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SELF-IMPROVEMENT

How to Be a Better Person

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Updated on March 01, 2023

Medically reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW

We all want to be our best, but many people wonder if it's actually
possible to become a better person once you're an adult. The answer is a
resounding yes. There are always ways to improve yourself. This answer
leads to more questions, however.

How can you improve yourself to be a better person? What is the easiest
approach? And what are the most important aspects of self to work on?
Taking into account your own well-being as well as the best interests of
others, here are some of the most important ways to become a better
person.

Let Go of Anger

KOLOstock / Getty Images

We all experience anger in our lives. Uncontrolled anger, however, can

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We all experience anger in our lives. Uncontrolled anger, however, can

create problems in our relationships and even with our health. [1] All of
this can lead to more stress and additional problems, complicating life and
keeping us from being our best selves. That's why learning to manage and
eventually let go of anger is so important to becoming a better person.

Letting go of anger isn't always easy. But the �rst step is learning more
about recognizing anger and knowing what to do when you feel angry in
your life. [1]

Recognizing anger is often simple if you make an e�ort to notice when

you feel upset and decide to manage this feeling rather than denying it or
lashing out at others as a way of coping. Focus on noticing when you feel
angry and why, and know that there is a di�erence between feeling angry
and acting on that anger. Then, know your options.

You can change your beliefs about what is making you angry. This can
work by learning more about the situation, or even reminding
yourself there may be things you don't know yet.

Remind yourself that maybe that person who cut you o� in tra�c was
distracted by something challenging in their own life. If a friend seems to
be rude to you, inquire about how their day is going and �nd out if there's
more that you don't know.

You can also focus on what your "anger triggers" are, and eliminate them
as possible. For example, if you �nd yourself becoming frustrated and
angry when you have to rush, work on making more space in your
schedule (even if it means saying "no" a little more), and try to eliminate
that trigger. If a certain person makes you angry, try to limit their role in
your life if it doesn't work to talk things out with them �rst.

It's also important to learn to let go of grudges and residual anger from
each day. Don't wake up holding a grudge from the night before if you can
help it. Focus on forgiveness, even if it means you don't let someone who
wronged you continue to have an important role in your life. When you
stay in the present moment as much as possible, this becomes easier.

Practicing stress relievers like meditation can also help you to let go of
anger. [1] Focus on releasing the hold that the past may have on you. Put
your attention to the current moment and it becomes easier to avoid
rumination and stay in a good place.

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rumination and stay in a good place.

Related: The Best Online Therapy Programs We've tried, tested and
written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including
Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain.

Support Others

Jose Luis Pelaez Inc / Getty Images

Helping others may seem like an obvious route to becoming a better

person. We often think of "good people" as those who are willing to
sacri�ce for others. This, in the minds of many, is what makes a person
"good." However, good deeds can also make us better people because of
the connection between altruism and emotional well-being.

According to research, it just may be true that it's better to give than to
receive. So while you may feel too stressed and busy to extend help to
others when it's not absolutely necessary, expanding your ability to focus
on the needs of others can really help you as well. It’s true: Altruism is its
own reward and can actually help you relieve stress.

Studies show that altruism is good for your emotional well-being and
can measurably enhance your peace of mind. [2]

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For example, one study found that dialysis patients, transplant patients,
and family members who became support volunteers for other patients
experienced increased personal growth and emotional well-being.

Another study on patients with multiple sclerosis (MS) showed that those
who o�ered other MS patients peer support actually experienced greater
bene�ts than their supported peers, including more pronounced
improvement of con�dence, self-awareness, self-esteem, depression, and
daily functioning. Those who o�ered support generally found that their
lives were dramatically changed for the better.

In addition to making the world a better place, exercising your altruism

can make you a happier, more compassionate person. Because there are so
many ways to express altruism, this is a simple route to being a better
person, one that is available to all of us every day. This is good news
indeed.

Leverage Your Strengths

Thomas Barwick / Getty Images

Losing track of time when you’re absorbed in ful�lling work or another

engaging activity, or what psychologists refer to as "�ow," is a familiar

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state for most of us. Flow is what happens when you get deeply involved
in a hobby, in learning a new skill or subject, or in engaging in activities
that supply just the right mix of challenge and ease. [3]

When we feel too challenged, we feel stressed. When things are too easy,
we may become bored—either way, �nding the sweet spot between these
two extremes keeps us engaged in a very good way.

You can experience �ow by writing, dancing, creating, or absorbing

new material that you can teach others. [3]

What may bring you to that state of being may be challenging for others,
and vice versa. Think about when you �nd yourself in this state most
often, and try doing more of that.

The state of �ow is a good indicator of whether an activity is right for

you. When you're in a state of �ow, you're leveraging your strengths, and
this turns out to be great for your emotional health and happiness. It's
also a very positive thing for the rest of the world because your strengths
can usually be used to help others in some way.

When you learn enough about yourself to know what your best strengths
are and �nd out how to use them for the bene�t of others, you're on your
way to being a better person, and a happier one as well.

Use the "Stages of Change" Model

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wundervisuals / Getty Images

Ask yourself: If you had a magic wand, what would you like to see in your
future? Ignoring the ideas of how you’ll get there, vividly imagine your
ideal life, and what would be included in it.

Take a few minutes to list, on paper or on your computer, the changes and
goals that would be included in this picture. Be speci�c about what you
want. It’s okay if you want something that you seemingly have no control
over, such as a mate who is perfect for you. Just write it down.

You may follow the lead of many businesses and have a one-year, �ve-
year, and 10-year plan for your life. (It doesn’t have to be a set-in-
stone plan, but a list of wishes and goals.) Keeping in mind what you hope
for in your future can help you feel less stuck in the stressful parts of your
present life, and help you see more options for change as they present
themselves.

There are several ways to focus on change, but the stages of change model
can lead you to your best self perhaps more easily than many other paths.
This model of change can be adapted to whatever mindset you have right
now and can work for most people.

The Stages of Change Model

1. Precontemplation: Ignoring the problem
2. Contemplation: Aware of the problem
3. Preparation: Getting ready to change
4. Action: Taking direct action toward the goal
5. Maintenance: Maintaining new behavior
6. Relapse: Rea�rm your goal and commitment to change

One of the most important parts of this route to change is that you don't
push yourself to make changes before you're ready, and you don't give up
if you �nd yourself backsliding—it's a forgivable and even expected part
of the process of change. Understanding this plan for making changes can
help you to be a better person in whatever ways you choose.

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Press Play for Advice on Creating Change

This episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how to use the six
stages of change to apply them to your own process of change. Click
below to listen now.

The Verywell Mind Podcast

173 - Friday Fix: The 6 Stages of Change

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Take Care of Yourself

Stígur Már Karlsson / Heimsmyndir / Getty Images

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You may not always have control over the circumstances you face. But
you can control how well you take care of yourself, which can a�ect your
stress levels and enable you to grow as a person when you face life's
challenges.

Self-care is vital for building resilience when facing unavoidable stressors

for several reasons. [4] When you're tired, eating poorly, or generally run
down, you will likely be more reactive to the stress you face in your life.
You can even end up creating more problems for yourself by reacting
poorly rather than responding from a place of calm inner strength.

Conversely, when you're taking good care of yourself (both your physical
and mental health), you can be more thoughtfully engaged with whatever
comes, use the resources you have in your life, and grow from the
challenges you face, rather than merely surviving them.

Taking proper care of your body, soul, and mind can keep you in optimum
shape for handling stress. That gives you added resilience to manage those
challenges in life that we all face, as well as those that may be unique to
you. [4]

Basics of Self-Care
In terms of self-care strategies, there are several that can help, but
some of the most important aspects of self-care include the basics:

Sleep
Nutrition
Connection with others
Downtime

Sleep
Sleep is important for your emotional and physical well-being because too
little or poor quality sleep can leave you feeling more stressed and less
able to brainstorm solutions to problems you face. Lack of sleep can take a
toll on your body as well, both in the short term and in the long run. Poor
sleep can even a�ect your weight. [5]

Nutrition
The same is true with poor nutrition. A poor diet can leave you feeling

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bloated and tired, and can add extra pounds over time. You need the right
fuel to face life's challenges, but when stress hits, it's often the unhealthy
food we crave.

Social Connections
Feeling connected to others can help you feel more resilient. Good friends
can help you to process negative emotions, brainstorm solutions, and get
your mind o� your problems when necessary. It's sometimes challenging
to �nd time for friends when you have a busy, stressful life, but our
friends often make us better people both with their support and their
inspiration.

Downtime
Finally, it is important to take a little time for yourself. This can mean
journaling and meditation, or it can come in the form of exercise or even
watching re-runs at home. This is particularly important for introverts,
but everyone needs some time to themselves, at least sometimes.

Related: Types and Bene�ts of Meditation

Learn to Be User-Friendly
Couple talking in the Kitchen

SolStock / Getty Images

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Our relationships can create a haven from stress, and help us to become
better people at the same time. They can also be a signi�cant source of
stress when there is con�ict that is resolved poorly or left to fester. The
beauty of this is that as we do the work it takes to become a better friend,
partner, and family member, it can also be a path to becoming a better
person.

To improve your relationships and yourself, learn con�ict resolution

skills. These skills include being a good listener, understanding the other
side when you are in con�ict, and anger management techniques.

These things can help us be better versions of ourselves. They can also
minimize the stress we experience in relationships, making these
relationships stronger. Close relationships usually provide plenty of
opportunities to practice these skills as you work on improving them, so
you can perhaps even appreciate the opportunities when they arise and
feel less upset.

5 Sources

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and
award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology,
relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

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