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ADOLESCENT
FLASHPOINT
(A Practical Approach to Adolescence Crisis)

An eye-opener to young adults and parental

guide on how to manage Adolescence

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Copyright © 2020 Eyo Okon
All rights reserved. no part of this publication
may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted
in any form or by any means including
photocopying, recording, or other electronic or
mechanical methods, without the prior written
permission of the publisher, except in the case
of brief quotations embodied in reviews and
certain other non-commercial uses permitted by
copyright laws.

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 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
I want to appreciate my boss Mr. and Mrs. Victor
Onojah For their support and encouragement while
putting up this work together. A special thanks to my
Friend Precious Edward for being a friend indeed
and for her motivations. My warm Gratitude to my
Sister Miss Eme Ekene for editing this work even
with her tight schedule.

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 DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to the Almighty God, the
Maker of Heaven and Earth, for Wisdom, insight,
courage, and strength gave unto me to put this
together.

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 PREFACE
This book was written with the audience it seeks to
address (Young Adults and Parents) in mind, so it is
structured and presented to suit The two parties
appropriately.

The motivation to put down this piece came from the

things I see young people going through, and the
ones I experienced as I grew up. My work among
young people also gives me added reasons to write
this piece. The write up and examples used are not
to credit or discredit any set of people, but it is
intentionally rendered in practical and easy
language, to help the reader relate with the real-life
issues it portrays. It is aimed at inciting the reader to
purposefully brave up to face life with a positive
orientation that will yield desirable results in society.

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 INTRODUCTION
Adolescence is a crucial stage in everyone's life. It is
a stage where a child starts becoming aware of
himself or herself. This is when young people start
developing into adulthood. This happens between
the ages of twelve to twenty for both boys and girls.
Adolescence is a stage of life full of challenges
because so many changes occur in the life of the
young person; which include; physical, mental,
emotional, spiritual, etc. The character and outlook
of the young lad changes dramatically, and as a
result, conflict arises between the Lad and his or her
parents.
At this stage, the parent and child relationship starts
twisting, trust is broken, space created, and some
families start fighting. Parents start complaining
about their children's behaviour, and most parents
blame their children for joining bad gangs/friends.
Many parents lose grip on their children's control

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and become hostile to them, while others become
confused and afraid.
My concern overwriting this small pamphlet is not
because the concept of adolescence has not been
written on, but because so many writers are
concentrating on the physical changes in the child's
life, and even the school system is busy teaching the
physical changes, neglecting the crucial things which
are emotional changes, mental changes, and related
matters.
This pamphlet will be concerned majorly with the
predicaments of adolescents, especially about their
parents, family, friends, as well as church and
fellowship.

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 THE
CHARACTERS
OF
ADOLESCENTS

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 CHAPTER ONE
DISOBEDIENCE AND STUBBORNNESS
The young child who had previously been very
respectful and submissive to parents and everyone
around starts becoming pompous and rebellious.
This is as a result of sudden self-awareness which
has unraveled before the child. He or she starts
thinking that he/she is also an adult, as such,
parents should accord him/her the respect given to
every other adult. But on the contrary, the parents
are still looking at these adolescents as their little
children. Thus the conflict begins.
The young adult has so many expectations from his
parents, who eventually are not aware of such
expectations. The child now starts detesting the way
his parents address him. He wants to be talked to
respectfully. He desires his humble opinions to be
given appropriate considerations. He wants to be
treated with dignity.
But What is causing the rift and problem is that his
parents have a completely different view from him.

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So when these expectations and demands are not
met, he resorts to disobedience and stubbornness,
as a way of proving his points.
The young adult who has been denied the accolades
and adult treatments feel that he is being cheated
on, and must do something about it. Meanwhile, at
this point, his reasoning capacity is still very myopic,
so he resolves to be stubborn and disobedient,
expecting that his parents will adjust and change the
way they treat him. Unfortunately, in most cases, the
reverse is the case.
Many parents often become amazed, while others
wonder in fear of what has suddenly taken over their
children. Parents who always want the best for their
children will also look for a way to still keep these
children under their watch. Most parents fall back to
hard discipline as a way of restoring order and sanity
to their homes. But this method has not always
worked out, because many young people become
more rebellious, as some even pull out and run away
from home. Most Christian parents also fall under
this category. Some will sit the children down and

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quote for them that "bad company corrupts good
morals", thus, laying blames on the children for
having bad friends who have adversely influenced
their characters.
Unfortunately, this fight between parents and their
adolescent children in most homes will continue,
until the parents take up the responsibility of
understanding what their adolescent children are
looking for. Note that, the adolescents will not want
to open up to their parents with the conflicts between
them. This is because in Nigeria, and in fact, African
settings generally if the request to be heard and
understood is being made by a child, it is termed as
insult and arrogance. So in my opinion, parents are
in a better position to bring an end to these conflicts.

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 MITIGATION
Parents must purposefully and intentionally seek to
understand the psychology of Adolescents and their
Unique behavioural patterns. This, to a large extent,
is what this book seeks to address.
Any parent who must still have full control of his/her
adolescent should learn to respect the adolescent as
if he/she is already an adult.
Parents should learn to speak pleasantly too, and
stop shouting unnecessarily at their adolescents.
The adolescents' opinions should be considered and
given appropriate considerations as well. Parents
should make them believe that they are trusted and
respected and should be open to discuss with them
freely without being judgemental.
Parents should also initiate discussions on free
grounds which will necessitate them to freely state
their likes and dislikes as well as challenges.

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 CHAPTER TWO
SECRETIVE
At age twelve, young boys and girls are fully aware
that they should cover their nakedness. They no
longer walk around naked in the streets. In the
house, brothers and sisters no longer bathe together
in the same bathroom, neither do they allow
someone to bathe them any longer.
This should be a clear pointer to the parents that this
child has moved from childhood to adolescence
period.
Let us also look at it from this angle. A child who
normally discusses everything that happened to the
parents after school, no longer discusses the
school's scenarios with the parents. Many times,
when the mother asks: "how was school?" As usual,
expecting a long line of information, the child will

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simply respond with a one-liner: "fine" and keep
quiet. The next day, she will ask again: "How was
school?", the answer remains "fine".
Some parents become amazed and wonder what
might have happened to their children. Meanwhile,
any attempt to force the young lad to talk will result
in anger. This is when the problem of a secret
lifestyle begins.
When parents, especially mothers, start seeing
these signs and do not know how to go about it.
They will all unknowingly be pushing their children
from themselves. Thus, the children will be keeping
top secrets from their parents, and discussing and
taking advice(both negative and positive) from their
peers. Another error that occurs here is that some
parents will become hostile and unfriendly because
of the sudden change of attitude in the child, and this
will make the child not to trust them anymore. As
such, Peers become the next available option.
A plea to parents;

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Do not allow your attitude towards your child to
be determined by their actions. Always act
maturely despite their untoward actions.

Have you ever wondered why young people put

several security codes on their phones? The
message is locked, Media locked, pictures locked,
everything locked. They will do everything possible
to keep their privacy away from their parents.
In my days in secondary school,  cell phones were
not in circulation as they are today. I had to
personally put a padlock in my school bag to prevent
my parent's accessing it. I remember many times
when my mother would ask me to bring my school
bag. I would immediately respond: "Which book are
you looking for mummy?" She would reply: "I want
your school bag". And I would respond again,
"Which book do you want to see from the bag
now?". All these were our ways of keeping our
secrets.
In those days, letter writing was still the main deal.
You needed to be very conscious in case a 

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classmate or girlfriend/boyfriend had slotted a love
letter into your book or bag.

Another scary thing that happens now is that young

adults do not enjoy sitting down with their parents to
discuss. They would readily stare at their computer
screens and cell phones for hours than discuss with
their parents for thirty minutes. Important
discussions about their emotions and relationship
with the opposite sex are kept far away from their
parents to be discussed with classmates and peers.

As insignificant as this point may look, its

implications are very grievous. Of course, you know
that communication plays a vital role in sustaining
relationships and intimacy. So if your children have
lost the sense of communication and the comfort of
sitting down to discuss with you for weeks and
months, it is a clear indication that you have lost
your family to the hands of other people. The plague
that has befallen this generation is that, so many
social media and chat groups are coming up daily.

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These chat groups are helping to widen the rift
between adolescents and their parents.

MITIGATION
Any parent who wants to resolve this problem must
decide to play along with the trend of things and
become updated on the recent happenings in sports,
entertainment, media, social trends, etc. This will
help them create discussions that will be interesting
and relational to the adolescents, and in the course
of the discussion, they can slot in other serious
topics which would help the young adult open up to
them on their challenges and struggles in a more
relaxed environment and atmosphere.

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parents should not think that veto power will help
them extract information from their children at this
age, neither should they attempt to use the method
of depriving them of some privileges because this
will result in more rebellion and drifting.

CHAPTER THREE
INQUISITIVE AND ADVENTUROUS
Adolescents are the most inquisitive sets of people
in the world. They long to know and experiment with
everything.
Now that awareness has set in, the young adult
wants to know everything practically. They simply do
not appreciate being told about how stuff feels like,
they want to touch it, taste it, practice it, and be a

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part of the first-hand experience. This explains why
so many of them make mistakes at this stage of life.
Unfortunately whatever happens to one at this stage
is bound to affect the fellow throughout life.
Therefore, this crucial time needs to be well
managed.
The failed society we have today can largely be
linked to failure on the part of parents, who did not
effectively manage their children's crisis at
Adolescence.
This is when so many unwanted pregnancies,
cultism, and occultism, drawing of tattoos, untowards
hairstyles and dressings, armed robbery activities,
thuggery, and many more of such social vices, are
rampant.
Due to the adolescent's desire to experiment on
everything, they want to practice and know-how sex
feels like, how exciting kissing feels, and so on. They
somewhat feel that they must and should engage in
these acts to belong to society and to feel important
and accepted.

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So it becomes obvious that your innocent child who
did not know anything before now is experiencing all
those things that make one feel like an adult. When
this happens, most of them become very arrogant
and disrespectful. After all, what do the Adults know,
that they have not known as well, right?

A dear friend once told me about her adolescent

cousin who confronted her step Mum for sending her
on an errand. In the heat of the argument, she(the
adolescent) asked her step Mum what she had as a
lady that she herself didn't possess and more. She
went further to tell the step mum that if it's about the
child she had given birth to for her dad, that she
could do that as well. The laughable part of this
scenario was that the adolescent in question was
merely thirteen (13) years old at the time of the
incident.

Another grievous thing here is that most parents are

shy to discuss sex education with their children.
Unknowingly to them, what they refuse to show them

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at home, their classmates and friends will show
them, as well as the internet they are exposed to
daily.
It amazes me when I see and hear some parents tell
their children to keep away from friends, meanwhile
in the hands of the children lie five thousand
Facebook friends and more. Funny enough, you can
be telling your child not to have a boyfriend and at
the same time, she will be replying to a boy on
Facebook "I love you so much" at the very moment
she is answering you yes daddy or mummy.

ADVENTUROUS
The Adventurous Spirit is an inherent nature of every
young adolescent. That is why the Bible states: "I
write to you young men because you have
overcome the world and you are strong..."

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Many young men get involved in so many things and
want to make it immediately. This is why bet9ja, R&S
Lotto, and many other related sites are thriving in
Nigeria today. Interestingly, almost every young
person, everywhere in the world wants to be a
billionaire in an instant. They are quite adventurous
in everything. Say: Church attendance, party halls,
carnivals, and every other happening, shaking,
booming, and bubbling place. They want to be there
to feel the heat of the moment.
Some young people can be so inquisitive even in
their ignorance. Some even want to have the feeling
of being inside police cells or prisons.
I remember when I was thirteen, a friend of mine told
me that cigarettes and alcoholic drinks could make
people high, superactive, and strong. I decided to
have a taste of it. Since cigarettes seemed too
extreme to me, I started with smoking papers and
drinking alcohol. The after-effects were not funny at
all. This is the situation of so many innocent young
boys and girls who want to be aware of these things
today.

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Parents must be aware of this unique trait rising in
their adolescents and give accurate counsel instead
of quarreling, complaining, and apportioning blames.

CHAPTER FOUR
HATE INCESSANT TALK
(ESPECIALLY FROM MOTHERS)

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It may not be a general thing, but to a great extent, I
have discovered that young adults do not appreciate
much scoldings from their parents. Most mothers are
fond of repeating a particular ill event for a very long
time. Worst of all are some who will insist on
repeating a fault that was done 'last month', 'last
week', 'yesterday', 'this morning', etc. before moving
on to state the present fault. The conclusion that
might be drawn here by the adolescent at fault is
that he/she is destructive and has not been forgiven
past faults. This attitude is not healthy for a peaceful
and loving home.

Funny enough, you hear parents say things like,  "so

you have broken this glass, plate, mug, etc again".
In such situations, I really wonder if any reasonable
and sane child would deliberately break things at
home.
Many of these young adults will feel very sad or
angry on hearing this. Some with good morals
upbringing will keep quiet and murmur to themselves
much later, while some bold ones, especially the

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21st Century adolescents will talk back to their
parents or wards in a bid to defend themselves. This
ought not to be so. The parents must come to the
understanding that their adolescents detest such
behaviors and should try to adjust.

Sometimes, I pray for myself, begging God to help

me act towards my children differently from the way
some parents are acting towards their children
today. Incidentally, some of the things parents try to
do to their children are actually the same things they
themselves hated so much when they were
adolescents. This makes me wonder if they have
forgotten how it felt when they were adolescents, or
could it be that there is a veil in their eyes? That, I
cannot tell.

Have you ever wondered why young children who

used to love their parents so much, and were very

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close to them, suddenly become distant and
withdrawn, and some even develop hatred towards
them at adolescence?
I know some parents will quickly conclude here that
it is influenced by negative peers. I am not disputing
that this can be a major factor, but if we look at it
more closely, we will discover that the parents'
incessant scoldings have contributed a lot to this.
What causes most of this hatred is not the talk in
itself,  though it has its percentage, it has more to do
with the way these talks are presented. Many
mothers still address their fifteen years olds as if
they are five - Shouting and screaming at them as
they used to when they were still very toddlers. This
ought not to be so. If the children start to rebel
against them, those parents who are Christians
would quote from Scriptures; Ephesians 6:1 that:
children should obey their parents in the Lord..., but
will fail to quote the complete scripture that parents
Should not provoke their children to anger or to sin.
All these and many more predicaments are engulfing
the young adults today, but we are busy teaching

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physical developments alone in Schools and
Churches.

MITIGATION
Parents should reduce their talk and scoldings and
learn to forgive and forget past faults. Learn to treat
your adolescents as adults and you will be surprised
to see them respond positively to you.

Also, to the young adults reading this pamphlet, you

can make a difference by choosing to respond to
your parents and elders based on what God's word
says and not on their approaches. Remember, you
will give an account of your actions. Mind you, I am
not in any way encouraging stubbornness and
rebellion. I am only pointing out to both parties for
correction,  and peaceful harmony in the family.

CHAPTER FIVE
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VERY EMOTIONAL AND ATTRACTIVE
TO OPPOSITE SEX
At adolescence, hormones start secreting and
sexual urges develop rapidly. This is peculiar to
every adolescent irrespective of tribe, language, sex,
religion, educational background, culture, etc. It is
crucial at this point for us to understand that we must
not be religious in this matter because everyone
comes under this pressure.

Let me address the young adults first. Have you ever

wondered why you now see the same friend you had
been playing together with all the while in a different
way? Suddenly, the friend you used to see day and
night, in and out becomes more beautiful and
attractive or muscular and handsome and you feel
so drawn to the person. You may even wonder if you
had been blind to not have noticed the obvious
features in that friend.
If that thought ever crossed your mind, I want to
assure you that you are normal. In fact, in my own

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opinion, if this, has not happened to you, then there
is a problem and you should seek medical help
immediately.
Some parents at this stage, instead of teaching their
children about sex education, prefer to cook up
some stories to their young adults to scare them and
keep them in check, especially, girls. Some will tell
them something like: "if you allow a boy to touch
you, you will immediately become pregnant".
You see, this might have worked when the child was
still small, but here is a different ball game. You are
making a grave mistake. Openly tell them the truth
and give them sound advice instead of allowing
them to discover for themselves and seek advice
from friends.

Listen to me adolescents, it is no doubt that your

body is itching you. You feel like touching that
boy/girl, you want to kiss him or her, you want to
cuddle, caress, taste and know how it feels like first
hand, etc. I quite understand the feeling. However,
even though all these battles are raging within you,

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listen to what the scripture says: ... the Spirit of the
prophet is subject to the Prophet". Let me use this
other instance, if you feel like eating suya and you
don't have money to buy it, will you go and steal it
just to satisfy yourself? Of course, you will not.
In that same manner, you must not give your body
all it desires. There is time for everything. If anything
is done when it is not the right time. It will not be as
beautiful as it ought to be. So you must not rush into
any of these things that you are not prepared to
handle. He that gives his body all it wants is dead
though living.
I am not suggesting that you should not make
friends with the opposite sex. You need each other
in daily life. Make friends, converse freely among
yourselves, relate, and play. But set boundaries,
make you stand clear, and be firm about it. Turn
down intimate proposals for friendship without
quarreling or keeping of grudges. Let Your
counterpart know that you actually know what you
are doing, and where you are heading to. Set your
standards right and high and do not compromise.

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Note: Do not try to isolate yourself from others
thinking that it is a way of protecting yourself from
the opposite sex. This will leave you more
vulnerable, because, as it is said, an idle mind is the
devil's workshop. Beware of depression and note
that isolation can push you harder than you think.
Lastly, be anxious for nothing. Anxiety is a great tool
in the hands of the enemy to strangle us. Anxiety
will make you accept what you would not
naturally accept. Do not give in to it.
Parents, please do not be too hard on your Children
regarding this matter, rather befriend them and
befriend their friends. Encourage them to bring their
friends home. This will give you a glimpse of who
your Child is mingling with. Then, you can easily
assess their friends and give proper counsel. Do not
interfere too much, but bring them closer and make
empirical observations.

CHAPTER SIX

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 BELIEF PEER GROUP THAN
PARENTS
The stage of adolescence is the stage in which
young people start forming cliques of friends, with
age mates, classmates, etc. These groups are called
peer groups. These groups thrive especially in high
schools and have a great influence on every
member. In fact, the greatest influence on an
adolescent's life is a peer group.

Here, the young boys and girls who are now

experiencing changes start seeing some similarities
among themselves in terms of academic
performances,  background, appearance,
perception, and challenges. When this trait is
identified, closeness starts setting in, even though
some of them may not be aware. In the long run, the
group begins to like themselves and to discuss
serious issues concerning each other - even the
ones that they are shy to discuss with their parents.

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When this group is well established, members share
things in common, and the person who is perceived
to have the most obvious admired qualities assume
the position of the peer group leader. The leader is
either the most intelligent, most beautiful or
handsome, the richest, etc. This unannounced
leader influences the decisions of other members
willingly and unwillingly.
Members of the group want to be like each other in
everything, and this is where the problems begin.
If your child is in this group, the changes in his or her
appearance, speech, behaviour, etc. will be very
obvious. And since everyone cannot be the same,
and peer group members always want to match
themselves in everything to feel they are qualified or
belong, unhealthy competitions arise. What drives
this competition is the feeling of not being left
behind. This is when young adults begin to make
unrealistic demands from their parents, just because
they do not want to be the odd ones among others.
The inability of the parents to meet up with these
demands sometimes results in hatred for the

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parents. Some may start comparing their parents
with their friends and become bitter. They sometimes
question why they were not born into wealthy homes
instead of the impoverished one they belong to.
Incidentally, since they must meet up with demands
to feel they belong, some start pilfering, others start
going to wild parties, keeping boyfriends and
girlfriends for monetary and other uncanny reasons,
while some others start smoking, drinking, etc. just
to be a part of the happening group.
Since these young adults are so relaxed and free to
discuss anything that bothers them, their private
lives and secrets are discussed on this platform. And
of course, solutions must be arrived at, so they dish
out pieces of advice for themselves and agree on
vital decisions and actions to be taken.
Do not get it twisted, I am not in any way
condemning peer groups. In fact, if peer groups are
well managed, they have numerous benefits to the
members, in terms of academic performance and
healthy competitions.

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 Adolescents believe their peers more than their
parents most times because of their parents'
approaches and attitudes towards them. Let me also
add here that being overprotective is not in any way
helpful at this stage. Well, you may think you are
trying to help them to be good, but deep inside your
children, they do not like this. Many of them feel that
you are trying to cage them and that you are
oppressing them. The humble ones will pretend at
home and show their true colours outside, while the
bold ones will rebel. The matter becomes worse
when they meet among themselves to discuss their
parent's behaviour towards them, and it would seem
as though all their parents are behaving in a
particular(negative) way. They will just conclude that
parents are old fashioned (school). Funny enough, I
hear some parents complaining that in their times,
they were humble, obedient, respectful, etc. But this
generation is this and that.
My question is: who is responsible for the
destruction of this generation? Is it the parents
(stewards) or the children (properties)? The truth is
that, if this generation is bad, the parents contributed

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the highest quota to it when they failed to do their
jobs as parents. The Bible clearly states: "train up a
child in the way he should go, when he grows,
he will not depart from it".
Also note that those things that were workable in
your generation, may not work in this present time.
The problem of handling adolescents will become
more tedious when we attempt to train our children
the way our parents trained us(the hard way). The
times have changed. Change is constant, but yet we
are not cooperating with the change. The things our
parents knew when they were twenty years old,
unfortunately, their children in this innovative
generation have already known it at the ages of
six and seven. You can see the disparity between
the two generations.
The answer to this problem is a change of
mindset and orientation by parents.

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 CHAPTER SEVEN
FEELING OF INDEPENDENCY
Adolescents now feel that they should be left alone, 
they want to make their decision by themselves.
Of course, at this stage of life, it is odd for the
parents to attempt choosing clothes for the child to
wear to church or any other occasion. The young
adult thinks that he should be allowed to make
decisions concerning his life. This is the reason you
hear many of them say: "it is my life, let me live it
the way I want", and many become very furious
when their parents interfere with their affairs.
parents are always in confusion when they buy new
clothes and shoes for their adolescent child, only for
him to say he does not like clothes or shoes. The
truth is that the clothes or shoe in itself does not
have a problem. The staff may be very beautiful and
fitting, but the reason for the rejection is that the

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young adult feels you are riding on him. The bold
one will ask why he was not given the money to buy
the items by himself. Meanwhile, deep down his
mind, the real question he is asking is: "why must
you be the one to choose for me? is it that I cannot
choose for myself? or are you doubting my
reasoning ability?
This is a glimpse into the feeling of these young
people and this is in fact what goes on in most of
their minds. No wonder the Bible says "As a man
thinketh in his heart so is he '' the Bible also
advises us "to guard our hearts with all diligence
for out of it are the issues of life".
When a young person has been corrupted with
these wrong thoughts, and his feelings are far away
from your good gesture, such will be busy focusing
on self-gratification. Because of this, it becomes very
difficult for him to appreciate what you do for him. He
becomes boastful, unthankful, and ungrateful.

Young boys and girls, please note that not all

feelings are true. This feeling of Independence is

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one of those false feelings. That you feel that you
are an adult,  You should be left alone to do all you
want, doesn't mean that is true. You should not
crucify your parents for still intruding into your affairs,
because they are doing it for your good, and they
have your interest at heart.
Think about  this:
If this feeling of independence were actually true, 
have you ever asked these questions?
Now that I'm feeling like being a man of my own, 
why am I still depending on my parents for food,
education, clothing, shelter, pocket money, etc? If
you sincerely answer these questions, it will open
your eyes to the fact that you are still a full
dependant. And as a full dependant,  you must
humble yourself and please your parents for them to
train you to become that which God has predestined
you to be.
I write to you young ones because knowledge of the
truth is greater than your feelings. That is what the
bible says: "you shall know the truth and the truth
shall set you free". Ignorance is not an excuse.

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That you are ignorant of this truth does not excuse
you from its implications. ignorance will make you
think that your parents are supposed to do
everything for you or you react in a certain negative
way.
All that glitter is not gold. Your parents know this
fact, especially from their experiences, but in your
inexperience, you will be thinking that you know it
better than them. As such,  you do not take advice
from your parents and elders. Hear what the Bible
has to say about this: "the eyes that mocketh his
father,  and despiseth to obey his mother, the
Ravens of the valley shall pick it out, the young
eagles shall eat it" (proverbs 30:17)
since this is the Bible's position regarding this
matter.  We have to be very careful as young people.
Tell yourself the truth that this feeling of
independence is coming at the wrong time,
therefore, it is faulty.
My dear parents, you may not be able to change the
thoughts or even know what your child is thinking.
But I want you to be aware of and understand these

41
battles going on within your adolescents. Make up
your mind to expect that things like this will likely
happen, so that when they eventually manifest, it will
not take you by surprise, and you will be more
equipped and ready to manage this situation
effectively and efficiently.

CHAPTER EIGHT
FASHION DRIVEN AND ABILITY TO
IMITATE
Adolescence age is a very interesting period that
comes with different challenges.
When the Bible says that there is time for everything,
this is the time for fashion and swag it must have
been referring to.
No wonder the Scripture further says: "Remember
now your Creator in the days of your youth,
before the evil days come or the day draws near
when thou shall say  I have no pleasure in them".
Be assured that God is aware of your youthful
troubles, and He is not surprised to see you act you

42
are doing. The good news is that He had already
made the provisions available to help you. You must
harness these resources appropriately.
Adolescents have this inner drive to dress like every
other person except themselves. The feeling of
gaining approval from others is paramount at this
time. They are never satisfied with their outlook.
Their dressing is never the best. They rather prefer
that of their friends, especially members of their peer
groups.
This is the reason why so many of them adapt to
new looks that amazes their parents. Godly parents
will start complaining about their style of clothes,
shape, size, length, transparency, etc.
These young ones are just carried away by the wave
of things happening around them.
This particular problem is no longer a family conflict
but has become a community problem because the
societal values and norms have been watered down
by these young people.

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The unfortunate thing is that so many parents have
lost grip of their children on this matter. Even if they
try to do it now,  it will look as if they are riding on
them, and as such, the result will be rebellion. The
young people want to be trendy, whether it is
negative or positive, naked or covered, all kinds of
trends.

Fellow young people, all things are lawful, but all

things are not helpful. That you want to be trendy
does not mean that you should bring a bad name to
your parents and family. You should not walk naked
in the streets just because of fashion. It does not tell
good about you. As it is rightly said: "The way you
dress is the way You are addressed".
Excuse me, young people, why are you complaining
of being despised by older people? Do you not think
perhaps it could be your fault? When you dress like
a tout or a prostitute, do you expect people to accord
you some respect? No, they will not. These old folks,
as we call them, will continue to look down on us

44
until we decide to look, act, and be more
responsible.
See, respect is not commanded, it is earned. You
must work for it. We will attract respect from the
elders and the society if we carry ourselves as
people who deserve to be respected. Look good but
be decent. You are not mad, neither are you a tout, 
so stop appearing like one. Young girls, you are not
one cheap food displayed in a restaurant, nor are
you a harlot, so stop projecting yourself as such.

When the Bible says: "abstain from all

appearances of evil",  it was not mincing words.
God meant it. Even when you are not one, if you
appear like it, you will invariably be addressed as
one.
God who is all-knowing, knows that you were going
to be despised, so he gave the solution beforehand.
Which is, let no man despise your youth, but be
thou an example of the believer in words, in
conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in
purity.

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My emphasis is on the word LET NO MAN.
Meaning; do not allow, refuse any man. No one will
do this for you or me. It is our responsibility to
prevent ourselves from being looked down on.
Meanwhile, it is natural for older people to attempt to
look down on young people. But we must not allow
that.
So how do you go about it?
Is it by self-defense? NO
Is it by being arrogant? NO
It's by being disrespectful, stubborn, and
disobedient? NO
Then how?
The answer is; be what you want people to call you,
behave the way you want people to address you. It
is a personal and individual responsibility. The Bible
speaks about David says "...And David behaved
himself wisely"
So my question to you is: "how are you behaving
yourself?

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 MITIGATION
This matter cannot be handled with heavy hands,
else you will be raising a generation of pretenders as
children. The best way is to do what the Bible says
"train up a child in the way he should go and
when he is old, he will not depart from it". At age
one to ten, you have the opportunity to indoctrinate
your child with all the good morals. At this point, be
very intentional about it, because when the child
gets to adolescence you will not have the

47
opportunity again. Even if you try, it will not work out.
If you missed it in childhood, the next stage is going
to be through dialogue, not force. Through
discussions that are borne out of love and trust. It
has to be an open negotiation i.e giving the young
person empirical reasons, why he should or should
not do, or appear in a certain manner. Using Veto
power as a parent cannot work here if you desire to
see a positive change. Instead, it will result in hatred
from the adolescent.

Another surest way is to intercede for your children

in your secret place (Prayer Alter). Speak what you
want them to be from childhood into them, and
present them daily before Elohim for configuration.
Orchestrate some spiritual intervention and
encounters for your children's life journey. Let them
collide like Jacob did, with his grandfather's altar,
and their lives will never go the negative direction by
God's grace.
Raise up spiritual children, not a religious and
dogmatic generation, because when they are Holy

48
ghost filled, the Holy ghost will teach them himself.
He will instruct them and configure their lives to suit
his purpose.

CHAPTER NINE
QUESTION MANY THINGS
At adolescence, a child who was very submissive to
the parents, doing everything he or she is asked to
do without questioning, suddenly starts demanding
reasons and explanations before doing the same
things he had been doing before.

49
Questions like: "why should I go to church four times
a week? Why can it not be two times? Why should I
not be allowed to go to a party with my friends? Is
partying a sin? Can I have one boyfriend or
girlfriend? Why must devotions be done twice in a
day? The female child might also ask; Why is it that
it is only I and Mummy that always cook? Can men
not cook?
These and many such questions arise in their minds.
When you start hearing questions like these,  it is a
clear indication that your child has entered the
critical stage of his life.
Note: these questions are not in any way rebellious
or insulting as some parents may perceive it. So
your first approach and answer to any of these
questions will determine if the young adult will trust
you enough to continue to ask similar questions in
subsequent time. It is important to understand that
the answers and approach to these questions are
critical, this is because more of it will be unfolding
daily. If the child is shut down at the first and second
approaches, the child will not trust his parents for

50
competent answers anymore. And if this happens,
you have just lost the virtue of sincerity from your
child. The reason is that these questions are sincere
questions from their hearts, and only accurate and
sincere answers can satisfy their quest.

Remember, if you as a parent fail to give accurate

answers, friends, and peer groups, and even the
internet will surely give them what they desire. But
trust me, most times, those answers are disastrous.
This is the age of unveiling. If you did not empower
your child during childhood with the appropriate
morals of life and the truth of God's word, they will
start discovering the truth for themselves through
different means. If the child finds out that what you
had told him or her as a young child was a lie, the
child will start developing hatred for you. For
example, as I said earlier on, I have heard some
parents telling their children not to allow anybody to
touch them in certain parts of their bodies, if they do,
they would become pregnant. I am not objecting to
this, but I think there is obviously no need to add the

51
injunction of becoming pregnant when it is not
actually true. Never allow your child to find out that
what you told him or her was a lie. Teach them the
truth even when the truth is difficult. Find a way to do
so to their understanding.
I remember when I entered adolescent age,
immediately, I started objecting my parents about so
many things. Sometimes they would say something,
and I would respond by saying "it is a superstitious
belief". My mother would be surprised, while my
father(of blessed memory) would just smile and
shake his head. Well, I never knew the meaning of
those signs then, but his smiles continually gave me
the confidence to ask other questions anytime I
perceived anything that I deemed abnormal.
Mum and Dad, I know that you may not always have
the correct answers to all the numerous questions
posed by your Children, but please, I beg you not to
shut them down. Rather, answer the ones you know,
and tell them to give you time to check for the
others. The truth is that parents are in the best
positions to give accurate answers to every

52
controversial question and feelings of their children.
But if you allow it into the hands of their peers, the
consequences will be grave. Personally, I prefer that
the child gets the truth from home first, before
hearing the false from others. Let the
misconceptions not come to the child obliviously,
rather let it conflict with the truth you have already
empowered the child with. In this way, even if the
child wants to weigh the opinions, he will have
reasons to continually trust and believe his parent's
counsel.
You can own your child if you know how to tackle
these questions.

CHAPTER TEN
FEARLESS AND NOT EASILY
INTIMIDATED
Immediately the feeling of independence arises in an
adolescent, it also makes him not feel intimidated by

53
anybody. It is obvious that many young people use
this trait negatively. Meanwhile, I think this trait was
deposited by God and meant to help the young adult
to be courageous enough to face life's challenges.
Life at this point is naturally going to put the young
Adult under pressure, and he will be required to take
a lot of life's decisions that will be crucial to his
future. Most of these decisions require to be taken
without being manipulated by emotions or fear of
personalities. Thus; the trait was meant to help him
decide rightly in difficult situations.
This is the reason many young people are no more
afraid of their parents' threats and consequences.
Remember,  your threats might have been working
on the child before during childhood, but it may not
work any longer at this stage of life. Hence, there is
a need for a change in method and approach.
Every trait God puts in us was meant for our good
and the good of others. We young people must
understand that the sudden boldness in our lives
was not put there for rebellion and insolence. Hence,
if you are using your boldness wrongly, just know

54
that you are being manipulated by the devil. The
devil is known for perversion, he is a master in
turning positive things into negative ones. Refuse to
be manipulated and use your boldness for the
benefit of yourself, family, and society at large.
Many young people have no regard for God and His
word. They do not want to go to church nor listen to
preachers preach about morality. However, let me be
clear to you that God loves you despite and has
made provisions for all your challenges. Scripture
says: "... while we were yet sinners Christ died
for us". Now, understand that God has not and will
not reject you, it is only you that is rejecting God.
The scripture further says that: "... the fear of God
is the beginning of wisdom". This scripture, for
me, was meant especially for young people and
addresses this particular challenge of fearlessness.
The fear of God is crucial in a time like this in the life
of everyone because wisdom is required to help you
deal appropriately with others. We must not fear
man, but respect everyone we come across. This is
wisdom. Our respect must not be limited only to our
elders. It must be given to everyone, irrespective of

55
age and status. But when it comes to God,  we must
fear and reverence Him. When I say "fear", I am not
necessarily saying that we should be afraid of God.
It means acknowledging that He sees us anywhere
we are and all the time, even in a place that no one
else can see us. We must also acknowledge that our
lives are in his hands, and He can do to us as it
pleases Him.
Fear of God can also connote being afraid of God.
God is too great for us to toy with Him. Scripture
says "it is a fearful thing to fall into the hand of
the Almighty". It is indeed a fearful thing.
It marvels me these days that you see young people
going to the presence of the Almighty without any
respect for him. You may ask how?
These days young people go to church with their
phones, and in the midst of the service, they are
chatting, browsing, playing games, etc. This is
disrespectful and scary. Some go to church to make
noise,  discuss and play with friends(sin partners).
This ought not to be so. Remember, God is able to

56
strike you dead, and even destroy your soul in hell.
Men and brethren, we must fear God.

To my beloved parents, do all that is in your power to

help your child fear God because if your child has
the fear of God, that child will definitely respect you.
However, do not try to make your children afraid of
you, rather be their friends and encourage them to
be free to tell you their most cherished secrets.

57
 CHAPTER ELEVEN
GET BORED EASILY ESPECIALLY
WITH PARENTS AND IN CHURCH.
one of the most frequent languages of young people
of this generation is "I am bored, it is boring" etc
I have been privileged to work with young people for
a while now. I discovered during this period that,
"bored, boredom, boring" are the most frequently
used words on the lips of these young people. Most
times I wonder how the person complaining of
boredom manages to feel bored even amid many
people. Then I realized that you can be in the midst
of people and still be alone.
This is exactly what makes young people bored.
Many parents who are making the effort to have time
with their families on many occasions end up boring
their children. Ideally, this is supposed to be a great
time where family members enjoy themselves and
discuss daily challenges in a relaxed atmosphere.

58
The problem is not the gathering but the subject of
discussion. Godly parents especially are fond of
discussing the Bible at every slightest opportunity
they have with their children. Some parents overdo it
to an extent that the gathering becomes
monotonous. I am not saying that the Bible should
not be discussed, but you must not always
start discussions with your adolescents with bible
study or preaching,  though you may, in the course
of the conversation, bring in godly lessons from
scriptures. The gathering of family members should
be an exciting one such that everyone looks forward
to the next meeting.
What I am saying in practical terms is that; in your
family gatherings,  there should be a day where
secular topics are discussed, and everyone asked to
state his/her opinion and/or beliefs regarding the
issues discussed. At times, you can decide to ask
members to air out their likes and dislikes in the
family. I tell you sincerely, this will help you to know
your children's position towards some matters,
hence, you can use the Bible to guide and give them
accurate counsel.

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If you are the busy type that only has time for
morning and night devotions, you can still make the
devotion time fun-filled, especially the night
devotions. It is not out of place to surprise your kids
with gifts during devotions. Just make it as
interesting and exciting as possible. You can do this
effectively without taking the God factor out of it. It is
possible that your family members will be looking
forward to night devotions, despite the challenges
faced during the day.

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 CHAPTER TWELVE
EASILY CARRIED AWAY
Young people entering into adolescence can be
likened to a student who has just been given
admission into a  university. The person is a total
stranger to the environment, without any experience,
and completely ignorant of the civilization obtainable
in the new environment. Unfortunately, many young
adults think that they know everything required here
and that they are conversant with the terrain.
Because they think they know, they refuse to humble
themselves to be taught and guided on the operation
of the area.
Young adults, please note that adolescence is just
the beginning of adulthood. As such, you are limited
in knowledge, experience, and the techniques of
survival. This limitation is the true state of every
adolescent, whether you like it or not. As the old
adage rightly states: "what an elder sits down on the
ground to see, the young person will never see even

61
if he climbs atop an Iroko tree". The adage is
buttressing the advantage that the elders have over
young adults by their experiences. For me,
it is better to learn from another person's
mistakes and experiences than to allow your
personal experiences to be your best teacher,
because you may not be alive to recount some of
your personal experiences.

I intentionally decided to speak on this particular

issue at the end because I intend for it to sink in
deeply. Young people hear this until you have come
to acknowledge your limitations and insufficiencies,
you will never be open to corrections and help. In
this generation, that we are bombarded with so
much information and trends that seek our attention
and decisions, you are bound to go with anything
that is more appealing to you. This is the reason why
we see many other young people being tossed to
and fro as the wind, with different doctrines,
fashions, and trends.

62
You must first recognize that you have limitations
and inabilities and must seek counsel before taking
major life decisions. Emotions are not always right
and will not always lead to the right decisions.
Therefore, before you allow yourself to be tossed,
know that there is enough provision to help you get
rooted and grounded in the truth and the facts of life.
These truths and facts are in the word of God and in
godly counsels.
To the parents, I want you to understand that the
young adults, with this feeling of independence,  are
bound to be carried away by the waves of life. Be
patient with them and guide them on the right path in
love. Do not try to impose decisions on them
concerning what trend to follow or not. Set the pace.
Be exemplary. Encourage them to choose right and
you would be amazed to see them making right and
positive decisions.

63
 CONCLUSION
Every stage of life has its challenges. The actions
and decisions taken at each stage have either
positive or negative effects on the proceeding
stage(s). Adolescence is the stage in everyone's life
before development into adulthood. It is a very
important and crucial stage in life. Decisions taken at
this stage have the ability to affect one's life for the
remaining part of a lifetime. It is therefore mandatory
for both parents and the adolescents to pay close
attention to the issues highlighted in this small
pamphlet. Both parties must be intentional about the
kinds of decisions that are taken in their homes and
lives. Many lives have been made and marred at this
stage of life. Thus, I urge every parent and young
adult not to leave to chance the training and
decision-making process. Some risks are not worth
taking.

64
Final word to adolescents: "Remember that your
life is not a specimen sample for practical and
scientific experiments". Be deliberate about living
right.

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