Oshima, Alice & Hogue, Ann (2007) Introduction to Academic Writing. Level 3. 3rd Edition.

Pearson Education Inc.

Descri ptive Paragraphs

Organization

Spatial Order

Spatial Order Signals

Topic Sentences for Descriptive Paragraphs

Supporting Sentences for Descriptive Paragraphs

Paragraph U n ity

Sentence Structure

Compound Sentences with yet, for, and nor

Varying Sentence Openings

The Writing Process

Clustering

Review

Writing Assignment

60
 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 61

Organization

Descriptive writing appeals to the senses, so it tells how something looks, feels,
smells, tastes, and/or sounds. A good description is a word picture; the reader can
imagine the object, place, or person in his or her mind.
A description usually follows a pattern of organization that we call spatial order.
Spatial order is the arrangement of things in space. As you read the model paragraph,
notice how the description moves from the bottom of the stairway to the top. Also
notice how the description of the woman moves from far away to near.

MODEL The Stairway'

Descriptive 1When I was two or three years old, I lived in a house that had a strange ,
Paragraph
atmosphere. 21 do not remember anything about the house except the stairway.
31t was dark, squeaking, and quite narrow, and its steps were a little high for me
to climb up. 4From the bottom of the stairway, it seemed like an endless climb
to the top. 5Beyond the darkness at the top of the stairway, there was an
elegant, middle-aged lady leaning against the wall. 61 had to pass her every·time
I went to my room, for my room was the first room beyond the stairs on the

second floor. 7The lady wore a beautiful dress with a quiet pattern and a tinge2
of blue, and her peaceful eyes stared at me every time I went up the stairs. 8As
I carefully climbed up the last step, her eyes became fixed3 on me. 9She didn't
talk, nor did she move. 10She just stood there and watched me clamber4 up the
stairs. 110ne day I touched her, but she did not react. 12Her face did not change
expression, nor did she even blink. 13She just kept staring at me with her I

glittering5 eyes. 14Later, we moved out of the house, and I never saw her ·again.
15Now I know that the lady was a mannequin.6 16My aunt, who lived in the
house, used it for her dressmaking class. 171 did not know my mother. 18Maybe
1 imagined that the mannequin standing at the top of the stairs was my mother.
19The stairway with the strange atmosphere has an important place in my
earliest memories.

(continued on next page)

1 by student Toshiki Yamazaki

2tinge: small amount
3tixed: not moving
4clamber: climb with difficulty
5glittering: shining, sparkling
6mannequin: l ife-size model of a human used for displaying clothes
62 Part 1 I The Paragraph

Questions on the Model

1.What does the writer say about the atmosphere of the house in the first
sentence?
2. How does the writer describe the stairway? Underline the words that
describe it.
3. When the writer first describes the woman, is he looking up at her or down
at her? What does he describe about her first? What does he describe last?

Spatial Order Just as an artist plans where to place each object in a painting, a writer plans where to
put each object in a word picture. In a description, writers often use spatial order to
organize their ideas. Spatial order is the arrangement of items in order by space.
For example, when describing your favorite room at home, you could first
describe things on the left side of the doorway and then move clockwise around to
the right side. You could also start on the right and move counterclockwise around
to the left.
The model paragraph "The Stairway" uses spatial organization. In describing
the stairway, the writer shows that as a little boy, his first view was from the
bottom looking up at the mannequin. Then he climbs up the stairway. The spatial
organization is from bottom to top. When he describes the mannequin, he first
gives an overall impression (the way she was leaning against the wall and what
her dress l ooked like). Then he focuses on her face and finally on her unblinking
eyes. The spatial organization is from far to near.
It does not usually matter whether the spatial organization is left to right, right to left,
near to far, far to near, outside to inside, inside to outside, top to bottom, or bottom to
top. It is only helpful to use some kind of spatial order when you write a description.

Spatial Order Signalg

Just as there are words and phrases to show time order, there are words and phrases
to show spatial organization. They are often prepositional phrases of location or
position. Notice the kinds of expressions used to show time order.

Spatial Order Signals

at the top of next to

in the center between
on the left behind
in front of in back of
in the front of in the back of
inside across

-
0
 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 63

PRACTICE I Find and underline the spatial order words and phrases used in the model
paragraph "The Stairway" on page 6 1 . Add them to the Spatial Order Signals
Spatial Order
Signals chart.

Topic The topic sentence of a descriptive paragraph should name the topic. The controlling
Sentences for idea should give the overall impression of the place you are describing. ln the model
Descriptive paragraph, the topic is the house that the writer lived in as a child. The controlling
Paragraphs idea is that it had a strange atmosphere. Each of the following sentences also states
a topic and a controlling idea.
My bedroom at home is my refuge from the outside world.

The campus of our school is like a small city.

The cafeteria at lunchtime is the school's social center.

PRACTICE 2 A. Work with a classmate, a small group, or the whole class. Read the following
topic sentences for descriptive paragraphs. Then discuss with your partner or
Spatial Order
Organization
group some possible details to describe the place. Next, decide on the best
and Details kind of spatial order to use in the description: right to left, left to right, top
to bottom, far to near, outside to inside, and so on. Finally, write your details
in spatial order on the lines.
1 . After my sister spends two hours getting ready to go out, her room looks as
if it had been hit by a magnitude 8.5 earthquake.
a. From the doorway. you see nothing but a mountain of clothes all over

the floor.

b. __
____
____
____
____
______
____
____
____
______
____
_____

C. --
---

2. The park near my house is full of activity on a sunny weekend afternoon.

a. --
---

b. __
____
____
____
____
____
____
______
________
____
____

c . -----

(continued on next page)

64 Part 1 I The Paragraph

3 . My uncle's workshop is a model of neatness and organization.

a. --
---

b. __
____
____
____
____
____
____
____
____
____
____
____
_____

c . -----

B. I n the space below, draw a map of your neighborhood or a floor plan of your
house, apartment, or bedroom. Then describe it to a classmate, using spatial
order to organize your description and spatial order signals. If you like
challenges, don't show the map/floor plan to your classmate, and see how
accurately he or she can draw it from your description!

-r., u Out! Choose one of the items from Practice 2A or 2B and write a paragraph. Use spatial
organization and spatial order signals to describe the place. If you choose to write
your paragraph about 2B, be sure to begin with a topic sentence that gives a general
impression.
 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 65

Supporting - As you know, supporting sentences are the "meat" of a paragraph. They not only
Sentences for provide the details that Qrove the truth of your topl£._sentence, but they also make your
Descriptive writing rich and interesting. In a descriptive paragraph , the more details you include,
Paragraphs the more clearly your reader will imagine what you are describing. Your details should
appeal to the five senses. They should tell your reader how something looks, smeiJs,
sounds, feels, and tastes. Write about colors, sizes, shapes, odors, noises, and textures.
As you read the following model, underline the descriptive details that appeal to
the senses. Look for colors, sounds, and textures.

MODEL My Banana Garden1

Descriptive
1Behind my childhood home, there is a large piece of land that is surrounded
De taUs
by banana trees growing in wild disorder. 2Crowds of banana trees grow freely
everywhere. 3Their green leaves are so thick that sunlight cannot pass through.
4Underneath the trees, the ground is so moist that wild mushrooms and plants
grow there all year around. 51n the center is a wild tiel '! where the children of my
·
village often fly kites. 6Every evening, just before sunset, some birds arrive to look

.,..-..,... wings. 7They wanf to land in the dark banana garden,

for a place to rest their tired
but the banana leaves are too wide to be made into nests. 6The birds cry out and
then fly away, seeking a better place to nest. 9During the rainy season, it rains for
days and days, and the banana leaves become glossy and slick. 10The rain also
makes the banana garden produce a very strange melody. 110n rainy days, I used
to sit near my window and listen to this wonderful song. 12Now, whenever I hear
the plop-plop-plop of raindrops on the roof of my small, tidy2 apartment in the city,
I remember the beautiful, wild banana garden of my childhood.

Questions on the Model

1 . Find the topic sentence of this paragraph . What is the topic? The controlling
idea?
2 . Does the paragraph have a concluding sentence?
3 . Circle any spatial order expressions you can find. Add them to the Spatial
Order Signals chart on page 62. Is there a spatial order pattern or no pattern?
4 . What adjective is repeated four times in the paragraph (in sentences 1 , 4 , 5 ,
·

and 1 2) ?

1 by student Quang Nguyen

2tidy: neat. not messy
66 Part 1 I The Paragraph

PRJ\CTl CE 3 A. Reread the paragraph "My Banana Garden" and notice the supporting details.
Whkh of the senses does the writer of this paragraph appeal to in his description:
Descriptive
sight, smell, sound, touch, and/or taste? List the details in the paragraph that
Details
appeal to each sense. (There may not be any details for some of the senses.)
In your opinion, do the details support the controlling idea, or not?

Sight Smell Sound Touch Taste

wild disorder

B. Work with a classmate, a small group, or the whole class. Brainstorm together
to think of descriptive details for the following topics. List as many sights,
smells, sounds, etc., as you can.
1 . A storm
dark.. cloudy. dark. douds. howling wind. wet sidewalk.. slick. streets

2 . A subway station (or a bus stop) at rush hour

3. A busy airport terminal

4. The emergency room of a hospital

 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 67

5 . A sunny day at the beach

Paragraph An important element of a good paragraph is unity. When a paragraph has unity, all
Unity the supporting sentences discuss only one idea. From beginning to end, each sentence
is directly related to the topic. In some languages, i t is acceptable to wander away
from the topic -to make little side trips to ideas that are somewhat, but not directly,
related to the main topic. In English, doing so i s not acceptable because it breaks the
unity of the paragraph.

PRA.CTlCE 4 Find and cross out sentences that are off the topic. Cross out two sentences i n
paragraph 1 and one sentence i n paragraph 2.
Unity

1. Havasu Canyon

1There is a canyon in northern Arizona that is

the most beautiful spot on Earth. 2lt is called
Havasu Canyon, and it is part of the Havasupai
tribal reservation.' 3lt is not easy to get there, for
you have to hike down a long, hot trail. 4At the
end of the trail is Supai Village. S"fhe Havasupai
are a tribe of about 650 people. lrfheir language
has been written down only in the past twenty
years. 7Beyond the village, another trail leads
to the top of a steep cliff overlooking Havasu
Canyon. SVour first view of the canyon takes
your breath away. 9Directly in front of you, the trail disappears straight down the
200-foot cliff. 100n your right, you see a beautiful waterfall. 11Water pours straight
down into a bright blue-green pool at the bottom of the canyon. 12Directly across
the canyon, hundreds of small waterfalls gush from the cliff face, and little green
ferns grow everywhere. 13At the bottom, the water cascades2 from one turquoise
pool into another until it disappears into the trees on the left. 14As you view this
scene, you can only think that Havasu Canyon is truly a magical place.

'reservation: area of land where Native Americans live

2cascades: falls in steps
68 Part 1 I The Paragraph

2. My First Apartment

1 My first apartment was very small. 21t was a studio apartment, so it had only
one main room and a bathroom. 3The main room was divided into three areas.
4At one end of it was a kitchenette, where I cooked and ate my meals. 5My
living/sleeping area was at the opposite end. 61 had just enough space for a bed,
a coffee table, a floor lamp, and a small television. 7My study area was against
the back wall. 81 lived there for two years, but I moved because my landlord
raised the rent. 9 My apartment was so small that I could never invite more than
three friends at the same time!

Try 1t Out! Write a paragraph describing one of the items in Practice 3 B . Begin with a topic
sentence that names what you will describe and gives a general impression of it:
The airport terminal is full of people in a hurry.

Focus on using lots of descriptive supporting details to make your word picture
I lively and interesting.

Sentence Structure

MODEL Supai Village

Compound 1The trail to Supai Village is hot and dusty. 2You can hike the trail, or you can
Sentences
hire a guide to take you on horseback. 3Aiong the trail, you see only rock, sand,
and an occasional lizard . ' 41t is very dry, for this is desert country. 5There is no
water on the trail, nor is there any shade. 6As you enter the village, you pass by
several small homes. 71t is a quiet place. 8Dogs sleep in the streets, and villagers
stand in their doorways and silently watch you, a stranger, pass by. 9They aren't
smiling, yet they don't seem unfriendly. 10ln the center of the village, there is a
small hotel, a restaurant, a general store, and a post office. 11At the opposite
end of the village, the trail leads to a cliff overlooking the canyon below.

Questions on the Model

l . In sentence 1 , underline the subject(s) with one line and the verb(s) with
two lines. Is this a simple or a compound sentence?
2. Do the same for sentences 2 and 3 . What kind of sentences are they?

'lizard: reptile (kind of animal) lhal lives in dry areas

 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 69

Compound You remember from Chapter 2 that a compound sentence is composed of two
Sentences simple sentences joined by a comma and a coordinating conjunction. There are
witb yet, for, seven coordinating conjunctions in English. I n that chapter, you practiced using
and nor and, but, or, and so. In this chapter, you w i l l learn to use the other three: yet,for,
and nor.

Coordinating Conjunctions

Coordinating Conjunction Example

Yet has approximately the same meaning as but; that is, I was scared, yet I was also curious about the old lady.
it shows contrast or joins opposites. Use yet when the
The weather is beautiful, yet it is supposed to rain
second part of the sentence says something unexpected
today.
or surprising.

For has the same meaning as because; use for to It is not easy to get there, for you have to hike down a
introduce a reason or cause. long, hot trail.
Nor means "not this and not that"; use nor to join two She didn't talk, nor did she move. (She didn't talk. She
negative sentences. didn't move.)
Note: Use question word order after nor. Place helping The book isn't very long, nor is it difficult to read.
verbs (is, does, did, can, will, etc.) before the subject. (The book isn't long. It isn't difficult to read.)

PRf\CTl C'E 5 A. Underline five compound sentences in the model paragraph on page 68. Circle
the coordinating conjunctions.
Compound
Sentences �ith
yet, for, and'{lor B. Join the two sentences in each of the following pairs by using a comma and
one of these coordinating conjunctions: yet, for, nor.
1 . Muslims do not drink alcohol. They do not eat pork.

2. Some Christians do not work on Sunday. Sunday is their day to worship.

3. People who believe in the Hindu religion do not eat beef. They believe that
cows are sacred.

4. Muslim men are permitted to have four wives. Few of them have more
than one.

5. Buddhist monks do not marry. They do not own property.

70 Part t I The Paragraph

C. Make compound sentences by adding another simple sentence that fits the
meaning to each item.
1. I have studied English in school for six years, yet __________

2 . Many children who watch television all day long don't learn how to read
wel l , for ------

3 . In some countries, women cannot vote, nor ____________

4 . The United States is one of the richest countries in the world, yet ____

5 . Everyone should know at least two languages, for __________

D . For additional practice, write one compound sentence of your own using for,
yet, and nor one time each.

Varying As you learned in Chapter 1 , a prepositional phrase consists of a preposition and a

Sentence pronoun , noun, or noun phrase. The following prepositional phrases express time,
Openings place, and possession, among other things.
Time Place Possession
in the early morning in the hall (the color) of the house
at 3:00 beyond the darkness (the top) of the stairway
during dinner in front of the house (a girl) with red hair
after the accident at the top of the stairs

Some (but not all) prepositional phrases can come at the beginning as well as i n
the middle and at the end of a sentence . At the beginning of sentences, they often
function as time order and spatial order signals. Moving prepositional phrases to the
beginning of some sentences also adds interest and variety to your writing. When
you use time order or spatial order in a paragraph , move some prepositional phrases
to the beginning of their sentences, and put a comma after them.
I was afraid of many things during my childhood.
OR
During my childhood, I was afraid of many things.

You arrive at Havasupai Village at the end of the trail.

OR
At the end of the trail, you arrive at Havasupai village.
 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 71

Not all prepositional phrases can be moved.

The color of the house was white.
NoT POSSIBLE Ofthehetl5e;-tfl�

He married a girl with red hair.

NOT POSSIBLE Wi#HeeH=taif;-Aemarriedagirl.

PRA.CTtCE 6 Step 1 Underline all the prepositional phrases in the foJiowing sentences.
Varying Sentence Step 2 When possible, rewrite sentences by moving a prepositional phrase to the
Openings
beginning of its sentence.

Step 3 Punctuate your new sentences correct ly.

1. A large earthquake occurred under the Indian Ocean on December 26.
2004.
On December 26. 2004. a large earthguak:e occurred under the

Indian Ocean.

2 . The resulting tsunami1 flooded the shores of several countries and killed
nearly 250,000 people.

3. Hundred-foot waves crashed into homes and businesses in the towns

near the coast.

4. The giant earthquake came just three clays after a�lightly smaller
earthquake between Australia and New Zealand.

5 . The energy released by the earthquake continued to be felt for several

months after the event.

1tsunami: very large wave caused by an earthquake

7'2 Part 1 I The Paragraph

The Writing Process

Clustering In Chapter 1 , you learned about the prewriting technique called listing . Now learn
to use clustering as a way to get ideas for your writing.
When you cluster, you start by writing your topic in a circle in the middle of your
paper. As you think of related ideas, you write these ideas in smaller circles around
the first circle. The related idea in each small circle may produce even more ideas and
therefore more circles around it. When you have run out of ideas, your paper might
look something like the following model. The model paragraph "The Stairway" on
page 6 1 was written from this model.

MODEL A Place from My Childhood

Clustering

You can see that this writer had the most ideas about the first house he lived i n
as a child. When h e thought more about his house, h e remembered a stairway i n the
house and a mysterious lady at the top of it. Because of the richness of his ideas
about the stairway, which you can see from the large number of circles, he chose i t
as the topic of his paragraph.
 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 73

Try 1t Out! Practice the clustering technique to develop a topic.

Step 1 Choose one of the topic suggestions, and write it in a large circle in the
center of a piece of paper.

Step 2 Think about the topic for one or two minutes. Then write each new
idea that comes into your mind in smaller circles around the large
circle.

Step 3 Think about the idea in each smaller circle for one or two minutes.
Write any new ideas in even smaller circles.

Step 4 Look over your groups of circles. Which group is the largest? The
largest group of circles i s probably the most productive topic for your
paragraph.

Topic Suggestions
a place from my childhood
a place that is special to me
the view from my window
my favorite room
an unforgettable scene or view
a scene from a dream
my ideal room or apartment
my neighborhood

Review

These are the i mportant points covered in this chapter:

1 . A description is a word picture. It tells the reader how something looks,
feels, smells, tastes, and sounds.
• Use spatial order to organize a description. Spatial order is the arrangement
of items in order by space: back to front, left to right, top to bottom, far to
near, and so on.
• Use spatial order expressions to show the order. Examples of spatial
order expressions are on the dashboard of my car, in front of the sofa,
and in the distance.

2. Unity is an important element of a good paragraph. Unity means that a

paragraph discusses one, and only one, main idea.

3. Supporting details are the "meat" of a paragraph. They prove the truth of
your topic sentence, and they make your writing rich and interesting.

4. For, yet, and nor are three additional coordinating conjunctions that you
can use to make compound sentences.
74 Part 1 I The Paragraph

5 . One way to make your writing more interesting i s to vary your

sentence openings. Occasional ly move a prepositional phrase to the
beginning of a sentence. ( You cannot move every prepositional phrase,
however.)

6. Clustering i s another prewriting technique you can use to get ideas.

Skill The following exercises will help you review important skills you learned in prior
Sharpeners chapters.

EXERClSE 1
Add commas where they are required in the following paragraph .
Commas
A Beach Treasure

1 Last Sunday my friend and I were walking along the beach and spotted
an interesting shell on top of the sand. 2We stopped knelt down picked it up
and brushed the sand from its surface. 3lt was a disk about 3 inches in
diameter with five V-shaped notches around its outer edge. 4 lt was round flat
and gray-white in color. 5lt was large for a sea shell yet it weighed almost
nothing. 61 held it up to my nose and sniffed the salty smell of the ocean. 70n
the top side of the disk Mother Nature had punched tiny holes in the shape of
a flower with five petals. 8The other side of the disk was very plain for it had
only one small hole in the center. 9At first we thought the shell was empty but
we were wrong. 10We shook it and a stream of sand fell out. 11 Later we did a
little research and learned that it wasn't a shell at all. 12lt was the skeleton of
an ocean animal. Do you know what this animal is? 1 (See the bottom of the
page for the answer.)

EXERClSE 2 Write a summary of "The Stairway" (page 6 1 ) . Imagine that you are telling a
Summary
friend the story. Include the important information, but write as few sentences as
Writing possible. Write no more than five sentences. Use these questions to pick out the
important points.
1 . What is the topic of this descriptive paragraph?
2 . Where is the child when he describes the topic?
3 . What part of the house does he describe? How does it appear to him?
4. What is at the top of the stairway?
5 . How does he describe her?
6. What did he imagine then? What does he know now?

1The animal is a sand dollar.

 Chapter 4 I Descriptive Paragraphs 75

Writing Assignment

Write a descriptive paragraph. Follow the steps in the writing process.

Step 1 Prewrite to get ideas. Use the clustering exercise that you completed in
the Try It Out! exercise on page 73.

Step 2 Organize the ideas. Decide what ldnd of spatial order you will use. Make
an outline. Include as many descriptive details as you can think of.

Step 3 Write the rough draft. Write ROUGH DRAFf at the top of your paper.
• Begin with a topic sentence that names the place and gives a general
impression.
• Use spatial order.
• Include descriptive details to make your description lively and
interesting.
• Write a concluding sentence.
• Pay attention to your sentence structure. Write both simple and
compound sentences, and punctuate them correctly.

Step 4 Polish the rough draft.

• Exchange papers with a classmate and ask him or her to check your
rough draft using Peer-Editing Worksheet 4 on page 204. Then
discuss the completed worksheet and decide what changes you
should make. Write a second draft.
• Use Self-Editing Worksheet 4 on page 205 to check your second
draft for grammar, punctuation , and sentence structure .

Step 5 Write a final copy. Hand in your rough draft, your second draft , your
final copy, and the page containing the two editing worksheets. Your
teacher may also ask you to hand in your prewriting paper.
 Logi cal Divi sion of l deas

Organization

Logical Division of Ideas

Coherence

Using Nouns and Pronouns Consistently

Transition Signals

Sentence Structure

Run-Ons and Comma Splices

Review

Writing Assignment

76