Descriptive writing

English Teacher: How to Write a Perfect Piece of Descriptive Writing

And

Mr. Salles: Brilliant Method to Plan and Write Descriptive Essay

General advice
• Always plan content point
• Make sure piece matches the purpose (genre; horror, mystery)
• Make sure its descriptive – NOT narrative or discursive
• Use a variety of sentence types for effect
• Use a variety of sentence starters
• Use a variety of punctuation
• Use different paragraphs lengths (one sentence paragraph)
• Make sure you spell complex words correctly ( however it is better to use incorrectly
spelled complex words than have the entire essay with simple correctly spelled words)
• Make sure the whole structure is effective
• Create a piece that is interesting
• Show off
Descriptive writing is a scene in a certain
time – a moving image
• Read the question – underline the key parts
• Identify six as aspects of the title you wish to describe
• Larger aspects (scenery, whole image
• Zoom in (hair on arm, blade of grass)
• For each aspect make a vocabulary list – what type of atmosphere
you want to create.
• Place elements in order you will write them. It is effective to return to
the first element you write about at the end of your writing (cyclic)
It was a glorious day. The calm waters lapped gently against the peaceful shoreline, whilst
pleasant seagulls bobbed on the tranquil waves as other seabirds soared on the warm air
that caressed their majestic wings.

On land, this pleasant theme continued. The trees shifted lightly in the breeze, creating a
soothing noise which was pleasant to the ear. Colourful flowers added to this utopian feeling
by releasing gorgeous scents which filled the nostrils with the smells of delightful summer.

Sitting within this image, people sat and socialized. Some lay along the sea wall, gazing up at
the fluffy, white clouds, trying to establish whether they saw a smiling face or a small puppy
(although it didn’t really matter). Others relaxed in their café chairs, sipping delightfully
from their fresh mugs. The warm coffee, as it entered their being revitalized their
sun=beaten skin after their successful journey on their bikes. Although they had all arrived
separately, the nature of the day created a feeling of camaraderie which had caused them to
begin discussing how lucky they were to be sitting in this place and enjoying the world
around them – they all agreed they would rather be here than anywhere else in the world
right now. indeed, if you took the time to lift your head from your reverie, you would notice
that every single face had joy etched across it.
Away from this picturesque moment in time, the sounds of passing vehicles
along the Brooklyn Bridge actually seemed to add to the blissful day, as the soft
rumblings of commuters mirrored the soft rumblings of the waves against the
sea wall. The bridges appearance, rather than disturbing the view that nature
had created, almost seemed to form a beautiful link between man (who called
New York home) and nature, the original owner of the terrain. This was proof
that man and nature could live happily together.

But all good things come to an end.

Whilst trying to ascertain whether the cloud looked like his old pet dog, a man,
who had previously been full of the warmth of the environment, noticed that
his fluffy, white cloud, had now become dark and sinister and twisted. He also
noticed that the gorgeous smell of pollen had been replaced by the smell of
death and despair. He had also noticed the soothing sounds of the waves had
been overcome by the terrifying sounds of screaming, anguished and desperate
individuals.

At that moment, all of the expressions on the faces of the folk sitting outside of
the café changed from relaxed and content to contorted expression of fear and
confusion. As they followed the trail of ash that had forced the seabirds to
immediately evacuate their once imperious city now seemed like a scene of a
disaster movie.
They felt helpless. They felt useless and also felt shamefully lucky at being on
the ‘safer’ side of the bridge.

If they were on the other side of the bridge they would have been engulfed by
the harmful smoke, the screaming of the emergency sirens which could do little
to hold back the tide of death and destruction. All around were people trying to
contact loved ones, trying to tell them that they were sorry for arguing after
their spouses had taken the last dessert from the freezer, trying to tell their
children that they had to go away for a while and some were trying to contact
God and plead for forgiveness.
The source of destruction (which had hit the city like a hammer hitting a glass
window) was a single passenger plane which was due to take a group of happy
families to holiday destinations they had longed to see. Cruelly, the hijacker,
who believed was earning himself a place in heaven by murdering innocent
people had announced over the plane’s speakers, ”We will shortly be arriving
at our destination, we hope you have enjoyed your time on earth!”

After hours of this continuing chaos, after hundreds of bodies had fallen to
their deaths and after billions of tears had been shed, the sounds of murder
became silent and all that could be heard was the gently waves lapping against
the sea wall whilst seagulls bobbed slowly up and down in the water.
6 CAMERAS
1. Zoom out: viewpoint
2. Motif: a symbol or image (this must appear a number of points in
the text; at least twice – once at the beginning and once at the end)
3. Zoom in – viewpoint
4. Motif
5. Zoom out – viewpoint
6. Final zoom and motif – viewpoint
Motif knits structure together – makes it look crafted
Plan: Airplane Crash
1. Zoom out – Flock of geese
2. Motif – Guitar (random thought – it forces you to be creative and
original)
3. Zoom in – face of stewardess
4. Motif – music
5. Zoom out – space eyed view
6. Motif – guitar
The plan will force you to think and stay on track
1. Zoom out – Flock of geese

The V followed its normal trajectory, the lead

swapping as though by telepathy, in a strange
choreography which had developed over million of
years without planes. Perhaps why the lead bird did
not notice the Airbus, rising towards it. Perhaps why
the flock followed blindly, faithful to the goose in
front, as the engines rose to meet them like a greeting
on a warm summer’s day.
2. Motif – symbol or image - guitar
At the window Sheiba sat, cradling her new guitar. She was eight years
old, and going to Karachi, to join her father at last. He had given her
this red guitar as a present, and a promise that he would teach her to
play like an angel. Her eyes turned to the window, registering the silent
disaster as the birds met the engine on her left hand side. Something
was wrong with this picture, and she thought she heard the guitar
begin to play.
3. Zoom in – face of stewardess
The stewardess with the brown hair, and
the tired eyes, fed up of the passengers
asking her question after question, trip
after trip, felt it first, as though she were
a Jedi knight feeling a disruption in The
Force. She smiled, realizing that her son
would be surprised at the Star Wars
reference. But something was wrong.
This wasn’t turbulence. There was a
disruption in The Force.
4. Motif - music
In slow motion, the theme tune played. Dum dum dum dum, - de-dum.
An image of black boots and a black helmet appeared. Instantly, she
knew the symbol for what it was. She suddenly realised why he was
called Darth, a short syllable away from total blackness, eternal
blackness, the coming blackness.
4. Motif – Music (Because I Could)
Bilaal was playing on his phone again. At sixteen he knew better than to have
the volume turned up, so that the middle aged couple next to him could hear
his appalling music leaking out of his ears, in a slow trickle that had built up
to a flood, drowning them both in unexpressed anger as the flight wore on.
How the music had droned. The wife saw the geese first, and some part of
her brain kicked in. Anger rose in her like fire, no like petrol thrown on fire,
and flames of rage, huge and overwhelming, strobed the back of her skull.
She turned to the boy, placed one hand on his earphones and prepared for
what she knew was coming.

He looked into her eyes, and watched her lips move: “We don’t need no
education, we don’t need no…” But he would never know what she didn’t
need.
5. Zoom out – space eyed view
Who was it who gazed down, silently at the scene? The pilot looked up,
as though in prayer. He had felt it too, and knew the procedure, the
checklist that he and his co-pilot would jump into, the years of training
kicking in. But he feared this would not be enough. He looked up,
hoping for a sign.

Only the clouds gazed back at him. Sheiba noticed them too. Fluffy, like
a child’s drawing. Unreal. But they looked down with indifference.

Could have ended here

6. Final zoom and Motif - viewpoint
In seconds the entire flock was gone. The engines roared with flame,
and triumph or rage, it was impossible to tell. The clouds looked on
sightlessly, without care.

The stewardess turned towards the flash of red. Sheiba had lifted her
guitar, and was taking it out of the case for the very first time.
It worked
Writing the plan and following it – ideas come to Mr. Salles as he was
writing the essay – but it worked.

Following the rules – forces it to work.

Creativity has rules
1. Don’t waste the readers time
2. Give the reader at least one character to root for
3. Every character should want something
4. Every sentence must – reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible
6. Be cruel – make your characters sweet and innocent and make awful things
happen to them – so that the reader can see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person – if you open to window to please the world –
your story will get pneumonia

8. Give the reader as much information as soon as possible

Mr. Salles rules for Creativity
1. Start every sentence with a new word
2. Include the word ‘choreography’
3. Have a sentence which is at least 30 words long.
4. Have sentence with four verbs in it
5. End a paragraph with a short sentence
6. Have a contrast in each paragraph

Having the strict rules forces you to be creative

Descriptive writing
Mr. Everything English

• Must be interesting the whole way through – compelling

• Range of language devices
• Range of punctuation
• Ambitious vocabular
• Structural devices
Range of Language Devices
• Simile - “like”
• Metaphor - “he is a giant”, “my daughter is a princess”
• Alliteration - “the big, blue bounced down the runway”
• Repetition - repeat word for effect
• Oxymoron
• Juxtaposition - contrasting ideas – weak solider
• Rhetorical question - question in writing
• Hyperbole - I am so hungry I am going to eat a horse
• Onomatopoeia - clock tick tock
• Rule of three – three words in a row describing something
Range of Punctuation Devices
• ! – command, anger,
•?
• : - 1. before command, 2. list that goes up to three
• ; - 1. if list is more than three, 2. can replace ‘and’ I went to the shops;
(and) I bought chocolates, eggs and bread do not use to replace every
‘and’ but once or twice.
• … - shows time change
• ( ) – add extra information
Structural Devices
• New setting/character -
• Zooming in /zooming out
• Shift in focus -
• Thought to action
• Dialogue
• Long and short paragraphs and sentences
Ambitious vocabulary (most important)
• Lackadaisical - lazy
• Gargantuan - huge
• Melancholy - sad
• Morose - sad
• Ghastly - horrible
How to plan: Write a story about someone
crash landing on a distant planet

• Marking scheme –
• is your work interesting?
• Have you got a range of language devices?
• Have you got a range of vocabulary?
• Have you got a range of punctuation?
 P1: The Crash is taking place
• Describe the fall
• Why crashing
• What he feels
• Describe where I have landed
• What is his speed • Where is he crashing

• Simile • repeat
• P2
• Rule of Three • P3
• Three words in a row • Vocabulary • P4
• Afraid nervous • Morose • P5
bewildered With different
• Gargantuan language devices
and different
! vocabulary and
punctuations