Dr.

Brown, My first thoughts when I read the prompt and saw the words nameless characters where that this assignment was going to be impossible. In fact, I considered just going against the prompt and giving them names anyway. But as I began to write, I realized that these characters, although they are nameless, have more substance than any characters I have ever created. This is a truly personal piece and writing it liberated me. Thank you for this opportunity and I hope you enjoy. - Kelsey Bradley The Conversation Kelsey Bradley She pushed through the white gate and began to walk through the woods, a path she had known since she was a little girl. There she found the field that was not just grass and hills, but memories. To her left she saw the path to her best friends old house, and up and across the hill was the passageway to the street where the first boy that ever drove her crazy used to live. It was a quiet day, but as she walked she could hear the sounds that she grew up listening to in her back yard. Gunshots from track meets, the high pitched noise of a baseball being hit down left field, cheers and cowbells from football games, the hollow sound of a tennis racket hitting the ball, echoes on the guard rails from fireworks, and laughter and screams from children sledding in the winter. She had memories of that field in morning, night, and day, but she hadnt walked that ground for four years. He hadnt walked the grounds of the field behind his old house for four years. As he walked down the street where he used to live, he anticipated what it would look like. He knew, thankfully, that nothing was really going to be different. The baseball field that he launched

fireworks off of each summer was still exactly the same, and the open space that his dogs would run through was still vast and beautiful. He could feel the sweat on his back like he used to feel when he was running around with his best guy friends. He could picture the orange lights that surrounded the school building on summer nights. And looking up, he saw the same bright blue sky that he lived under for years. He imagined the sky lit up with stars and lightning bugs and he felt the memories and people surround his body like they used to. Looking across the hills, the path to his best friends old house was still behind the track, and through the trees he could still see the home of the first girl he ever loved. They were both there, walking from different directions, taking a stroll through their past. She was getting emotional, remembering all the nights she snuck out of her house and walked up there. The nights her and her greatest friends lit up the sky. The nights when together, they ran with thrill from the police. Her 16th birthday. Him. She hadnt talked to him for four years. Losing him was something that she carried with her every day, because even by age 24, she couldnt solve the mystery as to why he walked away. But now, after 1,460 days, he was walking towards her. His heart raced. Was he imagining her? He was looking at his feet as he walked down the hill she was leaning against the fence. Her heart raced. Was she imagining him? She had dreamed of this moment time and time again, running towards each other, smiling, embracing. But none of that was happening. Their eyes met, and her head shot down in a split second. She was a planner. She didnt plan that he would be here. This was not supposed to happen. As for him, well, not many things nerved him- but facing her- facing the silence after four years scared him to the point that he turned around and started walking away. Her head was still down. Anxiously, he walked back towards her and then turned away again. For the longest time both their hearts and minds were left overflowing with things that they wanted to say to

each other, things they wanted to get out. And now in this moment, the most difficult part was not facing each other, but finding the first words to say. He stood in front of her with a blank stare. She was taller, thinner, and her hair was shorter. But she still bit her lip nervously, and still tucked that brown strand of hair on the wrong side of her part. She still crossed her arms around her chest and she still looked beautiful. She looked up at him. He looked different. He was more muscular and older looking. He still had bad taste in clothes and his hair was still dark. His eyes still moved her. She looked down again, holding back tears. Without even thinking he spoke, his voice shaking. Dont cry, he said. Immediately they both realized that he had said that to her way too many times before. Questions began to race through her mind, but she was speechless. She did not want to argue. She just wanted an apology. She wanted one of those hugs that no one else could give her. She wanted to turn around and walk home. He didnt know what to say without arguing. He didnt want to get mad. He just wanted an apology. She looked up, swallowed hard, and smiled. Why are you here? she asked quietly. Probably for the same reason you are he said. She unfolded her arms and he walked closer to her. Ive changed a lot he added. ITS ABOUT TIME she thought, but instead she said boldly, Me too. There was about ten minutes of silence, he kicked through the grass and she picked at her clothes. It felt like another four years. The two went there to remember memories, not face them. She was getting impatient, knowing that the moment she waited so long for was here, and things needed to be said. But how? How? he thought, should he begin to talk through a problem that he did not

understand? He knew they were both stubborn. She knew, however, that if she did not say anything, he never would. And still, the silence continued. They walked around in different directions, both contemplated leaving, both biting their tongue, both holding back tears. Finally, she sat down on the bleacher and held her head. She wanted to scream. She wanted to ask so many questions, she wanted to answer his. From a distance, he looked at her. He traced her body with his eyes, staring at her brown hair and picking out the lighter strands. He looked at her sad blue eyes, and her strong shoulders and posture. He followed her long legs, and he smiled at her small feet. He missed that hair, those eyes, that body. She missed him wrapped around it. She looked up at him as he looked down to his shoes. She stared at his messy shirt, his brown hair and light skin. She gazed down his body, taller and firmer than it used to be. She imagined his arms around hers, her head on her should, his voice in her ear. She smiled. How was New York? He said blatantly leaning on the fence across from her. It was just like him to dance around the subject, she thought. It wasnt what I expected, but I still loved it. Ill miss it a lot, but Im glad to be home. Yeah its nice to be back. Have you met back up with everybody yet? Yeah, I saw them all at the bar for a little bit Thursday night. He said. I was there on Thursday with everyone... She said, surprised. Yeah, yeah, I actually saw you, but I was on my way out, and I wouldnt have known what to say, you know. So, I just, I left. Her throat ran dry. At that moment she wished she could go back to when she was 15 years old and stop herself from making the mistake that led her to this conversation. He watched her bite her tongue and he knew he was going to make her cry. In his mind, moments of her sadness

flashed through his head like a picture show. The nights he let his anger get the best of him. Cursing her out in front of everyone and watching her walk away in tears. Arguing outside a friends house during the summer, her in hysterics, him speechless and angry. The first hour of 2011 when she stood in the cold garage outside a raging party, crying in his arms. He knew how she worked. She was fragile, and the smallest move could break her. He hated seeing that. He hated breaking her. But then again, he was broken too. Quickly, he tried to say something before her thoughts got the best of her. I dont want to fight, and I dont want to walk away from you unhappy again. As much as these past four years have been hard, hard to ignore you and be away, hard to sleep and not dream about you. Hard to wake up and meet other people, hard to move on, I think we needed these four years. We did not need four years. She shot back. She looked up at him, her sad blue eyes turning cold. He remembered that even though she was fragile, she was also a fierce fighter. His nature was to bicker. He had never met someone like her, because for someone who hated to argue, she was damn good at it. As she stood up and began to speak, he began to crumble inside. Her strength was his weakness. We did not need to be strangers for that long. When we graduated I thought youd come to me, make peace. But you just went off and left for school without a word. So then I hoped that one day you would realize that being strangers was useless. That youd call me or visit me, or something. And youre right, it was hard to sleep and even harder to get up each morning. I did it though, and so did you. But what was the point? How did that help our cause? It just brought us farther apart. Thats why we dont know what to say. Its been too long. His face grew angry. But in his head he tried so hard to calm down. He never knew what

exactly to say, because she always took it the wrong way. I didnt contact you because I figured you moved on. It was easy for you, because youre beautiful and easy to talk to. You always found somebody. You had relationships before me, and Im sure you found people after me. I didnt contact you because I figured you were mad. Before I left for school, I saw you a few times around town and at the graduation parties with everyone and you didnt say a word to me. I didnt say anything to you because the last thing you had said to me was to fuck off. So I did that. I left you alone. I gave you the space you needed. But then I look back and I think, did you really need space? Did you? I dont think so. Because the second we were done, there you were, draped over you-know-who. Draped over everyone, actually. You think that was easy for me? Seeing that? I wasnt mad at you, I was heartbroken. Something I had never been from any of the guys before you, or anyone after you. And you know what, there did not have to be guys after you. I would have stayed with you through school if we were working out. You made that choice, and I have never been the same since. He was quiet. But in his head, he was fuming. It wasnt just his choice. Things were far from easy for him too, and he felt like she would never understand how he felt. He didnt even understand. She sat back down, shaking her head. She remembered the nights after things ended. Images flashed in her head of him and the other girl, them together, happy. A week or so, not even, is all it took for him to move on. It was like everything they had never happened. It was like he didnt even care. She was beautiful, long dark hair, great body and smile. A really nice rack he would always say. Like everything she could never have herself. Still, she kept lifting her head, trying to find words to say, but she was finally mute. It

was hard for her to admit that she cared more than he did. It was hard for her to watch him move on, especially because she never completely could. Back then, when I yelled and screamed, it was not because I ever wanted to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you. I yelled because I was young, and confused, and scared. And I know thats a bullshit excuse, but those are the only kind of excuses I know. I didnt know how to act on the feelings I had for you. So when I left for school, I left you and I left her too. I left all of this. That was fucking scary. Im not like you, Im not fearless. A lot of shit gets in my way because Im scared of it all. I was afraid to lose you, and I did. And I know thats my fault. But I wasnt brave enough to ever come to you, admit it, and ask for another chance. I knew you wanted me to. I wanted to. But I wasnt strong like that. I was worried that Id get hurt again. Im sorry. Im sorry that I dont speak my mind like you fucking run your mouth. But I just couldnt. She knew all of that before he said it. She knew he wouldnt speak up unless she did. She knew he was stubborn. It was good to hear that he cared, he just didnt know how to show it. But in the end, it didnt really matter. What is the point of caring about someone if you dont show it? she said. I didnt show it because I knew it wouldnt help our cause. Look at us. Were strangers We didnt have to be like this. But we are. And I want you to realize that even if things didnt end when they did, they would have sooner or later. When we were together we ran in circles. We loved, and fought, and cried, and loved, and fought, and it was exhausting. And yeah, for a while, it was worth it. But thats not how things are supposed to be. We would have wound up even more hurt than we are

now. Plus, whats life without a little hurt, ya know? A little hurt? I felt a little hurt each night you screamed in my face. I felt a little hurt when you ignored me for months at a time. A little hurt is like a paper cut or a skinned knee. You and I were not just a little hurt. We were a lot of love and shit, because I loved you so much that I loved even the things that hurt. The fights made me feel closest to you and the time apart just left me hoping for time together. I couldnt stop myself from dwelling on the few memories that were beautiful, romantic, and fun. I couldnt not think about the times you made me laugh so hard for no reason at all. I couldnt get you out of my head. She paused. You fed me all those memories and emotions and then just walked away like they didnt even matter. That hurt more than anything. He was getting mad. How could she think he cared so little? He walked a little farther away and started to raise his voice. You want to know why I walked away? I was sick of being hurt too. If I had to pick two words to sum up our relationship, they would be Bad Timing. During the year it took me to fall for you, you were with someone else. And then you came around, told me that you cared, that you wanted us to be together. And we got together, for a short while. And then you went back to the other guy. And oh dont even get me started on him. Mr. Muscles. God, I dont know what you saw there. Nobody did. So, you left me hanging on nothing. I gave you time again, to figure out your feelings. You did what you wanted. And there we were again, ready to be together. And you freaked out and left me for him, again. It wasnt fair for me, and you dont even realize that! You had me wrapped around your finger for so long. And for a while, the pain was worth it. I loved the hurt just like you did. But sooner or later you became a waste of my time. Not you

personally, but the thought of you. Our friends pushed me to move on because you werent coming back to me. So I moved on. And what do you know? You came back. You ended things with him for good. Remember that night in July? We sat in the water and talked about all that we could be. I wanted all of that so bad. It hurt just thinking about it, still does. But you needed time. So I gave you time. Then once you were ready, I began to wise up and realize that I needed to live my life. I couldnt just let you control me. So I took my time. And maybe I still am. Maybe I still need time. He was right. She hurt him, a lot, for a long time. But she had apologized time and time again. Before she could say anything, he started I know youve tried to apologize for all of that, all that waiting. But sorry doesnt give me back any of that time. All that he had been saying was boiling her insides. Her heart was breaking, hearing it all. She wanted to scream again. All that time? All that time in high school that you spent with me AND with her? How could you call that a waste? You had every guys dream! Two girls at your feet. And you could pick which one you wanted and when, because one was always just a little more practical for you. What about my time? What about these past four years that you have shut me out completely? I know I hurt you and I know that you were unhappy with me the last time we talked, but you didnt even give me a chance to explain. You just walked away. I did not deserve to have to wait all this time. Think about it. If we hadnt run into each other here, who knows when we would have talked! Four years could have turned into ten or fifteen. Back then, we were in high school. I was 15 or 16, and needing time meant a week or a month to figure myself out. Youre 24 now and you still havent figured yourself out.

He was tired of this argument. He knew he hurt her, she knew she hurt him. It wasnt worth the fight anymore, not after all this time. He knew she just wished that she go could back and change things but that was impossible. After everything that had happened, the only time they had was now. Look, we both know our story isnt a fairy tale. He said. Obviously. She laughed, still annoyed. I know I need to stop dwelling in the past. Some days its easier to do that than others. But I think the reason I dwell on what we used to be so often is because now, we are nothing. And I cant accept that. I know, I know. But maybe today, this run-in, maybe it was a chance for us to be something again. Friends, I mean. Her mind instantly flashed back to freshman year, walking up the street on a cold autumn afternoon to get this coffee he insisted she would love. Once he walked her home, she went inside and knew immediately he would always be more than a friend. Just the word, friend, rang in her head the wrong way. But staring at him, she couldnt imagine walking away without at least agreeing to something. Friends, she confirmed. There they were. Two friends. The yelling was over and the tears were dry. She felt calm, a little weird. He felt relieved and a little confused. They wondered why they were both there at the same time, but all in all, the answer didnt really matter. They came up there in hopes of taking a stroll through their history, and instead, they fixed their past. It was quiet again. Both trying not to make things awkward, they tried to leave. He moved closer to the path he came from and so did she. Next time you see me at the bar with everyone, you better think of something to say

she said wisely. Sure thing he said happily. She started walking away. She looked back and smiled a smile that warmed his whole body. He needed to see that smile, for it had been absent for too long. He took a picture of it with his mind, her standing with that field, with memories behind her. Her head down timidly, eyes sparkling. He just stood motionless, staring. To him, she was infamous. All the hurt and all the time waiting meant nothing when he looked at her. Walking away, she smiled wider than ever and screamed of happiness inside. She pictured him, yelling again. She laughed to herself. He drove her crazy in the worst and best of ways. He was like no one she had ever met, so charismatic yet stern. She contemplated turning around, going in for a nice embrace, but for the first time in a long time she realized she didnt necessarily need it. Knowing that it was even a possibility was good enough for her. He was still just frozen in that grass, watching her get smaller. For the longest time, she was the brave one. She was the one who took the chances, did things on impulse, acted quickly. But it was his turn. He walked towards her, and then turned around, contemplating just letting her be. But four years, 1,460 days, was too long. He didnt know when he would have a chance like this ever again. So without even thinking, his feet started running. His heart beat fast and memories flashed through his head of times they were together. Summer nights, her 16th birthday. Their first time. The concerts. The talks. He wanted that again. He needed that again, and he knew she did too. She wanted to turn around so badly, but she was worried she would look back to see an empty field. So she kept walking, smiling with her head down. Her heart was beating fast because finally, after song long, things were okay. It seemed as though her heart was getting

louder and louder, but it wasnt an actual heart beat she was hearing. It was his footsteps. He was out of breath but she turned around, and instantly, they collided. Without a word they stood there, two small people in the middle of a huge field of grass and memories, kissing and holding onto each other like they wanted to do for so long. It was the exact conversation the needed to have. No words, just love.