Developing

Soft Skills and Personality Week 4

Module 1
Lecture 19

Professor T. Ravichandran
Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur
 Breaking Bad Habits
Stop the way you started it—in tiny bits.
Reduce the frequency; increase the gap.
Replacing a bad habit with a good habit
Developing Good Habits
Practice good habits that will free your brain and mind such as:
1. Not leaving any task uncompleted.
2. Unfinished task will hang heavy in your brain causing you less space for focussing
and concentrating on new activities.
Highlights 3. Avoid becoming serial-addicts.

of the Good Habits and Success are inseparable

Good habits make you indispensable and irreplaceable
Last Lecture Some habits of highly successful people worth inculcating in you:
1. Be extremely hard working
2. Do the extra work with a smile, even if you don’t get paid.
3. Never look at your watch and work.
Work till you complete, so that your mind stays calm and
you can sleep peacefully each night.
5. Focus on the most important goal.
6. Never spend more time on something that can be completely avoided!
7. Concentrate 100%, you will finish it faster than the rest!
 Comprehension
Skills Reading

Verbal
Communication Listening Communication Writing

Production
Speaking Skills
  Both listening and speaking are top skills for
winning through GDs and Job Interviews.
 The more one reads, the more one knows
Communication  The more one writes, the more one reflects
Skills are  The more one listens, the more one learns!
Integrated  The more one listens, and the more one
speaks, the more one communicates!
 The more one communicates, the more
successful one becomes!
 Listening is an integral part of communication, though
much ignored!
Listening
Communication and human relationships go hand in
hand.

Positive relationships can develop only on the degree and

intensity of communication.

The more intense a relationship, the more deep

communication develops!
 Speaking is Communication

Good Speaking is Good

Communication
Misconceptions
About Talkative people communicate
Communication better than calm and silent people

To be a good speaker, you don’t

have to be a listener
 Misconceptions About Listening
 Only intelligent people can listen.
 Fact: Active listening is a cultivated behavior.

 Speaking is a more important than listening.

 Fact: Both are equally important in effective communication.

 Speaking consumes energy, not listening.

 Fact: Active listeners spend as much energy as a speaker/jogger.

 Listening is an unconscious process.

 Fact: Listening is an active mental process; hearing is an involuntary act.

 Speakers can make their audience listen to them 100 per cent.
 Fact: Speakers cannot make their audience really listen.
 Hearing is a  Listening is
Physical activity a mental activity
 Apart from just hearing, it
Listening (horn sound, fan
involves Reception,
Versus Hearing sound, birds Selection, Organization,
chirping, etc) Assimilation,
Involves just Interpretation, Evaluation
hearing and Response.
The First Step in Becoming a Good Listener: Keep the Mind Open!

“The mind is like a

parachute—
it functions only when
it is open!”
Students at the University of California were asked by Mr
Agnew of the department of Medical History for their
reaction to the following :

"The father has syphilis, the mother tuberculosis.

They have had four children—the first blind, the
second died, the third was deaf and dumb, the
fourth had tuberculosis. The mother is pregnant
with her fifth child. The parents are willing to have
an abortion. You have to make the decision."
Most of the students voted in favour of abortion.
Mr Agnew’s comment to them:

The deaf musical composer and a child

prodigy
who gave his first public performance as a
pianist when he was eight years old!
 The Lesson?

Listen without Prejudice!

 Developing
Soft Skills and Personality Week 4
Module 2
Lecture 20

Professor T. Ravichandran
Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur
 Looked at listening as an integral part of communication.
Cleared some misconceptions about listening.
Like: To be a good speaker, you don’t have to be a listener.
Highlights Only speaking consumes energy, not listening.
of the Difference between hearing and listening.
Last Lecture Hearing is physical, while listening is a mental activity that
involves Reception, Selection, Organization, Assimilation,
Interpretation, Evaluation and Response.
The first step to become a good listener is to keep one’s mind
open and free from any prejudice!
 Effective Communication

Research indicates that about 60% of listening is

involved in Effective Communication.

Only 25% of our listening capacity is used by us.

People don’t remember 50% of what they heard

within a gap of 8 hours!
One of the major skills in effective communication is the
ability to listen well.
*Listening is the “receiving” part of communication.
*It is receiving information through your ears and eyes.
*Good listening is an active, integrated communication
skill that demands energy and know-how.
*It is purposeful, powerful and productive.
 A Good Communicator

A good communicator is essentially a good listener.

She modulates various verbal/non-verbal
symbols she displays depending on the feedback
she gathers through simultaneous listening.
She not only pays attention to the other person’s
words but also to his tone and facial expressions and
body language.
  Active Listening is whole body listening!
 The person is full of eyes and ears!

What is Active  Eyes are focussed on the person talking; and

Listening? look for body language to correlate with verbal meaning.

 Ears listen carefully
 Brain is receptive and reflects on what is being said
 Mouth is shut
 Hands and feet are still
 Heart feels compassionate
 The whole body is naturally inclined toward the speaker to
show interest and empathy.
 The speaker gets a feeling that she is given a careful,
thoughtful attention and consideration!
  Be courteous and considerate; treat the speaker like a
How to favourite guest at home!
Become an  Pay full attention: Concentrate and eliminate all
distractions (environmental—your phone)
Active
 Don’t interrupt
Listener?
 Note down important points
 Reflect Back: rephrase/restate in your own words,
ensuring you have correctly understood, following closely
 Minimise self-talk
 Stay Focused
 Keep asking questions
  Never laugh or give a condescending or sarcastic smile!
How to  Encourage: nod, smile, lean forward, look into the eyes of
Become an the speaker, pat, hug
Active That’s good; sounds good; Damn interesting!
Listener?  Acknowledge efforts:
How did you manage it? Wow. How could you do that?
That was a wonderful idea! That was a spending job!
Great work! You are a genius to have done it!
 Use Silence: Silence is effective in making the customer
open up; Use comforting calmness; you are calm but warm
in your gesture (not silent but cold!)
  Summarizing briefly helps you to show your concern and
encourages the other person to continue.
How to  Seek clarifications: When you don’t understand what the
Become an other person is saying. Feel free to ask:
Active “What do you mean to say?”, “Could you please make this
point clear to me?” “I am sorry, I am not able to follow from
Listener? the point when you said . . . “
 Conclude by thanking the speaker and showing your
appreciation; Nice talking to you; wonderful listening to you!
I greatly appreciate the time you gave me!
 Always, make the speaker leave with a good feeling!
 Leave the dejected one with some hope!
 Speak
Less!

Listen
More!
 Developing
Soft Skills and Personality Week 4
Module 3
Lecture 21

Professor T. Ravichandran
Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur
 Good Communication is Good Listening.
Good listening is an active, integrated
communication skill that demands energy and
know-how.
Highlights It is purposeful, powerful and productive.
of the Active Listening: Whole body listening.
Last Lecture Tips for becoming an active listener:
Be courteous and considerate, Don’t interrupt
Note down important points, Minimise self-talk
Stay Focused, Encourage, Acknowledge efforts,
Summarise,
Seek Clarifications, Use Silence,
Conclude with a good feeling.
  Knowledge is power; knowing clearly saves lots
of time, and saves things from damage.
 Acting Listening is the key in successful
personal and professional relationships.
Importance  Mind you, it’s the quality of your relationships
that determines the level of your success!
of Active  AL has a great impact on your job effectiveness.
Listening  It will help you to avoid miscommunication and
conflicts.
 Increases productivity
 Improves persuasive and negotiation skills.
 Physical Barriers: Outside noise, inside chats,
poor acoustics, uncomfortable environment,
message overload
People-Related Barriers:
Barriers to Physiological : health conditions, extreme
Active heat or cold, speaker’s incoherence or manner
Listening of talking
Psychological: Antipathy for the speaker;
preconceived notions, fixed mind-set,
cognitive dissonance, personal stress/anxiety,
impatience, intolerance.
 Barriers to Active Listening

 Inadequate language Base

 Insufficient technical vocabulary
 Combined with fear or shyness to seek
clarifications

5
 Barriers to Active Listening

 Partial Listening
Distracted with objects on the computer when
talking over the phone
 Reading something during a conversation

6
 Barriers to Active Listening

Disinterestedness
 Lack of interest in the
subject

 Paying attention to other

subjects

 Students recall cricket

score better than data
shown on an educational
video
7
 Prejudging the Speaker/the Speech
 Forming conclusion about the speech just by
looking at the speaker’s dress, appearance,
posture, etc
 Gender & colour preferences
 Status and Stereotypes affecting critical
thinking
 Barriers to Active Listening

Negativity towards the Speaker

 Underestimating the speaker’s capabilities
 Showing animosity
 Disapproving the speaker’s view points
 Ending up in constructing distorted message

9
 Barriers to Active Listening

Diffidence
 Suffers from a defeatist attitude

 Undermines self-capabilities
for fully understanding the subject

 Students and conference

participants suffer from this

10
 Barriers to Active Listening

Over-enthusiasm/Intolerance
 Overenthusiastic to supply gaps in the
speaker’s ideas
 Intolerant to wait till the end of the
speech
 Advances questions and interferes quickly
 Anxious to wind up the communication
process

11
 Deep-rooted Beliefs
 Closed minds due to deep-rooted beliefs and
convictions
 Leads to superficial listening
 Often causes disagreement with the speaker’s
stance and view point
 Can also cause positive bias and influence
one’s ability to judge

12
 Avoid positive bias/influence
Evaluate the Message:

“Our leader had an unhappy Childhood and little formal

education. His father bitterly opposed his ambition to become
an artist. Through self-education, he became the author of a
book that became a national best seller. Obstacles do not
discourage him. When others say, “It’s impossible,” he
hurdles each barrier as it comes. He has built an active youth
movement of selected young people. He is known throughout
the world for his dynamic speeches. His closest associates
say of him, “He accomplishes incredible deeds out of the
passion of his will in order to create the kind of government he
13
believes in.”
 The famous personality is . . .

Adolf Hitler!

14
Speak in such a way that
others love to listen to you.
Listen in such a way that
others love to speak to you.
 Developing
Soft Skills and Personality Week 4
Module 4
Lecture 22

Professor T. Ravichandran
Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur
 Importance of Active Listening:
Successful personal & professional
relationships, gaining knowledge, job
effectiveness, productivity, persuasive
and negotiation skills
Highlights Barriers to Active Listening: Physical
of the Barriers;
Last Lecture People-Related Barriers: Physiological,
Psychological.
Inadequate language base, partial
listening, disinterestedness, prejudging,
hatred/love for the speaker, diffidence,
over-enthusiasm, intolerance, deep-
rooted beliefs, positive bias/influence.
 Why do you call someone on phone?

Feel bored, just to pass time

Curiosity: Find out what some one is doing
Insecurity: nagging, checking, verifying
Passing information
Sharing good news
Informing about events, appointments
Giving bad news Telephone
Discussing ideas
Skills
Office, routine business matter
Call for help (security, police)
Call for service (booking tickets, ordering food items)

The calls you make, and the way you make them, tells who you are!
 Whom do you avoid on phone? Why?

Loaner?
Enemy?
Neighbour?
Police?
Investigation officer?
Boss?
Wife?
Relative? Telephone
Colleague? Skills
Vendor?
Client?
Customer?
The calls you avoid, and the way you avoid them, determines who you are!
 Whom do you want to talk to on phone?

Classmate?
Friend?
Lover?
Teacher?
Employer?
Doctor?
A Mentor?
Any Well-Wisher? Telephone
An Inspirer?
A Patient?
Skills
A Student who needs your help?
Astrologer?
Stranger?

The people you want to talk, and the way you talk to them, tells who you are!
 Why phone calls are important? Paradoxial Reasons!
They connect us to people.
Make the human communication warm and alive.
They can also disconnect people;
leaving them cold and uncared for.
While there are some who hate calling some people,
there are others who love to get calls from them!
A phone call could have avoided many suicides
(Albert Camus’s The Fall) Telephone
Not making a call could have made many Skills
live happy lives!
Hence, it is important to use phone calls
wisely and effectively!
Phone calls are important aspect of human communication: You can make or mar it!
  Different from oral: person to person
 If not prepared, ask the person to call again
 Keep a pen and paper: Don’t miss important point , number
 Right handed, place phone on left side; use right side for notes.
 Smile, your voice will be different when you do it!
Basic  Be patient
Telephone  Time Keep on eye on it; don’t rush
 Make the other person speak; don’t interrupt
Skills  Never lose your temper
 Don’t eat or chew or munch
 Stop reading, typing
 Verbal encouragement:
I see, tell me more, go on, would you like to talk about it
“People used what they called a telephone
because they hated being close together
and they were scared of being alone.”

Chuck Palahniuk
 Developing
Soft Skills and Personality Week 4
Module 5
Lecture 23

Professor T. Ravichandran
Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur
 Various aspects of telephone communication
The calls you make, and the way you make them, tells who you are!
The calls you avoid, and the way you avoid them, determines who
you are!
The people you want to talk, and the way you talk to them, tells
who you are!
Phone calls are important aspect of human communication:
Highlights You can make or mar it!
Different from oral: face to face communication
of the Keep a pen and paper: Don’t miss important point, number
Last Lecture Smile, your voice will be different when you do it!
Be patient; don’t rush
Make the other person speak; don’t interrupt
Never lose your temper
Don’t eat or chew or munch
Stop reading, typing
Verbal encouragement:
I see, tell me more, go on . . .
Interesting Features of Telephone Communication

Most commonly used;

and most commonly misused form of communication!
Often the receiver’s response is taken for granted.
Mostly for the reason that
both the speakers cannot see each other.
This is challenging because
people presume so many things . Advanced
A simple example: Let’s meet at 7 tomorrow. Telephone
Where? In the park, during my walk. Skills
Effectiveness needs
clarity in communication
and active listening.
 Some Tips for Developing Advanced Skills

Enunciate Clearly: Examples: “Lab staff”

“10 Frogs” (medium size!)
Let your voice radiate warmth, respect,
helpfulness.
If you represent a company, do not begin
with “Hello”. Start with the name of the Advanced
company, use polite greetings (Good Telephone
Morning), add your name and offer to help. Skills
Example: “Sterling Services. Good Morning.
This is Ronita. How may I help you?
 If you are in a key position to deal with many callers,
and if you keep some simultaneous callers on hold,
first ask for permission:
May I keep you on hold for a moment ma’m?
Will you please wait for a minute, Sir?
Advanced when you get back, apologise:
Telephone I apologise for keeping you on hold!
Sorry to have kept you on waiting!
Skills Or, Say Thanks:
Thank you for holding!
Thank you for you patience!
Say it with a Smile—
The receiver can actually feel it!
 Organise Yourself
Prepare yourself for the call (mentally, emotionally, physically)
Keep mental/written notes ready; it saves time
(human tendency to forget the most important and call again!)

Organise Your Desk

Keep your desk clean. Don’t pile things on phone!
Keep the notepad and pen near the phone.
Know your phone; practice & master the equipment
Advanced Use speaker; but avoid for privacy

Telephone When you make the call

Skills Check the number before dialling
Introduce yourself + polite greetings
Be clear and concise.
Say the right thing at the right time & end aptly.
 While Ending
Appreciate: That would be great! It was nice talking to you!
Give Hope: I look forward to your call!
I hope to see you in the party!
Say Bye: Bye, see you soon! Have a nice day!

When the receiver refuses to end!

Advanced Politely Say that you have a meeting, class, appointment
Telephone
When you receive a call on somebody’s behalf
Skills
Note the details of the call, name of the person, date and time
Purpose of the call, what action needs to be taken, when?
Give such details if you leave a message in an answering machine.
 Use a Format

Telephone Notes

Date __________________ Time ___________________

Advanced Message for ________________________________________

Telephone From _________________________________

Skills Message ______________________________________________

Contact Number _____________________________

 Challenges!

Delivering Unpleasant News

Don’t beat around the bush! Get straight to the point

State the reason, provide alternative solution
Advanced SAY SORRY: I am afraid . . . I do apologise . . .
Telephone
IMPORTANT: You should earn the other’s respect!
Skills
 Developing
Soft Skills and Personality Week 4
Module 6
Lecture 24

Professor T. Ravichandran
Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur
 Advanced Telephone Skills
Effectiveness needs clarity in communication and active
listening.
Highlights Enunciate Clearly: Frogs or Frocks; Lab staff or Lap tops?
Steps involved in holding simultaneous calls
of the Organizing yourself; organising the desk, knowing your
Last Lecture equipment
Norms for making phone calls properly
Ending a call
Noting important information by using a format
Facing challenges like delivering bad news.
IMPORTANT: You should earn the other’s respect!
 More Challenges!

Handling Difficult Callers!

Be diplomatic. Give facts. Help to resolve problems.

Essential Offer alternative solutions.
SAY: PLEASE understand SORRY for the mistake
Telephone THANK YOU for your understanding
Skills
Dealing with Anger! ✓ Be cool and calm throughout
✓ Use comforting silence & understanding pauses
✓ Offer help in whatever manner possible
✓ Never raise your voice, even if provoked
✓ Apologize for any inconvenience caused
✓ Identify the problem
✓ Offer possible solution
✓ Give compensation
✓ In case of abusive expressions, don’t get hurt!
Essential ✓ Act Professionally and Proactively
✓ Empathise with the caller
Telephone ✓ Get back with more help and better solutions
Skills ✓ Promise to call back and follow-up
✓ Keep the promise!
 Manage Your Voice
Your voice can reveal whether you are
Sad, sick, tired, frustrated, angry, annoyed,
bored, disinterested, stressed, impatient OR
Happy, helpful, smiling, cheerful, supportive,
careful, empathetic, considerate, friendly.
Essential
Telephone Many people don’t know they have loud voices!
Many are unaware that their voices are feeble!
Skills
You will gain confidence on practice
Record your voice and listen to it
Make yourself comfortable with your voice
(Saying Sorry, Thank you, Welcome)
 Be an Active Listener
Show your involvement by listening sounds
which substitute nods: hmm, okay, I see. . .
Be Cheerful
Feel Good, Sound Good and make the receiver
feel Good!
Know Your Caller
Essential Try to figure out details of your caller: age,
Telephone mood, health condition, designation
Use appropriate title for addressing the caller
Skills Replace Fear with Confidence
Use initial fear to energise and stay focussed
Gain confidence by repeating what you fear
 Be Polite
Know the difference between May I & Can I; Will
you please/Can you please
Use
Could you? Would you?
Please, Sorry, Thank you, Welcome
Essential Avoid Jargons
Avoid technical words, words known to small
Telephone groups, difficult words
Skills Anticipate Problems
Give contingency to technical snags, delays,
misunderstandings, flaring up of emotion
 Remember:

Each call is an opportunity

to enhance your personality
and the image of your
organisation!
 Remember:

You should be the person

any body wants to talk to;
Not the one everybody wants
to AVOID!
 “For me, there is no day or night for
music. I often work through the night --
without phone calls disturbing me.”
A. R. Rahman