Source: http://blog.emergenceconsulting.net/2007/10/building-trust-.

html

Building Trust in the Workplace

I'm going to open today's post with a few questions. Are you trusted?  Do your employees
believe that you have the best interests of the company and your team at heart when you go about
your day?  If one of your team members came across information that was potentially damaging,
would they share it with you or hide it from you?  Do people tell you the truth even when it hurts
to do so?

Trust is one of the noblest of human emotions.  It is also one of the most powerful factors you
can cultivate in your work team.  But how can we "build trust"?  If we don't trust someone, how
can they earn it back?

Trust begins to erode when people perceive that you are not walking your talk.  Sometimes
these perceptions reflect reality, and sometimes they don't.  Lying to your team will obviously
break down trust, but sometimes the issue is less you than it is the whole organization's culture,
and in those cases you may have an even tougher hill to climb.

Here are a few suggestions for building trust in your team:

1)  Remember that trust is "built" over time, and can't be fixed with one grand gesture.  Focus on
creating many small strides towards a culture of trust.

2) Take the time to put yourself in the shoes of your team.  "If I saw what just happened, and I
didn't know what I know as manager, how would I respond?  What would I think?"  A good dose
of empathy can be your barometer to assess how well your efforts are being received.

3) Ask for feedback from your team, and be clear that respectful feedback is welcome, even if
you don't agree with it.  Make your attitude reflect the maxim "I can't guarantee I'll agree with
you, but it's important that I know what you think."

4) When implementing a decision or program which will be unpopular, be as transparent as

possible about the decision making process.  When choices are especially hard, involving your
team in on the process of deciding will help build trust for a difficult choice.

5) Don't lie about bad news.  It tends to come out eventually anyway, and if you smooth things
over about that coming layoff or budget cut you'll just piss people off later.  A response of
"Honestly I don't know.  I hope not.  I'll tell you as soon as I can." is fair in many situations.

6) Share information regularly. Let people in on the data you get as a manager whenever
possible.  In the absence of news, people gossip.  Sharing real data can build trust.  I worked for
one leader who regularly shared executive level reports on company finances, and then promptly
asked us to shred the documents at the end of the meeting to maintain confidentiality.  He helped
build trust in our team that we were being provided with accurate information on the status of the
company.
7) If you can't answer a question, just say so.  "I can't answer that question right now, but I'll let
you know when I can."  Don't lie.

8) Whenever you don't meet a commitment, be up front about it.  "I know I said that we'd be able
to get some temp staff in this week to reduce overtime.  I have not been able to make that
happen.  I'm sorry I wasn't able to meet that commitment to you."  The bolder you are about
pointing out your own lapses or roadblocks, the higher regard your team will have for you. 
(Unless those lapses are so frequent that you're simply not effective).

9) Don't play the "I'm the Manager" card.  When I managed HR, managers would call me and
say "I'm the manager and people need to listen to me!  I'm going to tell them so!"  When it comes
to trust and respect, those are earned, not demanded.  So don't demand trust.  Just keep working
away to earn it.

10) Hold yourself and others accountable.  If a team member is promising the moon and
delivering nothing, call them on it.  No matter how "trustworthy" you are, if you don't manage
your team well, they'll lose trust in your management ability.  You can be the most honest person
on earth - but they also need you to be a leader.  You can't have one without the other.

Trust is a tricky thing.  You can't create it directly; it emerges when the conditions (open
communication, being accountable, being honest) are right, and when the conditions are not right
it simply won't happen.  So focus on creating an environment where trust can grow.  It won't
happen overnight, it may take months rather than days, but it is definitely worth having.

 Do you need assistance restoring trust in your workplace?  Cheri Baker, President of
Emergence Consulting, helps organizations restore trust, productivity, and respect to the
workplace.  Click here to learn more.

October 02, 2007 in Engagement & Motivation | Permalink

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Building Trust in Relationships -

Relationship Problems on Control
 Share

The element of control in a romantic relationship is an insidious thing, and causes many relationship
problems. Although, it is widely practiced by both sexes. A relationship which truly comes from the heart
cannot survive control issues and it tears away at trust. Weekly I get a variety of emails which ask, "How
can I make him/her...". "Making" someone you supposedly love do or be anything isn't part of the
picture, and in fact isn't love at all. How can you expect your partners to trust one another when is is
trying to contol the other. It's an effort to control something that one doesn't find lovable at all.

I also receive a variety of reasons why it's acceptable to want to change a partner's actions or
demeanor in some way, for their own good, of course. Since this is a spiritually oriented site,
these reasons are usually explained in terms of the unfortunate partner's lack of awareness of the
"truth". I see this perception as spiritual arrogance.

Metaphysically speaking, we are each responsible for our own choices whether we are
consciously aware of these choices or not. If we love "A" about our partner but detest "B", that is
our choice. Many years ago Terry Cole Whittacker wrote a book with a charming title, What
You Think of Me is None of My Business". We may judge the behavior of another in any way
that we choose to, but spiritual law carries penalties for trying to enforce our opinions on them.
At best, our efforts to change the other rarely work. At worst, it will cause a lot of relationship
problems and the partnership may be destroyed.

There is something we can do however, which evades these penalties. It's called an "open-ended
treatment". In this sort of metaphysical treatment we connect with our Higher Power and affirm
resolution of the situation. We choose to know that the problem is resolved in whatever way is
best for everyone concerned. What is important here is to truly keep it open-ended. The highest
resolution of the situation could after all, include you releasing the need to change the other
person! Perhaps there's a change waiting to happen within you that would serve the situation
much better.

This kind of metaphysical treatment provides an overview, pulling one out of their prejudices
about the matter and turns over the power to something objective and caring about the well-being
of all. If you find it difficult to do this, that is your indication that an effort to control is
occurring, and not love. Remember, you didn't choose to love a carbon copy of yourself, but a
live human being with distinct needs and wants of their own.

If you really want to lesson problems in your relationship and build trust with your partner then
let go of a need to control and find ways to be supportive of one another.

Famous Quotes: CHARACTER

"No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Source: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/10-27-2005-79983.asp
Building Trust in the Workplace: A Valuable
Topic for Leadership Training

Enlarge Image

Trust is the foundation of all successful interpersonal relationships, both personal and business.
Trust is the confidence or belief a person feels toward a particular person or group. Trust is,
therefore, one of the primary binding forces in any interpersonal relationship. It permits people
to overcome doubts and unknowns and enjoy peace of mind. The absence of trust causes
confusion, worry, inaction, and fear. When interpersonal trust is present, a person feels a
confidence that everything will somehow work out. In the workplace, trust is a prerequisite for
effective interpersonal communications. Without trust, employees may feel uncertainty, worry,
and a sense of insecurity. No relationship, personal or business, can exist for even a short
period of time if some element of trust is not present. Trust is an essential leadership training
ingredient that binds any human relationship into an effective, working partnership.

Even though trust is fundamental to human relationships, it is actually misunderstood by many

people. People use trust, or the lack of it, to explain good and bad relationships with others.
Consider the cliché phrases: "Don’t worry, you can trust me" and "Just trust me." Trust has
become both a buzzword and an excuse in our society. Trust is as much abused as it is used in
today’s business world. It is used to define and explain; yet few leadership training programs
have seriously considered what it is and what it is not.

Psychologists are just beginning to learn how trust really works. Research suggests that trusting
relationships are predictable, caring, and faithful. When a manager’s behavior is consistent over
a period of time and another person can reasonably predict that behavior, trust is possible. By
contrast, it is difficult to trust a person whose actions are inconsistent or unpredictable.

Caring in a relationship involves actions that express consideration toward the other person.
Through effective leadership training, a caring supervisor knows when final exams are
scheduled at the local college and asks employees who will be taking the tests how much time
off will be needed to study. A caring supervisor finds out about a birth, death, anniversary,
graduation, or sickness and sends a card to the employee’s home.

Faith is the belief that an employee’s behavior will be in direct response to the trust placed in
that relationship. Faith can be demonstrated by communicating clear expectations and then
telling the employee, "I know you and I believe you can accomplish this assignment." Managers
who have difficulty demonstrating faith in others typically have difficulty trusting them as well.
Trust as a leadership training component can help change this.

Building trust in the workplace is vital for a long-lasting, satisfying, rewarding, and successful
relationship. Leadership training helps effective managers practice behaviors that promote and
build trusting relationships. They learn to do this with consistent actions each day. In return they
obtain the benefits of high-trust employee relations. These benefits include higher morale,
increased initiative, improved honesty, and better productivity. All are important aspects of a
profitable and rewarding business experience.

It’s not uncommon for people to use the word "trust" to describe a feeling they have regarding
some interpersonal relationships. Trust does not magically appear in a relationship without
certain elements preceding it over time. And once trust has been breeched it is difficult and
sometimes impossible to establish once again.

Three steps pave the path before enduring trust begins. The first step is effective
communications. When we communicate effectively with another person we have an
opportunity to move that relationship to the second step, which is real understanding. That is
when two people have communicated to the point of honest and deep understanding. This can
lead to the third step in the relationship of mutual respect. A respecting relationship demands
that each person contribute enough respect that it can be reciprocated back from the other
person. Unilateral respect in relationships is temporary and superficial. Mutual respect that can
lead to trust is much deeper and must come from communicated understanding. Once a
relationship has experienced mutual respect it is possible for the participants to experience
enduring relational trust. This is a feeling that binds people together over time and through trials.

The four steps are dependent upon the actions or integrity of the individuals involved. Integrity is
not only keeping agreements, but it is also "walking the talk." If, for example, a person
communicates deceitfully, how much understanding will there be? And how much respect will
the other person have? Ultimately trust will be lacking.

Enduring trust is a leadership training process that takes time and effort. It is clearly the essence
of what fuels meaningful relationships.

Test your Trust

Answer the following five statements on a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 is not true and 5 is completely
true.
 1. My actions each day demonstrate that I trust my employees.
2. My employees can trust me with sensitive or private information.
3. I would never betray a trust with an employee.
4. I keep confidences and would never share confidential information inappropriately.
5. I am able to trust my employees.

Tally your scores from the five items. A total score of 20 to 25 would indicate that you and your
employees probably share an atmosphere of trust. A score of 15-19 would indicate that trust is
present, but not in abundance. A score of 14 or less probably means that some additional
leadership training efforts in building trust would be appropriate.

To learn how leadership training programs and building trust in the workplace can help your
organization, contact a CMOE representative at (801)569-3444

Dr. Richard L. Williams has conducted more than 6,000 workshops to more than 250,000
managers and executives.

He specializes in building trust in the workplace, leadership training and development,

performance coaching, and quality improvement.

http://www.yourromanceguide.com/articles/relationships/trust-in-your-relationship.php

Trust In Your Relationship

Trust means to believe. I trust you, means I have no doubt in my mind about your honesty,
integrity and credibility. No relationship can survive without trust. How to develop and keep the
trust in a relationship forever, because as soon as the trust breaks, the relationship breaks. Trust
is the foundation on which a relationship is built. If you don’t trust a person, howsoever you may
love him/her, your relationship will not survive, because you have no trust in him/her.

Let us examine this little more. To begin with, every relationship begins with trust in each other.
Without the initial trust, the relationship will not move in the beginning itself. In the beginning,
one believes without much proof about the others character. It is love and some assessment of
how trustworthy the person is. As the relationship grows, fissures start forming because of
doubts about whether the other person can be trusted? Was he/she trustworthy from the
beginning or was I fooled? Or is he/she changing now? This kind of doubtful thinking causes
tremendous strain in a relationship and with the breaking of trust, the relationship breaks.

How do you manage to build the trust in the earlier period is most important. The beginning can
be very dangerous. What may arouse suspicion should be avoided at all the costs. If you have a
suspicious partner, you need to be more careful. Small things such as if you are going out, inform
where you are going and to meet whom? If there is a change in your mood, talk to your partner
and talk about the reasons. If you are facing career problems, rather than hiding them, tell about
them to your partner and seek support. Many a times, you will behave differently when you face
career issues and that may make your partner think about all types of possibilities. Be open about
everything. Your words and body language should be synchronous at all the times. Inform about
everything and if not fully possible assure your partner that things are going differently and you
are under pressure. Be open. Seek trust and you will get it.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/trust-and-vulnerability-in-relationships/

Trust and Vulnerability in Relationships

By Jane Collingwood

A willingness to be vulnerable is a significant feature of lasting relationships — ones in which

partners are allies, not foes.

The need to form a mutually protective alliance is innate, according to psychoanalyst John
Bowlby. This need persists throughout life; the search to be both cared for and caregiver
underlies falling in love.

Long-lasting couples manage to keep this vulnerability alive. Each person’s awareness of the
importance of partnership underlies his or her attentiveness to the other. This “protective love”
focuses on the partnership and the ability to put the other first. As parents, they instinctively
soothe their children’s tears, and in the same way, they are responsive to each other.

Such deep caring comes easily at a relationship’s beginning. Lust and novelty keep us attentively
glued to each other when we fall in love. It’s in the next phase, when routines and irritations set
in, that protective love is tested. Deep connectedness — feeling our partner’s triumphs and
setbacks as our own — is a hallmark of the early stages of love. We are careful with our words
and behavior and take care not to wound the other.

Remaining this attuned to a partner takes energy and commitment. Barriers may still stand in the
way, though:

 Busyness. Our busy lives mean we have to make an effort to take the time to talk and catch up.
Such moments are essential for keeping empathetically tuned in to one’s partner. You need to
motivate yourself to go out together, just the two of you, to focus on each other after a long day
at work. This is the choice that long-lasting couples make. In a successful partnership, “I”
develops into “we,”, and “independence” into “interdependence.”
 Fear of dependence on another. Growing up means becoming strong and standing on our own
two feet, which implies independence. We can be reluctant to admit we miss our partner when
they’re not there. But obeying a rigid script of independent adulthood doesn’t allow a close
 relationship to grow. We can take note of our need for our partner, our disappointment and
loneliness when they are away, and give ourselves permission to miss them.

Prolonged stress tests protective love. Taking the long view — using memories of past happiness
as insurance for the future — can help. Recalling our original commitment and promises to each
other can help love endure the inevitable rough patches.

When John Bowlby’s attachment theory was extended to adult romantic relationships,
psychologists found that partners in relationships classed as “secure” tend to show low anxiety
and avoidance. In other words, they are relaxed about opening up to each other. Research
suggests these partnerships allow people to cope better with stress, including the stress of having
a child.

Securely attached people tend to have positive views of their relationships, often reporting a
great deal of satisfaction in their relationships. They feel comfortable both with intimacy and
with independence, seeking to balance the two. When they do feel anxious, they try to reduce
their anxiety by seeking physical or psychological closeness to their partner. During difficult
situations they seek support, comfort, and assistance from their partner. A secure partner then
responds positively, reaffirming a sense of normality and reducing anxiety. This expression of
love puts into practice the key elements of a secure partnership: consistency, attunement to the
other, and availability when needed.

Thinking about the concept of attachment in your relationship can add new meaning and help
you develop a deeper, lasting bond. We all need someone we can rely on in order to maintain a
sense of wellbeing. Knowing your partner is encouraging and rooting for you frees you to
concentrate elsewhere. Secure and supported, you are able to produce, enjoy and be open to new
experiences.

References

Bowlby, John. Attachment. 1983: Basic Books.

Overview of attachment theory

Hazan C. and Shaver P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 52, pp. 511-24.

Mikulincer M. and Florian V. (1995). Appraisal of and Coping with a Real-Life Stressful
Situation: The Contribution of Attachment Styles. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin,
Vol. 21, pp. 406-14.

Simpson J.A., Rholes W.S., and Nelligan J.S. (1992). Support seeking and support giving within
couples in an anxiety provoking situation: The role of attachment styles. Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology, Vol. 62, pp. 434-46.

Sable, Pat. Attachment and Adult Psychotherapy. 2001: Jason Aronson.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Johnston8.html

Confidence and inner trust are one and the same in the emotional state. Confidence is your
ability to cope and depend upon yourself to create a reality that is dependable. If you don't have
confidence, you will create a reality that you cannot depend upon.

ie: You may have faith and trust in others, but if you don't have it in yourself, you are lost.

Trust and acceptance - which go hand in hand, are the most powerful tools you have, the most
potent energy available to you.

When you have confidence - or, trust, within you, it produces a positive energy that stills doubt,
worry, fear and negative expectations. It has a profound effect on you and others.

Positive energy is more powerful than negative energy.

Just think what would happen, if you trusted all your choices and accepted all your decisions -
you would be successful in just about everything you do.

If you don't trust yourself, you don't trust others.

If you don't trust yourself, it shows up in others. In other words, you attract people and situations
that you cannot trust.

ie: Others accept when you know what you are and do is valuable.

The reason you don't trust in yourself and your power, the reason you don't accept your talents,
gifts and abilities like imagination, free will, self love, is because you learned not to trust, not to
accept.

The reason you don't trust yourself is because it's a learned emotion, but the actions of others
should not affect you.

Now - you must change it. Transmute it, reverse it. Go the opposite - and choose to trust,
decide to accept. This is how you get trust and acceptance into your life again.

If you do not trust and accept yourself and your power, you will not share with your human self
the elements that produce oneness and success, you will not let it in.

It's an issue of lack of self value, lack of self worth and lack of self esteem.

You will never allow yourself to be, do, or have what you truly need and desire in life, unless
you value yourself.

The biggest mistake you can make is trying to earn worth.

Saying; "Someday, I will be worthy". If you spend your life trying to attain it, you will fail.

The human must recognize and understand its worth and value, the importance of its existence in
order to use and create with the power that is activated within.

You cannot expect humans to stay together, if life is a continual stream of broken promises.

This includes the inner and outer human too.

If you don't heal this breach of confidence or inner trust, it leads to what is called shamed based
behavior.

Shame cuts you off from all that is real - shame is a learned emotion and when reinforced and
internalized, you no longer feel shame, you are shame.

You are not allowed to make mistakes, you are a mistake. You are not forgivable not only for
what you have done, but for who you are.

Eventually, you decide that you are defective, flawed, or the evil one and in time this destructive
energy will do you in.

ie: People die of shamed based behavior all the time.

It's so important to see this crisis of confidence or inner trust within you and to end it.

Unification, thy name is trust!

Trust is a unity factor. It unites the human and spirit, power and control, thought,

emotion, action and energy. It affects the whole of your being, it causes miracles to happen.

Instead of searching for trust and acceptance from others, tell yourself you already have it, then
use it, become it.

You have the power to do something special for yourself. What will it be?

The simple solution, is to accept that you are value in this moment and stop judgement. You
must accept the choice, thought, emotion, action, even if a little at first. Accept - this is the way
to accept.

It is valuing your personal abilities and what they can give to you - not others.

Trust is like a two edged sword.

1. Trusting yourself enough to be, do and have the things you want in life, to create the
reality you desire.
2. Trusting yourself not to do the things that create pain and suffering. Self sacrifice, self
sabotage, self punishment. To say no, if it doesn't seem appropriate or right to you, regardless of
who and what it is.

If you cannot trust that what you think, say, feel and do is enough, then don't waste your
time. Just continue to be a very humanly human - be like everyone else. This may seem harsh
but most do not understand the devastating damage that this lack of trust in yourself has on
you and your life.

Ask yourself;

"What does the issue of trust mean to you? What aspect of self lacks in trust?"

Know this and focus on that specific area - resolve the issue of trust in the aspect
lacking. This is so important.

And remember, don't try to do it all at once. Trust and accept, even a little at first and
you will feel the difference that this makes in your life.

It's the little things that brings the big things!

http://www.witi.com/growth/2004/trustyourself.php

WITI PERSONAL GROWTH

Learn To Trust Yourself

By Jane Herman

Easy to say, not always so easy to do. The good news is, even if you have not
trusted your own wisdom and judgment in the past you can learn how to do so
now.

When you learn to trust yourself and your ability to make smart decisions, you
feel confident, self-sufficient, and empowered. You are no longer anxious when
facing critical decisions and can stop doubting and second-guessing the
decisions you have already made. Here are the essential steps for learning to
trust yourself.
1. Accept that there is no one right answer
For any problem or question there are as many answers as there are people in the world.
Therefore, it is important to let go of the notion that there is one right answer that you must
somehow find. Each of us experiences the world in our own way and makes judgments based on
our own unique perceptions, experiences, assumptions, frameworks, filters, and processing
ability. The best you can hope for is to find YOUR right answer.

2. Recognize that you will never have 100% of the information you would like to have to
make your decision
Each time you have to make a decision, you need data/facts/information. But there is so much
information - how do you find it all? The bottom line is that you will not be able to find and
process ALL of the information relevant to any decision you need to make. So the real question
becomes, "How much information is enough?"

People differ widely in how comfortable they are with expressing information they are not "sure"
of. In the ultimate sense, we are never really "sure" of anything. Therefore, only you can make
the judgment as to when you are comfortable putting forth something as "fact". Some people feel
comfortable making decisions when they believe they have 70% of the information; some want
to believe they have at least 95%. What is your level of comfort? The higher the percentage, the
more time your decision will take and the more likely you are to be overtaken by events - that is,
things will happen in spite of you because you are not reacting quickly enough. Each time you
face a new decision, consciously consider your comfort requirements AND your time constraints
for making the decision. These factors will help you answer the question "How much is
enough?"

3. Try on a new framework: you don't need to HAVE all the answers, you just need to be
able to FIND the answers
Many people feel anxious when faced with having to make a decision because they believe, "I
should know the answer." In addition, they feel sure that, "Everyone else already knows the
answer." You take a step toward empowerment if you are willing to accept a new framework:
"The answers are out there somewhere, and I can find them. I don't need to have all the answers.
I just need to learn the tools and the skills to find them." Of all the skills you will need to find the
answers, communication skills are the most critical.

4. Learn to communicate clearly

To make good decisions you need clear and accurate information. To get good information, you
need to learn great communication skills so that you can:

 Clearly ask for the information you need

 Hear and understand the information others give you
 Articulate your final decision in a way others can hear, understand, and respond to

Classes, workshops, books, and articles are all potential vehicles for improving your communication
skills. Pick the ones that provide practical tools and techniques, not just theory. As a minimum you need
to learn: what to listen for and how to listen, how to "hear behind the words," verbal and non-verbal
communication techniques, and how personal communication styles effect communication.
5. Learn how to use the inputs of others wisely
Most of us seek the inputs of others when we are facing an important decision. Collaboration
with others can help you develop good decision-making skills or hurt you, depending on how
you go about it.

When faced with a decision, many people will call up several of their friends and family
members, solicit opinions from each, count the "votes" pro and con, and go with the majority
opinion. If you use this process, you are not truly learning to synthesize various sources of
information and arrive at your own conclusions - you are simply learning to be a scorekeeper.

On the other hand, there is an advantage to be gained by seeking the advice of others. As a single
individual you see things from your own perspective, constrained by your own blind spots,
worldview, and experiences. Since you can't see or know everything by yourself, you can see
more clearly by using the eyes, ears and minds of many people. By partnering with other people
who each bring their own unique perspective, what emerges is a combined intellect and an ability
to see things from a new and different perspective. The collective wisdom of the group opens
your mind to new possibilities. Creativity, inspiration and solutions come from many minds
working together.

The trick is to use the inputs and opinions of others as additional "facts" to be considered in your
decision, not as final answers in themselves or votes that you add up to make your decision.

6. Lean to accept responsibility for you decisions

Making your own decisions and accepting full responsibility for them and their consequences
can make you feel frightened, empowered, joyful, or any of a number of other powerful
emotions. However, one thing is for sure. You can never fine-tune your decision-making skills if
you don't accept this responsibility. You need to experience both the process of making the
decision and the process of directly experiencing the results of your decision so that you can
learn the relationship between the two. If you deny your part in the decision or blame others for
the decision, the only experience you get is one of observing the results of someone else's
decision. If you try to escape or hide from the consequences of your decision, again you miss the
key experience of getting the feedback you need so that you can make better, smarter decisions
in the future.

7. Learn to trust your intuition and your body

We often think that making decisions is strictly a mental process. But we also have access to
other sources of personal wisdom though our intuition and the reactions of our bodies. Have you
ever had the experience of meeting someone who made the hair on the back of your neck stand
on end? Learn to tune into your intuition and your body reactions. You want to make sure your
decisions "feel right" as well as sound right.

8. Keep your filters updated

None of us can make decisions independent of who we are, our beliefs, assumptions,
frameworks, and personal worldview. All of these serve as filters that effect the quality of our
decisions. However, we can work to make sure that these filters are current and up-to-date with
who we are at the moment.
Frequently we operate from assumptions, beliefs, and frameworks that were appropriate for
when we younger but no longer serve us well. Often we unconsciously take them on from our
parents or other close friends and family members without questioning whether they are right for
us. As an adult you have the power to re-examine and re-choose your underlying assumptions
and beliefs and find new, more empowering, frameworks.

9. Trust the record

Once you have the experience of making and experiencing the results of many life decisions,
then you begin to trust your own record. You begin to understand what factors result in your
making a good decision and what factors cause you to make a poor decision. As a simple
example, you may come to realize that you typically make poor decisions when you are tired or
emotionally overwrought. With each new decision you have a new opportunity to observe the
results, and to gain insight and feedback that will help you make a better decision the next time
around.

10. Often it's OK to take the path of least resistance

We often fall into the trap of believing that good decisions are always difficult or complex. We
surround ourselves with "shoulds" - "I should think this, I should do this." Sometimes just
choosing the path or direction that is the most obvious or effortless is the right way to go.

11. Learn how to insulate yourself from the potential negative effects of your decisions
Before you make a decision, try to think through the possible consequences. What can go
wrong? What is likely to happen if something does go wrong? When and how will I know if
something is starting to go wrong? Identify potential pitfalls and be prepared with alternative
plans and strategies.

It's Your Decision

Your decisions shape your world. Do you want to create your own world or live in a world
defined and constructed by others? Who knows best what you want and need and what is right
for you? Learn to love and embrace your power to make your own decisions. It is how you make
your presence felt in the world.

Jane Herman is The Personal and Business Success Coach. She specializes in working with people in the
process of redesigning their lives, their careers, or their businesses. She helps them bring their vision
into focus and achieve their goals.

http://www.refresher.com/mindfulnetwork/articlelive/articles/186/1/Trust-Yourself/Page1.html

Trust Yourself
 By Mike Robbins
 Published 07/13/2009
  Personal Development
 Rating:

Mike Robbins
Mike Robbins is an expert in success, teamwork, and the power of appreciation. As a
former professional baseball player and Internet advertising sales executive, as well
as a life-long student of personal development, Mike brings a varied and impressive
background to the clients with whom he works. Through his keynotes, seminars,
writing, and consulting, Mike empowers individuals, teams, and organizations to be
more productive, appreciative, and successful. He is the author of the audio program,
The Power of Appreciation, a contributing author of Chicken Soup for the Single
Parent’s Soul, and the author of the new best selling book, Focus on the Good Stuff (Hardcover,
Jossey-Bass/Wiley). Mike has been featured in Forbes, on the Oprah and Friends radio network,
and on NBC. He is a member of the National Speakers Association (NSA) and is a Certified
Speaking Professional (CSP), NSA’s highest earned designation. Mike lives in the San Francisco
Bay Area with his wife Michelle and their young daughters Samantha and Annarose. Visit
http://www.focusonthegoodstuff.com/ for additional information.

View all articles by Mike Robbins

How well do you trust yourself, I mean really trust yourself?

For most of us, myself included, self-trust is tough. We have a tendency to second-guess ourselves, not
listen to our gut, or hang onto negative memories from the past when we've made mistakes or “bad”
decisions. These things and others make it difficult for us to trust ourselves and thus create challenges in
our relationships, our work, and our lives.

Lack of self-trust, while debilitating in many ways, is quite common. There's nothing “wrong” with us for
not trusting ourselves...it isn't something we've been specifically encouraged or trained to do. Like with
appreciation, authenticity, or many other important aspects of our life and growth, the first step in our
process of expansion is to notice and tell the truth about why it can be difficult. In the case of self-trust,
once we're able to honestly acknowledge our challenge with it (and have some compassion about it), we
can start to consciously choose to trust ourselves in a more real way.

What makes it difficult or challenging for you to fully trust yourself? Take a moment to consider this. The
more aware of this we can be, with empathy, the more likely we are to move beyond it and let go of our
“story” about why we can't trust ourselves.

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your ability to trust yourself:

Listen to your inner wisdom. We all have inner wisdom. Some of us refer to this as our intuition, others
call it our gut, and still others relate to it as our high consciousness. Whether you call it one or all of
these things (or something else), I believe that we're all very intuitive and that we each have a deep
sense of what is true and right for us in most situations. As we practice listening to this inner wisdom
(through meditation, prayer, quiet time, breath, conscious thought, and more), we begin to trust
ourselves on a deeper level.

Be willing to take risks, go for it, and make mistakes. So often we don't try things because we think we
might fail. I love Michael Jordan's quote about this, he said, “I missed 100% of the shots I never took.”
While it can be scary for us to take risks in life, one of the greatest ways we can build our capacity for
self-trust is to go for it...even if we fail. As we build up our ability to take risks, we also grow our capacity
for courage, which in turn expands our ability to trust ourselves.

Forgive yourself! This is a life-long process and is vital as it relates to self-trust. One of the main reasons
we don't trust ourselves is that we haven't forgiven ourselves for mistakes we've made, pain we've
caused, or regrets we have. These “demons” from our past haunt us and we use them as evidence to
not go for things and not trust ourselves. As we enhance our capacity to forgive ourselves, we heal from
the past and breathe new life into our experience. This creates a genuine sense of enthusiasm for both
the present moment and for our future. And, as we're able to forgive ourselves, we can let go of our
attachment to being “perfect” and having to do everything just right...which then allows us to trust
ourselves more freely.

Think of something important in your life right now – a decision you've been on the fence about because
you're worried about making the wrong choice (i.e. not trusting yourself). Given what we've been
discussing here, if you fully trusted yourself in this moment, what would you do in regards to this
important issue? I bet if you listen to your inner wisdom, allow yourself to take a risk, and know that you
can forgive yourself no matter what happens – the answer to the question “what should I do?” in this
situation is quite clear.