ACTIVITY 6

OBISPO, SHEENA MAE M.

MY PAIN

MY HEALED WOUNDS
 Is there an exact word that describes the pain that we experience, the
struggles we face and the mistakes we make? I don’t know. Maybe, those
feelings goes through beyond words. Indescribable, but is woven in our soul
like distinct tapestry pattern that highlights different emotions.
The different situation that happened to me has made big impact in my
life. I lost the ones I love the most, my childhood was stolen by a disease, my
life had been a mess due to expectations, judgments, disappointments- the
games where I fought hard but still lost, the dreams I tried to catch but still
failed, everything is a signal of triggering my past emotions that I never
planned to think of ever again. I was betrayed back then, by the people I trust
the most, society- by myself. I give them diamonds and they throw stones on
me, I gave them ladder to climb but they pushed me to fall, then that girl, she
look at me disapprovingly. Always saying that I failed again and again, she
told me to just hide, because aside from my presence means nothing at all, a
worm like me should just disappear from their sight. But alas, as I walk and
took a glance, it is a mirror. It is me. I belittled my qualities, hurt myself when
everybody is hurting me too. When they say I am dumb, I say yes I know.
When they say I’m ugly, I say it is obvious. And when they say I wasn’t
enough, I say I’ll never be. I should be helping myself when no one could do
that for me but I also turned into a monster killing my own confidence. I’ve
been through a lot,but now, I think its time to show them what I’ve got.

Why butterfly? Because simply, I can see myself like a butterfly. They
don’t started as a beautifully created masterpiece roaming around your
garden, kissing the little flowers that has been long waiting for their gentle
embrace. They started as a worm first. They are fragile, can easily break, can
easily die. They undergone process. They had been neglected, look down
upon by others, they had been taken for granted, sometimes some even step
on them. They don’t seem worthy of attention before, but as they were
struggling inside the cocoon, being hurt and smashed by weather, they stand
strong.
And with that struggles, formed a beautiful butterfly, which add beauty to
someones life, which add wonder to their mediocre world.There were times
that I as a cocoon felt like I am alone, that no one understands me, that I am
struggling while everyone one is just watching, little did I know that there are
trees around me, and those trees protects me, shed me, helped me grow and
survive to grow into a beautiful butterfly, not just a worm which will crawl
forever.My first aids, who cherished me, and gave me a pair of beautiful
wings. At first, am almost giving up because I couldn’t find reason to fight
when I can see that no one believes in me, that all they see was a pitiful girl
trying to be better. For a moment, I thought everything was pointless, and all
my hardships will go to waste. But now, things have finally fall onto place.
It is a long process which requires them, the caterpillar, to be tough, to look
straight to the goal and fly no matter how weak your wings are. It is how my
wound felt like now. From a good for nothing worm, helpless and pushed
away, hurting and crying inside while the only protection I get is from God,
now the wounds healed, and like a butterfly, I can finally see the colors it
designed in my life. It is now an image of the times I was fighting and not a
picture of grieving.In my wings carved are the wounds, not as scars but a
aesthetic tattoo.without those painful days I spent inside the cocoon, without
the grief, the agony, maybe I would never be who I am now. Maybe I’m still a
caterpillar, saying I could never reach the sky. Maybe Ill never understand the
essence of waiting, of patience and self love. Maybe I’m still chasing the
wrong stars until now. Those pain were turned in to a lesson, the people I lost
became a kept memories, and the old self, my cocoon, it is now flying, and
those worms who gazed upon me and laugh at me while I was struggling was
now surprised that I have wings, while still, like how a worm should be, they
crawl.
All I can say is, the cocoon that felt the most hardships will be the butterfly
that flies the highest.
MY FIRST AID KIT
 PANACEA
Sheena Mae Obispo

Life is a tough game. Really really tough that you will fall, and break and
be crushed- and wounds and pain would be a usual prize. Fortunately,
whenever I stumble due to the thorns creeping in my path, I always could
rely on my kit of happiness- my first aid kit.
It is not just any usual kit containing series of gauze pad and alcohol, it is a
kit where the medicine that relieves the pain can walk and talk, or simply a
cure for trampled soul, a rest for this exhausting world.
In the digital art I made, I put everything I need every minute of my life,
especially on times of suffering. These are the hopes I got whenever I feel
like giving up. These are the calming harmony that keeps my soul and mind
in place. These are the things that says I deserve every good thing, and I am
really satisfied with the presence of this in my life.
They had been present in my life until now, keeping me sanity, and protects
me from this poisonous world where you don’t know who you can trust.
Whenever I am strangled with confusion, with trouble , the first medicine I
get is my pen and paper. It is usually the very first one to know everything, I
can tell everything without fear, without second thoughts, and translate this
pain into masterpiece like poems and stories. I read and write, I kept myself
busy to forget all my problems and release all the tensions I’m feeling at that
particular moment. Listening to music, composing songs or simply strumming
my guitar also helps me to cope up with things I cant control. This is a rest
that I cant live without because this is where I express all my emotions that I
cant let go.
Maybe I was wrong that its not my family and friends I ran to first to cope
up with an extremely draining situation, I have no doubts about them, but its
just that I don’t want to inflict pity and the same kind of sadness in
them.They can always lighten up my mood, just by simply existing. Looking
at them makes me wanna do my best to make them happy, they are the
reason why I wanna fight, they give me courage. I need them every minute
and I find comfort even with just small talks, more importantly, hugs .Maybe
I’m Olaf, because I like warm hugs. I really, really need a gentle and warm
embrace whenever it feels like rain is trying to drown me. This is the act that
even without words, I felt loved. I felt like it is washing my tears away. No
words can ever replace, no matter how sweet it is, a hug that comes from the
ones you love.
Another thing that helps me to cope up with this troublesome life is animals,
especially cat and dogs. I am the owner of the most pet in our home; seven
dogs, 5 cats, 14 turkeys, 8 chicken and a cute chubby pig. They are gift given
to me, some are adopted and some simply followed me home and end up
being my baby too. Some were reserved by for me even if I don’t ask them
to, because people knew how much I adore this cute creature and I take
them as responsibility. They always made my day, and I felt like they
understand me, as much I understand their crazy little acts of sweetness.
Whenever I wanted to be alone, they follow me. I am still alone, but they
make me feel like we are in this together. Sometimes I feel like they felt my
pain, because they look at me and stays even I don’t give them too much
attention. And oh, food. Food gives me happy hormones. Although I’m
skinny, believe it or not, I eat like a monster. Sometimes stress eating,
sometimes just want to bite all my problems away. Whenever I’m sad, and
someone give me food, like my boy best friend always does, I just cant help
but smile and love them even more for knowing what emergency aid do I
need when they know comfort words wont work on me.Most importantly, I
need coffee. Oh coffee, my little dear coffee. From the start of my day to the
end, I look for coffee. I need this smell that gives me relaxation that every sip
is another level of courage, every cup is a cheer up glowing in dark saying I
wont stop, with a cup. I love how it soothes all the stress I get from daily
living and wash them with this nostalgic beans, I love how it reminds me of
those rough days I went through, just with a coffee. I love how it gives me
peace when my mind was a mess.
At corner, I draw an old man. That old man, symbolizes the undying love
where I find comfort until now. My late grandfather. Every time I feel like
things are getting so bad, my plans went wrong and things don’t fall into
place, I step on the ground where we both look at the sky every night when
he was still with me, I reminisce the laughter like echoes in my ears, telling
me that problems were made to make me stronger and all I need to do is
smile, and fight. I just close my eyes and imagine his words that calms me
down. I look at his smile, drawn upon the midnight sky, and it gives me the
assurance, like he always did, that everything will be okay. Whenever I felt
really devastated, I always tend to go to his tomb, and tell him everything-the
pain, the agony, the disappointments, like I always did before, and with that I
go home leaving free from life loads. This is a medicine that was permanently
instilled on me.
Thee are just some sort of wounds in our soul that only ourselves can cure.
That. For me, is self love. The acceptance that we are not perfect, bound to
make mistakes and be hurt, but growing and learning and helping ourselves
to stand even when we think it would take a risk of falling again, is a
medicine that would help us heal from within. We help ourselves instead of
expecting people to help us, and trust the process. Trust God.
Nurturing my first aid is very important to me. They enhance my potential
and make me feel my worth, they give me strength when I feel fragile, they
give me rainbows in my dark sky. But how can I keep them? I think the first
thing to do is to value them. Love them and never let them go. The talents
I’m discovering because of my coping mechanisms proves that pain makes a
better out of us, ad I know I’m about to discover more about my self if I keep
them by my side.