Setting Your Intentions as an

Empowered Parent
Week 2 of 12 from the Transformational Parenting Process
Prepared by the Jai Institute for Parenting

Grounding Into Your Strengths as a Parent

As we move through this work, we must connect daily to what is going well. Every morning
or evening, look at the list below to remind yourself that as transformation occurs and the
unknown emerges, the slightest bit of appreciation or blessing keeps us anchored, held,
and courageous.

I. What/whom/where do you LOVE about your family life right now?

II. Share an aspect of your family life, and/or parenting, that you feel proud of and for which you
have a generous appreciation.

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III. What is true about who you are? Write down expansive + life affirming “I am” statements:

I am _______________________________________________________________________

I am _______________________________________________________________________

I am _______________________________________________________________________

IV. What are your strengths? (As defined by you!)

V. What do you appreciate about yourself as a parent?

VI. What do you appreciate about your child(ren)?

VII. If you could tell yourself, as a parent, anything kind and loving right now, what would it be?

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© 2011–Present The Jai Institute for Parenting LLC
 Support for Inner & Outer Resourcing
Let’s look at how you already support yourself on a daily or weekly basis. You have no
doubt experienced challenging “growing pains” as a parent and a person. How have you
supported yourself through transitions in the past? It is vital that you believe you are
supported in this process in ways that validate your own innate capacity, agency, and
self-responsibility. We do not expect perfection!

VIII. What are your favorite ways to process new information? (Ex: talking to a friend, taking a long
walk, reciting the information you just read, journaling, etc.)

IX. When you are going through a challenging time, how do you support yourself through
discomfort? (Ex: exercise, extra rest, herbal teas, massage, etc.)

X. What is your “go-to” tool for de-stressing? (Ex: aromatherapy, breathwork, prayer, your favorite
comedy, etc.)

XI. Is there a supportive tool or practice that you’ve always wanted to try, but felt nervous about?
(Ex: yoga, dance, EFT tapping, joining a weekly walking club, taking an art class, etc.)

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© 2011–Present The Jai Institute for Parenting LLC
 Setting Your Intentions as an Empowered Parent
As we journey together, you will be able to make profound shifts in your parenting and
relationships. You will be asked to shift your ways of thinking and acting towards your child.
This process can be exciting, motivating, AND challenging at times. Here is where you
prepare for the journey.

First, we will focus on your intentions for taking this course, both for yourself and your
relationship with your child. We are not trying to specifically change, fix, or alter the
behavior of your child. You will be focusing on YOU, your parenting, your relationship to
parenthood, and how that affects the way you interact with your child. You are the model
for your child. You set the stage. So, it’s very important that you have clear intentions for
yourself and your relationship with your child. Doing this will help you stay on the path
towards transformation.

There are no wrong answers to any of these questions!

XII. What are 3 goals/intentions for your relationship with yourself?

1. 2. 3.

XIII. What are 3 goals/intentions for your relationship with your child(ren)?

1. 2. 3.

XIV. What are 3 goals/intentions for your family as a whole?

1. 2. 3.

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© 2011–Present The Jai Institute for Parenting LLC
 What Are Your Top 3 Personal Values?

It’s time to define the things that are important to you. Below is a list of widely held values.
You may hold some values that are not on this list. Feel free to add more if you care deeply
about something that is not on the list.

This exercise gives you a framework for identifying your personal core and present life
values. Review the values on the attached list. Circle or mark 10 values that you feel are
most important in your life today. You don't have to think about this too much. It is usually
fairly accurate to quickly identify the values that resonate with you, move you, and jump
out at you. BE HONEST! Don’t select something (or not) because you feel it is something
that you should or shouldn’t value.

After you’ve got a personal list of top values, you’ll want to simplify! Pare it down and
highlight your top three.

XV. Write each of these three values that are most important to you:
(Note: Use the List of Values found on the next page as a reference point)

1. 2. 3.

XVI. What qualities would you like to see in your child(ren) when they are adults?

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© 2011–Present The Jai Institute for Parenting LLC
 List of Values
Accomplishment/Success Charity Connection

Authenticity Gentleness Improvement

Equality Power Skill

Meaning Cleanliness/Orderliness Cooperation

Accountability Global view Independence

Fairness Quality of work Spirit/Spirituality in Life

Money Collaboration Creativity

Accuracy Gratitude Individuality

Faith/Faithfulness Reliability Strength

Openness Commitment Determination

Adventure Goodness Stability

Family/Family Feeling Resourcefulness Delight of being

Oneness Communication Joy

Loyalty Hard work Integrity

Others’ points of view Respect Success

Beauty Community Democracy

Freedom/Liberty Happiness Intelligence

Peace/Non-violence Security Teamwork

Calm/Quietude Competence Discipline

Friendship Harmony Intensity

Personal Growth Self-reliance Tolerance

Challenge Competition Discovery

Fun Health Justice

Pleasure Service (to others, society) Tradition

Change Concern for others Diversity

Generosity Honor Kindness

Perseverance Simplicity Trust

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© 2011–Present The Jai Institute for Parenting LLC
Your Default Pattern
As we move together through the program, you may be challenged and you will revert to
your default pattern of thinking and acting. You can expect this! It is normal and
understandable.

The good news is that you can plan for this to happen by recognizing and defining your
default pattern. This process is hugely beneficial to you and will determine the success that
you have as you integrate this deeper emotional work into your life.

When we start something new, we’re excited and enthusiastic about the future outcomes.
All possibilities immediately open up. Suddenly, with a new burst of energy, we feel lighter,
hopeful and fulfilled. If only for a moment, there’s a new freshness in our lives.

And then, at some point along this journey (this happens with ANYTHING new that you take
on in life), you will be challenged. You will hit a roadblock--some obstacle, some place
where you’ll feel like quitting and giving up. It’s within these moments of challenge that we
want to explore. What happens to you within these moments of challenge? Do you become
distant? Maybe distracted with other things? Maybe you’ll make excuses for not continuing
with homework assignments--you’ll feel too tired, or perhaps you’ll discount everything that
you’ve been learning and chalk it up to “‘just another theory,” and then go back to your old
way of doing things.

All of these behaviors that you do when you’re challenged are your default patterns. You
WILL go to your default pattern throughout our time together. What we want to do now is
define your default pattern. Once you can define your default pattern and bring it out into
the light, then you’ll be much more aware when it starts to appear in your behavior.

During our time together, you’ll be asked to do certain exercises and homework
assignments in order to really embody the transformation this process offers.

Go ahead and answer the following questions. You will be setting yourself up for success!
This is a journey and it doesn’t end after our time together!

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XVII. Where are you most challenged in your parenting at this time? What specific scenarios or
dynamics are causing stress or tension in yourself, and your home?

XVIII. What patterns, behaviors or choices do you make when you feel the most challenged that aren’t
in service to change? (Hint:There may be more than one.) This is your default pattern.

XIX. Do you have any medical conditions that we should know about that are affecting your body or
mind? Reminder: if at any time you need additional support while in this process, please seek
support.

XX. Where are you likely to start sliding on your commitment to be fully present and do this work?

Take a deep breath. Thank you for doing that work. It will serve you throughout our time
together, more than you know!

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Active and Reflective Listening
How to be an Active Listener for your child:

1. Slow down, show up, and listen intently: This won’t happen perfectly, or all of the time.
Do your best each day to approach your interactions with your children with a clear
intent to show up, slow down, and listen to their voice as if it were the most precious
thing in the universe. What if, every day, you could stop what you’re doing, get to eye
level with your child, and listen with so much presence you feel like your heart is going
to explode? This is what presence feels like!

2. Refrain from interrupting: Accept imperfection and take a “noticing” approach. How
often do you interrupt your children? Their brains move so much more slowly than
yours. They take more time to process their thoughts, memories, and desires. Can you
listen to your children’s natural processing without interrupting them and taking control
of the conversation? We teach our children by modeling. Are you modeling undivided
attention? When your children tell you their feelings, their stories, and their fears, can
you listen and do nothing but hear them? No fixing. No rescuing. Just hear them.

3. Refrain from labels and judgment: Can you listen to your child as they tell a story, ask a
question, or share their thoughts and fears without labeling them? Notice when you
have labels come up in your mind, thoughts like “Why does this kid have to be so
obnoxious and loud?” or, “He never tells the truth; he’s not honest.” Judgments and
labels are normal: they are deeply conditioned within us as we perceive our children.
But they are rarely useful in creating a powerful relationship with our children.

4. Refrain from comparison: Notice when you are comparing your child to someone else.
Maybe this is their sibling, cousin, or friend. Can you show up, and unconditionally
accept your child as their own unique self, more unique than a fingerprint or a
snowflake, and stop comparing?

How to be a Reflective listener to show your child you hear them:

● Repeat back what your child said to let them know you heard them.

● If your child comes to you and shares a long, expansive story, simply repeat back all or some
of what they shared with you. We don’t need an elaborate response. For many children,
hearing you repeat their words is all they need to feel seen, heard and appreciated.

● For some children, having their words repeated back can be uncomfortable at first. If
your children are older and are not used to this, simply inform them of your intent to
avoid confusion. You can say: “I’m working on hearing what you’re saying more accurately!”

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 Summary

Takeaways:
● Ground into your strengths: What is going well right now?

● Believe in your truth: Who are you as a person and as a parent?

● Gather resources: How can you take care of yourself and who can you ask for help?

● Set your intentions: What do you want for yourself, your child, and your family?

● Determine your values: What values are most important to you right now?

● Recognize your default pattern: Where will you get stuck and want to hold back?

● Active Listening: slow down, give undivided attention, refrain from labels, judgment,
and comparison

● Reflective Listening: repeat back what your child says to validate and clarify

Invitation to Practice:
● Set a reminder to review your personal affirmations and intentions on a regular basis
(daily if that feels reasonable, weekly at the very least).

● Use your journal to jot down evidence of your own active listening and reflective
listening.

● Do a daily gut check: Are you feeling supported? What tiny action can you take to tap
into your inner and outer resources to support yourself?

● Commit to a daily observation practice. Simply watch and witness your child before
you. The more we commit to seeing our child for who they are, and not who we think
they need to be, the more attuned we will be with them.

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© 2011–Present The Jai Institute for Parenting LLC