CBT For Social Anxiety Workshop Handouts 4 8 18

Larry Cohen, LICSW • SOCIAL ANXIETY HELP
4808 43rd Place NW • Washington, DC 20016 • [email protected] • 202-244-0903

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Helping Clients Overcome Social Anxiety and

Build Self-Confidence
Using Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
WORKSHOP OUTLINE: HANDOUTS (use/adapt freely)
Overview of Social Anxiety & Its Treatment pp. 1-4
Mindfulness & Thought Defusion pp. 5-8
Cognitive Restructuring pp. 7-21
Experiments (Exposures) pp. 11-20, 22-34
Head-Held-High Assertion pp. 35-36
Modifying Underlying Beliefs pp. 37-63
Measuring Progress & Relapse Prevention pp. 64-67
NATIONAL SOCIAL ANXIETY CENTER (NSAC): nationalsocialanxietycenter.com, a non-profit

association of independent clinics and clinicians. Educational social anxiety blog and Facebook
page for consumers. Clinical education, peer consultation, research summaries and interviews of
researchers for clinicians. Currently has 13 regional clinics around the US. Contact Larry Cohen
to learn about affiliating.
THERAPIST MANUALS, TRAINING & TOOLS FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY TREATMENT:

Managing Social Anxiety: A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach, by Debra Hope, Richard Heimberg and
Cynthia Turk. There is both a Therapist Guide and a client Workbook.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Social Anxiety Disorder, by Stefan Hofmann and Michael Otto.
“A Cognitive Perspective on Social Phobia” by David M Clark, in International Handbook of Social
Anxiety, edited by Ray Crozier and Lynn Alden. I can email this chapter to you.
CBT for Social Anxiety, trainings on CDs & DVDs by Christine Padesky, store.padesky.com.
Attention Training Technique, audio exercises and instructions by Adrian Wells. Email me for these.
Trial-Based Cognitive Therapy: A Manual for Clinicians, by Irismar Reis de Oliveira, creative ways to
change core beliefs and motivate clients to do exposures; not specific to social anxiety.
RESOURCES FOR SOCIALLY ANXIOUS CONSUMERS:

Rejection Therapy Game, dozens of ideas for paradoxical experiments, rejectiontherapy.com/game.
Comfort Zone Crusher, online community using paradoxical experiments, comfortzonecrusher.com.
Social Anxiety Support: online discussions and information, referrals, support group over phone,
socialanxietysupport.com.
International Paruresis Association & The Shy Bladder Center: online discussions and information,
intensive treatment weekends, referrals, paruresis.org.
Social Anxiety Institute: online discussion and information, recorded treatment program for
individuals and self-help groups, referrals, support group on Skype, socialanxietyinstitute.org.
Andrew Kukes Foundation for Social Anxiety: online information, referrals, videos, akfsa.org.
The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook, by Martin Antony and Richard Swinson.
Managing Social Anxiety: Workbook, by Debra Hope, Richard Heimberg and Cynthia Turk.
The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Social Anxiety and Shyness, by Jan Fleming, Nancy
Kocovski and Zindel Segal.
The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens, by Jennifer Shannon.
Stopping the Noise in Your Head: The New Way to Overcome Anxiety & Worry, by Reid Wilson,
featuring the Anxiety Game; not specific to social anxiety.
Social anxiety support groups: search meetup.com, groups.google.com and groups.yahoo.com;
support groups over phone (socialanxietysupport.com) and Skype (socialanxietyinstitute.com).
CBT Thought Record Diary app, for both Android and IOS, a good cognitive restructuring app.
Dear Evan Hanson, Broadway musical and soundtrack about a highschooler with social anxiety
Anxiety formula: anxiety intensity = (threat likelihood X threat severity) + physiology
coping
Core fear of social anxiety: JUDGMENT (embarrassment, criticism, rejection, scrutiny)
The positive role of social anxiety: necessary for relationships and society to function well
Prevalence of Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) in US [source: National Institute of Mental Health]:
–ADULTS: 7.1% past year; 12.1% lifetime
–ADOLESCENTS: 9.1% lifetime
–SAD is the 3rd most prevalent of all mental health disorders (behind Specific Phobia and Substance Use Disorder, and
ahead of Major Depressive Disorder); SAD is the 2nd most prevalent anxiety disorder.
–Impairment among socially anxious adults: 29.9% serious; 38.8% moderate; 31.1% mild.
–66% of people with SAD have one or more other mental health disorders, especially depression (both major and
persistent), other anxiety disorders (especially generalized), Alcohol Use Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder;
socially anxious persons are 1.5 to 3.5 times more likely to be depressed than the general population. [varied sources]
Categories of social anxiety triggers: SOCIAL/CONVERSATION; PERFORMANCE; BEING OBSERVED
Elements of SAD: COGNITION, BEHAVIOR, EMOTIONS & PHYSIOLOGY (BEFORE, DURING & AFTER A TRIGGER)
Debates regarding how to conduct CBT for social anxiety:

–exposures for habituation (a la traditional behavior therapy) v. experiments for altering cognition (a la Richard Heimberg,
Stefan Hofmann, David M Clark & Michelle Craske)
–cognitive restructuring v. mindfulness & thought defusion (a la ACT)
–accept anxiety (a la ACT) v. do battle with it (a la Reid Wilson)
–social skills training (a la Social Effectiveness Therapy) v. CBT
–medication v. CBT; genetic v. cognitive v. behavioral causes of social anxiety
–exposure: in vivo v. in-session role plays v. video recorded v. imaginal v. virtual reality
–straightforward v. paradoxical experiments (“social mishap” a la Stefan Hofmann & “shame attacking” a la David Burns)
–eliminate v. utilize safety-seeking behaviors during experiments
–cognitive restructuring before experiments (a la Richard Heimberg) v. afterwards (a la David M Clark, Stefan Hofmann)
–mindfulness & thought defusion taught as meditation (a la ACT) v. attention training and curiosity training (a la Adrian
Wells & David M Clark)
–work to modify underlying beliefs (a la David M Clark) v. automatic thoughts only (a la Richard Heimberg)
–individual CBT (a la David Clark) v. group CBT (a la Richard Heimberg & Stefan Hofmann)
–social anxiety v. introversion v. shyness v. Avoidant Personality Disorder
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
MINDFULNESS PRACTICE FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY
Mindfulness: paying attention to something in the present moment with curiosity rather than
judgment.
Thought Defusion: being aware of your thoughts and feelings without becoming involved
with them.
When applied to social anxiety therapy, mindfulness and thought defusion involve paying
attention with interest to the conversation/activity in the present moment, while treating
your thoughts and feelings as background noise.
Curiosity Training
• every day for at least 5 minutes, focus mindfully (with an attitude of curiosity as
opposed to judgment) during conversations you are in or overhear; make sure you put
yourself in such situations so you can practice daily
• ideally start with conversations in which you are pretty comfortable; proceed to
conversations you are more anxious about as you get better at this; also practice this
during all your homework experiments
• optional: silently say “mindful,” “curious,” “present” or “background noise” when you
slip and focus on thoughts or feelings, then return your attention to the conversation
or activity in the moment; or simply return your attention to the moment without the
silent word; do so gently, patiently and persistently; don’t criticize yourself or strain to
be perfect at this
• treat your thoughts and feelings like background noise: something you are aware of
but don’t see as worth your paying attention to
• adopt an attitude of curiosity: ie. take interest in the person and what s/he is saying
• daily log the minutes and per cent mindful you were each time you practiced
Attention Training Technique

• listen daily to this recording; do so gently, patiently and persistently; don’t criticize
yourself or strain to be perfect at this; try it in different settings once it gets easier or
boring
• optional: try using the ATT version without narration in different settings (mindfully
focusing on individual sounds in the recording or around you)
• daily log the per cent mindful you were each time you practiced
MINDFULNESS PRACTICE LOG: Name _______________________________________
W rite date!
Curiosity
Training
(log minutes &
% mindful)
Attention-
Training
Technique
(log % mindful)
W rite date!
Curiosity
Training
(log minutes &
% mindful)
Attention-
Training
Technique
(log % mindful)
W rite date!
Curiosity
Training
(log minutes &
% mindful)
Attention-
Training
Technique
(log % mindful)
W rite date!
Curiosity
Training
(log minutes &
% mindful)
Attention-
Training
Technique
(log % mindful)
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Brief Cognitive Strategies
Oral Cognitive Restructuring: Completing a cognitive restructuring worksheet (CRW) is

usually the best way to learn and master this skill, and to handle situations or moods that are very
difficult. But there are briefer versions of doing cognitive restructuring that you may want to try as a
first step once you have mastered this skill doing worksheets. When you are feeling distressed or
avoiding something, try completing a CRW orally: go through the rows one-by-one through self-
talk. If you are alone, is will probably be more effective to do so out loud (or in writing) rather than
silently in your mind. You can skip some rows, but make sure you at least identify the feelings, hot
thoughts and safety behaviors, and that you counter them with a constructive attitude and action
steps to take. Then focus mindfully on doing these action steps while treating your thoughts and
feelings like background noise. If, after trying this, you find that you are still feeling distressed or
continue to avoid for more than an hour, then complete a CRW that very day!
The Three Cs: This is a shorter version of oral cognitive restructuring that uses three steps:
1. Catch it: identify your hot thought(s) when you experience a negative feeling or avoidance.
2. Check it: evaluate the evidence regarding how realistic, helpful and compassionate your hot
thoughts are.
3. Change it: identify a constructive attitude: a more realistic, helpful and compassionate
alternative to your hot thoughts. Identify action steps you will take based on your constructive
attitude. Then focus mindfully on these steps while ignoring your thoughts and feelings.
If, after using this approach, you find that you are still feeling distressed or continue to avoid for
more than an hour, then complete a Cognitive Restructuring Worksheet that very day!
Thought Responding (extremely brief oral CR): If you have a repeated pattern of
distorted hot thoughts, identify a short version of a constructive attitude (CA) that you believe at
your best of times. For example, if you repeatedly criticize yourself for perceived mistakes, you
might use a short CA such as “I don’t have to be perfect; no one does.” Or simply use “Oh, well!”
and shrug it off. If you repeatedly compare yourself negatively to others, you might use “Everyone
has strengths and weaknesses.” If you repeatedly worry about things, consider using “I’ll do the
best I can; no one can make everything turn out perfect.”
• Whenever you notice you are engaging in the targeted hot thoughts (eg. self-criticism, negative self-
comparison, or repetitious worry), then recite your short CA. Do so out loud and with a tone of calm
and confidence if you are alone, as it is more effective this way. Until thought responding has
become a new habit, try carrying this short CA with you (eg. on a card or in your electronic device).
You may also find it helpful at first to wear or carry some sort of symbolic reminder (eg. a special
piece of jewelry, a rubber wrist band, a religious object, a pretty stone, etc.)
⇒ Do not criticize yourself for having the hot thoughts, or paradoxically you end up strengthening
them. Everyone has hot thoughts. We do not have control over whether or not our brain generates
a hot thought. The goal is NOT to stop having hot thoughts. No one can accomplish this goal; nor
is it necessary. The goal is simply to not believe your hot thoughts and to defuse from them
emotionally: to see them as passing mental noise and to not take them seriously. In fact, this
thought-responding strategy can turn your hot thoughts into your friends, as they become a
paradoxical reminder to affirm yourself.
• Remember, if you find you are still feeling distressed or continue to avoid for more than an hour,
complete a Cognitive Restructuring Worksheet that very day!
(over)
There’s an app for that: There are many apps that are abbreviated versions of a cognitive
restructuring worksheet. The one I like the best is called CBT Thought Record Diary (or Thought
Diary for short). It’s quick, easy and always on your phone! (Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a place
for safety-seeking behaviors and alternative action steps/goals, but you can add that.)
Thought Defusion & Mindfulness: An alternative approach is to apply the concept of

thought defusion: being aware of your thoughts and feelings without getting involved with them.
Rather than respond to the content of your hot thoughts (as in cognitive restructuring), simply notice
these thoughts with an attitude of detachment and indifference as though they were background
noise. Then redirect your attention mindfully (with curiosity rather than judgment) to a valued
activity or a person in the moment. Use this strategy repeatedly--in a gentle and calm manner, and
without self-criticism--whenever you are distressed by your thoughts. Optionally, you may silently
use a gentle, non-critical word (eg. “mindful” or “present”) to briefly interrupt your thought and return
your attention to the activity or person in the moment.
• A variant of the above that some people find easier to use is to label your negative thoughts while
they are occurring in your mind in an emotionally detached manner, eg.: “I notice I’m having an
anxious [depressed / angry / embarrassed / upset] idea. It will pass.” Then redirect your
attention to focus mindfully on a valued activity or person in the moment. This simple technique
reminds you that a thought is just a passing idea; it is not a fact. Use this strategy whenever you
are distressed by your thoughts. But do so calmly and gently, without self-criticism.
• You can also practice this technique through daily meditation in which you focus mindfully on your
stream of thoughts in a detached manner. Whether your thoughts are negative, positive or neutral,
simply notice them as they drift by with an attitude of detachment and indifference. Do not engage
your thoughts in any way; just observe them. You may find it helpful to imagine yourself watching a
video of what’s going on in your mind: you just sit back and watch, but you don’t jump into the
video! Some people find it helpful to imagine their thoughts drifting away in floating balloons…or
passing clouds…or blowing leaves…or slow-moving train cars. Meditate as long as it takes until
you truly feel indifferent toward your thoughts.
Paradoxical Repetition: If you find yourself troubled by repetitive hot thoughts, a paradoxical
approach can turn these ideas into empty words that have no power over you. When you are
alone, take one specific hot thought that has been bothering you (eg.: I am such an idiot; I screwed
up again; This is going to be awful), and repeat that one thought out loud, over and over and over,
using a very silly and exaggerated tone of voice, for two or three minutes until it starts feeling
amusing. Some people find it helpful to sing these thoughts out loud, making up a melody as you
go or using one you know. (Try singing “I am such an idiot” to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb
and see how it feels!) Or speak one of your hot thoughts into a smart phone app such as Songify,
Talking Tom and Talking Pierre, and learn to laugh as these previously upsetting ideas.
Be a Good Parent / Friend to Yourself: Make it a goal to congratulate or affirm yourself

on an ongoing basis for anything positive you did that was somewhat challenging, no matter how
small or imperfect. Be specific. Do not let your perfectionistic tendencies lead you to disqualify the
positive. If you are troubled by any mistakes or other imperfections on your part, transform self-
criticism into a constructive learning experience by simply identifying what you can do differently
next time. But first start with patting yourself on the back for the positive things you did.
• Make this process a new and ongoing habit you engage in frequently, at least once a day. This will
help raise your self-esteem and self-confidence. Carrying or wearing a symbol every day (eg. a
special piece of jewelry, a rubber wrist band, a religious object, a pretty stone, etc.) may help you
remember to make this an ongoing, healthy life habit. You can combine this with keeping a daily
Pride and Gratitude Log.
COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING WORKSHEET Name_________________________________
SITUATION & DATE Event, circumstance or experiment (past, present or future) when you feel distressed or avoid
________________________________________________________________________________
FEELINGS (intensity 0-100% before & after completing CRW) Emotions and physical sensations
________________________________________________________________________________
HOT THOUGHTS (belief 0-100%) Your most distressing ideas, concerns, images, predictions &/or core beliefs
________________________________________________________________________________
SAFETY-SEEKING BEHAVIORS Things you do or avoid to try to cope, including how you focus your attention
________________________________________________________________________________
COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS in your hot thoughts
________________________________________________________________________________
CHALLENGING QUESTIONS to debate your hot thoughts
________________________________________________________________________________
CONSTRUCTIVE ATTITUDE (belief 0-100%) A truer, compassionate & helpful alternative to your hot thoughts,
predictions &/or core beliefs (including answers to your challenging questions)
Positive motivators Ways you expect to benefit (short- & long-term) by doing the experiment or action steps
Short version
________________________________________________________________________________
BEHAVIORAL GOALS & ACTION STEPS A more helpful alternative to your safety-seeking behaviors
COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING WORKSHEET Name_________________________________
SITUATION & DATE Event, circumstance or experiment (past, present or future) when you feel distressed or avoid
5/11: going to a party where I know few people
________________________________________________________________________________
FEELINGS (intensity 0-100% before & after completing CRW) Emotions and physical sensations
--nervous: 90% ! 60% --embarrassed: 50% ! 35% --jittery: 50% ! 25%
--tense: 75% ! 50% --self-conscious: 100% ! 50%
________________________________________________________________________________
HOT THOUGHTS (belief 0-100%) Your most distressing ideas, concerns, images, predictions &/or core beliefs
--I won’t know what to say, or I might say something stupid. 75%
--I’ll appear tense & nervous. 80% --People will think poorly of me,
--I’ve got to find a way out of this. 75% and won’t enjoy talking to me. 100%
________________________________________________________________________________
SAFETY-SEEKING BEHAVIORS Things you do or avoid to try to cope, including how you focus your attention
--don’t initiate conversations --stay off by sidelines --withdraw, say very little
--try to script what to say next --focus on myself to try to appear less nervous
________________________________________________________________________________
COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS in your hot thoughts
--perfectionistic thinking --magnifying & minimizing
--fortune telling --self-defeating thinking
________________________________________________________________________________
CHALLENGING QUESTIONS to debate your hot thoughts
--What’s the objective evidence? --How likely is it that this would happen,
--What good things might I experience? and how could I handle it if it did?
________________________________________________________________________________
CONSTRUCTIVE ATTITUDE (belief 0-100%) A truer, compassionate & helpful alternative to your hot thoughts,
predictions &/or core beliefs (including answers to your challenging questions)
While mingling in other settings, I’ve found that the conversation is more likely to go
well if I focus mindfully in the moment, and not on my feelings and how I think I’m coming
across. If one conversation doesn’t go so well, I can feel proud that I was being friendly and
took a risk. Then I’ll simply move on and talk to someone else. Some people have told me I
don’t appear as anxious as I think I do. In the rare event that someone is so rude as to say I
appear nervous or that I said something stupid, I can simply acknowledge it non-defensively
and point out that everyone has this experience at times. Some people will enjoy talking to me
and I’ll enjoy talking to some people, despite some initial awkwardness. But no one is liked by
everyone, so I don’t have to be afraid of being disliked by a stranger at a party. 65%
Positive motivators Ways you expect to benefit (short- & long-term) by doing the experiment or action steps
This is good practice at meeting people and making small talk. I’ll feel proud of myself
for trying and for being friendly, no matter how it goes. I’ll probably enjoy some of the
conversations. I might meet someone I like. In the long run, this will help me make friends
and get a date. 80%
Short version Focus on enjoying the conversation.

________________________________________________________________________________
BEHAVIORAL GOALS & ACTION STEPS A more helpful alternative to your safety-seeking behaviors
--attend party & stay 2+ hours --focus mindfully on the conversation
--greet 5+ new people --try to keep the conversations going
--start 2 conversations for at least 15 minutes each
COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
ALL-OR-NOTHING / BLACK-OR WHITE / PERFECTIONISTIC THINKING: You see things in black and white categories. There
are no gray areas in between. If something is less than perfect, you see it as terrible or as a failure.
OVERGENERALIZING: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern, or representing a character defect.
MENTAL FILTERING: When something is a mixture of negative and positive aspects, you dwell overwhelmingly on the
negative details. Your view of the whole thing becomes negative as a result.
DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject or belittle positive experience by insisting that it doesn't count for some reason.
MIND READING: You jump to the conclusion that someone is thinking or feeling negatively toward you. You’re probably projecting
your negative thoughts about yourself onto someone else.
FORTUNE TELLING: You jump to the conclusion that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an
already established fact.
MAGNIFYING & MINIMIZING: You exaggerate the importance of some things (eg. your deficiencies or someone else's
achievements), and you shrink other things down until they appear unimportant (eg. your desirable qualities or someone
else's imperfections).
CATASTROPHIZING: You attribute extreme and horrible consequences to the outcomes of events.
EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are in the
external world. For example, you feel embarrassed or ashamed, so you assume you behaved poorly.
SHOULDS / MUSTS: You have a strong and inflexible sense of the way that things should / must / have to / ought to be.
LABELING: Instead of describing a situation or behavior you don't like, you attach an all-encompassing and negative label to a
whole person. For example: "I'm a loser;" or "He's selfish."
PERSONALIZING: You see negative events as indicative of something wrong with you, or as somehow your responsibility.
SELF-DEFEATING THINKING: Any thought that causes you needless pain or turmoil, or which makes it harder for you to get
what you want. Such thoughts often lead to vicious cycles and self-fulfilling prophecies.
CHALLENGING QUESTIONS
• ! What's the objective, concrete evidence supporting or refuting my hot thoughts?
• ! How likely is it that this bad thing would come to pass? How would I cope with it or overcome it if were to happen?
• ! What’s the WORST that could happen? What’s the BEST that could happen? What’s MOST LIKELY to happen?
• What would an impartial, independent observer think of this situation?
• What would I say to a friend who is thinking and feeling the way I am? What would a good friend say to me?
• What aspects of this situation are simply not in my control, no matter how much I worry about it? What are the advantages of
accepting that these things are not in my control?
• Instead of simply worrying, what action steps can I take now to prevent or cope with problem that concerns me?
• What's the worst that could happen? How awful would that be compared to the worst thing I ever experienced?
• What are the advantages vs. disadvantages for me to believe or worry about this?
• What alternative explanation or possibility is there? What's the evidence for that alternative?
• How important is my concern? To what extent does my future really reside on this?
• How much will this matter to me one week / one month / six months / one year from now? Why will this change over time?
• If I were in his / her shoes, what are the possible reasons why I would have acted that way?
• Does _________'s opinion reflect that of everyone else? Could other people feel differently?
• Is an old button of mine is being pushed in this situation? How is that affecting my response to the present situation?
• What would be a more helpful way for me to think about this?
Larry Cohen, LICSW ~ Social Anxiety Help
202-244-0903 ~ www.socialanxietyhelp.com
COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING
How to Do It Effectively
1. Make sure that you have all your feelings down. Feelings are either emotions or physical sensations. Self-
talk, even if it includes the word “feel,” belongs under the next section: Hot Thoughts. Rate how intensely you
experience each feeling when you are in this situation: 0-100%
2. Make sure all your feelings are explained by your hot thoughts. Try to limit your list to the 1-4 hottest
thoughts: those that make you feel most upset or distressed. Include any disturbing predictions you may have.
If you write down 5 or more thoughts, go back and put a star by the 1-4 hottest (most distressing) thoughts.
Rate how much you believe each thought: 0-100%. If you can't remember your thoughts, then try this formula:
"I was feeling this way because I was concerned that...." Complete the sentence and write down your answer.
3. Translate rhetorical questions into statements. If one of your thoughts is in the form of a rhetorical question (eg.
"What if I screw up?"), write it down instead as a statement (eg. "It would be horrible if I screwed up!").
4. Write down primary as well as secondary thoughts. Sometimes the thoughts we're most aware of are
"secondary:" ie. what we are thinking about the fact that we are already feeling badly or avoiding something. Make
sure you also include the primary thoughts: ie. the concerns that caused you to feel badly or avoid something in the
first place. If you don’t know your primary thoughts, try the formula in #2.
5. Include your predictions, especially if you are completing the worksheet before an experiment or some other
difficult situation. Be as specific and concrete as possible as to how you think things will turn out for you.
6. Identify your safety-seeking behaviors: what you do or avoid to try to cope with this situation, including how you
focus your attention (eg. focusing on your symptoms, critiquing your "performance," scripting what to say next.)
7. Find the cognitive distortions that you can see in each of your hot thoughts and predictions. Choose from the list.
8. Choose a few challenging questions to help you debate your hot thoughts. Pick a few questions from the list
that you believe best challenge your thoughts, and write them down in this section. Definitely consider the first
three (with arrows), but consider using one or two of the others, as well. Don't write down the answers to
challenging questions here. Instead, incorporate the answers
9. to the challenging questions in your Constructive Attitude.
10. Make sure all your hot thoughts are countered by your Constructive Attitude (CA). If you have many thoughts,
focus on countering the 1-4 hottest thoughts you starred. If there is a negative aspect to the situation that is not
distorted, then acknowledge this in your CA and state how you can effectively cope with or overcome that problem.
11. Optional structure for CA: Until you develop your own style, you may want to try this optional structure when
writing your CA: “IT’S TRUE THAT [followed by brief summary of any negative evidence supporting elements of
your hot thoughts]. HOWEVER [followed by a more detailed summary of evidence refuting your hot thoughts].
THEREFORE [followed by a conclusion that is truer, compassionate and helpful].”
12. Try to make your CA compassionate and positively worded. Avoid the tendency to use double negatives or to
be on the defensive or self-critical in your CA. Try to be compassionate to yourself (supportive, caring, understanding)
in your CA, like a loving parent or friend would be.
13. Make sure your CA is believable to you. This is not the "power of positive thinking." A positive CA that you don't
particularly believe is not likely to help. But be willing to stretch yourself a little. Something that you think is at least
60% believable (ie. you think it's probably true, but aren't sure) is a good start.
14. Include several positive motivators in your CA. Positive motivators are specific ways you hope to benefit by doing
the experiment or the action steps that you identify in the next row. Include both immediate and long-range benefits.
15. Add a short version of your CA. This should be no more than a single phrase or a very short sentence that
encapsulates the heart of your longer version. It is intended as an easily memorized reminder to yourself that you
can use in the midst of an experiment or a difficult moment.
16. Under Behavioral Goals & Action Steps, write down specific and helpful alternatives to your safety-seeking
behaviors, as well as any additional specific steps you may wish to take to better handle the situation.
17. Rerate the intensity of your feelings upon completion of this worksheet (in the Feelings row). Effective cognitive
restructuring will usually decrease the intensity of your negative feelings significantly. If not, check to see that you
have all your hot thoughts recorded, and that you’ve countered them in a way you find believable and helpful.
Hot Thoughts (HT) v. Constructive Attitude (CA)
Situation: in-group experiment of reading a passage from a play out loud and with emotion.
HT: You should never have agreed to do this. It’s way too hard.
CA: It’s difficult, but it’s excellent practice.
HT: How is looking stupid “excellent practice?”
CA: I need to practice being more personally expressive around people, and I won’t look
stupid. This is a supportive group of people.
HT: Well, you know what they’ll all be thinking while you’re up there.
CA: Actually, I have no idea what they’ll be thinking. Their opinions aren’t the point of this
exercise anyway.
HT: That’s a good thing, because they’ll be laughing at you in their minds. They’ll all think
you’re the worst actor in the history of the profession.
CA: But I’m not an actor, and they all know that. They don’t hold me to that sort of standard
— only you do.
HT: This is your favorite play! After your performance, they’ll probably run screaming every
time they hear the title. You’ll ruin it for them.
CA: I doubt it. This is a five-minute exercise by someone who isn’t a professional actor. It
won’t galvanize anyone’s opinions about anything, and it’s just for practice.
HT: Well, we’ll see what happens a few minutes into it. You’ll get so nervous you’ll have to
stop, or you’ll laugh, or something.
CA: That’s what you said about the Shakespeare reading [I did in group two weeks ago].
That went fine, and so will this — because I know I can stay focused.
HT: Let’s assume it all goes perfectly, which it won’t. You’ll still feel dumb later, when you
think about what you must have looked like up there.
CA: For the last time, I’m not a professional. Who said anything about perfection? Nothing
is ever perfect, and this certainly doesn’t have to be. Even if I struggle with it, it’ll still
be a success because I’ll learn from it. That’s the whole point.
POST-EXPERIMENT WORKSHEET Name _________________________________________
Experiment, How I helped myself How I hurt myself Positive Evidence: Negative Evidence:
Date, Duration & before, during &/or after before, during &/or after Refuting hot thoughts / unhealthy core beliefs Supporting hot thoughts / unhealthy CBs
SUDS variation Supporting constructive attitude / healthy CBs Refuting constructive attitude / healthy CBs
POST-EXPERIMENT WORKSHEET Name _________________________________________
Experiment, How I helped myself How I hurt myself Positive Evidence: Negative Evidence:
Date, Duration & before, during &/or after before, during &/or after Refuting hot thoughts / unhealthy core beliefs Supporting hot thoughts / unhealthy CBs
SUDS variation Supporting constructive attitude / healthy CBs Refuting constructive attitude / healthy CBs
5/7: attending --I attended --I kept --One conversation seemed to --nothing!
& mingling at despite feeling like criticizing myself be enjoyable to both of us.
a party where I avoiding. during & after. --No one appeared to react
know very few --I said hello to 5 --I spoke briefly negatively to me, not even in
people; 2 hours; or 6 people and scripted too the first awkward conversation.
SUDS: 50-80 --I started 2 much, especially --Two people came up to me and
before; 90-40 conversations. in the first started conversations.
during; 25 --I told myself to conversation.
right after try again after the --I forgot to
first awkward practice
conversation. mindfulness
much of the time.
5/9-12: --I initiated --I avoided the --Everyone reacted normally to --nothing! (I first thought that
initiate social conversations on first day, making me. They asked me follow-up Bob was bothered by talking to
conversation most days. up an excuse. questions, indicating they felt me because he said he had to
with coworkers --I focused pretty --I sometimes OK about chatting to me. get back to work. But then I
daily; 2-3 mindfully. criticized myself, --No one said or did anything remembered he had asked me a
minutes each; --I extended the but was able to negative. couple questions during the
SUDS: 60-40 conversations a return to mindful --Kim initiated a conversation conversation, indicating he was
before; 60-20 little longer & focus. with me the day after I happy to talk to me but just was
during; 25-0 resisted my desire --I could have initiated a conversation with too busy to keep it going.)
right after to end them extended some of her, indicting she enjoyed
quickly. the conversations talking to me.
--I spoke more longer.
expansively than I
usually do.
--I congratulated
myself afterwards.
EXPERIMENT WORKSHEET (Short Version) Name __________________________________________
Before experim ent After experim ent

SITUATION & PREDICTIONS: EXPERIMENT: OUTCOME: WHAT I LEARNED:
DATE: (include hot thoughts or (behavioral goals) (evidence you gathered) (constructive attitude or
unhealthy core beliefs) What will you do to test your What actually happened? healthy core beliefs)
What exactly do you fear will happen? predictions? Make sure you Did your feared predictions
How will you know if it has happened? focus mindfully & eliminate come true? If so, how bad
⇒ Rate belief: 0-100% safety-seeking behaviors. was it for you? ⇒ Rate belief: 0-100%
EXPERIMENT WORKSHEET (Short Version) Name __________________________________________
Before experim ent After experim ent

SITUATION & PREDICTIONS: EXPERIMENT: OUTCOME: WHAT I LEARNED:
DATE: (include hot thoughts or (behavioral goals) (evidence you gathered) (constructive attitude or
unhealthy core beliefs): What will you do to test your What actually happened? healthy core beliefs)
What exactly do you fear will happen? predictions? Make sure you Did your feared predictions
How will you know if it has happened? focus mindfully & eliminate come true? If so, how bad
⇒ Rate belief: 0-100% safety-seeking behaviors. was it for you? ⇒ Rate belief: 0-100%
5/11: going to --I won’t know what to say, or --attend party & stay --One conversation --If I approach people,
a party where I I might say something stupid. 2+ hours seemed to be enjoyable focus mindfully and
know few people --I’ll appear tense & nervous. --greet 5+ new people to both of us. We both speak longer, I’m pretty
--People will think poorly of --start 2 conversations talked actively for good at making social
me, and won’t enjoy talking --focus mindfully on about 20 minutes. conversation, and
to me. the conversation --No one appeared to some people enjoy
--I’ll know these things have --try to keep the react negatively to me, talking to me. A little
happened because people will conversations going not even in the first awkwardness with a
snicker, give me disapproving for at least 15 minutes awkward conversation. new person is no big
looks, or will get out of the --speak more --Two people came up deal.
conversation quickly. expansively to me and started --70%
--85% conversations.
5/9-12: social --I won’t know what to say, or --initiate social --Most people reacted --Most of the time
conversation I might say something stupid. conversation with at in a friendly way. They coworkers enjoy
with coworkers --I’ll appear tense & nervous. least 1 coworker daily asked me follow-up talking to me. If
--People will think I’m --focus mindfully on questions and seemed someone turns out to
bothering them. the conversation interested in chatting. not want to talk, I can
--People will think poorly of --try to keep each --Steve was brief with excuse myself and no
me, and won’t enjoy talking conversation going for me and kept looking at harm has been done.
to me. 2-3 minutes his work. I took that to I’m good enough at
--I’ll know these things have --speak more mean he was busy & making conversation
happened because people will expansively wanted to be left so long as I focus
snicker, give me disapproving alone, so I excused mindfully and speak
looks, or will get out of the myself . But he was more expansively.
conversation quickly. friendly the next day. --75%
--65% --Kim initiated a
conversation with me
the day after I talked
with her.
Name ______________________________
VIDEO EVIDENCE WORKSHEET
Experiment & date ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
Complete BEFORE viewing the video:

• (Place an X on this scale.) Overall, how well do you think you came across during the experiment?
0 25 50 75 100
terrible bad so-so good great
• Using the scale above, give a numeric rating for how well you think you did each of the following:
Eye contact: _____ Face twitching: _____
Stuttering: _____ Voice quivering: _____
Long pauses: _____ Fluid speech: _____
Fidgeting: _____ Acted friendly: _____
Um / ah / so / y’know: _____ Interesting / engaging: _____
Trembling / shaking: _____ Appeared awkward: _____
Sweating: _____ Appeared embarrassed: _____
Blushing: _____ Hand gestures: _____
⇒ Now watch the video mindfully, with an objective, non-biased mindset, as though you were viewing a video of
a stranger, not yourself. Watch the video with an a attitude of curiosity, and ignore any distressing thoughts
and feelings you may have. If you are upset or distressed while viewing your video, then watch it a second
time more mindfully: with a sense of curiosity and emotional detachment, as though it were a stranger in the
video. If you are still upset or distressed after seeing it a second time, then take a break then watch it a third
time. The goal is to be able to observe it objectively, without emotional distress. It does not mean that you
will like everything you see, just that you accept it all, and do not get upset by any of it.
Complete AFTER viewing the video:

• (Place an X on this scale.) Overall, how well do you think you came across during the experiment?
0 25 50 75 100
terrible bad so-so good great
• Using the scale above, give a numeric rating for how well you think you did each of the following:
Eye contact: _____ Face twitching: _____
Stuttering: _____ Voice quivering: _____
Long pauses: _____ Fluid speech: _____
Fidgeting: _____ Acted friendly: _____
Um / ah / so / y’know: _____ Interesting / engaging: _____
Trembling / shaking: _____ Appeared awkward: _____
Sweating: _____ Appeared embarrassed: _____
Blushing: _____ Hand gestures: _____
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Pride and Gratitude Log

This is a strategy to retrain your mind to counteract your old habit of mental-filtering onto the
negative elements of what you experience, and to ignore, disqualify or not even notice the
positive elements. The results of using this strategy regularly for at least a month are typically
improved mood and self-confidence, and lessened social anxiety.
To achieve these results, however, it is necessary to use this strategy daily, and not just
occasionally. Fortunately, it generally takes less than five minutes, and it often feels good.
Here are the directions and some suggestions:
• Make it a daily practice to think back over the past 24 hours and write down anything
positive that you experienced in an ongoing log (paper or electronic). Be specific. Do not
disqualify the positive, no matter how small, imperfect or repeated the positive experience
is. Do not write any qualifiers or anything negative here. (If you are feeling distressed
about something, then separately complete a Cognitive Restructuring Worksheet on that
upset.) It doesn’t matter whether or not you actually feel pride or gratitude at this point. If it
is at least partly positive, then write it down!
• Reenter positive things that occur on more than one day, but make it a goal to write at least
one new thing each day. If you stop including positive things because you have included
them in previous days’ logs, you are implicitly giving yourself the distorted message that
they do not count and you may take them for granted. But do try to include at least one
new item each day, even if that means choosing to do something just so you can log it!
⇒ For each item you write for which you were at least partially responsible, also write down
the personal strengths or qualities of yours of which this is evidence. This helps you see
that one small positive thing you have done is reflective of a strength / quality of yours that
is actually very important and enduring. For example: you may have had a good
conversation with a friend, which might be evidence that you can be an engaging
conversationalist, a good friend and a likable person.
• It is important to enter items in this pride and gratitude log every day in order to retrain your
mind to look for and value these previously neglected positive things about your life. Some
people find it helpful to schedule a regular time every day to complete the log, paired with
some activity they are already in the habit of doing daily, eg: during your first cup of coffee,
just before going to bed, etc. Perhaps set an electronic alert to remind you.
• Some people prefer to make entries in their log multiple times during the day, often soon
after experiencing something positive. Some find it is easier to remember these
experiences this way, and that it reinforces the positive feelings you get from them more
effectively. You can make these ongoing entries in a notebook or electronic device which
you routinely carry with you. Just make sure you make your entries at least once per day.
• Periodically reread your Pride & Gratitude Log, or sections of it.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
SOME IDEAS FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY EXPERIMENTS
SOCIAL, FRIENDSHIP, DATING
! Some settings in which you can do the following experiments include: the job; a park; a book store; a pet store;
the National Zoo; the National Mall; a shopping mall; friendly grocery stores; a bar/club; a coffee shop; a restaurant; a
museum; a “meetup” or other organizational activity; a volunteer activity; a committee; a political/activist group/event; a
social/recreational/hobby group; a group sports/athletic activity; a group hike/run; a singles event; the gym; a party;
before/after a religious service; before/after a class; before/after a support group/12-step group; attending a lecture/tour;
waiting for or on a bus/train/plane; a conference; a festival or other community event; standing in line.
! Look for groups & activities in which to do experiments: group volunteering (onebrick.org; volunteermatch.org;
singlevolunteers.org; idealist.org; burgundycrescent.org [LGBT]); general social activities (meetup.com;
groups.google.com; groups.yahoo.com; eventbrite.com; gravy.com; meetin.org; thingstododc.com; prosinthecity.com;
internationalclubdc.com; lotsofevents.com; livingsocial.com; livingliberally.org; playnakid.com [recreational sports,
clothed!]; kickball.com; Wash. City Paper; Wash. Post weekend section; the Smithsonian, Phillips Gallery & other
museums; patc.net [group hikes]); LGBT activity calendars & organization listings (thedccenter.org/events.html;
metroweekly.com/community/calendar; meetup.com/GoGayDC; do search on LGBT in meetup.com;
washingtonblade.com/dc-events-calendar; thedccenter.org/groups.php; teamdc.org/team-links [athletic groups];
metroweekly.com/community/directory; otherpages.com/sub-category/community-resources.html; burgundycrescent.org
[volunteering]).
! make eye contact, smile and say hi to many strangers

! start up brief conversations with multiple strangers
! greet & start conversations with multiple strangers you are attracted to
! prolong conversations with strangers/acquaintances longer than you normally would
! join a small group conversation already started where people are mingling
! reveal more about yourself in conversation than you normally do
! ask someone out socially or on a date that you have just met
! invite friends/acquaintances/group members to so something social (individually or as a small group)
! host a dinner, party or other social activity for friends/group members at your home
! call friends/group members up just to talk
! place/respond to personal ads/profiles online and in publications; then have follow-up phone calls & dates
! participate in a speed dating event (where you talk to many people briefly, one-on-one)
! ask people to dance at a social event, club or dance class, then strike up conversations with them
! express yourself more freely/exuberantly (eg. in conversing, telling a story, dancing, cheering at an event)
BEING AMONG STRANGERS
! eat at a restaurant alone

! go alone to a movie, shopping mall or crowded store
! use a public bathroom
! walk in crowded neighborhoods
! go on crowded buses/trains
! write in front of people (e.g. writing checks in a store checkout line; writing on the blackboard in a class)
! eat in front of people (e.g. at a common table in a cafeteria; with a group of friends at a restaurant)
ASSERTION
! express a contrary opinion

! suggest to friends where you would like to eat, what movie you would like to see, etc.
! tell a waiter you don't like something or want something replaced
! take an item you purchased back for a return
! tell a coworker or boss when you disagree or don't like something they did
! ask for a raise/promotion
! tell a friend/partner/relative/group member when you feel hurt/upset
! tell someone you're interested in how you really feel about him/her
! turn down a request for assistance
! ask for assistance
! ask to borrow something
! tell someone when you are offended by what they said
! come out to someone as lesbian/gay/bi/trans
! compliment people (friends, acquaintances and/or strangers)
! tell people something positive about yourself
PERFORMING
! participate in Toastmasters at different levels (just attend, table topics, specific roles, prepared speeches)
! speak up more at work/organizational/support-group meetings
! lead work/organizational/support-group meetings
! give a presentation or workshop
! job interviews and informational interviews
! make a series of work-related, volunteer-related or information-gathering phone calls
! perform in karaoke night, open-mike night, choir, community theater/dance, etc.
! dance when there are no/few others on the dance floor
! take a class on public speaking, acting, music, singing, dance
! call in on a radio talk show
PARADOXICAL EXPERIMENTS
! make mistakes or do a mediocre job on purpose, as long as you do not harm others (eg. at work, in conversation, in
emails, when hosting a dinner party or other social activity)
! pretend to forget an acquaintance’s name when you actually remember
! have friendly conversations with strangers with the goal of being rejected by multiple people
! go to a bar and politely compliment multiple people (whether or not you’re not interested in them); wish them a nice
evening and move on to the next person regardless of their response to you
! ask multiple people “stupid questions” on purpose
! ask multiple people for directions to an obvious location you are already at (eg. Dupont Circle or the Capitol)
! order a coffee; when the server gives it to you ask if it’s decaf, and then unapologetically say you want decaf
! bring items to a checkout line in a store then, after it is rung up, unapologetically say you don’t have any money and
won’t be able to buy them
! go to restaurant or bar and only order tap water; drink the water, thank the server & leave without apology
! go to a hotel, ask about their cancellation policy, and book a hotel room; just after doing so, unapologetically explain
you changed your mind and cancel the room
! go to a store, ask for assistance to find an item, then buy it; immediately return the item, unapologetically saying that
you changed your mind
! draw attention to yourself in public settings by acting foolish
! speak at Toastmasters unprepared, and perhaps make mistakes on purpose
! sing at karaoke if you are not a good singer, or if you are completely unprepared
! do some other activity in public that you are not good at: eg juggling, singing or playing guitar on a street corner; put
out a hat for donations
! sing loudly as you walk around the National Mall or other crowded location; look people in the eye
! stand in a crowded Metro train and loudly announce each stop ahead of time
! walk backwards slowly in a crowded location for 5 minutes
! dress poorly, or obviously unmatched, or have a very visible stain on your clothing while at work or a social event;
make sure you look people in the eye
! wear your shirt inside out and buttoned incorrectly in a crowded store, and look many people in the eye
! in a bar or other public gathering place, ask others to offer criticism, and thank them gratefully for it
! attend a meeting of a group, and calmly express an opinion that is greatly contrary to theirs
! occasionally express contrary opinions with individuals (eg. about restaurants, movies, politics, religion) when you do
not care, just for the sake of disagreeing with others
! go to a bar or other public gathering place and politely ask multiple people to go on a date with you; regardless of their
response, politely thank them and move on to the next person; the goal is to collect rejections & normalize them
! ask multiple people for help or for favors you do not need, with the goal of collecting rejections; thank them
! ask multiple strangers to have their pictures taken with you, with the goal of collecting rejections; thank them
! tell people unapologetically you are anxious, even when you are not (eg. in conversations, meetings, radio call-ins)
! exaggerate or even create your anxiety symptoms on purpose (eg. sweating, blushing, jitteriness, light-headedness,
dizziness, voice quivering) while you interact with people and look them in the eye
COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL EXPERIMENTS FOR
OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY
How to Do Them Effectively
(Long Version)
1. Pick your experiments strategically. First, pick an experiment that could help bring you a little closer to
achieving one of your personal therapy goals. Then make sure that the experiment you are considering is not
too high or too low on your Fear & Avoidance Hierarchy. You may get specific experiment ideas from the blue
nd
sheet and the internet resources listed on the 2 paragraph of that sheet. If an important experiment you have
recently done still feels quite difficult, then do it repeatedly until you feel calmer and more confident. It is
important to choose both proactive experiments (going out of your way to do a challenging activity you were not
already going to do in order to help you reach your personal therapy goals) as well as reactive experiments
(turning challenging situations you already experience in your life into experiments by following the steps on
this instruction sheet). Proactive experiments are (more or less) doubly therapeutic!
2. Complete the Cognitive Restructuring Worksheet (CRW) before doing the experiment. One major
purpose of doing experiments is to learn to change our attitudes and associated feelings. Skipping the CRW
increases the likelihood that you will just take your old attitudes into the experiment, and thereby greatly limit its
potential to help you learn and grow. Make certain you include several positive motivators in your Constructive
Attitude. If you are doing a similar experiment that you have done before, then you can use your previous
CRW as a basis. But do make sure to revise the old CRW to incorporate what you’ve learned from doing the
experiment previously.
3. Experiments to test hypotheses. One reason for doing these experiments is to test the validity of your hot
thoughts vs. your Constructive Attitude (CA). You are using the scientific method here, where an experiment is
conducted in order to generate evidence supporting or refuting one hypothesis (your hot thoughts) vs. an
alternative hypothesis (your CA). In the Hot Thoughts section of your CRW, include specific, concrete
predictions as to how you expect your experiment to turn out according to your anxious thinking. Then, in the
Constructive Attitude section, include alternative predictions that you think are more realistic and likely.
4. Turn safety-seeking behaviors into behavioral goals. Make sure that you pick a few specific behavioral
goals that you wish to accomplish during your experiment, and write these down on the worksheet. Usually you
will want to target a few of the safety-seeking behaviors you listed earlier in the worksheet and include their
opposite--or healthy alternatives--as goals. Remember to consider your Fear & Avoidance Hierarchy.
Changing the goals of the experiment can greatly affect how high or low your experiment is on your hierarchy.
5. Think about frequency and duration when setting goals. Ideally do some short experiments every day so
that it feels like a regular part of your life. Also do at least one long experiment of at least 60 minutes duration
each week. Whenever possible or appropriate, make it one of your goals to stay in your long experiment while
actively working on your goals(s) until your initially high level of anxiety has a chance to go down by at least
50%. It is best to not stop an experiment when your discomfort is still high or has even gone up, because doing
so could reinforce your anxiety and lower your self-confidence for the next time. If the experiment is inherently
a brief one (eg. greeting people), it is generally more effective to pick a setting that allows you to do this
frequently in a relatively short amount of time until your anxiety is reduced by at least half. Try to do your
experiment, and try to complete your goals within the experiment, as soon as possible, because avoidance /
procrastination / withdrawal actually increases your anxiety for later! Also, spend no less than two hours per
week doing experiments.
6. Carry, read &/or listen to your Constructive Attitude (CA) and your behavioral goals frequently. I
suggest that you copy the CA (including positive motivators and short version) and your behavioral goals onto a
file card or smart phone, and carry this with you before and during the experiment. At least a few times before
the experiment, read your CA (including positive motivators and short version) and your behavioral goals out
loud and with oomph / conviction. You may wish to make and periodically listen to an audio recording of
yourself reading your CA and goals with oomph. It is also helpful to silently repeat the short version of the CA a
few times daily so that it can quickly come to your mind when doing your experiment, or when an anxiety trigger
unexpectedly occurs. All this may feel silly at first, but it will likely soon feel empowering.
7. (Optional.) Write out a debate or argument between your CA and your hot thoughts (from your CRW).
Make it a vehement, lively exchange, and make sure your CA wins the debate! This debate can also be acted
out with oomph in a therapy session. These techniques can strengthen your belief in your CA.
8. (Optional.) Use imagery to lessen your anxiety about your experiment. Read your CA and your
experiment goals. Then close your eyes and imagine yourself in the setting of your experiment, making the
scene as vivid as possible. If you don’t visualize things vividly in your mind, try narrating the scene in vivid
detail with your eyes closed. It is important to try to initially make yourself feel much of the anxiety you would
feel during the actual experiment. Then stay in that scene as long as it takes until your anxiety decreases by at
least 50%. Imagine yourself feeling calm and confident while you are in the scene. Occasionally use your
short-version CA while you are in the image. You may also want to incorporate into your imagery your fears
coming true, and you responding with conviction using your head-held-high assertions (see #9). Repeat this
imagery exercise on multiple days until you feel calm and confident. Later, bring up an image of yourself doing
this experiment with a sense of calm and confidence just before actually doing the experiment in real life. You
may want to make an audio recording of you narrating the image in vivid detail, along with using your CA and
assertions, and listen to it repeatedly.
9. (Optional.) Practice head-held-high (HHH) assertion. Although our worst social fears seldom materialize,
we can lessen our anxiety and increase our self-confidence by practicing how we would handle it if your fears
came true. If you still have a lot of anticipatory anxiety about an experiment after doing the CRW, then
complete the Head-Held-High Assertion worksheet. Write these assertions on a card or in your smart phone,
carry them with you, and repeatedly practice reading them out loud with oomph (conviction). You may wish to
make and periodically listen to an audio recording of yourself reading your assertions with oomph. Also
repeatedly practice using these assertions with oomph while doing imagery of your fears coming true in your
experiments (see #8).
10. Combat dread! You may find yourself experiencing much anticipatory anxiety and negative predictions about
your experiment. Don’t let these negative messages go unanswered or they may make you feel more anxiety
during the experiment. Give yourself a PEP TALK whenever feeling dread, telling yourself out loud your CA,
and emphasizing your positive motivators. Use constructive self-messaging, such as: “I know I can do this!;”
“This will be a good learning experience!;” “I’ll be really proud of myself!” Also, remind yourself of any positive
experiences you’ve had when doing similar experiments in the past. Say these self-messages with oomph.
Don’t scold yourself or put yourself down (eg.: “What’s the matter with me!”) You may want to listen to your
audio recordings of you reciting your CA and HHH assertions with oomph (#6 & 9). You may also want to use
imagery (#8) and head-held-high assertion practice (#9) to reduce your anticipatory anxiety. After your pep
talk, assertion practice &/or imagery, redirect your attention to focusing mindfully on another activity. Repeat
any of these steps whenever you feel any dread.
11. If you can’t do the original experiment, do another one. If fear or circumstances prevent you from doing
what you originally intended, then do another experiment. Baby steps are fine; just keep moving forward!
Remember: avoidance may provide temporary relief, but it will strengthen your anxiety for the next time.
12. During the experiment: Do not drink or take tranquilizers or beta blockers just before or during an
experiment, or you probably will not gain self-confidence. During the experiment, focus mindfully on what you
see and hear in the moment, putting your negative thoughts and feelings into the background, like so much
noise. Finally, if you're running into great difficulty, take a cognitive restructuring break (eg. in the bathroom):
identify and challenge your distorted thoughts and self-defeating behaviors; then come up with a CA and a
behavioral goal or two to work on when you return to the activity. Or just read or listen to the CA and
behavioral goals which, hopefully, you have brought with you. Remember, try to stay in the experiment while
actively working on a goal or two until your anxiety is reduced by at least 50%.
13. After the experiment, be a compassionate, good parent or friend to yourself. First step: congratulate
yourself for what you did. Identify the specific helpful things you did. Do not disqualify the positive. Pat
yourself on your back. Second step: instead of criticizing yourself, turn any problems that occurred into a
constructive learning experience by identifying what you want to do differently the next time. Savor your
victory, no matter how small! Treating yourself with compassion, like a good parent or friend would, not only
feels better; it helps you build self-confidence and make more progress more rapidly. Beating yourself up is a
step backwards because it lowers self-confidence and will increase social anxiety for the next time.
14. Complete the Post-Experiment Worksheet. Using this worksheet regularly will help you learn more from
your experiments, and will help you make progress. It will also give you a record of your progress over time.
Complete this worksheet after each distinct experiment, or after each set of repeated experiments every week.
Larry Cohen, LICSW

Larry Cohen, LICSW
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Paradoxical Experiments for Social Anxiety

• Identify the feared outcomes that your hot thoughts are so concerned about, eg.: judgment,
criticism, rejection, embarrassment, mistakes, social blunders, calling attention to yourself, or being
visibly anxious. Then choose a series of experiments in which you paradoxically make it your
goal to deliberately seek out the feared outcomes repeatedly. For example, make it your goal to be
rejected. Or make a mistake on purpose. Or do foolish things in public. Or deliberately ask a “stupid”
question. Or dare to be mediocre (do a B job rather than an A job on a particular task). Or purposely
under-dress or wear obviously stained clothing. Or “accidentally” drop a handful of coins on the floor in
a meeting, class, or public setting. Or tell people when you are feeling anxious. Or create anxiety-like
symptoms on purpose (eg. sweating, blushing, jittering, swallowing) when interacting with people. Or
ask for help or favors when you don’t need it.
⇒ Complete both a Cognitive Restructuring Worksheet and a Head-Held-High Assertion Worksheet before
doing these experiments. Make sure you identify both the hot thoughts and the fears come true
(specific negative predictions) that you will be testing by doing these experiments. For example, you
may be testing the hot thought and fear-come-true prediction that if you say/do something “stupid,”
people will criticize you or scoff at you. Read your constructive attitude, behavioral goals and HHH
assertion repeatedly, out loud and with a tone of confidence, before doing the experiments. Bring them
with you to the experiment (eg. on a card or an electronic device) so you can refresh your memory right
before each effort you make. Memorize a short version of your constructive attitude that you can use it
as needed.
⇒ Focus mindfully during the experiments, and use your HHH assertion (or adapt it) whenever
possible. Try using a “soft assertion” proactively, even if the person does not react badly to
you (eg. “Don’t mind me, I’m sometimes awkward when talking to new people.”) Using your assertion
proactively helps you build self-confidence. Make sure you are a good parent to yourself after each
repetition of the experiment, congratulating yourself for each positive thing you did and the courage it
took. Do not criticize yourself for any problem. Instead, just identify what you would do differently the
next time. Then complete a Post-Experiment Worksheet after each set of experiments.
• Believe it or not, rather than being devastating or humiliating, such experiments will likely become fun
and liberating. To be therapeutic, though, it is essential that you do these experiments repeatedly:
ideally, several times in a row involving different people; or at least do it once every day for a
week. This allows you to experience your anxiety lessening over time, and see how it is transformed
into a sense of strength, liberation and fun.
• Make sure you conduct these experiments in an explicit effort to test your hot thoughts. For example,
accidentally making a mistake does not count; doing so on purpose does!
• These experiments take courage and self-determination, certainly. But you do not have to be heroic.
Take a series of small steps. If something feels too hard or risky to do, then find something lower on
your fear and avoidance hierarchy to do in that same direction. You may find it easier and more fun to
do some of these experiments with friends or therapy group co-members. Do the experiment repeatedly
until it is no longer difficult. Then work your way up your fear hierarchy to do more challenging
experiments. Keep pushing yourself. Ultimately, the bolder your experiments, the freer you will become
of your fears.
FEAR & AVOIDANCE HIERARCHY
Name________________________________________ Date_________________ Page______
SUDS (Subjective Units of Discomfort Scale)

0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100
| | | | |
no discomfort mild discomfort moderate discomfort great discomfort severe discomfort
Avoidance Rating
0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100
| | | | |
never avoid occasionally avoid often avoid usually avoid always
avoid
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Situation_______________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ SUDS________ Avoidance________
Larry Cohen, LICSW; Social Anxiety Help
Name_________________________________________ Date_________________ Page 1

0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100
| | | | |
Avoidance Rating
0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100
| | | | |
never avoid occasionally avoid often avoid usually avoid always avoid
Situation --asking an attractive person I know just a little out on a first date
SUDS 100 Avoidance 100
Situation --conversing with an attractive stranger; I initiate the conversation

Situation --giving a presentation in front of a large group of mainly strangers

Situation --asserting myself with a supervisor or other person in authority

Situation --giving a presentation in front of a small group where I know some

people SUDS 85 Avoidance 60
Situation --conversing with an attractive stranger; the stranger initiates the

conversation SUDS 85 Avoidance 20
Situation --initiating physical intimacy with someone I’m attracted to (for the
first time with that person) SUDS 80 Avoidance 75
Situation --mingling with a small group at a social activity, mainly with

strangers SUDS 75 Avoidance 90
Situation --asserting myself with a friend I’m upset at

Situation --speaking up at a meeting or class

(over)
Name_________________________________________ Date_________________ Page 2

0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100
| | | | |
Avoidance Rating
0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 100
| | | | |
never avoid occasionally avoid often avoid usually avoid always avoid
Situation --coming out to an acquaintance

Situation --on a first date with someone I’m attracted to

Situation --at a bar or large party where I know hardly anyone there
Situation --running into an acquaintance (not a good friend)

Situation --asserting myself with a stranger (e.g. a waiter)

Situation --eating or writing in front of other people

Situation --attending a small party or other small social gathering where I

know everyone SUDS 45 Avoidance 25
Situation --attending an organization’s meeting or social/volunteer activity

for my first time SUDS 65 Avoidance 60
Situation --walking down a street, or going to a store or Metro train, with a

lot of people there SUDS 40 Avoidance 25
Situation --working out at the gym, or going to swimming pool

EXPERIMENT CHALLENGE LOG Name ____________________________________
Place a | for each challenging step you took (ie. anything you did that triggered at least 25% discomfort, either
during or in anticipation). Put a P instead of a | for each challenging step that was paradoxical (ie. you sought
out the feared outcome as your goal). Indicate how many steps you wanted to take but avoided due to anxiety.
Date __________ Challenges: ______________________________________________ Avoided steps: ____________

Name _______________________________ Date ___________
HEAD-HELD-HIGH ASSERTION
Fear-Come-True Head-Held-High
[Write the things you fear the most in social or performance [Write the specific ways you would like to handle your fears-
situations that make you anxious. Be specific as to what you come-true, including both what you would SAY and DO. Write
most fear will happen, and what you most fear people will say or out how you would like to assert yourself to the persons who
do in reaction to you. Include anything you most fear, no matter criticize or otherwise react negatively toward you. Use a tone of
how unlikely it is to occur.] confidence and conviction. Don’t be defensive, overly apologetic
or aggressive. Disarm the critics by starting your assertion with
acknowledging any truth there may be in the criticism or other
negative reaction, but minus any exaggeration or insult. Then
stand up for yourself. Write it out even if you don’t think you
would have the nerve to say it, as long as you would want to.]
Name _______________________________ Date ___________
HEAD-HELD-HIGH ASSERTION
Fear-Come-True Head-Held-High
[Write the things you fear the most in social or performance [Write the specific ways you would like to handle your fears-
situations that make you anxious. Be specific as to what you come-true, including both what you would SAY and DO. Write
most fear will happen, and what you most fear people will say or out how you would like to assert yourself to the persons who
do in reaction to you. Include anything you most fear, no matter criticize or otherwise react negatively toward you. Use a tone of
how unlikely it is to occur.] confidence and conviction. Don’t be defensive, overly apologetic
or aggressive. Disarm the critics by starting your assertion with
acknowledging any truth there may be in the criticism or other
1-I start blushing/sweating when negative reaction, but minus any exaggeration or insult. Then
mingling with new people at a social stand up for yourself. Write it out even if you don’t think you
would have the nerve to say it, as long as you would want to.]
event, and someone tells me I look weird
and weak.
1-It’s true that I do blush and sweat
2-I say something stupid or incorrect easily when I’m uncomfortable. We all
during a conversation, and the other have quirks, and that happens to be
person gives me a weird look. I assume mine. [Then continue the conversation.]
he/she thinks poorly of me and has lost
respect for me. 2-It’s true, that was a silly thing for me
to say. I’m sorry about that. I’m just like
3-I unintentionally offend someone in a everyone else in that I sometimes say silly
conversation, and s/he tells me how hurt things. Oh, well. Let’s move on. [Then
and angry s/he is at me. continue the conversation.]
4-Someone tells me that s/he thinks I’m 3-I apologize. I certainly didn’t mean to
boring, unappealing or unattractive, offend you. I sometime make mistakes.
and so doesn’t want to have anything to [Then continue the conversation.]
do with me.
4-Oh, well. It’s unfortunate that you
5-I appear nervous when speaking at a don’t find me to your liking.
meeting and people tell me that must Fortunately, we all have different tastes
mean I don’t know what I’m talking and other people like me as I am. [Then
about and am not good at my job. move on and start a conversation with
someone else.]
6-I go blank when speaking at a meeting
because I am so anxious. I can’t 5-It’s true that I get nervous speaking in
continue speaking, and people start front of groups. Lot’s of people do. But I
looking at me strangely. I presume they happen to be very good at my job and
must be thinking poorly of me, and that have important things to say. [Then
they no longer respect me. continue speaking at the meeting.]
6-Excuse me. I’m afraid I just lost track

of what I was saying. Oh, well. I’m
going to go back to my previous point
and continue from there. I’d appreciate
your patience and attention. [Then
continue speaking at the meeting.]
Name___________________________________________ Date________________
INVENTORY OF SELF-DEFEATING CORE BELIEFS

Please read all of the following core beliefs and put a check by the ones you believe much of the time, especially
when you are anxious / depressed / insecure. Make changes, if necessary, in the wording of these beliefs in
order to improve the fit. When you are done, go back and place additional checks by the 4 or 5 beliefs that seem
to be most influential in your life.
____ 1. I can't find happiness unless I'm very attractive / intelligent / rich / successful / creative.
____ 2. To be rejected is horrible because it means I'm worthless / undesirable / not good enough.
____ 3. People will think less of me if I make a mistake or don't handle something very well.
____ 4. My life is empty / meaningless if I'm not loved.
____ 5. Taking even a small risk is foolish because the loss could be devastating.
____ 6. People like / respect me for what I do, not what I am.
____ 7. I cannot be happy unless most people I know admire / approve of me.
____ 8. If I ask for help it is a sign of weakness.
____ 9. I'm not a good / worthwhile / likable person if I don't completely meet my responsibilities & expectations.
____ 10. If I fail at my work then I am a failure as a person.
____ 11. If I cannot do something well there is little point in doing it at all.
____ 12. People who don't follow all the rules are bad / selfish.
____ 13. If someone criticizes or disagrees with me it indicates that s/he does not like me.
____ 14. If I fail partly it is almost as bad as being a complete failure.
____ 15. If other people knew what I was really like they will think less of me and probably reject me.
____ 16. I have never learned how to meet people / make friends / make small talk / relate to people well.
____ 17. I must always be in control or there will likely be terrible consequences.
____ 18. If I let someone get too close that person will take away my control / freedom.
____ 19. My value as a person depends greatly on what others think of me.
____ 20. It is weak / immature to not be in control of one's emotions.
____ 21. It's terrible to hurt someone's feelings, and I should never do that.
____ 22. People who have good ideas are better than those who do not.
____ 23. There are only winners or losers in life.
____ 24. I should never express anger or I will hurt someone or lose control.
____ 25. To be a good / moral / worthwhile person, I must help everyone I know who needs it.
____ 26. I don't measure up to others.
____ 27. If someone does something displeasing to me it means that s/he doesn't like / care about me.
____ 28. If I don't have other people to depend on I cannot cope / be happy.
____ 29. It is wrong to be proud / boastful / rude / angry.
____ 30. I can't stand unpleasant feelings, and I should avoid situations that make me feel that way.
____ 31. It is dangerous to trust or get close to other people because they might hurt me badly.
____ 32. If others dislike or are displeased with me I cannot be happy.
____ 33. It is best to give up my own interests if necessary in order to please other people.
____ 34. My happiness depends on other people and circumstances; I have little control over how happy I am.
____ 35. I need the approval of other people in order to be happy.
____ 36. If I avoid problems the problems tend to go away.
____ 37. I am socially inept.
____ 38. I can't make good decisions on my own
____ 39. I cannot be happy if I am alone / single.
____ 40. I can't cope with difficulties in life without someone's help.
____ 41. If I am not special / among the best then I am not good enough.
____ 42. Rules are often arbitrary, unfair and stifling, and I shouldn't have to follow them.
____ 43. If I don't have order / systems / control then everything will fall apart.
____ 44. I have been unfairly treated and I am entitled to get my fair share.
____ 45. I am a very special person compared to most other people.
____ 46. It is wrong to be focused on pursuing pleasure / sexual gratification / selfish interests.
____ 47. In order to be happy others have to pay attention to me.
____ 48. Don't feel too good about something that happens or it will just turn out bad and I'll get disappointed.
____ 49. Other people will try to use / manipulate / hurt me if I don't watch out.
____ 50. I'm different from others and don't really fit in or belong.
Larry Cohen, LICSW ~ Social Anxiety Help
PEELING THE ONION Name________________________________ Date____________
↓= If that hot thought were true…

…what would it mean about you / your life / other people / the world?
[Only include your beliefs and behaviors on this worksheet, not your feelings.]
I might say something They’ll see that I’m They’ll be angry or

stupid, or I wont know nervous. disappointed in me if I
what to say. disagree and state my
real opinions or concerns.
↓ ↓ ↓
I’ll make a bad They’ll think I’m strange They’ll no longer like or
impression. They’ll think or weak. respect me, and won’t
I’m strange or socially want to relate to me.
inept.
↓ ↓ ↓
They won’t like or respect I won’t have friends or a
They won’t like me or
me, and won’t want to romantic relationship.
respect me, and won’t
relate to me.
want to relate to me.
↓ ↓ ↓
I won’t have friends or a
I won’t have friends or a
romantic relationship.
romantic relationship.
Larry Cohen, LICSW
__________________________________________________________________________________________
HOW TO WRITE HEALTHY NEW CORE BELIEFS
Re-read your unhealthy old core beliefs, then read each of the suggested methods of
writing healthier, alternative beliefs below. Pick at least 2 of these methods to try out.
No matter which methods you use, check your work to see that you have met these three
criteria for effective new core beliefs:
• make sure your new beliefs counter all your old (unhealthy) beliefs
• make sure your new beliefs are believable to you (ie. you consider them to be
probably true, or at least that you believe them at your best of times)
• try to word the new beliefs in the positive, and avoid double negatives
1. Cognitive Restructuring: Write down your most important unhealthy, old core beliefs
in the Hot Thoughts section of a Cognitive Restructuring Worksheet. For Situation,
simply write “unhealthy old core beliefs.” Then complete the remaining rows of the
worksheet, carefully following the directions on the purple sheet. The Constructive
Attitude is a rough draft of your healthy, new core beliefs.
2. Your Best of Times: Think of the time(s) in your adult life when you have felt most
confident and positive about yourself and your life (not just pleased about something that
happened). What were your core beliefs operating at those times? I'm not talking about
the automatic thoughts that were explicitly on your mind; I'm referring to the underlying,
implicit beliefs you had then (about yourself, other people, the world, etc.)
3. Imagining a Confident Future: Think of the most emotionally difficult things for you to
experience, or the things which you try your hardest to avoid experiencing (eg. rejection,
judgment, embarrassment, failure). Then image how, ideally, you would like to be able
to handle and feel about these unfortunate things when they happen to you in the future.
Then write down the core beliefs you would have to have in order to be able to handle
and feel about these unfortunate things in this ideal manner.
4. People You Admire: Think of the people you have most admired or looked up to in
your life. It doesn't matter whether or not they are alive, or whether you know them
personally or are famous people you have never known. Include also people whom you
look up to for certain qualities but not for other qualities. Then write down what you
imagine would be the core beliefs these persons must have in order to create the
qualities you so admire in them.
5. You as Mentor: Imagine that you are the mentor to a teenager or young adult. Imagine
that this young person confides in you the personal problems, fears and self-doubts that
s/he has been experiencing in life. Imagine also that this young person's problems are
similar to your own. What would you like to teach this young person to believe so that
s/he may overcome these problems, fears and self-doubts?
Unhealthy Old Core Beliefs & Healthy New Core Beliefs
(Old) If someone does something that displeases me, that means he/she doesn't
like me because I am flawed.
(New) Many people like me, flaws and all, just as I like many people,
flaws and all.
(Old) People that don't follow the rules are bad.
(New) No one follows all rules all the time. That's part of being human. I
can befriend people that I like nonetheless.
(Old) I have never learned how to meet people or connect well with people.
(New) When I am mindfully focused on the conversation, I usually

connect well with people.
Short versions of new core beliefs:
I am wonderfully flawed, and I am capable of connecting with equally

flawed people when I’m mindfully focused.
Unhealthy Old Core Beliefs
- I’m boring, no fun to be around, and socially awkward.
- I don’t measure up to others and I don’t like myself the way I am – if I was more like other
people I would feel better about myself.
- I cannot be happy unless most people I know like and respect me.
- It’s terrible to hurt other people’s feelings and I should never do that.
- I must always be in control of every situation to make sure no one judges me or thinks poorly of
me.
Healthy New Core Beliefs
- There will always be some people better than me and some people worse than me at everything
– it is all relative and all subjective.
- Not everyone will like me, but they’re not worth crying over. The people worth investing my
time and energy in are the ones who appreciate me for who I am.
- No matter what other people (or myself, for that matter) think of me or how they judge me, I
have intrinsic value as a human being.
- Nobody is perfect and I am still a good and likeable person even if I sometimes hurt or offend
others.
- I cannot control other people’s thoughts or behavior toward me. It is actually liberating to
realize the only thing I can control is my perspective.
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Affirming Your Healthy New Core Beliefs
Daily Reciting of New CBs: Write your healthy new CBs (long and short versions)
on a card or in your phone, and carry that with you daily. Then read your new CBs as part
of your daily routine (eg. upon waking, commuting to/from work, starting your work day,
having a meal, going to bed). Consider setting up an electronic alert that goes off daily to
help make this a new habit. Recite your healthy new CBs no less than once a day.
• When you are alone, recite your healthy new CBs (long and short versions) out loud and
with feeling. Use a tone of conviction and confidence, like you really mean it! This is
usually more effective than reading your new CBs silently, or reciting them flatly, without
emotion. It may be helpful at first to think of yourself as an actor who must say these lines
convincingly. Practice this over and over until it stops feeling silly and starts feeling
empowering or invigorating. (If, after a few days, this still makes you cringe, then revise
your new CBs to make them more believable to you.) Remember, repetition and emotion
create stronger neural pathways in your brain. You are attempting to replace the strong
neural pathways created by hundreds or thousands of emotion-filled repetitions of your
unhealthy old CBs over many years. So affirm your new CBs often and with oomph!
• Optionally make an audio recording on your smart phone of you reciting your New CBs
(long and short versions) with a tone of confidence and conviction. Then listen to it at least
once daily. Consider setting up an electronic alert that goes off daily to help make this a
new habit.
• Memorize and use short versions of your new CBs, ideally several times throughout the
day, as a personal mantra. These can be in the form of affirmations, positively-worded
instructions, or prayers. Important: these must be things you believe at least 60%, or they
will have little value and may just make you cringe!
• You’ll need to make all this an evolving process or it will probably become stale. So as you
use the above techniques, pay attention to and write down any changes or additions to
your new CBs that come to mind (both long and short versions) and start using these.
Flash Cards: Start by writing a list of your major triggers that typically activate your
unhealthy old CBs, ie. when you are feeling upset, anxious, or avoidant. Then pick the 3 or
4 triggers that cause you the most problems. Label a separate sheet of paper (or sections
of an electronic file) with a short title for each trigger, eg: “Being Criticized;” “Comparing
Myself to Others;” “Feeling Anxious When Conversing With Others.”
• For each trigger separately, answer the following questions:

1. What old CB is being activated when I experience this trigger?
(over)
2. How does this old CB make you react?
3. How is this reaction unhelpful? Does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy or a vicious
cycle?
4. What is the healthier, alternative CB to use at this time?
5. What is a healthier, more helpful way to react?
• Keep your answers to these questions as brief as possible, eg. a sentence or two each, or
even combining a couple answers into a single sentence. After doing so, rewrite the
answers as a short statement with a title on a separate file card, or as a note in your smart
phone. Try to combine any buttons that have very similar answers onto a single flash card.
Make sure each of these statements reads well on its own, and does not require you to
refer to the above questions to make sense of it. For example:
POTENTIAL OR ACTUAL REJECTION: This situation triggers my unhealthy old core

belief that I need others’ approval to be OK. That belief makes me feel anxious or
depressed, and leads me to be withdrawn and self-conscious around new people. This
behavior makes it very hard for others to connect with me, which only leads me to feel
badly about myself and be even more anxious, depressed and withdrawn. The only
approval I actually need is my own. If someone rejects me, it just means that we aren’t
a good fit for each other. It doesn’t mean that either of us is deficient! I’ll take small
risks in trying to connect with new people, and move on to someone else if someone
turns out to be a bad fit.
• If you prefer, write your flash cards with only the positive points (ie. the title of the button,
and the answer to questions #4 and #5, above.)
• Carry these flash cards with you at all times. (This is one reason why you may find it
helpful to make them notes on your phone.) Read them all periodically: ideally once daily.
Consider setting up an electronic alert that goes off daily to help make this a new habit.
Most importantly, read the relevant flash card whenever an old CB is activated, ie.
whenever you are upset, anxious or are avoiding something. Ideally, read the card out loud
and with a tone of confidence and conviction.
• Optionally make audio recordings on your smart phone of you reciting your flash cards with
a tone of confidence and conviction. Then listen to these. Consider setting up an electronic
alert that goes off daily to help make this a new habit.
• Modify the cards as you wish as time goes on. Write out new cards as needed. Combine
cards whenever you can. (Having just a few cards is more usable than having many.)
• When an unexpected trigger occurs for which you have no card, try to go through the five
questions above. If possible, do so out loud or in writing. If this does not help sufficiently
(ie. you continue to feel distressed or continue to avoid) then complete a cognitive
restructuring worksheet.
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Experiments to Test and Defy Unhealthy Core Beliefs

Conducting homework experiments can be a powerful strategy to generate evidence that will
undermine your belief in your unhealthy old CBs, and strengthen your belief in your healthy
new CBs. Here are several strategies:
Straightforward Experiments: When completing a Cognitive Restructuring Worksheet

(CRW) in preparation for a straightforward homework experiment to work on achieving a
therapy goal (eg. making friends, dating, being assertive, public speaking), identify the
unhealthy old core belief(s) that are generating your hot thoughts. Write that CB in the Hot
Thoughts section of your worksheet, along with your other hot thoughts. Write CB- just
before the unhealthy old CB. Then, when completing the Constructive Attitude section of
that worksheet, in addition to countering the other hot thoughts, include the healthy new CB
that counters the unhealthy old CB being tested in this experiment. Write CB- just before
that new core belief. Finally, when completing the Post-Experiment Worksheet after
conducting your experiment(s), make sure you include the evidence generated in your
experiment(s) refuting or supporting the core beliefs, as well as your other hot thoughts.
Alternatively, you can identify the CB you are testing in the Predictions column of the
Experiment Worksheet (EW) before you do your experiment. Then, after the experiment,
highlight what you have learned about your core belief in the last two columns of the EW.
Rebel Experiments: Write down several of the specific personal rules dictated by your
unhealthy old CBs: the ways you should behave, and the ways you should avoid behaving.
Then write down a series of experiments you could do in which you make it your goal to
deliberately break one of more of these personal rules repeatedly. This is akin to using
nonviolent civil disobedience as a strategy to defy an unjust authority, except that the unjust
authority in this case if your unhealthy old CBs.
Before conducting these experiments, complete a CRW or EW in which you identify the
unhealthy old core belief you are defying, and write CB- just before it. It is ideal to repeat
these experiments, as your self-confidence will probably build over time. Finally, complete
a PEW or the remainder of the EW after your experiment in which you record the evidence
you gathered refuting or supporting your CBs.
Paradoxical Experiments: Another approach is to first identify the feared outcomes that
your unhealthy old CBs tell you to dread and avoid at all costs, eg.: judgment, criticism,
rejection, embarrassment, mistakes, social blunders, calling attention to yourself, or being
visibly anxious. Then choose a series of experiments in which you paradoxically make it
your goal to deliberately seek out the feared outcomes. Follow the steps in the Paradoxical
Experiments instruction sheet. As in straightforward experiments (above), make sure you
write the unhealthy CBs you are testing in a CRW or EW before conducting the experiment.
Then record the evidence you gathered refuting and supporting your CBs in a PEW or EW
after the experiment.
(over)
Act As If: Plan out in advance a series of repeated experiments in which your goal is to act
as if you fully believed your healthy new CBs in a situation that is likely to trigger your
unhealthy old CBs. Identify as goals the specific things you would do if you fully believed
your healthy new beliefs. Record all this in a CRW or EW you complete before the
experiments: write “Act As If” and the specific action steps you plan to do in the Behavioral
Goals or Experiment section; put the unhealthy old CB in the Hot Thoughts or Predictions
section; and write the healthy New CB in the CRW’s Constructive Attitude section. Ideally
repeat such experiments several times until it feels more comfortable and natural, and less
like acting. After your experiments, complete a PEW or the remainder of the EW in which
you identify the evidence you gathered supporting or refuting your CBs.
You can also conduct unplanned, reactive act-as-if experiments when you find yourself
confronted by a situation which activates your unhealthy old CBs (ie. when you feel
anxious, upset or tempted to avoid something you otherwise want to do). First, recite your
relevant healthy CBs, long or short versions. Then ask yourself: if I truly believed my new
core beliefs right now, what would I do? Then act as if you truly believed your new CBs by
doing these things, and focusing mindfully while doing so. Complete a PEW or EW
afterwards in which you record the evidence you gathered supporting or refuting your CBs.
Consider conducting daylong experiments, eg.: act as if you have a Teflon coating
preventing rejection or embarrassment from sticking; act as if your flaws and deficiencies
make you interesting and desirable; act as if you enjoy learning from mistakes and
disappointments. Then complete a PEW or EW afterwards, and identify the evidence you
gathered supporting or refuting your CBs.
For all versions of acting as if, make sure you are basing your experiments on something
that you do, in fact, at least largely believe, or that you believe at other more confident
times in your life. Then push yourself to act as if you fully believe it. Although it may feel
uncomfortable and phony at first, the results are likely to be positive and self-reinforcing.
Conduct such experiments repeatedly until it feels more comfortable and natural, and less
like acting.
Other ways to record your evidence: It is helpful to keep all your evidence refuting
your unhealthy old CBs and supporting your healthy new CBs in one place so you can
periodically review it. Doing so will probably help improve your mood, and increase your
self-confidence and self-esteem. In addition to completing Post-Experiment Worksheets or
Experiment Worksheets, as described above, consider using any of the following to
consolidate in one place all the evidence your CB experiments generate: a daily CB
Evidence Log, and/or a daily Pride and Gratitude Log. (See instructions sheets: Gathering
Evidence; Pride and Gratitude Log.)
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Gathering Evidence For & Against Core Beliefs
Keep a Daily Evidence Log: For much of our lives, our unhealthy old CBs have led us to
engage in mental filtering and disqualifying the positive. This has lead us to only see or value
evidence that falsely seems to confirm our old CBs, which has the effect of reinforcing and
strengthening these unhealthy attitudes and fueling a vicious cycle. The aim of keeping a daily
Evidence Log is to retrain our minds so that we also see and value the evidence supporting our
healthy new CBs and refuting the unhealthy old ones.
• Keep a daily log of evidence supporting your healthy new CBs, and/or refuting your unhealthy old
CBs. Have a copy of both your old and new CBs as a bookmark in your paper journal, or as the
heading on a file in your computer or mobile device. No less than once a day, ideally at about the
same time each day, look at your old and new CBs. Then consider all the events of that day that
you can remember. Write down anything that you experienced that day–or even just thought about
that day from further in the past–that in some way supports your new CBs and/or refutes your old
CBs.
⇒ Be careful not to let think all-or-nothing thinking or disqualifying the positive stop you from including
evidence in your log. Write down any evidence supporting your new CBs or refuting your old, no
matter how small, imperfect or repeated that evidence is. And remember: evidence is observable
fact. Your feelings and thoughts are not evidence.
⇒ Make sure that every time you conduct an experiment, write down the evidence you can garner
from that experiment relating to your CBs in your Evidence Log. (See instruction sheet:
Experiments to Test & Defy Unhealthy Core Beliefs.)
⇒ It is important that you follow the above steps and make entries into your Evidence Log every day in
order to help train your mind to pay attention to and value this positive evidence. It only need take 5
minutes or so. If you wish, you may try combining this daily Evidence Log with the daily Pride and
Gratitude Log, and daily reciting your new CBs. (See instruction sheets: Pride and Gratitude Log;
and Affirming Your Healthy New CBs”)
• Be encouraged to revise and add to your new CBs, long or short versions, as you gather more and
more evidence and develop new perspectives. Certainly if the evidence is repeatedly refuting some
aspect of your new CBs, revise these beliefs accordingly to better fit the evidence you are
gathering. (This is as a good scientist would revise his/her hypothesis to be in accord with the
evidence s/he is gathering.)
• Each day, right after making entries into your Evidence Log, write down how much you believe each
of your old and new CBs: 0% = not at all; 25% = a little; 50% = moderately (ie. you are on the
fence); 75% = strongly; 100% = absolutely. Core belief change is a gradual, not all-or-nothing
process, with ups and downs. This will help you track progress.
• Periodically reread your Evidence Log, or sections of it, to reinforce your healthy new CBs.
(over)
Gathering Historical Evidence: You can further strengthen your new CBs by gathering
evidence from your recent or more distant past. Go through all your completed Post-Experiment
Worksheets and see what evidence you could gather from those old experiments supporting your
new CBs or refuting your old. You may also review different periods of your life (eg. young
childhood, adolescence, college, other periods of adulthood) and scan your memory for such
evidence. Enter all this evidence you gather from your past in your Evidence Log.
Why Others Like/Admire/Respect You: Think of the people who like and respect you,
both currently and in the past. Then write down all the reasons you can think of as to what do they
value or admire about you. Infer this from the ways they relate(d) to you, and from things they may
have said. Afterwards, consider asking a few of these individuals to tell you (ideally in writing) why
they like, admire and/or respect you. Ask them to be fully honest with you. Then review what you
learned about why others like/admire/respect you–both from your own work, as well as what any of
these people actually told you–and enter everything that supports your new CBs or refutes your old
in your Evidence Log.
Conduct Field Research: Look at your unhealthy old CBs and write down the underlying
assumptions implicit/explicit in these attitudes. Then conduct a little field research to test out your
assumptions.
• Systematic Observation: For example, if you assume you have to be charismatic,

interesting, funny or impressive for others to enjoy conversing with you, spend some time observing
many other people’s conversations. Rate how charismatic, interesting, funny or impressive they are
on a scale from 0-100%. If you assume that it would be terrible to appear nervous, make mistakes,
interrupt or have awkward silences, then observe how often you can find these things occurring in
many other people’s interactions. If you assume you are unattractive, look for the unattractive
qualities in many people you think of as attractive, and look for the attractive qualities in many
people you think of as unattractive. You may even observe many couples and silently rate the
attractiveness of each partner to see how much of a discrepancy there is, and how subjective
attractiveness really is. Whatever approach you take, record your findings in your Evidence Log.
• Surveys: For example, if you think it is weak or weird to experience much anxiety or do/say
foolish things, then survey many people as to what makes them nervous, or what embarrassments
they have experienced, or what they think when they notice someone appearing anxious or acting
foolish. If you think others will not respect you for performing imperfectly or making mistakes, then
survey many people as to how they react when others screw up. Remember to record your findings
in your Evidence Log.
Core Belief Continuum: Write down an unhealthy old CB of yours at the bottom of a sheet of
paper or electronic file, and write the corresponding healthy new CB at the top. Then draw a
vertical line along the left side of the page, and scale it from 100% at the top down to 0% at the
bottom. Write your name where you believe you belong on the scale. Then write onto the page the
names or descriptors of several people (whether you know them or not) who, to varying degrees,
represent your old or new CBs. Then decide if you need to move where you put your own name,
and do so. Include this continuum with your Evidence Log, and occasionally review and revise it.
For example, let’s say your old CB is that you are socially inept and your new CB is that you have
adequate social skills when you are mindfully focused. Put your name down where you believe you
belong on the continuum. Then, for 0, write down the least sociable person you are aware of,
whether you know that person or not. For 100, write down the most sociable person you are aware
of. Then add the names of several others you know at varying points in between. Now review the
scale and see if you need to move where you placed your name, and then make that change.
Old CB New CB
Other people's feeling and needs are more I give my feelings and needs the same
important than my own. It is best to make consideration that I give to those of others. I act
others happy and suppress my own needs. as a competent advocate for myself.
I am disgusting and people want to avoid me. I I am an average-looking guy. People are no more
should leave people alone and not bother them. averse to interacting with me than they are to
interacting with any average person.
Evidence Log
- 1/20/16 -- I spoke with a stranger while walking home from work. She was very pleasant and talkative.
She was not afraid of me or disgusted.
- 1/22/16 -- I asserted myself with Sam, stating that I would remain in my condo during the storm. He
had offered me to stay with him. Initially, I felt like I should agree, even though I didn't want to. He
respected my decision to stay in my home.
- 1/23/16 -- I spoke with my neighbor while shoveling snow. She was very pleasant and didn't show
signs of being uncomfortable with me.
- 1/24/16 -- I spoke with Hon, a friend with whom I had lost touch. I told him about my break-up. He
was supportive and seemed genuinely interested in doing a social activity together.
- 1/25/16 -- I exchanged brief words with strangers regarding slippery walking conditions. People
seemed pleasant and showed no signs of being disgusted or uncomfortable.
- 1/26/16 -- I dropped off a prescription at a pharmacy, and the pharmacist was very pleasant. He
treated me with respect and seemed to see me as a valid person.
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Cost-Benefit Analysis of Core Beliefs
Advantages v. Disadvantages: This exercise can help you better understand

your natural ambivalence and fears about letting go of the your unhealthy old beliefs and
behavior patterns, and deepen your motivation to make further life changes.
• First analyze your unhealthy old CBs. Divide a sheet into two columns labeled Advantages
and Disadvantages. Under Advantages, write out all the ways your old CBs have helped at
some point in your life. Some of these advantages may only be short term and may result
in longer-term disadvantages. Include them anyway, but make sure you put the associated
disadvantages in the other column. Some of these advantages may have only been true in
the past. Include these as well, but indicate they are no longer true. Do not forget to list
ways that your old CBs have: provided you with protection or defense; made things easier
or less effort; or given you a sense of identity / security / familiarity. Although these
advantages are typically short-term and greatly outweighed by the longer-term
disadvantages, they are important reasons why we tend to fear and even resist changing
our unhealthy old CBs.
• Under Disadvantages, write down all the ways your old CBs have hurt you.
• When you are done, write a number from 0 to 100 at the bottom of each column to indicate
the relative weight or importance of the items in that column. The two numbers should add
up to 100. In determining what number to give, consider the importance of each item in
your life at present, not simply the total number of items.
• Then do this same Advantages v. Disadvantages exercise for your healthy new CBs. When
you are done, give each column a number indicating its relative weight. Some of these
advantages and disadvantages may simply be the reverse of what you wrote on the
previous worksheet, of course. Include these, nonetheless. But if you give it some
thought, you are very likely to uncover unique advantages and disadvantages that are
specific to your healthy new CBs.
• Periodically reread what you have written and add any additional ideas as you think of
them.
Core Belief Argument: Conduct a role play with a therapist or therapy group co-
member. Write out your old and new CBs. You play yourself acting as if you fully believe
your new CBs. The therapist or group member plays your old CBs personified. Then go
for it! Argue on behalf of your new CBs using both reason and passion (strong emotion).
Do not get on the defensive. Take charge! Let your old CBs know how you feel about
them and the way they have hurt you and held you back. Stand up to the critic/bully with
strength and conviction. Act as if you are sick and tired of your old CBs until you really feel
empowered or invigorated.
(over)
• If you have anxiety about asserting yourself with strong emotion, complete a Cognitive
Restructuring worksheet about doing so before conducting the CB argument role play.
Also, practice reciting your healthy new CBs (long and short versions) out loud and with
oomph at least once every day as a way to both familiarize yourself with them, as well as
to practice expressing them forcefully.
• Have a video recording made of this role play, and periodically watch it mindfully to
reinforce your new CBs.
• Write out an argument between your old and new CBs, or between your old CBs and
yourself fully believing your new CBs. Incorporate into this argument some of the key
points you included in your advantages v. disadvantages worksheets (above). Make sure
this argument is filled with passion on behalf of your healthy new CBs. (See sample
arguments.) Periodically reread this and add any additional points as you think of them.
Core Belief Trials: In a few individual cognitive-behavioral therapy sessions, you and
the therapist can prepare for and conduct a series of trials in which you serve as defense
attorney refuting the charges put forth by your unhealthy old CB’s prosecuting attorney,
also played by you. After two or three such trials in which you successfully defend your
innocence against these bogus charges, you will then have the opportunity to put the
prosecuting attorney on trial for malpractice! There are simple homework activities between
sessions in which you are gathering evidence to support your innocence and refute the
false charges put forth by your unhealthy old CBs. These CB trials are a very powerful and
often transformative strategy that greatly helps many people weaken their unhealthy old
CBs and increase self-esteem and self-confidence.
Name _______________________________ Date ___________
ADVANTAGES v. DISADVANTAGES
of UNHEALTHY OLD CORE BELIEFS
ADVANTAGES DISADVANTAGES
_______ % _______ %
Name _______________________________ Date ___________
of HEALTHY NEW CORE BELIEFS
_______ % _______ %
Name _______________________________ Date ___________
of UNHEALTHY OLD CORE BELIEFS
--they sometimes motivate me to try --they often lead me to procrastinate

really hard to improve myself and excel when I’m concerned I won’t do a good
at what I do enough job
--when I do well, I sometimes get praise --they often cause me to worry and feel
and respect from others which feels really anxious about upcoming tasks and
good social activities
--I tend to avoid taking risks which is --they often lead me to feel depressed or
easier and feels safer embarrassed when I don’t think I’ve met
expectations
--this is how I’m used to seeing myself
and my life; it feels familiar and secure --I don’t get to enjoy myself often because
I’m so self-conscious
--when I’m unhappy, I get to feel sorry
for myself which is somewhat comforting --it’s hard to meet people and make
friends
--I often withdraw from relationships

rather than assert myself
--I’m afraid to let people get very close to

me, assuming they’ll inevitably be
disappointed in me
--I don’t develop new interests because

I’m afraid I won’t perform well enough
I don’t feel happy often because I focus

mainly on my failings
--I miss out on a lot of opportunities

because I feel discouraged or afraid to
take risks
--life often feels like a constant struggle
35 % 65 %
Name _______________________________ Date ___________
of HEALTHY NEW CORE BELIEFS
--I’ll procrastinate and avoid things less --I may feel less motivated to try hard to
improve myself and to excel
--I’ll be less worried and calmer
--I may not get as much praise and
--I’ll feel embarrassed and depressed less respect from others for excelling
--I’ll enjoy myself more --I will be taking risks a lot more often,
which seems very scary and threatening
--it’ll be easier and more fun meeting
people and making friends --I’ll be rejected more often if I socialize
more and also let people get closer to me
--relationships will probably go better for
me since it’ll be easier to assert myself, --it’s going to be very hard and feel
and since I won’t be so afraid of letting unnatural to try to change my self-
someone get close to me concept and lifestyle after growing so
used to the old ways
--I’ll be able to develop new interests
more easily
--my life will feel fuller
--I’ll feel happier more often
--I can still try to improve myself and

excel, but not so desperately as before
--it’ll still feel good to get praise and

respect from others, but it’ll be less
upsetting when I don’t
--it’ll probably hurt a lot less when other

reject me because I’ll feel a lot better
about myself
--although it may be challenging and

feel unnatural at first, this new self-
concept and lifestyle will probably get
easier with time
60 % 40 %
Core Belief Argument
OLD CB: You’ll never be able to live up to life’s expectations, as you are timid, unattractive, neurotic,
incompetent, inadequate, odd, and fundamentally unlovable.
NEW CB: What expectations? People are not expected to be flawless. I may have areas in which I’d
like to improve, but everyone else does as well. Struggling with shyness or depression does not make
me a ‘bad’ or fundamentally unworthy person.
OLD CB: Obviously everyone has flaws, but you can’t and don’t measure up even to normal, flawed
people. And measuring up is what your worth and happiness depends upon.
NEW CB: Comparisons are pretty ingrained in human life, but they are ultimately superficial and
don’t affect people’s intrinsic worth. Is a baby worth less than an adult just because she drools,
screams, and is totally dependent on others? She’s obviously not. One person’s flaw is another
person’s natural (and not shameful) growing edge.
OLD CB: But it’s normal for a baby to not have everything together at its age. It’s not normal or okay
for an adult to be a hot mess—it demonstrates that the adult is incompetent, inferior, and generally
slow when it comes to overcoming challenges. Flaws must be addressed in a certain amount of time,
or else they become markers of inherent inferiority.
NEW CB: Growing edges or flaws don’t indicate intrinsic inferiority, and they never diminish our
inherent value. Sometimes we may take longer than others to address one issue or another, but this
doesn’t indicate inherent inadequacy, as each individual is up against very unique circumstances,
internal and external forces that just are not amenable to comparison. We humans have equal worth,
no matter where we are on our very unique paths.
OLD CB: Be realistic. In life, some people get higher salaries, more praise, more awards, more
attention, more love, etc., etc. Are you saying these markers are completely meaningless?
NEW CB: They may have some superficial meaning, but my point is that they are ultimately irrelevant
to worth. Being liked, loved, or lauded is nice, but worth is something wholly separate from being
perfect, liked, or approved of. Besides, what good would it do me to paralyze myself with
comparisons? It would only demoralize me and hinder my growth.
OLD CB: But, as you just said, it’s definitely nice to feel liked and approved of, like you’re not the last
pick in the kickball game of society. Even if you had intrinsic worth, you would need to be liked, loved,
or approved of to be happy.
NEW CB: Actually, because I know I have intrinsic worth, I don’t need to desperately seek love and
approval to validate my existence and be content, secure, and happy. Just because I appreciate being
positively received doesn’t mean that my happiness is dependent on this. Life—including my life—is
greater than the opinions of others. And besides, I actually do have evidence that many people receive
me positively.
OLD CB: You’re kidding yourself. There is something inherently wrong with you. You are intrinsically
defective, and most people are turned off by you. As you are well aware, your entrenched, hopeless
flaws can’t be overcome, no matter how badly you want to or try to overcome them.
NEW CB: Again, we’re all flawed, but your contention that I am an irredeemable case is a bit
melodramatic and ridiculous. I have defects, sure. Sometimes they can feel extremely difficult to bear
or fix. But they can’t disqualify me from participating in life and taking steps to help myself feel and
do better. Frankly, I think you were led terribly astray when you started correlating my degree of
perfection with my degree of worth. Everyone I like and respect (and who is worthwhile to me) has
defects – those flaws never diminish their value to me. And someone else’s flaws don’t stop me from
liking them, even when those flaws seem permanent. Some so-called flaws are even endearing.
OLD CB: Well, maybe a couple people might like you despite your flaws, but the majority won’t. Your
defects are especially nasty and unlovable. And you will have to struggle with that fact your whole
life, because your defects—your physical appearance, your timidity, your neuroses, your
incompetence—are just not fixable. You can’t do anything about them.
NEW CB: Actually, I am still learning every day, and nothing about my experience is static. Recently,
I’ve been able to try out new behaviors and do things that I’ve never done before. I may still struggle,
but you can’t tell me I’m powerless to effect change. It’s just not true.
OLD CB: You may have tried out a few new behaviors, but drawing attention to your shyness and
other imperfections in public has taken an emotional toll. You can’t keep acting in a way that makes
you feel so incompetent and defective. Due to your inherent incompetence and deeply entrenched
flaws, you’ll have no choice but to go back to being a recluse—a sad, lonely, unfulfilled,
underemployed spinster that other people pity. No matter how hard you try or how badly you want
to succeed, you won’t be able to escape this inevitability. Success and competency are impossible, and
it’s best not to make a fool out of yourself trying to prove otherwise.
NEW CB: The desire to only pursue endeavors in which I know I’ll succeed has led me to lead an
incredibly limiting, miserable, often nightmarish life. In reality, life is about gaining practice, not
achieving perfection. It’s okay and necessary—and not at all foolish—to participate in activities in
areas where I’m still learning and growing. This is utterly normal and healthy.
OLD CB: Forget being perfect—no matter how much you practice, you’ll never even be proficient.
Why bother?
NEW CB: The goal of working on my growing edges and facing my fears is to make life easier on
myself. I’m not trying to increase my worth (this is impossible) or make myself “normal” and socially
acceptable. I’m merely opening up more options to myself. Life is not a competition, and my worth is
not at stake.
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Stop Reinforcing Your Unhealthy Old Core Beliefs
The advantages of our old core beliefs–however short-term and out-weighed by longer-term
disadvantages–are only one reason why it is hard to change our unhealthy attitudes. An even
stronger reason is that we unintentionally reinforce our unhealthy old CBs through frequently
repeated patterns of behaving and thinking. Thus our unhealthy old CBs become self-
perpetuating, developing a life of their own while we unintentionally feed them every day! Look
at your old CBs and write out a list of each of the following ways you reinforce them:
• Mental Filtering: List out the ways you tend to focus on–maybe even obsess about–those
things that occur which seem to confirm your unhealthy old CBs, even if they actually do
not. Also list the ways you tend to ignore or disqualify those positive things that support a
healthier view of yourself and the world.
• Avoidance: List out the ways you tend to avoid doing things–either completely (overt
avoidance) or partially (covert avoidance)–in an effort to prevent the painful consequences
that your unhealthy old CBs claim are intolerable (eg. judgment, criticism, rejection,
aloneness, embarrassment, mistakes, social blunders or being visibly anxious.)
• Compensation: List out the behaviors you tend to lean on as a psychological crutch in an
attempt to make up for your presumed deficiencies that your unhealthy old CBs say are
unacceptable (eg. physical attractiveness, personality traits, anxiety symptoms, social
skills, intelligence or success).
• Self-Fulfilling Prophecies and Vicious Cycles: List out the ways your unhealthy old CBs
tend to make you behave which bring about undesired results that, in turn, falsely seem to
confirm your old CBs. Make sure you look at all the items you listed under mental filtering,
avoidance and compensation, and write out ways that some of these behaviors tend to
initiate self-fulfilling prophecies and vicious cycles.
• Reread and add to your lists periodically.
• Try to catch yourself in the act of engaging in these self-reinforcing patterns. But do not
criticize yourself or beat yourself up. Instead, be a good parent to yourself: congratulate
yourself for becoming aware of (and perhaps preventing) this unhealthy pattern, and turn it
into a constructive learning experience. For example:
I just avoided talking to this attractive stranger because of my old core belief that I’m not
good enough. I’ve come to realize that this is an unhealthy attitude and behavior, and
I’m proud that I caught myself in the act. In the future, I’m going to try to talk to new
people I’m attracted to, and remind myself that I’m fine as I am, whether or not s/he
turns out to be interested in me.
• Turn your avoidance and compensation behaviors upside down, and create powerful Rebel
Experiments and Paradoxical Experiments. (See instruction sheet: Experiments to Test
and Defy Unhealthy Old Core Beliefs.)
Name_______________________________ Date_________
REINFORCING UNHEALTHY OLD CORE BELIEFS

(Patterns I engage in that are generated by and also strengthen my old core beliefs.)
• MENTAL FILTERING: Ways I tend to look for and focus on things that falsely seem to support my old core
beliefs. Also, ways I tend to ignore or disqualify things that refute my old core beliefs.
• AVOIDANCE: Things I tend to avoid doing in an effort to prevent the painful consequences that my old core
beliefs claim are intolerable (eg. judgment, criticism, rejection, aloneness, embarrassment, mistakes, social blunders
or being visibly anxious).
• COMPENSATION: Things I tend to do in an effort to make up for my presumed deficiencies that my old core
beliefs claim are unacceptable (eg. physical attractiveness, personality traits, anxiety symptoms, social skills,
intelligence or success).
• SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES / VICIOUS CYCLES: Ways my old core beliefs make me behave that
bring about undesired results which, in turn, falsely seem to suggest that my old core beliefs are true. (Note: these
behavior patterns usually begin with mental filtering, avoidance and/or compensation.)
Name_______________________________ Date_________
REINFORCING UNHEALTHY OLD CORE BELIEFS

(Patterns I engage in that are generated by and also strengthen my old core beliefs.)
• MENTAL FILTERING: Ways I tend to look for and focus on things that falsely seem to support my old core
beliefs. Also, ways I tend to ignore or disqualify things that refute my old core beliefs.
• AVOIDANCE: Things I tend to avoid doing in an effort to prevent the painful consequences that my old core
beliefs claim are intolerable (eg. judgment, criticism, rejection, aloneness, embarrassment, mistakes, social blunders
or being visibly anxious).
• COMPENSATION: Things I tend to do in an effort to make up for my presumed deficiencies that my old core
beliefs claim are unacceptable (eg. physical attractiveness, personality traits, anxiety symptoms, social skills,
intelligence or success).
• SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES / VICIOUS CYCLES: Ways my old core beliefs make me behave that
bring about undesired results which, in turn, falsely seem to suggest that my old core beliefs are true. (Note: these
behavior patterns usually begin with mental filtering, avoidance and/or compensation.)
--I tend to obsess about and beat myself up over every little social mistake I
make.
--I often criticize myself whenever a situation doesn’t go the way I wanted,
even if it’s not really my fault.
--I don’t receive complements well. I think the person is just being nice, or
insincere, or just plain wrong. I sometimes even tell him/her so!
--If I handle a situation partly well, I usually focus on the way it didn’t go so
well and don’t give myself credit for the good parts. I credit others, or say I
was lucky or that it doesn’t really count for some reason.
--I avoid situations and interactions in which I fear I’ll make a social
mistake, or which I fear will lead to others judging me (eg. initiating
conversations or invitations, asserting myself and participating in group
discussions).
--I work much harder than I need to in order to perform perfectly and earn
others’ respect and admiration.
--I put people down in my mind in order to feel better about myself.
--I try too hard to always please others and be agreeable.
--My avoidance behaviors probably lead others to sometimes think I’m not
interested in them, or that I’m not interesting. This would lead them to
interact with me less than with others. I notice this and end up feeling that
I don’t measure up (which is one of my old core beliefs)!
--By putting most of my time and energy into trying to impress and please
others, I may earn their respect. But they aren’t likely to feel connected or
close to me. I notice this and end up feeling that I don’t measure
up…reinforcing my old core belief yet again!
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Imagery to Strengthen
Healthy New Core Beliefs
Pick a present-day situation that activates your unhealthy old core beliefs: ie. that makes you
upset, anxious or avoid something. You may wish to pick a trigger that you are planning to
experience in the near future, and use the exercise below to prepare yourself for it.
Get into a relaxed position when you are alone. Breathe slowly and deeply for a few minutes.
Make sure you are filling your lungs completely: your belly should go out when you breathe in,
and go in when you breathe out. Try to pay attention solely to your breathing, or to a relaxing
phrase (eg. “let go”) you silently say in rhythm with your breath. Your mind will wander at
times throughout this exercise. When it does, just note the distraction without judgment or
frustration, and then gently redirect your attention back to your breathing. Do this as frequently
as necessary, but always gently (without judgment or frustration).
After you have the hang of this and are feeling pretty relaxed, read your healthy new CBs a
few times slowly as you continue to breathe in this manner. Close your eyes and focus on a
phrase or sentence that comes from or represents your healthy new CBs while you continue
your relaxed breathing. Let the phrase evolve on its own.
Begin to visualize yourself in the situation you picked that activates your unhealthy old CBs.
First set the scene: try to see, in your mind’s eye, the place, objects and persons that are
there. Focus on one of these things until it looks vivid. Pay attention to the colors you see, the
sounds you hear, the things you smell and/or the textures you feel. Look down in your mind’s
eye and see your hands and legs. Make sure you are present in this scene.
Then play out the scene trying to act the way you would if you truly believed your healthy new
CBs. Replay that scene over and over and over until it seems more vivid and you feel
stronger and more confident. Don't focus on how others in the scene are reacting to you
because that's not in your control. Instead, play the scene over and over with an increasing
sense of strength and self-confidence regardless of the reactions you get. Keep up the slow,
deep, steady breathing throughout. Silently recite phrases from your healthy new CBs before
or during each scene repetition as an aid to increase your self-confidence. Let these phrases
evolve into whatever you find most useful. Be persistent. You may need to repeat the scene
many times before you feel strong and self-confident. Then focus on a snapshot image of your
confident self in this scene for a couple minutes. As you do so, repeat the new CB phrases
you found most helpful.
Practice bringing up this snapshot image of your confident self briefly but frequently everyday.
Repeat the healthy new CB phrase as you do so. Then try to bring it up this image and phrase
when your old core beliefs are activated (ie. when you are upset, anxious or avoiding
something).
Larry Cohen, LICSW
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Letting Go of the Past

Read your unhealthy old CBs and ask yourself: How did I come to learn these things?
Remember the persons and events that shaped and reinforced these attitudes. Think about
your parents and whoever else helped raise you. Think about your siblings, extended family,
teachers, peers, neighbors, religious leaders and anyone else who was important in your life
as a child, teen or younger adult. Think about the important activities you engaged in. Think
about any painful or positive experiences from your youth that may have shaped your life
attitudes. If you are lesbian, gay, bi or trans, think about your coming-out history. In all cases,
keep asking yourself: What did these people and experiences teach me about myself, about
people and about the world?
Letter Writing (Assertion & Forgiveness): Write one or more letters to those who helped to
teach you your unhealthy old CBs. Address three things in the letter(s): 1. what you
learned from these people; 2. how these lessons have effected you at different points in
your life; and 3. take responsibility for what you need to learn and do to overcome this
person’s negative influence on your life. Express yourself with strong feeling. Don’t hold
yourself back. Don’t edit or censor or be diplomatic. (Worry not; you will not send these
letters!) Don’t forget to include the third point of the letter: the specific ways that you need
to change what you have learned from these people and experiences. This is a letter about
taking personal responsibility, not just blaming.
Consider adding a fourth section in your letter in which you express forgiveness. Note:
forgiveness doesn't have to mean exonerating or pardoning or even understanding the
person and what s/he has done to you. Forgiveness can simply mean letting go of
resentment and other negative feelings you bear toward him/her. Thus, forgiveness is
something you do for yourself as much as–or more than–for the person you forgive.
Save and reread the letter periodically. Write additional letters as the need arises. If you
feel the desire to actually send such a letter, hold onto it for at least a week. Consider what
the consequences may be of sending the letter. Consider whether you wish to edit it in a
way that may be more hearable to the recipient, and help make yourself better understood.
Role Playing: After writing the letter, try conducting role plays in which you confront the
teacher(s) of your unhealthy old CBs. You play yourself acting as if you believe your
healthy new CBs with total confidence and conviction, with no doubt whatsoever. A
therapist or therapy group comember plays one of the teachers of your unhealthy old CBs.
(Alternatively, an empty chair can silently stand for that person you are confronting.)
Express yourself with both reason and passion (strong emotion). Alternatively–or in
addition–you may prefer to focus the role play on expressing forgiveness. You may also
find it helpful to do this exercise as a written argument/dialog. (See Core Belief Argument
in the Cost-Benefit Analysis instruction sheet.)
(over)
Imagery: Follow the steps in the Imagery to Strengthen Healthy New CBs instruction sheet.
Then pick an important person or troubling event from your past that helped form or
reinforce your unhealthy old CBs. First visualize yourself as you were in the past (a child,
teen or younger adult) with the person(s) or in the event that you picked. Then visualize
yourself as an adult who fully believes your healthy new CBs with complete confidence and
conviction. Enter the scene as an adult, and assert yourself with the other person(s) there.
Defend and support your younger self in the scene, and encourage the younger you to
stand up for him/herself. Repeat this over and over until you feel self-confident and strong.
Afterwards, you may wish to focus the imagery on forgiving the person: not necessarily
exonerating or even understanding him/her, but simply choosing to let go of your negative
feelings toward the offender.
Advantage v. Disadvantages: Do a pair of Advantages v. Disadvantages worksheets

concerning present-day hurt and anger about experiences or people from the past. One
worksheet would examine the advantages v. disadvantages of holding onto this hurt and
anger; the second worksheet would examine the advantages v. disadvantages of letting go
of this hurt and anger. (See Advantages v. Disadvantages in the Cost-Benefit Analysis
instruction sheet.)
Gathering Historical Evidence: Review your life, period by period, and record evidence
supporting your healthy new CBs in a daily Evidence Log. You may also want to write
about why certain people who were positive influences in your life in the past liked or
respected you. Include your findings in your daily Evidence Log. (See Daily Evidence Log
in the Gathering Evidence instruction sheet.)
Rituals: Try creating and conducting a ritual (a symbolic action) aimed at helping you let go of
hurt and anger regarding experiences or people from the past. You may also devise a
ritual aimed at helping you forgive others or forgive yourself. Be creative. An effective
ritual involves symbolic actions that are infused with personal meaning. You may also want
to do the ritual in a location filled with personal meaning, or using objects filled with
personal meaning. It might help you to repeat or modify the ritual from time to time.
Core Belief Trials: In a few individual cognitive-behavioral therapy sessions, you and the
therapist can prepare for and conduct a series of trials in which you serve as defense
attorney refuting the charges put forth by your unhealthy old CB’s prosecuting attorney,
also played by you. After two or three such trials in which you successfully defend your
innocence against these bogus charges, you will then have the opportunity to put the
prosecuting attorney on trial for malpractice! There are simple homework activities between
sessions in which you are gathering evidence to support your innocence and refute the
false charges put forth by your unhealthy old CBs. These CB trials are a very powerful and
often transformative strategy that greatly helps many people weaken their unhealthy old
CBs and increase self-esteem and self-confidence.
LIEBOWITZ SOCIAL ANXIETY SCALE
Name ____________________________________ Date ________________
This questionnaire assesses the way that social anxiety plays a role in your life across a variety of situations.
Read each situation carefully and answer two questions about that situation. The first question asks how anxious
or fearful you feel in the situation. The second question asks how often you avoid the situation.
It is important to answer each of the questions. Please base your answers on the way that the situations have
affected you in the last week.
If you come across a situation that you ordinarily do not experience, please imagine "what if you were faced with
that situation," and then rate the degree to which you would fear this hypothetical situation and how often you
would tend to avoid it.
Anxiety/Fear Avoidance
0 = none 0 = never (0%)
1 = mild 1 = occasionally (1-33%)
2 = moderate 2 = often (34-66%)
3 = severe 3 = usually (67-100%)
1. Telephoning in public Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____

2. Participating in small group activities Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
3. Eating in public Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
4. Drinking with others Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
5. Talking to someone in authority Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
6. Acting, performing, or speaking
in front of an audience Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
7. Going to a party Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
8. Working while being observed Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
9. Writing while being observed Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
10. Calling someone you don't know very well Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
11. Talking face to face with someone
you don't know very well Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
12. Meeting strangers Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
13. Urinating in a public bathroom Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
14. Entering a room when others are already seated Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
15. Being the center of attention Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
16. Speaking up at a meeting Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
17. Taking a test Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
18. Expressing disagreement or disapproval
to someone you don't know very well Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
19. Looking someone who you don't know very well
straight in the eyes Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
20. Giving a report/presentation to a group Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
21. Trying to make someone's acquaintance
for the purpose of a romantic/sexual relationship Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
22. Returning goods to a store for a refund Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
23. Giving a party Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
24. Resisting a high pressure sales person Anxiety = ____ Avoidance = ____
Total anxiety score = _____ Total avoidance score = _____ Grand total score = _____
Name ______________________________
SOCIAL ANXIETY PROGRESS RECORD
Date: ______________ !Compared to how you felt before you started therapy….
1 … how anxious do you currently become before or during social / performance situations (ie. where you
interact with people, or are doing something in front of people)? [Circle one choice.]
much more / moderately more / slightly more / no different / slightly less / moderately less / much less
2. …how much do you currently avoid social / performance situations? [Circle one choice.]
3. …how concerned are you currently about doing / saying something embarrassing in front of others, or that
others might think badly of you for what you do or say? [Circle one choice.]
4. …how much does your anxiety about social / performance situations currently interfere with your ability to
participate in work, school or social activities? [Circle one choice.]
CONTINUING FORWARD Name ___________________________
Date ___________
Ways I have changed & grown through CBT. (Look at your goals, fear hierarchy and worksheets.)
____________________________________________________________________________
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Things I have learned about myself. _____________________________________________

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Areas of continued difficulty for me (triggering situations, and self-defeating patterns).

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(continued on back)
Specific strategies and techniques I will use to keep making progress, and to turn lapses
into learning experiences rather than relapses. (Include both reactive and proactive strategies.
Include specific techniques & skills related to: cognitive restructuring, mindfulness, experiments, head-held-high
assertions, core belief work, etc. Review the handouts to be reminded of what you’ve worked on.)
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Larry Cohen, LICSW • SOCIAL ANXIETY HELP

4808 43rd Place NW • Washington, DC 20016 • [email protected] • 202-244-0903

Helping Clients Overcome Social Anxiety and

NATIONAL SOCIAL ANXIETY CENTER (NSAC): nationalsocialanxietycenter.com, a non-profit

THERAPIST MANUALS, TRAINING & TOOLS FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY TREATMENT:

RESOURCES FOR SOCIALLY ANXIOUS CONSUMERS:

Core fear of social anxiety: JUDGMENT (embarrassment, criticism, rejection, scrutiny)

Categories of social anxiety triggers: SOCIAL/CONVERSATION; PERFORMANCE; BEING OBSERVED

Debates regarding how to conduct CBT for social anxiety:

MINDFULNESS PRACTICE FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY

Attention Training Technique

Brief Cognitive Strategies

Oral Cognitive Restructuring: Completing a cognitive restructuring worksheet (CRW) is

Thought Defusion & Mindfulness: An alternative approach is to apply the concept of

Be a Good Parent / Friend to Yourself: Make it a goal to congratulate or affirm yourself

Short version Focus on enjoying the conversation.

CA: It’s difficult, but it’s excellent practice.

HT: How is looking stupid “excellent practice?”

Before experim ent After experim ent

Before experim ent After experim ent

VIDEO EVIDENCE WORKSHEET

Experiment & date ___________________________________________________________

Complete BEFORE viewing the video:

Complete AFTER viewing the video:

Pride and Gratitude Log

Here are the directions and some suggestions:

• Periodically reread your Pride & Gratitude Log, or sections of it.

SOME IDEAS FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY EXPERIMENTS

SOCIAL, FRIENDSHIP, DATING

! make eye contact, smile and say hi to many strangers

BEING AMONG STRANGERS

! eat at a restaurant alone

! express a contrary opinion

Larry Cohen, LICSW

Paradoxical Experiments for Social Anxiety

Name________________________________________ Date_________________ Page______

SUDS (Subjective Units of Discomfort Scale)

Name_________________________________________ Date_________________ Page 1

SUDS (Subjective Units of Discomfort Scale)

Situation --conversing with an attractive stranger; I initiate the conversation

Situation --giving a presentation in front of a large group of mainly strangers

Situation --asserting myself with a supervisor or other person in authority

Situation --giving a presentation in front of a small group where I know some

Situation --conversing with an attractive stranger; the stranger initiates the

Situation --mingling with a small group at a social activity, mainly with

Situation --asserting myself with a friend I’m upset at

Situation --speaking up at a meeting or class

Name_________________________________________ Date_________________ Page 2

SUDS (Subjective Units of Discomfort Scale)

Situation --coming out to an acquaintance

Situation --on a first date with someone I’m attracted to

Situation --running into an acquaintance (not a good friend)

Situation --asserting myself with a stranger (e.g. a waiter)

Situation --eating or writing in front of other people

Situation --attending a small party or other small social gathering where I

Situation --attending an organization’s meeting or social/volunteer activity

Situation --walking down a street, or going to a store or Metro train, with a

Situation --working out at the gym, or going to swimming pool

Date __________ Challenges: ______________________________________________ Avoided steps: ____________

Name______________________________ Date_ Page

Name_________________________ Date_ Page 1

Name_________________________ Date_ Page 2

Date Challenges: ________________________ Avoided steps:

1. Telephoning in public Anxiety = Avoidance =