Dining Etiquette Guide

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Dining Etiquette Guide

Table manners play an important part in making a favorable impression. They are visible signals of the state of our manners and therefore are essential to professional success. The point of etiquette rules is to make you feel comfortable - not uncomfortable.

Making Restaurant Reservations:


Restaurant reservations are like any other appointment. If you make a reservation, stick to it. Call ahead if youre going to be more than 15 minutes late, and cancel as far in advance as possible if your plans change so that someone else can get a table. Some restaurants take credit card numbers to hold reservations and charge no-show fees.

How to use napkins:


In a restaurant: As soon as you are seated, remove the napkin from your place setting, unfold it, and put it in your lap. Do not shake it open. At some very formal restaurants, the waiter may do this for the diners, but it is not inappropriate to place your own napkin in your lap, even when this is the case. The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. Don't clean the cutlery or wipe your face with the napkin. NEVER use it to wipe your nose! If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either. Never place your napkin on your chair. At the end of the meal, leave the napkin semi-folded at the left side of the place setting. It should not be crumpled or twisted; nor should it be folded. The napkin must also not be left on the chair. At a private dinner party: The meal begins when the host or hostess unfolds his or her napkin. This is your signal to do the same. Place your napkin on your lap, completely unfolded if it is a small luncheon napkin or in half, lengthwise, if it is a large dinner napkin. Do not shake it open. The napkin rests on the lap till the end of the meal. The host will signal the end of the meal by placing his or her napkin on the table. Once the meal is over, you too should place your napkin neatly on the table to the left of your dinner plate. (Do not refold your napkin, but don't wad it up, either.)

When to start eating:


In a restaurant:

Wait until all are served at your table before beginning to eat. At a private dinner party: When your host or hostess picks up their fork to eat, then you may eat. Do not start before this unless the host or hostess insists that you start eating.

How to use your silverware and dinnerware:


Dinner Setting Photo by Replacement, Ltd.

Use the silverware farthest from your plate first. Here's the Silverware and dinnerware rule: Eat to your left, drink to your right. Any food dish to the left is yours, and any glass to the right is yours. Starting with the knife, fork, or spoon that is farthest from your plate, work your way in, using one utensil for each course. The salad fork is on your outermost left, followed by your dinner fork. Your soup spoon is on your outermost right, followed by your beverage spoon, salad knife and dinner knife. Your dessert spoon and fork are above your plate or brought out with dessert. If you remember the rule to work from the outside in, you'll be fine. Use one of two methods when using the fork and knife: American Style: Knife in right hand, fork in left hand holding food. After a few bite-sized pieces of food are cut, place knife on edge of plate with blades facing in. Eat food by switching fork to right hand (unless you are left handed). A left hand, arm or elbow on the table is bad manners. Continental/European Style: Knife in right hand, fork in left hand. Eat food with fork still in left hand. The difference is that you don't switch hands-you eat with your fork in your left hand, with the prongs curving downward. Both utensils are kept in your hands with the tines pointed down throughout the entire eating process. If you take a drink, you do not just put your knife down, you put both utensils down into the resting position: cross the fork over the knife. Once used, your utensils, including the handles, must not touch the table again. Always rest forks, knives, and spoons on the side of your plate. For more formal dinners, from course to course, your tableware will be taken away and replaced as needed.

To signal that your are done with the course, rest your fork, tines up, and knife blade in, with the handles resting at five o'clock an tips pointing to ten o'clock on your plate. Any unused silverware is simply left on the table.

General social and dining etiquette rules:


Follow whatever dress code is requested on the invitation or suggested by the host/hostess. Arrive at least 10 minutes early unless otherwise specified. Never arrive late! It is proper to bring a small hostess gift, one that the hostess is not obliged to use that very evening. Gifts such as flowers, candy, wine, or dessert, are not good hostess gifts, as the hostess will feel that it must put it out immediately. You must not never expect your gift to be served at the dinner party. At a dinner party, wait for the host or hostess sits down before taking your seat. If the host/hostess asks you to sit, then do. At a very formal dinner party, if there are no name cards at the table, wait until the host indicates where you should sit. The seating will typically be man-woman-man-woman with the women seated to the right of the men. A prayer or 'blessing' may be customary in some households. The dinner guests may join in or be respectfully silent. Most prayers are made by the host before the meal is eaten. Sometimes a toast is offered instead of a prayer. Always join in with a toast. If the host stands up during the toast, also stand up. Serving tea or coffee signifies that the formal part of the evening is over. Guests may now feel free to leave, or linger if the host or hostess encourages them to do so. After a formal dinner party, a thank you note should be sent to the hostess. Serving food: Food is served from the left. Dishes are removed from the right. Always say please when asking for something. At a restaurant, be sure to say thank you to your server and bus boy after they have removed any used items. Butter, spreads, or dips should be transferred from the serving dish to your plate before spreading or eating. Passing dishes or food: Pass food from the left to the right. Do not stretch across the table, crossing other guests, to reach food or condiments. If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together, even if a table mate asks for only one of them. This is so dinner guests won't have to search for orphaned shakers. Set any passed item, whether it's the salt and pepper shakers, a bread basket, or a butter plate, directly on the table instead of passing hand-to-hand. Never intercept a pass. Snagging a roll out of the breadbasket or taking a shake of salt when it is en route to someone else is a no-no. Always use serving utensils to serve yourself, not your personal silverware. Eating:

Do NOT talk with food in your mouth! This is very rude and distasteful to watch! Wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth. Always taste your food before seasoning it. Usually the hostess has gone to a lot of work making sure the food served is delicious to her standards. It is very rude to add salt and pepper before tasting the food. Don't blow on your food to cool it off. If it is too hot to eat, take the hint and wait until it cools. Always scoop food, using the proper utensil, away from you. Cut only enough food for the next mouthful (cut no more than two bites of food at a time). Eat in small bites and slowly. Do eat a little of everything on your plate. If you do not like the food and feel unable to give a compliment, just keep silent. It is acceptable to leave some food on your plate if you are full and have eaten enough. Do not "play with" your food or utensils. Never wave or point silverware. Do not hold food on the fork or spoon while talking, nor wave your silverware in the air or point with it. Try to pace your eating so that you dont finish before others are halfway through. If you are a slow eater, try to speed up a bit on this occasion so you dont hold everyone up. Never continue to eat long after others have stopped. Once used, your utensils, including the handles, must not touch the table again. Always rest forks, knives, and spoons on the side of your plate or in the bowl. If the food served is not to your liking, it is polite to at least attempt to eat a small amount of it. It is never acceptable to ask a person why they have not eaten all the food. Don't make an issue if you don't like something or can't eat it - keep silence. Even if you have dietary restrictions, it is inappropriate to request food other than that which is being served by the host at a private function. If you have serious dietary restrictions or allergies, let your host know in advance of the dinner. Table Manners: Unfold your napkin and place it on your lap. When you are finished, place it loosely on the table, not on the plate and never on your chair. Keep elbows off the table. Keep your left hand in your lap unless you are using it. Do not talk with your mouth full. Chew with your mouth closed. Guests should do their best to mingle and make light conversation with everyone. Do not talk excessively loudly. Give others equal opportunities for conversation. Talk about cheerful, pleasant things at the table. Don't clean up spills with your own napkin and don't touch items that have dropped on the floor. You can use your napkin to protect yourself from spills. Then, simply and politely ask your server to clean up and to bring you a replacement for the soiled napkin or dirty utensil. Loud eating noises such as slurping and burping are very impolite. The number one sin of dinner table etiquette! Do not blow your nose at the dinner table. Excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room. If you cough, cover your mouth with your napkin to stop the spread of germs and muffle the noise. If your cough becomes unmanageable, excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room.

Turn off your cell phone or switch it to silent or vibrate mode before sitting down to eat, and leave it in your pocket or purse. It is impolite to answer a phone during dinner. If you must make or take a call, excuse yourself from the table and step outside of the restaurant. Do not use a toothpick or apply makeup at the table. Say "Excuse me," or "I'll be right back," before leaving the table. Do not say that you are going to the restroom. Whenever a woman leaves the table or returns to sit, all men seated with her should stand up. Do not push your dishes away from you or stack them for the waiter when you are finished. Leave plates and glasses where they are. Wine: Never turn a wine glass upside down to decline wine. It is more polite to let the wine be poured and not draw attention. Otherwise, hold your hand over the wine glass to signal that you don't want any wine. Hold your wine glass by the stem, not the rim. See How To Successfully Taste Wine - Wine Tasting Basics. Where a different wine is served with each course, it is quite acceptable to not finish each glass.

Dividing or sharing the restaurant bill with others:


Always assume that if youre dining in a group of more than 6 people (3 couples), that the check is going to be divided evenly among everyone. When dining when other couples, If you know youre going to ask for a separate check, tell the server before you order so that the process is simplified later. Take into account any significant ($15 or more) price differences in orders. If someone only orders soup and everyone else orders 2 to 3 courses, its not fair to make them pay the same. If there are a couple people not drinking alcohol while the rest of the group is, separate the beverage total to take this into account and dont overcharge the non-drinkers.

Proper tipping etiquette in a restaurant:


At a restaurant, always leave a tip. Tips can vary from 15% to 25%. Waiter: 15% to 20% of the bill; 25% for extraordinary service Wine steward: 15% of wine bill Bartender: 10% to 15% of bar bill Coat check: $1.00 per coat Car attendant: $2.00 to $5.00

Dining Etiquette
Dining with Confidence Did you know that the point of etiquette rules is to make you feel comfortable, not uncomfortable? The idea is that if there are standards that people abide by, then you can have confidence that you are behaving "appropriately." It takes the guesswork out of public behavior. I was blessed to have parents who taught me dining etiquette, but many people are not so fortunate. When I started traveling for business as a young man, it really made corporate dinners less intimidating. Bread on the Left, Drink on the Right Which drink is yours? This is one of the first decisions at the dinner table because oftentimes, napkins are in the glass when you arrive at the table.

b d
Here is an easy tip to help you remember. Hold both hands in front of you, palms facing each other. Using the tips of your thumb and forefinger, make circles on each hand. The remaining three fingers in each hand point upwards. Your left hand will form a "b" and your right hand will form a "d". Bread (b) is on the left, and drink (d) is on the right. Thank you Martha Stewart for that tip. If your neighbor has already taken your bread plate or drink, quietly ask the waiter for another. Napkins Napkins belong in your lap. Large napkins can be folded in half or with a quarter folded over the top. They should never be tucked into your shirt like a bib. Wait for the host to unfold his napkin before unfolding yours. In a banquet setting or at a restaurant, simply place your napkin in your lap as soon as you are seated. If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either. Note: Some respected etiquette experts will disagree and flatly state that when leaving the table, you should hang the napkin over the back of your chair. Whatever you do, do not place the napkin in the seat of your chair. You don't want to wipe your mouth with a napkin that has been left on the seat. Place Settings Etiquette Place settings can be confusing. The general rule for silverware is to work from the outside in as the meal progresses.

1. Dinner plate - The center of the place setting. When finished eating, do not push the plate away from you. Instead, place both your fork and knife across the center of the plate, handles to the right. . Between bites, your fork and knife are placed on the plate, handles to the right, not touching the table. 2. Soup bowl - May be placed on the dinner plate. If you need to set your soup spoon down, place it in the bowl. Do not put it on the dish under the bowl until finished. 3. Bread plate - Belongs just above the tip of the fork. Bread should be broken into bite -sized pieces, not cut. Butter only the piece you are preparing to eat. When butter is served, put some on your bread plate and use as needed. 4. Napkin - Placed to the left of the fork with the fold on the left. Sometimes placed under the forks or on the plate. 5. Salad fork - If a salad fork is used, it belongs to the left of the dinner fork. 6. Dinner fork - Placed to the left of the plate. No more than three forks to the left of the plate. If there are three forks, they are usually salad, fish, and meat, in order of use, from outside in. An oyster fork always goes to the right of the soup spoon. 7. Butter knife - Place horizontally on bread plate. 8. Dessert spoon - Above the plate. 9. Cake fork - Above the plate. 10. Dinner knife - To the right of the plate. Sometimes there are multiple knives, perhaps for meat, fish, and salad, in order of use from outside in. 11. Tea spoon - To the right of the dinner knife. 12. Soup spoon - If needed, to the right of the tea spoon. 13. Water glass - Just above the tip of the knife. 14. Red wine glass - To the right of the water glass. 15. White wine glass - To the right of the red wine glass. A glass of white wine is held on its stem to preserve the chill. It should be served at 45 to 55 degrees Fahrenheit.

16. Coffee cup and saucer not pictured - If needed, bring at time of coffee service. Serving Food Pass food from the left to the right. If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together. Food is served from the left. Dishes are removed from the right. Butter, spreads, or dips should be transferred from the serving dish to your plate before spreading or eating. Start eating hot food when it is served, do not wait for everyone else to begin. For soup, dip the spoon into the soup, from the edge of the bowl to the center, moving away from you. Only fill it 3/4 full to avoid spilling. Sip, not slurp, from the edge of the spoon. Do not insert the whole bowl of the spoon into your mouth. It is proper to tip a soup bowl slightly to get all of the soup. Never turn the glass upside down to decline wine. It is more polite to let the wine be poured and not draw attention to yourself. If you are asked about wine and will not be drinking, quietly decline. Do not ask for a doggy bag unless it is an informal dining situation. Do not smoke at the table. Do not ask to taste someone else's food. Similarly, do not offer a taste of your food to someone else. Taste your food before seasoning it. For hard to scoop items like peas, use your knife or a piece of bread to push the items onto your fork. Do not use your fingers. Do not talk with your mouth full. Cut only enough food for the next mouthful. Chew with your mouth closed. If soup is too hot to eat, let it cool in bowl. Do not blow on it. Practice good posture. If not eating, place your hand in your lap or rest your wrists on the edge of the table. Do not put your elbows on the table. If hot food is burning your mouth, discretely drink something cool to counteract the food. When dining out, order foods that can be eaten with utensils. Meeting materials or briefacases should be placed under your chair until it is time to discuss business. Try to pace your meal to finish at the same time as your host or the majority of the group at the table. Do not blow your nose at the dinner table. Excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room.

General Dining Etiquette

If you cough, cover your mouth with your napkin to stop the spread of germs and muffle the noise. If your cough becomes unmanageable, excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room.

Casual Dining Exceptions Eating out with your friends is not an excuse to become a slob. However, dining etiquette guidelines are not as important when eating a burger and fries at Chilis.

Do not worry about ordering foods that are eaten with your hands - burgers, fajitas, sandwiches, etc. When sharing chips and salsa at your favorite Mexican food restaurant, do not concern yourself with transfering salsa to your own plate. However, do not double dip. In other words, do not dip your chip, bite off a piece, and then re-dip your chip.

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