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Befriending Your Inner Critic

Compassion We all have voices that echo inside our heads - some of them are helpful, and some of
them are hurtful. That hurtful voice gets called by various names, such as “inner critic”
Exercise
(Elliott, 1992), “pathological critic,” and “inner gremlin.”
15 min
Dr. Marilee Adams calls it the “Judger,” as it is a voice that tends to judge us negatively
Client
and beat us up psychologically. It is a voice that can attack us and others. It is a voice
No that, if we pay heed to it, can take us down the “Judger path” into the “Judger pit.” High
levels of self-criticism have been suggested to create a negative vicious circle of a dip in
mood, which triggers self-criticism that sparks a further dip in mood (Heimpel, Wood,
Marshall, & Brown, 2002). Over time, self-criticism can become a defining attribute of
the relationship that people have with themselves. Repeated exposure to self-criticism
can become a general attitude of self-directed hostility. Rather than treating oneself with
warmth, kindness, and reassurance, the individual develops a punitive self-critical attitude,
thereby negatively affecting the way he or she relates to himself or herself.

Yet, the Judger voice is not all bad. The function of the inner critic is both to prevent the
individual from making mistakes and to motivate toward ideals. In principle, the goals
of the inner critic can be considered as important for optimal human functioning. It is
designed to keep us safe physically and psychologically, although it does this in some
maladaptive ways. By identifying and understanding our Judger voice and its motivations,
we can learn to appreciate it and help it to be calmer while still listening to the valuable
information that it offers.

Author

This tool was created by Lisa Sansom based on materials created by Marilee Adams. Lisa
participated in a 5-day training workshop with Marilee to further understand her research
and concepts.

Goal

The goal of this tool is to identify your own unique internal Judger voice and work with it,
instead of engaging in the battle.

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Advice

■ This tool can be used in different ways. First, clients can use this tool alone without
assistance. Second, this tool can also be delivered by a coach to a client in a coaching
session. Third, it can be used in facilitated group settings where people share
information about their own inner Judgers’ voices.
■ It is important to recognize that using this tool can be difficult. The Judger’s voice
does not like to be brought out into the light and shared, and doing this exercise can
provoke the Judger’s voice to be stronger and to yell more.
■ Clients need to have support in place if doing this exercise becomes too difficult at the
moment. It may be worthwhile to take a pause and progress slowly
■ Although this may not feel like a positive intervention, it is about accepting that we
have inner critical voices that can get in our way and make us feel miserable. This voice
is a part of us and needs to be loved if we are to truly accept ourselves as we are.
Showing compassion and acceptance towards one’s Judger can create more peace
of mind.

References

■ Elliot, J. E. (1992). Use of authentic dialogue in eliciting and challenging

■ Heimpel, S. A., Wood, J. V., Marshall, M. A., & Brown, J. D. (2002). Do people with
low self-esteem really want to feel better? Self-esteem differences in motivation to
repair negative moods. Journal of personality and social psychology, 82, 128.

■ Judger / Learner mindset chart:

■ Video - Marilee Adams explains the Judger mindset: https://www.youtube.com/

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Befriending Your Inner Critic

Preparation

Individuals should be in a quiet space with time to reflect. They should be well-rested and not hungry, angry,
tired, or feeling lonely or otherwise distressed. Individuals should complete this activity when they are in a
quiet, positive, contemplative, and curious state of mind.

Instructions

Consider times when you have been in a “Judger” mindset. These are times when your thinking has been
closed and damaging. Perhaps you have been highly inflexible and blamed yourself and/or others for the
horrible situation in which you found yourself. You may have wondered what was wrong with you and wrong
with other people. Your mind was filled with criticism.

Write down - what was your inner voice telling you about yourself, others, and the situation?

Now, write down what the risks were for you. What was the risk to yourself if the worst thing happened?
Were these risks physical? Psychological? Risks to your status? Risks to your self-image? What could have
gone wrong for you, even if the likelihood was small? What were you most worried about?

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What were the risks to other people? If things went wrong in this difficult situation, what would have been
the potential problems for others, even if the likelihood was small? What were you most worried about?

Finally, what were the risks to the situation if the worst thing happened? Could it have been detrimental to
your relationships? Could it have caused problems for other people who weren’t even present? Might there
have been safety concerns? What were you worried about?

Look back at the risks that you wrote. How did your Judger mindset try to keep you safe, considering the
risks that were possible?

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Now, considering all that you have realized, write a letter of gratitude to your Judger. Start with “Dear
Judger,” or whatever name you wish to give to your inner Judger mindset. Acknowledge that its job is to keep
you safe and that you recognize how loud it must be to get your attention. Acknowledge that your Judger is
part of you and cares about you deeply. Then, let your Judger know (in the letter) that you will listen carefully
to the information that the Judger has to share and consider it as you move forward, which does not always
mean immediate and instant obedience. While your Judger has ideas, you do not have to instinctively follow
what it says, and you may sometimes choose another path forward while still staying safe as your Judger
wishes.

Thank your Judger for being there for you and give your Judger a mental hug.

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