BUILDING AND MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS

Personal Relationships

Objective:
Discuss an understanding of teen-age relationships, including the acceptable and
unacceptable expressions of attractions, and expressing ways of showing attraction, love, and
commitment.

PRE-TEST

I. State whether these statements are True or False.

1. It is important to work on communicating our feelings in relationships.
2. To love someone, we must love ourselves first.
3. Trying to understand where other people are coming from rather than judging them helps
us build and maintain relationships.
4. Having a good relationship does not contribute anything to us having good health.
5. When people listen deeply and let us know that they recognize the feeling behind our
words, more likely than not, our relationship is doing good.
6. In our relationships, it is vital that we practice forgiveness when a loved one has hurt us.
7. Our loved ones cannot help us when we deal with stress.
8. Using positive methods to resolve conflict will more likely help us maintain good
relationships.
9. Expressing gratitude to our friends and family help us maintain good relationships.
10. Significant differences in core values and beliefs never create a problem in relationships.
11. We are happy in our relationships when our loved ones stay connected by spending time
with us and letting us know that they love us.
12. Excessive reliance on social media can be a cause of tension in relationships.
13. Relationships are static; they are unchangeable.
14. Being compassionate, forgiving and grateful contribute to healthy relationships.
15. To fully enjoy and benefit from relationships we need skills, information, inspiration,
practice, and social support.

II. Directions: Read the following items carefully. Write the letter of your answer.
16. Which describes you?
A. Smart B. Funny C. Charismatic D. Funny
17. Has anyone ever cheated in the relationship?
A. Yes C. Once or twice
B. No D. I haven’t caught him / her red handed
18. Are friends with benefits truly friends?
A. Yes B. No C. Complicated D. None of the
above
19. Which of these is a means of expression when missing an ex-partner?
A. Remembering the bad C. Staying busy
B. Looking bad objectively D. Writing letters, you will never send
20. What is the hardest pain of missing an ex-partner?
A. Loneliness B. Memories C. Rejection D. Boredom
21. Which of the these is a positive effect of relationship break-ups?
A. Boredom B. Self-pity C. Self-discovery D. Self-love
22. What is the conventional way of starting any conversation?
A. Hi! B. Great! C. Babe! D. Good Day!
23. Which of these is important if you want a long-term commitment?
A. Personality C. Interests
B. Looks D. Fashion sense
24. Which is not a characteristic of intimate relationships?
A. Trust C. Self-disclosure
B. Self-acceptance D. Emotional attachment
 25. Which refers to friendship as a form of relationship?
A. Being with others and not just thinking of yourself
B. Saying “yes” always to be accepted by your friends
C. Having a lot of friends
D. Mingling with friends
26. Which is a form of relationship characterized by a mutually satisfying relationship of
sharing of caring and sharing?
A. Romantic relationship C. Personal relationship
B. Friendship D. Close friends
27. Which of the following is NOT appropriate to do as an adolescent in expressing your
attraction to your significant other?
A. Communicating C. Smiling at each other
B. Intimate physical activities D. Sharing plans
28. Which of the following influences the person to get attracted to people who are
geographically closer to them?
A. Physical attractiveness C. Similarity
B. Proximity D. Reciprocity
29. Which of the following influences the person to get attracted to others who like them
back?
A. Physical attractiveness C. Similarity
B. Proximity D. Reciprocity
30. Which of the following is described as the love-struck phase of relationship?
A. love B. lust C. attraction D. attachment

Activity 1: LOVE IS….

The purpose of this activity is to:
 Introduce the concept of healthy relationships.
 Show that we may define love in different ways – but no matter how many definitions
love has, abuse is not one of them.
Materials:
 Large piece of butcher paper
 Easel/wall and tape
 Markers
Steps:
1. Draw a giant heart on a large piece of paper.
2. Post the heart on the wall and have markers available for activity.
3. Write the words “Love is…” above the heart.
4. Invite each student to provide definitions that answer the phrase “Love is…” by soliciting
ideas from the class until the heart appears to be mostly full.

Discussions:
 Talking about healthy relationships with youth often resonates better than addressing
dating abuse directly. These conversations can allow students to open up about what are
healthy, unhealthy, and abusive behaviors. Be sure to encourage sharing and supporting
naming positive behaviors. This is a great, quick activity that’s good for groups of all
sizes.
 The activity is easy to set up and can be done in most spaces, with a wide age range.

Guide Questions:
1. What types of words are listed in our heart? Are there any that appear a lot or multiple
times? What kind of words are these?
2. Is there anything you don’t see in this heart? How do these words make you feel? Not
make you feel? Is there anything you were unsure of whether it should be in the heart?
3. Why are there so many different words? Are there words you disagree with?
 4. Can there be love in an abusive relationship? Is that a reason to stay in the relationship?
Why or why not?
5. Define abusive, unhealthy, and healthy behaviors. Are there words about abuse in the
heart? Are there unhealthy words? Are there other factors that might impact whether a
word is healthy or unhealthy?

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
 What is Personal Relationship?
 Why personal relationships are important?
 Ways to Become a Responsible in a Relationship

What Are Personal Relationships?

Personal relationships in the workplace are relationships that are outside the formal,
involuntary interactions co-workers have with one another as a requirement of their jobs.
Personal relationships can range from friendships to intimate relationships to acrimonious
relationships.
The concept of "relationships and family" is broad and varies from person to person.
What you mean by relationship is unique to you, but most people do think of a state of
connectedness, especially an emotional connection.
In our model, personal relationships refer to close connections between people, formed
by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow from and are strengthened by
mutual experiences.
Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and benefit
from them we need skills, information, inspiration, practice, and social support. In our model
there are three kinds of personal relationships.

Family
Family is generally defined as people living together in a household who are related by
birth, marriage, or adoption. It may include siblings and parents whom you grew up with. One’s
family relationship can also be extended to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins though not
living together. In a family, roles are also defined. Parents and older relatives’ role is to guide,
discipline, and support younger members.
Family bond plays a vital role in a person's well-being. It helps form other kinds of
relationships such as friendships and romantic relationships bound by love and closeness. On the
other hand, relationships, in general, may involve arguments, disagreements, moments of anger,
and hurt. There may be a usual increase in arguments and conflicts with parents when
adolescents assert their independence as their way of finding self-identity. However, these are
short-lived for families when there is love, care, and understanding.
In families, the physical expression of bonds also varies. Family members express
affection through hugging, kissing on the cheek or forehead, patting the head or tousling the
hair, patting on the back, etc. in whatever ways affection is expressed. These actions show
closeness and respect for each other.

Friends
Friends are the people who are not related to us by blood but we choose to interact with
them. They are the people with whom we share our trust, respect, and care. We feel that we can
confide in them and we want to spend time with them. Friendship is a reciprocal relationship.
Both people must see each other as a friend for the relationship to exist. Good friendships are
mutually respectful, supportive and share common interests and ideas. It should be built on
honesty, support, and loyalty.
There are different degrees of friendship. You may find that you feel closer to some
friends than others. Some friendships, especially if they have only known each other for a short
time, may not share personal issues or concerns. Usually, you may find that you feel more
comfortable and able to confide in friends whom you have known well.
Furthermore, friends who are very close and have known each other well are referred to
as “best friends or close friends”. Some people have many friends, while others may only have
one or two. It is not in the number of people with whom you can call friends but in the quality
and that everyone is different.
Some friendships can be close where they choose to greet each other by hugging or
kissing on the cheek, other friendships may have no physical contact or may simply shake hands.
However, romantic contact or being intimate physically is not appropriate in a friendship.
Note that online friends don’t count toward close ties—research indicates that a large
online network isn’t nearly as powerful as having a few close, real-life friends.

Romantic Relationship
A romantic relationship is when you feel strongly attracted to the other person. The
attraction encompasses a person's physical attributes and personality. This should be reciprocated
by the other person in the relationship.
A romantic relationship is described as the closest form of relationship in which, the two
people who are involved will often describe themselves as being attracted to each other and/or
"in love". They feel a strong connection and bond with each other that they do not feel with
anyone else, even with close friends. The bond is also exclusive and monogamous.
People in a romantic relationship often see each other and when apart will find ways to contact
each other by phone and the likes. An example of a romantic relationship for adolescents is
between a boyfriend and girlfriend.
Arguments and disagreements in romantic relationships also occur. These arguments can
be avoided through effective communication and understanding. In other cases, if there are
frequent arguments, the two people involved may decide to seek help from friends or adults.
As two people continually share interests and desires to live their lives together, they
eventually discuss their future plans. For adolescents, various kinds of physical contact are not
appropriate. These include prolonged cuddling and holding, kissing on the lips, and sexual
intercourse. These activities may lead to premarital sex and untimely pregnancy. And so, for the
romantic relationship to be successful for both adolescents, it is built on love, trust, respect,
support, and acceptance.
Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed between two
people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and romantic love. We usually experience
this kind of relationship with only one person at a time.

Why Personal Relationships Are Important?

Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and wellbeing. There is compelling
evidence that strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life. Conversely, the
health risks from being alone or isolated in one's life are comparable to the risks associated with
cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity. Research shows that healthy relationships can
help you:
 Live longer. A review of 148 studies found that people with strong social relationships
are 50% less likely to die prematurely. Similarly, Dan Buettner’s Blue Zones research
calculates that committing to a life partner can add 3 years to life expectancy
(Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler have found that men’s life
expectancy benefits from marriage more than women’s do.)
 Deal with stress. The support offered by a caring friend can provide a buffer against the
effects of stress. In a study of over 100 people, researchers found that people who
completed a stressful task experienced a faster recovery when they were reminded of
people with whom they had strong relationships. (Those who were reminded of stressful
relationships, on the other hand, experienced even more stress and higher blood
pressure.)
 Be healthier. According to research by psychologist Sheldon Cohen, college students
who reported having strong relationships were half as likely to catch a common cold
when exposed to the virus. In addition, 2012 international Gallup poll found that people
who feel they have friends and family to count on are generally more satisfied with their
personal health than people who feel isolated. And hanging out with healthy people
increases your own likelihood of health—in their book Connected, Christakis and Fowler
show that non-obese people are more likely to have non-obese friends because healthy
habits spread through our social networks.
  Feel richer. A survey by the National Bureau of Economic Research of 5,000 people
found that doubling your group of friends has the same effect on your wellbeing as a 50%
increase in income!

On the other hand, low social support is linked to a number of health consequences, such as:
 Depression. Loneliness has long been commonly associated with depression, and now
research is backing this correlation up: a 2012 study of breast cancer patients found that
those with fewer satisfying social connections experienced higher levels of depression,
pain, and fatigue.
 Decreased immune function. The authors of the same study also found a correlation
between loneliness and immune system dysregulation, meaning that a lack of social
connections can increase your chances of becoming sick.
 Higher blood pressure. University of Chicago researchers who studied a group of 229
adults over five years found that loneliness could predict higher blood pressure even
years later, indicating that the effects of isolation have long-lasting consequences.

According to psychiatrists Jacqueline Old’s and Richard Schwartz, social alienation is an

inevitable result of contemporary society's preoccupation with materialism and frantic "busy-
ness." Their decades of research support the idea that a lack of relationships can cause multiple
problems with physical, emotional, and spiritual health. The research is clear and devastating:
isolation is fatal.

25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands,
internet relationships (including ‘sexting’), long- and short-term affairs and financial
infidelity
2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and including questions around your gender, or
your partner's gender
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or have ‘changed’ significantly for
whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-Related Stress, long-term
illness, mental health issues, Financial Problems, problems with the children,
infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
8. Dealing with a jealous partner
9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as physical abuse: THE most
serious relationship problem.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children, health and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your partner / spouse is the princess / knight and
not seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and tasks. It is not
always women who complain about this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness: feeling the
relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a change in relationship
dynamics
 22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one partner or both
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline / deal with the children
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing something
positive to address the cause, or about learning to handle it if it cannot be changed
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant problems after the birth of
your baby.

WAYS OF SHOWING ATTRACTION AND LOVE

Every human being has his way of expressing his attraction, love, and commitment due to
our different life experiences. When the attraction between two persons is discussed, it is often
perceived as based on physical appearance while this might be true to a certain extent but there is
more to the attraction.
According to Helen Fisher, attraction is primarily on physiology or certain hormones that
get attracted to others and are the first stage during the changes of personality development
which leads to closeness, love, and commitment. However, disappointments in relationships
occur usually because of the misunderstanding about the different ways of expressing their
attraction, love, and commitment.

Activity 2: The People I am Attracted to

Directions: Write down the name of the person/s that best fit each statement in the
second column. In the third column, write the reason/s of your attraction similar to the statement
given. You may answer as many as you can. The first statement is given as an example.
Statement Name of Reasons
Person/s
I am feeling attracted to him. Ben Lovely eyes
Beautiful smile
1. I like him/her because he/she is physically
attractive.
2. I am attracted to him/her because I am familiar
with him/her and we often see each other.
3. I am attracted to him/her because we are alike.
4. I am attracted to him/her because we have the
same feelings or we like each other.

DIMENSIONS OF LOVE
1. Passionate love- is what we feel when we first fall in love; it shows our attraction and
focus on a single person, While some succeed to withstand possible love or over a
lifespan, it often declines in intensity over time.
2. Companionate love – intensifies over time. As a couple’s feeling of trust and caring for
one another nurtures, they, involve themselves in one another’s life and reciprocally react
to each other’s needs.

BIOLOGICAL MODEL OF LOVE

As proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher, there are three brain systems of love: lust,
attraction, and attachment. Each also involves different neurochemicals in the brain. Depending
on a person, a love relationship can start in any of these three.

Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual activity. It is also
described as a sex drive associated primarily with estrogens and androgens.

Attraction is described as the love-struck phase. It involves focusing attention on a

particular person. Many factors influence attraction such as physical attractiveness, proximity,
similarity, and reciprocity.
 a. Physical Attractiveness is one of the primary determinants of romantic attraction. Most
people prefer whom they consider physically attractive especially in the early stages of
dating.
b. Proximity can be explained when people tend to get attracted to people who are
geographically closer to them. They are more likely to develop feelings of mutual
familiarity with the people who live close to them. For example, being attracted to a
classmate since you regularly see the person.
c. Similarity is when people choose partners whom they find similarities such as social
class, religious beliefs, and education. It explains when two people share more attitudes
and opinions, the more they will want to do the same activities. As a result, they would
create a strong bond between them.
d. Reciprocity means people like others who like them back. The more a person is liked by
someone, the more he/she behaves in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.

Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another.
Usually, long-lasting commitments are exchanged when people are attached even across time
and space.

TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE

There are three main components of love as suggested by Robert Stenberg (1988). These
are intimacy, passion, and commitment. The relationships vary and depend on the presence or
absence of each of these components.
Intimacy is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. It
is characterized by closeness, connectedness, and boundedness.
Passion is described as an intense emotion towards a person. It is also shown as
compelling interest for someone. Like having a desire to spend time with a person most of the
time.
Commitment is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements with
another person. Wherein, the values of integrity and respect are evident in the relationship. Ways
to express commitment in a relationship are showing loyalty and conveying honesty.
The combination of these three (3) components of love can produce eight (8) types of
love or relationship as shown in the table.
Types of Love Intimac Passion Commitmen Example
y t
Liking Yes No No Friendships
Infatuation No Yes No Experiencing love at first sight or being
obsessed with a person
Empty Love No No Yes Stagnant Relationships or Arrange
marriage
Fatuous No Yes Yes Relationships motivated by a passion
Companionate Yes No Yes Relationships lacking passion such as
those between family members or close
friends
Romantic Yes Yes No Being bonded emotionally and
physically to another person
Consummate Yes Yes Yes Complete love

THEORY LOVE STYLES

Ancient Greeks studied love and giving each type a Greek name. Lee (1973) offers a
theory derived from an analysis of writings about love through centuries.
 Philia – Affectionate Love usually runs deep in true friendship. It occurs without
romantic attraction between friends or family members. It is also called brotherly love
when both people share the same values and respect. It can be shown by engaging in deep
 conversation, exchanging beliefs and imperfections, being open and trustworthy, and
being supportive in difficult times.
 Pragma – Enduring Love is described as a mature love that develops over time. To
reach this relationship commitment and efforts are needed. With the partner by your side,
you are "standing in love" instead of "falling in love". It is expressed by strengthening the
bond, seeking and showing effort with your partner, and choosing to work with your
partner.
Pragma is a style of love that emphasizes the practical aspects of love. It is an
arranged marriage.
 Storge – Familiar love is a naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children, as
well as best friends. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional
connection. It usually flows between parents and children or childhood friends. Ways to
show this love are sacrificing one's time, self, or personal pleasures, showing gratitude,
and quickly forgiving. You also share memorable and impactful moments.
Storge, in comparison is the love we have for god friends and family members. It
does not contain sex at all, although at one time or another, we may find ourselves sexual
attraction.
 Eros – Romantic Love is characterized by personal infatuation and physical pleasure. It
is a passionate love displayed through physical affection. In this case, admiration is
focused on someone's physical body. Hence, the couple engages in physical touch such as
hugging and kissing even if it not appropriate yet.
 Ludus – Playful love is a child-like and flirtatious love found in the beginning. This type
of love consists of teasing and playful motives between two people. It is shown by having
fun together.
Ludis refers to a style of loving that emphasizes the game of seduction and fun
where partners do not see their relationship as permanent.
 Mania – Obsessive Love as named is described as obsessiveness or madness over love.
It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness. To avoid it, obsessive or possessive
behavior must be recognized to be properly addressed. One should learn to focus on
oneself more than another person.
 Philautia – Self Love is having a healthy “self-compassion” towards one’s self. It is
when you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love
begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being.
 Agape – Selfless Love is the highest love to offer. It is an empathetic attitude of love. It
is given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is considered
unconditional love. It is expressed by helping the other person improve his life.

STAGES OF RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT

Mark Knapp and Anita Vangelisti (2000) have proposed that relationships go through
certain stages from first meeting to deep intimacy. According to them, relationships are a
continuous state of unrest: they grow wither stronger or weaker with time.
1. Initiating stage. This is when people initially meet and assess each other's attractiveness
and availability. At this point in the relationship, people work very hard to present
themselves as likeable and interesting. They tend to select their words with caution,
knowing that a single mistake (e.g., asking someone about a sensitive topic) may spoil
their chances to continue a conversation.
2. Experimenting stage. This is the time people attempt to reduce their uncertainty about
one another. In this stage people may begin testing one another. At his stage people retain
spontaneous communication, engaging in casual dating as they analyze the unknown in
the determination to find out more.
3. Intensifying stage. In this stage, partners start disclosing extremely personal information
to one another, they develop nicknames for each other, and often talk using the word
"we." Couples develop routines and private symbols (e.g., "our special place," a
nonverbal cue that means we like each other) and become more willing to make direct
verbal statements of commitment.
 4. Integrating stage. This is the time when the two individuals become a couple. They
emphasize to themselves, and others, how much they share in common— they are certain
that they share similar attitudes, interests, and opinions. Their network of friends begins
to merge and they often develop friendships with other couples.
5. Bonding stage. The bonding stage is marked by a public ritual, typically marriage.
Couples' willingness to engage in this sort of public commitment signifies their desire to
obtain social and sometimes even institutional support for their relationship. After
bonding, the two people are publicly tied to one another.
6. Differentiating stage. The differentiating stage finds one of more partners struggling to
recreate or regain a sense of distinctive identity. As an alternative of continuing as a
“we”, they ask, “How do I differ from you?” In this way, they try to reaffirm “I”
orientation; individual differences, not similarities, become the emphasis.
7. Circumscribing stage. The circumscribing stage finds the relationship enduring its
failure. Consequently, the parties limit their communication. They intentionally attempt
to limit subjects of argument to those considered “safe”. Questionable or sensitive areas
that are offensive are evaded at this stage.
8. Stagnating stage. Relationships in this stage do not continue evolving. Instead they are
almost motionless. Communication between the parties is at a simulated halt. Although
the partner may still share a mutual space, they no longer share each other. They feel that
since there in no purpose to talk with each other, they might as well say nothing. They
close themselves off. Overall, their interest of preserving the relationship is gone.
9. Avoiding stage. The avoiding stage has the partner’s final communication channels. For
the longing to stay away from each other, the party takes whatsoever step to needed to
guarantee they would not have to share in any way. They do what they can do to avoid
coming together, since they know that getting together will be spiteful and hostile. The
running stage of this stage is “I don’t want to see you anymore”, “I don’t want to speak to
you anymore”, I don’t want to carry on with the relationship.
10. Terminating Stage. This stage finds the bonds that once held the relationship together in
pieces. The relationship is finished. Subject to how both parties feel about the wind-up,
this stage can be brief or prolonged, pleasant or nasty.

Activity 3: THINK AND WRITE!

Directions: Read the following scenarios and answer the questions that follow. Do this in
your journal.

Scenario 1: Marissa and Jun are going on their third date to watch a movie. Marissa wants
her two friends to come with them but Jun tells her that unless they go to the movie just the two
of them, the date is off.
Questions:
a. Why do you think Marissa wants to date with her friends along?
b. Why do you think Jun wants to be alone with Marissa?
c. What should Marissa do? Go to the movie with Jun without her friends or accept that the date
is off? Justify your answer.

Scenario 2: May and Henry have been dating for three months. Henry starts to realize that May
always picks the place where they should go like watch movies, which mall to go shopping,
where to eat, etc. Henry is beginning to feel that May does not listen to his
suggestions.
Questions:
a. Why is Henry upset about not choosing where to go on a date?
b. Do you think this kind of relationship is okay?
c. What can Henry do?
 Scenario 3: Megan and Jake have been dating for four months. Megan has recently joined the
Mathematics Club and has gained many friends. She and her friends are preparing on competing
on a Regional Mathematics contest. Jake has told her that he does not like her spending so much
from the team and that she has to choose-the team or him.
Questions:
a. Is it a good idea for Megan to be dating and having many friends?
b. Why might Jake feel jealous about Megan?
c. What should Megan do?

Activity 4: LOVE LANGUAGE IN THE FAMILY

Directions: This activity aims to help you assess your preference in showing your love
towards your parents, friends, and significant other.
Take the "Love Language Personal Profile" based on Dr. Gary Cahpman’s
The 5 Love Languages using this link https://bit.ly/3cpjE1H.
If you do not have internet access, you can refer to the descriptions below. List the descriptions
that most likely refer to you. Your love language is usually the one that has the most
descriptions.
Love
Description
Language
Words of  "Actions don't always speak louder than the word".
Affirmatio  Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.
n  Wanting to hear "I love you" or other positive compliments you're your partner.
And if you don't hear it, then you might feel unloved.
 Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
 You wanted to hear kind and encouraging words that build you up.
Acts of  Doing nice things for other people and anything you do to ease the burden of the
Service other person are "acts of service."
 Whether it's changing someone's oil, cleaning the house, or giving a back rub,
doing things to help make the other person happy is what this one is about.
 Helping with homework can be an expression of love for you.
 The words you wanted to hear are "Let me do it for you".
Receiving  You value giving and receiving gifts and some do not.
Gifts  So, if you measure your partner’s love by how many gifts you are given, then your
love language is “receiving gifts.”
 Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of the gifts wanted
on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.
 A missed birthday or a thoughtless gift would be disastrous.
Quality  You measure the quality of love by how much time other people want to spend
Time with you.
 If you don't get enough "together time," then you might feel unloved.
 Being there for this type of person is critical, but being there – with the TV off,
fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks standby makes you feel truly special
and loved.
 Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be hurtful.
Physical  A person whose primary language is physical touch is not very touchy.
Touch  Hugs, pats on the back, holding a hand and thoughtful touches on the arm can
show excitement, concern, care, and love.
 Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be
unforgivable and destructive.
 Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Basic Rights in a Relationship

From Patricia Evans' The Verbally Abusive Relationship:
 The right to emotional support
 The right to be heard by the other and to respond
 The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your partner's
 The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
 The right to live free from accusation and blame
 The right to live free from criticism and judgment
 The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
 The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
 The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered

In addition to these basic relationships’ rights, consider how you can develop patience,
honesty, kindness, and respect.
 Patience
Patience is essential to a healthy relationship. There are times when others will
respond to us in a way that is disappointing. When this occurs, it important to
communicate our disappointment, but also to give the other person space.
Be willing to give the person some time to reflect, indicating that you are ready to
talk when they are ready. If the person is never ready to discuss the situation, you may
need professional help to resolve the issue, or ask yourself whether or not you want to
continue the relationship.
 Honesty
Honesty is another essential quality in healthy relationships. To build honesty in a
relationship, you should communicate your feelings openly, and expect the other person
to do the same. Over time, this builds trust.
 Kindness
Kindness is extremely important to maintaining healthy relationships. You need
to be considerate of others' feelings and other people need to be considerate of yours. Be
kind when you communicate. Kindness will nurture your relationships. Note that being
kind does not necessarily mean being nice.
 Respect
Respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. If you don't have respect for
another person, it will have a negative impact on all of your interactions. Think of a time
when you encountered someone who didn't respect you. How did it feel? What are some
ways that you show respect to others?

Ways to Become a Responsible in a Relationship

Relationships aren't static—they are living, dynamic aspects of our lives that require
attention and care. In order to benefit from strong connections with others, you should take
charge of your relationships and put in the time and energy you would any other aspect of your
wellbeing.
 Connect with your family
One of the biggest challenges for families to stay connected is the busy pace of
life. But Blue Zones research states that the healthiest, longest-living people in the world
all have something in common: they put their families first. Family support can provide
comfort, support, and even influence better health outcomes while you are sick.
Relationships and family author Mimi Doe recommend connecting with family by letting
little grievances go, spending time together, and expressing love and compassion to one
another. Of course, the same practices apply to close friends as well. This is especially
important if you don’t have living family, or have experienced difficult circumstances,
such as abuse, that would make it difficult for you to connect with your relatives.
 Practice gratitude
Gratitude is one of the most accessible positive emotions, and its effects can
strengthen friendships and intimate relationships. One 2010 study found that expressing
gratitude toward a partner can strengthen the relationship, and this positive boost is felt
by both parties—the one who expresses gratitude and the one who receives it.
 Remembering to say “thank you” when a friend listens or your spouse brings you a cup
of coffee can set off an upward spiral of trust, closeness, and affection.
 Learn to forgive
It’s normal for disagreements or betrayal to arise in relationships, but your choice
about how to handle the hurt can have a powerful effect on the healing process. Choosing
to forgive can bring about a variety of benefits, both physical and emotional. Fred
Luskin, head of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, says it’s easier to let go of the anger or
hurt feelings associated with a circumstance if you remind yourself that much of your
distress is really coming from the thoughts and feelings you are having right now while
remembering the event—not the event itself. Don’t be afraid to clearly articulate why you
are upset, but once the other party has listened, be willing to lay down your anger and
move on.
 Be compassionate
Compassion is the willingness to be open to yourself and others, even in painful
times, with a gentle, nonjudgmental attitude. When you feel compassionate toward
another person—whether a romantic partner, friend, relative, or colleague—you open the
gates for better communication and a stronger bond. This doesn’t mean taking on the
suffering of others, or absorbing their emotions. Rather, compassion is the practice of
recognizing when someone else is unhappy or whose needs aren’t being met and feeling
motivated to help them. We are an imitative species: when compassion is shown to us,
we return it.
 Accept others
It is also important to be accepting of the other person in the relationship.
Obviously, this does not apply in situations of abuse or unhealthy control, where you
need foremost to protect yourself. But otherwise, try to understand where the person is
coming from rather than judge them. As you do for yourself, have a realistic acceptance
of the other's strengths and weaknesses and remember that change occurs over time.
 Create rituals together
With busy schedules and the presence of online social media that offer the façade
of real contact, it’s very easy to drift from friends. In order to nurture the closeness and
support of friendships, you have to make an effort to connect. Gallup researcher Tom
Rath has found that people who deliberately make time for gatherings or trips enjoy
stronger relationships and more positive energy. An easy way to do this is to create a
standing ritual that you can share and that doesn’t create more stress—talking on the
telephone on Fridays, for example, or sharing a walk during lunch breaks, are ways to
keep in contact with the ones you care about the most.
 Spend the right amount of time together
Gallup researchers Jim Harter and Raksha Arora found that people who spend 67
hours per day socializing (which could mean hanging out with friends, sharing meals
with family, or even emailing a colleague) tend to be the happiest. In contrast, those who
have zero interactions (or an exhausting overload of social time) feel more stressed.

TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING LONG-LASTING AUTHENTIC

RELATIONSHIPS
1. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Your relationship with yourself is the central
template from which all others are formed. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a
successful and authentic union with another.
2. PARTNERING IS A CHOICE MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO
THRIVE . The choice to be in a relationship is up to you. You have the ability to attract
your beloved and cause the relationship you desire to happen.
3. CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS. Moving from “I” to “we” requires a shift in
perspective and energy. Being an authentic couple is an evolution.
4. RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW. Your relationship will
serve as an unofficial “lifeshop” in which you will learn about yourself and how you can
grow on your personal path.
 5. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL. The open exchange of thoughts and feelings is the
lifeblood of your relationship.
6. NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED. There will be times when you and your partner
must work through impasses. If you do this consciously and with respect, you will learn
to create win-win outcomes.
7. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY CHANGE. Life will present
turns in the road. How you maneuver those twists and turns determines the success of
your relationship.
8. YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE. Treasure your
beloved and your relationship will flourish.
9. RENEWAL IS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY. Happily ever after means the ability to
keep the relationship fresh and vital.
10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU FALL IN LOVE

You know all these rules inherently. The challenge is to remember them when you fall under the
enchanting spell of love.

SIGNS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Relationships are a necessary part of healthy living, but there is no such thing as a perfect
relationship. Relationships, from acquaintances to romances, have the potential to enrich our
lives and add to our enjoyment of life. However, these same relationships can cause discomfort,
and sometimes even cause harm (see statistics from the American Bar Association). Take a few
minutes to learn more about how to protect yourself from developing unhealthy relationships.

What makes a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on:
 Mutual respect
 Trust
 Honesty
 Support
 Fairness/equality
 Separate identities
 Good communication
 A sense of playfulness/fondness

All of these things take work. Each relationship is most likely a combination of both
healthy and unhealthy characteristics. Relationships need to be maintained and healthy
relationships take work. This applies to all relationships; work relationships, friendships, family,
and romantic relationships.

While in an unhealthy relationship you:

 Put one person before the other by neglecting yourself or your partner
 Feel pressure to change who you are for the other person
 Feel worried when you disagree with the other person
 Feel pressure to quit activities you usually/used to enjoy
 Pressure the other person into agreeing with you or changing to suit you better
 Notice one of you has to justify your actions (e.g., where you go, who you see)
 Notice one partner feels obligated to have sex or has been forced
 Have a lack of privacy, and may be forced to share everything with the other person
 You or your partner refuse to use safer sex methods
 Notice arguments are not settled fairly
 Experience yelling or physical violence during an argument
 Attempt to control or manipulate each other
 Notice your partner attempts to controls how you dress and criticizes your behaviors
  Do not make time to spend with one another
 Have no common friends, or have a lack of respect for each others’ friends and family
 Notice an unequal control of resources (e.g., food, money, home, car, etc.)
 Experience a lack of fairness and equality
 Accept influence. Relationships are give and take; allowing your partner to influence you
is important; this can be especially difficult for some men.
 Resolve conflict fairly: Fighting is part of even healthy relationships; the difference is
how the conflict is handled. Fighting fairly is an important skill you help you have
healthier relationships.

Activity 5: STAY/TALK/GO
The purpose of this activity is to:
 Put students in the shoes of someone deciding ‘what they would do’ in a given situation.
By doing this, the activity teaches healthy decision-making, empathy, and allows students
to determine their own values in a relationship.
 The activity introduces students to behaviors within a dating relationship that could be
defined as healthy, unhealthy, or abusive.
 Encourage young people to communicate and define healthy and unhealthy behaviors
themselves, even though students may not classify behaviors the same way.
Materials:
 Dating relationship cards
 Butcher paper
Note
 This activity is more sensitive than others, and therefore would work best with a group of
students that are familiar with each other and have built some trust and group identity.
 Encourage conversation about disagreements, without singling out individual students for
‘wrong’ decisions.
Steps:
1. Set ground rules for respect in the group to promote a safe space.
2. Distribute at least one dating relationship card (see “Preparation”) to each student in the
class.
3. Explain that each card contains an example of a behavior that might be present in a dating
relationship.
4. Instruct each student to read the card and consider what they might do if that action were
occurring in their relationship: “stay together” “let’s talk about it” or “it’s over.”
5. Have each student read their card out loud and tell the rest of the group which category
they think the behavior should be placed in and why.
6. Record each response by category on paper or the board as students go around.
7. At each card, facilitate a short conversation. Allow students to make suggestions as to
what they may or may not do and why.
Guide Questions:
1. Define healthy, unhealthy, and abusive.
2. After looking over the “It’s over” category, is it always easy to end a relationship? Why
or why not? What could some barriers be to leaving an abusive relationship? What
barriers do people at your school face to leaving an abusive or unhealthy relationship?
3. Which category did we talk about the most? Why do you think that was?
4. Which cards may be warning signs of abusive relationships? Do we disagree on any?
5. Is it okay that different people wanted two different categories for behaviors? How would
you talk about a disagreement like this with a friend? Or partner?

“Real-World”
1. Describe how you express your attraction for someone.
2. Describe how you express your love for another person and how you show your
commitment to this person or persons.
Activity 6: MY SCRAPBOOK
This scrapbook must contain lists of ways on how you express attraction, love and
commitment to your parents and siblings. The scoring rubric on the next page will be used in
assessing your output.

What you need

 Long bond paper, colored papers, scissors, paste, ballpen and any recyclable materials for
the design
What to do
 Pre-activity:
a. Prepare your materials needed to make a scrapbook.
b. Plan the design of your scrapbook.
c. Make a list on the ways on how you express attraction, love and commitment to your
parents, siblings and significant other using scratch paper.
 Activity proper:
a. Start making your scrapbook. Make sure that your materials are complete for the
good flow of work.
b. Then, design your scrapbook. Make sure that it sturdy.
c. Lastly, write your lists on your scrapbook. Make sure that it is organize and it is
neatly done.

Rubrics for Scoring the Output

Excellent Good Poor
Criteria
(5) (3) (1)
Design and Creativity Shows excellent Shows good sense of Shows somewhat
(x2) sense of art and art and creativity. sense of art and
creativity. Designs are creativity.
Designs are somewhat Designs are very
appropriate and appropriate and inappropriate and
relevant to the topic. relevant to the topic. irrelevant to the topic.
Materials used Made use of pure Materials used in Materials used in
(x2) recycled materials in designing the output designing the output
designing the output. were not pure were not recyclable at
recyclable materials. all.
Organization and The output shows The output is The output is
Neatness (x2) organization of input organized and disorganized and very
and very neat. No somewhat neat. Has dirty. Has too many
signs of dirtiness. sorts of erasures. erasures.
Effort The output shows The output shows The output shows
clear representation somewhat little
of their effort. representation of their representation of their
effort. effort.
Timeliness Deadline was missed. Project deadline Project met the
Exceeded days on the merely met. deadline before the
date of submission. Exceeded seconds on time set exactly the
the time set for time set.
submission.
Total points 40/40

POST TEST
General Directions: Read the directions carefully. Write your answers on a separate sheet of
paper.
I. True or False. Write T if the statement is correct and F if not.
 1. It is important to work on communicating our feelings in relationships.
2. To love someone, we must love our self-first.
3. Trying to understand where other people are coming from rather than judging them helps
us build and maintain relationships.
4. Having a good relationship does not contribute anything to us having good health.
5. When people listen deeply and let us know that they recognize the feeling behind our
words, more likely than not, our relationship is doing good.
6. In our relationships, it is vital that we practice forgiveness when a loved one has hurt us.
7. Our loved ones cannot help us when we deal with stress.
8. Using positive methods to resolve conflict will more likely help us maintain good
relationships.
9. Expressing gratitude to our friends and family help us maintain good relationships.
10. Significant differences in core values and beliefs never create a problem in relationships.
11. We are happy in our relationships when our loved ones stay connected by spending time
with us and letting us know that they love us.
12. Excessive reliance on social media can be a cause of tension in relationships.
13. Relationships are static; they are unchangeable.
14. Being compassionate, forgiving and grateful contribute to healthy relationships.
15. To fully enjoy and benefit from relationships we need skills, information, inspiration,
practice, and social support.
II. Multiple Choice. Read the following items carefully. Write the letter of your answer.
16. Which of the following statements is true?
A. Relationships are static; they are unchangeable
B. To love someone, we must learn to love ourselves first.
C. Our loved ones cannot help us when we deal with stress.
D. Significant differences in core values and beliefs never create a problem in
relationships.
17. Which of the following is NOT a way of expressing commitment in a relationship?
A. Practice gratitude C. Be compassionate
B. Learn to forgive D. Get jealous, it’s a sign of love
18. What should you consider when making decisions around sex and sexual limits?
A. your values C. your family
B. your friends D. all of the given choices
19. Which of the following statement is NOT true on relationships?
A. Having a good relationship does not contribute anything to us having good health.
B. Excessive reliance on social media can be a cause of tension in relationships.
C. Expressing gratitude to our friends and family help us maintain good relationships.
D. Using positive methods to resolve conflict will more likely help us maintain good
relationships.
20. Which of the following is a sign of healthy and responsible relationship?
A. Your partner hurts you physically or emotionally.
B. You are forced to do something that you’re not comfortable with.
C. Your partner undermines your decisions about pregnancy and parenting.
D. Your partner supports you and your choices – even when they disagree with you.
21. Which of the following are signs that you may be in an abusive relationship?
A. Accepting one’s imperfections C. Spending time together
B. Connecting with the family D. Apologizing for your partner’s behavior
22. Which of following is the purest form of love?
A. Agape B. Eros C. Pragma D. Storge
23. Which love do you show to friends?
A. Agape B. Ludis C. Mania D. Storge
24. Which of these is sexual love?
A. Eros B. Mania C. Pragma D. Storge
25. Which of the following is an example of pragma love?
A. arranged marriage C. love for parents
B. love for siblings D. obsessive love
 26. When two people get serious to their relationships and discuss future together, they are
likely in what stage?
A. Bonding B. Experimenting C. Integrating D. Intensifying
27. When two people meet and are seeking to create a good impression, what stage are they
in?
A. Bonding B. Differentiating C. Initiating D. Terminating
28. What is going on during the circumscribing phase?
A. Relationship is ending and both people are going in different directions.
B. Boundaries put into place to avoid certain challenging conversations.
C. Friends and family are giving their suggestions about the relationship.
D. Two people are making their relationship formalized in front of their friends and
family.
29. Jenny and Alvin have just entered a committed relationship. They are intentionally
nurturing their relationship and have decided not to see anyone else. They have been
sharing personal information with each other like details about their family issues and
past mistakes. What stage are they in?
A. Bonding B. Differentiating C. Initiating D. Intensifying
30. What stage where the relationship’s end is approaching?
A. Avoiding B. Differentiating C. Stagnating D. Terminating
31. Which of the following statements below describes personal relationship?
A. Personal relationship refers to close connections between people, formed by
emotional bonds and interactions.
B. Personal relationship involves a degree of commitment to another person or persons.
C. Personal relationship is defined by two characteristics; privacy and intimacy.
D. All of the choices
32. What are three components of personal relationship?
A. attachment, intimacy, and passion
B. attachment, love, and passion
C. attraction, commitment, and love
D. commitment, intimacy, and passion
33. The following statement are the basic rights in a relationship except?
A. The right to emotional support
B. The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
C. The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered
D. The right not to be heard by your loved one
34. Which of the following is a characteristic of a healthy relationship?
A. Have a lack of privacy C. Good communication
B. Feel pressure D. Neglecting others
35. A willingness to be open to yourself and others, even in painful times, with a gentle,
nonjudgmental attitude.
A. Compassion B. Gratitude C. Forgiveness D. Sympathy

ANSWER KEY
1. T 6. T 11. T 16. B 21. D 26. C 31. D
2. T 7. F 12. T 17. D 22. A 27. C 32. C
3. T 8. T 13. F 18. D 23. D 28. B 33. D
4. F 9. T 14. T 19. A 24. A 29. D 34. C
5. T 10. F 15. T 20. D 25. A 30. A 35. A
Holding hands while
walking

Kiss on the lips

Kiss on the forehead

Kiss on the hand

Kiss on the cheeks

Romantic dinner

Makes you feel

comfortable

Controls you

Movie date
(only the 2 of you)
Takes care of you when
you are sick

Brags about his/her

achievements
Possessive
(wants you all by
him/herself)

Self-centered

Physically or emotionally
hurts you

Jealous

Shouts at you when mad

Regularly checks on you

by sending messages

Serenades you
Stop bringing up your ex
in the conversation

Makes you laugh when

you are mad

Honest

Laugh with you

Makes you feel secure

Threatens you

Remains calm when you

are mad

Makes you feel special

Makes your heart flutter

Constant communication

Makes you feel wanted

Tells his/her whereabouts

Doesn’t hold back his/her

feelings

Lack of trust

Easily judge you

Gives you flowers,

chocolates, etc. on esp.
occasions
Treats you like a
queen/king

Makes you feel secure

 Hugs you

Petting
(caressing/touching)

Sex

You can be yourself

Hands-on preparation of
food

Listening without
judgement
Regularly sending funny
messages to make you
laugh

Man pays all bills

Bills be 50/50
Cannot accept your dark
past

Respect and trust each

other

Gives you love letters

Celebrates special
occasion even in simple
ways
Discuss likes, dislikes and
what you are (and are
not) comfortable

Comforts you

Watching meteor shower

while lying on the ground

Meet each others’ friends

Spend some time apart

Pampers/Tolerates you

Stalks you

Makes you feel wanted

Spend time with you on

busy days

Respect each others’

decisions

Introduce you to his/her

family

Makes you feel secure

Doesn’t care about your

feelings

Plans for the future