
look, I may not get another chance to try
one of those S’nothers…
DONKEY You eat one and you may not get
a chance to do ANYTHING!
 SHREK Zip it, Donkey.
FIONA I was just thinking…maybe Duloc
could wait until morning?
SHREKMorning?
FIONA Why not? I’ve spent my whole life
without true love. What’s one more night?
SHREK (takes this in) Alright, I’ll find us
some dinner.
FIONA I’ll get the firewood.
(SHREKand FIONA try to head off, but
ofcourse walk straight into each other.)
SHREK
Oops.
FIONA Sorry.
SHREK
Were you gonna—? I’ll go the other—
FIONA You wanna go around? Go
LUCES AMOR DÍA together?
SHREK That’s fine. Choir: Accidentally
FIONA Okay. Should we just—Sure. in love

ACT TWO
LUCES CÁLIDAS SCENE TWO

FIONA Mm. Mm. These S’nothers are so

good.
SHREK Didn’t I tell ya?
FIONA They’re delicious.
SHREK And a little nutty, right?
FIONA Mm-hmm. (another bite) I guess I’ll
be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
SHREK Maybe you can come visit me in
the swamp sometime. I’ll cook all kinds of
stuff for you—Swamp Toad Soup, Fish Eye
Tartar.
You name it.
FIONA Hmm. I’d like that.
SEGUIDOR A (SHREKand FIONA catch each other’s
DONKEY ENTRA eyes and lock. THEYgo back to eating.
POR DERECHA DONKEYsidles up to Shrek and
speaks quietly over the music, a la
BarryWhite.)
DONKEY Shrek, I know you can’t hear me
right now. But if you could, I’d want to say
a few things to you. I am in your corner,
buddy. But you have got to tell this girl
what you’re really feeling deep down. You
may not get another chance. So just go on
now.
Just open your heart and…
SHREK Um, Princess...?
DONKEY Here we go…
FIONA Yes... Shrek?
DONKEY Oo, he’s gonna tell her.
SHREK I, um—
DONKEY Oh, I can’t take this.
SHREKWell, I was…
FIONA Uh-huh…
SHREK I was wondering—
FIONA Okay…
SHREK I was wondering—
DONKEY Spit it out!
SHREK (chickens out) ...are you gonna eat
that?
DONKEY Man, what is wrong with you?!
SHREK Donkey? DONKEY!!!
DONKEY (stops,snapped out ofhis
fantasy) Oh, sorry, I just caught up in the
magic of the night! The fireflies, that
beautiful sunset…
FIONA (suddenly realizes) Sunset?! Oh
my gosh! Sunset! Oh no!! I mean… it´s
late. It´s very late.

(FIONA looks back at the sunset with

concern, SHREKfollows her glance.)
SHREKWhat?
DONKEY Wait a minute. I see what’s goin’
on here. You’re afraid of the dark, aren’t
you?
FIONA Yes! Yes, that’s it. I’m terrified. You
know, I’d better go inside.
DONKEY Don’t feel bad, Princess. I used
to be afraid of the dark, too, until—
(suddenly realizes) Hey, no, wait. I’m still
afraid of the
dark! (looks around, spooked)
FIONA I’m sorry, but I have to go.
SHREK Oh. Alright.
FIONA Good night.
SHREK Good night.
DONKEY Uh-uh. No, sir. I’m sorry, but I did
not come this whole way, puttin’ up with
you and your body odor, just so you can let
her walk away like that!
SHREKWhat’re you talking about?
DONKEY Hey, I’m an animal, and I got
instincts, and you two were obviously
digging on each other.
SHREK Oh, you’re crazy. I’m just bringing
her back to Farquaad.
DONKEY Uh-huh. So you don’t have any
feelings for her at all?
— 58 — S HR E KTHEMUS I C A L
SHREK Look, even if I did…and I’m not
saying I do, ‘cause I don’t. She’s a princess
 and I’m...
DONKEY An ogre?
SHREK Yeah. An ogre. (HE locks eyes
with Shrek.)
DONKEY She needs to know.
(SHREKreturns his attention to the fire,
poking it with a stick. DONKEYsighs and
turns to head off.)
SHREKWhere are you going?
ATARDECER DONKEY To get more wood. Before your
fire dies.

ACT TWO
SCENE THREE
ATARDECER-LUZ
CÁLIDA A DERECHA DONKEY Princess... Princess Fiona...
Princess, where are you? Princess... it’s
very spooky in here, I ain’t playing no
games...
(Suddenly HE comes face to face with a
frightening ogress.)
FIONA / OGRESS
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh! No! No!
It’s
okay!
Donkey, it’s okay! Shhhh!
What’d you do with the Princess?!
DONKEY
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!Shhhhh!
Oh no! Help! SHREK!
What is it?! Help me, Shrek!
DONKEY
FIONA / OGRESS Donkey, I am the
Princess. It’s me. In this body.
DONKEY Oh my God. You ate the
Princess!!! (to the Ogress’ stomach) Can
you hear me?! Keep breathing! I’ll get you
out of there!
FIONA / OGRESS Donkey! (And then
DONKEYsees Fiona in the ogress’ eyes.
HE stops yelling.)
 DONKEY Princess...? What happened to
you?
FIONA / OGRESS “By day one way, by
night another—this shall be the norm, until
you find true love’s first kiss and then take
loves
true form.”
DONKEY That’s beautiful. I didn’t know
you wrote poetry.

FIONA / OGRESS It’s a curse. I’ve had it

since I was girl.
DONKEY A curse?
FIONA / OGRESS A witch cast a spell on
me. So now every night, when the sun
goes down I become this... this horrible
ugly beast!
DONKEY Alright, calm down, you’re not
that ugly—okay, I’m not gonna lie—you are
ugly, but you only look like this at night —
Shrek’s ugly twenty-four seven. (realizes)
Wait a second, this is perfect!
FIONA / OGRESS Perfect?! Donkey, if
Lord Farquaad finds out I look like this,
he’ll never marry me!
DONKEY So?
FIONA / OGRESS So, I have to kiss my
true love! The kiss is the only thing that will
break the spell and make me beautiful.
DONKEY But you know... umm, you’re
kind of an ogre, and Shrek... well, you’ve
got a lot in common.
FIONA / OGRESS Shrek?
DONKEYYeah, if he knew all this, I think
maybe—
FIONA / OGRESS No, he can’t know! And
you can’t tell him! Not a word! No one must
ever know! Promise you won’t tell.
Promise!
DONKEY All right, all right. I won’t tell him.
But you should. Man, I knowwhen this is all
over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of
serious therapy.

SEGUIDOR A (Lights shift outside. Music.

IZQUIERDA SHREK SHREKenters with a sunflower. HE’S
rehearsing…)
SHREK “Princess. I... How’s it going first of
all? Good, um, good for me too. I’m okay.
Uhhh….

Lights shift to inside the barn.)

SEGUIDOR A FIONA / OGRESS I can’t think about
DERECHA FIONA Shrek. Not now. I’m a princess after all,
 and look at me! I mean really... who could
ever love a
beast so hideous and ugly? Princess and
ugly don’t go together. That’s why I can’t
stay here with Shrek. My only chance to
live happily
ever after is to marry my one true love.

(DONKEYand FIONA disappear. His fate

sealed, SHREK drops the sunflower at
the doorstep, and heads away
off to Duloc)
APAGÓN

ACT TWO
SCENE FOUR

(THE REDWOODS. The sun rises. FIONA

LUZ DÍA CÁLIDA steps out ofthe old barn, looking for
Shrek. SHE finds his sunflower instead.
SHE picks it up and ponders her future.
SHREKapproaches, upset. FIONA runs to
him, happy.)
FIONA Shrek!... Thank goodness! There’s
something I have to tell you...
SHREK (walks right past her, angry) You
don’t have to tell me anything. I heard
enough last night.
Oh. You…you heard
(stops—shocked)
what I said?
SHREK
Every word. Especially, “who could love
such a hideous ugly beast?!”
FIONA But… I thought that wouldn’t matter
to you.
SHREK Yeah, well it does. #Trompetas
(sound ofapproaching army)
Ah, right on time. Princess, I’ve brought
you a little something.

VOICE OF FARQUAAD
(approaching)
FIOOOONA!
FIONA-FIONA-FIONA- FIONA!
FIONA-FIONA-FIONA- FIONA!
FIOOOONA!
(rears his horse)
Whooooa, Plastic Horse!
[OR: Condoleeza, Seahawk, Sprinkles, et
al.]
(FIONA is confused. SHE looks from Shrek
to Farquaad.)
FARQUAAD Princess Fiona?
 SHREK As promised... now about my
swamp—
FARQUAAD Cleared off, as agreed. And
the deed has been put in your name. Now
step away before I change my mind.
(FIONA and SHREKexchange a look.
SHREKsnatches the deed and turns his
back.)
FARQUAAD Forgive me, Princess, for
startling you. I am Lord Farquaad.

FIONA (composing herself) Lord

Farquaad. Forgive me, for I was just
saying a short... (as Farquaad is lifted out
ofhis leg extenders)
...farewell.
FARQUAAD (chuckles) Oh, that is so
sweet, but you don’t have to waste good
manners on the ogre. It’s not like it has
feelings.
FIONA (looks at Shrek and steels herself)
No, you’re right, “it” doesn’t.
FARQUAAD (take her hand) Princess
Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona... (gets
down on one knee… sort of) I ask your
hand in
marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for
the perfect groom?
FIONA (pause, glares at Shrek) Lord
Farquaad… I accept. Nothing would make
me—
FARQUAAD Excellent! I’ll start the plans...
for tomorrow we wed!
FIONA No! (SHREKspins around hopeful.)
I mean, ah, why wait? Let’s get married
ATARDECER today. Before sunset.
(SHREKscowls and turns away.)
FARQUAAD Oh! Anxious are we? Captain,
ride ahead and tell them it’s a Code Red!
You’re right. The sooner the better. There’s
so
much to do! We’ll be married by sunset!
(FIONA and FARQUAAD mount the horse, #Horse
the perfect rescue image.
DONKEYenters stretching.)
DONKEY Shrek! What are you doing?
You’re letting her get away! Look, there’s
something you don’t know! I — I talked to
her last
night and—
SHREK Yeah, I know you talked to her last
night. You two are great pals aren’t ya? So
why don’t you follow her home.
DONKEY But Shrek, I want to go home
 with you.
SHREK Hey, I told you already, I live alone!
My swamp, me. Nobody else, understand?
Nobody! Especially useless —pathetic —
annoying— talking donkeys!
DONKEY But — I thought —
SHREK Yeah, well, you know what? You
thought wrong!
(DONKEYis stunned. HE backs out, hurt.
SHREKis left alone) Choir: Halleluya

APAGÓN
LUZ CORO
LUZ DERECHA
ESCENARIO TENUE

LUZ VERDE CENTRO ACT TWO

SCENE FIVE

(The REDWOODS. The FAIRYTALE

CREATURES file on Anatevka-like,
carrying
suitcase and their belongings. THEYare
miserable.)
PINOCCHIO Just when ya think life can’t
get any worse, ya get evicted from a
swamp!
ELF I really thought that ogre was gonna
help us.
PETER PAN He still might! Maybe ifwe all
close our eyes and clap really hard!
PINOCCHIO Oh, grow up.
PETER PAN I won’t grow up!
PINOCCHIO You’re thirty four and need a
shave.
 DWARF Whoa! Eh! That’s is low.
PINOCCHIOWhat? Am I wrong?
WOLF Where to now?
SUGAR PLUM FAIRY Forty miles north,
they said. There’s a landfill with our
names on it.
GINGY Landfill?! Are you kidding me?
What’s next a dunghill?! A septic tank?!
How low do we need to go, People?! It’s
time we stood
up to Farquaad ourselves!
WICKEDWITCH Stand up for ourselves? I
don’t know.
WH I T E R A B B I T He has a point.
UGLY DUCKLING No way! That cookie’s
been sniffing the Pam.
PAPA BEARGingy’s right! We need to get
off our fluffy butts and do something!
MAD HATTER Maybe we should!
HUMPTY DUMPTY It’s worth a try! Beats a
landfill!
S HR E KTHEMUS I C A L— 68 —
PINOCCHIO Nowwait a minute! Maybe
that ogre wasn’t the answer, but something
better will come along, and we have to wait
for
it, because that’s what fairytale creatures
do. We wait for miracles. We wish upon
stars! Why my cricket always told me—
WITCH Aw, forget that cricket! If he was so
smart he would’ve seen that windshield
coming!
PINOCCHIO No…no…We just need to lay
low until this all blows over.
FAIRYTALE CREATURES
Lay low?! It’s too late for that! Down with
Farquaad! Power to zi piggies! Etc.
PINOCCHIO Oh none of this would’ve
happened if I was a real boy. Why can’t I
be a real boy?
GINGY Listen up, puppet. #14- Freak Flag
WE SPEND OURWHOLE LIVES
WISHING
(...)
Yes, it all makes sense now. We may be
freaks, but we’re freaks with teeth, and
claws! And magic wands! And together we
LUCES ROJAS can stand up to Farquaad! (sings)
FIESTA
PINOCCHIO
I’mwood! I’m good! Get used to it!
EVERYONE
FLY!
(Lights fade as THEYtake off, a fire in their
 bellies!)
PINOCCHIO
(over the rally cries as THEYexit)
To Duloc!
APAGÓN

ACT TWO
LUCES VERDES SCENE EIGHT
CENTRO
(SHREK’S SWAMP. DONKEYis
assembling a line ofrocks, some piled up
and
starting to resemble a wall.)
SHREK Donkey? What are you doing?
DONKEY I’d think you of all people would
recognize a wall when you saw one!
SHREKWell—yeah. But the wall’s
supposed to go around my swamp, not
through it.
DONKEY It is. Around your half. See?
That’s your half, and this is my half.
SHREK Oh—your half?
DONKEY Yes, my half. I helped rescue the
Princess. I did halfthe work, I get halfthe
booty.
SHREK Back off.
DONKEY No, you back off.
SHREK Stubborn jackass!
DONKEY Smelly ogre!
SHREK This is my swamp!
DONKEY There you go again! My-my-my!
Me-me-me! Well guess what, now it’s my
turn, so you just shut up and pay attention.
You are mean to me, you insult me and
you don't appreciate anything I do. You’re
always pushing me around or pushing me
away!You’re so wrapped up in layers,
onion boy, you’re afraid of your own
feelings!
SHREK If I treated you so badly, then why
did you come back?!
DONKEY Because that’s what friends do!
They forgive each other!

SHREK Oh go away!
DONKEY See! There you are doing it
again! Just like you did to Fiona! And all
she ever did was like you. Maybe even
love you!
SHREK Love me? She said I was ugly! A
hideous creature! I heard the two of you
talking!
DONKEY She wasn’t talking about you!
She was talking about... uh... somebody
 else.
(Silence)
SHREK She wasn’t talking about me? Well
then who was she talking about?
DONKEY Uh-uh. No way. I ain’t saying
anything. You don’t wanna listen to me,
right? Right?
SHREK (getting frustrated) Donkey!
DONKEY No.
(DONKEYholds his ground. Defiant.)
SHREK (begrudgingly) Okay—look, I’m
sorry, alright?
(DONKEYraises an eyebrow, wanting
more.)
SHREK (genuine) I’m sorry. I guess I am
just a big, stupid... ugly ogre. (beat) Can
you forgive me?
DONKEY (looks Shrek up and
down,satisfied) Hey that’s what friends are
for, right?
SHREK (smiles) Right. Friends?
DONKEY (confirms) Friends.
SHREK
(after an uncomfortable pause) So, um,
what did Fiona say about me?
DONKEYWhat are you asking me for?
Why don’t you just go ask her?
SHREK Ask her?
DONKEY You wanna be a hero, now’s
your chance.
SHREK (suddenly realizes) Donkey! The
wedding! We’ll never make it in time!
DONKEY
APAGÓN Now what kind of noble steed would I
be if I didn’t have a plan? Followme!
(THEYrush off.)

ACT TWO CHOIR: Wedding

LUCES CATEDRAL SCENE NINE

(CATHEDRAL. Wedding music. The

CHOIR files on singing. The BISHOP
putters on.
FARQUAAD and FIONA enter in wedding
attire.)
CHOIR
OO OO-OO OO-OO OO-OO-OO
OO OO OO-OO OO-OO.
OO OO OO-OO OO
OO-OO OO-OO OO
FARQUAADWILL BE KING!
AH AH AH-AH AH-AH.
AH-AH-AH AH-AH AH-AH.
 AH-AH AH-AH AH AH AHHH.

BISHOP People of Duloc, we gather here

today to bear witness to the union of our
new King and Queen. And as the warm
glow of this
setting sun lifts our hearts, so too does the
joy of this blessed—
FIONA (interrupts politely) Um... Excuse
me... ah... Could we just skip to the “I
do’s?”
FARQUAAD (chuckles) Ha, ha, ha. Go on.
BISHOP Right, well then. Uh, do you Lord
Farquaad take Princess Fiona?
FARQUAAD I do.
BISHOP And do you Princess Fio—
FIONA I do.
BISHOP Yes, I thought you might. Well
then, by the power vested in me, I now
pronounce you King and Qu—

SEGUIDOR SHREK VOICE of SHREK Stop the wedding!

(FIONA reacts in shock, and with maybe a
little hope? SHREKcomes down the aisle.)
FIONA Shrek...?
FARQUAADWhat does he want? Really,
it’s rude enough being alive when no one
wants you, but showing up uninvited to a
wedding...
SHREK Fiona—I need to talk to you.
FIONA Oh, now you want to talk? Well it’s
a little late for that. So if you’ll excuse me—
SHREK But you can’t marry him!
FIONA (angry; accusing) And why not?
SHREK Because—because he’s just
marrying you so he can be King.
FARQUAAD That is Outrageous!! Fiona,
don’t listen to him!
SHREK He’s not your true love.
FIONAWhat do you know about true love?
SHREK: Well, I, duh...
FARQUAAD (realizing) Oh. Oh. Awww.
(laughing) Oh, this is precious! The
ogre has fallen in love with the
Princess. Oh good Lord.
Hahahahaha…
(FARQUAAD motions to the sign-bearer
to hold up a sign reading: “Laugh.”The
audience laughs).
FARQUAAD Guards, take this abomination
out of my sight!
FIONA No! Uhh… I mean… let’s hear what
the…monster has to say. It might be worth
a laugh.
FARQUAAD Ohh, you are awful. (to
Shrek)You heard her, ogre. Express
yourself... with as few grunts as possible. #16-Big Bright
SHREK Right. Okay. Um… Reprise
I KNOW I’M NOT THE HANDSOME
PRINCE FOR
WHOM YOU’VE WAITED
I DON’T HAVE A FANCY CASTLE. AND
I’M NOT SOPHISTICATED. A
PRINCESS AND AN OGRE,
I ADMIT, IS COMPLICATED.
YOU’VE NEVER READ A BOOK LIKE
THIS.
BUT FAIRY TALES SHOULD REALLY BE
UPDATED. I WILL TEAR DOWN AWALL
TO BE WITH YOU.
(SHREKfinishes)
SHREK Did it work?
FARQUAAD(turns to Fiona) Are we ready,
darling?
(FIONA looks from Shrek to Farquaad, and
up to the rose window. Then, barely a
whisper…)
FIONA I can´t. (rushes off)
VOICE OF PINOCCHIO Stop the wedding!
(Pandemonium as FAIRYTALE
CREATURES storm in with protest signs.
They’re angry. GUARDS drag Fiona—or
her body double –
back on. She and Shrek are kept apart.)
WOLF This guy is a sham!
SUGAR PLUM FAIRY Up with fairies!
GINGY Power to the cookies!
PIG #1 I vanted to be zi flower girl!
FARQUAAD Ew! Filthy wedding, crashers!
(regarding Shrek) Stop him! Stop him!
PINOCCHIOWe’ve taken your abuse for
the last time, Farquaad!
BABY BEAR Well no more!
WITCH It ends today!
PIG #2 Power to zi piggies!
MAMA BEARWe demand our homes back!
PINOCCHIO And our rightful place in
Duloc! Right, guys?
PIG #3 Yeah! This guy’s a zealot!
PETER PAN He’ll pay for what he’s done!
FARQUAAD How dare you freaks interrupt
my wedding?!
PINOCCHIO Freaks, eh? Well, I guess it
takes one to know one.
FARQUAAD What?
PINOCCHIO Be prepared to have your
mind blown.
(He gestures. The FAIRYTALE
 CREATURES part, and a very grumpy
DWARF steps forward.)
DWARF Hiiiiii-hoooooooh!
FARQUAAD Daddy?
(The CROWD gasps.)
DWARF I suppose my invitation was lost in
the mail?
FARQUAAD Well maybe if you hadn’t
abandoned me in the woods!
DWARF Abandoned you? You were twenty
eight, and living in my basement!
HUMPTY DUMPTY Heh Heh, loser.
PINOCCHIO People of Duloc, your leader
is a Halfling!
MAMA BEAR Which is a lovely thing to be!
(As the sun sets, the Cathedral grows
dark.)
BABY BEAR He’s a freak, just like all of us!
FARQUAAD No I’m not! I’m not a freak! I’m
not!
(tantrum)
I’m a king! I’m a big man! A big tall giant
man with a kingdom! Not-a-freak! Not a
freak! I have a castle!
BISHOP Bring in the lanterns!
(The sun has set. It’s dark. The lanterns
are brought in.)
FIONA / OGRESS Stop the wedding!
(EVERYONE turns, and GASPS! FIONA
has transformed into an ogress. Neither
Farquaad nor Shrek are quite sure who it
is.)
SHREK Fiona?
FIONA I wanted to show you before
SHREKWell, ah… that explains a lot.
FARQUAAD (backs away, horrified) Ew.
Ew-ew-ew-ewww! It’s
disgusting! Guards! Guards!
(grabs his crown from the podium and
dons it)
(FARQUAAD) All this hocus pocus alters
nothing! This marriage is binding and that
makes me king! See! See! (to Fiona)
As for you, my wife! I’ll have you locked
back in that tower for the rest of your
days!!
SHREK No actually, you won’t. (whistles!)
LUCES VIOLETAS FARQUAADWhat are you doing, you
Insolent beast! I’ll see you drawn and
quartered! I am king! I will have order! I will
have perfection! I will have...
EVERYONE Dragon!
(Suddenly, the rose window behind the
altar SHATTERS. The DRAGON bursts her
 head
in.)
FARQUAAD Arrrgghhh!
(DRAGON blasts Farquaad with her fire
breath. He’s engulfed in flames. Nothing is
left but his charred crown.)
DONKEY (rushes in) That’s my girl who did
that! All hail the dragon!
EVERYONE (cheers) Yay!
DONKEY I love you, baby!
(SHREKmoves in close to Fiona now.)
FIONA You were saying?
SHREK I’m your true love, Fiona?
FIONA Yeah I know, and I’m yours.
(SHREKleans in and kisses her—a good RECITADO
kiss. GUARDS hold up “awwww” signs.)
CROWD Awwww!
(Then FIONA begins to lift into the air and
glow. Whispering winds whip up)
FIONA’S VOICE “By day one way, by night
another—this shall be the norm, until you
find true love’s first kiss and then take
loves
true form.... true form true form…”
ATARDECER-LUZ (A magical transformational explosion fills
CÁLIDA A FIONA the cathedral. A whirlwind ofsparkling
light. Then the magic subsides.)
SHREK Fiona…are you alright?
(SHE slowly turns around, still an ogress.
FIONA looks at herself, dismayed.)
FIONA Well yes... but... I don’t understand.
I’m supposed to be beautiful.
SHREK But you are beautiful. #17- Finale
— Beautiful Ain’ t Always Pretty
(SHREK, FIONA & DONKEY) THIS IS
OUR STORY.

SHREK And that is how the little ogre

came to live on the swamp with a beautiful
princess.
DONKEY And his best friend.
GINGY And a gingerbread man!
PINOCCHIO And a very handsome
puppet!
DONKEY Okay…
WHITE RABBIT And a rabbit!
UGLY DUCKLING And an Ugly Duckling!
LUCES FIESTA WITCH And a Witch!
WOLF And a cross-dressing wolf!
PIGS And the three pigs!

LUCES SALUDO