Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Verbal Communication/Public Interaction

Unit Goal: Students will explore effective techniques of utilizing verbal communication/public
interaction

25.1 Discuss the critical nature of effective verbal communication and the crucial components
of paralinguistic, kinesics, and empathetic techniques

Police officers will encounter different people and personalities during the course of their day.
These personalities may range from compliant to dangerously hostile; also from workplace
cooperation to emotionally charged and reactive. The vast majority of arrests are made without
the law enforcement professional using any physical force. Emotional intelligence (the capacity
to identify and manage one’s emotional state, as well as that of others…sensitive to emotional
signals from within and from the social environment) is the foundation of effective
communication for de-escalation purposes.

Instructor Note: This chapter is comprised primarily from excerpts from the below works.
It is suggested the instructor use these sources for greater insight into the complex topic of
communication.

Sources:
• Arresting Communication by Jim Glennon (2010 Calibre Press)
• Everyone Communicated Few Connect by John C. Maxwell (2010 Thomas
Nelson)
• Verbal Judo by Thompson and Jenkins (2013 HarperCollins)

“Communication is a skill that you can learn. It is like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing
to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.” –Brian Tracy

Communication is said to be the most important life skill one could possess. People spend years
speaking, talking, and reading. However, few people achieve the desired quality of actually
listening with full intent and entirely focused.

According to Jim Glennon, “No matter how great a shot you are, how well you understand case
law, or how good you are at deploying a common peroneal knee strike, if you cannot
communicate effectively, you will not succeed. Further, you will not be happy. You certainly will
not win. Officers are pretty good at building rapport, establishing command presence, and or
communicating alternatives and consequences in order to discourage physical assaults.
Dealing with people in crisis is what police officers do best, regardless of what many in the
media say. However, we must also admit that our inability to communicate properly often
contributes to those times when interactions do turn ugly –when a sure win turns into an
unfortunate loss. For the sad fact is that cops often find themselves unintentionally escalating

1 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

hostilities, even in the most benign citizen interactions.” -Jim Glennon “Arresting
Communication”
“Officers who feel they are an integral part of their communities are less likely to resort to
physical force to resolve crisis situations that could be verbally diffused and de-escalated.
In return, citizens come to trust and respect those officers they perceive as consistently trying
to keep order without excessive harshness, and who truly try to understand the community’s
concerns.” According to Dr. Lawrence Miller, “Effective officers must be able to utilize
appropriate conflict-resolution skills to prevent situations from escalating, while maintaining
objectivity, balance, and the perception of fairness. They must be able to cope with different
kinds and varying levels of stress, and yet at all times maintain a high level of personal integrity
and ethical conduct. This is not just a nice, politically correct idea; it is essential to maintaining
authority and credibility on patrol.” (Patrol Psychology 101: Communication and Conflict
Resolution Apr 18, 2008)

In the Law Enforcement World

“The two words 'information' and 'communication' are often used interchangeably, but they
signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through.”
-Sydney J. Harris (American Journalist)

25.2 - Define authoritative and authoritarian.

Authoritative vs. Authoritarian

Authoritative
Able to be trusted as being accurate or true; reliable.
Commanding, self-confident; likely to be respected and obeyed (Sheriff Andy Taylor)

Authoritarian
Enforcing very strict obedience to authority. Much like an autocrat, or dictator, oppressive,
tyrant (Deputy Barney Fife)

Lecture Scenario: Ask the class:

 How they want to be perceived: as authoritative or authoritarian?
 Why?
 Do people tend to respond more favorably to authoritative or authoritarian?.

Simple basics of human interaction are the keys to true success:

 Listening actively
 Asking questions
 Showing courtesy
 Engaging empathetically
 Observing non-verbal body language

2 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

The vast majority of all law enforcement arrests are made without the need to use physical
control beyond routine handcuffing.
25.3 Discuss why the majority of arrests are made without physical force.

Officers are good at building rapport, communicating alternatives and consequences, and
dealing with people in crisis. Unfortunately, an officer’s failure to communicate properly can
contribute to a disagreeable interaction. Likewise, such officers without knowing it find
themselves unintentionally escalating the conflict (Glennon).

Lecture Scenario: Ask students:

 Why do so few people actually resist our attempts to arrest them?
 Effective communication is a key element to that effect.

Escalation by the officer may be due to…

 The officer’s message is good, but the delivery failed
 Authoritarian thought process
 Lack of communication skill set
 Deficient skill set
 Sadly, emotional intelligence issues (examples: depression, anger, fatigue, worry)
 “Contempt of Cop”

Act as your best advocate. It is generally not major crimes or critical scenes that officers find
themselves in communication trouble. It is the minor, insignificant calls for service, such as,
children playing basketball in the street (Glennon).

25.4 Define crises.

Communication often involves people in crises, especially in the law enforcement world

Lecture Scenario: Begin a discussion on:

 The definition of crisis
 Challenge the students to explain how the outcome of a crisis can be radically positive
or negative.
 Follow-up with the below definition.

Crises:
A temporary state of upset and disorganization, characterized by an inability to cope with a
particular situation using customary methods of problem solving (Kantor/University of Virginia)

24.5 Define emotional intelligence (EQ) and recognize 3-essential elements of communication
and 4-components of Connection.

Recognize EQ as emotional intelligence quotient.

3 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

High EQ officers are more successful with communication and the potential for de-escalation.

Lecture Scenario: Ask student:

 How challenging would it be to communicate with a “low EQ” citizen (maybe one that is
emotionally charged, upset, intoxicated, or in crisis)?
 Explain.
 If an officer is operating from a “low EQ” foundation (i.e. temporarily emotionally
charged, angry, or in crisis) could that hinder the ability to de-escalate? Why?

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and its importance in communication.

The Institute of Health and Human Potential defines emotional intelligence as “the ability to
recognize, understand, and manage our emotions; and to recognize, understand, and influence
the emotions of others.”

This is a list of key characteristics associated with EQ:

 Self-awareness of one’s attitude, thinking attached to attitude, and behaviors
 Self-control
 Motivation and determination
 Social competency & empathy
 Understanding others
 Influencing others

Research suggest that the majority of the cognitive function (process of knowing, judging,
relating) goes unnoticed in day-to-day life. Your emotions arise out of both the Subconscious
and conscious mind. Even if one chooses to be unresponsive to a situation, he is still choosing
an emotional response. Unchecked and unmanaged emotions become a “merciless
taskmaster.” It is obvious that poor or low EQ will significantly impair effective
communication.

Lecture Scenario: Ask if students:

 Have they ever attempted to communicate with someone operating from a low EQ
standpoint?
 Relate the general details of the encounter, and frustrations experiences, and emotions
felt/observed.
 Was the end result of the encounter productive?
 Was the student was pulled or lured into a reactive emotion? Examples could be heated
arguments.

There are so many benefits that it is foolish not to develop one’s emotional intelligence.
Here are but a few of many advantages of EQ (Glennon):
 Better communication and connections with others
 Controlling feelings & behavior (managing worry, anger, crisis)

4 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

 More accurate perceptions

 Better equipped to deal with unexpected stress
 Stronger relationships bonds
 Optimism increases

Attitude & Emotional Wellness

We own our attitudes.
If you surrender your attitude, you become your own worst enemy (Glennon):
 Responding proactively vs reactively
 Traitor to yourself
 Enemy centered
 Giving away a part of yourself
 Victimized, crippled
People who say they have a good attitude take responsibility for it. People who admit they have
a bad attitude usually blame outside forces.

It’s Not All About Me!

In his book, Everyone Communicates, But Few Connect, John C. Maxwell discussed these four
limited connections with communication: immaturity, ego driven, failure to value, and
insecurity.

 Immaturity
o Maturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others.
o Only mature officers, who are focused on others, are capable of truly connecting
with the community.

 Ego
o There is a real danger for people with public professions to develop unhealthy,
strong egos.
o Tear down the ego wall and use those very stones to build a bridge of warm
relationships.

 Failure to Value Everyone

Every person, regardless of intelligence or socioeconomic status, has the need to feel
o Valued
o Important
o Significant

 Insecurity
This is the final reason officers often place too much focus on themselves and not on
others.
Just remember these commonalities of human nature
o Communication is a constant

5 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

o People are ruled by their subconscious

o People need to feel they have worth, value, and importance
o We all have the potential to become reactive.

First impressions
Jim Glennon elaborated this about first impressions in his book, Arresting Communication.
The way an interaction begins affects the interaction as a whole.
Tired officers, in particular, may begin many interactions poorly.
 Lousy habits, flawed rituals, poor attitude
 Controlled by a subconscious auto-pilot instead of a conscious awareness
 Urgency, handle, finish, move on “Please, just the facts, ma’am.”

Tired or low EQ officers in particular begin many interactions poorly.

 Apathy, “I just don’t care anymore.”
 Tired of an irrational public
 Some officers feel it necessary to create a psychological distance in order to
maintain their own sanity.
 We forget to individualize people.

“First impressions matter. Experts say we size up new people in somewhere between 30 seconds
and two minutes.” ~Elliott Abrams (Wall Street Journal May 9, 2009)

Amazingly, more than 90% of the impression we often convey has nothing to do with what we
actually say. If an officer believes that communication is about words, the officer will always
have a hard time communicating (and de-escalating).

John C. Maxwell stressed these three essential elements of communication:

 Thought –something we know
 Emotion –something we feel
 Action –something we do
Failure to include any one of the above three will develop in a disconnect/ breakdown in
communication.

Purpose of activity: To challenge the students to complete the sentences.

Intellect alone never really motivates anyone. There needs to be an emotional component
inserted into the message, as well as action, for the full effect of influence to occur.

Recap that if thought, emotion, and action are lacking in your message there will be a
disconnect in the communication.

6 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

To reiterate, excellent communication is built upon a groundwork and foundation of emotional

intelligence. There are huge advantages for high EQ. If law enforcement professionals are
lacking in emotional intelligence, no doubt they will be deficient in communication, have
shallow interdependent teamwork participation, impaired relationship building skills, and fewer
de-escalation strategies.

Maxwell’s Four Components of Connection

What people see –Connecting Visually
Humans remember 85-90% of what they see
We remember less than 15% of what we hear

What people understand –Connecting Intellectually

 Know your subject matter
 Does it sound logical?
 Is it sensible?

What people feel –Connecting Emotionally

 People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude
 Attitudes are real figures of speech
 Don’t solely rely on intellect to persuade others
 The exact words you use are far less important than the energy, intensity, and
conviction with which you use them. They remember how they felt not what you
said.

What people hear –Connecting Verbally

 Tone, inflection, timing, volume, pacing –everything you do with your voice
communicates something and has the potential to help you connect or disconnect
from others (paralinguistic).

Beyond Words -John C Maxwell mentioned in Everyone Communicates Few Connect:

Putting the Four Components All Together
 Using the right words
 Right emotion
 Being intellectually convincing (credible, authoritative)
 Right visual impression (example, your professional attire)
 Right tone of voice (paralinguistic)
 Right facial expressions
 Positive body language

John C. Maxwell explains in his book, Everyone Communicated, Few Connect, that people are
asking three question about you:

“Do You Care for me?”

7 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

“Can You Help Me?”

Nobody wants to be told, but everyone wants to be helped.

As you lift up others to a higher level, they lift you up also.

If you want to get someone's attention, show them you can help.

“Can I Trust You?”

“Whenever people take action they do it for their reasons, not yours. That is why we to attempt
to see things from their point of view. If we can’t it’s a frustrating waste of time.” -Maxwell

Key Concept: Maxwell stressed the more you go beyond words, the greater the chance you will
connect with people. Connection will increase the de-escalation process.

25.6 Discuss how the human brain is usually programmed to answer a question.

Students will recognize that questions are powerful to connect and even direct the encounter.
Identifying this can be a very effective de-escalation technique; it builds rapport, actually shows
genuine interest, and acknowledges the other person.

The Magic of questions -Jim Glennon, Arresting Communication

When it comes to understanding effective communication, questions are the answer.

 If a question is asked, the brain will instinctively scan stored data.
 A question usually provokes some type of thought process.
o Keep it simple
o Ask a question
o Follow up with more questions
o Continue to actively listen
o What you’re conveying to this person is important
o Since positive communication is occurring, they subconsciously associates you
as a positive
Remember…
 Most people evaluate others based on how that person makes them feel.
 Since we are emotional beings, that evaluation is not always a logical process.
 If another associates you with pleasurable feelings, you have confirmed they are
important.
 You will find the vast majority of situations will take only 3 or 4 good questions
(coupled with active listening) to gain control of that situation and de-escalate
hostilities.
 Attempting to influence by telling is not nearly as effective as by asking.

8 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Be aware of the subject’s questions

 The subject of an investigation or detention may take control of the conversation.
 This is an attempt to keep you off balance
 Do not let the subject trigger you into an emotional reaction.

You do not have to talk in order to communicate.

 Talking may be the greatest obstacle to effective communication.
 Questions are the answer.

25.7 Identify components of active listening.

Active listening is a communication technique used in counseling, training, and conflict

resolution. It requires that the listener fully concentrate, understand, respond and then
remember what is being said. This is more than reflective listening where the listener repeats
back to the speaker what they have just heard to confirm understanding of both parties.

Lecture Scenario: Students will describe:

 How an officer’s non-verbal communication (body language) can negate a valid
message.
 Explain how active listening is a skill that can be developed with practice.

Active Listening
Active listening is the process of carefully gathering information based on verbal and nonverbal
observations. Your undivided attention is required. Active listening involves the listener
observing the speaker's behavior and body language. Having the ability to interpret a person's
body language lets the listener develop a more accurate understanding of the speaker's
message. Having heard, the listener may then paraphrase the speaker's words or pose
pertinent questions. It is important the listener is not necessarily agreeing with the speaker—
simply stating what was said. Defer judgment respond appropriately.

Active Listening (Glennon)

Active listening is the most important communication skill of all. Without it no other technique
or theory will work. Jim Glennon mentioned in Arresting Communication…

Listening is not a natural act of communication; consider this:

 Talking is natural
 Active Listening is not natural, it takes practice
 Concentration is enhanced with training and focus
 What’s being said, what words choices
 How they say it (inflection, tone, rate)
 Gestures, body language, eye contact
 Does the verbal match the nonverbal?
 What is not being said, avoided or not answered.

9 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

It can be very difficult to impossible to hear what another is saying if you are caught up in your
emotional internal dialog.

Lecture Scenario: Ask a student:

 Why would an officer jump into an emotional response when they should simply be
listening?

If engaged in your emotional internal dialog you may: We Have an Officer Safety Issue
• Likely miss important aspects
• May overlook pre-attack messages from body language
• Even possibly neglect lethal warning cues
What about the body? Goal is to communicate interest.
• Hands -open palms, evaluation gestures
• Feet –pointed toward the talker
• Head –tilted slightly, generally aligned to the talkers
• Arms –open
• Face –relaxed, involved, nodding, smiling

Any of the following, especially done in clusters, say, “I’m not interested” or “I’m not listening.”
• Repeatedly rubbing the back of the neck, ears, eyes
• Looking away, long breaks in eye contact, avoiding eye contact, rolling eyes
• Unconsciously shaking your head back in forth
• Crossing arms, tapping fingers, dropping the head, biting your lips
• Grooming, tapping keys
• Checking texts, time
• Checking equipment

Learn to look at their body language and evaluate your own

Lecture Scenario: Ask a student:

 If you are not interested in what someone is saying within the first few minutes, what
do you unconsciously begin doing?

Unconsciously you begin…

 Zoning out
 You start to formulate a response
 Plan of action
 A way to fix it

What happens if your body language negates your words?

10 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

 Their subconscious mind will pick up on it

 They will reject your message

Active listening is a system and method for achieving a de-escalation goal.

25.8 Explain why it’s not advantageous to be emotionally triggered by a citizen’s use of
profanity.

Profanity
It should not be ignored
Rationally evaluate it
Is it a precursor to an attack?
 Danger cues
 Citizen’s intent

Do not be distracted by their profanity

 Don’t be shifted away from your professional goal
 Listen to the meaning of the transmission
 Contain your inner reactive side (EQ)
 Ignore –but don’t disregard- their communication delivery system
 Appraise their body language

Most of the time when an officer gets attacked it is by someone standing right beside him.
In addition, the attacker tells the officer he is going to do it. The attacker is always
communicating.

They usually broadcast the attack.

Moreover, the attacker tells the officer he is going to do it.
 Pay attention
 Concentrate, listen
 People will communicate information without even knowing they’re doing it

25.9 Define empathy.

Lecture Scenario: Ask a student to:

 Define empathy
 What it means to be empathetic.

Empathizing

11 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

“Are you looking for an instant tension buster? A way to stop gossips and backstabbers dead in
their slimy little tracks? The answer lies in one word, which represents the single most
powerful concept in the English language: empathy.” Verbal Judo, George Thompson, PH.D.

“If you cannot empathize with people, you don’t stand a chance of getting them to listen to
you, much less accepting your attempts to help –sincere as you may be.” Verbal Judo

Empathy is the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings,

thoughts, or attitudes of another. It is a dual-level of consciousness, meaning, you are aware of
their cognition/feelings and yours at the very same time. Empathy is looking into the
landscaping of their mind and telling them what you see. Simply understood it is the ability to
understand and share the feelings of another (walking in their shoes).

25.10 Define paraphrasing.

Paraphrasing plus identifying and sharing the emotional state of mind of the citizen equals
empathetic listening.

Paraphrasing
One of the most influential and important tools of communication
Put another’s meaning into your words and delivering it back to them.

Dr. Thompson, co-author of Verbal Judo says this about paraphrasing.

One of the most powerful tools of communication.

 “Let me be sure I heard what you said.”
 “This is important; I understand you that…”
 “I want to be sure we're on the same sheet of music.”

The only way to interrupt someone without generating further resistance is to

Paraphrase.

14 Benefits of Paraphrasing According to Dr. Thompson:

 You have hooked the person- he is listening.

 You take control because you are talking and he is listening.

 You are making sure you heard right on the spot, not finding out later you
misunderstood.

 If you have not heard accurately, he can correct you.

12 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

o The more he speaks the more you can detect his emotions, prejudices, and
assumptions.
o Helps to deflect insults, keeping attention focused, generating voluntary
compliance

 You are helping to make the other person a better listener.

o No one listens harder than he does to his own point of view.
o You are telling him, “Here’s what I hear you saying,” and most undoubtedly
he wants to hear that.

 You have created some degree of empathy.

o The other person will believe you are trying to understand.
o Whether you are really interested is irrelevant (he thinks you are)
o “Really, let me be sure I heard what you just said.”

 Gained attention.
o Immediately follow-up with a guess at his emotion.
o “You’re feeling X because of Y.”
o “OK. Let me be sure I understand what you are saying. You’re feeling angry
because you believe I purposefully undermined you in front of your colleagues
yesterday.”

 Overcomes “sonic attention”

o People often think they have said something because they heard themselves say
it in their minds.
o “You never said that!” – “Oh yes I did.”
o Bottom line: if people think they said something…they did.

 Clarifying Effect for by standers

o It tones down the conversation
o It makes you look like you’re trying to work out the problem
o You don’t look reactive

 Prevents “metaphrasing”
o Putting inaccurate words into other people’s mouths
o Perversion of paraphrasing
o Concerned about what they ought to be saying, so we paraphrase, as we would
have said it.
o Can insult and anger people

 “Reverse paraphrasing”
o “To be sure I said what I intended to say, would you give back what you
understood the point of the discussion has been?”

13 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

o Avoid the “Do you understand what I just said.” Few people will admit missing
the point.

 Safeguard yourself
o It is possible that supervisors will not say exactly what they meant. You will not
win later.
o Do not rely on others to always say what they mean.
o Paraphrase it back. You will look good.

 Generates a “fair play response”

o They psychologically reciprocate
o People generally treat you the same way you treat them. Golden Rule.
o Paraphrasing

 “Etching effect”
o Engraves facts into memory
o Reinforces your memory

25.11 Explain the concept that one cannot win an argument.

Arguments, Accusations, and Interruptions

People will always argue with the police. Arguments will create defensiveness. Defensive minds
are neither creative nor cooperative. Out of emotional pride, the participants of an argument
usually will entrench further into their perspectives and opinions. Logic alone is usually not a
strong motivator for change. Employ a combination of logic and the right degree of an
emotional connection for optimal results. Furthermore, acknowledge the truthful segments of
the disagreement, identify their feelings verbally, continue to actively listen, and suppress any
emotional reactive urges.

Be Aware of people who attempt to gain a sense of importance by arguing with you, says Jim
Glennon.
 Some self-esteem rush by wasting your time.
 They are not likely to stop.

“I win arguments all the time.”

 Technically, you win, but you still have probably lost.
 Lost the opportunity for a conciliatory relationship with the other person.

14 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

When people take an assertive stand on an issue.

 Unconsciously attached a sense of importance to their position
 If you prove them wrong, their sense of worth is jeopardized
 The more they argue their point, the more firmly entrench

Magic Phrase
Dale Carnegie said in his classic book titled, How to Win Friends and Influence People,
“Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop all arguments, eliminate ill feelings,
create goodwill, and make the other person listen attentively? All right, here it is: ‘I don’t blame
you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.’”
-or-
“If I were in your shoes, I’d probably feel the same way.”

“Remember, you can’t have an argument unless at least two people participate.” –Carnegie

“You are…” -According to Glennon

Remember, “truth enlightenment” almost never works… (name-calling)
 “You are…” –unless followed by a compliment
 Lures their reactive nature to surface
 Makes them defensive
 Hinders efforts to communicate effectively

“You are wrong!”

Asserting your level of importance by telling another that he is wrong will diminish that
person’s sense of worth and importance. People will:
 Ignore logic
 Deflect reality
 Basic human nature is to prove you wrong so they feel “less wrong”

Lesson here…
Avoid saying, “you’re wrong” with words or body language.
Effectively you are saying, “I’m smarter, better, and more important than you are.”

“Shut up and listen to me!”

Interrupting someone is the surest and quickest way to say
 You’re not listening
 Not attempting to understand
 “I do not empathize with you. My views take precedence over yours, and I am more
important than you.”

25.12 Explain the power of personalized respect.

15 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Appreciation and Respect

The power of appreciation cannot be underestimated or overemphasized. All humans have an
innate (instinctive) need for respect and acknowledgement. If an officer genuinely and openly

respects and acknowledges another person, that person may very well associate the officer as a
good or positive element in the de-escalation process.

The sad truth is that we too infrequently communicate appreciation (especially to loved ones).

Try to understand these 2 points –Glennon continued

 Recognize that whatever the other person is saying or has done, he believes there
are valid reasons for that behavior
 Use some sort of phrase that indicates appreciation of the person and their situation
o “I hear and understand what you’re saying.”
o “Thanks for your input. I see where you are coming from.”

This may seem like “huggy-feely-politically- correct-nonsense” that is not practical in the real
life.
 The technique will undoubtedly work.
 The hardest part… controlling your emotional and non-verbal communication.

Lecture Scenario: Ask the students:

 Why tell someone you appreciate their emotional side?
 Even if they are coming off like an unreasonable jerk?
 Consider responding with, “I respect you for sharing that; it took courage to tell me.”

25.13 Explain how names signify recognition and respect.

Names, Courtesy, and Apologies (Glennon continued)

Everyone has a name

 Names signify recognition
 Personalizes the encounter
 Way to communicate value
 Increases the likelihood the other will agree/comply

Lecture scenario: Discuss with students:

 If using the other’s first name is appropriate?

Obviously, it depends on the nature of the communication or call. If the other person is in crisis,
if the intent is to build rapport a first name may have an advantage. The goal is to get the other

16 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

comfortable, de-escalate, and build an emotional connection. Simply ask, “What name do you
use?”

“Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in
any language.” -Dale Carnegie

Courtesy
In today’s fast-paced world, courtesy is disregarded as time-consuming.
Our communication is abbreviated and shortened.

Lecture Scenario: Ask the students:

 Why do we sometimes treat others as a bother while expecting everyone else to treat
us with high regard?
 Can officers be some of the worse violators of courtesy?
 Does courtesy project an image of weakness?

“I’m sorry…”
Is apologizing a sign of weakness?
 In fact, it’s a sign of
 Self confidence
 Maturity
 Good character

People with high self-esteem admit mistakes; people with low self-esteem deny them.

Apologizing has a bad reputation.

 It’s painful
 Apologizing while angry is especially difficult
 In some cases it catches people almost off guard

Finally, if someone apologizes to you accept it, acknowledge it –verbally and nonverbally
(example smile with eye contact). Thank them. Do not smirk, criticize, or ignore the person
apologizing to you.

25.14 Define “nonverbal” and paralinguistic communication.

Communication can be broken down into its three components: verbal, nonverbal, and
paralinguistic. The percentage analysis of each element of communication is based on Dr.
Mehrabian’s theory (verbal- 7%, nonverbal-55%, and paralinguistic-38%).

Lecture Scenario: The student will:

17 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

 Articulate how most communication (face-to-face) relies more heavily on nonverbal and
paralinguistic communication rather than words.
 Explain how an officer’s negative body language can negate the officer’s assistance.

Lecture Scenario:
Ask students for the definition of “non-verbal communication.”
Defining Nonverbal
 Communication affected by means other than words.
  It includes apparent behaviors such as: facial expressions, eyes, touching, spatial
distance

Albert Mehrabian (born 1939 to an Armenian family in Iran), Professor Emeritus of Psychology,
UCLA, has become known best by his publications on the relative importance of verbal and
nonverbal messages. His theory has become known as the 7%-38%-55% Rule, for the relative
impact of words, tone of voice, and body language when speaking.

Paralinguistic
Aspects of speech (38%)
 Voice, tone
 Inflection, rate, pitch
 Timing, hesitation
 Contributes to the meaning and purpose

Verbal
Most communication that occurs between people is done outside of the actual words spoken.
The verbal and nonverbal operate in tandem woven together to complete the communication
equation.

18 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Clearly, communication must be viewed from an all-inclusive perspective.

Words alone cannot be viewed as the sole source of a person’s intent and meaning.

When there is conflict between one’s words and the body language, believe the nonverbal.
 Remember, a person’s message is found in the totality of
o Verbal
o Paralinguistic
o “Nonverbal”

Kinesics
Nonverbal communication is primarily conducted through the use of gestures, facial
expressions, and body language.
 Eye movements
 Facial expressions
 Body movements
 Subconscious

The nonverbal reveals persons

 Mood
 Attitude
 Intent
 Sometimes even precise thoughts

Keep in mind… as you evaluate the gestures and movements of others they
 Unconsciously are reading your body language and assigning meaning to it
 Your mood, attitude, and intent will be on exhibition before you deliver your verbal
message.
 Communication, verbally or nonverbally is a two-way street.

Your body language can negate your message (55%)

Be aware of their body language. They are transmitting nonverbal messages stemming from the
emotional (limbic) brain. Oftentimes, they are not aware of their nonverbal; however, they are
reading yours even at a subconscious level.

Do not leak any negative attitude via body your body language.
Your body language can help to de-escalate or incite emotion.
 Words: 7%
 How words are said: 38%
 Body language: 55%

19 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Words + Paralinguistic + Body Language= 100%

Lecture Scenario: Choose a student for a simple mathematical equation: Ask, “What do you get
if you have
excellent wording (give it a full 7%) + a little sarcasm (let us say 30% out of a maximum 38%) +
some negative body language (about 30% of 55%)? What caliber or type of message are you
sending?

7% words + 30% Paralinguistic + 30% body language = 67% Effective Message

(failure in communication)

Explain that excellent wording alone does not ensure success at communication. Disrespectful
paralinguistic and body language can negate or detract from a well-worded message.

People subconsciously conduct a quick assessment of others. Since infancy, we have been
assigning meaning to other’s verbal, paralinguistic, and nonverbal communication with a great
degree of accuracy.

For example, we generally notice people in this descending order and formulate an opinion
based on their:
 Face
 Body language
 How they speak to us (paralinguistic)
 Word choices
 Then we look for or evaluate their verbal-nonverbal disconnects (does body
language match their words) to determine safety, truthfulness, or intent.

25.15 Identify each of the 6 Principles of Persuasion.

In this section, we will briefly look at the common 6 Principles of Persuasion. For example, if
you look closely enough at a car dealership you may discover these principles at work.

6 Principles of Persuasion
 Reciprocity
 Scarcity
 Authority
 Consistency
 Liking
 Consensus

20 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Lecture Scenario: Ask students to define “reciprocity” and discuss with class.

Reciprocity: The obligation to give when you receive.

For example, in many Chinese restaurants fortune cookies are given with the check. This act of
giving a fortune cookie will prompt customers to tip more and return. If the waiter smiles
sincerely, the tips can be more generous. Why? Reciprocity.

In social psychology, reciprocity is a social rule that says people should repay, in kind, what
another person has provided for them; that is, people give back (reciprocate) the kind of
treatment they have received from another. This, subconsciously, ensures future partnerships,
success, and safety.

When it comes to reciprocity in communication:

 Be the first to give
 Personalize it
 Make it unexpected

Lecture Scenario: Use an example of commercial gifts to prompt reciprocity, such as free caps,
coffee, food, giveaways at a law enforcement expo.

Scarcity: It is human nature. People want more of those things that there are less of. Most
people are deeply scripted or programmed to see the world through the lenses of scarcity. It is
hard for a scarcity thinker to be part of an effective complimentary team.

The benefits + what is unique about this thing + what they stand to lose if they miss this
opportunity at this time to acquire.

Lecture Scenario: Challenge the students to present example of scarcity thinking. For example,
paying full retail for the latest model of a race-ready version of a popular 4-door pick-up truck.
Or buying precious metals, or any other “get your before they are gone” or “this offer is only
good through this month, hurry!” type of scarcity sales tactic.

Authority: People generally follow a credible knowledgeable expert.

Signal to others what makes you credible, capable, and authoritative before you make your
influence attempt. Kindness, experience, specialty, and technical knowledge can be indications
of your authority and expertise. In addition, command presence, your physical fitness level,
pressed uniform, subject matter expertise, and communication will likewise reveal your
authority.

Lecture Scenario: Have students review and explain Authoritative Vs Authoritarian.

 Authoritative peace officers have the ability to be trusted as being accurate or true,
reliable.

21 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

 Authoritative people are commanding & self-confident, likely to be respected and

obeyed.

 Authoritarian is a state of mind or attitude characterized by belief in absolute obedience

or submission to one's own authority. These people seem ridge, strict, or oppressive.
They tend to favor signs, symbols, or the quick escalation of force in place of reasonable
patience, empathy, communication, or cooperation.

Consistency: Looking for and asking for commitments

These commitments must be voluntary, active, and public.
An example of consistency can be a potluck luncheon signup sheet.

Liking: People prefer to say “yes” to those they like.

3 Factors to liking:
 People who are similar to us
 People who pay us genuine compliments
 People who cooperate

Consensus: People will look to the actions of others to determine their own actions.
 Point to what others are already doing (especially similar others)
 Link logic to popular trends. Example, “There’s a reason why this specific brand of
tire seems to be on most of the Baja 1000 truck finishers.”

Recap: in order to effectively persuade another, the peace officer must have the appropriate
words, paralinguistic elements (tone of voice), and matching body language. The peace officer
should cluster these 6 principles of persuasion. The peace officer must also employ the three
essential elements of communication (thought, emotion, and action). A John C Maxwell quote,
“Whenever people take action they do it for their reasons, not yours. That is why we to attempt
to see things from their point of view. If we can’t it’s a frustrating waste of time.”

25.16 Identify the 5 Universal Truths.

5 Universal Truths - Dr. George J. Thompson, Verbal Judo

All people want to be treated with dignity and respect.

Gary Klugiewicz, “Many officer assaults occur in situations where people perceive that they’ve
been treated disrespectfully through taunting, belittlement, abusive language, unnecessarily
rough handling, and so on.”

All people want to be asked rather than told to do something.

 A request is much more palatable than an order.

22 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

 The citizen saves face by appearing to make his own decision.

 Voice tone and facial appearance weigh in heavily.

All people want to be told why they are being asked to do something.
 “Because I said so” is not a useful answer. A peace officer may need to explain the
law and the purpose behind the law (remember your non-verbal and paralinguistic
elements).
 An officer’s angry response is evidence that the officers is losing control.

All people want to be given options rather than threats.

If verbal resistance continues, now you need to move into salesmanship.
 Begin with the good options—what they will gain by cooperating with you.
 If necessary, move into negative options.

Greed Principle: If someone has something to gain or lose in a situation, you have something to
work with.

All people want a second chance.

Give him one last opportunity to comply if it is safely possible. In a collaborative tone, ask
whether there’s “Anything I can say at this time?” If you cannot persuade them to cooperate,
this confirms their noncompliance and justifies your taking appropriate and reasonable actions.

25.17 Identify common communication blunders.

Common Communication blunders

Dr. Carol Morgan, PhD and Jim Glennon offered these common communication blunders:
Not giving eye contact.
 As a rule, make eye contact 60-70 percent of the time.
 Less than 40 percent signals disinterest, boredom, or dishonesty
 Eye contact says something to the listener

Interrupting
It signals…
 “I’m more important than you.”
 “What I have to say is more important than what you have to say.”

Lecture Scenario: Having negative or apathetic body language:

 Ask a student to define apathy.
 Simply defined as a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. Little emotional connection,
the opposite of empathy.

As the saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.”

23 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

 Remember the 55% is body language

 7% are words
 38% is paralinguistic

Not paraphrasing and restating what the other person says:

“So, what I hear you saying is that …” or “Did I hear you correctly? The neighbor actually….?”

Making assumptions before you hear the whole message:

Ever assumed, “Oh I don’t even have to hear the rest of this; I already know what they’re
going to say!” Be aware, subconsciously we may signal that very feeling. It is very easy to do.

Letting your emotions control what you say:

 Don’t let your emotions get into the driver’s seat
 Contain our reactive IDIOT within

Not asking probing questions of other people:

Benjamin Disraeli said, “Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.”
 “That’s thought-provoking, tell me more.”
 “That’s interesting, why did you say that.”
 “That’s intriguing, why did you do that.”
 “That’s exciting, why did you ask that.”

Needing to “win” an argument:

With irrelevant, inconsequential, or insignificant issues, maybe letting-go is the best option.
In some arguments, the only winning move is not to engage.
Letting your thinking distract you from giving your full attention

Letting your thinking distract you from giving your full attention:
Does your phone, the TV, your thoughts, or even a bad attitude get in the way of our
communication? This is called “mind drift.” Sometimes what is going on in our head is more
important for us rather than paying attention to you.
 Your phone, the TV, your thoughts, even a bad attitude
 “What’s going on in my head is more important for me rather than paying attention
to than you.”

Attacking another’s character:

“Stop acting like a jerk.”
 Disagree with their words, plans, or actions, not their character.
 Remind yourself when frustrated, “The problem is the problem, not this person.”

Not being empathetic & realizing that perception is reality:

Having empathy and realizing the other person’s experiences are very real to him.

24 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Being a good communicator takes effort. It is like being a good athlete – you have to practice if
you want to be good at your skills

The cursing pitfall

Lecture Scenario: Ask and discuss with class:
 Does officer profanity have a purpose in a de-escalation strategy
 Why?
 The class should give examples.
 What does the class think of the below discussion on profanity?
 “Don’t come at me with that knife or I will really fucking shoot you!” -Serious intent (may
be a good option) vs. “Sir, please refrain from advancing on my person with that edged
weapon.” (could lack the significant emotional impact needed). If cursing actually has
the sway, effect, or influence for the greater good of preserving life or de-escalation any
given situation, then cursing may be a very practical option. However, as law
enforcement professionals, we are accountable for every one of our actions both verbal
and nonverbal.

It is highly recommended to use minimal profanity:

 Excessive profanity effects perceptions of uninvolved bystanders and witnesses.
 Cursing will elevate your stress level.
 Ultimately, officer profanity may diminish cognitive abilities by raising emotion (of
everyone involved, not just the officer).

The Four Horsemen

 Criticism – Complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not
their behavior.
 Contempt – Name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In
whatever form, contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – is poisonous to a
connection because it conveys disgust.
 Defensiveness – “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.” Defensiveness just escalates the
conflict, which is why it is so destructive. It shuts down cooperation and creativity.
Remember defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative.
 Stonewalling – Tuning out. Disengaging.

25.18 Identify a simple pattern of communication, to utilize in awkward situations,

Lecture Scenario: Discuss with the class:

 “What if you feel awkward or lack confidence communicating someone in particular?
What should you do?”

An impactful way of engaging another generally works by actively listening, asking a question,
paraphrase, and guessing at their emotions (even if you don’t guess the right emotion, for
example, “angry vs frustrated” they will have appreciated the attempt).

25 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

LEAPS
Consider the L-E-A-P-S method commonly used in counseling. This can be a polite and effect
way of disengaging from the conversation with dignity and respect.
 Listen Actively
 Empathize
 Ask questions
 Paraphrase
 Summarize

HALT
Just remember to be aware of your emotional IQ at any given moment. You are never at your
best for decision-making and communication when you are:
 Hungry
 Angry
 Lonely
 Tired

When the emotional brain is running high, cognitions generally run low. Realize there is a
dance or balance between emotion and intellect. Keep your mind open and your emotions in
check.

Lecture/Comprehensive Scenario:
 Divide the class into smaller work groups.
 Present the scenario to the groups.
 Have the group members strategize together to come up with proactive responses.
 Each group will present to the class.

Officer Jones is working as a DWI taskforce officer. While on patrol, he notices a red Chevy 4-
door pickup truck traveling westbound on Interstate 10. The left rear break light of said vehicle
is not working.

Officer Jones initiates a traffic stop using the pretext of a break light for a possible DWI inquiry.
He stops the vehicle and initiates contact. Officer Jones notices the sole occupant is a 40’s
something Black male identified as Mr. Carl Smith.

Mr. Smith became highly irate and very suspicious believing Officer Jones conducted a racially
based traffic stop. Speed was not an issue and Mr. Smith had not been drinking. Smith
immediately explodes with a bombardment of accusations, cursing, and resentments based on
his perception that White people are treated more fairly. He has been stopped by the police
several times, while on vacation in Mississippi and North Carolina. Although very talkative,
longwinded, and angry (well into “Contempt of Cop”), Mr. Smith does not pose an officer safety

26 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

or danger issue. Officer Jones feels this is a very awkward situation and one he is not
comfortable with.

 Are pretext traffic stops legal? Explain.

 Were there signs of a racial profiling because Mr. Smith was Black? Explain.
 How would you advise Officer Jones to communication with Mr. Smith?
Possible Responses:

Officer Jones has encountered a highly charged emotional individual. The task is to
communicate effectively, operate from an officer safety standpoint, and if possible de-escalate
Mr. Smith’s emotional mindset via effective communication.

Pretext stops: Whren v. United States, 517 U.S. 806 (1996), was a United States Supreme
Court decision that "declared that any traffic offense committed by a driver was a legitimate
legal basis for a stop. In other words, pretext traffic stops are legal and effective in public safety
and crime prevention.

Racial profiling is the act of suspecting or targeting a person of a certain race based on a

stereotype about their race, rather than on individual reasonable suspicion. A defective break
light was a valid reason for traffic stop. Officer Jones did not base his intentions on Mr. Smith’s
race.

Communication and the de-escalating process can appear to be a complex endeavor. These are
a few approaches are likely to work.

 Officer safety always.

 The first person to conduct a de-escalation check should be Officer Jones. Smith’s
emotional state has the potential to trigger a similar emotional reaction from Officer
Jones. This is a self-awareness topic. Jones cannot afford to be baited into some
emotionally unprofessional reaction.
 The goal is for Officer Jones to present an authoritative appearance (courtesy, strength,
and an appropriate command presence). Mr. Smith is sizing up Jones.
 Allow Mr. Smith to vent. Listen activity to Smith’s viewpoints (“remember the problem
is the problem and not the person”). This traffic stop does not need to be solved in a
matter of minutes.
 Jones needs to maintain conscious awareness of his nonverbal body language in order
to curtail something negative leaking through. Smith will no doubt unconsciously read
Jones’s body language.
 Jones needs to paraphrase Mr. Smith’s concerns and anxieties. People generally like to
hear their words spoken back to them.
 Identify Smith’s emotional state. Is Smith angry, frustrated, and scared? Communicate
and describe that emotional state back to Smith, “You seem very frustrated.” Smith will

27 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

appreciate his feelings were acknowledged. By our very nature, we are emotional
creatures. Our feelings matter to us.
 Ask questions: “Mr. Smith, have you had negative encounters with the police before?
Could you share that experience with me.? That is interesting; tell me more?
 How did that make you feel?” Smith’s brain will automatically seek out answers. Be
prepared to actively listen. Jones needs to continually monitor his body language.
 Empathize. Combine paraphrasing with Smith’s emotions and deliver that back to Smith.
Look into the landscaping of Smith’s mind and tell him what you see. For example, “I did
not know have been stopped several times in Mississippi and other places while on
vacation by officers, and each time it a very exasperating, annoying -if not infuriating. I
would not like that at all.” You are not necessarily agreeing but you are empathizing.
 Summarize. The pretext for the stop was for DWI, signs of intoxication did not exist. Try
to end this on a positive. If Smith calms down fantastic. If Smith still is suspicious,
frustrated or angry, Jones has the satisfaction of knowing that he handled himself in a
professional manner. Jones survived the encounter, practiced his communication skills,
and undoubtedly became a better communicator.

Lecture/Comprehensive Scenario:
 Divide the class into smaller work groups.
 Present the scenario to the groups.
 Have the group members strategize together to come up with proactive responses.
 Each group will present to the class.

You are the most senior member of a crime suppression tactical unit. The supervisor depends
heavily on you for operational and logistical support. Today, this supervisor arrived from a
special meeting and appeared quite irate and frustrated based on your observations of his body
language.

The supervisor began rambling about an important assignment ordered by headquarters. He is

not optimistic or enthusiastic about is multi-agency complex assignment. The supervisor
conveys the details of the operation to you. Your talent is a very important component to the
success of the team.
 Does the supervisor need to de-escalate prior to hosting a meeting?
 What else can you do to better understand the important details from your supervisor?

Possible proactive responses:

It is obvious the supervisor is overwhelmed. His emotional brain (elements of the Limbic
system) may have overtaken his rational thinking brain (prefrontal cortex). Sometimes good
people, even law enforcement professionals, engage important tasks in serious need of
emotional de-escalation.

28 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

Beginning an important meeting mentally escalated or in “fight-or-flight” mode will significantly

diminish cognitions (rational thinking), increase the chance of verbal hostilities, and even
diminish the effectiveness of the team. When emotions are high, cognitions are low.

Based on the supervisor’s mindset, revealed by his body language, it would benefit you to
safeguard yourself by paraphrasing his message (Refer to the 14 Benefits of Paraphrasing).

 By paraphrasing, you are making sure you heard it right on the spot, not finding out
later you misunderstood.
 If you have not understood accurately, he can correct you.
 Create some degree of empathy. Identify his emotions and share those with the
supervisor. For example, “Sergeant, this operation may seem overwhelming at this
moment but it’s doable; you look discouraged. I’ve learned we always pull through as a
team.” It has been said empathy is real emotional first aide.
 Avoid the “Sonic Attention” trap. People under stress think things they never said.
 Realize you are part of a specialized and very interdependent team. Express active
optimism, calculate resources, ask for help when needed, and empathetically engage
your partners.

Lecture/Comprehensive Scenario:
 Divide the class into smaller work groups.
 Present the scenario to the groups.
 Have the group members strategize together to come up with proactive responses.
 Each group will present to the class.

You are dispatched to a city park in reference to people being disturbing. The dispatcher
explains a father and two children are playing baseball within a tennis court. The reporter
(caller) wants the police to escort the three parties off the tennis court area.

Upon arrival, you meet with the reporter who is a very irate woman. She loudly says that tennis
courts are for tennis player’s not low-income family baseball practice. She is demanding and
determined to have them off the city’s tennis courts.

Knowing municipal ordinances, the father and children are not breaking any city law. Nor is
there anything criminal about their behavior.

You meet with the father. He explains he was the first person there and it is too muddy to play
catch in the grassy field, and he will not leave unless arrested. He says he knows his rights and
tells you, “I’m tired of rich people thinking they own the world!” Meanwhile, the two young
boys (maybe 5 and 7) are very scared. The younger boy begins crying and tells you, “Please
don’t arrest my dad. Please. Dad, let’s leave. Please!” Likewise, body language is telling you the
7-year-old child is ripe with fear. The father insists he will go to jail, presents his wrists for your

29 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

handcuffs, and tells his children he loves them. He is not intoxicated. He will not tell you his
name.

 Can the father be seized, detained, or arrested for being contemptuous with the
police? State your rationale.
 By not giving his name can the father be arrested for Failure to Identify? Give your
position on this.
 Based on the information received, would this be a “breech of the peace?” Explain
your answer.
 Would you physically escort the father off the tennis court? Explain your response.
 What verbal de-escalation tactics would you employ with the father and reporter?

Provide reasonable responses

Chapter 14.03 of the TX CCP states: AUTHORITY OF PEACE OFFICERS. “(a) Any peace officer
may arrest, without warrant:
 persons found in suspicious places and under circumstances which reasonably show
that such persons have been guilty of some felony, violation of Title 9, Chapter 42,
Penal Code, breach of the peace, or offense under Section 49.02, Penal Code, or
threaten, or are about to commit some offense against the laws;”

Sec. 38.02. FAILURE TO IDENTIFY.

 “(a) A person commits an offense if he intentionally refuses to give his name,
residence address, or date of birth to a peace officer who has lawfully arrested the
person and requested the information.

 (b) A person commits an offense if he intentionally gives a false or fictitious name,

residence address, or date of birth to a peace officer who has:
o lawfully arrested the person;
o lawfully detained the person; or
o requested the information from a person that the peace officer has good cause
to believe is a witness to a criminal offense.”

Although playing a form of baseball on a tennis court might be annoying to others, it is not
illegal in this case. There is no municipal code to prevent such. That being said, the obligation to
identify is not required. The father does not have to give his name.

Annoying, bothersome, or inconvenient behavior like the misuse of a tennis court in a non-
criminal manner most likely would not be considered a “breach of the peace.” It is best to think
of a breach of the peace as a violation of the public tranquility and order. It is the action/s of
breaking or disturbing the public peace by any riotous, forcible, or unlawful proceeding.

Verbal de-escalation techniques could include these:

30 of 31
 Basic Peace Officer Course │ Chapter 25 │ Verbal Communication

 Awareness of the officer’s body language. Everyone involved or watching will

consciously or subconsciously, read the officers nonverbal. We are always
communicating even when silent.
 Meet with the parties separately.
 Acknowledge their truth statements, “Sir, you’re absolutely right. It’s not against the
law to play catch on the tennis court.”
 Respect. Be respectful to the demanding reporter and the antagonistic father.
Respect the children and their irrational fears. People have an innate need for
respect and importance.
 Paraphrase, identify the emotional drives within their “subterranean brain,” and
empathize. If empathy were easy, everyone would be doing; it is a true mark of a
caring professional.
 In this case, the most cooperative person seems to be the youngest. Say something
to the father like, “I am kind of bothered the children are so upset over such a little
thing. They look like terrific well-balanced children. I’m sorry they are so frightened.”
 Most importantly, when an officer cannot lawfully exercise police authority, it is best
to act as an advocate for all. In this case, mediate the common ground.

Concluding remarks
Comprehensive communication initially may seem overwhelming for many young peace
officers. People spend much of their lives speaking and talking, not necessary listening.

Communication is about connections and goes far beyond just talking. It’s a skill set that anyone
can become more proficient. The payoff for great communication is tremendous. Consider the
non-law enforcement practicability and the potential for greater interagency relationships,
family relationships, civil, and business approaches.

“In the end, people are persuaded not by what we say, but by what they understand.”
-John C Maxwell

31 of 31