EAP 5 Weeks 6-10 Learner Manual

English Language Program
Academic English for Tertiary Studies

EAP 5 Learner Manual
Weeks 6 - 10
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Academic English for Tertiary Studies: EAP 5
EAP 5: Weeks 6-10
Table of Contents
Section Week Six: Critical Literature Review Page
6.1 Critical Literature Review Pre-reading 2
6.2 Practice Critical Literature Review Articles 3
6.3 Literature Review: An Introduction 10
6.4 Literature Review Worksheet 11
6.5 A Suggested Structure For Literature Reviews 12
6.6 Writing Critiques 14
6.7 Global Implications Of Patent Law Variation 17
6.8 Language Focus: Evaluative Language 19
6.9 Listening: Stress 21
Week Seven: Research Essay
7.1 Research Essay: Managing Your Time 24
7.2 Research Essay: Direction Words 25
7.3 Interpreting Assignment Topics 26
7.4 Thesis Versus Controlling Idea 27
7.5 Using Evidence 29
7.6 Using Evidence: Using The Opposing Argument 31
7.7 Using Evidence: Synthesising Information 34
7.8 Research Essay: Using Evidence 36
7.9 Using Evidence: The Economics Of Tobacco 39
7.10 Research Essay Planning 48
7.11 Referencing 49
7.12 Essay Structure: Beginning To End Development 50
7.13 Research Essay: Checklist 53
Week Eight: Research Essay
8.1 Common Errors in Essay Writing 55
8.2 Plagiarism 56
8.3 Paraphrasing 58
8.4 Listening: Amnesty International 61
8.5 Reference List Practice 65
Week Nine:
9.1 Reading: In Sadness 67
9.2 Ellipsis And Substitution 74
9.3 Listening: Problems Of Writing In A Foreign Language 76
9.4 Listening: Memory 79
APPENDIX:
Vocabulary Lists 6-8 83
EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

V3.1 OCT 2014 1
6.1 Critical Literature Review Pre-Reading
Reading homework in preparation for Critical Literature Review
The following two articles must be THOROUGHLY read by week 6 in order to prepare for Literature
Review work in weeks 6 and 7.
1. Gundling, E 1999, ‘How to communicate globally’, Training & Development, vol. 53, no. 6, p28.
2. Wade, J 2004, ‘The pitfalls of cross-cultural business’, Risk Management, vol. 51, No. 3, pp 38-42.
In order to be well prepared for next week’s work, focus on the following questions as a guideline:
1. What are the key points/issues raised in the articles?
2. What is your initial response to the article, i.e. do you feel it contributes positively to the field of
inter/cross cultural communication?
1. Do you have any criticisms of the author’s ideas?
4. Choose five words or terms from the articles that are new to you .Find definitions or explanations for
them to present in class.

2
6.2 Practice Critical Literature Review Articles
Gundling, E 1999, ‘How to communicate globally’, Training & Development, vol. 53, no. 6, p28.
Abstract:
People who must communicate regularly across borders must be careful about adopting new technologies
that alter the context of their interaction with people in other countries. Caution is needed since
misunderstandings can occur if people with a different cultural background decide that new communications
procedures are not suitable substitutes for face-to-face interaction. In some countries, for example,
videoconferencing is considered to be an unacceptable medium for conducting business, if only because it
places people from high-context cultures at a disadvantage. In many situation, the selection of mutually
acceptable communications media must first be agreed upon, before voicemail, email or fax can be used as a
substitute for a person-to-person meeting. Tips for selecting appropriate global communications
technologies are also provided.
Email and voicemail can make communicating with colleagues in other countries easier, but such
technologies can also be counterproductive. Here’s how to choose what to use and when.
Technology makes communication easier, especially across international borders, right? Not necessarily.
Although Western companies are making major investments in technologies designed to make their global
communications more efficient, such tools are often underused and even counterproductive in cross-cultural
business environments. You need to consider several factors before selecting which technology to use and in
which context.
As for what can go wrong, consider the case of videoconferencing in Thailand. An American firm had
invested in the installation of videoconferencing facilities in its Thailand subsidiary. In addition to enabling
communication with other sites around the world, the new videoconferencing capability was intended to
increase the productivity of the firm's local Thai employees. Many would have to spend an entire day
traveling the crowded roads between the company's outlying factory to attend a meeting at Bangkok
headquarters. It was thought that videoconferencing would make such travel unnecessary. But things didn't
quite turn out as planned. The Thais had trouble getting used to the new technology. The former managing
director of the Thai subsidiary, a U.S. expatriate, remembers ruefully: "I soon found out that the local
managers were conducting the videoconference for my benefit and then arranging to have a face-to-face
meeting afterwards. They still wanted to be able to meet in person to gauge the reaction of others."
So, instead of creating greater efficiency, the new videoconferencing facility resulted in additional meetings
and extra costs.
In another example, an Asian customer service representative, Emily Liu, had been working at her job for
several years, in which she felt that she'd developed good teamwork and joint operating procedures with her
U.S. customer service counterpart. When there was a customer issue that required help from the United
States, Liu knew she could contact that person and he would respond quickly and efficiently. They had even
met in person and maintained regular contact. Suddenly however, everything changed. When Liu checked
her email one morning, she found a message that a new organizational structure was in place and that the
customer service function at U.S. headquarters had been eliminated. For customer service issues, she was
now instructed to contact the appropriate marketing representative for each product. It wasn't made clear who
that person would be (and it would probably differ case by case). Liu's longtime U.S. customer service
counterpart sent a short note of regret that they'd no longer be working together and said he'd been
transferred to a different function.
For Liu, it was insulting and discouraging to receive an email that severed her main link to headquarters,
eliminated her personal contact, and left her with no clear alternatives. She said, "At least, they could have
done it by videoconference-not by email. Now, I have to start over." Other customer service representatives
around the world were informed in the same impersonal fashion, and several left the company.

COPYRIGHT 1999 American Society for Training & Development Inc. 3
Context is the core:
The very ease that technology brings to global communication can become a source of difficulty. David
Ancel, an expert in this area, observes: "If you travel 18 hours and 10,000 miles to Asia and you step off the
plane and are hit by the heat and humidity, you know that you're someplace different and you're going to
have to make some adjustments. But if you send an email from your desk or walk around the corner to a
videoconference room, you haven't moved at all off of your cultural space."
In other words, simple and instantaneous long-distance communication can increase the potential for
misunderstanding by making the need for cultural adjustment less obvious.
Context is perhaps the core intercultural issue when using communications technologies. The United States,
Canada, and northern European nations are defined as low-context cultures, meaning that the verbal content
of a message is more important than the medium-the setting through which the message is delivered. In such
cultures, a videoconference or an email is usually accepted as an efficient substitute for an in-person
meeting.
But in other countries-including many in Asia and the Middle East context, or setting, with its myriad
nonverbal cues, can convey far more meaning than the literal words of a given message. In such high-context
cultures, business transactions are ritualized, and the style in which the rituals are carried out matters more
than the words. A high value is placed on face-to-face interaction, and after-hours socialization with
customers and colleagues is almost a daily occurrence. Companies that depend on low-context
communication technologies to replace context-rich forms of human interaction unwittingly place the
members of high context cultures at a disadvantage.
When developing a global communications strategy, it's important to consider the amount of context
available through different types of interaction. A person-to-person meeting covers a whole range of possible
interactions including informal contact (in the hallway outside of a meeting); a physical exchange
(handshake or bow); nonverbal cues (facial expressions, gestures); immediate feedback; and voice tone. The
progression from personal meeting to email shown in the box involves a declining loss of context.
The point isn't that high-context forms of communication are always better, but that it's essential to select the
communication style most appropriate for the people and the purpose involved. George Renwick, a veteran
consultant on intercultural issues who has worked in China, points out that low-context communications may
be acceptable or even preferable when there's a strong rapport between the parties. Renwick tells about two
friends, one an HR manager and the other a company president, who worked together in a Taiwan-based
company for many years. "The HR manager was one of the few people in the company who had the nerve to
inform the president when she felt that he was on the wrong track. But rather than tell him to his face, she
(and he) found it easier for her to send him a pointed email message."
Creating context
In general, important messages are best communicated through high-context means. Many people prefer to
make vital decisions or receive good or bad news in a face-to-face setting, though that varies from culture to
culture. In the United States, it's acceptable to introduce oneself, approach customers, and transact large
business deals over the telephone. But that would not be acceptable in many other countries.
What frequently works best in a cross-cultural setting is to build context. You can do that by arranging for a
face-to-face meeting early in the relationship. The parties can agree on a regular, mutually acceptable means
of communication whether via videoconference, voicemail, email, fax, or a combination. If regular meetings
in person aren't possible due to time, distance, or expense, using multiple media helps create context.
For example, a fax containing background information can help an overseas counterpart prepare for a phone
call, which can be followed up by an email to confirm any points.

COPYRIGHT 1999 American Society for Training & Development Inc. 4
You can also create context by using the facilitation techniques typically applied in face-to-face meetings.
Prior to a videoconference, for instance, you can circulate written background material, an agenda, a seating
chart, and biographical information about the participants. During the videoconference, the facilitator
introduces people, acts as a gatekeeper to bring everyone into the conversation, and defines unfamiliar terms
and concepts.
It's essential that context be a joint creation and not something imposed. For example, U.S. workers
sometimes assume that English is the language of global business and shower their colleagues abroad with
rapid-fire speech or a deluge of complex documents. No matter what language is being used, it's important to
modify one's speech and be more selective in what materials to circulate. Another aspect of shared context is
the time at which communication takes place. It's important to remember that it might be midnight for
someone else.
It's always worth asking the involved parties for their preferred method of communication. After all, the
ultimate purpose of communication is to enhance human relationships, not replace them. Though technology
is changing the way we communicate globally, the means must match people's preferences and work habits
across cultures in order to be effective. By committing to the form in which a conversation will occur,
participants from different parts of the world become more willing to contribute actively.
Here are the main aspects (and relevant questions) to consider when trying to select the appropriate
communication technologies.
Availability. To what extent are the various technology options readily available to everyone involved in a
geographically dispersed work group? Which technologies can be used regularly without putting anyone at a
disadvantage?
User skills. Is everyone adequately skilled and comfortable with the different technology options?
Cultural variables. Is the communication taking place with members of low- or high- context cultures? Are
there other cultural requirements or preferences?
Level of rapport. How well do the people who are communicating know each other? Does rapport or its lack
affect the level of needed context?
Importance of the message. Is the message of sufficient priority to dictate a high-context medium, or will a
low-context form of communication suffice?
Ways to build context. Are there means for creating greater context to enhance participation, such as in-
person meetings, multiple media, and facilitation techniques?
A regular pattern. Is there a communications agreement so that participants know when to expect messages
and in what form?
Language modification. When one language is used, are the native speakers considerate in their speech and
transmission of written materials to nonnative speakers?
Time windows. Do all parties know and respect the most convenient times to send and receive messages
across time zones? Are there ways to share private contact numbers that will improve communication while
respecting people's personal lives?
User choice. Have the participants in a given transaction been asked how they would prefer to communicate?
The answers should start you in the right direction for an effective global communications strategy.
Ernest Gundling is managing director, Meridian Resources Associates, San Francisco; egundling@mera.
com.

COPYRIGHT Risk Management Society Publishing, Inc. Mar 2004 5
The Pitfalls of Cross-Cultural Business
Wade, J 2004, ‘The pitfalls of cross-cultural business’, Risk Management, vol. 51, No. 3, pp 38-42.
Abstract (Document Summary)

Throughout the world, there are thousands of seemingly minor differences, which can have varying degrees
of severity. In some cases, laughter or an uncomfortable smile is the only outcome, but in other business and
social scenarios, more awkward - and potentially offensive - results can occur when one party is unfamiliar
with the other's cultural customs. Problems and confusion often arise from improper gestures and body
language. In Bulgaria, many American executives get confused as they think that everything they say is
taken negatively. But there, shaking your head "no" means that the person is listening, not that they disagree
with you. In Hungary, glasses of apricot brandy are often served at business meetings even early in the
morning and to refuse is seen as being rude or even untrustworthy. When conducting meetings,
businesspeople should be aware that "punctuality" means different things in different countries and should be
prepared to act professionally in the face of unexpected tardiness, no matter how unprofessional it may seem.
In the 1950s, Richard Nixon made a trip to Brazil, and as he was getting off the plane, he greeted a mass of
Brazilian officials, journalists and other citizens. On his way down the stairs to the runway he smiled, waved
and gave the "A-Okay" sign to show the people his good intentions. Unfortunately for Nixon, this gesture is
the Brazilian equivalent of giving the middle finger in America.
In Brazil, most citizens probably had a good laugh at Nixon's ignorance and realized that he had no idea what
message he was really sending. But its is just as likely that at least some of the country found it insulting that
the leader of the free world would make such a lewd gesture, or that he did not spend the time to familiarize
himself with the nation's local customs before arriving.
Business executives confront the same range of reactions in similar situations, but in some cases, a single
mishap is enough break a deal. "Everyone knows someone who has gone to Brazil and done this," says Dean
Foster, president of the worldwide cross-cultural training company Dean Foster Associates. "It can be very
offensive. In some cases, people have lost million-dollar deals."
Different Cultural Customs
Throughout the world, there are thousands of seemingly minor differences, which can have varying degrees
of severity. In some cases, laughter or an uncomfortable smile is the only outcome, but in other business and
social scenarios, more awkward-and potentially offensive-results can occur when one party is unfamiliar
with the other's cultural customs.
Like the Brazil scenario, problems and confusion often arise from improper gestures and body language.
Holding up two fingers like a peace sign with your palm facing inward, for example, is similar to the
American middle finger or the Brazilian "A-Okay" in Britain and many English-speaking countries.
"In the Muslim world, the sole of the foot should not be shown because it is seen as dirty," says Foster. "In
America, we often sit casually with our foot crossed over our knee, but this is seen as insulting in most
Muslim cultures."
In Bulgaria, many American executives get confused as they think that everything they say is taken
negatively. But there, shaking your head "no" means that the person is listening, not that they disagree with
you.
Another custom that many Americans may find shocking is the role that alcohol plays in business dealings.
In the United Slates, there can be a stigma associated with even ordering a beer at lunch, but in many Asian
cultures, beer, liquor or warm sake is usually shared at social business events. Because of the group-oriented
nature of these cultures, people refill each other's glasses-often very frequently-and if someone fills your
glass it is generally a sign that they wish you to do the same. If you are a light drinker, it may be wise to
leave your glass full so nobody can top it off.
In Hungary, glasses of apricot brandy are often served at business meetings even early in the morning and to
refuse is seen as being rude or even untrustworthy. Common advice is that the smaller the glass, the more
potent the drink, therefore the more cautious one should be.

When conducting meetings, businesspeople should be aware that "punctuality" means different things in
different countries and should be prepared to act professionally in the face of unexpected tardiness, no matter
how unprofessional it may seem. As a general rule, people in Germany and Sweden are usually on time, but
in Spain, Costa Rica and especially Italy, people tend to be late. Because of this, it is often best not to
jampack one's schedule with appointments.
Gift-giving at meetings can be an important part of successfully conducting business in much of Asia,
particularly in Japan. "Giving a gift when doing business in Japan is essential," says Foster. "The gift should
always be wrapped in red or gold paper and it is a sign of disrespect if it is not given with two hands." Gifts
should also not be opened in from of the presenter, as it is seen as disrespectful.
"It's imperative that Americans understand the major cultural dos and don'ts where they're doing business,"
says Foster. "Without any prior relationship, not knowing these things will be held against you."
While these slip-ups often make for humorous anecdotes, they are generally more cause for embarrassment
than disaster. They may have broken deals in the past, but by now most foreign executives realize procedural
cultural differences will inevitably occur when doing business with people from other regions, and only
ultrasensitive executives will take most of these improprieties with much more than a grain of salt.
"Most of these minor faux paus aren't deal breakers anymore," says Sheida Hodge, worldwide managing
director of the cross-cultural division for Berlitz International, Inc. and author of Global Smarts: The Art of
Communicating and Deal Making Anywhere in the World, a popular strategy guide for dealing with
language barriers, culture shock, international negotiation tactics and establishing cross-cultural trust. "In the
1980s, cultural training only focused on these visible aspects such as meetings, greetings and dining
etiquette. In the 1990s, people began to pay more attention to these invisible aspects, which are the real deal
breakers."
These visible cultural aspects are the ones that are present on the surface, which include language, etiquette,
eating habits, gestures and social customs. Examples of these include whether you should eat with
silverware, chopsticks or your hands; or whether a greeting should consist of a handshake, a bow or a kiss.
And while being unfamiliar with any custom can lead to awkward moments, most executives doing business
with foreigners understand that not everyone will be familiar with their ways. "There is probably nothing
more common than a Japanese executive extending his arm for a handshake just as his American counterpart
leans over to bow," says Foster.
Beneath the Surface
What executives abroad should be most concerned with are those invisible cultural aspects that lie deep
beneath the surface. In each of us, there are ingrained behavioral traits that have become deep-rooted by the
culture in which we were raised. These aspects are what create most conflicts in business relationships
because they are less obvious and can rarely be laughed off by either party.
"When people's ingrained cultural behavior is not recognized as due to cultural differences, then partners to a
deal may not trust one another," says Hodge. "You must understand the cultural differences that affect the
business practice."
In order to begin understanding cultural differences, it is important to first examine your own culture. As
with most cultural groups, there is a certain perception of the American businessperson throughout the world.
And although many discrepancies exist depending on geographical region, upbringing and industry, there are
some qualities that most American businesspeople possess.
Individuality is one of the primary driving forces of American culture, and the ability to accomplish goals
alone plays an important role in forming the self-image. Americans define themselves through personal
achievement and view themselves as a unique individual more than as a functional part of society. In most
cases, this carries over to the corporate world as well. For example, CEOs and other high-level executives
often receive astronomical salaries compared to others they work with closely based on their proven
individual track record. And even mid-level managers are generally given wide decision-making authority
and encouraged to trust their own judgment.

Many cultures do not rely so heavily on the individual and relegate all final decision to counsel. This can be
a particularly frustrating roadblock for U.S. businesspeople who are used to more of a one-on-one
relationship.
"Let's say you go to Germany, where things are decided more by consensus," says Hodge. "There is often a
panel of many experts from different fields that come to make a consensus decision. Because of this, many
see German business as very authoritarian. This is basically true because individual managers don't have the
authority to change decisions made by the panel."
This process can also conflict with another cultural aspect of American business-efficiency and timeliness.
U.S. businesspeople are accustomed to quickly proposing deals, hammering out negotiations and moving
forward to a final decision. But because of the decision-making process and other cultural differences, much
more patience is often required when doing business abroad.
In many hierarchical cultures, most employees make very few decisions, and everything is handed down
from the top. Most Chinese corporations are structured in this manner, which often results in a more drawn-
out procedure. "In one deal, there were more hidden barriers than they let us know about in the negotiation
phase," says Michael Fusselbaugh, senior vice president of international insurance for Hartford Steam Boiler,
a subsidiary of AIG. "We went through 18 months of meetings, before we found out that internal issues had
changed things. Ultimately, opening a program wasn't even a viable option."
When doing business in the United States, the direct approach is usually seen as the best and most honest
approach, but this is not the case everywhere. "In Japan, for example, when you are indirect you are
rewarded and seen as a polite person," says Hodge. "In the United States, you're generally looked at as
dishonest."
Thus, Americans are used to saying exactly what is on their minds in business meetings so they can reach
common ground with the other party and then iron out the differences. But such a direct approach is not
necessarily the norm across the globe. "In America, a meeting is seen as a place to solve problems but in
China or Japan a meeting is only looked at as a chance to exchange information," says Foster. "No decision
will usually be made until later."
When doing business in much of Europe, this exchange of information is especially important as well.
French, German and British companies, in particular, require much more information before the decision-
making ever begins than most American businesses. However, the same information may not help to secure
a deal in all three countries, according to Foster.
In general, the French want to see that a perfect intellectual process has been logically organized and
designed, where as in Germany, the most important thing is a provable method. "The Germans have a need
to know that you can prove that what you're proposing can work in the practical world," says Foster. The
British thinking here is closely related to that of Germany, but it is generally not enough to simply show that
it could work. In any proposal, the idea of historical precedent should be shown to prove that the idea not
only could work but that, in the past, it has worked.
Americans generally tend to try to establish an informal relationship quickly and get past the formality of
business dealings. They prefer addressing others by their first names and do not stress the use or importance
of titles. In other parts of the world, such as Asia, Latin America and the Middle East, formality is prioritized
and strictly maintained. Until told otherwise, it is always best to address business partners formally and defer
to executives.
In many Asian and South American nations, informal interactions should be reserved for social events such
as dinner or a night on the town. These informal relations should not be extended to the boardroom, however,
as it is essential that titles and the hierarchical process be maintained in business. Another way that
companies can run into problems abroad is in knowing who to send for negotiations. Many managers elect to
send employees that are the same ethnicity of the people they will be doing business with, but while there

8
are positive aspects to consider, such as language fluency and better knowledge of customs, there can also be
negative consequences to consider.
In certain regions, these positive aspects may help make the deal, but in China, among other places, this
strategy often backfires. In China, and other hierarchical societies, the representative may be seen as little
more than a glorified translator, not a decision-maker. In some cases, the team of representatives may be led
by a Chinese-American, but the other "traditional" American members of the team will be viewed as the
authorities.
All in all, conducting international business is a market-expanding venture that can take a corporation to the
next level in global commerce. If the company's resources and means allow this possibility, then this step
should by all means be taken. Like most things, however, along with opportunity comes the potential for
danger.
And while losing a single deal is usually more of a setback than a disaster, the frustration can have residual
effects throughout the company. With proper education and preparation even the smallest setbacks can
usually be avoided, and prosperous relations can be established across the globe.

6.3 Literature review: An introduction
Computer Lab Session Week 6
Spend some time looking at the following sites/links. Choose ONE and complete the two tasks below:
http://www.writing.utoronto.ca/advice/specific-types-of-writing/literature-review
(What a literature review is and questions you need to ask yourself)
http://www.lc.unsw.edu.au/onlib/litrev.html
(Although this site is aimed at postgraduate students it is very useful and informative)
In preparation for your Literature Review you must complete the following tasks:
1. Report orally to your teacher/class. In this brief discussion you should state:
 Which site/link you chose and why

 Whether you found the site useful, easy to navigate and understand
 What you predict will be the hardest part of doing your literature review and what you can
do to deal with this.
2. Submit a short written page briefly detailing what a Literature Review is. Your summary should
include such information as:
 The purpose of a Literature Review

 The types of sources reviewed.
 The structure of a review.
 The importance of critical thinking/reading.

10
6.4 Literature Review Worksheet
Articles to be read before this session:
1. Gundling, E 1999, ‘How to communicate globally’, Training & Development, vol. 53, no. 6, p28.
2. Wade, J 2004, ‘The pitfalls of cross-cultural business’, Risk Management, vol. 51, no. 3, pp 38-42.
Session One
The class then splits into 2 groups.
Group A to answer the questions below using article # 1.
Group B to answer using article # 2.
Answer the following questions in your group in preparation for writing a literature review of the above
articles.
Questions 1 to 4 will help in writing the introduction of your literature review.

Questions 5 will help in writing the summary.
Questions 6 to 8 will help in writing the critique.
Questions 9 to 13 will help in writing the conclusion.
1. What is the name of this article and what is it about?

2. What is the relevance of this article for people/business people in the twenty first century?
3. What is the author’s thesis?
4. What is your initial response (opinion of) to this article?
5. Summarise the author’s main ideas into one paragraph.

(What are his main points/arguments/conclusions?)
6. How relevant do you think this article is to people/business people within the broader context of dealing
with people from a variety of different cultural backgrounds?
7. Is the article useful in a practical way? Who would find the information discussed most useful?
8. Do you have any criticisms of the article?
9. Do you have any suggestions on what further information could have been included in this article to
make it more useful or relevant?
10. Restate the overall purpose of the article? What are the key points?
11. Has the author been successful in achieving that purpose?
12. Do you think that he supports his thesis well?
13. Does it make a positive contribution to the wide body of literature available on this subject?
OR
How it could be used as a starting point for further research into the area of cross cultural communication, or
for the development of cross- cultural training courses?
Session Two
Each group must then work together exchanging answers to each of the two articles, it is essential that each student has
all the necessary answers before writing their practice literature review of the two articles.
Follow Up: Practice Writing of a Literature Review

You must now write a literature review of the two articles referring to;
1. The information on literature reviews from your site research.
2. Your Suggested Structure to Literature Reviews handout, and
3. The answers above.
This is a practice Literature Review and is not part of your assessment but you should aim to write a literature review
of approximately 600 words.

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6.5 A Suggested Structure for Literature Reviews
In a Critical/Literature review you are expected to do a careful reading of the articles/books/sources you are
going to review, say what you feel about it and support your response by giving valid reasons. This is
necessary because one important purpose of a literature review is to convey to your reader what knowledge
and ideas have been established on a topic, and what their strengths and weaknesses are, as well as to help
readers decide whether they wish to read the material that has been reviewed. So to make sure that you give
all the necessary information the review could be organized under the following headings:
Introduction, Summary, Critique and Conclusion
1. Introduction
Establish context
Mention the title of the articles/books and their authors. This may be done in a simple, straightforward
fashion, or more indirectly, while trying to draw the reader’s attention to the subject the author deals with.
Establish further focus.
Mention the author’s purpose in terms of timeliness and importance of subject.
Mention what authority or expertise the author has to write on the subject.
State their thesis.
Give your general response to the work i.e. whether you agree/disagree/partly agree with it
Remember you have to support this view in your critique and that the structure of your critique depends on
your overall impression of the reviewed material as given in your thesis statement.
2. Summary
It is important to remember that your reader may not have read the work you have reviewed .So, the main
purpose of the summary is to provide the reader with adequate information necessary to understand the
critical commentary that follows.
It is important to remember that the summary should not include any personal interpretation or discussion.
Article reviews: In a research–based article, summarise each section of the article i.e. the introduction
including the research question, the background to the problem, the hypotheses, the methods section, the
results and discussion section and the conclusion. In other types of article reviews, the summary should
include the authors’ controlling ideas/theses, the main points/arguments and the authors conclusions.
3. Critique
The purpose of the critique is to express your judgements and comments about the articles you are
reviewing. In fact, the purpose of this section is to support the personal opinion you have already expressed
briefly in the Introduction, about the articles being reviewed.
If you are critiquing a research-based article, try to express your opinion about the following: adequacy and
relevance of subject matter, length of the articles, validity of interpretations of data, objectivity in presenting
results and practicality in making suggestions and recommendations. If the article is not reporting research,
what needs to be commented on, in addition to subject matter and length, is how well the writer supports
his/her thesis. In other words, a critical evaluation of the evidence the writer presents to back up their
argument is necessary in the critique of such articles. If you feel positively about the article give a detailed
commentary on the positive aspects, and vice versa if your response is negative. However, if your response is

12
6.5 A Suggested Structure for Literature Reviews
a mixed one, start with the negative aspects and finish off with the positive aspects for a stronger positive
opinion, and vice versa for a stronger negative opinion.
4. Conclusion
The conclusion relates to both your Introduction and your Critique because it restates the most important
comments from the Introduction and sums up the critical points from your Critique. In the Conclusion, you
first need to state the purpose of the articles you have reviewed and then, using your critique as a base, make
a judgement about how far the writer has been successful in achieving that purpose. You also need to re-state
the thesis you included in the Introduction about your own response to the articles you have reviewed and
support it by commenting on whether or not the reviewed material makes a useful contribution to the body of
literature already published in that area.
Adapted from:
Writing Critical Reviews, Learning Development Centre, University of Western Sydney, Macarthur.
Arnaudet, ML and Barrett ME, 1984, Approaches to academic reading and writing, Prentice Hall, New Jersey.

13
6.6 Writing Critiques
Critique is a French word that means a critical assessment (positive, negative, or a mixture of both). One
common type of critique you may be familiar with is the film review in a newspaper. Critiques may have
various structures, but the simplest is a short summary followed by an evaluation. This unit will concentrate
on the evaluation portion.
In our experience, critique assignments are employed somewhat variously in U.S. graduate programs.
Certain instructors – from a wide range of programs – use them on a regular basis; certain others almost
never do. In some fields of study, critiques are a regular part of take-home examinations; in other fields,
they rarely are. Instructors may assign critiques for several reasons:
1. To try and ensure that students actually do reading assignments
2. To assess the students’ understanding
3. To try and develop habits of analytic reading in their students
4. To train graduate students to integrate the assigned reading with other readings they have done,
especially by making comparisons.
5. To give graduate students a better sense of the scholarly expectations in their chosen field.
The first four purposes are similar to those we have already seen for summaries. The fifth is somewhat
different. Summaries focus on an accurate account of the content of the original article. Critiques require
that students also learn to express their evaluative comments within their field’s accepted standards of
judgment.
It is important that critiques be “fair and reasonable.” Part of being “fair” means that criteria that are
reasonable in one field should not be applied to another field where they would be unreasonable. For
example, in terms of how precise a measurement needs to be, psychology is not comparable to physics. Or,
in terms of the expected size of an experimental group, research into language teaching methodology is not
comparable to efforts to measure elementary school reading ability. The question of how “fair” criticism
varies from one field to another is an issue that we will return to later.
We should also note at this stage that different fields are likely to impose different emphases on critiques. In
the humanities, attention may focus on how “interesting” the arguments are; in the social sciences, on the
methodology; and in the sciences and engineering, on the results and what they might (or might not) signify.
The final point we want to make here is that we have restricted this unit to the critiquing of articles. We
know that students are sometimes asked to write critiques of articles. We know that students are sometimes
asked to write critiques of other things: paintings, music, famous buildings, and so on. Critiques of art works
require special training and special writing conventions that lie outside the scope of this book. In some
fields, such as sociology, students may be asked to critique books – even as often as every two weeks. This
can be particularly hard on nonnative speakers, who (understandably) may not have high reading speeds. If
you find yourself in this situation, one useful strategy is to study the book reviews in the journals of your
field. Such reviews should provide clues about what might be expected.
Task One
Your class has been asked to write a critique of the paper on “Patent Law Variation” by Koji Suzuki. Read
this draft of the critique and answer the questions that follow.

Academic Writing for Good Students, Sliales & Feak – The University of Michigan Press 14
Critique
1
Koji Suzuki’s short essay on patent law variation offers an interesting and knowledgeable discussion of an
important topic. 2The paper is, however, a little ambitious in its claims. 3For example, Suzuki begins by
claiming that “each country has its own laws…,” but then he seems to argue that it is only the United States
that is different from everybody else. 4Therefore, it would have been better if Suzuki had either illustrated
this variation or restricted his discussion to the United States. 5A second weakness, at least in my opinion, is
that we are given no explanation of how and why the United States has come uniquely to adopt a first-to-
invent system. 6A sentence or two giving the historical background for this would have been helpful. 7Even
so, the final paragraph provides an excellent summary of the current situation.
1. Do you totally or partially agree with the comments in this critique? Explain your opinion.
2. Which of the sentences are complimentary and which are critical? What does this tell you about the
organization of this critique?
3. The critique contains three examples of qualification. One is the phrase “a little ambitious” in sentence
Can you find the other two?
4. Most of the critique is written in the simple present tense. Sentences 4 and 6 are not. Why do you
suppose this is?
5. Sentence 5 begins with “A second weakness …?” This is grammatically correct, although “The second
weakness …” would be more common. Do you see any difference in meaning between the two?
Requirements for Writing Critiques
By this stage in the course, you should be quite well prepared to write critiques.
You have been practising analytic reading.

You have had experience in writing an opening summary.
You are familiar with the role and place of qualifications or “hedges.”
You have a growing sense of your instructor as audience.
You are learning to present yourself in your writing as a junior member of your chosen discipline.
On the other hand, for writing a successful critique, there are at least two further elements that will probably
be needed: unreal conditionals and evaluative language.
In a critique, you will need to express criticism by saying what the author should have done but did not do.
Two examples of this were present in Task One in sentences 4 and 6, each of which contains an unreal
conditional.
4. Therefore, it would have been better if Suzuki had either illustrated this variation, or restricted his
discussion to the United States.
6. A sentence or two giving the historical background for this would have been helpful.
Language Focus: Unreal Conditionals
Here are two additional examples of unreal conditional statements.
This article would have been more convincing if the author had related his findings to previous work on the
topic.

15
It would have been better if the authors had given their main findings in the form of a table.
Notice the structure of these conditionals.
Would/might have + verb-EN + comparison + if + noun phrase + had verb-EN
These conditionals refer to an unreal situation in the past. Note that the past perfect is used to help establish
the time frame. Past unreal conditionals are common in critiques because the texts being critiqued have
already been put into final form: either published or turned in. There is no opportunity to revise the text in
light of the criticism, because the time frame is closed. Since these conditionals express something that is
impossible, linguists and philosophers often call them counterfactuals. In a critique, the if-clause in the past
unreal conditional often occurs second. Why is this so?
Present unreal conditionals, on the other hand, describe a hypothetical situation in the present. In these, the
past tense forms are used. In a consultation with your writing instructor, you may have heard a sentence
such as this.
Your paper would be stronger if you included some additional information.
In this sentence, it is clear that the possibility for revision still exists. The time frame is open. This type of
sentence is sometimes called a hypothetical conditional.
Task Two
Complete and exchange these thoughts with a partner.
1. My English test score would have been better if …

What about you?
2. My meeting with my advisor would have gone better if …

What about you?
3. My last assignment would have been better if …

What about you?
Now notice the italicized verb forms in the following:
The author should have provided more data about her sample. Although this is an interesting and important
paper, the authors could have given more attention to the fact that their model of consumer choice is based
entirely on U.S. data.
Notice that should expresses a strongly negative comment, while could is less strong. Should have is a
criticism, could have is more a suggestion, and might have is a weak suggestion.

16
6.7 Global Implications of Patent Law Variation
1
A patent is an exclusive right to use an This first sentence is a general definition. It
invention for a certain period of time, which is may be safe to assume that your audience is
given to an inventor as compensation for already familiar with patents; thus you do not
disclosure of an invention. 2Although it would have to include it in your summary.
be beneficial for the world economy to have
uniform patent laws, each country has its own This is the main idea.
laws designed to protect domestic inventions
and safe-guard technology. 3Despite widespread
variation, patent laws generally fall under one of The classification of the two principles is
two principles: the first-to-file and first-to- important.
invent. 4The first-to-file principle awards a
patent to the person or institution that applies for
a patent first, while the first-to-invent principle Ignore specific details about the different
grants the patent to the person or institution that principles. The terms are self-explanatory.
was first to invent – and can prove it.
5
Most countries have adopted the first-to-file It is important to point out that most of the
system. 6However, the United States maintains world follows one system and the United
a first-to-invent system, despite obvious States another.
shortcomings. 7A result of countries employing Include a description of the problem
different patent law principles is inconsistency surrounding variation in patent laws.
of patent ownership.
8
Patent ownership is not recognized globally.
9
On the contrary, ownership may change
depending on the country. 10It is not uncommon
for an invention to have two patent owners – one
in the United States and one in the rest of the
world. 11This unclear ownership often has Provide some support/explanation for the
economic consequences. 12If a company is problem, but not all the details.
interested in using a patented invention, it may
be unable to receive permission to do so from
both patent owners, which in turn may prevent
manufacture of a particular product. 13Even if
permission is received from both owners, paying
royalties to both may be quite costly. 14In this
case, if the invention is useful enough, a
company may proceed and pass on the added
cost to consumers.

6.7 Global Implications of Patent Law Variation
15
International economic tension has also Describe this other problem associated with
been increasing as a result of differing differing patent principles.
policies. 16Many foreign individuals and
companies believe that they are at a
serious disadvantage in the United States
with regard to patent ownership because
of the logistical difficulties in establishing
first-to-invent status. 17Further, failure of
the United States to recognize patent Provide some explanation, but not all the details.
ownership in other countries is in
violation of the Paris Conventions on
Industrial Properties, which requires all
member nations to treat all patents
equally. 18The conflict surrounding
patents has prompted the World
Intellectual Properties Organization Describe the action taken to solve the problem.
(WIPO) to lobby for universality in patent
laws 19WIPO maintains that the first
necessary step involves compelling the
United States to reexamine its patent
principle, taking into account the reality
of a global economy. 20This push may
indeed result in more global economic
cooperation.
(Koji Suzuki, minor editing)

6.8 Language Focus: Evaluative Language
The final requirement for critiques is that they show appropriate use of evaluative language. All the content
parts of speech can be used for this.
Nouns success failure

Verbs succeed fail
Adjectives successful unsuccessful
Adverbs successfully unsuccessfully
Evaluative Adjectives
It is typical in critiques to summarize your views by describing the source with one or two evaluative
adjectives. Any of the adjectives listed in Task Three could, for example, be placed at the beginning of a
closing evaluation paragraph.
In this study, Jones and Wang …
Task Three
Rate the adjective as follows:
++ = very positive
+ = positive
o = neutral, uncertain, or ambiguous
- = negative
-- = very negative
____ unusual ____ limited ____ ambitious ____ modest
____ small ____ restricted ____ important ____ flawed
____ useful ____ significant ____ innovative ____ interesting
____ careful ____ competent ____ impressive ____ elegant
____ simple ____ traditional ____ complex ____ small scale
____ exploratory ____ remarkable ____ preliminary ____ unsatisfactory

19
6.8 Language Focus: Evaluative Language
In this ambitious but flawed study, Jones and Wang …
Can you create three other suitable combinations?
Evaluative Adjectives across the Disciplines
Classes composed of students from several disciplines do not always agree about these adjectives. This is
fully understandable. Take the case of the simple/complex contrast. Students in science and medicine, for
example, think of simple as a positive and complex as a negative. For such students simple equals “well –
planned” or “clearly designed, and complex equals “confused” or “messy”. In contrast, social scientists
equate simple with “unsophisticated” and complex with “unsophisticated” and complex with “sophisticated.”
In an interesting study (note the evaluative adjective!), Becher (1987) surveyed adjectives of praise and
blame among historians, sociologists, and physicists in Britain and the United States. He found considerable
differences among the three groups. Although the preferences listed in table 15 only indicate general
tendencies, they are quite revealing. List some typical evaluative adjectives (both good and bad) used in
your field. What about “neat” for example?
TABLE 15. Adjectives of Praise and Blame among Historians, sociologists, and Physicists in Britain and
the United States.
Good work Average work Poor work
Humanities scholarly or sound thin

original
Social science perceptive or scholarly anecdotal

rigorous
Physics elegant or accurate sloppy

economical

20
6.9 Listening: Stress
Lecture Comprehension and Note-Taking Practice
Vocabulary
The following words were used in the lecture that you just heard. Perhaps, you remember the
context in which you heard the word. Your teacher will give you an additional context for each
word. Choose the definition that most closely matches what you think the word means after hearing
the word in context.
virtually _____________ rarely; almost never the case

_____________ more or less true in practical terms
_____________ ideally: as it would be in an ideal world
_____________ to be unaffected by something; to be invulnerable to

to be immune to something something
_____________ to be affected by something: to be vulnerable to
something
_____________ to be sickly; to be ill
_____________ to take something for one’s own

to adapt to something _____________ to raise someone else’s child
_____________ to adjust something for a particular use
_____________ a stressful position

an incentive _____________ something that motivates a person to act
_____________ someone who does not have feelings for others
_____________ unpleasant
hazardous _____________ unusual
_____________ dangerous
_____________ to protect something or someone

to monitor something or someone _____________ to check something or someone regularly
_____________ to harm or damage something or someone
_____________ in spite of X; X doesn’t matter

regardless of X _____________ because of X; due to X
_____________ next to X; adjacent to X
_____________ to be nervous about something

to be out of one’s hands _____________ to be lost
_____________ to have no power to do anything
_____________ not able to be considered

inevitable _____________ not able to be enjoyed
_____________ not able to be avoided or prevented
_____________ to adjust the speed or timing of something or someone

to pace something or someone _____________ to run a long distance competing against something or
someone to practise and get used to something or
someone

Listening 21
Author: Lebaurer, R. (1988) Learn to Listen; Listen to Learn: Prentice Hall Regents
Note-Taking Practice
Listen to the lecture a second time. Take notes using the following format. The comments in the
left-hand margin serve to remind you of the organisation of the lecture.
(Introduction)
(Definitions of What is stress?

stress)
(Types of stress
and examples)
(List of ways to Ways to deal with stress appropriately:

cope with stress 1.
appropriately)
2.
3.
4.
5.
(Conclusions)
Rewrite and/or add information to your notes that you remember. Make the relationship
between ideas clear and make important ideas stand out

Listening 22
Using Your Notes
Use your notes to answer the following questions.
1. According to this lecture, stress is
a. the body’s nonspecific response to any unpleasant demand placed on it.

b. the body’s specific response to any unpleasant demand placed on it.
c. the body’s nonspecific response to any demand placed on it, pleasant or not
d. the body’s specific response to any demand placed on it, pleasant or not
2. The term ‘stress’ originated in what field of study?
3. What is eustress?
4. The lecturer listed 5 ways to deal with stress appropriately. What are they?
1. _______________________________________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________________________________
4. _______________________________________________________________________
5. _______________________________________________________________________
5. True or False: ______________________ Stress, in itself, is hazardous
Comparing Ideas
Compare your notes with your classmates’ notes. What information do you have that they don’t?
Compare your answers to the questions. If you have different answers, check your notes and discuss your reasons for
making your choices.
Compare your rewritten notes to the sample written notes. Notice the organisation. Is yours similar or different? Are
your notes equally effective in making important ideas stand out?
Vocabulary Exercise
Listen to your teacher. After listening, choose the closest paraphrase of the information that you heard.
1. a. ___________ He slept poorly last night.
___________ He slept well last night.
b. ___________ He is easily annoyed because he doesn’t sleep well.

___________ He doesn’t sleep well because he is so easily annoyed by
things which happen to him.
___________ He is in a wonderful mood because of his good night’s sleep.
c. ___________ His wife is affected by the noise outside the window.

___________ His wife is not affected by the noise outside the window.

Listening 23
7.1 Research Essay
Managing your time
A good guideline would be:

50% of available time to plan and research the topic.
30% to write the essay.
20% to rewrite edit and reference.
Many students put off doing any research then find that all the relevant material has already been
borrowed or that they have no time left. This leads to a terrible amount of stress. In order to
avoid too much unnecessary stress and panic try to follow these points.
1. As soon as you know what your topic is, start thinking about it and try to go to the library or search
the Internet.
2. Preliminary thinking is very important, as it will help in reading selectively when collecting
information. Be very clear about what your thesis is and be ruthless about rejecting irrelevant
material.
3. Begin collecting material as soon as possible. Store your material in a file or exercise book and do
not forget to make a note of the reference (author, date, page number and publisher).
4. Plan the structure of the essay, decide which arguments to put in your body and make sure your
essay has an introduction, body and conclusion.
5. Be prepared to change your structure or basic arguments if, after looking for relevant published
material, you are unable to find any to support you.
6. Allow a reasonable time for searching for materials, but know when to stop. After your research
time has stopped, read through your material and then again. Reject any that seems irrelevant.
7. Organise the material in a structured way. Make sure that your arguments and counter arguments
develop logically, and that your thesis is based on the evidence presented.
8. Write several drafts. Obviously, using a word processor will make this easier. Write your first draft
well before your deadline if possible, as several drafts will be needed.
9. After writing your first draft, get someone to read it to see if it makes sense. This could be your
EAP 5 teacher or a classmate when you go to university.
10. Re-write your draft. Just before you hand it in, check it again to make sure you haven’t made any of
your own personal grammar or spelling mistakes. Again try to get someone else to check as well -
often your friend will be able to spot a mistake that you have missed.
Remember…if you have a problem talk to your teacher before the deadline. We are here to help,
but we can’t help if we don’t know about it!!

Essay Preparation 24
Author – Ruth Weeks 16.7.14
7.2 Research Essay
Direction Words
Match the following direction words with the way in which the topic should be explored; i.e. find
the closest definition.
a. account for… 1. state how/why/when
b. compare / contrast… 2. give reasons for
c. evaluate … 3. examine and describe the characteristics of

the object and then limit the use of the term
to that specific reference
d. discuss… 4. examine the topic and make a judgement
e. describe… 5. examine all aspects by taking the topic

apart in great detail
f. review… 6. note similarities and differences
g. analyse… 7. clarify the issues or separate the details and

make the topic easily understood
h. explain… 8. survey all details – good/bad, for/against
i. define… 9. get an overview of properties or

characteristics
j. give an account of the 10. survey and examine the topic in a

history/development/procedures… time/rank/order manner

EAP 2 25
Margaret - C:\WPDOCS\EAP\EAP2\DIRECTWO.WPD
7.3 Interpreting Assignment Topics
Sometimes the greatest difficulty in assignments is simply understanding what the question means.
This worksheet will help you to understand what the person who set the question really wants to
know.
Some assignment topics consist only of content words:
Education.
My Dog.
Many topics also contain limiting words, which limit the scope of the topic.
Education in China.
Education in Australia in the 19th Century.
Dogs in Russia.
Others contain direction words as well:
Give a description of primary education in China.

Explain briefly what subjects are studied at secondary level in Thailand.
Compare private and state education in Australia.
Account for the large number of dog breeds in Argentina.
Read the assignment topics below and highlight the content, limiting and direction words.
1. Compare the nuclear family with the extended family in contemporary Korea.
2. Examine the view that tertiary education is the key to a country’s success.
3. Analyse the main reasons behind the meltdown of the Asian economy.
4. Discuss the principle theories of Management by Objectives as it relates to primary industries.
5. Give an account of the history of women’s rights in Java in the 17th Century.

Interpreting Assignment Topics 26
Author: Ruth Weeks – T:\EAP\DipEAP\Week 6\Interpreting Assignment Topics.doc
7.4 Thesis Versus Controlling Idea
In persuasive writing, where the author is trying to convince the reader of something, a special type
of controlling idea called a thesis is most often used. A thesis is a controlling idea in that it limits
and predicts the kinds of information which are most likely to follow. However, another element is
added: An interpretation or judgement is made about the information under discussion – a
judgement upon which not everyone will agree. In other words, in addition to limiting and
predicting what will follow, a thesis makes a statement about a subject which the writer will support
by providing evidence of the ‘truth’ of the statement.
In point of fact, the question of whether there is such a thing as absolute objectivity or truth can be
raised in every field of academic study. The search for truth is, of course, the goal of all academic
pursuit. However, what one person sees as truth about a subject may be quite different from
another person’s view. In Research Chapter A, for instance, the author describes the controversy
surrounding aggression: While some reputable psychologists subscribe to one particular
interpretation of aggression, others most definitely do not.
Expository writing such as that found in most introductory textbooks is usually more informative
than persuasive in nature. This is to be expected, since the purpose of the writer of such a textbook
is almost always to give the student an overview of the field in all its diversity and complexity.
A thesis, on the other hand, evaluates and judges, and it is supported by any evidence which the
writer can provide to convince the reader that the judgement or interpretation is “true”. The most
likely places for you to encounter such thesis statements are in the “outside reading” assigned in
many courses (journal articles, for example) and in non-introductory textbooks, where controlling
ideas will often take the form of theses which reflect the writers’ own interpretations of factual
information.
What, then, are the characteristics of a good thesis statement? One of the most important is that a
thesis avoids the obvious. When most professors give you an assignment to develop your own
thesis in a particular area, their purpose is most often to see how capable you are of coming up with
the various thought relationships which exist within a subject. Thus, in developing a thesis
statement, you should avoid a simple restatement of what most experts already consider obvious in
the subject area and thus needs no proof. The following types of information, for example, would
not be thought of by most professors as theses since they are either self-evident or are likely to be
clearly stated in some textbook:
Simple Enumerative Statements

There are three basic kinds of human motives.
Traffic accidents occur for several reasons.
There are many kinds of barriers which inhibit communication between people.
Statistical or Descriptive Information

There are thousands of traffic accidents in the United States each month.
More international students attend American universities today than thirty years ago.
Historical Facts
Simon Bolivar is considered the liberator of certain South American countries.
Alexander Graham Bell was responsible for the invention of the telephone.

Thesis Vs Controlling Idea 27
Author: Arnaudet, M. L. & Barrett, M.E. (1984) Approaches to Academic Reading and Writing: Prentice Hall Regents
7.4 Thesis Versus Controlling Idea
Any of these statements might appear as the controlling idea of a paragraph or a chapter section in a
textbook, but none qualifies as an acceptable thesis statement. Remember that a thesis identifies
important thought relationships – it talks about causes and results or it suggests important
similarities and differences – and evaluates information according to the perception of the writer. In
the examples just listed there is nothing to argue, nothing to evaluate.
Thus a thesis dealing with the subject of barriers to good communication, in contrast to a simple
controlling idea on the same subject, will go beyond the presentation of self-evident or commonly
accepted information about this subject and make a judgement about some particular aspect – a
judgement which is not self-evident and which will therefore have to be proved to the reader.
Notice how this has been illustrated in the following two generalisations:
There are three types of barriers which inhibit good communication: physical, human and semantic.
(Controlling idea)
Of the three barriers to communication – physical, human and semantic – perhaps the most difficult
to remedy is that of human limitations.
(Thesis)
In the thesis statement, the writer has decided that the three barriers to communication do not have
equal value. He has made the point that one of these – human limitations – creates more of a
problem than do the others. The text which would follow such a statement would probably define
all three barriers and then take the direction imposed by the key phrase in the thesis: evidence to
explain why that particular barrier is more difficult to remedy than the others.

28
7.5 Using Evidence
As well as needing to be analytical, essays at university need to be supported by appropriate
evidence. This course gives a general introduction to using evidence in your writing. However,
you may need to get more practice in the skills of using evidence and particularly of paraphrasing
and summarising.
Read the following text:

Freshwater resources are being squandered due to pollution and the way in which we use water.
Some two million tons of waste per day are pumped into rivers and lakes. This includes industrial
and agricultural wastes, chemicals, and human waste. Human waste is a special problem, with only
about 35 per cent of waste water being treated in Asia, and about 14 per cent in Latin America. In
Africa, the figure is even lower, where only a negligible percentage of treatment has been reported.
Even in industrialised countries, sewage is not universally treated.
Hughes, S 2004, ‘The coming water crisis’, Water Conservation, vol. 16, no. 2, pp. 21-25
The table below presents six different ways of using this information.
Read each of the six versions and decide which you think are acceptable. Check your answers with
a partner and then with your teacher.
Acceptable and unacceptable ways of using a source
Version Evaluation
1. Freshwater resources are being squandered due to pollution and
the way in which we use water. Some two million tons of waste
per day are pumped into rivers and lakes. This includes industrial
and agricultural wastes, chemicals, and human waste. Human
waste is a special problem, with only about 35 per cent of
wastewater being treated in Asia, and about 14 per cent in Latin
America. In Africa, the figure is even lower, where only a
negligible percentage of treatment has been reported. Even in
industrialised countries, sewage is not universally treated.
2. Hughes (2004) points out that freshwater resources are being
squandered due to pollution and the way in which we use water.
Some two million tons of waste per day are pumped into rivers
and lakes. This includes industrial and agricultural wastes,
chemicals, and human waste. Human waste is a special problem,
with only about 35 per cent of waste water being treated in Asia,
and about 14 per cent in Latin America. In Africa, the figure is
even lower, with only a negligible percentage of treatment has
been reported. Even in industrialised countries, sewage is not
universally treated.

Author: Brick, J 2006, A student’s guide to studying at university, Macquarie University, Sydney. 29
7.5 Using Evidence
Version Evaluation
3. According to Hughes (2004), freshwater resources are being
squandered due to pollution and the way in which we use water.
He states that some two million tons of industrial and agricultural
wastes, chemicals, and human waste are pumped into rivers and
lakes every day. He identifies human waste as a special problem,
with only about 35 per cent of wastewater being treated in Asia,
and about 14 per cent in Latin America. In Africa, the figure is
even lower, where only a negligible percentage of treatment has
been reported. Even in industrialised countries, sewage is not
universally treated.
4. According to Hughes (2004), freshwater resources are being
squandered due to pollution. For example, two million tons of
waste are pumped into waterways every day. He points out that
only about 35 per cent of wastewater is treated in Asia, about 14
per cent in Latin America and only a negligible proportion in
Africa. Even in industrialised countries, sewage is not universally
treated.
5. Pollution of freshwater sources by industrial and agricultural
wastes is a major cause of the water crisis. Even more important
is the problem of human waste (Hughes 2004). In the developing
world the amount of wastewater which is treated ranges from 35
per cent in Asia to almost none in Africa. A number of
industrialised countries also do not treat their wastewater.
6. While industrialised and agricultural wastes are major sources of
freshwater pollution, human waste is of even greater concern.
Hughes (2004) states that in the developing world the amount of
wastewater which is treated ranges from 35 per cent in Asia to
almost none in Africa. He also points out that not all
industrialised countries treat their wastewater.
The two most important things to keep in mind in order to avoid plagiarism are:
 Readers need to ‘hear’ both the writer’s voice and the voices of sources, and the voices
of all sources must be clearly labelled.

7.6 Using Evidence
Using The Opposing Argument
Writers often strengthen their argument by taking opposing points of view and turning them around.
Look at the following examples concerning IVF (in vitro fertilisation):
Thesis The benefits of in vitro fertilisation (IVF) The risks involved in IVF (in vitro
far outweigh the problems involved. fertilisation), in particular to
children born by this process, are
too great for its continuation to be
allowed.
Opposing It is often argued that IVF should not be

argument allowed because of the increased Supporters of IVF point out that
possibility of abnormal births. This could everyone has the right to
be seen as placing the unborn in reproduce. This right is endorsed
unnecessary danger. in documents as diverse as the
Bible and the Universal
Declaration of Human Rights.
Refute opposing However, the claims of infertile parents

argument by are difficult to ignore – even when made However, this right cannot be
giving aware of higher risks couples still exercised at the expense of unborn
supporting demand the right to become parents. In children. Having a right to
arguments addition, closer monitoring during reproduce does not justify using
pregnancy has enabled researchers to reproductive methods which give
achieve abnormality rates approaching rise to greater numbers of
those of the general population (Jones, damaged, crippled or mentally
2004) retarded babies.

31
7.6 Using Evidence
Selecting Critically
Frequently, the published literature on a particular topic will disagree on many points. Indeed,
many essay questions are designed around topics that are controversial so that you are forced to
point out the differences between different ideas. This means that you must make certain
judgements about the research evidence. In general, these judgements will focus on three
conditions:
i. the argument must be logical
ii. the material used to support the argument must be valid
iii. the generalisations made from the material must be reliable
Exercise 3
Read the following summaries of arguments and discuss whether they are logical, valid and reliable.
a. The incidence of violent crime has been rapidly increasing since the
mid-1960’s. It was during this same period that television was
becoming a major medium of communication. Obviously, television
has caused more violent behaviour in society.
b. A case study was carried out over four weeks on a 12 year old boy.
After seeing a violent film, the boy showed no increase in aggression
over the four weeks intensive observation. Thus, there is no long-term
effect of television violence.
c. A film was shown in USA about a bomb threat at an airport. After the
film, three phone calls were received at airports threatening that bombs
had been placed there. In general, people tend to imitate the behaviour
they see on television.
Substantiating Your Thesis

A persuasive analytical essay must be based on a logical structure which is your own way of
seeing the topic. It must use the research literature in order to support your way of seeing the topic.
You have to choose those ideas from the literature that are useful to support your thesis and show
the inadequacies of other ideas that contradict your thesis. As you have seen there is no point at all
in just making a summary of what the various authors have all said (Webb 1991).

Evidence 32
Author: Webb, C1991, Writing an essay in the humanities and social sciences, Learning Assistance Centre, Sydney University, Sydney.
7.6 Using Evidence
Labelling voices in an essay

You should also understand why it is important to label the different voices in your essay. In fact, you often
need to label voices more than once.
Look at the two examples below:
Otchet (2002) reports on a huge project in Libya which plans to draw water from an aquifer
beneath the Sahara desert and transfer it 3500 kilometres by a network of giant pipelines to
irrigate the country. She points out that the cost is estimated at $32 billion and that the water will
be so dear – at about $10 000 to irrigate a hectare, that whatever is grown will not be able to
cover the cost of supply.
A WHO Report on Groundwater (2002) states that groundwater around major cities, near
industrial developments or beneath industrial farms inevitably contains contaminants. The report
points out that 85 per cent of pesticides don’t reach their targets and nitrogen fertilizers readily
seep into groundwater.
In each example, the voice of a source is summarised and the summary involves more than one sentence.
Notice that we are reminded of whose voice is speaking at the beginning of the second sentence by the use of
‘she’ in the first example and ‘the report’ in the second example.
When you remind the reader in this way, it is important to vary the way that the source is referred to. The
paragraph below contains more information taken from the WHO report. Notice that the WHO report is
named in the first sentence, then referred to as ‘the report’. In the third sentence it is referred to as ‘it’, while
the fourth sentence uses ‘the report’ again.
industrial developments of beneath industrial farms inevitably contains contaminants. The report
points out that 85 per cent of pesticides don’t reach their targets and nitrogen fertilizers readily
seep into groundwater. It also states that 60 per cent of liquid industrial waste in the US is
pumped into the deep groundwater. Furthermore, the report claims that coastal aquifers are being
drained, allowing seawater to enter and contaminate them with salt.
This variation helps keep the reader interested while at the same time reminding them of whose voice is
speaking.
While it is important to remind the reader of whose voice is speaking, it is not usually appropriate to repeat
the citation in each sentence of a single paragraph. In other words, a paragraph like this does not sound very
good:
industrial developments or beneath industrial farms inevitably contains contaminants. The WHO
report (2002) points out that 85 per cent of pesticides don’t reach their targets and nitrogen
fertilizers readily seep into ground water. The WHO report (2002) also states that 60 per cent of
liquid industrial waste in the US is pumped into the deep groundwater. Furthermore, the report
(2002) claims that coastal aquifers are being drained, allowing seawater to enter and contaminate
them with salt.
As we have already stated, you need to vary the way you refer to a source.
If, however, you refer to a source using a citation in one paragraph and then refer to the same source several
paragraphs later, you need to repeat the citation form.

7.7 Using Evidence
Synthesising Information
One of the main reasons why students tend to summarise their evidence rather than use it to
substantiate their thesis and develop an argument is that they fail to see the relationships between
the different pieces of evidence. Instead, they see the evidence simply as a list of various sources
without asking themselves how the ideas in one source are related to the ideas in other sources. In
other words, they do not synthesise the information and ideas in their sources.
Exercise 5
Examine the following brief summaries of evidence in the area of passive smoking and allergic
reactions. Make comparisons among the pieces of evidence and fill in the table underneath which
summarises the similarities and differences among the pieces of evidence.
The evidence:
1. Speer (1998) reported on a group of 441 non-smokers, who complained of sneezing, running nose and
other respiratory symptoms when exposed to environmental tobacco smoke. He concluded that the
reactions were irritative in nature rather than a form of allergy involving the formation of immune
antibodies.
2. Salvaggio et al. (2006) have found no allergic response even in people who claim to be smoke sensitive
and they suggest that the reported sensitivity may be due to psychological factors.
3. Zussman (2000) reported that exposure to tobacco smoke caused a specific form of allergy of the
mucosal membrane. He selected a random group of patients from those who had a history of skin
sensitivity including some who complained they could not tolerate exposure to tobacco smoke. Most of
these patients showed a positive reaction to tobacco leaf extract. He argued that nonsmokers exposed to
tobacco smoke develop allergy of the nose and allergic conjunctivitis and even serious cardiopulmonary
diseases.
4. McDougall and Glieich (2003) found no evidence of tobacco smoke allergens in their tests of 30 subjects
who reportedly experienced allergic symptoms on exposure to tobacco or tobacco smoke.
5. Becker et al. (2003) reported the isolation of a large molecular weight molecule from tobacco smoke
which the authors claimed to be an allergen. They claimed that this might be responsible for health
problems in smokers and nonsmokers (2004, 2005).
The synthesis:
Source Dates Aim of study topic Study subject (s) Outcomes

(by author)

Using Evidence: 34
Author: Webb, C (ed.) 1995, Essay module, Learning Assistance Centre Publications, University of Sydney, Sydney
7.7 Using Evidence
Developing Your Argument
In the previous exercise you have compared and contrasted the different pieces of evidence. However, you
could still simply summarise these similarities and differences without telling the reader your own position.
What you need to do next is decide on your own position, your own thesis. Then you can begin to sequence
the evidence in a logical way to develop your argument and support your thesis. In this next exercise, you
will see how another writer has done this.
Exercise 6
Let’s have a look at how one writer has organised the above pieces of evidence to develop an argument. As
you are reading, try to identify:
a. the writer’s thesis.

b. how the writer has analysed the evidence.
c. how the writer has sequenced the evidence.
d. the new pieces of evidence the writer has added.
Allergy
Although the sight and smell of tobacco smoke can cause annoyance and irritation in some individuals, the
existence of human allergies in tobacco smoke has not been established. A number of studies have been
carried out to assess the effects of tobacco smoke and tobacco leaf extract on human population samples but
the results are not conclusive. In 1998, Speer reported on a group of 441 nonsmokers who complained of
sneezing, running nose and other respiratory symptoms when exposed to environmental tobacco smoke. He
concluded that the reactions were irritative in nature rather than a form of allergy involving the formation of
immune antibodies.
However, a later study by Zussman (2000) claimed that tobacco smoke was responsible for an allergic
reaction. He selected a random group of patients with skin sensitivity including some who complained they
could not tolerate exposure to tobacco smoke. Most of these patients showed a positive reaction to tobacco
leaf extract. He argued that nonsmokers exposed to tobacco smoke develop allergy of the nose and allergic
conjunctivitis and even serious cardiopulmonary diseases. However, as Taylor (2002) has pointed out, there
are ‘great difficulties’ in determining whether positive reactions to tobacco leaf extracts are relevant to
clinical responses to tobacco smoke.
Studies of the constituents of tobacco smoke have not resolved the issue. Becker et al. (2003) reported the
isolation of a large molecular weight molecule from tobacco smoke which the authors claimed to be an
allergen. They claimed that this might be responsible for health problems in smokers and nonsmokers
(2004, 2005). However the separation technique they used has been criticised in the scientific literature
(Stedman, 2004) and this casts doubt on the validity of their results.
Accordingly, it is not surprising that McDoughall and Glieich (2003) failed to find any evidence of tobacco
smoke allergens in their tests of 30 subjects who reportedly experienced allergic symptoms on exposure to
tobacco or tobacco smoke. Salvaggio et al. (2006) have found no allergic response even in people who
claim to be smoke sensitive and they suggest that the reported sensitivity may be due to psychological
factors. In his analysis of the tobacco allergy question, Taylor (2002) cautioned that ‘there is not proof that
specific sensitisation to tobacco smoke exists’. The above statement remains valid despite the fact that
tobacco smoke continues to be described as an allergen.

Using Evidence: 35
Author: Webb, C (ed.) 1995, Essay module, Learning Assistance Centre Publications, University of Sydney, Sydney.
7.8 Research Essay: Using Evidence
Language Strategies For Focussing On Ideas, Not Authors

Changing the focus from the author
UNFAO (2005) reports that ………..
to the ideas
Tobacco is easy to cultivate ………… (UNFAO 2005)
The process of rewriting in this way involves taking away the reporting verb (if it exists) and
acknowledging the source by footnoting or putting the author’s name in brackets after the idea. We are now
going to look at some special language strategies you can use to help you to focus on the idea rather than the
authors.
1. Using the passive

Example of the passive form in use:
Although the extent to which environmental tobacco smoke may bother or annoy individuals under normal
conditions has not been established scientifically, it has been suggested that tobacco smoke is at most a
minor annoyance for many individuals.
If we were to change the verb ‘establish’ from the passive to the active form we would have to say who is
responsible for not establishing the extent to which environmental tobacco smoke bothers or annoys
individuals. We might write something like this:
Scientists have not established the extent to which tobacco smoke may…
The focus of the sentence would become the scientists and not the extent to which environmental tobacco
smoke bothers or annoys individuals. However, for most academic situations, we don’t want to know who
is responsible. We either assume who was responsible for actions, without naming them; or we decide not
to name those responsible because it is not relevant.
2. Using a ‘predicting it’ clause

Example of the ‘predicting it’ clause in use:
It has been suggested that tobacco smoke is at most a minor annoyance for many individuals.
In this example the focus of the sentence is ‘it’ which refers forwards or predicts the whole of the ‘that’
clause. The ‘that’ clause contains the ideas from the sources. Since the ‘it’ refers to the ‘that’ clause the
ideas of the sources become the focus or theme of the sentence. Once again the verb ‘suggest’ is in the
passive, so we don’t know who is doing the suggesting.
If we write this part of the sentence in the active and take out the ‘it’, we might write something like this:
Cohen (2006) has suggested that tobacco smoke ……….

Using Evidence: 36
7.8 Research Essay – Using Evidence
3. Using a noun to refer to the source

Example of a noun referring to the source:
The suggestion that tobacco smoke is at most a minor annoyance for many individuals has been
strongly challenged by the anti-smoking lobby.
In this example, instead of using a verb ‘suggest’ to report the information in the source, the noun
‘suggestion’ has been used. This noun is expounded into a long noun group with a ‘that clause’
which contains the ideas from the source. In this way the focus of the sentence becomes the ideas
from the source.
The suggestion that tobacco smoke is at most a minor annoyance for many individuals …
Notice that when we use this language structure we need to put something else in the sentence to
finish it off. In this example, we have added in another idea, namely the reaction of the anti-
smoking lobby.

Using Evidence: 37
Practice
1. Rewrite the following sentences using a passive structure to take the focus away from the author
and place it on the idea.
a. One study by Collins in 2003 (in Stein and Friedrich 2005) provides convincing evidence
that a time delay between a violent act and its punishment causes the child to miss the point
of the punishment entirely.
b. Becker et al. (2003) isolated a large molecular weight molecule in tobacco smoke and
argued that it was responsible for health problems in smokers and non-smokers.
c. Stedman (2004) questions the existence of a large molecular weight molecule in tobacco
smoke responsible for health problems in smokers and non-smokers.
d. McDougall and Glieich (2003) failed to find any evidence for tobacco smoke allergens.
2. Rewrite the following sentence using a ‘predicting it’ clause to take the focus away from the
person and place it on the idea.
a. Stein and Friedrich (2005, p. 216) proposed the notion of base levels or habitual levels of
aggression to explain individual differences in response to television violence.
3. Rewrite the following sentence pairs into one sentence using a noun group to express the ideas
being reported. This will mean changing the reporting verb into a noun.
a. It has been claimed that modern children spend more hours watching television than they
spend at school. This is cause for alarm amongst educationists.
b. Smith and Weston (2000) along with less well-known psychologist Mabe (2004), have all
been convinced that violence on television is most likely to affect children who already
display a high level of aggression. The implications of this for educators are quite serious.
c. It has also been suggested that extreme reactions to tobacco smoke exposure may have a
strong emotional or psychological basis (Tobacco Institute of Australia Ltd 1999, p.44).
d. Add an idea or comment of your own to complete this sentence.

Using Evidence: 38
7.9 Using Evidence: The Economics of Tobacco
The Evidence
1. Tobacco is easy to grow and provides a ready source of cash to small farmers who still
constitute most of the world’s producers.
United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation,
Yearbook 2000. Volume 31. Rome, UNFAO, 2004, p290.
2. Overall, despite the payments to small farmers and distributors and the substantial revenues
to commercial firms and governments, tobacco becomes a net cost to society whenever a
large proportion of the population smokes enough to suffer the impact of tobacco-induced
diseases.
Tobacco – Hazards to Health and Life. NSW Cancer Council,
Position Paper, 2005. p212
3. The land used to raise tobacco is not available to raise food, and this too may contribute to malnutrition and
higher mortality in developing countries.
United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation.
Yearbook 2000, Volume 31. Rome, UNFAO, 2004, p38.
4. In China, about 60% of the price of a packet of cigarettes goes to the government in the form of taxes.
Matthews, J. Between Puffs, Chinese are told of Cigarette Perils.
Washington Post, 6/9/03, p17.
5. Thousands of small retail traders would be severely limited in their ability to continue their business and to
employ shop assistants if not for sales of tobacco.
Small Retailers Association Report, 2001, p42
6. Yet, in the United States at least, where tobacco was first developed as a colonial product for export, the
health costs of domestically consumed tobacco now far outweigh the dollar returns to producers,
manufacturers, exporters, and tax collectors. While total consumer spending (plus exports) now amounts to
about $19 billion and supports jobs for 1.3 million people, the cost to US citizens in lost production from
sickness, health care, and loss of life and property destroyed by fire totals $27.5 billion.
Miller, R.H. The Economic Importance of the US Tobacco Industry.
Washington D.C., US Department of Agriculture, May 2001. p187.

Using Evidence: 39
Author: Webb, C & Drury, H 1995, Essay Module, Learning Assistance Centre, University Of Sydney, Sydney.
7. Despite being linked to the Consumer Price Index, Federal Excise collections [on the sale of
tobacco products] have shown a marked decline when considered in real dollars. This is as
a consequence of two factors: declining consumption… and a reduction in weight of
tobacco per cigarette…
Whinstanley, M. [Ed] (2003) Tobacco in Australia: Facts and issues.
Action on Smoking and Health Limited, Surry Hills, Sydney, p42.
8. …it is sometimes argued that the government would save money in the absence of smoking since it would not
have to pay certain sickness benefits to smokers and pensions to spouses of deceased smokers. Against this are
old age pension savings which occur if smokers’ life expectancy is lower than that of non-smokers.
Hunt, B. (2001) Submission to the Industries Assistance Commission
Investigation of Tobacco Growing and Manufacturing Industries.
Appendix 3: Measures affecting tobacco consumption.
Tobacco Institute of Australia. p12.
9. In November 2000 the Prices Surveillance Authority reported that the three major tobacco manufacturers
operating in Australia achieved, on average, higher profits than Australian industry generally, and had been
one of the more profitable industries for many years. This was attributed to the industry’s relative immunity to
the economic recession, largely because of the comparatively inelastic nature of demand for cigarettes, and
advancements in mechanisation.
Prices Surveillance Authority. Report No 6 – Inquiry in relation to the supply of cigarettes.
Matter no PI/85/2, 26 November 2000
10. The benefits of leaf growing in a number of developing countries are very significant: as a
conduit for improved agricultural technology, for value added, and, because of the labour-
intensity of the operation, as a source of rural employment.
Gray, P.H. and I. Walter (2006) “The Economic Contribution of the Tobacco Industry.’
In Tollison, R.D.[Ed] Smoking and Society;
Towards a more balanced assessment, Lexington Books, Massachusetts. p267.
11. Because price has known effect on influencing tobacco consumption, particularly among children, it could be
expected that tobacco consumption habits would have varied across Australia due to these price differences.
There is no research study which has looked at this question and it is likely that because the price changes for
the most part have been small and relatively insignificant, when inflation is taken into account, the influence of
price has probably been less important than other influences on smoking behaviour.
Whinstanley, M. [Ed] (2005) Tobacco in Australia: Facts and issues.
Action on Smoking and Health Limited, Surry Hills, Sydney. p45.

Using Evidence: 40
Exercise 1
The steps to follow in this exercise:
a. Read all the evidence through once before going on. Then go back and read each piece in turn, and answer the
following questions:
b. Is this piece of evidence relevant to the essay question – “Discuss the economic effects of tobacco use”? (Put a
line through any pieces of evidence which are not relevant).
c. Is this piece of evidence written by a reputable person or group?

(You might still be able to use evidence which is not as reputable, by criticising it.)
d. Make notes about how you could use this piece of evidence: What position is it taking? Is it valid in taking
this position? If it is not valid, what are the problems with it?
e. Decide which position you intend to take for the essay question.
f. Finally, decide how you will structure your ideas and the information you want to use to support them. Draw a
diagram to show how you will organise your analysis.
Exercise 2
Here are two extra pieces of evidence on the topic of tobacco, but not very relevant to the essay topic. Why aren’t they
relevant? What other criticisms could you make of these two pieces of evidence?
1. In most Western countries smoking has markedly increased in the last 30 years while perinatal mortality has
markedly decreased.
Tobacco Institute of Australia Limited. Why more Research is Needed:
A Review of Recent Medical and Scientific Evidence
Presented to US Congressional Committees,
8th Floor, Goldfields House, Sydney Cove, 2003. p12.
2. Tobacco advertising bans are deplorable. Not only do they appear to be unrelated, in the short or medium
term, to overall tobacco consumption, but they also tend to prevent or hamper the spreading of information
about new features such as filtered and lower-tar cigarettes.
Boddewyn, J. [Ed] Tobacco Advertising Bans and Consumption in 16 countries.
International Advertising Association, 2006. p4.

Using Evidence: 41
Identifying An Argument In The Sources
When you are preparing for an essay through reading literature on the topic, you will probably be
reading from different sources, often with different points of view. It is important that you can
recognise these different points of view to help you understand the topic more.
Sometimes the different views that you read on a topic are very strongly in conflict with each other,
particularly in areas that are quite controversial.
Exercise 3
Examine the information in the following two sources which are about the effects of passive smoking, and
answer the following questions about them:
a. What position does each source take about the effects of passive smoking?
b. Are these sources reliable?
c. How would you assess the validity of the information presented in these
sources?
Example 1
Excerpt from Tobacco Institute of Australia Limited (2002) The Public Smoking Issue: a review of the current
scientific and social situation concerning the public smoking issue, Sydney.
Excerpt from the text:
Although the extent to which environmental tobacco smoke may bother or annoy individuals under
normal conditions has not been established scientifically, it has been suggested that tobacco smoke is
at most a minor annoyance for many individuals. It has also been suggested that extreme reactions to
tobacco smoke exposure may have a strong emotional or psychological basis.
Excerpt from the reference list of those references used in the text:
10. Rylander, R (2004) “Working perspectives”, in Rylander, R et al [Eds], “ETS – Environmental
Tobacco Smoke: Report from a Workshop on Effects and Exposure Levels”, European Journal
of Respiratory Diseases: Supplement, 133(65): 143-145.
221. Civil Aeronautics Board (2002) “Airline consumer complaints down 31% in first half of 2002”,
CAB News, 20 September, 2002.
222. Cohen, R (2000) “Effect of smoking on non-smokers”, Statement at US Congress, House Committee
on Agriculture, Sub-committee on Tobacco, Hearing 95th Congress, 2nd Session, 7 September 2000,
Government Printing Office, Washington, 69-75.
223. Response Analysis Corporation (2004) “Overall Report: Smoking and Productivity in the
Work Place”.
224. Feinhandler, S (2006) “Effect of smoking on non-smokers”, Statement at US Congress House

Committee on Agriculture, Sub-committee on Tobacco, Hearing 95th Congress, 2nd Session, 7
September 2006, Government Printing Office, Washington, 56-63.
225. Lehrer, S et al (2005) “Tobacco smoke ‘sensitivity’ – is there an immunologic basis?”,

Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology, 73(2): 240-245.

Using Evidence 42
7.9 Using Evidence: The Economics of Tobacco (Practice)
Example 2
Excerpt from Winstanley, M [Ed] (2003) Tobacco in Australia: Facts and Issues, Action on Smoking and Health
Limited (ASH Australia), 5th Floor 64 Kippax Street, Surry Hills, Sydney.
Excerpt from the text:
There is an increasing amount of scientific evidence that the breathing of tobacco-smoke polluted air by non-smokers can
lead to serious harm, such as increased bronchitis, pneumonia and other chest illnesses in children, lung cancer and
other lung diseases. This is of course in addition to the well-known ‘irritant’ effects of tobacco smoke to the eyes, nose,
throat and airways passages.
Excerpt from the reference list of the reference shown in the text:
22. The Health Consequences of Involuntary Smoking. A report of the Surgeon General, US Department of Health
and Human Services, Public Health Service, Centers for Disease Control, Center for Health Promotion and Education,
Office on Smoking and Health, Rockville, Maryland, 2005.

Using Evidence: 43
Exercise 3
This is an example of a student’s essay on the economic effects of tobacco growth. The whole of the
introduction and the conclusion have been given but there are gaps in the body of the essay. Examine the
introduction and the conclusion and identify the thesis statement, or position. Then, look at the stages in the
body of the essay to see how the writer is developing the argument to support the essay thesis. Your teacher
will give you supplementary pieces of evidence. Put them in the gaps in the body of the essay to support the
development of the argument. You may need to select parts of different pieces of evidence to fill the gaps.
For this exercise, you can simply write in the pieces of evidence without changing them very much.
Gap filling exercise

There is no doubt that in many countries the tobacco industry plays a major economic role in terms of
generating income and employment. However, it is questionable as to whether these benefits outweigh the
costs to society of tobacco use.
Tobacco use results in a number of costs to society, primarily health costs.

(Gap a)
These costs are largely born by governments who are responsible for funding health care systems. However, it
is really society as a whole which contributes through tax revenue to these health care systems.
On the other hand it must also be remembered that governments themselves benefit….
(Gap b)
However the extent to which governments benefit must be compared to the costs of tobacco use.
(Gap c)
It is certainly the case that tobacco production generates economic activity, employment and large revenues.
Most of the world’s tobacco is grown…
(Gap d)
although (Gap e)
The distribution of the finished product supports …

(Gap f)
In the US, the tobacco industry employs …

(Gap g)
Overall, the revenues earned from the tobacco industry …

(Gap h)
However, these revenues must be compared with…

(Gap I)
Therefore, in economic terms, the tobacco industry has become a financial burden to the community since it
generates far greater costs which affect all members of a society through their tax support of health care
systems.

Using Evidence: 44
7.9 Sample Mini Research Essay – Analysis
The impact of the tobacco industry on society has been a source of debate over many years.
Medical professionals emphasise the effects of tobacco on health, while supporters of the industry
maintain that financial profits outweigh any disadvantages. However, despite the income generated
by growth and sales, tobacco must be viewed as a net cost to the economy.
In terms of growth, the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation (2001) has found that
tobacco is easy to cultivate and supplies numerous small farmers, worldwide, with a ready source of
cash. It can also provide rural employment in developing countries (Gray and Walter 2006).
However, the land used to grow tobacco could be far better utilised in growing crops. This would
create equivalent job opportunities and provide a livelihood for small farmers in areas of need.
Instead, using the land for tobacco may be causing malnutrition and higher death rates in
developing countries (United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation, 2001).
Another significant factor is commercial trade. Small retailers claim that their businesses would be
jeopardised if sales of tobacco were stopped (Small Retailers Association Report, 2001) and
governments also stand to make a profit from tobacco related sales. For example, in China, 60% of
the price of a packet of cigarettes is collected by the government in the form of taxes (2003). Yet
once again, despite the income earned by these groups, tobacco becomes a net cost to society
whenever a substantial proportion of the population suffers tobacco-related illnesses (Tobacco –
Hazards to Health and Life, 2005). For example, Miller (2001) has found that while consumer
spending on tobacco adds up to $19 billion and provides jobs for 1.3 million people in America, the
cost to citizens in terms of “lost production from sickness, health care, loss of life and property
destroyed by fire” adds up to $27.5 billion.
The exact relation of economic costs to benefits is difficult to ascertain. For example, although the
absence of smoking would cut government expenditure on sickness benefits and widows’ pensions,
old-age pensions would increase as non-smokers have longer life expectancies than smokers (Hunt,
2001). Likewise, the Prices Surveillance Authority of Australia (2000) has named three major
tobacco manufacturers as more profitable than Australian industry in general, yet tobacco related
sales have declined in real terms due to decreased consumption and reduction in the tobacco content
of cigarettes (Whinstanley, 2003).
1. Is the text complete?

(Introduction + body + conclusion)
2. Underline the thesis statement.
3. Are all 11 pieces of evidence on the list used in the text?
4. Is all the evidence correctly referenced?
5. How many pieces of evidence are used to refute arguments against the thesis statement?

45
7.9 Including Extra Evidence
Instructions
1. Correctly reference the quotations by using the source information (“The Evidence” – from Section 7.9)
2. Now read the following mini research essay. Include this extra evidence by inserting the letter for the
relevant evidence in the appropriate gaps
Note: There is one more than needed!
Mini Model Essay
There is no doubt that in many countries the tobacco industry plays a major economic role in terms of generating
income and employment. However, it is questionable as to whether these benefits outweigh the costs to society of
tobacco use.
Tobacco use results in a number of costs to society, primarily health costs; for example, “cost to US citizens in lost
production from sickness, health care and loss of life and property… total $27.5 billion” (Miller 2001, p. 187)
______________. These costs are largely born by governments who are responsible for funding health care systems.
However, it is really society as a whole which contributes through tax revenue to these health care systems.
On the other hand, it must also be remembered that governments themselves benefit; for example, in China, 60% goes
to the government (Matthews 2003) ______________. However, the extent to which governments benefit must be
compared to the costs of tobacco use. A good example of this is the USA where health costs outweigh dollar returns
(Miller 2001).
It is certainly the case that tobacco production generates economic activity, employment and large revenues
______________. Most of the world’s tobacco is grown by small farmers (UNFAO 2004), ____________ although
this means that “land used to raise tobacco is not available to raise food” (UNFAO 2004, p. 38). The distribution of the
finished product supports thousands of small retailers (Small Retailers Association Report 2001). In the US, the
tobacco industry employs 1.3 million people (Miller 2001) Overall, the revenues earned from the tobacco industry are
substantial, for example, $19 billion in the USA (Miller 2001).
However, these revenues must be compared with costs to society when the population suffers disease (NSW Cancer
Council 2005). Therefore, in economic terms, the tobacco industry has become a financial burden to the community
since it generates far greater costs which affect all members of a society through their tax support of health care
systems.
a. However, governments may also save by not paying old age pensions due to shorter life span of smokers.
____________________________
b. In fact, tobacco prices have not increased significantly over the time.______________________
c. with various benefits to developing countries _______________________________
d. although revenues have been declining in real dollars. ______________________________
e. As the Prices Surveillance Authority showed in Australia, tobacco companies generate large profits.
________________________________

46
7.9 Using Evidence: The Economics of Tobacco - Mini Model Essay
Despite the incomes generated from tobacco growth and sales, tobacco is, in fact a net cost to the economy. The NSW
Cancer Council reports that health costs for a society will always be greater that the benefits in the way of returns to
growers and sellers 2005).
This claim is supported by R.H. Miller who points out that although consumer spending comes to $19 billion, and 1.3
million people are employed in the tobacco industry, the cost to US citizens through absenteeism, death, treatment and
fires is $27.5 billion (1982). In the light of these figures, the argument in the Small Retailers Report, that thousands of
small retailers and their shop assistants would be threatened, becomes less important (2001).
Tobacco supporters argue that society benefits through the large taxes on tobacco; in the case of China, the tax is 60 per
cent (Matthews, 2003). However, this government revenue is rarely used to counter the negative health effects of
smoking which cost society so much.
The United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation (2000) admits that tobacco is indeed easy to grow and that it
supports a vast number of small farmers across the world. However, in the same yearbook, it is also explained that this
land could be used for food crops, particularly in developing countries, where mortality and malnutrition rates are high.
1. In what order is the quoted evidence addressed?
2. Underline the thesis statement.
3. Are all the arguments against the thesis statement included?
4. Is the evidence correctly referenced?
5. The government earns considerable revenue from cigarettes. This could benefit society. How is the argument dealt
with?

47
7.10 Research Essay Planning
Essay Title: ______________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Content Words: ___________________________________________________________________
Limiting Words: __________________________________________________________________
Direction Words: _________________________________________________________________
Thesis Statement (What is your opinion about this topic)?
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Essay Plan:
Outline the main arguments, which will support your thesis. Summarise some of the evidence you
have gathered from your reading to support your arguments.
Point 1
Point 2
Point 3
Point 4

48
7.11 Referencing
Quotations / Citations
There are two types of quotations that can be used within an academic essay or report.
1. Direct quotations – these use the writer’s actual words.

2. Indirect quotations – these summarise the writer’s ideas and puts them into your own words.
There is nothing wrong with using other people’s ideas; that is what you are expected to do in the
academic essay. However, you must always acknowledge when you are using someone else’s
words or ideas. Not to do so is called PLAGIARISM. (Results in FAILURE of your essay at
university!)
(*Look at the Harvard UWS Referencing Style Guide)
There are many expressions that can be used to introduce information or ideas from other sources.
The following are some of them:
Brown showed Brown stated

Brown pointed out Brown noted
Brown observed Brown found
Brown indicated Brown recognised
Brown concluded Brown demonstrated
As Brown has indicated According to Brown
To quote Brown
(Adapted from: Smith, M & G 1991, A study skills handbook, Oxford University Press, UK.)
Exercise 1
Look at the following quotations and answer the questions.
A. Beck, McKeown and Omanson (2000) advocate that learners focus on the meaning of the
new word and that they should act upon this meaning in a way that is considered integrative
in relation to already existing semantic systems.
a. Is this a direct or indirect quotation? _________________________________
b. What word/s introduce the information? ______________________________
B. The “golden rule of sensori-motor learning is much repetition” (Seibert 1927, p. 309) – the
more patterns are repeated, the more frequent they are, the better they are acquired.
a. What kind of quotation is this? _______________________________________

b. How do you know this? i. _______________________________________
ii. ______________________________________
c. What is the second half of the sentence? ________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________

49
7.12 Essay Structure: Beginning To End Development
When we think of this “beginning to end” development on the larger scale of a whole essay, it is useful to capture the
relationship between the beginning, the middle and the end in a simple way.
STAGE PURPOSE
INTRODUCTION to tell the reader what the essay is going to be about
BODY to tell the reader what the essay is about
CONCLUSION to tell the reader what the essay has been about
Structure of the Introduction

The introduction is a very important part of your essay because it is here that the reader expects to find out what the
essay is about. Typically, the introduction to a persuasive analytical essay contains at least some (but not necessarily
all) of the following:
Possible stages in the introduction
ORIENTATE TO TOPIC
To give a general background to the essay topic
STATE PURPOSE
To state the purpose of the essay
STATE THESIS / STATE PROPOSITION

To state the essay’s main point either “that X is so” or “whether X is so”
STATE OUTLINE
To state what stages the essay will develop through
STATE SCOPE
To state what the limits of the essay will be
Clearly, these stages of an introduction cannot be written until you have planned your essay and you really know how
you are going to structure it. A common problem for essay writers new to university studies is that they labour over the
introduction long before they really know what they want to write. More experienced writers often leave their
introduction until last.

Essay Development 50
Author: Webb, C 1991, Writing an essay in the Humanities and Social Sciences, Learning Assistance Centre, University of Sydney, Sydney.
7.12 Essay Structure: Beginning To End Development
Exercise 1
Read the following introduction which has been divided up into its stages. Decide what is the function of each stage,
using the possible stages of an introduction listed above. Why do you think there are only two stages?
Increased knowledge about pre-natal development has recently provided a great deal of evidence to support
the fact that “the mother’s physical health and the psychological stresses experienced by the mother can
influence the fetal environment and the development of the fetus.”
(STAGE___________________________)
Throughout the essay it will be seen how such factors as nutrition, smoking, fatigue, exposure to radiation,
alcoholic beverages, coffee, other drugs and diseases of various types, and maternal emotional state influence
the fetal environment and the development of the fetus by affecting the mother’s health in general. It may be
relevant to mention that the mother’s genetic make-up may be also be influential on the development of the
fetus. For example, the mother’s age, size, blood type, chromosomal make-up and other factors may influence
the development of the fetus as well.
(STAGE___________________________)
Exercise 2
This next introduction has not been divided up yet. Divide it up into its stages by drawing a mark at the beginning of
each new stage. On the right hand side of the text, write the functional stage for each:
Social inequality in the broadest sense is a common condition of all

human societies, and represents one of the most sensitive areas of
concern to social agencies and commentators. Inequality is a
social fact. Its origins lie in the existence of norms, sanctions, and
the distribution of power, and it is these which influence an
individual’s opportunities and abilities. This is a universal feature
of all human societies. The purpose of this paper is, firstly, to
elucidate the mechanism of the distribution of power which is one
of the most important inequalities in all human societies, and,
secondly, to explain how power tends to converge in the hands of a
few. Emphasis will be placed especially on power structures and
the elite.

7.12 Research Essay: Beginning to End Development
Structure of the Conclusion
The conclusion of your essay serves the general purpose of telling the reader what the essay has just been about. More
specifically, the conclusion to a persuasive analytical essay may contain the following elements:
Possible stages of a conclusion
SUMMARISE OUTLINE
To state what stages the essay developed through.
CONFIRM THESIS / STATE THESIS

To restate the thesis of the essay, or to state the thesis of the proposition.
QUALIFY THESIS
To identify special/important focus or focuses that the thesis refers to.
MAKE RECOMMENDATION / SUGGESTION

To speculate on future action.
Exercise 3
Identify the stages of this conclusion and write in the functions that they are performing on the right hand side of the
text:
In all, it is possible to conclude that the physical health of the

mother will greatly influence the development of the fetus. In the
majority of cases, the factors influencing the mother’s health such
as smoking, malnutrition, drugs and diseases are closely related so
that it becomes difficult for researchers to determine which factor
and to what extent that factor is responsible for the adverse effects
caused to the development of the fetus. However, a great deal of
the research associated with pre-natal development does indicate
that the main influences on the environment and development of the
fetus are from controllable causes.

7.13 Research Essay – Checklist
Structure
1. Global
a. Does each paragraph move naturally to the next? Related paragraphs should be close together.
b. Does your essay have an introduction and a conclusion?
2. Paragraph
a. Does every paragraph have a topic sentence?
b. Does every subsequent sentence support or develop the topic sentence?
c. Is your argument logical?
d. Is there a counter argument and refutation in each paragraph?
e. Is there a concluding sentence in each paragraph?
If your answer to any of the above is “no”, MAKE CHANGES!
The Introduction
1. Does it introduce your essay?
2. Does it start with the general and move to the specific?
3. Does it include a thesis statement?
4. Is the essay outline included?
The Conclusion
1. Does it summarise the main point(s) of your essay?
2. Does it restate your thesis?
3. Have you avoided introducing any new ideas?
Referencing
1. Are your references written correctly and in alphabetical order?
2. Are all the sources you refer to in your text included in your Reference List?

53
7.13 Research Essay - Checklist
Layout
1. The title page should include:
a. the title of the essay.
b. your name.
c. the date the essay is due.
2. The Reference List should be:

a. on a new page at the end of your essay.
b. arranged in alphabetical order by surname.
3. Does your essay look professional? Remember the following typing conventions:
a. Paragraphs should be separated by a blank line.
b. The first line of a paragraph is not usually indented.
c. Commas, colons, full stops and semi-colons are followed by ONE space.
Grammar
1. Check your essay for errors in the following areas:
a. Subject /verb agreement (e.g. “he have” is wrong!)
b. Tenses
i. form (e.g. “is happen” is a non-existent tense).
ii. usage (e.g. is the present tense appropriate in this sentence?)
c. Prepositions. If you are not sure which preposition to use, find examples in a dictionary.
2. Virtually every English sentence has a subject and a verb: do yours?
3. Spelling. Use the spell-checker on your computer to help correct any mistakes.
4. Punctuation. Every English sentence ends with a full-stop: do yours?

54
8.1 Common Errors in Essay Writing
These are some of the reasons why research essays fail to get good grades or even fail:
1. Not answering the question. Make sure you understand what the essay title is asking you to do. Pay
attention to the direction and limiting words in the title. Try to avoid repetition, unnecessary details and
getting off the subject.
2. Generalisation. Although an introduction will usually be fairly general, you need to get to the specifics of
your thesis and argument as soon as possible. It is also very important to avoid:
a. overusing quotations.
b. providing insufficient evidence to support your argument.
c. making unsubstantiated statements
d. using vague generalisations
3. Inability to develop a logical argument

a. lack of critical examination of the arguments of others.
b. failure to examine evidence critically.
c. failure to develop connecting themes.
d. failure to reach a logical conclusion
4. Plagiarism. DO NOT forget to acknowledge sources.
5. Formatting errors. Type your essay using the suggested font, font size and formatting conventions.
6. Length. It doesn’t matter if your essay is not exactly 1200 words, but if it is very short (under 900 words) or
very long (2000+) it will lose marks.

Common Errors in Writing 55
Author: Ruth Weeks (adapted from UTS Guide to Writing Assignments) T:\IEN-China\extra dip\Common Errors in Essay Writing.doc
8.2 Plagiarism
In the American system of education, plagiarism-copying someone else’s words and submitting them as
one’s own – is an extremely serious academic offense. Whether on an exam, essay, or reference paper, not
stating that words and ideas have been taken from another source and identifying that source is considered
to be a form of cheating comparable to stealing. In fact, committing plagiarism is not only felt to be
5 dishonest but morally wrong. Thus, copying another person’s work and submitting it as one’s own often
evokes a hostile emotional response similar to a religious person’s reaction to “sinning”.
Perhaps the reason plagiarism is so abhorred in academic institutions is that it contradicts the basic concept
of university. A university is a community of scholars investigating truths (theories, principles, laws) in
various fields. If stealing from the work of others were condoned, the university would become a
10 community of thieves rather than of truth-seeking scholars.
All students know that they should not copy from another student’s paper during an examination, nor bring
their textbooks or lecture notes to the exam (except for an openbook text). But not all students are aware
that it is considered just as wrong to copy the work of others in an essay or reference paper. This lack of
awareness may stem from having been educated in an academic tradition in which important writings or
15 ideas are studied by memorising certain passages as examples of excellence; thus, students become expert
at repeating exactly what an author has written. In such tradition, the highest grades are often awarded to
students who can recite an author’s words precisely as written. Students from this type of schooling may
not realise that English language institutions of higher learning do not consider repetition as worthwhile at
this level of the educational process. Rather, the highest grades are given for correlating the ideas and
20 findings of others and applying them to other circumstances, such as analysing or solving problems. In
other words, in this academic approach, students are encouraged to do their own thinking and come to their
own conclusions instead of repeating words and ideas of others.
The act of plagiarism can be very open, such as copying a whole paragraph or even a chapter of a book and
handing it in as if the student had personally written it. Professors usually recognise this kind of copying
25 immediately for usually only very weak students plagiarise to this extent. Their own level of writing is so
inferior to, or at least different from, the level of the writing copied that the professor knows immediately
that these are not the words of this student.
If a student changes only some words but keeps most of the sentence structure of a passage, the professor
might not recognise it as quickly, but most professors are very familiar with the references and sources
30 students are using. Any suspicion that the statements are not the student’s own will cause a professor to
check sources for possible plagiarism. In fact, professors regard it as their responsibility to train students
not to borrow from scholars in the field, so they read reference papers alert to possible copying.
What happens to the student who plagiarises? Although the policy may vary from place to place, in every
institution some kind of disciplinary action is always taken. At the very least, the student is given an
35 unsatisfactory grade on the paper. In some places, the student may fail the entire course, especially if the
paper makes up a large portion of the final grade. Some institutions are more severe. The student who
plagiarises is expelled, and the reason for expulsion is entered on the permanent records.
On some campuses, cases of plagiarism are investigated by a specially appointed committee made up of
student or faculty or both. If a student can present an acceptable explanation for the copying, he or she may
40 receive a second chance by being put on temporary probation. When this happens, the student’s record is
usually flagged to indicate that this student may not be completely trustworthy and should be watched in all
courses, at least during the probation period.

56
8.2 Plagiarism
On the graduate level, the consequences of plagiarism are very grave since everyone at this point is
expected to know that copying someone else’s work is a crime. At the least, a student establishes a
45 reputation for being dishonest and untrustworthy, and thus jeopardises getting recommendations for future
positions. But additionally, by extension, future work may always be viewed with suspicion, for such a
person might conceivably continue to report inaccurately and unreliably. Thus, graduate students risk
professional ruin if they plagiarise.
How can a student avoid committing plagiarism? Mastering the skills of summarising and paraphrasing
50 are two ways of appropriately using the ideas and words of others. Putting quotation marks around words
that are quoted exactly is another way. Whatever method is used, however, the author’s name and the title
of the work must always be cited, either in the text or in the bibliography. Work in this text gives training
in these techniques so that students can learn how to summarise or paraphrase the words of others, cite
what has been borrowed, add their personal ideas, and thus write papers without fear of plagiarism.
Are the following statements true (T) or false (F) according to the Reading Passage or are there
insufficient data (ID) to know exactly?
Statements Answers
1. Plagiarism is thievery. ___________
2. There is an emotional reaction to plagiarism in American universities. ___________
3. In universities teaching in languages other than English, plagiarism is not considered a sin.
___________
4. Students from some academic traditions plagiarise almost unconsciously because they have
learned to memorise passages word-for-word.
___________
5. Memorising is considered to be university-level work in English speaking universities.
6. Only weak students openly plagiarise. ___________
7. Some professors read papers looking for plagiarism. ___________
8. Students who plagiarise should be expelled from the university. ___________
9. It is assumed graduate students will take care not to plagiarise. ___________
10. Two of the best ways to avoid plagiarism are to learn how to summarise and paraphrase. ___________
___________

57
8.3 Paraphrasing
The ability to paraphrase and summarise is useful as an alternative to using direct quotations when you want
to use material from books, magazines, newspapers, or other published sources. Paraphrases and summaries
are very similar except that a paraphrase repeats most of the information in the original passage, whereas a
summary includes only the main points.
Paraphrasing is a writing skill in which you ‘rephrase’ [rewrite] previously published information in different
words without changing its original meaning. Normally, you paraphrase only short selections such as
sentences, a series of sentences, or a short paragraph. When you write a paraphrase, you state the author’s
thoughts in your own words. A paraphrase is usually as long as the original text in order to communicate its
full meaning.
Two examples of paraphrases follow:
MODEL: Paraphrasing
Soccer Mania
Original:
“When the Maracana soccer stadium [in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil] was opened to the public in 1950, and Brazil
lost the World Cup to the Uruguayan team, the Brazilians were so disheartened one had the impression that
the country itself had died. And people did die of sadness. Mere threats of defeat in a championship match
can cause heart attacks, and the despair of the public is so great that many beat their heads against the cement
posts. Such is the Brazilians’ passion for soccer.” (de Moraes and Gullar 1990, p.13)
Paraphrase
In 1950, when Brazil was defeated by Uruguay for the World Cup in Soccer in their new stadium in Rio de
Janeiro, Brazilians were so dejected that it seemed the whole country had perished. In fact, some citizens
actually did die of sorrow. Brazilians react very strongly even to the possibility of defeat in championship
soccer games; soccer fans pound their heads against cement posts and even suffer heart attacks. Such
reactions prove that Brazilians are very emotional about soccer (de Moraes and Gullar 1990).
Notice these substitutes for the underlined words and phrases in the original:
lost the World Cup in soccer to the Uruguayans was defeated by Uruguay for the World Cup in Soccer
disheartened dejected
one had the impression it seemed
the country itself the whole country
had died had perished
people citizens
sadness sorrow
threats possibility
match game
public soccer fans
beat pound
passion (noun) emotional [adj]
Some words in the original cannot be changed. In this example, there are no synonyms for soccer, stadium,
World Cup, or championship. Notice that the paraphrase is approximately the same length as the original
passage and that all of the information is included.

Paraphrasing 58
Author: Oshima, A & Hogue, A 1991, Writing Academic English, Addison –Wesley, USA.
8.3 Paraphrasing
Here is another example of a paraphrase:
Artificial Languages
Original:
“Since the time of Descartes, it is estimated that no fewer than five hundred attempts have been made to create artificial
languages for international use. The most successful by far has been Esperanto, a language constructed around the end
of the nineteenth century by Dr Zamenhof of Poland. Esperanto is a language that is extremely easy to learn and speak,
with its words drawn mainly from English, German, the Romance languages, Latin and Greek”. (Pei 1990, p. 175)
Paraphrase:
Since the early seventeenth century, approximately five hundred artificial languages have been created for international
communication. Esperanto, a language invented around the end of the nineteenth century in Poland by a man named Dr
Zamenhof, has been the most successful. Esperanto is very easy to learn and speak. Its vocabulary comes mainly from
English, German, the Romance languages, Latin and Greek (Pei 1990).
Exercise 1 Finding Synonymous Expressions

Words and phrases in the original paragraph titled “Artificial Languages” that have been ‘rephrased’ are listed on the
left. Find the synonymous expression for each in the paraphrase and write it on the right. The second one has been
done for you.
1. Since the time of Descartes _______________________________
2. it is estimated that no fewer than five hundred attempts have been approximately five hundred artificial languages
made to create artificial languages have been created
3. for international use _______________________________
4. The most successful by far has been Esperanto _______________________________
5. constructed _______________________________
6. by Dr Zamenhof of Poland _______________________________
7. Esperanto is a language that is extremely easy to learn and speak

_______________________________
8. with its words drawn
_______________________________

Paraphrasing 59
8.3 Paraphrasing
Follow these steps to write a paraphrase:
Step 1. Read the selection several times until you understand it fully. Take notes of important words such
as scientific terms, names of places, people, events, etc.
Step 2. Look up any words you do not understand and find synonyms for them. Also find other ways to
express potentially unfamiliar information such as ‘since the time of Descartes’ in the second
example. (The ‘biographical names’ section of a good dictionary will tell you that Descartes was a
French philosopher who lived between 1596 and 1650. Therefore, the phrase “since the early
seventeenth century’ is an appropriate substitute).
Step 3. Rewrite each sentence, one after the other. Simplify the sentence structure of each sentence and use
synonyms.
Step 4. Review your paraphrase. Does it sound natural? Does it flow smoothly? Does it
sound like your writing? Your paraphrase should reflect your understanding of the original
in your own words. Does it contain most of the information in the original? Do not omit
any of the author’s essential ideas, and, above all, do not change the meaning of the
original.
Paraphrase the following passages, following the steps above and using the two models as guides. Work with
a partner, and use a dictionary or thesaurus to find synonyms for the underlined words and phrases.
Exercise 2 Our Growing Deserts
“As a result of the unsound use of land, deserts are creeping outward in Africa, Asia and Latin America.
Worse, the productive capacity of vast dry regions in both rich and poor countries is falling”. (Byrnes, p11)
Original Synonym
as a result of __________________________________
unsound __________________________________
creeping outward __________________________________
productive capacity __________________________________
vast dry regions __________________________________
rich and poor countries __________________________________
Exercise 3 Jet Lag
“People who travel and people whose work schedules are altered drastically often suffer from jet lag, which
is a disturbance of the body’s time clock. Jet lag sufferers are troubled by both night-time sleeplessness and
extreme daytime sleepiness, which inhibits their ability to function normally”. (Simpson)
Original Synonym
People who travel __________________________________
people whose work schedules are altered __________________________________
drastically __________________________________
suffer from __________________________________
disturbance __________________________________
troubled __________________________________
night-time sleeplessness __________________________________
sleepiness __________________________________
inhibits __________________________________

Paraphrasing
60
8.4 Listening: Amnesty International
Listening to the Introduction

Listen to the introduction of the lecture. The introduction will tell you what Amnesty International does.
Fill in the information with the dates and statistics and definitions needed.
Amnesty International
founded in ___________________________
one of largest & most active human rights organizations
in _______________________ - ________________________ members & supporters in
________________________________________ countries
in ___________________________ - received the ______________________________.
in ___________________________ - given an award by UN for outstanding achievement in human rights
concerned strictly with _____________________________

seeks release of “prisoners of conscience” who are ______________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
works for fair trials within reasonable time periods for all political prisoners acts for protection of all persons
against torture
works for abolition of death penalty.
The introduction ends with “the reasons for Amnesty International’s success rest with certain principles that
underlie Amnesty International’s activities”. Predict the direction of the lecture from this point on.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Listening for the “Larger Picture”

Listen to the whole lecture now. Note the eight principles underlying Amnesty International’s activities. You will hear
several details describing each one of these principles. At this time, only note the principles and listen to the details.
Eight Principles Underlying Amnesty International’s Activities
1. ___________________________________________________________________
2. __________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________
4. ___________________________________________________________________
5. ___________________________________________________________________
6. ___________________________________________________________________
7. ___________________________________________________________________
8. ___________________________________________________________________
Using the list of the eight principles underlying Amnesty International’s work and your comprehension of the lecture,
explain each of the principles underlying Amnesty International’s work to a classmate.

Listening 61
Author: Lebaurer R, 1988, Learn to Listen, Listen to Learn, Prentice Hall, USA.
Note Taking Practice

Listen to the lecture a second time. Take notes using the following format. The comments in the left-hand margin
serve to remind you of the organisation of the lecture.
(Introduction)
(List of principles underlying Principles Underlying AI’s activities:

Amnesty International’s
activities)
(Principle No. 1) 1.

Listening 62
Lecture Comprehension and Note-Taking Practice
(Conclusions)
Rewrite and/or add information that you remember to your notes. Make sure the relationship between ideas is clear and
make sure important ideas stand out.

Listening 63
Using Your Notes
Use your notes to answer the questions below.
1. The following are inference questions. They are not explicitly stated in the lecture but can be inferred based on the
information given. Infer whether they are true or false. Be sure you can support your answer.
True or False
a. Amnesty International would agree with the statement that “in order to change the
world, you must start with yourself”.
b. Amnesty International is an organization that works predominantly in the abstract
sense (i.e., it focuses on large-scale, intangible, immaterial goals).
c. Amnesty International feels that punishment of countries with bad human rights
records is necessary.
d. Amnesty International is basically a Western organization and is somewhat
anticommunist.
e. Amnesty International publishes a “Ten Worst Countries for Human Rights” list
every year.
f. Amnesty International believes the statement, “If you are not part of the solution,
you are part of the problem”.
2. Infer which of the following are likely to be statements of Amnesty International.

Check as many as are applicable. If a statement is not likely, explain why.
a. “It is better to focus on a limited area than to cover all the wrongs in the world”.
b. “The strength of a group rests with its individual members”.
c. “Change is brought about through pressure (military or economic) on a
government”.
d. “Taking swift action is more important than getting all the facts”.
e. “It is important to set priorities and decide which countries are the worst in terms
of human rights and to work there”.
f. We are all citizens of the world when it comes to involvement with human
rights”.
g. “Let’s talk specifics, not abstractions”.
3. What is an Amnesty International “adoption group”?
4. How does Amnesty International ensure its impartiality? Describe at least two ways.

64
8.5 Reference List Practice
1. Author: Leo Jones

Title: Functions of English
Publisher Cambridge University Press
Place: London
Year: 2001
2. Author: John Castoni

Title: English Pronounciation and the French Speaker
Journal: Language Analysis
Volume: 12
Number: 3
Year: 1996
Pages: 28-61
3. Title: War and Peace in the Pacific, 1900-1975

Newspaper: The Sydney Morning Herald
Date: October 28 2006
Page: 14
4. Editor: Mark Logothetis

Title: Economic Management: Strategies for a new century (second edition)
Publisher: Reed Books
Place: Adelaide
Year: 2001
5. Authors: Michael Burrows and Pam K. Connor

Chapter: The Dysfunctional Family: Coping strategies
Editors: Kate Page and Barbara Ellis
Text: Issues for the 1990s
Publisher: Oxford University Press
Place: London
Year: 2002
Pages: 23-25
6. Writer/Producer: Jack Douglas

Video: For and Against: The Surrogacy Debate
Production House: P.K. Video Productions
Place: Brisbane
Year: 2001

65
8.5 Reference List Practice
Find the mistakes in the following reference list:
Reference List
Simpson, John & White, Peter (2005). ‘Statistics in the Social Sciences’, Cambridge: Melbourne.
Bannon, P.G. (ed.) (2000). Banks and lending in the 90s: The big four. Sydney: Penguin.
Potter, S. (2001). “IT and learning in the new millennium”, Information technology quarterly. Volume 10,
Number 3, p.52-75.
Kate Mitchell (Director) and Brian Knowles (Producer). 2002. “Dreamhouse”. A film. Makeshift
Productions: ACT.
Harris, J. (2005). Biennial Bloodshed. The Australian, 23 November, pp 15.

66
9.1 Reading: In Sadness
Taken from Reading Skills for the Social Sciences by Haarman, Leech & Murray (1988) Oxford Uni Press
In Sadness by Olga Semenova
1917: The Russian Revolution and the Origins of Present-day Communism LEONARD SCHAPIRO Temple Smith
£12.95
Leonard Schapiro was exceptionally well-qualified to write a

1 book on 1917. A leading academic authority on the Bolsheviks
(Professor at the LSE, author of The Communist Party of the
Soviet Union etc.), he witnessed the Russian revolution as
well. Schapiro completed 1917 in 1983, just before he died.
His book is the distillation of a lifetime’s teaching and
reflection on the Russian revolution. It is both a concise and
lucid narrative and a highly-charged piece of political analysis.
As narrative, 1917 fills a surprising gap in the literature on the subject. There are a large number of detailed studies of
2
different aspects of the revolution, some of them brilliant works of scholarship. But no simple, comprehensive account
of the two revolutions and the civil war exists. Schapiro’s book is brief, but covers all the main points with absolute
clarity. It also incorporates the conclusions of the most important recent research on the subject. The reader gets both an
excellent introduction to the Russian revolution and an idea of how new material is causing thinking about it to change.
The value of Schapiro’s analysis is more questionable. Schapiro was old and rigid, an adherent of the
3
cold/totalitarianism school. His interpretation of the Russian revolution is crude and unashamedly biased. He hates the
Bolsheviks. He looks at the Russian revolution purely from the point of view of political power.
Schapiro’s thesis goes roughly as followed. After the disintegration of the monarchy in February 1917, there was
general support in the country for a broad-based socialist coalition. This quickly came to mean support for the Soviets,
4
rather than for the Provisional Government. However, support for the Soviets did not mean support for the Bolsheviks,
but for the ‘traditional ideals of Russian socialism’, represented by the SRs and, especially, the Mensheviks. The
Bolsheviks were a small band of disciplined fanatics. They were able to seize power in October because no one
organized to stop them. They held on to it by annihilating their opponents, ruthlessly manipulating public opinion and
militarizing the economy. Right up to 1924, they were ‘a largely unpopular party’. The first choice of a majority of the
population would have been ‘some form of moderate socialism’.
While it is undoubtedly true that the Bolsheviks were unscrupulous in their choice of methods and that they were
5
supported by a majority of the population when they seized power, Schapiro’s thesis is prejudiced, one-sided and
outdated.
Schapiro’s hostility to Leninism (which he sees as the precursor of Stalinism) leads him to maintain a position on the
Bolsheviks which has been shown to be wrong. He presents them as autocratically run and conspiratorial organization,
staffed by a group of men whose opinions were (with rare exceptions) uniform. Recent research, however, including
that of Rabinowitch (whom Schapiro himself quotes), has shown that the Bolshevik party was not a homogeneus body,
6
but a collection of committees. Each of these tended to run its own affairs independently and take initiatives of its own,
regardless of the opinions and instruction of the Central Committee.
Other problems with Schapiro’s work stem from the fact that he was an old-fashioned political historian. 1917 is based
7
on the premise that it is possible to understand the Russian revolution purely in terms of political power, without
reference to social or economic questions.

67
This firstly leads Schapiro into errors of interpretation. He concentrates exclusively on the mechanics of the Bolshevik
8 seizure of power. This approach allows him to avoid discussing the appeal which the Bolsheviks’ programme held for
industrial workers and peasants. He seriously underestimates the degree of popular support which the Bolsheviks
enjoyed: the strong power base which, by October, they had in the cities; and the enthusiasm generated by their land
policy in the countryside, which was probably the crucial factor in their victory in the civil war.
Secondly, Schapiro’s purely political orientation affects his choice of period. He picks the dates 1917-1924 because
they delimit the transfer of political power. But, for any real understanding of the Russian revolution, one needs to go
further back and further forward. 1917 is not the right point at which to start. The events of that year make sense only if
9 viewed in the context of the rapid industrialization of Russia in the late 19 th and early 20th centuries. 1924 is not a good
place at which to stop, because the most dramatic changes resulting from the Bolshevik takeover - the social and
economic transformation of Russia undertaken by Stalin - didn’t happen until 1928-1933. Schapiro doesn’t consider
these events part of the Russian revolution. Most younger historians, however, would argue that they were and that a
revolution should be defined as the period of upheaval, social and economic as well as political, which intervenes
between the fall of an old regime and the firm consolidation of a new one. This is the recent appraisal of the Russian
revolution, a work which forms an interesting contrast to Schapiro’s.
Schapiro’s enduring advantage over more modern historians, however, is that he lived in Petrograd as a boy (from
10 1917-1920). This has helped him to bring what is essentially just a well written text book to life. He has managed to
breathe into it something of the feel of the time - the euphoria, excitement and suffering of revolutionary Russia.
Approaching the text: Answer the following questions before the main body of the text.
1. To which genre does it belong? ______________________________________
2. What is the name of the reviewer? ___________________________________
3. What is the title and who is the author of the book? _____________________
4. What does the caption to the photograph imply about the reviewer’s attitude towards the book?
__________________________________________________
Task 1: Identifying reviewer’s evaluation: Read the first sentence of each paragraph and decide whether it presents an
opinion of the book which is very favourable, favourable, neutral, unfavourable or very unfavourable. Underline the
language used to convey the reviewer’s opinion, then place a tick in the appropriate column.
Par. very favourable favourable neutral unfavourable very unfavourable
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
How would you classify the evaluation of the book as a whole? _______________
Organisation of texts:
In some cases the development of the text may be relatively simple and straightforward; each paragraph having a
particular function. In longer texts the writer may need or want to organize his discourse in a more complex manner,
linking certain facts or steps in his exposition and following a line of argument through various stages. Thus some
aspects may be developed at greater length than others. This is the case in the present book review. Below is an outline
of the structure of the text. This format (showing by means of indentation the relationship between sections and
subsections) represents one standard way of indicating the structure of a text. Note that headings in outlines often
indicate the functions of the various sections of the text, especially in the major headings (i.e. what the author is doing-
presenting, evaluating, discussing- not what he is saying). Increasingly specific subsections will indicate in more detail
the actual arguments treated.
Task 2: Distinguishing text structure

Read the article rapidly and indicate the paragraph or paragraphs which comprise the following sections and
subsections.
1. PRESENTATION OF THE BOOK AND AUTHOR (par.____________)
2. EVALUATION OF THE BOOK AS NARRATIVE (par._____________)
3. DISCUSSION OF SCHAPIRO’S POLITICAL ANALYSIS (par.__________)

68
- Presentation of Schapiro’s thesis (par.____________)
- Criticism of Schapiro’s thesis (par.____________)
-On the grounds that he was biased against the Bolshevik’s (par.____________)
-On the grounds that he considers the revolution purely in terms of political power
(par.____________)
-Leading to errors of interpretation (par.____________)
-Leading to an unsatisfactory choice of period (par.____________)
4. CONCLUSION: EVALUATION OF THE BOOK (par.____________)
Intensive reading
All texts contain examples of reference, whereby words or phrases are referred to by others (e.g. it, this, those etc.) in
order to avoid repetition and achieve a ‘tighter’ and more economical text. Sometimes these words refer backwards in
the text to concepts already mentioned (in this case the reference is called anaphoric). In other cases the reference is
forward to words or phrases which follow in the text (in which case the reference is called cataphoric). In the text below
are examples of both.
As you can see, in lines 3 and 5 the pronoun its replaces the previously named Russian Social Democratic Workers’
Party. In line 10, their refers back to others, and in lines 11 and 13 his replaces Lenin. In line 12, it substitutes the
previously mentioned (his) faction; in line 20, they replaces the various Populist illegal groups, and in line 21 and 22
This (party) and Its refer back to the Party of Socialist Revolutionaries. In line 24 it is cataphoric, referring forward to
the phrase to establish contact with peasants, and in line 25 their substitutes the word peasants.

69
 Now read the whole text carefully.
Task 3: Reference
Underline the words listed below. Decide whether the reference is anaphoric or cataphoric, and then write the words or
phrases referred to in the space provided.
anaphoric cataphoric Words or phrases referred to
1. This
(par. 4, Line 2)
2. it
(5,1)
3. these
(6,5)
4. it
(7,2)
5. this
(8,1)
6. they
(9,7)
7. This
(10,2)
Task 4: Checking understanding

The following statements are reformulations of passages in the text. Find the relevant passages and decide whether the
opinions presented would be those of Schapiro or those of Semenova. Place a tick in the appropriate column.
Opinion Schapiro Semenova

1. The Bolshevik party was a highly centralized organization controlled from the top
by the Central Committee.
2. The Bolshevik party was a heterogeneous organization that was guided by the
Central Committee but whose various sub-committees has certain autonomy.
3. The Russian revolution can best be understood by situating the political struggle
within its social and economic context.
4. The Bolshevik party had little concrete support amongst the peasantry.
5. The events of 1928-33 cannot be considered part of the Russian revolution.
6. A revolution is the process during which political power is transferred from one
ruling group to another.
7. To understand the Russian revolution it is necessary to analyse it in the context of
the development of Russian industry in the later 19 th and early 20th centuries.
Which of the following options best reflects the reviewer’s overall judgment of 1917?
1. It is prejudiced, one-sided and out-dated.
2. It provides a complete review of the historical period but an inadequate political analysis.
3. It is a concise and lucid narrative and a highly charged piece of political analysis.
4. It is essentially just a well written textbook.
 Why do you think the review is entitled “In Sadness”?
Task 5: Reutilization of selected topics

Below is a list of words common to academic prose that are used in the text. Find them and underline them. Look at the
context in which they appear, decide their word class and meaning, checking in a dictionary if necessary. Then
complete the synopsis of the book review of 1917 below by filling in the blanks with the appropriate item. (Use the
correct verb form). Each word can be used only once.
par. 1: par. 4 par.6: par. 8 p.10

both…and rather than whose firstly manage to
however own leads
up to regardless of to allow
largely

70
par.2: par. 5: par. 7: par.9:
main while to stem out secondly
without to affect
as well as
between
______________ most of the books on 1917 are detailed analyses of particular aspects of the Russian revolution,
Leonard Schapiro ________________ present a general account of the years _______________ 1924, which is
_____________ simple _____________ accurate, and ______________ which a surprising gap in the literature would
not have been filled. Schapiro’s boyhood years in Petrograd (________________ 1917 and 1920), and his academic
background __________ him to write about these events with authority. _____________, his hatred of the Bolsheviks
__________________ his interpretation of the revolution, which is _______________ biased and crude. He makes two
principal errors. _________, his analysis of the Bolsheviks, __________ popular support he seriously under estimates,
is inadequate. This position on the Bolsheviks, prejudiced _______________ one-sided, ______________ his hostility
towards Leninism. ________________, the fact that he was an old-fashioned political historian _______________ him
to assume that the Russian revolution can be understood in purely political terms, _________________ social and
economic factors. His reference to political criteria alone greatly conditions his choice of period (1917-1924), the
_______________ social and economic changes did not take place until the period 1928-1933. ________________ a
brilliant work of scholarship. 1917 is a well-written textbook brought to life by Schapiro’s ________________
experience of the events.
Organization of paragraphs:
English paragraphs, particularly academic prose, are organized according to a relatively stable pattern; sensitivity to this
pattern facilitates reading by allowing the reader to focus on those parts of the paragraph which are likely to carry
forward the writer’s line of reasoning or ‘discourse’.
The first or second sentence in English paragraphs usually present the TOPIC or central idea. The rest of the paragraph
expands the topic sentence, the last sentence usually referring back to the topic considered and forward to the following
paragraph. In the first paragraph of 1917, for example, the topic sentence (the first in the paragraph) is: Leonard
Schapiro was exceptionally well qualified to write a book on 1917.
Successive sentences expand 1) Schapiro’s qualifications, and 2) the book that he wrote. In other words, the paragraph
answers the hypothetical questions (after reading the topic sentence). “Why was he well qualified?” (he was a leading
academic authority, Professor at LSE, he witnessed the Russian revolution, etc.) and “What is this book?” (the
distillation of a lifetime’s teaching, reflections on the Russian revolution, etc.). Note also the final sentence both draws a
conclusion about the book (sending backward to the topic sentence) and prepares for the following paragraph: it is a
concise and lucid narrative (developed in paragraph 2), and a highly-charged piece of political analysis (developed in
the remainder of the article).
Task 6: This exercise aims to give practice in recognizing the function of topic sentences and to call attention to aspects
of the internal structure and development of English paragraphs.
Complete the text below by writing the appropriate topic sentence in the space provided.
Topic sentences:
1. The most important problem for the regime was whether to continue the war, or, if not, how to get out of the war.
2. In Petrograd, the Russian capital, there were in March 1917 two separate authorities, both claiming to speak fo r the
people, but neither of them representing more than a section of it: the Provisional Government and the Soviet (council)
of Worker’s Deputies.
3. It has often been argued by historians of a later epoch that the Western Allies were foolish not to have agreed to
release Russia from its obligations.
4. The fundamental question facing the new regime was that of legitimacy.

71
The Provisional Government and the First World War
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
The former had been chosen on March 15 by the members of a duma elected four years earlier on a restricted franchise.
Its leaders reflected the point of view of the more conservative members of the professional classes. The soviet
represented primarily the working class of the capital, but could in a wider sense speak for the industrial workers of all
Russia. It became a sort of parliament of Russian socialism, from the Socialist-Revolutionaries (S.R) to the Bolsheviks.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
The old legitimacy of the monarchy had been destroyed. It could be replaced only by the legitimacy of the will of the
whole people of Russia, but this could be ascertained only by an elected Constituent Assembly. However Russia was at
war with Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Turkey, and to hold such as election at that time seemed hardly possible, both
because it would divert energies from the war effort and because so many citizens were away in the army.
Consequently, the Provisional Government decided to wait for the end of the war so that completely free and
comprehensive elections could be held. However, an immediate election would have caused less chaos than later
occurred, and would have given the government the democratic legitimacy that it lacked.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
The foreign minister, PN Milykov, a convinced patriot, believed that the war was just, that it was being fought to
liberate the peoples oppressed by Austria-Hungary and by Turkey, and that Russia should be rewarded for its part in the
war by acquiring Constantinople, the Straits and Turkish Armenia. The Socialists, however, were not interested in these
aims and believed that the war should be ended “without annexations and without indemnities. But until the Germans
were willing to make peace, the Russian fatherland still had to be defended. And in any case the new Russian leaders
admitted that they could not make peace without their allies’ consent.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________________
But at the time it was inconceivable that he Western governments should do so. The release of the German divisions
held on the Russian front might have made it possible for Gen. Erich Luddendorff finally to crush the West.
Now making reference to the completed text, indicate whether the following statements are true or false.
1. The leaders of the Provisional Government of Petrograd were more conservative than those of the Soviet Council.
______________
2. Holding the elections after the end of the war would have resulted in less chaos because citizens who had been away
in the army could have voted freely. ________
3. If the Russians had been allowed to withdraw from the war, as the Socialists wanted, the German army might have
been able to overcome Western resistance. __________

72
Task 7: Vocabulary matching activity
1. exceptionally- extremely all-inclusive

2. lucid basic
3. comprehensive believer
4. absolute clear
5. rigid come from
6. adherent complete
7. crude dictatorial
8. biased extremely (1)
9. band extremists
10. fanatics group
11. purely having no values
12. autocratic most important/significant
13. ruthlessly one-sided, prejudiced
14. uniform only
15. stem from the same
16. unscrupulous unbending
17. crucial without care or kindness

73
9.2 Ellipsis and substitution
Author: Cox & Hill (2004) EAP Now!: Longman
When English leaves out and/or substitutes other words, it is done in order to avoid repetition. There are different types
of ellipsis: noun ellipsis, clause ellipsis and verb ellipsis.
Noun ellipsis: I have read that many writers have stated that a routine is necessary for success. Some Λ though, manage
to just write when it suits them!
 Noun left out after ‘some’ is writers.
Clause ellipsis: That woman is absolutely wonderful! Don’t you agree Λ? ()
 Clause left out after ‘agree’ is that woman is absolutely wonderful.
Verb ellipsis: My friend plays violin with an orchestra. She prefers concerts but she doesn’t worry about performing
late at night when often, she has to Λ .
 Verb phrase left out is perform late at night.
Task A: Understanding ellipsis and substitution
1. Ellipsis: Look up the word ‘ellipses’ in a dictionary then choose a definition from the list below.
a) circle used in a sentence in mathematics

b) a postmodern term used in literature
c) the moon when it is darkened by the earth’s revolutions
d) the omission from a sentence of a word that would clarify meaning
2. Question: Why does English omit words that could make the meaning clearer?
Answer: ________________________________________________________
Read the following:
Example 1
I enjoyed the lunch very much, but I thought the lunch was a little expensive. The lunch was special and we ordered the
lunch a day in advance.
Although correct, it reads with too much repetition. Four ‘lunches’ in two sentences is too many!
 Read the following using ellipsis and substitution:

the lunch the lunch the lunch
I enjoyed the lunch very much, but I thought (it) Λ a little expensive. (It) Λ was special and we ordered Λ a day in
advance.
‘It’ substitutes for ‘lunch’ in the first instance and there is an omission in the last instance. The reader must carry the
information forward in their mind in texts. Substitution and ellipsis go together.
Example 2
If your friends don’t want to speak English, how can you encourage your friends to speak English?
If your friends don’t want to speak English, how can you encourage them to do so?
your friends to speak English
Λ Λ
If your friends don’t want to speak English, how can you encourage them to do so ?

74
9.2 Ellipsis and substitution
Example 3 (…) = what is ellipsed.
Life is never easy and it is difficult to be happy all the time. People seek happiness in many ways and we all need to
learn how Λ (…).
Life is never easy and it is difficult to be happy all the time. People seek happiness in many ways and we all need to
learn how (to be happy).
Task B: Read the following excerpt from a young adult story and find the omissions or ellipsed words, and note the
substitutions:
1
The howling simply would not stop! I lay in my bedroom listening to the wind, certain, however, that it Λ came from a
2
different source Λ .
3 4
I heard it Λ before, one dark night when both my parents went to a dinner party and left me home alone. I had insisted Λ
5
Λ
because at thirteen, I am certainly old enough !
7 8 9
6
What was it Λ ? and why was it Λ so eerie? I decided to contact my best friend, Sam, and ask him Λ to listen Λ over the
10 12
11
Λ
phone. I picked it up and waited for the dial tone. There was none Λ . Strange Λ, I thought. I decided to use my mobile
13
phone Λ instead.
Now things got even stranger. My mobile had a message on the screen that said ‘Welcome to the Howling!’ I absolutely
14
freaked out and threw the phone across the room before realizing that answering Λ was the only way I might ever find
15 16
out what was really going on. I raced across the room, picked it Λ up, then realized that I didn’t know how Λ !
1. 9.
2. 10.
3. 11.
4. 12.
5. 13.
6. 14.
7. 15.
8. 16.

75
9.3 Listening: Problems of Writing in a Foreign Language
Exercise 1 Listening Comprehension
Read the following sentences and as you listen to the Stage 2 talk decide whether they are true or
false according to the passage. Write TRUE or FALSE in the space provided.
True or False
1. The learner of English finds that writing is one of the most difficult language skills. _______
2. The three main types of error in writing are of more or less equal importance. _______
3. Word by word translation often results in un-English sentences. _______
4. Ungrammatical English always interferes with the meaning conveyed to the reader. _______
5. The use of a word such as ‘terrific’ in academic writing is an example of an error in _______
style and usage.
Exercise 2 Listening and Blank-Filling

Complete the following by writing one or more words in each space as you listen to the talk.
Problems Of Writing In A Foreign Language

Learners of English usually find that writing is the most difficult skill they have ______________.
Even native-speakers of English find it difficult to write well on their special subject. It may,
therefore, be helpful to _________________ the types of error that the learner of English usually
makes. Three broad types can be distinguished. ____________________ be discussed in order of
importance.
The first type of error is the error ________________ to a misunderstanding or, even worse, to a
breakdown in communication. The causes __________________ misunderstandings and
breakdowns are ____________________. We can only try to cover the most important here.
Firstly, the student ___________________ to work out a sentence in his own language and then
tries to translate it word by word into English. ________________ often produces non-English
sentence _______________. Secondly, the student may confuse grammatical patterns
______________ similar in form but very different in meaning. Thirdly, he may ______________
to write sentences which are too long and _________________ instead of simpler ones which he
can handle more easily. Finally, he may produce a phrase _____________ a sentence, with the
result that the reader doesn’t know what it ____________.
The second type of error is the error which leads to ungrammatical English, but which doesn’t
usually _________________ with the meaning. The wrong selection of a verb tense often
__________________ this category. Other mistakes which feature prominently here are really
slips. If the student ________________ his work carefully, he can correct them himself. When he
writes, therefore, he should prepare several drafts.
The third type of error ________________ style and usage. When a student writes ‘The results of
the research were terrific’. ________________ making this type of mistake. Native speakers of
English would understand but, of course ________________ never use the word ‘terrific’ in their
own academic writing.

Listening 76
Author: James Jordan, Matthews & O”Brien, (1991) Listening Comprehension & Note-Taking Course: Collins ELT
9.3 Guided Note-Taking: Problems of Writing in a Foreign Language
Complete the following as you listen to the talk.
Title: __________________________________________________________________________________
Writing = _______________________________________________________________________________
Three _______________________________:
1 misunderstanding or ______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Causes:
i. ________________________________________________________________________________
 try to employ _________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Eventually _______________________________________________________________________
Vocab: __________________________________________________________________________
--misuse Eng. words _________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________
ii. Confuse gram. patterns _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________
e.g. _____________________________________________________________________________
iii. Sentences = ___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________
Rule = __________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________
iv. Sentences = ___________________________________________________________________

e.g. ___________________________________________________________________
2. irritates & ________________________________________

e.gs. 1 ______________________________________
2 concord
3 ______________________________________
4 ______________________________________
 prepare _______________________________________
3. ___________________________________
Synonyms = ___________________________________________________________
e.g. ________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
Equally _________________________________________________________________

Listening 77
Author: James Jordan, Matthews & O”Brien, (1991) Listening Comprehension & Note-Taking Course: Collins ELT
9.3 Listening: Problems of Writing in a Foreign Language
A Summary
There ______ three main types of errors students of English usually _________________. The
following suggests some reasons non-native speakers make ________________ errors and some
ways of avoiding ___________________.
The first and most serious type of error ___________________ the error which leads to
misunderstanding __________even breakdown in communication. Perhaps _____________ most
frequent cause of _________________ breakdown is the use of translation. Therefore, students
should try _____________ use sentence patterns _____________ they know are correct English.
Eventually, translation should be cut ______________ altogether and students should try to ‘think
in English’.
____________________, it is not only the grammar which suffers from the use ______________
translation but ____________ vocabulary.
Another very important cause of breakdown in communication in written work is _______ tendency
of students to confuse grammatical patterns which are _______________ in form but different in
meaning, ______________ example, ‘used to’ and ‘to be used to’.
____________ third cause is that students may choose to ___________ sentences which are too
long and too complex _____________ of simpler ones which they ___________ handle more
easily. Therefore, students _______________ organise their points very carefully before they start
to write. In particular, students should ______________ to avoid sentences with _____________
many subordinate clauses.
Conversely, - and a fourth ________________ of breakdown in communication – students may

write sentences which are too short and are incomplete. For example, ________________
sentences may lack subjects or verbs.
The second main type of error is ______________ which irritates and may mislead the reader
momentarily. _________________________ errors include the wrong selection of verb tense,
errors in concord (subject and verb do not agree), errors in word order and errors in article use.
_____________________, students should prepare several drafts and ___________________ drafts
should be checked for the above errors.
Finally, stylistic errors are the third type of error – and the least damaging of the three. For
example, __________________ ‘terrific’ and ‘impressive’ are synonyms, the first is
__________________ colloquial for use in academic writing. Also, the synonyms ‘region’ and
‘area’ are not interchangeable _______________ used metaphorically, for example, ‘areas’ of
study, not ‘regions’ of study.

Listening 78
9.4 Listening: Memory
Author: Beglar & Murray (2002 ) Contemporary Topics Longman
Most of us take our memory for granted. We almost never stop to think about how important memory is to our lives.
But think about this: if you remembered nothing from the past, you would be unable to learn anything new. All of your
experiences would be lost as soon as they ended, and every situation would be completely unfamiliar.
Psychologists are learning more every day about what happens when we store new memories. They know about some
of the changes that take place in the brain’s nerve cells when we try to store or retrieve ‘items’ in or from our memory.
Certainly, as psychologists and neurologists find out more about the workings of the brain, the secrets of memory will
become clearer.
Warm –up discussion: In groups, discuss these topics with your classmates.
1. Do you have a good memory? Why do you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’?
2. Do you think we have different types of memory? If so, what are they?
3. How could you measure a person’s memory? What kinds of tests would you
give a person to measure his or her memory?
4. How do you remember things? Do you use any special techniques?
Vocabulary Preview: Read the following sentences. Circle the letter of the word or phrase that is closest in meaning to
the italicized expression.
1. Dr. Sigmund Freud was one of the first doctors to study psychology. He wanted to explain how people thought and
why they desired different things.
a. the study of language b. the study of the mind

c. the study of economics d. the study of the human body
2. The duration of a memory can vary. Some of us remember for only a short time and others for our whole lives.
a. intensity b. length of time c. logic d. importance
3. When they wake up, many people cannot recall their dreams. Other people can recall them just long enough to write
them down.
a. understand b. remember c. talk about d. think about
4. The retina is necessary if we are to see. It receives images formed by the lens. The retina is also connected to the
brain via the optic nerve.
a. a part of the brain b. a part of the eye

c. a part of the ear d. a part of the spine
5. Information can be stored in our brains for many years. It is waiting there to be used.
a. kept; held b. lost; misplaced

c. forgotten d. needed; wanted
6. The mnemonic HOMES helped the students remember the names of the Great Lakes in the United States: Huron,
Ontario, Michigan, Erie and Superior
a. a memory aid that, for example, uses the first letter of a series of words
b. a word spelled with all capital letters
c. a method testing memory used throughout the world
7. Psychologists can classify memory into several categories
a. separate b. define c. eliminate d. discuss

79
8. Students often try to memorize material just before a test. They study it until they know the words exactly.
a. completely forget b. briefly look at
c. talk about d. remember perfectly
9. Sometimes we need to rearrange a list of words in order to make it more organized. Putting similar words together is
useful.
a. write clearly b. discuss c. change the order of d. erase
10. The information in our brains is not random. It is well organized and interconnected.
a. easy to remember b. complex
c. without plan or pattern d. the same for all people
11. One essential feature of our memories is that they are organized. Without this feature, our brains could not function
properly.
a. unimportant b. interesting c. necessary d. surprising
12. Some memories are temporary because we don’t consider them important, and we don’t remember them very long.
a. sad to think about b. extremely accurate
c. difficult to understand d. lasting for a limited time
First listening: main ideas

Listen to each part of the lecture to find out the main ideas. Circle a, b, or c.
Part 1
1. Memory is generally divided into how many types?
a. It’s not divided. There’s basically only one type.

b. three types.
c. more types than we can count
2. What does sensory memory do?
a. It recalls what we see, hear, taste, touch and smell.

b. It holds information gained only for the sense of touch.
c. It keeps memories we had as babies.
Part 2 44 + 8 + 10+ 18=?

1. How long does short-term memory hold information?
a. one to twenty seconds

b. less than twenty minutes
c. as long as you think about something
2. What is the primary focus of long-term memory?
a. words people say b. things we sense c. meaning
Part 3 Word list

tuba badminton circle orchid
drum baseball rectangle iris
piano tennis square rose
guitar basketball triangle lily
flute football oval daisy
1. Recall is
a. remembering information.
b. writing down information.
c. learning information for the second time.

80
2. Recognition is
a. remembering a person’s exact words.
b. remembering if you have seen something before.
c. remembering something from a very long time ago.
Part 4 12,754 kilometers

1. Which of the following is not a way to improve your memory?
a. organize ideas
b. relate ideas to your life
c. use songs and poems to remember things
2. Memory techniques are ways of
a. associating information with something we know

b. using all of our memories
c. making information seem very important.
bear – kuma sun- taiyo

earth - chikyu moon- tsuki
lily- yuri tiger- tora

moon- tsuki wolf- okami
wolf- okami rose- bara

rose- bara lily- yuri
Taking notes
When we take notes, we organize things into logical grous. We put information of the same kind, or talk about the same
thing, together. We sometimes make lists of related information. Listing and enumerating help us to understand and
remember information better.
Using lists: now listen to the lecture again and complete the list below. Remember to use abbreviations wherever
possible.
3 types of memory:
a.
b.
c.
3 ways of measuring memory:

a.
b.
c.
3 ways of improving memory:

a.
b.
c.

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APPENDIX
EAP 5 WKS 6-10
82
© UWSCollege Pty Ltd
VOCABULARY LIST 6
Word Class Translation Noun Verb Adjective Adverb
accelerate
activate
bias
clone
considerable
construct
convention
devote
endeavour
extent
hypothetical
insomnia
invert
mundane
phenomenon
prospective
retention
scheme
stress
succinct
EAP 5 WKS 6-10
83
VOCABULARY LIST 7

abnormal
appreciate
aspects
complete
complex
conserve
critical
deadline
encounter
evaluate
express
fragment
limit
logically
modify
persuasive
redundant
reject
subject
synthesise
EAP 5 WKS 6-10
84
VOCABULARY LIST 8

appreciation
brief
claim
cohesion
commodity
diminish
dispute
distort
emerging
generalise
global
implement
influence
insight
multiple
privilege
refer
substitute
theory
unity
EAP 5 WKS 6-10
85

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English Language Program

Academic English for Tertiary Studies

EAP 5: Weeks 6-10

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Reading homework in preparation for Critical Literature Review

1. What are the key points/issues raised in the articles?

1. Do you have any criticisms of the author’s ideas?

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Abstract (Document Summary)

Different Cultural Customs

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Beneath the Surface

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Computer Lab Session Week 6

 Which site/link you chose and why

 The purpose of a Literature Review

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Questions 1 to 4 will help in writing the introduction of your literature review.

1. What is the name of this article and what is it about?

5. Summarise the author’s main ideas into one paragraph.

Follow Up: Practice Writing of a Literature Review

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Introduction, Summary, Critique and Conclusion

Establish further focus.

Mention the author’s purpose in terms of timeliness and importance of subject.

State their thesis.

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

1. To try and ensure that students actually do reading assignments

2. To assess the students’ understanding

3. To try and develop habits of analytic reading in their students

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Requirements for Writing Critiques

You have been practising analytic reading.

Language Focus: Unreal Conditionals

Here are two additional examples of unreal conditional statements.

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Notice the structure of these conditionals.

Would/might have + verb-EN + comparison + if + noun phrase + had verb-EN

Your paper would be stronger if you included some additional information.

Complete and exchange these thoughts with a partner.

1. My English test score would have been better if …

2. My meeting with my advisor would have gone better if …

3. My last assignment would have been better if …

Now notice the italicized verb forms in the following:

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

(Koji Suzuki, minor editing)

EAP 5 WKS 6-10 © UWSCollege Pty Ltd

Nouns success failure

In this study, Jones and Wang …

Rate the adjective as follows:

____ unusual ____ limited ____ ambitious ____ modest

____ small ____ restricted ____ important ____ flawed

____ useful ____ significant ____ innovative ____ interesting

unusual limited ambitious modest

small restricted important flawed

useful significant innovative interesting

careful competent impressive elegant

simple traditional complex small scale

exploratory remarkable preliminary unsatisfactory