The Journal of Biblical Counseling - Ccef

THE JOURNAL
OF BIBLICAL
COUNSELING
FEATURED ARTICLES
Godly Intoxication: The Church Can Minister to Addicts
Timothy S. Lane
What’s Right about Sex?
Winston T. Smith
How Does Scripture Change You?
David Powlison
COUNSELOR’S TOOLBOX
Evaluating a Person with Suicidal Desires
Aaron Sironi and Michael R. Emlet
What to Say to a Teenager in Crisis
Paul David Tripp
LIVES IN PROCESS
BOOK REVIEWS
VOLUME 26 | NUMBER 2
The mission of the Journal of Biblical Counseling (JBC) is to develop clear thinking and effective
practice in biblical counseling. We seek to do this through publishing articles that faithfully bring the
God of truth, mercy and power to the issues that face pastoral ministries of counseling and discipleship.
Publisher
The Journal of Biblical Counseling
(ISSN: 1063-2166) is published by:
Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation
1803 East Willow Grove Avenue
Glenside, PA 19038
Website: www.ccef.org
The Journal of Biblical Counseling was published as a print journal

from 1993-2007 (Issues: 11:2–25:3). From 1977-1992, it was
published as The Journal of Pastoral Practice (Issues: 1:1–11:1).
Editorial Staff
Senior Editor: David Powlison
Managing Editor: Kimberly Monroe
Assistant Editor: Lauren Whitman
Design Editor: Chris Carter
Proofreader: Bruce E. Eaton
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Copyright © 2012 Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation

Cover Illustration by Jeff McRobbie
The Journal of Biblical Counseling is a publication of the Christian Counseling and

Educational Foundation (CCEF). All rights reserved. All content is protected by
copyright and may not be reproduced without written permission from CCEF.
THE JOURNAL
OF BIBLICAL
COUNSELING
I N T H I S I S S U E
2 From the Editor’s Desk: In It for Good
David Powlison
FEATURED ARTICLES
4 Godly Intoxication: The Church Can Minister to Addicts
Timothy S. Lane
17 What’s Right about Sex?
Winston T. Smith
26 How Does Scripture Change You?
David Powlison
COUNSELOR’S TOOLBOX
33 Evaluating a Person with Suicidal Desires
Aaron Sironi and Michael R. Emlet
42 What to Say to a Teenager in Crisis
Paul David Tripp
LIVES IN PROCESS
47 My Virtual Refuge
Anonymous
50 Active Love: A New Way of Living
Anonymous
BOOK REVIEWS
56 The Doubting Disease: Help for Scrupulosity and Religious Compulsions
by Joseph W. Ciarrocchi
Michael R. Emlet
61 Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault by Justin and
Lindsey Holcomb
Cecelia Bernhardt
65 Integrating Faith and Psychology: Twelve Psychologists Tell Their Stories edited by
Glendon L. Moriarty
Edward T. Welch
68 Coming to Peace with Psychology: What Christians Can Learn from Psychological
Science by Everett L. Worthington
Edward T. Welch
The Journal of Biblical Counseling Volume 26 | Number 2 1

F ro m th e Ed it o r ’s D esk
In It for Good
by David Powlison
Counseling ministry aims to speak of God’s love, Goodness and steadfast love walked among us,
aims to embody love for God and neighbor, and took on flesh, tempted as we are yet without sin,
aims to catalyze love in others. We all know that touched with the feeling of our infirmities. He
“Love is patient; love is kind.” Those first two deals gently with the ignorant and wayward.
words characterizing love in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (And he reckons with intransigence.)
can be expressed in a single phrase: Love is in it Such love is a communicable attribute
for good. of God—therefore he commands us to learn
Love is in it for good: patient. God is patience. patience and kindness. In taking us on—we
He is committed for as long as it takes, whatever who are too often impatient, too often unkind—
is going on, however arduous the process. and in making us into the image of Jesus Christ,
Patience is not passive. Our Father, Savior and the Holy Spirit will make us patient and kind.
indwelling Spirit work with purposeful patience. He will teach us to become “in it for good” with
He bears with his children intentionally, through other people, amid the ups, the downs, the
all time, in order to accomplish something. In vicissitudes, the exigencies. This is the life-long
his great patience, he will complete what he has goal of Christian ministry: “love that issues from
begun, to his glory and to our joy. a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere
Love is in it for good: kind. God is kindness. faith”(1 Tim 1:5).
He freely gives every good gift, doing and saying The fuller Old Testament equivalent to
what is helpful. Kindness is not sentimental. 1 Corinthians 13:4 had been revealed on Sinai:
Our God works a fiercely realistic kindness. He “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and
is always holy and constructive, always merciful gracious, slow to anger [in the Greek, “patient”],
and firm, always generous and probing. He abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,
knows what we are; he gives more grace. He keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving
gives what we need. In his great kindness, he iniquity and transgression and sin”(Ex 34:6–7). He
will complete what he has begun, to our glory is in it for good with all who take this revelation to
and to his joy. heart as God’s great gift of himself, as our greatest
God is love; therefore he is in it for good. need, as the goal of our moral transformation.
And of course, since every promise of God is (And this God will justly destroy intransigent
“Yes” in the Son of God, this Jesus is in it for good. iniquity, all that spurns such a gift, denies such a
need, refuses such a goal—Exodus 34:7.)
___________________________________________
David Powlison (M.Div., Ph.D.) teaches at CCEF and
It is striking that when revealing his
edits the “Journal of Biblical Counseling.” glory and goodness, the LORD chose to show
2 The Journal of Biblical Counseling Volume 26 | Number 2

forth communicable attributes. He could have is not simply a wild card factor, and Scripture
mentioned his omniscience, omnipotence, is not merely a good, old book. In “How Does
omnipresence, self-existence, eternity— Scripture Change You?” I offer two case studies
things infinitely beyond the creature. But he showing how particular Scriptures rescripted
chose to reveal his mercy, what is within our particular lives. When a man or woman
comprehension, within our experience, within becomes wise, what actually takes place
our grasp—by grace. We, too, learn to become involves something richer than “propositions
merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding plus principles” or “indicatives plus imperatives.”
in steadfast love and faithfulness, forgiving. (And The Counselor’s Toolbox offers practical
we, too, learn to justly hate what is evil.) strategies. In this issue, we tackle two crucial
What we will be has not yet appeared; but issues: how to assess a person’s suicide risk
we know that when he appears we shall be like and how to help parents talk with a teenager.
him, because we shall see him as he is. He is in it Mike Emlet and Aaron Sironi give counselors
for good, and so are we. helpful information and probing questions
As a pastor and friend often says, “That’ll that will help you to evaluate the degree of risk
preach.”And, it’s worth adding,“That’ll counsel.” when a counselee is talking about suicide. Paul
Both would-be helpers and those in need of help Tripp gives parents basic guidance on how to
need this most marvelous goodness, becoming turn angry, mutually suspicious arguments into
in it for good. constructive conversations. Hand this out to
parents who are struggling with their teen.
* * * We also offer two Lives in Process stories.
“My Virtual Refuge” takes on the temptation to
Churches can and should minister to people seek false refuge from life’s pressure and stress.
caught in addictions. Tim Lane’s “Godly The particular form of false refuge is a modern
Intoxication” sets forth a vision. He cogently invention: the internet. But both the struggles
summarizes the dynamics of addiction, the and the lessons learned (and still learning) are
dynamics of change, and the dynamics of the as old as human nature. “Active Love: A New
love of God. These radical core understandings Way of Living” takes on another of the oldest
feed directly into how vibrantly functioning human struggles. What does it mean to love,
communities can offer exactly the sort of help not self-indulge? Alcohol is the indulgence,
an addict most needs. constructive friendship the goal.
What is right about sex? The question is The Journal of Biblical Counseling takes an
obviously important—but the answers are not approach to book reviews that gives you more
obvious. Our culture has difficulty imagining than a thumbs-up or thumbs-down. We aim
what could be wrong with sex (as long as it is to offer a biblically informed discussion of the
mutually consenting), and our churches often issues raised by the book under review, as well
don’t make clear what is right about sex (given as a careful, critical assessment of the book.
all that goes so wrong). Winston Smith probes In this issue, we review books dealing with
the question in “What’s Right about Sex?” obsessive religious scrupulosity, with victims of
Understanding what is right and good shines sexual assault, and with Christian psychologists
a particularly bright light on what goes wrong, telling their personal stories.
and holds forth a goal worthy of our aspirations. I hope that you will find what you read
Biblical counseling is premised on encouraging, challenging and wise. And I trust
confidence that the living God works in people that you will find many places where you say,
through what he has spoken. The Holy Spirit “That’ll preach. That’ll counsel.”

Godly Intoxication:
The Church Can Minister
to Addicts
by Timothy S. Lane
“The most important contribution which the this mold are not welcome. As a pastor, I had
Church can make to a new social order is to be itself many friends who struggled with addictions.
a new social order.“1— Lesslie Newbigin Did they find help from the church? Not
necessarily. Their stories are similar to John
John was a good friend. He and his wife, Suzanne, and Suzanne’s: they found help in other places.
attended the church I pastored before my tenure They found it in secular support groups where
at CCEF. John and Suzanne had been alcoholics. they could be completely honest and safe, and
They met at an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) where friendships and accountability abounded.
meeting. John and Suzanne would tell you that Often these groups would even meet in church
their lives were saved by AA. They also said that buildings, but they were not led by people from
this would never have happened in church. In the church itself. In fact, it was as if the church
fact, it was AA that led them back to church. modeled a “hands off” posture toward them.
Their experience should give us pause. The Thankfully, this is not true of all churches, and
church can learn lessons from it. Is the church a my hope is to interest more churches to change
place that can minister to people like John and the way they think about people and their
Suzanne? Can we offer acceptance and support struggles.
to people who struggle with life-dominating If Scripture is where we take our cues for life
addictions? Do the Scriptures and the grace of together as brothers and sisters in Christ, addicts
the gospel even speak to addictions? Do we should feel right at home amongst God’s people.
have something better to offer than the host of The church is not filled with people who have
secular recovery groups out there? The answer it all together. Rather, as we know too well, “all
to each of these questions is YES—but we have have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”
much to learn. (Rom 3:23). This passage teaches us that we
For addicts the church is usually the last are all sinners. There are things we do, and do
place they look for help. The perception is that repeatedly, that are wrong. And yet… we keep
church is for people who have attained an doing them. Scripture tells us that we are—by
acceptable level of morality. It is for those who nature, nurture, choice and habit—intoxicated
“have it all together,” and those who do not fit by sin and addicted to ungodliness. And thus,
every sinner saved by grace is on a journey of
___________________________________________ change and transformation. Every person, in
Timothy Lane (M.Div., D.Min.) serves as president of
every church, is in a form of rehab—spiritual
CCEF and on the faculty. Among his publications is “How
People Change,” co-authored with Paul David Tripp. rehab.

All of us have more in common with biological matter. Many factors come together
addicts than we might have thought. We are that may influence people toward addiction,
not fundamentally different from each other. including genetic predisposition, family
Any differences are a matter of degree, not of dynamics, pressures from suffering, poverty and
kind. The decisive difference between people is victimization.
not whether one is an addict or a non-addict. Truly, addicts have a complex and
It is whether a person is once-born (in sin, and sometimes terrible story to tell. But something
suppressing the knowledge of God), or twice- more fundamental operates at the root of life-
born (in Christ, but still battling remnant sin). dominating struggles. Scripture tells us that
When people struggling with addiction are also the inner person (the heart) and what it craves,
new creatures, then they have a new Lord, a new treasures, wants, fears and lives for is the
nature, a new identity, a new power at work— ultimate driver of addictive behavior. Someone
and a new community. The battles may be long may find that a chemical can be a means of
and hard, the setbacks many, and the successes getting what one longs for (comfort, confidence,
A church community that understands that we are all

fellow strugglers on the same path should be a very
welcoming place for addicts.
erratic. Although a person may struggle with the pleasure, success) or a means of numbing
same old things, something essential is different, pain (disappointment, loss, rejection, failure).
and that makes all the difference in the long run. Ultimately, addictions are rooted in things much
This truth should shape the very way we “do deeper than physiology and social surroundings.
church.” A church community that understands While we want to avoid a simplistic
that we are all fellow strugglers on the same path understanding of how the inner and outer person
should be a very welcoming place for addicts. (heart/soul and body) interface, ultimately
The language of recovery, of re-ordering what addictions are rooted in the heart—in the inner
we live for and even what we “worship,” should person. In Luke 6, Jesus gives us a picture of this
be familiar to all followers of Christ. Every church by using the metaphor of a fruit tree.
should be striving for all members to turn away For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again
from whatever intoxicates them and instead be does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree
filled with the Spirit—intoxicated with God. is known by its own fruit. For figs are not
To do this, we must understand more fully gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes
how Scripture sees addictions. This will, by picked from a bramble bush. The good
necessity, reshape the way we think about the person out of the good treasure of his heart
role of the church and addictions. produces good, and the evil person out of
his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the
How to Think about Addictions Biblically2 abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
The word addiction is not in the Bible, but the (Luke 6:43–45)3
concept is everywhere. The human tendency Jesus is saying that whatever we live for, whatever
to be completely committed to the pursuit of we store up in our heart, will determine our
destructive, self-defeating behaviors is a strong behavior—our fruit. Our heart expresses itself
theme in Scripture. It springs from the fall of in how we live. If we are committed to living
mankind and our descent into depravity. In our for comfort, then our behavior—our fruit—
time, however, addiction has come to mean will reveal that. If we are committed to living
something more narrow. It is the standard way for personal glory, then our behavior—our
of talking about life-dominating struggles, fruit—will reveal that too. This does not rule
especially with things that are connected out the significant influence of the body or life
with bodily appetites, such as alcohol, drugs, circumstances on addiction, but it does place such
food and sex. But, of course, it is not simply a influences in the context of something deeper.

In the same way, James 1:13–15 echoes transforms us at the core of who we are. There
Jesus’ view of the heart as he writes to his church is a God who intervenes. He comes in grace. He
members, who are undergoing significant loves us when we are still sinners and committed
persecution and suffering. James first comforts to rebellion. Christ comes to rescue us and bring
them in the midst of their hardships. He then comfort in the midst of our suffering, even when
calls them to personal responsibility in the face it is self-inflicted. He comes to live, suffer, die, be
of their suffering. He reminds them that if they raised, ascend, and send his Spirit. He presently
sin, even in this difficult time, it is not due to intercedes and has promised to come again and
God playing tricks on them, or because of their completely conform us into his image. Because
circumstances. They sin because their hearts of Christ, we will be free from the guilt, folly,
have been captured by something other than power and presence of sin forever.
God. There is no other message that can compare
We intensely pursue what we love. It to this! No other “treatment plan” can offer
intoxicates us (whether a chemical is involved this kind of good news. The gospel far exceeds
... since the entire church is a community of “recovering

addicts,” and because we have a compelling message for
addicts, it should follow that the church should be the
best place for addicts to find hope and practical help.
or not). And when it fades, we pursue it again. anything that you will hear in the culture. We
With this understanding, it is possible to view must constantly be brought back to the utterly
any life-dominating struggle as an “addiction.” unique message only found in the Scriptures.
In fact, our culture has already done so. People This description of God is much more precise and
addicted to their jobs are called work-aholics; compelling than simply talking about a “higher
people addicted to shopping are shop-aholics. power”—the standard way God is referred to in
programs like Alcoholics Anonymous.
A Level Playing Field: We Are More Alike This is not to say that the gospel is a quick fix
than Different for life’s problems. While there are times when
Since we pursue what we love, and we tend God immediately rescues individuals from these
to love something in creation more than God, life-dominating problems, usually his work in us
we are all, in a sense, addicts. Paul describes is slow and takes time. Believing in Jesus will not
this dynamic in Romans 1:25. We substitute immediately rid you of struggle with sin. Instead,
something in creation for the Creator. Even for the message to addicts (and to every struggler)
the believer this dynamic is still in play, though is that we have a Redeemer who walks with us
because of the work of the Spirit, not to the daily. He often uses our relapses and struggles to
same degree. A new life has begun. Still, we are remind us of our ongoing need of him. Believers
regularly tempted to take something in creation are as dependent upon the grace of Christ today
(often good things like relationships, work, as we were the first moment we placed our
food, drink, marriage, etc.) and make it what faith and trust and hope in him. You never wean
we live for. An addiction is, fundamentally, a yourself off the grace of Christ. You are forever
worship disorder. It is an act of the heart. Bodily in need of his power, his love, and his presence.
components only make an addiction more And so is every other addict.
complex. Therefore, since the entire church is a
Understanding life-dominating struggles community of “recovering addicts,” and because
with sin as a worship disorder opens the door we have a compelling message for addicts, it
for the incredible good news of the gospel. The should follow that the church should be the
redemptive solution to our disoriented worship best place for addicts to find hope and practical
is God’s redeeming grace; it recaptures and help. The church has such a wonderful message

of hope for change. This presents an excellent of people.
opportunity for it to become a community Second, in each example a negative
where addicts know they can find acceptance prohibition is balanced by a corresponding
and support. Many churches already understand positive command. It is not enough to put
this, and many more still need to know why and off the old rags; we have to put on the new
how to do this. That is what we turn to next. garments.
Third, in each case a reason for the
Ephesians Offers Help: A New Social command is either given or implied, indeed
Order Called the Church a theological reason. For in the teaching of
Scripture offers us guidance as to how the church Jesus and his apostles, doctrine and ethics,
can be a place for people to find help. One place belief and behavior are always dovetailed
to begin is the book of Ephesians. The primacy into one another.4
of Christian community for growth in grace is All of Christian growth in grace is a
described well here. In the first three chapters, community project, leading to concrete change
Paul makes us aware of the wonderful grace that that is fueled by an utter dependence upon the
has come to us through the work of the Father, grace of Christ at work in our hearts by the Holy
Son, and the Spirit on our behalf. Paul first Spirit.
describes our union with Christ (1:1–2:10). Then The rest of this article will focus on the
he paints a picture of life in the body of Christ last descriptor: Spirit-filled sobriety replaces
(2:11–3:13). He prays that these two realities drunkenness; the Spirit both intoxicates us and
would become the very experience of the church sobers us (5:18–21). Paul begins Ephesians 5:18
(3:14–21). Paul turns a corner in Chapter 4 and with two commands. One is negative: “Do not
begins to talk about where the newfound faith, get drunk on wine which leads to debauchery.”
power, freedom, and liberty in the gospel are The other is positive: “Instead be filled with the
worked out. He places our growth in grace in the Spirit.”
context of our relationships in the local church. As I mentioned earlier, our hearts can be
Paul describes how we work out the enticed by anything in creation. Ephesians
implications of the Christian life within the 5:18 introduces a similar dynamic. We find
church. As individuals who have been redeemed something in creation that gradually replaces
for the purpose of glorifying God in our physical the Creator in our lives. We become “drunk.”
bodies, we are to find spiritual nurture within The verse identifies wine as the culprit, but any
the church and through our relationships with strong desire can be inserted here. As we come
one another. Paul highlights how a Christian under the influence, it intoxicates us. Whatever
grows in community (4:1–16). He uses a intoxicates us besides the Spirit will lead to a life
series of metaphors to help his readers further of debauchery. The word debauchery in modern
understand the nature of the Christian life: usage implies sensual indulgence, but here it has
• New things replace old things (4:17–24). a more general meaning of recklessness, a life of
• Truth and love replace falsehood and folly, a life of stupidity, a life of darkness.
bitterness (4:25–32). What is the cure? What are we to do? The
• Obedience replaces disobedience (5:1–7). second half of the verse tells us the alternative:
• Light replaces darkness (5:8–14). be filled with the Spirit. Paul uses a passive verb.
• Wisdom replaces folly (5:15–17), and Literally, it reads, Let the Spirit fill you. He does
• Spirit-intoxication replaces drunkenness not suggest a technique or gimmick. Instead,
(5:18–21). the Spirit fills us as we humble ourselves and
John Stott sums up these descriptions by cry out for mercy and help. This is not a once-
highlighting three things that these have in for-all experience, but an ongoing one. It is a
common: past experience that continues into the present
First, they all concern our relationships. and future. If we continually live under the
Holiness is not a mystical condition influence of the Spirit we will begin to wake up
experienced in relation to God but in and become alert to the Spirit’s work. When we
isolation from human beings.You cannot be are awake to the Spirit, we no longer live like
good in a vacuum—only in the real world we are in a drunken stupor. Nothing in creation

lays claim to our worship. We are living with eyes very life of God as he draws near to redeem and
wide open, ready to be part of the community. change us.
This is the dynamic of change. But where does First, the Spirit-filled church speaks to
it happen? one another.
A fundamental characteristic of a typical
A Community that Transforms People addictions group meeting is the honesty of
(Ephesians 5:19-21) speech that occurs. This openness and honesty
For Paul, our relationships in the church are to talk about struggles with alcohol or other
the normal context for change. A church of substances, along with the utter safety in which
Christians who cry out for mercy, repent from to do this, is the first critical step to sobriety. For
addictions of any sort, and are being filled with the first time, strugglers feel that they are in a
the Spirit, will be a welcoming place for addicts. group that understands and accepts them. They
This kind of church recognizes that God does finally find a place to name their struggles and
not show favoritism to those who seem to be not feel ashamed—and they find hope.
ahead of the others. People I have talked to According to Paul, the church should be
who found help in support groups outside the better at this than any other meeting of addicts!
church said the fundamental characteristic that If you are looking for a book and a community
appealed to them was humility. As we follow a of honesty and safety, then you should not
God who shows no favoritism, how much more need to look any further than the Scriptures
should the local church be a place of humility, and the local church. The first phrase tells us
safety and appropriate honesty? to “speak to one another in psalms and hymns
What are the specific ingredients to creating and spiritual songs. ”The church has a speaking
a culture of grace and growth? Paul gives specific ministry. Upon first reading these verses, they
instruction. These ingredients move us to a might seem to make life in the body of Christ
practical understanding of how the church can and our speaking to one another sound anemic.
more effectively minister to sinners and sufferers Who speaks to one another in psalms, hymns
of all kinds, including those who struggle with and spiritual songs? But stop for a minute
various addictions. and consider the book of Psalms. Ponder the
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, classic hymns and spiritual songs of the church
and spiritual songs, sing and make music to throughout the ages. Consider Psalm 51 and
the Lord, always giving thanks to God the the way that David honestly faces and confesses
Father for everything in the name of the his sin. Ponder the words of the great hymn, “It
Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another Is Well with My Soul,” and learn how a father
out of reverence to Christ. (Eph 5:19–21) grieved the loss of his daughters in a shipwreck.
A church that effectively ministers to all kinds of Take to heart both the psalm and the hymn for
people is a church that: how richly they describe the mercies of God.You
• speaks to one another, do not have to travel far to find that this honesty
• sings and makes music to the Lord, and hope is precisely what the Scriptures and
• gives thanks to God, and God’s people have specialized in over the ages:
• submits to one another. speaking to one another honestly about our
This is a “support group” like nothing the world sufferings and hope.
has to offer! This verse reveals the horizontal, corporate
Let’s look at each of these in more detail. connection to living the Christian life in
As we do, a picture emerges of what the church community.The Bible consistently pushes against
looks like as it ministers to addicts of all kinds. our tendency to think about living the Christian
We see, in these characteristics, the tone that life in private. True spirituality is a life lived out
should mark the body of Christ. Creating this in a physical body, within the context of one’s
tone is not so much an emphasis on programs, relationships with other people. The local church
although there is a place for structure and must be in the habit of speaking to one another
organization to facilitate ministry to people. if we are to be continually under the influence of
Without these characteristics, programs will be the Holy Spirit. Community life looks like God’s
hollow and unfruitful because they will lack the people regularly having conversations about joys

and heartaches, about need and thankfulness, beyond the superficial, both when things are
about our God and Savior—all the things that going well and when they are not.
the psalms and the rest of Scripture are about. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote his book Life
We offer one another encouragement to grow Together while living in community with other
in grace by naming our sins and sufferings, by pastors. As he experienced both the blessings
speaking of them appropriately, honestly, within and the difficulties of living in relationship, he
a context of safety, without shame, and with says that the times of disappointment with our
every reason for hope. fellow believers are salutary moments. It is at
Paul echoes this same sentiment in the point of discouragement that the gospel
Colossians 3:16 where he says, “Let the word especially expresses itself in ways that far exceed
of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and how it expresses itself when things are going
admonish one another with all wisdom.” The well. Bonhoeffer leads us to consider how we
writer of Hebrews says we are to“encourage one are doing in our relationships when we are upset
another daily,”and “spur one another on toward with one another. Do we see these as redemptive
Community life looks like God’s people regularly having

conversations about joys and heartaches, about need and
thankfulness, about our God and Savior—all the things
that the psalms and the rest of Scripture are about.
love and good deeds” (Heb 3:13; 10:25). These opportunities? Do we see troubles as salutary
verses do not suggest a mechanical approach moments when the gospel can shine by the way
to our conversations. Rather, they call for the that we treat one another? Bonhoeffer begins
kind of conversations that lead us to engage in with these sobering and stern words,
spiritual evaluation of ourselves and of others, Only that fellowship which faces…
bringing the hope and help of Christ to bear. disillusionment, with all its unhappy and
Do these types of conversations happen ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be
in your church? Is your church a safe place for in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the
people to honestly talk about their struggles? promise that is given to it.... A community
Are there appropriate contexts where such which cannot bear and cannot survive
conversations can flourish? Do the leaders such a crisis, which insists upon keeping
humbly confess their sins, their struggles, and its illusion when it should be shattered,
their faith? Do you hear articulate, well thought permanently loses in that moment the
out testimonies of God’s grace at work in the promise of Christian community.5
lives of his people? What characterizes the He continues with these words of
conversations occurring in the small groups and encouragement,
friendships in your church? Are certain sins off- Thus the very hour of disillusionment with
limits? Are people encouraging one another to my brother becomes incomparably salutary,
grow in grace? Are they spurring others to live because it so thoroughly teaches me that
for God and neighbor? neither of us can ever live by our own words
We must be willing to do all of these even and deeds, but only by that one Word and
in the midst of disappointment and relapse. We Deed which really binds us together—the
can be adept at speaking wonderful words of forgiveness of sins in Jesus Christ. When the
encouragement into one another’s lives—until morning mist of dreams vanish, then dawns
the other person sins and, particularly, until the the bright day of Christian fellowship.6
other person sins against me. When there is sin, God is with us and present with us when we
the fruitful speaking suddenly stops and it turns relapse and fail. In fact, this is when the grace
to accusation, gossip, slander and judgment. of Christ can be prominently displayed. It is an
The Scriptures argue for conversations that go opportunity!

Our challenge then is clear: how can we, God who is both transcendent and immanent.
as the body of Christ, be with one another in The Christian God is the true and only living
the relapse? How can we become more adept God, not an invented power. He comes close,
at cultivating a culture of honest speaking and redeems, and loves us in the person of his son,
safe listening? If you have friends who are in Jesus. If there was ever an organization that has
addictions recovery groups, then you know that a raison d’être, it is the body of Christ! You will
whenever they travel they call their sponsor and not find a God like this in any other organization
find out the location of the local chapter. They do on earth! The ministry of worship, singing
this because it is a life or death issue for addicts and making music in your heart to the Lord,
to stay in community. How much more do God’s expresses the true vertical orientation.7 Listen to
people need to see the life and death nature of Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:14–19:
speaking into one another’s lives? God grant us …I kneel before the Father, from whom
grace that we might flourish as a community every family in heaven and on earth derives
that speaks with greater candor, compassion, its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches
We worship our way into sin and we must

worship our way out of sin.
and hope than any addictions group meeting. he may strengthen you with power through
God, let us speak more like our brothers and his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ
sisters in the Scriptures and in the classic hymns may dwell in your hearts through faith. And
of the church. I pray that you, being rooted and established
Second, the Spirit-filled church sings and in love, may have power, together with all
makes music to the Lord. the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide
Every recovery program and organization and long and high and deep is the love of
has a liturgy, an order of service or “worship” Christ, and to know this love that surpasses
when gathering corporately. This liturgy knowledge—that you may be filled to the
also provides a foundation for the individual measure of all the fullness of God.
participant’s identity, something greater than the This amazing expression of worship also changes
individual to rally around. Every organization your affirmation of identity and need for help.
needs a raison d’être, a reason for being. If the Fundamentally, your identity is not
organization only exists for its own members, it determined by a particular addiction, experience
will slowly die. It needs something transcendent, of suffering, family history, biological pre-
a bigger purpose, a vertical orientation. For most disposition or any other life circumstance.
groups helping addicts, the liturgy is driven by According to this passage and all of Scripture, if
referring to a “higher power” that can help in I am in a relationship with God by grace alone,
the struggle. The individual can choose who then I am his child, holy and dearly loved. When
the term higher power refers to. I had a friend I stand up and confess my faith, I say,“Hello, my
who made his deceased (and very moral) name is Tim and I am a child of the living God.
grandmother his higher power. By God’s grace, I now fight and struggle against
In addition to some attempt at a vertical particular temptations.” This is not a semantic
dimension, the liturgy also forms one’s mind game. It is the truth about you and to
identity. In most recovery groups, you self- whom you belong. Listen to another of Paul’s
identify as an addict: “Hello, my name is Tim prayers. Here he prays passionately that the
and I’m an alcoholic.” Such a confession of Ephesians might live out of their new identity in
faith communicates who I fundamentally am, Christ:
reaffirming the need for help. I keep asking that the God of our Lord
The church’s liturgy is fundamentally and Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give
radically different from most recovery groups. A you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so
Christian liturgy connects people to a personal that you may know him better. I pray that

the eyes of your heart may be enlightened captivated by false objects of worship and easily
in order that you may know the hope to deceived.
which he has called you, the riches of his All creation-worship replaces the Creator
glorious inheritance in his holy people, and and moves in the direction of “drunkenness”
his incomparably great power for us who and “debauchery.” All false worship ultimately
believe. (Eph 1:17–19) leads to despondency and hopelessness, though
The new identity is in Christ. People once it may feel life-giving at the moment. That is the
defined by the sins of addiction (Eph 2:1–3) are subtle nature of false worship. It does not seem
redefined. false, and that is why we are so prone to do it.
Worship reorients us to God and provides The Old Testament reveals a people constantly
us with a new and true identity. It is a vital tempted to worship false gods and local deities
component of growing in grace. The corporate because of the subtle promise of blessing.
worship on Sunday encourages worship as Songwriter Neil Young writes: “The same thing
a lifestyle. As I worship God, I am forever that makes you live can kill you in the end.” 8
reminded that I am his child. Do the recovery This is a powerful and succinct description of
groups do a better job with their limited liturgy any addiction.
proclaiming an imaginary god and a sin-defined Ephesians calls us to become a part of a
struggler? How can we grow in this vital area? community that worships, sings, and makes
We are fortunate to have an utterly unique God music in our hearts to the Lord. This vertical
to worship and a fundamentally solid identity Godward reorientation is a lifestyle that comes
in Christ. Is the local church helping people only as the gospel of grace begins to transform
understand worship as a lifestyle that shapes us. While many recovery groups point people
one’s identity? As we go about our daily lives are to a higher power, you do not find a personal
we aware of the temptation to make something Redeemer who is so mighty, gracious, patient
other than God more functionally important to and personal as you do in Scripture. A church
us? The answers to these questions have serious that is reaching addicts will celebrate him even
implications for fighting sin and growing in more than they will celebrate recovery itself! In
grace. fact, the recovery is the result of deeply rooted
Think about this: we do not behave ourselves worship of the true and living God. It is a by-
into sin; we worship ourselves into sin. If I am product and a blessing of worshiping the One
angry, then I have already been worshiping who gives these blessings. God, grant us grace
something that is not God for many moments, that we might flourish as a community that
minutes, hours, days, or weeks. Perhaps I’ve been worships you every day of the week and above
worshiping my comfort and my “right” to feel everything else.
good. When you get in the way of my comfort, Third, the Spirit-filled church gives
you are not witnessing an impulsive response of thanks to God.
anger. Instead, you are impeding a heart that has, At some level, all recovery programs seek
over time, given itself over to something other to cultivate an attitude of thanksgiving. Often,
than God. This is the very nature and dynamic of this may be gratitude to a person’s “higher
remaining sin in every believer. power,” sponsor, group, or even to sobriety
This is the same process by which someone itself. No one can make progress without the
becomes addicted to drugs, gambling, or fundamental element of gratitude, which is an
pornography. It is not merely our behavior evidence of humility. Humility says, “I can’t do
that has to be corrected, but a heart that needs this on my own. I need help and I am grateful
deliverance from its sinfulness. We worship for the help I have received.” Pride kills humility
our way into sin and we must worship our way and obliterates the acknowledgement of deep
out of sin. To do that, we have to be a part of a dependence and neediness.
worshiping community that gathers weekly and According to Paul, thankfulness is an
models what it looks like to repent and believe essential ingredient to the change process. He
on a daily, moment-by-moment basis. The local also contends that if anyone has reasons to be
church must demonstrate worship as a lifestyle grateful it is a child of the living God! We, of all
on a day-to-day basis, because we are easily people, are to be filled with gratitude, always

giving thanks to God the Father for everything defines life. Instead, we give thanks. We give
in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ (5:20). thanks to God that he is conforming us into the
Consider these truths: image of Jesus and will complete the good work
When we were still powerless, Christ died he started (Phil 1:6).
for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die Often times, it can be easy to settle for less
for a righteous man, though for a good man than what God is accomplishing in our lives.
someone might possibly dare to die. But When times are tough, we often just want the
God demonstrates his own love for us in difficulty to go away. We can be easily tempted
this: While we were still sinners, Christ died to think that God is not present, does not love
for us. (Rom 5:6–8) us, or that he has turned away from us. When
Take this to heart, and you will fall to your knees times are good, we can easily go on spiritual
in utter gratitude. auto-pilot and not ask how God wants to use a
Why are gratitude and thanksgiving so season of blessing to make us more like Christ.
important in the battle against sin and addictive, We settle for things that are fleeting. All the
life-destroying behavior? Paul says always give while, God is saying, “I want to conform you
thanks for everything. We are to give thanks to into the image of my Son.” No matter what the
the Lord in any and every circumstance, whether circumstances, we want to grow in our ability
good or bad. Both good and bad circumstances to give thanks for everything, so that we aren’t
can make it difficult to obey and easy to sin. deceived and succumb to the temptation to
When times are hard, it may be difficult to obey. find escape or comfort in something in creation.
When times are good, it may make it easier to Only God’s grace can produce this kind of
sin because our guard is down. James captures contentment. The grace of God reminds us that
this well: the seasons of blessing are nothing compared to
Believers in humble circumstances ought the Blesser. The grace of God reminds us that the
to take pride in their high position. But the seasons of difficulty will in no way compare to
rich should take pride in their humiliation— the glory that awaits us and is presently at work
since they will pass away like a wild flower. in us.
For the sun rises with scorching heat and A church that gives thanks in everything
withers the plant; its blossom falls and its will be a safe home for everyone who struggles.
beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the Successes will be celebrated, but they won’t
rich will fade away even while they go about be worshiped. Christ will remain at the center.
their business. (James 1:9–11) Failures will be handled by the wonderful
Riches and poverty are both trials. It is hard to reassurance that the grace of Christ is for sinners.
obey when things are going badly. These are That same grace will produce in strugglers both
times you may get angry at God for what you are an ongoing eagerness to do good and certainty
experiencing. But it may also be easy to give into that fighting against sin is not in vain.
sin when things are going well. The temptation Ephesians gives the believing community
then is to think that you do not need God or something—or better, Someone—to be thankful
even need to think about God. Yet God calls us for. We are grateful. The basis of our gratitude
to grow in grace in all circumstances. He calls us includes, but also goes beyond, the community,
to give thanks in everything. an accountability partner, or sobriety itself. It
Giving thanks enables us to grow in takes us to the fount of all blessing, the Triune
contentment (Phil 4:11–13). The life of the God who saves sinners and redeems us in the
believer is marked by joy and sorrows, successes midst of our suffering. God, grant us grace that
and failures, growth and set-backs. These we might flourish as a community filled with
experiences are challenging for anyone. The gratitude because of your mercy. Enable us to
struggle to stay centered can be heightened extend that grace to addicts of all kinds.
for those coming out of a lifestyle of addiction. Fourth, the Spirit-filled church submits to
Godly contentment allows us to calibrate the one another.
highs and lows and not be deceived in either A fourth element vitally important in any
situation. It prevents us from thinking that the recovery group is the humility of submitting
hardship is the end of life or that the blessing to others. One of the supporting columns of

addiction is self-deception and a lifestyle of See to it, brothers and sisters, that none
deceiving others. No active addicts want to listen of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart
to anyone who has the courage to call them out on that turns away from the living God. But
their addictive, self-destructive and relationally- encourage one another daily, as long as it
destructive behavior. But this is precisely what an is called “Today,” so that none of you may
addict needs! Without submission to others who be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have
are further along in their “recovery,” an addict’s come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold
chances of maintaining any degree of sobriety our original conviction firmly to the very
are impossible. end.”(Heb 3:12–14)
Here, too, the church can offer something A lifestyle of submitting to one another as well
better. Paul’s final instruction is to submit to as submitting to those whom God has placed
one another out of reverence to Christ. Here, Paul over us (Heb 13:17) is vital to the Christian’s
brings us back to Ephesians 4:2 and shows us one growth in faith and obedience. The church
of the greatest marks of vibrant fellowship: the has a foundation for submission that no other
people of a local church submit to one another in organization has. It is rooted in hearing God’s
humility. This submission is one of the essential voice. We have One who submitted to the Father
evidences and stimulants to the Spirit’s work in on our behalf. The faithful Son gave his life for
our lives. The word submit was used in a military self-deceived and deceitful people like you and
context. A soldier would relinquish his personal me. We not only find a superior example in
rights and become a part of a greater team. Jesus, but also a superior Savior. Jesus submitted
Rather than a sign of weakness, it was a mark to the Father for his people, in order to make
of strength and it promoted the common good atonement for our sins and liberate us from a
rather than just one individual. No church can life of deception. He did this so that we might
thrive without this fundamental virtue. Without have confidence to come out of hiding and live
this crucial character quality, we will spin off into as members of the body of Christ who submit to
our own personal groups and simply fight with one another out of reverence to Christ.
others and compare ourselves with others. We For the previous three directives to grow
will elevate ourselves above others. An insipid in the life of a community, there must be this
self-righteousness will abound and destroy essential posture of humility before God and
Christian community. We do this naturally and one another. Without humility, there is no ability
quite well! to even stay in the same room with one another,
John Calvin was attuned to this motivation much less the same church. If we cannot remain
that resides in every human heart: in close fellowship with one another, then
We are all so blinded and upset by self-love there will be no speaking, worshiping or giving
that everyone imagines he has a just right to thanks. We have to persevere with one another,
exalt himself, and to undervalue all others in in lasting friendships, marriages and small
comparison to self. If God has bestowed on groups, in good times and bad times, or none of
us any excellent gift, we imagine it to be our the previous things can flourish.
own achievement; and we swell and even Are we teachable people who are willing to
burst with pride. If the same talents which both speak and listen to one another? Are we
we admire in ourselves appear in others, or willing to heed other people’s counsel? Are we
even our betters, we depreciate and diminish willing to let people challenge us, encourage us,
them with the utmost malignity, in order and even correct us? This humility and this act of
that we may not have to acknowledge the submitting to one another is the vision that God
superiority of others. Everyone flatters has given for what our churches can look like.
himself and carries a kingdom in his breast. 9 As we commit to bringing about this vision, we
The writer of Hebrews was keenly aware of our will begin to live out these qualities of speaking,
need to submit to one another due to the straying singing, giving thanks, and submitting.
nature of our hearts. We are easily self-deceived How is this lifestyle of humble submission
and then live deceitful lives. It comes with the to be lived out in the body of Christ? Sinners do
territory of remaining sin and an attitude of not do this naturally. In fact, we are quite good at
unbelief. That is why he says, just the opposite. In our pride, we prefer to ignore

people’s advice, worship anything besides the literally means “recklessness” or “reckless living.”
true God and complain rather than give thanks. This simple word also appears in the parable
Humility does not come easily. Can you imagine of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11–32). Here the
an addict’s accountability to another person word is used to describe the son’s lifestyle. The
anchored in accountability to Christ? Can you prodigal son took his share of the inheritance,
imagine an elder willing to receive advice from left his father and engaged in reckless living.
a former addict because both live in submission? But what was it that convinced the prodigal
What pictures of humility! What a testimony to son to repent, leave his reckless lifestyle, and
the power of the Spirit. return home? It was something equally reckless,
Are you beginning to see the rich wisdom but good: his father’s passionate, overflowing
of Scripture that guides us to think about how and unwavering love for him. Remember what
the church can minister to addicts of all kinds? happened? The straying son came to his senses
We have much to offer. The Scriptures are clear and remembered what his father was like. When
and convincing. The wisdom of Scripture far the father saw his son returning, he ran out to
Can you imagine an addict’s accountability to

another person anchored in accountability to Christ?
Can you imagine an elder able to receive advice from
a former addict because both live in submission?
What pictures of humility!
pre-dates the recovery movement of the last meet him, kissed him, embraced him, called for
100 years. In fact, fragmentary remnants of his best robe, and ordered that the fattened calf
Scripture give all these groups the strengths be slaughtered for a celebration. This reckless
they have. The church has been far too passive love outdid the reckless debauchery. The reckless
and allowed well-meaning groups to outdo love of the Father that is demonstrated for us
what the church should and could be doing. The in the gospel is what constantly calls us back
church has all the ingredients to play a primary to him. Tim Keller speaks of the prodigal son’s
role. With these four marks—speaking to one father and his love this way:
another, worshiping the Lord, giving thanks The word prodigal does not mean“wayward”
to God, and submitting to one another— the but “recklessly spendthrift.” It means to
Spirit-filled church has all that it needs to create spend until you have nothing left. This term
a welcoming place for addicts and everyone else. is therefore as appropriate for describing
True worshipers are a body of redeemed sinners. the father in the story as his younger son.
There are no longer any differences that mean The father’s welcome to the repentant son
anything to God, for all are one in Christ Jesus was literally reckless, because he refused
(Gal 3:28). This is a new social order. to “reckon” or count his sin against him or
There is only one way that these virtues will demand repayment. This response offended
be formed in our lives and relationships, but it the elder son and, most likely, the local
requires a second and closer look at Ephesians community. In this story the father represents
5:18–21. Let us look once more at this text and the heavenly Father Jesus knew so well. St.
other teachings in Scripture as we seek to locate Paul writes: “God was in Christ reconciling
the dynamic for change of both personal growth the world to himself, not reckoning to them
and corporate growth. their trespasses” (2 Cor 5:19 ASV). Jesus is
showing us the God of Great Expenditure,
A Different Kind of Reckless who is nothing if not prodigal toward us, his
As we saw, Scripture tells us that drunkenness children. God’s reckless grace is our greatest
leads to debauchery. The word Paul uses in hope, a life changing experience...10
Ephesians 5:18 is the Greek word asotia, which Jesus’ intention is clear. He uses the parable to

talk about his own Father’s love. His reckless idolatries come to be the abhorrence of him
love cost him dearly. The price to win back round whom the holy arms of renewed
reckless addicts like you and me would involve fatherhood have been so lovingly thrown.
a holy reckless love that far outspends even the Sensuality, luxury, and the gaieties of the flesh
most reckless sinner. have lost their relish to one who has tasted the
This is the same love that calls us back into fruit of the tree of life.11
communion with the Father, Son, and Spirit. It is Make it so for all your beloved children.
the love that then sends us into community with The Father’s love has the power to change lives.
our brothers and sisters in the body of Christ This is the good news. The kingdom of God has
with humility and submission to one another. It broken into our world in the coming of Jesus. It
does this over and over and over again. Day after is this message that can form churches where
day. Year after year. people are filled with the Spirit—intoxicated
We want our churches to live filled with the with God. In these thriving communities, sinners
Spirit, becoming communities of believers that of all kinds and degrees will find welcome,
are a persuasive presence in the world. Listen embrace, comfort, encouragement, grace, power
to the words of the famous seventeenth century and a call to grow in love of God and neighbor.
hymn writer, Horatio Bonar, that remind us of
the primacy of God’s grace. They are based upon What Does This Look Like Practically?
the same parable of the lost son. (His words Without the ingredients that we have been
are in italics, punctuated with my prayers of discussing and without a tone and culture of
application.) grace and growth, no program or structure, no
No gloomy uncertainty as to God’s favor can small group or support group will bring about
subdue one lust, or correct our crookedness of this kind of helping community. Without the
will. transforming work of the grace of God in us, we
Lord, correct my crooked will because will not be good at reaching out to “prodigals,”
you love me. for we will fail to see that we ourselves are
But the free pardon of the cross uproots sin, and prodigals in need of that same grace.
withers all its branches. Only the certainty of When such a culture begins to form, then
love, forgiving love, can do this. the structures, groups, systems, and programs will
Please uproot and wither all that is not be impersonal, lifeless machinery. Structures
wrong in me. become scaffolding upon which vibrant ministry
Free and warm reception into the divine favor to addicts will thrive. Many churches find that
is the strongest of all motives in leading a man initial support groups are a good place to begin.
to seek conformity to Him who has thus freely These are specific to a particular struggle: e.g.,
forgiven him all trespasses. groups for people struggling with pornography,
Thank you, Lord, for forgiving all of my eating disorders, alcohol, chemical addiction.
trespasses. I am forever grateful that I am in Groups may also form around a similar experience
your favor. of suffering such as divorce, losing a spouse or a
A cold admission into the paternal house of the loved one, or facing a life-threatening illness. This
father might have repelled the prodigal, and is a good place to begin, but the goal must also
sent him back into his lusts: but the fervent include ways of protecting people from letting
kiss, the dear embrace, the best robe, the ring, their personal struggles with sin or suffering
the shoes, the fatted calf, the festal song—all become their fundamental identity. This becomes
without one moment’s suspense or delay as a matter of wisdom for leaders, as they encourage
well as without one upbraiding word, could strugglers to also find places in the body of Christ
not but awaken shame for the past, and true- where they serve alongside others in ways that
hearted resolution to walk worthy of such a are not defined by their personal struggles. This
father, and of such a generous pardon. enables strugglers to see themselves as part of a
Thank you for receiving me as your greater community where everyone is more alike
child. Thank you for the generous pardon than different. Sin and suffering—and hope—are
that I have been given in Christ. common to us all (1 Cor 10:13).
Revellings, banquetings and abominable The opportunities to think creatively about

structuring ministry are endless. Every church 3 Note how James 3:9–12 uses similar analogies to show
must contextualize ministry in such a way that it that our behavior is the result of inner person loyalties.
4 John Stott, The Message of Ephesians (Downers Grove,
best fits the culture and the people. Over the past
Illinois: IVP, 1979), 184.
few decades, many churches have reached out to 5 Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (San Francisco:
provide ministry and help for people struggling Harper and Row, 1954), 27.
with life dominating sins and sufferings. 6 Ibid. pp. 28-29.
Investigate what is and is not working. Talk to 7 Horizontal means between self and others. Vertical
church leaders in your area. Seek out the help means between self and God.
8 Neil Young,“From Hank to Hendrix”
of ministries that are designed to provide useful 9 John Calvin, Golden Booklet of the True Christian Life
resources for the church.12 Evaluate what you (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1952), 31-32.
hear and see by its fidelity to Scripture. 10 Tim Keller, The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of
the Christian Faith (New York: Dutton, 2008), XIV-XV.
* * * 11 Horatius Bonar, God’s Way of Holiness (CreateSpace,
2011; orig. 19th c), 27.
12 For some helpful resources, see CCEF’s curriculum:
Is the church a place that can minister to addicts? (1) Crossroads by Edward T. Welch is a companion
Is it possible for the church to be a place where curriculum to Addictions: A Banquet in a Grave, and is
addicts find acceptance and support? Does the designed for small groups. (2) How People Change is also
gospel even speak to addictions? The answer to a curriculum based upon the book (of the same title) that
all of these questions is YES—because of God’s is intended to be used in small groups. It provides a way
for Christians to think about the dynamics of change
grace and reckless love.
for any issue. See also “Biblical Ministry in a Rescue
_______________________________________ Mission: Interview with Bob Emberger,” The Journal
1 Lesslie Newbigin, Truth to Tell: The Gospel as Public
of Biblical Counseling 17:1 (1998): 15-22. Emberger,
Truth (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing, 1991), 85. the Executive Director of Whosever Gospel Mission,
2 For a fuller treatment of addictions see the following
describes practical ways to help men and women caught
resources: Blame it on the Brain and Addictions: A in addictions. Finally, I teach a CCEF course about
Banquet in the Grave by Edward T. Welch. See also ministry systems and structures: Counseling in the Local
Michael R. Emlet’s “Understanding the Influences on Church.
the Human Heart,” Journal of Biblical Counseling 20:2
(2002): 47-52.

What’s Right about Sex?
by Winston T. Smith
What is right about sex? To some people that is a Made in God’s Image—Made as Sexual
silly question. It is like asking what is right about Beings
ice cream or summer vacation. Sex can be a simple In displaying God’s power and goodness, the
pleasure bringing intimacy and satisfaction. To opening chapters of Genesis also display the
other people, sex is simply a “need” that adults goodness of sex. In the very beginning, God’s
have. We would never ask what is right about air, Spirit hovers over an unformed swirling mass
sleep, water, or food! of chaos, and he speaks. With each utterance,
But sex can bring heartache and confusion. the elements dance to his words. They take the
It can easily go wrong, becoming a source of form he commands. They fulfill the function
brokenness and degradation. Sex can mean that he decrees. He makes various domains and
enslavement to another person’s demands, or self- spaces, and then fills them with his servants.
enslavement to pornography and masturbation, God creates day and night—and fills them with
and the like. Even when sex does not degrade sun, moon and stars. God creates sky—and fills
into experiences of darkness, the good and the it with birds. God creates sea—and fills it with
bad get mixed up and tangled together. A good fish and other creatures that swim. God creates
gift easily gets stained by anxiety, distaste, mutual land—and fills it with plants and animals. As
misunderstanding, or episodic moral failure. his crowning touch, God creates humankind:
What is your experience? Has sex been Then God said, “Let us make man in our
a blessing in your life? Or did puberty and image, after our likeness. And let them
adulthood open a Pandora’s box of curses? have dominion over the fish of the sea
In this article, we will look at what is right and over the birds of the heavens and over
about sex. It was created “very good,” a gift from the livestock and over all the earth and
God. When he said “Be fruitful and multiply,” he over every creeping thing that creeps on
intended our calling to be a delight. Understanding the earth.” So God created man in his own
what is right will help us to understand how sex image, in the image of God he created him;
goes wrong. It will also help us to understand how male and female he created them. And
God takes what is wrong and remakes it right God blessed them. And God said to them,
again, remade into his good image. “Be fruitful and fill the earth.” 1
We are so familiar with this passage that it fails
___________________________________________ to surprise us. But it is an astounding thing
Winston Smith (M.Div.) counsels and teaches at CCEF. that God created us in his image, and that the
He is the author of “Marriage Matters: Extraordinary
fruitful union of male and female is intrinsic
Change through Ordinary Moments.”

to our calling to bear his image. When God The New Testament takes this and boldly calls
considered all that he had made,“behold, it was Adam “the son of God”(Lk 3:38). Then in words
very good.” This helps us understand what is beyond imagination, Scripture brings together
right about sex. Jesus the Son, the love of the Father in making
Notice five things about being created in us his children, and our moral transformation
the image of God. into Jesus’ image:
First, what does God mean when he See what kind of love the Father has given
says, “Let us make man in our image.”? In to us, that we should be called children of
the ancient near-east an image captured the God; and so we are…. Beloved, we are God’s
essence of the being it symbolized. It was not children now, and what we will be has not
like the memorial statue of a famous person yet appeared; but we know that when he
that you might see in your local park. It was appears we shall be like him, because we
more serious, more real than that. Whether shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:1–2)
of a god or a king, the image expressed the To be in God’s image is to be his beloved child;
essence and exerted influence on behalf of that to be God’s child is to become his image of
personage. Kings would build great statues love. Our destiny is to mature, and finally
of themselves and place them throughout to be transformed into the full expression of
the domain as symbols of their presence and this image. Becoming like Jesus in love is a
power. The image effectively proclaimed,“I may moral identity utterly different from being a
not be here physically—but I am here. Let this slave of sin and death. It is to enter a role of
remind you of my power and control over you significance, responsibility, and beauty. This has
and this land.” huge implications for how we understand and
To be made in the image of God comes handle our sexuality.
with this sort of gravity and presence—only Third, as maturing children of God, we
far greater. God teaches us in Genesis that we have a role to play in God’s creation. Notice
are his image-bearers. We bear the living image where Adam and Eve represent God. He plants
of the life-giving Creator of the universe! We a garden—Eden, a paradise—and places them
represent him on earth, ruling and governing in it. When you think about the word garden,
his creation, both with him and on his behalf. think arboretum, a pleasure garden, not a
This is a high calling. We are true, real-life backyard vegetable plot. Picture a beautiful,
images, representing the King of kings. He has manicured space, impressive to the eye and
given us the crowning position in his created a joy to the heart. Envision walkways and
order. streams, lush plants, fruit trees, and flowers.
Since we embody God’s care and control In the ancient near-east, a king would create
over creation, we are not to be ruled by creation. such a beautiful garden in the midst of his
Any time we are enslaved by some element of palace complex and fill it with exotic plants
creation—sex, food, power, work, relationship, and animals. Similarly, a temple might contain
riches—we are experiencing an effect of the such a garden to symbolize the god or king’s
fall into sin and death. Slavery is not our true ability to give life, to cultivate and to bless. In
identity. As God’s image bearers, we are meant to a far greater way, God placed Adam and Eve in
express his personal presence—in our sexuality his garden and he gave them the role of being
as in every other aspect of creation. To share in fruitful—in a variety of ways. As they fulfilled
the nature, character, and purposes of the God this commission, God’s life-giving goodness
we image… this is weighty! But there is more. and glory would be expressed.
Second, we express God’s image in the Fourth, one way to be fruitful is to work and
same way that children reflect the traits of their keep the garden. These words are more than
parents. Genesis 5 says: agricultural terms. When the words work and
When God created man, he made him in keep are placed together in other contexts in the
the likeness of God. …When Adam had lived Bible, they describe liturgical service, the work
130 years, he fathered a son in his own of worship by priests serving in the precincts
likeness, after his image, and named him of God’s temple. Adam and Eve are not just
Seth. (Gen 5:1–3) gardeners, but image-bearing worshipers in

the holy precincts of a holy garden. By our using it to make the earth. Then he used the
very nature, we are creatures who worship— blood to form people. Why? The gods don’t
either worshiping the Creator in freedom like working. They get hungry and need to be
or worshiping some element of the creation served and fed. Your duty, your destiny, is to
as slaves. Our daily actions of working and be their slave. You exist to feed, support, and
keeping are infused with dignity and meaning nourish the gods. You must do the work they
when they are acts of devotion, performed by do not care to do—or else.2
image-bearers for God’s purposes. The daily In this version of creation you do not
activities of working, learning, marriage, child- bear the image of the gods. You only serve
rearing, and home-making can seem ordinary their arbitrary demands. Since you become
and mundane (even becoming degraded and like what you worship (Ps 115:8), you do,
enslaving). But at root these actions are intended in a curious way, bear their image. You, like
to embody our loving response to God’s call to them, are degraded and self-serving. And
work and keep what he has created. your sexuality reflects that. This holds out such
Fifth, the other specific way to be fruitful a different picture from the dignity of God’s
Sexual differentiation, identity, and activity are an

integral part of human purpose.
involved sexual intimacy. This has been implicit story. It is hopeless, futile, and void of love.
in all we have considered. Sexual intimacy Any narrative other than the biblical one
between a husband and wife—“male and shares this fundamental flaw. The modern
female he created them, and God blessed narrative tends to be a biological narrative: you
them”—is one such dutiful and pleasurable act are a slave to your evolved sexual instincts. The
of love and worship. It embodies the oneness old polytheistic myths have been replaced by a
and love our Father has for us. God created libidinal myth.You and others exist to serve the
Adam and Eve as sexual beings, male and imperatives of your lust. But if you believe you
female. Sexual differentiation, identity, and were born to be a slave, then you are unable
activity are an integral part of human purpose. to hope for anything different and better.
God creates domains, fills them with life, and Slavery is your identity and destiny. Perhaps
brings order and beauty. In the same way, the creation stories of Israel’s neighbors
God’s image-bearers are to create life, bring offered some fatalistic comfort as they lived at
offspring into families, cultivate this world the mercy of the elements and cruel despots.
by work and worship, and make the entire Since they experienced slavery, their story
earth God’s holy garden. In the midst of this helped them simply accept it. Perhaps the
sacred space, God commands sexual activity. creation stories of our neighbors offer a similar
Through sexual intimacy, Adam and Eve fatalistic comfort, planting us body and soul
would multiply image-bearers who fruitfully into the soil of our sins and miseries.
live in God’s sacred space, extending the glory All myths are dehumanizing. But the God
of God through the whole earth. in whose image you are made humanizes
We are made in God’s image—made as you. He calls you to turn away from a life of
sexual beings—and that is what’s right about slavery. He calls you to faith, hope, and love.
sex. Knowing God’s intended purposes gives He restores the dignity and wholeness of
sex dignity, but not everyone believes this. his image-bearers. Knowing that the real
If you had been one of Israel’s ancient story includes what is right about sex helps
neighbors, you would have learned a starkly us to rethink our own stories, even when
different creation narrative. Knowing how (especially when) that story is filled with
you got here and what your role is may sexual brokenness. The God who created us to
have been described like this: A fierce battle be free meets us in our slaveries and sets us
occurred between two gods. The victor took free in his service.
the defeated god’s body and broke it in pieces,

Made to Be Persons not Objects poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord
Interestingly, the first audience of Genesis was and Father and with it we curse men that have
enslaved, literally. Moses delivered the creation been made in God’s likeness” (James 3:8-9).
narrative to God’s people as they escaped James points out the hypocrisy of using our
slavery in Egypt to help them learn what it words to both praise God and then curse those
meant to live as God’s free people after living made in his image. If we honor and bless God
as slaves for hundreds of years. They needed to with our words, we ought to use our words to
know that their experience of slavery was not honor those made in his image.
the whole story. Enslavement did not reflect But James highlights another important
their true identity; they had been created for connection. When we curse people we also
more. But everyone who reads Genesis for the curse the one whose image they bear, their
first time reads it as a slave. We all begin life as creator. When you deface the image, you attack
sinners who are enslaved to sin and its curse. the original. The way we treat our fellow image
One of the odd behaviors of sinners/slaves bearers ultimately reflects our attitude toward
is our constant drive to escape our status as God. In other words, behind all of our attacks
slaves by enslaving others. It seems we cannot and abuse of people there is another target—
help but look at others and ask,“How can they God himself. Evil is never simply a privately
serve me?” Often an aspect of sexual sin is held animosity toward God, but an expressed
the desire to feel exalted by another, to either hatred of people. Rebellion against God always
bask in the ways that they give us pleasure or results in animosity toward those who bear
to enjoy the power of being able to bring them his image, even if it takes the form of selfish
pleasure or, for some, even pain. Whatever the isolation rather than explicit acts of hatred
motivations may be, sexual sin treats another toward others.
person as if they are an object that exists to As a more extreme example, consider serial
serve us. In sexual sin, there is no regard for killer Ted Bundy’s attitude toward others. In
the welfare of another or consideration of 1980, while awaiting execution on death row,
consequences. The only goal is to experience Bundy met with interviewers who hoped to
the pleasure of the moment. gain some understanding of how one could be
In Genesis, God tells us who we really are capable of such monstrous things. His response
so we can live differently. In effect, God speaks was along these lines: “This planet has billions
to us in our slavery and says, “You were not of people on it, what’s one less person on the
created to be slaves but to know and serve me, face of the earth anyway?”Jarring. Unthinkable.
to live in freedom and love.” Genesis should Evil. To dismiss God as God, one must also
change the way we see ourselves. If we embrace dismiss his image bearers as nothing more than
it, Genesis begins to restore the dignity and a population of meaningless creatures.
worth that are ours as God’s children. Contrast that with the view of humanity
Genesis changes the way we see others C.S. Lewis describes in his famous sermon“The
as well. Though you will be tempted to make Weight of Glory”:
objects of and use other people, you are to It’s a serious thing to live in a society of
remember that they too are image bearers possible gods and goddesses. To remember
of God. When God reminds you of this, he that the dullest and most uninteresting
is saying, “These people are not objects, they person you talk to may one day be a
belong to me, not you. They do not exist for creature which if you saw it now you would
your pleasure but to glorify me as my children.” be strongly tempted to worship or else a
Rather than seeing others as slaves or objects horror and a corruption such as you now
that exist for our pleasures, we begin to meet if at all only in a nightmare. All day
recognize the obligations and responsibilities long to some degree we help each other
we have to God and one another. to one or other of these destinations. It’s
For example, notice the connection the in the light of one of these overwhelming
book of James makes between image bearing possibilities, it is with the awe and
and the way we use our words: “No man can circumspection proper to them that we
tame the tongue; it’s a restless evil full of deadly should conduct all our dealings with one

another, all friendships, all loves, all play, the church is rooted in and reflects another
and all politics. There are no ordinary relationship—our relationship with Christ.
people. You have never talked to a mere Genuine care for one another grows out of our
mortal.3 union with Christ. He is the perfect image of
We live every day in the company of image God, and the image of God is restored in us
bearers with eternal destinies of glory. Do we when we are united to Christ. Restoration to
live in conscious awareness of that reality or do the image of God enables us to love each other
we allow our hearts to drift into the mindset as we ought, to love as he has loved us. We are
of darkness and manipulation, seeing them as made to be persons, not objects.
objects that exist for our pleasures, the delight
of our eyes, and even of our bodies? That should Made for Relationship
not be.“There are no ordinary people. You have But there is even more to image bearing. In
never talked to a mere mortal.” Genesis 1:27 we read, “So God created man in
Sometimes, especially in marriage, it His own image, in the image of God He created
... being one flesh should not lead us to think of

spouses as possessions that exist to serve our personal
desires. Instead, it should remind us of our joint
membership and mutual responsibilities in Christ.
is tempting to think of one’s spouse as a Him, male and female He created them.” When
possession—an object to own. After all, in God created us he didn’t just intend for us to
marriage we become “one flesh” in a unique bear his image as individuals, but to represent
way. We are no longer our own. But being one him through relationship. As James suggests,
flesh should not lead us to think of spouses the way we live in relationships has everything
as possessions that exist to serve our personal to do with our identity as God’s image bearers.
desires. Instead, it should remind us of our Cast Away was a popular movie many years
joint membership and mutual responsibilities ago starring Tom Hanks. It is the story of a man
in Christ. The New Testament exhorts us to named Chuck who survives a plane crash and
understand our life together as “one flesh,” or is stranded on an uncharted, deserted island.
members of one body. This does not conjure When I first watched Cast Away, I was a little
up notions of selfish demands, but attitudes jealous. I enjoy having some alone time to think
of honor, mutual concern, nurture, and love. and read. But as the movie unfolds, you begin
Consider Paul’s words to the Corinthian church to appreciate just how unbearable loneliness
as he describes our lives together as Christians, can be. The physical hardships of survival fade
“. . . its parts should have equal concern for into the background; Chuck’s biggest problem
each other. If one part suffers, every part is being alone. He becomes so desperate for
suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part somebody to connect with that he paints a face
rejoices with it” (1 Cor 12:25–26). Paul speaks on a volleyball he found in the plane wreckage.
specifically about marriage to the Ephesians, He names the volleyball Wilson, and, as odd as
“He who loves his wife loves himself. After it sounds, develops a relationship with “him.”
all, no one ever hated his own body, but he He talks to Wilson. He begins to care about
feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the Wilson. He needs Wilson.
church—for we are members of his body” (Eph Eventually Chuck constructs a raft and
5:28–29). The emphasis is on how we are to be leaves the island in the hopes of being rescued.
compassionate and motivated by the welfare of As he’s floating out in the ocean, Wilson is
the other. swept off of the raft. As Wilson floats away,
But notice, too, that the “one flesh” Chuck panics. He jumps into the water to
membership we experience in marriage and swim after him, but he cannot catch up to him.

Finally he wails and sobs, “Wilson, I’m sorry! harmed. Why would you let anybody touch you
I’m sorry, Wilson!” It sounds pretty strange, but in that way if you do not know if that person is
by that point the audience can relate to Chuck’s faithful and trustworthy? To entrust your body
anguish. If you have ever experienced the pain to a faithless person would be placing yourself
and ache of loneliness, you understand that any in real danger. Will this person prove untrue?
of us would populate our world with volleyballs Use you? Physically harm you? Give you a
in order to imagine relationship. disease? Abandon you with a child?
Why do we experience such a craving for We also know God’s love in the many
relationship, or, as with Chuck, the illusion ways he serves us. God is always concerned
of relationship? Again, we find the answer in to do what is best for us, not what is easy for
creation. God created us to reflect his image him. In his letter to the Philippians, Paul tells
by living in relationship. God himself exists as us that Jesus “took the very nature of a servant,”
a relationship. Before he created anything else, even submitting himself to death for our sake.
relationship existed because God himself is Christ’s example of service urges us to love each
relationship. As the Trinity of Father, Son and other in the same way. For sex to be what God
Holy Spirit, God exists as three persons and yet intended it to be, it must be an expression of
is one God. The church has carefully formulated that same desire to serve and meet the needs
ways of talking about the Trinity because it is of the other.
difficult to understand—so wholly other than It is easy to be selfish and self-serving
anything we know. But we do realize that the with sex. If you go into it to seize all of the
Trinity is a relationship. The Trinity is not God pleasure for yourself, would your spouse
pretending to be in a relationship. God’s very call that good sex? For sex to be what it was
nature is relationship. intended to be, a celebration and embodiment
As his image bearers, God has made us to of God’s love, it requires patience, self-control
live in relationship. The intimacy of marriage and service. Because male and female bodies
presents us with a picture of the relational are wired differently, husbands and wives
intimacy of the Trinity. God makes Adam, and will not naturally share the same preferences.
then he takes the oneness of Adam and creates Spouses need to be sensitive to the ways
a two-ness. He then brings these two back that men and women may experience sex
together in marriage to exercise and practice differently—aroused by different things, at
oneness again, not just emotionally or in different rates, and requiring a different touch.
terms of a covenant, but physically practicing These differences usually mean that sex will
oneness—sexually practicing oneness. To not be mutually gratifying unless each spouse
understand our identity and sexuality, we have is careful to attend to and thoughtfully serve
to appreciate that sexual intimacy was designed the other.
to reflect the oneness that God experiences This kind of thoughtful serving requires
within himself, and that he desires to have spouses to communicate with each other. But
with his children. True sexual intimacy between communication about this most intimate of acts
husband and wife is a very natural embodiment probably will not happen unless it rests on a
of this unity. foundation of communication practiced in day
There is more however. The sexual to day life. We should not be surprised, then, that
intimacy of marriage reflects many different God’s love for us is characterized by a constant
aspects of God’s love for us. For instance, God’s flow of communication. He reveals himself to
love is faithful and trustworthy. This helps us us in intimate detail. His heart is poured out to
understand why faithfulness and trust are us through song, poetry, and the story of his life
important for sex to be good. Without being with his people. Likewise, he invites us to pour
lurid, consider the reality of what is required our hearts out to him in prayer and praise. The joy
physically for husband and wife to be sexually that husband and wife enjoy in physical pleasure
intimate: you allow one another access to provides a hint at the joy of oneness that we will
the most sensitive parts of your body that are one day enjoy with God. It is a joy built on the
capable of pleasure but, for that very same oneness that we know in part from the constant
reason, make you vulnerable and able to be flow of communication we experience with him.

One of the most important messages reminds us and celebrates the fact that we were
God communicates to us is his deep and made for intimacy, made to be known and
abiding love and acceptance of us. Intimacy loved, and made to know and love others. At
between a husband and wife should likewise the end of the creation story in Genesis chapter
communicate acceptance and affirmation and 2, we are told that the man and his wife were
love. If you feel put down, judged, and critiqued, both naked and they felt no shame. Nakedness
or if you feel like you are probation, awaiting the without shame. Amazing. The Bible states this
verdict of whether or not you will be loved, then remarkable fact without comment, yet it is so
you are not going to make yourself vulnerable. powerful that it should make your jaw hit the
You will not want to emotionally disrobe with floor. It is remarkable because nowhere else
your spouse, and you certainly will not feel safe in the Bible, and only occasionally in our own
to physically disrobe either. lives, do we witness nakedness without shame.
By thinking through ways that God Adam and Eve’s comfort with their physical
demonstrates his love, we realize our call nakedness reflects the reality that they have
Sex reminds us and celebrates the fact that we were

made for intimacy, made to be known and loved, and
made to know and love others.
as image-bearers. Even our sexuality was nothing to hide and nothing to fear from the
designed to reflect his character and love. Yet other. At this point they are sinless. There are
you have probably experienced disconnection no evil thoughts, no vile intentions, and no
between relationship and sex from time to schemes to manipulate the other. It is safe for
time in marriage. You may have noticed that them to outwardly reveal themselves to one
when you have deficits in your marriage another because they have nothing to conceal
relationship, there are deficits in the bedroom inwardly. It is safe for them to be open with
as well. Sometimes it is obvious: when there their thoughts and emotions, as well as with
has been an ugly argument you might hear their bodies. That must have been a wonderful
something like, “I can’t make love to you now. experience for them. Perhaps we get brief tastes
After what you said to me this morning, I don’t of this in our own marriages, but these intimate
even know if I like you right now much less moments tend to be fleeting because we are
want to make love to you.” Brokenness in any still sinful, even as we live in the covenant
area of the house will show up as brokenness bonds of marriage, and even as we live by
in the bedroom. Or it could be a much smaller grace. We wrestle with sinful thoughts that we
disconnection: “I do want to be with you, but do not want to share, that we cannot bear to
I feel like we haven’t connected today. I don’t acknowledge even to ourselves.
feel like I know what’s going on with you. We After the fall, nakedness and shame
haven’t had time to share our hearts and so this become synonymous—and horrific. To be
just feels a little awkward. Can we spend some exposed or revealed before another was to
time talking first and connecting?” Because sex be vulnerable to disgrace, rejection, and even
was designed to be an expression of the whole violence. In the Old Testament nakedness and
person, we need to express what is going on shame even became threats made against God’s
inside by being emotionally and spiritually enemies. In the book of Isaiah God says to
intimate, communicating, connecting, and Babylon, “Your nakedness will be exposed and
sharing if we are to express love outwardly your shame uncovered. I will take vengeance,
with our bodies. We were, after all, made for I will spare no one” (Isa 47:3). Or in Nahum
relationship. chapter 3, God says to Nineveh, “I am against
you declares the Lord God almighty, I will lift
Made to Know and Be Known your skirts over your face, I will show the nation
What else can we say is right about sex? Sex your nakedness and the kingdoms your shame”

(Nah 3:5). Even God’s own people felt shamed without sin, let him cast the first stone.” He
and exposed when they encountered him. begins writing again, and one by one they all
When Isaiah finds himself in God’s presence leave. He turns to the woman and says,“Where
through a vision his immediate response is, are your accusers?”They are gone, and he tells
“Woe to me, I am ruined, I’m a man of unclean her that she is forgiven. She is to go and sin no
lips and I live among a people with unclean more. With Jesus now in her story, her shame
lips and my eyes have seen the King the Lord fades into the background. Christ is more
Almighty, I am undone” (Isa 6:5). prominent.
How can we make sense of nakedness Through the cleansing blood of Jesus, we
without shame? You and I live in a place can again embrace the fact that we are made to
where nakedness and shame almost always know and be known.
go together. In fact, nakedness and shame
before God puts us in danger of his wrath and Made to Give What We’ve Been Given
destruction. Why would God show us this This story shows us a radical and dramatic
picture of nakedness without shame when it is reversal. The prideful are shamed and sent
impossible for us? After all, we cannot get back away. The shamed are lifted up, made clean,
to Genesis 2 from this side of Genesis 3. and restored. This is what Christ does for us
God shows us this picture because and in us. He cleanses and restores us when we
something incredibly new and better has turn to him in faith and ask for forgiveness and
happened. Jesus has come, in spite of our restoration. And we can be a part of giving that
nakedness and shame, and has not turned to each other as well. I counseled a woman who
away from us or destroyed us. He has touched struggled with anxiety and fear. After I worked
us in a way that does not harm us or defile with her for some time, I thought it would be
him. He cleansed us, in effect saying, “You are helpful to have her husband come in, so that I
no longer dirty in my sight and you no longer could help him minister to his wife. But when
have to be ashamed.” He has uncovered all the I invited her to share her anxiety and fears
things that make us ashamed, all the things in with her husband, she did not talk about them.
our hearts that make us want to hide and cover In fact, she sounded happy. I was perplexed
ourselves, and covered us with his forgiveness and commented on the difference between
and love. Christ’s covering now enables us to her current countenance and the way she
pursue relationships that are no longer plagued talked about things with me. Reluctantly she
by shame. It allows us to image God in our explained to her husband, “I’m afraid to talk to
relationships. We will not do that perfectly, but you about my fear. I’m afraid if you know how
it is the beginning of the reclamation of this anxious I really am you won’t love me anymore.
important aspect of our humanity. You won’t want to be married to me anymore.”
A story in John 8 illustrates the beginning Finally she said, “What I really want is to know
of that reclamation. Jesus is teaching in the that I can be honest about who I am, that I can
temple courts, and the Pharisees and teachers be known for who I really am, and still know
of the law set a trap for him. They bring a that you will love me.” Her husband took her
woman that has been caught in adultery to hands and said, “I do want you to be who you
Jesus. If they were truly concerned with sin and are. I do want you to tell me about your fears.
justice, they should have brought the man too. And I do love you for who you are right now.”
They ask him, “The Law of Moses tells us that In a basic and profound way, her husband
this person needs to be stoned, what do you embodied Christ’s love for her. Every spouse
say?” The woman is doubly shamed. She was has the opportunity to give the love of Christ
caught in adultery and now stands accused to the other in marriage by refusing the shame,
before a judgmental crowd of people. And she and by accepting that Jesus has forgiven us and
stands alone before Jesus. She has no covering cleansed us. When we know this to be true
and nowhere to hide. What does Jesus do? He for ourselves, we can demonstrate that same
stoops down and begins writing on the ground. truth in the way we respond to our spouse’s sin
We do not know what he is writing, but he and shame. We can make it okay to talk about
finally says to the accusers, “If any of you are the things that we fear and the things we are

ashamed of. We can cover one another with the Sexual brokenness with its exploitation
love of Christ. And sexual intimacy itself can be and distorted lusts is not the final word. We
part of that acceptance and covering, because can find freedom from this slavery through the
sexual intimacy celebrates and proclaims God’s redeeming grace and love of Christ. We must
love. Sexual intimacy communicates the gospel bring our sexual brokenness and sin to him, not
when we allow it to say,“You don’t have to hide asking for the removal of sexual desire, but the
anymore.You may be uncovered.You are beautiful removal of sin and shame.
to me. You are clean, and I want to be connected Renewed, restored, and cleansed we have
to you. I’m not afraid to touch you and be touched hope that we can experience what genuine
by you.” In this very important way, we are made and pure sexual oneness can be. That process
to give what we have been given. begins as we experience oneness with Jesus
himself. Ask him to touch and cleanse you as
What Is Right about Sex? you entrust him with what seems so broken
God created sex as something good. Sex is and defiled. He desires for you to be one with
magnificent. We are his image-bearers, made as him. Invite him into the tender places of your
sexual beings, made to be persons not objects, heart and receive his love. As he cleanses and
and made for relationship. We are cleansed restores us, we can then turn to our spouses
people, restored to know God and others, and offer that same love and embody and enjoy
restored to be known by God and others, and it together.
restored to give what we have been given in _______________________________________
Christ. Sex is intrinsic to our identity, not as 1 Gen 1:26–28a; italics added to descriptions of
slaves, but as God’s children, made in his image “image”; underlining added to descriptions of “sex and
to mediate his presence, rule, and love. It invites procreation.”
2 John H. Walton, The NIV Application Commentary
us to embody his faithful love, celebrate it, and
(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2001), 29.
enact it. 3 C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (New York: The
Macmillan Company, 1949), 14-15.

How Does Scripture Change You?
by David Powlison
In the course of teaching and counseling, I have and transformation: (1) the reorienting truth
asked many people to talk or write about how of a particular passage of Scripture; (2) the
God drew them to seek and know him, how trustworthy love of a person who embodied
he changed them. I ask them to describe, as Christ.
far as it is possible, the significant and decisive I ask people to further describe these
factors. two factors by working through two sets of
In considering your growth as a Christian, questions. The first set of questions considers
who and what most influenced you? Almost how God works through his words.
invariably, people tell stories. What passage of Scripture has proved
These stories exhibit common features: (1) most significant in your life? What passage
a challenging, troubling, disorienting situation, is most meaningful to you? Why? What
and a sense of personal struggle with sins, does it touch? Why does this particular
disturbing emotions, confusion; (2) God’s revelation from and about God have such
intervening voice and hand, via Scripture, often an impact? How do these words make a
mediated through a godly person; and finally, difference?
(3) the way all these come together, by the grace The second set of questions considers two
of God, in a qualitative change in the one who different perspectives on how God works
bears witness. The person changes in some through his people.
significant way: a new understanding of God, Who do you most trust? What about this
self, and situation; a change of heart; a turning most trustworthy person earns your trust?
to God in awakened faith; a recognition of What changed in you because of that
God’s providence in the situation; new actions person’s influence? What are you able to
of wisdom and obedience. talk about because you trust?
When souls are being cured, people bear Both of these factors matter supremely in the
witness to their external troubles, their internal change process, because God’s truth is spoken
struggles, and their God of active providence and embodied by loving people.
and relevant speech. Almost invariably, they This article will deal with the first set
specify how two means of grace served as of questions, the effect of particular truth. A
vectors of their encouragement, instruction future article will consider the impact of loving,
constructive people.
___________________________________________
David Powlison (M.Div., Ph.D.) teaches at CCEF and
I will present and discuss two stories of
edits the “Journal of Biblical Counseling.” change. These stories are typical in that they

contain features that recur in every redemption the church and become a drunk. But Jesus
story. They are idiosyncratic in that they calls me to forgive from the heart. Mark 11:25
demonstrate the individuality and local color is open and shut about that. It’s one of God’s
of any good story. The details matter. Every faithful commands. I know that’s where I need
person’s story is significantly different. That’s to go, if I’m to come out of this as a constructive
why “the world itself could not contain the person, not destructive or self-destructive. And
books that would be written” (John 21:25). I’m getting there. God is faithful. God… is…
Yet the stories trace similar themes. Every faithful. Jesus truly forgives me when I struggle.
Jesus infiltrates and rearranges every story, so that all of

our stories are marked and shaped by his loving purposes.
person’s story is similar. That’s why each story As I confess my bitterness and grumbling, he
tells “things that Jesus did” (John 21:25). Jesus truly helps me. I need him to clear my head in
infiltrates and rearranges every story, so that order to sort out what I need to do next, and so
all of our stories are marked and shaped by his I can do it in the right way and not just tangle
loving purposes.1 things up more.”
Charles I think of such stories as catching the flash

Charles is a single man in his early 30s, a well- of a goldfinch on the wing. We are privileged
taught layman, active in his Asian-American to enter into a man’s life as it is happening.
church, a computer programmer by profession What are we seeing and hearing? The passage
Charles cites explicitly names a common life
He writes, situation: mistreatment by the words of another
“Recently I have returned often to Ps person. Notice there’s not necessarily a perfect
119:86: ‘All your commandments are faithful; 1:1 fit between this Scripture and Charles’s
they persecute me with a lie; help me!’ life, but it’s “close enough” to be relevant.2 A
Immediately, it says to me that there is such subsequent conversation with Charles revealed
a thing as completely and always trustworthy. what had happened. A longstanding friend
Especially in recently experiencing being sinned and trusted confidant had betrayed trust. He
against by broken trust, gossip, and betrayal... I had gossiped a sensitive confidence, degrading
cling to the truth that God is always trustworthy Charles in the eyes of their circle of fellowship.
and what he says to me is trustworthy. He helps In the psalm, the persecutory liars are identified
me to trust again. When I say, ‘Help me!,’ I know as enemies of both God and psalmist, people
I’m talking with my Father, even in the midst of never to be trusted, who threaten literal death
facing broken trust from people who hurt me, and destruction. In Charles’s situation, the
who don’t even think there’s a problem, who sense of threat—“death and destruction”—
don’t even want to try to resolve it. It’s like I’m is metaphorical, a devastating estrangement
dealing with a cover-up. Everybody seems to be in social relations. The pain and perplexity
avoiding what happened. When I try to bring it are aggravated because there had been real
up, I’m viewed as the problem because I want trust, and this trust was betrayed. The offense
to name and resolve what happened, not just came not from an identified enemy, but from
pretend. a brother in Christ who treated him in an
“It’s so hard to forgive in this situation. enemy-like manner, and now tries to smooth
It’s easy to grumble inside, to get caught up it over by acting like nothing happened. The
in my dark, fiery emotions, to replay the video particular “lie” was actually a factual truth, but
of what happened, to get bitter and paranoid a true statement used maliciously becomes
around my group of friends. Sometimes I just an expression of The Lie that threads through
pack it in and surf the web, checking out sports fallen humanity. The situational reference
cars and ecotourist adventures. I have a new contained in Psalm 119:86 is appropriate and
sympathy for why someone might just chuck relevant, but Charles has intuitively done

something quite intricate in connecting it to of coming out into daylight as a constructive
what happened to him. human being… but the verse easily bears such
The internal struggle provoked by being fine gifts to a man in his need.
sinned against is only implicit in the actual Notice also how God’s revelation always
words of Psalm 119:86. But a sense of personal attaches promises to his commands, and
distress, affliction, temptation to reactive sin, and attaches commands to his promises. He gives
need for help are “obvious.” We know this from us grace upon grace; he calls us to know him
universal human experience, as implied in the and become like him. In Charles’s story, the
cry for help, and as illustrated throughout Psalm truths that echo in the background always tie
119. Charles legitimately reads his unhappiness trustworthy reasons to trustworthy commands.
and his problematic reactions back into the • Forgive (command), as you have been forgiven
passage: “They persecute me with a lie” …and in Christ (God’s person, work, promise).
I feel threatened, overwhelmed, hurt, frustrated • Take refuge (command) in your Rock
in all my efforts, unhappy, and I am tempted to and Shepherd who is a safe place for the
The ethical reorientation of a human being rarely

comes through a pat answer or quick fix.
be angry, fearful, escapist and mistrusting. We afflicted (a train of evocative reasons).
witness his version of the universal struggle • Be an imitator (command) of God as a
with double evil: evils come upon us and evils beloved child (a cornucopia of promise),
come from within us. Mistreatment occasions and walk in love (command) as Christ
many temptations, and Charles’s story candidly loved us and gave himself up for us, an
expresses his experience of trial and temptation. offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant
We witness—and feel—his need for help. aroma (the propitiatory burnt offering of
His Scripture passage of choice comfortably the Lamb, whose fragrance soothes and
contains many variations on the human theme, pleases God).
including his own. In technical language, the indicative (what is
And then there is the revelation of God. true about and from God) always frames and
The Lord never tells all in any one moment drives the imperative (how we are to respond).
of self-revelation. Various aspects of God’s Faith works through love.
person, purposes, character, will, promises and Charles’s troubles and struggles come
actions come onto the table in various portions together with a revelation of who God is.
of Scripture: always timely to the complexities Charles turns from the world of sin and death,
of a particular situation, always pointedly to the God of grace and life. Charles turns and
appropriate to the perplexities of existential is still turning. A change occurs in Charles—
choice for a particular person or people. and recurs. It is not one and done. Charles
Here in Psalm 119:86, we hear one truth continues to engage his ongoing situation in
and overhear another: God’s directive words the light and by the power of the Redeemer
are true and faithful, and he is a helper on Lord. We hear faith working all through his
whom the needy may call. In Charles’s story— story: “I have returned often… Immediately, it
again, a typical application of Scripture, says to me… I cling … He helps me to trust
generating encounter with God and ethical again. When I say to him, ‘Help me,’ I know I’m
transformation—we hear not only the overt talking with my Father… I know that’s where
revelation in this one verse, but numerous I need to go… God… is… faithful… When I
echoes, conflations and allusions arising from confess… he truly helps me.” Notice the active
the biblical back story. This wider context shapes verbs, his italics, the immediacy of relationship.
his reception of Psalm 119:86. For example, So far, this example describes changes
the verse per se does not mention the Father, in Charles’ relationship with God. But he is
or the work of Jesus, or the forgiveness of our in motion toward changes in how he relates
sins, or the command of Mark 11:25, or the goal to people. He is working out the “attitudinal”

forgiveness before God (Mark 11:25; Matt 6:9– rest but exercise. We are not yet what we
15) that is the precondition for constructively shall be, but we are growing toward it. The
approaching another person to work toward process is not yet finished but it is going
“transacted” forgiveness (Luke 17:3–4; Matt on. This is not the end but it is the road. All
18:15–17). does not yet gleam in glory but all is being
Note three further implications. First, purified.3
Charles is changing, but there is no stasis. The The Christian position sets boundary conditions
story isn’t over. Ethical renewal is not idealized and goals.The Christian process struggles forward
ethical perfection or moral self-improvement. amidst many variables and contingencies.
There are people he must talk with. Much good Third, the triangulation of change—the
has been happening, but the process is still interplay between situation, personal struggle
going somewhere, and the outcome remains and living God—exposes the failures of typical
indeterminate. Charles is processing to the pastoral counseling. Churchly advice often
next phase of struggle. We rejoice at what we reduces the complex, unfolding dynamic
witness so far. But we sit on the edge of our of ethical transformation to a doctrinalistic,
chairs, waiting with eager longing to see if moralistic, or pietistic exhortation to“Just_____.”
peacemakers will sow peace, bringing to further Here is some of what I’ve witnessed or read.
realization the ethical glory of the sons of God. • Just remember God’s sovereignty.
What happens next is fraught with uncertainty. • Just affirm that you’re a child of the King.
How will the former friend respond? How • Just get involved in a small group.
will the circle of friends respond? Will church • Just get into an accountability relationship.
leaders step in and help if the situation • Just give your troubles to Jesus.
continues unresolved? Will Charles regress • Just get into counseling.
into bitterness, self-pity and fantasizing over • Just attend to the means of grace: preaching,
Corvettes, or will he go forward in the light? sacrament and personal devotions.
His life is a holy experiment. The grace and • Just have a mountaintop experience.
goodness of God will finally triumph. But the • Just cast out the demon of bitterness.
glory is not yet fully apparent. • Just repent of bitterness and love your
Second, cure of souls usually involves enemy.
a different sort of ethical judgment than • Just go to the person, and if he won’t listen,
the analyses and judgments pertaining to take one or two others with you that every
depersonalized ethical cases and dilemmas. charge may be established.
It calls for more than coming to a thoughtful • Just take this key verse, Psalm 119:86, and
Christian position; it calls for an ethic that’s on pray the Ezer Prayer (“Help me”) every
the move. Casuistic ethical discourse—e.g., day, claiming your victory. This verse is
abortion, just war, definition of marriage, the key that opens God’s storehouse of
grounds for divorce, medical decision- blessing. (OK, I made up this one. But its
making—only occasionally touches down logic is for real.)
in daily pastoral care. Even casuistic analysis Some of this counsel contributes well when
of matters immediately pertinent to Charles’ stripped of the simplistic “Just _____.” Some of
situation does not plumb the intricacies of these truth-bits function well as part of a larger
personal and pastoral need: “How should a whole. Other bits of counsel are nonsense,
Christian respond to violation of trust by a mystifying and misleading to both counsel-
brother?; When is church discipline appropriate giver and counsel-receiver. But none of these
and how should it proceed?” Such topical bits captures the reality of triangulation between
ethical judgments frame the cure of souls, but external troubles, internal struggles and the
don’t carry it along. Luther cogently sets the active, hands-on, self-revealing Shepherd. None
Christian life in motion because of situational of these captures what actually helped Charles.
and personal realities: They lack the feel for the process of living as a
This life, therefore, is not righteousness Christian, for what it is like to be a human being
but growth in righteousness, not health under the care of Christ. The ethical reorientation
but healing, not being but becoming, not of a human being rarely comes through a pat

answer or quick fix. Charles illustrates something that you are afraid of man who dies, of the
better, something richer, more human, more son of man who is made like grass, and
humane, true to Scripture and life. have forgotten the LORD, your Maker,
who stretched out the heavens and laid
Charlotte the foundations of the earth, and you fear
My second example is more intricate biblically, continually all the day…. I am the LORD
richer experientially, and more complex your God, who stirs up the sea so that
situationally. Charlotte is a female seminary its waves roar—the LORD of hosts is his
student in her mid-20s, single, with intuitive name. I have put my words in your mouth
counseling skills. Let me set the stage by some and covered you in the shadow of my hand,
comparison with the previous case study. establishing the heavens and laying the
You will see that the similarities are basic: foundations of the earth, and saying to Zion,
both reveal transformation. But the timeline ‘You are my people.’ (Isa 51:12–13, 15–16)
for Charles’s story was relatively short: an “This passage lends confidence to not be
experience in the immediate past, still churning afraid of what those around me are thinking
in the present, and calling for further action about me—freedom to live transparently. The
in the immediate future. Charlotte’s story will awareness that I am always forgetting about
come to a point in the present, but it reflects God stings my cheeks. I’m an amnesiac to his
retrospectively on a long history. sovereignty and grace in the world and in my
Charles’s story interacts with immediate life.”
situational stressors and immediate sinful “These verses so insanely juxtapose
responses. Charlotte wrestles with larger forces: and bind together the hugeness of Creator
longstanding patterns of how she comes at God and the close intimacy of Christ. He
life; the fundamental discomfort of the human is incomprehensibly vast and powerful.
condition; contradictions operative in herself, He stretched out the heavens and laid the
in her experience of the church, and in relation foundations of the earth; he stirs the roaring
to non-Christians. waves; he is LORD of hosts; and, again—in case
The change process in Charles was linear: I missed it the first time—he establishes the
specifically sinned against, specific sinful heavens and lays the foundations of the earth.
responses, specific promise and command of In the exact same breath, he is wonderfully
God, transactions of repentance and faith… intimate. ‘I, I am he who comforts.’ I can’t get
and an anticipation of very specific behavioral over that double-I. He made me; he puts his
fruit. The changes you will see in Charlotte very words in my mouth; his hand covers me;
are more atmospheric, and she bears rich and he says, ‘You are my people.’
complex fruit. We hear a particularly deep “Somehow life makes the MOST sense
intimacy in her relationship to God. She makes in the middle of this tension and seeming
one striking behavioral change. There are paradox of God’s identity. I feel it on the
certain transformations that might be termed deepest level of my relationship with God.
internal fruit: a subtle reorientation in how she I am also comforted when I see how this
understands herself, her situation, her God; a parallels other tensions, confusions and
refinement in how her conscience functions; a contradictions both around me and within
linguistic richness that captures the poetry of me. God is not tidy, all black and white with
experience, making her relationship with God straight-lines, fitting into a box—and neither
come to life for us. am I—and knowing that is an affirmation
and a comfort!
Here are her words. “I was always intimidated by people and
“I’ve returned a lot to Isaiah 51. It reminds their possible opinions of me. Last week in
me that this world is not a ‘comfortable’ one, a missions class, I had to hold my tongue
and assures me that Christ is the only true because I was dominating the conversation
comfort (despite those things I try to fill in to for most of the 3 hour discussion. It’s all
comfort me instead). coming out, after being hemmed in by fear
I, I am he who comforts you. Who are you for all those years of awkward insecurity!”

My discussion will be briefer, as many her own experience and by enriching it with
of the points made about Charles are also echoes and allusions from the person and work
applicable to Charlotte. For starters, savor this of Christ.
story as a story. There is more to it than my Finally, notice the dynamic of change.
exploration can point out or capture. Notice God, the situation and the person triangulate
the variety of situational troubles on the table. in a context that had always been anxiety-
In the foreground: the potential disapproval of producing and intimidating. A new and living
others in every social situation. In the wider reality emerges. A transformative engagement
context: this is an essentially uncomfortable occurs between strong Savior and needy child:
world; some unspecified sense of “tensions, stinging cheeks at realizing her amnesia, the
confusions and contradictions around me.” experience of deep comfort. The behavioral
From conversation, I learned that Charlotte is consequences are striking: new freedom to live
alluding to brushing up against self-righteous and speak transparently, a conscience newly
pettiness in an ecclesiastical conflict, and to her sensitized to the dangers of talking too much.
encounter with theological dogmatism in hard- Her newfound voice is particularly significant.
edged people who seemed not to understand Action registers that change is real.
God, or themselves, or others, or life. She is Charlotte’s story also illustrates several
also alluding to the sense of contradiction she other features of cure of souls. First, change is a
experiences when instances of hypocrisy and lifelong process in which we witness thematic
inhumanity in Christian people are juxtaposed continuities. In the classroom incident, God was
with instances of honesty, care and humanity in rescripting patterns that go back to childhood.
non-Christians. Sin is usually not new-hatched; righteousness
Notice the complexity of Charlotte’s doesn’t fall like random fire from heaven. As you
inner, personal struggles. In the foreground: get to know a person, you learn to see patterns
Charlotte’s atmospheric fear of man, shyness, and themes in the interplay of existential and
social anxiety and withdrawal. In the situational factors, just as students of Scripture
background: discouragement and confusion learn to see patterns and themes in the Bible. It
in the face of both what is around her, and helps a person to know that the Vinedresser is
her inner struggles. She feels out of step pruning purposefully. It greatly helps all of us
with some of the comfortable verities of her to know that God typically works on something
evangelical subculture. She also alludes to specific, not everything at once.
the false comforts to which she turns as easy Second, how is it that Charlotte and I view
substitutes for Christ: self-medicating through her “speaking up” as a fruit of the Spirit? That
food, exercise, friends and novels. item is not on any list of fruits (though I think
Notice the revelation of our Redeemer: it’s implicitly among the “things like these”
this most magnificent, most comforting God of of Galatians 5:23). We know it is good fruit
Isaiah 51. He tells her not to be afraid (the one because we understand her situational troubles
command), which Charlotte intuitively extends and personal struggles in the light of revelation.
to include its positive meanings: “Enter in. Get Fear of man coached Charlotte to stay in the
involved. Care. Speak up.” Isaiah 51 gives her a background, to play it safe. In social groups, she
cascade of good reasons: the reproofs of 51:12 was virtually a non-participant, unable to bring
that sting her cheeks; the many wonders and her thoughts to the point of joining in audibly.
intimacies that comfort her “on the deepest She was self-preoccupied, not loving. She was
level.” Charlotte is a living demonstration of fearful, not free. As the fruit of repentance and
how faith and works co-operate in response to faith, the Spirit freed her to participate. He
God’s vivid self-revelation. loosens her tongue, because that is what love
As in the previous case study, the passage and obedience now look like in Charlotte’s life.
Charlotte mentions—ported forward from a Third, Charlotte’s ironic, humorous sensibility
very different redemptive-historical context, of the need to hold her tongue captures other
and personalized—seems uniquely appropriate. features of the Christian life. It’s evidence that
It is close enough for relevance. She reads and her conscience is alive, sensitive, malleable. Such
appropriates this passage by peopling it with bursts of intuitive wisdom are unquantifiable,

unscriptable, electrifying—and are one aspect of forgiveness more often. She might sin “more,”
ethical transformation into wisdom. but she’s actually sinning less, and growing up
Fourth, needing to hold her tongue also as a daughter of the King. She will always need
illustrates how the cure of any living soul calls for course corrections.
continual course corrections. She finds her voice,
and immediately realizes that there are sins of the God Works with Us
tongue, and times when love quiets down and “God meets you where you are.” That’s a
listens. It’s a new lesson. truism. But when you stop and ponder how
Fifth, in this ironic combination of learning that happens and why it happens, it is nothing
to speak up and needing to quiet down, less than light breaking into darkness. A sin-
Charlotte is tasting the logic of Luther’s curious sick, life-bruised soul revives and begins to live.
exhortation, “Sin boldly!” Step out… and The Christian life is organically alive. We turn,
always be open to course corrections. Don’t we trust, we obey, we grow—interacting with
The Christian life is organically alive. We turn, we trust,

we obey, we grow—interacting with what’s happening
around us, as the God of truth breaks in.
let scrupulosity paralyze action. God’s mercies what’s happening around us, as the God of
are reliably “new every morning.” Like a good truth breaks in. He has gathered us to himself
father, his compassion and hands-on parenting in a lifelong holy experiment in redemption.
continue through the ups and downs. The Charles and Charlotte teach us something of
Christian life typically lurches forward, rather that dynamic.
than marching in a straight line. The grace of
Christ means a person can live life without _______________________________________
paralyzing perfectionism and scrupulosity, 1 Each is based primarily on one person’s written story,
and can cheerfully expect frequent course slightly modified in three ways. First, identifying details
corrections. Charlotte has always held back in have been altered. Second, I have supplemented the
discussion with further knowledge gained in pastoral
social settings. Now that she’s beginning to
conversations. Third, I have woven in some particulars
speak up, she’ll probably say things she regrets, from other people whose experience was analogous,
or may find herself talking too much. It’s safer thus creating a composite case.
to hang in the background and nod agreeably 2 “Close enough” relevance is analogical relevance. This
(cf., Pro 17:28 on the fool who keeps silent!). involves hermeneutical and ethical intricacies that are
It’s risky to mix it up. She’ll make mistakes, far easier to illustrate than to state. See John Frame’s The
even sinning verbally (James 3:2). Other people Doctrine of the Knowledge of God (Phillipsburg, NJ: P & R
Publishing, 1987) for a careful discussion.
won’t always agree with her if Charlotte doesn’t 3 Martin Luther, “Defense and Explanation of All the
seem to always agree with them. She’ll have to Articles, 1521,” (vol. 32 of Luther’s Works, American
learn to face and solve conflicts, rather than Edition, ed. Jaroslav Pelikan and Helmut T. Lehmann;
always avoiding conflict. She’ll have to ask Philadelphia: Augsburg Fortress, 1958), 24.

C o u n s e lo r ’s To o l bo x
Evaluating a Person with

Suicidal Desires
by Aaron Sironi and Michael R. Emlet
If you have done much counseling, you thoughts and purposes. This is one way he
already know that you need to be prepared mercifully loves us. A Christian’s call, therefore,
to assess whether or not someone is suicidal. is also to love others in this way.
Scripture tells us, and our experience confirms, This article will lay the groundwork for
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep how to do this in the very specific area of suicide
waters…” The very counsel in a person’s heart assessment. It will help you to determine where
is inaccessible, unfathomable, and possibly a person who may be considering suicide fits
dangerous (like deep waters). But God does not on a spectrum of suicidality, while guiding you
leave us in fearful paralysis or ignorance with wisely and confidently to intervene in a crisis.
one another, for “…one who has insight draws This article does not construct a theological
them out” (Pro 20:5). An understanding and explanation of suicide, nor will it discuss
wise person is skillfully able to draw out the all the features of an ongoing counseling
hidden thoughts and intentions of the heart. relationship with someone who struggles with
Suicidal thoughts, desires, and motives often lie suicidal desires. Although these are important
concealed beneath the surface of what a person discussions, they are beyond the scope of this
is able and willing to verbalize. However, these article.
purposes are accessible as we grow in our
ability to speak with people in constructive Overcome Your Own Hesitancies and
and intentional ways—and always with good, Confidently Inquire
saving purposes. Asking someone about suicidal thinking is
What is the basis for drawing out a troubled challenging because it is such a personal
person’s heart? We serve a gracious God who question. It is a weighty matter: life and death.
deeply cares about the hidden intentions, Your own experience, feelings, and beliefs about
troubles, and cares of our hearts. He searches suicide come into play. Exploring the details of
and examines our souls as a token of his love someone’s specific plans for self-harm is not an
for us. Compassionately, he discerns our secret easy or comfortable conversation for either the
counselee or counselor. Counselees often feel
___________________________________________ guilt and shame. They may not raise the issue
Aaron Sironi (M.S., L.C.P.C.) leads the CCEF affiliate office unless directly asked. Even when asked, they
in Montana and serves as adjunct faculty at CCEF. may avoid implicating themselves. Further,
Michael Emlet (M.Div., M.D.) counsels and teaches at caring wisely for a person who intensely wants
CCEF and directs CCEF’s School of Biblical Counseling. He to die stirs up your own thoughts, feelings, and
is the author of “Crosstalk: Where Life and Scripture Meet.” questions:

• Will I humiliate or offend my counselee by signs (i.e., risk factors) in someone, it gives us
raising this question? good reason to wonder if this person might be
• I’m not sure I have time to bring up this struggling with a desire to die. Seeing these
issue right now. signs should trigger an intuitive sense that will
• I get anxious just thinking about doing this lead to asking a few thoughtful questions. It
assessment. is like driving at dusk through a wooded area.
• Will I ask the right questions? I’m not sure When you see a warning sign for deer crossing,
I know what I’m looking for. it does not mean you will see a deer. But what
• If I ask the questions, will my counselee be it does mean is that there may be deer in these
honest with me? And will I know what to woods. Keep your eyes open, slow down and
do with the answers? drive carefully. Suicide risk factors are the
These are natural fears and uncertainties. But warning signs that alert us to the possibility
overcoming your own internal barriers to that this person may be struggling with suicidal
assessment is a prerequisite for moving toward desires.
It is a myth to think that asking someone about

suicidal thoughts will plant ideas of self-harm in that
person’s mind. Do not be afraid to ask.
this desperate person in wisdom and love. One way to learn and remember the most
it is a myth to think that asking someone common risk factors is to use acronyms. The
about suicidal thoughts will plant ideas of self- two that we think are the most useful are:
harm in that person’s mind. Do not be afraid to SAD PERSONS1 and NO HOPE.2 First we will
ask. Not asking or not following up on a passing review the SAD PERSONS acronym.
suicidal comment is a greater danger. Invariably, Sex: 7 out of every 10 completed suicides are
counselees who think suicidal thoughts are male. Yet females attempt to kill themselves
grateful and relieved that the issue has been three times as often. The methods men use
raised. It gives a person permission to talk about tend to be more lethal. Generally, a suicidal
these feelings and desires. Because suicide man is more dangerous than a suicidal woman.
is a shameful and taboo subject, discussing it Age: Two age groups present the highest risk—
directly invites a person to open up to you. So adolescents and elderly facing chronic illness.
put the clipboard down. Move out from behind Depression: Any serious psychiatric diagnosis
the desk. Eliminate all other distractions. The (e.g., depression, bipolar disorder, anorexia,
counselor’s attentiveness and willingness to post-traumatic stress disorder, or a personality
speak frankly about suicide communicates disorder) increases concern.
constructive kindness and courage. This may Previous attempt: Once a person makes a
be the first sign of hope for the counselee that suicide attempt, the risk is much higher.
someone is willing and competent to help. Ethanol (alcohol) or drug abuse: Almost half of
suicides involve substance abuse.
Recognize Risk Factors for Suicide Rational thought loss: This describes someone
More than seventy-five risk factors have been suffering from psychosis or delusional hyper-
correlated to suicide. Counselors are often religiosity. Such persons may experience
tempted to try to gauge a person’s level of command hallucinations from an outside
danger based on the number of risk factors that power (including Satan) that badger them to
are present. But assessing a person’s lethality kill themselves, or they may fixate on a passage
is not a science. Not a single piece of research of Scripture regarding martyrdom or human
can point to a certain blend of risk factors that sacrifice. The loss of the ability to think clearly
invariably predicts suicide. So why is it crucial to due to delusions or hallucinations can remove
be familiar with the most common risk factors? the final obstacle to a person committing
Because when we see some of these warning suicide.

Social supports lacking: This describes a incompetent, ineffective and deficient. These
person who is isolated and has little supportive perceived inadequacies both affect others and
community, or who has suffered a recent are seen by them. Not only does this person
interpersonal loss. Be cautious if you perceive have a deep perception of being a burden, but
that this person lacks a sense of belonging starts to believe that others would be better off
to others. Does this person have even a if the person were no longer around. Here you
few individuals who care and connect in a sense a twisted benevolence.
meaningful way? These two acronyms help the counselor
Organized plan: The degree of planning and cue into the possibility that a person may be
the lethality of the plan are the most significant struggling with a desire to die. It is important
factors to assess. (We’ll address this later.) to understand that a person may possess many
No Spouse: Divorced, widowed, separated, or risk factors, but not be imminently dangerous.
single people are at higher risk. A deep sense Conversely, a person who has just a few risk
of being disconnected and isolated is correlated factors may be highly dangerous. With this said,
with greater risk. four risk factors require more attention than the
Sickness: The presence of a severe, chronic or rest:
debilitating illness increases the risk. • a previous suicide attempt,
The second acronym, NO HOPE, was • rational thought loss (psychosis) that
developed to add more depth to the SAD indicates lethality,
PERSONS acronym. • hopelessness (no framework for meaning),
No framework for meaning: A person and/or
sees current suffering as meaningless and • an organized plan.
unbearable, and is hopeless that it will ever Possibly the most crucial of these is the presence
end or improve. Some researchers identify this of an organized plan to die. Danger lies in a
hopelessness as the common thread in lethal person’s concrete suicide plans. It’s here we
suicide attempts. find the clearest indication of whether or not
Overt change in physical or emotional a person is about to act on the desire to die.
condition: A sudden change in a medical Think of it this way: one man may spend time
condition (e.g., head trauma, cancer, thyroid fantasizing about a Hawaiian holiday. Another
irregularities) or mental status (e.g., a normally man does extensive research online, has
calm person becomes increasingly agitated, or sufficient funds in the bank, secures vacation
a generally anxious person has an unexplained time from work, reserves a condo, and books the
calmness or sudden drop in anxiety) may be flight. Which of these two people is more likely
associated with suicidal resolve. to act on the desire for a Hawaiian getaway? In
Hostile interpersonal environment: This might the same way, a person who has concrete plans
include the presence of destructive conflict, to die is very dangerous. Planning a Hawaiian
abuse, or humiliation in an important area of vacation is rarely done in secret, but planning
a person’s life, like at home, work, school or suicide is almost always latent and hidden deep
church. in a person’s inner world. So how do we invite a
Out of hospital recently: This refers to a person to open this inner world to us?
recent discharge from a psychiatric hospital. Be thoughtful, calm and matter-of-fact
There are two main reasons for psychiatric when starting the conversation. It may seem
hospitalizations: serious suicidal intentions awkward and uncomfortable for you because
and/or being unable to care for oneself because you may not live with a nagging desire to die.
of a loss of rational thought ability. But to the person who does, having someone
Predisposing personality factors: Emotionally sincerely and calmly open up the topic is a
volatile individuals (e.g., those who would meet blessing. You may be the first person to care
diagnostic criteria for borderline personality, enough to ask. And your asking may be the
histrionic personality, etc.) present a higher first hope that this person does not have to bear
risk. these thoughts alone any longer.
Excuses or reasons for dying are present The first question is always the most
and strongly believed: A person may feel difficult. Be careful not to communicate

fearfulness, judgment, self-righteousness or forethought, inner wrestling and planning.
irritation. If you do, the person may not trust So you must evaluate how much time and
you enough to let you in. Likewise, do not planning have been put into these thoughts.
“spring” the suicide question on a person. Shawn Shea developed an engaging
Instead, gently lead into this discussion as you and dependable approach to eliciting suicidal
find natural entry gates. For example: ideation that is easy to learn and remember.
• “Sometimes when a person is feeling He calls his approach the Chronological
sad and hopeless, he might think about Assessment of Suicide Events (CASE).3 In the
escaping or killing himself. Have you ever CASE method, you explore four distinct time
had these thoughts and feelings?” periods in a person’s life that are important
• “I know you have strong beliefs about to evaluating suicidality. Although we will
suicide, but with all that’s happened, I’m maintain his four time periods, we rearranged
wondering if you’ve had some desires to the sequence to better suit a pastoral or
kill yourself, even if they’re just fleeting?” counseling office setting (though note that the
• “Some people who struggle with chronic components of any assessment may vary based
pain, day in and day out, feel so weary that on the unique circumstance).
they start to long for an end. Have you ever 1. Last 6-8 weeks: For many people,
yearned for an end to your life or wished suicidal desires wax and wane. Choosing
that you were dead?”If the person answers the last two months is strategic in capturing
yes, you could follow up with,“So you long enough time to see this movement. If you ask
for death. Have you had any thoughts, for less, you may catch a person in the midst
even in passing, about killing yourself to of a “good week,” and miss the information you
end that pain?” are seeking. Start by assessing the intensity of
Often people deny suicidal thoughts on the the suicidal feelings and thoughts. How often
first general inquiry. If a person denies thoughts and how much time does this person spend
of suicide or answers with a vague “not really,” thinking about dying? It’s a good habit to
try and enter through a side door by asking at aim high when you ask questions here. Ask
least one more specific question. Being ready to something like this:
ask the question in different ways will increase • “Over the last six to eight weeks, how
the likelihood that you will help the counselee much time would you say you’ve thought
become comfortable talking to you about this about killing yourself? Every day? Every
difficult topic. Approaching a person with other day?”
a gentle assumption that there is a struggle • “How much of the day would you say you
works against the taboo nature of suicide. Even think about dying? All day? 90% of the
expressing mild surprise after a person denies day? 50% of the day?”
any suicidal feelings may give the person Remember, the more prolonged, the more
yet another chance to open up these desires recurrent, and the more acute the thoughts
without losing face. of dying have been, the more concerned you
should be.
Evaluate Degree of Suicidal Intention Next, inquire about this person’s specific
Once a counselee has acknowledged suicidal plans during the same time period. Start by
thoughts, the next goal is to assess the intensity asking a general question like,“In the last six to
of suicidal thoughts (frequency and duration) eight weeks, what are the ways you’ve thought
and the extent of planning through a series of of to kill yourself? ”If the person denies a
progressively probing questions. Here are two detailed suicide plan, do not stop there. Ask
rules of thumb: distinct questions about every method that
• The longer, more frequent, and more might be accessible. A good habit to form is to
intense the thoughts of dying have been, follow a general denial of suicidal plans with
the more concerned you should be. more specific questions. You might follow up an
• The more concrete and thorough the outright denial with:
planning, the greater the danger. • “Have you ever thought about overdosing
Killing yourself is not easy. It takes much on pills?”

• “What about hanging yourself?” practice and exposure for a person to actually
• “In the last two months, have you thought complete it.
about jumping off a bridge?” Keeping with this metaphor, learning to
• “Have you ever thought of shooting swim and jumping in from the side of the pool
yourself?” might be a person longing for a “way out” or an
Do not be surprised when a person escape from a particularly painful struggle. Here
acknowledges suicidal ideas when you ask you might sense a transient desire for death or
precise questions, even after having denied a disquiet yearning for heaven. Proceeding to
your initial inquiry; it is harder to deny a specific the low dive might be fantasizing about ending
question than a general one. When a person life or playing a mental video of how to die.
confesses a specific method of suicide, the next Climbing the ladder to the high dive would
logical question is whether or not this person be researching, obtaining the means, and then
has the resources and competency to do it. Let’s rehearsing a suicide plan. Walking out onto the
say a man confesses that he has thought about high diving board might be a dry run at suicide.
shooting himself. Some follow up questions Jumping from the high dive would be an actual
would be: suicide attempt. In assessing suicidal intensity
• “Do you own or have access to a gun?” and the degree of suicidal planning, we are
• “Have you ever shot it?” trying to locate a person on the spectrum
• “Have you purchased ammunition?” from desiring to die to being ready and able to
• “Have you ever taken the gun out and commit suicide.
placed the gun (loaded or unloaded) up to As you evaluate a person, you may discover
your body or head?” that this person has actually attempted suicide
What are we doing here? We are assessing or has aborted an attempt at the last moment in
this person’s resources, the know-how, and the last two months. If this is the case, the task
how much groundwork this man has laid before you is to assess the seriousness of the
to carry out the plan. Continue to search out attempt or suicidal gesture.
other suicidal means until you have exhausted 2. Recent suicide attempt: The best way
all reasonable methods. Bookend this inquiry to gauge the seriousness of a suicide attempt is
with another general question: “In the last two to enter a person’s world at the time it occurred.
months, what other ways have you thought of Ask your counselee to describe the most recent
to end your life?” Or, “Is there any other way suicidal attempt from beginning to end without
that I have missed?” leaving out a single detail. Get the play-by-play
Remember, as you evaluate the last six to unfolding (verbal video tape) of the person’s
eight weeks, you are seeking to understand the experience. Here are some questions:
frequency and intensity of these feelings, to • “Pretend I am watching a tape of the night
uncover every possible concrete method, and you attempted suicide. What would I see
to judge if this person has the know-how and and hear, from beginning to end?”
means to kill himself. • “Pretend I am inside your head that night.
Think of this using a diving board I really want to know what you were
metaphor. For a child to go from learning to thinking and feeling at every step.”
swim to jumping off the high dive is a process • “What led up to this incident?”
that takes time and repeated practice. Children • “What happened next? Walk me through
learn to swim, jump into a pool from the edge, yesterday step by step.”
and then give the low diving board a try. After • “When you say you got angry at your wife,
they have safely and successfully conquered the what exactly did you do?”
low dive, they start to consider the high dive. • “How many pills did you stockpile?... Did
Even then, it may take several harrowing trips you put the 15 pills in your mouth?”
up and down the ladder before a child is ready • “Where did you make the cut on your
to walk the plank. Eventually, a child is able to body?... Did it require stitches?... May I see
walk the length of the high diving board and the scar?”
leap into the pool. In the same way, killing Encourage the person to go slowly and not
oneself is usually a process that takes repeated leave out a single detail. Asking precise

questions often gains access to a person’s inner attempt? Unfortunately, practice can be lethal.
conflict, ambivalence and rationalization. Your If a person has a long history of multiple
aim is to gauge the seriousness of the suicide suicide attempts, it could indicate a pattern of
attempt while looking for reasons the person manipulation, or it could indicate an exhaustion
chooses to remain alive. In other words, did of hope. Be sure not to spend too much time in
this person really want to die? Are there any this category and avoid getting bogged down
bottom-line reasons to stay alive? It is crucial to with distant details. Here are some possible
uncover why the suicide attempt failed or was questions:
interrupted and how the person feels about • “Before two months ago, what was the
this. Ask questions like: most serious attempt to kill yourself?”
• “Why didn’t you pull the trigger?” • “How many times would you say that
• “Why did you spit out the pills?” you’ve tried to kill yourself?”
• “What kept you from using the razor • “Has there ever been a season in your life
blade?” when a part of you wanted to die?”
• “How were you found, and who found • “Have you ever done something—taking a
you?” few pills, let’s say—thinking maybe that it
• “Did you hint to anyone before you locked would hurt or kill you…or something like
yourself in the bedroom?” that?”
• “How do you feel about the fact that you’re Getting a more distant history helps you to
still alive?” assess if a person is practiced, chronically
Throughout this process, there should be one despairing and hopeless, or has begun to use
single question running in the back of your suicidal actions as a way to communicate to
mind: “What are this person’s reasons to live?” others. If a person downplays a recent incident
This is important. A person can have several but has a history of a serious suicide attempt,
risk factors and even desire death. But if this be skeptical and aware that this person may be
person has meaningful reasons to live, suicide minimizing the seriousness of this last attempt.
is less likely. These might include concern for Remember, practice is deadly. Be very cautious
loved ones, belief that suicide is sin and is not if a person has a history of suicide attempts that
an option for Christians, fear of actually doing mirror a recent attempt. If a person denies any
it, or a faint hope that things will improve. past history of suicidal attempts, make sure and
When you uncover the things that moor a ask a second or third question (try the side door
person to life, do not miss the opportunity by asking about specific ways this person may
to affirm these. This does not mean a person have considered). After you understand how
will not develop an overriding justification in the person’s history of suicidal attempts impacts
the future for proceeding to suicide, but the recent suicidal desires, finish by assessing the
presence of current risk mitigators is a good present. This may be the most important time
sign that suicide risk may not be imminent. period for predicting a person’s level of danger.
Keep in mind you are balancing many factors, 4. Right now and the immediate future:
and ongoing assessment is essential. As you speak with your counselee in your
After you have evaluated a person’s recent office, what is this person’s current intent to
(last six to eight weeks) struggle with suicidal die? Directly ask, “Right now are you having
desires (frequency and intensity) and the most thoughts or feelings of killing yourself?” If the
recent plan or attempt, now it is time to place person denies suicidal thoughts ask,“What will
this current struggle in a broader context. happen when you return home and tomorrow
3. Previous history of serious suicide night you start to think about killing yourself?”
attempts: A person’s past history of suicide You will derive important information about
attempts and ideation will contextualize the a person’s commitment to safety (or lack
present struggle. Here you assess the number thereof) with these “right now” and “tomorrow”
of times a person has been suicidal and identify questions. At the same time, it gives you a good
the most serious attempts before two months opportunity to talk about what to do if and
ago. What are the similarities and differences when the suicidal feelings return.
between past attempts and this present One final tool is to ask the person to make

a safety contract with you. This acts as one to develop a safety plan.
closing cue of where a counselee is at. When
you ask a person to do this, the response Make a Safety Plan with the Person
(both verbal and nonverbal) may be the final “I will seek out my sheep, and I will rescue
assurance you need to make a wise decision for them from all places where they have been
this person’s care. With good eye contact and scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness”
a solid handshake ask: “Will you contract with (Ezek 34:12). Our God pursues and rescues
me that you absolutely will talk to me or to an wayward people in danger. Our call is to
elder in your church (for example) before you embody this love to hurting people. Therefore,
do anything to hurt yourself? And if you can’t to the extent we are able, we work to ensure
reach us, will you tell your spouse and call the that the suicidal person remains safe. So, after
crisis hotline before doing anything to harm evaluating a person’s risk factors and level of
yourself?” Or, “Will you agree not to harm suicidal thinking/behavior, it is time to make a
yourself until we meet again in two days?” safety plan.
Our God pursues and rescues wayward people in

danger. Our call is to embody this love to hurting people.
Communicate to this person that you take this
very seriously. If the person becomes gamy, Ask God to help you make wise decisions
hesitates, avoids eye contact, or shows signs that protect your counselee’s life. A suicidal
of ambivalence or discomfort, your work is not person starkly reminds you of your desperate
done. Find out why it is hard for this person to need for God’s power and wisdom in the
commit to safety. moment. Although we have stressed particular
No research has shown a safety contract tools and approaches to equip you to assess
to be a deterrent for suicide. But it can be an someone for suicidality, this planning requires
excellent tool to assess danger. Remember that wisdom and direction from the Spirit. So call
your exploration of the past 6-8 weeks may out to him. A spiritual battle is in progress. Your
uncover information that still makes protective temptation will be either to over-react or under-
hospitalization wise, even if the person denies react. Only God has the power ultimately to
suicidal thinking at this moment (e.g., if you’ve prevent someone’s suicide, but there are several
assessed that the person has assembled the practical steps you can take to help:
means to commit suicide and you are worried 1. Start by answering this question: is the
that a resurgence of suicidal thinking may counselee imminently suicidal? In other words,
be unbearable). If the person had frequent in light of risk factors, current or recent level of
suicidal thinking and planning over the last 6-8 suicidal thinking, extent of planning, presence/
weeks, but denies it in the present, you need absence of risk mitigators, and willingness/
to understand the reasons for the change. Why unwillingness to contract for safety, do you
has the perspective changed? Has this person believe the person is in danger? Do you think
truly descended the high dive ladder? Or is this the person will remain at high risk for suicide
person so committed to dying that the denials after leaving your presence? If yes, an evaluation
are lies to throw you off? Further questioning for hospitalization is necessary. If the person is
will help sort this out. willing, go together to the nearest emergency
In summary, the CASE approach to room—have a friend, spouse, or other person
evaluating suicidality looks at four time periods: drive you both there. A voluntary admission to
(1) the last 6-8 weeks, (2) the most recent the hospital is the best scenario for all involved
suicide attempt, (3) previous history of serious when you believe that the counselee is not
suicide attempts (prior to two months ago), and safe. If, however, the person is unwilling to go
(4) right now and into the immediate future. If for such an evaluation, you will have to call
you have faithfully and adequately assessed 911 to transport the counselee involuntarily.
each of these with a person, you are now ready You cannot provide 24-7 care for someone

who seems determined to die, nor should has no plan, and can articulate multiple reasons
that responsibility fall exclusively to family to stay alive. If loved ones do not know about
and friends. On rare occasions you will need the presence of suicidal thinking, have the
to proceed, with the involvement of hospital counselee call a spouse and/or good friend
personnel, to an involuntary admission for a while in your office to share about the struggle.
counselee whom you judge to be persistently Often, sharing this emotional burden with
unstable. others is helpful in itself to diminish active
While it is true that hospitalization will thoughts of suicide. It also alerts loved ones
not provide your counselee with a biblical to be more vigilant in their interactions with
framework, it does provide time to stabilize the the person. If the counselee is reluctant to tell
person emotionally and ensure safety. You will anyone else it may be a marker of greater risk.
continue the hard work of bringing the gospel Engage in further assessment and discussion to
to bear during and following hospitalization. ensure safety.
Your goal in this moment is to preserve life At the end of the assessment, if you remain
Bring other family members and friends into the process

to create a safety net of relationships
so that you can have those discussions in the concerned about the danger the person is in,
future. this trumps concern for confidentiality. You are
2. Consult confidentially with a trusted balancing a concern for safety with a concern for
and more experienced counselor, supervisor honoring the private nature of your relationship
or pastor. This is especially important if you with the counselee. A concern that suicide may
believe hospitalization is necessary, or if you be imminent takes priority, although you never
are considering sending a higher risk (but not take the breach of confidentiality lightly.
imminently suicidal) person home. Do this 4. Remove the means of committing
before the person leaves your office or home. suicide to make it more difficult to execute
Although it may feel awkward to excuse a suicide plan. Such actions might include
yourself for this conversation it ensures a removing firearms, locking up medications
plurality of wisdom (Pro 15:22; 24:6). You may (including non-prescription drugs such as
say to your counselee, “I am concerned for your acetaminophen), having all medications
safety and in situations like this I always seek monitored and dispensed by a spouse or parent,
the input of another experienced counselor. or taking away car keys. Ideally these actions
Would you excuse me for a few minutes while are done in cooperation with the counselee.
I speak with _____ and then I’ll be back to talk Reluctance may prompt a series of further
further with you?” This may be unnecessary questions to judge the current level of suicidal
with a lower risk person with fleeting suicidal thinking and planning. Of course, you cannot
thoughts, but, a higher risk person should not eliminate all danger around a person, but
leave your presence until you have discussed removing access to available lethal objects and
the case and your plan with another counselor, substances can be a matter of life and death.
pastor, or supervisor. 5. If you believe this person to be at
3. Bring other family members and lower risk for suicide, and therefore not
friends into the process to create a safety net needing hospitalization, secure involvement
of relationships. This is critical even if you of family, friends, and church leaders and set
judge the person to be at lower risk for suicide. up a safety contract as previously described.
Often, family and friends are already aware of Also, brainstorm actions to take, in addition
the problem, and their active involvement and to contacting you, should intense suicidal
support is essential. Make certain someone will thinking and planning occur in future days.
be with the person over the next several days. The idea is to build as many practical barriers
This constant presence may not be necessary to suicidal behavior as possible. These actions
if someone has only fleeting suicidal thoughts, might include prayer, listening to favorite music

or hymns, going for a walk, reading certain for a suicidal counselee, even when you have
Scripture passages, calling additional friends, taken the proper steps of assessment. You may
writing in a journal, etc. As noted above, run have a nagging sense that you need to do more.
your plans by a colleague prior to the counselee But if you have been faithful in your evaluation
leaving your office. and care, rest in the truth that this person is in
6. Make plans for a follow up visit or God’s hands.“Many are the plans in a person’s
phone call within a day or two. Realize that heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails”
ongoing assessment for suicidal thinking/ (Pro 19:21).
behavior is important as you seek to bring a Suicide assessment is a learned skill, but
biblical framework to bear upon this person’s a necessary one for the biblical counselor or
life struggles. In future weeks, it may be helpful pastor. We trust that this article has further
to ask, “On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being ‘I’m equipped you in the methods of suicide
determined to end my life right now,’ what assessment, knowing that we carry out such
is the highest you’ve been since we’ve met? assessments depending upon our Father’s
Where are you today?” This does not preclude wisdom, mercy, and power—for ourselves and
the need for additional assessment as outlined for our counselees.
in this article, but it does give you a basic feel _______________________________________
for how the counselee has been doing. 1 J. Bird, H.H. Dohn, G. Patterson, W.M. Patterson,
“Evaluation of Suicidal Patients: The SAD PERSONS
7. Here is the bottom line: you should not
Scale,” Psychosomatics 24: 4 (1983): 343-349.
let the person leave unless you are convinced 2 S.C.Shea, Psychiatric Interviewing: The Art of
that suicide is not imminent and that your Understanding, 2nd Edition (Philadelphia: W. B.
safety plan has addressed what to do if suicidal Saunders Company, 1998), 463
thinking becomes worse in the near future. 3 S.C.Shea, The Practical Art of Suicide Assessment: A
Guide for Mental Health Professionals and Substance
Be Faithful and Trust: A Final Word Abuse Counselors (Hoboken: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.,
It is common to feel apprehensive while caring 2002), 152.

C ouns e lo r ’s To o lb o x
What to Say to a
Teenager in Crisis
by Paul David Tripp
If you live with teenagers or soon-to-be way that was not possible a couple of years
teenagers it’s easy to think that they’re from ago.
another planet. The way they dress, the music • As your child makes more independent
they like, the words they use, and the friends decisions, this will reveal issues of the
they hang out with are very different from heart (loves, desires, and wants) and create
you. Your world seems so far from theirs. openings for conversation.
What can you say that will help them when So look past the surface issues and use these
they hit a rough patch? Is it possible for you openings; communication is possible.
to communicate effectively when someone so Second, your teen’s “trouble” is your
unlike you is in a crisis? opportunity. The revelation of your teenager’s
Yes, it is. heart through words, actions, and decisions is
what makes the teen years the best of times and
What You Need to Know (sometimes) the worst of times. It’s the best of
First, communication is possible. Effective times because you have many opportunities to
communication with your teenager begins talk about what really matters. It’s the worst of
when you look past the surface differences and times because you will have to accept the reality
see that your teenager is more like you than you of your teen’s true heart condition. You might
might think. Your teen isn’t an alien. Your teen know from reading the Bible that everyone’s heart
is becoming a reflective human being (just like is “deceitful above all things, and desperately
you). This presents you with an unprecedented wicked” (Jer 17:9). But it’s hard to see this on
opportunity to be used by God in your child’s display in your own dear child. It’s not always
life. There are two reasons for this: easy to accept that your teenager’s actions are
• Your teen is now capable of sophisticated controlled by the heart and not by hormones,
thought and self-reflection. Your son or circumstances, or pressure from friends.
daughter is becoming mature enough to This is a time of wonderful opportunity, but
discuss issues and recognize things in a the opportunity is in the trouble. If you want
___________________________________________
trouble-free teen years, you will have a hard
Paul David Tripp (M.Div., D.Min.) is president of Paul time appreciating the opportunity God has given
Tripp Ministries (www.paultrippministries.org) and you. But when you remember that God is using
Executive Director of the Center for Pastoral Life and trouble to reveal important things about your
Care in Fort Worth, Texas. He has authored many books teen’s heart, then you will see these times as God-
on Christian living, including “Age of Opportunity: A
given moments of ministry.
Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens.”

In one sense this makes your parenting job What You Need to Do
so much bigger. Instead of just trying to keep First, do not personalize what is not personal.
your child problem-free, you are looking for Our natural tendency is to make our teenager’s
personal transformation at the deepest level. misbehavior more about us than it really is.
But when you remember that only God can When we do this we say things like, “I can’t
change a human heart and you are only his believe you would do this to me!” or “Do you
instrument, then your parenting task becomes have any idea what my day was like?” These
much smaller. You are called to be faithful; only statements make you the central issue instead
God can do the work of change. of your child’s need for a changed heart and
Third, your words are shaped by your heart. a deeper, more honest relationship with God.
What does this have to do with talking to your Here are some things that happen when you
teen? Everything! The Bible says that all of us take your teenager’s actions personally:
speak out of our hearts. Our thoughts and • You will often turn a moment of ministry into
desires shape the words we say. Have you ever a moment of anger. When you feel personally
When you have God’s perspective on your teen’s life,

then your words will be used by God to bring hope
and change to your teenager.
apologized after a moment of anger by saying, offended, your words will be shaped by irritation
“I didn’t mean to say that.”? That wasn’t exactly and anger. You will say things like, “You don’t
true was it? Those words started as thoughts want to even think about what will happen if
in your heart, and that’s why they came out of you ever do this again!” or “Do you wake up
your mouth. God tells us in the Bible that all of every morning and think about new ways to
our words and actions start in our hearts (Matt drive me crazy?” These words are not the wise
12:34; 15:18; Luke 6:45). and carefully crafted words of someone who
Your words are shaped by what you want desires to be a part of the ministry of change
for yourself and for your teenager. Useful and that God has lovingly planned for this moment
productive conversations with your teen are only in your teen’s life. They only express your anger
possible when your heart is in the right place. and your frustration.
Your teenager will mess up your schedule… • Because you have turned a moment of
will try your patience…will challenge your ministry into a moment of anger, you will be
authority...will make unwise decisions…will adversarial in your response. Your words will
embarrass you…will struggle with living for the communicate, “It’s me against you!” Since you
approval of friends…will cause you to get up have not dealt with your heart, your teenager is,
earlier and stay up later than you want to… and at that moment, your enemy. Because your child
will think up trouble that isn’t even on this list. is standing in the way of what you want (peace,
But here is the important point: your words in comfort, control, etc.), you will say things like,
all of these situations will be shaped by the true “You don’t want to push me!” or “Do you want
condition of your heart. When you have God’s to take me on? I wouldn’t try it if I were you!”
perspective on your teen’s life, then your words • You will be tempted to look for a quick solution
will be used by God to bring hope and change that doesn’t get to the heart of the problem. It’s
to your teenager. But when your heart is focused much easier to yell and throw a punishment
on yourself and on your desires and fears, then at your teenager than to take the time to find
your words will bring discouragement and out what is going on in your teen’s heart and
tension. If you are living for control, your words relationship with God.
will be angry and fearful. If you are aiming to How helpful is it to relate like this to your
influence your teen toward what is good, your teenager? As you are angrily lecturing, do
words will be constructive. you think your child is thinking, “Wow, this is
great; I am seeing myself more clearly than I

ever have. Now I know I need to change, and and organizes life. Don’t just say, “This is what
I am so thankful for the way my mom and dad I think,” or “Do it because I said so.” Instead, tell
are helping me.”? No, when your words are your teenager what the Bible says about the
shaped by your anger and irritation, you are issue at hand. Each circumstance your child faces
not part of what God is doing in your teenager. provides an opportunity to demonstrate how the
You’re in the way of it. Your anger will provoke Bible makes sense out of all of life (2 Tim 3:16–17).
your teen to the very things you would like to • Be willing to share your own struggle. Don’t
see changed. minimize your own struggle with sin. Share
Second, start with your heart. If you want with your teenager how knowing Jesus has
God to use you in your teenager’s life, you have helped you in your struggle with sin. (Paul
to be willing to examine your own heart. Your modeled this in Romans 7:14–25.) Don’t let
teenager is not the only sinner in your home. your words convey to your teenager that you
Like your teenager, the tendency of your heart is have arrived spiritually. Let your child see that
toward self-centeredness, deceit and wickedness although your outward sins might be different,
If you want God to use you in your teenager’s life, you

have to be willing to examine your own heart.
(Jer 17:9). The only cure for your self-centeredness they are just as wrong in God’s eyes. Your need
is daily repentance for sins and daily dependence for Jesus is just as deep.
on Jesus’ death and resurrection for forgiveness • Keep Jesus and his work central. The most
and the power to change.“If we say we have no important relationship in your teenager’s life is
sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in not with you. Relationship with Jesus is most
us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just important. Be alert for opportunities to point
to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all to the forgiveness, deliverance, and power that
unrighteousness”(1 John 1:8–9). are only found in him.
As you learn to live a repentant and God- • Words of mercy and grace must be said with
dependent life, you won’t see your teenager’s mercy and grace. Times of correction must
bad behavior only as an inconvenience or an not be times when a loud voice, pointed
embarrassment, but as an opportunity. That finger, inflammatory words, and stomping
doesn’t mean it will be easy to see your child off in parental disgust are the norm. If you
make bad choices, but it does mean that God will fail to speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15) it
be able to use you as an instrument of change in will cease to be the truth, as the purity of its
your teenager’s life. content becomes corrupted by your frustration,
Third, speak wise words. “The tongue of the impatience, and anger.
wise brings healing” (Pro 12:18). How can your There is no script for talking to a teenager.
words and attitude do your teenager some good? Each teen and each situation is unique. As
Here are some principles to keep in mind as you parents we need to humbly ask Jesus for the
speak with your child: wise, kind, helpful, patient, useful, heart-
• Stay calm. There is a God. He is in control. All changing words that come from a heart that his
he does is good (Rom 8:28–39). Remind yourself Spirit is making wise, kind, and patient. When
of these truths and then take a moment to pray, Jesus is at work in our hearts, our words will be
to listen, to get all the facts, and to ask good appropriate and productive, even in the most
questions. difficult situations.
• Keep the conversation going. Sometimes your Fourth, take the time it takes. You might
teenager will share just a little bit of what is going be saying to yourself: “What you’re describing
on inside. It is up to you to continue to pursue sounds like it takes a lot of time. What if we are
your teenager with expressions of concern, just too busy?”
commitments to prayer, and simple questions It’s a mistake to try to squeeze a one
(not interrogation!). hundred dollar conversation into a ten cent
• Demonstrate how the Bible interprets, explains, moment. Don’t try to have that serious

conversation just before your teen runs out the • Think carefully and clearly about what you
door or goes to bed. If you know you need to need to communicate and how you should
have a long and potentially difficult discussion, say it.
schedule a time to have it. This protects you • Identify where you might get trapped.
from dealing with an issue in the heat of the What does your child do or say that gets
moment. It lets you take the time to clear your you angry or irritated?
mind and settle your emotions. It protects your • Have an anger strategy. Decide what you
teenager, because you are creating a setting in will do when you start to lose it. Will you
which you will be better able to work through stop and suggest that you pray together?
emotions and hear what each other has to say. Will you excuse yourself and leave the room
Honest and constructive communication until you have regained your composure?
does take time. But communicating with your Will you confess your struggle to your teen
child should be so important that you are willing and ask for help so that together you can
to rearrange your schedule and priorities. Think avoid the traps?
about how you are spending your time now, and • Believe God’s promise that even in a
evaluate your schedule according to the eternal moment of raging emotion and powerful
significance that each activity has. Remember desire you can say “no” and go in another
that working at building a relationship with direction. Let your belief in God’s promises
your children and pointing them toward Christ set the agenda for your communication
is investing your time in something that will with your teenager rather than what your
last forever. teenager says and does. Then watch the
Fifth, learn how to handle the times you fail. good things God does as you depend on
When you try to have a good conversation, your him for help.
child might make some remark or comment
that really angers you. Be prepared. * * *
One of the sweetest things Jesus did for us
on the cross was to break the power of sin over What can you say to a teenager in crisis? If you
us. This means we don’t have to go wherever see your teen’s trouble as an opportunity for
our emotions and desires lead us. We can, in you to offer godly care to someone struggling
fact, say“no”to powerful passions (a motivating to mature, you will find many things to say.
emotion) and powerful cravings (agenda- Fight your natural tendency to make your
setting desires) and go in another direction child’s misbehavior a personal affront to you.
(Titus 2:11–13). As God’s child you must decide Instead, start with your own heart before
to exercise this power. How can you do this? God. Ask him to help you to see these crises
• Prepare yourself by admitting your need as opportunities—opportunities to share your
to God. Pray for the help that only he can own story of struggle and faith, and to invite
give you. your teen to follow Jesus too.

Lives in Process:
An Introduction
Each of us is a work-in-progress. Biblical counseling recorded their thoughts, actions and feelings,
exists because God uses people to help people, their hopes and fears, their successes and
comforting the disturbed and disturbing the failures, as they learned first-hand about the
comfortable. Biblical counseling exists because dynamics of biblical change.
none of us changes all at once, in the twinkling This ‘self-counseling’ project forms a key
of an eye. When we see Jesus face to face, then part of counselor training. We become able to
we will be fully like him. Until that day, the help others effectively as we understand how
story is not yet complete. This section of JBC we are alike (amid all our differences of detail)
seeks to capture snapshots of the struggles and how God meets us.
and the change process as it is happening. The No temptation has overtaken you that is
stories are framed by and infused with biblical not common to man. God is faithful, and
truth—not just the theory, but the rough and he will not let you be tempted beyond your
tumble, the fits and starts of an unfolding ability, but with the temptation he will also
personal story. provide the way of escape, that you may be
These stories come from students in able to endure it. (1 Cor 10:13)
CCEF’s Dynamics of Biblical Change class The God and Father of our Lord Jesus
taught by David Powlison. We are calling this Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all
section “Lives in Process.” These stories are comfort,… comforts us in all our affliction,
the fruit of an assignment in which students so that we may be able to comfort those
choose an issue to address in their lives. The who are in any affliction, with the comfort
entry point might be a personal problem— with which we ourselves are comforted by
from a minor bad habit to a significant pattern God. (2 Cor 1:3–4)
of temptation and sin. Or the entry point might We trust that you will benefit in reading these
be some hardship, trouble or trial that a person “lives in process”and believe that the Spirit will
is facing. In either case, students spent 4–6 use this testimony—for stories bear witness, not
weeks working on the issues and journaling to theory, but to what has actually happened, to
the process. They explored the details of their “things that Jesus did” (John 21:25).
situation and their responses. They probed For this issue, we have two offerings. Both
motives. They engaged the Word of God and articles are anonymous; names and identifying
the God of the Word. They sought help, counsel details have been changed.
and prayer from friends and family. They

L i ve s in Pro c e s s
My Virtual Refuge
Anonymous
“What was that they told you at work?” I asked, observe a rewarding job I had previously only
without looking up from the screen. As my wife heard her describe.
repeated what she had just said, I looked toward Despite the encouraging things that
her, but quickly turned back to finish the article happened on our trip, I came home stressed out
I was reading online. My wife called, “Ready for (although I didn’t realize that I was at first). At
dinner?” After a short pause, I looked up again to home again, I engaged in a familiar pattern. Each
see her at the dinner table, head bowed, and ready to evening of the week following the trip, I stayed
pray for the meal. As I walked to the dinner table, I on the computer for hours to “catch up on the
suddenly realized how hungry I was and how good news.” After a few days, I began to suspect that
the food smelled. How come I had not smelled it all of these hours online were related to my trip
earlier? home. Was I still just “unwinding a bit,” or was
This is a typical example of what happens all this a sign of something deeper going on? I
when I get absorbed reading articles on the realized then that I did feel stressed out about
internet. I lose track of time, half-listen to what my family. For as long as I could remember, I felt
is being said to me, and even forget that I’m that my role was to be the peacemaker: I was
hungry. When a major event happens, I look the one who everyone could trust. I was the one
forward to reading about it online. Even the who knew just what to say to smooth over an
fact that I have been in front of the computer all argument and bring us all back together. Had I
day at work does not stop me from hurrying to done my job while I was home? Had I fixed my
the computer when I arrive home. “The Phillies family’s problems during the visit? No. Might
made a trade? A speech by the President? I’ll they still hurt each other while I was away? Yes.
read about it tonight.”And I do. After a long day From 1,000 miles away, I probably could not be
at work, my evening hours fly by as I read online. the peacemaker. Had I done something wrong
Hours and hours disappear. by moving away from them? Would I ever be
By God’s grace, I began to realize that able to make everything right?
there was a problem with this pattern. The Lord Next, I looked down at my hand on the
showed this to me after a weekend at my parents’ computer mouse. What was I doing? Maybe
house. It was one of the best visits we have had those late nights on the computer had something
together. I hiked one day with my father, and I to do with all of this. As I began to connect the
bought him lunch for the first time. On another dots, I started to realize what I had been doing. I
day I spent time with my mother at her job as was dealing with my stress by distracting myself.
a school librarian. There I had the chance to And to cope with this unhappy discovery, I

turned back to the computer! I read about sense of my own heart. As I read and thought
politics, baseball, basketball—anything to avoid about my worries, the topic of trust came up
thinking about what was really bothering me. repeatedly. I saw myself as one of the unwilling
I did not want to hurt. The computer offered people in Isaiah 30:15: “For thus says the LORD
me a way to escape from my worries. But its God, the Holy One of Israel, ‘In returning and
numbing effect only lasted so long. My anxieties rest you shall be saved, in quietness and in trust
were piling up: worries about the impact of shall be your strength. But you were unwilling.’”
moving so far away from home, worries about Saved through resting? Strengthened through
not saying the right thing to help my family, trusting? A far different picture from “in
and then there were the immediate worries… distraction you can hide from what hurts,” or “in
the unfinished paper I had promised my boss yourself you can trust.”
weeks ago, and now the new worry about all this I realized how much I need a Savior in
time I was spending on the computer. I‘m not the face of worries and in the face of my own
adequate for this, Lord! As my thoughts turned to pride. I knew before that aspects of life made me
Those extended computer sessions were a warning signal

indicating that something was troubling me, but I could
not and did not want to admit it. The heart is deceitful.
God, I began to realize that these fears revealed anxious, but I had not realized just how much
something about my relationship with him. I subtle anxiety plagued me, or that the time I
feared that God would not fix these problems spent reading on the computer was my way of
that I saw in my family, in my work, and now in coping. Those extended computer sessions were
myself. Would he be there when I needed him? a warning signal indicating that something was
I doubted it, so I alternated between worry and troubling me, but I could not and did not want to
taking shelter in a false, electronic refuge. admit it. The heart is deceitful.
As I quietly started to pray, God began to It became clear that only an abiding trust
show me that my problem was bigger than my in the Lord could remedy my tendencies to be
misuse of time. I also had a problem with pride. I fearful and prideful. But what does it mean to
had an exaggerated sense of how I should impact live life trusting? First, I can pray. When I find
my family. I thought I was The Peacemaker—and myself in that silent, separate world of reading
their problems could be solved if I just said the the news, I can stop, turn off the computer, and
right words. I lived as if I was the only one who ask for help. I rarely pray out loud on my own,
could do it! This was starting to sound serious. but after the trip to my parents, I knew that
Not only was I seeking emotional sanctuary in needed to change. I had recently heard a sermon
cyberspace, I was trying to be my family’s refuge, on Psalm 77 that emphasized how the psalm
instead of turning to the One who is our true begins:“I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he
source of help. Yet my attempts to masquerade will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the
as Jesus did not work, and the burden I put on Lord.”That night I turned off the computer, went
myself made me want to escape the stress by to my room, and cried out to God, thanking him
going online. John the Baptist’s words came to for his faithful love and promise to carry my
mind: “I am not the Christ. He must increase, anxieties.
I must decrease.” Even John, the great prophet A second way I began to live a life of trust
of God, knew he was not the Savior. How much was by talking to brothers and sisters in Christ.
more did I need to depend on Jesus as my It amazed me just how much bringing worries
refuge? And wasn’t Christ the real peacemaker into the light helped me both to trust God and to
who promised:“Peace I leave with you, my peace see how God is at work. Instead of pretending
I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to the problems are gone by escaping online, I can
you” (John 14:27)? talk them over. I began to speak openly about
I turned to the Bible to try to make more the patterns that played out time and time

again. God used conversations with my wife, my This pattern of insight and aid is mirrored
parents, and brothers and sisters in the church to and expressed in good counseling—even
let me see the depth of my own pride, and how though others are not immediately transparent
I have sought refuge away from God. And God to us, even though we possess no actual power
showed me the wonderful ways he has been to make change happen. “The purpose in a
at work in my family, ways that I could not see man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of
when I tried to carry our burdens on my own understanding will draw it out” (Pro 20:5). The
shoulders. result is insight, as another person’s inner self
More than a year has passed since I first comes to light.“The sweetness of a friend comes
recognized this problem. I have been given the from his earnest counsel” (Pro 27:9). The result
humbling and true blessing of learning that I is influence, as wise counsel helps to renew the
have sought a false refuge. I have confessed heart and life of another person.
this sin and believed that there is a true refuge, So in portraying for us how God is changing
and I now seek God sooner. But I still struggle. him, this man’s story implies something about
Even when there are little worries, I often forget how we can help each other to change.
to turn my anxiety over to God. Instead, many In particular, notice what emerges about the
days I have gone back to “reading the news” as nature of escapist sins. It is easy to focus solely
a form of escape—only to later realize what I on the immediate sin: in this case, the pleasures
have done. When confronted with it, I often let and comfort of flight into the endless realm of
myself off the hook:“I am tired and it was a long interesting internet information. In other cases
day. Why do I have to work on changing now?” the escapist sin might be more lurid and more
But even this temptation can be an opportunity immediately destructive: e.g., drunkenness,
to pray to the One who helps me: “Lord, please pornography, drug addiction, compulsive
give me the courage to trust you alone and not spending, gambling. The immediate sin is always
look for refuge elsewhere.” significant—but other things also matter.
When the time came to visit my family Notice, for example, the significance of the
again, my wife and I both prayed about the question, What are you escaping? In this story, two
trip, my family and my worries. That was both unexpected things emerged. First, he became
enormously helpful and an indication that the newly aware of his situation: family problems
Lord had done a work in me. Now, if I find were bothering him more than he had realized.
myself turning to the computer (or anything Second, he became newly aware of something
else) to hide from what hurts at work, at home, dark about himself. Covert expectations—“I
or anywhere else, I ask God to help me be more should be able to solve what is wrong”—
aware that I need to depend on my real Savior, heightened his level of stress and distress. An
not an imposter. Knowing this should at least incident of marked escapism and inattention
result in eating fewer cold dinners! But, more to his wife happened at the confluence of three
significantly, I can face whatever hurts, finding things: a troubling situation, a misplaced motive,
the peace that comes from remembering that and self-generated stress.
the mighty hand of God is the only true refuge. It will serve you well as a counselor to look
for how escapist sins express “false refuge” in
* * * something that is not God (the opposite of the
Psalms’ true refuge). It will serve you well to look
Postscript for significant difficulties a person is facing. It will
God is the “searcher of hearts,” therefore we are serve you well to probe the expectations, desires
transparent to him. He tells us what he sees, and fears a person brings to those situations.
therefore we come to know ourselves accurately. Behaviors, both good and bad, make sense as
The Vinedresser actively and purposefully works, we locate them within the interplay of external
therefore we change (often in unexpected ways). situation, internal motivation, and complex
In this man’s story we see how a good God experience.
is at work in him, giving both striking insight
into himself and direct help. David Powlison

L i v es in Pro c e s s
Active Love: A New Way

of Living
Anonymous
This story is about how Christ is at work in my My social drinking (as I called it) often
life. The medium he has used is my consumption left me drunk and out of control. I grew more
of alcohol. I know that alcohol causes a great comfortable in the pursuit of pleasure, alcohol
deal of destruction—it did so in my life. and otherwise. Granted, many good pleasures
Drunkenness is sinful. Though I sympathize with like laughter, friendship and conversation were
the arguments for total abstinence, I have chosen the most important to me, but occasionally more
to aim for moderation. But what follows is not destructive tones dominated. Those times were
an essay arguing for moderation and against characterized by indifference to wrongdoing,
total abstinence. I hope that whether individual slander, coarse language, boastfulness, anger,
readers disagree or agree with my position, they crudity, and sexually-charged flirtation. I was still
will still find my story encouraging. It is a story, concerned with maintaining a moral lifestyle in
after all. Christ has been working, is working, and the midst of it all, but failure and indulgence still
will continue to work, both to his praise and to occurred. At times, I was living a quasi-alcoholic
my wonder. lifestyle.
This story starts many years ago when I was a Four years after college, I heard and believed
freshman in college. A few of my friends attended the gospel and joined a church family. I changed
a college a few hours away. After class one Friday some in the social drinking aspect of my life,
I went to spend the weekend with them. I was though the change was primarily accidental,
nervous because that night was to be my first in almost passive. Simply put, my church family
the world of college partying. I had known these just does not drink much. And since I enjoyed
friends since the seventh grade; they knew me my new family and was often with them, I drank
better than anyone. We had been straight arrows less frequently. But when I did go out drinking, I
in high school, but in college we were trying new would still engage in destructive behaviors (or to
things. As we mixed drinks and listened to hip call it by its true name: I would sin). Recognizing
Indie music, the shared excitement was palpable. that I was indeed sinning, I knew that I had to
We laughed and spoke about life and loves and deal with this issue.
learning (and the drinks!). After a few rounds, My first attempts at dealing with it focused
a few of us wandered out to a party. There, in on the motives underlying the destructive
a sense, I met the rest of the world who were behaviors, the lusts, the boastful heart, the
drinking, dancing and looking for romance. Some arrogance, and the desires that would get freer
of it was stressful and awkward, but overall I had reign after a few drinks. Yet, I never directly
a great time, and a new pattern of living began. addressed the role of drinking in my life. It was

not until three years later, when an older, wiser friends about my desire to change and seek
Christian challenged me to seriously engage in guidance in the Bible left me feeling liberated,
the work of sanctification that I became aware rather than hedged-in. I was seeing that freedom
of my blindness to my drinking habits. As I does not mean doing anything I desire. Rather,
prayerfully considered his advice, and thought of freedom is living in obedience to God’s design for
where to start, I finally became conscious of the life. Living more intimately with Christ and my
obvious: before any growth was going to occur in Christian family (i.e., really loving them) brought
my other struggles, I had to address my drinking. a measure of freedom from shame and guilt, eased
After all, drinking was what gave free reign to the social anxiety that occasionally motivated
these other sins. Essentially, I was a glutton my drinking, and lessened the gluttonous urge
when it came to alcohol, and this undermined for pleasure. I had tried to “lean on my own
my pursuit of goodness and constructive living. understanding”when it came to drinking, to go it
I was a bit sad about this realization even as alone in finding a way to live. I had tried to carve
I submitted to it. While I was convinced that the out a piece of my life that was not in God’s moral
fullest human life was a holy life in fellowship universe and was beyond address by my loved
with God, I felt too that holy living was almost ones, effectively pushing them away. More and
certainly going to kill an old friend (beer). And, all more I began to see that love required intimacy,
doctrine aside, I felt I was going to be poorer for and intimacy required transparency. And this
it. I imagined new rules and new accountability understanding of love was changing the whole
that would make each of my favorite beers a way I thought about my desires to change.
little less satisfying, and many good times would Despite these growing realizations, much of
be lost. The conversations with friends about it was still mostly head knowledge. But one night,
why I was not taking part in the next round of while walking the streets in New York’s Lower
drinks were going to be awkward, and these East Side, these truths flowed into my heart as I
conversations might make me sound like a found myself singing “My Goal is God Himself,”
spiritualized moralist (and play into negative a 19th century hymn. I sang it for the entirety of
stereotypes about Christianity). All this is to say a thirty minute walk. The words I had sung many
that it was with no small amount of anxiety that times before came to life and moved through my
I began my quest. Were it not for the delectable intellect and into my heart.
sweetness I had tasted in deliberately closing the
gap between belief and life1 in other areas of my My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace,
life, I would have quit before starting. Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;
In the next month, while reflecting on my ‘Tis His to lead me there—not mine, but His—
Lord and life in relation to my excessive drinking At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.
habits, a central theme arose: love for God is meant
to be lived out in community. This was not what So faith bounds forward to its goal in God,
I expected. Rather, I assumed that submission And love can trust her Lord to lead her there;
to biblical rules would make up the bulk of my Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard
learning. But, early on, this search for rules led Till God hath full fulfilled my deepest prayer.
straight to the great two-fold commandment. I
saw that a holy life is not about trying to fit in only No matter though the way be sometimes dark,
as much sin is allowable! Rather, a holy life is a No matter though the cost be oft-times great,
calling to love God and others wholeheartedly. He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark,
Seeing the call to love others as central illumined The path that leads to Him it must be straight.
past events: much of what I had regretted from
days of drunkenness was related to active sin, One thing I know, that “no” I cannot say;
but I had never been convicted of the passive One thing I do, I press towards my Lord;
sin of not loving.2 This new perspective changed My God my glory here, from day to day,
my work of sanctification from being largely a And in the glory there my great reward.
negative one—what to stop doing—to a positive
one: how to live a life of love. I felt anew that I could trust God in any path
To my surprise, conversations with trusted because he upholds me, no matter how dark or

hard or costly the path may be. And I could trust years. I had never been so frank about my sin
him in everything—drinking included. I was with them, yet shame was absent. I was walking
awestruck in those moments with the totality of with them and they with me.
this love. With this new taste of goodness in my Once this hurdle was cleared, it became easy
mouth, a new faith in God arose. to share with others, even beyond the few close
In the quiet of those city streets, I heard friends I had initially involved. I wondered what I
his voice in everything. The whole world was had been afraid of all these years. It seemed I had
safe, and I feared nothing. As I sang, simple never really trusted in God before, because this
profundities became alive in me. I felt I’d never was so different, so easy and free. Setting myself
really trusted God with my life and that this up to receive the love of others actually became a
was pure foolishness given his overwhelming way to love them. My parents felt loved because
goodness. I was the only person I entrusted with I had trusted them, and I was blessed in loving
my lack of control, my weakness, my regrets. them. My obedience in confessing my sins to
Sin and self-deception run unimaginably deep others3 was a means used by God to bless me
My obedience in confessing my sins to others was a

means used by God to bless me with a greater awareness
of his forgiveness. I was acting redeemed, speaking of sin
as something hostile to my identity–not defining it.
in my heart, and I was living alone, unwilling to with a greater awareness of his forgiveness. I was
trust anyone regarding drinking. This isolation acting redeemed, speaking of sin as something
had stopped reflection and driven away hope, hostile to my identity—not defining it. I was
because I knew my own futility and the fear of realizing redemption and freedom. It was odd
repeated failure was crippling. Yet the beauty of really. Suddenly, I was hiding less, and I felt less
this song pulled me out of myself and toward alone. My simple obedience was teaching me
my Lord, the One who could do something, the wisdom through experience. In obeying, I was
One who could absolutely be trusted. It was no learning how to live in community, and I started
wonder I struggled and had stagnated in this encouraging others to not be afraid of sin, but
area of my life. These are the natural results to realize redemption as I had. The iterative4
of living on my understanding and strength. nature of God’s wisdom became clear: only in
The powerful, solemn joy of the old hymn had obedience can the truth of God’s goodness be
connected my mind’s conviction to my heart. I truly realized.5
was leaping for joy in my heart, filled with awe I made progress. Yet, as time went on,
and wonder at being convicted that I had a I continued to feel the difficulty of breaking
chance to live differently. I had hope. old habits and the complexity of making
My first act of obedience was to stop changes in my social interactions. Each week,
carrying this sin alone and to start asking my I came to better understand my brokenness,
larger Christian community for help. I started by stubbornness, and simple carelessness. It was
sharing my desire to change with my parents, here where I met a further truth of God and was
involving them as both counselors and prayer given the energy to keep on keeping on. During
partners. Sensing my own ambivalence about a Sunday service, a woman sang “Orphans of
opening up, I sent them an email, sharing my God,”6 which has the startling lyric, “So many
hopes generally and pinning myself down to fallen, but hallelujah.” Being fallen is turned into
talk about it on the weekend. Our conversation hallelujah before a loving and forgiving God.
was open, truthful, loving. Simple, trusting Later we sang “Remember Mercy,”7 a meditation
obedience made it easy to be honest about my on Habakkuk 3:2 which insists that sin is no
struggle. I shared with them that drinking had impediment for God’s love: “I stand in awe of
made chastity and holiness more difficult, and your deeds, beauty which covers the earth…
that I had resisted the wisdom of God for many though you cannot look on sin, still I rejoice in

your name, for your anointed has borne our (there are multiple rounds when you eat hot
shame.” Again, I was drawn into wonder and pot), I had one beer. Then a friend offered to grab
awe at being in the hands of God.8 These truths me another beer, and I accepted. The steaming
about the forgiveness and love of God made my pot of broth in the middle of the table was hot, I
failures to love God and others during my years was thirsty, and after a short while my beer was
of excessive drinking, and in my recent strivings, empty, and I had another. We were all drinking
just a part of my larger life with God. My moral at a quick pace, like we had done many times
successes were neither a means of proving my before. Some at the table grew louder as the
worth nor the centerpiece of my walk with him, evening and drinks wore on, and the volume
rather his amazing love, grace, and mercy. of their conversation made it difficult to carry
In the context of this process of reflection on other conversations. I noticed this, but I did
and growth and struggle, I went to New York not try to do anything to help. Also, there was
on Thanksgiving weekend to visit friends. I one moment of startling sadness when a friend
anticipated the weekend being a bit of a test. callously joked about going to hell and someone
If that were all that God intended for it, then else added, “I’ll see you there.” A comment
I failed the test. Instead, he covered my small like that gets bandied lightly, but behind it is
failures with grace and transformed regret into absolute darkness and hopelessness. I typically
greater knowledge of myself and his ways. On proffer a sarcastic remark, attempting a loving
Thursday and Friday I visited with friends, interruption of such thoughts, but this time I
enjoyed drinks in moderation, and actively loved said nothing.
others the whole time. On Saturday, I went out Later, on the subway ride home, I nodded off
with a large group to sing karaoke. This meant for a second right in the middle of a conversation
an extended period of social drinking, which is with a friend. I was tired after a week of little
precisely the occasion I struggle with the most. sleep and much work, and a weekend of activity.
A good Christian sister was in the mix this The exhaustion combined with the extra beers at
night, and I had told her about my hopes to turn dinner made it hard to stay awake. I apologized,
away from drunkenness and loveless behavior and he forgave. I was not drunk, but I had drank
while out with friends. Over the three hours of too much, and I had loved too little.
karaoke, I didn’t over-indulge, but I did walk The next day my Christian sister poked me
the line tenuously. We were toasting, singing, about the night before, about grabbing drinks at
dancing, being silly, laughing, encouraging each karaoke and having too many at dinner. At first I
other to sing tough vocal parts, shouting—all was defensive. But later, reflecting on the night,
told, good innocent fun. I realized she was right. I started to understand
We left our time of singing in high spirits, more that life is a process, growing in holiness
full of the boisterousness that comes when you is iterative, and that seeing my sins clearly,
set down pride and indulge in singing for each both active and passive, is part of this process.
other. We returned to a friend’s house to eat hot Moreover, this process is safe and is going
pot, a Chinese communal meal that involves somewhere because of the one who guides it. I
cooking raw meat, vegetables, and noodles in thought about the nature of living a whole life
a boiling pot of broth that rests on a portable for God, of the“so many fallen, but hallelujah,”of
range in the middle of the dinner table. I the“nevertheless”of Psalm 106, and of the“still I
enjoyed helping in the kitchen and chatted with rejoice in your name.” In this light, in the light, I
my friend, the hostess, while we washed and agreed in my heart with my sister: I had indeed
chopped the bok choy and the Chinese broccoli. drank too much out of the habit of saying “yes”
The mood was festive and we shouted and joked to another drink.
and laughed throughout the small apartment. As I considered the night further, I noted
There is a certain moment, achieved with friends that if real love had been active that night around
on a holiday, where everything you say and do the dinner table, it would have firmly and gently
has a context of affection, and we were there— said something to the comment about going to
for a while. hell. In my behavior, I had held up a false love,
We settled around the table and started in believing that it is my approval that friends need.
on the feast. During the first round of eating But behind this was a desire to be liked that

crowded out a desire to truly love them. Mixed in 6 “Orphans of God” by Avalon
with this was the consumption of alcohol, which 7 “Remember Mercy” by Tom Jennings
8 These songs were echoed and confirmed in my
enabled the sinful laxity. I confessed this sin to
devotional reading, through which I came upon Psalm
God, entrusting him with my weakness and 106:43ff where verses recollecting sin and rebellion are
placing my hope in his strength. On Monday answered with: “Nevertheless, he looked upon their
morning, when I met with my prayer partner, I distress, when he heard their cry.” Such is the mercy of
confessed these things to him. God. This mercy is a bedrock.
I had set out to find rules for drinking, but
instead I found a new way of living and learning. * * *
The journey helped make me less scared of life
Postscript
and failure, and more ready to learn obedience
“This story starts many years ago…” Yes, that is
through both success and failure. It gave me a
how all stories start, but it’s still worth saying. Our
desire for my walk with the Lord to be about
lives are meant to unfold like a good book. And
abundant living and loving, and a refreshment
every story that gives evidence of the purposeful
of life so deep it reaches my bones. It taught me
love of Christ will someday come forth into all
that the final word in struggle and failure and
joy. We will see face-to-face. We will be remade
sadness can be “Hallelujah,” because he does
wholly like the one we have come to love.
not give up on me. This assured knowledge of
This story, like most stories, can speak of
his patient and steadfast love liberates me from
a few glowing moments. May God be praised
being defined by what I do and have done.
for those times when all creation comes alive,
Since those days, drinking hasn’t been a
when “earth’s crammed with heaven, and
struggle in my walk with other people and the
every common bush afire with God” (Elizabeth
Lord. My path of sanctification includes other
Barrett Browning). But this story, like all stories,
challenges instead. The lessons I learned about
mostly describes everyday moments. Some of
the centrality of loving others and the Lord, the
these are difficult and disheartening. Others
power of grace over and through failures, and
are heartening. And so we grow. The leading
the iterative nature of wisdom assist me in these
sanctification indicators do trend upward
new struggles, though I learn these same lessons
over time, though sanctification recessions
over and over.
and downturns are not uncommon. When it
_______________________________________
1 “Closing the gap between belief and life” gets at the
comes to treasure in heaven, your investment
notion that the beliefs held in the mind are often not the philosophy aims for long-term gains.
beliefs that operate in the heart. As an example, there is Here’s a more complicated question raised
often a canyon between how we might believe people by this particular life in process. How do ethical
should be treated and the way we actually treat them. judgments relate to a person’s growth in grace?
2 Passive sins are those sins that involve not doing what
This kind of issue actually comes up quite often
should have been done,“sins of omission.”
3 James 5:13 “Confess your sins to one another and pray in counseling, whether over ethical or doctrinal
for one another, that you may be healed” was realized differences. So, for example, the story you just
as my obedience in confessing brought my parents and read deals with alcohol use. All Christians agree
friends in. They prayed, bringing God to bear. that:
4 Iterative wisdom is the wisdom that we learn by going • The goal of the Christian life is active love
through a process repeatedly. The first time down a path
for God and others.
we learn certain things. The next time we travel the same
route we add to those initial lessons and modify our
• Drunkenness is wrong.
initial wisdom. And so on and so forth. It is a wisdom Those two points of agreement are extremely
that grows out of experience. significant. But thoughtful Christians differ in
5 The promise in Proverbs 3:5–6 resounds here. “Trust their ethical judgments about alcohol use per
in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your se. Should the norm and goal be moderation or
own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.” The blessings
abstinence? Is alcohol a good gift that goes bad,
and the power of God are obtained through obedience. or is it inherently bad?
These verses, along with 7 and 8, echo throughout my In other words, should we think about
meditations here. The lesson is that obedience and beverage alcohol the way we think about
joyful, triumphant living in God are connected: simple, money? Greed, theft and coveting are wrong;
but wonderful.
moderation, gratitude and generosity are the

norm. The wrong comes in misusing something • There are Christians who prefer abstinence,
good. Or, should we think about beverage but who practice situational moderation.
alcohol the way we think about greed, theft Given the constructive, relational meaning
and coveting? All forms of mammon-worship of alcohol consumption in a particular
are wrong, and total abstinence from sin is the culture or family, they participate when in
norm. The wrong is simply wrong. Do we take that setting: “In my extended family and
our cues from Psalm 104:15’s celebration of culture, the glass of wine and the toast are
creation, Old Testament cultural practice, and a central ritual of conviviality and oneness.”
the Lord’s Supper? Or do we take our cues from And there are still other combinations,
Ezekiel 44:21’s implications for the new covenant permutations and complications!
kingdom of priests, the example of the Nazirite What about the story you have just read?
vow, and Romans 14:21? From an ethical standpoint, this story offers yet
Ethical judgments about alcohol use also another of those untidy permutations that real
raise many subtler questions. For example, in life presents to pastors and other counselors. The
practice, there are a variety of midway positions author believes in and prefers moderation, as
between moderation and total abstinence. does his church and Christian cultural setting. For
• There are Christians who believe in both his Christian and his non-Christian friends,
moderation theoretically, but who practice moderate use of alcohol carries constructive,
situational abstinence. Given the destructive relational meanings—but it also has destructive
meaning of alcohol consumption in a effects, tending toward drunkenness both
particular culture or family, or the destructive for non-Christians and, on occasion, for him.
effects in the life of a particular friend, they At the same time, his Christian friends were
do not drink in those settings or they never willing to reprove him in love on an occasion of
drink. drunkenness, indifference, and compromise. He
• There are Christians who believe in had ears to hear the reproof. He confessed. He
moderation theoretically, but who practice grew in loving God and neighbors. He learned
personal total abstinence. The reason could to practice moderation. The old demons of
be because of their own vulnerability: drunkenness and allied forms of lovelessness
“Some people may be able to handle were silenced. As he moved on in sanctification,
alcohol responsibly, but I do not drink. It “other challenges” came to the fore. The active
too easily tempts me and resurrects too love of God had been working—and kept
many old demons.”Or the reasons could be working. The Vinedresser began snipping off
because of a sense of calling: “As a pastor, I other branches of remnant sin, that the fruitful
choose not to drink, though I do not mind if vine might become still more fruitful.
other Christians drink in moderation.”
David Powlison

B o ok R e v ie w
The Doubting Disease: Help

for Scrupulosity and Religious
Compulsions
Joseph W. Ciarrocchi, (Mahweh, NJ: Paulist Press, 1995), 192 pages.
Reviewed by Michael R. Emlet
Nothing saps joy and freedom in the Christian “Scrupulosity: An Overview” (chapter one)
life faster than ongoing doubt, guilt, and self- gives a synopsis of the problem of scrupulosity,
condemnation stemming from an overly- which he defines as “seeing sin where there
sensitive and scrupulous conscience. There is none.” Several case studies highlight
is a spectrum with regard to the hyper-active the anguish and paralysis these sufferers
conscience, but I am thinking of Christians who experience, and the lack of understanding they
obsess hours a day over moral and spiritual encounter in secular therapy settings.
concerns. Their obsessive thoughts and doubts “Scruples and Obsessive-Compulsive
produce anxiety. This anxiety often drives Disorder” (chapter two) describes the problem
people toward compulsive responses, including of scrupulosity as a sub-set of obsessive-
excessive reassurance-seeking from others, compulsive disorder (OCD). Ciarrocchi
ritualized praying and confession, avoidance of views scrupulosity as “religious OCD.” He
spiritual activities, and exhaustive research and distinguishes “emotional scrupulosity” (his
study. main focus) from “developmental scrupulosity,”
One of the most widely cited texts on this a more self-limited form of scrupulosity often
issue is Joseph W. Ciarrocchi’s The Doubting occurring in adolescents or shortly after a
Disease: Help for Scrupulosity and Religious conversion experience. He proceeds to describe
Compulsions. Ciarrocchi, a former Catholic the features of OCD including various types
priest, trained as a clinical psychologist and of obsessional thoughts and compulsive
served as professor and chairman of pastoral behaviors. He then discusses the origins of
counseling at Loyola University in Maryland OCD in light of the fact that the majority of
prior to his death in 2010. all individuals have unwanted and intrusive
His book is organized into three parts: thoughts at various times. Why do some
“Scruples: Orientation and Overview,” people develop intractable obsessions and/or
“Changing Scruples,” and “Practice and Theory compulsions in response to these thoughts?
of Changing Scruples.” I will first summarize One aspect may be viewing the thought as
each chapter, and then I will comment on overall somehow dangerous in itself. “People with
strengths and weaknesses of his approach. scruples believe, ‘If I have this thought, image,
___________________________________________ or impulse, I must be that kind of person or be
Michael Emlet (M.Div., M.D.) counsels and teaches at willing to do those things’” [emphasis original]
CCEF and directs CCEF’s School of Biblical Counseling. (p. 25). Ciarrocchi highlights the attempted
He is the author of “Crosstalk: Where Life and Scripture
Meet.”
suppression of that “dangerous” thought as

another factor in the development of OCD with the obsession and/or compulsion. He then
and helpfully summarizes the subsequent discusses several practical ways to increase a
cycle that ensues. He ends the chapter by counselee’s motivation for change. “The drive
briefly describing both biological treatments to keep the scruples is essentially emotional:
(medication) and psychological treatments fear. The reasons for change need to have an
(exposure and response prevention) for OCD. equally compelling emotional pull” (p. 68).
The third chapter (“Scruples: Common Chapter six,“Reducing Religious Scruples,”
and Uncommon”) describes the nature of highlights key principles of exposure and
scruples more specifically through a case study response prevention therapy. Exposure is
of John Bunyan’s struggle with assurance forcing oneself to remain in the fear-provoking
of salvation and blasphemous thoughts. situation, which gradually leads to the
Ciarrocchi notes that Bunyan’s success in diminution of the anxiety. Successful exposure
overcoming scrupulosity may have been linked must be prolonged, must evoke some level
to his emotional engagement with the truths of anxiety in the person, must be repeated
of Scripture and not simply to absorption of over time, and may take place in the real-life
factual information. The chapter ends with a situation or through the imagination. Response
chart of various common themes of religious prevention, or the “blocking principle,” involves
scrupulosity and gives examples of obsessions avoiding the characteristic compulsive response
and compulsions that may be associated with a to the obsession-induced anxiety. “Changing
particular theme. scruples and OCD symptoms, therefore, is a
“Scruples in the History of Pastoral Care” two-step process: exposure to the obsessions,
(chapter four) puts scrupulosity in the context and at the same time, blocking the compulsions”
of church history before it was viewed through (p.76, italics original). Ciarrocchi spends the
the modern lens of psychiatric diagnosis. He remainder of the chapter discussing how to
describes several principles for the treatment of design exposure exercises for target obsessions
scruples from the pastoral care tradition. (both live and imagined), beginning with those
• Act contrary to the scruples. situations and obsessions that cause the least
• Follow the example of others without amount of anxiety and working gradually
tedious moral reasoning. toward the situations and obsessions that cause
• Rely on the guidance of a single spiritual greater anxiety. He notes the importance of
advisor rather than consulting many. involving others: “If someone is hesitant about
• Put oneself in situations that trigger the the ethical legitimacy of exposure tasks, he or
obsessional thought. she should take the list of tasks to a spiritual
• Avoid religious rituals/prayers, which serve or religious consultant of the person’s own
as compulsions. choosing” (p. 82).
Ciarrocchi notes these principles “contain In chapter seven (“Reducing Compulsive
the seeds of modern behavioral treatments” Scruples”), Ciarrocchi focuses on the second
that include modeling by others, exposure arm of the treatment approach: blocking or
to the upsetting situation, and blocking the preventing the ritual/compulsions, whether
compulsive response. they are external (behavioral) rituals or internal
The second section of the book focuses on (mental) ones. He also distinguishes between
specific strategies for overcoming scrupulosity. “positive rituals”(doing something to neutralize
In chapter five, “Targeting Scruples and the anxiety generated by the intrusive thought)
Developing Motivation,” Ciarrocchi’s first step and “avoidance rituals” (not doing something
is to gather data through self-monitoring. He to prevent further anxiety). An example of the
includes a sample assessment tool, which asks former might be saying a ritualized prayer; an
the counselee to record the date, situation, example of the latter might be avoiding TV to
obsession (the thought, image, impulse, or prevent intrusive sexual thoughts. Response
behavior that triggers anxiety), to rate the prevention therefore means not doing the
level of anxiety, to describe the compulsion positive ritual or doing something constructive
(the thought, image, impulse, or behavior that instead of avoiding. In other words, response
reduces anxiety), and the time spent dealing prevention is “doing the opposite.” So, in the

aforementioned examples, response prevention the passage of time. Milieu-influenced scruples
would involve not saying the ritualized prayer (Type II) highlights that fear-based scruples can
and choosing to watch a (wholesome) TV be shared by the members of a particular social
show, respectively. In both cases the counselee or religious group. Clinical scrupulosity (Type
remains in the midst of the anxiety, without III) represents the version addressed in the
resorting to the compulsive strategy. Finally, book: scruples as a sub-type of OCD.
Ciarrocchi notes the difficulty for family The book ends with two appendices: “A
members who live with the scrupulous person Step-by-Step Treatment for Scrupulosity,”which
and describes a few ways to stop assisting the nicely summarizes the book’s approach and an
struggler with the rituals (e.g., cease providing “Obsessions and Compulsions Checklist,” a
excessive reassurance or cease listening to data-gathering tool based on the Yale-Brown
repeated confessions). Obsessive-Compulsive Scale. Throughout
“Getting Help for Scruples and OCD” the book there are multiple charts that can be
launches part three of the book. Ciarrocchi photocopied for use with counselees. Endnotes
discusses how to find a helping professional and a substantial bibliography complete the
and what types of treatments are available, book.
including medications. He particularly
mentions the Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation Positive Aspects of Ciarrocchi’s Approach
and Scrupulous Anonymous as two helpful I have found aspects of Ciarrocchi’s overall
organizations. He closes the chapter with a listing approach helpful in counseling those who
of professional and self-help organizations, struggle with scrupulosity. There are not
recommended general reading, and readings from many accessible resources designed for
more technical literature. counselors that address this focal struggle in
In chapter nine (“Technical Asides: Moral a comprehensive way. In addition, Ciarrocchi
Reasoning, Scruples, and the Psychology of lays out a step-wise, logical methodology for
Religion”), Ciarrocchi discusses the futility of helping the scrupulous person, providing many
attempting to convince someone to give up templates for potential homework assignments.
scruples through argumentation and moral One temptation we face as biblical
reasoning. In his view, the issue is not ultimately counselors is to stay at the level of ideas (even
a cognitive problem but an emotional one. biblical ones!) in our counseling. Ciarrocchi
The conclusion he reaches is that “attempting urges the reader not to engage in a battle of
to solve ethical issues from a scrupulous moral reasoning as though amassing more
foundation creates an infinite loop of further biblical, philosophical, or ethical perspectives
difficulties for the person” (p. 114). He shows in and of themselves will help solve the doubt
the futility of casuistry (“resolving of specific or question at hand. Such an approach rarely
cases of conscience, duty, or conduct through works, and it often exacerbates the problem
interpretation of ethical principles or religious because the scrupulous person will usually
doctrine”1) and how such moral reasoning have one more rebuttal of our supposedly air-
backfires for the scrupulous person. Rather, tight biblical positions!
the counselor helps the struggler take action in Ciarrocchi rightly highlights the
situations where there is absence of complete importance of hands-on methodology and
and absolute moral certainty. practical exercises, including exposure and
Later in the chapter he returns to his response prevention approaches. From a
earlier point of distinguishing between biblical perspective this means facing your
developmental and clinical scrupulosity. In fears without resorting to typical self-oriented
fact, he sees three types of scrupulous behavior. compulsive strategies to reduce anxiety. This
Developmental scrupulosity (Type I) can occur methodology pushes the struggler to live
at two stages of life: in adolescence as teens are in the midst of life’s ambiguity, rather than
wrestling with identity issues, and following pursuing absolute certainty. Biblically, this
a religious conversion in adulthood. This type means learning to live by faith and not by sight.
of scrupulosity is generally self-limited with Ciarrocchi does not put it this way, but such
guidance and support from others and with exercises can involve learning to transfer trust

from self to God in the midst of distressing, resources outside of self for change. Bottom
fearful situations, thoughts, and emotions.2 line: his approach is theologically, biblically,
I also believe it is helpful to see severe and anthropologically impoverished.
forms of scrupulosity under the umbrella Ciarrocchi rightly identifies some of the
of OCD.3 That is, the descriptive overlap is faulty thinking that underlies the experience of
appropriate. This reminds us that the person scrupulosity. For example, secular researchers
with severe scrupulosity has more than a have described six “belief domains” (faulty
tender conscience that should respond simply cognitions) associated with OCD. These
and swiftly to biblical instruction. Rather, we’re include an inflated sense of responsibility, over-
talking about a morbidly sensitive conscience. valuation of one’s thoughts, overestimation
People who are basically paralyzed by their of threat, the importance of controlling one’s
obsessive doubt and compulsive responses thoughts, intolerance of uncertainty, and
cannot be argued out of their experience. And perfectionism.4 This is helpful. But the belief
it certainly is not helpful to say, “Just don’t patterns described do not occur in a vacuum.
think like that” or “Ignore the thought.” In this Rather, they reveal important things about
sense, we can agree with the secular research our view of God, self, and others. Working
showing the success of cognitive-behavioral with the counselee to identify and correct
therapy in OCD, and, more specifically, these distorted views is a critical part of the
exposure and response prevention strategies, change agenda. Again, this cannot simply be
despite their limitations noted below. a Christian thought-replacement exercise, but
Lastly, Ciarrocchi rightly highlights the an opportunity to actually engage with God in
importance of engaging emotions in the the moments when fear and doubt take over.
battle against scrupulosity. While a much Lastly, while I believe that exposure and
richer and biblical development of this idea response prevention exercises are critical,
is needed, it reminds us that overcoming how can we employ them within a biblical
scrupulosity involves more than Christianized framework? What gives the struggler the
“thought-replacement” exercises wherein power to face one’s fears, to remain in a
faulty thoughts are simply replaced by place of doubt, ambiguity, and anxiety?
biblical thoughts. Overcoming scrupulosity Who provides the resources for such battle?
requires a growing and vital trust in God Ciarrocchi’s approach begins and ends
lived out in daily personal engagement with with the individual. A biblical approach to
him. This ultimately moves a counselee away scrupulosity begins and ends with the God of
from ritualized and impersonal “religious” the universe, whose redemptive work through
responses. Jesus Christ, outpouring of his Spirit, and life-
giving Word provide the grounding for such
Limitations of Ciarrocchi’s Approach practical exercises.
Ciarrocchi’s model suffers from several
major flaws. The most glaring is that his Conclusion
approach is purely humanistic and clinical The Doubting Disease offers two important
(cognitive-behavioral). He looks at the benefits. It opens our eyes to the reality and
problem exclusively through psychological intensity of scrupulosity. It provides concrete
and biological lenses. While he advocates the strategies to help strugglers. However,
incorporation of a counselee’s religious beliefs the counselor must embed these practical
into the approach as potentially helpful, God strategies in a robust biblical worldview to
as a real person is missing. Scripture is absent. achieve a distinctly Christian approach to this
He does not view the struggler as a worshiper struggle.5 There is a reason why Ciarrocchi
whose heart allegiances, desires, fears, and may see the history of pastoral care as
moral choices are inextricably woven into containing the “seeds” of secular cognitive-
the struggle. As a result, the transformation behavioral treatment: the apple does not fall
he advocates does not move toward greater far from the tree! Long before scrupulosity was
love of God and of other people. Nor does viewed in clinical categories, skilled pastors
it require a scrupulous person to rely on brought biblical wisdom to bear upon these

entrenched cases of conscience. We would do 4 David A. Clark, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for OCD
well to recover this rich pastoral tradition even (New York: Guilford Press, 2004), 112.
5 For more information on this subject, see the following
as we are sharpened by Ciarrocchi’s modern biblical counseling resources:
reflections. • Audio of my lectures from CCEF National
_______________________________________ Conferences. “Religious OCD” (Psychiatric
1 “Casuistry,” Merriam-Webster, accessed February 21, Disorders Conference) and “Fear Run Amok –
2012, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ Help for those who Struggle with OCD” (Running
casuistry. Scared Conference). Available at ccef.org under
2 A resource that does highlight the critical role of Resources – Audio Downloads.
transferring trust/responsibility from self to God in the • My mini-book: OCD Freedom for the Obsessive-
midst of obsessions and compulsions is Ian Osborn’s Compulsive (P & R Publishing, 2004)
Can Christianity Cure OCD? A Psychiatrist Explores the www.prpbooks.com
Role of Faith in Treatment (Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, • Gary Nebeker and Norman Thiesen, “Consciences
2008). that Condemn: When Moral Thermostats Go on
3 This book review is not the place to discuss the benefits the Blink,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling 19:1
and limitations of psychiatric diagnostic categories. For (2000).
such an introduction listen to my talk from the 2011 • Edward Welch’s blog: “The Unpardonable Sin” at
National Conference entitled, “What’s in a Name? www.ccef.org/unpardonable-sin
Understanding Psychiatric Diagnosis,”available through
www.ccef.org.

B o o k R e v ie w
Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and

Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault
Justin S. Holcomb and Lindsey A. Holcomb, (Wheaton: Crossway, 2011), 288 pages.
Reviewed by Cecelia Bernhardt
Justin and Lindsey Holcomb walk into the Disgrace

darkness of sexual assault with their book, Rid of This section compassionately considers both
My Disgrace. The Holcombs are determined to the horror of the original incident and the
bring hope and healing to the victims of assault. life-long repercussions that victims of assault
They are also determined to bring hope and help can face. At the time of the assault, victims
to those called to minister to victims. The authors can feel terrified, fearful, helpless, humiliated,
bring an intimate knowledge and understanding and confused. The assault is not only sexual,
of Scripture, a wealth of theological resources, but also emotional, relational, and spiritual. It
along with a credible acknowledgement of the involves betrayal on every level.
research that the secular field has to offer. Most The overall impact of sexual assault is
importantly, the Holcombs’personal experiences evidenced in the long-term consequences.“The
of grace from their lives of faith undergird every especially sinister side of trauma is that even
story told and lesson learned. when the event has ended, it has only begun to
The authors approach the terrain of sexual shatter one’s key assumptions about one’s self
assault through three categories: “Disgrace,” and one’s relation to others in the world”(p. 40).
“Grace Applied,” and “Grace Accomplished.” Self-blame can be a monumental struggle for
They define sexual assault as “any type of survivors—especially if the assault happened in
sexual behavior or contact where consent is not childhood. It is often much easier for people to
freely given or obtained and is accomplished blame themselves for the horror of abuse than
through force, intimidation, violence, coercion, to face the pain of acknowledging betrayal by
manipulation, threat, deception, or abuse of someone who was called to love and protect
authority” (p. 28). They inform the reader of them. Many of the psychological consequences
the prevalence of sexual assault in the United of childhood sexual abuse center on victims
States: 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually who have convinced themselves that what was
assaulted at some point in their lives. As biblical wrong must have been right, and that what
counselors, we want to be prepared to minister they thought was right must have been wrong.
well to such a large percentage of the population Their perception of reality has been warped in
who often suffer shame and guilt in silence. a powerfully personal way.
___________________________________________ Grace Applied

Cecelia Bernhardt (M.Div.) is the director of counseling The second section tells intimate stories of
at CCEF. She has many years of experience counseling devastating sexual assault; yet each story
women who have experienced sexual assault or abuse.

carries a seed of hope and healing. Along the enjoyment. Rid of My Disgrace pits this
way, the authors discuss the common reactions violation against the comprehensive shalom
of survivors of sexual assault. Denial, distorted that our world was created to enjoy.
self-image, shame, guilt, anger, and despair are We can take heart: “God’s response to
examined with the compassion and clarity that evil and violence is redemption, renewal and
only experience can bring. The authors enter re-creation” (p. 171). From the first promise of
the dark valley of lies and self-focus that can blessing through the offspring of the woman in
surround survivors. They bring the message Genesis 3:15, to the resurrection of Christ, God
of the gospel into refreshing contact with the does not waver from his plan for redemption.
limited and faulty “self-healing” approach that His loving kindness, or hesed, is shown again
is a foundational tenet in recovery from abuse and again. Isaiah 53 is especially poignant.
in the mental health world. The only hope to Through his death on the cross, this Suffering
survive such deep sin and suffering is the one- Servant will “absorb and transform” violence.
way, contra-conditional love of the Father. He He will restore shalom to the whole earth. He
fully understands both our sin and suffering, will restore shalom to the hearts of his people.
and he deeply loves us. He cleanses us, not In the final chapter we see how “violence
through our own efforts—but through the and redemption converge on the cross of
person and work of Jesus Christ. Survivors are Christ.” The authors describe Jesus Christ,
encouraged to forgive, recognizing the great the One who fulfills all of God’s promises to
cost of forgiveness. Forgiveness for grievous redeem his people.
evil is hard, but it brings a sense of peace in its Grace is accomplished—and applied. This
wake. It is forgiveness that is extended because is the hope for those who have survived sexual
we know we too need the Lord to forgive us. assault and abuse. Because of Jesus, we can
We who are grateful to have been forgiven can be healed from the consequences of the most
forgive others. brutal attack. Because of Jesus, we are forgiven
In their discussion of despair, the authors our own sins and the hurt we bring to others.
posit that the sense of powerlessness and We can develop a sense of our true identity
vulnerability felt during a sexual assault can in him and have hope for loving and mutual
contribute to struggles with self-hatred and relationships. Because of Jesus, we are truly rid
self-pity. Many questions can plague the of our disgrace—forever.
survivor in the aftermath of the assault. On
the one hand: “DID I ask for it? Why DIDN’T I Analysis
stop him? What happened is my fault.” Or, on Rid of My Disgrace largely accomplishes its
the flip side, if she knew she did NOT want it goals. It speaks to the victims of assault from
to happen and now feels damaged, she may a caring, biblical standpoint. In responding,
demand endless sympathy from everyone, I will discuss the way in which the Holcombs
everywhere: “I am defined by victimhood.” apply their faith to the topic of sexual assault,
Either of these two extremes will lock a survivor their interaction with secular literature, and an
into an identity based on the evil of the assault. oversight in their practical theology.
But the Holcombs remind us where true identity First, the Holcombs unapologetically
is found: in relationship with Jesus Christ. address a topic that has been claimed by
the mental health field. Firmly anchored in
Grace Accomplished a mature understanding of the gospel, the
In the last section, the authors point to the authors illustrate how God teaches us about
results of God’s grace. In the creation account people, healing, and relationships. God does
in Genesis, sex is portrayed as the “ultimate this primarily as Scripture interprets the wealth
expression of human unity,” underscoring why of extra-biblical information—both their
sexual assault has such dire consequences. own case experience and contributions from
Sexual assault is a weapon of violence. Vile self- behavioral science research. By demonstrating
gratification through violent control replaces how special revelation engages extra-biblical
the most intimate moment of surrender and information, the authors avoid the pitfalls of
voluntary giving of one’s self for the beloved’s either ignoring secular research altogether

or assuming that secular theory and therapy lingering confusion, and to receive help in
should get either first or last word in defining understanding what is good and what is evil.
personhood. Biblical counselors can really help here because
Scripture takes the lead. The authors put the we know God’s true definition of those terms.
biblical narrative of creation-fall-redemption- The Holcombs also cite secular literature
glorification to work. God’s dealings with us that buttresses the biblical view of emotions.
offer a consistent backdrop to come alongside As whole persons, we are wired for whole-
a person who has suffered a sexual assault. For person responses: thoughts, beliefs, emotions,
example, the fall into sin introduces suffering choices, conscience, memories, anticipation
due to the violence of others—Genesis, Exodus and attitudes. As biblical counselors we
and Judges are particularly graphic. This has acknowledge and treat emotions as part of
many counseling implications. God’s gift to human nature—just as much as
By acknowledging the depth and intensity cognitive and volition abilities are gifts. We want
of suffering at the hands of others, the to be receptive to what emotions communicate
Holcombs create a sense of safety for victims. about a person’s heart, and not assume they
This is something that Christians sometimes are a disjointed expression or the reaction of a
pass over too quickly in order to get to the good moment.
news of the gospel. But if we pass over suffering While appreciating these particular secular
too quickly, we make it harder for a person to contributions, the Holcombs clearly rely on a
understand how the gospel is applicable. biblical understanding of reality, identity and
Here is another example. The interplay of relationship. Their foundation of the person
suffering and sin is complex, and the Holcombs and work of Jesus in bringing health and
address this with delicacy and wisdom. Victims healing is helpful in arguing against the secular
need encouragement and support regarding encouragement toward self-healing, which
the offense of the attack; yet at an appropriate encourages victims to consider themselves
point in the counseling process we want them as their own saviors. That is a worrying and
to know the Lord as One who not only heals, unreliable approach that will inevitably leave
but can also save them from their sins. Every survivors in a place of isolation and futility.
person is in need of the forgiving grace of the Third, though overall effective, the
cross, even those who have been grievously Holcombs’ approach has one noteworthy
sinned against by others. This is a challenging oversight: they do not acknowledge the
truth for anyone to face, but a critical one to mystery that our God, who describes himself
share if we long to see survivors thrive. When as Protector, allows these evils. In my own
we come to God in humility, he will gladly counseling of victims of sexual assault, this
forgive and heal us. contemplation always brings the question: “If
Second, the Holcombs make appropriate God my loving Father sees all, where was he
use of secular research to help dispel some when I was attacked? Being all good and all
popular myths about sexual assault. For powerful, why didn’t he stop it?” Christians
example, a sexual assault is usually more might bristle at such questions, but they are
about violence and control than about sex. legitimate. God is sovereign, but Scripture
Assaults are not “crimes of passion” that cannot does not use God’s sovereignty to anesthetize
be restrained, which is often how people experience or to silence questions. For example,
categorize them. They are intentional, brutal the book of Psalms draws forth honest
acts of violence. Also, sexual assault is not questions in a way that expresses faith in the
usually perpetrated by a stranger. In 80% of God who cares for us and redeems us.
sexual assaults the victim knows the attacker. We do not have to defend God or try to
As we come alongside victims to help uncover his thoughts that are not revealed to
them, we are reminded that denial of an assault us. At the same time, we do not want to be
does not work. We agree with secular literature like Job’s counselors. When confronted with a
that encourages victims to tell their story in depth of suffering that they did not understand,
the context of a safe relationship. Doing so they wrongly attributed Job’s suffering to
gives them the opportunity to process any punishment for unacknowledged sin. God

rebuked them for “not speaking rightly about (3) Jesus himself experienced suffering at the
him.”At a time when they should have modeled hands of others.
God’s empathy and compassion, Job’s friends
spoke cold theological facts. Final Thoughts
Job, while challenged for an attitude of Overall, I highly recommend this book to
arrogance in his questioning of God, was anyone who has suffered a sexual assault and is
also praised for “speaking rightly” about trying to make sense of this experience in light of
him in contrast to his counselors. As biblical who God is and his love for sufferers, expressed
counselors, we can do well to consider just through the gospel. Biblical counselors will
how Job spoke rightly. We don’t know why benefit from the Holcombs’ experience,
God allows sexual assault and abuse—and thoughtful compassion and well-researched
10,000 other evils. There is mystery and we can information. The stories they use can be shared
acknowledge that. It is good to sit and ponder as vignettes of hope and encouragement.
the mysterious “why” question with people, Biblical counselors can use the Scriptures that
even as we mourn together the pain and loss they cite with their own counselees, or as
experienced in the assault. Often the first models for how to use other passages to speak
truths needed then are: (1) Evildoers act with of God’s truth, grace and compassion. This is a
their own free will according to evil purposes. work that graciously brings the light of life into
(2) God hates the evil act and has compassion a valley of great shadow.
on those who suffered at the hands of others.

B o o k R e v ie w
Integrating Faith and Psychology:

Twelve Psychologists Tell Their Stories
Editor: Glendon L. Moriarty, (Downers Grove: IVP Academic, 2010), 272 pages.
Reviewed by Edward T. Welch
Counselors, I hope, enjoy reading about and the scars remain for some of the combatants.
people. When I read a book I first look for the A colleague of Collins, who wrote one of the
author’s biography, then I carefully read the later chapters, mentioned a scheduled televised
acknowledgements, then I read the dedication, debate in which Collins and Adams were to be
sometimes wiping away a tear or two. I want to the principal opponents (p. 101). Collins decided
know about the author. This continues to be my to back out because, in the words of one of the
defense for taking a peek at People magazine if I other proposed participants, the debate looked
am waiting in a long check-out line. like it would be a “turkey shoot” aimed at those
With this in mind, “Twelve [Christian] who had a favorable view of psychology. Collins
Psychologists Tell Their Stories” should catch goes on to write that from that time on he sought
your eye. This is not a book of ideas that edits to hear his opponents and write in more irenic
out personal references. It is a book about ways. The implication is that his opponents
people. Each of the twelve writes about relevant (biblical counselors) did not respond in kind.
personal history (e.g., childhood and family This brief forward provides a glimpse into
experiences, church influences). They describe the story line that persists among those who
key mentors, struggles, personal suffering, identify with the agenda of bringing together
spiritual disciplines, and things learned both reliable psychological research and scriptural
as therapists and receivers of therapy. Each truth: “There are battle lines. The opponents of
concludes with a letter to the reader of hard- the agenda (read: CCEF and others of similar
won wisdom and summaries of the best advice opinions) do not listen well. They continue to
each has to offer. operate under the banner of anti-psychology.”
Gary Collins wrote the forward. Collins is And, of course, there is something here for
a Christian psychologist who was among the biblical counselors to consider. But, the real focus
early authors in Christian counseling. He is of the book is the biographical stories.
still smarting from the “battle lines” that were You might recognize some of the names
sharpened by Jay Adams’ Competent to Counsel of the book’s contributing authors: Everett
(co-founder of CCEF) and the anti-psychology Worthington, Rebecca Propst, Siang-Yang Tan,
movement, some of which was highly polemical. Mark McMinn, Elizabeth Hall, Mark Yarhouse,
Those were difficult days of argument and strife, and others. Each story is fascinating, as human
___________________________________________ stories of conversion and growth in the grace of
Edward Welch (M.Div., Ph.D.) counsels and teaches at
Christ always are. Here are several themes that
CCEF. He is the author of “When People Are Big and God
is Small.” run through the book.

• When you hear people’s life stories, they fall back on psychological categories. These are
are no longer merely “ideas with feet,” descriptively rich but with none of the wider
no longer simply a “viewpoint” within and deeper understanding communicated in
Christian counseling. These are people Scripture.
who know Christ and want to grow in Despite these significant omissions, the
him. They take their hearts to task. They stories are wonderful. One finds insightful
understand our shared tendency to rest in comments throughout. Here is one that caught
our accomplishments. They have sought my attention.
Christ through the dark times of life. They A student entered her professor’s office. The
are like you. As you get to know them, you school is Christian and teaches an integrationist
will hope to be like them, at least in their approach to psychotherapy.
zeal for Jesus Christ. “If I can help people that way [with
• The authors’ interest in psychology makes psychological techniques], then why do I need to be
more sense when you understand the larger a Christian?”
context of their lives. The instructor was, appropriately, stunned by
• “Psychology” to them usually means the question.
empirical research and careful observations. He comments further, “Over and over again
Sometimes it means a therapeutic approach, I have heard students proclaim, with the flush of
such as cognitive therapy or object relations newfound professional insight, that a client would
therapy, which the authors believe is be better off if she would just realize her problem
compatible with and complementary to was psychological and not spiritual . . . But the
Scripture. solution for such a dilemma may be to reexamine
• Scripture is praised. It is the infallible Word our theology rather than assume that clinical
of God. diagnosis should trump spiritual language”
• Psychology supplements Scripture with (p.254-255).
its insights into emotional problems and To which I say, “Amen.” And then I would
problems that are embedded in past labor to make a more persuasive case for the
relationships, especially early relationships. breadth and depth of Scripture.
• The worlds of psychology and Scripture Here is one other important piece to that
are hard to bring together. They are two story. The author goes on to observe that some
different disciplines. They do not integrate of these students are looking to be liberated
easily. from legalistic church backgrounds where
These observations are not new. You can glean the struggles of everyday life are ignored or
them from most any current book on integration dismissed. This is not the only motivation for
or “Christian counseling.” But something those who engage in integration, but I have
important is missing. The Christian psychologists heard this story many times from men and
in this volume rarely mention how empirical women who have turned to secular psychology:
research is not as sturdy or reliable as advertised. they received more help and understanding
It is one thing to do empirical research with there than they did in the church. To which we
igneous rock or iguanas. It is something different say, “Lord, have mercy on us all.” May we never
to develop careful and useful observations about drive people away from Scripture because of
complex moral creatures such as ourselves. clumsy or even harmful ministry of the Word.
Here is another missing item. There is May those who teach and preach be chastened
rarely any interest in taking the more reliable and sobered.
psychological observations and showing how Certainly there is more I could say about
Scripture anticipates these observations and this useful book. When any of us reads a book,
places them in a much richer context. For we highlight some things and miss others.
example, the consequences of past verbal, Along with being drawn into every person’s life
physical and sexual abuse have been widely story, I have been reminded again that biblical
studied. Scripture speaks extensively to injustice counseling, as it is interpreted by most Christian
and the damage of being sinned against, but psychologists, is only a slightly nicer version of
when these authors think about past pain, they the aim-and-shoot school of anti-all-things-

secular-and-psychological. We will have to work
hard if we are to engage in profitable discussion.
I was also reminded that Christian psychologists
are interested in finding compassionate,
meaningful, Christ-honoring theological
frameworks that can provide a truly coherent
perspective on people and modern human
struggles. To which I give another, “Amen.”That
is what biblical counseling is! This gives us good
reason to engage with those who share the
perspectives of these twelve psychologists.

B o ok R e v ie w
Coming to Peace with Psychology:

What Christians Can Learn from
Psychological Science
Everett L. Worthington, (Downers Grove: IVP Academic, 2010), 280 pages.
Reviewed by Edward T. Welch
Everett Worthington’s book could be read as should be explored theologically, (3) help us
“One Psychologist Tells His Story” (see review learn how to live wisely, and (4) help us know
of Twelve Psychologists Tell Their Stories). God better. These are ambitious goals, especially
Worthington is a committed Christian who the last one.
teaches at Virginia Commonwealth University. He reviews the different approaches to
He is a psychologist whose interest is in careful integration and identifies biblical counseling
research about human beings more than in as the “filter” approach. By this he means that
clinical or counseling theories. His goal is to draw biblical counselors use Scripture to filter or sift
more Christians into the field of psychological all psychological theories and observations,
research. discarding some things and recasting others.
The book is personal. Readers get a sense of Worthington is certainly measured in what
the man, his family, and especially his marriage. he says. He is an ethical scholar who strives to
This, I think, is the way it should be. Some types speak accurately. He is quick to point out the
of writing have to be less personal. A journal merits in this approach, but, in his work, he
article, for example, usually is not going to speak prefers to use what he calls a relational model.
about the pleasure you take in long walks with He uses the metaphor of dance to summarize
your spouse. However, Christians who do much the relationship between Scripture and science.
writing will eventually begin to seed their work I am not fond of the dance metaphor—I step
with personal references. This is not egoism. It is on my wife’s feet way too often when we go
simply what happens when you understand that to weddings—but I understand what he is
the world is fundamentally personal: know God, saying. Careful observations and Scripture work
be known by him, know other people, be known together. Scripture is called to“lead,”and science
by them. So it is a pleasure to get to know this is called to follow, and yet there is a back-and-
author. forth in good dancing.
Within this personal context, Worthington No argument here. There have certainly
gives us a good primer on the science of been times when an observation from
psychology. He argues that science, though counseling, an autobiography, neuroscience
limited in what it can do, can (1) support and or academic psychology has either challenged
validate scriptural principles, (2) add ideas that me to consider my interpretation of Scripture
___________________________________________ or to account for that particular observation by
Edward Welch (M.Div., Ph.D.) counsels and teaches at
way of Scripture. For example, whenever I write
CCEF. He is the author of “When People Are Big and God
is Small.” about human strengths and weaknesses, the

neurosciences help me clarify the embodied things can and should point us to the Creator.
nature of human life. Emotional lability is a So, despite the fact that Worthington
weakness; anger is typically sin. A poor memory identifies himself as an integrationist (science
for faces is a weakness; indifference toward and Scripture), and I am a biblical counselor,
others is sin. For me, the neurosciences and I still agree with his main points. Some of our
Scripture have danced over the years, and they differences emerge out of our institutional
continue to do so. Scripture is true and infallible, settings. He works in a secular university and I
but our exegesis and theological constructions work in a non-profit Christian institution. This
always need refining, and careful observations creates differences in emphases.
help to raise good questions. In the late 1800’s Worthington is passionate about the
many theologians assumed that language was marriage of Scripture and psychological science;
the essence of being created in the image of God. I am less so. I am more passionate about the
Subsequent investigations into strokes raised careful application of Scripture to the details of
questions about this position when it became daily life. Is this difference important? Probably.
apparent that stroke victims could experience His concern about biblical counseling—and
aphasia1 while still being very human. They were here I am making his thought more explicit than
still creatures made in the image of God. what he actually says—is that biblical counselors
Where I think Worthington overstates the are studying people with only one resource
dance is when he says this: Scripture (when when God has given us more. Yes, he would
interpreted by people) and science are equally say, Scripture is a fine resource—it is the best
prone to error and correction. I do not believe this resource—but those in the “people business”
is the case. There is no doubt that we all look at need access to the careful observations of both
Scripture through our own idiosyncratic glasses, believers and unbelievers. Otherwise, he says,
which include denominational preference, we are working with a handicap. To him, this
culture, socio-economic status, gender, and a would mean that biblical counseling is great for
host of other factors. But I am always blessed by some problems, but its scope is limited.
how easily Christians can come to a consensus But does any biblical counselor believe
on critical matters. I teach students from a variety there is only one resource for coming to know
of theological and denominational backgrounds, and understand people? On our CCEF staff
and I have taught in cultures very different from we have had a historian, a medical doctor, a
my own. I have found that, among those who psychologist, a sociologist, a neuroscientist, a
take Scripture seriously, we rarely disagree on person trained in marriage and family systems,
the basic exegetical and theological matters that an addiction specialist, and others who stay
control counseling practice. On the other hand, current in neighboring disciplines. Our staff
so much of psychological research remains includes lovers of film, art and literature. Many
tentative. For example, a decade ago researchers have traveled extensively. What unifies us is that
reported that they had found the bipolar gene we all have seminary degrees and we counsel. In
while working with Amish health records. all of this, we are both interpreters and learners.
Today we realize that those conclusions were We are continually being educated in the
speculative. Human beings are complex, and varieties of human experience. Worthington’s
research in which results are sound, replicated view that biblical counselors only draw from
and meaningful are difficult to find. Those “one resource” is a false perception. Science is
conclusions for which there is broad support, essentially careful observation, which means
such as the importance of relationships in the biblical counselors are functional scientists every
process of change, are already emphatically clear day.
in Scripture. My concern for those who are passionate
Worthington also asserts that psychological about psychological research is that it is hard to
insights can enhance our sanctification and use such research fruitfully if you do not also have
relationship with God, but I found that his a growing knowledge of Scripture, especially a
supporting data did not deliver. The research growing biblical view of the person. Integration
he uses is open to interpretation. But all can is a precarious process. As most people who
agree with his basic idea: observations of created specialize in integration know, it is hard to do

this work when theological understanding lags condemnation, personal regrets, shame—each
behind the psychological. Can you articulate a one of these receives rich biblical consideration.
biblical view of the body, spirit, mind, emotions, Self-forgiveness as a psychological category
relationships, sin, forgiveness, purpose, does not get to the primary matter of who God
addiction, grace and sanctification? Does is and what he says about sin and forgiveness.
biblical insight take you deeper and broader Psychological categories, by their very nature,
than research? It should. Whichever partner in do not naturally draw us God-ward. They are
the dance brings the most depth of insight is the not created with God in view and therefore
one who will control the dance. If Scripture does misconstrue significant human experiences.
not breathe forth rich, deep and full insights, Yet, despite this limitation, Worthington
then psychological categories will be imposed moves the conversation about integration along
on Scripture. If Scripture is rich, full, and deep, quite nicely. I love the personal nature of this
then Scripture will cast its gaze on everything, book. That, in itself, moves the conversation
which is as it should be. forward. Also, he insists on distinguishing
Self-forgiveness is a good example of psychological science from clinical observations
this process. Worthington believes that self- and personality theories. The border between
forgiveness is very important, but “the concept these is unclear at points, but it is a useful
of self-forgiveness is not mentioned in Scripture” distinction. Careful definitions are an important
(p. 218). From an integration perspective, this part of ongoing discussions.
category needs to be created and filled in Moving forward, we will keep listening and
by the empirical literature. But consider the learning from Worthington and many others.
implications of Scripture’s apparent “silence.” We are all busy with work, family, and church,
The psychological partner—self-forgiveness— so careful reading and dialogue with counseling
now takes the lead in the dance. Instead of neighbors can easily be squeezed out. But God’s
asking why Scripture does not talk about self- call to love and unity adds these discussions to
forgiveness, it becomes a new operative category our agendas, and we are blessed to live under
that is not interpreted through the gospel. such a calling.
Scripture does not speak about self- _______________________________________
forgiveness because our sin is against God and 1 Aphasia is defined as “loss or impairment of the power
to use or comprehend words usually resulting from brain
others, not ourselves. (1 Corinthians 6:182 is
damage.” Merriam-Webster, accessed March 26, 2012,
worth considering here, but the proper response http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/aphasia.
in this passage is not self-forgiveness.) And there 2 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person
is more. Scripture is deeply concerned about the commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral
phenomena that lie behind this construct of self- person sins against his own body.”
forgiveness. Self-loathing, a lingering sense of

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THE JOURNAL

The Journal of Biblical Counseling was published as a print journal

Copyright © 2012 Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation

The Journal of Biblical Counseling is a publication of the Christian Counseling and

The Journal of Biblical Counseling Volume 26 | Number 2 1

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A church community that understands that we are all

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... since the entire church is a community of “recovering

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Community life looks like God’s people regularly having

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We worship our way into sin and we must

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Can you imagine an addict’s accountability to

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Sexual differentiation, identity, and activity are an

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... being one flesh should not lead us to think of

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Sex reminds us and celebrates the fact that we were

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Jesus infiltrates and rearranges every story, so that all of

Charles I think of such stories as catching the flash

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The ethical reorientation of a human being rarely

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The Christian life is organically alive. We turn, we trust,

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Evaluating a Person with

by Aaron Sironi and Michael R. Emlet

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It is a myth to think that asking someone about

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Our God pursues and rescues wayward people in

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