Mindfulness and Setting Boundaries

MINDFULNESS
And
SETTING
BOUNDARIES
A Practical & Comprehensive
Guide of How to Use the Ruler
and Compass Within
Contents
INTRODUCTION ..................................................................... 4
CHAPTER 1 THE NATURAL SHAPES ........................................ 7
Ramifications of the Natural Shapes ............................................ 9
CHAPTER 2 THE COMPASS & MINDFULNESS ........................ 23
Meditation Instruction ............................................................. 25
Types of Thought.................................................................... 26
Non-Duality & Getting Rid of the Anchor .................................... 29
Spiritual Teacher List .............................................................. 32
CHAPTER 3 THE RULER & LINE DRAWING ........................... 34
Leaving ................................................................................. 37
Declining Requests ................................................................. 40
Addressing Controlling Behaviour ............................................. 41
Addressing Inappropriate Behaviour ......................................... 43
Disagreeing ........................................................................... 45
Positive Moves ....................................................................... 47
The Tyrant ............................................................................. 49
CHAPTER 4 THE PROCESS OF LINE DRAWING...................... 55
Awareness of Being Slighted .................................................... 57
Measuring Whether to Draw the Line or Not ............................... 58
Opening Statements and Non-Violent Communication ................. 61
Timing .................................................................................. 64
Mindfulness of Projections ....................................................... 66
Awareness of Bodily Sensations ................................................ 69
Breathwork ............................................................................ 73
Leaping! ................................................................................ 74
Anticipating Spasms ............................................................... 75
Forgiveness ........................................................................... 77
Switching Poles and Refining Understanding .............................. 79
Finding Compromise ............................................................... 83
Maintaining Boundaries ........................................................... 85
Success, Benefits and Growth of Line Drawing ........................... 86
CONSIDERATIONS ............................................................... 90
Compassion for self ................................................................ 90
Starting where we are ............................................................. 91
Guilt ..................................................................................... 92
Trolling ................................................................................. 93
Snapshots ............................................................................. 94
Difficulties ............................................................................. 95
‘Biting your tongue’ ................................................................ 96
Intoxicants ............................................................................ 97
Technology ............................................................................ 98
Women ............................................................................... 100
Grey-Rocking ....................................................................... 101
Violence .............................................................................. 102
COACHING AND CONTACT ................................................. 103
Introduction
This guide is about Embodiment - Getting Here. Using the sacred tools of the
Ruler and Compass, you will learn to navigate your inner world so that you can
navigate life in all its higher potentialities. This is spirituality that will work at the
deepest of levels to deliver you the keys to unlocking your own self-mastery. It
will give you wisdom that has long been forgotten about in the modern world.
Not only will your life and world be changed for the better because of it, you will
discover life’s deepest mysteries, a journey of epic proportions and have a whole
lot of fun along the way. As we move into a world of uncertainty, wouldn’t it be
nice to find our own certainty? To be a beacon of light to others and to get them
to discover their own light within themselves too? To become an unstoppable,
unshakeable force in our own life so that our life-story is authorized?
Many people subscribe to the philosophy that “We are all One”. This is true if we
look another in the eye and see that the same place they gaze out of is the same
we do. However, this is only one perspective. It is only one type of Oneness –
our unity. What is the other type of Oneness? It is “No we are not all One – I am
the One!”. My purpose, my rights, my direction, my thoughts and feelings, they
don’t need to be the same as anyone else’s. We can see the limitations of both –
the first type gives us unity with others but lacks sensitivity to our own needs
and other type gives us sovereignty but can be perceived as selfish. Some people
don’t know about either. We will discover how to reveal both polarities during the
course of this guide by using the Compass – that which navigates, and the Ruler
– that which draws the measured value and draws the line.
All life on this planet emits an electromagnetic field based on its unique
energetic makeup. Mindfulness increases the capacity to be sensitive to the
makeup of yourself as well as others. You may have had the experience of walking
into a room with a group of people and were able to sense the atmosphere
immediately without any interaction. In joyful situations people’s energies are
flowing, merging and interacting in a harmonious way. In tense or negative
situations, you can cut the atmosphere with a knife even if it isn’t obvious by
their body language.
4
With the practice of mindfulness, getting oneself ‘out the way’, the bandwidth for
sensitivity to feel the electromagnetism in others is enhanced. This is because
the boundaries of the limited, individual self are being dissolved and are replaced
with being able to feel nuances of what is going on for other people based on how
their electromagnetic field is interacting with ours. This is why mindfulness will
help develop the Compass – it can make accurate readings about what is going
on by eliminating the false readings. If for example you wish to influence the
outcome of a situation, mindfulness will allow spaciousness in that moment to be
able to diffuse your own judgments about yourself and others so you’re able to
respond in a unique way compared to how you usually would. However, what
happens when we’ve received the readings on our Compass that something needs
to change? That’s where the Ruler comes in. The Ruler measures value and draws
the line - the one in charge of your State. The one that says “No more, I’ve had
enough”.
When people think of boundaries, they believe that saying “No” is being mean.
This isn’t the case at all! We can say this “No” lovingly because when we say it at
particular moments, it actually improves relationships, not hinder them. By
valuing how we spend our time, how we think and feel about things, how we will
let ourselves and others around us be treated, we are actually letting it be known
how we truly feel so that we can avoid resentment which always leads to
disconnection. So in the same way, a “Yes” has the potential to be a mean act -
when really we mean “No”!
The guide is designed so that you can navigate from where you at, and how you
are relating to others in your life, as they are, right now. It is a pragmatic guide
and you can begin implementing the concepts outlined here immediately.
Because of this, you can let situations spontaneously appear in your life; you
don’t have to go out of your way to look for them. As they naturally arise, you
can trust that because you’ve read this guide, a situation where you could express
yourself may come into your awareness when beforehand you may have stifled.
If you are the type of person that is curious about going looking for lines to draw
to get an instant sense of them instead of a more slower and natural unfolding,
you can try and actively look for these situations too. This guide will help you
come to recognize your own inherent power as you do and say things you never
thought you could do or say before!
5
Although this guide is about personal assertiveness and everything that comes
along with that, toxic forms of so-called ‘assertiveness’ such as artificially
pumping our own egoic perception of ourselves is not what this guide is about.
“Speaking one’s truth” whatever the cost is not what this guide is about. Being
lost in blind-rage when expressing oneself is not what this guide is about. These
behaviours that reek of self-righteousness can inhibit the natural growth and
benefits of connection that this guide can bring.
Curious? Let’s get this adventure started!
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
Chapter 1
The Natural
Shapes
We were taught that the natural shapes were the triangle, circle and square
as part of our primary education. These are not the natural shapes. A natural
shape is defined as a shape that cannot be reduced further to another one. They
are found all over the natural world in fauna, flora and geological formations. The
triangle, circle and square do not possess these characteristics: they are therefore
not natural shapes. Because our society only teaches these shapes in primary
education, they act as the leaning Tower of Pisa does in that the foundation in
everything we build above with them is askew.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
The Natural shapes are: the circle (with a point in the middle and/or concentric
rings), the line and the spiral.
What is the difference between the circle and the circle with the point in the
middle?
The circle with the point in the middle has a point of reference. Without a point
of reference, we wouldn’t know where in the circle to aim for! The circle without
the point in the middle is completely missing the point.
What is the difference between the square, circle and triangle, and the line and
spiral?
The line and the spiral always end up in a different position from where they
started.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
Ramifications of the Natural Shapes

In the same way that these shapes are manifested physically in the natural
world, they can also apply by improving how we relate to ourselves and one
another because they also apply to our mind, emotions and energies. This guide
aims to repair our understanding and application of these shapes in our own lives.
By having awareness of what the natural shapes are, we are upgrading the
framework in which we see ourselves and others. Instead of being an upgrade to
the software of our mind, changing how we see the natural shapes provides a
machine-code upgrade. This machine-code upgrade works at the underlying level
of how the mind processes data and how we relate is changed in such a manner
that it wouldn’t be accessible any other way. When the natural shapes of the line
and circle are working together in harmony, they cannot help but make a spiral
dynamic in our lives.
The fractal nature of these natural shapes are so basic that they can be applied
to our lives in any given moment, simply by being aware of how they work.
Would you like your life to end up in a different position from where it started?
Then the consistent application of the line energy in your life will take you
somewhere different! Where will it take you? That is unique for everyone, so I
cannot say what that will be for you. But what I can say for sure is that it will
take you to somewhere that is aligned and optimal. Life’s intelligence knows
where you should be and what you should be doing, and it is with the work in
this guide that you’ll be able to discover that. To end up somewhere different
from where you started could mean many things and any or all of them could be
true: a new purpose, a new job, an upgrade to a current job, a new living space,
a new partner, a new way of relating to a current partner, a new hobby, new
friends, an improved confidence, a sharper conversational mind, an improved
character… the list goes on.
Do you feel overwhelmed by too many exterior influences determining how you
should live your life? Then the consistent consolidation of the circle energy
(through mindfulness) to simplify and connect yourself to the here and now will
bring relief you may have never thought possible.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
How are we able to change this society we live in so we are in harmony with
ourselves and each other? There are so many complex forces going on in the
world that it may seem that just one individual is limited in scope to be able to
do anything meaningful in the grand scheme of things. However, everything we
do ripples out to the farthest distances of our planet, even though we may not
be able to perceive it. Don’t think you’re able to change the world in any way?
Using the natural shapes, rest assured that you’ll be able to ‘shape’ your life and
therefore society in the most optimal way. You may start to have a great effect
on others as people can now see and feel the embodied version of yourself. You
may see their behaviour and attitudes towards you change for the better.
Even if you feel your contribution towards others and the greater society are
negligible at the moment, this guide will aim to build the foundation in which you
can start to tangibly feel your own level of personal power increase to where you
start to become aware of the field of your influence.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
The Circle
The circle is the feminine shape and it functions to include and connect. Love,
compassion, patience, kindness, sensitivity, mindfulness and perception are all
qualities of this shape. Its defining word: ‘Yes’.
The importance of the circle isn’t necessarily the line bounding it to create the
shape; it’s the area contained inside. The circle isn’t empty – it’s full of everything
included in it. Everything inside is magnetically drawn to the centre point. Without
any central point in which everything is connected to, there would be no point of
reference and thus no interconnectivity. The central point is the frame of
reference for where the shape of the circle should be drawn. The circle always
ends up at the same place to where it started. It is about Being – rooted in our
bodies with conscious awareness of the present moment. Wherever we find
ourselves in the world, we can always refer back to our Beingness – feeling
connected to everyone and everything in our present environment just as they
are.
The tool that represents the circle is the Compass. It reads the magnetic fields
we receive in the present moment to determine which direction we’d like to go
in.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
We use the practice of mindfulness to fine-tune the Compass so that its sensitivity
can give us accurate readings about what intentions we wish to pursue.
‘Compassion’ comes from the word Compass – everything can be accepted about
a situation (as much as possible) because there’s no point in arguing with What
Is, as far as the Compass is concerned.
Examples of Circles in nature: cells, eggs, atoms, planets, stars, planetary orbits
around stars, eyes, heads, belly buttons, hips, breasts, acorns, fruit, fungus,
ripples on water, flowers, spider webs.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
The Line
The line is the masculine shape and it functions as a boundary. It has no area,
and therefore has no room for inclusion. The other quality it has is that it starts
at point A and finishes at point B and therefore always ends up in a different place
from where it started. In us, it is about expression of the dissatisfaction of a
situation so that we are either able to change it or move away from it. It can be
likened to an electrical discharge - a lightning bolt of short, sharp power. Its
defining word: ‘No’.
The tool we use to express ourselves when choosing a direction to go in is the
Ruler. The Ruler has two functions – it measures value and draws the line. The
Ruler gets all of its information from the Compass within by considering all of the
coordinates and potentials of a given situation, and then decides to draw the line,
or not. The natural order is therefore that the Compass comes first, and the Ruler
second.
The function of the line is that it discerns and discriminates in a healthy way.
Take the examples of a road – its function is clearly defined that people should
be using one half of it, separated by lines in the middle so people don’t crash and
can safely reach their destination. Its other function is that is creates efficiency
by creating a route to get to a destination in the quickest way possible. It is when
we’ve had enough of ‘Being’ and accepting a situation and then decide to move
to change it. It creates spaciousness and room for growth as it serves to protect
what has been sensed on the Compass. Without the energy of the line, there
would be too much overlap and a sense of dissatisfaction as other fields seem to
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
be ‘in our territory’. In the same way that a tree can grow up to its heights by
the power of the line, drawing effective lines in your life will allow you to reach
up to your own heights.
Communicating effectively with people about issues you have with them is the
goal. Issues that may have been pent up for perhaps as long as years will finally
be given the permission to be expressed. Discernment between ‘what is me’ and
‘what is you’ will clearly be defined. Before a line has been drawn, there is no
boundary to our electromagnetic field, so anyone with a strong field would’ve
pulled our awareness into what they’re experiencing – the good, the bad and the
ugly. When we start drawing lines, we exclude the negative aspects of a person’s
character and they then no longer pull our center of awareness out of ourselves.
We are still aware of their field, but no longer see ourselves strongly through their
lenses of perception and/or can handle it so it isn’t overwhelming.
A good example is a cell in the body – it has a cell membrane which excludes
pathogenic invaders to keep the cell healthy. This membrane is likened in us in
that it allows for space to be claimed so that we now have our own territory and
so the toxic elements of an individual no longer influence us whilst being around
them. The positive aspects of a person are like the nutrients that would be used
as the building blocks for the cell. This is the side of them that we’d like to interact
with and gain value from, whether that be friendship, connection, business
opportunities, intimacy etc. If we don’t draw lines, we end up throwing the ‘baby
out with the bathwater’ and end up with judgements about the negative aspects
of others instead of exploring their positive side. The natural order of the body
also exemplifies the line energy as it is split up into different organs that have
different functions, but come together to create one whole entity. It differentiates
the organs so they can squish up against each other but never merge with one
another. It is only with the different channels of the nervous system and blood
network that they communicate with each other without breaking down into a
dysfunctional mess.
Examples of lines in nature: tree trunks and branches, the structure of leaves,
plant stems, grass, sand dunes, cliff edges, rock formations, backbones, limbs,
spider webs, honey combs, thorns, fins, teeth, shells, patterns on animals, tails,
male sexual characteristics.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
The Spiral
The spiral is the shape that results when the line and circle are working
together in harmony: it includes some aspects of people and situations, and
excludes others. It is nature's choice above all forms. It is a progressive and
structured shape which is the key to preserving process and integrity. When
expanding, it is always the embodiment of “Just enough and no more” – not too
easy, not too difficult. Spiral dynamics are what we aim to achieve in this course
where we feel both connected to everything and everyone, whilst still having
expansive growth and direction. Lastly, it is of course one of the most beautiful
shapes – something deep within us recognizes that it is a fundamental pattern of
nature. The spiral shape is also manifested in nature as the Fibonacci sequence
or the Golden Ratio when we see lines that follow on from each other from the
measurements of 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13 etc.
Examples of Spirals in nature: galaxies, tornadoes, whirlpools, snails, shells,
horns, unfurling plants, flower petals, fossils, fingerprints, proportions of animals
and insects, tails, pine cones, coiled worms, vegetables e.g. cauliflowers.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
18
THE NATURAL SHAPES
The Power Switch
The power switch symbol is the penetration of the line into the circle. This
symbol is found all throughout our culture as the power switch – that which turns
things on and off. If you find that you need more ‘power’ in your life, rest assured,
sustained application of the line and circle is how to do it!
Men and women have different levels of masculine and feminine potentials within
them. By no means just because you are a man would you just have only the
masculine potential within you and if you’re a women, the feminine potential. We
are all on a spectrum and the level to which we are one or the other may vary,
sometimes greatly, between individuals. If you are strongly identified with one or
the other, through the work in this guide, you will realize you own capacities in
the opposite potential and will find your own balance. Some of you may find
greater interest in the mindfulness aspects talked about in this guide, whilst
others will find line drawing more conducive to your life situation. A common
mistake is seeing one expression as superior compared to the other – No, that
position is only reserved for the two genders working together to create that
beautiful spiral dynamic.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
The line and circle appear in our numerical system and alphabets as 0, O, 1 and
I. This is why when we say “Oh”, it is the sound we make when we realize or
accept something. When we say “I want…” then that is the line drawer within us.
The 0 and 1 are also behind the code of all our computers as the binary system
- on and off.
You may have noticed that there are two meanings for the word Ruler; one being
the piece of plastic we measure things and draw straight lines with, and the Ruler
of a state. The two are inextricably linked – the Ruler of a state is only the Ruler
because they are the ones who measure and draw lines in that state.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
State Creation
This work is for the purpose of State creation, that is, the creation of a territory
that you can take charge of. This is exemplified as countries or territories are
called ‘states’, where there is a central organized government. However, what we
see playing out is that these states have got too big so that they ignore
everybody’s individual states and instead collectivize everybody as a member of
their super-state, whether that be governmental, societal or cultural. Many
people these days no longer seem to know who they are, what they are doing or
why they are doing it, or if they do seem to know, it is under false pretenses.
Drawing a healthy line about what you will or won’t accept any more so that with
each line you draw, your reality will become more and more becomes an
expression of what you will and won’t accept. With each line that’s drawn, we
come closer and closer to revealing our own State, so that the centre point and
thus the ‘point’ of our lives revealed to us.
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THE NATURAL SHAPES
As shown in the image here, the circle is semi-permeable. The open parts are
where we allow the positive things to enter our state, to help nourish us. The
line parts are the things negative things that we have barred from entering our
state. We have to draw our lines – line by line, point by point, until we have
demonstrated as to what we will determine what we will allow and now allow in
our personal state.
When using the tools of the Ruler and Compass, we are dealing with magic. We
are aligning ourselves with the native state of the world and its long-forgotten
power to bring forth exquisite alignment that we never thought possible. Whether
it’s you dreaming-big and having all of what you wanted come true, or if its life
showing you a great adventure that you’d never before anticipated, these tools
of magic that create that wonderful Spiral dynamic will feel as if life is worth living
again if you feel that life had lost its spark. This is about State-creation, about
having things come to you at just the right time, whether that be money,
opportunities or experiences designed just for you. Be careful with who you share
this with though, because this alignment is for you only!
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MINDFULNESS
Some people reading this may already have mindfulness experience more than
others, especially because of its growth in popularity in western culture over the
last decade. Whatever your experience with mindfulness is, its application can
produce long-term well-being more than any other modality I know of.
Mindfulness is a lifelong process and effectively never ends. Patience and
consistency are the most important factors in creating permanent, lasting change
in how you perceive the world.
Mindfulness is bringing our attention to the present moment, with a non-
judgemental attitude towards the thoughts and feelings going through our mind
at any given moment. With mindfulness, thought patterns and emotions can be
seen for what they are – constructions of our own making that have no basis in
the present moment: old conditioning. With practice, we can get to the point
where our minds are completely still from moment to moment and when we do
have thoughts, they are useful, necessary and pragmatic for orienting ourselves.
This is why it is associated with the Compass – all of wrong coordinates are being
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THE COMPASS & MINDFULNESS
deleted and the correct direction for us is revealed as it is the one that is found
in the feelings of the body instead of the disembodied mind.
Most of our thoughts can be self-referential and negative and so serve to trap us
in conditioning. These thoughts can negatively impact our self-esteem and
emotional states. Being able to witness these thoughts and emotions from a non-
judgmental standpoint empowers us because it makes us realize the content of
our mind has no basis in reality ‘as it is’. When we only pay attention to our
experience in the present moment, our sense of Being is empowered. Our whole
perception of life can shift in its direction in massive ways when we practice
diligently.
The benefits of practicing mindfulness are:

 A sense of ease and peace in the world moment by moment
 Things that usually seem dull instead seem more interesting
 A developed resilience to handle difficult situations, remaining calm and
collected as a baseline
 A reduction in depression and anxiety symptoms
 An increased understanding and compassion of other’s perspectives
 Increased compassion and care for oneself and the situations we find
ourselves in
 Increased energy and burnout recovery
If we were to give an analogy for what mindfulness does for us, it it like cleaning
the hard drive of our computers by deleting all the old memory that is clogging
up our systems and making them slow. This is why it is so vital when it comes to
line drawing – if there isn’t enough space on our hard drives, we wouldn’t have
the capacity to perform the complex task of weighing up so many factors that
need to be considered or the motivation to execute.
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Meditation Instruction
Sit in a comfortable position with your eyes closed.
Pay attention to the sensation of the breath (the ‘anchor’) entering and leaving
at the nostril area.
Distracting thoughts will inevitably arise.
Do not ‘accept’ or ‘reject’ any thought – that’s just another thought or feeling
about it.
When you’ve noticed the thought, return to the sensation of the breath.
Continue this process for as long as you can or for as long as you have time to.
Any thought that comes we can immediately recognize as a sort of hypnosis that
distracts us. The power of concentration is built each time we realize we have
been hypnotized and return to the object of concentration. In this practice we are
not trying to ‘stop thoughts’, we are allowing thoughts to arise naturally and to
return gently back to the breath.
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Types of Thought
The egoic mind loves to attack itself. It creates a split where it believes there are
two people in the mind – ‘you’ and the commentator about ‘you’. For example,
you could do something embarrassing and the egoic mind will come in and say
“you’re so stupid, why did you do that?”. What is this voice and why does this
split exist? There are many ways in which the egoic mind does this that may
sometimes be very subtle. It is the goal in meditation to root-out these splits so
they can be ‘caught’ with your awareness. When the thought has been caught
repetitively, it will become weaker and weaker until it dissolves entirely. The
nature of these thoughts is that they will seem like the most important things in
the world and that they have absolutely have to be thought about! Be careful that
you don’t fall in to this enticement in your practice.
At the beginning and even up to the advanced stages of practice, it can feel as if
your mind is “all over the shop” – meaning it can seen to be switching from one
unrelated thought to another at a rapid pace. This is completely natural, so
remember that it is OK to feel overwhelmed in your first few attempts in
meditating. In fact, it is very normal for advanced practitioners too, it’s just that
they’re more likely to not let any thoughts slip through the net of awareness.
I have compiled a list of some of these common ways the mind tries to split itself;
it is by no means exhaustive:
 “Am I meditating correctly?”/”I’m confused”/”I’m overwhelmed”
 Tasks or ideas for the future
 Memories of the past
 Piecing together timelines of the past
 Conversations with people in your head
 Neutral or random thoughts e.g. “Which finger fits best in my nostril?”
 Thoughts associated with emotions such as worthlessness, inability,
frustration, guilt, grief, jealousy, anger, rejection etc.
 Self-improvement thoughts
 Improvements you could make for others/society
 Obsessive thoughts e.g. to do with cleanliness, food, appearance etc.
 Anxiety about life direction
 ‘Meta’ questions about the nature of reality and self
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 Worries about other’s perceptions of you

 Worries about addictions
 Worries about relationships
 Worries about finances
 Worries about health
 Worries about line drawing
Depending on you as an individual, some of these thoughts will have more power
than others. I have deliberately left out positive thoughts and emotions because
I don’t feel that they are particularly common as a human being e.g. “thoughts
about how great my life is” or “feelings of love towards humanity”. I may be
wrong and these may take up a large portion of your thoughts of course!
However, in meditation all positive thoughts are also to be disregarded as another
distraction even though they have the virtue of being positive. Also you may have
subtle phenomena arise such as interactions of your nervous system with your
thoughts, subtle ways of perceiving yourself and your location/nature or different
types of experience that can’t really be put in to words. This may become
increasingly common as you progress along your mindfulness journey. They are
not to be attached to, however, and due diligence is required in disregarding them
in the same nature that you would disregard distracting thoughts. Some thoughts
you may not recognize until after the thought has completed. A common way to
measure progress is to notice that you start to notice the thoughts and ‘cut
through’ them quicker than you did before – even during mid thought.
As you continue along the path of meditation, you’ll start to realize that thoughts
are connected to deeper, more subtle thoughts and feelings. In this way, it is like
gradually peeling the layers of an onion as you start to realize their
interconnectivity. Deeper and deeper insights will come as you realize you’ve
been telling yourself narratives that have been taken for granted for a long time.
You may discover that some thoughts or emotions may seem overwhelming or
disturbing. If they are too intense, it is OK to remove yourself from meditation
for that day and try again another day. If you have the tenacity to approach them
without reactivity, you will find that over time they will subdue in intensity,
frequency and duration until they subside completely. You may not even notice
that they have disappeared, as you just forget all about them.
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Essentially mindfulness is the ability to look at one’s own shadow. The shadow is
the part of ourselves that is unconscious and acts as a filter that we view the
world and relationships by. If you aren’t full of love, light and compassion when
interacting with everyone and everything, you can be sure to have a shadow or
some sort (that means nearly all of us!). As your mindfulness journey develops,
once you’ve become a detached witness to your thoughts, underlying emotions
that have been held in will surface. This can be expressed as crying, shouting,
flinching, rapid and shallow breathing, laughing or contorted body postures. It is
best to express these as they surface, and to know that deep healing is being
done to lighten the burden you’ve been carrying for so long. Often this is the
cause of addictions too – if you have an overwhelming addictive craving, find a
place to meditate, and when enquiring on the cravings-thoughts, allow any
emotion that wants to surface (usually anger or crying) to be expressed. Also we
can find ourselves absolutely ‘demolishing’ people in our head, because it feels
good at the time and it bolsters our sense of self. Recognizing when we do this is
the necessary shadow work that needs to be done because the emotion
underneath is the cause for this extreme way of judging and shunning other
people.
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Non-Duality & Getting Rid of the Anchor

Non-duality is an absolutist perspective. It states that there is an absence of a
fixed, permanent self and that ‘emptiness’ is the true nature of existence. The
empty space from which a Being is perceiving has no graspable content either
within ourselves or in the outer world because content appears within the
emptiness. It can therefore be deduced that self and the world are not
separate. The illusory, or egoic self, is the imagined entity that appears within a
Being and holds onto to an internal narrative that I am a body-mind complex
that is separate from the world.
In nondual philosophy the appearance of needing to go anywhere or do
anything is an illusion because the story of your life is irrelevant and will
inevitably happen anyway without any effort on your part. All accomplishments
and growth will only appear in the Now and the meaning of them will be empty
because the ultimate goal of life is already completed in the Now. In this way,
the absolute path provides the ‘quickest’ path to freedom because there is no
distance and no time needed to realize it. From this view, the relativistic path
becomes obsolete and we realize that eyes-closed meditation practice can yield
no greater fruits than you already have eating a meal, walking in the park or
doing daily chores.
Not only can the breath be used as an anchor; we can use various objects of
attention. The sounds we hear, body scanning or various places along the spine,
a mantra or a specific external object such as a candle flame can all be used.
When you’ve had enough experience with concentrating on an anchor, you may
want to consider getting rid of the anchor to move in to pure awareness. If you
have little to no experience with mindfulness, I would strongly recommend
starting off with the anchor point and getting a dexterity with that first before
moving on to getting rid of it.
It is helpful here to look at identity. When considering what pure awareness is,
we are no longer a fixed human body-mind construct passing through time and
space, but of a non-solid, light and unobservable stillness that has no specific
location within the body. It is awake and alert consciousness and is effortlessly
so. Another word for this new type of identification is simply being a witness. A
witness is able to observe phenomena but never, ever be caught up in it.
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The term ‘witness’ also has to be dropped though, as even that is a subtle form
of identification with the body-mind which creates dual split between an
observer and that which is being observed. When this anchor is disposed of,
concentration is no longer needed. Subtle and confusing thoughts that may be
bombarding can be what makes getting rid of the anchor so difficult. However,
the reason why it can be perceived as difficult is because that that is the mind
judging the process: meditating is actually all about resting in the simplicity and
effortless nature of Being! It is working with this paradox of navigating
bombarding thoughts being difficult and the simplicity and ease of them
appearing in pure awareness that we have to learn to manage. At the outset, a
thorough understanding of what this pure awareness is most beneficial because
it is only the understanding of being free already that will eliminate the need for
staying with the point of concentration.
The present moment isn’t the goal, as is commonly believed. To concentrate on
the present moment, although useful in beginner stages for recognizing when
we’re lost in a bombardment of mental constructs, is actually a form of straining
which by its very nature is illusory because it is creating a separation between
the moment and the person that needs to concentrate on that moment.
One of the drawbacks of non-duality is that it has the assumption that sitting
down and meditating isn’t needed because there is already perfection before
meditation has even started. However, in meditation (and especially in long
periods of meditation) we can really develop the fortitude to break through the
barriers of limitation so that we can experience real deep, long-lasting change.
Mind will protest a lot and have a deep sense of exhaustion and wanting to give
up but the skilful means is to recognize this defiant energy is just another
appearance that can be seen and noted in awareness. Each time it is seen as
illusory, the less it will appear in meditation and the easier it will be to continue
into longer meditation sessions without this resistance.
A way to reconcile these two conflicting ideologies is to go about your day
mindfully as usual, but to actively search for space in the day where you’re free
with nothing to do. If the intention to meditate appears in your mind, enquire
on whether that is a true desire and you find your body moving towards your
meditation seat or not. If the intention is seen and released in the space of
awareness and you still see yourself being drawn to sit down, then it might be
30
best to go fully with that intention. If there is resistance to meditate but you
also have a feeling it would be good to examine this resistance, this is also an
indication that is probably a good idea to do so. The nuances of how and how
regularly you choose to meditate is up to you. If in doubt – practice, practice,
practice!
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Spiritual Teacher List

Fortunately, we live in an age where we can open our laptop or phone at any time
and read texts or watch videos made by anyone in the world. On YouTube, there
is a wealth of teachings on the topic of spirituality, which has attracted a lot of
attention over the last decade or so. If you are new to these topics, I won’t expect
you to gain a full grasp of what I’m talking about by just reading the above
paragraphs! The teachers listed here have all learned a knack of how to present
these teachings in a public-speaking format and I find that videos can give a
richer experience in communicating these topics.
These teachers all have differences in how they teach, and some of their unique
styles may be more resonant for you than others. It is best to spend some time
watching these videos, as often it can take a lot of time for the understanding to
marinate. They are introductional ones that can help anyone get started in their
journey, and of course you can navigate on to other more specific topics in the
search bar. Some are more relativistic in their approach such as Shinzen Young
and Matt Kahn, whilst others are more absolute, such as Jim Newman and Tony
Parsons. I recommend watching at least a few minutes of each of the videos and
finding the teacher you enjoy listening to the most to get a feel for your own
resonance in which is most helpful for you. I’ve attempted to order the list so the
ones at the beginning have the more absolute approach, in descending order until
the bottom where the teachers take a more relativistic approach.
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Tony Parsons – Already Boundless

Jim Newman – Nothing is Going to Help You
Lisa Cairns: The Essence of Duality and Non-duality
Rupert Spira – What is The Fastest Way to Freedom or Liberation
Unmani – It’s Never That
Gangaji – The Truth is Not an Object
James Low - Dzogchen introduction. Zoom 03.2021
Adyashanti – Rest As Awareness
John Bernie – Allow the Guiding Life Force of Consciousness
Mooji - Discover the Difference Between Your Self and Your Mind
IntegralZen - The Embodying Zen Process
Eckhart Tolle -The Essence of Presence
Byron Katie – The Work: A Two Hour Intensive
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche – Meditation and Going Beyond Mindfulness – A Secular
Perspective
Shinzen Young - When Sensory Experience Loses Its “Something-ness”
Matt Kahn - The Most Important Spiritual Decision
Rama Dr. Fredrick Lenz – Psychic Development
Shunyamurti - An Obstacle on the Path is Not a Bug, But a Feature!
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THE RULER & LINE DRAWING
Chapter 3
The ruler &

Line drAwing
The way in which we draw lines can be broadly categorized in to 6 different

categories. The categories may overlap a little bit, but the thing they all have in
common is that they are expressions of the function the shape of the line has on
yourself and others. The functions of these sections are to express your wishes
for change without feelings of guilt for doing so. Each of the different types of
boundaries can either apply to how others are affecting you personally, or they
can be used to shape how things are operating in your environment or other’s
relationships. It is recommended you start with personal boundaries so you have
some practice before making the bigger and perhaps more difficult moves of
influencing your environment.
If you can imagine starting in the centre of this spiral and drawing a line outwards,
it will not be as big of a line compared to the line drawn later on when the spiral
itself is bigger. In the beginning of your journey, it is therefore best to start by a
looking for smaller lines so you can grow gradually in capacity so your system
can handle the charge of bigger lines later on. For example, tackling people of
larger status, on more pressing issues, that go against the status quo. At this
point I would like to stress that anything that you mind can imagine it will have
34
to do in the future when drawing these larger lines is not what they will be.
Remembering the concept of mindfulness, anything that we imagine or fear in
the future is imagined and to be disregarded because it is illusory. You may have
to address the person that you are imagining confronting, but not in the way that
your mind is imagining it to be. The Compass always decides the details of this
so whatever you say will be a right fit for you. Spontaneity is therefore always
the key here – addressing feelings in the body as they come in the moment are
the only valid instruments of measurement, not our disconnected and abstracted
minds.
The proximity of the relationship type will be an important consideration for
the types of lines you draw moving forward, and how strongly they will affect
your Compass. Family and intimate relationships will likely know how to ‘get
under your skin’ the most compared to friends and coworkers, although this
doesn’t necessarily always have to be true. Depending on the closeness of the
relationship, it is best to tackle issues with those people who you have a more
distant relationship with if addressing someone closer seems overwhelming at
the present time. Strangers, acquaintances, coworkers and friends will be able to
provide this opportunity so you can get some experience in line drawing under
situations with less emotional intensity.
Intimate relationships have a unique importance compared to other relationships.
They can highlight both the positive and negative aspects of ourselves as over
time each partner explores the nuances of each other’s personalities. These
aspects are highlighted because of the intensity that is explored because of such
closeness. It is thus more likely that our Compass will go haywire when our
partner has explored aspects of ourselves that we have been hiding or
misrepresenting! Drawing lines are even more critical in these haywire situations
because they will determine the future of how the relationship will function later
on. One of the key things to getting a relationship right is to not spend too much
time together all the time, but to spend time doing activities away from each
other when the time is right. This is to be balanced with healthy quality time to
be spent together so a nice balance is struck. This guide is by no means a
relationship manual as the details can get to be complex and nuanced, but you
will find that the skills in this guide can be invaluable for helping discover the
relationship between closeness and boundary.
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If you are a solitary person and have little in the way of interaction with people
in day-to-day life, that is OK too. There will always be some interaction in your
life at some point, whether that be with family, friends, coworkers or strangers.
If those interactions are very few and far between, make sure you are diligent in
those interactions to search for where you can develop the Ruler and Compass
within yourself. Alternatively, if that isn’t enough, you may need to go out and
find those interactions by putting yourself in situations where they may arise. For
example, at a place of eating or drinking, a club of some sort, an event etc. Not
to say that you should go to these places with the sole mission of looking for
dissatisfaction, but to try and go out and enjoy these places anyway and see what
comes up.
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Leaving
The first category is placed above the others because it quintessentially
encapsulates the function of line drawing the most, that being: “I’ve had enough
of this place, person, thing or situation – I’m off!” That’s not to say it is the most
important category, but it is closest in terms of function: cutting out what is no
longer desired.
When a place or situation doesn’t resonate with you, but you feel obliged to be
there, it is important to question why you are there in the first place. It may not
be practical or optimal to leave a situation completely. This can be places such as
a work meeting in which there are large ramifications for leaving are not
recommended – the goal here isn’t to get you fired from your job!
The more you practice leaving situations you don’t desire to be in, the more and
more life will become a living demonstration of what you will and won’t accept in
your life. If you are unwilling to draw the line and be honest with how you truly
feel about a situation, life will keep giving you those situations that make you feel
uncomfortable until you’ve learnt how to leave. After you’ve left, it can feel like a
huge relief as the simple solution that you didn’t give yourself permission to do
was to simply walk away in one form or another. The relief, clarity and aligned
feeling you get upon e.g. arriving back at home instead of being at a negative
place is a great feeling. In this way you can empower yourself by deciding when,
how and with who you spend your time with.
What may be more appropriate is leaving a situation temporarily so that the other
party/parties are aware of your lack of alignment with the situation. Of course
there may be the opportunity later on to rejoin, whether that be 30 seconds later
or next month, but it is important to leave, if only temporarily, if you feel
dissatisfaction with a situation and have no desire to be there any more. It
completely depends on your own situation as to what the length of time will be
before being able to rejoin. People will be able to feel your disconnection by
leaving early and so after you’ve left and then rejoined, they will notice that it is
not an ‘absolute’ line. Tactical use of line drawing in the short term may be going
to the toilet at a particular time, changing the topic of conversation, changing
who you interact with, making a remark in which you say your intentions about
leaving etc.
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One of the more common situations in which it may be appropriate to leave are
social gatherings. You may have arrived to an event, and may want to leave
earlier than the host or other people would like you to stay. You may feel bored
or excluded from the conversation, and have tried your hardest to change to a
different topic, but to no avail. There may be people that are attention-seeking,
loud and domineering, and despite trying your hardest to relate to them, they
are making little to no effort back. The opposite may also be the case – you have
tried relating but they are too quiet, putting little to no effort in and are more
interested in their phones than the person across the table from them.
You may wish to make a polite excuse e.g. you have to be home for a specific
reason. It is nearly always better to make an excuse or to leave the reason out
as to why you are leaving – you don’t want to say “I’m leaving because I’ve had
enough of talking to you guys!”. If you do decide to say something like this, be
aware that it will nearly always lead to an absolute disconnection from the group.
Depending on the dynamics, you may be able to get away with this if it’s said in
a playful or teasing way and the group takes it well. Personal measurement on
your Compass needs to explore whether you’re able to say this type of thing or
not. In the majority of cases, you will need to find an excuse to leave. If you are
someone who doesn’t like lying, then you can find an excuse that ‘bends the
truth’ or is intentionally vague e.g. “I have to be somewhere” – even if that place
is just at home! If you feel you can leave without any explanation, or don’t feel
you have to prove why you want to leave, this can be experimented with also.
Deciding not to offer your help or support to others is also another form of
‘leaving’. Some people use people’s help as a crutch so that they become reliant
on their attention and support but without changing or helping themselves in any
way. Withdrawing this support and deciding no longer to help someone is the first
step in withdrawing time away from someone else so you can focus on yourself.
This may only be necessary if your help isn’t being effective in any capacity. In
these cases, you probably know the person closer than in the examples of friends
or coworkers, and therefore can be a bit more blunt about the way you say you’re
no longer willing to help in the same capacity.
The type of support will obviously depend on your life situation, as some people
genuinely need it more than others, for example the elderly or disabled. In some
cases though it may be the case that the type of support that you are giving is
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simply too draining. Withdrawing support is more than likely going to cause upset
to both the person being supported. You may wish to make clear statements
saying what the other person has to take charge of themselves, but that you will
always be there in terms of emotional support, for example. The nuances of how
much distance you will need is entirely up to you and your situation.
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Declining Requests
If someone has invited us out to do something that we don’t want to do, we
always reserve the right to say no. Sometimes it can be difficult to say no because
you may feel that by saying it you’ll damage the relationship. This may be the
perceived case at first, but I would suggest that it wasn’t damage at all, but it’s
now relating from a healthier distance. You can always suggest reorganizing for
another time, or simply just give a polite excuse and to move the conversation
somewhere else. Declining requests are the only situations in which you should
really only give an answer immediately. Sometimes you may be able to delay it,
saying that you can answer them in a bit and that you need to think about it. All
other categories you have time for strategic deliberation of going through the
process outlined in the next chapter.
Situations may come up with significant pressure to do things that actually deep
down we don’t really want to do. It is important in these cases not to put other’s
realities above one’s own just because you are uncertain what your Compass is
telling you to act upon. Significant social pressure and expectation can be present
and so going against the flow of that by saying “No” can sometimes be
overwhelming. However, polite and skilful means being employed can be
essential in navigating where we actually want to be in life, instead of doing things
and being places that we may spend a significant portion of our lives doing – be
that a 2 minute chore or living in an environment that we spend years at! These
things could’ve all been avoided with a simple “No” at the outset. When we do
this it also signals to the other person we aren’t to be taken advantage of in the
future of the relationship.
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Addressing Controlling Behaviour

Sometimes people in positions of power unconsciously like to micromanage
those who are subordinate’s behaviour. However, this is usually not desired by
anyone because not respecting someone’s autonomy can lead to harbouring
feelings of resentment. The controlling behaviour can be well-meaning, but this
doesn’t take away from the fact that giving people their own choices and decisions
in some cases can lead to an increase in motivation, productivity, creativity and
well-being.
You may have the impression that someone is being bossy because they get a
sense of power or entitlement over it. You may feel that if you were to call it out,
that they would project in their minds that you are being awkward or
disagreeable. If for example a boss is repeatedly telling us to do things that we
already know how to do without giving any new information, then this behaviour
can be excessively controlling if done more than a few times. The primary reason
people may be in fear about speaking up is for fear of losing their job. However
if communicated effectively, this doesn’t have to be the case at all. Another
example is the case of a controlling partner who expects you to do all the house
chores and/or earn all the money with little to nothing in return. Again, fears of
confrontation can arise which could lead to arguments that may diminish or
destroy the relationship.
Often times we can passive-aggressively address the controlling person without
addressing the root issue. This would be for example getting visibly frustrated or
saying that you’ll do it later and not at the time when asked etc. This can make
the person who’s instructing feel as if their point is not being heard and wondering
why there is passive aggressive behaviour, leading to mutual frustration and
disconnection. Instead, addressing the problem directly will more than likely
change their behaviour so they respect your autonomy or you’re able to find
compromise or understanding.
It is important that during your discussion you understand their expectations,
whilst also stating what you can be left alone to take charge of yourself. It is also
important to communicate that you understand their role as delegator, and that
helpful suggestions and task setting are fine, but to be left to your own devices
when carrying out your normal duties.
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It is also important to use the Compass to determine whether we’re just

sulking or not! Sometimes we know we are a subordinate and/or need to perform
a particular task because either we’re closest in proximity to the task at hand, it’s
our turn to do something, it’s our job description, or for any other reason. It is
therefore important to use mindfulness to determine whether it’s our role to do
something or not, and to disarm any defensiveness or hostile thoughts we have
about the other person to the best of our ability. This can be particularly difficult
if the you have a past history of being triggered by somebody or they are
patronizing, for example; it’s then in the best course of action to do the task now
and perhaps address whatever issues you have with them at a later time.
Some examples of controlling behaviour: excessively micromanaging, playing
petty games, status play, talking over you, assuming you’ll do something extra,
selfishness, giving demands to ‘hurry up’.
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Addressing Inappropriate Behaviour

A lot of the time we can come across people who can be rude, condescending or
behaving inappropriately. It may feel like we have no power to influence their
behaviour and it may feel like we have to ‘put up’ with how they are. However, it
is important to address how either we feel, or point out how they may be making
others feel.
This is the main category in which we must consider the boundaries of everyone
in our environment as well as our own – their behaviour may be impacting the
harmonious dynamics of a group situation. It is your job as the line-drawer to
point out these effects so hopefully their behaviour is seen in themselves. This
may at first seem arrogant on your part for doing this, but it is often the case
that they were not aware of what they are doing and the only way to change in
the situation is to address it head-on. However, just because you are pointing out
an inappropriate aspect of their behaviour, doesn’t mean you are ‘superior’ to
them in any way. Please see the section on ‘mindfulness of projections’ in the
next section for more information.
What you deem as ‘inappropriate behaviour’ may not be the same as what they
deem inappropriate, so expect this possibility of disagreement in your interaction.
It is your job to express that you understand that you both see things differently
if this is the case. As with all line drawing, I’d like to limit my input into what I
would deem ‘appropriate’ vs ‘inappropriate’. This guide is to build confidence in
your own Compass as to what is necessary to address, not mine. Having said
that, I realize that it can be difficult to know whether someone’s behaviour is
inappropriate or not. For this reason, I will give a few broad examples that may
trigger a bodily response from you:
 Is someone making an inappropriate noise or gesture during a meeting?
 Is someone being unnecessarily domineering, taking the lead role all the
time and not giving a chance for others to take that role?
 Is someone being rude, swearing and belittling people inappropriately?
 Is someone making crude jokes around you or others who wouldn’t
appreciate it?
 Is someone make their passive aggression towards you obvious?
 Is someone encroaching on your physical space?
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 Is someone making inappropriate flirtatious advances?

Your voice has the power to change behaviours such as these.
When addressing inappropriate behaviour, it is important to practice Non-Violent
Communication (NVC). For example, it will more often than not heavily backfire
if you open with accusation e.g. “you are being rude”. NVC should be practiced
by always bringing the feeling back to your own experience “I feel…xxx… when
you do this”. Please see the section on ‘Non-Violent Communication’ below for
more information.
Some more examples of inappropriate behaviour are: bullying, hurtful ‘banter’,
protecting those more vulnerable, rudeness, disrespect, monetary disputes,
misrepresenting your value, playing music too loud publicly, unhappiness with a
product you’ve paid good money for, degenerate behaviour.
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Disagreeing
It seems that everybody these days has an opinion on something. Whether that
opinion is righteous and factual or not depends on the topic at hand, but usually
they have been formulated because having an opinion feels safer than the fact
that they probably do not know a topic in its entirety and are unwilling to see
both sides of an issue. It feels comfortable to have a false sense of security rather
than staying in the unknown.
Even if we were to have more information on a subject than someone else, if
appropriate timing of disclosure of this information is not considered, bombarding
them with your opinion when they aren’t open enough may ramp up
defensiveness or they may shut down completely. Having said that, it needs to
be carefully measured by your Compass whether your opposing opinion should
be expressed at all. Some people will have such a closed mind that saying
anything will be not be of any benefit and will lead to a pointless argument.
Disagreeing doesn’t always have to be about opinions on theoretical issues. It
can be about disagreeing with the way something is being done in your
environment – you may feel that person X is doing too much and person Y is
doing too little, that something could be done better or more efficiently, or
something new that might be inhibiting the smooth flow of a process. You may
need to make some points incrementally and systematically. For example, if you
have a desire that another person should be doing e.g. more chores, try only
expressing doing one chore at a time, and make sure they have an easy access
and means for doing so. Express why you feel cannot do the chore anymore and
why you desire change from them.
Sometimes in a group situation, the whole group may be of the same opinion and
so disagreeing with them may feel difficult. Disagreeing with the status-quo can
bring up fears of judgement and being outcast or looked down upon. However, if
you can see a glimour of openness in them, and you are itching to say something,
you can use your Compass to decide how to move forward next with what you
say.
The extent to which other people are open or not to your points can only ever be
measured by yourself. All factors from the environment must be considered,
including past history with the person, the sensitivity of the topic at hand,
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whether other people are listening-in, how dogmatic they are with their opinion
or how aggressive they may become if opposed. If the situation is particularly
tense it is important that space is given to the other person to allow them to
express their point after you’ve made yours. Please see the chapter below under
the title ‘switching poles and refining understanding’ for more information on this.
Some examples of disagreement scenarios: helping make the space safer/better
with how things could be better or positive suggestions, questioning the
established rules, going against the majority’s opinion, debates on contentious
issues, expressing unhappiness with a purchase, living conditions or a lack of
connection.
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Positive Moves
This category I have placed last but it is truly a case of ‘last but not least’. This
is because it is not strictly a boundary, but it has the same feeling before doing
it. Instead of drawing the line in response to other’s behaviour, we are ‘leaping’
out of our own usual boundaries we have for ourselves to try something new in
the same or similar situation where we hadn’t acted before. Have you ever wanted
to do something that is of joyful expression that may be a bit ‘out there’? You
may want to do something that makes you stand out from the crowd, breaks the
status quo and could potentially be a lot of fun! It could be something as simple
as making a joke, singing happy birthday, starting a conversation with someone
new, exploring a new topic of conversation or organising an event. The
consequences of doing this are much lower than the other categories because it
contributes to the positivity of a group.
However, there can be the difficulty of feeling judged when we do the act, so we
don’t. For example, if the act is not consistent with your usual character that
you’ve been presenting up until now, it may feel like the people around you will
be overly surprised at your act and this change of how they now perceive you
may feel uncomfortable. It’s important to realize that if we are genuinely acting
from the Compass within, that even though some people who are more
judgemental in nature may not like this change in you – we should let the cards
fall where they may! The judgements they have about you now are actually
reflections of themselves and how they’d feel doing the same thing in the situation
- by breaking your own limitations, you have brought an awareness to their own.
In some cases you may find support and new found connection now coming your
way as people realize that you have a strength of character that they didn’t realize
you possessed.
The environment you’re in can either raise or lower your frequency. Consideration
needs to be given to the fact that the people, objects and emanations in the field
on the environment all have an effect on how you will think and feel about
yourself. For example, you may have good intentions and positivity at the
beginning of the day before arriving in an environment, but after a short time
there, realize that your positivity may have diminished. This doesn’t necessarily
say anything about you, it simply may just be the environment lowering your
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frequency. A high frequency environment will help inspire and uplift you so that
positivity is maintained or you can spiral it upwards. If you are a low frequency
environment, it may feel like an uphill battle trying to raise it. Your Compass may
have had the best of intentions for ‘positive moves’ but will now feel like it can
express less, so you may need to account for this when in these environments.
If an environment is too low frequency, you may need to consider the first line –
leaving!
Some examples of positive moves: finding/rekindling playfulness, flirting, starting
a conversation with a stranger or acquaintance, joining a group, organizing
events, suggesting creative ideas, public announcements or displays, surprising
others, reconnecting with distant family members or friends.
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The Tyrant
As a model for this guide, the 3 Gunas, a concept in Hindu philosophy, will be
used as a way of classifying people and their temperaments. The nuances of each
human being are of course beyond the scope of such a simple classification.
However, this model is useful in identifying how easy or difficult mindfulness and
line drawing will be when around them. There are no absolutes - individuals will
have a mix of these three components within them in different proportions, and
these can change over time or in different situations.
Sattva – Purity, honour, harmony, compassion. People who are predominantly

sattvic are open, non-judgemental and can easily see another person’s point of
view. They are approachable, friendly, balanced and fair.
Tamas – Darkness, anger, letheragy, ego. People who are predominantly

tamasic are self-serving, unable to forgive and seek ruptures within groups.
Rajas – Energy, motion, passion. People who are predominantly rajistic are
active, energetic and productive. However, the extent to which this is a positive
or negative energy is dependent on the extent to which they are also sattvic or
tamasic.
The ‘tyrant’ is a person with a predominantly tamasic and often rajasic character
to them. These personalities will resist seeing your point at all and will
immediately revert to defensiveness because they will feel you are attacking them
as a person. This is natural human behaviour because we all have at least a little
bit of tamas in us. However the extent to which a tyrant is classified as one is
that even after skillful communication, there will still be a reluctance of
understanding and a continued sense of animosity may still be present for no
reason. Another name for these sorts of people are narcissists, although in my
definition, a tyrant has a more powerful influence on their surroundings compared
to narcissists. A fundamental difference between a predominantly sattvic and a
predominantly tamasic individual is that the sattvic individual sees his
surroundings as part of themselves, whilst the tamasic individual sees the
beginning and end of themselves at their body-mind. Tyrants and narcissists in
general can be good at line drawing, but often their Compass is askew, so the
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way they draw their lines is unfeeling and uncompassionate to those around
them, which often causes damage.
A term used commonly on the internet these days is the word ‘empath’, where
individuals are able to feel other people energetically with great sensitivity and
then become overwhelmed by them. This can give them a greater compassion
for another’s situation, which can be a great gift as they are able to perceive and
respond to others with kindness and sensitivity. However, the downside is that
this can cause a great deal of anxiety as they feel confused that if any negative
energy is sensed in another person, they think is to do with them, when it isn’t,
it’s just that they are picking up the other person’s energy and are completely
confusing it with something that they attribute from coming within themselves.
This is an issue with a lack of boundary as the mixup of ‘who I am’ and ‘who they
are’ becomes blurred. The repair for this is in drawing lines.
When line drawing has been done in some areas in your life, it can spill-over on
to interactions in other areas because of the fractal nature line drawing incurs.
The energy that gets unleashed has a permanent effect on the energy field of all
future encounters in life as the courage, confidence and integration makes a
permanent shift to change the state of a person. This can then be noticed in the
encounter with e. g. a narcissist individual as the mixup becomes less confused
and ‘who I am’ and ‘who they are’ becomes more defined. This will lessen anxiety
and perhaps allow for a greater capacity to make points in relation to the
narcissist individual too.
A common characteristic of tyrants is that they are non-stop point makers and
cannot flip back in to the feminine to receive any points you have to make. They
will keep talking and talking in a way to justify that they are correct, have already
decided that your case has no basis, and will continue and continue, giving your
very little, if any chance to respond. These people are a minority, but can be
surprisingly common. Be aware of the nature of these people and decide to act
accordingly, by giving yourself extra distance from them after the failed
interaction, or coming back to them at a later date.
The importance of a well-read Compass is necessary in situations with tyrants
because any type of accusatory speech on your part, even if slight, may cause
hostility in them which may be hard to repair afterwards. I believe it is possible
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to connect with tyrants and disarm them the majority of the time. However, a
minority cannot be reasoned with and may be sociopaths who are unable to find
compromise and instead decide to double down on their hostility. However, the
extent to which these encounters are successful depends on the skill in which you
interact with them. Often you will need to wait a few days after attempting line
drawing with them before trying to line draw again because of this doubling down
– any attempts at reengaging will just end badly. You will possibly need to feel
this tension between you both for days and then possibly try some indirect ways
of showing that you’re not hostile, for example, attempting very small amounts
of rapport to skirmish the situation.
There are many different types of strategies that people use for getting an
underhanded reaction from you, and your only way to discover whether they are
or not is to trust your own Compass. Some people can have a repressed anger
or manipulative side that they’re hiding with a ‘kind’ front. Usually when you dig
a little bit, this tamasic energy will come to the surface, revealing a part of
themselves that they’ve repressed. You may be able to tell who has this obvious
or repressed tamasic energy simply by eye contact – how do you feel when you
look this person in the eye? If you feel a sense of fear or your nervous system
starts to constrict, it’s likely that you’ll encounter difficulties with this person and
will need to tread carefully. Tamasic people usually are the way they are because
they have childhood trauma that has been repressed. It is therefore important to
recognize this when a tamasic person’s energy seems overwhelming – that they
have a bundle of knots repressed in their subconscious that make them act in the
distorted ways they do. Often when they’ve expressed anger and see you don’t
react to it, you can see the softer but vulnerable child underneath.
‘Energy Vampires’ are those people that you feel drained just from being in
proximity to. They may not even have to say anything at all and you can feel you
are being drained in some fashion. The key to detecting an energy vampire is to
simply see how your nervous system is being effect by being around them. The
baseline level of relaxation will be affected in some way and you may feel anxiety,
tiredness or a need to impress even if you don’t want to. Leaving an energy
vampire and having minimal contact with them is often the best course of action.
However – you must be sure that it is an energy vampire and you haven’t just
mentally labelled them that!
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Different people can have different aura types that can have a different effect on
you, even if you don’t say a word to each other and are just in each other’s
proximity. For example, some people’s auras you’ll be able to sense they are
looking at every little action you take to see if you’re effected by them looking at
you. Some will simply make you feel drained with every word you speak to them.
Other’s will unrelentlessly judge you and you’ll feel like you owe them your
approval. Other’s still will speak to everybody else with happiness and charisma,
but absolutely blank you for no reason. There are many different aura types and
nuances, and the way you respond to them is the maze you will have to navigate.
A common trick that energy vampires use is that they trick susceptible people,
mostly empaths, into believing that something is deeply wrong with them, and
will continue this projection until boundaries of some sort are put up. Empaths
intensify this projection of the energy vampire in their minds which causes the
energy vampire to sense this, and judge more critically. This then becomes a
negative feedback loop which can become a toxic cycle of people pleasing and
mind games.
Sometimes it is impossible not to get drained by a vampire and so you must take
the loss. This can be in unavoidable situations where you have to interact and
can’t move away from them, for example. You must then stay with this energy
loss until it dissipates and you feel OK again. This can take as little as a few
minutes or as long as a few hours. Even though you can’t approach them with
something they’ve said or done (because they haven’t said or done anything),
you can still keep your distance with them. Being positive and polite in their
proximity despite the energy loss is the key here – if you show disdain for them
it will ruin the dynamic and you’ll feel disconnection. Make a positive attempt to
socialize, but not too much or they will drain you more. If you find yourself in an
environment where you keep getting drained by people, it may be time to ask
yourself the big question of whether you should be there at all in the first place
– are you able to move away?
You may be able to sense a level of stillness in the other person which becomes
more apparent the more you practice mindfulness. You can also sense the
opposite, when someone naturally has a deep layer of egoic conditioning and you
can sense their sympathetic nervous system is continually activated. This is the
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egoic identity that they have built for themselves. It is important not to judge it,
but to simply realize it is there and to respond accordingly.
‘Winning’ against tamasic energy becomes more of a guarantee the more one
practices mindfulness because the pragmatism of it is such that it transforms
negative energy by neutralizing it. Any time that a tamasic energy feels
overpowering, just remember that the witness that is detached from that energy
is not in any way, shape or form a part of that energy. As soon as it is witnessed,
the tamasic is neutralized and sattvic prevails. Those with a stronger capacity for
mindfulness will be able to dissolve defensiveness in themselves as soon as it is
noticed, which will disarm the other person as they begin to relax their own
defensiveness too.
Naturally, we as humans organize into either situational and/or social
hierarchies that determine how we relate to everyone else. They exist to give us
a solid foundation and expectation into how we can relate to people based on how
they are made-up energetically. In that respect, they are useful, but also limiting.
Human hierarchies are more complex than animal ones because of the variety of
factors that allow one to move up or down them. Factors such as situational
status, charisma, sociability, reactivity, age, competency, hormonal makeup,
alliance formations etc. all play a part in the way we see and relate to one
another. Ideally, the type of tribe you may wish to foster and be a part of would
be one predominantly made up of qualities that demonstrate positive virtues:
love, compassion, resilience, knowledge, fun, sharing, patience, respect,
expansion. If the tribe is an expression of these values, does it really matter
where anyone is in a hierarchy? If you took a look at the people in your own life
now or in the past, do they foster these virtues, even if only a few? If not, why
not? Are you able to shape the people you’re with now? Are they too far gone so
that there’s no hope for these virtues to ever come about?
On rare occasions it is possible to get into what can only be described as
psychic attacks by some people. The feeling of being psychically attacked is being
so uncomfortable around somebody that it reaches extreme levels. Psychic
attacks occur the deeper you go into your mindfulness journey: people will project
on to you and see your stillness as a threat. However the actual cause of their
psychic attack is that a deep level of trauma is being exposed. This occurs
because mirror neurons in their body relax their nervous system to such an
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extent, that the latent trauma becomes exposed and activated, which they resist
heavily by projecting negativity on to you. In this way, you may be healing or
create some room for healing around this trauma for this person, if you navigate
this psychic attack skilfully. If you do find yourself being psychically attacked,
everything will look normal on the surface, but underneath a war is raging! Being
attacked like this is different from dealing with just normal narcissists or energy
vampires – those people are only annoying, draining or difficult to deal with.
Being psychically attacked is a whole different ball game. It is very subtle game,
and it can be confusing if you aren’t privy to it. Do not label someone or something
as a psychic attack unless you are definitely sure it is as it will muddle things and
you may be creating a mental bias.
The best antidote to a psychic attack is to distance yourself as much as possible
for them: and you will have to demonstrate this, perhaps many times, that you
will have to leave to be somewhere else, even if it’s a few meters further in
distance or in another room. Continued leaving like this will confuse the attacker
and will usually disarm them. After you’ve done this, keep interaction as minimal
as possible and only respond to them when they talk to you. Because it’s a subtle
war, keep the responses polite and amicable, as if nothing has happened. Do not
make it obvious that you are leaving ‘because of them’ as that will highlight that
there is something wrong. If you make it obvious that you are being attacked,
this may give permission for the person to start an obvious hate campaign against
you, so be careful.
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THE PROCESS OF LINE DRAWING
Chapter 4
THE PROCESS OF
LINE DRAWING
This section is recommended to be read multiple times and memorized before

any action is taken. The only way you’ll really understand this process is if you
experience it for yourself. With each step, it should be realized that the value of
your own inner experience is more important than the behaviours that happen
externally, because those behaviours are a secondary consequence of what is
happening inside. Please note that not all line drawing requires the
implementation of all of these steps, sometimes they may be more spontaneously
recognized and quickly drawn, especially those that are perceived as easier.
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The line drawing process follows a similar pattern each time. This section is to
help guide you through the process and what you can expect to encounter
along the way. The steps are:
 Awareness of being slighted
 Measuring whether to draw the line or no
 Opening Statements and Non-Violent Communication
 Measuring timing
 Mindfulness of projections
 Mindfulness of bodily sensations
 Breathwork
 Leaping!
 Anticipating spasms
 Forgiveness
 Switching poles and refining understanding
 Finding Compromise
 Maintaining Boundaries
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Awareness of Being Slighted

The dictionary definition for the word to be ‘slighted’ is: “insult (someone) by
treating or speaking of them without proper respect or attention”. The trigger
may or may not be an ‘insult’, but the key to tell whether you’ve been slighted or
not is to check-in with your body. Do you feel that someone has been
disrespectful to you? Do you feel resentful? Ask your body whether what someone
said or did is up to your standards of how you’d wish to be treated. This also goes
for seeing someone being treated poorly in your environment. This can manifest
as a feeling of discomfort, of energetic pressure or blockage emanating from your
own body. The measure by which you want to say something doesn’t always need
to be a slight. In these situations, we can call them a ‘charge’ – a charge to say
something, do something or move in some way.
This feeling is your body is telling you that you are ‘too close’ to the person, and
that a line needs to be drawn. Paradoxically, it can feel as if this person is ‘too
far away’ – there is a disconnect of some kind that doesn’t allow smooth and
honest connection between you both. Once a line is drawn, we’ll be able to feel
closer to a person as we both discover each other genuine feelings, opinions and
limitations.
The level of intensity for different slights will be different and generally speaking
the more you feel upset, the more you can be sure that a line needs to be drawn.
Your own sensitivity to the slight is not to be compared to how others would feel
in the same situation – this is your own unique feeling, so trust needs to be built
upon that.
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Measuring Whether to Draw the Line or Not

Line drawing will always feel like a risk, although it doesn’t necessarily have
to be. The extent to which we deploy the power of our mindful discrimination will
determine whether what we say is ‘safe’. This choice can only be made by you!
What you consider appropriate to address depends on your own standards. When
you feel slighted, you can stop and spend a few minutes weighing up whether it
is a genuine feeling or not.
If an issue is enquired upon properly, those that fade away with mindful enquiry
are likely to be ‘sulking’ issues. It can sometimes be the case that we are over-
reacting and the extent of the feeling of being slighted is far too out of alignment
with what actually happened. You would then need to logically assess the
situation and give a clear analysis as to whether something ‘wrong’ has been
committed that you’d like to comment on.
In cases where we are unsure - how can you ever know whether you’ve made a
“mountain out of a molehill” or not unless you see the other party’s reaction and
had some self-reflection afterwards? This way, you can learn to handle yourself
in the subsequent interactions and thus gain confidence in your own Compass
and Ruler. With practice, you’ll be able to see which issues are worth bringing up
and which aren’t - we’ll have more experience and context as to whether we
should draw the line again or not. What can often be the case is that we don’t
feel the need to again, as we’ve had the experience of line drawing previously,
and we no longer feel the pressure to do so any more.
Alternatively, the opposite can happen where we’ve seen the beneficial outcomes
from what drawing the line can bring and so we can decide to continuously bring
up the same or similar issues until the desired changes are achieved. If you do
feel you’ve overreacted after you’ve drawn the line, the details of this can be
ironed out in the subsequent conversation and you can gain more clarity into your
own biases. It is important to note that drawing the line is not a self-inflated
sense of importance or self-righteousness. It is delicately taking care of oneself
and the other party so that the best outcome is achieved for both.
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If there’s a feeling of overwhelming fear, then you can be assured that that is not
the action you should be taking! The action you should be taking is only ever to
be taken if there is a feeling of lightness and relief after having imagined
expressing it. With this as the baseline feeling that we should be looking for, it
may be the case that there is nervousness upon thinking about what you’d like
to say, but there should be a clear distinction: overwhelming fear is not the
embodied action you should pursue, a slight nervousness is likely the action you
should take. This nuance should be made clear as it is critical to make this
distinction: it could be the difference between a lot of self-growth or staying in a
zone where you increase your own fear through excessive rumination.
Much of the time in line-drawing, we can feel that we are ‘bending the rules’ of
social convention and so the feeling may be that we are being ‘rude’ or ‘awkward’.
Sometimes it’s important to realize that these rules are sometimes just imaginary
social conditioning, and aren’t necessarily the truth at all, especially if you have
a strong sense in your Compass that something is off-kilter. It is therefore can
be appropriate to fully expect that what you want to say or do may feel difficult
because of social expectations. On the other hand, if you are of the personality
type that loves to make things awkward, you will want to notice this trend inside
yourself and to carefully examine each time you move to make things
unnecessarily so.
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A very important consideration is to consider whether you are projecting your

‘shadow’ side on to the other person or not. For example, if you want to talk to
them about being rude – you may not have considered that you are being rude
yourself and just aren’t aware of it, or you are aware of it and are downplaying
it. Be careful that you study the next section on opening statements carefully so
you don’t project your shadow side on to them. Byron Katie’s work (in the spiritual
teacher’s list above) is very useful for gaining understanding in to this at this as
she gets people to turn around their projections and to see whether they are also
true for them.
The length of time you have known someone can be large factor in how line
drawing will work out. The longer you have known and/or interacted with
someone, the more ingrained the perceptions of each other will be. If you are
new or relatively new to interacting with a person, you may be more likely to be
better received as the formations of each other haven’t been hard-wired yet. Of
course, the opposite can also occur, that your points are better received
because you already had a deeper level of understanding of each other.
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Opening Statements and Non-Violent Communication

The moment you decide to act upon your Compass, you need an opening
statement lined-up in your mind so that you have a starting point that functions
as an anchor. This is one of the most crucial aspects that we need to get correct
before considering anything else, because it is this statement that will shape the
other persons initial reaction which will then further shape how the interaction
progresses and concludes.
Particular care needs to be exercised when drawing lines in the categories of:
‘addressing controlling behaviour’ and ‘addressing inappropriate behaviour’.
When formulating opening statements for issues you want to address in these
categories, other people most of the time will have opposing views that are
sensitive in nature. It is therefore necessary that the utmost care is given to
balancing your opening statement so that you clearly express the points you want
to address without making any conclusive or accusatory statements.
Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is a way of communication that improves
connection by always being mindful of another’s experience as well as our own.
We do not want to say anything accusatory, derogatory or inconsiderate of
another’s experience. We always anchor the experience back to how we are
feeling, and also never assume that other’s feel the same way as us. The key
word here is “I”. When your experience is always anchored back to “I”, this cannot
be disputed. This is your unique perspective and feeling, which has validity simply
by the fact that it exists. When we use the word “you” in the accusatory sense
we create a smokescreen about how we’re feeling and project our experience
onto the other person. Sometimes this can be a subtle difference so extra care
needs to be taken. It's still OK to point out other people’s behaviour with the word
“you”, but it should always be anchored back to “I”, e.g. “I feel this when you do
this”.
Here is a list of some opening statement examples. Please note that this list is
only to demonstrate examples of how not to be accusatory, and should always
be considered by your personal situation as to whether you want to use them
verbatim or not. Some opening lines may come to you in the moment that aren’t
logically arrived at – they will just pop into your head. The extent to which these
can be trusted is if you run a test-scenario in your head. If your intuition tells you
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“woah, woah, woah – they won’t like that” then you should reformulate your
opening statement so it’s more open and less conclusive to give room to the other
party to be able to see your point without them getting defensive.
Examples of what NOT TO say in opening statements:
 “When you do this, it is not very good because…”
 “I’ve had enough of this situation you’ve put me in…“
 “The way you handled that made the situation worse…”
 “Why do you do this every time?”
 “Would you turn the music down? It’s annoying everyone here”
Examples of what TO say instead:
 “In my opinion, it’s not very good that you…”
 “This situation where you… is too much for me because…”
 “I don’t agree with how you handled the situation in this circumstance
because…”
 “I feel … when you do … a lot of the time”
 “I get annoyed with the music turned up that loud”
If you still feel that these opening statements are still too accusatory
considering yours and their character and want something more open, these
examples may be of better use:
 “What do you think of this issue…?”
 “Do you think that doing … causes any problems?”
 “I just thought I’d ask you about …”
Here are some more opening statement examples:
 “I can’t do that, but I can find someone who can”
 “I appreciate the gesture, but in the future I’d prefer…”
 “I can’t take on additional responsibilities right now because…”
 “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic”
 “Thank you for your concern, but I can handle this”
 “I can’t attend, but I appreciate the invitation”
 “I can’t do X, but I’m open to trying Y”
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One of the best ways to help you get on board with this is to express self-care in
the opening statement. Starting the statement to the effect of “I’ve never tried
to say this before, so it might come out wrong, but I’m going to give it a go…” is
an effective way of giving yourself compassion as it expresses the recognition of
the sensitivity of what you are about to say. Another aspect to consider is that
you may want to add “I also realize that I’ve e.g. been a bit rude/inconsiderate
etc. at times and I’m just wondering about you thoughts on that too”. You may
find that statements such as this can be very helpful and you may find that the
person you’re saying them to may be more receptive to you.
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Timing
The optimum time to approach the other party is when defenses are down or
lower than they usually are. If an approach is done before this time when
defenses are too high, they will not have the capacity to hear or understand what
you’re saying. They are likely to be dismissive and perhaps will leave you feeling
as if you had said something not worthy of being heard. If it was well measured
by your Compass and you are fairly sure it was a valid point, it will be likely that
the timing had been off. Approaching during a busy period is far more likely to
lead to defensiveness as their attentional capacity will be diminished. They will
need their full attention for your point, especially if it’s delicate. However,
sometimes there is a limited time frame in which you can approach and so
exceptions may need to be made.
Approaching should be done as early as possible after the perceived slight. The
longer it is left, the more likely the other person will be confused as to why you’re
bringing it up so late. Having said that it is common and to be expected that you
won’t be able to draw lines too close after the slight for a few reasons. If you are
a beginner to this work, it requires some buffer time to calculate a) whether you
want to say anything at all, b) appropriate timing based on the other person, c)
appropriate timing based on being mindful of your own fixations and conclusions
and d) formulating opening statements.
Patience can often be needed to measure when you can approach. In some cases,
depending on the situation, it may not be optimal to approach at all that day, or
even week. Only you can decide when it will be best for you to approach using
your Compass. However, don’t use this as an excuse to wait too long! Be sure to
continually examine their level of receptivity and lull periods.
You may decide that you want to build some rapport first before bringing up any
points with someone so their defenses are lowered. This can be as simple as
asking questions about aspects of their lives or a current situation that both of
you can agree on. You would then have to measure whether or not defenses have
been lowered by any significant amount after that so you can make your points.
This may be straight away, or again you may choose to wait a while to see when
it’s optimal for you. When making attempts at rapport, be careful if you find
yourself in ‘people pleasing’ territory; ask yourself if you are trying to gain
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approval by speaking to them. If you are, then notice this and do not continue.
A delicate balance needs to be struck, because if you find yourself wanting to
gain approval, people can sense this and then raise their defenses even more if
they think you want something from them.
Refining opening statements is an important part of the process when you’re in
that intermission period after the slight. It is in this time period that most of your
attention should be on ‘testing’ the appropriateness of that opening statement by
evaluating whether you can a) get your point across adequately, and b)
demonstrating that you are open to their view as well. After a period of time,
your mind will have arrived at the best opening statement possible by either
‘cutting back’ on opening lines that are too egoic and don’t consider them very
much and/or ‘beefing up’ those that are overly considerate and don’t get your
points across as well as you’d like.
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Mindfulness of Projections
As you begin to practice mindfulness more and more, the space between thoughts
will become longer. This can be useful in reading and adjusting yourself to any
situation. Instead of feeling the state of another and labelling them, you can
immediately recognize the label as soon as it is placed and allow it to dissolve in
the space of awareness. It doesn’t matter how many times labelling others keep
habitually appearing for us, as long as they are consistently caught by the space
of awareness, they can be considered effectively disempowered, like a ceiling fan
that is still spinning but the electricity has been cut at the switch it will eventually
slow down and stop.
One obstacle to overcome is the secondary thought “So what if I let the thoughts
dissolve in the space of awareness? It doesn’t change the fact that the thought
is correct!”. The thought may or may not be correct, it doesn’t matter. In one
respect, the thought is correct because it is valid – it is unique, subjective
interpretation of the other person. However, it is limiting in two respects. Firstly,
thought uses closely approximated descriptors which can never be accurate.
Secondly, the act of labelling closes future potentials to be explored.
If I label someone as cold and arrogant – how cold and arrogant are they? Are
there different types of coldness and arrogance? Are they always like this? What
aspects of myself are more likely to bring out this side of them? How vigilant can
I be in their coldness and arrogance so I can break through it? Can I have
compassion that they may have had e.g. a bad day?
This is the main reason that mindfulness needs to be deployed – wiping away the
conditioning that consumes our processing power is always useful in a) being
vigilant enough until boundaries dissolve as more and more time is spent with
each other, and b) noticing and responding to any negativity which isn’t being
dissolved by this vigilance to determine what lines need to be drawn. Notice how
the vigilance through mindfulness aspect comes first, and the line drawing
second. This is the natural order as our Compass is closer to ourselves as we feel
what’s going on inside ourselves first before the Ruler makes a decision.
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The problem with projecting our own conclusions about someone is that this can
influence the approach when we go to interact with them. If there are any
conclusions about them that are not mindfully enquired upon, they will more than
likely be able to subconsciously pick up that we’ve made these conclusions about
them. Subtle ways in which we may not intend to express ourselves e.g. our facial
expressions, voice tonality, gestures or simply electromagnetic-feeling may give
the person clues that we’ve made these conclusions. When projections are
mindfully enquired upon, our body goes into a state of relaxation, our eyes are
kinder, our voice is softer and our gestures are smoother. You cannot fake this
without mindfulness! If you do try to mimic these characteristics but still have
strong thoughts about somebody, the interaction may or may not be successful
(and more likely unsuccessful than not) l, but there will always be a feeling of
being disingenuous as you try to ‘convince’ others that you are on good terms
with them when really you’re having all kinds of unchecked negative thoughts
about them. The difference of mindful enquiry can be significant enough that it
may change the course of interaction so that it concludes positively.
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The other side of our own projections are to do with ourselves. How do we try to
‘uplift’ ourselves in our own minds to make ourselves seem as if we are e.g.
victimized, or superior? Our projections of the other person and the projections
about ourselves are interwoven, and cannot be separated. As soon as we believe
the thought of separateness, the other person becomes inferior or superior to us.
If we think of ourselves as a victim, it is a still a subtle way our ego positions
itself as superior. If this is a common pattern you notice in yourself, be aware of
the way your emotions or feelings respond to your thoughts about your
victimhood or superiority. When you apply the power of mindful enquiry, you’ll
be able to detach the feelings of anxiety, anger or depression of the victimhood,
or the pride or arrogance of the superiority, from the thought-streams you have
associated with that emotion. When the thought-streams and the feelings are
seen for what they are and thus separated, the complexes will eventually
collapse. A common problem can be that you may not want to apply mindfulness
in these situations as the perceived egoistic power one feels from these
complexes creates a feeling of security. If this is the case for you, I’d urge you to
be vigilant in your mindfulness practice, as they can both jeopardise your success
in the application of the Ruler because the Compass has been read incorrectly!
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Awareness of Bodily Sensations

One of the key components of mindfulness is the ability to notice bodily
sensations as they happen in situations in real-time. When the preconditioned
mind is out of the way, the additional bandwidth goes towards noticing how the
energy of our nervous system flows through the body.
The fight-or-flight system is evolutionarily designed to keep us away from danger.
At one point in history it would’ve been used to fighting, freezing or fleeing from
a predator, and failing to do so would’ve meant the difference between life and
death. However this system’s limitations are that it prevents us into consciously
moving into new situations that allow us to grow in the modern era where these
predators are no longer a threat. The stressors from the modern era are very
different because they are chronic and also don’t pose a threat to survival.
However, the body cannot differentiate between e.g. a boss who’s being passive
aggressive and a saber tooth tiger ready to go for the jugular. The body can sense
that the boss may snap at any time and have a violent outburst, which may have
been the case in many thousands of years of our evolutionary history, but which
the law and common decency most of the time prevents in this day and age.
Naturally, making points to people ‘above’ you in the hierarchy may seem more
difficult than if you were to make points to people who are ‘lower’. This is to be
considered in your approaches to people: how much of your anxiety to make a
point is based on the limbic brain giving unfounded warning signals that stem
from an ancient era? The anxiety’s purpose was to make sure you weren’t kicked
out by the higher status people of the tribe and left to fend for yourself in scarce,
cold winters. Does this anxiety’s place hold any relevance in the modern era? Is
it worth taking the risk to make your true thoughts and feelings known? The worst
case scenario is that you no longer fit in to that group of people – Oh well, there’s
8 billion other people out there that you have the possibility of aligning with how
you truly think and feel. The other case is that the people you’ve expressed
yourself to respect and understand you better. This will usually be the case if
you’ve communicated to them effectively and they have sattvic qualities to them.
A characteristic sensation of this system is adrenal or lower abdomen ‘pumps’
which spreads up to the chest or gut area. This can be accompanied with other
symptoms such as an increase in heart rate, a shaking of the hands or legs,
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sweating and a sense of fear. Really feel these sensations when being in the
proximity of a person you’d like to address. Take some time to stop and really
feel the depths of your nervous system and its symptoms.
The development of mindfulness practice needs to be at a sufficient stage so that
we can recognise our own unique bodily sensations, even if they feel
overwhelming, when difficult situations present themselves. The importance of
this cannot be understated, because even though we are feeling these sensations,
realizing that they are only pre-conditioned responses and not an indication of
how reality really is. There is no need to shut down or withdraw, but to respond
with curiosity and openness. If we weren’t to feel these bodily sensations in tense
situations and instead identify with them, we would be committing an error in
deluding ourselves that these sensations have something deeply to do with us.
I’d like to suggest they have nothing to do with anyone’s character; it is simply
old conditioning and limitations being exposed in the body and brought to light.
Silence functions as a way to increase resistance as the energy of two people
meet and you can feel the intensity grow the longer the silence lasts. The reason
you may want to continue silence is for the boundary between the two of you to
grow. Whether you want this to last indefinitely is up to you, and you will have
to deal with the intensity of it if that is the case. Mindfulness is the tool we use
to be able to manage the silence. If you are to break the silence, it should always
be done with a positive comment in some way, or to draw a healthy line. This
shows that you have interpreted the silence as not a damaging thing that makes
your mind disturbed or angry, but as a positive thing. This demonstrates that you
are ‘OK’ under intensity to the other person. Of course silence isn’t always used
as a boundary, it has the opposite effect when you know the person well such as
a close friend, family member or intimate partner – it strengthens the bond.
If you become aware that you seem to show signs of nervousness during your
interaction with the other person, it is a good idea to welcome this as a show of
your ‘rawness’ in that moment; what had been held back is now on show for them
to see. It is OK that they discover signs of nervousness in your body; they will
often have more respect and compassion for you because of the rawness of
expression. What is often the case is that the other’s defenses come down as
they see how you have a rock-solid core and everything you show to them is on
display and vulnerable. What your mind may have perceived as your own
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‘weakness’ is actually not the case at all, it requires strength to show the soft and
vulnerable bits at your core and expose them. Really take a moment to
understand this because it is important.
Mindfulness of these sensations before, during and after the interactions are the
crux of what this guide is about. Care, sensitivity and compassion for yourself are
very important. If you feel that any feelings are too delicate, scary or
overwhelming, please feel free to book a consultation session with me (details at
the end of the guide). It isn’t always the case that you will show these signs of
nervousness in your body, but it may be, depending on your's and their
propensities, so it is always best to fully expect and even welcome them.
With continued line-drawing practice, the intensity of these sensations will
decrease over time. The energy of the bodily sensations serve as fuel to project
us into action. Even though mindfulness of these sensations can be effective over
time at reducing them so that they become a less significant issue, the function
of line drawing uproots them at their source, so the bodily sensations will then
be diminished or absent in all similar future situations with enough practice.
Mental pre-amble may be useful, with inner dialogue such as “this is just a normal
human bodily reaction”, “this is here to warn me of a danger which is probably
unfounded in reality”, “I have prepared to the best of my ability my opening
statement” and “I can face any situation that life presents me”. If you do show
outer signs of visible nervousness, pre-amble such as “I feel good that I’m able
to express my true feelings at last” or “What my body feels ultimately doesn’t
matter, what matters is that I faced the situation” may be helpful.
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Some of you may have a more angry temperament when going to make a point
compared to others. If you find anger arising within yourself, be aware of the raw
feeling of intensity that it is showing you. You may have fear of expressing it
because you may ‘lose control’. Mindfulness helps us cool the anger down so that
we are less likely to lose control when we go to make the point. It is still OK to
have a tone of anger when expressing it, as this is an indication of you raw inner
feeling, but it should be tempered not to be extreme or destructive. Please study
the non-violent communication section carefully before you go to make your
point, as it could the difference between positive and negative interactions.
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Breathwork
A great tool that can be used to both charge and relax the body so it’s ready for
action is breathwork. It gives a sense of composure so that you’re able to face
any situation which you have decided you want to draw lines for. The Wim Hof
Method has become popular in recent years, as he has bought both breathwork
and cold water immersion training into mainstream awareness. Here is an
instructional YouTube video on how to do his simple breathing technique:
Wim Hof breathing tutorial by Wim Hof
One of the things he does not tell you about which I will share with you is a couple
of extra tips to help increase the effectiveness of the breathwork. The first thing
to do is to go barefoot, outside so your skin is connected to the ground e.g. on a
piece of grass or your hands on a tree trunk. The second thing is to look up to
the brightest point in the sky (not directly at the sun if it’s a clear day, just to the
side of it, and don’t do it for too long). The third thing is to make sure you
concentrate your mind on the inbreath and outbreath. When you combine these
three elements, the breathwork gives you a deeper level of relaxation and charge.
Please do an search for “grounding/earthing” and “sungazing” (be careful – never
look directly at it!) to discover more benefits of these additional features of the
practice. A common thing I keep hearing in the community is that sometimes
people ‘over do’ the breathwork so that they feel lightheaded/uncomfortable by
the end of the session. Although the grounding/sungazing will reduce this, it can
still happen, and so extra attention should be paid to how the breath is making
you feel with each inhale. I recommend not having a pre-selected amount of
breaths you’re going to do before you do it, but to go by feel and to stop when
you feel you’ve done enough. The breathwork should leave you feeling more
energized, calm and pumped for action. If you can’t find the time to go outside,
then finding a place such as a toilet cubicle where you won’t be disturbed can be
helpful.
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Leaping!
When we’ve formulated our opening statement and picked our time, it’s time to
leap! Remembering what we’ve discussed above about safety and non-violent
communication, you have to be sure that your opening line is as safe as possible.
You must be prepared to be able to receive any potential negative reaction. With
these two considerations in place, you can be assured that you’ve done the best
to prepare yourself for the approach. If you are unsure, do not approach until
these two criteria are met.
It may come in waves. You’ll see chance to do it ‘Now’, and then it might subside.
Your alertness will be peaked, looking for the exact time for when you’re both
aligned. The feeling may subside again as you realize it’s not the correct time yet,
and you’ll continue whatever you’re doing in that moment. The wave will come
again and you may have to continually reassess whether this wave will be the
one where you ‘leap’ or not. Expect the waves, and do not be disappointed if you
decide not to execute the first, the first few times, or even at all!
When the time comes, you’ll realize it, everything will be aligned. It may
paradoxically not feel like the right time either. You are now riding the wave!
When you decide to leap, you may feel as if your body is moving itself – here we
go! It’s simple – walk towards the person, feel a bit nervous, say the opening
statement, and accept fully what happens afterwards. When you say it, it will feel
like a jump, a shock.
Afterwards, you may think to yourself why you ever made it such a big deal in
your head. It’s like leaping off the abyss and realising it’s just a bed of feathers
on the other side to catch your fall. If you don’t practice non-violent
communication and balancing your expression with receptivity however, it may
feel like crashing in to a bed of jagged rocks!
When you decide to execute with the Ruler in what has been sensed by the
Compass, that is the point that you ‘win’. Anything else that happens is a bonus!
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Anticipating Spasms
We were all babies crawling on the floor not too long ago – we couldn’t control
our arms, legs, voice box or bowel movements. Our arms and legs flailed
everywhere as we slapped and kicked the person we were meant to caress, wailed
and spoke gibberish when we wanted to express our needs, and urinated and
excremented in our nappies/diapers. We learned the incredible feats in those
early years of how gain dextrous control of those body parts so now we can write
words on a page, skip down the street, hum a melody and use the toilet whenever
we desire.
As we grew older, some of us learnt how to drive. On day 1 I can guarantee that
most of us would’ve been a big danger to others if we were to have gone straight
on the roads! A secluded car park was needed so we could stall the car many
times until we finally learned how to synchronize the clutch and the gear stick,
how to turn smoothly and how to brake smoothly. In the same way as these
examples, the work we do in this course will reveal our own as well as other’s
emotional and mental infancy as we confront these issues directly. We have
simply not been given good examples of how to express our emotions or thoughts
as effectively as they should be expressed because of growing up in a culture
where most have neuroses that come through in all sorts of ways, which we get
conditioned into copying and then concocting our distorted ways by either
repressing or expressing toxically.
Different people have different ways of expressing anger. Some may be loud and
overt with it, some may drip-feed passive aggression over long periods of time,
and some may go quiet and just cut people off completely. None are ideal, but
all have the ability to be understood when you realize that this is just the inexpert
versions of their emotional self that haven’t been processed yet. The
understanding and non-judgement of this behaviour is what causes this wound
to be healed as you don’t set off a chain reaction by reacting to it e.g. you don’t
react by saying “How dare you speak to me like that! I’m going to let you know
a piece of my mind now and bring up something from 10 years ago!”. It is almost
always up to you to have an understanding of what’s going on and to navigate
effectively using the methods in this guide.
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In an ideal world, they would come out and say “I’m angry with you because of
this…”, but because our culture teaches us that direct confrontation like this is a
negative thing, the energy gets pent up and comes out in distorted ways. As
someone who has read this guide and now understands what’s happening, you
may wish to decide to approach them to allow their anger to have an avenue to
be expressed. Hopefully, during this period of them expressing their anger, you
can take what they’re saying and respond in a mindful way so as not to upset
them further, but to arrive at a calmer period of discussion after an initial
outburst. This can also be considered to be a type of line drawing, but when
where you ‘leap’ to be fully receptive to another’s anger. Using statements such
as “Is there anything you want to get off your chest with me?” can be an effective
way to trigger this. If they are avoidant after a question such as that, it may be
better to back off a bit and either try another time or wait for them to come to
you on their own. They may need a period of rapport before finally coming to tell
you about their issue.
In the same way as we can forgive the baby for peeing on us whilst holding them,
or we can forgive a beginner driver for stalling at a junction, we can also forgive
someone if they initially have a temper-tantrum or get a bit personal. Just
remember it is never actually personal if something like this happens – it is only
a reflection of their own disordered minds and not a reflection of your character
and certainly not a reflection of your worth! In this way we must have compassion
for ourselves as well as the other as we both allow ourselves to express to each
other from our level of communicative skill. It can be difficult at times to forgive
somebody as it may seem they have a grudge against you after expressing
themselves in an angry way.
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Forgiveness
When it comes to forgiving people for their transgressions, it is important to
realize that it is not a mental activity. You cannot forgive somebody by mentally
telling yourself that you’re ‘forgiving them’. What happens in true forgiveness is
that each moment is new and fresh, and so the concept of ‘forgiveness’ as a
mental concept doesn’t arise. Something that happened in the past is simply not
an issue any more because in this moment, the past has completely been
dropped. This is the essence of true forgiveness: you can meet them here and
now. Forgiveness is therefore an internal activity, with enquiry in to the mind that
wants to create projections of ‘how they were’, ‘how they are’ and ‘how they will
be’ being dropped.
Having said that, it does not mean that you have to ‘forget’ about something they
said or did, unless you want to. Accordingly, you can adjust yourself to relate to
them from a larger distance – to spend less time with them or speak with them
less. You don’t need to get too close to them again only to end up getting burnt!
People cannot help but to express themselves the way they express themselves.
To point out their spasms when line drawing should be avoided as much as
possible. Defensiveness will be common reaction if you were to point out the way
in which people speak. On the rare occasions when you do go to point out the
way someone speaks it should be in general times in the past and not how they
are presently speaking. For example, if they have displayed anger in the past, it
will be easier to talk about that because people can disassociate more easily from
their past behaviours compared to their present or recent ones. This should be
done with strong consideration of non-violent communication and how it makes
you feel, with little to no accusations of the way they speak being an ’absolute
truth’.
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As with any seed that is being planted, time and patience are of the essence.
With any point you make to another person, expect some initial resistance and
for them not to understand or accept your point immediately. Time is often
required for the seed to grow so that change can happen gradually. It may be
the case that it seems as if the seed will never grow, but just like the spring-time,
it may suddenly bloom one day. Things that may help the seed come along may
need to be considered such as ‘positive moves’ in which you try to show that you
want to remain connected and amicable towards the person. Depending on how
delicate the situation is, you may want to space the attempts apart. All of this of
course is determined by the dexterity of your own Compass.
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Switching Poles and Refining Understanding

After you’ve said the opening line, it is at this time you must switch from line-
drawer to being able to accept their points without any hesitation. This needs to
be the case even if the person has a sattvic temperament. If they are
predominantly tamasic, it is especially important. One reason for the switch is
that it is necessary to diffuse their pent-up energy so it comes out of their body.
If you stay in point-making mode and don’t give them the chance to express their
defense, the situation will nearly always worsen.
You may ask yourself the question – how do I know when to stop making my
point? The answer is nearly always when they start speaking in response to it.
When they do this, remind yourself that as soon as they open their mouth, that
is the signal to stop. This can take a bit of practice, as can sometimes be difficult
in the heat of the moment when you’re full of charge, but it is absolutely essential.
However, depending on what you Compass says, you may need to finish your
point before you let them start speaking, as it will give vital information that can’t
really be stopped. If this is the case, using statements such as “one second, I
hear you, let me just finish what I’m saying” should be used so they understand
that you are nearly done and have something vital left to say. If they are more
tamasic, they may give their counter-arguments and then continue to talk far too
excessively when it’s clear you’ve been wanting to talk again for a long time. It
may be necessary at this point to walk away and reevaluate whether you want to
approach again later, or to perhaps address them about speaking over you.
Depending on the other person, there may be a switching to many irrelevant
topics, use of logical fallacies, accusations and perhaps displays of emotion which
may be used in an attempt to confuse you or to shut you down. Use mindfulness
to be fully OK with this situation, to recognize the intensity and thus diffuse it.
Simply by the recognition and mindfulness of the situation, it becomes
manageable. If they do have these distorted reactions, just know that that
reaction is unlikely to how it will end if you focus on understanding. Let them spill
whatever it is they need to spill on to you, and recognize it as a spasm. These
distorted reactions can now be handled with compassion because now you can
understand them for what they are.
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The main reason however is not just to let them release their pent-up energy, it
is to listen and to try and understand their perspective. It is important to address
what they’ve said. Do not be stuck on getting your point across without listening
to theirs – it is absolutely imperative that we open up and listen so we can find
balance of expressing and receiving; it is only then that we will achieve that
incredible spiral dynamic where we both include them and arrive at a different
point with them. The possible resistance you may feel about fully listening to their
points in return should be questioned with “How are they able to listen and
appreciate my point if I can’t listen and appreciate theirs?” Recognizing your own
resistance and consciously letting go of it is key. If you disagree with one of their
points, you can always express this, but to use statements such as “I don’t agree
with you on that but I can see from your point of view how you could feel that
way”.
I would like to encourage the ability to switch from point-making to receptivity:
you should feel the same level of satisfaction when you switch poles like this in
the same way that you leap to draw the line. When someone is obviously pent up
and starts speaking at the end of your sentence, notice how you would like to
keep talking, become aware of it and notice that this is the time to bite your
tongue and to stop making your point. You should feel a great sense of
satisfaction at this ‘win’! You may feel that you weren’t able to make your point
completely, but with your new-found knowledge, you know that you’ll be able to
make your point either after they’ve finished, or at the end of the conversation.
If it is the case that you need to finish your point, try and memorize what you
needed to say to add it to the end. However, don’t strain too hard trying to
memorize it as you may be missing what they’re saying and not be able to
respond to that!
One of the great things about having mindfulness experience is that you’re far
more likely to admit that you’re wrong when you realize you’re wrong! Inability
to admit wrongdoing can be a huge impediment to people as their stubbornness
holds them back from having a free-flowing exchange. It can sometimes even be
fun to admit it – you’re demonstrating that you’re able to be flexible and thus
more likeable and easy-going to others. You can turn it into humour, too. If the
other party does make a good point, take it fully and demonstrate you’ve
understood or agree with what they’re saying.
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After the opening line has been said, there doesn’t need to be any thought about
‘how to be’ or ‘what to say next’ - any such thoughts are an impediment. Attention
should only be given to the feeling of how things are being said, so you can
navigate through that arena instead of a logical one. Human beings are not
logical, especially in situations which can be considered more intense. If
something feels ‘too edgy’ to say, it probably is, and it should probably enquired
upon and perhaps expressed another time or in a different way. You may have
multiple points you want to make with a person. It is up to your Compass whether
it is OK to bring up multiple points or whether you should stick to 1 or a few of
the main ones. It can be too much to process for some people if they’re
bombarded with too much all at once. If your Compass finds that it is too much,
perhaps waiting a few days or even longer before coming back with your next
points.
Using embodied sounds may help in your communication. Sounds such as
“umm”, “err”, “ahaaa!”, “ooo…” etc. communicate to the other person that you
are speaking from a place in your body, which will make them perceive you as
more genuine. These sounds can help communicate your point more effectively
by displaying how you’re feeling about the situation. They also may help with
expressing yourself afterwards with the points you want to make by allowing the
tension in that place in the body to be released. However, I would be cautious
about using sounds of frustration or anger – they can put the other person on the
defensive which may inhibit communication. If they appear genuinely and you
can express them in short bursts which aren’t too loud or seemingly aggressive,
then by all means use them – but just be careful not to go over the top, especially
in delicate situations and with tamasic people. I wouldn’t recommend consciously
going out of your way to remember to make these sounds, but to allow yourself
to be OK with expressing them.
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Humour can be a good way to disarm any tension. I recommend to use caution
to examine whether you can use it, as some people may not share your sense of
humour or you may not have developed the relationship to the point where you
can share your humour with someone. If you are speaking to a tamasic person,
they may not appreciate your humour as they may take it that you’re ‘laughing
at them’ instead of the intention of trying to improve the relationship. Please be
aware of where your attempt at humour is coming from – if it’s from a genuine
place of wanting to share what you find funny, then it can be used to great effect.
However, if you find yourself wanting make a joke to try and get the approval of
the person or wanting to ‘disarm’ the tension, then I wouldn’t recommend making
the joke and to instead to sit inside that tension. The other person may be able
to sense your attempt at rapport and will respect your points less because of it.
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Finding Compromise
Often compromises may need to be found as you both could have two
opposing opinions on something. Using your own creativity, finding a compromise
that benefits both parties so both of you are happy is optimal. Usually, the smaller
the issue, the more likely that you’ll be able to arrive at compromise. Sometimes
this may not be possible and you may need your point to be absolute otherwise
there’s no possible path for you to continue forward. If this is the case, you may
want to leave the conversation or in some cases, remove yourself from the
situation entirely so you no longer see that person again.
A period of time between interactions may be needed for both people to arrive at
a compromise. Compromise can be a good route as we start to understand the
other person better and become mindful of our own resistance. Mindfulness
allows our resistance to dissipate as we can witness our own biases, hangups and
attachment to outcome.
Sometimes it can be difficult to admit we have aspects of ourselves that are
unlikeable and so looking in the mirror can be difficult! During your time
experimenting with this work you may have people wanting to bring up their own
points with you. Perfection isn’t the goal here, as depending your level of
mindfulness, you may be prone to being overly-defensive, angry, using fallacies
or projecting baggage of your own.
If after you’ve made your points to someone and they’re still displaying
tamasic qualities of being overly-defensive, emotional or deliberately
misunderstanding, you may want to go to someone else to express your
grievances about this person. You may wish to explain the situation of what
happened during your point making so that you gain support in the form of
someone else’s understanding. This person should be closely vetted by you so
that they do not disclose anything you’ve told them to anyone else unless you
give them permission to. They may be able to talk to the person in a round-about
way so that it can be resolved. Be careful however that you don’t fall into the trap
of ‘snitching’ and playing politics with people when doing this, it should only be
done if their reaction was overly-harsh and the conversation didn’t conclude
anywhere appropriate. Notice in yourself if you find yourself gaining joy or a rush
from speaking about others behind their back, because that certainly isn’t the
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route I’m recommending. It should only be done if your ‘charge’ didn’t get
expressed in the approach with the person, so it can be safely discharged with
an ally. Breathwork can also be a great way of finding balance again so that you
can discharge the stuck tension the negative reaction has put on you.
If the tension has increased after your point making and you’ve tried multiple
avenues in which to make amends or to further understanding, it may be an
indication that you may need to leave the environment entirely. This is often a
last resort option, but can be the case if you feel that by your line drawing, it has
revealed the more tamasic aspects of people. I stress that skilful means should
always be employed before making any hasty decisions to leave because
sometimes all that may be required it to make ‘positive moves’ to try charge the
situation with some positivity, or perhaps some increased mindfulness in the days
to come so that tensions can be more easily harmonized. Often what may need
to happen is just time may need to pass so the situation ‘cools off’ and the issues
that may seem important today will become less and less irrelevant to our minds
as time goes on. Sleep has the function of processing the emotional turmoil we
feel in intense situations so that it lessens over time, which can take a few days
or weeks to process fully.
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Maintaining Boundaries
Maintaining boundaries is important because once we set them, people may
test their integrity either intentionally or unintentionally. They may push you to
see what they can get away with. When a situation like this does arise, a reminder
can go a long way into keeping the integrity of the boundary. Usually these
reminders aren’t as difficult when addressing them as the initial act of line
drawing, although sometimes they can be if you felt e.g. guilt afterwards. If you
are one of these people that notices when someone steps over the boundary
again but doesn’t address it, be vigilant that you stick to what you said, or at
least bring it up for discussion once again to find a different compromise.
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Success, Benefits and Growth of Line Drawing

This work can be extremely fun. Our souls love to expand and grow.
Recognition and implementing of the natural shapes in our lives gives us great
feelings of joy.
If the other person has a valid counter argument that you didn’t comprehend
before the approach – isn’t it nice that you now have clarity on it? Now you can
iron out the issue and hopefully get a more complete understanding of it. After
this has happened, hopefully there’ll be an energetic sharing during the
conversation or after it; you may feeling a dissolving of boundaries – what was
e.g. your “I don’t like this person because they do this/they’re like this” in your
mind and their “this person is being avoidant and unfriendly towards me for no
reason” becomes a shared experience of – “I understand where each of our
boundaries, opinions and values lay and we now see eye to eye”. Of course
sometimes the other person may be open and receptive to your point with no
resistance to it, which is a great thing too. If this is a case you can then be sure
that any initial nerves about approaching in a situation were unfounded in reality
when you were making conclusions beforehand.
This work strengthens your own internal Compass and Ruler. It is the Compass
that give you compassion, sensitivity and enhanced perception. It is the Ruler
that gives you value, worth, purpose and direction. What was once a mind that
could only incessantly keep reflecting on itself to create tension, now has ability
to relax. What was once a feeling that wouldn’t be trusted and acted upon, now
has permission to be expressed. The more and more you work with these
polarities, the more you can develop your ‘psychic sense’ where you can feel
electromagnetic perceptions that you weren’t able to before. A whole new world
can open up to you as you work purely with the electromagnetic side of life to
determine how you’re going to navigate through it. You start to become more
aligned with where to go and what to do. However, life can be a messy thing and
it is not always ‘clear cut’ what to do! It may take many years for you to develop
a navigational sense to come to fruition after practicing mindfulness and line
drawing diligently.
We don’t have to look at the behaviours that are in our life necessarily, but we
can look at the electromagnetic resistances and charges in our bodies. In this
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way, we can stop taking mental judgements of ourselves for our outside
behaviours and purely work with our Ruler and Compass, knowing that we are in
process. Your growth is for you to measure, and for you to measure alone. It is
of no one else’s concern, so don’t feel the need that you have to go around telling
everyone!
The downside of not expressing ourselves is that the electric charge that should
be expressed gets held in our bodies and festers. This is one of the major causes
of much of the feelings of depression and anxiety in today’s culture – trapped
charge causes us to be overwhelmed and avoidant. This is also a reason for
people’s physical health problems too – that trapped energy in the body causes
tension within specific areas which can create all sorts of health maladies as they
are not connected to the nervous system properly so energy cannot flow there
for healing.
There is always the chance to maintain or improve the relationship with another
person. This is why the ‘work’ is never done – this is a continuous expansion of
learning about ourselves and others instead of relating in shallow ways. A great
benefit of this work is to become unaffected by people’s energy fields. Before this
work, there may always be a feeling of having to remember ‘how to be’ around a
person. You may feel an intensity when near them as you’re able to sense their
thought and feeling fluctuations. You may feel the need to adjust your natural
behaviour and in intermission periods spend a long time thinking about them.
Feelings of frustration and anxiety may arise as you feel out of alignment in your
behaviour.
87
Mindfulness allows us to detach from anxiety, our thoughts and feelings, which
allows us to handle these fields of intensity so that now we learn that we can
remain stable under such fields – we no longer feel we have to behave in a stifled
way and thus feel more in alignment. Mindfulness’ job is to constantly refer back
to the stable and unwavering space in ourselves and gives us a sense of belonging
exactly where we are. In energetic terms, if you imagine a Compass which gets
too close to the point where the magnetic field is coming from, the pointer goes
haywire – it goes back and forth and cannot stay on a fixed point. This is no
different from our own electromagnetic fields. Mindfulness allows us not to be
‘thrown off’ by the haywire readings of another person. Line drawing is the
solution for this as we relate to them from a different point in our bodies so the
Compass no longer goes haywire. Its function is also to stop us from ever needing
to refer back to this stable space, without ever needing to concentrate to refer
back to it any more through mindfulness. The mind is silent and you are able to
interact with them with diminished or perhaps vanished pressure.
As you continue on your journey, the more you will experience being unaffected
by anyone’s energy field. This work spills over into all future interactions – when
you have learned these skills, your area of experience is ingrained into your
energy field so that all future similar situations become easier to handle as your
awareness and confidence to handle them grows. If you need to draw the same
or similar line, recognizing and acting upon it is much easier. Things within us
can take months or years to shift in significant ways. But rest assured, when the
concepts in this guide have truly been studied and applied, we can look back on
our journey’s and realize just how far we’ve really come.
88
If you are in living or working with a group of people you will be able to sense a
shift in their interactions towards the better when you start using mindfulness
and line drawing. You will see on a tangible level that what you do has any effect
on everyone else. In this way you really get a deep sense of understanding that
interconnectivity is a deep and real truth.
Through how we relate to others, we can discover aspects of ourselves and
potentials that lay dormant. Being social mammals, when we relate to others and
discover our own power and connectedness, we can gleen new directions and
potentials in our lives. Once we’ve created our State through line drawing, it’s
time to take charge of it. In the same manner in which we healthily examine and
explore our own minds in mindfulness and in working with electromagnetic feeling
to get our points across effectively, we can also use our minds to work with
shaping our lives how we would like. What we had previously had been dreaming
of, wanting to achieve but didn’t have the self-belief to do, will now become
clearer to us as we can see new paths in which we can manifest. This is the ‘point’
in the middle of the natural circle shape; we all have in the centre of our Being.
You’ll come to realize that the time taken between taking action on a positive or
productive thought, and the thought itself becomes smaller and smaller as you
trust the feelings in your body, your mind and intuition a whole lot more.
89
CONSIDERATIONS
Considerations
Compassion for self - When we move to begin drawing lines for the first time,
we may be out of shape. Like someone who has unknowingly been in a wheelchair
for the majority of their lives, when they get out of the wheelchair to takes their
first steps, it may seem extremely difficult at first. This is perfectly normal and to
be expected. However, with the careful cultivation of mindfulness we can have
compassion for ourselves if things don’t go as expected as we begin to take our
first steps. We cannot run before we can walk! As with learning any new skill, we
get better over time when we practice. This is no different for mindfulness or line
drawing. When we get used to what they entail, each time we practice or act
upon it, the next time it becomes easier. Things that once had seemed difficult
become easier and eventually effortless. We feel in-place, connected, secure in
ourselves, confident in our energies and ready to tackle whatever difficulties are
presented. When your Compass is responding in real-time to difficult situations
and is acted upon, the quicker and more responsive your Compass will become
in the future as you become more familiar with bodily sensations and what they
are telling you to act upon. You will ‘surrender’ to these feelings and you realize
that using the Ruler always leads to a life worth living.
90
CONSIDERATIONS
Starting where we are - Perhaps in our practices of mindfulness or in line

drawing, we may like to think that we are more advanced than we actually are.
This can cause us to balk at the opportunity progress further on our journeys -
e.g. “I’ve already done that before” or “I’ve heard that perspective already”.
These thoughts, whether they have validity or not, prevent the mind from
discovering the natural shapes and their applications in your life as it stands –
there is plenty of room for their application until the day we die, if we were only
open enough to seeing where they can be applied. It is therefore my
encouragement that after reading this guide that you look for the points of tension
in your life with tenacity and be open to the possibility that you can change the
state of your life and relationships in ways that you never imagined possible
before.
91
CONSIDERATIONS
Guilt - Guilt can be a considerable obstacle for some people who feel they were
too harsh with what they said after the fact. Depending on how accurately you
perceived the situation, this may or may not be true. To minimize feelings of
guilt, really practicing and adhering to non-violent communication and allowing
yourself to drop into listening when they’re speaking can help with a smoother
flow of communication. Statements that reflect consideration of their point can
also help show them that you understand their point of view. Understand that
you can never really be truly egotistical when you are coming from your “I” within
and have also attempted understanding all possible alternative or conflicting
opinions, so guilt is not a logical emotion to be feeling. Some people will often
feel more guilty than others, and so if you are one of those people that has trouble
with feeling this emotion regularly or intensely, diligent practice of mindfulness
can help diffuse it whenever it arises.
92
CONSIDERATIONS
Trolling - Some of you may enjoy ‘trolling’ either in obvious or subtle ways in
getting a reaction out of a person. You may enjoy that they are having a spasm.
Watch this tendency in yourself if this is the case for you, as it can be destructive.
Other’s will be able to sense that you are trying to get a rise out of them and will
avoid future interactions with you.
93
CONSIDERATIONS
Snapshots - We never know whether things will take turn for the worse or for
the better, so it’s important not to take snapshots or judgements with our minds
about a situation. Ultimately the outer form your life takes should have no impact
on your inner state of well-being. However on the relative level it can be
important to have things running smoothly and in order. If something happens
that is ‘bad’, it can sometimes turn out that that was actually a ‘good’ thing to
happen because that bad thing caused a necessary breakdown that was the only
possible route for the good thing to happen in the future.
94
CONSIDERATIONS
Difficulties - It is important to realize that under no circumstances do I want to

suggest for you to do a confrontation that you do not want to do. I completely
understand that some approaches may seem too difficult because of the possible
consequences or anxiety of the approach. However, the use of mindfulness can
still be incredibly helpful in diffusing tension. Often mindfulness can be enough in
shifting these situations without line drawing, depending on your own energetic
makeup and situation. If you need any help with approaches, please don’t
hesitate to contact me with the details provided at the bottom of this guide.
95
CONSIDERATIONS
‘Biting your tongue’ - In the same way that line drawing feels like it has a
sense of achievement about it, I cannot understate that the opposite of that –
biting your tongue when you’ve measured that it’s not the correct time or
appropriate thing to say, is also an achievement as well. Holding that tension
when you really want to say something but know it may feel destructive if you
say it is just as valuable in terms of growth. If you feel you’ve held the tension
for long enough, leaving (even if in a minor way) is often the best course of action
in these situations.
96
CONSIDERATIONS
Intoxicants - Being under the influence of any substance is not optimal for
expressing our point to another person. Using the example of alcohol, it can
destroy our ability to measure timing correctly, communicate non-violently, of
switching poles and of accurately clearing up the nuances of our understandings
of each other. I would strongly recommend not to be under the influence of any
substance before approaching anyone. Being intoxicated is bound to destroy the
nuance and sensitivity needed, even if it does give you a confidence boost.
However, I appreciate that sometimes that some issues are time-sensitive, and
you may only be able to do it whilst intoxicated; obviously the less you’ve had,
the better. Whilst this is not ideal, sometimes this can be better than e.g. waiting
until the next day. Caffeine also has the effect of increasing anxiety and fear. It
has the effect of being able to excessively ‘read’ a person, whether that ‘reading’
is positive or not. It is not advised to drink any caffeine in any of the hours before
approaching as it may seem too overwhelming and you may come across as a bit
speedy and hyperactive.
97
CONSIDERATIONS
Technology - As a rule of thumb, approaching people should be done in-person

rather than through any form of technology. The worst form of communication is
text messaging which only allows for mental communication only. Text messaging
separates us enough so that miscommunication can occur – other people are far
less likely to understand our point of view accurately as it destroys timing and
nuance. These are critical in making sure things are communicated accurately,
especially with issues that need to be handled delicately. People can choose when
to respond with text messaging, and they can ruminate on the possible meaning
of things without coming to a clear understanding of what points you were trying
to make. The next best form is leaving voice notes: these allow for more
information to be expressed at one time and give a more human expression
because they can hear your voice intonation so you can express your points with
far more nuance. However, voice notes still have the problem of timing being
interfered with as other people can choose if or when they respond.
The next best, and far superior form compared to text messaging or voice notes,
is voice-calling, and then video-calling. These are superior because they allow for
real-time communication so nothing can be misconstrued. However these all pale
in comparison to in-person interaction where we can experience each other’s
energy fields. There is a field of intensity that can only be achieved when we are
in close proximity to each other like this. So when we’ve decided to make our
point, it is important that we aim for in-person interactions first, and if that’s not
possible to aim for a video or voice call.
98
CONSIDERATIONS
Social media is an invention where people can engage in a public forum with no
repercussions for how they talk to people because it’s all disconnected. Would
they say half of the things to people in real life? I doubt it! It is therefore important
to take all internet engagement with a pinch of salt, and to try and not get caught
up in it. However, it can be a good tool to practice how to respond to people in
text form when they are being overly-critical, arrogant or harsh by practicing
responses to them that you’ve not tried before, with the aim of coming to a
mutual understanding and skilfully shaping your words considering the context of
the online discussion. Blocking people on social media is also tempting as it gives
people a perceived level of ‘fake’ power by bolstering ego. The legitimate times
for blocking people are abusive or harassing, not when you disagree with them
or they ignore you. Mindfulness is important in this situation as even though it
might be a small gesture to block them, it is interesting to note if the energy of
dislike for the online engagement is strong enough that you would take such
action. It could be a reflection of an egoic self that wants to ‘win’ and not to
simply leave a discussion where two parties can simply just disagree with one
another.
99
CONSIDERATIONS
Women - Women have an additional challenge that men don’t necessarily have.
Because the feminine as a principle is magnetic, she is thus more associated with
attractiveness, generally speaking. This is a deep biological truth that cannot be
sidestepped, especially for those who are young, fertile and good looking. As
such, if you are a woman of such attractiveness, of course you’ll have noticed the
effect upon men that come across you, perhaps nearly every day of your lives.
This is because men literally cannot help themselves to interact with you in the
many forms that may take. The challenge here is that women must wield the
masculine principle of boundary to prevent men they don’t want to interact with
getting ‘too close’. This is a necessary especially in today’s modern society as
men can come across in all sorts of unskillful ways which includes an uglier dark
side such as being obsessive, creepy or even violent. Evolution has given the
advantage of women able to be more perceptive when reading other people in
this regard and can therefore ‘read’ situations better. The section on ‘Personal
Boundaries’ that includes leaving and declining requests will perhaps be the most
pertinent forms of line drawing as they do not agitate a bruised man’s ego for
him to further lash out in more unskillful ways.
100
CONSIDERATIONS
Grey-Rocking – To ‘Grey Rock’ someone means to completely cut a person out

of your life or to diminish communication only to when absolutely necessary. This
may be the case if they are absolutely and irreversibly toxic. The judgement as
to whether you want to do this is up to you, and you know whether you can
continue giving them a piece of string or not. If they’re still abusive, manipulative
etc, it may be time to cut contact with them. The challenge here is that they may
bait you to communicate in old ways. If there are still necessary situations in
which you need to communicate, keep it to a minimum and keep emotional
reactivity out of it. You may need to remind yourself several times in these
necessary interactions that you have decided to grey-rock them to keep yourself
from getting sucked in.
101
CONSIDERATIONS
Violence – If you think anybody will respond to you with physical violence in any
form, do not approach them under any circumstances and either grey-rock them
or consider getting outside help in some form, whether that be through social
services, or an understanding friend or family member.
102
COACHING & CONTACT
Coaching and
Contact
Over the past decade I have developed the practices in this guide to be able
to write about it and it is my sincere hope that those of you that have read it will
gain the enormous benefit of this work that I have. I wish to share my knowledge
on the subject to help you deepen your level of mindfulness and to discover your
full potential so you can make empowering change in the situations of your life
instead of dwelling on them. If you feel that you need help with an issue that has
been bothering you, I can help you with that. Our sessions will comprise of
identifying any points of fixation, whether they should be acted upon, and if they
are, carefully guiding you to help you find a resolution that works for you.
The coaching sessions take place by either online text messaging or voice
messages over Telegram (@MindfulBoundaries01). It is then up to you whether
you wish to progress to voice calls or videos calls. You can download the App
from the Telegram website or the Google Play store. There are both desktop and
mobile versions. A coaching period lasts between 1 and 6 weeks and as of this
version of the guide (Version 1.0), the cost is based on what you think the
sessions have been worth to you after completion. Payments can be made by
PayPal. In your initial message to me, provide what issues you are experiencing
and would like help resolving. The responses will be specifically tailored to the
information given to me, so the more information that you can provide, the more
I can tailor my knowledge and experience to meet you exactly where you are at.
103
COACHING AND CONTACT
I am not a certified coach and cannot officially coach you with anything outside
of what is presented in this guide. Please read the disclaimer below.
Confidentiality is of utmost importance to me and none of your details will ever
be shared with anyone else at any time or in any capacity. Telegram also has the
function of deleting conversations for both parties so this can also be used at any
time by yourself. You can also adjust the privacy settings to on Telegram to
restrict any of your account information being seen by anyone.
104
COACHING & CONTACT
Contact & Groups

If you’d like to book a coaching session for me or simply have a few questions,
please contact me on Telegram. If you’d like to have discussions with other people
who enjoyed this guide, please join the Telegram group below. If you’d like the
coaching to be conducted through WhatsApp or Skype, please send me a message
asking for the details for them via email..
Telegram Username: @MindfulBoundaries01 (simply type in search bar)
Telegram Group: t.me/MindfulBoundaries
Future Works
I will be creating future works such as a book to help with exercises to help with
mindfulness and line drawing, as well as video analysis of other’s line drawing. A
Patreon will also be in the works so you can get insight into my own personal
journey within unique tips and insights. I will send private messages on Telegram
when these are completed.
Disclaimer
Please note that I don’t make any guarantees about the results of the information
applied in this guide. I share educational and informational resources that are
intended to help you succeed in the areas covered here. You nevertheless need
to know that your ultimate success or failure will be the result of your own efforts,
your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond my
knowledge and control. By contacting me on any of the channels above, you are
taking complete responsibility for the actions and subsequent reactions that occur
after having applied the methods in this guide. I take no responsibility in any
harm, injury or loss that you or any other party have suffered from the actions
you've taken after reading this guide.
Please note that all the written works are owned by me, the writer of this guide.
Please message me if you wish to share or use quotations from it.
105
COACHING & CONTACT
Living Document
Version 1.0
This guide is intended to be a living document and as such, I like it to be updated
by you, the reader, with your thoughts and feedback. If you are interested in
updating this document with your own input then please message me and I will
let you know about the future edits.
106
Chögyam Trungpa ~ AWAKENED STATE OF FRESHNESS
You do not have to attend to or cultivate the awakened state of being as something new in
your system. You realize that you already possess that awakened state of freshness. Anything
that you can appreciate and enjoy in your life, such as seeing a beautiful flower, experiencing
exquisite situations, or hearing beautiful language, teachings or music, comes out of that
awakened state.
Chögyam Trungpa ~ NO FORCE OF HATRED

An opposing force needs another strength coming, advancing, toward them. As the opponent
is approaching you, the closer they get, they expect more and more to encounter another
strength coming toward them. When that strength is not there at all, they just collapse. They
miss the target, collapse, and their whole force becomes self-defeating. It is like someone
trying to fight their hallucinations: as they try to strike the phantoms harder, they themselves
fall on the ground. That is the whole point: when you do not produce another force of hatred,
the opposing force collapses.
Chögyam Trungpa ~ GIVE UP THE PARANOIA

The open path is a matter of working purely with what is, of giving up altogether the fear that
something may not work, that something may end in failure. One has to give up the paranoia
that one might not fit into situations, that one might be rejected. One purely deals with life as
it is.
Chögyam Trungpa ~ EXPRESSING OUR EMOTIONS

We have to make a relationship with our emotional energy. Usually, when we speak of
expressing our energies, we are more concerned with the expression than with the energy
itself, which seems to be rushing too fast. We are afraid the energy will overwhelm us, so we
try to get rid of it through action. However, once you develop a harmonious relationship with
your energy, then you can actually express it, and the style of expression becomes very sane,
right to the point.
Chögyam Trungpa ~ WISDOM IS NOT WARFARE

If there is wisdom in sacred teachings, there should not be any war. As long as a person is
involved with warfare, trying to defend or attack, then the action is not sacred; it is mundane,
dualistic, a battlefield situation. One would not expect the great teachings to be as simple-
minded as that, trying to be good, fighting the bad. Sense of humor means seeing both poles
of a situation as they are, from an aerial point of view. There is good, there is bad, and you
see both with a panoramic view.
107
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photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods,
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of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other
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MINDFULNESS

Ramifications of the Natural Shapes

The Power Switch

The benefits of practicing mindfulness are:

 Worries about other’s perceptions of you

Non-Duality & Getting Rid of the Anchor

Spiritual Teacher List

Tony Parsons – Already Boundless

The ruler &

The way in which we draw lines can be broadly categorized in to 6 different

Addressing Controlling Behaviour

It is also important to use the Compass to determine whether we’re just

Addressing Inappropriate Behaviour

 Is someone making inappropriate flirtatious advances?

Sattva – Purity, honour, harmony, compassion. People who are predominantly

Tamas – Darkness, anger, letheragy, ego. People who are predominantly

This section is recommended to be read multiple times and memorized before

Awareness of Being Slighted

Measuring Whether to Draw the Line or Not

A very important consideration is to consider whether you are projecting your

Opening Statements and Non-Violent Communication

Awareness of Bodily Sensations

Switching Poles and Refining Understanding

Success, Benefits and Growth of Line Drawing

Starting where we are - Perhaps in our practices of mindfulness or in line

Difficulties - It is important to realize that under no circumstances do I want to

Technology - As a rule of thumb, approaching people should be done in-person

Grey-Rocking – To ‘Grey Rock’ someone means to completely cut a person out

Contact & Groups

Chögyam Trungpa ~ NO FORCE OF HATRED

Chögyam Trungpa ~ GIVE UP THE PARANOIA

Chögyam Trungpa ~ EXPRESSING OUR EMOTIONS

Chögyam Trungpa ~ WISDOM IS NOT WARFARE

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