Female Thoughts

21 Questions

© Female Thoughts
Table of Contents
1. Why are women not communicating clearly? ........................................................................ 3
2. Are women turned on by jealousy?....................................................................................... 4
3. Why are women interested in guys who aren’t interested in them?....................................... 4
4. How do women want to be approached? .............................................................................. 5
6. It a problem if the woman earns more than the man? ........................................................... 6
7. How to be the boss in a long-term relationship ..................................................................... 7
8. What are the qualities women desire in men? ...................................................................... 8
9. I’m a nice guy but it feels like women are only interested in assholes. How can I attract her? . 9
10. How to deal with her when she becomes emotional? ........................................................ 10
11. How to move from friendship or dating into something serious? ....................................... 10
12. Why is she losing attraction to me and how can I prevent it? ............................................. 11
13. How important are a man’s looks to women? ................................................................... 12
14. What’s on a woman’s mind who comes back after a breakup? .......................................... 13
15. How can I tell if she’s “wife material”? .............................................................................. 14
16. How can I ask her for a serious relationship? ..................................................................... 15
17. When I’m into a girl, I become more soft and emotional. I’m afraid of repelling her. .......... 15
18. Why does she show interest first, but loses it when I return it? ......................................... 16
19. A girl in a long term relationship is interested in me. What can I think of her? .................... 17
20. I am good looking and skilled, but have low confidence. How can I attract her? ................. 17
21. I’m afraid that she plays me. How can I attract her without playing games? ....................... 18

© Female Thoughts
1. Why are women not communicating clearly?

Women are a lot more emotional than men. Life can be a constant turmoil for us. Sometimes
we go from hot to cold in an instant: We “live” in emotions.
And that’s why we communicate in emotions. When we say something, we want to tell our
current emotional state. We want to express how we feel. So we just communicate
differently than men. It may seem “unclear” because emotions are complicated and hard to
express. Sometimes we don’t even understand our emotional state ourselves, but we still
want to tell it.

That’s where many men become irritated: Instead of considering the woman’s feelings, they
approach the conversation with pure logic. They expect the woman to communicate the
same way they do. But that’s very selfish because that’s not how we are. It’s the same as if a
woman expects a man to communicate purely emotionally.
Showing frustration and forcing your own way of communicating onto a woman is the worst
thing you can do. It shows a lack of understanding and experience with female nature.

Instead, you should always be aware: Most of the time, men communicate via logic and
women via emotions. She doesn’t say: “This is how X it is”. She says: “This is how I feel about
X”. She just wants to express herself. She wants to be heard. She wants attention.

Too often, men come with pure logic and try to solve a problem when there’s no “real”
problem to solve. This is bad, because it implicitly tells the woman that there is indeed a real
problem. Now an issue was created from nothing. And no matter how long he tries, he won’t
solve the emotional problem with his logic. This frustrates both: The man because he can’t
solve the problem. And the woman because she thinks her man is incompetent.

When she confronts you with a problem, you should listen attentively to assure her that you
care. Only approach with logic if there’s a logical problem to solve (most of the times this
won’t be the case). If not, focus on the underlying emotion of the problem and calm her.
It’s done easiest by clearly stating why the problem isn’t a problem with absolute conviction
(shouldn’t be too hard when there indeed isn’t an actual real-world problem). Be brief (a too
long explanation will reassure her of the “problems” importance). If she then still complains,
give her the same explanation again (don’t get dragged in another big explanation, the logical
reason is still the same). Most important is that you stay calm (because emotional states are
contagious). This reassures her that you’re not fazed by the “problem”.
Another way is to playfully(!) not take the issue seriously. Again, it’s about emotion: Don’t
tell her “I don’t take you serious” or “I laugh about your issues”. Just signal emotionally: “It’s
all good – see, you know by yourself that there’s no real issue so let’s just laugh it away”. Do
this with a smirk and in a way that shows her that you DO care about her. You’re not
disregarding her problems. You help her disregarding her “demons” that want to convince
her of problems that don’t exist. Only use this tactic when her problem is really something
you could laugh about. Otherwise you signal that you don’t care about her problems.

To wrap this up, see your woman as an oracle rather than taking every word for face value.
She communicates how she feels. She knows about her emotional state herself, so most of
the time she just wants calm reassurance that everything is good.

© Female Thoughts
Of course, there are exceptions and many more aspects of communication. But knowing this
concept solves most misunderstandings. Most important is that you stay calm and don’t get
dragged into her emotionalism. This emotional stability will prevent a lot of drama from
happening in the first place because your calmness smoothes her.

2. Are women turned on by jealousy?

Easy answer: Yes. It is a turn-on when other women want our man. It assures us that our man
is of high value and has other options. When I recognize that I’m a guy’s only option, I ask
myself: “Why does no one else want him? - There must be a reason for it, otherwise other
women would be interested in him as well”.
A man with a pretty woman next to him is more attractive than a man alone. A man being
eyed by other women in public is a huge turn-on. It’s just a great feeling to walk with him
when other women turn their heads: Because I know that I have what they want.
But it only works if it’s natural and subtle. If a man brags how other women are interested in
him, he’s either lying, wants to make us feel bad, or has an ego problem.

In a word, sexual competition turns women on. We want a man who’s wanted by other
women.

3. Why are women interested in guys who aren’t interested in them?

Women aren’t per se into uninterested men. It depends a lot on how a guy states his interest.
When you walk up to her confidently and clearly state your intention – that’s attractive. And
even if she’s not into you, she will respect you.

But there are more nuances to that. Women are into men of higher value than themselves.
We want to date “up”. For example, if I meet someone and he’s very interested in me from
the beginning, I ask myself “Why? He doesn’t know me yet. How can he be so interested in
me already? He must have no standards, or he’s just interested in anyone – And therefore,
he can’t be high status. Because if he was, he would have standards. And he wouldn’t be
interested in just anyone.”

We don’t want a man who is easy to get. We want to go through a bit of a struggle. We want
to qualify ourselves to him. We want to win him over for us. We want to “seduce him against
his will”. We even want a bit to “suffer for love”. If he’s easy to get, anyone could get him.
And if anyone could get him, he can’t be high value.

Another aspect is that an uninterested guy plays on our ego and competitive desire. Women
are used to getting approached and chased on the dating market. We don’t search for
options, we have a bunch of guys trying to qualify themselves to us. But a guy who isn’t even
trying, makes us think: “Why is he not interested? What is wrong? Am I not his type? Is there
something about me he doesn’t like?”. His lack of interest becomes the brick in our egos. To
fix it, we now have to win his approval. He flipped the script by simply not playing the game.

© Female Thoughts
4. How do women want to be approached?

Approaching women consists of two parts:

Walking up and start talking to her.

There’s no standard script or method in which we want to be approached and there’s no
such thing as “the best pickup line”. He should just come over, introduce himself and find a
way to start the conversation. It could be anything to get the ball rolling, mostly depending
on the setting. If you’re at a public place, it could be as simple as asking her if she wants you
to take a photo of her. Then you can introduce yourself, ask her how she got there, if she
likes visiting public places, tell about your own experience, ask her about hers and so on.
The most important thing is that you’re confident and sure of himself. Because if you’re not
convinced that you’re a good catch, why should she be? If you don’t know why she should
talk to you, why should she?

Having a conversation with her.

If you’re enthusiastic and curious about her, the conversation flows from alone. Get her to
talk about herself (women love to talk about themselves) but also share your own thoughts.
Make it a conversation, not an interrogation. Make your questions and impressions open
ended. “Yes” or “no” questions convey a bad vibe, and you’ll quickly run out of topics.
Ideally you start a topic, and from there the conversation flows by itself. It should be about
something you both are interested in, because fake enthusiasm is easy to spot. And again, it’s
not so much about what you say, but how. The underlying feeling and vibe you convey are
what matter. Women are emotional creatures.

Whether or not you have a talent for making connections and holding conversations: You
only get better by doing it. So if you don’t have a natural talent (most people don’t): practice.
If you’re very introverted, you’ll need longer to learn. That may be painful at first, but when
you finally mastered it, you’ll be a better conversationalist than anyone because you are a
better listener and can give people an insane level of attention.
If you see a girl you like, grab all your courage to talk to her. 99% of men don’t do this and
she knows this as well. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen? She’ll respect
you for doing it, even if she rejects you. It’s just a nice surprise that sweetens her day
(everyone likes the compliment of having someone stating his interest) and she’s forgotten
about it tomorrow. Don’t make it a big thing and embrace every learning: Commit yourself to
talk to one stranger a day.

5. How to keep a woman’s interest?

At the beginning of a relationship, couples are obsessed with each other. A lot of hormones
and initial excitement come into play. It’s totally natural that this obsession declines after
some time. And it’s not a bad thing, it’s just the transitioning of one relationship phase into
another.

However, it happens that a woman loses the attraction for her partner. And the reason is
simple: He becomes comfortable and lets himself go.

© Female Thoughts
It’s less that he needs to do something new to keep her interest. It’s more that he needs to
keep the qualities that his woman fell in love with initially.

Women try to change their partner. We want to “tame a beast”. The wild, dominant and
uncontrollable spirit is what attracts us. But as soon as we’re together, we try to “tame” him.
He may not even realize this because we do it over months and years, step by step. Finally,
the moment our man has become innocent and harmless, we lose attraction for him.
Because there’s nothing left to explore.

To prevent this from happening, you need to keep your wild spirit. You need to keep doing
the manly things you did before: Go to the gym, even if she asks you to stay home. Go out
and meet with friends, even if the couch is comfy. Try out this new stupid activity that your
friend told you about. Keep doing the hobby she doesn’t like, because you love it. Be in
shape. Be as active and outgoing as when you were single.

Of course, people change over time, and this is no different story in a relationship. So don’t
rigidly force yourself to stay the exact same person as you were before. But keep the wild
and untamable spirit to some degree. This vivid masculinity will continue to inspire your
woman to “tame” you and keep the attraction alive.

However, it can happen that partners in a relationship just grow apart. Sometimes it can’t be
prevented and it’s no one’s fault. In this case it’s just important for both to treat each other
respectfully and wish the other good. One should be grateful for the time and move on.

6. It a problem if the woman earns more than the man?

Most of the time – yes. Naturally, the man is the leader of the relationship and/or the family.
If he’s not the main financial provider, it’ll be harder to claim this position of authority. I view
my man differently if it’s me bringing home the bacon. It creates a twisted sense of
dependence (he depends on me, I don’t depend on him).

It could work if you’re very confident and comfortable with the fact that you earn less. You
may be an artist and absolutely obsessed and fulfilled with your work, so that it’s no option
for you to do anything else. You may have the utmost mental strength and emotional
stability, so that your woman depends on your support and trusts you fully although she
earns more.
But in general, it’s harmful for the masculine-feminine dynamic if the woman makes more.
The dynamic depends on the man being strong, leading and providing while the woman is
supporting, caring and compassionate. When you’re not the provider as a man, the woman
will have it harder to respect your leadership. Even if it may not be a big problem in the
beginning: At some point, it’s very likely to impact the relationship. Not because of the
money itself but the effect it has one the relationship roles. There are exceptions but most of
the time this is the case.

© Female Thoughts
7. How to be the boss in a long-term relationship

If a woman trusts your leadership, she will naturally assume a supportive role. It’s a blessing
for her to know that you will take care of both. You gives direction and she supports. But for
this, she has to be convinced of your capabilities: Being the boss doesn’t come for free. In
fact, it’s a very hard job: It means taking full responsibility. If something goes wrong, a leader
is held accountable for his decision.

We women are not looking for a guy who bosses us around. We look for a leader who makes
us feel so safe and taken care of that we trust his judgement more than our own. And
because we know that he wants the best for both of us, we let him make the decisions and
support him with everything we can.

So the leadership role is not negotiated or demanded in some kind of power game. It’s
inspired naturally by your qualities. The three key attributes that you must possess are:

1) Being fully in control of your and your emotions (self-control)

We women are emotional creatures. It enables us to be as compassionate and supportive as
we are – a man couldn’t raise children with the emotional devotion we’re capable of. But our
feelings also often destabilize us and put us in turmoil. That’s why we look for emotional
stability in a man: To balance us out. To calm us down. To bring us back to reality when we
exaggerate. We can’t afford our leader to be subject to emotions like us. You should be in
control of yourself at all times. If you’re displeased, you shouldn’t nag or become aggressive.
Just clearly state your displeasure and take the required action without complaint.
Also, don’t be slave to any urges or addictions. There’s no place for greed, lust, or substance
abuse. Because all these things prevent you from being the anchor she craves. If there’s a
thing that occupies his mind and takes control over him, we can’t fully trust his leadership
anymore (Again: She trusts your leadership because you’re in control of yourself, while she’s
often not. So if you lose control, you lose her trust).

2) Having sound judgement (Capability)

Someone fully in control of himself can still make bad decisions if he’s incompetent. That’s
why we expect you to have the skills and judgement to make good decisions. Ultimately, we
want you to make decisions because you do it better than us. Your competence should come
from a combination of skills and life experience: You don’t have to be an expert in everything,
but you should know what you’re doing. You don’t need the ability to solve anything in the
moment, but you must be able to figure things out. So she can trust you to deal with
whatever life throws at her and you.
Just as important as having good judgement is your confidence of your judgement. You must
100% trust yourself. Because if you don’t, why should anyone else? We women tend to be
insecure and undecisive, so we’ll try to challenge you, just because we need reassurance.
That’s why your conviction needs to be so strong: to direct both of you.

3) Accountability.
This attribute is not only about how a man deals with his woman, but with the other people
around him. We woman want our man to be respected, and a leader in his “tribe”: And a real

© Female Thoughts
leader always takes responsibility. He holds himself accountable for the outcome of his
decisions, whether good or bad.
When something goes wrong, blame yourself first - even if the mistake is not on you. Don’t
do this in a self-deprecating manner but in a representation of ownership and being a great
example. Because when you always take responsibility, you can demand it from others as
well. As you do this, an environment of accountability naturally emerges around you.
In this environment, people are not afraid to make mistakes because ultimately you take
responsibility for everything. This is not a free pass to sloppiness but rather the opposite:
People around you are become transparent while at the same time being more engaged as
they want to live up to your standards. They don’t fear being called out but rather want to
ensure that they stay in your circle.
Accountability really consists of two parts: Firstly, we women want a man of action: We can
only trust you if your actions match his words. If you say something, it should be real. And
that’s only the case if you hold yourself accountable. Secondly, we want a man who holds us
and the people around him accountable. People are only accountable if there’s a strong
leader inspiring it, so you have to be the best example yourself.

8. What are the qualities women desire in men?

There are qualities that inspire attraction in the first place. That’s when we just met a man
and think “this guy is attractive”. And then, there are qualities which make us want a long-
term relationship. We only get to see this when we know him longer.

Both aspects can go together but they can also go separately: It happens that there’s an
attractive guy with whom we couldn’t imagine a long term relationship. And it also happens
that we meet a guy who has our desired qualities for a long term relationship, but we’re just
not attracted to him.

1.) Initial attraction

It’s a lot about physical appearance and vibe. All women have different preferences, but most
of us desire tall and physically strong men. At least we want our man to be taller and stronger
than us. This comes down to the leadership dynamic we mentioned earlier: We want to be
taken care of by someone stronger and more capable than us. The easiest way to convey this
is the physical appearance.
You can’t change the body you’re born with, but you can make the most of it: You can work
out and get in shape. And you can get a groomed: We want our man to be fresh. Some
women like beards, some like it shaved. Some like long, and some like short hair. It’s not
about which particular style a man has, but that it’s well-groomed and he wears it with
confidence. So the first part of initial attraction is to get your exterior in the best possible
shape: this will make you look and feel better.
The second part is the vibe. It’s the energy that you radiate: If it’s very strong and positive, it’s
like an aura that women feel when he enters the room. A combination of confidence, energy
and positivity that’s hard to describe.
Think of the feeling when you finished something that you worked on for a long time. It may
be a work or study project, or a personal accomplishment. For a time you feel great about
yourself: This light, confident, positive and energetic mood is a good vibe that you carry into
the outside world.

© Female Thoughts
It’s very attractive because it infects us with the same energy. It makes the interaction playful
and keeps us wanting more. Remember: We women are creatures of feelings, and we want
to feel good.

Initial attraction is really about your looks and the energy your carry with yourself. And both
reinforce each other: Being in shape and looking good increases your confidence and makes
your energy more positive. And carrying a good energy will make you look better.

2.) Long term attraction

The question that we ask ourselves is: “Can this man take care of me and provide for the life I
imagine? “. And this really comes down to the attributes from “7. How to be the boss in a
long-term relationship” (self-control, capability, and accountability), because they enable him
to lead us and our family.

9. I’m a nice guy but it feels like women are only interested in assholes. How can I
attract her?

Women aren’t attracted by assholes or turned off by nice guys per se. But these stereotypes
have some attributes that we’re attracted to, and others we’re not attracted to.

The “asshole” guy

What it really means is “selfish guy”. And indeed, selfishness to an extend is attractive to
women. Because we like a guy to be direct about what he wants. We women are often
indirect and complicated, so it’s a blessing for us if a man can give us clarity. We don’t want
to guess how to please you, we want you to tell us outwardly. That gives us a sense of
security because we know what he wants and he’s not afraid of telling it. This kind of guy isn’t
hiding his real interest behind something else. And that’s good, because if someone seems to
work only for the interest of others, we suspect that he has ulterior motives.
Another attractive trait about the “asshole” guy: He’s not afraid of outward judgement. This
is very refreshing to us women, because we’re so concerned about what others think. We
fear being shamed or excluded if we don’t behave accordingly. A guy who’s independent
from that shows the mental strength and courage that we admire.
The “asshole” guy offers us an escape from the complications and norms that society and
ourselves put on us. That’s why he’s so attractive to us: We want to break the rules, but it has
to be the right guy.

The “nice” guy

The problem with this type of man is: He’s “nice” for a reason. His niceness is not his pure
character, but it’s a façade for his ulterior motives: He wants to sneak into a girls friendzone
to make her fall in love or have sex with him. His desire for her was there from the beginning,
he was just not open about it.
We women instinctually see through that: the “nice” guy has just as selfish desires as the
“asshole” guy, but he’s too afraid to be open about it. He’s not really “nice”, he’s just too
insecure to be direct. This insecurity and lack of courage means, he’s just as emotionally
unstable as a woman. It’s a huge red flag: We want you to bring more confidence and
stability in the relationship. We you to be firm and can calming to our own emotional chaos,
not adding up to it. We want you to balance us.

© Female Thoughts
Lastly, we want our man to be respected from other men. And the typical “nice” guy is
normally not well respected because he’s seen as soft by other guys.

In general, there’s nothing bad about being a nice person as long as you’re confident and
direct. But being too friendly (especially with women) signals insecurity and fear of rejection.
If you’re unsure whether you’re too nice, you probably are. Try to be a bit more “selfish” and
you’ll see how it works out for you. Don’t see it as a negative act, but a display of directness,
openness and courage. It’s easier to hide your interest in superficial niceness, that’s why we
women do it so often: We’re afraid of confrontation and rejection. And that’s why we admire
and respect you if you’re going boldly for what you want.

10. How to deal with her when she becomes emotional?

We women can have strong mood changes at times. Especially during the time of our period,
our emotions can drive us crazy. It’s like we’re acting out of our minds, steered by hormones.
And suddenly we make up an issue out of nowhere.

That’s the time we need your calmness the most. Your mood is infectious and if you get
emotional as well, we’re only gonna become worse. No matter how annoying we may be, you
should really keep control of yourself. Seeing that you’re unfazed by the issue will start to
balance us already.

You should then tell her with absolute calmness (but firmly) that everything is fine. Your body
language, facial expression and voice tone must show total conviction: It’s about how you say
it, not the words you choose.

It may also happen that she seeks conflict and accuses you. In this case, just address her in
the same calm, but firm manner. Quickly and firmly explain her why the accusation is wrong.
If she then continues to nag you, give her the same reason again and tell her that you refuse
to get dragged into this kind of argument.
If she still brings the issue forward, 1. tell her again that the accusation is wrong, 2. remind
her that you already explained it to her, 3. that you refuse to get into this argument, and 4.
that you will ignore her from now on until she calms down.

It may sound harsh, but at times it’s the only solution: She’ll try to keep your attention by
getting even more intense, and that’s when you need to stay unimpressed. After some time
(sometimes a few hours) without attention, she will calm down and apologize to you. She’ll
understand why you acted as you did, because she knows how emotional she can become in
the heat of the moment. Just don’t get drained into the drama, but don’t get angry with her
as well. Be calm and understanding, but remove any attention at disrespect.

11. How to move from friendship or dating into something serious?

Friendship and dating are two very different things. If you’re in a friendship, it’ll be much
harder to move on to a relationship than if you’re dating. But not impossible.

© Female Thoughts
1) From a friendship to a serious relationship
First, you have to “undo” the “friendship”-dynamic because it prevents her from becoming
attracted to you. To begin, give her much less attention (because she’s used to get it for
“free”). Your behaviour should show that you enjoy the time with her, but that you’re also
busy with other things and people (don’t fake this or she’ll spot it). Showing her that she’s
not the person your world resolves around will make your attention more valuable. Your
attention is now scarce, other people also want your time. And suddenly, she’ll be more
eager for your attention as well.

Now that she’s more eager for you, you start building attraction. In short: Be confident, as
physically attractive as you can and have an optimistic and fun vibe. We discuss this topic in
detail in “8. What are the qualities women desire in men?”. Especially if you suddenly
improve these qualities, she’ll notice and be more interested in you. Because she suspects
that she missed something that happened.

When she’s attracted and eager for your attention, you want her to seek your long term
commitment. And this is all about the attributes we discussed earlier in “7. How to be the
boss in a long-term relationship”: You need to have self-control, capability and accountability.
These attributes show that she can trust in your abilities of being a leader and taking care of
her in the future.

2) From dating to a serious relationship

If you’re dating already, it’ll be easier for you because you don’t have to “undo” that she sees
you as a friend. If you’re dating, she’s attracted to you already. But of course, that attraction
still can be improved: Be as confident, good looking and vibing as possible in all cases.
But really focus on cultivating your attributes for long-term attraction: self-control, capability
and accountability. She might be attracted to you but she’s wondering if you can take care of
her in the long run. So that’s what you want to show her.

In both cases: Show your value as a long-term partner! But let her be the one pushing for
commitment. Show her that you’re of high value and a great catch. But let her be the one
who really wants to “lock you in”. This has to do with the value perception we discussed in
“3. Why are women interested in guys who aren’t interested in them?”: It should be her
chasing you, not you chasing her. Simply to give her the feeling that she gets a man of higher
value than herself. That’s necessary for the leader/supporter dynamic in the relationship and
will keep her eager for you.

12. Why is she losing attraction to me and how can I prevent it?

Everyone who has been in love knows the initial excitement in a relationship. You just can’t
get enough from each other. But it wears off as you get more used to your partner and that’s
ok.

In fact, you should see it as test if the two of you are really destined for each other. Now, that
you’re less driven by hormones, you see your partner more clearly. Maybe some things about
her displease you now that you didn’t think of before. And she might feel the same. So the

© Female Thoughts
moment that the “irrational” excitement wears off is when you really see if the relationship
works out.

At this phase it becomes important that you genuinely like the other person and get along
well together. Partly, this is just about who you are as a person and can’t be changed. If you
find nothing to talk anymore and have no mutual interests, probably it wasn’t for good. But
that’s unlikely because then you probably wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place.

Rather, relationships break in the later stages because partners grow apart from each other.
They’re not really interested in each other anymore, but still together out of convenience,
shared friends and the fear of being alone. It doesn’t break in one moment, but when
partners gradually lose attraction.

As a man, it’s your duty to keep your wild, uncontrollable, “beast-like” spirit that we
discussed in “5. How to keep a woman’s interest?”. Stay adventurous, manly and energetic.
It’s crucial to keep her attraction as you’re longer together in this relationship. Let her keep
exploring you. A bit of mystery that we don’t quite understand is what really keeps us women
attracted. The moment we can fully figure you out, we believe that we have power over you
and that you’re not anymore the leader you once were (because we think we know
everything you do). Show her your power, but not the source of your power.

You must also have the attributes discussed in “7. How to be the boss in a long-term
relationship” (Self-control, Capability, Accountability). Because those are the qualities that
make her trust you as a long-time leader. And she’ll only be attracted to you if she respects
you as her leader. We women are attracted to the “boss”, so we want you to be the boss. But
we can’t help you in getting the qualities that are necessary – it’s your duty to cultivate them.

Keeping the attraction in the relationship is mostly due to you as the man. You are the
architect of the relationship. Because if she’s really attracted to you, she wants to please you
naturally and bends to your interests. But you still need to guide her the way. Sometimes,
you must tell her that you’re displeased, or that you want her to go differently. If you have a
problem about her, you need to address it immediately instead of withdrawing from it. Not
pushy, but in a calm and caring way. Problems must not be ignored, but get tackled directly
to solve them in the early stages. Otherwise, the woman thinks her man doesn’t care about
her and the problem will get bigger.

13. How important are a man’s looks to women?

Women are valued largely for their looks. Men aren’t.

But looks still matter for men. They make it easy to build initial attraction: Approaching
women is gonna be more successful if you’re good looking because it’s the first thing she’ll
notice about you. It’s simply easier to get your “foot in the door”. But from then on so many
other things matter: Your confidence, posture, vibe, self-control, capability, accountability
and all these things we’ve discussed before.

You really shouldn’t worry much about your looks: Because you can’t change how you’re
born anyway. Worrying about looks will make you insecure, and that’s the biggest attraction-

© Female Thoughts
killer of them all: Women might accept a lot, but not weakness. So you better make the best
out of what you have: Work out, get in shape and take care of yourself (be groomed and
dress well). But from then on, just be confident about yourself and focus on the other things
you can improve, such as your money, vibe and lifestyle. Confidence is the “real” look a man
wears: A confident, average looking guy will get more women than an insecure, good looking
one.

In short, looking good certainly helps with women. Especially for approaching and building
initial attraction. But a man has so many options to compensate for his looks that you can still
become high value when looking average. So you should confidently make the best out of the
body you’re born into. And then move on to conquer other aspects of becoming high value.

14. What’s on a woman’s mind who comes back after a breakup?

There are two main types of men that women end a relationship with, and they’re very
different (almost opposites).


The “too intense” guy


He’s a real alpha: His wildness attracts her but he’s at times too intense, his lifestyle is
unstable and ever-changing. She can’t find emotional rest and they’re having lots of
arguments. She wants him to settle down and go slower, but he’s always changing something
new. Although she loves him, she leaves because she’s always in emotional turmoil and
washed out from the constant fights. 


The “weak” guy


The Beta: He’s become boring. There’s nothing exciting about him anymore. He let himself go
in the relationship, and that’s why her attraction is gone. Maybe he stopped being in shape,
being adventurous and trying out new things. He became too comfortable in the relationship:
Now she thinks she saw everything of him and no mystery is left.

The reason for the breakup is in both cases the same: She doesn’t see a future with him and
moves on to find a different man. If she comes back, it means that she tried to, but couldn’t
replace him: She might miss the “intense” guy because nothing else can excite her anymore.
Her new man is nice, but he bores her. She misses the intensity and even the drama of the
relationship. Or she might miss the “weak” guy, because she wants to be listened to and
taken care of. She misses the feeling of belonging, comfort and dedication that this man gave
her.

Although she misses her ex, she still knows why she broke up with him. When women break
up, they usually thought about ending the relationship long before. We don’t want to be
alone, and our biggest fear is losing the man who would have been “the one” for us. If we
finally end it, it’s a very deliberate decision. That’s why it’s really a sign of desperation if she
comes back: She thought about it intensively and was very convinced.

For this reason, it’s most likely a bad choice to take her back. She had a clear point to break
up. The only reason that she comes back is that she can’t find a better option. Coming back,
she already sees you as second choice because she couldn’t get anything better. And you

© Female Thoughts
don’t want to be the second choice. Also, if you take her back, she might think she could just
leave, meet someone else and still have you waiting for her. This damages the dynamic of the
relationship right in the beginning and it might not take long until she leaves you again.

15. How can I tell if she’s “wife material”?

It depends on your personal preferences what you consider “wife” material. But if you’re
looking for a relationship with traditional roles and values, there are a couple of attributes
that you should look out for. If she fulfils all of these, you’ve found a great woman. It’s
needless to say that you’ll need to be a high value man to attract a high value woman (see
the discussions before on how to become a high value man).

She’s well-mannered
A woman without manners will cause you a lot of trouble: She simply won’t treat you with
respect and the emotional climate is gonna be miserable at home. How she treats you
reinforces how she sees you: If you let her disrespect you, her perception of your value will
decline as she asks herself subconsciously “why does he let me treat him like this? A high
value man wouldn’t accept this. I must be the best, or the only option that he has”. Another
aspect is that you wanna be able able to be seen with her: publicly in a restaurant or
introducing her to your coworkers. And that’s simply an embarrassment if she has no
manners.

She’s feminine
If you’re the masculine leader, you want her to be your feminine follower. You don’t need a
woman who competes with you, but one who forms a team. Femininity makes her sweet,
warm, loyal, compassionate and caring. These qualities will enable you to become the best
version of yourself because you can improve on conquering your purpose and have her full
support. And combined with your masculine traits, you create the perfect environment to
raise a family.

She’s attractive to you

She doesn’t have to be a model. It’s important that you are attracted to her. Looks are not
everything and her beauty won’t last forever, while her psyche will stay the same. So psyche
is more important. But if you’re not naturally attracted to her, the relationship will suffer:
You’ll be sexually unsatisfied, unhappy in your day-to day life, and look after other women.
And probably you’re not comfortable going out with her, as you expect others to find her
unattractive as well.

You have things to talk with her

It may sound obvious, but for many couples it’s not the case. They didn’t realise how little
they had in common during the initial attraction phase (when they were “blind” of love) and
then stayed together out of habit. You don’t need to have all the same interests as your
partner. And surely you both should have your own hobbies and things you do “just for
yourself”. But her presence and conversations should still be able to excite and interest you.
If you can’t spend an hour sitting together without becoming annoyed and bored of her, it
probably work out in the long term.

© Female Thoughts
She encourages your leadership
Leadership has to be inspired by you first (by cultivating the qualities we discussed before). If
you’re a leader, she’ll naturally become more submissive, so a lot of this is your responsibility.
But she has to be naturally susceptible for your male leadership as well. This has to do a lot
with her past experience and how she was raised by her parents: Eventually she made bad
experiences and doesn’t trust a male leader anymore. Or she was raised with a weak father
and used to the woman being in charge. By being a strong leader, you influence her, but her
views might be so rigid that giving guidance is a constant struggle. You avoid this by choosing
a woman who trusts in male leadership and wants you to be in charge. And most women
want that, as it’s our natural inclination.

She supports you in everything you do

She doesn’t have to love everything you do, or like all the people you deal with. And she
doesn’t have to find everything you do interesting. But she has to accept that this is who you
are and what you want. She shouldn’t interfere by telling you what to do or showing
contempt about your hobbies and interests.
Because if this was the case, you’ll always have to choose between what you want
(displeasing her) and doing what she wants (pleasing her). If you give in, you’ll quickly lose
you your leadership position and create a bad relationship dynamic: She will question your
authority because a leader doesn’t ask for permission. With this kind of woman you have only
two options: doing what you want (being the leader, but with her contempt) and doing what
she wants (giving in to her and therefore losing leadership). You don’t want to be in either of
these options.

16. How can I ask her for a serious relationship?

You shouldn’t “ask” her for a serious relationship. By asking her, you put her in a position of
authority: It’s you who wants something, and it’s her who calls the shots. This implies that
she’s above you and a very bad dynamic to start the relationship with. It’s like telling her
subconscious that being with her is a privilege for you, while it should be the other way
around. Instead of asking her for commitment, you should become such a high value man
that she asks for your commitment. She should have the feeling that you’re gone if she
doesn’t “lock you in”. If she doesn’t push for your commitment right now, you should make it
your priority to improve yourself. If you cultivate the qualities from “8. What are the qualities
women desire in men” and “7. How to be the boss in a long term relationship”, she will start
looking up to you more. And as your value increases, she will want your commitment.

17. When I’m into a girl, I become more soft and emotional. I’m afraid of repelling her.

Many guys face this problem. They are strong, masculine and in control of themselves. Then
they meet a girl and become attached, soft and emotional. This plays down the masculinity
that attracted their woman initially. Being emotional makes you more obsessed than ever
with her, but she’ll lose interest in you.

Strong men should restrain their emotions. Partly this comes come from experience, partly
from self-control.

© Female Thoughts
It happens often to guys in their first big love: They think they found “the one” and become
obsessed with her. This obsession puts her on a pedestal and plays his own value down. As he
looks up to her, she subconsciously takes the leader-role in the relationship and he becomes
the follower. This dynamic is very harmful for the relationship: It makes the man weak and
unmanly, leaving the woman alone with her emotional chaos. The relationship becomes
unbalanced and she will eventually end it.

Most guys have to experience at least one heartbreak until they’re more calm and less
attached with a girl. It’s painful to lose your woman, but in the end you’ll figure out that
you’re still fine after the breakup. You find that she wasn’t as special as you thought. Your
emotions tricked you and you can find a different women to be happy with. Everyone will tell
you this from the beginning, but most men have to experience it first to believe it.

The experience of moving on after losing your girl gives you better emotional control in the
next relationship. You learned that you’re able to proceed when it doesn’t work out. That
prevents you from attachment and fear of losing her next time. The more experience, the
more comfortable you’ll be.

But no matter how much experience you have, to some degree you rely on self-control. We
women will try to make you emotional, sometimes just to see if you’re as stable and
controlled as we want you to be. We’ll encourage you to be soft and open up, but are
disappointed if you yield to us. That’s because we’re only trusting a strong leader – we don’t
want someone to make the decisions who’s as emotionally unstable as us. And sometimes
we want to see if our leader is still strong.

Wrapping this up, the uncomfortable truth is: Yes, most women are repelled by soft and
emotional men. Many women won’t admit it because it’s socially not accepted, but that
doesn’t change the truth: We look for men who are the opposite of us: Strong and
emotionally stable. That’s why you must learn to resist the urge of becoming soft and
emotional. However painful it may be in the beginning. It will become easier with age,
experience and self-discipline. And results will come immediately: You’ll notice how your
masculinity keeps women eager to be in your presence.

18. Why does she show interest first, but loses it when I return it?

Women often appear to be interested in a man to see his response. She wants to know how
you react to her.

It’s a test of how susceptible you are for her charms. She does this for two reasons:
1. Ego validation: She wants to be assured that she’s attractive.
2. She wants to test your value as a man.

If her interest is gone after this test, it’s most likely because you showed too her much of a
response. As discussed earlier, we women always try to assess the value of a man. When she
shows just a hint of interest and you respond strongly, it seems like you don’t have many
other options: Either you must be surprised by her interest, or it’s a rare opportunity for you.

© Female Thoughts
But high value men are neither surprised by a women’s interest, nor is it a rare opportunity
for them. And therefore a strong response signals her that you’re of low value.

As long as we women are the ones chasing the man and he doesn’t return it, he gives the
impression of higher value. Either he’s not interested because he has such high standards
(her ego leads her to chase him even more to confirm her self-opinion). Or he’s too busy with
his life purpose. And as we discussed in “3. Why are women interested in guys who aren’t
interested in them?”, this rejection makes her want him even more.
That’s why you shouldn’t show too much interest back initially. Let her chase you first.

19. A girl in a long term relationship is interested in me. What can I think of her?

It depends on her situation and what kind of interest she’s showing you. But in general, you
can’t think good of her. There are two options:

She’s showing her interest unintentionally

She might have a natural attraction to you which she can’t control. She can’t be blamed for
that. But if she knows that she’s into you, she should distance herself out of respect for her
man. Or if she realises that she’s not attracted to him anymore, break up with him.

She’s showing her interest intentionally.

If she openly signals her interest to you although she’s in a relationship, you can’t think good
of her. That’s very disrespectful to her man. If she’s not attracted to him anymore, she should
leave him. If she wants to be with other men despite being in a relationship, she should tell
him that she wants an “open” relationship. Either way, this woman is not loyal. And this trait
won’t change: If she shows interest to others while being with her current man, she’ll do the
same when she’s with you.

A woman showing interest to other men while being in a relationship is disrespectful and
disloyal. You shouldn’t consider anything serious with her.

20. I am good looking and skilled, but have low confidence. How can I attract her?

The only honest answer to this is: By working on your confidence. It’s so crucial for many
things in life. Attraction is just one of them.

Although we’re all born with different levels of confidence, we can work on it to improve. It’s
not entirely god given. It’s something that can be learned by practise and experience. And if
you want to become successful as a man, there’s no way around it.

For you specifically it should be even easier because you have a natural edge: Many men
would envy you for being skilled and good looking. But they aren’t, and they still work on
their confidence.

You already have attributes on which confidence can be build, so ask yourself why you don’t
have confidence. Most likely because something is blocking you from it. Defining your fears
and areas you’re uncomfortable about should be the first step towards improving. If you

© Female Thoughts
know those “bad” areas, you can work on them. Face your struggles directly: If you’re afraid
of approaching people, make it your habit to talk to one stranger a day. If you’re
uncomfortable about your body movements, take a dancing class. Only you can help yourself
overcoming your struggles.

Once you eliminated your blockades, it’s all about improving your strengths: Cultivate
integrity in all your decisions, so that you have the highest self-respect. Go after what you
really want in your life, get in shape, get people around you that encourage you to be better.
All these things will build your confidence brick by brick. You’re not gonna become confident
from one day to another. But you’ll see the gradual improvement every day as you work on
yourself.

As you become better in all those areas, you trigger a mutually reinforcing dynamic of your
environment and confidence. As you act more confident, things around you start falling into
their place. People respect you more, you get your way with them easier. And as your success
improves, your confidence improves again in return.

You start this upward spiral by working on yourself. Ruthlessly define your fears and struggles
to tackle them. The hardest moment is at the start, from there it only gets easier. And once
you overcame the obstacles, only focus on improving your strengths.

21. I’m afraid that she plays me. How can I attract her without playing games?

We women will never fully stop to play some kind of “emotional game”. This behaviour is
part of our natural instincts and hardwired into our behaviour: We act like that to figure out if
you’re emotionally stable enough to be our leader. This means, you can never fully avoid to
be confronted with these games. But you can learn how to handle them.

First, you shouldn’t show your distaste of these “games” in female behaviour. They are a part
of us, so distasting them means distasting female nature. That’s certainly not an attractive
trait. Don’t see it as an evil behaviour to punish and annoy men. See it as an evolutionary tool
we need, just to know if we’re with the right man. It’s more an anxiety of picking the wrong
man than wanting to punish someone.

We “test” a man, because he is supposed to lead us and take decisions. We women follow.
But we don’t do this blindly, we need to trust him for that. That’s why or “games” or “tests”
are designed to find out if our man is competent and emotionally stable. We want to see how
easily we can throw you off balance. If we can do it without effort, anything else in life could
throw him off balance as well. We don’t want that. We want a man who’s unfazed by
emotional drama and challenges. Only then we submit to his leadership.

The worst way to respond to those “tests” is to openly oppose them. If a man is visibly
drained with our little game, it signals weakness to us. It’s just emotional peculiarities which
shouldn’t unbalance our man. Even if he’s annoyed, he shouldn’t show that we have
unsettled him.

© Female Thoughts
The most impressive way a man can handle those tests is to not even recognise them
(because he’s so strong, mentally stable and focused on his life purpose). It’s just so
insignificant that he doesn’t see it as insult or test.
Another good way is to refuse to “answer” to those tests or make a joke out of it: It shows us
that he’s not offended, but also doesn’t get his time drained with tiny emotional games.
Both ways to “pass” the tests have one thing in common: they don’t focus on “passing”. The
man simply signals confidence and being in control of himself. He doesn’t really care about
the test. That’s what women want in a man: Being in control and focused on the important
things.

Wrapping this up: We women won’t stop playing our emotional “games”. But the good thing
is: You don’t have to play them. In fact, the best way of handling them is by not playing. Men
should focus on what they want most: Building the best life possible and be confident about
it. That makes them pass any of those “tests”. And as a woman sees that her man doesn’t
care about those tests because he is busy with his life purpose, she will respect him more in
the first place and do less of those tests. She will never fully stop playing those “games”,
because we women are by nature insecure and anxious creatures. We need reassurance of
our man’s strength from time to time. But as long as he confidently deals with anything that
life throws at him, we trust and support him.

© Female Thoughts
 Female Thoughts

No part of this book may be reproduced, displayed, modified or

distributed without the prior and express written permission of the
publisher.

This book is licensed for your personal use only and may not be sold or
given away.

Published by Female Thoughts

Version 1.0

© Female Thoughts