7 Stages of Grief: Examples & What to  Emotional changes: 

Feelings of
Expect hopelessness, helplessness, sadness,
numbness, fear, guilt, anger and
Published: January 27, 2023 Updated:
anxiety.
February 1, 2023
When people experience significant loss,
What Are the 7 Stages of Grief?
they grieve. Grief is an overwhelming
universal series of emotions that touches us These seven stages are not necessarily in
all. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first order and may occur more than once. Grief
introduced the concept of five stages of is not a linear, standard process and it can
grief which has now moved to seven. The vary from person to person, but this model
seven stage model is widely accepted as helps gauge your grief process
more inclusive and accurate to what people expectations.2 Other grief experts report
experience.1 frequent looping back and forth between
If you feel you are suffering from grief, stages.3
working with a therapist can help you
identify and cope with the stage of grief you Here is the model for the seven stages of
are in. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed grief:
therapists who provide convenient and
affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts 1. Shock & Denial
at $60 per week. Complete a brief
questionnaire and get matched with the right Shock is the initial phase when learning
therapist for you. about the death of a loved one or other
significant loss. Shock acts as the brain’s
What Does Grief Feel Like? self-defense system, and many times can
cause someone to deny what has
The onset of grief brings with it a host of happened.4 It occurs when you try to process
complex feelings, behavioral changes, and a loss that seems unimaginable and feels
physical symptoms. These symptoms may unacceptable. Denial is a defense
be new to people and it is important to mechanism to help cope with a difficult
understand their connection to grief. The loss. Denial gives you time to understand
uncertainty of these symptoms in what has happened and slowly adjust to the
conjunction with a major loss can make you new present.
feel disoriented, confused, and off balance.
Feelings that may accompany the shock and
Symptoms associated with grief include: denial phase of grief include:

 Physical changes: Lack of energy,  Depression

loss of appetite, headaches, body  Hopelessness
tension, digestive issues.  Confusion
 Behavioral changes: Increased  Loneliness
frustrated and angry episodes,  Anger
increased isolation,inability to sleep
or sleeping much more, inability to Shock & Denial Stage Examples
concentrate.
Examples of the shock and denial stage of  Blame
grief include:  Sadness
 Guilt
 “If only I could see and talk to him  Regret
one more time.”
 “She will wake up tomorrow, realize Pain & Guilt Stage Examples
this is the biggest mistake she has
ever made, and come running back Examples of the pain and guilt stage of grief
to me for forgiveness.” include:
 “I dedicated my life to working for
that company, and they let me go  “If only I had done more to convince
without warning!” my husband to go to the doctor
 “My mom was there for me my earlier, he might have been able to
whole life. How can I go on without beat cancer.”
her?”  “I spent 15 years of my life being
with him. I should have done more
Denial is one of the most challenging stages, to show him how much I loved him.
as people may isolate themselves during this Then he would have cared about me
phase. Reminders about self-care are more.”
needed. One’s identity may have been  “I should have spent more time
linked to the person or job loss and must focusing on my work and less time
now redefine how they perceive themselves. staying out late at night partying.”
It’s impossible to attach a time frame to this  “Dad needed me to be there for him.
stage because it varies between people. I couldn’t because of work. That is
Suppose your inability to function with something I will always regret.”
daily tasks, make decisions, and break  “How could I have not known she
isolation remains persistent. In that case, was this depressed and let this
these may be indicators that you are stuck in happen?”
this phase.
The challenge of this stage is that people
2. Pain & Guilt can ruminate about perceived
mistakes.5 This negative self-talk can
The realization that a loved one is dead or exacerbate feelings of guilt and increase
gone or another significant loss can leave an emotional pain. If these thoughts and
emptiness in your life, causing pain and behaviors persist, this grief stage will last
yearning. You may feel relieved that a loved longer. Outside intervention from a mental
one is not suffering but guilty for thinking health professional may help if this self-
that. Some may believe they could have destructive behavior continues.
done more to help. People often regret that
the outcome was not what they hoped for, 3. Anger & Bargaining
with unrealistic expectations about what
they can do to stop a loss or death.

Feelings that may accompany the pain and

guilt stage of grief are:
Grief experts studied the length of time for  “Why me, god? Why did you give
stages of grief in this stage, concluding that me breast cancer? I don’t deserve
the need for anger management increases this.”
between one and five months post-loss, then  “My boss was so unfair. He should
the need decreases after that.7 have given me a chance to do the
project again. I should never have
Sources of the anger stage could include:6 lost my job.”
 “If you had not brought that
 Anger at being abandoned medication into our house, our
(creating abandonment issues) daughter would not have taken it and
 Anger at the extent of the pain would still be alive.”
 Anger that life has changed (similar  “If my husband survives this car
to adjustment disorder) accident, I promise to go to church
 Anger that managing grief feels every Sunday.”
difficult  “I will start to do volunteer work if
 Anger that the world suddenly feels you allow me to stay alive for a little
different, empty, unsafe, or lonely  longer.”
 “If the child I hit with my car gets
The bargaining stage involves trying to better, I will sell the car and donate
regain a false sense of control after feeling the money to charity.”
helplessness and displaced anger. Regina
Josell, Ph.D., says, “We engage in a type of Anger can be a complex emotion and is a
mental gymnastics to try to undo something normal reaction to grief with no specific
that we can’t undo.”8 This stage provides a timeline associated with its stage. People
grieving person with time to emotionally can get stuck in an angry phase of grief if
come to terms with a loss. they don’t understand how to deal with
these feelings. When anger continues or
Feelings that may accompany the anger and intensifies into repeated rageful episodes or
bargaining stages of grief include: an intermittent explosive disorder towards
people not associated with the loss, this
 Frustration signals that you need additional mental
 Resentment health support to cope.
 Rage
 Hopeful People on the bargaining side of this stage
 Anxiety (specifically anxiety paired often don’t find an acceptable resolution.
with anger) Eventually, they recognize that the outcome
 Fear they hope for will not occur. Trying to
bargain with a higher power, another
Anger & Bargaining Stage Examples person, or a system is a means of
diminishing anger and moving closer to
Examples of the anger stage of grief include
acceptance. This phase generally does not
the following:
last as long as others because it eventually
becomes clear that what you hope for won’t
happen.
4. Depression If there is a predisposition to depression,
there is a greater risk for depression lasting
Depression stems from internalized longer in this stage. This stage can be the
or repressed anger in this stage. It occurs longest of grief. If you find that you feel
when time has passed for the ramifications depressed almost all the time and your
of a significant loss become clear. This symptoms don’t fluctuate, reach out to a
stage can manifest as reduced concentration, mental health professional.
inability to sleep, and sleeping too much.
You may have physical symptoms like 5. The Upward Turn
headaches and body aches or digestive
issues as well. In this stage of grief people begin to adjust
to life post-loss. People begin to see that
Feelings that may accompany the they have survived the loss and that they
depression stage of grief are: have a future to live. Typically, depressive
symptoms and physical symptoms of
 Loneliness grief begin to lessen.10
 Sadness
 Depression Feelings that may accompany the upward
 Emptiness turn stage of grief include:
 Anhedonia – inability to feel any joy
from anything  Hopeful
 Self-pity  Moments of happiness
 Feeling a sense of well being
Depression Stages Examples  Calmer

Examples of the depression stage of grief Upward Turn Stage Examples

include:
Examples of the upward turn stage of grief
 “How do I go on without my are as follows:
beloved husband?”
 “My job meant everything to me. It  “I can’t believe I smiled and laughed
was who I am.” today. I can’t remember the last time
 “Since my divorce, I have lost all my that happened.”
friends. I don’t want to be around  “I do have a pretty good resume.
people. I feel so alone.” Maybe it’s time to start looking for a
new job.”
Psychologists looking at the relationship  “It has been several months since my
between grief and depression describe the daughter died. I need to start
danger of being stuck there and the thinking about ways of honoring her
difference between normal grief and clinical memory.”
depression. People who have limited social
supports or isolate themselves during time Grief expert Darby Faubion, RN, describes
of grief may have a greater risk of that in this phase, “although loss is felt still,
developing major depressive disorder.9 it is not as difficult to manage the
symptoms. Individuals tend to feel more
hopeful about life and begin to find some Moving forward in this stage involves
measure of peace related to the loss.”11 This asking, “What actions do I need to take to
stage is not as difficult as it offers relief and build a new life for myself?” It’s a time to
a sense of hope that a grieving person can redefine what everyday life will look like
build a new life after an enormous loss. for you. People often resume self-care
activities like exercise, which can bring
6. Reconstruction & Working Through more energy, optimism regarding the future,
and a desire to find some measure of
In this grief stage, people feel less success.
overwhelmed by emotions created by a
major loss. They have more energy and a 7. Acceptance & Hope
new desire to begin to move forward by
finding meaning and growth after a Acceptance and hope is the last stage in the
traumatic event with concrete actions to grieving process. It comes with a sense of
regain control. Here people start to manage optimism from a realistic life assessment
their lives and may feel like reconnecting with a deep understanding of your loss’s
with loved ones once again. impact. You permit yourself to plan for a
future, knowing you will not forget what has
Feelings that may accompany the work happened. You have learned ways to care
through and reconstruction stage of grief for yourself and cope and how to set new
include: self-expectations as you begin to move
ahead. There is still pain and sadness
 Energized attached to your loss. However, you
 Optimistic recognize that you are entitled to create a
 More at peace different life offering yourself a measure of
 Hopeful contentment.
 More confidence
Feelings that may accompany the
Reconstruction Stage Examples acceptance and hope stage of grief are:

Examples of the reconstruction stage of  Relief

grief include:  Optimism
 Reflection
 “I don’t know how much time I have  Acceptance
left, but I am determined to make the  Hope
most of it as best I can.”
 “I know my partner wanted me to Acceptance Stage Examples
date again after he died. Maybe it’s
time to start thinking about it.” Examples of the acceptance and hope stage
 “I’m tired of fighting with my wife of grief include:
about the terms of our divorce. I
want it to be over so I can move on  “It feels scary to go on the dating
with my life.” scene again. I miss my wife, but I
know I’m ready for a new
relationship.”
  “I have revised my resume and will based on her work with terminally ill
aim to apply for three jobs in the patients. The stages in her model were:
next month.” Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and
 “I miss my son every day. I think he Acceptance.
would love that I have started this
program in his name to help other The seven stages of grief include the five
kids struggling with thoughts of stages Dr. Kubler-Ross outlined but also
suicide.” include guilt, an upward turn, and
reconstruction. The reason for this was that
People in this phase have not fully healed most grief experts agreed that these were
from their loss but understand they have also stages experienced by those who
renewed strength and determination to move grieved.
on. They allow themselves to reflect on past
cherished memories associated with the Other Grief Models
loss. There may be feelings of sadness that
arise at holidays or birthdays. However, There is a 4 step model that includes:
they don’t cause the level of despair
previously experienced. 1. Shock & Numbness
2. Yearning & Searching
Help For Grief & Loss 3. Disorganization & Despair
4. Reorganization & Recovery
Talk Therapy – Get personalized help in
dealing with a loss from a licensed In addition, there is a 10-step model
professional. BetterHelp offers online described by Brooke Dean, Ph.D. that
sessions by video or text. Try BetterHelp includes:12

1. Shock
Virtual Psychiatry – Get help from a real 2. Facing emotions
doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry 3. Depression
offers medication management and online 4. Physical symptoms
visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the 5. Panic
online assessment and have your first 6. Guilt
appointment within a week. Free 7. Anger
Assessment 8. Resistance
9. Hope
Choosing Therapy partners with leading 10. Acceptance
mental health companies and is
compensated for marketing by Talkiatry Do the Stages of Grief Happen in Order?
and BetterHelp. According to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the
stages of grief were never meant to be linear
Are There 5 or 7 Stages of Grief? and that is true for the newer redefined
The original five stages model of grief was stages of grief as well. There is no specific
created in 1969 by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, order for the stages of grief. In fact, some
MD,  in her book On Death and Dying, people will not experience all the stages in
their grieving process. Other people may
visit a stage more than once depending on responses to loss that many people have, but
how their grief develops and where they are there is not a typical response to loss, as
at in their own healing process. These grief there is no typical loss. Our grief is as
stage models are simply a tool to help individual as our lives.”14
people understand and anticipate universal
grief symptoms as they move through their When to Get Professional Help for Grief
own grief process.
You might want to work with a mental
health professional for your grief if:
How Long Do the 7 Stages of Grief Last?
Grief is a personal and unique experience.  You cannot adjust to living in a
There is no designated time frame for how world without the person or event
long grief lasts, and grief cannot be rushed you lost.
through or forced. Some people may start to  You are unable to get to a place of
feel better in weeks or months, but others acceptance regarding your loss.
may take years to truly process their grief.13  The symptoms in the stages of grief
remain and get more frequent with
What Is the Hardest Stage of Grief to Go greater intensity.
Through?  You cannot imagine moving on with
your life.
There are different professional opinions
about the most challenging stage of grief to
Finding an online licensed mental health
go through. Some believe acceptance is the
professional with expertise in loss, grief,
hardest because you finally have accepted
death, dying, and traumatic grief. They can
that a loved one is dead. Others say the
help you cope with and process your grief
depression stage is the hardest because
and the associated feelings of loss.
symptoms of depression are so debilitating
that it can take more time to move beyond What Type of Professional Help Can I
this stage. Many people begin to understand Get for Grief?
their loss in this stage better. Each step has
its challenges and can be difficult depending There are several options for people who
on the individual’s grief. need counseling or therapy to cope with
grief. Counseling focuses on a specific
Do I Need to Go Through the 7 Stages of issue, like grief, and uses problem-solving
Grief? or coping techniques to address it.
Counseling options are short-term,
People do not need to go through all seven
while psychotherapy is generally more long-
stages of grief. They also do not necessarily
term and can address numerous issues
occur in order. Some people may go through
hindering relationships or a person’s ability
a given stage more than once or sometimes
to function healthily. Licensed, certified
multiple stages simultaneously. Dr. Kubler-
practitioners can do both and can be found
Ross said, “The stages have evolved since
on an online therapist directory.
their introduction, and they have been very
misunderstood over the past 3 decades. There are different treatment options for
They were never meant to tuck messy people experiencing grief, such as:
emotions into neat packages. They are
 Faith-Based Final Thoughts
Counseling: Spirituality, faith, and
If your experience with grieving does not fit
god are the centerpieces of this
this model, don’t be worried. There is no
treatment to help cope with grief
“right or wrong way” to grieve. The same
from a significant loss. It uses
person may grieve differently depending on
behavioral science and scripture with
the nature of the loss. Don’t place arbitrary
counseling. Examples of people that
time frames on your grief process.15 If
do this counseling are Pastors or
you’re aware you’re stuck in a stage that
Priests.
negatively impacts your ability to function
 Cognitive Behavioral
and your relationships with others, consider
Therapy (CBT): This short-term
reaching out to a mental health grief
therapy looks at thought processes
specialist for help.
and how they influence behavior to
elevate mood.
 Grief Support Groups: Grief
support groups can be led by mental
health professionals or peers. Many
people find it helpful to talk to
others who have experienced similar
losses. It helps normalize feelings
and can be a source of comfort and
support.
 Grief Counseling: This counseling
is designed to help people to come to
terms with emotions and behaviors
that occur after a significant loss. It
helps to understand these feelings
and offers ways to cope with them.
 Grief Therapy: Grief therapy helps
to process a significant loss and
learn ways to cope with it. Similar
to trauma-informed therapy, it
allows people struggling with issues
outside of the normal ones
associated with grief and identify
healthy ways to grieve.
 Hospice Care: Hospice
bereavement and palliative care
counseling are available to patients
and family members whose loved
one has a life-threatening illness or
died. The hospice-licensed staff
offers counseling and support to help
cope.