A “Checkmate” by Conan Gray
It started in the hayloft. The stars twinkled in the night sky and you and
I were giggling to each other for the past hour. I never laughed that
much before. I was too shy to make the first move so you did instead.
With our legs and arms entangled in the heat of the night, for the first
time in a very long time, I felt wanted. Someone else in this world had
wanted to be with a poor boy like me.
And then we made it official. On a hot summer day where we lay on the
sand and ate popsicles to cool down. We spent the rest of the summer
practically glued to each other. There was no one else who seemed
more important than you. I’m sure you felt the same way too. But that
all must have changed when you met him.
He was everything I could never be. He was smarter than me. He was
better looking than me. He was more confident than me. Confident
enough to steal away the only person that made me happy. You.
I loved him first. But of course you didn’t know that. No one else did. It
was something we kept a secret but I would remember that one
summer night like it was yesterday. So what if I cheated? I didn’t get
get caught in the act. But you did.
I knew that we were growing distant from the moment I saw his arm
around you after school and you leaned in as I wasn’t watching. But I’m
always watching you. I watched you two being a bit too close for my
comfort at the diner. I watched you sneak out to his car one night to get
high. You cancelled our date for a “doctor’s appointment” but I
watched you kiss him in the convenience store as I sat fuming in my car.
I know all that you have done wrong. And you should be punished.
You made the first move. You promised me a forever that you knew I
couldn’t have. You never loved me. If you did, you would’ve never done
me wrong.
And tonight, I’m thinking of all the ways I could kill you in your sleep.
You deserve your eyes being gouged out, your neck slit a knife, your
head blown off, your body being burnt to a crisp and being able to
scream but no one will come for your rescue. You will die and no one
will even remember you were alive. You meant nothing to no one. Not
even to me. You have done me wrong. And so you must be punished.
I quietly slip through the window and crawled slowly to your bed. You
were sound asleep, completely unaware of the gun in my hand and the
pot of hatred boiling in my heart.
But there was not only one body in the bed, but two. And of course the
second one belonged to him. I planned to blow his head off too. His
punishment would be just as bad as yours.
I pushed the hair from your face to admire how you looked when you
slept. You were still beautiful. You were the person I had fallen in love
with. But your beauty was now tainted by your sins. And if there is no
heaven or hell in place to reward the good ones and torment the evil,
then I should just do the job myself. In the strict morally correct world
that I have created in my head, love is not an excuse to be sinful. It is
only an excuse to punish.
The last thing I ever wanted to do was kill you. I loved you. But you
chose him. You should’ve been with me forever. You have done wrong.
Worse than most will do in a lifetime. And people who do wrong should
be punished.
Now I’m on the beach at midnight in my car with two dead bodies in
the truck. I’m absent-mindedly listening to a radio talk show. I had no
other choice but to run. To keep moving, for I had never been caught
before. I was the sinner of all sinners. And only sinners below me should
be punished.