CEL2103 WRITING ACADEMIC TEXTS

WRITING PORTFOLIO TASK 4 - 25%

NAME : MUHAMMAD FIKRI BIN MOHD NAJIB

MATRIC NO. : 203354 GROUP : 44

1. Based on your Task 1, 2 and 3, write a comparison and contrast essay in DRAFT 1.
2. The task should contain the following:
● An introductory paragraph
● Two body paragraphs
● A concluding paragraph
● A reference list
3. Review your Draft 1 using SELF-EDITING CHECKLIST to check for errors.
4. Edit and improve your essay in DRAFT 2 if there is any error.
5. Your essay (Draft 1 and 2) must be typed using font Arial 11 with 1.15 spacing.

For teacher’s use only

PO1

PO3

PO6
 COMPARISON AND CONTRAST ESSAY – DRAFT 1

TOPIC: Comparing and Contrasting Between Iphone Mobile Device and

Redmi Mobile Device

Have you ever realized that the use of smartphones today is very important for all of
us? “Global smartphone sales to end users totaled 328.8 million in the second quarter of 2021,
an increase of 10.8% year over year” according to Gartner. This statement prove that
smartphones are in great demand today. Therefore, branded smartphones like Iphone and
Redmi are two smartphone brands that are very fast growing in terms of sales. There are
several advantages and disadvantages to these two brands. Although Iphone mobile device
and Redmi mobile device share similarities in term of basic function as smartphone, they differ
in aspects of smartphone specification.

The similarity between of Iphone mobile device and Redmi mobile device is same basic
function as smartphone. This is because, both Iphone and Redmi mobile device can
communicate using their own aplication like Facetime and Mi Community. Facetime and Mi
Community are the primary video calling applications on their devices. Users may utilise
FaceTime to make audio and video calls from their Apple devices. It is encrypted from
beginning to end and cannot be intercepted or recorded by a third party. Instead of using
traditional phone networks, the service makes calls through the internet. As well as, Mi
Community, where users can use the internet to make audio and video calls. In addition,
Iphone and Redmi mobile device allowed us to surfing the internet using Safari and Google
Chrome. The use of the internet on a smartphone has become a requirement for everyone
nowadays. Smartphones now account for one-third of all internet access, up from 23% in 2014.
Iphone and Redmi is a device that allows us to surf the internet freely.

Despite this two device have a similarity in basic function as smartphone, Iphone and
Redmi mobile device also have a differences in term of their specification. Mostly people said
that quality of Iphone camera is quite better than any other smartphone. Meanwhile, quality
camera of Redmi also great and not really far with Iphone camera but people still choose
Iphone camera because of their originality in picture. This is because consumers are looking
for smartphones with good camera quality due to the growing popularity of the "selfie" culture.
iPhones have some of the best camera capabilities of any mobile smartphone. The XR, their
most recent model, includes a 12-megapixel camera that can film in 4K. Meanwhile, when it
comes to Android, camera features differ greatly. A 5-megapixel camera on a low-cost Android
phone like the Redmi 4i delivers blurry images. Furthemore, battery capacity for Iphone is quite
low around 3000 mAh while the battery capacity of Redmi is incredible higher to compare with
Iphone around 5000 mAh. Nowadays, a smartphone's battery life is very important. There are
tiny chips called processors in Iphone devices that let it to run the camera, watch videos, and
do other things. The tougher a task (or a poorly designed software) is, the harder processors
must work, consuming more power from your battery. Meanwhile, the Redmi battery life is
better than the iPhone's since the processors work less.

In conclusion, while the Iphone and Redmi smartphones have a lot in common in terms
of basic functions, they differ in terms of smartphone specifications. As already discussed,
these two smartphones have similarities in terms of basic function as smartphone. There are
apps available on both of these phones that can be used for the same purpose. Users can use
video calls using applications available on this phone. Furthermore, users can also easily
surfing the internet using Safari and Google Chrome. Meanwhile, specification of this two
smartphone is the main differences of Iphone and Redmi mobile devices. Among them are
the differences in camera quality and battery life. For these reasons mentioned above and
others, buyers need to choose wisely before deciding to buy one of these smartphones as
each has its advantages and disadvantages.

References

Berry. (2018). Benefits Of Using FaceTime. http://www.aliencodec.com/benefits-of-using-

facetime/

Hern. (6 August 2015). Smartphone now most popular way to browse internet – Ofcom
report. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/aug/06/smartphones-
most-popular-way-to-browse-internet-ofcom

Keach. (29 January 2019). NO CHARGE Bad iPhone battery life? This easy trick reveals
the apps to DELETE right now. The Sun. https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/8295812/iphone-
battery-life-apps-delete/

Verzosa. (n.d.). iPhone vs Android for Smartphone Photography.

https://expertphotography.com/iphone-vs-android/
 SELF-EDITING CHECKLIST

CRITERIA YES NO

INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH

1. Contains effective hook to grab readers’ attention /

Contains background information related to the subjects of the
2. /
essay
States a thesis statement that introduces the subjects and points
3. /
of comparison
BODY PARAGRAPH

Contains a topic sentence with clear topic and controlling idea for
4. /
both body paragraphs

Contains supporting sentences that are relevant to the topic

5. /
sentence

Contains relevant supporting details that have been paraphrased

6. /
or summarised

Uses appropriate comparison signal words and contrast signal

7. /
words to connect the ideas

CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH

8. Contains a restatement of thesis statement /

9. Contains summary of points of comparison /

10. Contains a relevant author’s opinion as the final statement /

UNITY AND COHERENCE

11. The essay has all three parts: introduction, body and conclusion. /

All the supporting sentences/ supporting details are relevant to the

12. /
main idea.

All paragraphs achieve coherence by repeating key nouns, using

consistent pronouns and appropriate transition signals.
Write the:

13. Repeated key noun(s): /

Device, surfing, smartphone
Consistent pronouns :
Device, application
 Transition signals :
Meanwhile, In addition, and, furthermore, as well as

LANGUAGE AND SENTENCE ERRORS

Uses correct formal words, subject-verb agreement, tenses,

14. /
punctuation and spelling

Uses correct sentence structures (contains no non-parallel

15. /
structures, fragments, run-ons and comma splices)

CITATIONS AND REFERENCES (APA Style)

16. In-text citations contain the name of author in correct format. /

17. In-text citations contain the year of publication. /

In-text citations use appropriate reporting verbs (for within the

18. /
sentence citation only).

19. In-text citations use correct punctuation. /

Reference list matches the in-text citations and is correctly

20. /
formatted.
 COMPARISON AND CONTRAST ESSAY – DRAFT 2

TOPIC: Comparing and Contrasting Between Iphone Mobile Device and

Redmi Mobile Device

Have you ever realized that the use of smartphones today is very important for all of us?
“Global smartphone sales to end users totaled 328.8 million in the second quarter of 2021, an
increase of 10.8% year over year” according to Gartner. This statement prove that
smartphones are in great demand today. Therefore, branded smartphones like Iphone and
Redmi are two smartphone brands that are very fast growing in terms of sales. There are
several advantages and disadvantages to these two brands. Although Iphone mobile device
and Redmi mobile device share similarities in term of basic function as smartphone, they differ
in aspects of smartphone specification.

The similarity between of Iphone mobile device and Redmi mobile device is same basic
function as smartphone. This is because, both Iphone and Redmi mobile device can
communicate using their own aplication like Facetime and Mi Community. Facetime and Mi
Community are the primary video calling applications on their devices. Users may utilise
FaceTime to make audio and video calls from their Apple devices. It is encrypted from
beginning to end and cannot be intercepted or recorded by a third party. Instead of using
traditional phone networks, the service makes calls through the internet. As well as, Mi
Community, where users can use the internet to make audio and video calls. In addition,
Iphone and Redmi mobile device allowed us to surfing the internet using Safari and Google
Chrome. The use of the internet on a smartphone has become a requirement for everyone
nowadays. Smartphones now account for one-third of all internet access, up from 23% in 2014.
Iphone and Redmi is a device that allows us to surf the internet freely.

Despite this two device have a similarity in basic function as smartphone, Iphone and
Redmi mobile device also have a differences in term of their specification. Mostly people said
that quality of Iphone camera is quite better than any other smartphone. Meanwhile, quality
camera of Redmi also great and not really far with Iphone camera but people still choose
Iphone camera because of their originality in picture. This is because consumers are looking
for smartphones with good camera quality due to the growing popularity of the "selfie" culture.
iPhones have some of the best camera capabilities of any mobile smartphone. The XR, their
most recent model, includes a 12-megapixel camera that can film in 4K. Meanwhile, when it
comes to Android, camera features differ greatly. A 5-megapixel camera on a low-cost Android
phone like the Redmi 4i delivers blurry images. Furthemore, battery capacity for Iphone is quite
low around 3000 mAh while the battery capacity of Redmi is incredible higher to compare with
Iphone around 5000 mAh. Nowadays, a smartphone's battery life is very important. There are
tiny chips called processors in Iphone devices that let it to run the camera, watch videos, and
do other things. The tougher a task (or a poorly designed software) is, the harder processors
must work, consuming more power from your battery. Meanwhile, the Redmi battery life is
better than the iPhone's since the processors work less.

In conclusion, while the Iphone and Redmi smartphones have a lot in common in terms
of basic functions, they differ in terms of smartphone specifications. As already discussed,
these two smartphones have similarities in terms of basic function as smartphone. There are
apps available on both of these phones that can be used for the same purpose. Users can use
video calls using applications available on this phone. Furthermore, users can also easily
surfing the internet using Safari and Google Chrome. Meanwhile, specification of this two
smartphone is the main differences of Iphone and Redmi mobile devices. Among them are
the differences in camera quality and battery life. For these reasons mentioned above and
others, buyers need to choose wisely before deciding to buy one of these smartphones as
each has its advantages and disadvantages.

References

Berry. (2018). Benefits Of Using FaceTime. http://www.aliencodec.com/benefits-of-using-

facetime/

Hern. (6 August 2015). Smartphone now most popular way to browse internet – Ofcom
report. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/aug/06/smartphones-
most-popular-way-to-browse-internet-ofcom

Keach. (29 January 2019). NO CHARGE Bad iPhone battery life? This easy trick reveals
the apps to DELETE right now. The Sun. https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/8295812/iphone-
battery-life-apps-delete/

Verzosa. (n.d.). iPhone vs Android for Smartphone Photography.

https://expertphotography.com/iphone-vs-android/