Building Personal Identity in The Presence of Wealth

Acquirers' and Inheritors'
Dilemma: Discovering Life Purpose

and Building Personal Identity
in the Presence of Wealth
DENNIS T. JAFFE AND JAMES A. GRUBMAN
DENNIS T. JAFFE Get to know two things about a man. How of inheritance and succession in their families,
is a partner at Relative he earns his money and how he spends it. and how people raise their children. In under-
Solutions LLP in You will then have the clue to his character. standing these issues, an advisor can help clients
San Francisco, CA.
djaffe @ relative-solutions.com
You will have a searchlight that shows up and their families move toward a more satis-
the inmost recesses of his soul. You know fying and productive relationship with wealth,
JAMES A. GRUBMAN all you need to know about his standards, something that is often missing in the lives of
is a psychologist his motives, his driving desires, his real the rich.
and wealth consultant in religion.
Turners Falls, MA.
- Robert]. McCracken
[email protected] THE LIFE JOURNEYS OF WEALTH
If you want to know what God thinks of
money, just look at the people he gave it to. Much has been written in recent decades
about the experiences ofthe very rich. In the
— Dorothy Parker
w
popular literature, in biographies and personal
hen a professional advisor sits accounts, in psychology, and in family therapy
down with a wealthy client to and family business consulting, views of the
discuss money management, wealthy have been largely negative until very
the focus is typically on the recently. Beginning with the 1960s rejection
money, not on the person who owns it. Yet of wealth and privilege, some Inheritors began
personal wealth is never truly impersonal. It has to question their upbringing and their culture
powerful emotional meanings influencing the through their accounts of self-destructive
choices, relationships, and life goals of the behavior and confusion about handling inher-
owner and his or her family. itances. The mid-1980s brought several land-
This article looks at the experience of mark studies of Inheritors, drawing back the
the very wealthy family, particularly its mem- curtain on many ofthe difficulties experienced
bers' growth and development in relating to by those raised with wealth. With the great
their wealth and its role in their lives. We will financial gains ofthe 1980s and 1990s, the
look at how various origins of wealth can be newly affluent (many of them young and prod-
a source of internal conflict, how individuals ucts ofthe 1960s) began to articulate a more
struggle to come to terms with great wealth, reflective view about success and sudden
and how the quality of their adjustment can wealth. Most recently, there has been a shift
influence what happens with the money. This toward positive aspects of wealth as exempli-
life experience looms large over many areas— fled by the turn toward social responsibility
fmancial choices, how individuals face issues and active philanthropy. Time magazine's
20 ACQUIRERS' AND INHERITORS' DILEMMA FALL 2007

People of the Year in 2005 were philanthropists Bill and culture toward the promised land of wealth. This journey
Melinda Gates. We attempt to organize the themes from may be arduous over years of entrepreneurial labor, or it
this diverse Hterature into a firamework useful to the family may be a sudden leap produced by the right sequence of
wealth advisor and to the wealthy family itself. Some of Powerball numbers. Either way, acquired wealth involves
our formulations about personal development will be navigating a change from one social class and culture to
familiar to psychotherapists but not necessarily to people another, with all the attendant pleasures, stresses, losses,
in financial advising fields. and new language this change brings. Acquirers of wealth
People come to wealth in essentially two ways: they are, in a sense, like immigrants. They undergo the life-
acquire it during their lifetime through effort or chance, changing experience of traveling to a more affluent
or they inherit it from someone else's reserve. The way country from their homeland. This life experience of
by which a person comes into wêalth is an important undergoing a major transition is one of two significant
determinant of how wealth affects his or her personality factors about acquired wealth.
and character. We first explore the experiences of those A second fundamental point is that these individ-
who acquire wealth, looking at how they must come to uals come to their new status having already developed
grips with their good fortune and how they raise their much of their personal identity in the economic culture
children under new circumstances. We then examine the of their birth. Although personality continues to undergo
very different experience of Inheritors who are raised development well into adulthood, the reality is that many
with wealth, those who come into the world surrounded aspects of basic personality are in place by the ages of 12
by the benefits and drawbacks of upper-class life. to 18 (Erikson [1950]; Levinson [1978]). Since the foun-
Clients' relationship with money depends on where dation of personal identity is formed largely in the cul-
they come from—their personal and family history—and ture and economic class of childhood circumstances, those
where they are heading with the possibilities inherent in adults who become wealthy in adulthood must undergo
their good fortune. Our goal is to define how the pres- adjustment in who they are. Even for those who achieve
ence of wealth in one's life shapes one's personal sense of wealth early (in their 2O's and 3O's), many aspects of per-
self—through the development of a personal identity as sonality have already been set by the formative experi-
a wealthy individual, by one's developmental life journey, ences of youth. This, then, is the other significant factor:
and by the legacy that families pass on to their children. with acquired wealth, one's identity is partly or wholly estab-
We propose that development of an individual's wealth lished before the wealth occurs. The task for those with New
identity moves through stages, ranging from innocence of Money is to find ways to successfully integrate the wealth
the power and pain of wealth, through a level of conflict into identity. We view this as "The Acquirer's Dilemma"—
over the wealth, to the achievement of a sense of recon- the sometimes arduous process of incorporating wealth
ciliation and integration with wealth. For some, there is into the personal identity already in place.
the potential to achieve a strong and positive life purpose Inherited wealth by contrast, describes those of
with wealth. Although such a progression is not shared by multigenerational wealth who are born into the upper
everyone, the pathway seems universal enough to be pre- socioeconomic level. They are the natives ofthe land of
sented as a useful model of development. Our hope is wealth, the children, grandchildren, and succeeding gen-
that, by learning the inherent dilemmas of wealth and the erations of those who first made the journey to riches.
means of resolving them, advisors can ask their clients Compared to the transition in socioeconomic class that
"the questions that lie behind the wealth." acquirers experience, the experience in multi-generational
wealth is of maintenance of one's class, not transition. Inher-
ACQUIRED AND INHERITED WEALTH itors may be fortunate to improve their wealth status by
their own efforts, thereby achieving that rare combina-
Acquired wealth can be defined as a significant rise tion of being both Inheritors and acquirers. More often,
in socioeconomic level within one generation. A hall- wealth maintenance occurs through the skillful resources
mark of acquired wealth is the psychological and socio- ofthe family's wealth managers. Some transition in wealth
logical sensation of transition. The individual achieving status may conceivably bring the individual or family to
wealth status travels not across distance but across socio- an even more rarefied level of wealth, as in the transfor-
economic class, setting out fiôm blue-coUar or middle-class mation of a merely rich $15 miUion family to an ultra-rich
FALL 2007 THE JOURNAL OF WEALTH MANAGEMENT 21

$500 million family. For most heirs, however, the fear is differently by others, having access to new opportunities
of losing the wealth and transitioning downward in socioe- and options as well as relief from the burdens of a finan-
conomic class. This may be likened to being expelled cially-strained life. They truly are immigrants to a new
from the land of privilege. This risk gives rise to many of land, confronting new situations, expectations, demands,
the stresses and anxieties reported by heirs. However, the responsibilities, and possibilities. Moreover, those who
most prevalent circumstance is the preservation of the come to wealth in a public way are perceived as changed
wealth class already achieved, a task known all too well people. Their place in their community may be disrupted
to be difficult enough in itself. as other people rearrange their expectations to match both
Following firom this first difference between acquired reality and the stereotypes of "the Rich."
and inherited wealth, there is a second key distinction. Acquisition of wealth comes through two funda-
For Inheritors raised with wealth, the wealth is present before mental types ofjourney, each of which has unique char-
the individual. It exists in the environment, in the home, acteristics and psychological adjustments:
and in the childhood circumstances enveloping the heir.
Compared to acquirers where wealth comes after the • Through one's own sustained effort, or
establishment of identity. Inheritors begin life as new indi- • Through good fortune or a traumatic event,
viduals within the background of Old Money. Young without personal effort.
heirs know little of economic cultures other than the land
of their birth. Their identity, therefore, is intricately tied Other factors influencing integration of wealth into
to wealth throughout childhood development. Although personal identity include whether the wealth is acquired
there are many benefits to this, there also are toxic ele- swiftly or slowly, the life stage at which it was largely
ments. This then is "The Inheritor's Dilemma"-—the achieved, how many social classes are leapfrogged along
daunting task of growing a strong responsible identity out the way, and the money personality style ofthe individual.
ofthe environment of wealth.
There are common challenges in the lives of people Einancial Windfall by Effort
who acquire or inherit wealth that must be resolved in
order to live a productive and fulfilling life. The paths, how- Perhaps the most notable psychological benefit of
ever, differ for acquirers and for Inheritors. They start fi"om acquiring wealth through effort is that the wealth feels
very different places and traverse very different landscapes. deserved. For some who achieve surprisingly great wealth,
Advisors to the wealthy need to be familiar with each. the magnitude ofthe reward may be hard to accept. But
for most who acquire wealth by effort, becoming rich is
THE DILEMMAS OE ACQUIRED WEALTH at least the fruit of a good work ethic and therefore may
feel justified emotionally. The wealth may feel fair in the
God gave me my money. I believe the power to make sense that it is tied to self-responsibility, persistence through
money is a gift from God, to be developed and used to time and adversity, and inherent talent. Wealth creation
the best of our ability for the good of mankind. Having may be associated with the hallmarks of good psycho-
been endowed with the gift I possess, I believe it is my logical traits in identity: resilience through hardship, ability
duty to make money and still more money and to use the to delay gratification and work toward long-term goals,
money I make for the good of my fellow man according intellectual grasp of how to deal with people or promote
to the dictates of my conscience. creative talent, and what psychologists have identified as
—John D. Rockefeller "self-efFicacy" (Wood and Bandura [1989]), the sense of
self-confidence and effectiveness some people have in get-
The way by which you may get money almost without
ting the job done. Integration ofthe monetary rewards
exception leads downward.
of hard work is easier for all these reasons, so the Acquir-
— Henry David Thoreau
er's Dilemma for wealth creators is often less conflicted
Acquiring wealth is both a psychological and soci- and more easily solved than for others.
ological experience. When a person comes to wealth, Many successful wealth owners have time to adjust
he or she experiences a shift from one social class and gradually to their increasing net worth over years, get-
status to another. In the shift, these individuals are seen ting used to their new status as their success increases.

There are predictable points, however, where Acquirers and privilege success bestows can create an
confront the reality of their wealth such as retirement, unhealthy narcissism ... characterized by a craving
liquidity events fiôm business sale or succession, or cashing for attention and approval, a fixation with success
in vested stock options. "Realizing" a capital gain in busi- and public recognition, and a lack of empathy for
ness has both fmancial and psychological meaning at the others. If not understood, this dark side can threaten
moment a signature is put to paper. First-person narra- the health ofthe business and the competence of
tives often describe the remarkably emotional moment would-be successors." (p. 1)
when years of hard work, risk, and deprivation are finally
transformed into wealth, leaving the business owner and At some point this destructive self-importance and
spouse rich but lacking an outside identity, with the loss need for control leads to a disregard of the virtues and
of social contacts, no place to go every day, overwhelm- emotions of people around the wealth creator, including
ingly diverse investment decisions, and loss of purpose in family members. As we shall see later in the experiences
life. Liquidity events are both heady and disorienting. of Inheritors, one of the more powerful forces acting
A study by The Economist [2001] found a great within families of wealth may be narcissism embedded
majority of families who had sold their business felt a sense within the parenting process.
of something lost in the years aft:er the sale. While these fam- Sports figures and celebrities A subcategory of those
ilies realized greater wealth, they did so at the expense of who acquire wealth by effort includes those few but for-
connection to the community and to rewarding work. In tunate athletes, artists, musicians, and other celebrities
the end, many regretted the trade-off. Hughes [1999] also who achieve great success in their fields by talent and hard
notes the sale of the family business can be traumatic for work. Unfortunately, the acquisition of wealth by tal-
family members as it strikes at the core ofthe family's iden- ented sports figures or celebrities often produces the
tity and focus of energy. Anticipatory fear of this is fre- strained adjustment seen with working-class individuals
quently behind the avoidance business owners display when with sudden wealth syndrome, lottery winners, and ben-
facing succession planning or retirement. Furthermore, an eficiaries of financial settlements, overwhelming them
increase in net worth when the family is already very rather than integrating with their personality. Professional
wealthy may not bring a concurrent increase in well-being. athletes, for example, typically are young and naive, have
At an individual level, the psychological makeup of few skills in fmancial literacy, are easy targets for scams and
wealth creators is highly relevant both for their own per- pressures from family and friends, and don't plan for what
sonal adjustment and for the interpersonal dynamics in is normally a short career marked by frequent injury or
first-generation families of wealth. Many founders and disabihty (Gersten [2005]; Reinhold [2000]). The posi-
owners of family businesses are entrepreneurs with cre- tive quality of exerting sustained effort to achieve riches
ative characteristics that affect every aspect of their lives. is swamped by the many more powerful negative aspects
Many feel that success has come at least partly because of of sudden (and often short-lived) wealth. For every suc-
their ability to keep things under their control. They tend cessful Tiger Woods, Oprah Winfrey, or J.K. Rowlings
to see success as not due to luck but to their own efforts. whose talent becomes a private industry with well-man-
They may feel entitled to respect for their efforts and may aged wealth, there are multitudes of highly skilled celebri-
be used to getting their way because of their wealth. Once ties and athletes who are unprepared for success in terms
they are successful, they are proud ofthe wealth they have of money skills.
created and want only the best for their families.
Taken to an extreme, however, many controlling or Financial Windfall Without Effort:
charismatic owners demonstrate a deep vein of self- Fortunate Events
centeredness or narcissism, contributing to their success
but making life difficult for their families (Lansberg [2000], Some people earn wealth through years of hard work
Willis [2005]). As Lansberg [2000] notes, and sustained effort. Their wealth identity and adjustment
benefit finm the link forged between self-responsibility and
"Narcissism is often a reason why entrepreneurs financial independence. For them, immigration to wealth
choose to blaze their own trails. Once family busi- happens gradually but with direction by their own compass
ness founders have succeeded, however, the stature and navigation by their own hand. In contrast, some people

arrive at wealth relatively suddenly without having created in general: well-grounded personality, a prudent money
the fortune themselves. Wealth acquired without one's effort personality, and (often) spirituality. Absent these, how-
may be easy in one sense, but it arrives without the usefiol ever, there is a high probability that the wealth will not
connection between self-responsibility and success. be integrated with identity nor change important behav-
A financial windfall can happen by several methods iors, leading to dissolution ofthe wealth.
without one's talent or entrepreneurial effort: A British study of lottery winners (MORI Study
[1999]) found that over half of winners of more than ^\
• Lottery winnings million stopped working upon becoming rich, yet their
• Marriage or family member's success perception of their social class was remarkably unchanged.
• Straightforward inheritance. These millionaire winners still considered themselves to
be working-class, down only slightly from the 60% self-
These methods typically do not create the level of rated as working-class before the win. This supports the
riches associated with multigenerational wealth. With the view that one's identity remains largely intact for some
exception of certain multimillion-dollar lottery winners, period of time despite new circumstances that no longer
most recipients of financial windfalls achieve mass-afHuent support that identity. In some ways the slowness to change
($500,000-12 million) or high-net-worth ($2 milhon-$20 identity may be healthy, preserving a sense of continuity
lnillion) levels. Nevertheless, they represent an important in the self and defending against a disruption in self-image.
segment of those who escape the socioeconomic cultures Yet it also fails to reflect the true change in social cir-
of their birth to establish a foothold in the land of wealth. cumstances, new options, and family identity that come
Lottery winners Studies of lottery winners reveal along with the wealth and which would require inte-
complex interactions among several factors. These include grating one's old identity with the new reality.
the amount ofthe winnings; the income, race, and per- Family members and spouses Another category of
sonality of the winner; and, most importantly, the level acquired wealth occurs when one is associated with the
of financial skills possessed by the winner at the moment wealth creator but not directly involved in the wealth cre-
of winning. Those who play the lottery tend to be dis- ation. This can occur in one's primary relationship to the
proportionately low-income, minority, male, and lacking wealth creator as in marriage or other committed rela-
in education, although many middle-class people play the tionship, or as the parents or siblings in the family of origin.
lottery on a less-intensive basis (Bradley [2000]; Clotefelter Many spouses who accompany the wealth creator
and Cook [1989]; Clotefelter, Cook, Edell, and Moore through the long journey toward success feel a sense of
[1999]). Lottery players tend to possess many distorted shared effort in the wealth creation, thereby experiencing
behavioral finance beliefs, such as the gambler's fallacy (if the same qualities of self-responsibility, work ethic, and fair
you play long enough you can recover your losses because compensation that support the wealth creator's own adjust-
the odds favor a shift in events) or that gambling is the ment to becoming rich. Spouses' participation takes many
most effective way to achieve one's retirement nest egg forms. They work otherjobs to bring in income while the
(Shefrin [2002]). family incubates a business. They care for the home and
As a result of limited financial education and other children so the entrepreneur can focus on work. They lend
factors, many who do wind up winning significant emotional support in a true partnership marriage. By con-
amounts eventually lose their millions as they fall prey to tributing indirectly but meaningfully to the wealth cre-
scams and lawsuits, get deluged with requests for loans ation, they then feel justified in sharing in the rewards.
and gifts by family and friends, and endure the breakup Having a solid, frugal, and hard-working spouse whose
of their primary relationships (Bradley [2000]; Goldbart values coordinate with the wealth creator has been found
[2001]; Kaplan [1978]). However, the stereotype ofthe to be a significant predictor of achievement of high-net-
disastrous lottery winner may not be completely accu- worth status (Stanley and Danko [1996]; Stanley [2000]).
rate. Some authors have noted that many high-net-worth Adjustment can be more complicated for spouses
lottery winners are able to maintain their winnings and or family members who are bystanders to the wealth
live a better life than before (Bradley [2000]; Jones [2006]). acquisition. This can occur with second wives or hus-
The keys to good adjustment after a lottery windfall appear bands, romantic relationships developed after the wealth
to correlate with those necessary for wealth adjustment is in place, and siblings or parents. In essence, these people
24 ACQUIRERS' ANIJ INHERITORS' DILEMMA FALL 2007

get to immigrate to at least some level of wealth virtually the family system including changes to children and grand-
overnight. Emotional adjustment for those near the children, choices about estate planning, and entry into
Acquirer can be complex. the world of trusts, charitable giving, and perhaps even
Generosity toward parents, sibhngs, and friends is new purpose in later life. We explore the range of these
both a common benefit and a frequent area of tension that adjustments in our discussion about Coming to Terms
arises when acquiring significant wealth. Family mem- with Acquired Wealth (below).
bers who are granted a share in another member's suc-
cess may struggle with a sense of guilt for not having Financial Windfall Without Effort:
contributed to the bounty of the family. They may also Negative Events
feel dependent on their benefactor for his largesse. This
underlying sense of feeling "not deserving" may wear For a few individuals, wealth arrives as a by-product
several faces. One may be a persistent sense of guilt, of an unwanted, often traumatic event. These immigrants
embarrassment, or anxiety that detracts from enjoyment are distinguished by having been transported not only sud-
of whatever wealth is shared (Domini, Pearne, and Rich denly but as a consolation prize for enduring something
[1988]). The other, perhaps more toxic response, turns highly unfortunate. Common events include the following:
the lack of deserving outward into a sense of entitlement,
claiming ownership where none is due. Either way, those • Sudden or comphcated bereavement.
near the Acquirer endure a particularly strong dose of • Insurance setdement after injury.
the biases many people beheve about money bringing
happiness. These biases incorporate the unique mixture Recipients of bad events mixed with good fortune
of envy, resentment, admiration, and disdain with which experience a unique set of psychological stresses. Just as
the world views the Rich, the "hostile envy" mentioned murder, death of a child, or death without recovering a
by Bork [1998]. Without having worked hard to create body complicate normal mourning (Rando [1993]),
the wealth, however, wealth's immigrants-by-relation- receiving money through a traumatic event can severely
ship must find ways to reconcile their good fortune with taint the windfall and alter the already-difficult adjust-
their prior identity. ment to acquiring sudden wealth. The money may be so
Straightforward inheritance Perhaps the most contaminated by the circumstances of its arrival that adjust-
common method of acquiring wealth in midlife without ment may be significantly delayed or aborted altogether.
having worked for it is via inheritance from someone in Moreover, the psychological disconnect between everyone
the family system. The reader may question why this else's pleasure at the money and one's own angry confu-
method doesn't appear later in the section on inherited sion about it compounds the process.
wealth, since inheritance is apparently the active process. Sudden or complicated bereavement Some inheri-
We distinguish here those individuals who grew up in tances are strongly overshadowed by either the circum-
working-class or middle-class homes, developing middle- stances ofthe death or the complexity ofthe relationship
class identities and working for a living out of necessity with the donor during Hfe. It is one thing to inherit money
most of their lives until an inheritance comes to them in midlife from beloved grandparents. It is entirely different
from the death of an aged parent, grandparent, or prover- to be thrust into simultaneous wealth and orphanhood at
bial rich uncle. These Inheritors are not raised with wealth age 13 or 33 by the death of both parents in a plane crash,
and so have much in common with others coming into or to experience the demise of multiple family members
wealth suddenly or by no effort of their own. in a common accident or disaster. The death of a child
If the relationship with the benefactor was loving, can result in a substantial litigation settlement or the
pleasant, or simply innocuous, individuals receiving a sub- transfer to other family members of his/her beneficiary
stantial inheritance in midlife may experience predomi- interest in a trust. The death of a wealthy or heavily-
nandy positive reactions to their good fortune. Nevertheless, insured parent or spouse by violence or terrorism may be
their journey toward acceptance ofthe wealth may have equally traumatic (see Feinberg [2003] for discussion of
many aspects of sudden wealth syndrome with its compli- September 11th Victim Compensation Fund). In some
cated emotional palette, detailed below. They will also instances, wealth may devolve to the deceased's kin
have to contend with the impact of their new status^ on through estate transfers that may not have been expected.
FALL 2007 THE JouKNAL OF WEALTH MANAGEMENT 25

Most painfully, money may accrue to a family member There are few large studies of the long-term psy-
through litigation requiring extensive highly emotional chological adjustment of litigation settlement recipients.
testimony and legal battles over what the death is worth In our experience, beneficiaries of financial settlements
in dollars and cents. show several common patterns of emotional adjustment
Another painful yet "enriching" bereavement occurs to the money. One group appears to accept the windfall
when the relationship between the donor and beneficiary as the legal profession frames it: just compensation for
was severely tainted during life. Not all inheritance rela- damages incurred. If the settlement is experienced as rea-
tionships are loving, unambiguous, and emotionally sup- sonable, the money is accepted largely without hesitation
portive. Benefiting financially from the death of a despised or ambivalence, even with a certain degree of pleasure
or abusive relative may be highly complicated. It may feel for the reparation it represents.
to some beneficiaries as reparation for what was endured A second group feels conflicted about the money,
during life. For many others, the money only continues sometimes taking years to come to grips with what hap-
a legacy of pain, harsh memories, and perception ofthe pened. They accept the money for the benefit it brings
money as dirty and undeserved. Inheritance fights affected to their families and their lives, but they remain angry,
by allegations of abuse are the stuff of literature (e.g., A embarrassed, or depressed, as if financial compensation
Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley [1993], or a retelling of was granted but emotional reparation was not. For them,
Shakespeare's King Lear) and of well-publicized lawsuits the money is a perpetual reminder ofthe injury, keeping
and countersuits in modern-day America. For example, it alive. Psychotherapy is of potential benefit for this group
the third wife of Seward Johnson was left the bulk of his in helping resolve mixed feelings about the entire event,
fortune after his death, and his children sued her (Margolick including the financial settlement.
[1993]). The wife felt justified in receiving the money A third group essentially disowns and divests itself
for her years of care for Seward. The children felt deprived ofthe money, either consciously or unconsciously. Mem-
of their rightful inheritance and were aggrieved about bers of this group experience the same ambivalence about
years of poor treatment by their father. A battle like this the money as the second group but appear to solve their
leaves both sides scarred, creates scandal in the public, and distress by eliminating the money rather than tolerating
casts a negative quality upon the wealth for both sides. it for the good ofthe family. This group loses the money
Litigation settlement Some measure of wealth may not just through poor money skills, but through con-
come with financial settlements after civil or employment flicted emotional adjustment. Either by gifting it to char-
litigation. Causes of action may include medical mal- itable causes, spending it, or depleting it through loans
practice, personal injury, work injury, physical and/or and gifts to friends and family, they demonstrate their
psychological damages from sexual abuse, or workplace feelings of not deserving the money by getting rid of it.
harassment. The ultimate amount to the injured party is These acquirers of at least modest wealth run from poten-
typically diminished by the one-third that goes to the tial adjustment to it by returning to their more-familiar
attorney and by any lifetime medical costs that rely on financial baseline.
the funds remaining available. For the working-class or
middle-class plaintiff, however, these are significant set- Factors in the Acquirer's Dilemma
tlements that provide not only compensation but a sub-
stantial measure of new financial security. We have described how individuals come to wealth
Since many plaintiffs in litigation cases are working- by a variety of routes, speeds, and vehicles, sometimes as
class or middle-class individuals, management ofthe set- captains ofthe ship and sometimes as willing or unwit-
tlement proceeds is—once again—^largely dependent on ting passengers. Through whatever method of travel, these
the personality and financial skills of the beneficiaries, immigrants bring with them the culture, values, history,
who may be woefully unprepared for having large assets. language, and beliefs ofthe socioeconomic lands of their
Those who can hold and grow the settlement with birth as they journey to the Land of Wealth.
restraint benefit much more than those whose newfound The acquisition of wealth is often seen as an end
savings are quickly turned into large screen TVs and in itself by those who struggle to get there, never thinking
expensive vehicles. Prior money personality is the key deeply about what will happen at journey's conclusion.
factor here. Wealth acquisition does not complete personal development.
26 ACQUIREKS' AN13 INHERITORS' DlLEMMA FALL 2007

however. It requires even more, since identity is chal- Wealth achieved at an earlier age brings a different
lenged to incorporate the transition. Goldbart [2001] and set of stresses (Bradley [2000], Domini, Pearne, and Rich
Twist [2003] noted, for example, how new questions of [1988], Goldbart [2001]). Identity is stillfreshand forming,
life purpose came to the fore in the lives of young tech- vulnerable to transformations good and bad. Seeking a
nology millionaires. Having gained surprising wealth, the life partner and deahng with the rapid currents of rela-
newly wealthy had to figure out how to live a life that tionships in one's 2O's can be complicated by new stresses
included their wealth in a positive way. Lives constricted brought on by wealth, power, and even fame. In later
by work pressures were transformed in early retirement adulthood, wealth's impact on relationships may be mit-
to new purpose through philanthropy foundations and igated by greater maturity, generally achieved through the
pursuits embracing deeper human meaning. Life's choices experience of mature adult relationship skills. Yet for some
are broader when one is rich, but the criteria for what a young millionaires, the plasticity of youth allows the adjust-
person should do, and what will motivate one's actions, ment to flow more smoothly.
are more elusive. Cross-class transition Rising by more than one
The Acquirer's Dilemma is essentially the set of socioeconomic class produces at least some measure of
choices faced by all immigrants: whether and how much disorientation. There is a forced shift in identity, and
to assimilate. One may wish to fit into wealth's desirable there may be only a partial adoption of upper-class cul-
characteristics of comfort, security, prestige, indepen- tural norms and attitudes. Lubrano [2003] eloquently
dence, and freedom. One may also wish to avoid the more describes his transition from working-class Brooklyn to
undesirable attributes of the culture: snobbery, entitle- white-collar Philadelphia life by way of Columbia Uni-
ment, superficiality, temptation by ready vices, and dis- versity. He writes that the "sense that I comprise two
connection from responsibility. We explore the stresses people who aren't always compatible never left me" (p. 1).
that face the newly rich as they attempt to integrate their His term for individuals who cross multiple economic
identity as outsiders with the reality of their new sur- class levels is "Straddlers." These are individuals who, like
roundings in the culture of wealth. This psychological himself, grew up and still maintain one foot in the world
adjustment depends on many factors. These include one's of their family while the other foot is firmly planted in
age, the number of social classes skipped on the way to a newly-acquired world of greater wealth and position.
success, pre-existing money personality, and the speed of This is analogous to the phenomenon of "third culture
wealth acquisition. kids" (Pollock and Van Reken [2001]), where missionary-
Stage of life Acquired wealth is very different at age family children born in one culture grow up in a second,
55 than at 25. Both require integration ofthe fortune foreign culture, never feeling wholly one or the other
into one's personality, but personality at 55 is more estab- but rather an amalgamation ofthe two. Echoing this sense
lished and grounded in experience than is the case during of being Both yet Neither, Lubrano advises, "ideally, a
the formative years of young adulthood. High-net-worth Straddler becomes bicultural: Understand what made
individuals in middle age tend to be more conservative, you who you are, then learn to navigate the new
cautious, risk-averse, savings-aware, altruistic, and phil- setting" (p. 193).
anthropic, often with a history of more stable family life Narratives by individuals achieving great wealth
and greater life satisfaction and spirituality. Having nur- mention these themes (Blouin and Gibson [1995];
tured qualities of restraint, frustration tolerance, self- Schervish, Coutsakis, and Lewis [1994]). Psychological
efficacy, and delay of gratification, these "millionaires next adjustment to acquired wealth involves "passing" as a
door" (Stanley and Danko [1996], Stanley [2000]) in fact native in a world where everyday language contains coded
constitute the majority of wealthy individuals in America. references to places and terms that are known intimately
Their primary concerns are preserving their identity as by those born into the good life, but obscure to those on
middle-class individuals despite their wealth, avoiding the outside. This leads to feeling like the imposter in
contamination of their children's development from the some settings, with constant anxiety that one may be
money, and protecting their assets from taxes, disability, publicly —embarrassingly—discovered. Dressing correcdy
disaster, and/or dissolution upon death. Their personal and behaving well at a New York philanthropic gala is an
identities may remain remarkably untouched by their tran- adventure in culture shock for a newly-minted multi-
sition to wealth. millionaire from the Midwest.
FALL 2007 THE JOURNAL OP WEALTH MANAGEMENT 27

A common sentiment voiced by individuals with Reviewing the symptoms of sudden wealth syndrome
acquired wealth is, "this is not me." They may have worked reveals much in common with grief responses, including
hard to achieve security, independence, andfreedomfrom a sense of vulnerability, a need for security, and a realiza-
worry. Yet, it is hard to feel totally comfortable alongside tion that one's world has changed in ways not entirely
"the rich folks" they once envied or disdained. They also expected or desired.
cannot quite go back to their roots. With even minimal Sudden wealth syndrome complicates the already
time to adjust, economic Straddlers find themselves no challenging nature of wealth adjustment (Domini,
longer fitting in comfortably with their old friends and Pearne, and Rich [1988]j. The syndrome is unexpected
activities. Even if they themselves feel comfortable, they as well as counterintuitive for most people of moderate
may encounter the unearned resentments, jealousies, or means. Anthes and Lee [2002] noted, "The real, often
adoration ofthe Rich still held by their old friends (Bork deeply disturbing sense of loss that many people feel
[1998]; Bronfman [1987]). Straddlers returning to the old [becoming rich] goes counter to the common view of
neighborhood may have to endure the stereotypes ofthe a financial windfall—that it is a gain." (p. 84). Since the
wealthy they once endorsed themselves. achievement of great wealth is almost universally glo-
Pace of transition Change in identity necessitated rified, opening up about one's sudden wealth syndrome
by wealth acquisition is normal. But, like any major often meets with incredulity on the part ofthe general
change, it requires loss of what was and development of public. Individuals experiencing the angst of sudden
a new identity that incorporates new information, new wealth are considered as either inherently neurotic or
circumstances, and rearrangement of life options. The whiners over their good fortune (see Dunleavy [2004[).
disorientation engendered by acquired wealth is particu- This compounds the problem by removing any sense
larly severe when the transition is both large and rapid. of empathy for the individual or for the validity of his
The identification o(sudden wealth syndrome, coined reaction. Individuals struggling with their wealth adjust-
by Susan Bradley, Stephen Goldbart, Joan Difuria, and ment often hide the extent of their symptoms lest they
others during the dot-com era (Bradley [2000]; Goldbart be ridiculed by family and friends. It was partly through
[2001]; Goldbart, Jaffe, and Difuria [2004]) was an impor- recognition ofthe validity of sudden wealth syndrome
tant step in characterizing a set of reactions and behav- that the field of wealth counseling began to achieve
iors experienced by the newly rich. They noted that the some acceptance and a place in the field of psy-
chotherapy.
experience of suddenly having more wealth than one
had ever dreamed of was more unsettling than satisfying. A predictor of adjustment to wealth acquired sud-
It created ambivalence, guilt, and anxiety rather than denly or slowly is the individual's prior money person-
pleasure. ality, those money beliefs developed throughout
These pioneers in wealth counseling identified a childhood that crystallize in adulthood into one's spe-
constellation of symptoms that, like any psychological cific capacity for risk, the relative balance of saving and
disorder, can occur along a spectrum from mild to severe: spending, and the level of trust in one's own skills or in
advisors (Kinder [1998]; Gallo and Gallo [2002]; Collins
• Anxiety, insomnia, obsessive rumination over [2000]; Mellan [1994]; Mellan and Christie [2001];
money issues. Gurney [1988/2005]). Some money personalities are
• Excessive guilt, with questioning ofthe fairness of psychologically healthier than others (e.g., Money Master
the event. Profile, see Gurney [1988/2005]). They are also more
• Fears of loss of control. predictive of adjustment to greater wealth, compared to
• Suspicion toward relationships and potential personalities plagued by anxiety, guilt, desire for power,
exploitation or hurt by others. or perfectionism.
• Depression, with lack of pleasure in activities and Eileen Gallo, a psychotherapist who has written
inability to derive pleasure from the money. extensively about wealth adjustment, (Gallo [20011; Gallo
• Identity confusion. and Gallo [2002]; Gallo and Gallo [2005]), notes many
• Impulsivity in spending. acquirers of sudden wealth do make a reasonable adjust-
• Paralysis over decision-making and uncharacter- ment to their new circumstances. In her study of the
istic passivity regarding money management. suddenly wealthy (Gallo [2001]), sbe found
28 ACQUIRERS' AND INHER[TOKS' DILEMMA FAU, 2007

"...a significant relationship between early money experience of not having been wealthy may never be
messages and adaptation to sudden wealth. Eighty- understood by their children. How, then, to pass on pos-
eight percent ofthe participants rated "positive" [in itive values and the motivation for work and success to
adjustment] were raised in households in which the the next generation?
childhood money messages were either "save/don't In the following section, we examine the challenges
spend," "save" or "save/spend responsibly." Sixty- of those who are raised with wealth. We will look at the
seven percent of the participants rated "negative" generational stresses that occur as Acquirers attempt what
did not receive these while growing up." every ftrst-generation itiitiiigrant parents know to be dif-
ficult yet eminently important: raising native-born chil-
She correlated better outcome of sudden wealth dren with the values, culture, and beliefs of the Old
syndrome with pre-existing money personalities that Country. This clash not only of generations but of cul-
included fmancial literacy and balanced money attitudes. tures characterizes the stresses experienced by the second
This is echoed by studies of lottery winners (Bradley generation of wealth. We believe such clashes frequently
[2000]; Gaming Magazine [2001]; Kaplan [1978]; Jones precipitate transition failures, eventually leading to wealth
[2006]) where money personality is a key variable in the destruction in the generations that follow. We also sum-
adjustment: "You can catapult people from one economic marize the literature that speaks to preventing these fail-
status to another overnight, but a lifetime of beliefs and ures of heritage so that the promise of wealth can be
experiences changes more slowly" (H. Kaplan, cited in preserved over time.
Gaming Magazine [2001]).
THE DILEMMAS OF INHERITED WEALTH

Coming to Tenns with New Wealth:
Resolving the Acquirer's Dilemma Wealth is a responsibility and the sharing of it a way of life.
— Peter Haas, Jr. (Member, Forbes 400)
The acquisition of wealth is a unique experience in
an individual's life. Those who come to wealth make a Our incomes are like our shoes;iftoo small, they gall and
journey that many envy and only a few accomplish. We pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and trip.
have seen that Acquirers must become comfortable with - Charles Caleb Colton
the presence of great wealth by managing both the cultural
Some people's money is merited, and other people's is
and internal identity shifts brought on by the transition
inherited.
to wealth. This requires integration of new information
— Ogden Nash
and a broadening of identity to include new realities.
Resolving the dilemmas of acquired wealth is more Inherited wealth offers many things: opportunity,
complex than society typically understands or accepts. leisure activities, travel, social status, power, and inordi-
Acquirers often have little sympathetic assistance in their nate influence for the beneftt of other people. Like being
task, as they consider it embarrassing or socially unac- born with great beauty, it can automatically make someone
ceptable to feel conflicted. Through supportive friends, special without their ever having done anythitig to earn
competent therapists, or peers in similar circumstances, it. However, as we consider the research and personal
they may be able to adjust their self-conceptions to inte- accounts of people who inherit wealth, we learn that
grate their new status. At the center ofthe process can be wealth is far from an unmixed blessing. The presence of
the person most connected to both the wealth and the money from birth appears to create certain common
individual: the thoughtful and trusted advisor. By under- dilemmas in growth and development of Inheritors as
standing the many facets of wealth acquisition and adjust- well as add to the normal developmental journey every
ment, the skilled ftnancial advisor can help the client as person must navigate.
a whole person and individualize the client relationship. Researcher John Levy [1986] envisioned the common
There is yet another phase, however, to integration problems experienced by young heirs as resulting from the
with wealth. After establishing a new personal identity, intersection of two sets of issues: the atnbivalent attitudes
those Acquirers who are parents must add a second element: toward wealthy people in society and common patterns in
concern for what life will be for their children. Their how wealthy families raise their children. We already

commented on the biases about wealthy people that society additional issue is the inherent challenge of finding life
accepts as normal: the class- and culturally-driven stereo- purpose when one's life is financially set.
types termed "wealthism" by Bronfiiian [1987] and others. The professional and personal literature ofthe past
Wealthism is an issue for both the acquired-wealth pop- 30 years has made great strides in our understanding of
ulation and the inherited-wealth population. It may be Inheritors' developmental stresses as well as the damage
argued that wealthism affects Inheritors more acutely, that can occur in trying to create a fulfilling, emotionally
since they have no prior non-wealth identity to help offset successful, and productive adult life. In recent years, with
the stereotyping. Young Inheritors are handed the labels the marked increase in people acquiring and inheriting
of wealthism from Day One, making them vulnerable to wealth, there are now more resources available than ever
accepting the labels as true in a way that grown-up wealth for people who are experiencing these dilemmas. For
Acquirers can resist. those able to solve this unique task of maturation, the
The omnipresence of wealth during upbringing has potentially crushing strength of great wealth is tamed and
a secondary effect not experienced by individuals who come harnessed into service for both the individual and society.
to wealth as adults. Multi-generational wealth often creates
influences on parenting that have unintended effects on THE DEVELOPMENTAL EXPERIENCE
child development. These child-rearing behaviors can make OF INHERITORS
it difficult for children to mature emotionally, to experi-
ence a sense of efficacy and self-worth, to feel positively A core theme in the literature on inheriting wealth
connected to others, and to developfialfillingwork. Growing is that a personal struggle often takes place within each
up very wealthy can delay or retard the process of maturing, person raised with substantial wealth. Each individual
sometimes preserving dependency long into adulthood. must come to terms in his or her life with the mixed
blessing of wealth. For example, one may have to recon-
cile a sense of entitlement about money with the opposing
Developing Wealth Identity:
behef that extreme riches put one in debt to the world.
The Inheritor's Dilemma
Reconciling opposites, however, is never easy. Some heirs
Compared to incorporating new wealth into an succeed and come to live good, fulfilling, and effective
already-formed identity {The Acquirer's Dilemma), Inher- lives, while others simply fail to thrive, caught up in
itors raised with wealth have a different task. The psychology destructive relationships and dysfunctional behavior. Some
and sociology of inherited wealth conspire to produce initially struggle but are able to achieve positive balance
the Inheritor's Dilemma: how to create an effective individual later on through difficult and painful learning. Each indi-
identity strong enough to separate from, yet integrate vidual must ultimately understand the value of living a
with, the massive power of wealth itself. Continuing our meaningful life, and discover how to use one's personal
metaphor ofthe Acquirer as the immigrant to wealth, we resources to do so.
view the Inheritor as the native-born citizen ofthe land What causes this internal struggle to occur? First of
of comfort and exemption from financial worry. The heir all, upper-class parenting is heavily influenced by the
grows up surrounded by the language, activities, attitudes, source ofthe parents' wealth. Each type of acquired wealth
and unconscious beliefs that infuse upper-class culture. leads parents to communicate certain messages about
The Inheritor must still accomplish the task of any indi- money to their children, and to have different expecta-
vidual: to grow a productive, responsible, and well-adjusted tions about how the next generation will use its wealth.
identity within the environment of one's birth. What is Indeed, a source of great concern for parents with acquired
under-rated is how difficult it can be to grow this iden- wealth is how to raise responsible children who are happy
tity when the land of one's birth is Wealth. The very and productive. Yet families with new fortunes lack a tra-
nature ofthe environment makes this growth a uniquely dition of how children are raised with wealth and how
daunting task. wealth is passed on. A family with recently-acquired
As we shall see, for Inheritors there are many chal- wealth may therefore treat its children differently than a
lenges of wealth. These range from the heavy weight of family that has had wealth for generations.
unhealthy parenting practices to the mixed messages about Many newly-rich parents feel caught between the
wealth that are given by both parents and society. An fear that wealth will harm their kids and a desire to give

their kids the best. They may see their wealth as an obstacle research. As we noted in the section on Acquired Wealth,
rather than an asset in this task. This ambivalence may con- the busy lives ofthe wealth creators may, at the very least,
fuse their children and lead to contradictory messages about simply leave little time for children, giving the appear-
wealth. Schervish [1995] aptly describes this dilemma: ance of self-centeredness to the detriment ofthe child.
Children may respond to the emotional depriva-
"Especially for the entrepreneurial wealthy—but tions of narcissism in several ways. They can take on sim-
for those with family wealth as well—the quandary ilar qualities in their own lives, expressing arrogance,
is how to teach their children the responsibilities entitlement, and insensitivity to others. Alternatively, they
of wealth while also providing for their needs. can feel chronically impaired and unprepared for their
Having gone through hard times, they do not want lives and conflicted about their wealth. Either outcome
their children to face the same insecurities. As a produces many of the behaviors society associates with
result, they furnish a life of affluence for their chil- the dysfunctional Rich.
dren while at the same time attempting to instill fru- The next wave of research about the psychological
gality, humility, and responsibility. ... the problem development of heirs occurred in a series of studies in the
is that once he chose an affluent neighborhood in 1980s, greatly advancing our understanding ofthe expe-
which to live, his children automatically became rience of inherited wealth. One ofthe first was John
exposed to an environment that threatens to make Sedgwick [1985], a wealthy Harvard graduate who inter-
them materialistic" (p. 115). viewed 75 Old Money heirs. His respondents reported
their money was often a surprise, handled by intermedi-
Second, powerful forces operate inside the family aries and never discussed in their family. To a person, they
systems of multigenerational wealth and affect the growth were unprepared for the future, neither warned nor guided
and identity of Inheritors. Despite the envy of those into their situations. Trust officers made them feel sub-
peeking into gated communities and stealing glimpses servient, and heirs had not learned to handle their affairs
into the lives ofthe rich and famous, growing up within independently: "Trusts are rich kids' equivalent of the
an ultra-wealthy family has a very definite downside. welfare office. The trust officers are the good cops; trustees
These forces range from the personalities of the parents are the bad cops. This secrecy and lack of knowledge and
to the cloistered and sometimes oppressive nature of preparedness helps build real passivity into their nature,"
exceedingly good fortune. [p. 52] noted Sedgwick. He continued:
The earliest research on parenting wealthy children
came from psychoanalytical therapists (Stone [1972]; "For all rich kids, the act of inheritance is entirely
Grinker [1978]) who reported that wealthy children often passive. Yet this sometimes makes the guilt more
grow up in an environment where parents are largely severe, and more permanent. True criminals, at
absent or neglectful. Stone and Kestenbauni [1974], least, have something to confess. They can receive
studying 15 wealthy young adults, noted that maternal forgiveness, they can reform, they can put their
deprivation was the one common factor in their devel- sins behind them. But rich kids start to feel they
opment, affecting normal processes of attachment and a are the sin themselves, and every crime that was
firm foundation for security in the world. These studies ever committed out of greed now hangs on their
postulated that, to a greater degree than in middle-class heads. They see the inequity that lies about them,
families, the wealth population may contain a higher base or read about it in their money mail, and they think
rate of people who can be described as narcissistic— they are responsible for it. Because they are on top,
exhibiting the self-absorption and self-involvement that they must be squashing those on the bottom. This
deprives other people of attention or emotional space. is the true embarrassment of riches....To clear them-
Recall from our previous discussion of wealth cre- selves they often feel..an unspecified and diffuse
ators that the narcissist has difficulty realizing the needs need to do penance, to suffer in some way so as to
and uniqueness of other people, which impacts family life square things with the almighty dollar." (p. 106-7)
and ultimately the raising of children. Whether narcis-
sism precedes or is an effect of wealth is not completely "A lot of rich people I know don't know what
clear, and may be a matter for extensive debate and they want. That's the biggest curse ofthe wealthy.

A gauge of how much you want something is how 2. Parents using money to control tlieir children. Wealthy
hard you'll strive for it. If you work for your parents may be used to being in control and having
money, then you know how much your money is other people listen to them. They may use money
worth." (p. 83) to control others not only at work but at home.
This habitual style may sow the seeds of rebellion,
John Levy [1986] interviewed 30 heirs as well as passivity, or self-destructive behavior in some heirs
several psychologists and wealth advisors in a research who may later recreate similar relationships with
project sponsored by a family foundation. Like others in their partners. Parents reward "proper" behavior,
the field. Levy uncovered several aspects in the develop- and the spoken or unspoken threat to cut children
ment of wealthy young people: off from the family money can have a chilling effect.
Threats by working-class or middle-class parents to
• Inheritors are often delayed in their emotional devel- disinherit a disobedient child carry little weight, so
opment, lack adequate motivation, and have diffi- those parents must use a broad range of methods to
culty with self-discipline. express anger or extract compliance with their
• Self-esteem is often inadequate and many Inheri- wishes. Wealthy parents can not only use this threat,
tors are bored with their lives. they may need no other. This control often extends
• Many have difficulty using power effectively. not just to daily behavior but to schools, careers,
• Inheritors often suffer from guilt and alienation. mates, and other life choices. Arenas where Inher-
• Suspiciousness is almost inevitable. itors can exercise their own will may be much more
• Male and female Inheritors face different problems. limited compared to the experience of children from
non-wealthy families. Furthermore, this may create
a reverberating pattern of intergenerational conflict:
These themes were confirmed and further dehn-
parents over-control their children's choices and
eated by one ofthe more remarkable explorations ofthe
then later bemoan their offspring's lack of initiative,
impact of inherited wealth, a study by wealth consultant
decision-making skills, and ability to take risk. Some
Joanie Bronfman [1987]. Interviewing nearly 100 heirs
children get worn down by this, while others choose
for her doctoral dissertation, Bronfman provided a rare
to rebel in self-defeating ways.
portrait ofthe lifestyle and experience of wealthy people,
along with their struggle to develop comfort and satisfac- 3. Family isolation and distrust. The wealthy family may
tion with their money and their lives. Her dissertation and see itself as inherently special and may distrust others
similar accounts by others in the past 20 years illuminate whom they fear will take advantage of them. Chil-
several common stresses in multigenerational wealth: dren hear messages that lead them to distrust others.
Given society's attitudes toward the wealthy, there
1. Lack of intimacy and contact with parents. Parents are is some validity to this suspicion. However, taking
busy—with their business, social events, traveling— on this blanket suspicion affects young people by
and don't have much time for their children. They inculcating a generalized distrust of others without
delegate child rearing to servants and caretakers of teaching the social skills for trusting others or for
mixed levels of warmth, competence, and caring. taking care of themselves in relationships. How can
To deal with their guilt, parents may shower their heirs really know if a person cares about them for
children with "things" to supplement the deficiency who they are? Sedgwick, Levy, and Bronfman dis-
in contact. Added to that, caretakers may come and cuss the often-elaborate defenses and schemes heirs
go, so that young people may learn to embrace use to discover the true feelings of friends, lovers,
money as a source of nurturing. They grow to resent and acquaintances, while trying to manage their
the lack of contact with their parents and to feel deep feelings about being exploited and taken advan-
entided to material possessions as substitutes for what tage of.
they didn't get within the family. Many of Bronf- Very wealthy children also keep to themselves.
man's respondents spoke about feeling like "poor Raised in large estates, they may have few other
litde rich kids" and longed for a more normal, less children to play with and may be kept to a very
privileged life. small circle of family and friends. Like members of
32 ACQUIKERS' AND INHERITORS' DlLEMMA FALL 2007

a royal family, wealthy children go to exclusive come into their inheritance until they are well into
schools or are tutored at home, and have few peers adulthood. The most common methods of estate
to play with. Gibson, Blouin, and Kiersted [1994] planning have trusts in which an heir gains control
present the reflections of one man who recalled, in stages, ranging from the early 2O's to much later
in life. An irony, therefore, is that many heirs live
"... I've always felt... there was a fence around my with the implication of great wealth but, in reality,
world. For several years, 1 lived with my grand- have only limited access to it.
parents. Their mansion had a fence around it and 5. Dependency and tack of knowledge. Many wealthy fam-
a gate. The servants were always watching because ihes tend to be secretive about their wealth. It is
my grandmother had been shot at. So they weren't considered vulgar to discuss money openly. Hence,
about to let any tasty little heirs run around where it is something of a mystery to youngsters, who feel
they might be grabbed. I was not allowed to go they cannot ask questions about this taboo subject.
any^vhere without a servant or a family member in By avoiding communication, families fail to pre-
tow. (p. 4)" pare or inform their offspring about the demands,
pressures, responsibilities, and potential power of
Twist [2003, p. 57] noted that "excess money often their inheritance. Later, the convenience of a trust
creates conditions of entitlement and isolation that fund may take away the necessity to understand or
diminish one's access to the genuine wealth of do basic financial tasks. This is especially common
human connection and interaction." Recollections in women, who may not be expected to become
of the Dupont (Mosley [1980]); Rockefeller wealth producers. The lack of fmancial skills and
(CoUier and Horowitz [1976]); Mellon (Koskoff awareness can lead heirs to feel inadequate, con-
[1978]); and Vanderbilt (Vanderbilt [1979]) families fused, and afraid in relation to their money. They
include growing up with few playmates (other than are unprepared to deal with the money they inherit
family), and living and playing within a family com- and may feel dependent upon advisors whom they
pound in great luxury but without much contact fear, resent, or distrust. They also delay or neglect
with ordinary people. Children's isolation may be to develop basic life skills, including working and
fueled by tbe fears of kidnapping and related secu- taking care of themselves. Heirs can be both priv-
rity concerns. All of this can lead to confusion and ileged and impaired as they remain "children" far
lack of certain social skills—where a wealthy person into adulthood.
is automatically suspicious of other people, yet fails 6. Gonfusion about career and life purpose. Coming from
to develop the ordinary social defenses against crit- wealth and expecting to inherit it can dampen a
icism, ridicule, and bullying. young person's motivation to earn a living or think
4. Entitlement amid luxury. Young affluent children live about a career. Many heirs find it hard to develop
in a world of plenty with little sense of where things interests or sustain involvements. They don't know
come from, what they are worth, or how they come what they want in their lives, and they are con-
to be there. Coles [1977] coined the term "entide- fused about tbe very notions of career and life
nient" for the expectation that the world will always involvement. In the face of so much money, they
provide heirs with the very best. Inheritors grow are not sure what to do in their lives or how to
up with a lifestyle that they expect to continue, often develop the motivation to stick to something.
with no idea of how (other than inheritance) they While the wealthy person is essentially defmed by
might sustain such a lifestyle. Deep down, they fre- having the enviable choice whether or not to work
quently feel anxious about what would happen if for money, this may not have an entirely positive
the money went away. effect. Without an inherent economic motivation
Interestingly, an important factor for Inheritors is to stick to anything or to sustain focus, heirs may
the disparity between their own expectation of drift untethered through their hves. Many wealthy
wealth, society's view of them as wealthy, and the people have an extended late adolescence,
degree to which they actually are in control of any embarking on endless journeys to discover
real wealth. In various ways, many Inheritors do not themselves.
FALL 2007 THE JOURNAL OF WEALTH MANACEMnNT 33

7. Anxiety about fulfilling the family legacy. Inheritors A recent video documentary. Born Rich (Johnson
may feel dominated and stifled by the legacy sur- [2003]), updates and explores many of these same themes,
rounding their money. A family's tradition around with somewhat more emphasis on the entitlement and
wealth can come across as a deep and hmiting set lack of personal focus of very wealthy young adults. The
of obligations. For some heirs the magnitude of viewer gets the clear sense these heirs are very attached
their parents' success makes it difficult for them to to their money yet are finding it diiEcult to develop a per-
do anything of significance. Others may feel pres- sonal identity on their own, even as they express feelings
sured to follow a certain career path or participa- of unfairness and other negative aspects of their riches.
tion in a family business. It may not be permissible They are plainly struggling through a difficult stage of
to choose alternate ways of making a difference in self-development. Jamie Johnson, the director and cam-
the world. Instead of being an individual, heirs may eraman, reveals his own struggle to come to terms with
feel an oppressive obligation to act properly as part his wealth. At the other extreme of videography are
of the family and to live up to the family name, reality shows such as the notorious The Simple Life with
even if they are less than clear about just what this Paris Hilton, which reinforces the caricature of arro-
means. One person in the Schervish [1995] study gance, irresponsibility, and cluelessness among wealthy
mentioned that, as the heir to a family fortune, he heirs.
lived in continual fear he would do something to The dilemmas of inherited wealth also may be
lose the money, which in turn led him to avoid any affected by gender, though social norms and parenting
behavior that could be risky or controversial. Col- attitudes may finally be changing over time. Schervish
lier and Horowitz [1976], in their multi-genera- and Herman [1988] commented that:
tional biography of the Rockefeller family,
document this feeling among the fourth-genera- "This experience of being excluded from the rites
tion heirs carrying the family name. The Rocke- and knowledge of initiation into productive wealth
fellers bore a burden of carrying on a family is primarily ... characteristic of women... The
tradition—a fear of disgracing the family—that led traditional responsibilities of these women have
them to feel constrained or controlled by their focused on the maintenance ofthe upper class...
legacy. [F]or these women, alignment is a limited and
imposed one consisting of a position that focused
Other researchers of inherited wealth have con- on the distribution and consumption of wealth
firmed these themes. Blouin, Gibson, and Kiersted rather than its production." (p. 77)
[1995] of The Inheritance Project present edited tran-
scripts of 17 interviews with heirs. These underscore In addition to Bronfman [1987], other dissertations
the difficulty of overcoming a culture of isolation and that included interviews with female heirs echo themes of
coming to terms with shame and guilt. The authors emotional conflict and ambivalence in coming to terms
conclude that with inherited wealth (Frankfort [2002]; Burka [1985];
Freeman [2004]; Grossman [1989]; Holub [1987]; Kristal
"...abundant wealth has a way of separating heirs [1991]; Levinson [1985]). Men may find the Inheritor's
from the grist of life. For some Inheritors, this sep- Dilemma easier to negotiate than women who, having
aration manifests as a painful inability to identify been treated with more paternalism and devaluation, may
their real needs and longings. More than anything, feel cut off from both control and participation in their
such heirs are searching for ways to bridge the dis- wealth:
tance they feel from themselves. Other heirs find
it difficult to establish authentic and trusting friend- "Men are taught a broader vocation of being
ships; they worry that perhaps their net worth mat- wealthy and are trained to fulfill a wider range of
ters more to friends than their self-worth. Still responsibilities and expectations associated with
others find it hard to connect with meaningful their wealth. From an early age, such men are
work, often not knowing how to take the first step groomed to assume positions of leadership"
toward developing a gratifying vision (p. 1)." (Schervish and Herman [1988, pp. 107]).

Burka [1985], studying 15 young people who inher- tain romantic view ofthe reformed rebel who eventually
ited significant wealth before age 35, found that all had takes over leadership. LInfortunately, some young men
to overcome significant personal difficulties on the road never recover from rebellion and fall into self-destruc-
to a positive identity, but that the males had an easier time tiveness. Grossinger [1997] has written a moving account
than females. Frankfort [2002] interviewed six wealthy of his struggle toward growth and development, counter-
young women, finding that money was often used to pointed with that of his equally talented brother who was
exercise control over them within their families and had never able to recover from the wounds of his childhood.
a profound effect on their development of personal The traditional journey of male heirs is often framed
identity. Kristal [1991], studying 40 wealthy people—half as moving into a role similar to one's father, either by
self-made Acquirers and half Inheritors—found that the profession (politics, investment banking) or into the family
self-made group had higher levels of self-control, achieve- business that is the source ofthe wealth. This progression
ment, and motivation, and lower distrust in relation to contains the foundation for a positive developmental path,
money. Across groups, women tended to feel more con- though many challenges must still be faced. The second-
fused and uncomfortable with the power and status that generation business heir must develop a sense of steward-
money grants, while men were often expected to continue ship over the family's assets and gain true competence in
to produce wealth. Female heirs more often feel empty, a world that tends to defer to the wealthy. He also must
disenfranchised, or detached from control and connec- come to terms with a powerful Dad, developing legiti-
tion to their money. Their journey to develop a positive macy in his own right. The entrepreneurial father is an
wealth identity may be fraught with greater conflict or extremely strong figure, both in growing the family's
fewer guides. wealth and in shaping the family's children. A traditional
The personal accounts of wealthy businesswomen entrepreneurial father may want his sons to be like him,
overcoming adversity support these findings. Novelist not understanding that part of becoming entrepreneurial
Sallie Bingham [1989], the eldest daughter in a Southern is striking out on one's own. The father may misinterpret
family media empire, achieved notoriety when her father a son's desire to go his own way as a personal affront, only
suddenly sold their businesses out from under her and her to end up limiting the son s potential to develop the desired
brother, who were in conflict about buying out her share. traits of independence and creativity. Some fathers create
After being fired from the board by her family, she went compliant, uninformed heirs who will do anything to
public with revelations about growing up female in a please them. Tom Watson Jr. of IBM [1990] wrote in his
family of wealth weighed down by excessive constraint and autobiography ofthe brutal and demanding treatment he
WASP values. Raised to ignore her feelings and taught received from his father, leading to his lifelong quest to
that, as a woman, she had little to contribute, she writes prove himself worthy.
movingly about the damage dealt to her self-esteem and Many entrepreneurial fathers do not know how to
her efforts to make a place for herself in the world. create successors and are somewhat ambivalent about suc-
Similarly, Katherine Graham [1997] was the lineal cessors in any case. For every heir that worshipped his
heir to the Washington Post, the renowned newspaper father, there is also one John D. Rockefeller Jr., who
built largely by her father. When her husband, organiza- moved his family from infamy and the oil business to an
tional heir-apparent to the newspaper, committed investment and philanthropic orientation that continues
suicide, Graham refused conventional advice to sell the three generations later; one Edsel Ford, who was pum-
newspaper empire. She instead took over as CEO, ulti- meled and degraded by his father and met an early death
mately growing the business into an even more renowned, from illness; and one Howard Hughes, who toiled self-
profitable, and politically influential corporation. Her destructively to outshine the ghost of his father.
story of overcoming obstacles describes the lack of prepa- Fortunately, differences between male and female
ration, deep and formidable self-doubt, and social disap- Inheritors may no longer be quite as great as when some
proval she had to face being an heir, not just to wealth, of these studies and personal accounts were written. The
but to the more substantial personal strengths of power, past decade has seen significant changes, whereby young
purpose, and identity. women are becoming more confident, assertive, educated,
Men may have a broader range of socially acceptable and trusted as well as less pressured into traditional roles.
choices during young adulthood than women, with a cer- Increasingly, women are taking on more positions as

successors in family business, family offices, and in family what it is and how it works) or "pain" (where the con-
leadership. The rebalancing of gender roles in society sequences of money decisions or awareness creates mostly
appears to be impacting the world of wealth as well. negative reactions and behaviors in life). As individuals
Male or female, the second—or third-generation progress first toward basic knowledge of money matters,
heir has many ways to fail or succeed, though not in the then toward true understanding offinancialprinciples and
entrepreneurial way that most founders do. Ultimately, the capacity to persevere to achieve goals, they may
the reahty is that heirs grow up not in an easier world but ultimately develop a vision of how money can integrate
a different world. They do not have to make it on their into their lives. Mastery of one's relationship to money is
own financially, but they must rise to the challenge of therefore a reflection of one's personal maturity and an
navigating a family and business world already populated increasingly sophisticated grasp of money values and
with a diverse and colorful cast. They will fail if they don't power. Sadly, the very wealthy often are stuck in inno-
develop the skills, sensitivity, and personal identity needed cence or embroiled in pain, with remarkably little true
to balance the existing demands with their own contri- knowledge or understanding to accompany their riches.
bution. They succeed if they have a solid foundation in What, then, makes the difference between heirs
personality, intelligent financial skills, and good supports who are able to find a place in the world and those who
for leadership in adulthood. stumble? While not all responsibility can be heaped on
parents, it does appear that the conscious involvement of
Preventive Medicine—Raising Responsible parents in raising children with wealth is a critical factor
Children with Wealth in the degree of turmoil the inheritor feels about his or
her wealth. Several influential books (Hausner [1990;
It is clear that Inheritors—natives born into the land updated in 2005]; Gallo and Gallo [2002]; Godfrey,
of wealth—face risk in their personal development because [2003]; Hughes [2004]; Willis [2003]) describe how to
of many factors. The bounty of their birth puts them at keep kids from being spoiled and/or dependent, and how
risk for a syndrome of maladjustment that may last well to help develop a sense of compassion, work ethic, and
into adulthood. Unless steps are taken to prevent this syn- positive identity. They offer several common messages
drome or resolve it once it has developed. Inheritors are for wealthy parents:
predisposed to two unfortunate outcomes:
• Early attachment and secure love from parents during
• Traveling through life experiencing only glimpses early childhood (ages 1 to 5) are fundamental to
ofthe freedom and power of wealth. personal identity. Parents must be physically present
• Perpetuating the same conflicts and ambivalent and emotionally available. Attend to the child and
reactions upon the next generation, recreating the the child wiU feel safe and secure in the world. Very
pattern through the parenting mistakes they expe- early childhood development is connected to money
rienced themselves. maturity only by crafting the basics of good per-
sonality in general.
If they are to inherit and use money wisely, wealthy • Initiative, responsibility, and appropriate discipline
children must develop a well-grounded set of skills and during middle childhood (ages 6 to 12) are neces-
understanding about money along with their grounding sary for self-esteem and later autonomy. Parents must
in general personality. In his insightful analysis of money require effort by their children, allow struggle, and
maturity in general. Kinder [1999] offers a developmental encourage action. Children need to be given visible
approach to this process. He proposes that there is a gradual chances to lead and take center stage, in front of
progression for all people from a child-like innocence family and friends, so they gain mastery over risk,
about money, up through the stage of achieving compe- manage fear, and taste achievement. A core lesson
tent knowledge about financial matters, and ultimately is that appropriate expectations are good and will
to a visionary understanding about money's power and be encouraged, with accountability.
limitations. While not referring specifically to the wealthy, • Increased responsibility must be tempered by con-
he discusses how some people have a style of relating to sequences and limit-setting in adolescence (ages 13
money of either "innocence" (not knowing or caring to 18) to offset entitlement and develop a personal

and social conscience. Parents should encourage Schervish cites five elements as most important in
independence and social responsibility while the intergenerational transmission of financial caring:
enforcing consequences.
• Financial literacy must be taught throughout child- • Acceptance that new historical circumstances are
hood in age-appropriate steps in order to create different from those the parents faced—a flexibility
financial competency in adulthood. Young people in mindset that accommodates change.
must be prepared to understand and make basic • Effect ofthe parents' lifestyle—including household
choices about money by the time adulthood arrives. duties and responsibility—by which parents com-
Waiting till age 18 doesn't work and creates major municate the achievement ethic to their children.
problems. • Healthy parental modeling around spending and
• The allowance is a major method by which financial philanthropy.
literacy can be taught. Allowances are neither enti- • Formalized training about money issues.
tlements, reimbursement for doing chores, nor easy • Explicit teaching of "frameworks of consciousness"
sources of punishment for bad behavior. They are par- that teach moral issues around money and wealth.
ents' best means of teaching money skills and money
attitudes consistendy over time in a progressive way. The thoughtfulness by which parents teach their
• At a very young age, young people should start par- children seems to be connected to the parents' own stage
ticipating and sharing in philanthropic activities, not of development and self-understanding. If parents have
just by giving money but through active, hands-on grown to a more mature view of money and wealth, they
efforts. are then able to convey it to their children, who might
• Parents must be in control of their own individual otherwise find themselves confused or caught up in a con-
and collective behaviors about money, since chil- sumer society. In the final analysis, the best way to raise
dren learn the most from watching and sometimes responsible children with wealth may be to first make sure
must choose between what parents say and what we are responsible adults with wealth.
they do. As Willis [2003] notes, the most impor-
tant values in life are caught, not taught. From Conflict to Reconciliation
and Beyond—Resolving The Inheritor's
Other useful lessons include: encouragement to par- Dilemma in Adulthood
ents to be open about family finances in a way appro-
priate to each stage of early development, involvement We have noted how certain parenting activities can
of children in giving to charity by example rather than forestall the personal derailing endemic to inherited wealth,
just by exhortation, and the need to challenge children a form of primary prevention that minimizes later malad-
to think about doing real work in their lives despite their justment. In this section we focus on how to get personal
financial security. development back on track after damage has occurred. But
The findings of Schervish [1995] give hope to what for those Inheritors who advance into adulthood, a ques-
can be accomplished with responsible parenting. In his tion arises: How representative are the painful descriptions
study of wealth and philanthropy, he interviewed 130 mil- of wealth adjustment? Don't many Inheritors simply accept
lionaires to explore how families of new and old wealth their wealth, take up their roles in life, and remain uncon-
passed on moral values to their children. He found great flicted about their fortunes? Might the samples of angst-
concern and effort by parents to teach messages about ridden heirs be self-selected to show poorer adjustment
values and responsibility actively, leading to a good degree compared to those more quietly comfortable with their
of success in the outcome. There was a positive impact fortunes? Perhaps those participating in psychological studies
in the next generation's evolving from the self-interest of are simply more willing to share their stories in these reflec-
childhood to a broad concern for issues involving other tive projects, compared to those at the extremes who are
people. As we will note shortly, his work points out how either more content or more self-destructive.
reconciling wealth with one's place in society helps resolve Undoubtedly, many wealthy heirs do not feel much
many Inheritors' conflicts around the meaning of money conflict around their wealth, remaining either innocent
in their lives. (in the Kinder [1999] sense of money maturity) or adept
FALL 2007 THE JOURNAL OI= WEALTH MANAGEMENT 37

due to healthy parenting and good values. But for many Reconciliation with Wealth through
others, the presence of wealth does trigger deep personal Personal Recovery
conflicts that must be resolved in order to grow and thrive.
From the hterature on personal development of those Many heirs seek out and benefit from psychotherapy,
raised with wealth, it seems the commonly-cited disor- personal coaching, or some form of personal and spiritual
ders of narcissism, passivity, dependency, entitlement, or growth to aid them in their journey toward a better adjust-
immaturity accurately represent one phase of psycholog- ment. In the Conflict state, therapy can help them come
ical adjustment, admittedly a common phase from which to terms with their mixed feelings about wealth, and begin
many Inheritors never advance. This level of wealth matu- to gain some distance in their relationships with parents
rity is marked by some form of painful conflict where and family. It can also help them make effective life choices
wealth has overwhelmed and possibly contaminated the and career decisions. Therapy with heirs must take into
development of a strong individual identity. The Con- account the special issues, needs, reactions, and circum-
flict phase is characterized by a lack of integration of iden- stances affected by wealth (Pearne, Blouin, and Gibson
tity and wealth, where the Inheritor's Dilemma remains [1999]; Domini, Pearne, and Rich [1988]) if it is to be
partly or wholly unresolved. successful.
Fortunately, the Conflict phase does not have to Adjunctive to therapy, in the past two decades groups
remain an end-point. It can be but a way-station along of Inheritors have also come together to share their
the journey to a second phase of acceptance, reconciha- common experiences and concerns. These groups try to
tion, and integration with wealth. Individuals reaching stay private, out ofthe limelight, and provide a safe, under-
Reconciliation with their wealth are no longer hobbled standing, and confidential environment for this work. The
by the guilt, shame, fear, grandiosity or insecurity promi- growing body of literature that uses interviews with heirs
nent when wealth and identity conflict. As Schervish and clarifies the many elements needed to help each other. A
Herman [1988] note about individuals with wealth, prominent example is The Inheritance Project, created by
"...(t)here is a developmental pattern of moving from several heirs in the early 1990s as a research and educa-
having to deal with their wealth to wanting to use it pro- tional center. Through Trio Press, they have produced a
ductively, to finally liking it or fmding pleasure in the cre- series of monographs (Kiersted, Gibson, and Blouin
ative control over their wealth" ( p. 74). Similarly, in [1995]; Gibson, Blouin, and Kiersted [1994]; see also
Stephen Rockefellers [1996] characterization ofthe evo- updates at wwAv.inheritance-project.com) that talk about
lution ofthe Rockefeller family over five generations, he Inheritors overcoining common challenges in developing
describes the necessity for this journey to self-identity: a positive personal identity and life path.
Sociologists Schervish, Koutsoukis, and Lewis [1994]
"A person wll not be really happy in the niidst of provide insight into a coping mechanism that may help
wealth, fmding an enduring sense of satisfaction both Inheritors and Acquirers make sense ofthe dilemmas
and meaning, if as a consequence of having it, his of wealth. In the life stories of 12 ofthe 130 millionaires
or her unique individuality has gone undeveloped interviewed for their study (including four heirs), an
for \vhatever reason. Furthermore, if people do not intriguing finding was that the more psychologically
feel that what they are doing proceeds from free healthy individuals framed their life stories as meaningful
choice and is a way of developing and expressing narratives. These narratives served as developmental
their own creative abilities, the benefits of their "myths," organizing themes about wealth that show the
work to others will be limited." (p. 5) individual overcoming adversity and moving toward a dis-
covered life purpose. To develop a sense of self-worth and
This comment touches also upon the potential of a direction, the study subjects had found a way to explain
further phase we shall explore, one where the heir reaches and understand the presence of wealth in their lives. A
a stage of commitment to an altruistic life purpose. As recurring theme was that discovering how to do some-
we shall see, more is becoming known about what thing worthwhile or worthy served to justify their good
enhances the odds that Inheritors will achieve peace and fortune.
purpose with their wealth. The Inheritor's Dilemma can Schervish and his colleagues coined the term hyper-
be resolved. agency, the special responsibility that those of exceptional

fortune experience because of being wealthy, as a key • Be responsible for becoming aware of and using
aspect of their lives. Hyperagency is a form of social one's wealth.
and psychological power whereby, having wealth, the indi- • Create relationships based on communication, love,
vidual has an extreme level of "the abihty to determine trust, loyalty, and compromise.
conditions and circumstances of life rather than merely • Find a calling in life, based at least partly in getting
living with them" (Schervish et al. [1994], p. 8). In their an education.
life stories, the wealthy defined themselves as having over- • Develop character by what one does and who one
come significant obstacles in order to use their wealth in is, not through one's money.
a productive way, as part of a good life. Other accounts
by wealthy heirs share this moral dimension through tales The process of growth involves moving money from
of overcoming the obstacles of wealth to use money with the foreground to the background in identity, using
dignity, virtue, and even spirituality (Coles [1977]; Hausner wealth mainly as a resource for achieving one's goals and
[2005]; Domini, Pearne, and Rich [1988]; Goldbart life purpose.
[2001]; WiUis [2003]). The apdy named Tlie Inheritor's Sherpa by Myra Salzer
Several books by wealthy Inheritors document the [2005], a financial advisor and wealth counselor, uses the
struggle to develop a sense of positive self-worth. This is metaphor of a knowledgeable guide who assists others in
especially common in women Inheritors. Jessie O'Neill's the climb along the path from confusion, doubt, and aim-
[1987] account of pain, self-doubt, and self-destructive less dependence toward the higher ground of purpose
behavior was an early account of the parental dysfunc- and direction. Her encouragements about developing self-
tion often inherited with wealth. Her description of discipline, resisting inertia, taking risk, and pursuing goals
parental neglect, alcoholism, and isolation, subsidized by reinforce our growing understanding about answers to
vast family wealth, expanded on Levy's [1986] use ofthe the Inheritors' Dilemma.
term affiuenza as recognition of wealth's insidious influ- Surveying the landscape of adjustment for both
ence, its ability to be passed on from one generation or Inheritors and Acquirers, Goldbart, Jaffe and DiFuria
family member to another, and its capacity to infiltrate an [2004] posit five elements of positive wealth identity:
otherwise healthy individual with distressing consequences.
As in the narratives of other heirs able to overcome the • A sense of personal security and self-esteem.
conflicts of wealth, O'Neill took up a career of social ser- • A lifestyle that is balanced and derives pleasure from
vice and psychotherapy to support those in a similar appropriate use of wealth.
struggle. • The ability to trust other people in intimate rela-
Thayer Willis [2003], who like Jessie O'Neill has tionships.
become a wealth counselor, suggests: "(I)fyou have inher- • Acceptance of stewardship of wealth for future gen-
ited substantial wealth, then you know that it is harder erations.
for you than for most people to achieve a sense of pur- • Financial awareness and capability in managing
pose and competence" (p. 1). She has written how the wealth.
heir's struggle must begin with facing the "dark side" of
wealth, where wealth that is intended as a gift of infinite The authors have designed an assessment tool
promise and possibility is experienced as stifling, con- (Goldbart, Jaffe, and DiFuria [2003]) to measure each of
fusing, scary, and painful. Her unique contribution is the these dimensions. Self-rated from —5 to +5 on a subjec-
emphasis that spirituality and religious devotion can pro- tive scale, these dimensions produce a profile whose con-
vide a path to overcoming the identity conflicts inher- figuration captures the individual's relative security, wealth
ited with wealth. This devotion assists in achieving balance, anxiety, risk tolerance, spending attitudes, and philan-
acceptance, and purpose. She is particularly effective in thropic focus. They propose the use of this profile by
showing how an heir, while not having to work for money financial advisors as a guide to counseling the wealthy
to survive, must nonetheless find ways to do something client along the path toward better adjustment and money
worthwhile, often in the form of a career in social ser- maturity, i.e., from Conflict to Reconciliation. As we
vice, arts, or social action. WiUis' major prescriptions are shall see, their use of a stewardship/legacy dimension is
familiar ones: echoed in other writings about adjustment to wealth

(e.g.. Collier [2006]), since philanthropy and financial participation and leadership in the family philanthropy.
stewardship are much greater components of personal This path has many positive effects. Heirs can find their
growth for the wealthy than may be the case for the gen- own productive purpose and career with the added ben-
eral economic pubhc. efit of not feeling competitive with their wealth-creating
parents. Families can also come together in mutual collab-
RESOLVING THE DILEMMAS OF WEALTH: oration across generations, as first-generation entrepre-
THE ROLE OF PHILANTHROPY neurs see their children and grandchildren taking on careers
AND SOCIAL PURPOSE and giving away some ofthe wealth that has been earned.
Abby Stranahan (in Stone [1997]) expresses aptly
For Acquirers and Inheritors able to reach recon- the mixed feelings many heirs have about not doing paid
ciliation with their wealth, life achieves a sense of balance work and not creating wealth, the benchmark in society
and purpose. Unburdened by having to earn money to for being productive and therefore worthy. Although she
support living, the wealthy individual may find commit- was involved in the family philanthropy, she notes:
ment to paid or unpaid work, a good marriage, respon-
sible parenting, and community service or philanthropy
"I know I'm doing important work, but I still
consistent with personal and family values. This is life
would like to have a paid job. I don't want my
with purpose, an admirable achievement for anyone.
whole identity tied up with doing things that only
Philanthropic activities are a natural part of healthy someone with money can do. The third generation
adjustment to wealth. They also are a key factor in devel- in this family has had more trouble with money
oping the human and social capital necessary to sustain and careers than the second generation had. We
wealth across generations (Jaffe [2003b]; Hughes [2004]; work hard, but we're not making money." (p. 55)
Collier [2006]). Involvement with philanthropy and social
action can take several forms, some of which are prac-
Yet Stranahan emphasizes how participation in the
tical and some of which are more spiritual.
family foundation was instrumental in her personal
On a practical level, philanthropy can serve as a development.
useful activity as well as a means of integrating the ben-
efits and responsibilities of wealth. The transition from "Knowing we had a foundation that had a clear
individual and family self-interest to concern for others purpose, that I agreed with its goals, and that I was
helps to overcome some ofthe ambivalent feelings of guilt genuinely encouraged by the board to participate
and shame about one's fortune. By doing something to in the foundation, gave me a different perspective
give back to society, wealth's immigrants and natives can on my family's position. I could feel okay about
each come to terms with the emotional struggles about having money because we were giving it away and
being very rich. As part of this shift, the individual may doing good things with it." (p.55)
become more comfortable choosing a lifestyle of affluence
with less doubt or anxiety. As the money gains purpose, Beyond the pragmatic level of philanthropy lies
so does the individual. He or she becomes involved in another stratum of integration between identity and
careers in social activism, philanthropy, community ser- wealth. For some, the melding of Self and Wealth forms
vice, and the arts. a creative power turned outward to the world in altruistic
Philanthropy can also be a career path for the heir service to humanity. It is, in essence. Purpose with a cap-
who does not need to earn money and who cannot outdo ital P, beyond the individual sense of purpose achieved
his parents as wealth creators. When a family has a great with normal integration with wealth. This degree of
fortune well-managed internally or by outside advisors, wealth adjustment may represent not just an answer to
family members may not be motivated to generate more the Acquirer's or Inheritor's Dilemma but a wonderful
money for the family. Many heirs may also have neither rearrangement ofthe pieces themselves.
the inclination nor the talent to be successful entrepre- In a study of 100 wealthy donors, Ostrower [1995]
neurs, certainly not at the level of the wealth-creating reports the vast majority felt that giving back was not
generation. In some ofthe wealthiest families, develop- only a personal choice, it was an obhgation. Donors men-
ment of an heir's personal identity is associated with tioned the usual benefits of giving as a means of coming
40 ACQUIREKS' AND INHERITORS' DlLEMMA FALL 2007

to terms with guilt, of making their wealth acceptable to involvement with other people in society. As individuals
society, and of emphasizing values that are important to use their money for socially-engaged goals, they truly
pass on to the next generation. For some, however, phil- "inhabit their wealth." Twist [2003] presents a compelling
anthropy was seen as not only a social obligation but a argument that altruistic purpose is the most fulfilling des-
spiritual one as well. It embraced the highest values of tination in the journey toward integration of Self and
self, society, money, and service. She found that those Wealth.
who were part of a religious or spiritual group were more
likely to emphasize giving and stewardship as an impor- CONCLUSION: INTEGRATING
tant life task. MONEY WITH LIFE
Schervish, Coutsakis, and Lewis [1994] describe the
developmental path some Acquirers and Inheritors take In this article, we have reviewed the two types of
as they move from empowerment in their individual efforts journeys experienced by those who will be sitting across
to a broader focus on their potential role and impact in the desk from a professional wealth advisor. There are the
society. They note: first-generation Acquirers of wealth, those immigrants
from other economic cultures who come to wealth. Then
"If the first phase of psychological empowerment there are the Inheritors in generations two and beyond,
revolves around feeling entitled and efficacious in those native-born citizens raised in affluence who come
regard to one's interests, the second entails self- from wealth. We have seen how different these life expe-
reflective attention to the source and quality of riences are and how clients are shaped in important ways
those interests. At this second level psychological by the origin of their wealth. We have also examined how
empowerment becomes characterized by a set of the transition from one generation to the next is fraught
orientations related to what psychologists call self- with potential dangers, detours, and dead-ends affected
actualization and what spiritual traditions refer to by many factors, including the quality of parenting within
as holiness or wisdom . . . the capacity of the families.
wealthy to turn their attention inward in an effort The special challenges ofthe Rich come from the
to evaluate the spiritual or moral quality of their inordinate freedom granted by wealtb, the surplus of
interests and propose to themselves a less self-cen- resources available beyond ordinary human needs, and
tered set of priorities. Those who do so may be the ability to manage the world around themselves in ways
described as having learned the spiritual secret of not possible for others. We acknowledge that the chal-
money. The scope of their self-interest increasingly lenges experienced by the wealthy are present in different
broadens and deepens to include a greater diver- ways for those with lesser means, since these are essen-
sity of people and needs. If in the first phase of psy- tially the challenges of life. Developnient of healthy per-
chological empowerment the wealthy base their sonality, maturity of money attitudes and skills, finding of
public behavior on their private interests, in the purpose, and loving yet disciplined parenting of children
second they base their personal concerns on public are all universal tasks. Nevertheless, we have attempted
needs." (p. 7) to show how wealthy individuals and families do have
unique life journeys, as they must accomplish the devel-
Rehgious organizations and philosophies have long opmental tasks of life with both the powerful benefits and
supported wealth's responsibility and opportunity for heavy burdens of great fortune.
social welfare. In the secular realm. Twist [2003] has Awareness of these special challenges should be an
written a powerful book. The Soul of Money, about the integral part of the background of every professional
nature of money and philanthropy that best presents this wealth advisor. As the center ofthe relationship between
spiritual perspective. Her book contains many accounts clients and their money, advisors are in a most favorable
ofthe rich who discover they are impoverished by their position to help clients and their families achieve peace
wealth in terms of genuine human relationships. These with the riches that are theirs. Our work implies that
people are shown discovering the spiritual nature of advisors can learn from both the literature and the per-
wealth and the true potential of money, not only for sonal accounts ofthe wealthy in order to provide the best
making a difference in the world, but for genuine resources for their chents. By offering readings, referrals.

and empathic support, advisors have the ability to perform Collier, C. Wealth in Families, 2nd ed. Cambridge, MA: Harvard Uni-
versity, 2006.
one of the most satisfying tasks in the consulting rela-
tionship: assisting clients in overcoming the Acquirers' Collier, P., and D. Horrowitz. Tlie Rockefellers: An American Dynasty.
and Inheritors' Dilemmas. New York: Holt Rinehart and Winston, 1976.
Coles, R. Privileged Ones: The Well-Off and Rich in America. Boston:

Litde Brown, 1977.
ENDNOTE
Collins, V, and S.B. Brown. Couples and Money: A Couples Cuide
Thanks to Fredda Herz Brown, Jay Hughes, Thayer Updated for the New Millenium. CA: Gabriel Publications, 1998.
Willis, John Levy, Keith Whitaker, Joanie Bronfman, and
Condon, G., andj. Condon. Beyond the Crave. Revised Edition. New
Brigitte Muehlmann for comments and feedback on early drafts York: HarperBusiness, 2001.
of this article. Special thanks to Shelly Meier who ably assisted
with the final editing ofthe manuscript. de Tocqueville, A. Democracy in America. NewYork: Penguin Classics,
2003.
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Acquirers' and Inheritors'

Dilemma: Discovering Life Purpose

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Coles, R. Privileged Ones: The Well-Off and Rich in America. Boston:

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Salzer, M. Tlie Inheritor's Sherpa. Denver, C O : The Wealth Conser-

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