No part of this work may be reproduced or republished without the

author´s consent.

Sketches By Artist Aditi Dar ©

Sami Wunder © All Rights Reserved. 2015-16.

 A Note For You

Hi! This is me, Sami!

While often in romantic novels we learn

that love is beautiful and divine, in real
life it turns out to be an area of struggle
and pain for countless women.

Sometimes the man we love does not

respond to us. At other times, the
relationship feels great at the beginning,
only to fizzle out with time. We can also
find ourselves in situations where we
want more commitment from our partner but he is not feeling
inspired to give it to us.

We torture ourselves with meandering thoughts like, “Should I stay

or should I leave,” and wonder with a heavy heart why love has to
be such a struggle, over and over again.

I remember as a child dreaming about my great love, only to grow

up and realize that it was not going to be that easy after all.

From being the girl that was never asked out on dates, to being
the girl that never made it to the second date, from being the girl
that chased men to being the girl that was told – “I am not feeling
it for you,” – I have gone through a whole spectrum of rejections,
heart-break, pain and insults.

Men seemed confusing and selfish to me. Dating became a

nightmare. I even recall reaching a stage where I began to think
that something was wrong with me.

1|Page
However, and this is where the message lay for me, sometimes our
biggest transformations are waiting to be churned out through our
most painful experiences.

One night, after yet another man I liked told me, “I cannot give
you what you want,” and casually disappeared on me after two
months of dating, I realized I could not go on living like this forever.

Something had to change and there was definitely something in

my approach towards men and relationships that was wrong or at
least not serving me.

Since I knew with certainty that I wanted a family and children, I

decided to figure this stuff out myself. And figure it out I did!

I researched everything possible on the internet, read the best

works from top relationship experts and took private coaching
myself. The knowledge I gained changed my life! It really did!

I was still the same Sami on the outside but something inside of me
had shifted and that shift made all the difference.

Within nine months of dating, my

wonderful husband proposed to
me in the most romantic way on
the top of a snowy mountain and
today I live my childhood love
dream – I feel completely loved,
safe, happy, cherished and
adored in my marriage and every
single day my relationship gets
closer, more intimate, more
passionate, more fun.

In fact, the knowledge I gained

about men and attraction and how romantic relationships really
work (and not how we women think they work), felt so

2|Page
empowering and transformational that I knew I had to spread the
message.

Today, as a certified and trained love coach, I have already

helped several women through my private coaching sessions in
getting over their love blocks and creating the relationship of their
dreams.

Using a powerful combination of coaching methods, feminine

energy tools, attraction techniques and self-esteem development,
I help strong and successful women worldwide, who are struggling
in love, just like I was, create the most juicy, sensual, fulfilling and
authentic relationships that they crave. Coaching sessions are
intimate and held over Skype or phone.

Once you begin to understand how attraction works, romantic

relationships become easy and the struggle with love ends.

I believe with all my heart that if I can do it, so can you, so can
anybody else who is willing to learn and do what works!

3|Page
 This Book
Let me begin by telling you what this book is not.

This book is not a magic pill for resolving deeper issues that many
of us tend to carry on our backs like low self-esteem, experiences
with a toxic partner or a painful childhood, all of which we bring
to our present relationship in ways that may not necessarily serve
the relationship. While I passionately love to coach and heal
women with these challenges in my private coaching sessions, the
focus of this book is intentionally not on these topics.

As my first book, I wanted to present women with a straight forward

and uncomplicated approach to men and finding forever love.

This book is my contribution to empowering women with hands-on

knowledge on how attraction and the process of commitment
works for men. My desire is to give women, especially those of you
who are looking to have long-term committed relationships, a
hands-on, step by step roadmap for getting a man´s commitment.
In an easily digestible way, this book will show you how to
effectively navigate the world of dating and men with your
feminine energy.

As the book unfolds, I give you an outline for the perfect path from
dating to commitment to marriage.

Yes, the perfect path!

I also showcase the most common mistakes women make when

dating and how you can avoid them and help yourself from
sabotaging your chances in love.

The book tells the stories of two women, Cute Clara and Marry-Me-
Mara, and their interaction from the first date to marriage and
heart-break with a man called Daniel. The important thing to
register here is that while Clara’s and Mara’s stories with Daniel run

4|Page
parallel to each other, they occur in two separate worlds and do
not intersect at any point of time.

My intention was not to create a complicated love triangle to

excite you but a clear space for you to observe and understand,
through real-life examples from these two women, where you are
going wrong in your approach to dating and commitment, what
you can do better and which attitudes serve you more than others
when it comes to love.

I believe that learning in this applied way (instead of theoretically)

works wonders because you not only see the definition of, for
instance, ‘Leaning back in feminine energy,’ but you also see the
character lean back and get a hands-on feeling for what that
would look like when you practice it in your own love life.

As you will start engaging with the core content of the book, you
will notice that Cute Clara and Marry-Me-Mara represent two
extreme cases. Cute Clara will do everything right and Marry-Me-
Mara will do everything wrong. This of course is an exaggeration
and has been done on purpose. In real life you will find parts of
both extremes in you. You will find yourself doing somethings right
and somethings wrong.

However, my motivation in writing a perfect love story and a

disastrous story is to sharply contrast for you what works and what
doesn't work when it comes to men and commitment. This way, I
give you a chance to not only identify what not to do but
simultaneously also learn what you can do better.

My hope is that after reading this book, men and love will start to
feel easier to you because there will be no more guess work.

5|Page
By the end of this book, you will understand –

 How to quickly move a man from online dating to meeting

in real life and why doing that is good for you
 What leaning back in feminine energy means and how it
works to attract a masculine man into your life
 Why chasing men is a bad idea for the long term health of
your relationship success and your self esteem
 Why believing in your worth (having high self-esteem) is
crucial for the success of your relationships with men
 Some absolute don´t-do´s in dating (the attraction killers)
 How to not get over-invested in a man too quickly
 What rotational dating is and why it´s a good thing for you,
your confidence and your relationship with your man
 How to recognize men who want a committed relationship
with you vs. affairs and flings
 A man´s commitment timeline and how men view the
process of commitment.
Cute Clara and Marry-Me-Mara will be put in different love
situations with Dude Daniel in Palm Country and Icicle Country and
at the end of every chapter, I will comment on their reactions as a
Love Coach and what we can learn from them.

Again, there will be moments in the book when you will feel happy
about the things that you are doing right but there will also be
moments where your mistakes will stare you hard in the face. “Oh
my God, I can’t believe I did this,” kind of feelings may come up
for you.

Please don´t beat yourself up and please don´t take it personally.

This is absolutely crucial if you want to learn and turn your love life
around. Instead of judging your mistakes, I want you to think of the
glorious love life that you will create for yourself (like I did!) once
you have gained awareness around what works and what doesn’t
work when it comes to men and commitment.

6|Page
In fact, for every mistake of yours that you can recognize, as the
story of Cute Clara and Marry-Me-Mara unfolds, I want you to give
yourself a pat on the back and say, “Yay! I learnt something new!
Won´t repeat this ever again,” and when you’ve said that, I want
you to move on and practice the new skills and awareness in your
real life and get real results with real men (and let me know how it
goes!)

I truly believe that love is everywhere but we block it from reaching

us. We fight it, resist it and push it away in illusive ways, even when
we tell ourselves, “I want it.” The blocks could be what we believe
to be true about love (it´s hard, it’s a struggle), about men (they´re
jerks), about ourselves (I am not good enough) or simply some bad
love habits (chasing men, controlling our relationships) that we
have imbibed from society, our parents’ relationships or our own
worldview. Whatever it is that is blocking you in your love life right
now, I want you to know that you can make a change, and that
you can have the great love abundance that you dream of and
very much deserve.

This book, in a fun and illustrative way, will bring to light what works
with men so that you can quickly and effectively learn it, apply it
and shift your love and dating life around by doing more of what
works and increasingly less of what doesn't work.

I would love to hear how this works for you and the results you
achieve from this knowledge. If you have a personal situation in
your love life that you need support with, don't hesitate to contact
me. I hope you have fun reading and learning.

To your success in love,

www.samiwundercoaching.com

7|Page
A NOTE FOR YOU 1
THIS BOOK 4
CHAPTER 1 – MEET CUTE CLARA, MARRY-ME-MARA AND DANIEL 9
CHAPTER 2 – SAYING HELLO ONLINE 11

Cute Clara´s Reaction 11

Marry–Me–Mara´s Reaction 13

Coach Commentary 14

CHAPTER 3 – THE FIRST DATE 21

Cute Clara´s First Date 21

Marry-Me-Mara´s First Date 23

Coach Commentary 25

CHAPTER 4 – THE MAN HASN’T CALLED 31

Cute Clara´s Reaction 31

Marry-Me-Mara´s Reaction 33

Coach Commentary 35

CHAPTER 5 – AN EXCITING DATE TWO 42

Cute Clara´s Second Date 42

Marry-Me-Mara´s Second Date 45

Coach Commentary 47

CHAPTER 6 – DATE NTH & RELATIONSHIP TALK 52

Cute Clara´s Date N And Relationship Talk 52

Marry-Me-Mara´s Date N And Relationship Talk 56

Coach Commentary 58

CHAPTER 7 – REAL LOVE IS EASY 65

Cute Clara´s Reaction 65

Coach Commentary 66

CHAPTER 8 – UNDERSTANDING A MAN’S COMMITMENT TIMELINE 68

ABOUT SAMI WUNDER 72

8|Page
CHAPTER 1 – Meet Cute Clara, Marry-Me-Mara And Daniel

Let´s begin by taking a closer look at the two wonderful women

whose story will unfold in such different ways.

On the one side we have Cute Clara. She is 28 years old and a
pretty woman. She has brown eyes, dark-blonde hair that she likes
to tie up high in a ponytail, and a petite nose that her
friends like to rub because they believe doing that
makes miracles happen. Clara has a thing for short
dresses and loves the colour yellow ever since
she witnessed how the midday sun reflects in
the waves of the sea, painting the world
bright. Clara works daily from nine to six and loves
her job. She likes to take the last hour of a working
week and tick off all the things she has
accomplished. In her free time, she loves to dance and
surf on the high waves of the ocean. She lives in Palm country.

On the other side there is Marry-Me-Mara. Mara is the same age

as Clara, being born in February, only three months earlier than
Clara. Mara always considered herself a child of
the winter, with all its clear and white appearances.
Every year she feels excited at the first sight of
snow, and waits until the night comes when
everyone is asleep, to go out barefooted and feel
the soft dampening cold of the snow melting to ice
underneath her warm feet. Mara believes the winter’s
touch is the reason why her eyes are crystal blue, that
perfectly match the dire- blonde hair, which she
loves to cut short to her shoulders. When the day light breaks
through, all the night’s adventures remain locked in her heart.
Mara gets up and puts on the pink dress she bought after seeing

9|Page
Amanda Spears, a highly successful woman that recently
appeared on the front page of the ‘Business Success’ magazine.
Mara eagerly tries to make a difference at her work and is also
ready to give the extra hour. She lives in Icicle Country.

Daniel is a 30 year old, above average looking guy with short

brown hair. He has a job that pays him well and has goals and
dreams for the life to come. He believes that the
leather suit he inherited from his grandfather gives
him the strength to achieve everything he
wants in life. He draws confidence from the
struggles he has overcome in the last
years and is determined to find the one woman, he
can enjoy the fruits of life with.

Daniel is the guy both Mara and Clara date for

illustrative purposes. However, repeating for
emphasis, the stories are completely separate.

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 CHAPTER 2 – Saying Hello Online

The stories of Clara and Marry-Me-Mara begin in the online space,

where they first get to know Daniel.

In Palm Country as well as in Icicle Country, Daniel has sent a

message to Cute Clara and Marry-Me-Mara on matchus.com.

Read for yourself how Daniel approaches them -

“Hey Beautiful. I am intrigued by all the fun stuff you love doing
and your attitude towards life. I would enjoy getting to know you.
Tomorrow there will be a live-performance of the ‘Soulmates’
band in Dine-The-Best. I would like to invite you and be glad to
meet you there. Daniel.”

Cute Clara´s Reaction

Clara feels happy to have heard from the man. This is

how she likes it.

She feels good when a man takes the initiative in the

dating process and makes the first move towards her.
It makes her feel special and shows to her that the man
is interested.

However, as much as Daniel has shown the first signs of

being a masculine man who leads the dating process,
she doesn’t want to go straight into meeting him.

She´s a wise girl now because she has learnt from her past dating
experiences that it is not the best idea to meet a man you know
nothing about. The last time she went on a blind date, the man
turned out to be completely opposite of what she had imagined
him to be. In fact it was just like the other dates coming from her
online profile, where she ended up wasting a lot of time back and

11 | P a g e
forth, and being caught up in situations where there was not even
a basic connection with the man.

Since then, Cute Clara has come up with a clever way of

navigating through the hordes of men who message her online.

She likes to test beforehand if there is at least a basic compatibility

with the man before going out with him. The best way for her to
test this compatibility is to hear the man´s voice and have a short
conversation with him. If she likes what she hears and feels a basic
connection with the man, she requests to see his most recent
picture. Only if both factors - a basic connection and basic
appearance - work for her, she agrees to meet him.

Based on this premise, Clara´s response to Daniel is –

“Hey Daniel. It feels good to hear from you. I am at 076673771. It

would feel good to hear your voice. Cute Clara.”

Daniel´s Reaction

Daniel was excited that Clara replied. Let’s face it – it’s

always a good feeling for a man to hear back from
a pretty woman.

“It seems like she wants me to court her a bit. This is

exciting! I will call her today,” he said to himself.

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Marry–Me–Mara´s Reaction

Mara also felt excited to hear from Daniel.

Upon receiving his message, she quickly went back

to his online profile and took a closer look at all his
features and sized him up.

“Hmmm. Reasonably good looking!”

“Hmmm. He also has a great job!”

“This is so awesome! He could be the one. My one! I

am going to give this one my best."

She writes back to Daniel immediately –

“Hey Daniel. I could meet you at Dine-The-Best for the concert if

you want. However, I know the tickets for it are not that cheap so
I could also suggest that we meet at the Drink-Me-Crazy bar right
next to the Husbandplaza. What do you think? Have a very lovely
evening and take care of yourself. Yours, Marry–Me– Mara.”

Daniel´s Reaction

“Oh Wow,” Daniel thought to himself. The pretty lady

responded to meet him and how great that she
already agrees to meet.

“I didn't know it would be so easy,” he chuckled.

“And wait, she also offers to go to the Drink-Me-Crazy

bar, so I do not need to make an effort to get the
expensive tickets for Dine-The-Best. How awesome! I
think she is quite eager to meet me. Let´s get the ball
rolling.”

13 | P a g e
Coach Commentary

Cute Clara

I love Clara´s attitude and clarity.

Here is what stands out to me about her

right from the start –

Clara knows that it is a man’s job to

lead the dating process forward.

Even though she is a woman of the 21st

century, independent and strong with
her own work and interests, Clara knows without doubt that it’s
a man’s job to lead the dating process forward.

She understands that not only do men want to be the leaders in

the relationship, they also crave and long for a woman who can
allow them to be in that position when it comes to matters of
the heart.

Clara feels happy to hear from Daniel because it gives her the
clear signal that this man is interested in her and he knows how
to do the job of moving the dating process forward by inviting
the woman out on a date and planning the date.

In other words, he knows it’s his job to do it and he is doing it

well, right from the outset.

She believes that she is a goddess, worthy of a man´s

attention.

Even without knowing how the story will unfold further, I can sense
from Clara’s grounded and calm attitude that she believes in her
own sense of worth and her inner goddess! She seems to believe

14 | P a g e
at a very deep level that she deserves to be loved, just the way
she is.

It is not that she is perfect. Nobody is. I am sure she has her
moments of personal doubt when she wishes she were taller or
thinner.

However, she also knows that men are not looking for a perfect
woman. They are looking to love and cherish a real woman, with
all her imperfections, weaknesses and grey areas included.

Clara also knows the extent to which looks count. While without
doubt they help to pull in a man initially, they are not what makes
a man stay. What makes a man stay is a woman´s inner qualities,
her energy and the vibe she gives out in the world.

Cute Clara seems to be confident that she is good enough, just

the way she is, for a quality man to dote on her, court her, impress
her and woo her.

It is amazing to see how she handles the attention coming to her

without getting too nervous or too eager about it. It is almost as if
this is the norm for her and she is used to it. Awesome self-esteem
Cute Clara!

Men absolutely love a woman who loves herself and can

embrace her own imperfections. A real woman after all is not a
perfect woman but a woman who is comfortable in her own skin!

Clara is selective and uses a standard online dating

procedure to filter men she would like to meet.

The process she uses to filter men online is as follows -

 Exchange maximum 2 messages online. If it feels good, give

your phone number.

 Talk over the phone, a minimum one time.

15 | P a g e
  If you feel a connection, ask for a recent photograph.

 If everything feels right at a gut level, meet the man in a

public place.

Clara has learnt from her mistakes in the past and she practices
strict discipline with not throwing herself out at the excitement of
meeting a new guy. She starts out detached and knows that she
has to first test whether or not he is even worth a meeting. This saves
her precious time and unnecessary disappointments.

While being selective, she is still open and

approachable.

Cute Clara has an open, easy and high vibe to her. Even though
she is internally detached, externally she is still approachable and
open.

Her message to Daniel is sweet, short and respectful and lays out
exactly what he needs to do next if he wants to see her.

In fact she even gives him her phone number. For many women
this would feel uncomfortable and “too much” but for Clara, she
knows this is an organic step of intimacy that comes before
meeting someone. In her world, meeting a man before you have
heard his voice is too intimate too soon, not the other way around.

As we can see, Daniel too sees this as a sign of confidence rather

than a sign of eagerness or desperation. This is because Clara
knows exactly what she is doing and comes from a place of
confidence inside herself.

In real life, you too can give your number to a man after
exchanging a few messages in chat beforehand. This ensures that
a basic liking is there and you feel safe before you handout your
number.

16 | P a g e
However, it would help you immensely to decide how much time
you want to spend chatting online. Many women get trapped in
an endless stream of messages back and forth that don’t result in
anything concrete like the man asking them out.

This is why it will serve you to offer your number and see if the man
makes the effort to move the dating to the next level - call you
and ask you out. If not, he will simply be left behind by another
man who does!

It is also advisable to keep the phone conversations short, lasting,

as per my recommendation, not more than 10 minutes in the
beginning.

The whole idea of having this standard dating procedure is to

spend the minimum time online and in getting to see the man in
person as fast as you can, if and when there is compatibility.

Overall, Cute Clara did a great job and there is a lot to learn from
her standard dating procedure for online dating for all of us.

17 | P a g e
 Marry-Me-Mara

Now Marry-Me-Mara, right at the outset, feels too eager to me and

Daniel also notices this in her vibe.

Here are some of the things that I find worrisome about her
approach -

She wants to meet Daniel without ensuring whether or not

there is a basic compatibility.

This makes her vulnerable to disappointments and investing her

time in men that may not meet her basic requirements.

Her eagerness to meet Daniel is also a bit premature. She seems

to like him on paper - his looks and his job - and dreams of him
being the perfect one for her without even having met or spoken
to him once.

In her mind, rather innocently, she builds a sort of “instant

relationship” with him when actually there is nothing at all at this
stage.

She is approaching dating in her masculine energy.

Mara’s sentence, “I will give this my best,“ makes it seem like that
this sweet girl is unfortunately approaching dating like she would
approach a job interview in her, “Let’s conquer this,“ masculine
energy.

In her message to Daniel we can see that she is already getting

ahead of herself in trying to plan the date for a man that she
doesn't know!

This is where Marry-Me-Mara should check her masculine energy

tendencies to “lean forward” and make things happen with a
man.

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Masculine energy is the doing, action-oriented energy, leading
energy. It is not specific to any gender. Both men and women
have both masculine and feminine energies.

In relationships, I advise women to practice being in their feminine

energies - being present, soft and vulnerable, the energy that a
masculine energy man craves.

Now planning is a classic masculine energy task, which men enjoy

and which is essential for them in the process of relationship
building and feeling connection with a woman. They like to make
us women happy and Daniel would have enjoyed doing a little bit
of work to plan a great night out for Mara and impress her instead
of her taking up that role.

Mara takes away Daniel’s job of moving the dating

forward.

Far from understanding that letting Daniel do something for her will
bond him to her, Marry-Me-Mara takes away this opportunity from
him by suggesting to meet him at a local bar.

In her mind, being the good person she is, Mara thinks she is just
being nice. However, she does not seem to understand (like Cute
Clara understands) that she is making it hard for Daniel to connect
with her by not allowing him to step up as a man for her.

Far from letting him make an effort for her, she makes it all too easy
for Daniel. So much so, that he even decides to drop the idea of
taking her to the expensive Dine-The-Best and agrees to meet at
the Drink-Me-Crazy bar.

Nevertheless, it also is important to observe, that men will not

complain about such behaviour as Daniel’s reaction shows. Most
men will go along and have fun anyway without making much of
it. In the long run though such behaviour has a definite impact on
how a man perceives you.

19 | P a g e
Overall, from Mara we learn that there is no need to jump the gun
and lean forward, especially not at such an early phase of dating.

Let us see how her story with Daniel develops further.

20 | P a g e
 CHAPTER 3 – The First Date

Cute Clara and Marry-Me-Mara meet Daniel on their first date. In

Palm Country Daniel invites Cute Clara to a fancy restaurant, a live
jazz concert, sparkling white wine and a delicious three course
meal that finished with dolce-vita. They met because they felt a
connection over the phone and could have a good laugh
together.

In Icicle Country, Daniel meets Marry-Me-Mara at Drink-Me-Crazy

bar. This is the first time they have met and there is a certain
awkwardness but they are hoping it will ease out over the course
of the evening, and take their first shot together as an ice-breaker.

Cute Clara´s First Date

Clara feels happy to see Daniel. He is as charming as

she had thought he would be. He wasn't exceptionally
good-looking or anything but she liked how real he
was.

She leaned back on her chair and felt completely

present in the moment, fully sinking into her feminine
energy. She looked into Daniel’s eyes, smiled at his
jokes. They shared a bit about what made them tick.
Clara told him how passionate she felt about surfing
and dancing and he mentioned how basketball and reading
were his leisurely favourites.

The evening felt magical. Cute Clara enjoyed the ambience of

the restaurant as Daniel carefully selected the sparkling wine he
had read about in a lifestyle magazine. No questions asked, he
also paid for them. Cute Clara let him do it.

In the end, Clara thanked Daniel for a great evening and decided
to leave after spending two beautiful hours with him. This was not

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because she didn't want to spend more time with him but
because she wanted to take it step by step and not overwhelm
him or herself with too much intimacy at the start.

She wanted to take it slow.

Daniel´s Reaction

Daniel couldn't believe his luck. He thinks that he has

found a jackpot! He feels drawn by Cute Clara´s
smile, her sweet giggles and her joy in the present
moment.

There is something about Clara that he cannot put a

finger on.

It´s after a long time that he has met a woman who

could allow herself to be courted by a man. He
somehow feels “more manly” in Clara’s presence, if that makes
any sense? He also feels impressed that she gracefully let him pick
up the cheque on the date though she earns more than enough
money to pay for the both of them.

Daniel, doesn't know what exactly is going on inside of him but he

knows that he felt good being around this woman and would like
to see her again for sure. If he is very honest, Daniel also feels a bit
nervous and concerned about why Cute Clara left the date so
early. He hopes she likes him and hopes this will work out! He is
determined to give this his best shot.

22 | P a g e
Marry-Me-Mara´s First Date

Marry-Me-Marry felt relieved that Daniel was not

exceptionally or over the top handsome. When the
men are very handsome, she gets nervous around
them like a teenager.

She starts to feel insecure about herself in the

presence of very good looking men, and wonders
whether her short blonde hair and pink dress are
showing herself in the right light and whether she will
be pretty enough for them. With a normal looking man, she is glad
that at least this won´t happen.

She likes Daniel´s charm though and secretly wonders how he feels
about her. They sit down at the table and start chit-chatting.

Marry-Me-Mara does not realize it consciously but she feels under

pressure to move the conversation forward.

She leans forward from her chair, in the direction of Daniel, and
asks him about what he does for a living. As he begins to answer,
she finds herself getting more and more impressed by his goals and
the vision he has for his life.

“He is such a catch,” she finds herself saying this in her head.

A bit of back and forth continues until there comes that awkward,
dreaded silence.

Marry-Me-Mara hates this! She gets sick to her stomach when

these odd silent moments arrive on a date. “Why the hell can´t the
guy ask me something or say something,” she mumbles in her
head.

Not knowing what more to say and with her restlessness taking
over, she decides to get up and get herself a drink. She asks Daniel

23 | P a g e
if he would also like a drink and he gladly agrees. She pays for the
drinks and returns to the table for them to keep talking.

The conversation is friendly but Marry-Me-Mara feels a bit

preoccupied by the thought of where this date is going since she
likes the guy.

When over an hour passed, she starts to feel restless about what
will happen next. She has enjoyed meeting Daniel but he doesn't
give her a sign of what he feels and thinks about her.

In order to spend some more time with him, she invites him to join
at the house party of her friend where she will be heading next.

Unfortunately, Daniel already has plans so he has to refuse but he

promises to see her soon again.

They part ways.

Daniel´s Reaction

“Woo! That was a not a lot of time together for a first

date but it still felt more than enough. Interesting
woman, friendly, polite and also rather generous.
She also paid for the drinks! Lucky me,” thought
Daniel to himself.

It´s funny somehow that even though Mara was so

nice to him, he is not feeling drawn to her and he
doesn’t know why. He decides to wait and watch
how this proceeds and to call her again if he feels like seeing her.

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Coach Commentary

Cute Clara

She has done so well on the first date.

Here are the four things I found

admirable about her first date
experience with Daniel.

She leaned back in feminine

energy and was completely present
and enjoying the moment with Daniel.

Instead of obsessing about how to make the date successful and

how to give Daniel a good impression of herself, Cute Clara
completely sinks into her feminine energy and just enjoys the
moment with him.

Her giggles and laughter tell me that she is feeling completely

connected to the present, enjoying the good music, the good
food and the wine.

Now what exactly do I mean when I say she is leaned back in

feminine energy?

Leaning back literally means letting go of trying to control the

event you are in, its outcome or the man you are with.

When you try to control, you are in leaning forward, masculine

energy, attempting to make something happen.

When you give up control (for instance, when you give up thinking
what will happen next, what you should say to the man, how you
should make him like you) and just relax in the present moment,
you are leaning back and being in your feminine energy.

In fact, Cute Clara even physically leaned back in her chair to

make sure she wouldn't come energetically too strong on the

25 | P a g e
man. This makes her vibe appear relaxed and confident and not
too eager or desperate.

Leaned back energy is very attractive to a masculine man and it

instinctively inspires him to come closer to you. He can sense in
your vibe that you are not trying hard to impress him or win him
and this raises his level of attraction for you.

Also, when you are present, you are happy and a happy woman
is an extremely attractive woman.

She let him be the man and pick up the cheque.

Although she is a strong and independent woman and makes her

own money, Cute Clara can allow the man to feel like a man in
her presence. She seems to understand that men want to do
things for us and make us happy.

Hence, she feels very comfortable allowing him to do something

for her and can happily and elegantly receive what he has to
offer.

She kept the first date short.

I recommend this to all my private coaching clients because

keeping the first date short has two distinct advantages -

 You don´t feel over-invested in a man that you have only

just met or get ahead of him in the commitment timeline (I
will explain this in Chapter 8).

 It gives you the opportunity to get out of the situation if the

man is not feeling right to you.

Hence, a short first date is a good personal rule to follow.

26 | P a g e
 She decided to take it slow.

Cute Clara is not rushing anything with Daniel. This is a brilliant

stance to have at the start of any dating.

When you take it slow as a rule, you don´t run the risk of falling
head-over-heels in love with a man you really don´t know, in spite
of the good chemistry, which is present almost always at the start.

Plus, and this is really interesting, when you can take it slow as a
woman and not get urgent about reaching any outcome with a
man, the man starts to feel the urgency to make something
happen with you instead! Your lack of urgency and taking it slow
creates a gut-level attraction in him, compelling him to move
closer to you.

The bottom-line from Clara’s first date is this - Stay in your leaned
back, feminine energy mode with a man, take it slow and you will
start becoming irresistible to him at a very deep, emotional and
instinctive level.

As you can see, Cute Clara has done really well for herself.

27 | P a g e
 Marry-Me-Mara

I think it´s not hard to see that Marry-Me-Mara is nervous on her first
date with Daniel.

While being nervous is perfectly okay, it´s even okay to say that
you are feeling nervous, it is not in your benefit to “act out” on that
nervousness. What do I mean by acting out? I mean starting to
behave from that, “place of nervousness.” It seems to be me that
Marry-Me-Mara has completely forgotten her own sense of
worthiness and her beautiful uniqueness and jumped onto the
bandwagon of impressing and pleasing Daniel.

I can clearly identify four things Mara did that didn't necessarily go
in her favour.

Marry-Me-Mara is not present in the moment at her date.

Instead of being present in the moment like Cute Clara, Mara is

completely “up in her head.” This means she is “thinking” about
how Daniel is perceiving her, whether or not he likes her, what she
can do to keep the conversation going and make him
comfortable. In fact, after an hour she is already wondering about
what is going to happen next and how she can keep Daniel with
her for longer.

To put it simply, she is in leaning forward, masculine energy mode

(opposite of feminine energy and being present) and trying to
control the outcome of this date and trying to please and win this
man.

This is a major attraction killer for a masculine man because he can

feel it in her vibe that she is trying to impress him.

Since she is not present in the moment, Mara is also not able to
receive the offerings of her environment. Drinks and conversations
feel like chores to her and are only a part of the process to get

28 | P a g e
close to this man. Basically, she is unable to relax and just be
happy.

She leans forward physically as well.

Not only is Marry-Me-Mara energetically leaning forward to make

things happen with this man, she is also physically leaning forward
which works to reduce the physical space between her and the
man and reduces the natural sexual tension that is felt with the
distance that physical leaning back creates.

On your next date, make sure you are leaning back in your chair.
It will instantly relax your nervousness and shift your vibe from eager
to calm, from needy to relaxed and from trying to make anything
happen to seeing what unfolds with time.

Marry-Me-Mara feels under pressure to fill the silence.

That Marry-Me-Mara is restless on this date can be easily identified.

However, she also feels pressure to “entertain” the man on the
date. This makes her lean forward and talk endlessly and this is
simply not required. A conversation flows both ways and it is
perfectly alright to lean back and create some quiet space for
Daniel to step up and speak as well.

If there is silence on the next date you go to, a better option would
be to just let yourself sink into the moment and into your feminine
energy, enjoy the ambience around you, or better still give the
man you are with a big smile.

Sometimes experiencing silence together can be a very bonding

experience, more than pushing the conversation forward (it´s
masculine too because it needs action).

29 | P a g e
 She gets the drinks and pays for them.

While Marry-Me-Mara probably perceives this as “being nice,

friendly and equal”, the man feels slightly mothered and
smothered. He feels like there is nothing that he can do to make
this woman happy.

It seems to me that Marry-Me-Mara forgets that the world of

romance is different from the world of friendship. While a friend
would truly appreciate her giving and generous quality, the man
simply feels unimpressed. Of course, he will be polite and take
what he gets, but it will not inspire the deep, gut-level attraction
within him (that we are looking to inspire!) for a woman that
cannot receive anything from him.

As we can see, Marry-Me-Mara needs to let go of her urge to be

in control on a date and allow the man to lead and court her. Not
because she is not capable of taking care of herself but because
it´s in her interest to understand and apply relationship skills that will
serve her interests in her love life.

30 | P a g e
 CHAPTER 4 – The Man Hasn’t Called

It has been four days since the first date.

In Palm country, Daniel messaged Cute Clara that it was a great

evening with her but Clara has not heard from him after that.

In Icicle Country, Daniel did not message Marry-Me-Mara after the

first date. He does not do it with the intention of ignoring her but
because he is not feeling it for her in his gut. When he feels it for a
woman, there is no space of doubt in his mind and he calls and
texts the woman right away.

Cute Clara´s Reaction

Cute Clara knows with absolute clarity that she is not in

a relationship with this man and he owes her nothing at
this moment. They have just met for one date so far.

She carries on living her life, filling it with activities that

make her feel happy and good. For instance, she puts
on her favourite yellow dress and dances into the
sunset at the beach after surfing the whole evening.

The thought of initiating a text or call to Daniel is not

even a consideration for her. She has learnt enough
from her past relationships that chasing a man simply does not
work.

She also trusts in the fact that if Daniel really likes her and if he is
the one for her, he will make it happen. He will take action to see
her again.

She knows by now that men´s actions speak louder than their
words and when a man likes a woman, he takes action to see her
again.

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Needless to say, she feels very peaceful in this place of trust and
carries on happily.

Daniel´s Reaction

Back in Palm country, Daniel is thinking to himself -

“Wow! This is the first woman in a long time who has
not given in to her insecurities and started chasing
me. I still can´t believe she did not message or call
me to ask about the second date.

He carries on, “My guess was right – this lady I found is

a high quality woman. I will need to step up my game
here. I’ve been a bit busy but I will call her tonight and
book her for an evening on the weekend. Hope it works out!”

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Marry-Me-Mara´s Reaction

Mara is freaking out, feeling confused, trying to act

together but freaking out again.

What’s going on?

After Daniel refused to come out with her on that

extended first date, she feels even more interested
in him.

She somehow feels a sensation that fires her up,

which is further fuelled because Daniel doesn't even follow the
date up with a thank you message.

Mara silently sits in her room and thinks that things are starting to
feel very exciting and interesting for her. In fact, she now feels
drawn to Daniel in more ways than one. Could this be her forever
man? It feels electric to her, just like love.

Having not heard from him since the date, Mara decides that it
was time for her to be the emancipated woman of the 21st century
and confidently call Daniel.

“Or stop Mara, do you really want to,” she asks herself! She feels
perplexed.

Isn´t it the man´s job to move the relationship forward?

She secretly wishes he would call her but again she manages to
convince herself like all other times in the past– “Come on Mara,
we are not living in the 18th century anymore. You can call a man
and tell him that you like him. Plus, maybe he did want to call you
but lost his phone, or lost your number, or maybe his aunt died?
Who knows?”

She decides to call Daniel, to be sure it is not a lost opportunity,

and to set up their second date together.

33 | P a g e
When he responds with a yes, she feels very happy that she called
him and can’t wait for that day in her life when she will experience
this man’s full love and devotion for her.

Daniel´s Reaction

Daniel can be heard telling himself - “Awesome! This

woman is so chilled and easy. In fact, I wasn’t even
at my best behaviour towards her. I didn’t call or
message her and yet she comes running after me
wanting more. Fair enough!”

He decided that since Mara was doing all the work,

he could just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride till it
lasts. He wasn’t sure if she was his forever woman - but
it made no sense for him to turn down a pretty woman who
seemed so eager about him.

Daniel’s conclusion was - “I will keep dating other women and yes,
also see her once in a while. No harm in keeping my options
open.”

34 | P a g e
Coach Commentary

Cute Clara

Clara is doing brilliantly.

I feel impressed by her composure,

confidence in herself and high self-
esteem. This woman truly has a high
vibe.

Here are the three things I found

remarkable about her behaviour that
are worth noting for you -

Cute Clara has decided she won´t chase men at any

cost and she doesn’t.

It seems like she has learned this lesson well and is very disciplined
and determined to implement it.

She doesn't like to call, text, email a man first because she knows
it is masculine energy and to a man it looks needy and desperate
no matter how much she tries to convince herself that it comes
from a place of confidence in the 21st century.

Two things are striking about Clara’s stance -

A. Clara believes that power lies not in chasing but in being

the one that is pursued.

Instead of interpreting power as going behind a man she wants,

she interprets power as being able to attract and draw in a man
she wants.

In other words, she believes that confidence is not in running

behind a man, convincing him to get close to her and conquering

35 | P a g e
him but in knowing and believing that she is worthy of a good
man´s pursuit.

To Clara, her power lies in the fact that she can evoke feelings of
intense desire and attraction in a man by leaning back in her
feminine energy and hence inspire him to pursue her.

B. She does not chase men as a strategy to get them to

chase her instead.

Clara does not lean back in her feminine energy as a strategy to

get men to chase her. She does it from a higher, almost spiritual
place of trust and intuition.

She finds her peace in the fact that if he is the chosen one for her,
if he is her Mr. Forever, he will find a way to get close to her without
needing any coaxing, prodding, poking, controlling or reminding
from her part.

Coming from this spiritual place also allows her to calm herself and
give up her urges of trying to control the future with Daniel. It is not
that she doesn’t have those urges. It is just that she has learnt to
breathe through them and let them pass without overpowering
her.

Control after all is based on the fear that the future will not look like
we want it to look or the man we want will not respond to us the
way we want him to.

Cute Clara chooses trust over fear and decides that staying in her
feminine place is her best bet for the long haul and attracting a
quality man into her life who values her. If the man in question does
not step up, he is simply not the man for her and she has the power
to let him go.

36 | P a g e
 She does not sit at home and pine for him and wait for
him to message and call.

This is the most amazing part about Cute Clara´s confidence, her
high self-esteem and her belief in her inner goddess-ness.

Instead of hoping and praying that Daniel call or text, and letting
her insecurities overwhelm her, she carries on living her life happily,
doing things she loves like dancing and surfing. This makes her
leaning back and not chasing Daniel extremely authentic and
very attractive.

This authenticity, for instance, would not be found in a woman who

uses leaning back and not chasing as a strategy to get a man to
chase her.

If you sit at home and think about a man the whole day, no matter
how cool you try to act on the outside, he will feel your neediness
in your vibe and over time this will go against you and dampen his
attraction for you.

She knows that a man shows you everything through his

actions.

She has learnt to rely on the actions of men rather than their words
because to create a real relationship, you need a man who can
take action, day after day.

Even though Daniel messaged to tell her that he had a great time
with her, she is still observing whether he takes action to take this
forward or not.

She is certain that there is nothing serious here unless he steps up.
This saves her from unnecessary heartache and fantasizing about
Daniel.

37 | P a g e
 Marry-Me-Marry

Mara is so confused.

It is interesting to see how her head and heart are fighting.

At some deep level “the woman in her” doesn't feel good being
the one initiating the call. Yet, like so many women, she finds a
reason, an intellectual explanation to convince herself that this is
the right thing to do.

Far from the self-discipline of Cute Clara, Mara keeps giving in and
acting on the urgency she feels in the moment.

It´s almost as if the feminine and self-worthy side to her is

overshadowed by the urges she starts to feel when experiencing
chemistry with a man.

Following her urgency and feelings of chemistry, she also

completely ignores the fact that Daniel never got back to say a
thank you after the first date.

I see the following things as problematic with Marry-Me-Mara´s

approach –

She is not comfortable listening to her real feelings.

When you don´t feel comfortable with what you are feeling,
especially the bad feelings, you start to stuff them down and act
like it´s all okay, even when it´s not. This is what is going on with
Marry-Me-Mara.

The feminine woman in her did feel bad when Daniel refused to
join her for longer and when she never heard back from him but
both times Mara decided not to pay attention to the voice of her
intuition. Chemistry and the temporary but powerful surge of
hormones and attraction towards Daniel are further clouding her
capacity for objective judgement.

38 | P a g e
Like Mara, stuffing down your feelings is not your best bet in
romantic relationships because as a woman, your feelings are the
single most important compass that you will ever possess in a
relationship.

When you feel good, you know you´re on the right track with a
man, when you don´t, you should recognize it and pay attention
to what´s not right.

In this way, when you start training yourself to listen to your feelings
over and above what your head tells you, you will see that a man
is always giving you the signals about what he is up to through his
actions.

In other words, his actions will speak his intentions loud and clear
and you will not have to make any speculations about or guess
work about what he's thinking.

In this case, it is easy to see that Daniel doesn’t really care.

She feels turned on by the chase and excited by a man

who is ignoring her.

Far from Cute Clara who doesn't even consider chasing as an

option, Marry-Me-Mara not only chases but also “likes” the chase.

She enjoys it and revels in it. The feelings of missing the man, of
longing for him and waiting for him to give her attention start to
feel like love to her.

In fact, it almost seems like once a man starts to ignore her or

doesn't treat Mara in a special way, her chemistry buttons get
activated instead of getting turned off.

She starts to consider the man as a “challenge” and feels

compelled to conquer him.

39 | P a g e
Perhaps, without even realizing that she is doing it, Mara sub-
consciously seeks the approval of the one who is rejecting her in
order to feel better about herself.

It is also clear that Marry-Me-Mara likes men in whom she can

invest vs. men who invest in her.

While this in itself is not a bad thing per se, when men don’t feel
invested in the relationship, it can be quite some hard work to
make them stay and it needs a lot of masculine energy (doing) on
the woman’s part.

Cute Clara on the other hand, knows that love should feel easy
and fun and the man has to be ready and willing to invest in her
before she can even think about associating the feeling of love
with him.

We can already start to see that this may not turn out well for
Marry-Me-Mara.

Mara is again in full-out masculine energy, action mode

here.

She called Daniel and set up her second date. Instead of

attracting a man into her life like Cute Clara, Mara is controlling
and pushing to establish connection with the man.

While Daniel is courteously and curiously cooperating for now,

Marry-Me-Mara is making herself vulnerable to hurt and rejection
by investing herself too much in a man so early on.

She has got herself into what I call the “instant relationship” mode
where we start feeling like we are in love when actually there is no
real relationship existing at all.

40 | P a g e
Mara needs a reality check right now - she’s just met Daniel once!
She is refusing to see that he is a man who is not making even an
equal effort to keep the relationship going.

I hope Marry-Me-Mara will slow down a bit and recognize what´s

transpiring.

She is feeling good for now because Daniel has agreed to meet
her. Let´s see how long this happiness will last.

41 | P a g e
 CHAPTER 5 – An Exciting Date Two

Daniel is meeting Cute Clara in Palm country with a lot of

excitement. This time he has invited her to go to the cinema
together and have dinner afterwards. He has dressed up well and
hopes that this will go well. He will pick Clara up from home and
bring her to the movies.

In country Icicle, Marry-Me-Mara has invited Daniel to her place

for a dinner prepared by her. She hopes that he will enjoy her
cooking. Since she is a great cook, she also secretly hopes that he
will realize what a great catch she is. Marry-Me-Mara looks great
tonight and has also put up some candles to give her place a nice
and romantic feel.

Cute Clara´s Second Date

Cute Clara has ensured to dress up in a way that feels

good to her. She believes that it makes her feel more
confident within herself when she puts her best foot
forward.

With regard to the date, she feels impressed on how

well Daniel planned the date and how nice it felt for
her to be picked up from home and be escorted like a
lady.

Clara loves that Daniel makes her laugh. She has such
a good time with him every time. He seems to care for her wishes
and ensures that she is having a good time with him. This feels
good and Clara knows that love should feel good!

While her mind wants to keep going into the future and think about
how this will turn out with Daniel, she keeps catching herself and
bringing herself back into enjoying the present moment with him.

42 | P a g e
During the movies, Daniel decides to be brave and hold Clara´s
hand. To his relief, Clara responds to his touch with a big broad
smile.

After a candle-night dinner full of conversations about their

dreams and travels, Daniel decides to drop Clara home.

They kiss. The chemistry is electric. Clara feels really happy and
knows she would love to see Daniel again.

As expected from a man who likes her, Daniel makes it easy for her
by already asking her out for the next date.

Daniel´s Reaction

Daniel did a little somersault on the way to his car as

soon as Clara went inside the door of her home.

He thinks Clara is a total charm. He can´t believe his

luck that he found her. He can´t stop thinking of her
smiling face and how happy she gets receiving the
little things from him.

To top that, he can make her laugh!

He feels like a better man in the presence of this woman. It´s after
ages that he found a woman who can let car doors be opened
for her and be dropped and picked up. All this while having her
own personality and financial independence. What a steal!

He also feels pumped up that he could kiss her and hold her hand
and she didn't freak out. To him this means that he has a chance
with her, that she too feels drawn to him.

It was pretty clear to Daniel at the end of the second date that he
wasn't going to leave without asking her when they were meeting
next.

He is a man who knows what he wants and knows how to go for it.

43 | P a g e
“I’m not letting you go baby,” he murmured aloud.

44 | P a g e
Marry-Me-Mara´s Second Date

Mara is feeling all fired up and energized. After all,

she did manage to make the illusive Daniel agree to
visit her place and have dinner with her.

“Yay! Success,” she tells herself and does a little

dance.

She´s put on her best dress and perfume and hopes

Daniel will notice how beautiful she is. Her best Italian
recipes have been prepared and sit ready on the
table.

“This is going to be a fine night,” she giggles to herself.

Daniel appreciates her food and the ambience of her home with
the dimmed candle light.

Marry-Me-Mara feels this is the perfect moment to make the move

and she does.

She leans forward and kisses Daniel. They are both swept off in the
heat of the moment and making love never felt so electrifying and
satisfying to Mara before.

Daniel leaves her home in the morning after thanking her for a
great time.

Marry-Me-Mara is on a high!

45 | P a g e
 Daniel´s Reaction

Daniel had a great time with Marry-Me-Mara. She is

easy, low-maintenance and she does everything
for him. He can´t believe that a beautiful and
gorgeous woman like her could give him all this
attention and that sex would be so easy!

Both way, this is fun and it would be amazing if it can

go on like this, if he can have all the benefits without
having to make a commitment.

“I don´t want to spoil the present by thinking about the future,”

Daniel reflected.

Daniel decides to enjoy the moment and see what Marry-Me-

Mara will do next for him.

46 | P a g e
Coach Commentary

Cute Clara

Clara is doing so well. Her second date

feels so perfect to me!

Here are some of the things she did that

are worth noting -

She continues to let Daniel plan

the date, surprise her and impress her
with a nice evening.

She did not get into masculine energy mode of trying to take
control of where they should go and what they should do.

Yet again, Clara let Daniel be the man between the two of them,
leading the relationship forward and allowing him to give to her.

This is probably why Daniel repeatedly mentions in his reactions:

“She makes me feel like a man.”

“I feel so good in her presence.”

As a love coach I can tell you that men crave and long for such
an experience with a woman. There is nothing more turning on for
a man than to feel his masculinity in the presence of a woman.

In your real life dating situations, this would look like “being open”
to a man´s suggestions of what you could do together and
avoiding being the planner/suggestion giver/ social director of
your dates with him.

If he asks you what you would like to do, your best bet would be
to share with him what would feel good to you, without being
stubborn and adamant about it. It is very likely that he will follow

47 | P a g e
through with your wishes since a good man wants to make you
happy!

Just like any other normal girl, Cute Clara is starting to

feel a connection with Daniel.

That Clara likes Daniel is beyond question. However, she also has
great awareness that she should not jump ahead of the man here.
It seems as though she understands that that there is a sequence
to things, before one gets to be in full commitment with a man. I
will discuss this in more detail in Chapter 8.

Cute Clara stays open and receptive to Daniel´s

advances.

Clara is warm towards Daniel’s moves towards her. She knows that
appreciating his moving forward will inspire him to keep moving
forward towards her.

She smiles when he tries to hold her hand, she lets him kiss her.

It is admirable how confident and open this girl is. She doesn’t try
to hide that she truly likes this man and yet she does it without
giving too much or appearing too eager.

Cute Clara, keep going!

48 | P a g e
 Marry-Me-Mara

At this juncture, I have to stop for a second and say, Marry-Me-

Mara, you are a sweetheart.

Putting aside how her actions land on men and how they
sabotage her relationships, I want to note here that Mara is a very
giving person and being able to give to others with such an open
heart is such a great quality.

However, giving is also a very masculine quality and in Mara’s

relationship, her constant giving to the man is not helping their
connection.

In fact, if you do chronic giving like Mara who expects nothing in

return from Daniel, you may end up pushing a quality man away
or attracting a feminine energy man who will expect you to carry
out the masculine role in the relationship and do the majority of
the giving.

If that is not what you want, let´s see where Marry-Me-Mara can
improve -

She is still very much in pleasing and winning mode.

Let me make this clear once and for all -It is the man’s role to be
pleasing and winning the woman of his life, not the other way
around.

By trying to win and please Daniel, Mara is sub-consciously

reducing her value in his eyes and consequently his attraction for
her.

You can think of it this way - Mara is treating Daniel as a precious,

golden trophy to be won and hoping he will respond to how nicely
she treats him. As a man, however, Daniel is looking to be with a
woman who believes that she is the golden trophy instead.

49 | P a g e
Next, cooking Daniel an elaborate meal in the intimate space of
her home for the second date is way out of proportion
appeasement in this early dating phase.

Mara also wears a beautiful dress and perfume but it is not

because it makes her feel good but in order to have an impact on
Daniel. In other words, all of a sudden, winning Daniel has become
the sole focus of her life.

Unfortunately, when there is so much focus on impressing a man,

he feels it in our vibe and as counter-intuitive as it may sound, it
pushes him away instead of bringing him closer.

She has no expectations from Daniel.

While she prepares him meals and pays for his drinks, Marry-Me-
Mara has no expectations from Daniel in return.

By only giving and not receiving anything from Daniel, Mara is

cutting off any possibility of developing any attraction within this
man. She does not seem to understand that masculine men need
to give to women in order to fall in love.

In simple words, men don't fall in love with what we can do for
them but by what they can do for us. This dynamic seems to be
completely reversed in Mara’s case.

A 2nd date is still very early for sex.

While there is nothing wrong with Mara having sex with a man she
likes, it is important to differentiate whether the motive is to just
have it for fun or to move the relationship forward to commitment.

If it is only truly for fun and without any expectation, this is Mara’s
personal choice and there is no judgement here.

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However, if it was to move the relationship forward, then it was not
the best move for her. Patience and holding out the sex for longer
might have been far more beneficial for her in the long term. This
is because it is scientifically proven that once you have sex with a
man, your body secretes a hormone called Oxytocin that makes
you bond with the man in deeper and more emotional ways.

Oxytocin, also called the “Cuddle Hormone” and “Love

Hormone” is known to put our defences down and make us “trust
the person.” Since all these chemical changes take place in
Mara’s body, all of a sudden the relationship feels very real to her
and it is hard to remain stable and not get needy in such a
situation.

For the man on the other hand, it can just mean a night of
consensual fun that doesn't have to have any emotional content.

This is one explanation why men often don´t call women back
after one-night stands! It was fun but that was it. There is no
emotional content there to take it forward. There’s a big lesson we
can learn here from Mara’s experience.

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 CHAPTER 6 – Date Nth & Relationship Talk

8 weeks later - Dates for both girls have been moving progressively
over the last 8 weeks.

In Cute Clara´s case, Daniel has planned dinners, visits to famous

shows and a trip to the theatre, as well as a little weekend trip to
the beach. He has been caring and attentive, calls Clara almost
every day and enjoys giving her nearly everything she fancies. Last
weekend, during a movie night with popcorn at Clara´s home,
Daniel got eager to know where they stand with regard to their
relationship status and whether Clara would like to be his girlfriend.

In Marry-Me-Mara´s case, in Icicle Country, Daniel has been

blowing hot and cold. This means that on some days Mara feels
he is the best thing to have happened to her and on other days
he disappears on her for long lengths of time without notice, texts
or calls.

When they get together again, the sex feels great, the chemistry
stays awesome but the anxiety and stress that Mara feels when he
is away has started to increase.

She clearly wants more from this “relationship.”

During one of the usual stay overs, Marry-Me-Mara finally asks

Daniel – “What do you think of our future? Where are we going?”

Cute Clara´s Date N And Relationship Talk

Cute Clara feels glad that Daniel has brought up this topic. She
knows that when a man is serious about moving the relationship

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forward, sooner than later, he is bound to bring up such
a discussion.

She also feels motivated to discuss this now with Daniel

because she really likes him and hopes that this will
work out with him. However, she also knows that being
Daniel´s girlfriend will not necessarily mean that their
relationship will reach the long-term commitment of
marriage, a commitment she knows she wants.

Hence she gives Daniel her power speech on not

wanting to be his girlfriend -

“Daniel, I really like you and I want to be with you. However, I don´t
want to be your girlfriend. I am looking for a man to walk into the
sunset with and to get married to. Unless I find that man who gives
me that forever commitment, I don't want to stop dating and close
down all my options. I can understand you are not ready for it yet
and I don't want to pressure you.

You are entitled to all the time you need in the world to decide
about this but I don´t want to sit here and wait for it to happen.
Therefore, I will keep meeting other men for harmless coffee and
movie dates till I find my Mr. Forever. ”

Daniel is initially shocked to hear these words and asks Clara if she
has been seeing other men to which she honestly replies – “Yes. I
have.”

Daniel´s Reaction

Daniel is shocked. He had hoped this would have gone differently.

In the past, all the women he dated quickly agreed to be his

girlfriends. In some sense, he is used to having a woman all to

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 himself without promising her anything concrete in the
long term. Plus, this is the norm in society. Most women
agree to be girlfriends without knowing whether or
not the man has long term plans for them.

While still coming to terms with what transpired in

Clara’s home, there is another feeling that starts to
surge inside of him and which he cannot deny.

Never before in his life has he met a woman so fearless

and so vulnerable at the same time. His jaw drops in
amazement of how straight forward Cute Clara was when she said
she must continue to look for a man who is willing to give her the
“whole cake” instead of just the crumbs.

Never before in his life did he come across a woman who so

openly and yet softly claimed her power and put her own needs
first without being aggressive, controlling, pushing or demanding.
Daniel did not know what had hit him today but he could feel an
intense, powerful gut urge arising in him to step up and claim a
woman so authentic, so brave and so high value.

Daniel also feels a bit surprised by the fact that Clara is continuing
to see other men. In fact, he thought he too should have shared
with her that he has been seeing other women all this while too.

However, it seems now that this woman stands out for him over
and above all other girls he had been dating so far. He already
knew it before but today she confirmed it.

Daniel has understood that he is with a woman who will let him go
if he doesn't step up. Step up he will, because this is what he has
wanted all his life too – to have and to be there for a real queen,
a goddess who knows her value and will not reduce her standards
for every Tom, Dick and Harry she meets.

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“Got to man up dude,” Daniel told himself and smiled a big smile.
The future is going to be exciting.

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Marry-Me-Mara´s Date N And Relationship Talk

After having an evening of fun games and enjoying

some delicious dinner together, Mara cannot hide
her anxiety anymore and decides to talk to Daniel
about what is going on for her. She asks Daniel how
he felt about her and whether he had a plan for their
future together.

To her dismay, Daniel keeps giving her vague

responses. The more she presses for an answer, the
more he seems to withdraw.

Finally, Daniel confirms to her that he liked her but had not thought
anything yet about their future.

This makes Marry-Me-Mara so frustrated! She had done all this

effort for this day?

She asks Daniel straight out–

“Do you not want me enough? Why don´t you know what you
want to do with us?”

Daniel thinks all this is too much, and utters the famous words that
men utter when they are not ready.

“I am sorry. I don´t think I can give you what you want.”

After this, Daniel leaves.

Marry-Me-Mara is shocked. Why didn't she see this coming?

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 Daniel´s Reaction

Daniel feels blamed and pressured.

“This woman,” he said, “I should have known this

before. I don´t even consider her to be a girlfriend.
We never had an exclusivity talk so I don´t think I
owe her anything here. Why did she assume we are
in a relationship just 8 weeks into dating? Is she really
asking me if I have a plan for the future?”

Daniel decides it is best for him to disappear from

Mara’s life.

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Coach Commentary

Cute Clara

Where should I start?

Cute Clara has blown my mind off.

Here´s why.

She clearly knows what she wants

– marriage / a long term commitment.

Even the oh-so-tempting offer of being

the girlfriend of a man she likes so much
cannot crumble her resolve of wanting a man to walk into the
sunset with. She is not willing to be a man´s girlfriend at the expense
of being another man´s wife. She puts her needs for
commitment/marriage over and above Daniel’s need of having
her as a girlfriend.

She knows how to ask for it.

Without mincing words, Cute Clara uses a true power speech to

express her stand about why it does not serve her to be Daniel’s
girlfriend. She is so fearless about what she wants and needs and
this can be an unbelievably attractive quality to a man.

She asks for what she wants without pressurizing Daniel

and without giving him an aggressive ultimatum.

She understands that Daniel is his own person and he has the full
right to take his time to make his mind up about a big decision
such as marriage. However, since he is not sure that he can give
her what she wants, she is also entitled to keep her options open.

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 She shares openly with Daniel that she is dating other
men.

No lies, no dishonesty, just a straight-forward answer to Daniel’s

question when he asked it.

For Clara, since Daniel and her were just “dating“ all this while, she
did not feel that she owed an explanation to him about seeing
other men. However, when he does ask her about it, she shares it
honestly with him.

If you are wondering where this girl Cute Clara gets all her high-
end confidence from, this is the place she gets it- It´s called
rotational dating.

Rotational dating is when a woman keeps her options open until

a man turns up that is ready to give her the long-term commitment
she wants.

This doesn't mean that she sleeps with everyone. It simply means
that she doesn't like to get herself too invested in flings, affairs or
short term relationships that don´t lead anywhere in the long run.

Unless there comes a man that is ready to give her the relationship
she is looking for, she keeps going on coffee dates or cinema dates
with other men. By keeping her options open and dating more
than one man at any given time, Cute Clara gets to enjoy the
following benefits of rotational dating -

A. Overtime, she is able to see which man means business

and which man is dating for the short haul.

A man who means business with her keeps stepping up and

moving the relationship forward (just like Daniel does). A man who
is in it just for sex or something short term, will not be willing to make
the kind of effort that a high quality woman like Clara is
commanding.

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As a result, such a man will easily fall out of the dating cycle and
go for “easier prey.” This is good riddance for Clara since she is
looking for a long-term commitment like marriage and for a man
who is capable of giving it to her. Most players and Casanovas get
naturally filtered out through this process.

B. It prevents her from focusing too much on any one man.

Clara likes to rotational date because it prevents her from putting

all her focus and energy on any one man. Clara understands that
when you start to focus too much on a man, your vibe starts to
change from confident to insecure.

You start to wonder what will happen next, what he thinks of you
and how to get him to move the relationship forward. All this
creates unnecessary pressure on the relationship and doesn’t feel
attractive to the man. This is what clearly happened in the case of
Marry-Me-Mara which we will discuss below.

In real life, rotational dating helps keep you sane and in balance
by not letting you invest too much in any one man and by keeping
you busy with more than one options.

C. She gets a confidence boost through rotational dating.

By meeting different kinds of men for walks in the park or visits to

exhibitions, Clara keeps her vibe open and high. She knows she is
worthy of the pursuit and she doesn't need to cling to any one man
and beg him for a commitment.

The men she dates remind her daily of her power and desirability
as a goddess living in Palm Country.

In real life, as a love coach, I highly encourage you to do rotational

dating. It will help you experience your power in ways like never
before. You just have to be ready to embrace it.

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 Marry-Me-Mara

I feel sad for Mara but it is not hard to see that Mara´s story has
gone down this track. The classic result of over-giving (masculine
energy) in a relationship is frustration and resentment and very
often heartbreak.

Mara´s blind over giving to Daniel and never stopping to read the
signs he was giving her (not calling / not texting/ not planning
dates / not asking about the relationship) did not serve her well.

Here is what went against Marry-Me-Mara in this particular

situation -

As in the entire story, here too Mara stays in controlling,

masculine energy mode.

Can you see this now for yourself without my help?

She leans forward and starts a conversation about where the

relationship is going.

Not only is starting a relationship talk a major attraction killer for a

man, it also feels like pressure to him and it does not inspire him to
get closer.

In real life, I discourage women from starting conversations about

the relationship for the same reason. It is the man’s job to bring up
these issues with you.

The major thing to learn here is that you cannot “talk a

man into commitment.”

He has to feel it for you in his gut. If he doesn't, you cannot

convince him into it by talking about it.

The way to get him to feel it for you is not by pushing and asking
for it like Mara did but by releasing him from all that pushing. In

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other words, give up on trying to control and rescue the
relationship.

Does that mean you have to wait for years for him to bring up
marriage?

Not at all. If you keep rotational dating and keep your vibe high,
he will either feel inspired to claim you or he will lose you to another
man who will step up to claim you.

In my private coaching sessions, clients experience their men

stepping up to claim them for the long term all the time!

She does not choose her words in the heat of the

moment.

Unlike Clara, who understood the power words have and spoke a
well thought out speech, Marry-Me-Mara gives in to her anxiety
and insecurities and rambles out whatever words come into her
mouth in the heat of the moment.

This is never a good idea!

Words have immense power and how we choose to say

something to a man can either bring him closer to us or push him
away.

Clearly, the way Marry-Me-Mara talks here is demanding,

controlling and questioning the man´s intentions about her.

Now, don´t get me wrong. I don´t think she deserves to stay in an

imaginary relationship like this. All I am saying here is that there is a
way to express even the worst form of emotions like rage and
anger, so that your man can listen to you instead of running away
from you.

Therefore, in real life, it is recommended that you choose your

words and you choose them in a way that brings your man closer.

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When the words chosen are right, fights and arguments become
opportunities of increased intimacy and growth together. Else,
they throw couples apart.

In my private coaching sessions, I give women the exact scripts

they can say to their partners in order to get their needs met or
address difficult situations that need a conversation without
making the man feel blamed or wrong.

She didn’t see it coming.

The most tragic part of the story, in my opinion, is that Marry-Me-

Mara didn't see this coming! I saw it coming all the way, you as the
reader probably also saw it coming all the way. And yet, she
didn't!

And isn´t that the story of so many women?

 The man you were dating suddenly disappears on you and

you didn’t see it coming?

 Your boyfriend of a year suddenly tells you that you are not
his forever woman and you didn’t see it coming?

 Your husband cheats on you and you didn't see it coming?

I want to tell you today that it is not possible that a man is not giving
you the signs in the relationship itself. No man disappears from one
day to the next no matter how much you want to tell yourself this
story and make yourself feel better.

This book only talks about the process from dating to commitment
but even in marriages, men are always giving signals and hints
about the status of the relationship. We women often refuse to
take these signals because either we feel too blinded by the
feelings of chemistry or we feel too afraid to face the truth, or we
don’t want to work on ourselves and on our bad love habits.

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Before this chapter ends, it is good to remind yourself once again
of a fundamental truth in love – When a man likes you, he knows
how to move towards you and make it happen. When that doesn't
happen, your best bet is to let it go instead of forcing or pushing
for connection. This is a way more powerful place to come from
than trying to make something happen with someone who
doesn’t feel inspired enough to go for you.

Interestingly enough, the moment a woman can do this from an

internal place of strength and self-esteem - let go instead of chase
– the man mostly turns around and takes note of her.

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 CHAPTER 7 – Real Love Is Easy

Since there is only one story left, we carry it on.

Within the next six weeks, Daniel makes the decision that Cute
Clara is the woman he wants forever. A gorgeous sapphire ring
awaits her and he gets down on his knees to propose to her and
pops the question that every woman dreams to hear – “Will you
marry me?”

Cute Clara´s Reaction

“Yes!”

And they lived happily ever after.

Cute Clara continued to use the knowledge she has

about men and relationships to create and nourish a
juicy, intimate, fulfilling relationship with Daniel.

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Coach Commentary

This chapter is short on purpose. It´s

meant to irritate.

Your most probable reaction to the way

I have presented this situation is –

“What? Is it so easy! It´s way more

complicated than that!”

All I can say is, yes, it is easy and no it´s

not more complicated than that. We
make it complicated. Our issues and our
“inner” stuff comes in our way and makes it complicated.

 If you have low self-esteem and refuse to love yourself, it will

feel hard for you to attract a man who loves you.

 If you don´t do the work necessary to heal your childhood

and your past, it will come in your way and make you self-
sabotage in your relationships.

 If you are not ready to give up control in love (and this is a

big one for many women), you will not be able to
experience the love of a masculine man who is aching to
give to you instead.

However, if you are a woman who has done the work on herself
(or is willing to work on herself) or a woman who has a naturally
high self-esteem but was just struggling with men, following the
steps that I lay out for you in the book will help you immensely in
turning your love life around and it can happen quickly, very
quickly, especially if you are single and starting out a fresh.

As you go out into the world of dating, I encourage you to keep

Clara’s success story as a reference for inspiration in your own love
life. Turn to it repeatedly to remind yourselves of the general

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guidelines and when in a difficult situation ask yourself - What
would a girl like Cute Clara with a high level of self-esteem do in
my place?

That would be your answer. If you don’t find your answer, you are
always welcome to get in touch with me personally.

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CHAPTER 8 – Understanding A Man’s Commitment Timeline

The stories of Cute Clara and Marry-Me-Mara were presented as

extreme cases of absolute perfection and unfathomable error in
the world of dating and commitment. After having read these
stories, you may find yourself wondering where your love life stands
in reference to these women.

For instance, you may be single and not dating, or dating but not
committed, or committed but not married. In real life so many
different permutations and combinations can exist when it comes
to romantic relationships.

In order to help you get a better idea of where you stand in your
love life, I will introduce you to a general, over-arching concept
called a man’s commitment timeline.

A man’s commitment timeline is how a man views the process of

commitment in romantic relationships vs. how we women view it.
As you can guess, there is a huge difference here.

While most women immediately assume that they are “in a

relationship” with a man after a few dates with him (like Marry-Me-
Mara did), the man as shown in the figure below may be simply
dating them.

This is what a Man´s Commitment Timeline looks like –

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 Zone A - Just Dating Zone B Real Relationship
(Can Be Temporary)

Date 1, Date 2, Date 7, Date 9, Proposal, Wedding On The

Date 47, Date 147, Date 5000, Table
Date n+1, Events considered
under dating - Meeting his
family and friends, vacation
together, spending Christmas
together, at times and in rare
cases even living
together and being his girlfriend

All events that fall under the red zone A are events that a man
considers under the dating category. In other words, even when
the chemistry and compatibility is great, even when he has
introduced you to his family, even when you have had vacations
together, in some rare cases even when you are his girlfriend (hard
truth I know!), you could be in the zone of just dating a man. This is
because a man can figure that such relationship arrangements
can be temporary and that they do not have to mean forever.

Your commitment timeline as a woman, on the other hand,

already moves in the real relationship department date 7
onwards. For some women, even earlier than that as we saw in the
case of Marry-Me-Mara and her instant relationship mode.

With each event you share with a man (family introduction,

vacation), the relationship becomes more and more real and
emotionally connected for you. If sex is happening, it bonds you
even more closely with the man.

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A man’s commitment timeline is a good explanation for why so
many women are heart-broken when men disappear on them
after a year of dating or courting. This also explains why sometimes
live-in relationships don´t proceed to marriage or the long term
commitment you are looking for.

For the men, they were simply dating these women and testing out
if it works. There was no promise of commitment and also
sometimes no intention of it, as harsh as this may sound.

Going forward, it will be extremely helpful for you to have this

awareness. For a man the relationship becomes “real” when he
knows and says that you are his one and only, his forever woman,
the one he would like to settle down with and marry. Before that,
he is just dating you!

Also, when a man says he wants to marry you, you want to note
that there is action to support his claims and not just a mere
throwing around of words which men tend to do in the phase of
early dating when they first meet you. This is not to say that they
want to fool you or that they are all ill-intentioned, they are being
absolutely honest and genuine to you in the moment – but in the
moment most often does not amount to forever.

In my experience, also with my own husband, there is not a man

on this planet who does not understand what real commitment
means and when he meets a woman who feels deserving of that
whole-hearted devotion, he feels inspired to give it to her.

I would like to end this book with one of my all-time favourite

quotes -

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” Stephen Chbosky

If you go out into the world feeling like a goddess, ready to be

wooed and courted, you will attract a high quality man that will

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want to, in the traditional sense, move mountains to make you
happy.

If you go out feeling you are not good enough and willing to
accept crumbs, you will attract a man who will confirm your
opinion about yourself to you.

Real love is easy and it should feel easy. If it’s been a struggle for
you, I am here to help you end that struggle. If you have any
further questions, feedback or need help with your personal love
situation, feel free to get in touch with me on my website
www.samiwundercoaching.com.

I love hearing back from you and your updates and how the
knowledge of this feminine roadmap works for you.

Wishing you the absolute best in love.

To your success in love,

Sami Wunder

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 About Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a certified love and

marriage coach based in Paris with her
doting husband. She was trained by the
hugely successful American relationship
expert Rori Raye.

Using a powerful combination of

coaching methods, feminine energy
tools, attraction techniques and
relationship skills, Sami helps women
worldwide create intimate, juicy, fulfilling and passionate
relationships, whether they are single, dating or married. Coaching
sessions are intimate and confidential. They are held over phone
or Skype or in person upon request.

In her past life, Sami was a keen student of Economics and Public
Policy. She is now a keen student of love and human relationships.
She believes her relationship coaching is her soul career and
calling.

Sami loves mangoes, Bollywood and Indian cuisine. Dancing

makes her feel alive and writing helps her experience release.

Yet in her own words, there is no greater feeling than changing

lives - one gorgeous woman at a time.

You can find Sami’s work on www.samiwundercoaching.com

where she blogs regularly and sends helpful free love tips to
women all over the world via her newsletters. Her email is
[email protected].

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