DISCUSSION GUIDE FOR

COUPLES
 The Discussion Guide is a complement to your Couple Checkup results
and it provides additional insights and discussion prompts about various
relationship topics.

To get the most out of Couple Checkup, we recommend first reading

through the following sections: Preparing for Discussion, Checking Out
Your Results, and Defining the Journey. We suggest you then make your
way through the three central relationship topics: Communication, Dealing
with Conflict and Personality (noted in green). You can choose which of
the remaining topics (noted in orange) you work through and in which
order. If you and your partner disagree whether or not to discuss a topic,
we suggest discussing it.
COUPLE CHECKUP Since this is not a workbook, there is no need to print it out or write out
your answers to questions. Though, if you prefer to journal or keep notes

Discussion Guide on your discussions, grab a notebook!

Each topic area has a discussion section where you’ll find questions or
prompts to encourage conversation. Remember, you and your partner are
controlling the discussion, so whether you want to answer one question or
all the questions, it’s up to you and your partner to decide what feels right.
GETTING THE MOST OUT OF For the questions you decide to discuss, it doesn’t always explicitly instruct
YOUR COUPLE CHECKUP both partners to answer, but we would encourage you to reciprocate if your
partner answers. If you don’t have an answer, talk about the fact that you
don’t have an answer.

To avoid one partner dominating the conversation, take turns reading

the questions, or at least take turns answering first. You don’t have to be
technical and tally your responses, but just keep in mind these little things
that help set the tone for fairness.

The final and most important thing to consider when embarking on this
journey with your partner is application into your actual life with one
another. We want to make sure you are equipped to apply new insights and
learnings to your life in a responsible way. Try making small changes to
better connect with your partner instead of changing everything at once.
And of course seeking help from a professional is a great option.

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$

checklist
Communication Forgiveness

Dealing with Conflict Free Time

Personality Intimacy

Balancing I and We Money

Commitment Parenting

Expectations Roles

Family & Friends Spirituality

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$

checklist
Communication Forgiveness

Dealing with Free Time

Conflict Intimacy

Personality Money

Balancing I and We Parenting

Commitment Roles

Expectations Spirituality

Family & Friends

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 Preparation
requires effort
and thinking
ahead, but it
Preparing increases your
achievement in
FOR DISCUSSION the long run. By preparing to discuss with
your partner, you are setting
your journey up for success.
We want you to make sure
you and your partner are both
ready to discuss your Couple
Checkup results and to
work through the discussion
questions for each topic.

Before you sit down to look at

your Couple Checkup report
and this Discussion Guide,
check if you are ready.

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 Preparation
requires effort
and thinking
ahead, but it
Preparing increases your
achievement in
FOR DISCUSSION the long run. By preparing to discuss with
your partner, you are setting
your journey up for success.
We want you to make sure
you and your partner are both
ready to discuss your Couple
Checkup results and to
work through the discussion
questions for each topic.

Before you sit down to look at

your Couple Checkup report
and this Discussion Guide,
check if you are ready.

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check yourself
Emotionally Mentally
What kind of day have you had? Are you open to change? Are you
Have your emotions been fairly comfortable practicing communication
neutral? Or have you experienced skills such as active listening and
any high levels of sadness, assertiveness? Is your mindset welcoming
anger, or joy? We recommend to honest discussion? There is no sense in
having discussions about your trying to have a discussion if you’ve already
relationship on days where your made up your mind about everything
emotions have been calm. related to your relationship.

check your space am I ready?

Environmentally
Do your kids require your attention? Is the TV on? Is your phone on the highest
volume? Is your computer/tablet within reach? Is the oven timer about to beep,
signaling dinner is ready? Neutralize as many distractions as you can. Try to
occupy your kids with other activities, turn off the TV, put your phone on silent
and flip it over so you can’t see notifications, put away your computer/tablet, and
maybe try discussing after dinner. Of course, it’s okay to keep a device at hand
if you’re using it to read through this Discussion Guide.

Physically
Move forward when both you and your partner can
Where are you going to discuss? Sitting at the kitchen table or on the couch? While on a
confidently answer: Yes. Only you can decide if you are ready
walk through your neighborhood? Find a location that is comfortable and somewhat
or not, but we have provided some thoughts to consider.
private so you can have those honest discussions. We suggest placing yourselves
shoulder to shoulder instead of knee to knee, as it promotes the idea that you are on
the same team. It will feel less confrontational than being across from each other.

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check yourself
Emotionally Mentally
What kind of day have you had? Are you open to change? Are you
Have your emotions been fairly comfortable practicing communication
neutral? Or have you experienced skills such as active listening and
any high levels of sadness, assertiveness? Is your mindset welcoming
anger, or joy? We recommend to honest discussion? There is no sense in
having discussions about your trying to have a discussion if you’ve already
relationship on days where your made up your mind about everything
emotions have been calm. related to your relationship.

check your space am I ready?

Environmentally
Do your kids require your attention? Is the TV on? Is your phone on the highest
volume? Is your computer/tablet within reach? Is the oven timer about to beep,
signaling dinner is ready? Neutralize as many distractions as you can. Try to
occupy your kids with other activities, turn off the TV, put your phone on silent
and flip it over so you can’t see notifications, put away your computer/tablet, and
maybe try discussing after dinner. Of course, it’s okay to keep a device at hand
if you’re using it to read through this Discussion Guide.

Physically
Move forward when both you and your partner can
Where are you going to discuss? Sitting at the kitchen table or on the couch? While on a
confidently answer: Yes. Only you can decide if you are ready
walk through your neighborhood? Find a location that is comfortable and somewhat
or not, but we have provided some thoughts to consider.
private so you can have those honest discussions. We suggest placing yourselves
shoulder to shoulder instead of knee to knee, as it promotes the idea that you are on
the same team. It will feel less confrontational than being across from each other.

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 v

If you decide
you are ready to CHECKING OUT
move forward
with reviewing your results
your Couple
Checkup report
and working
Nervousness
through the Congratulations! By taking Couple Joy
Checkup, you have taken steps toward
Discussion Guide building a stronger and healthier
relationship. The act of completing an
Support
Judgement
—that’s assessmentprimesyoutobemoreopen
and motivated to discuss relationship
Motivation

awesome. If you decide you need to make

some adjustments before
topics with your partner. Make sure
you and your partner celebrate this
Pride
Embarrassment
discussing – that’s awesome effort!
Relief
too! The goal of this Discussion
First things first, let’s talk about how Excitement
Guide is to get you talking
it felt to take the Couple Checkup.
to your partner, even if that
Reflect on your experience and then Anxiousness
conversation doesn’t happen
share with your partner. Here are some Anticipation
right away.
feelings you might have experienced:
Curiosity

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 v

If you decide
you are ready to CHECKING OUT
move forward
with reviewing your results
your Couple
Checkup report
and working
Nervousness
through the Congratulations! By taking Couple Joy
Checkup, you have taken steps toward
Discussion Guide building a stronger and healthier
relationship. The act of completing an
Support
Judgement
—that’s assessmentprimesyoutobemoreopen
and motivated to discuss relationship
Motivation

awesome. If you decide you need to make

some adjustments before
topics with your partner. Make sure
you and your partner celebrate this
Pride
Embarrassment
discussing – that’s awesome effort!
Relief
too! The goal of this Discussion
First things first, let’s talk about how Excitement
Guide is to get you talking
it felt to take the Couple Checkup.
to your partner, even if that
Reflect on your experience and then Anxiousness
conversation doesn’t happen
share with your partner. Here are some Anticipation
right away.
feelings you might have experienced:
Curiosity

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Couple Checkup might have even felt You know you can’t pass or fail Couple Throughout the
like a test, but we promise it isn’t. It’s Checkup and yet you probably noticed Discussion Guide,
an assessment of your relationship categories labeled as strength and you’ll see terms
across several categories. To give you growth areas. Let’s define those terms, defined in the
a deeper understanding of what that along with others, so you can unpack sidebar just like
means, let’s talk about what Couple your results. this.
Checkup IS and ISN’T.

A strength area has high couple agreement whereas a growth

area has low couple agreement. Positive couple agreement

Couple Checkup IS
happens when both you and your partner answer in a healthy
direction.

A momentary snapshot of your relationship Near the end of your results, you’ll find a map. The map
represents the closeness and flexibility in your family or
A catalyst for discussion between you and your partner
couple relationship. Closeness balances separateness and
Proven to lower your risk of divorce togetherness while flexibility balances stability and change.
The healthiest positioning on the map, for each individual,
An accurate, research-based report of your relationship
is in the center indicating a balanced relationship between
strength and growth areas closeness and flexibility.
A valid and reliable source of relationship enrichment
Your results conclude
with the personality
SCOPE.Eachpersonality If you and your
Couple Checkup ISN’T dimension is defined
alongside your results.
It’s important here to
partner ever feel
overwhelmed
A reflection of what your relationship historically has been or will focus on all 5 dimensions
together instead of only
by your results,
be in the future
A compatibility report or a test you can pass or fail
focusing on dimensions we encourage
that are high or low. For
A guarantee for a successful relationship SCOPE, a high level does you to seek out
A measure that indicates you should break up or get married not indicate a strength professional
just as a low level does
A replacement for professional relationship counseling not indicate needing support.
growth.

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Couple Checkup might have even felt You know you can’t pass or fail Couple Throughout the
like a test, but we promise it isn’t. It’s Checkup and yet you probably noticed Discussion Guide,
an assessment of your relationship categories labeled as strength and you’ll see terms
across several categories. To give you growth areas. Let’s define those terms, defined in the
a deeper understanding of what that along with others, so you can unpack sidebar just like
means, let’s talk about what Couple your results. this.
Checkup IS and ISN’T.

A strength area has high couple agreement whereas a growth

area has low couple agreement. Positive couple agreement

Couple Checkup IS
happens when both you and your partner answer in a healthy
direction.

A momentary snapshot of your relationship Near the end of your results, you’ll find a map. The map
represents the closeness and flexibility in your family or
A catalyst for discussion between you and your partner
couple relationship. Closeness balances separateness and
Proven to lower your risk of divorce togetherness while flexibility balances stability and change.
The healthiest positioning on the map, for each individual,
An accurate, research-based report of your relationship
is in the center indicating a balanced relationship between
strength and growth areas closeness and flexibility.
A valid and reliable source of relationship enrichment
Your results conclude
with the personality
SCOPE.Eachpersonality If you and your
Couple Checkup ISN’T dimension is defined
alongside your results.
It’s important here to
partner ever feel
overwhelmed
A reflection of what your relationship historically has been or will focus on all 5 dimensions
together instead of only
by your results,
be in the future
A compatibility report or a test you can pass or fail
focusing on dimensions we encourage
that are high or low. For
A guarantee for a successful relationship SCOPE, a high level does you to seek out
A measure that indicates you should break up or get married not indicate a strength professional
just as a low level does
A replacement for professional relationship counseling not indicate needing support.
growth.

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 DEFINING
OUR GOALS
the Journey Gain awareness of our
relationship’s strength and
growth areas
When you put effort towards
Be more realistic about areas
something, it can be helpful to foresee
we need to work on in our
outcomes. Whether you work through
relationship
your Couple Checkup results and
this Discussion Guide in its entirety Celebrate our strengths
or section by section, articulating Communicate more!
outcomes now and being mindful of
them along the way will help guide
you and your partner to find success
through this journey. If you are unsure of what outcomes

COMMUNICATION
to commit to, take some time with
Accountability (or lack of it) can be the your partner and talk through
reason you reach (or fail to reach) a what you want to get out of this
particular outcome. Write down a few experience. Increased satisfaction?
outcomes and put them where you and Greater understanding? More
your partner can see them. Maybe it’s support? Enrichment?
a shared calendar or on a note taped
to the bathroom mirror. Keeping these Reflect on the outcomes you’ve set
visual reminders present during the for your relationship and consider
time you are working through the how you each will contribute.
Couple Checkup Discussion Guide will
help remind you of the energy you are Revisit your list desired outcomes
putting into your relationship. when you are done working through
the Couple Checkup Discussion
Use the example outcomes as Guide. Assess where progress was
inspiration. When you create your made and consider articulating
own, make sure they are realistic and relationship (and family) outcomes
clearly stated. to continue the momentum.

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 DEFINING
OUR GOALS
the Journey Gain awareness of our
relationship’s strength and
growth areas
When you put effort towards
Be more realistic about areas
something, it can be helpful to foresee
we need to work on in our
outcomes. Whether you work through
relationship
your Couple Checkup results and
this Discussion Guide in its entirety Celebrate our strengths
or section by section, articulating Communicate more!
outcomes now and being mindful of
them along the way will help guide
you and your partner to find success
through this journey. If you are unsure of what outcomes

COMMUNICATION
to commit to, take some time with
Accountability (or lack of it) can be the your partner and talk through
reason you reach (or fail to reach) a what you want to get out of this
particular outcome. Write down a few experience. Increased satisfaction?
outcomes and put them where you and Greater understanding? More
your partner can see them. Maybe it’s support? Enrichment?
a shared calendar or on a note taped
to the bathroom mirror. Keeping these Reflect on the outcomes you’ve set
visual reminders present during the for your relationship and consider
time you are working through the how you each will contribute.
Couple Checkup Discussion Guide will
help remind you of the energy you are Revisit your list desired outcomes
putting into your relationship. when you are done working through
the Couple Checkup Discussion
Use the example outcomes as Guide. Assess where progress was
inspiration. When you create your made and consider articulating
own, make sure they are realistic and relationship (and family) outcomes
clearly stated. to continue the momentum.

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 If you read Preparing to
Discuss, then you’re already
aware of some tips on how to
have great communication
in discussions with your
partner. Sure, we communicate
with our partners, but the
+ Give praise to your partner and
quality (which really matters)
is not always a concern. share affirmations which help
increase the overall quality of
Productive, supportive, positive
communication is vital to
relationship health.
communication.
FOCUS ON THE GOOD
When communicating There are two skills that will help “I” statements instead of starting

with your partner, try to

shape a positive environment with “you.” The process of active
for communication in your listening lets the speaker know
relationship: assertiveness if their message was accurately
avoid blame, criticism, and active listening. To be
assertive, it’s important to
received. It’s imperative for the
listener to acknowledge the

and judgement. Instead, take responsibility for your

thoughts and feelings by using
content and the feelings of the
speaker.

focus on the good!

Assertiveness is expressing Active listening is listening
your feelings and asking attentively without
for what you want in the interrupting and restating
relationship. what was heard.

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 If you read Preparing to
Discuss, then you’re already
aware of some tips on how to
have great communication
in discussions with your
partner. Sure, we communicate
with our partners, but the
+ Give praise to your partner and
quality (which really matters)
is not always a concern. share affirmations which help
increase the overall quality of
Productive, supportive, positive
communication is vital to
relationship health.
communication.
FOCUS ON THE GOOD
When communicating There are two skills that will help “I” statements instead of starting

with your partner, try to

shape a positive environment with “you.” The process of active
for communication in your listening lets the speaker know
relationship: assertiveness if their message was accurately
avoid blame, criticism, and active listening. To be
assertive, it’s important to
received. It’s imperative for the
listener to acknowledge the

and judgement. Instead, take responsibility for your

thoughts and feelings by using
content and the feelings of the
speaker.

focus on the good!

Assertiveness is expressing Active listening is listening
your feelings and asking attentively without
for what you want in the interrupting and restating
relationship. what was heard.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Communication section of your report.

// C o n s i d e r
attention—How
// When is it difficult to communicate
with your partner? What makes it easy to
do you give your full communicate with your partner? How is the
attention when your subject matter an indicator of difficulty or ease?
partner is speaking? How do other environmental factors (time of
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
What distractions day, etc.) play a role?
make it difficult to

COUPLE RESULTS
concentrate on your
partner? How do you
know you have your
partner’s full attention
whenyouarespeaking?
// What are other ways you communicate with
your partner outside of verbal interactions?
What non-verbal ways do you and your partner
communicate? Brainstorm new ways to
communicate with one another (a note left by

//
their keys, a wink across the room, a kind text
Think about what
is going on in
message, etc.).
INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
your mind when your
partner is speaking.
Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
How do you show you
are truly processing
the message they
// What are your partner’s needs? What are
your needs? How do you advocate for your
communication in your relationship?

are sending versus needs? How can asking about their needs and
already formulating a advocating for your own help your relationship?
response?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Communication section of your report.

// C o n s i d e r
attention—How
// When is it difficult to communicate
with your partner? What makes it easy to
do you give your full communicate with your partner? How is the
attention when your subject matter an indicator of difficulty or ease?
partner is speaking? How do other environmental factors (time of
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
What distractions day, etc.) play a role?
make it difficult to

COUPLE RESULTS
concentrate on your
partner? How do you
know you have your
partner’s full attention
whenyouarespeaking?
// What are other ways you communicate with
your partner outside of verbal interactions?
What non-verbal ways do you and your partner
communicate? Brainstorm new ways to
communicate with one another (a note left by

//
their keys, a wink across the room, a kind text
Think about what
is going on in
message, etc.).
INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
your mind when your
partner is speaking.
Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
How do you show you
are truly processing
the message they
// What are your partner’s needs? What are
your needs? How do you advocate for your
communication in your relationship?

are sending versus needs? How can asking about their needs and
already formulating a advocating for your own help your relationship?
response?

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TAKEAWAY
Communication is the foundation of your relationship; you and your
partner rely on healthy communication skills to productively work
through both celebrations and struggles in your relationship.

APPLICATION
Focus on the good in your relationship every day by giving your partner
a compliment or sharing an appreciation. Have some fun with this
and get creative, but make sure to always be genuine.

NEXT STEPS

DEALING
Plan a specific time to check in with your partner about your
relationship and life together.

+
Don’t use this time to decide who is going to pick up your daughter
from soccer practice or whose turn it is to go to the grocery store.

WITH
Use this time to communicate about aspects of
your relationship you overlook or take for granted.
CONFLICT
Try to check in daily for a period of time and see
the impact it has on your overall communication.

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TAKEAWAY
Communication is the foundation of your relationship; you and your
partner rely on healthy communication skills to productively work
through both celebrations and struggles in your relationship.

APPLICATION
Focus on the good in your relationship every day by giving your partner
a compliment or sharing an appreciation. Have some fun with this
and get creative, but make sure to always be genuine.

NEXT STEPS

DEALING
Plan a specific time to check in with your partner about your
relationship and life together.

+
Don’t use this time to decide who is going to pick up your daughter
from soccer practice or whose turn it is to go to the grocery store.

WITH
Use this time to communicate about aspects of
your relationship you overlook or take for granted.
CONFLICT
Try to check in daily for a period of time and see
the impact it has on your overall communication.

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 Let’s be honest—you and
your partner are going
to have disagreements.
Sometimes they’ll be
Communicate
small (What movie
should we watch?), but
assertively, take
sometimes they’ll be
more serious (When responsibility for
When conflict your own feelings and
are we going to have
children?).

arises, avoid actions, and focus

“Pick your battles”
is often given as using blameful solely on the issue at
language hand.
advice for avoiding
unnecessary conflict,

towards your
but if you apply this
advice to serious issues,
it can be detrimental
to your relationship.
Pride, bias, and defense
partner as that
mechanisms prevent
us from dealing with
invites negativity It’s important to resist the urge to bring up past experiences
that have already been resolved and reopen them for
conflict in a healthy,
productive manner. But into the discussion. Acknowledge the current disagreement and
work through the conflict by actively listening to your

situation.
it doesn’t have to be that partner. Respect your partner, remember you are on the
way. There are strategies same team, and know it’s okay to take a time out if you need
you and your partner to. While embracing the conflict and dealing with it can
can use to effectively be uncomfortable, it can ultimately bring you closer as a
deal with conflict in couple.
your relationship.

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 Let’s be honest—you and
your partner are going
to have disagreements.
Sometimes they’ll be
Communicate
small (What movie
should we watch?), but
assertively, take
sometimes they’ll be
more serious (When responsibility for
When conflict your own feelings and
are we going to have
children?).

arises, avoid actions, and focus

“Pick your battles”
is often given as using blameful solely on the issue at
language hand.
advice for avoiding
unnecessary conflict,

towards your
but if you apply this
advice to serious issues,
it can be detrimental
to your relationship.
Pride, bias, and defense
partner as that
mechanisms prevent
us from dealing with
invites negativity It’s important to resist the urge to bring up past experiences
that have already been resolved and reopen them for
conflict in a healthy,
productive manner. But into the discussion. Acknowledge the current disagreement and
work through the conflict by actively listening to your

situation.
it doesn’t have to be that partner. Respect your partner, remember you are on the
way. There are strategies same team, and know it’s okay to take a time out if you need
you and your partner to. While embracing the conflict and dealing with it can
can use to effectively be uncomfortable, it can ultimately bring you closer as a
deal with conflict in couple.
your relationship.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Conflict Resolution section of your report.

// What are your

automatic
// What does “take responsibility for your own
feelings” mean to you? What does it feel like to
negative responses recognize your feelings in the situation? Are you
when conflict arises? relieved? Do you feel more vulnerable? Do you feel
Anger? Withdrawal? proud? How does this help emotionally charged
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
Defensiveness?Howdo situations?
these reactions affect

COUPLE RESULTS
your ability to resolve
issues respectfully?
What can you do
to counteract these
// Consider conflict resolution vs. conflict
management – What is the difference between
reactions? resolving an issue and managing an issue? Is it a failure
if you and your partner can’t resolve a conflict? Are
there some conflicts that need to be managed because
they can never be completely resolved?
// How can you
show your partner
respect in the midst of
INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
conflict? What do you
need to feel respected?
// How does non-verbal communication contribute
to dealing with conflict? What are non-verbal cues Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
Why is it important that you give your partner or that your partner gives dealing with conflict in your relationship?
to be conscious of you that influence the direction of the discussion? Ask
respect? your partner what they often observe as you might
not notice your own non-verbal cues, but remember
to be respectful.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Conflict Resolution section of your report.

// What are your

automatic
// What does “take responsibility for your own
feelings” mean to you? What does it feel like to
negative responses recognize your feelings in the situation? Are you
when conflict arises? relieved? Do you feel more vulnerable? Do you feel
Anger? Withdrawal? proud? How does this help emotionally charged
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
Defensiveness?Howdo situations?
these reactions affect

COUPLE RESULTS
your ability to resolve
issues respectfully?
What can you do
to counteract these
// Consider conflict resolution vs. conflict
management – What is the difference between
reactions? resolving an issue and managing an issue? Is it a failure
if you and your partner can’t resolve a conflict? Are
there some conflicts that need to be managed because
they can never be completely resolved?
// How can you
show your partner
respect in the midst of
INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
conflict? What do you
need to feel respected?
// How does non-verbal communication contribute
to dealing with conflict? What are non-verbal cues Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
Why is it important that you give your partner or that your partner gives dealing with conflict in your relationship?
to be conscious of you that influence the direction of the discussion? Ask
respect? your partner what they often observe as you might
not notice your own non-verbal cues, but remember
to be respectful.

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TAKEAWAY
Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but if dealt with in a healthy,
productive, and respectful way, it can bring you closer as a couple
and make your relationship stronger.

APPLICATION
The next time you find yourself on the verge of an argument, focus on
using “I statements” to take responsibility for your own feelings—“I
felt ______ when ______”.

NEXT STEPS

PERSONALITY
Since it often takes time to learn new strategies and because
conflicts organically develop, make a commitment to evaluate
your next conflict.

Agree that the next time a conflict comes up, you’ll take time
to discuss how you dealt with the disagreement. Think of it as
reviewing your performance.

Take note of what new strategies helped and where you

each need to be more mindful. By doing this, you and
your partner are being accountable for the application
of these skills into your life and thus strengthening your
relationship.

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TAKEAWAY
Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but if dealt with in a healthy,
productive, and respectful way, it can bring you closer as a couple
and make your relationship stronger.

APPLICATION
The next time you find yourself on the verge of an argument, focus on
using “I statements” to take responsibility for your own feelings—“I
felt ______ when ______”.

NEXT STEPS

PERSONALITY
Since it often takes time to learn new strategies and because
conflicts organically develop, make a commitment to evaluate
your next conflict.

Agree that the next time a conflict comes up, you’ll take time
to discuss how you dealt with the disagreement. Think of it as
reviewing your performance.

Take note of what new strategies helped and where you

each need to be more mindful. By doing this, you and
your partner are being accountable for the application
of these skills into your life and thus strengthening your
relationship.

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PERSONALITY IS Your personality frames how you
SIMPLY UNDERSTOOD approach life. For some couples,
AS THE SET OF having very different personalities
CHARACTERISTICS can bring challenges.
THAT LEAD TO
CONSISTENT
PATTERNS OF
FEELING, THINKING,
There are many With SCOPE, it is possible to
Some might argue you personality theories score high on all five factors

AND BEHAVING. IT
can change aspects of and concepts that (or low), and it isn’t negative to
your personality, or your can help you understand your be high or low on a particular
own personality and your factor.
IS ONE OF THOSE
partner’s, if you try hard
enough. However, this is partner’s.
largely a misconception. You might want to consider

THINGS IN LIFE THAT What you can do is begin

to understand your own
Couple Checkup uses
SCOPE to help individuals
seeking professional help if a
particular factor is so extreme

YOU CAN’T CHANGE personality as well as your

partner’s. Insight into
see how high or low they
score on each of the five
it is interfering with daily life.

AND IT TENDS TO STAY personality can help when factors of personality (Social, We encourage you to embrace
you and your partner Change, Organized, Pleasing, each other’s personalities and

STABLE OVER TIME.

work on strengthening Emotionally calm). continue to build relationship
relationship skills. skills.

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PERSONALITY IS Your personality frames how you
SIMPLY UNDERSTOOD approach life. For some couples,
AS THE SET OF having very different personalities
CHARACTERISTICS can bring challenges.
THAT LEAD TO
CONSISTENT
PATTERNS OF
FEELING, THINKING,
There are many With SCOPE, it is possible to
Some might argue you personality theories score high on all five factors

AND BEHAVING. IT
can change aspects of and concepts that (or low), and it isn’t negative to
your personality, or your can help you understand your be high or low on a particular
own personality and your factor.
IS ONE OF THOSE
partner’s, if you try hard
enough. However, this is partner’s.
largely a misconception. You might want to consider

THINGS IN LIFE THAT What you can do is begin

to understand your own
Couple Checkup uses
SCOPE to help individuals
seeking professional help if a
particular factor is so extreme

YOU CAN’T CHANGE personality as well as your

partner’s. Insight into
see how high or low they
score on each of the five
it is interfering with daily life.

AND IT TENDS TO STAY personality can help when factors of personality (Social, We encourage you to embrace
you and your partner Change, Organized, Pleasing, each other’s personalities and

STABLE OVER TIME.

work on strengthening Emotionally calm). continue to build relationship
relationship skills. skills.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the SCOPE Personality section of your report.

// How have you or

your partner tried
// Which
your
of
partner’s
to change aspects of personality traits first
each other’s (or your attracted you? Were
own) personality in you attracted to the Do the roles you and your partner fulfill in
the past? What was same trait or a different your relationship match your personality
the motivation behind one? strengths? (e.g. Does the person who scored
trying to encourage high on organization manage the bills?)
change?

// For each of you,

which behaviors
// How do you and
your partner’s
positively contribute
to your relationship?
personalities What personality
complement each differences can you
other? How do you use to strengthen your
and your partner’s relationship? Are you surprised by how you scored on
personalitieschallenge a particular dimension or do the results
each other? accurately reflect how you perceive your
// While both
“opposites attract”
personality?

and “birds of a feather

flock together” are
true, which is the case
for your relationship?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the SCOPE Personality section of your report.

// How have you or

your partner tried
// Which
your
of
partner’s
to change aspects of personality traits first
each other’s (or your attracted you? Were
own) personality in you attracted to the Do the roles you and your partner fulfill in
the past? What was same trait or a different your relationship match your personality
the motivation behind one? strengths? (e.g. Does the person who scored
trying to encourage high on organization manage the bills?)
change?

// For each of you,

which behaviors
// How do you and
your partner’s
positively contribute
to your relationship?
personalities What personality
complement each differences can you
other? How do you use to strengthen your
and your partner’s relationship? Are you surprised by how you scored on
personalitieschallenge a particular dimension or do the results
each other? accurately reflect how you perceive your
// While both
“opposites attract”
personality?

and “birds of a feather

flock together” are
true, which is the case
for your relationship?

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TAKEAWAY
Personality is stable throughout life; don’t expend energy in your
relationship trying to change your partner’s personality, instead put
in effort to understand each other’s personality factors as well as
your own.

APPLICATION
Begin acknowledging aspects of your personality, as well as your
partner’s, in everyday life. For example, if one of you scored high
on Social (extrovert) and the other scored low (introvert), consider
this when planning weekend activities. Maybe this means you go
to a friend’s dinner party on Saturday and spend Sunday at home

BALANCING
doing house projects.

NEXT STEPS
If personality is an area of your relationship you want to
continue to explore, there are a variety of other assessments
and theories that will give additional insight into each
I AND WE
individual’s personality.

Maybe spend an upcoming date night taking another personality

assessment to continue learning even more about each other.

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TAKEAWAY
Personality is stable throughout life; don’t expend energy in your
relationship trying to change your partner’s personality, instead put
in effort to understand each other’s personality factors as well as
your own.

APPLICATION
Begin acknowledging aspects of your personality, as well as your
partner’s, in everyday life. For example, if one of you scored high
on Social (extrovert) and the other scored low (introvert), consider
this when planning weekend activities. Maybe this means you go
to a friend’s dinner party on Saturday and spend Sunday at home

BALANCING
doing house projects.

NEXT STEPS
If personality is an area of your relationship you want to
continue to explore, there are a variety of other assessments
and theories that will give additional insight into each
I AND WE
individual’s personality.

Maybe spend an upcoming date night taking another personality

assessment to continue learning even more about each other.

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We all know that one couple who does everything together – he tags along to book club,
she comes with to watch the game. They share every leisure activity and rarely attend Working toward or maintaining balance
activities independently. Conversely, you know that other couple that seems to live
completely separate lives—different friends, hobbies, and ways of spending their free between togetherness and separateness
time. We can recognize this variety and acknowledge there is no perfect way to balance
being together and apart from your partner. requires healthy communication.
Talk to each other about what – you’re more on the “we” end
balance feels like for each of of the spectrum. Perhaps you

COUPLES EXIST ON A you. It won’t always be equal

and it will change throughout
recently welcomed your third
child to the family and you

SPECTRUM BETWEEN your life together.

Maybe you and your partner

have gone back to work full-
time. Your household is hectic
and you and your partner

“I” AND “WE”; THE KEY are engaged or newly married

and you are happy, in love, and
rarely get to enjoy quality time
– you’re more on the “I” end of
feel more connected than ever the spectrum.
IS TO STRIVE FOR A
HEALTHY BALANCE Regardless of where you are, address
THAT STRENGTHS your current balance and take initiative
in the direction you and your partner
YOUR RELATIONSHIP. would like to move.

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We all know that one couple who does everything together – he tags along to book club,
she comes with to watch the game. They share every leisure activity and rarely attend Working toward or maintaining balance
activities independently. Conversely, you know that other couple that seems to live
completely separate lives—different friends, hobbies, and ways of spending their free between togetherness and separateness
time. We can recognize this variety and acknowledge there is no perfect way to balance
being together and apart from your partner. requires healthy communication.
Talk to each other about what – you’re more on the “we” end
balance feels like for each of of the spectrum. Perhaps you

COUPLES EXIST ON A you. It won’t always be equal

and it will change throughout
recently welcomed your third
child to the family and you

SPECTRUM BETWEEN your life together.

Maybe you and your partner

have gone back to work full-
time. Your household is hectic
and you and your partner

“I” AND “WE”; THE KEY are engaged or newly married

and you are happy, in love, and
rarely get to enjoy quality time
– you’re more on the “I” end of
feel more connected than ever the spectrum.
IS TO STRIVE FOR A
HEALTHY BALANCE Regardless of where you are, address
THAT STRENGTHS your current balance and take initiative
in the direction you and your partner
YOUR RELATIONSHIP. would like to move.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Map of Couple Relationship section of your report.

// How much time,

on average, do
// What are the benefits to having
interests and commitments
you spend with your independent of your partner? Does it
partner during the help bring you closer to your partner?
week? Does this feel like
too much, not enough, Take a look at the map; keeping in mind the center
or just right? How does
the quality of your time
// How can the balance of togetherness
and separateness improve in your
square indicates ideal balance. Where are you
plotted with regard to closeness?
together impact the
relationship? What do you need to
good it brings to your
feel close to your partner and still feel
relationship?
independent at the same time?

// What does it feel

like when you have
// Consider judgement – Do you ever
feel that your family or friends
a stretch of time when judge you and your partner for spending
you barely see your too much time together or apart? What Read through the descriptions of how you each
partner? In what ways does it feel like when you recognize perceive the level of closeness in your relationship.
do you stay connected this judgement? Does this impact your Do you feel the descriptions accurately reflect how
if you can’t spend time decision to spend more or less time with you experience closeness in your relationship?
with your partner? Do your partner?
you ever look forward
to time apart from your
partner?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Map of Couple Relationship section of your report.

// How much time,

on average, do
// What are the benefits to having
interests and commitments
you spend with your independent of your partner? Does it
partner during the help bring you closer to your partner?
week? Does this feel like
too much, not enough, Take a look at the map; keeping in mind the center
or just right? How does
the quality of your time
// How can the balance of togetherness
and separateness improve in your
square indicates ideal balance. Where are you
plotted with regard to closeness?
together impact the
relationship? What do you need to
good it brings to your
feel close to your partner and still feel
relationship?
independent at the same time?

// What does it feel

like when you have
// Consider judgement – Do you ever
feel that your family or friends
a stretch of time when judge you and your partner for spending
you barely see your too much time together or apart? What Read through the descriptions of how you each
partner? In what ways does it feel like when you recognize perceive the level of closeness in your relationship.
do you stay connected this judgement? Does this impact your Do you feel the descriptions accurately reflect how
if you can’t spend time decision to spend more or less time with you experience closeness in your relationship?
with your partner? Do your partner?
you ever look forward
to time apart from your
partner?

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TAKEAWAY
It’s critical to nurture closeness and intimacy in your relationship,
but don’t forget to maintain your own sense of independence and
identity; communicate with your partner to find an appropriate
balance for your relationship.

APPLICATION
Start small. If you and your partner decide you are too connected
– schedule time to do activities independently, even if just for an
hour. If you and your partner decide you are apart too much –
make quality time a priority by putting a weekly date night on the
calendar or scheduling Saturday morning as time spent exclusively
with each other. If you and your partner want something different,

COMMITMENT
try adding scheduled time together and apart.

NEXT STEPS
When your partner brings up an event they want to
attend, instead of assuming you should or shouldn’t go,
have a conversation with your partner about each other’s
preferences. Decide based on the situation and what is best
for a healthy balance of being together and apart.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Free Time or Intimacy next.

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TAKEAWAY
It’s critical to nurture closeness and intimacy in your relationship,
but don’t forget to maintain your own sense of independence and
identity; communicate with your partner to find an appropriate
balance for your relationship.

APPLICATION
Start small. If you and your partner decide you are too connected
– schedule time to do activities independently, even if just for an
hour. If you and your partner decide you are apart too much –
make quality time a priority by putting a weekly date night on the
calendar or scheduling Saturday morning as time spent exclusively
with each other. If you and your partner want something different,

COMMITMENT
try adding scheduled time together and apart.

NEXT STEPS
When your partner brings up an event they want to
attend, instead of assuming you should or shouldn’t go,
have a conversation with your partner about each other’s
preferences. Decide based on the situation and what is best
for a healthy balance of being together and apart.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Free Time or Intimacy next.

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If you took Couple Checkup and are working even have an unspoken We’ve all heard the cliché
through this Discussion Guide, not only commitment to your “actions speak louder than
are you committed to strengthening your partner. Either way, if words,” and in the case
relationship, but you are committed to your you are reading this, of commitment, it may
partner. Maybe you formally committed you have some grit and be true. The discrepancy
to each other by accepting a proposal six passion in you to push between what we say and
months ago or by exchanging vows at your through and achieve what we do comes when we
wedding 46 years ago. Maybe it’s something the long-term goal of a fail to see how our partner
less formal, but just as meaningful. You might successful relationship. chooses to display their
commitment. It’s crucial to
understand your partner
may be trying to show you

Commitment can be clear

they are committed, and
you may just not be seeing
it. Your partner’s level of

when we say statements like, commitment and your

opinion or observation of

“’till death do us part,” but

their commitment could
easily be two different
things.

the way in which we show

commitment to our partner is Showing commitment in a variety
of ways can help confirm your
much less clear. commitment, whether it is formally
Commitment is the foundational agreement spoken or not.
of a relationship stating, “no matter what
comes our way I will always be here for you.”

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If you took Couple Checkup and are working even have an unspoken We’ve all heard the cliché
through this Discussion Guide, not only commitment to your “actions speak louder than
are you committed to strengthening your partner. Either way, if words,” and in the case
relationship, but you are committed to your you are reading this, of commitment, it may
partner. Maybe you formally committed you have some grit and be true. The discrepancy
to each other by accepting a proposal six passion in you to push between what we say and
months ago or by exchanging vows at your through and achieve what we do comes when we
wedding 46 years ago. Maybe it’s something the long-term goal of a fail to see how our partner
less formal, but just as meaningful. You might successful relationship. chooses to display their
commitment. It’s crucial to
understand your partner
may be trying to show you

Commitment can be clear

they are committed, and
you may just not be seeing
it. Your partner’s level of

when we say statements like, commitment and your

opinion or observation of

“’till death do us part,” but

their commitment could
easily be two different
things.

the way in which we show

commitment to our partner is Showing commitment in a variety
of ways can help confirm your
much less clear. commitment, whether it is formally
Commitment is the foundational agreement spoken or not.
of a relationship stating, “no matter what
comes our way I will always be here for you.”

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Summary of Strength and Growth Areas
section of your report.

// How do you show

your partner your
// Consider commitments you have to
your partner – Which commitments
commitment? What have you verbalized and which
actions show you your commitments are unspoken?
partner is committed Notice which areas are labeled as strengths and
to you? which are labeled as growth areas. Is there any
// Have you ever questioned your
partner’s commitment to you or
topic in particular that you are surprised to see
listed as a strength or growth area?

// How does your

commitment to
your relationship? What situations cause
you to question commitment? How do
you address this when it comes up?
your partner vary over
time? What situations
cause you to evaluate
your commitment?
When do you feel most
// Is it easier to be committed in a
happy relationship or is it easier
committed to your to be happy if you are in a committed
partner? relationship? Presently, are you more committed to
working on the strengths in your relationship
or the growth areas? How has this been true
over the length of your relationship?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Summary of Strength and Growth Areas
section of your report.

// How do you show

your partner your
// Consider commitments you have to
your partner – Which commitments
commitment? What have you verbalized and which
actions show you your commitments are unspoken?
partner is committed Notice which areas are labeled as strengths and
to you? which are labeled as growth areas. Is there any
// Have you ever questioned your
partner’s commitment to you or
topic in particular that you are surprised to see
listed as a strength or growth area?

// How does your

commitment to
your relationship? What situations cause
you to question commitment? How do
you address this when it comes up?
your partner vary over
time? What situations
cause you to evaluate
your commitment?
When do you feel most
// Is it easier to be committed in a
happy relationship or is it easier
committed to your to be happy if you are in a committed
partner? relationship? Presently, are you more committed to
working on the strengths in your relationship
or the growth areas? How has this been true
over the length of your relationship?

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TAKEAWAY
Commitment is not just a verbal exchange; it is a way of living out your
relationship through meaningful actions that honor your verbal exchange.

APPLICATION
Notice ways in which your commitment to your partner and your
relationship are on display for others to honor. Acknowledge that the ring
on your finger tells everyone you are committed to your partner. Maybe it’s
the manner in which you speak about your partner to your kids. Or maybe
it’s even the pictures displayed on your virtual and real walls that capture
the interactions you have had with your partner over the years. Take notice
because more than likely, others do.

NEXT STEPS
Commitment is rarely discussed; and when it is, it is usually being
threatened. Take action now and make it a point to talk about how
commitment fits into your everyday life with each other. Pick an
EXPECTATIONS
activity to do in the near future that will reaffirm your commitment
to one another. If you exchanged vows at your wedding, do something
frugal like handwriting your vows out for each other and keeping them
somewhere special or do something more extravagant like plan a vow
renewal ceremony. Choose a way to honor your commitment to each
other and your relationship (although, taking the Couple Checkup and
working through this Discussion Guide is a great start!).

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Spirituality or Forgiveness next.

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TAKEAWAY
Commitment is not just a verbal exchange; it is a way of living out your
relationship through meaningful actions that honor your verbal exchange.

APPLICATION
Notice ways in which your commitment to your partner and your
relationship are on display for others to honor. Acknowledge that the ring
on your finger tells everyone you are committed to your partner. Maybe it’s
the manner in which you speak about your partner to your kids. Or maybe
it’s even the pictures displayed on your virtual and real walls that capture
the interactions you have had with your partner over the years. Take notice
because more than likely, others do.

NEXT STEPS
Commitment is rarely discussed; and when it is, it is usually being
threatened. Take action now and make it a point to talk about how
commitment fits into your everyday life with each other. Pick an
EXPECTATIONS
activity to do in the near future that will reaffirm your commitment
to one another. If you exchanged vows at your wedding, do something
frugal like handwriting your vows out for each other and keeping them
somewhere special or do something more extravagant like plan a vow
renewal ceremony. Choose a way to honor your commitment to each
other and your relationship (although, taking the Couple Checkup and
working through this Discussion Guide is a great start!).

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Spirituality or Forgiveness next.

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There are certain
expectations
you put on your This scenario is
partner, and unfortunate because
while that’s not your level of happiness
or disappointment
a bad thing, it in life depends on
can become how often your
detrimental to expectations are met.
a relationship If you expect something

if expectations
from your partner that
is completely outside Unfulfilled expectations often adjustments can be made
of their ability or if you become the source of conflict based on the how realistic

are unrealistic
don’t tell them what your because preconceived notion they are. In doing this, it’s
expectation is – how can distorts the actual experience. important to remember
your partner come even not to compromise the

or even worse, close to meeting it? Acknowledging expectations is integrity of your original
the first step to managing them expectations. Instead

uncommunicated.
effectively in your relationship. restate them to better set
Once you and your partner both you and your partner up
know each other’s expectations, for success.

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There are certain
expectations
you put on your This scenario is
partner, and unfortunate because
while that’s not your level of happiness
or disappointment
a bad thing, it in life depends on
can become how often your
detrimental to expectations are met.
a relationship If you expect something

if expectations
from your partner that
is completely outside Unfulfilled expectations often adjustments can be made
of their ability or if you become the source of conflict based on the how realistic

are unrealistic
don’t tell them what your because preconceived notion they are. In doing this, it’s
expectation is – how can distorts the actual experience. important to remember
your partner come even not to compromise the

or even worse, close to meeting it? Acknowledging expectations is integrity of your original
the first step to managing them expectations. Instead

uncommunicated.
effectively in your relationship. restate them to better set
Once you and your partner both you and your partner up
know each other’s expectations, for success.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Communication and Conflict Resolution
sections of your report.

// Which of your partner’s

expectations is most important
// Which is harder for you –
not meeting your partner’s
for you to fulfill? When you are expectations or not having your
not able to meet one of your expectations met? Why?
partner’s expectations, how does
that affect to your relationship?
Additional conflict? Resentment?
Disappointment? A new level of
compassion? Understanding?
// How does fulfilling
expectations bring you
and your partner closer? What
happens when you meet each

//
other’s expectations?
How do your communication and
Do expectations always have
conflict resolution patterns contribute to
a definitive completion point?
expectations in your relationship?
Are some expectations clearly met at
a specific time interval while others
are on-going? What happens if you
// Consider effort – How
do expectations require
believe you met an expectation and
different levels of effort? Are
your partner disagrees? What is your
some expectations more worthy
definition of fulfilled and what is
of being met? Which type of
your partner’s?
expectation is most important
to meet for the sake of your
relationship health? Which
expectations are the easiest (or
hardest) to fulfill?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Communication and Conflict Resolution
sections of your report.

// Which of your partner’s

expectations is most important
// Which is harder for you –
not meeting your partner’s
for you to fulfill? When you are expectations or not having your
not able to meet one of your expectations met? Why?
partner’s expectations, how does
that affect to your relationship?
Additional conflict? Resentment?
Disappointment? A new level of
compassion? Understanding?
// How does fulfilling
expectations bring you
and your partner closer? What
happens when you meet each

//
other’s expectations?
How do your communication and
Do expectations always have
conflict resolution patterns contribute to
a definitive completion point?
expectations in your relationship?
Are some expectations clearly met at
a specific time interval while others
are on-going? What happens if you
// Consider effort – How
do expectations require
believe you met an expectation and
different levels of effort? Are
your partner disagrees? What is your
some expectations more worthy
definition of fulfilled and what is
of being met? Which type of
your partner’s?
expectation is most important
to meet for the sake of your
relationship health? Which
expectations are the easiest (or
hardest) to fulfill?

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TAKEAWAY
Expectations can negatively impact your relationship if they are
unrealistic or uncommunicated to your partner.

APPLICATION
The next time you or your partner feel disappointed because of an
unmet expectation, talk about it. Try to identify why the expectation
was not met. Was it too high to achieve? Was it not communicated?
Did the expectation change over time without one partner knowing?
Gaining some understanding and resolution out of the experience
can help both of you meet future expectations.

NEXT STEPS
Identify your expectation filter and begin to understand
its impact on your relationship. Take a few moments at the FAMILY
end of the day to reflect on expectations you had for your
partner and evaluate your partner’s expectations that you met.
Journal this reflection each night for a period of time to notice
patterns – your expectation filter will become clearer. If you
and your partner do this individually, you can discuss what
& FRIENDS
you discover together to better understand how expectations
impact your relationship.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Roles or Parenting next.

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TAKEAWAY
Expectations can negatively impact your relationship if they are
unrealistic or uncommunicated to your partner.

APPLICATION
The next time you or your partner feel disappointed because of an
unmet expectation, talk about it. Try to identify why the expectation
was not met. Was it too high to achieve? Was it not communicated?
Did the expectation change over time without one partner knowing?
Gaining some understanding and resolution out of the experience
can help both of you meet future expectations.

NEXT STEPS
Identify your expectation filter and begin to understand
its impact on your relationship. Take a few moments at the FAMILY
end of the day to reflect on expectations you had for your
partner and evaluate your partner’s expectations that you met.
Journal this reflection each night for a period of time to notice
patterns – your expectation filter will become clearer. If you
and your partner do this individually, you can discuss what
& FRIENDS
you discover together to better understand how expectations
impact your relationship.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Roles or Parenting next.

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Family and friends are part of a larger system that can provide
encouragement to your relationship, but that larger system can
also be detrimental to your relationship if there is a significant If you are struggling to connect
lack of acceptance and support. with your partner’s friends or
family,

take time to learn

and understand the
Your partner’s family and values they hold.
friends, as well as your This might allow you to leverage
a connection that leads to

own, will impact your

acceptance, support, and
encouragement. If there are
differences, don’t compromise

relationship in some way. your own values, but strive to

understand. If you already connect
with your partner’s family and
friends, work with your partner
to set appropriate boundaries
to monitor the influence and
interference family and friends
have on your relationship. Your
partner will appreciate the extra
effort you put into managing the
You want them to like your partner and you want your partner
relationships.
to like them. This happens naturally for some couples while
others need to monitor these relationships so that the influence
and interference on your relationship is appropriate.

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Family and friends are part of a larger system that can provide
encouragement to your relationship, but that larger system can
also be detrimental to your relationship if there is a significant If you are struggling to connect
lack of acceptance and support. with your partner’s friends or
family,

take time to learn

and understand the
Your partner’s family and values they hold.
friends, as well as your This might allow you to leverage
a connection that leads to

own, will impact your

acceptance, support, and
encouragement. If there are
differences, don’t compromise

relationship in some way. your own values, but strive to

understand. If you already connect
with your partner’s family and
friends, work with your partner
to set appropriate boundaries
to monitor the influence and
interference family and friends
have on your relationship. Your
partner will appreciate the extra
effort you put into managing the
You want them to like your partner and you want your partner
relationships.
to like them. This happens naturally for some couples while
others need to monitor these relationships so that the influence
and interference on your relationship is appropriate.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Family & Friends and the Family Map
sections of your report.

// How do you know

your relationship is
// How has a life transition (marriage,
children, illness, etc.) impacted how
accepted by your family you and your partner relate to family and Take a look at the Family Map, keeping in mind the
and friends? How do you friends? center square indicates ideal balance. Where are you
know your relationship is plotted in relation to your partner?
accepted by your partner’s
family and friends? How do
// What boundaries do you currently
you know the boundaries
of your relationship are
have in place with regards to family
and friends and your relationship with
FAMILY MAP
both respected by family
your partner? How can boundaries be
and friends as well as your
adjustedtoallowformoreorlessinfluence
partner and yourself?
from others outside the relationship?

// Do family and friends

// Consider your definition of

INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
cause conflict in your “normal” – How much involvement
relationship? If so, how from family and friends is normal?
is this type of conflict How does this change throughout your
normally identified and relationship? How is your definition of
Look at your individual results in the Family &
addressed? Do you or your normal similar to your partner’s? How is
Friends section – Does this accurately reflect how
partner become defensive your definition of normal different than
you feel about these relationships?
when the topic of family your partner’s?
and friends is brought up
in discussion?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Family & Friends and the Family Map
sections of your report.

// How do you know

your relationship is
// How has a life transition (marriage,
children, illness, etc.) impacted how
accepted by your family you and your partner relate to family and Take a look at the Family Map, keeping in mind the
and friends? How do you friends? center square indicates ideal balance. Where are you
know your relationship is plotted in relation to your partner?
accepted by your partner’s
family and friends? How do
// What boundaries do you currently
you know the boundaries
of your relationship are
have in place with regards to family
and friends and your relationship with
FAMILY MAP
both respected by family
your partner? How can boundaries be
and friends as well as your
adjustedtoallowformoreorlessinfluence
partner and yourself?
from others outside the relationship?

// Do family and friends

// Consider your definition of

INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
cause conflict in your “normal” – How much involvement
relationship? If so, how from family and friends is normal?
is this type of conflict How does this change throughout your
normally identified and relationship? How is your definition of
Look at your individual results in the Family &
addressed? Do you or your normal similar to your partner’s? How is
Friends section – Does this accurately reflect how
partner become defensive your definition of normal different than
you feel about these relationships?
when the topic of family your partner’s?
and friends is brought up
in discussion?

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TAKEAWAY
The health of you and your partner’s relationships with each other’s family
and friends contributes to the health of your relationship with your partner;
it is important to nurture lifelong relationships with each other’s family
and friends.

APPLICATION
Reminisce about the first time you and your partner introduced each other
to family and friends. Consider how far your relationships with family and
friends have come, for better or worse, and recognize the effect it has had
on your relationship with your partner.

NEXT STEPS
Making new friends can be hard, but developing new friendships with
other couples can help build your own relationship with your partner.
Try to connect with other couples in your community and make new
friendships. Perhaps seek out new connections through your faith
FORGIVENESS
community, neighbors, or volunteer opportunities.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Parenting or Money next.

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TAKEAWAY
The health of you and your partner’s relationships with each other’s family
and friends contributes to the health of your relationship with your partner;
it is important to nurture lifelong relationships with each other’s family
and friends.

APPLICATION
Reminisce about the first time you and your partner introduced each other
to family and friends. Consider how far your relationships with family and
friends have come, for better or worse, and recognize the effect it has had
on your relationship with your partner.

NEXT STEPS
Making new friends can be hard, but developing new friendships with
other couples can help build your own relationship with your partner.
Try to connect with other couples in your community and make new
friendships. Perhaps seek out new connections through your faith
FORGIVENESS
community, neighbors, or volunteer opportunities.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Parenting or Money next.

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 Forgiveness is crucial to the health of a Unfortunately, there will be times
relationship. in your relationship when you

Since we experience hurt and

will need to put more effort into
forgiveness. In preparation for

forgiveness differently, it can be a

those times, we want to remind
you what forgiveness is and what

challenge to apply new methods

it isn’t.

when we need to forgive one another.

Forgiveness is a process
that promotes healing
Instead of retraining you on how to
and is a starting point
forgive, we want to encourage you to for reconciliation.
think about it differently. Forgiveness Forgiveness isn’t
is often associated with healing a deep
hurt, and while this is important for
forgetting, condoning,
or perpetuating
A NOTE ABOUT
those situations, that scenario is not
applicable to relationships that are not
injustice. It isn’t SELF-FORGIVENESS
working through significant issues. granted on demand Don’t forget to forgive
You can begin to identify forgiveness and it doesn’t yourself! We often think
in daily life by recognizing everyday automatically guarantee of forgiveness from the
lapses in thoughtfulness that require reconciliation. perspective of the victim
you to forgive your partner and for your forgiving the transgressor,
partner to forgive you. An everyday If forgiveness seems and while this is often
lapse in thoughtfulness can be as unachievable, it’s okay to seek the case, you will never
simple as when you forget to notice professional help. truly feel healed until you
your fiancée’s new haircut, or when forgive yourself. If you
your partner of 10 years forgets to bring take responsibility for
the garbage can to the curb this week, your actions and abandon
or even when your partner of 50 years any remaining self-
washes your new white shirt with his A deep hurt refers to Forgiveness is the resentment, this will help
red sweater. These simple lapses in a situation in which decision or choice to prevent that hurt from
thoughtfulness can be acknowledged, a significant level of give up the right for finding a way back into
addressed, and forgiven with small forgiveness is required vengeance, retribution, your relationship years
conscious effort. such as infidelity. and negative thoughts. down the road.

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 Forgiveness is crucial to the health of a Unfortunately, there will be times
relationship. in your relationship when you

Since we experience hurt and

will need to put more effort into
forgiveness. In preparation for

forgiveness differently, it can be a

those times, we want to remind
you what forgiveness is and what

challenge to apply new methods

it isn’t.

when we need to forgive one another.

Forgiveness is a process
that promotes healing
Instead of retraining you on how to
and is a starting point
forgive, we want to encourage you to for reconciliation.
think about it differently. Forgiveness Forgiveness isn’t
is often associated with healing a deep
hurt, and while this is important for
forgetting, condoning,
or perpetuating
A NOTE ABOUT
those situations, that scenario is not
applicable to relationships that are not
injustice. It isn’t SELF-FORGIVENESS
working through significant issues. granted on demand Don’t forget to forgive
You can begin to identify forgiveness and it doesn’t yourself! We often think
in daily life by recognizing everyday automatically guarantee of forgiveness from the
lapses in thoughtfulness that require reconciliation. perspective of the victim
you to forgive your partner and for your forgiving the transgressor,
partner to forgive you. An everyday If forgiveness seems and while this is often
lapse in thoughtfulness can be as unachievable, it’s okay to seek the case, you will never
simple as when you forget to notice professional help. truly feel healed until you
your fiancée’s new haircut, or when forgive yourself. If you
your partner of 10 years forgets to bring take responsibility for
the garbage can to the curb this week, your actions and abandon
or even when your partner of 50 years any remaining self-
washes your new white shirt with his A deep hurt refers to Forgiveness is the resentment, this will help
red sweater. These simple lapses in a situation in which decision or choice to prevent that hurt from
thoughtfulness can be acknowledged, a significant level of give up the right for finding a way back into
addressed, and forgiven with small forgiveness is required vengeance, retribution, your relationship years
conscious effort. such as infidelity. and negative thoughts. down the road.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Conflict Resolution and Spiritual Beliefs
sections of your report.

// Consider forgiveness –
How does forgiveness
// How are unforgiven issues
currently impacting the health of
currently play a role in your your relationship? Is there a cluster of
relationship? Have you and unacknowledged everyday lapses in Look at your couple results for both sections – Are
yourpartnereverreflectedon thoughtfulness causing resentment? you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
forgiveness? Did you reflect Is there a significant hurt that needs
individually or together? attention?

COUPLE RESULTS
// Identify a few everyday
lapsesinthoughtfulness
// When you forgive or are forgiven
by your partner, do you experience
you are responsible for that a sense of relief? If so, describe to your
might impact your partner partner what this sense of relief feels like.
and vice versa. How does this
acknowledgement help your
relationship? What healthy INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
ways can you start talking
about everyday lapses in
// Discuss what the most difficult part
of forgiveness is for you. What are
thoughtfulness? Look at your individual results for both sections
the easiest things to forgive and what
– Does this accurately reflect how you feel in your
are the hardest? How is forgiving your
relationship?
partner different or similar to forgiving
another member of your family?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Conflict Resolution and Spiritual Beliefs
sections of your report.

// Consider forgiveness –
How does forgiveness
// How are unforgiven issues
currently impacting the health of
currently play a role in your your relationship? Is there a cluster of
relationship? Have you and unacknowledged everyday lapses in Look at your couple results for both sections – Are
yourpartnereverreflectedon thoughtfulness causing resentment? you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
forgiveness? Did you reflect Is there a significant hurt that needs
individually or together? attention?

COUPLE RESULTS
// Identify a few everyday
lapsesinthoughtfulness
// When you forgive or are forgiven
by your partner, do you experience
you are responsible for that a sense of relief? If so, describe to your
might impact your partner partner what this sense of relief feels like.
and vice versa. How does this
acknowledgement help your
relationship? What healthy INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
ways can you start talking
about everyday lapses in
// Discuss what the most difficult part
of forgiveness is for you. What are
thoughtfulness? Look at your individual results for both sections
the easiest things to forgive and what
– Does this accurately reflect how you feel in your
are the hardest? How is forgiving your
relationship?
partner different or similar to forgiving
another member of your family?

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TAKEAWAY
Recognize the role forgiveness plays in your relationship by identifying its
presence in daily life and its healing power when working through deep
hurts.

APPLICATION
Exaggerate the act of forgiving in your relationship for a period of time,
even just a week, to see how often it happens. Here’s an example: you forget
to start the dishwasher after dinner and there are no clean coffee cups
for your partner to drink their morning coffee from – take responsibility
for your action. Your partner should acknowledge your efforts and forgive
you, and then you should forgive yourself. By going through the amplified
motions, you’ll see how effortlessly you already incorporate forgiveness

FREE TIME
into your relationship.

NEXT STEPS
If the day comes when a more significant hurt needs to be forgiven,
both partners should revisit the discussion points above to prime
your interaction. This will help each of you work through seeking and
granting forgiveness.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Intimacy or Commitment next.

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TAKEAWAY
Recognize the role forgiveness plays in your relationship by identifying its
presence in daily life and its healing power when working through deep
hurts.

APPLICATION
Exaggerate the act of forgiving in your relationship for a period of time,
even just a week, to see how often it happens. Here’s an example: you forget
to start the dishwasher after dinner and there are no clean coffee cups
for your partner to drink their morning coffee from – take responsibility
for your action. Your partner should acknowledge your efforts and forgive
you, and then you should forgive yourself. By going through the amplified
motions, you’ll see how effortlessly you already incorporate forgiveness

FREE TIME
into your relationship.

NEXT STEPS
If the day comes when a more significant hurt needs to be forgiven,
both partners should revisit the discussion points above to prime
your interaction. This will help each of you work through seeking and
granting forgiveness.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Intimacy or Commitment next.

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 "FREE"TIME
is just that – time free from
commitments, obligations,
and requirements. It is self- Now, consider your free time
defined; it can be whatever
through the lens of your
you want it to be. Depending
on your stage of life, there relationship. When you have free
are factors that determine time available, you have a choice
just how much free time you to choose an activity you do with
have. Work, children, and your partner or an activity you
other responsibilities dictate
enjoy without your partner. There
how much time is left over.
isn’t a bad choice here. Both are
healthy because relationships

It is important to thrive on balance. Remember,

balance doesn’t mean it has to be

acknowledge that you equal. To ensure you keep a healthy

balance, talk with your partner

probably can’t change the about expectations and the reality

of the choices you each make
amount of time you have regarding your free time.

in the free category, but

you can change how you
choose to spend it.
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 "FREE"TIME
is just that – time free from
commitments, obligations,
and requirements. It is self- Now, consider your free time
defined; it can be whatever
through the lens of your
you want it to be. Depending
on your stage of life, there relationship. When you have free
are factors that determine time available, you have a choice
just how much free time you to choose an activity you do with
have. Work, children, and your partner or an activity you
other responsibilities dictate
enjoy without your partner. There
how much time is left over.
isn’t a bad choice here. Both are
healthy because relationships

It is important to thrive on balance. Remember,

balance doesn’t mean it has to be

acknowledge that you equal. To ensure you keep a healthy

balance, talk with your partner

probably can’t change the about expectations and the reality

of the choices you each make
amount of time you have regarding your free time.

in the free category, but

you can change how you
choose to spend it.
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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Leisure Activities (married couples) and
SCOPE Personality sections of your report.

// Discuss what external

(time, money, etc.)
// On average, how much free time do
you and your partner each have in
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?

and internal (energy level, a week? What outside factors impact the
interest, etc.) resources
are required for you and
amount of free time each of you have?
COUPLE RESULTS
your partner to spend time
together. Consider what
resources are needed to
// Have you discussed preferences for
how you and your partner enjoy
spend time separate from
spending free time together? Or do you
each other.
rely on assumptions from how you have
historically enjoyed time together? How
have you and your partner’s preferences
// What are barriers to
spending time together?
changed over time? INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
What are the barriers to
finding time apart from each
other?
// Is the free time you and your partner
spend together quality time? How is
Look at your individual results for Leisure Activities
– Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
spending time with and without your partner?
“quality” defined? Are there times when
quantity is favored over quality?

Review how you and your partner scored on each

dimension of the SCOPE Personality. How does personality
impact how you spend free time?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Leisure Activities (married couples) and
SCOPE Personality sections of your report.

// Discuss what external

(time, money, etc.)
// On average, how much free time do
you and your partner each have in
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?

and internal (energy level, a week? What outside factors impact the
interest, etc.) resources
are required for you and
amount of free time each of you have?
COUPLE RESULTS
your partner to spend time
together. Consider what
resources are needed to
// Have you discussed preferences for
how you and your partner enjoy
spend time separate from
spending free time together? Or do you
each other.
rely on assumptions from how you have
historically enjoyed time together? How
have you and your partner’s preferences
// What are barriers to
spending time together?
changed over time? INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
What are the barriers to
finding time apart from each
other?
// Is the free time you and your partner
spend together quality time? How is
Look at your individual results for Leisure Activities
– Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
spending time with and without your partner?
“quality” defined? Are there times when
quantity is favored over quality?

Review how you and your partner scored on each

dimension of the SCOPE Personality. How does personality
impact how you spend free time?

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TAKEAWAY
Discuss expectations for free time and strive for a balance between spending
time together and apart.

APPLICATION
Decide on a time frame – 1 week, 30 days, or whatever is manageable for
your schedules. Now try to schedule free time together and free time apart
– yes, actually write it down or add it to your calendar on your phone! It
will seem silly to add this to a calendar, but it will increase the likelihood
of it actually happening.

NEXT STEPS
Pick a time to review this topic again. Maybe it’s the first Saturday of
next month when you drink coffee and read the paper together before
the kids are up? Or maybe it’s before your next date night? Whatever
feels right to you. The key here is to establish a time to discuss free
INTIMACY
time again, thus creating some accountability for both you and your
partner.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Money or Expectations next.

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TAKEAWAY
Discuss expectations for free time and strive for a balance between spending
time together and apart.

APPLICATION
Decide on a time frame – 1 week, 30 days, or whatever is manageable for
your schedules. Now try to schedule free time together and free time apart
– yes, actually write it down or add it to your calendar on your phone! It
will seem silly to add this to a calendar, but it will increase the likelihood
of it actually happening.

NEXT STEPS
Pick a time to review this topic again. Maybe it’s the first Saturday of
next month when you drink coffee and read the paper together before
the kids are up? Or maybe it’s before your next date night? Whatever
feels right to you. The key here is to establish a time to discuss free
INTIMACY
time again, thus creating some accountability for both you and your
partner.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Money or Expectations next.

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 We use many terms when You might think a deep When discussing intimacy,
referring to intimacy connection translates it is crucial to call out the
(affection, sexual relationship), to a thriving physical ‘compare and contrast’
yet intimacy encompasses relationship and vice versa. model we often hold to our
more than a physical While this can be the case, expectations. Comparing
relationship. it’s not always true. and contrasting your
intimate relationship to
anyone else’s relationship
INSTEAD, WE
Each couple (your previous relationships
included) or even previous
ENCOURAGE
experiences intimacy
versions of the relationship
you are in, is not a healthy
perspective. YOU TO GAIN
differently and it UNDERSTANDING BY
might vary between BREAKING DOWN
partners as well. HOW YOU RELATE
TO INTIMACY IN
This is why it is so important to talk about it! YOUR RELATIONSHIP
AND BUILD
SKILLS TO MORE
Intimacy is the deep connection we
OPENLY DISCUSS
have with our partner emotionally,
spiritually, physically, etc.
INTIMACY.
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 We use many terms when You might think a deep When discussing intimacy,
referring to intimacy connection translates it is crucial to call out the
(affection, sexual relationship), to a thriving physical ‘compare and contrast’
yet intimacy encompasses relationship and vice versa. model we often hold to our
more than a physical While this can be the case, expectations. Comparing
relationship. it’s not always true. and contrasting your
intimate relationship to
anyone else’s relationship
INSTEAD, WE
Each couple (your previous relationships
included) or even previous
ENCOURAGE
experiences intimacy
versions of the relationship
you are in, is not a healthy
perspective. YOU TO GAIN
differently and it UNDERSTANDING BY
might vary between BREAKING DOWN
partners as well. HOW YOU RELATE
TO INTIMACY IN
This is why it is so important to talk about it! YOUR RELATIONSHIP
AND BUILD
SKILLS TO MORE
Intimacy is the deep connection we
OPENLY DISCUSS
have with our partner emotionally,
spiritually, physically, etc.
INTIMACY.
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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Sexual Expectations (dating/engaged couples)
or Sexual Relationship (married couples) section of your report.

// Consider affection –
How do you and your
// Consider your sexual relationship –
What do you and your partner need
partner like to receive from each other to feel comfortable
affection from one another? discussing your sexual relationship?
How do you like to show Have you discussed preferences with Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
affection? Are affectionate regards to sex?
acts verbal or nonverbal
in your relationship? How
do you both respond to
// When do you and your partner feel
COUPLE RESULTS
affection? Where did you
most intimate with one another?
and your partner learn about
What barriers keep you from feeling
affection?
close to each other?

// Do you consider other

areasofclosenessinyour // How has intimacy changed over the

relationship to be intimate?
How is a close spiritual
length of your relationship? What
outside factors impact intimacy (kids, INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
job, other family members, health,
connection intimate? How is
money, etc.)?
acloseemotionalconnection Does this accurately reflect how you feel
intimate? about intimacy in your relationship?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Sexual Expectations (dating/engaged couples)
or Sexual Relationship (married couples) section of your report.

// Consider affection –
How do you and your
// Consider your sexual relationship –
What do you and your partner need
partner like to receive from each other to feel comfortable
affection from one another? discussing your sexual relationship?
How do you like to show Have you discussed preferences with Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
affection? Are affectionate regards to sex?
acts verbal or nonverbal
in your relationship? How
do you both respond to
// When do you and your partner feel
COUPLE RESULTS
affection? Where did you
most intimate with one another?
and your partner learn about
What barriers keep you from feeling
affection?
close to each other?

// Do you consider other

areasofclosenessinyour // How has intimacy changed over the

relationship to be intimate?
How is a close spiritual
length of your relationship? What
outside factors impact intimacy (kids, INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
job, other family members, health,
connection intimate? How is
money, etc.)?
acloseemotionalconnection Does this accurately reflect how you feel
intimate? about intimacy in your relationship?

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TAKEAWAY
Intimacy is more than sex and affection; it’s a deep connection that weaves
throughout the entire relationship.

APPLICATION
Begin to recognize how each of you nurture intimacy in your relationship.
Take note of when you feel that deep connection and when you feel it is
missing. Communicate about feelings, preferences, and expectations
regarding intimacy.

NEXT STEPS

MONEY
If your goal is to increase intimacy in your relationship, you’ll need to
take some steps to get there. Decide on a time in the future to have a
conversation about your level of connection. The key is to establish a
time to discuss progress for the sake of accountability.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Balancing I and We or Spirituality next.

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TAKEAWAY
Intimacy is more than sex and affection; it’s a deep connection that weaves
throughout the entire relationship.

APPLICATION
Begin to recognize how each of you nurture intimacy in your relationship.
Take note of when you feel that deep connection and when you feel it is
missing. Communicate about feelings, preferences, and expectations
regarding intimacy.

NEXT STEPS

MONEY
If your goal is to increase intimacy in your relationship, you’ll need to
take some steps to get there. Decide on a time in the future to have a
conversation about your level of connection. The key is to establish a
time to discuss progress for the sake of accountability.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Balancing I and We or Spirituality next.

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 The first step to gaining understanding is to be aware of your own
experiences with money. We first learn about money from our
family of origin; it’s where we learn how to spend, how to save,
and what money means. These ideas may change throughout life,
but the influence of first impressions is significant.

Financial management is Practicing assertive communication with your partner

often a source of conflict about emotions you have surrounding money (fear, joy,
anxiety, etc.) is important because it helps your partner
for couples. begin to understand how you relate to money.
Money causes tension when there isn’t enough, when it isn’t allocated
If your partner is actively listening to your message, they will
correctly, and when there are different ideas surrounding its
be primed to acknowledge your feelings when making financial
purpose.
decisions in the future and vice versa.

The conflict grows out of a lack of Another step towards understanding how money impacts your
understanding and communication around relationship is to discuss the practical aspect of money – income

money and how it relates to your relationship.

vs. expenses – and the responsibilities that come with it.

The balance that works for your relationship may not be

completely equal, but that’s ok; the key is finding a balanced
If you need assistance getting out of debt, practical budgeting
distribution to which you agree.
advice for today, or saving for the future – there are many resources
available specifically to help couples improve their financial
A final step to understanding is recognizing the way in which
management skills.
money can strengthen your relationship, perhaps through
generosity and giving.
The goal here is to help you understand how money impacts your
relationship with your partner.

Family of origin refers to the group of

family members with whom you grew up
which often includes parents and siblings.

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 The first step to gaining understanding is to be aware of your own
experiences with money. We first learn about money from our
family of origin; it’s where we learn how to spend, how to save,
and what money means. These ideas may change throughout life,
but the influence of first impressions is significant.

Financial management is Practicing assertive communication with your partner

often a source of conflict about emotions you have surrounding money (fear, joy,
anxiety, etc.) is important because it helps your partner
for couples. begin to understand how you relate to money.
Money causes tension when there isn’t enough, when it isn’t allocated
If your partner is actively listening to your message, they will
correctly, and when there are different ideas surrounding its
be primed to acknowledge your feelings when making financial
purpose.
decisions in the future and vice versa.

The conflict grows out of a lack of Another step towards understanding how money impacts your
understanding and communication around relationship is to discuss the practical aspect of money – income

money and how it relates to your relationship.

vs. expenses – and the responsibilities that come with it.

The balance that works for your relationship may not be

completely equal, but that’s ok; the key is finding a balanced
If you need assistance getting out of debt, practical budgeting
distribution to which you agree.
advice for today, or saving for the future – there are many resources
available specifically to help couples improve their financial
A final step to understanding is recognizing the way in which
management skills.
money can strengthen your relationship, perhaps through
generosity and giving.
The goal here is to help you understand how money impacts your
relationship with your partner.

Family of origin refers to the group of

family members with whom you grew up
which often includes parents and siblings.

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 // Discuss the unexpected –What is your plan
for the unexpected? Who is responsible for CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
reaching out to a trusted resource if finances
Discussion become a serious concern? Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Financial Management section of your report.

// What aspects of your

relationship does money
// What financial lessons did you learn from
your family of origin? Which financial
control?Whatspecificfinancial
practices or habits have you kept and which did
situations have a direct effect
you change? What did money mean to you as
on the satisfaction of your
a child (status, security, enjoyment, control)?
relationship? When its payday, Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
Do you still believe that?
does this translate to an
extravagant date night? When
you have to pay the monthly
bills, does this often prompt // How does financial generosity contribute
COUPLE RESULTS
an argument? Explain how it to your relationship? How does the act
feels to carry guilt associated of giving strengthen your relationship? How
with money (earn too much/ much financial support will you and your
little, have more in debt, etc.). partner provide to family members (aging
parents, adult children, etc.) if needed?

// What are your financial

goals as a couple? Are your // Consider the future – What is your plan INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
goals short or long term? How for how you will financially prepare for
do you and your partner each new phases in your life together (children,
Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
contribute to reaching goals? retirement)? In what ways will a new phase of
money in your relationship?
What are your individual life have financial implications? What are your
financial goals independent of and your partner’s ideas around inheritance
your partner? and estate planning?

The length of a short term goal is typically six months to one year, while the
length of a long term goal is one to five years.

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 // Discuss the unexpected –What is your plan
for the unexpected? Who is responsible for CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
reaching out to a trusted resource if finances
Discussion become a serious concern? Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Financial Management section of your report.

// What aspects of your

relationship does money
// What financial lessons did you learn from
your family of origin? Which financial
control?Whatspecificfinancial
practices or habits have you kept and which did
situations have a direct effect
you change? What did money mean to you as
on the satisfaction of your
a child (status, security, enjoyment, control)?
relationship? When its payday, Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
Do you still believe that?
does this translate to an
extravagant date night? When
you have to pay the monthly
bills, does this often prompt // How does financial generosity contribute
COUPLE RESULTS
an argument? Explain how it to your relationship? How does the act
feels to carry guilt associated of giving strengthen your relationship? How
with money (earn too much/ much financial support will you and your
little, have more in debt, etc.). partner provide to family members (aging
parents, adult children, etc.) if needed?

// What are your financial

goals as a couple? Are your // Consider the future – What is your plan INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
goals short or long term? How for how you will financially prepare for
do you and your partner each new phases in your life together (children,
Does this accurately reflect how you feel about
contribute to reaching goals? retirement)? In what ways will a new phase of
money in your relationship?
What are your individual life have financial implications? What are your
financial goals independent of and your partner’s ideas around inheritance
your partner? and estate planning?

The length of a short term goal is typically six months to one year, while the
length of a long term goal is one to five years.

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TAKEAWAY
Money has the potential to become a point of contention in your
relationship; be proactive and begin to understand how money influences
the relationship you have with your partner.

APPLICATION
Begin to understand how you and your partner relate to money – and how
that in turn impacts your relationship – by asking “Why?” Ask to understand,
not to judge yourself or your partner. Ask yourself why when you choose
to pay more than the balance due on your student loans each month; ask
why your partner felt it is important to give to local charities. The idea
is to identify the reasoning behind the financial decision and apply that
learning to all around more awareness of the impact of money.

NEXT STEPS
Be more mindful of your money by learning something new with
PARENTING
your partner. Find a local class to attend on a financial management
area that interests you and your partner (investing, debt reduction,
budgeting, etc.). Plan to have a discussion afterwards about money
and your relationship in the context of the new learning.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Forgiveness or Roles next.

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TAKEAWAY
Money has the potential to become a point of contention in your
relationship; be proactive and begin to understand how money influences
the relationship you have with your partner.

APPLICATION
Begin to understand how you and your partner relate to money – and how
that in turn impacts your relationship – by asking “Why?” Ask to understand,
not to judge yourself or your partner. Ask yourself why when you choose
to pay more than the balance due on your student loans each month; ask
why your partner felt it is important to give to local charities. The idea
is to identify the reasoning behind the financial decision and apply that
learning to all around more awareness of the impact of money.

NEXT STEPS
Be more mindful of your money by learning something new with
PARENTING
your partner. Find a local class to attend on a financial management
area that interests you and your partner (investing, debt reduction,
budgeting, etc.). Plan to have a discussion afterwards about money
and your relationship in the context of the new learning.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Forgiveness or Roles next.

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 If you’re a parent, you probably agree parenting is incredibly
challenging, but ultimately it’s worth it. Since it is such a You and your partner might parent
rewarding experience, parenting can really have an impact on using different styles and you
you as a person. might even find yourself parenting
each child with a different style.

Parenting can also

That’s okay, but it might cause
frustration and conflict. A variety
of theories and explanations of
significantly impact the parenting styles exist, but the
democratic, or balanced, style has

relationship you have been known to be most effective

for children. The key here is to

with your partner. understand the differences in

style that exist between you and
your partner and overall – aim for
Research has shown that having a child often adds to an balance, agreement, and unity.
individual’s happiness, but more often than not a couple
In addition to
An easy way to increase confidence
experiences a decrease in marital satisfaction after the birth of in parenting is to work on
a child.
understanding each
strengthening parenting skills
and receive encouragement and

Acknowledging how parenting can other’s parenting

support from your partner.

affect your marriage is the first step to style, it’s important

minimizing the negative impact. to support each The democratic parenting style

other’s parenting balances age-appropriate child

autonomy and parental control.

Marital satisfaction refers to each efforts. Parenting is nurturing, discipline is

consistent, and according to research
individual’s level of satisfaction with this balanced style tends to have the
the marriage. best outcomes for children and teens.

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 If you’re a parent, you probably agree parenting is incredibly
challenging, but ultimately it’s worth it. Since it is such a You and your partner might parent
rewarding experience, parenting can really have an impact on using different styles and you
you as a person. might even find yourself parenting
each child with a different style.

Parenting can also

That’s okay, but it might cause
frustration and conflict. A variety
of theories and explanations of
significantly impact the parenting styles exist, but the
democratic, or balanced, style has

relationship you have been known to be most effective

for children. The key here is to

with your partner. understand the differences in

style that exist between you and
your partner and overall – aim for
Research has shown that having a child often adds to an balance, agreement, and unity.
individual’s happiness, but more often than not a couple
In addition to
An easy way to increase confidence
experiences a decrease in marital satisfaction after the birth of in parenting is to work on
a child.
understanding each
strengthening parenting skills
and receive encouragement and

Acknowledging how parenting can other’s parenting

support from your partner.

affect your marriage is the first step to style, it’s important

minimizing the negative impact. to support each The democratic parenting style

other’s parenting balances age-appropriate child

autonomy and parental control.

Marital satisfaction refers to each efforts. Parenting is nurturing, discipline is

consistent, and according to research
individual’s level of satisfaction with this balanced style tends to have the
the marriage. best outcomes for children and teens.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Children & Parenting or Step-Parenting sections of
your report.

// Consider
relationship
your // How well do you support your partner as
a parent? How can you provide additional
before and after support and encouragement of his/her parenting
having kids – What style? How can your partner support and
are the significant encourage you? Discuss how more support and Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
differences regarding encouragement add to the “you’re on the same
communication, team” mentality.
intimacy, conflict,
or other topic areas? COUPLE RESULTS
Discuss the differences
you appreciate at each
// Consider other parental figures who
influence your child(ren) – grandparents,
stage and the ones
step-parents, co-parents, etc. How do these other
you’d like to work on.
“parents” affect the effort you and your partner
put into parenting? Discuss how you and your
partner can work together to find balance and
// What parenting consistency amongst various parental figures.
myths have you
heard? How do these
INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
myths influence your
parenting style? What
// Examine how you prioritize parenting and
your relationship. Discuss how you currently
Does this accurately reflect how you feel
myths are tempting to you and your partner handle parenting?
balance these two important parts of your life.
believe?
What are your expectations for finding balance?
How are your partner’s expectations different
than yours?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Children & Parenting or Step-Parenting sections of
your report.

// Consider
relationship
your // How well do you support your partner as
a parent? How can you provide additional
before and after support and encouragement of his/her parenting
having kids – What style? How can your partner support and
are the significant encourage you? Discuss how more support and Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
differences regarding encouragement add to the “you’re on the same
communication, team” mentality.
intimacy, conflict,
or other topic areas? COUPLE RESULTS
Discuss the differences
you appreciate at each
// Consider other parental figures who
influence your child(ren) – grandparents,
stage and the ones
step-parents, co-parents, etc. How do these other
you’d like to work on.
“parents” affect the effort you and your partner
put into parenting? Discuss how you and your
partner can work together to find balance and
// What parenting consistency amongst various parental figures.
myths have you
heard? How do these
INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
myths influence your
parenting style? What
// Examine how you prioritize parenting and
your relationship. Discuss how you currently
Does this accurately reflect how you feel
myths are tempting to you and your partner handle parenting?
balance these two important parts of your life.
believe?
What are your expectations for finding balance?
How are your partner’s expectations different
than yours?

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TAKEAWAY
Cultivate an understanding of how you and your partner each parent your
children, and how you can support each other to become better parents,
while also considering the impact it has on your relationship.

APPLICATION
Set aside a few days and document (in a notebook, in your phone, etc.) your
parenting interactions with your child(ren) and simultaneously document
your relationship satisfaction. Identify any patterns to better understand
how your parenting and relationship relate. If you are curious about your
parenting style – research the different styles and use your documented
interactions as examples to help you figure out which style you gravitate
towards.

NEXT STEPS
If you are looking to strengthen your parenting skills, check out
what your community has to offer as resources. Take a class or join
ROLES
a group of other parents to work on your skills and gain support. If
you are interested in understanding more about your relationship and
parenting, consider locating a PREPARE/ENRICH Facilitator in your
area and taking the Parenting Version of PREPARE/ENRICH.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Family & Friends or Balancing I and We next.

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TAKEAWAY
Cultivate an understanding of how you and your partner each parent your
children, and how you can support each other to become better parents,
while also considering the impact it has on your relationship.

APPLICATION
Set aside a few days and document (in a notebook, in your phone, etc.) your
parenting interactions with your child(ren) and simultaneously document
your relationship satisfaction. Identify any patterns to better understand
how your parenting and relationship relate. If you are curious about your
parenting style – research the different styles and use your documented
interactions as examples to help you figure out which style you gravitate
towards.

NEXT STEPS
If you are looking to strengthen your parenting skills, check out
what your community has to offer as resources. Take a class or join
ROLES
a group of other parents to work on your skills and gain support. If
you are interested in understanding more about your relationship and
parenting, consider locating a PREPARE/ENRICH Facilitator in your
area and taking the Parenting Version of PREPARE/ENRICH.

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Family & Friends or Balancing I and We next.

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Whether you loathe or enjoy household tasks, they need to be
completed. The distribution of who does what can have a significant
impact on your relationship. The responsibility of household tasks
falls on both partners, even though one partner might accomplish
“more.” As individuals we take on certain household tasks based on Roles are most likely
interest, ability, or obligation. already assigned in your
relationship: someone takes
out the garbage, someone
else does the laundry, etc.
But do you know every
JUST REMEMBER,
To ensure a chore your partner does
to contribute to the entire YOU AND YOUR
distribution of household? Probably not.
There are household tasks PARTNER ARE
household tasks that we complete routinely that
go unnoticed. When you WORKING TOGETHER
strengthens your
become more aware of
which tasks you and your
partner complete, you can
AND CONTRIBUTING
relationship, become evaluate the quality of the
distribution. Interest can
YOUR EFFORTS
aware of what roles change over time as well as
ability; it is natural to make TO THE SAME
both you and your adjustments along the way.
HOUSEHOLD – THE
partner have. SUM REALLY IS
GREATER THAN ITS
It’s normal to evaluate the fit of those roles periodically. By PARTS WHEN YOU
WORK AS A TEAM.
reevaluating, you may find you two enjoy status quo, or you might
uncover some previously unknown resentment.

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Whether you loathe or enjoy household tasks, they need to be
completed. The distribution of who does what can have a significant
impact on your relationship. The responsibility of household tasks
falls on both partners, even though one partner might accomplish
“more.” As individuals we take on certain household tasks based on Roles are most likely
interest, ability, or obligation. already assigned in your
relationship: someone takes
out the garbage, someone
else does the laundry, etc.
But do you know every
JUST REMEMBER,
To ensure a chore your partner does
to contribute to the entire YOU AND YOUR
distribution of household? Probably not.
There are household tasks PARTNER ARE
household tasks that we complete routinely that
go unnoticed. When you WORKING TOGETHER
strengthens your
become more aware of
which tasks you and your
partner complete, you can
AND CONTRIBUTING
relationship, become evaluate the quality of the
distribution. Interest can
YOUR EFFORTS
aware of what roles change over time as well as
ability; it is natural to make TO THE SAME
both you and your adjustments along the way.
HOUSEHOLD – THE
partner have. SUM REALLY IS
GREATER THAN ITS
It’s normal to evaluate the fit of those roles periodically. By PARTS WHEN YOU
WORK AS A TEAM.
reevaluating, you may find you two enjoy status quo, or you might
uncover some previously unknown resentment.

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Relationship Roles (engaged couples) or Roles &
Responsibilities (married couples) section of your report.

// Are roles divided based

on interest and ability
// Consider expectations – As a couple,
what are your expectations for
or obligation per traditional household tasks? As an individual, do you
gender roles? How did you hold your partner to a certain standard Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
and your partner originally when it comes to completing household
divide the roles? Was it tasks? What happens when expectations
an explicit conversation
about role distribution, an
and standards are not met?
COUPLE RESULTS
unspoken agreement, or a
combination of both?
// How do roles change when your lifestyle
changes (children, job change, new
home, retirement, etc.)? Have you discussed
// Howarehouseholdtasks
allocated to other family
how future lifestyle changes might affect the
roles you and your partner currently have?
members (children)? Is this
process of reallocation done INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
by both partners together or
is managing the distribution
// How is leadership distributed within
your relationship? What are effective Does this accurately reflect how you feel about roles
a task completed by one way to make decisions regarding your in your relationship?
partner? household? Is this a shared responsibility?

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 CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP
Discussion Check in with your Couple Checkup results
by reviewing the Relationship Roles (engaged couples) or Roles &
Responsibilities (married couples) section of your report.

// Are roles divided based

on interest and ability
// Consider expectations – As a couple,
what are your expectations for
or obligation per traditional household tasks? As an individual, do you
gender roles? How did you hold your partner to a certain standard Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
and your partner originally when it comes to completing household
divide the roles? Was it tasks? What happens when expectations
an explicit conversation
about role distribution, an
and standards are not met?
COUPLE RESULTS
unspoken agreement, or a
combination of both?
// How do roles change when your lifestyle
changes (children, job change, new
home, retirement, etc.)? Have you discussed
// Howarehouseholdtasks
allocated to other family
how future lifestyle changes might affect the
roles you and your partner currently have?
members (children)? Is this
process of reallocation done INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
by both partners together or
is managing the distribution
// How is leadership distributed within
your relationship? What are effective Does this accurately reflect how you feel about roles
a task completed by one way to make decisions regarding your in your relationship?
partner? household? Is this a shared responsibility?

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TAKEAWAY
Roles within your relationship may or may not already be distributed in a
balanced manner, either way, there may be room for improvement through
evaluation and increased awareness; this improvement will help strengthen
your relationship.

APPLICATION
Take awareness to a new level; spend a week switching roles with your
partner. Changing up who does what within the household will give you a
new perspective and appreciation for your partner’s contributions.

NEXT STEPS
Establish a monthly meeting to evaluate household task distribution
and reassign roles as needed. Consider causes of change: interest level,
schedule, seasonal tasks, etc.
SPIRITUALITY
SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Expectations or Free Time next.

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TAKEAWAY
Roles within your relationship may or may not already be distributed in a
balanced manner, either way, there may be room for improvement through
evaluation and increased awareness; this improvement will help strengthen
your relationship.

APPLICATION
Take awareness to a new level; spend a week switching roles with your
partner. Changing up who does what within the household will give you a
new perspective and appreciation for your partner’s contributions.

NEXT STEPS
Establish a monthly meeting to evaluate household task distribution
and reassign roles as needed. Consider causes of change: interest level,
schedule, seasonal tasks, etc.
SPIRITUALITY
SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Expectations or Free Time next.

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 Spirituality describes the multifaceted
connection between an individual and their Discussion
spiritual beliefs and practices.
// Consider your
family of origin –
// How does spirituality strengthen your
relationship? What activities do you and
This term is open for you and Be cautious, though, as spirituality
your partner to interpret. is ever-changing and there may be How was spirituality your partner do both together and separately that
Every person has a spiritual times when you and your partner discussed in your make your spiritual bond greater? Pray together?
journey, which most likely are at different points in your family when you were Go to church together? Pray for each other? Set
began with influence from understanding and expression of a child? How did your daily intentions for your relationship? How does
their family of origin. This your spiritual journeys. family of origin help your spirituality allow you to be more connected
means each couple has two you form the beliefs to your partner?
spiritual journeys that relate Sharing beliefs with each other you hold today?
to each other. Your spiritual and discussing your preferences
journey might be closely
aligned with your partner or it
for practicing and expressing
spirituality will strengthen this // Look at your
// How does your relationship honor your
spirituality? What values and beliefs
might be farther apart. area of your relationship. spiritual journey from your spirituality do you carry into your
– How has your relationship? What spiritual practices or
When spirituality is an It isn’t about trying to make your spirituality changed expressions influence your relationship? How
area of agreement in your partner meet you where you are on over time? Have you does spirituality guide your relationship in times
relationship, it can deepen the your spiritual journey. It is about made significant life of struggle?
love you have for your partner learning to support one another changes based on
and it will support your and integrate spirituality into your spiritual guidance?
growth as a couple. relationship to increase your sense
//
How has your
of intimacy and satisfaction. understanding of Is spirituality the foundation of your
spirituality changed? relationship? If yes, discuss how spirituality
During your supports other topic areas in your relationship.
Family of origin refers to the group If no, discuss what you consider to be the
relationship, how
of family members with whom you foundation. How does this align with your shared
have you shifted your
grew up which often includes parents values and beliefs?
spiritual beliefs?
and siblings.

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 Spirituality describes the multifaceted
connection between an individual and their Discussion
spiritual beliefs and practices.
// Consider your
family of origin –
// How does spirituality strengthen your
relationship? What activities do you and
This term is open for you and Be cautious, though, as spirituality
your partner to interpret. is ever-changing and there may be How was spirituality your partner do both together and separately that
Every person has a spiritual times when you and your partner discussed in your make your spiritual bond greater? Pray together?
journey, which most likely are at different points in your family when you were Go to church together? Pray for each other? Set
began with influence from understanding and expression of a child? How did your daily intentions for your relationship? How does
their family of origin. This your spiritual journeys. family of origin help your spirituality allow you to be more connected
means each couple has two you form the beliefs to your partner?
spiritual journeys that relate Sharing beliefs with each other you hold today?
to each other. Your spiritual and discussing your preferences
journey might be closely
aligned with your partner or it
for practicing and expressing
spirituality will strengthen this // Look at your
// How does your relationship honor your
spirituality? What values and beliefs
might be farther apart. area of your relationship. spiritual journey from your spirituality do you carry into your
– How has your relationship? What spiritual practices or
When spirituality is an It isn’t about trying to make your spirituality changed expressions influence your relationship? How
area of agreement in your partner meet you where you are on over time? Have you does spirituality guide your relationship in times
relationship, it can deepen the your spiritual journey. It is about made significant life of struggle?
love you have for your partner learning to support one another changes based on
and it will support your and integrate spirituality into your spiritual guidance?
growth as a couple. relationship to increase your sense
//
How has your
of intimacy and satisfaction. understanding of Is spirituality the foundation of your
spirituality changed? relationship? If yes, discuss how spirituality
During your supports other topic areas in your relationship.
Family of origin refers to the group If no, discuss what you consider to be the
relationship, how
of family members with whom you foundation. How does this align with your shared
have you shifted your
grew up which often includes parents values and beliefs?
spiritual beliefs?
and siblings.

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CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP TAKEAWAY
Even though spirituality is a personal journey, your relationship can
Check in with your Couple Checkup results
be strengthened when you celebrate shared perspectives and respect
by reviewing the Spiritual Beliefs section of your report.
differences.

APPLICATION
Shared values and beliefs may strengthen your relationship, while shared
expression of values and beliefs makes your bond even deeper. Establish
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
a new ritual with your partner that honors the relationship between your
spiritual journeys.

COUPLE RESULTS

NEXT STEPS
Be curious about your partner’s spiritual journey. Select a time where
you and your partner can regularly discuss, practice, and express your

INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
spirituality together. Consider joining other couples in a small group
in your faith community or even start one on your own.

Does this accurately reflect how you feel

about spirituality in your relationship?

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Commitment or Family & Friends next.

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CHECK IN WITH CHECKUP TAKEAWAY
Even though spirituality is a personal journey, your relationship can
Check in with your Couple Checkup results
be strengthened when you celebrate shared perspectives and respect
by reviewing the Spiritual Beliefs section of your report.
differences.

APPLICATION
Shared values and beliefs may strengthen your relationship, while shared
expression of values and beliefs makes your bond even deeper. Establish
Are you surprised by the suggested discussion items?
a new ritual with your partner that honors the relationship between your
spiritual journeys.

COUPLE RESULTS

NEXT STEPS
Be curious about your partner’s spiritual journey. Select a time where
you and your partner can regularly discuss, practice, and express your

INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
spirituality together. Consider joining other couples in a small group
in your faith community or even start one on your own.

Does this accurately reflect how you feel

about spirituality in your relationship?

SECTION SUGGESTION
Consider exploring Commitment or Family & Friends next.

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