BUGSY MALONE

NAME:..................................................................................................................................................

CHARACTER:..........................................................................................................................................

OVERTURE – A red light flickers onto the dark stage...Roxy Robinson enters along the audience – scared.

Bugsy: (VO) Someone once said, if it was raining brains, Roxy Robinson wouldn’t even get wet. In all of New York
they didn’t come much dumber than Roxy The Weasel. To be frank, Roxy was a dope.

Roxy runs nervously right and left across stage. Scared. O.S we hear screeching tyres, slamming doors etc.

Bronx Charlie: (O.S) Shoulders, the alley-way, quick. He’s making for Perito’s. Benny cover the back. Yonkers
watch the sidewalk.

The Hoods enter SL Roxy is trapped. They walk slowly towards him. Over this we hear:

Bugsy: (VO) Dumb as Roxy was. He could smell trouble like other people could smell gas. But he should never
have taken that blind alley by the side of Perito’s Bakery.

Bronx Charlie: Your name Robinson?

Roxy: Uh huh (nods)

Bronx Charlie: Roxy Robinson?

Roxy: Uh-huh. (nods)

Bronx Charlie: Also known as Roxy The Weasel?

Roxy: Uh-huh. (nods)

Bronx Charlie: The same Roxy The Weasel who works for Fat Sam?

Roxy: Uh-huh. (nods)

Roxy is splurged and The Hoods walk off. Music

Bugsy: Now, as you can see, something kind of fishy is going on here. To be perfectly honest, I’m beginning to
wonder what’s going on myself...I mean, this play’s only just started and already the stage is full of stiffs! Oh, by
the way, you’re probably wondering who I am. My name is Malone. Bugsy Malone.

SONG: BUGSY MALONE (Act 3 girls)

He's a sinner
Candy-coated
For all his friends

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He always seems to be alone
But they love him
Bugsy Malone

A city slicker
He can charm you
With a smile and a style all his own
Everybody loves that man
Bugsy Malone

Hot-headed Bugsy makes his mind up

Don't mess with Bugsy or you'll wind up
Wishing you'd left well enough alone
He's a man, a mountain
He's a rolling stone

And will he leave you

Sad and lonely, crying
I couldn't say, but it's known
That everybody wants that man
Bugsy Malone

During the song, Bugsy crosses right. Fizzy walks on. Bugsy sits and Fizzy shines his shoes. Bugsy reads his paper.
Blousey enters SR carrying a bag with a base-ball bat in it. Bugsy spots her and eyes her up and down.

Bugsy: (To audience) With an Italian Mother and an Irish Father I’d naturally grown up a little confused. I didn’t
see much future as a spaghetti waiter at Mama Lugini’s or pushing a pen at City Hall, so I’d drifted from this to
that, you know, walking the line, trying hard not to fall either side...until, that is, the night I walked in here to Pop
Becker’s Bookstore.

Bugsy: (to Blousey) Hi, how you doin’? I’m Bugsy Malone.

(Blousey ignores him)

Bugsy: You a dancer? A singer, right? Oh, a base-ball player.

Blousey: Zip the lip, wisey. I’m in no mood for conversation.

Bugsy: You don’t like me?

Blousey: Listen , wisey. I’m surprised you don’t stoop with all that dandruff on your shoulders.

Bugsy self-consciously brushes his shoulders

Pop Becker: Honey, you can go in now.

Blousey steps through, Fizzy follows her.

Fizzy: If she’s here about the audition Bugsy, she’s got a long wait. Every day they tell me to come back tomorrow.

Bugsy: (to audience) Now, you might be wondering what kind of crazy place this is – with people disappearing
into bookcases. Well firstly, this neighbourhood ain’t for dumb bums and secondly, this book store ain’t no book
store. This is Fat Sam’s place – Fat Sam’s Grand Slam. Liveliest joint in town.
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SONG/DANCE: FAT SAM’S GRAND SLAM (Act 2&3)

Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door

at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy
always able to find you a table theres room for just one more
at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy

Once you get here feel the good cheer

like they say in the poem
Fat Sam's ain't humble
but it's your home sweet home
plans are made here,
games are played here
I could write me a book
each night astounds you
rumours are a-buzzin
stories by the dozen
look around your cousin at the news we're making here.

Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door

at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy

(instrumental)

da da da da da da X3
ooh yeah ooh yeah da da da da da da da

see the politician

sitting by the kitchen
said he caught his fingers
in the well he was wishing in

REPEAT CHORUS

Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door

at Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy!

As number ends Bugsy and Blousey collide center stage

Bugsy: Ouch, look where you’re going will you?

Blousey: I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. Oh it’s you Dandruff.

Bugsy: Don’t worry, I’ve had a shampoo since we last spoke. That base-ball bat could be classified as a dangerous
weapon you know.

Blousey: My mother made me pack it.

Bugsy: You’re a sports nut?

Blousey: It’s for protection, in case I get robbed.

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Bugsy: You’re a singer right?

Blousey: That depends on your taste in music. I’m here about a job.

Bugsy: Did you get the job?

Blousey: They said come back tomorrow.

Bugsy: They always do. What’s your name?

Blousey: Brown.

Bugsy: Sounds like a loaf of bread.

Blousey: Blousey Brown.

Bugsy: Sounds like a stale loaf of bread.

Blousey: Keep your jokes behind your teeth, wisey.

Bugsy: Pleased to meet you. I’m Bugsy Malone.

We hear screams from the speakeasy. The Hoods (Act 1?) burst in. There is full-scale panic. Many people are
splurged. In the excitement Doodle drops a splurge gun.

Bronx Charlie: The gun, Doodle! You dummy! Get the gun! You can’t leave the gun! (Doodle clumsily retrieves the
gun and is dragged off by Charlie and Yonkers)

Fat Sam: (Emerging from hiding and trying to reassure people) OK everybody. It’s OK. Nothing to worry about
now. Back to your tables. Razzamataz! Music! I wanna see everybody enjoying themselves. Free drinks on the
house. It’s just a little excitement, that’s all. No one can say Fat Sam’s ain’t the liveliest joint in town (laughs
nervously)

Fat Sam: (To Knuckles) Knuckles. Dis means trouble.

A paperboy runs excitedly through audience

Paperboy: Read all about it. New weapon for mobsters. Read all about it. New gang warfare flares. Read it in the
Record. Read all about it.

Radio Announcer 1: We interrupt this program to bring you an important news flash. Reports are coming in of a
gangland incident on the Lower East Side involving a certain Robert Robinson, known to the police as Roxy The
Weasel, believed to be a member of the gang of alleged Mobster King Fat Sam Stacetto. We go over to our
reporter for an on the spot report...

Lights up on Fat Sam’s room. His trusted henchmen listen intently.

Fat Sam: So tell me how you allow this to happen? Roxy was one of my best. What have you got to say for
yourselves, you bunch of dummies? Knuckles? Ritzy? Angelo? Snake Eyes? Call yourselves hoodlums? You’re a
disgrace to your profression. Do you hear me? A disgrace. And most of all you’re a disgrace to me, Fat Sam. And
we all know who is behind this, don’t we?

Gang: Sure boss.

Fat Sam: You don’t need a hatful of brains to know that, do you?

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Gang: Certainly not boss.

Fat Sam: We all know who’s monkeying us around, don’t we?

Gang: Sure do Boss.

Fat Sam: So who is it you dummies?

They look at each other, unsure if they should answer

Gang: Dandy Dan, Boss.

Fat Sam: Don’t dare mention his name in this office.

Fizzy: Er, Boss, how about my audition? You said come back tomorrow.

Fat Sam: Am I going mad? Are my ears playing tricks on me? Come back tomorrow, Fizzy.

Fizzy: But today is tomorrow, Mr Sam.

Fat Sam: Will you get out of here, Fizzy?

Sam lunges at Fizzy who escapes and Sam falls over.

Gang: (helping him up) You OK Boss?

Snake Eyes: Take it easy Boss, you’ll break something.

Fat Sam: Break something? Sure I’ll break something! Dancer, dancers, I’m surrounded by namby pamby dancers,
singers, banjo players, tin whistle players at a time when I need brains. You hear me? Brains! Brains and muscles.

Gang: You got us Boss.

Fat Sam: Your trouble is you’ve got muscles where you should have brains! I tell you my pet canary has more
brains than you! You dumb salamis! (they laugh) What’s so funny????

Gang: Nothing Boss aghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Bad Guys - Song

We could of been anything that we wanted to be,

But don't it make your heart glad,
That we decided a fact we take pride in,
To become the best at being bad,
We could of been anything that we wanted to be
With all the talent we had,
No doubt about it, we fight and we tout it,
We're the very best at being bad guys,
We're rotten to the core,
My congratulations no one likes you anymore,
Bad guys, we're the very worst,
Each of us contemptible when criticised and cursed,
We made the big time malicious and mad,
We're the very best at being bad,
We could of been anything that we wanted to be,

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We took the easy way out,
With little training we mastered complaining,
Manners seemed unnecessary we're so rude it's almost scary,
We could of been anything that we wanted to be,
With all the talent we had,
With little practice we made every black list,
We're the very best at being bad, x3

Lights up on Bugsy and Blousey. Bugsy is trying to befriend her.

Bugsy: Can I give you a lift?

Blousey: You got a car?

Bugsy: Er. No. It’s a nice night, we could walk. Which way you going?

Blousey: Which way you going?

Bugsy: This way (points)

Blousey: Then I’m going this way (moves off right)

Bugsy: You hungry?

Blousey: No.

Bugsy: You’re not hungry?

Blousey: No, starving. (He offers his arm. She takes it. They exit.)

English Reporter: Now get this, news desk...there’s been a frightfully bad show here in America chaps and this
time the Yanks have gone too far and what’s more it’s just not cricket. And, as I speak there is a pitch battle going
on here and...(lights go funny and then reveal the reporter has been splurged) Oh jeez!

Lights up on Dandy Dan and Louella in chairs. DD gets up to switch the radio off.

Louella: Oh honey, don’t switch that off, I was enjoying that.

Dandy Dan: I have to concentrate, Princess. I have a little business to attend to.

Louella: But ain’t you gonna play no more honey?

Dandy Dan: Later my rose, later.

Bronx Charlie and the Hood enter

Dandy Dan: Hi boys. Ok. Relax. Well, guys, I’d like to take this opportunity of thanking you for your work so far.
Everything’s gone swell, just swell.

Bronx Charlie: Thanks Boss.

Dandy Dan: Fat Sam must have had quite a shock. Any moment now Fat Sam will be crawling on his knees to me.

Snake Eyes: Soon all Fat Sam will have is the clothes he stands up in and a suitcase full of memories.

All: Ha ha ha ha! (much back slapping and self-congratulating)

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Dandy Dan: Not you Doodle. You goofed. You dropped the gun. And I don’t allow mistakes in this outfit. ‘Cause
mistakes could put us all in the caboose and Sing Sing ain’t my style.

Doodle: No, boss, please no. I didn’t mean to drop the gun honest I didn’t. It just kind of slipped out of my hands.
Any guy can make a mistake.

Dandy Dan: Button your lip Doodle. You’re all washed up.

Doodle: Give me a break boss! (They throw their pies at close range. Doodle freezes and they carry off his stiff
body)

Louella: Yuk. What a mess. I hope one of you boys is gonna clear this up.

Fat Sam & Knuckles appear in their lounge.

Fat Sam: Stop crackin’ your knuckles, Knuckles.

Knuckles: But it’s how I got my name Boss.

Fat Sam: Well knock it off or change your name. (calls up) Tallulah are you ready? How much longer do you want
us to wait?

Talullah: (OS) Coming honey, you don’t want me looking a mess do you?

Fizzy: Er, Mr Sam. About my audition.

Fat Sam: Later Fizzy. I’m busy right now. Keep practising. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Fizzy: But yesterday you said tomorrow boss.

Fat Sam: (up to Tallullah) Tallulah! You spend more time prettying yourself up there than there’s time in the day.

Tallulah: Listen honey, if I didn’t look this good, you wouldn’t give me the time of day.

Fat Sam storms off.

Fat Sam: (To Tallulah) I’ll see you in the car.

Tallulah: Night Fizzy.

Fizzy: Night Miss Tallullah. (He is left alone. He sings sadly)

Tomorrow, Tomorrow never comes

What kind of a fool do they take me for?
Tomorrow, A resting place for bums
A trap set in the slums
But I know the score.
I won’t take no for an answer
I was born to be a dancer now.
At the audition....Oscar De Velt the producer presides over it...

Oscar De Velt: Next!

Singer: But I have other songs!

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Oscar: Yeah honey but do you have other voices? (Singer leaves in tears) Next. Come on please, shake it up you
guys, we’ve got a show to put on here.

Pop Becker: Ok! You heard the boss! Who’s next? (Pointing to Blousey) You lady. Get in here!

Blousey: Blousey Brown. Singer.

Oscar De Velt: Move into the light. So we can see you. Well, come on then. Sing!

Before she can open her mouth Lena Marelli bursts on stage

Lena: Oscar, Oscar.....I’m back! I’ll give you one more chance or else I’m out for good! You hear me Oscar? Out!
Out! Out!

Oscar De Velt: Sure, angel – you’re back in the show.

Lena: (To Blousey) OK honey. Beat it. This show has just got it’s star back. Lena’s come home. Hit It Joe!

Show buis'ness
I've travelled far
That's right you got it, a neon star
I started at the bottom
But I reached the top
And once your name in lights
You know you'll never stop

Show bus'ness is all I need

Gimme the chance and I'll take the lead
When the music's playing
I can't help but sing
And with the dancers swaying
I'm right in the swing of it

Show bus'ness
It's lucky breaks
A chance to show if
You got what it takes
Give it your best and
You're on your way
Let the big band play! 

Pop Becker: Thank you everyone. The audition’s over now. Lena’s back in the show!

Bugsy: (To Blousey) Cheer up, there a million other jobs.

Blousey: I’ve been walking the streets of New York for months now and the only fancy steps I’ve done so far are
avoiding the man who collects the rent.

Bugsy: So it takes time to be a movie star! We could come back tomorrow.

Blousey: Come back tomorrow! Come back tomorrow! That’s all I ever hear. I spent my whole life coming back
tomorrow.

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Bugsy: Cheer up. There’s always Fat Sam’s place.

Blousey: You know him?

Bugsy: No not exactly. It’s just that when I talk to him I cross my fingers that he won’t hit me. (crosses fingers)

Radio Announcer 2: We interrupt tonight’s commentary on the exciting Red Sox ball-game to bring you a further
bulletin on developments in the latest outbreak of Hoodlum gang warfare. Police now officially state that the new
weapon of devious foreign manufacture , known as The Splurge Gun is being widely used by the Mobster gangs.
We interrupt our interruption to go straight over to our reporter Seymour Scoop, who is on the spot of the latest
Splurging.

A gang of reporters are hustling O’Dreary, a detective. Seymour Scoop, ace reporter, asks the questions,
microphone in hand.

Seymour Scoop: (To Police Officer) Have you located the splurge gun yet Lieutenant?

O’Dreary: No I’m afraid I can’t answer that.

Seymour Scoop: You’re not at liberty to say?

O’Dreary: No, I don’t know the answer.

Seymour Scoop: Have you located the source yet Lieutenant?

O’Dreary: Sure, I had it on my hamburger for lunch.

Seymour Scoop: No, the source of the guns.

O’Dreary: Oh, yeah, er I mean no. I mean I’m not at liberty to say. You’ll have to ask Captain Smolsky that
question... (O’Dreary’s boss Captian Smolsky arrives)

Smolsky: Ok, O’Dreary, break this crowd up. Let’s go guys. Split. This is police business and police business we
gotta do.

Seymour Scoop: Er, Seymour Scoop, RTZ Radio, Captain Smolsky, Can you tell us if you have located the splurge
guns yet?

Smolsky: No comment.

Seymour: Have you located the source?

Smolsky: No comment.

O’Dreary: I fixed you a pastrami on rye sandwich, Chief.

Smolsky: No comment. OK Get out of here.

Seymour Scoop: Right. Well this is Seymour Scoop reporting from the scene of the latest splurging.

Bugsy (v.o) As you’ve probably gathered, O’Dreary has about as much chance of solving this case as I have of
being President of the United States. Meanwhile, back in our story, Fat Sam is definitely getting a little nervous. I
mean if you had a gang of dumb bums like this to rely on you’d be nervous.

Fat Sam’s gang enter singing Bad Guys and larking about and showing off

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Fat Sam: What the heck is going on here you dummies?? Can I believe my eyes? You bunch of peanut brains. Get
up here. Pronto!

Snake Eyes: Sorry Boss

Fat Sam: And quit crackin’ the knuckles, Knuckles.

Knuckles: Sorry boss.

Fat Sam: I swear I’m surrounded by a bunch of nervous wrecks. Right. Let’s start at the beginning. We’re being
outstmarted by that lounge lizard, right?

Gang: Right Boss.

Fat Sam: And we’re gonna get right back on top, right?

Gang: Right back on top Boss.

Fat Sam: We’re gonna kick that drugstore cowboy right into line.

Gang: You bet, boss.

Fat Sam: Sure – we’ve been a bit slow off the mark, but when it comes to the crunch, dumb bums we ain’t.

Gang: No – dumb bums we ain’t.

Gang & Fat Sam exit.

Gang member1: Has he gone?

Gang member 2: Sure has!

Gang member 1: Well then - Let’s dance!

DANCE : BUGSY INSTRUMENTAL

Lights go down. A shady looking character enters. Fat Sam follows.

Shady: Hello Sam

Fat Sam: Yeah – start gabbin’

Shady: I located the guns.

Fat Sam: Spill. Shady, Spill.

Shady: You know the Hung Fu Shin laundry?

Fat Sam: On East 14th Street?

Shady: That’s it. 2nd Floor. Behind the laundry.

Fat Sam: Thanks, Shady. Dis is good news. I’ll be sending my boys.

Fat Sam exits. Enter Dandy Dan. He walks to Shady and pays him with dollar bills.

Dandy Dan: Good work Shady. You earned your money.

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Shady: Thanks Dandy Dan.

Dandy Dan: Sam’s boys are in for quite a party. Now get out of here. (Shady exits, Louella comes out of the
shadows)

Louella: Sam ain’t gonna like this, honey. (they both exit)

Sam’s gang (Act 1) enter chatting and stand centre stage. Dan’s gang surround them and throw custard pies in
their faces. This could be done in slow motion?

Fat Sam: (on phone) What!...I don’t believe it! The whole gang? Everybody? I don’t believe it! I just don’t believe
it! (To Knuckles) The whole gang’s been splurged!

Knuckles: What are we going to do Boss?

Fat Sam: We play it cool. We relax. Like nothing’s happened. “Tutto casa sono buono”

Knuckles: What’s that mean boss?

Fat Sam: You don’t speak Italian? You call yourself a hoodlum and you don’t even speak Italian...?

Knuckles: No boss. I’m Jewish.

There is a knock at the door. They both shout with fear and jump

Fat Sam: Who is it? Go see. Act normal.

Knuckles: (after opening) It’s that broad about the audition, Boss. (To Blousey) Come back tomorrow.

Fat Sam: Time to arrange a meeting Knuckles. (picks up phone and dials)

Dandy Dan (from other side of stage) Hello Sam. What can I do for you?

Fat Sam: I want to meet you, Dan, to do a little talking.

Dandy Dan: Fine. No hoods, mind. Just you and me and our drivers.

Fat Sam: East Chester Park.

Dandy Dan. Agreed.

They put phones down.

Dandy Dan: Got him, the knucklehead.

Fat Sam: Got him, the salami.

Tallulah enters.

Tallulah: Suddenly everyone wants to be in showbusiness.

Bugsy: Oh hi Tallulah. (She is joined by Loretta, Dotty and Tillie etc)

Girls: Hi Bugsy.

Bugsy: Hi Loretta...Dotty...Tillie.

Tallulah: OK girls, go and feed the ducks.

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Girls: Oh Tallulah!

Tallulah: I said beat it! (They exit reluctantly)

Tallulah: Long time no see Bugsy.

Bugsy: Well you know how it is.

Tallulah: You used to come and see me every night.

Bugsy: I’ve been busy.

Tallulah: You’re aces. You know that Bugsy? I’ve always found you kind of special.

Bugsy: You sure you got the right guy?

Tallulah: Come on sugar, how about smearin’ my lipstick?

Bugsy: Tallulah, I’m warning you, if you come any nearer I’m calling my lawyer.

Tallulah: So call him. (She plants a smacker on his forehead. Blousey enters just in time to see it)

Knuckles: (To Sam) That broad’s ready for her audition boss.

Fat Sam: Ok honey. I’m all ears.

Blousey:

I’m feeling fine

Filled with emotions
Stronger than wine
They give me the notion
That this strange feeling
Is something you’re feeling too
Matter of fact I’m forced to admit it
Caught in the act, and maybe we’ve hit it
Is this strange new feeling
Something that you’re feeling too?

Fat Sam: Ok honey that’s enough. You’re hired.

Bugsy: Great Blousey, that was really well. I told you you’d make it.

Blousey is not listening and storms off.

Bugsy: Blousey! What’s the matter with you? Look I can explain all that Tallulah smoochin.....

Fat Sam: (calling out) Hey Bugsy!

Bugsy: Yes, Boss.

Fat Sam: (with arm round Bugsy exiting ) How’d you like to earn yourself some green stuff?

Lights low – East Chester Park.Fat Sam, Bugsy & Looney enter

Fat Sam: Quick Bugsy here he comes. Is he alone?

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Bugsy: Yep. Looks like just Dan and the driver.

Fat Sam: Good. Looney get ready. Keep out of sight. Wait til I give you the OK. Right?

Enter Dandy Dan.

Dandy Dan: What can I do for you, Sam?

Fat Sam: How about a small dose of straight talk, Dan?

Dandy Dan: Suits me.

Fat Sam: You’ve been taking liberties Dan.

Dandy Dan: I’ve been taking what’s mine.

Fat Sam: Trouble is, it belongs to me.

Dandy Dan: Too bad.

Fat Sam: You dirty rat Dan! OK Looney let him have it!

Looney jumps out and attempts to splurge Dan

Dandy Dan: Yonkers! Charlie! Quick! It’s a double cross!!

Fat Sam freezes. Bugsy takes the iniative to grab him.

Bugsy: Quick Mr Stacetto, let’s get outta here!

Paperboy: Read all about it! Read all about it! Gang land double-cross! Splurge guns on the streets of New York!

Tabs open to reveal Tallulah and girls singing and dancing at Fat Sam’s place. MUSIC

My name is Tallulah
My first rule of thumb
I don't say were I'm going
Or where I'm coming from
I try to leave a little reputation behind me
So if you really need to
You'll know how to find me

My name is Tallulah
I live till I die
I'll take what you give me
And I won't ask why
I made a lot of freinds
In some exotic places
I don't remember names
But I remember faces

Lonely
You don't have to be lonely
Come and see Tallulah

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we can chase your troubles away (ohhh)
If your lonely
You don't have to be lonely
When they talk about Tallulah
You know what they say
Know one south of heaven's gonna treat you finer
Tallulah had her training in North Carolina

My name is Tallulah
and soon I’ll be gone
an open invitation is, the road I’ll travel on
I never say goodbye because the words upset me
you may for give my going
but you won't for get me

REPEAT CHORUS

After song Bangles, Tillie, Dotty, Ritzy, Patty, Loretta and Velma chat . Bugsy enter.

Velma: (Sighing) Gee one day I wanna be the star of the show and quit being always in the back behind Tallullah.

Ritzy: It’ll never happen Velma. She’s Sam’s best girl.

Patty: She’s got him wrapped around her dainty little finger.

Ritzy: And every other guy around here! How does she do it? (Bugsy enters)

Bugsy: Hi Bangles. Is Blousey there?

Bangles: She won’t see you Bugsy. She’s mad. She was holding a torch for you higher than the Statue of Liberty.

Bugsy: Look just tell her I’m sick will you?

Tillie: You’re sick?

Bugsy: Sick of waiting.

Bangles: I’ll see what I can do. But don’t count on it. (Blousey appears)

Blousey: Beat it wisie.

Bugsy: Give me a break Blousey. I’ve brought you some flowers.

Blousey: I’ll see Tallulah gets them.

Bugsy: Quit being so smart OK? They’re for you.

Blousey: Look, I’ve got to go.

Bugsy: I’m gonna get a legit job. We’ll have enough money for two tickets to the coast and Hollywood...who
knows, they’re always looking for new stars...Look Blousey. Trust me.

Blousey: (unconvinced) Sure. (Bugsy exits)

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Bangles: I’m giving up guys. They’re nothin’ but trouble, believe me. From now on, I’ m lookin’ for husbands. And I
ain’t getting too attached. I’m gonna change ‘em regular like a library book. Hey! Don’t you think I look cute?
What do you think of the dress Tillie?

Tillie: I don’t know, it’s...

Bangles: Come on, Dotty, what do you think?

Dotty: Er, well, I don’t know Bangles, maybe the colour’s wrong.

Bangles: What are you talking about? Purple’s my colour. I always wear purple.

Patty: (sarcastically) Yeah, it matches the veins in your legs.

Dotty: Maybe it’s the length.

Bangles: It’s the latest length. I read about it in a magazine.

Velma: Maybe it’s the frills, they stick out too much.

Loretta: They match your ears.

Bangles (angry) Do you think it’ll look any better on you?

Loretta: It’ll look better on a horse.

Bangles: You’re just jealous. Can I help it if my looks are ahead of time?

All: They’re what?

Bangles: Full of personality...character...kinda earthy...

Tilly: Yeah – like a bucket of mud.

The girls all laugh and Bangles storms out followed by the girls still laughing and chatting.Smolsky and O’Dreary
enter examining the ground with magnifying glasses

Smolsky: Ahaa! I think I have found something. Come and take a look at this O’Dreary.

O’Dreary: You’ve cracked it this time, Captain Smolsky.

Smolsky: I have? (surprised) What do you see? Tell me, what do you see?

O’Dreary: (carefully looking down) Your foot Captain?

Smolsky takes off his hat and hits O’Dreary with it

Smolsky: Not my foot, knucklehead. Under my foot. Tyre marks! Now get some plaster you Irish potato head.
We’ll take a mould. (They exit)

Bugsy: As you can tell, things are still looking pretty messy in Fat Sam’s life right now. (sees Fat Sam) Oh Hi Mr
Stacetto.

Fat Sam: Bugsy, I need your help. My gang’s gone. My friends don’t want to know me. I’m a wreck. In short,
Bugsy, I need you.

Bugsy: Why me?

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Fat Sam: Because you ain’t no mug. Help me and I’ll give you two hundred bucks.

Bugsy: We have a deal.

Exit both. Bugsy knocks on Leroy’s door.

Leroy: Who is it? What do you want?

Bugsy: It’s me, Leroy. Bugsy. Get dressed. We got a job.

Leroy: I’m tired. Come back in the morning.

Bugsy: You’ll be working for Fat Sam Stacetto. You’ll be hitting Dandy Dan where it hurts. And there’s two
hundred dollars in it for you.

Leroy: I’ll do it! But how can we take Dan’s gang on alone? We’ll need help Bugsy.

Down and Outs: Down. Down. Down and Out. Down down down and out.

Bugsy: What’s that?

Leroy: What?

Bugsy: Listen.

Down And Out

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out
You don't have to sit around
Complaining 'bout the way your life has wound up
Think of all the time you waste
And time's a precious thing to let go by
Sure you've hit the bottom
But remember you'll be building from the ground up
Every day's another step
That takes you even closer to the sky, so give a try

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down and out

You don't have to sit around

Depressed about the way that luck deceived you
Fortune sailed away, you missed that boat
And found that you'd been left behind
Fight and fight some more
Until you know the world is ready to receive you
Lady luck is fickle
But a lady is allowed to change her mind

Bugsy: (over music shouting to the Down and Outs) Are you with me?

Down And Outs: Yeah!

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Bugsy: Then let’s go!

They all crouch and hide as best as possible.

Bugsy: Right, there they are. All ready for the taking. Get Babyface.

Leroy: Get Babyface.

The message is passed along the line until it gets to Babyface who has no-one to pass it on for except the
audience.

Babyface: Get Babyface (to audience) Er, is there anyone called babyface out there? What am I talking about? I
am Babyface. OK OK I’ve got to have courage. Courage. I’m the star of the show now. OK Courage. Geronimo!!!

There is a chase (slow motion) then O’Dreary comes across on a megaphone.They all duck through front tabs
except police.

O’Dreary: OK We know you’re in there. (They all freeze) I’ll give you ten seconds to give yourself up. Come out
with your hands in the air.

Leroy: What are we going to do Bugsy?

Bugsy: I don’t know Leroy.

Smolsky: This is your last warning. I’m gonna start counting now. One. Two. Three. Four. Five...er...five...er

O’Dreary: Six, Captain Smolsky. The next number is six.

Smolsky: I know, I know! Six...Seven...Eight...

Leroy: Look, Bugsy, there is a trap door here – another way out.

Bugsy: Ok. Quick. Let’s go. (They exit though curtain)

Smolsky: I’m warning you guys. Don’t think I’m bluffing. (nervously) We’re going in.

O’Dreary: Whenever you say, Captain.

Smolsky: Ready? Now! (They go through curtains and realise no body is there) They’re not here O’Dreary. Where
did they go? WHERE DID THEY GO? (Everyone is hiding)

O’Dreary: Somewhere else Captain.

Dandy Dan: (Standing up into sight) OK Everybody freeze!

Fat Sam: Bugsy. Guys. Let em have it! (Pandemonium breaks out as the entire company fight with splurge guns
and pretend custard pies.One of Fat Sam’s gang goes over to piano and plays a note … Everyone slowly stops
fighting and one by one joins in the song

You Give A Little Love

We could've been anything

That we wanted to be
And it's not too late to change
I'd be delighted to give it some thought
May-be you'll agree that we really ought

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Two, three, four

We could've been anything

That we wanted to be
Yes, that decision was ours
It's been decided we're weaker divided
Let friendship double up our powers
We could've been anything
That we wanted to be
And I'm not saying that we should
But if we try it, we'd learn to abide it
We could be the best at bein' good guys

Flowers of the earth

Who can even guess how much
A real friend is worth?
Good guys, shake an open hand
May-be trusting
If we try to understand
No doubt about it
It must be worthwhile
Good friends do tend to make you smile

We could've been anything

That we wanted to be
Yes, that decision is ours
It's been decided we're weaker divided
Let friendship double our powers

You give a little love

And it all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da)
You give a little love
Andit all comes back to you
(Da da da ra da da da)
You know you gonna be remembered
For the things you say and do
(Da da da ra da da da)
(Repeat and fade)

Bows

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