Writing: Effective Sentences: Unity, Coherence, And Emphasis

We looked at different kinds of sentences in the last lesson, simple, compound and complex.
In this lesson, we will focus on writing effective sentences by looking at issues like the unity
of a sentence and the emphasis in a sentence.
Effective Sentences
What is it that makes sentences effective?
There are three elements which make for effectiveness in sentences: unity, coherence and
emphasis.
 By unity we mean that every part of a sentence/composition must contribute to one
main
unifying thought.

 By coherence we mean that the various parts of a sentence/composition must follow

one another in an order which makes their relationship clear.
 By emphasis we mean that the most important parts of a sentence/composition must
be so placed that attention is directed toward them rather than toward less important
parts.
I. Unity: A good sentence should have unity, that is, it must express one main idea. Although
a sentence may contain more than one fact, all the facts must relate to the main idea. E.g. the
models were all dressed in the latest fashions and many of them are unemployed. This
sentence does not have unity. The first clause tells us about the model’s clothing, e.g. the
models were all dressed in the latest fashions and many of them are unemployed. While the
second one mentions unemployment; the two different ideas don’t belong to one another in
one sentence. They should be stated in two separate sentences. This sentence is a sample of a
sentence that lacks unity.
Unity is violated in five ways:
(i) By combining unrelated ideas
(ii) Putting too many ideas / details in a single sentence.
(iii) Failure to complete an idea or grammatical construction
(iv) Subordination
(v) Parallelism
(i) Combining unrelated ideas e.g. The students at the college use a great deal of abusive
language and they are from all parts of the country.
(ii)Too many ideas or details put in a single sentence distract the reader from the main
thought of the sentence e.g. Reading his daily newspaper that morning, standing at the
crowded bus stop, the morning sun just lighting up the tops of the high buildings and making
the sleepy-eyed people shade their eyes, made a great impression on me.
EXAMPLES
i. The students at the college use a great deal of abusive language and they are from all parts
of the country.
ii. Reading his daily newspaper that morning, standing at the crowded bus stop, the morning
sun just lighting up the tops of the high buildings and making the sleepy-eyed people shade
their eyes, made a great impression on me.
(iii) Failure to complete an idea or a grammatical construction: Such sentences are the result
of carelessness on the part of the writer who thinks that the reader will not object to filling in
the gaps in the thought e.g. -
 This is such a heavy chair.
 I was so pleased about the letter.
 The news is too wonderful.
All these expressions can be improved by adding a clause or substituting another word for
such, so and too. e.g.
 This is such a heavy chair that it is not easy to carry.
 I was so pleased about the letter that I ran to tell my mother.
 The news is too wonderful to be believed. / The news is indeed wonderful.
Some clauses express complete thoughts and others do not. Those that express complete
thoughts are independent or main clauses, others are called dependent or subordinate clauses.
Now if a sentence contains not one single thought but a complete thought containing a
number of constituent thoughts, then you have to decide which of the several ideas is the
main idea and which ideas are subordinate and then so construct the sentence that the
subordinate thoughts will give emphasis to the main thought.
When you place the principal or main thought in a subordinate position unity of the sentence
is destroyed.
(Faulty) The fielder in the slips dropped the third catch, when the match was definitely lost.
(Improved) When the fielder in the slips dropped the third catch the match was definitely lost.
The fielder in the slips dropped the third catch, when the match was definitely lost (Faulty)
Consider these statements:
He was born of poor parents. He was obliged to work his way through college.
He graduated with honors at the heads of his class.
Two of these statements may be subordinated to the third.
Although he was born of poor parents and was obliged to work his way through college, he
graduated with honours at the head of his class.
He was born of poor parents. He was obliged to work his way through college.
He graduated with honours at the heads of his class.
Practice 1:
The following sentences can be improved by using the correct connectives and making the
subordinate thoughts give emphasis to the main thought.
1. I was reaching down to pick up my cap just as I saw the two snakes.
2. We came within sight of the village when our car suddenly caught fire.
3. Because he has been to college is no sign he is cultured.
4. The main reason I left early was because I was bored.
5. Mr. Jamshed is the Vice President while the Saeed is the Secretary.
Solution
1. As I was reaching down to pick up my cap, I saw the two snakes.
2. Our car suddenly caught fire as we came within sight of the village.
3. Just because he has been to college, it is not a sign that he is cultured.
4. I left early mainly because I was bored.
5. Mr. Jamshed is the Vice President, whereas Saeed is the Secretary.
Practice 2:
The following sentences are lacking in unity. Improve them by adding details & changing
words where necessary.
1. The librarian was so discouraged about the lack of funds.
2. Our situation is too wonderful
3. Trying to work when my neighbour is playing his drum is such a problem.
4. The young ladies wore bright coloured socks and were kind hearted
5. She is so talented.
6. Computer courses have more appeal for the college student today.
Solution
1. The librarian was feeling extremely discouraged about the lack of funds allocated to the
library's budget, which made it challenging to purchase new books and resources for the
students.
2. We are currently in a remarkable situation, filled with countless opportunities, and we must
make the most of it.
3. It's incredibly challenging to focus on my work when my neighbour is playing his drum
loudly and frequently throughout the day, creating a serious disturbance for me.
4. The young ladies wore brightly coloured socks that matched their kind-hearted
personalities, making them stand out from the crowd.
5. She possesses an array of talents, including painting, singing, and writing, which always
leave people in awe.
6. In today's world, computer courses have a more significant appeal for college students due
to the ever-growing technological advancements and the need to keep up with the latest
trends in the industry.
We have seen that less important ideas must be made subordinate to the main idea of a
sentence.
However, if two ideas are co-ordinate, they must be given equal rank in the sentence. This is
known as parallelism. Students very often use faulty parallelism. Great care must be used in
the matter of parallel structure. Nouns must be parallel to nouns, verbs to verbs, subordinate
clauses to subordinate clauses gerunds to gerunds, etc…..
The following sentences are examples of faulty constructions.
(a) She told me to look on the table and that I should tell her what I found.
(b) Seema’s job is reading books and to write book reviews.
(c) He was considerate, friendly, and people respected him.
(d) The couple want to travel extensively and new experiences.
(e) The professor drew attention to the beginning of the revolution and how it ended.
(f) Getting the groceries, taking the children to school and to feed the dog are his daily tasks.
NOTE 1: e.g. For lunch I had an apple pie and banana.
NOTE :(1) It is often necessary to repeat preposition or other words in order to make
parallelism clear. e.g. For lunch I had an apple pie and banana.
(Improved) For lunch I had an apple pie and a banana.
(2) Correlatives (either…or / not only…also) should be used only with parallel elements.
He not only likes tennis but also golf.
(Improved)
He not only likes tennis but also golf.
You must bear in mind that faulty parallelism is worse than no parallelism at all. You should
use parallelism freely in your sentences but should resist all temptation to force into parallel
structure clauses which are not parallel in thought.
Practice 3:
The following sentences contain errors in parallelism. Correct the errors.
1. Swimming and to go fishing are my favourite sports
2. I both want exercise and to be amused.
3. He offered either to pay for it now or tomorrow.
4. Not only were they disappointed but also angry.
5. As we were unfamiliar with the route and because of approaching darkness, we decided to
ask for advice.
6. The boy’s face was streaked with dirt and his feet muddy.
Solution
1. Swimming and fishing are my favourite sports.
2. I want both to exercise and to be amused.
3. He offered to pay for it either now or tomorrow.
4. They were not only disappointed but also angry.
5. As we were unfamiliar with the route and darkness was approaching, we decided to ask for
advice.
6. The boy's face was streaked with dirt, and his feet were muddy.
II. So far we have looked at how the unity of sentences is destroyed. Now we shall turn to the
second element, coherence, which helps to create an effective sentence. A sentence has
coherence when the various parts follow one another in an order which makes their
relationship clear.
Correct handling of matters of unity, parallelism and subordination contributes to
coherence.
When working for coherence there are 4 pitfalls which must be avoided at all costs. These are
weak, general or ambiguous reference of pronouns, split constructions, use of mixed
constructions and mixed figures of speech and needless shifting from one point of view to
another – all these destroy coherence in a sentence.
1. Reference of Pronouns: e.g.
(i) Ahmed saw Basit and Zahid yesterday and he said that he had the money. (ambig)
(ii) My aunt’s cat was crippled; and she was never the same again. (Ambiguous aunt, cat?)
(iii) She put the computer on the table, which her sister had bought.
Note: Don’t treat an antecedent first as singular and then as plural. e.g.
(i) The Guard Company is now using coal in their furnaces instead of fuel oil.
(ii) The club has done their best to raise the money.
2. Split Constructions: e.g.
(i) The batsman started to viciously hit the stumps.
(ii) If we had the time, we could make some changes, if we wanted to.
3(a). Bad construction
(i) This is the book to which I was referring to.
(ii) The author gives the best idea of the problem than any other I have read.
(b). Mixture of figures of speech
e.g. My castles in air came tumbling down into a bottomless heap.
4. Aimless shifting from one point of view another will destroy coherence in a sentence.
This can be due to a needless shift from
(a) Active to passive
(b) From singular to plural
(c) From past tense to present.
For Example
(i) He ran to the station and the train was taken by him. (Active to passive)
(ii) If one tries hard, they can accomplish much. (Singular to plural)
(iii) The only words that we were able to distinguish are ‘horse’ and ‘cart’.
(Past to present)
Practice 4:
The following sentences lack coherence. Try to make them better.
1. Susan and her sister both saw the film, but she was disappointed.
2. I wrote and asked my uncle to let me know about the books as soon as he can.
3. He took an oath to never, no matter what happened, reveal the secrets of the organization.
4. She is as old if not older than Henry.
5. We have and will again talk to him about his plans.
6. She, having worked steadily at the sewing machine for three hours and having finished
stitching five dresses, she sat down wearily in the armchair.
Solution
1. Susan and her sister both saw the film, but Susan was disappointed.
2. I wrote to my uncle, asking him to let me know about the books as soon as possible.
3. He took an oath to never reveal the secrets of the organization, no matter what happened.
4. She is as old as Henry, if not older.
5. We have talked to him about his plans before and will do so again in the future.
6. After working steadily at the sewing machine for three hours and finishing stitching five
dresses, she sat down wearily in the armchair.
III. Emphasis.
(a) Position: e.g.
(i) Her son graduated with honours, we were told.
(ii) You shall be called a liar, in all probability. (Weak)
(iii) She flatly refused to see him, for some unknown reason.
(b) Order of Climax: e.g.
During his long stay with the club he served as president, secretary, treasurer and vice
president.
(c) Repetition e.g.
i) The dog was his only friend, his only companion, his only confidant, and his only heir.
ii) They believe that most of us believe they are lazy.
(i) I have never seen anything like it in my life. (Natural Order)
Practice 5:
The following sentences can be made more emphatic.
1. He testified that he had passed college, middle school, and high school examinations.
2. We were informed by the doctor that the young girl had been told of her mother’s death by
him.
3. Go away, if you don’t like it here.
4. His mother is one person he can confide in.
5. My sister is happy in her new house, on the other hand.
6. It is a worthy cause, I think.
Solution
1. He emphatically testified that he had passed college, middle school, and high school
examinations.
2. The doctor himself informed us that he had broken the news of her mother's death to the
young girl.
3. If you don't like it here, then please go away.
4. When it comes to confiding, his mother is the only person he can trust.
5. On the other hand, my sister is extremely happy in her new house.
6. I strongly believe that it is a worthy cause.
In today's lesson we considered the general elements - unity coherence and emphasis which
make for effectiveness in sentences. We shall continue with sentence construction in the next
few lessons
Reference:
https://vulms.vu.edu.pk/Courses/ENG101/Downloads/Eng%20101%20Handouts.pdf