PERSONAL REFLECTION 1

Personal Reflection: My Identity Development

Irania Rodriguez

Department of Educational Leadership, California State University, Fresno

Personal Reflection: My Identity Development

I grew up in a rural area in the South Valley, within a family of six. My parents migrated

from Mexico to the United States back in 1993. They both came with no educational

background, so they went straight to working in the fields. They knew education had value, so

growing up, they would tell my siblings and me that we only had two options, school or working

in the fields. We all choose education, and now my older siblings and I have a bachelor’s degree.

We utilize our experiences to help guide my younger sister through her academic journey. As I

continue to pursue my education further, I have also learned more about what has shaped me to

become who I am today. To understand my life experiences, I use the Latino Ethnic Identity

theory, the reading from Johnston et al. (2015), “Examining the Significance of ‘Race’ in

College Students’ Identity Within a ‘Postracial’ Era,” and the Student Involvement Theory to

explain my individual and student identity.

Ethnicity Identity Development

As I mentioned earlier, I grew up in a rural area. My environment as an adolescent and

young adult was partially diverse. I would say that my K-12 school was about 80 percent

identifying Latino students and the rest White students, and in high school, it was equally split

among Latino and White students. At both schools, all the teachers and Administrators were

predominantly White. My ethnic identity development aligned with the categories outlined by

the influences on Latino students’ Ethnic Identity development. The environment I grew up in,

my family influence and generational status, and my self-perception of status in society all

played a role in my individual and student experiences (Torres, 2003).

In the environment I grew up in, I would position myself between Torres dimension

ranges. I studied among a diverse community, but I also was surrounded by my teachers, who
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were predominantly White. I surrounded myself with diverse groups of students in high school,

that when I started college, it was an easy transition for me to meet people. Although, there was

still a culture shock for me to move to the bay area for college because I got fully exposed to

diverse ethnicities and my professors were not all White.

In Torres’s (2003) theory, family influence and generational status play a role in a

student’s Ethnic Identity Development. The approach emphasizes that students reported most

likely to use the same labels their parents assigned them to, which I also did (Torres, 2003). My

parents kept my siblings and me closely connected to our roots, and they expected us to follow

their customs. Due to being the only child to have my citizenship, I was the only one who could

travel to see my family in Mexico. My parents then would take me out of school in early

December every year to fly out because the flight tickets were usually cheaper than during break.

Being that they could only afford those flight prices, I had to sacrifice holiday parties every year

at my K-12 because I need to catch a flight. Even though, at the moment, I would complain. Now

I see why I had to do it. I was my parent’s only direct connection to my family, who they left

behind for the opportunity of a better life for my siblings and me.

Being the first child born in the United States, I was considered privileged among my

family. I could travel to see my family in Mexico while my parents and older siblings could not.

People in Mexico perceived my family as financially doing well because my parents would

always send my family money and gifts. In reality, we were struggling at home. My parents felt

more of an obligation to send items because they knew how hard it is for people out there to earn

money. I felt like the messenger who had to deal with negative stereotypes from both locations.

In Mexico, I was not one of them. I was the “gringa,” which is the White girl coming from the

land of opportunities. Here in the United States, I was a low-income student whose English is a
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second language and struggled to meet educational standards. My self-perception and status in

society pushed me to internalize the negative stereotypes I heard. I began to shift the pride I had

in my ethnic identity as I got into high school. I became ashamed of my background and my

parents. My family relationship changed, I refused to speak Spanish, and I no longer wanted to

go to Mexico. These experiences created a conflict with my ethnic identity that I have had to

learn to overcome.

Racial Identity Development

When I filled out forms and the race questions came up, I never knew what I should be

checking off. I always felt in a limbo stage with race. I knew I was not white, but I knew the

other races did not feel right either. For most of high school, I would check White. My family in

Mexico saw me as White, so I thought that was the closest I could check off. I did not realize

what difference it made. I believed that race did not matter because I thought we were all the

same. I found no importance for others to know my ethnicity, like the student in the study of

Johnston et al. (2015), who believed in the human race. Once I was in college, my major

introduced me to society’s inequities and how they are still relevant today. My major challenged

my perspective at first, but it also allowed me the space to learn and grow. Through my courses, I

did a lot of self-reflection on my personal life, and I began to see the inequities I faced as a

low-income student and the internal racism I had consumed. As much as I wanted to believe that

race did not matter, I learned that it did, and it made a huge difference in who I am now.

Student Involvement Theory

Since I can recall, I have always been involved in school with extracurricular activities.

When I got to high school, I persuaded my parents to allow me to participate in cross country.

Since we lived far from school, my mom would have to make arrangements to pick me up from
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practice. As much as they resisted, I convinced them my participation was crucial to my future

college admissions. In reality, I was just doing it because of the friends I had made and the

support community I gained out of being on the team.

When I went off to college, I was eager to be involved, but I decided to take it easy my

first year and just find a student support program that would help me figure out how to graduate.

My decision to not jump into being involved on campus was due to fear of putting myself out

there too much and putting myself at risk of not succeeding academically. I also did not know

how I would financially be doing, so instead, I took the first year to get familiar with and learn

from my new environment. That first year I had so much doubt about wanting to stay at Cal State

East Bay. I was homesick, I did not feel connected to campus life, and I did not know anyone but

my roommates. Then my sophomore year, I went for it. I joined a national sorority and began

working on campus for the EOP program, and everything changed. I got involved and lived by

my sororities motto of “to receive much, you must give much” (Sigma Sigma Sigma, 2018). As I

have learned about Astin (1984) Involvement Theory, I see the connection with this motto that

kept me connected to campus and helped me grow as an individual. The experiences I went

through in both high school and college were shaping my development. I gained practical skills

that have been transferable in my work and my current role as a graduate student.

Conclusion

Overall, reflecting on my experiences, I understand how student development partakes in

a student’s background. As a future educator, I have to reflect on my own experiences to learn

my bias to serve my students best. Understanding their story will allow me to help them and give

them the space to reflect on their own experiences. Looking back at it now, I am grateful for

having had the experiences I went through to get to where I am now and where I will be.
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References

Astin, A. W. (1984). Student involvement: A developmental theory for higher education. Journal

of College Student Personnel, 25, 297–308.

Johnston, M. P., Pizzolato, J. E., & Kanny, M. A. (2015). Examining the significance of “race” in

college students’ identity within a “postracial” era. Journal of College Student

Development, 56(3), 227–242. https://doi.org/10.1353/csd.2015.0023

Patton, L. D., Renn, K. A., Guido, F. M., Quaye, S. J., & Evans, N. J., (2016). Student

development in college: Theory, research, and Practice (3rd Ed.). Jossey-Bass.

Sigma Sigma Sigma [@trisigma]. (2018, November 12). “To receive much, we must give much."

With this job, I get to do exactly that in giving back to this organization that has given me

so much in return. - Gabbie, '18-'19 Consultant. Twitter.

https://twitter.com/trisigma/status/1062029531601649665?lang=en

Torres, V. (2003). Influences on ethnic identity development of Latino college students in the

first two years of college. Journal of College Student Development, 44, 532–547.