Summary of

HOW TO STOP FEELING LIKE SH*T

14 Habits That Are Holding You Back from Happiness

By

Andrea Owen
Introduction

Have you ever felt as though you're running out of options? As if your life is a mess and you don't know
where to start looking? It's as if your past decisions have ruined you and there's nothing you can do
about it.

Most of us have experienced a period in our life when we believe everything is falling around us and no
one can help us get through it.

Changing our habits does not happen immediately. It requires a great deal of trial and error.

The important thing is to keep going and growing! You should not stop learning because it is a lifelong
process. As time passes, you will learn more about yourself and notice new flaws to improve on. You will
also see strengths you should be proud of.
Being an Asshole to Yourself: Learn to Manage Your Inner Critic

Our worst enemy is sometimes ourselves. We tell all those hurtful things before anyone else can say
them to us. And this behavior can make us feel bad about own selves. We can offer love and everything
to someone else, but we can't always give it to us. We are hard on ourselves than we are on others. We
compare, and we can never be truly happy when we do.

This is our inner critic. It is the voice inside our head that tells negative comments about the different
aspects of our lives. This was rooted from an experience, and we usually use this inner critic to protect
ourselves when we are afraid of what other people might say to us. Consciously or unconsciously, we let
this inner critic rule our life. If it gets worse, it will damage our self-esteem and self-compassion. The
more we listen to these negative thoughts, the more we believe that it is true. The great thing is that,
since this inner critic is part of us, we can manage it. Instead of being a destructor, we could learn to use
it as a motivator.

In the highlighted above, the sentences are too long. I removed the “and” or commas then replaced
them with periods. Our sentences should be short and simple.

Heather is a young woman who grew up in a family where body and physical attractiveness were highly
valued. She grew up being insecure about her figure. This is where her inner critic comes from. Heather
was conscious and judgmental of her appearance. Her worth is determined by how others see her. She
enjoyed the attention she received from others and the feeling that they liked her, especially from the
boys. When someone thinks she's attractive, Heather feels loved. When she was in her forties, this basis
of self-worth collapsed. She understood that her personality is not dictated by her appearance. But the
insecurities have been attached in her for a long time and they are difficult to remove.

In the highlighted names of Heather, I replaced the pronoun “she”. If we just keep writing she, the
readers will be confused as to who the pronoun refers to. So, we must mention the character’s name
from time to time.

In the next highlight, I also split the sentence. I started a new sentence from but.

Our inner critic is caused by a lot of things, including our family, culture, and the individuals we interact
with. But you know what's great? We'll figure something out. We can change the harmful nature of
these negative comments into something more motivating. You can use our tools and advice to practice
being kinder to yourself.

You must first recognize where this inner critic started. Make a list of all the areas of your life and then
ask yourself what your inner critic thinks of you in each one. First, determine what needs to be fixed.
Another thing to consider is that you should understand what causes this negative inner talk so that you
can respond appropriately when you recognize them.

We can only be effective at these practices if we practice and become consistent with them. Remember
that you're a human being who can make mistakes. This could be the root of your inner critic's lack of
self-esteem. As a result, you must learn to forgive yourself. You must recognize that these errors
occurred, and you must admit and accept responsibility for them. This is not to critic yourself, but to set
yourself free.

mistakes. This - Split the sentence

must accept – I will delete “admit and” to make the sentence short and simple.

This is not to critic – The sentence just started with Not to critic. So, I changed it to complete the
sentence.
Go Away and Leave Me Alone: Isolating and Hiding Out Isn’t Protecting You

Aside from the tips and tools that we can use to practice being kinder to ourselves, we could also
connect with trusted people on our lives. But, while we do have friends, it sometimes feels as if we are
not attached to them deeply. No man or woman is an island. We need each other to survive. But, for the
most part, we keep our secrets to ourselves. We may be always physically present, yet we have a
tendency to hide our true feelings. We are afraid to ask for help when we need it. We are afraid of
appearing weak, bothering someone, or fearing that no one will listen. We have a lot of reasons for
hiding our true feelings.

On the first highlight, I started a new sentence. There used to be a comma there.

One the second highlight, it just started with “Afraid of”. So, I changed it to “We are afraid of” to make
the sentence clear and complete.

We are allowing the inner critic to talk down to us once more in this scenario. We may not realize it, but
we are occasionally hiding, isolating ourselves because we are terrified of being vulnerable. We don't
want to open ourselves up for a variety of reasons. Perhaps we were betrayed, or perhaps we tried but
did not receive the answer we needed from a buddy, which is also possible. Like the inner critic, you
could always work out this problem, so that you won’t feel frustrated anymore. What do you need to
do? Open yourself to those people around you and share your feelings. Be honest and true with what
you feel.

I will delete these words above with lines over them. They are already unnecessary. This is to make our
sentences short and clear.

Truthfulness was the key in reconciliation between two best friends, Lisa, and Carrie. They had been
friends for a long time, yet they had drifted away. They had said a lot of hurtful things to each other. Lisa
wanted to reach out to Carrie and see if they might repair their connection. To do so, she must first do
things that may make some people uncomfortable. Lisa must admit that she was hurt and that she still
wishes for them to have a better friendship. She apologized and told Carrie how she wanted their
friendship to be. Carrie agreed. She also apologized to Lisa, and their friendship has become stronger as
a result. Because they effectively communicated what they want, they were able to work it out.

I changed “she” to Lisa because we have two characters and it is not clear as to who she refers to.

Although this case was a nice example, there are others who do not have the same results. That is
mostly why many women choose to keep their feelings and problems to themselves. The key to finding
that friend to whom you can confide in is trust. Find someone you can trust and tell them how you really
feel. You never know, they might be just what you need. But don't blame them if they can't be the kind
of friend you need. Some of us aren't aware that we're being bad friends, and maybe you are too.

I replaced the semi-colon above with the period to start a new sentence.

It takes time, just like any other type of development. We can eventually become the friend that
someone needs. You'll also meet the friend who understands you. Maybe you've already met her, but
you're still hiding. So don't be afraid to share your emotions, build trust, and show empathy to one
another.
Checking Out: Are Your Numbing Mechanism Still Working for You?

Back in the previous chapter, we talked about how to trust someone with our feelings, although it’s a
good practice some of us didn’t get the same positive results. That’s why there are women who choose
another way to numb the pain. Everyone wants to be happy, and to be happy we push out any feelings
that contradicts joy. Numbing our pain is one of the habits we do because we don’t want to face the
harder emotions. No one has ever been excited to feel those emotions that will hurt us, instead we
avoid it. But the key here is to walk through the problem, face it, and move forward. It sounds
impossible for some, but it will be totally worth it.

We can delete this whole part above because it has been clearly explained in the last chapter. It would
just be redundant. Starting with “Everyone wants to be happy” is good enough.

There are different ways that people use to numb their pain. It includes shopping, eating out or just
scrolling on Facebook. Although these habits don’t look destructive, if we spent too much time on them,
it will lead to addiction at the same level of alcohol or drug abuse. Our numbing mechanism may look
like self-care to us. We may not have an instrument to measure when a certain activity becomes a
numbing mechanism, but only you can identify it.

A mother said that whenever she feels like she wanted to clear her head she grabs a glass of wine. At
first this may look like self-care, for she is just rewarding herself. But since the practice was done every
day, it was now a habit. She mentally drifts away using that wine. She wanted to escape the
expectations strap into the life of being a mom.

Women tend to numb their pain away. They pretend to be happy and on track. They hide their true
feelings, and bury it deep down because of judgement by people around them. Hiding away from our
feelings doesn’t solve the issue. No matter how ugly these things are, identify where it came from so
that you could fix it. All these emotions are part of you, and you must recognize it.

Since this numbing your pain is a habit, it will take time to slowly get out of our system. You must name
what emotions are we burying and feel them. Set out a schedule to just let it all go, all the tears, let it
flow. This practice is freeing. Even sometimes we don’t really know what we feel or why we feel it, that’s
fine.

Never compare your feelings to others because we all go through different problems. Don’t feel awful
just because you feel that way. You are a human being. Don’t let other people dictate what you should
feel, because if you let them, you’ll be back in numbing it out. We can also tell other people we trust
how we feel, that there are people who would always listen to you. Trust yourself that you can do it. It
may be a little difficult at first, but slow steps can make a huge progress overtime.

I replaced “this” with numbing your pain. It was not clear what “this” refers to.

Never compare – the paragraph was already too long so I split it here. Keep your paragraphs short like
the previous ones.
Feeling Like a Fraud: The Imposter Complex

Trust is a big word. Women find it difficult to trust other people with their feelings, and worse, they
don’t also trust themselves. Many women don’t trust their capabilities. We feel like we are fake, and
that is what Imposter Complex does. Some people think that whatever good thing that happened to
them was just luck or maybe pity. They think eventually the luck will die down and they will be revealed
as someone who is not capable. It may be in their careers or their relationships.

This kind of thinking may root from our family. The way we are treated when we were children has a lot
to do with it. Or maybe, it was simply our culture. It’s the culture that men are always better, and
women should try much harder. If women reached something, they feel like they still don’t deserve it.
This habit is a thought process, and we have to stop doing it. Yes, you can! We will go through some
practices that you must apply to get rid of that Imposter Complex.

Feeling the imposter complex was not new to Rachel. She went to a nursing school and graduated with
honors, but even after this Rachel thinks that she didn’t really know what she is doing. She thinks that
her previous exams were all product of luck. Rachel thought to herself that she doesn’t really know
anything. Now that she is working in the ER, she feels like she is the least competent one. She questions
her accomplishments.

Rachel – changed from “she”

Rachel is just one of those women who feels the Imposter complex. They doubt all their capabilities and
feel little about themselves. They have an impossibly high standard about what should they do or where
should they be. Feeling like fraud could also be taken as being a perfectionist. The truth is, no one knows
everything, and it is okay. Because while we are still living, we can learn from our mistakes.

The paragraph is too long. So, I started a new one from “Rachel”

The people around you are not incompetent and little minded that they can be fooled by anything/ this
is one of the reasons why you shouldn’t believe in that inner critic who tells you that you don’t deserve
all the praises and recognition you receive. When you speak about yourself, try not to sound boastful,
but don’t belittle yourself too much. Like on the previous habits, we should practice being true and
honest to ourselves. Recognizing how awesome you are is not bragging. Welcome compliments the way
you welcome an unexpected gift.

Highlighted above is one very long sentence. This is what I mean. There. Between “anything” and “this”,
we can split the sentence into two. We can also delete a few words to make the sentence easier to read.

Whenever you feel like the inner critic is winning in making you feel like a fraud, remember that you are
qualified, /you are valid and most of all, you earned all the good things that you have, /and you deserve
it. You are bigger than what your imposter is telling you, /don’t let her win.

Another long sentence. There is too much use of and also commas. We can split it into three.

Don’t let her win – can be a sentence on its own

Usually when you feel incompetent, fraud or that imposter complex is crawling again, it is a result of our
idea of being perfect. Most of the women, whether they admit it or not, works hard for perfection. They
are goal oriented, and they focus on success. Nothing is wrong with being goal-driven, /the thing is,
what is this perfectionism costing you? Too much craving for perfection can destroy you, your
relationship and worse, it can prevent you from experiencing real happiness.

Starting with “Most of the women” is good. That is smooth transition already. Thanks for following the
instructions.

driven (period) (start with) The

Perfectionism is rooted from fear and shame and this habit can control our actions, decisions, and the
way we run our life. It’s as if, the goal to be perfect in everything is controlling you and when you make a
little mistake, everything will fall apart. Think about why you are doing all these things, /is this for you or
is this for the people watching you? We don’t want that to happen in our life, so while we can, let us
practice releasing the strong hold of perfectionism in our lives.

Delete and. Start a new sentence with “This habit”

things (period) (start with) Is this for you

This perfectionism habit sometimes came from the family, well most of the habit really begin with family
since we grew up there. Rane grew up in perfectionist family. Her grandparents were extremely
conscious with the house cleanliness. Her parents expect her to be an excellent student, /less than
excellent is not considered. Because of it, Rane really strived for perfection at school, in her career and
now even in parenthood. This perfectionism was attached to her even if she had her own child.

(enter) Many people are like Rane who let perfectionism live with them. They think that if they are not
perfect, they are not good enough or they are not accepted. The feeling of being perfect and accepted is
powerful.

Perfectionists find it difficult to deal with criticism. It goes over their head, and it will control their day at
least. They get angry and lose their temper. In this moment, you must think that the person who
criticized you doesn’t know anything about you personally, so don’t let them get in your head. Because if
you do, you will start blaming yourself and create imaginary worse case scenarios, /that will just make
things worse. You should also learn to set realistic goals, don’t stress yourself. Yes, you are capable but
give yourself permission to rest, or to mess things up.

You are too afraid to ruin your perfect plan, /you’re afraid to pause for a bit because you might be left
behind. Remember again why are you doing all this. Is it for yourself or for others? I hope it’s not for
other people who measure you by the things you do. If this is for yourself, don’t work yourself too much,
because right now you are doing great, /you are doing your best.

The sentence on the top can be removed. We can start from Rane’s story right away.
I changed “she” to Rane

I started a new paragraph with “Many people”

All the highlights with bold, I will start a new sentence.

Throughout the previous chapters we kept on mentioning how these habits are used by people
specifically women in protecting themselves. Most of the time, protecting ourselves also means putting
the pain directly to us so that we won’t be hurt by others. But there could be times that for us to protect
ourselves, we blame others. We do this because it’s easier than to face the real problem or to admit the
uncomfortable truths.

When we put the blame to other people, we forgot that somehow, they also have feelings. Blaming is
caused by anger and rage. It is too much that we forget reasons and considerations. Giving out the
blame feels freeing, but the truth is, it is not. We forget to look where does this anger came from or if
you are still being reasonable. We don’t want to be hurt that’s why we look for someone to blame.
When this blame becomes a part of you, it’s difficult to take out. That’s why we are here to talk about
how we could eliminate blame and start being honest with ourselves.

Andrea Owen, the author of this book, had her fair share of blaming others. During her past relationship,
she blamed everything to her husband for what happened to their marriage. He messed things up and
never treated her well that’s why it’s easy for her to blame him. In doing so, Andrea forgot to see her
own issues. Part of putting all the blame to someone is never really understanding where your anger
really came from.

As the years go by, Andrea understood how to release this blaming habit. A person should start in
realizing when and where this blame will be triggered. Which situation do you usually blame other
people? This first step is difficult because it requires us to be open. We have to dig deep in our past and
see if there is anything that will explain why we blame people. Usually, it is because we are angry, and
we don’t know how to express it. The feeling of anger is valid, and we don’t need to avoid it or bury it
down, /it needs to be expressed. Because if not, it will just burst out on inappropriate places.

If we blame other people just because we don’t want to face the real problem or we don’t want to get
hurt, we will lose them. It takes courage to overcome this habit, but there are a lot of things we can do
to solve it. Starting from now, we can focus on the solution.

This sentence above is a great way to end all our chapters. Great job.
Conclusion

We discovered that sometimes our bad habits are things we do because we believe it will benefit us. We
are human beings, prone to making mistakes, poor decisions and judgments. The effects are terrible, but
we shouldn't put all the blame on ourselves. You know, it's simply how life goes sometimes. It's good
one day, and then it's bad the next.

We could begin by listening to our inner critic and using it as a motivator. Our own negative comments
should not stop us from achieving greater ambitions. We can share with others, especially our closest
friends. We must be brave enough to face our true feelings rather than hiding them.

Even painful feelings should be confronted rather than numbing them with many activities. We are so
much better than those negative aspects, and you are so much better than you believe. Trust in yourself
and your abilities. Even if you fail to achieve a goal, you are still the best. Stop trying to be perfect and
be kind to yourself.

You are not alone, so stop hurting yourself. You have the right to be happy. Embrace your fears and
overcome them. Fear is a natural part of life, and the more we overcome it, the stronger we become.
Remember that small steps taken every day lead to huge progress.

You have a unique way of doing the introduction and conclusion. For me, that’s great. Keep it up.

You recapped all the chapters in your own simple way. The conclusion is very inspiring too.

I only changed the very last sentence because many of our summaries end like that.

The three questions below are good too.

Thank you for diligently following our format. I can see that you put a lot of effort in this summary. And
most importantly, that you poured your heart into it.

Keep up the good work.

You must understand that you are important. Stop punishing yourself. It's okay to feel your emotion,
therefore start identifying them. It is valid. This book will open your eyes to many things. Some of our
habits are built to comfort us, yet they prevent us from being truly happy. If you want to feel better, you
would want to read this summary.

Who will learn from this summary?

• Struggling women

• Concerned men

• Anyone who feels like their life is not at its best

About the Author

Andrea Owen is a best-selling author, international speaker, and certified life coach who specializes in
assisting women in gaining unwavering confidence and mastering resilience.