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Review of Heydar's Essay

The graph and diagram depict police funding data in the UK from 2017 to 2018. The pie chart shows how funds were allocated. The main source of income for the police came from the national government until 2018. Local taxes saw an obvious increase from 91.2m to 102.3m between 2017 and 2018. In 2017, 75% of the government budget went to salaries, which fell slightly to 69% in 2018, though salaries still accounted for most of the budget.

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37 views1 page

Review of Heydar's Essay

The graph and diagram depict police funding data in the UK from 2017 to 2018. The pie chart shows how funds were allocated. The main source of income for the police came from the national government until 2018. Local taxes saw an obvious increase from 91.2m to 102.3m between 2017 and 2018. In 2017, 75% of the government budget went to salaries, which fell slightly to 69% in 2018, though salaries still accounted for most of the budget.

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SMB BABA
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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The graph and diagrams depict the data of the police funds from 2017 to 2018 in the region of

Britain. The pie chat illustrates the circulation of the money. In addition to this, the other
pictorial graph describes the origin of the money.

It is crystal clear that, Based on the first graph, the major source of income of the police revenue
comes from “National Government” until 2018. In contrast of this, the minor amount of money
comes from “other sources” such as grants. In a comparison of sources for each year, the obvious
change, from 91.2m to 102.3m respectively, can be seen in “Local Taxes” from 2017 to 2018.
However, the slightest divergence, approximately half million, is visible in “Other type of
sources”.

When it comes to the details of the diagram, it is obvious that; in 2017, British government spent
t 75% of their budget in order to paying “Salaries”. However, this percentage dwindled to 69%.
Despite this, still, most of the budget of the government had been separated for “Salaries” such
as the payment of officers and stuff.

Review:

• "graph and diagrams" should be "graph and diagram"


• "depict the data of the police funds" should be "depict the police funding data"
• "in the region of Britain" should be "in the UK"
• "pie chat" should be "pie chart"
• "the minor amount of money comes from 'other sources' such as grants" should be "a
minor amount of money comes from 'other sources' such as grants"
• "the obvious change, from 91.2m to 102.3m respectively, can be seen in 'Local Taxes'
from 2017 to 2018" should be "an obvious change can be seen in 'Local Taxes' from
91.2m in 2017 to 102.3m in 2018"
• "the slightest divergence, approximately half million, is visible in 'Other type of sources'"
should be "the slightest difference, approximately half a million, is visible in 'Other types
of sources'"
• "When it comes to the details of the diagram, it is obvious that; in 2017, British
government spent t 75% of their budget in order to paying 'Salaries'" should be "Looking
at the details of the pie chart, it is obvious that in 2017, the British government spent 75%
of their budget on 'Salaries'"
• "However, this percentage dwindled to 69%" needs a comma after "However"
• "Despite this, still, most of the budget of the government had been separated for 'Salaries'
such as the payment of officers and stuff" should be "Despite this, 'Salaries' still
accounted for the majority of the government's budget, including payments to officers
and staff."

Overall, your writing is fairly clear and easy to understand, but there are some grammar errors
and awkward phrases that could be improved. To improve, I would suggest working on sentence
structure and grammar, as well as finding more natural ways to express your ideas.

Band: 6.5

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