Notes sourced from Center for Building a Culture of Empathy

http://cultureofempathy.com/References/Experts/Daniel-Siegel.htm

Dr. Dan Siegel: Kindness & Compassion:

Outline
• Definitions
• Compassion
• 7:00 Empathy
o put the feelings of another within you.
o not a positive or negative feeling
o not about suffering at it's core
o says nothing about if I am going to help you
o a sociopath could be empathic.
o they feel your vulnerability and can hurt you
• 8:30 - Seeds of Compassion Conference
o they told scientists not to use the word empathy with Dali Lama. will confuse
him.
• empathy and compassion get interchanged and need to be clarified about distinction
• Tania Singer Study show and brain study.
o people trained in empathy activate internal negative states in yourself that cause
you to burn out.
o that when you just feel another persons feelings without an attitude of wanting
to help those other people you just burn out.
o where as if you train a person in compassion according to Singer, then you
activate a different set of circuits. The point is they are distinct, and the person
doesn't burn out. and they are associated with positive emotions.
• There is something very different about empathy and compassion.
o When you train a person to be empathic they are vulnerable to getting burnt out.
The whole brain gets over activated and shuts down.
o Whereas someone trained in compassion, actually doesn't shut down. And they
increase positive internal states.
• In Summary, When you are taught to focus on another persons suffering, and then then
how to skillfully, imagine, plan and get ready to carry out something to help that other
person. You actually avoid burnout.
• So take home from the Singer study, is we should change the terminology, that there is
no such thing as the common phrase as compassion fatigue. It is actually empathic
fatigue.
• That is why distinguishing these two is very important.
• When I was in medical school, there was no training in any of this stuff.
•
• 15:00 He dropped out of med school because of it's lack of humanity, it didn't deal with
the subjective experience of people.
• He thought mindsite was missing from med school. Peoples subjective experience.
• 18:30 - theory of mind - people have a sense that other another person has a mind
• to have compassion you have to see that people have a subjective experience.
o suffering is subjective
• Empathy you need allow other peoples feelings to come into you.
• Kindness - doing something to support someone else without expecting something in
return.
o honoring and supporting each others vulnerability - people support each other.
• empathic or sympathetic joy - get excited for other peoples joy. is not part of
compassion
• 30:00 Mind Sight =
o insight into self,
o empathy, insight into someone else.
o integration
o compassion
o empathic joy
• Mind Sight means 3 things - an encompassing term
o insight into self (not part of compassion, empathy or kindness)
o insight into the inner life of someone else - empathy or empathic joy.
o Kindness - going with the vulnerability definition
o Integration -
• Mind Sight is a teachable skill
• Triangle of human experience
• Combine all fields of science into one.
o embodied brain - mind - relationships
o Relationship is sharing of energy
o mind is what the brain does.
o subjective experience
o mind is not the brain
• 38:00 - 30 second empathic experience will make you get over your cold faster
• [this shows that empathy, in and of itself, has positive supportive effects for well
being.}
o Our relationships are everything
o studies on compassion make your body healthier
o [he switches suddenly from empathy to compassion here.]
• How can you have two things at the same time.
• the system is not limited to the brain and skin boundary.
• Energy and information flow. can't be limited to the skull or even skin.
• 43:30 - we have emergent properties and self organization
o energy flow in you and between you (relational).
• 46:30 - this brings up the issue of empathy, compassion, kindness
o brings up 'presence'
o presence is what is needed for empathy, compassion, kindness
o presence is a portal to integration
o presence repairs ?? telomere - chromosomes
o mental presence is healthy and good for you
o when you have suffering and stress, age faster
o presence has lots of good effects
• Attunement
o Internal attunement - into self - this is what mindfulness it.
o intrapersonal attunement -
▪ turn attention to the internal world of the other.
▪ this is what secure attachment is about.
• 50:30 - Resonance - allow the inner flow of the other to resonate with yourself.
 o metaphor of the strings of the guitar to vibrate with with the other. you don't
become the other, you are changed because of the other
o [maintaining a wide and broad attunement with the other, the environment, and
the inner flow.]
• the difference between compassion and empathy
[this is where the confusion starts coming in in terms of role taking]
o Study: see a car accident
▪ 1. what would it feel like if it was you in the accident?
▪ you are becoming the person
▪ huge over identification
▪ brain activation shuts down.
▪ brain regions that are activated
▪ 2. what would it feel like for the other person in the accident?
▪ you are being yourself and wondering what that that person feels
like
▪ brain engages the compassion circuitry
▪ brain regions that are activated
▪ very different experiences
▪ 52:00 - empathy is over identification - brain regions that are activated
▪ SEE the Singer paper for 2012
• Resonance reminds us we don't want to become the other.
o allow yourself to be you.
o society doesn't teach this.
▪ we over identify
▪ or we shut people off completely
o we can teach the skill of integration
• Trust
o does an exercise with people to feel different energies
o says no, no, no
o says yes, yes, yes
o self touch
• 59:30 - All suffering relates to the threat state
o fear, rage, shame, etc, come from state of threat
o we are often in threat state
o when we are in threat state we do more in and out group
o more kind to in group and more hostile to out-group
o [problem of competition]
• We are an extended self
o 'yes' state turns on the social engagement system
o receptive state your muscles get more relaxed and open
o presence emerges
o mindfulness turns on social engagement
o [dance and other exercises would do the same]
• Integration: Self organization optimizes the movement of a system by linking
differentiated parts of the system
o Integration creates harmony
o like when a choir sings in harmony
o systems that do not link differentiated parts goes into
▪ chaos
▪ rigidity
 ▪ [note: fight, flight, freeze, dominance, ]
o this explains every symptom of every psychiatric disorder
o every disorder shows an impaired integration of the brain
▪ schizophrenia, manic depressive, autism, neglected or abuse
o compassion, empathy, kindness, are forms of integration.
o [being heard by others assists with the self and other integration process]
o [the problem with mindfulness is that it doesn't integrate with others. The
integration model is the guru sitting with the students pouring their 'wisdom'
into them.. it's actual a form of dominance]
• secure attachment integration - harmony
o creates mental coherence
• 1:08 - chaos and rigidity in your life means something is not integrated.
o not taking care of the environment is not integrating with nature
o healing the planet means integrating with nature
• 9 areas or types of integration - Wheel of Awareness
o any meaningful social change needs to start with reflection
▪ monitoring your internal energy flow and in-between
▪
▪ meditation - mindfulness meditation
▪ Consciousness: the knowing and the known
o 1:18 - 8. relational sense: this is where compassion, kindness comes from
o 9. attention on the knowing of awareness
▪ feeling of love, openness
• 1:26 - the deep nature of the self is the whole system
o We are all nodes of the system.
o in modern life we have confused the node with the self instead of the system
with the self.
o We need to help give the mental skill to drop into the deeper awareness
▪ [tribal dances, rituals]
o The reason compassion and kindness, empathic joy have all these benefits.
improve
▪ telomeric level
▪ epigenetics
▪ immune system
▪ vegal tone
o the benefits give access to the truth of our interconnected nature.
o we are built interconnected but families, schools, societies start convincing us
that we are separate
o Compassion and altruism studies show its good for your and comes naturally
• MWe
o meaning comes from serving the world
o hold both me and we
o integrated identity have integrated awareness
o compassion and kindness are natural for the mind as breathing is to body,
• 1:33:30 - Empathic burnout an impairment in differentiation. Pure empathy defined that
way leads to integration. Integration made visible is empathic joy, compassion and
kindness.