The Art of Active Listening

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The Art of Active Listening | The Harvard Business Review Guide

Summary:
This article discusses the importance of active listening and how it differs from passive listening. The author
shares techniques to become a better listener, such as asking open-ended questions, reflecting on one's
default listening style, and avoiding the temptation to share one's own experiences too much. The article
also highlights the risks of not actively listening, such as dismissing someone's concerns and missing
important information. The author suggests that active listening can improve personal and professional
relationships, as well as foster a culture of trust and open communication.
Amy Gallo: Are you a good listener? No, really, are you? You might think you are because you stay silent
while they're talking, nod your head, and say "mm-hmm," and repeat back, word for word, what you heard
them say. This has been standard management advice on good listening for ages. But what if I told you that
following these tips could leave the listener feeling unheard or even dismissed? The truth is that mastering
the art of listening involves a whole host of other skills. You need to do more. In this video, you'll learn
techniques that will help you in both professional and personal relationships. Are you ready to be not just a
good listener but a great one? Let's get started.
The first step after putting away all distractions, like cell phones and laptops, is to recognize that listening is
an active, noncompetitive, two-way interaction. Authors Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman write that we
shouldn't be passive like a sponge, merely absorbing information. Instead, we need to be active listeners,
like a trampoline, giving the speaker's thoughts height, acceleration, energy, and amplification. But how do
you become a so-called “trampoline” listener?
First, it's important to ask yourself, how do I usually listen? Maybe you're typically task-oriented, focused on
efficiency or analytical, aiming to analyze problems from a neutral perspective or relational, building
connections, and responding emotionally or critical, perhaps judging both the content and the speaker. You
may, out of habit, default to one of these styles in most situations.
But if you then ask yourself, why do I need to listen right now, you may realize that a different mode or a
combination of modes is better suited for this moment. Is a family member in need of emotional support, or
a coworker hoping for an honest critique? Reflecting on the goals of each conversation, what you want, and
what the speaker needs will help you determine the best way to listen. This question can also remind us to
listen without an agenda so we can process what the other person is saying without formulating a response.
At some point in the conversation, you'll likely have to share your perspective. But for now, take in what
they have to say without thinking about what you'll say next.
Another question to ask is, who is the focus of attention in the conversation? Sharing your own personal
stories can establish connection and validation. But you don't want to steer the conversation away from the
speaker in a way that makes them feel dismissed or unheard. Also, you can ask, what am I missing?
Remember, good listening is much more than nodding, saying "mm-hmm," and parroting back what you
heard the person say. In reality, speaking up and asking good questions signals to the speaker that not only
have you heard what they said, but you understood it enough to want more information. It can also
profoundly change the conversation. If you pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues that may reveal that
the speaker has more to say than what appears at face value. They may be uncertain about sharing
vulnerability, or they may not even realize that they're expressing unexamined emotions. Asking questions
based on what may have been left unsaid can show the other person that you were listening deeply. It can
make them feel supported and lead to insight for both of you.
Here's an example: An employee tells you, "I'm worried about my presentation for the board meeting." You
might try to naturally reassure and relate by saying something like, "Oh, you're going to be great. It took me
years before I could present without being nervous." Unfortunately, while you're attempting to make a
connection here, that kind of response can actually dismiss their concerns without inviting further detail. It
ignores what might be an important issue underlying their statement and switches the focus to you. To show
that you're listening in a deeper way, you can say something like, "I was nervous when I started presenting
too.
What's worrying you? Big difference, right? When trying to be a better listener, another good question to ask
yourself is, am I getting in my own way? All too often, we prevent ourselves from being able to listen
deeply because of our own insecurities or head trips. We might be emotionally uncomfortable or worry
about how confident and prepared we seem to the other person. With practice, quieting that internal
monologue will leave space to actually hear what's being said by the other person.
So far, we've been talking about how anyone can be a better listener. But if you're a senior leader, where
much more is at stake, good listening is an imperative skill. It's wise to ask, am I in an information bubble?
Many leaders find themselves in those information bubbles because employees are afraid of questioning,
challenging, second-guessing, or disappointing them. They may spin information in a positive light to avoid
tough conversations with leadership. As Kevin Sharer, former CEO and chairman of Amgen, said, "If you
walk around and see a bunch of smiling faces and say, 'Gee, everybody looks happy to me,' you're not
listening."
Leaders must develop the discipline to listen purely for comprehension without judgment, agenda, or
distraction and actively seek input from all levels and ranks. Also, creating an atmosphere that prioritizes
trust over hierarchy means anybody can feel comfortable sharing information, whether it's good or bad. OK.
Let's review. Most conversations would benefit if we could be active, supportive trampoline listeners instead
of passive information sponges. To do this, you can ask yourself, how do I usually listen? Reflecting on your
default listening style can help you assess how to improve your listening skills.
Why do I need to listen right now? Thinking about what the other person might need from your conversation
can provide clues as to how you can best listen at that moment. Who is the focus of attention in the
conversation? Be careful sharing your own experiences in an attempt to connect. You don't want to steer the
conversation away from what the speaker is trying to say. What am I missing? Ask good questions not only
about what is said but what may be left unsaid. Am I getting in my own way? Be careful not to let your own
internal monologue prevent you from truly being able to listen deeply.
And for our current and future senior leaders out there, ask, am I in an information bubble? Practice listening
purely for comprehension. And create an environment where employees have opportunities to share
feedback and feel comfortable doing so. Thanks for watching. All of the strategies that I've shared today are
based on HBR articles linked below. Do you have your own strategies for becoming a better listener? Or is
there a topic you want us to cover in a future HBR video? Comment below. We're listening. Bye.
Questions about the content of the article:

1. What is active listening?
2. What does it mean to be a trampoline listener?
3. What techniques does Amy Gallo propose to become a great listener?
4. What is the difference between a passive information sponge and an active listener?
5. Why is it important to ask ourselves why we need to listen at a particular moment?
6. What is the danger of sharing our own stories when someone expresses a concern or worry?
7. What kind of questions can we ask to show that we are listening in a deeper way?
8. Why do senior leaders find themselves in information bubbles?
9. How can leaders create a culture of trust and open communication?
10. What is the role of comprehension in active listening?
Questions for discussion:

1. Have you ever felt like someone wasn't really listening to you during a conversation? What happened?
2. What are some common barriers to active listening, and how can we overcome them?
3. How can active listening improve our personal and professional relationships?
4. Can you think of any situations where it might be challenging to listen actively? How would you respond?
5. How can we avoid the pitfall of trying to relate to someone's experience by sharing our own stories? Can
you think of any alternative ways to show empathy?
Questions about the content of the article:
1. Active listening is when we listen fully to someone else in a conversation, with the intention of
understanding what they are saying, rather than just waiting for our turn to talk.
2. To be a trampoline listener means to actively bounce back and support the person speaking, rather than
just receiving information.
3. Some techniques proposed by Amy Gallo include asking open-ended questions, reflecting on our default
listening style, and avoiding the temptation to share our own experiences too much.
4. A passive information sponge simply absorbs information without actively engaging with it or attempting
to understand it, while an active listener is engaged in the conversation and trying to understand the
speaker's perspective.
5. Asking ourselves why we need to listen at a particular moment can help us focus on what the speaker
needs from the conversation and how we can best support them.
6. Sharing our own stories too much can shift the focus of the conversation away from the speaker and their
concerns, and may make them feel dismissed or ignored.
7. Questions that show deeper listening include open-ended questions that encourage the speaker to share
more about their thoughts and emotions, as well as reflective statements that summarize what the speaker
has said.
8. Senior leaders may find themselves in information bubbles because employees are hesitant to share
negative feedback or challenge their ideas.
9. Leaders can create a culture of trust and open communication by actively seeking input from all levels
and ranks, listening purely for comprehension, and creating an atmosphere that prioritizes trust over
hierarchy.
10. Comprehension is essential in active listening because it involves fully understanding and assimilating
what the speaker is saying.
Questions for discussion:

1. Answers may vary, but possible examples include feeling ignored or dismissed, feeling like the other
person was distracted or not fully engaged in the conversation, or feeling like the other person was more
interested in sharing their own opinions or experiences.
2. Common barriers to active listening include distractions (such as technology or outside noise), personal
biases or assumptions, and lack of interest or engagement in the conversation. We can overcome these
barriers by actively focusing on the speaker, practicing curiosity and empathy, and avoiding the temptation
to multitask or dismiss the conversation.
3. Active listening can improve our personal and professional relationships by fostering trust, empathy, and
understanding, and by creating a deeper connection between people. It can also help us avoid
misunderstandings or conflicts that can arise from miscommunication.
4. Examples of situations where active listening might be challenging include conflicts with a partner or
family member, difficult conversations with a boss or colleague, or conversations with someone who has
very different opinions or perspectives. In these situations, it is important to stay curious and open-minded,
ask clarifying questions, and avoid becoming defensive or dismissive.
5. One alternative way to show empathy is to simply acknowledge and validate the speaker's emotions or
experiences without necessarily sharing our own experiences. For example, we might say "That sounds
really difficult, I'm sorry you're going through that" rather than immediately trying to relate by saying "I
went through something similar once." Other strategies might include offering support or solutions, or
simply providing a space to listen without judgment.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?

The Art of Active Listening | The Harvard Business Review Guide

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