Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. It

means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control
in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well, and
have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations
and goals, communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.
Feeling confident in yourself might depend on the situation. For
instance, you can feel very confident in some areas, such as
academics, but lack confidence in others, like relationships.
Having high or low self-confidence is rarely related to your actual
abilities, and mostly based on your perceptions. Perceptions are
the way your think about yourself and these thoughts can be
flawed.
Low self-confidence might stem from different experiences, such
as growing up in an unsupportive and critical environment, being
separated from your friends or family for the first time, judging
yourself too harshly, or being afraid of failure. People with low
self- confidence often have errors in their thinking.

Difference in Self-esteem & confidence:

Self-esteem: refers to whether you appreciate and value
yourself. Your self-esteem develops and changes as a result of
your life experiences and interactions with other people.

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Self-confidence: is your belief in yourself and your abilities.
This can change depending on the situation. It's normal to feel
quite confident in some circumstances and less confident in
others.
A healthy amount of self-esteem is necessary to have the self-
confidence to meet life's challenges and participate in things you
find enjoyable and rewarding.

How low self-esteem or self-confidence can affect

you:
Many people experience low self-esteem low self-confidence.
Some are only affected in particular situations, but for others it
can be restricting or debilitating.
If you have low self-esteem or low self- confidence, you may find
that individual negative or disappointing experiences affect how
you feel about yourself. This can cause a self-perpetuating cycle
of negative thinking where negative expectations for the future
discourage you from trying. This leads to disappointing
outcomes.
For example, if you're lacking self-confidence and receive a low
mark for an assignment, you may think, "What else could I
expect? I'm stupid. This proves it, and I might as well leave.
"If you have healthy self-esteem and receive a low mark, you
may think, "I wonder where went wrong? I'll find out so that I
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can do better next time." Although you may feel disappointed by
the low mark, you don't feel diminished as a person.

Low self-confidence can result in:

• Shyness
• Communication difficulties
• Social anxiety
• Lack of assertiveness.
Low self-esteem may cause you to develop a strong critical
internal voice (an 'inner critic') that tends to express itself loudly
when you're feeling distressed, overwhelmed or judged by
others. This inner critic can cause significant personal distress by
contributing to feelings of sadness, anxiety or anger.

Believing your inner critic can cause you to:

• Think negative things about yourself
• Believe your negative thoughts are always true
• Ignore your strengths and abilities
• Focus on your mistakes and failings while ignoring the positive
• expect the worst
• avoid challenges or situations where you feel you could be
judged by others
• Think that you don't deserve to have pleasure or fun.

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9 Traits of Self-Confident People:
1. They don't compare themselves to others. Robin has a
bigger house than me; John drives a more expensive car;
Marsha received a promotion. Making these types of
comparisons is self-defeating. Self-confident people focus
on how they feel about themselves, irrespective of how
others are doing.
2. They exercise regularly. Self-confident people know that
exercise makes us healthier, happier, and more satisfied
with ourselves. They work out often and reap the rewards.
3. They dress for success. Confident people know that the
better they look, the better they feel about themselves.
That doesn't mean wearing the most expensive clothing; it
means looking put together and having great personal
hygiene, with neat hair, clothes, and shoes.
4. They sit up straight. Body language counts for a lot.
Confident people sit up tall, make eye contact, rarely fold
their arms across their chests, and smile often.
5. They speak positively. Confident people don't dwell on the
negative-about themselves or others. Rather than
badmouth fellow workers, pick fights, or gossip, they speak
well of others whenever they can.
6. They ask for help. Confident folks know when they need a
helping hand and they're not too proud or too afraid to ask
for it.
7. They don't give up. Obstacles are seen as barriers to be
overcome, not set backs to success. When confronted with
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 problems, big and small, confident individuals hunker down
and power through.
8. They help others. The desire to help others gives confident
people a greater sense of purpose and an outward focus
that brings them immense satisfaction,
9. They act confident. Of course, even self-confident people
sometimes feeling secure. When they do, they don't let on;
they continue to act assertive and self-assured until they
regain their footing.

Causes of lack of self-confidence:

1. Negative Social Comparison:

Social comparison can sometimes serve a positive function and
enhance a person's sense of self-confidence. However
comparing yourself to others can also play a role in damaging
self-confidence. People with low self-esteem may be more likely
to engage in what is known as upward social comparison, or
comparing themselves to people who they think are better than
themselves. Upward social comparison isn't always bad.
Sometimes these comparisons can be a source of information
and inspiration for improvement. When people are left with
feelings of inadequacy or hopelessness, however, it can inhibit
self-esteem.

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 2. Lack of Control People:
Who have low self-confidence often feel that they have little
control over their lives or what happens to them. This might be
due to the fact that they feel that they have little ability to create
changes either in themselves or in the world. Because they have
an external locus of control, they may feel that they are
powerless to do anything to fix their problems. Research has
found that in situations where people do have little control over
what happens, having higher self-esteem can help relieve some
of the negative effects of this loss of control, which ultimately
benefits mental health.

3. Negative Self-Talk:
Low self-confidence causes people to focus on their flaws rather
than their strengths. Rather than build themselves up with
positive self-talk, they always seem to have something negative
to say about themselves. They blame themselves when things go
wrong and always find some fault with some aspect of
themselves, whether it is their appearance, their personality, or
their abilities.

4. Fear of Failure:
Because people lack confidence in their abilities, they doubt
their ability to achieve success .While they might fear failure,
they tend to either avoid challenges or give up quickly without
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really trying. This fear of failure can be seen in behaviors such as
acting out when things go wrong or looking for ways to hide
feelings of inadequacy. People might make excuses, blame
external factors, or try to downplay the importance of the task.

5. Life Experiences:
A number of individual experiences can lead to feeling
completely unsure of your worth. Physical, sexual, and
emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-
confidence.

6. Bullying, harassment and humiliation:

Childhood bullying can leave a mark on your confidence when it
comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities, and other areas
of your life.

Ways to Build Self-confidence

1.Change your language to change your life :
Pay attention to the language you use when you talk to yourself
or describe yourself to others. We are often more kind and
generous to other people than we are to ourselves. You value
Recognize and challenge your inner critic.

2.Try to speak slow, move slow and be calm:

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Focus on the messages that make yourself, and turn down those
that make you think negatively about your value or ability.
Reprogram your thinking with positive self-talk and affirmations.

3.Your greatest needs:

Take notice of experiences or thoughts that increase or decrease
your self-confidence. Identify your strengths, abilities and
achievements. Be honest and include everything you're proud
of, no matter how small. Think about what they mean to you and
why they're important to you. Think about what you'd like to
change or improve about yourself, and how you can do that.

4.You don't have to be perfect to be confident

Becoming more accepting of yourself helps you to feel OK about
yourself and other people, regardless of the situation. Everyone
makes mistakes. When you practice self-acceptance you can:
• acknowledge that mistakes are part of learning
• identify ways you may be able to solve problems differently or
change to get a different outcome
• be critical of your behavior and try to change it without being
critical of yourself.

5.Praise yourself :
Celebrate your achievements as you practice building your self-
esteem and self-confidence. Make time to treat yourself with
experiences and activities you value. Share with others If you
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can, tell a good friend what you're doing. Their encouragement
and feedback on the changes you're making could be invaluable
support. You can also help other people to see themselves as
capable and worthwhile.

6.Depression and anxiety :

Spend time with people who like you for who you are. Avoid
people who are constantly negative or critical, but don't
withdraw from genuine social contact.

7.Believing and winning :

You may decide you want to make changes in your life to
improve your self-esteem and self-confidence. Think about what
you can change that will improve how you feel about yourself.
For example, you may want to make changes in your studies, job
or relationships, or develop new skills. Make a plan so that you
can:
• Identify specific goals that will challenge you
• break each goal down into achievable steps

8.Try to learn more:

Learn to assert your needs. Don't feel guilty about asking others
for what you want, or saying no to what you don't want. Assert
yourself! Learn approaches to develop assertion skills. Make
changes in your life. Build on your success after each step.

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Conclusion
Self-confidence is the most important skill of a life. A confident
man or women enjoys more successful life than the un-
confident. Everyone can upgrade its self-confidence, by its own
practice. No other than yourself can change your life. You have
to do it by yourself.

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