Essay 1 Final Draft.

pdf
by Julio Lopez

Submission date: 01-Oct-2023 10:10PM (UTC-0500)

3
 4

5
 6

8
9
Essay 1 Final Draft.pdf
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

90
Rubric Breakdown

Controlling idea/purpose: 19

/100 Evidence: 18

Audience Awareness: 17.8

Genre Competency: 17.8

Style, Grammar, MLA: 17.8

Total: 90.4 round to 90

PAGE 1

Comment 1
Needs to be in Times New Roman font

Comment 2
This is a really good thesis statement and with one or two tweaks it can earn top marks!
When you are revising your essays make sure to check back with me on this one so I can go
into more detail on how you can make it better

Comment 3
This topic sentence is a bit weak since it doesn't really let the reader know what this
paragraph will be about. The second sentence would make for a better topic sentence
except just cut out everything after "information"
PAGE 2

Comment 4
This is a good start but I think there's more you could have said about this! How and why
does "FREE" and "7-days a week tutoring" appeal to students?

Comment 5
There's no quoted evidence in this paragraph. It kinda sounds like you could have shortened
and combined this paragraph with the previous one since you are talking about the same
quoted evidence. BTW, all quoted evidence needs the proper in text citation!

PAGE 3

Comment 6
This is good, I think you could definitely elaborate on this more and give the contact
information (or the title) its own paragraph to make up for the fact that I think you should
combine body paragraphs 1, 2, and 4

Comment 7
This should've been part of the first body paragraph

Comment 8
You do a good job of providing a recap of the discourse community and you summarize your
body paragraphs though remember it should be 2-3 sentences for each paragraph. The only
thing you're missing is the answer to the so what question, in other words why is this
important?

PAGE 4

Comment 9
Forgot to put "Works Cited"
RUBRIC: ENGL 1301 ESSAY 1 RUBRIC FL23

CRITERION 1
Controlling Idea

EXCELLENT (20-18) Text presents a clear, direct controlling idea that reveals an analysis of the chosen
genre and uses relevant subpoints that are supported with clear explanation of
textual evidence. Controlling idea clearly answers the “why” / “how” of selected
community and genre.

ABOVE AVERAGE Text mainly presents a controlling idea that somewhat reveals an analysis of the
(17.9-16) chosen genre and uses relevant sub-points but may be missing some explanation
of textual evidence. Controlling idea somewhat answers the “why” / “how” of
selected community and genre.

AVERAGE (15.9-14) Text presents a somewhat obvious controlling idea and is somewhat supported
with sub-points, though some may seem tangential, and explanation seems to be
superficial. Controlling idea partially answers the “why” / “how” of selected
community and genre.

POOR (13.9-12) Text either lacks a controlling idea or reveals a mere definition of genre. Text does
not use supporting subpoints and explanation is absent or irrelevant. Controlling
idea neglects to answer the “why” / “how” of selected community and genre.

VERY POOR (11.9-0) Text does not present a controlling idea or subpoints that are connected to the
genre. Explanation is absent, and the text simply defines or summarizes the
genre. Controlling idea fails to answer the “why” / “how” of selected community
and genre.

CRITERION 2
Evidence

EXCELLENT (20-18) Text clearly and logically presents evidence that furthers the controlling idea.
Evidence is clearly chosen for its ability to support the controlling idea and the
subpoints in each of the body paragraphs.

ABOVE AVERAGE Text somewhat clearly and logically presents evidence that mostly furthers the
(17.9-16) controlling idea. Some evidence may be disconnected or tangential, but is mostly
connected to the subpoints and mainly supports the controlling idea.

AVERAGE (15.9-14) Text presents evidence for the controlling idea, though it may not fully support the
controlling idea, or the connections between the evidence and controlling idea are
unclear. Several tangents present, or the evidence may not connect to the
analysis.

POOR (13.9-12) Text lacks solid evidence, logical presentation of the evidence, and/or clear
connections between the evidence and controlling idea. Most evidence is
disconnected, tangential, and/or simply defines or summarizes the genre.

VERY POOR (11.9-0) Text does not present evidence for the controlling idea, or the evidence is
completely tangential to the controlling idea.
CRITERION 3
Audience Awareness

EXCELLENT (20-18) Text presents language appropriate to the assigned audience and offers
appropriate balance of summary and details given the audience and purpose.
Author completely omits the use of “I” and “you.”

ABOVE AVERAGE Text mostly presents language appropriate to the audience and mostly offers
(17.9-16) appropriate balance of summary and details given the audience and purpose.
Author mostly omits the use of “I” and “you.”

AVERAGE (15.9-14) Text presents language somewhat inappropriate to the audience and a somewhat
inappropriate balance of summary and details given the audience and purpose.
Author overuses “I” and “you.”

POOR (13.9-12) Text presents language inappropriate to the audience and an inappropriate
balance of summary and details given the audience and purpose. Author uses “I”
and “you” throughout the essay.

VERY POOR (11.9-0) Text presents language completely inappropriate to the audience and far too
much or too little summary given the audience and purpose. Author uses “I” and
“you” throughout the essay.

CRITERION 4
Genre Competence (Genre Analysis)

EXCELLENT (20-18) Text presents a clear understanding of genre analysis by presenting details that
expose a new insight into the genre and community. Text clearly demonstrates
that the author understands his/her purpose and focuses the text on the genre
and the community.

ABOVE AVERAGE Text presents a clear understanding of genre analysis by presenting details that
(17.9-16) expose an insight into the genre and community. Text demonstrates that the
author understands his/her purpose and mostly focuses the text on the genre and
the community.

AVERAGE (15.9-14) Text seems confused about the purpose of genre analysis by somewhat revealing
something new, although the essay has too much summary or definition of the
genre. Focus of the text is somewhat the genre and the community.

POOR (13.9-12) Text lacks understanding of genre analysis and does not reveal anything new.
Focus of the text is not the written genre and the community.

VERY POOR (11.9-0) Text does not present any understanding genre analysis. Text does not summarize
or define the genre.

CRITERION 5
Style, Grammar, and MLA

EXCELLENT (20-18) Style is appropriate for the assigned genre and audience. Each body paragraph is
well structured and includes a topic sentence, textual evidence, and connections
 between ideas. Few to no grammar mistakes are present. Text appears to have
benefitted from proofreading and editing. MLA format is completely correct in
terms of document formatting, citations, and references, and the title of the text
clearly relates to the genre.

ABOVE AVERAGE Style is mostly appropriate for the assigned genre and audience. Each body
(17.9-16) paragraph is mostly well structured and includes a topic sentence and textual
evidence from the source, though some connections between ideas could be
stronger. Few grammar mistakes are present. Text appears to have benefitted
from proofreading and editing. MLA format is mostly correct, and the title of the
text relates to the genre but is not as clear as it could be.

AVERAGE (15.9-14) Style is somewhat appropriate for the assigned genre and audience. Body
paragraphs are not well structured; topic sentences, evidence, and connections
between ideas are weak. Several grammar errors are present. Text appears to
have not been proofread and edited. MLA format is incorrect in many places, and
the title of the text does not clearly relate to the genre.

POOR (13.9-12) Style is inappropriate for the assigned genre and audience. Body paragraphs are
not well structured; topic sentences, evidence, and connections between ideas are
mostly absent. Excessive grammar errors are present. Text appears to have not
been proofread and edited. MLA format is incorrect in most places, and the title of
the text does not relate to the genre.

VERY POOR (11.9-0) Style is completely inappropriate for the assigned genre and audience. Body
paragraphs are not structured; topic sentences, evidence, and connections
between ideas are absent. Grammar errors pervade the text. Text has not been
proofread or edited. MLA format is incorrect throughout, and the title of the text
does not relate to the genre or is missing entirely.