PART SIX

SACRAMENT
OF HOLY MATRIMONY

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and
be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.
Therefore what God has joined together, let not man
separate."
Matt 19: 5,6

HIS GRACE BISHOP METTAOUS,

Abbott of El Syrian Monastery
Matrimony is a holy sacrament, officiated by a priest, of uniting a
man to a woman. Through this holy sacrament, the man and
woman become one, for as the Lord Jesus said, “For this
reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be
joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So
then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore
what God has joined together, let not man separate”
(Matthew 19:5,6).

St. Paul expressed the sanctity of the Sacrament of Christian

Matrimony, saying, “This is a great mystery” (Ephesians
5:32), and, “Marriage is honourable among all and the bed
undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).

THE THREE GOALS OF CHRISTIAN MATRIMONY

1. Cooperation between man and woman;

2. Procreation;
3. Protection against adultery and fornication.

V Cooperation between man and woman:

The Lord God said: “It is not good that man should be
alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him”
(Genesis 2:18), “Woman was created for the man”
(Corinthians 11:9).

‘Comparable to him’ meaning similar to him and equal to him,

helping him and supporting him in all things.

2
V Procreation:

To preserve humankind from extinction. Bearing children makes

the couple rejoice, and fills the house with joy and strengthens
the marital relationship. David says in the Psalm, “Behold,
children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the
womb is His reward. Like arrows in the hand of warrior,
so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who
has his quiver full of them” (Psalm 127:3-5), and, “Your
wife shall be like a fruitful vine, in the very heart of your
house, behold thus shall the man be blessed who fears the
Lord” (Psalm 128:3-6).

Children are a heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb
is His reward, but if it happens that the Lord God has not given
children to a married couple, they should not grieve, but say,
‘Let it be Your will Lord’, in complete surrender to Him.
Christianity does not make reproduction the main aim of
marriage, but the second aim after cooperation between the
married couple.

The church does not permit divorce when one of the partners is
barren, but rather advises them to continue together, without
destroying their happiness over a matter that is not necessary.

V Immunity against Adultery and Fornication:

St. Paul mentioned: “It is good for a man not to touch a

woman, not to marry. Nevertheless, because of sexual
immorality let each man have his own wife, and let each
3
woman has her own husband ... For it is better to marry
than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7). Marriage is the
remedy for human weakness, for keeping oneself virtuous, and
preventing sexual immorality, which God detests.

Christian Marriage elevates the bodily union to become a

spiritual union, through the Holy Spirit, just as the Holy Spirit
works in the Baptismal water to make humans a new creation,
and works through the Sacrament of Confirmation to ordain a
person to become a temple of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit
also works in the couple during the marital ceremony, through
prayers and faith to unite them in the Lord. Through the
commitments made by the bride and groom in fulfilling the
commandments of marriage, and the work of the Holy Spirit, the
two partners become one.

The Christian marriage is distinguished by certain

characteristics, some of which are:

V Unity

Christianity believes and insists on the law of monogamy, for in

the beginning God created male and female; one Adam and one
Eve. Through Matrimony the two become one in Christ.
Hence, they are no longer two but one body.

4
V Continuity

The purpose of Matrimony

is continuance, without
divorce, except in the case
of adultery. This is because
a strange person has entered
and corrupted the holy unity
of Matrimony, an profaned
its holiness. However, if the person who sinned repented, and
the partner forgave them, then the Church permits the
continuation of the marriage.

The second situation in which divorce may occur, is due to the

spiritual immorality or denial of faith and abandonment of
Christianity by one of the partners. The matter of annulment of
Matrimony, is a matter authorised by the church, in the case
where a partner had deceived or cheated the other, and even
issues in regards to sexual impotence.

V Bearing fruits

Through the Holy Spirit, the Christian family bears many fruits...

• Christian virtues in the life of its members

• Children, for when the Lord grants blessed children, the

family must bring them up in the fear of God and in the
Church.

5
• Service and good deeds that glorify our Father in heaven.
They should deal with all people in true Christian love, living a
life of service and self sacrificing. Hence, the many fruits that
a Christian family bears are not only children, but love,
virtues, and service.

It is advisable that the Sacrament of Matrimony take place in

Church, for it is the house of God and the house of angels.
Before the altar, the groom receives his bride, committing himself
while standing before the altar to love her like himself and treat
her as an equal not any less, and she also promises to obey him,
as Sarah did with Abraham.

It is not permitted that the Sacrament of Matrimony take place in

houses, except in the situation of persecutions, where the lives of
the bride and groom are at risk, during the processions. It is also
necessary that the houses be big enough for such an occasion.

It is also not permitted that the sacrament of Matrimony take

place during seasons of fasting, or times just before fasting
begins, for it would not be possible for the newly married couple
to abide by the commandment of fasting, both from a food and
marital relation perspective.

The Matrimonial Rite is performed for virgin couples, however, if

one of the partners is widowed, for example, then there is
another prayer called ‘The Prayer of Forgiveness’.

It is preferable for the couple to have one confession father, after

marriage, who will care for them and help them in their
problems, with a fatherly spirit.

6
The Coptic Church believes strongly in the principle of one wife,
and adopts its principle from the holy Gospels, which always
alludes to man having only one wife : “Whoever divorces his
wife and marries another commits adultery against her”
(Mark 10:11), and as our teacher St. Paul says, “For this
reason a man shall leave his father and mother and
rejoined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”
(Ephesians 5:31).

The Matrimonial Rite is divided into three parts

...

(1) Betrothal
(2) Ceremony of Marriage
(3) Holy Matrimony

V Betrothal (Engagement)

It precedes the Sacrament of Matrimony, but is not one of the

Church’s Sacraments. Betrothal is a voluntary agreement
resulting from a pure and holy love between a man and a

7
woman, who accept to marry each other willingly and by their
own choice. The man is called the ‘fiance’, and the woman is
too the ‘fiancee’, being an engaged couple.

The word ‘betrothal’ is derived from the word ‘oratory’; a

public declaration whereby the man’s folks speak to the
woman’s family to propose marriage. Discussions are open and
honest, concerning issues relating to the matter of betrothal, and
the wedding and dowry, and the roles and responsibilities of
each family in regards to ensuring the agreement of both man and
woman about the marriage. The betrothal must be legal as it is
accomplished between a Christian, Orthodox, adult male and
female. The minimum age for marriage is 18 years for the male
and 16 years for the female.

If one of the partners is unknown to the priest, being from

another diocese/country, they must provide a certificate of
Recommendation for Marriage from their local parish priest or
father of confession, to prove no previous marriages had taken
place. The priest must be completely sure of this information,
and so write and sign an official Certificate of Betrothal in the
presence of the couple, and, witnesses, who also countersign.
Information contained on the Certificate of Betrothal, may
include the name, address, and the timing for the wedding,
together with any other relevant information.

Period of Betrothal: Begins from the time when an official

agreement for marriage was declared, and confirmed publicly on
the Certificate of Betrothal. The Engagement period concludes
with marriage. The period of betrothal is important, for it is the
time when the partners should get to know each other better,
and grow together in Christian love. During this period, both
8
partners have a common feeling of spending the rest of their lives
together, establishing a happy and successful marriage, and
cooperate with each other, without selfish thoughts and desires.
During this period, both families become acquainted and
cooperate to establish a happy house for the new family. The
minimum period for betrothal is a fortnight, and although there is
no maximum period, we suggest that it should not exceed a year,
so that problems might not arise, resulting in the engagement
breakup.

The Rite of Betrothal

V The official Certificate of Betrothal is written, containing the

name, age, (gift) and proposed timing of the Matrimony. The
certificate is then signed by the engaged couple, the
witnesses, and finally approved by the priest.

V The deacons proceed the couple into the church, chanting the
hymn ‘O King of Peace’. The woman stands on the right side
of her man, and together they proceed to the place assigned
for the prayers, whether it be in church, or in the woman’s
house. The positioning of the woman on the right of the man
is in accordance with the Psalm which says, “At your right
hand stands the queen” (Psalm 45:9). Also, Eve was
created from the right side of Adam.

V The priest holds the two rings, (and any jewellery which may
be offered, such as necklaces, bracelets, earrings) in his left
hand in a red silk ribbon or in a handkerchief and says the
following prayers together with three signs of the cross ...

9
On the First Sign of the Cross

The priest prays, “In the name of our Lord, our God, and our
Saviour Jesus Christ, the founder of the laws of perfection,
we 1declare at this 2Orthodox ceremony the betrothal of the
blessed Orthodox son (...name) to the blessed Orthodox
daughter (...name).”

(The priest makes the sign of the cross on himself, then the
couple, and then the rings, (and jewellery) saying, “In the name
of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, one God, Amen.
Blessed be God, the Pantocrator. Amen.” Then the
congregation prays the ‘Our Father’.

On the Second Sign of the Cross

The priest prays, “In the name of our Lord, our God, and our
Saviour Jesus Christ, the founder of the laws of perfection
we declare at this Orthodox ceremony the betrothal of the
blessed Orthodox daughter (...name) to the blessed
Orthodox son (...name),” (The priest makes the sign of the
cross on the couple and the rings), “Blessed be the only
begotten Son Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.” Then the
congregation prays the ‘Our Father’.

1
In the betrothal the priest says: We declare, as betrothal is just a
declaration, but as in Matrimony the priest says: We join, as Matrimony
is an agreement that is never disunited or united.
2
If the betrothal is at church, this statement is added: “before the altar of
the Lord of hosts”.

10
On the Third Sign of the Cross

The priest prays, “In the name of our Lord, our God and our
Saviour Jesus Christ, the founder of the laws of perfection,
we complete at this Orthodox Ceremony the betrothal of the
blessed Orthodox son (...name) to the blessed Orthodox
daughter (...name),” (Then the priest makes the sign the cross
on the couple and rings saying), “Blessed be the Holy Spirit,
the Paraclete (Comforter) Amen.” The deacons respond,
‘Amen’, followed by the congregation praying the ‘Our Father’.

V The priest then prays the Prayer of Thanksgiving. All the

tunes and hymns are in joyful tunes. Following the Prayer of
Thanksgiving, the deacons sing, ‘Worthy’, and during this
hymn, the rings are placed on the fingers of the couple as
follows:

V The priest gives the fiancee’s ring to her fiance, and he places
it on her right ring finger.

NOTES:

• As soon as the fiancee stretches out her hand for her fiance to
place the ring on her finger, she is giving her consent and
confirmation regarding the engagement to marry.

• The fiancee wears the ring which has engraved her fiance’s
name, on her right hand ring finger, as a sign that her fiance’
has became the ornament of her life, and the reason for her
joy, “I will make you as a signet ring, for I have chosen
you” (Haggai 2:23). Then the same process takes place with
11
 the fiance stretching out his hand for his fiancee to place the
ring on his finger.

• Being the officiator of God’s sacraments, the priest does not

place the rings on the fiances’ fingers himself, for whatever
work the priest does cannot be undone, for his work is from
God. However, the engaged couple place the rings on each
others fingers as a symbol of agreement and acceptance, so
that even if the betrothal is undone, it is considered not sinful.

• The fiance wears the ring onto which is written the name of
the fiancee, in his right hand as a sign that his fiancee will be
his right hand, “as a signet on my right hand” and will
help him and support him honestly and truthfully, in mutual
co-operation, after marriage.

• Finally, if there are any gifts, such as jewellery which is

offered, then the priest gives the fiance piece by piece for him
to place on his fiancee’s wrist, ears or neck.

The two rings (and jewellery) are always gold, as gold is the
purest of metals, the most beautiful and expensive, and does not
rust, just like the bond of holy Matrimony which is invaluable and
precious, unperishable and incorruptible. And even if it
encounters hardships, it survives, for the relationship is founded
on true Christian love and fidelity. The value of the marriage
increases over time, through time spent in companionship and
love, and in the Lord Jesus Christ, being the founder of the
Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

12
The bride in the Book of Songs says, “Set me as a seal upon
your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is a strong as
death ... Many waters cannot quench love, nor can floods
drown it. If a man would give for love all the wealth of
his house, it would be utterly despised” (Songs 8: 6,7).

V Afterwards the priest says a supplication, composed of four

parts. At the end of each part, the deacons respond,
“Amen.”

1. The priest asks God to grant the betrothed couple His

acceptance and grace, and to bless the planned - for wedding
to result in happiness and in peace.

2. The priest asks that their betrothal be kept pure and

legitimate, making them one in mind and soul, and granting
them a peaceful and spiritual happiness, shepherd by God.

3. The priest asks God to accomplish and accept the betrothal,

and to grant the couple a happy life and to preserve them in
His obedience, to adhere to the principles of Orthodox faith
and virtues, and to keep them from all division and vices so
that their joy will be fulfilled by the blessed Matrimony.

4. The priest asks God to keep in peace the leadership of the

Church: His Holiness the Pope, and the Bishops, and the
Bishop if there is a diocese, and to bless the attendants in this
blessed happy ceremony.

V All pray the Lord’s Prayer, then the concluding Prayer,

followed by the blessing. The priest prays to bless the
13
 betrothed couple by placing the cross over their bowed
heads. They then kiss the cross and the priest’s hand. The
priest says, “Pekhristos Pennooti” (that is, ‘Christ our
Lord’), and as the people make the sign of the cross, they
respond saying, “Amen, Let it be.”

V Finally, the priest says, “O King of peace, grant us Your

peace ...” followed by the ‘Our Father’, and then he says
the dismissal, “The peace of the Lord be with you all.”

V The deacons then lead the procession of the engaged couple

to the church door, where they stand to receive the
congratulations of the attendants.

The Betrothal Rite is hence concluded in peace.

Aims of the Betrothal

• For the partners to be better acquainted with each other in

terms of their thoughts, motivations, personality and
character, style of life, and even level of spirituality.

• For the partners to grow in holy, spiritual unity, away from

lusts and physical intimacy, for they are only betrothed and
not married.

• For the families of the partners to become better acquainted

with love, understanding and cooperation.

• For all concerned, partners and their families, to co-operate

in aspects relating to the matrimonial celebration, and helping
14
 prepare a house for the couple to live in a Christian spirit,
away from extravagance, pretence, misery or failure to
commit matters agreed about.

Renouncing the Betrothal

If problems arise during the betrothal that makes it impossible to

accomplish the wedding, both must renounce the betrothal
correctly. As they were united in love, they should likewise
leave each other peacefully, and without trouble.

These are the basis of renouncing the betrothal :

1. Contact the priest for him to organise a certificate of

renunciation.

2. The rejecting partner returns all the gold and the unconsumed
gifts and money. The consumed gifts are now irrelevant.

3. The priest writes an official Certificate of Renunciation, signed

by the two partners in the presence of witnesses, it is then
countersigned by the priest, and each partner receives a
copy.

4. If the betrothed couple disagree about materialistic matters,

and cannot agree on finalising certain points, then the
betrothal must be broken ecclesiastically (through the
Church), through the Theological Council of the diocese, a
Reconciliation Council, or even Court if necessary, so that
each partner maintains their civil rights.

15
 The Ceremony of Marriage

Originally, the time of celebrating the Rite of Matrimony was

Sunday morning after the ‘Matins’ (the raising of morning
incense), which took place just before the Mass. Just as the Rite
of Monasticism (the consecrating of a monk) takes place after
Matins, for he is being joined to the Lord in a holy, spiritual life,
in the same way, the bride and groom are being joined together
in the Lord by Matrimony, and the sacrament took place at this
time in the Liturgy to prepare them for receiving the Holy
Eucharist through their attendance in the holy Mass, which takes
place directly after the sacrament of Matrimony.

In the past, there was a tradition

whereby on the eve of the
wedding, the bride and groom,
together with their family and
friends, would spend vigil in the
church hall praying and praising,
and thereby making them ready
for receiving the Holy Communion the following morning. In the
morning, after the morning raising of incense, the deacons
proceed the couple into the church singing the appropriate
hymns, depending on the church season, in order for the
Sacrament of Matrimony to take place.

Such a hall, where the family and friends of the bride and groom
meet and spend the night in vigil, exists in St. George’s Cathedral
in Old Cairo.

16
This tradition which was kept by the older generations, is
derived from the Book of Tobit, (in the Deutrocanonical Books).
It tells how the couple spend the first three days of their marriage
in prayers and spiritual readings, thus transcending the bodily
lusts to spiritual love, in order to be united with God. Hence,
they start their marital life with a holy beginning, as a strong
foundation like the person who built his house on rock and,
“The rain descended, the floods came and the winds
tribulations and troubles) blew, and beat on that house,
and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock”
(Matthew 7: 24,25).

When the righteous man Tobit married Sarah, he said to her,

“‘Rise up my sister, let us pray to God today, tomorrow
and after tomorrow. As in those three days we join God.
After the third night we consummate our marriage, as we
are children of saints and cannot marry like Gentiles who
do not know God.’ So both rose up, and prayed fervently
for God to bless them” (Tobit 8:4-6).

In the past, some priests performed an engagement/betrothal

ceremony called ‘Partial Matrimony’. However, this is a grave
mistake because such a betrothal cannot be broken, whereas,
the Engagement is a period of acquaintance, and so may
continue or discontinue, depending on the partners.

Marriage implies that both bride and groom belong to each

other, and are united in spiritual love and physical unity, as our
teacher St. Paul says: “The wife does not have authority
over her own body but the husband does. And likewise the
husband does not have authority over his own body, but
the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:4). As each partner’s body
17
belongs to the other, they cannot defile themselves through
committing adultery or fornication. Our teacher St Paul says:
“Marriage is honourable among all and the bed
undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). Commitment to this principle
keeps the spiritual life pure and honest and so the relationship
will continue in happiness.

The Rite of the Marriage Ceremony

The priest prepares a Certificate of Marriage and contracts of

official documentation, in the Church’s office where all the
personal information relating to the name, age, date of birth and
denomination of the bride and groom, are kept (they must be of
the same denomination). The couple sign the documentation,
together with the witnesses, and finally the priest. This must all
take place before the Marriage ceremony. The priest must also
take care to record information correctly on these documents,
so that no problems may arise later that might place him in a legal
situation.

The priest should wear the full priestly vestment, or at least the
‘Epitrachelion’ (stole), for he will be officiating a great
ecclesiastical Sacrament.

The deacons proceed the bride and groom into the Church while
chanting the hymn ‘O King of Peace’. The bride, holding the
groom’s hand, is on his right side. They proceed down the aisle,
and stand in front of the two adjacent seats placed before the
altar, facing the south. The bride sits on the right of the groom
according to the Psalm, “At your right hand stands the

18
queen” (Psalm 45:9), and, as mentioned previously, for Eve
was created from the rib on the right side of Adam.

Those attending the ceremony take their places quietly and

reverently, for they are in attendance of the great Sacrament of
Matrimony, and not just attending a common prayer. Just as the
Holy Spirit is present during the holy Liturgy, so too is the Holy
Spirit present during the ceremony of Matrimony, and dwelling
on the couple.

Those who are in the bridal party must take care to dress
reverently and modestly, for they are in the house of God.
Therefore, indecent and inappropriate clothing and excessive
cosmetics, must be abandoned, for they are an insult to the
house of God. In the Psalm is written, “Holiness adorns Your
house, O Lord, for ever” (Psalm 93:5).

Inappropriate dressing also degrades our appearance as

Christians before our guests, for instead of looking with the
children of God, we give the impression of being mockers who
profane God’s house.

The priest must only start the prayers once he feels that all those
in attendance are quiet and attending in reverence, and hence are
respectful towards the holy Sacrament of Matrimony.

The bride and groom present their rings to the priest, which were
originally placed on their right hands, and the priest then places
them in a red silk handkerchief, and then begins the prayers for
the ceremony of Matrimony.

19
NOTES:

Tying the two rings in a red handkerchief, symbolises the bond

that is being made between the couple to the blood of the Lord
Jesus Christ, who is the third partner in every Christian family.
The handkerchief, or veil is silk, because silk is an expensive
fibre, signifying that Matrimony is invaluable and precious, and
so should be a strong and unbreakable relationship: “What God
has joined, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

The priest opens the curtains of the sanctuary, and the lights
therein are lit.

Standing close by the couple, the priest begins by making the

sign of the cross on the rings and the couple three times ...

V The First Sign of the Cross

The priest prays, “In the name of our Lord, God and Saviour
Jesus Christ, the founder of the laws of perfection, in this
Orthodox ceremony and before the altar of the Lord of
hosts, we declare the marriage of the blessed Orthodox son
(...name) to the blessed Orthodox daughter (...name),”

With the cross in his right, the priest makes the sign of the cross
on the couple, and the rings, saying, “In the name of the
Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, one God, Amen.
Blessed be God, the Pantocrator, Amen.” Then he ties the
first knot in the handkerchief containing the rings. The deacons
respond chanting, “Amen,” followed by all praying the Lord’s
Prayer.
20
NOTES:

The prayers of Matrimony always begin with, “In the name of

our Lord, God and Saviour Jesus Christ,” as the name of
Christ blesses everything and every work. This Matrimony is
founded on faith in Christ, for Christian believers must be an
example of the unity of Christ to the Church, which He
purchased with His own precious Blood. The Lord still loves,
cares and keeps the church, His bride, even after He sacrificed
Himself for her, and in return, she obeys and submits to Him.

V The Second Sign of the Cross

The priest prays, “In the name of our Lord, God and Saviour
Jesus Christ, the founder of the laws of perfection, and in
this Orthodox ceremony, and before the altar of the Lord of
hosts, we declare the marriage of the blessed Orthodox
daughter (...name) to the blessed Orthodox son (...name)”,
the priest makes the sign of the cross on the couple and the rings
saying, “Blessed be the only Begotten Son Jesus Christ our
Lord, Amen.” The deacons respond chanting, “Amen,”
followed by all praying the Lord’s Prayer.

V The Third Sign of the Cross

The priest prays, “In the name of our Lord, God and Saviour
Jesus Christ, the founder of the laws of perfection and in
this Orthodox ceremony and before the altar of the Lord of
Hosts, we complete the marriage of the blessed Orthodox
son (...name), to the blessed Orthodox daughter (...name),”
21
the priest makes the sign of the cross on the couple and the rings
saying, “Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete the
Comforter, Amen.” The priest then says the following prayer
silently: “Glory and honour, honour and glory to the Holy
Trinity, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit One God,
Amen.”

The priest then ties the third knot while praying, “What God
has joined, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

Many people refer to the Christian marriage as, ‘the Nazarene

knot’; a knot which cannot be untied easily. A Christian
Marriage cannot be separated, except in the following
circumstances: death, adultery or apostasy.

The deacons respond chanting, “Amen,” followed by all

praying the Lord’s Prayer.

The priest prays the Thanksgiving Prayer, with the deacons and
congregation saying the appropriate responses in joyful tunes.
After the Thanksgiving Prayer, the priest places five spoonfuls of
incense in the censer, then raises the incense for the Pauline
Epistle, after saying silently, the Prayer of Incense of the Pauline
Epistle: “O God the Great and the Eternal, without
beginning and without end, great in His counsel...” and he
places his hand with the cross on the couple’s head to bless
them.

Meanwhile, the deacons chant the hymn ‘Censer of Pure Gold’,

which is a beautiful hymn about St Mary, whom the bride should
emulate in terms of her purity, modesty, spirituality and virtues.

22
Facing west towards the congregation, a deacon then reads from
the first Pauline Epistle to the Corinthians, where he addresses
those in the ceremony saying, “God is faithful by whom you
were called to the fellowship of His Son Jesus Christ our
Lord” (1:1-10).

Although marriage is a companionship between man and

woman, St Paul warns, “Waiting for the revelation of our
Lord Jesus Christ,” by these words, St Paul is saying, expect
the second coming of Christ, and do not let any worldly matters,
whether it be marriage, children, or otherwise, allow you to
forget your goal and your eternity. Hence, wait for the coming of
the Lord with vigilance and repentance.

St Paul then address the bride and groom, asking them to always
be of the same mind and intentions, so that there be no divisions
among them: “Now I plea with you, brethren by the name of
our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing,
and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be
perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same
judgement”, and, “endeavouring to keep the unity of the
Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one
Spirit” (Ephesians 4: 3,4).

The deacons sing the Trisagon of glorification, in joyful tunes,

followed by the priest saying the Prayer of the Gospel, while
raising incense.

Facing the congregation, a deacon reads the following: “Mercy

and truth have met together, righteousness and peace have
kissed each other” (Psalm 84:10,11), in the same way that the

23
bride and groom meet and live together, and share intimacy in
love, peace, and holy union, both physically and spiritually.

The Gospel reading is from St John, which tells of Christ being

the Word and incarnate God, called ‘Emmanuel’, meaning ‘God
is with us’, who descended from heaven and united Himself with
the Church, His bride, and sacrificed Himself for her. In the
same way, this holy unity, which is accomplished through the
Sacrament of Matrimony, must be present between the bride
and groom. Christ then prays a deep and heartfelt intercession:
”Holy Father keep through Your name those whom You
have given Me, that they may be one as We are” (John
17:11).

The priest prays the three Major Litanies for Peace, the Fathers
and for the Congregations. The congregation say the Orthodox
Creed, confirming that it is upon this Orthodox faith that the holy
Sacrament of Matrimony is o be accomplished, and the faith in
which the couple will live by, abide by, and pass on to their
children.

V First Prayer : The priest prays for peace, for the Matrimony,
saying, “Peace be with the groom and his helper.” He
then makes the sign of the cross on their foreheads by his
finger. In this prayer he asks God to grant them peace and
unity of love through the companionship of holy Matrimony.

The deacons respond, “O Christ the Word of the Father, the

only begotten God, give us Your peace, that is filled with all
happiness.”

24
V Second Prayer : The priest prays, “Make them worthy of
the blessing, and complete their unity without blemish,
and make them please Your living will ... Now O Lord
bless Your servants ... with wisdom, purity and
righteousness...”

The deacons respond, “As You gave Your peace to Your

saintly apostles ...”

V Third Prayer : The priest prays, “Bless them and keep

their pledge ... assist them in their youth ... As You gave
the woman to the man to be a helper for him, and for her
to give birth...”

The deacons respond, “My peace that I have received from

My Father, I leave with you, now and forever.”

V Fourth Prayer : The priest prays the following prayer of

thanksgiving, “We thank You our Lord God ...You
gathered the dispersed as one, and united two into one ...
grant them an undivided love. Establish them on the
foundation of Your holy Church.”

The deacons respond, “May God bless us, let us continually

praise His holy name...” (Psalm 67), for His holy name
bestows blessing and the compassion of God upon His people.
The Church here pleads for the happiness of the couple, and
offers thanks and praises unto God.

V Fifth Prayer : The priest prays on the vestments saying, “We

ask You Lord to bless these vestments (making the sign of
25
 the cross on them), so that they may become for Your two
servants who are wearing them, through Your goodness,
vestments of glory and salvation, vestments of joy and
happiness. Preserve them both pure in the soul, body
and spirit through acts of righteousness. Grant them
both heavenly and earthly comfort. Fill their houses and
stores with all blessings ...”

NOTES:

This is a deep, spiritual prayer which asks for health and peace,
which arise from acts of righteousness, whereas evil deeds, such
as drugs and alcohol, destroy the body. Whilst the church prays
for their comfort and joys, they should not forget the true
heavenly comfort which God provides with His saints.

The deacons chant the hymn of ‘The Spiritual Vestment’ in the

joyful tunes of Psalm Sunday, whilst the priest places the priestly
cloak on the groom, and the red ribbons on both the bride and
groom.

The red ribbons signify them as being soldiers for Christ,

struggling in good faith unto eternity (1 Timothy 6:12).

The cloak is a priestly vestment. The groom wears it to

symbolise him becoming head of the house, for he will lead his
family in prayers at the family altar. He offers with his family,
praises, and thanks unto the Lord, for he takes the place of the
family priest, responsible before God.

26
In Old testament times, it was the father who always offered
sacrifices to God and lead his family in prayers, just like Noah
(Genesis 8), Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Job and many others, and
it pleased the Lord (Genesis 8:20).

Prayer of the Holy Matrimony

During this prayer, the priest places two crowns on the heads of
the bride and groom; hereby ordaining them king and queen of
their new kingdom - their house. This ritual is only done for
virgins, or if one of the partners is widowed.

Rite of the Matrimonial Prayer

V The priest begins by saying the ‘Our Father’, followed by the

Prayer of Thanksgiving. The deacons sing the hymn of
‘Censer of Pure Gold’, whilst the priest places five
spoonfuls of incense into the censer to begin saying the Litany
of the Pauline incense silently, and places the cross on the
head of the bride and groom for blessing.

NOTES:

The hymn of ‘Censer of Pure Gold’ is a hymn about St Mary,

and it is sung during the ceremony to remind the bride to emulate
the holy Theotokos, and to bring up children who will be true
children of Christ, and emulate Him in all things.

27
V A deacon reads from the Pauline Epistle to the Ephesians :
“Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is head of the wife ... Husbands love
your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and
gave Himself for it ..., that He might preserve it to
Himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle
or any such thing but that it should be holy and
without blemish (likewise the bride). This is a great
mystery (Sacrament of Matrimony) ... let each one of you
so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that
she respects her husband (obeys him) ... children obey
your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honour your
father and mother which is the first commandment
with a promise” (Ephesians: 5:22 - 6:3)

NOTES:

This commandment is directed to the groom, reminding him not

to neglect his parents, and to treat them with respect and
generosity, especially in their old age, even though he lives apart
from them with his wife. It is his duty to care for them, for the
purpose of obeying God’s commandment and receiving their
parents’ blessings. His wife must not forbid him to care for his
parents.

V After the Pauline reading, the deacons sing the hymn of the
Holy Spirit (‘Bi-Epnevma’), which asks for the Holy Spirit to
dwell upon the bride and groom to sanctify and unite them.

28
V Then the Trisagon of glorification is sung. The priest prays
the Litany of the Gospel, followed by the reading by one of
the deacons : “Like a bridegroom coming out of his
chamber and rejoices like a strong man to run its
race...” (Psalm 18:5-6). This is a prophecy about Christ
rising from the dead in victory, and strength and joy, just like
the bridegroom who comes out of his chamber filled with
happiness. “Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine, in
the very heart of your house. Your children like olive
plants all around your table ... Blessings on those who
fear the Lord” (Psalm 128:3-4).

The person who lives in righteousness, reverence and the fear of

God is blessed by God. The Lord blesses his house with a wife
who is like a fruitful vine of virtues and good deeds, and children,
who are a blessing from God, who will become a holy and
righteous generation. Good children (who resemble a fruitful
olive vine from which the best oil is extracted), are a source of
blessing and happiness for their parents and others who serve
them. Through them, Christ’s name is glorified. This is the
splendour of a Christian house. It is a small Church.

V The Gospel reading is from St Matthew (19:1-6), and

mentions several important principles which are the
foundations for a stable marriage and the formation of an
ideal Christian house:

1. Unity of marriage: one man and one woman, as God created

them in the beginning.

2. Independent living: “For this reason a man shall leave his

father and mother and be joined to his wife” although
29
 they have their own home, in order to avoid interference from
others, they must never neglect caring and loving their
parents, in order to receive their blessings, according to the
Lord’s commandment.

3. One Flesh: “They are no longer two but one flesh”, one
spirit, one heart, one aim, and one life, for they are not two
but one.

4. Stability and Continuity of the Family: As the Church does

not approve of divorce except in the case of adultery,
whoever encourages divorce is breaking a divine law which
was instigated by God Himself when He wedded Adam and
Eve and blessed them saying, “What God has joined
together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6). Through
the division caused by divorce, the couple are sinning against
God and His commandments.

V The deacons then chant the response of the Gospel reading:

“Those that have been united together in harmony by the
Holy Spirit, are praising God continually like a harp.
With Psalms and praises and spiritual songs, day and
night, from the heart, without failure.”

The response has much significance and meaning : Who united

the bride and bridegroom ? The Holy Spirit, for a good wife is
from the Lord. How did the Holy Spirit unite them? Like a harp
with reviving, comforting, and soothing tunes. For what purpose
did the Holy Spirit unite them? To praise God, as Isaac the
prophet said: “Everyone who is called by My name, whom I
have created for My glory, I have formed him, yes, I have

30
made him. This people I have formed for Myself. They
shall declare My praise” (Isaiah 44: 7,21).

With what do they praise God? With praises and spiritual

songs; by a family altar where prayers are led by the father as
the family’s priest, by lips confessing the name of the Lord,
thanking Him for His multitude of blessings, and countless graces
He provides every morning. And when do they praise God?
Day and night continually. This is the Christian house, the small
church which is heaven on earth.

SUPPLICATIONS

The Liturgy of Matrimony begins with praying these

supplications. Therefore, it is important that all people are
standing reverently, lifting their hearts to God. We ask ourselves,
is it possible for the Holy Spirit to bless the bride and groom
amidst a show of indecency - both in terms of apparel and also
behaviour? Such behaviour as talking loudly, eating sweets, and
photographers running about anxious to take several shots,
whilst the priest stands praying?

I hope we always bear in mind that our, “God is not the

author of confusion but the peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33).

V The priest raises the cross and prays the supplications, asking
the Lord to grant blessing and grace upon the bride and
groom, just as He blessed Adam with his wife Eve, and
Abraham with Sarah, and Isaac with his wife Rebecca, and
Jacob with his wife, and Joseph with his wife, and blessed the
wedding of Cana of Galilee by His presence.
31
The priest prays twelve supplications, and after each
supplication, the congregation respond, “Lord have mercy.”
The deacons then say, “O Christ, the Logos, the only
begotten Son, grant us Your peace, that is full of every
joy...” The deacons’ response asks the Lord to bestow peace
and joy on the couple.

V The priest prays the Litanies of Peace, the Fathers and the
Congregations. He prays for the peace of the Holy Church,
power for the Church fathers, and bishops and teachers, to
guard the Orthodox faith. He then prays for the
Congregations who are in the Church and at home, that the
Lord may disperse from them their enemies, and make their
houses to be houses of prayers, houses of purity, houses of
blessing, through the dwelling of God in them according to his
blessed promise: “For where two or three are gathered
together in My name, I am there in the midst of them”
(Matthew 18:20), and, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep
My word, and My Father will love him, and We will
come to him and make our home with him” (John
14:23).

V All gathered pray the Orthodox Creed to remind the couple

that their wedding is founded on the holy Orthodox faith of
the one, holy, universal, and Apostolic Church. It is a
reminder for them to keep the faith in truth, and instil it in their
children as a precious gift.

32
NOTES:

Note the similarities between the Liturgy of Matrimony and the

Liturgy of the Eucharist, with its deep Prayers, recitation of the
Orthodox Creed, and the various supplications.

V Now the priest prays three supplications for the unity of the
bride and groom: for their union to be holy love not lust, and
for them to rejoice in the birth of their children. He asks for
their cooperation in every good work, so they may glorify the
Lord by their blessed deeds.

The First Supplication: “Let them enter into the law of

happiness and abide in truth ... grant them a living fruit out
of the womb ... prepare them for every good work...”

The Second Supplication: “Bless the union of Your servants

(...name) and (...name), that were united together according
to Your Will. Bless them as You blessed our forefathers
Abraham and Sarah. Elevate them as You did with Isaac
and Rebecca, and multiply them as You multiplied Jacob and
his offspring. Glorify them as You glorified Joseph in Egypt.
Grant them purity, prosperity, wisdom, salvation and
blessing.”

The deacons then respond with a hymn which requests peace for
the new family.

33
NOTES:

Although the physical union between the couple has not taken
place yet, the priest prays for their union to be blessed, and to
be a pure, spiritual and sentimental union, which is more
important and permanent.

The Third Supplication: “O Master and Lord look upon

Your servants (...name) and (...name). Confirm their union,
guard their bed to be undefiled. Shield them and their home
with Your unconquerable right hand. Save them from all
envy and intrigue. Preserve them in harmony and peace.
Grant them joy...”

V The deacons chant the response, “Do not forget Your

Covenant...” If God does not forget His Covenant with us,
we, the bride and the groom must not forget our covenants
with our Lord: the renunciation of the devil, and abiding in
Christ through Baptism. And the covenant of the Eucharist
which is sealed by the holy precious Blood of Christ. We
keep all these promises and fulfil them in order to receive the
blessings of God’s promises which are in store for us.

V The priest then says a Prayer for Submission where the

couple bow their heads and the priest places his hands on
them praying this prayer humbly before God : “Listen to us
O God, we unworthy sinners ... Save them from all evil,
and lengthen their lives in meekness, calmness,
endurance and obedience, and keep them blameless and
without fall. Enlighten their hearts and minds so that

34
 they may always do Your will.” The deacons respond,
asking for their blessing from the Holy Trinity.

Anointing the Couple with Oil

V The priest prays over the oil in the bottle, making the sign of
the cross upon it. After each prayer, the deacons respond,
“Amen.” The priest first anoints the bridegroom, and then
the bride, while the deacons chant, “May this oil destroy
demons and evil spirits through Jesus Christ the King of
Glory.”

Anointing the couple with oil has many advantages:

• It is an oil for sanctification and blessing as the Psalm

says: “You anoint my head with oil” (Psalm 23:5).

• It is an anointment of purity and incorruption and a

strong weapon against all lustful thoughts. It is for power,
salvation and victory over all the deeds of the adversary.

• It is an anointment for health, renewal and salvation to

their souls, bodies and spirits.

• It is an oil of joy and gladness, according to the Psalm,

“You love righteousness and hate wickedness.
Therefore God, Your God has anointed you with
the oil of gladness more than your companions”
(Psalm 45:7). Oil was used in the Old Testament to
anoint kings, and as the couple here appear as the king
and queen, so too are they anointed. Oil also signifies

35
 gladness, which is being felt during the celebration of the
holy Matrimony.

V The priest then prays the following prayer of blessing, after

having anointed the couple : “O God guard Your servants
(...name) and (...name). Protect their union in purity.
Fortify them by Your pure angels ... grant us to be in the
places of rest of Your saints in the Heavenly Kingdom.”

NOTES:

How wonderful and meaningful are these prayers! In the middle

of the Matrimony, the priest mentions eternal life, to remind the
couple not be preoccupied by earth’s comfort, its pleasures and
lusts, but to always focus on the better life which we will receive
in heaven with the angels and saints.

Crowning the Couple

V The priest holds the crowns (or one of the deacons may hold
them for him) and prays over them making the sign of the
cross. After each prayer, the congregation responds,
“Amen.”

V “O Holy God Who crowned the saints with unfading

crowns and reconciled and united the heavenly and
earthly beings. O Master, bless now these crowns which
we are going to set upon your servants’ heads. Make
these crown for them: Crowns of glory and honour.
Amen! Crowns of Blessing and salvation. Amen!”
36
NOTES:

In this prayer we notice that the priest does not forget the
heavenly crowns, whilst holding and blessing the matrimonial
crowns. Crowns of unfading righteousness, kept in heaven for
those who struggle for righteousness sake, according to what our
teacher St. Paul says: “I have fought the good fight, I have
finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is
laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord,
the righteous Judge, will give to me on that day, and not
only to me, but also to all who loved His appearing” (2
Timothy 4:7-8).

Through these words, the couple are reminded of their heavenly

crowns, which they must strive for in their lives, and not focus on
earthly crowns, such as the ceremonial ones which will be
removed after the ceremony. (It is the significance of the crowns
placed, rather than the actual crown itself which is important).
The priest asks God to grant the couple crowns of heavenly
glory, salvation and delight and for victory against trials.

V Then the priest places the crowns on the head of the groom
and then the bride, saying: “O Lord, set upon Your
servants crowns of unvanquished grace. Amen! Crowns
of elevated and everlasting glory. Amen!” These words
refer to the heavenly crowns which are given to the
repentants and those who are victorious in their spiritual
struggle. Thus, the crowns which are placed on the couple’s
heads are representative of the heavenly crowns; the crowns
of elevated and everlasting glory.

37
V The priest then puts their heads together, as a symbol of their
intellectual and physical union, and then makes the sign of the
cross on them three times, saying:

V “Crown them with glory, O Father, Amen;”

V “Bless them, O only begotten Son, Amen;”
V “Sanctify them, O Holy Spirit, Amen!”

Through these three supplications made in the sign of the cross,

the Holy Spirit dwells on the couple, blesses their wedding and
unites them in one heart and body.

NOTES:

Crowns signify royalty and king/queenship. By placing the

ceremonial crowns on the heads of the bride and groom,
represents that they are the king and queen of their new kingdom
- their home.

“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord. For He has clothed me

with the garments of salvation. He has covered me with
the robe of righteousness. As a bridegroom decks himself
with ornaments. And as a bride adorns herself with her
jewels” (Isaiah 61:10).

• It is important that each person have control over themselves,

and keep themselves from destructive lusts and passions, and
hence make themselves strong through perseverance. The
wise King Solomon said, “He who rules his spirit is better
than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32).

38
• Wearing the crown signifies that the couple have become the
glory of the other person: “An excellent wife is the crown
of her husband” (Proverbs 12:4), and, “The head of
woman is man” (1 Corinthians 11:3).

The deacons sing the hymn of “Worthy” for the bride and
groom. It is important that this hymn be sung exactly as specified
in the hymn books. In recent times, some deacons have diverted
from the hymn book and sing, ““Bless, O Lord by Your Holy
Name...”. However, this is not correct, because blessing can
only be given by the priest. Commitment and adherence to the
Rites saves us from committing mistakes.

The deacons then chant responses for the couple, such as,
“Unperishable crowns were given by God to the
bridegroom...”

V The priest places the cross on the head of the bridegroom

and makes the sign of the cross three times while saying:

• “The Lord who blessed our father Adam ..., bless you and
your helper.”

• “The Lord who blessed Isaac ..., bless you and your
helper.”

• “The Lord who blessed our father Jacob ..., bless you and
your helper.”

V Then he places the cross on the bride’s head and makes the
sign of the cross three times while saying:

39
• “The Lord who blessed our father Adam ..., bless this
marriage.”

• “The Lord who blessed Jacob ..., bless this marriage.”

• “The Lord who blessed Joseph ..., bless this marriage.”

The deacons then chant the praise of the Cherubim, “The

Cherubim worship You...”

The priest gives a word to the couple about the creation of

Adam and Eve. God created Eve from Adam’s ribs so that she
be equal to him. He did not create her from his foot, so he does
not tread on her and despise her, and did not create her from his
head so she does not dominate him. he Lord created Eve from
Adam’s rib, which is near the heart, and therefore he must be
caring for her.

The deacons respond, asking God to grant His peace to the

happy couple.

The Rings

V After placing the crowns, and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit
which has united them, the priest then places the rings on their
fingers, as a clear indication of their unity and marriage, as
follows:

• The priest places the groom’s ring onto the finger of the bride
(left hand), and then the groom pushes the ring all the way on
her finger.
40
• The priest places the bride’s ring onto the finger of the groom
(left hand), and then the bride pushes the ring all the way on
his finger.

NOTES:

1. The priest places the rings onto the couple’s hands, for he is
the minister of God’s Sacraments, and so his hand signifies
the hand of Christ. Therefore, the Christian Matrimony should
remain intact, for what God has joined together, no one shall
separate.

2. The groom’s ring must have the bride’s name engraved on it,
so that when he wears the ring, it is as if he is holding her in
his hands, and is responsible for her.

3. The bride’s ring must have the groom’s name engraved on it,
to signify that her groom has become her delight.

4. Each partner wears their ring which has been engraved with
their spouse’s name, as proof of their love, commitment, and
possession of each other in all things. St Paul said, “The wife
does not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does. And likewise the husband does not have
authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1
Corinthians 7:4)

5. The bride and groom wear the rings on the left hand, for the
left side is near the heart, and so they must love one another
and be close to each other’s heart.
41
6. The wedding rings are made of gold, which is a precious
metal that does not corrode. So too should be the value and
preciousness of the marital bond. It does not crumble or fall
apart during tribulations, but rather, shines greater, as gold
that is purified by fire.

THE COMMANDMENT

The bride and groom rise from their

chairs and the priest takes them to
stand before the sanctuary door,
facing east. He gives them the
commandment before the
sanctuary, as a witness that they are
being wedded before the Lord, and
so must keep what the Church
advises them, by the priest, before
the holy altar of God.

V The priest says, “Now since you have been present at this
blessed time before the sanctuary of the Lord of Hosts
and His holy altar, you have been joined together and
united in the blessedness of matrimony ... So you must
know each other and submit yourselves to one another in
love and purity.”

42
NOTES:

It is very important for the married couple to be aware of each

other’s rights, so that they may live together in harmony, stability
and joy. They must give comfort and joy to each other.

“Submit yourselves to one other”, is a very important

commandment; they must submit in terms of sharing and
exchanging and being agreeable to each other’s ideas and
thoughts, not just clinging to what they want individually. There
must be dialogue, advice and discussion between them, in order
for them to come to a common, correct agreement, and so their
lives together will be peaceful. The man must never put down his
wife’s thoughts, or dominate her with his.

V The deacons then sing, “O King of Peace...” Followed by,

“Take unto you, O bridegroom, your bride, Jesus Christ
has given her to you, and by the hand of the priest He has
given her to you. And blessed you both with His holy
name!” The priest takes the right hand of the bride and
places it in the right hand of the groom, and then covers their
hands with a small white veil. (The white veil was originally
given to the couple for Holy Communion, when the
Matrimonial ceremony took place before the Mass, but now
the veil presents a reminder to them to be regular in their
partaking of the Holy Communion).

The priest giving the bride to her groom, represents the

Church giving the bride to her bridegroom, to whom he will be
responsible for her before God. Their “Marriage is
honourable and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).
43
 He must keep her happy and do all that is good for her, and
have compassion on her, like Tobit had on Sarah. Sarah’s father
took her hand and gave it to Tobit saying, “The God of
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob be with you, and bless you”
(Tobit 7:15).

V Then the priest says to the bridegroom: “My blessed son,

may the grace of the Holy Spirit strengthen you to take
unto yourself your wife, in purity of heart and sincerity.
Do all that is good for her. Have compassion on her and
always hasten to do that which will gladden her heart.”

NOTES:

It is an important commandment, and the bridegroom must listen

well to every word in order to try fulfilling it. It is an invitation of
love, sacrifice and giving in marital life, warning him against
selfishness and carelessness, which is the basis of trouble and
strife.

The priest must say this commandment and the wife’s

commandment carefully and unhurriedly, so the couple can hear
and comprehend.

V Then, as an introduction to the commandment the priest will

give to the bride, the deacons sing: “Listen O bride, and
lend your ear, forsake your people and your father’s
home, for your chastity has appealed to the bridegroom,
and he is your husband and to him you will obey!” hence,

44
 alerting her to take care to the commandment about to be
given in order to try fulfilling it.

V The priest advises the bride saying, “And you, blessed

daughter, and happy bride (...name), you must honour
and respect him, do not disagree with him but increase
your obedience to him over what was commanded many
times ... Receive him with joy and cheer. Do not frown in
his face. Do not ignore any of his rights upon you and
fear God in all your deeds with him...”

NOTES:

It is an important commandment for the bride to humble herself

for her husband and so live in peace. Problems can occur when
the woman wants dominion over the family. As God is the head
of the Church, He placed man to be head of the family, and the
woman to be the heart of the family; he centre of motherhood,
compassion, love and emotions. But once his heart does not
exist, problems occur, and children suffer, becoming the victims.

We wish that the Church may design a beautiful Marriage

Certificate, upon which is written the commandments given to
the bride and groom on their wedding day. It would be great if
they an frame and hang this certificate in a place that they can
read as often as possible, in order to remind themselves of their
responsibilities towards each other. The marital house, is
supposed to be a small church from which arises the sweet
smelling incense of peace and love of God and united worship,
whether it be fasting, praying, or Bible reading. Thus the Lord
will be glad with the aroma of this blessed house (Genesis 8).
45
V The deacons then chant the hymn, “O King of peace, give
us Your peace...”, requesting peace for this new family from
the first moment of its formation to the last moment of each
one’s life.

V The priest then prays the Prayer of Blessing on them : the

bride and groom kneel before the altar, and place their joined
right hands which are covered by the white veil, on the Holy
Bible presented before them. Their heads are placed
together as a symbol of union and marriage.

NOTES:

The placing of hands on the Holy Bible signifies an oath of

promise to keep and abide by the Biblical commandments, and
that their life will be according to the commandment, having the
mind of Christ, to live following the Gospel of Christ.

V The priest says, “Fill your heart with spiritual love,”

speaking in the singular form, for they are now one heart, one
body, and one mind.

It is a belief amongst many non-spiritual people, that the period

of most fervent love is prior to marriage, during the engagement
period, and that after marriage, this fervent love decreases, and
in some cases even becomes hatred. This feeling was expressed
by the master of the feast in the wedding of Cana of Galilee, who
said, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine,
and when the guests have well drunk, then that which is
46
inferior” (John 2:10). However, when the Lord Jesus Christ
attended and blessed the wedding of Cana of Galilee and
blessed the Sacrament of Matrimony, He set right the things that
were not. He gave the guests the good wine (water converted to
wine) after the inferior wine, to teach us that marital love has its
beginnings during the engagement process, but increases and
enhances, like good wine. The love that is shared between the
couple, through Christ, increase over time, for as St Luke said,
“old is better” (Luke 5:39).

The Lord Jesus Christ attended the wedding of Cana of Galilee

to establish and sanctify the Sacrament of Matrimony, making
the marital house a small church, which is sanctified by the
presence of the Lord Christ. Within the house, the Lord will
manifest His glory, just like He did with His disciples, “He
manifested His glory, and His disciples believed in Him”
(John 2:11).

A loving couple should glorify the Lord in all they do, and
manifest His greatness to others. They believe in the power of
Christ and His mysterious work granted in the Sacrament of
Matrimony. They surrender their lives to Him, obey Him and His
commandments given to them in the sacrament, and they allow
for the Holy Spirit to work in their lives.

V All those gathered then pray the Lord’s Prayer, followed by

the priest praying the absolution for the couple. He then says
the final blessing, the Lord’s Prayer, and the Dismissal, “...
go in peace, the peace of the Lord be with you.”

V The deacons then lead the procession, singing the hymn,

“Hail Mary the Queen”, followed by the bride and groom,
47
 until they reach the door of the church where they stand to
accept the congratulations from their guests.

NOTES:

It would be a nice gesture from the Church if the priest gives a

Holy Bible to the couple and two Agbias, advising them to start
their life by reading the Holy Bible regularly, and praying from
the Agbia together, even if only once a day before sleeping. It
would be good also if the couple are regular in Repentance and
Confession, and receiving the Holy Communion. It is also
important that they do not neglect paying their tithes, so that God
may grant them blessings and bless their house and protect them.

I hope the couple will care and take the time, during their first
days of marriage, to read together certain chapters from the
Holy Bible, relating to the subject of marriage and family.
Examples are: Genesis 2: 18-24, Matthew 19, Ephesians 5, 1
Peter 3.

The Church should care to visit the couple in their new home,
and quickly address any problems that the couple may face,
before they become serious. The church also remembers their
new home, during the prayers of the holy Mass, in particular
when the priest prays asking the Lord to grant, “Purity for
those in virginity and good life for those in wedlock.” And
in the Litany of Congregations, the priest prays, “Houses of
purity houses of blessing. Grant us O Lord and to all Your
servants.”

48
 THE SECOND MARRIAGE FOR WIDOWS

Although the Coptic Church does not prefer it, it does not
prohibit remarriage. In the Selective Council it is mentioned:
“But the second marriage is different from the first. It has certain
order of laws, without the blessing of the Matrimony, but rather,
a prayer of forgiveness.” Our teacher St. Paul says: “But I say
to the unmarried and to the widows. It is good for them if
they remain even as I am (unmarried), but if they cannot
exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to
marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9).

St Ambrose said: “We do not prohibit second marriage, but

we do not advise it.”

St Gerome said: “The first Adam married once but the

second Adam (Christ) never married.”

The Church forbids the person who remarries, and any children
he bears from his second marriage, to join the Priesthood.

St. Gregory the Theologian said: “The first marriage is a law,

the second marriage is forgiveness, the third transgression
and the fourth is clearly adultery.”

St. Gerome also mentions, “Even the pigeons and doves don’t
take another partner if their companions pass away.
Remarriage is even rejected by the birds.”

49
 Rite of the Ceremony of Second Marriage for
Widows

The priest prays the Lord’s Prayer, followed by the Prayer of

Thanksgiving, and Psalm 50.

A deacon reads the Epistle of St. Paul to the Hebrews, “Let

brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain
strangers” (13:1-6). The couple are advised to love and
respect each other, and maintain the dignity of marriage, purity of
the bed, warning against adultery, the love of money and lusts,
and to be content and rely on God.

Then the Trisagon of glorification is chanted, followed by the

Litany of the Gospel.

One of the deacons reads the Psalm and Gospel: “Your wife
like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house” (Psalm
128:3), which speaks about a God fearing man being rewarded
by God giving him a good wife and children, who are like fruitful
olive branches.

The Gospel reading is from St John, “He who has the bride is
the bridegroom...” (3:27-29), which tells of the pure and great
love between Jesus Christ the bridegroom, and the Church His
bride. He purchased the Church with His own precious blood,
and He manages it and cares for it, and in return, the Church
obeys and submits herself to Him. Likewise should the wedded
bride and groom.

50
The response of the Gospel reading is as follows: “This is your
joy, and your delight has been consummated ... , marriage is
joy, delight and jubilation, as long as it is in God.”

The priest says the three Major Litanies, followed by the

Orthodox Creed.

The priest prays, “O Lord, God, our Master, the Pantocrator

... bless them now with Your freedom and forgiveness, to
shelter them with Your right arm, to save them from envy,
to guard them and to give them one heart, and grant them
delight and joy...”

After anointing them with oil, the priest gives them the
commandment saying, “The woman was taken from the rib of
man so that she might be in his possession and be obedient to
him, and that he may be kind to her, concerned about her
welfare, and as merciful towards her as he was towards himself.
A man is to leave his father and mother and be with his wife.
The two of them are to be one body and one heart and be in
accord, fearing God and pursuing His approval ... As for you
blessed sister, you are to obey your husband knowing that he
alone is to lead you ... And you, blessed brother, should hasten
to satisfy her and work toward her welfare, fulfilling the saying of
St. Paul: “And you men, love your women as your own
bodies...”

The priest prays the Lord’s Prayer, followed by the three

Absolutions.

51
The priest then grants the blessing and final dismissal, and so the
Rite of the Second Marriage is completed peacefully.

Glory be to God forever. Amen.

52