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relationship-right-now

How to reconnect, strengthen your relationship, improve

communication, intimacy, and more.

All relationships need a little pick-me-up sometimes—even the best ones. To

that end, YourTango has compiled a list of 101 ways to reconnect with your
significant other, right now. These actions will make your partner feel loved,
appreciated and desired, and will, in turn, make you feel more connected to
him/her. Whether you'd like to increase intimacy, find a thoughtful way to say
"I love you," or just show your honey some gratitude, we're sure you'll find
something useful in the list below.
And since the world (and our site!) is full of loving, creative souls, we hope
you'll share with us, in the comments section below, the special ways you
share love and strengthen your bond with your significant other. We hope
you'll bookmark this page and refer back to it whenever you need relationship
inspiration. Read the whole list, or skip to your favorite category from the list
below.

Create Intimacy

1. Lie down on the bed and spend two minutes looking into each other's eyes
without saying anything. (Blinking is OK.)
2. Next time you're in bed pull the covers over your head and have a whispered
conversation. If you whisper first he'll probably whisper back—it's
incredibly intimate.
3. Listen to each other. Think you already do that? Try active listening. Ask
your partner to talk about something, and after each sentence (or paragraph)
repeat what you heard. Start with, "I heard..." You don't have to repeat back
the words verbatim, just say what you think she said. If you misinterpret or
leave out anything, your partner will correct you. Take turns doing this. It's
great for intense discussions, arguments, or just a weekly ritual to improve
communication. How To Communicate Effectively
4. Pray together. If you're comfortable talking about it, discuss what you pray
about.

5. Do the wonder intimacy exercise. (From The Marriage First Aid Kit.) Free
associate and list sentences starting with "I wonder" on a piece of paper. (I

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wonder if I'll ever learn to cook. I wonder if I'll ever cook for you. I wonder if I
could love you more than I do.) Take turns reading your wonders to your
partner, without judging, commenting or analyzing. This may feel silly at first,
but just try it and see what happens.
6. Do the nostalgic memory exercise. (From The Marriage First Aid Kit.) Pick
a shared memory from "the honeymoon period" of your relationship. Discuss
the memory and take turns talking about a) sensory memories (sights, sounds,
smells) b) what you were thinking and c) what you were feeling.
7. Set time aside every day for mutual silence.

8. Pet Names. Sure, you can call each other baby, boo, or schmoopy, but
coming up with a nickname only you two get is cute and provides a little
laugh. Studies have shown that nicknames are a sign of a strong relationship.
Others might not think "Bomboushay Yaya" is endearing, but if it means
something to you then that's all that matters.

Speak
9. Say something positive—anything at all. Researchers have found
that happy couples have a ratio of five positive comments to each
negative comment.
10. Think of one quirky thing she does that you love and tell her about
it.
11. Ask him what he was like when he was a little kid.

12. Tell him he looks sexy in that shirt (pants, shorts, insert the
appropriate item of clothing).

13. Compliment something that he's improved upon.

14. Tell him he makes you a better person, and then tell him how.

15. If you're feeling anxious about something, ask your partner to be

your stress absorber. Ask him to listen as you explain what you're
worrying about. The catch is that he doesn't have to say anything—no
reassurances or offers of assistance. He just has to pay attention to
what you're saying and offer you a hug or hold your hand. As you're
talking, imagine your stress dissipating as the words leave your
mouth.

16. The next time she does something that makes you angry, before
you say something about it stop and ask yourself, "What am I really
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mad about?" Little things can often be masks for deeper issues. If you
decide it's a larger issue, hold your tongue and bring it up when
you're not mad.

17. Accept her apology. If you've been fighting, and she makes an
attempt to reconcile, don't rebuff her.

18. If she holds a notable position in her field (or even if not) remind
her of how awesome she is at her job and how it intensifies your
amazement of her.

Be Vulnerable
19. Apologize for something you never apologized for, even though
you knew it was your fault.
20. Tell her a sexual fantasy you've always felt embarrassed about.
21. If there's a secret you've been wanting to share with him, write a
list of five reasons you're afraid to say it, five ways you could phrase
it, and five possible reactions he could have. Then pick one phrase
and do it.

22. Think about something your partner does that makes you feel
bad, but you haven't told him about. (If this doesn't exist for you,
great! Skip this one.) Decide what you'd like him to do instead, and
tell him about it like this: Next time you're feeling relaxed and loving,
say, "I want to tell you something. Sometimes I feel <insert feeling
here> when you <whatever it is that makes you feel bad.> Could you
do <what he could do instead> instead?"

23. Think about a time when something went wrong between the two
of you—a fight, a disappointment, a miscommunication. Ask yourself:
What could I have done differently? What could we have done
differently? What can we learn from this? Then talk to your partner
about it, starting with what you could have done differently.

Eat
24. Make a special treat. Even if you're on a diet, there's always room
for a little snack once a week. Maybe it's a food from her childhood
(like the s'mores her dad used to make when they went camping) or
something that reminds him of your first date (spicy homemade
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guacamole? no problem!). A little treat that you've either made or just
remembered to pick up will show you're thinking about the two of
you.
25. Cook a meal together. Divide up the tasks so you can both be in
the kitchen working at the same time.

26. Make breakfast for him. It's more unexpected than lunch or
dinner.

27. Next time you're at the corner store, pick up his favorite candy or
gum.

28. Pack her a lunch to take to work. Bonus: put it in a paper bag with
a note. Double bonus: include a small piece of chocolate.

29. Think of a piece of food that he likes but is difficult to find and
order it online.

30. Use a toothpick to write "I love you" on the outside of an unpeeled

banana. It'll turn dark in a few hours and he'll be able to see it.

Get Sexy
31. The next time you hug him, reach around and squeeze his butt.
It's the little things that keep it hot. 
32. Browse an online sex toy store together and talk about what items
you'd like to try. If you want, order one.
33. Bathe together periodically.

34. Put one of his fingers in your mouth and lightly suck on it. It's
chaste and incredibly sexual at the same time.

35. Write erotic fiction for each other. Pick something you've done
together and recreate it in words, or pick a steamy fantasy and write
down exactly how you want it to happen—even if in reality, it's
impossible.

36. Dedicate one day exclusively to sex. Turn off your phones, don't
check your email and stay in bed all day. Rent a hotel room for a day,
if this will help you get away from life and only think about each
other's bodies.

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37. Take turns being dominant in bed. Tell him or her that you want
to experiment. Tonight you call all the shots, tomorrow he does. Try a
blindfold, tying his or her hands with a tie or scarf, or spanking.

38. Masturbate together without touching each other.

Use Family and Friends
39. Next time a member of her family calls and you answer the
phone, stay on the line a chat a minute before handing off the phone.
She'll be touched that you want to speak to her relatives.
40. Invite his best friend to dinner and stay for a drink, then cut out
to give the two some time together.

41. Take out his yearbook. Ask about the people in it and what they
meant to him.

42. Borrow a friend's dog and take it for a walk together. Dogs bring
out people's good sides.

43. Read a book to your child together, switching off pages.

44. Bring him a glass of wine (or water) when he's helping your child
with her homework.

45. When you hear the baby crying in the middle of the night, be the
first one to get up.

46. Write her mom a note, and praise her on how well she raised her
daughter.

Daily Life
47. Do her chores. Take out the garbage or do the dishes, even if it's
not your turn or your job.
48. Cover him with a blanket. If you're up in the middle of the night
or have to leave early in the morning and you see your partner has
tossed the comforter off, take a minute and tuck him in.

49. Set out her coffee cup next to the coffee pot with milk and sugar
in the morning so all she has to do is pour and get out the door.

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50. Next time you wake up before him, turn off the alarm clock and
rouse him by kissing his forehead.
51. Repair something of hers that she hasn't gotten around to fixing—
an old watch battery or a broken bracelet clasp.

52. Pick up her dry cleaning.

53. Next time you know she hasn't gotten enough sleep and she's
going to work tired, tell her she looks great. (Whatever you do, don't
tell her she looks tired.)

54. When she tells you something about her schedule, put it on your
calendar so you can remember to ask about it—a big meeting at work,
a doctor's appointment, a lunch with an old friend.

Surprises
55. Leave an open bottle of wine and an empty glass in the kitchen for
your spouse after a long, hard day. Hopefully you'll be able to join for
a glass, but even if you're working late or taking the kids to soccer
practice, it's a sign of how much you appreciate him/her.
56. Keep gifts for him hidden in the house so you'll have a surprise for
him if he's had a bad day.
57. Get him a subscription to a magazine he likes.

58. Buy a pack of his brand of clean underwear. Next time he needs to
do laundry but doesn't have time, give it to him.

59. Pre-order a book from Amazon from an author you know she
loves so it'll arrive right after it's published.

60. Just once, upgrade to a small luxury item you know she likes but
doesn't usually indulge in—super soft toilet paper, organic arugula, a
fancy bottle of wine.

61. Start planning her next gift right now. Figure out the date of the
next big holiday—a birthday, anniversary or religious celebration—
and think about what she might want. Pay attention to things she
says she wants and write them down. Thinking about giving will
extend the joy we get from being generous.

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62. Scrawl a heart and your initials in the steam on the bathroom
mirror. He'll see it if he comes in right away, or next time the mirror
fogs up.

63. Write love notes and put them places you know you're partner
will find them: in his coat pocket, in her jewelry box, in the silverware
drawer, on the laptop keyboard.
64. Send flowers to her office. It doesn't have to be a fancy bouquet;
anything fresh-cut will look pretty on her desk and remind her of you.

Use Technology
65. Ask him to send a baby picture of himself or another picture
without you in it and make it your computer wallpaper ("That shot of
you and your Grandpa Rex after you caught that big salmon?
Superhot.")
66. Change the background of her phone to a picture of the two of
you.

67. Make a playlist of all the songs that remind you of your
relationship and put it on his iPod or iPhone.

68. Copy and paste the lyrics from a love song into an email and send
it to her.

69. Send him a link to a song on YouTube that makes you think of
him.

70. Think about something you've both wanted to do together (travel

to Costa Rica, learn French, build a fence, etc.) and find a TV show
you can tape, or a website that shows you how to do it. Plan a date
night around watching it together.

71. Email her an old photo of the two of you on vacation or

your wedding day.
72. Set the DVR to record a show she's been talking about but hasn't
yet recorded. Or look for a show you know she'll like and tape it for
her.

73. Clean his computer keyboard and monitor.

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74. In the middle of the day, send a text message that says "Thinking
of you."

75. Start a couples blog. 

Touch
76. Use your body (hands, eyes, mouth, arms, legs etc.) to show him
you're paying attention and listening when he talks to you.
77. Wrap your arms around his middle and squeeze as hard as you
can. (If you're stronger than him give him a little warning.)

78. Massage a part of her body that you wouldn't usually pay

attention to—her forearm, her calf, her butt. (OK, maybe you do pay
attention to that part—but you probably don't massage it.)
79. Make a touching date. One night after dinner (or a weekend
afternoon—some time when you're relaxed), go to bed and take off
your clothes, but leave on your underwear. Make a list of ways to
touch (tickle, scratch, massage with fingertips, massage with whole
hand, kiss with lips, kiss with eyelashes, squeeze). Then take turns:
one person chooses a body part, one person chooses an action, and
you switch off touching each other. The key is to avoid having sex or
touching the skin beneath the underwear. Is a list too much for you?
Skip it and take turns massaging each other--just make sure to
avoid having sex!
80. Sneak up behind him for a quick shoulder massage.
81. Stage an impromptu wrestling match.

Switch It Up
82. Pretend to be strangers and pick each other up at a bar.
83. Next time you're out to dinner, offer to treat, as opposed to
splitting it or paying from your joint account.

84. Change your alcohol habits for one night. Do you usually drink a
lot together? Try abstaining for one night, and see what happens?
Don't drink much? Try splitting a bottle of wine between just the two
of you and see where it leads.

85. Clean the house together—naked.

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86. Set up a bank account where each of you puts $50 a month to go
towards something that can be mutually enjoyed.

87. Instead of watching TV, read a story out loud to each other.

88. Have a "no-technology" day or hour or evening.

89. When he's tired from a long day of work, offer to watch a movie
he loves but one that you wouldn't normally watch with him.

90. Don't react when he says something annoying.

91. Reverse your spooning (or other snuggling position) for a night.

92. Next time you're going somewhere in the neighborhood together,

walk instead of driving. The stroll will give you time to chat.

Play
93. Put on music you both like and dance in your living room.
94. Play a card game. Gin rummy is a great one for two people.

95. Take some grapes (or raisins or chocolate chips) and try to throw
them in each other's mouths. It's silly and a little messy but will make
you giggle together.

96. Teach him a card game he's never played.

97. Talk in an accent together all night.

98. Play movie-oke.

99. Exercise together. Play tennis, go hiking, go for a jog.

100. Go sledding, or skinny-dipping.

101. Make up a game and play it together with your kids.

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http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/80

Reconnecting with Your Partner

To rescue your relationship " with your partner and with yourself " follow Dr.
Phil's 10-step strategy. 

STEP 1: Open the reconnection dialogue.

Use your knowledge and powers of persuasion to encourage your partner into
a constructive position. Prepare an opening statement for your partner. In
your opening statement, be sure to address your partner's fears and points of
resistance, but also make clear that there are immediate and meaningful
benefits for your partner. If your partner can see what's in it for him/her,
resistance will be at a minimum. Assuming that your partner is at least willing
to sit still while you share some of your relationship thinking, then move on to
Step 2.

STEP 2: Describe the work you have been doing.

Let your partner know that you have been reading up on improving your
relationship. The key here is to come off casually. Do not sound
condescending or arrogant about the subject. Reassure your partner that you
don't believe you're a relationship expert, but that you've learned and are
continuing to learn important elements to constantly improve a relationship.
When you sense your partner is ready, move forward to
Step 3.

STEP 3: Describe your efforts to get back to your core of

consciousness.
Get more specific about your new knowledge. Describe the concept of getting
to know your core consciousness. Explain the idea that our own self-worth,
self-esteem, and dignity lie within each of us. Be sure to emphasize that
finding your core consciousness has made you feel better about you, and as a
result, about your partner. And that if your partner exercises this same
concept, you can be an unstoppable team. Encourage your partner to ask
questions and to start discussions.

STEP 4: Talk about the Ten Relationship Myths.

Let your partner know that it is no wonder the relationship has gone downhill
" you've both been exposed to wrong thinking! The myths are usually good
stimuli for discussions. Go through them for as long as your partner seems
willing to stay attentive.

STEP 5: Explain the Bad Spirit.

Let your partner know that you have taken a very self-critical look at the spirit
with which you have approached and functioned within this relationship.
You've confronted your bad spirits, and in turn started to transform your life.
Give a specific example of when you've allowed one of your bad spirits to
dominate you. Discuss as many bad spirits as you like and that your partner
can handle. Remember to focus on you.
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STEP 6: Introduce the Personal Relationship Values.
Spend extra time on this step. Discuss these values as goals to strive for in
your relationship. Reminiscing here can be useful. If you can reconnect with
memories of the times of good friendship, it can create positive momentum.
As you progress through the Personal Relationship Values, find as many
specific examples as possible. If you feel you're ready to move forward, go on
to Step 7. If you or your partner feel drained, take a break. It may take hours,
days, or several weeks to ultimately get through all of these steps.

STEP 7: Share the Formula for Success in a Relationship. 

At this point, you should have the formula memorized, so you can look your
partner in the eyes and say it. "The quality of the relationship is a function of
the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the
needs of the two people involved." Refer to both of your needs when you are
discussing your relationship. 

STEP 8: Share your Partner Profile. 

You are now at an extremely critical part of the reconnecting process. Be
careful and unthreatening as you share your thoughts about your
partnerto your partner. Present them in a validating and gentle way. Be sure
to focus on your partner's accomplishments. Be sensitive, and move through
this step patiently and delicately. 

STEP 9: Clarify your partner's needs. 

Be honest but diplomatic in communicating what you think are your partner's
needs. Remember to characterize them in an uncritical way. Step 9 allows you
to get heartfelt responses from your partner about your reconnection
approach. Explain to your partner that the needs you've discerned are merely
a starting place for further discussions. Allow your partner to disagree and
replace your interpretation of a need with one of his/her own. Stay patient.
Don't forget that because you've been doing most of the work, you are
probably way ahead of your partner in evolution of your thinking about your
relationship. 

STEP 10: Sharing your own Personal Profile. 

This final step is all about you. You are now taking a giant risk by sharing your
deepest, innermost needs and fears. Have the courage to name it so you have
the opportunity to claim it. Tell your partner what you need. 

Here is a simple list of dos and don'ts for dealing with your partner during this
important process:

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http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/8-ways-to-reconnect-
and-strengthen-your-relationship/

8 Ways to Reconnect and Strengthen Your Relationship

Try these great couple-building tips

Make Your Relationship a Priority

After Greg and Priscilla Hunt said “I do” in 1976, Greg worked hard
to master the grammar of an unfamiliar new language: marriage. “I
remember consciously shifting the way I talked, going from I and me
to us and we,” says Hunt, now senior pastor at the First Baptist
Church in Shreveport, Louisiana. “I was constantly rephrasing as I
moved from thinking in individualistic terms to thinking of us as a
couple.”

Getting to “we” seems like a given for newlyweds: You’ve planned the
wedding together, tied the knot in front of friends and family, earned
the marriage license that proves the two of you are an official legal
entity. Yet experts say it’s important to make a concerted effort to
heighten and reinforce this new sense of oneness — and then to guard
and protect it. “It’s so important that couples form their own new,
separate union together,” says Claudia Arp, who with her husband,
David, founded Marriage Alive International and co-authored
marriage books including 10 Great Dates to Energize Your
Marriage. “But we see a lot of husbands and wives who never, ever
reprioritize their relationship after marriage. They’re still entwined
with their family of origin, putting their parents and siblings first. Or
they’ve been on their own for years and don’t realize that their friends
or job or other interests no longer take precedence. You need to be
able to say ‘My spouse comes first.’ Yes, you love and respect your
parents. And you still get together with your friends. But this is your
anchor relationship. If you establish this now, it will be easier to hold
on to when life becomes more complicated later in your marriage.”
The mental shift from me to we can be startling: You can’t go home to
your old apartment (or your childhood bedroom) anymore if you’re
bored or angry or need quiet time. You can’t arrange a girls’ night out
or a poker afternoon without factoring in your partner. You’re a team
— and responsible to someone else in a new and profound way.
When University of Minnesota researcher David Olson, Ph.D., and
his daughter Amy Olson-Sigg surveyed over 10,000 married couples,
they found that togetherness was a top priority for 97 percent of
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 happy couples but for only 28 percent of unhappy pairs. Enjoying free
time together was important to 97 percent of the happy group but
only 43 percent of unhappy husbands and wives. Nearly twice as
many happy couples as unhappy twosomes made most decisions in
their marriages jointly. And perhaps most telling of all: 81 percent of
happy couples said their partners’ friends and family rarely interfered
with the relationship, compared to just 38 percent of unhappy
couples.
Establishing a healthy boundary around your union isn’t always easy:
When University of California, Los Angeles, researchers interviewed
172 newlywed couples, problems with in-laws and other relatives
ranked with communication, money management, and moodiness as
top challenges.
“You really are forming a new system when you get married, and it
needs care and feeding,” says marriage and sex therapist, Pat Love,
Ed.D. “In our culture, we don’t do ‘we’ very well. We’re better at
autonomy: I can take care of myself, I can give to you. But being a
real unit means taking another step: making the relationship itself a
priority. Other cultures do this much better — the Japanese have a
concept called amae, which loosely translated means the delicious
experience of interdependence. It’s a goal worth striving for.”
The first step for newlyweds? Revel in your exclusivity. You want to
be together, just the two of you, so give yourselves permission to
cocoon. Then try these couple-building tips.
Create couples rituals. Do something regularly that bonds you,
such as 10 minutes to chat before bed, always having morning coffee
together, or saving Saturday for date night.

Institute a daily check-in. Marriage experts recommend couples

do something that big business has employed for decades to keep
workers happy, productive, and in the loop: hold regular team
meetings. Luckily, yours will be more fun than listening to Bob from
accounting go over the last month’s sales numbers. One version of the
daily check-in helps couples keep communication flowing freely with
an agenda.

 Start by appreciating something about each other.

 Offer up some new information from your day.
 Ask your spouse about something that has bothered or puzzled
you (or something about yourself).

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 Make a nonjudgmental, complaint-free request (“Please fold
the towels when you do the laundry. I couldn’t find any this morning
after my shower.”)
 And end with a hope that could be small (“I hope we can go see
that new movie Friday night”) or lavish (“I’d love to retire at age 50
and sail the Mediterranean with you.”)

Ask: Is it good for our relationship? When you bump up against

any important decision in your marriage, don’t just talk about
whether it’s good for you and for your spouse. Make it a point to talk
about and think about whether it’s good for your marriage. “You’ll
know the answer almost intuitively if you stop and ponder it,” Dr.
Love notes. This may come down to how much time something will
take away from your time together, whether it will make things
stressful between you, or if it involves people who in some way
threaten your relationship (lunch with your ex, for example). If you
don’t even want to ask the question, that’s a red flag that whatever it
is — from working late to “surprising” your spouse with an expensive
new living room sofa to making individual plans on your usual date
night — isn’t going to be good for your marriage.

Build healthy boundaries. Marriages need what experts call a

semi-permeable boundary that allows friends and family to connect
with you but that doesn’t interfere with your own desires and plans.
This can be especially complicated when it comes to your families of
origin.
The biggest challenge is often deciding how you’ll handle the
holidays. Will it be his family’s house for Thanksgiving, yours for
Christmas? Yours for Rosh Hashanah, his for the Passover Seder? Or
will you start a new tradition in your own home? How often will you
talk on the phone — and how much will you share about the details of
your marriage? If in-laws are nearby, decide how often you’ll visit —
and when you’ll be at home to receive family visitors. Some parents
and siblings respect a new couple’s needs; others may need gentle
reminders. “Parents can work with or against a new couple,” Claudia
Arp says. “They need to be getting on with their own marriage, going
from being child-focused to partner-focused. Your marriage can be a
transition time for them as well. Don’t cut them off — you really need
that love and support. Do communicate your decisions about your
needs in a kind, calm way.”

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Cheer each other on. “One of the most important things to me is
that my wife, Rebecca, is for me and I’m for her,” says Lee Potts, a
retired computer programmer from St. Louis, Missouri. “It sounds
simplistic, but it’s really important. I’ve been married twice before,
and I don’t think we had each other’s best interests at heart like this.
We had our own agendas.” Arp suggests that encouraging your
partner is one of the most important things you can do for your
relationship. “If we don’t, who will? Our bosses and co-workers?
Don’t count on it! Our children and teenagers? Ridiculous!” she says.
“Our mates need our encouragement.” Three strategies she and her
husband recommend in their workshops: Look for the positive in
your new spouse; develop a sense of humor; and give honest, specific
praise — describe what you appreciate about your spouse.

Schedule time for your marriage first. Don’t relegate your

relationship to scraps of leftover time. “In mapping out your schedule
for the next several weeks, why not start with writing in date times for
you and your mate?” suggest Claudia and David Arp. “Then add
discretionary things like golf, shopping, and community volunteer
activities.”
No time? Wonder why? Do a calendar review. You’re overcommitted
if friends, visits with your parents and extended family, hobbies,
clocking overtime hours on the job, or volunteer and community
commitments have crowded out the three kinds of time you need
with your beloved: casual catching-up, scheduled dates, and intimate
encounters. Same goes if your evenings are TV marathons or Internet
extravaganzas. “Unless you’re willing to make your relationship a
higher priority than other relationships and activities, you won’t have
a growing marriage,” notes Claudia Arp.
Disconnect from the 24/7 office. Push the “off” button! Heavy
use of cell phones and pagers, BlackBerry devices, and high-tech
walkie-talkies — the little gizmos that keep us connected with family,
friends, and the office 24/7 — can mute your happiness and dial up
stress in your home, University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee researchers
found recently. The study tracked the technology use and moods of
1,367 women and men for two years. Those who sent and received the
most calls and messages were also most likely to say that this “work
spillover” left them tired and distracted at home. “Technology is
really blurring the lines between home and work,” says lead
researcher Noelle Chesley, an assistant professor of sociology at the
university. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It may give you more
flexibility. But your boss doesn’t tend to call you with the good news

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— you don’t hear that you’ve done a great job on the project; you do
hear that suddenly there’s a deadline crisis.”
Setting limits could lift on-call stress: Talk with your boss or your
company’s human resources department if work calls are burning you
out. Check e-mail once in the evening. If a call’s not urgent, muster
the courage to say, “I’ll look into it first thing in the morning.” And
simply turn off your cell phone at a certain time in the evening (same
goes for the laptop). Ahhh … quiet.
Create a code word for love. Remember the elementary school
joke about “olive juice” — say this silly phrase, and your mouth
automatically makes the same movements as when you say “I love
you.” Find a secret way to express your love that only the two of you
understand. It comes in handy if your spouse calls when the boss is
standing beside your desk, and creates that “just us” feeling anytime
you use it.

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 http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/catalog/reconnect.html

Reconnect Your Relationship - Bring Back The Loving, Supportive

Partnership You Deserve

Now you can learn exactly what to

do and what to stop doing to
quickly transform your
relationship, and start feeling so
confident and happy inside that
your man will CRAVE being with
you - always.

If you're ready to see your love life

transform overnight, and completely
change the way your man sees you so
that he wants to be with you all the
time... then I have some questions for you…

 Have you ever found yourself completely thrown by a man who

suddenly withdraws after treating you like you're his soul mate for
months? Where he needs more "space" and you feel left hanging?
 Or things seem fine between you and a man, you're still seeing each
other - but it feels like he's stalling and the relationship is stuck
somewhere way short of where you want it to be? And you worry that he'll
never get moving forward again?
 Are you feeling almost desperate for commitment, and angry that you
have to even think about asking for it?
 Do you give and give, and love and love and get so little in return
you're feeling almost desperate for attention and affection?
 Are you wondering if you're in a dead-end relationship, and beating
yourself up about it? Running it in your head over and over again - telling
yourself that you "should have seen the red flags" early on, even though,
deep down, you know the chemistry was so great you probably would have
ignored the red flags even if you'd seen them?
 Are you so frustrated about what's going on - or NOT going on - in
your relationship that you just feel angry and confused all the time?
 Do you find yourself always being "understanding" about a man's
stress and his work and family situations - even though it puts you on
hold and makes you feel terrible?

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 Are you thinking that the man you're with is your "one shot" and that
if this one fails you'll be alone forever?
 Are you finding yourself almost "out-of-control," where you're calling
him (or at least wanting to) all the time, texting him, emailing him, and
trying to get him to spend more time with you?
If Your Relationship Has Stopped Moving Forward - You CAN Turn It Around

If you’ve answered “Yes” to any of these questions - you are absolutely not
alone. I was able to write those questions because I once answered “Yes” to
ALL of them. I was where you are now. But then everything changed…

When my marriage first started to go bad, it came out of nowhere. He’d

always paid me so much attention and I believed he adored me and
we were deeply connected. But then it just went cold.

All of a sudden it seemed that he had no interest in me.

Work was more important.

Playing music was more important.

His friends and family were more important. I became desperately unhappy
and my anxiety level went through the roof.

If he wanted a moment to himself, I took it as a rejection.

When he'd forget to take out the garbage, or not do things for me that he'd
automatically done before, I felt frustrated - and then I started to feel scared
that he'd NEVER take care of me again.

My fear caused me to start doing

everything wrong. I started making
dangerous mistakes, and pushing him so
far away I might as well have been
shoving him with my fists.

I tried everything I knew. I was nicer, I

cooked more, I cleaned up more, I took
care of our daughter and tried to stay out

19
of the way when he was playing with her so they could have some one-on-one
time.

I tried initiating sex and was turned down.

Over time, my husband withdrew more and more, and soon we turned to
therapy... thinking it was the big move we needed to make that would fix
things.

But all the therapy did was make me angrier - at him, and at myself for not
knowing how to fix this... and for things being the way they were in the first
place.

I thought we were done for. I felt helpless, hopeless, undesirable and stupid.
And really, really angry.

That's when I started to realize what was going on...

The light didn't go on in my head overnight... but over time I learned to

recognize what was at THE ROOT of everything that was going on in my
marriage.

Our relationship was DISCONNECTED.

What was once a loving, committed, CONNECTED relationship had grown

filled with distance, frustration and pain.

How To Tell If Your Relationship Is “Disconnected”… And What To Do About

It

#1: The “Romance” Is Dead

Remember when he whispered how much he loved you in your ear?

When he brought you flowers, remembered your favorite foods, called you to
say “Hi” in the middle of the day?

Now when you spend time together, you feel that he’s not fully there. That he
may “love” you, but isn’t IN LOVE with you anymore.

His touch is different. When he holds you and kisses you, he seems to be
hanging back, almost as if his heart is closing up.

20
He hardly ever looks deeply into your eyes anymore, and conversation seems
so superficial, instead of the personal, playful and romantic talks you used to
have.

#2: He’s Less Available And Less Interested

Not only do you feel the romance has completely disappeared, but you think
the man you were once CRAZY about has completely changed.

Where he was once passionate, calling you all the time, making plans,
affectionate, and attentive... He's suddenly turned into a cold fish.

He calls less. He initiates sex less often.

He's hardly ever available to spend time with you. He seems to be "busy" all
the time.

He gets irritated VERY easily, and you're always worried about "setting him
off."

No matter what you do or how sweet you are, he just gets more and more
distant. You feel powerless and confused, and you want the old "him" back.

#3: You Feel Anxious, Miserable And Even Depressed All The Time

Because he's been so distant, and because you can't seem to "please" him,
you're constantly worried that you're driving him further away.

What if you say or do the wrong thing and he leaves you?

You feel paralyzed by your fear and anger.

All of this turns into a "vicious cycle" where the worse you feel, the worse he
responds, and your relationship spirals downwards.

You try to talk about it with him, but that makes everything worse - every little
word you say turns into a big argument, and soon you're either fighting all the
time, or you're stuffing your real feelings down so deep inside you that you can
barely feel ANYTHING.

It's almost as though there never was any fun between you - now there's only
this horrible irritation and anger and upset and distance.

21
Avoid Making The Two Big Mistakes That Push Him Further Away

When our relationships become disconnected, nearly all women make these
same mistakes. The things we instinctively want to do actually end
up making the problem worse.

The thing that's both frustrating and amazing about these mistakes is that we
actually make them on purpose!

The exact things we were taught to do - the things I thought I was supposed to
do - the things I saw ALL women doing - were the very things that push love
away.

Mistake #1: Pretending Everything Is OK

It seems so right to be understanding of his needs and his stress about work. It
seems like the "cool" thing to do to give him "space" and "time."

If he doesn't call, it makes sense to try to get in touch because we know how
"busy" he is. It just seems that the smartest thing to do is make everything
easy and fun for him, so he'll want to be with us.

But instead of bringing him closer, this actually pushes him further away.

This happens for two main reasons:

One, being on the receiving end of too much "nurturing" from a woman
reminds them of their mothers - and that's just not sexy or appealing to a
man.

And two, when a women is being too "understanding" of a man's bad behavior
he often experiences this as us being needy and insecure. Too many
women pretend when he's not loving, appreciating, or respecting them it's
okay.

But this doesn't work for men, or for us.

Mistake #2: We Make Him Feel Bad About Making Us Feel Good

In addition to constantly trying to make him happy, we also want to show

HIM how to make US happy.

22
We want him to be affectionate, to tell us we look pretty, to confide in us, open
up and connect with us.

But the moment we try to direct a man, both of us feel bad.

We feel unsatisfied because we had to ask. And our man feels badly because
we're clearly not happy with how he was doing things on his own.

No Matter How Bad It Seems, There's A Way To Bring Him Close

And Turn The Whole Thing Around

…we’ve been taught to “put a good face on things.” If we do this long enough,
we lose the ability to express ourselves authentically.
For most of our lives, we’ve been taught to hold in certain kinds of feelings.
And we’ve been taught to “put a good face on things.”

If we do this long enough, we lose the ability to express ourselves

authentically. And when we DO express ourselves, it comes out sounding as if
we don’t trust or respect our man, and he feels bad, like he’s let us down, and
then he gets angry.

By the time my husband was withdrawing so much that I could no longer

pretend it wasn’t really happening, I’d been “putting a good face” on things for
a long time. I’d been doing the two mistakes over and over and over again. I
was trying hard to prove I was the great wife I wanted him to see me as. I
spent my life with him trying hard to get him to make me happy.

Until I finally tried something I’d never tried before. I STOPPED TRYING.

I stopped asking him to do things - and more importantly - I stopped doing

them myself. I focused on making myself happy instead of trying to make HIM
happy. I spoke to him differently and experimented with letting him know
how I was feeling instead of keeping everything bottled up. And it worked.

Within about two weeks, everything changed. Once I experimented with a new
way of doing things my man responded in a new way.

All the fights stopped.

Sex came back, strong.

23
 It was as if there had always been the easy communication and love flowing
between us that I was now experiencing.

And it was just so clear to me, and so obvious to everyone who saw us together
that everything about our relationship was different and incredibly, newly
wonderful.

The years and pain of all the trial-and-error I went through finally got me to
the place where I was able to relate to men in a completely new way.

And that new way of being with men that makes it so that every single
moment you spend with a man feels great and gets you closer to the
relationship you want, is what I'm here to help you experience in my program,
"Reconnect Your Relationship".

Whether you feel like you're running out of options and every man you meet is
the wrong man, or you're tormented by the possibility that you could be, after
all this time, in a dead-end relationship, there's another way to get what you
want...

You Can Inspire Him To WANT To Be The Perfect Partner For You

My Reconnect Your Relationship program will teach you how to shift

your words and body language so that your man will actually work
hard to connect with YOU, rather than you struggling to connect with him.
You'll finally understand WHY a man withdraws and what signals to look
for that it’s starting to happen. You’ll get step-by-step How-To’s - so you
can bring him back from the brink even stronger than the way he was
when he first met you.

You'll start to feel strong instead of at the mercy of a man, and learn how
to quickly turn your old, limiting beliefs and out-of-control emotions and fears
into a POWERFUL sense of confidence in yourself that will attract a man like
a magnet and keep him wanting you no matter what.

You'll find out exactly how to communicate with him in a way he'll not only
hear, but that will engage him and make him want to make you happy.

In Reconnect Your Relationship You’ll Learn:

 The one mistake that makes him lose interest faster than
anything else, and exactly what to do instead

24
 How to use your feelings to have an advantage over every other
woman... men fall in love with you almost instantly when you learn to
talk in this one way
 How to quickly undo the damage and turn him toward you - no
matter how far away he seems right now
 The one crucial thing you must do to make a man want to
commit to you forever instead of just the short term... and exactly how
to do it
 Three foolproof tools to make him work hard to get close to your
heart instead of just your body
 An easy technique to squash that nasty, critical voice inside
your head that absolutely drains you of your self-esteem (so you can
relax and make the right decisions for your relationship, based on what
you need)
 A stunningly effective, quick tool that will actually shift your "vibe"
and make you feel confident instantly... it will change the way every
man relates to you... even if you're feeling nervous or on edge at the
moment you use it
 How to have "the relationship talk" with any man in a way that
will make him want to commit to you without you having to ask
 How to create strength from what you now may think are your worst
qualities, and turn them into the very things that will attract exactly the
man and relationship you want into your life, and keep them forever
Try Reconnect Your Relationship RISK FREE For 30 Days - and Get A
Bonus CD
I'm so excited to inspire you and your relationship that I'm going to let you try
out my Reconnect Your Relationship program at absolutely no risk to you
- you'll have a full 30 days to try it out and decide if you'd like to keep it.

Because I want as many women as possible to benefit from this program, I've
priced it at only 5 easy monthly payments of $30 and I'm going to cover
all the shipping costs if you live in the U.S. (a small additional shipping and
handling charge will apply to non-U.S. orders).

Plus, I'll throw in a one-month FREE subscription to my "Interview

Series" as a bonus.

Since I became a relationship expert, I've met and worked with so many other
extremely knowledgeable experts on life, love and relationships. If you're
25
 ready, I'd love to bring you into my "inner circle" and share these experts with
you.

Every month I do a live audio interview with someone whose extraordinary

experience and insight can make you more successful with men, dating and
relationships, and help you make a special man want to commit to you MORE
than he wants "freedom."

I've lined up a whole series of powerful experts in raising self-esteem, building

trust, creating intimacy, opening up your sexuality and sensuality, truly
communicating with men, and how it's never too late to have what you want in
life and love. They will continue to help you, step-by-step and you will get
tremendous value from each one.

You'll receive the first interview for FREE as a reward for trying my program.
If you love it (which I know you will), then keep it and stay subscribed. Every
month you'll receive another empowering interview, and you'll be
automatically billed just $19.97 (plus $3 for shipping if you live outside of the
US).

If you don't want to receive any more interviews, simply let me know and I'll
stop sending them. But you'll get to keep the FIRST FREE CD no matter what!

***If you prefer to NOT receive this $20 free bonus, simply make sure the
"opt-in" box is unchecked during the order process... and just get the eBook all
by itself. It's that easy.

Order This Program Now – Risk-FREE For 30 Days

Try RECONNECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP Now

You’ll Learn How To:

 Create More Passion With A Man Than Ever

 Turn Things Around Quickly and Feel Loved

26
 Inspire Him To Want To Be The Perfect Partner

6 hours of audio lessons:: Advice and tools to use right away

 1 payment of $150  5 payments of $30

ORDER NOW

Purchase Policies

You deserve a loving relationship.

You deserve to be happy.

When he actually feels that YOU'RE HAPPY, and that HE'S the one making
you happy, he'll be happy.

You're suddenly more fun than his friends, than his hobbies - even more fun
than the TV!

It can be like that, and it's up to you to make it happen.

I know if I was able to do it - and I had as low self-esteem and as little clue
about how to be with men as any woman I've ever met - then YOU can do it!

I know you're smart, determined, and want the old, sad, up in the middle-of-
the-night crying and crumb-taking relationship and place you used to be in to
finally be over, forever.

You can do this. And I can't wait to help you.

With Love,

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