HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN

YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST

ANYMORE.

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi,

was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the
light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the
bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off
the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing
things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed
and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should
lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is
available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the

police again.

"Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were
people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to
worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both,
the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a
Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance
showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that
you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!".

AWESOME RIGHT?
That man
rocks!!! ;D
 Poem!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
But not sweet as you!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,
Monsters are green,
Look in the mirror and you’ll see what I mean!

Roses are blue,

Violets are red,
If you agree,
You've got rocks in your head.

Violets are blue.

Roses are pink.
Put on your shoes,
your feet really stink!

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.
Please don't kiss me,
'cuz I have the flu.

Roses are red,

violets are blue,
someone farted,
I think its you!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
My life would be hell
If I didn't have you..

Violets are blue

Roses are red
My feelings for you
Are completely dead

Roses are red

Violets are blue
I have five fingers
The middle ones for you. :)

Roses are red ,

Violets are blue ,
How the hell can I live ,
When there is no you . :)
 Jokes .
1.Why do morons like lightning?

They think someone is taking their picture. -.-‘

2.Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?

Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! ! O.o

3.What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back at him. -_____-‘

4.How did the moron fall on the floor?

He tripped over the cordless phone. ( nice.....)

5.How did the moron try to kill a bird?

He threw it off a mountain cliff ! ( O.o weird! )

6.Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?

To see what was on the other side! -.-‘

7.How do you confuse a moron?

Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner! ;)

8.Hear about the moron that got an AM radio?

It took him a month to realize he could play it at night. -________-‘

9.Why did the moron going to the airport turn around and go home?

Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left". ;D

10.Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first moron said "These look like deer tracks,"
and the other moron said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
( LOL! )

11.Why can't a moron dial 911?

He can't find the 11 on the phone! (XD)

Still Jokes!
Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q. How do you tease fruit?

A. Banananananananana!

Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?

A. Because he wanted to work over-time!

Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?

A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q. How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone?

A. Jell-o!

Q. When do you stop at green and go at red?

A. When you're eating a watermelon!

Q. How did the farmer mend his pants?

A. With cabbage patches!

Q. Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?

A. Because it makes you break out!

Q. What do you call artificial spaghetti?

A. Mockaroni!

Q. What happens to a hamburger that misses a lot of school?

A. He has a lot of ketchup time!

Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A. He couldn't concentrate!

Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?

A. Tomato Paste!

Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?

A. Because his parents were in a jam!

Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A. Patty!

Q. What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?

A. A deviled egg! ( MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!! )
Q. What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A. A turkey!

Q. What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?

A. A stomach-cake!

Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

A. He felt crummy!

Q. When does a cart come before a horse?

A. In the dictionary

MUAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

These are my confessions

And just when I thought I said all I could say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
I damn near cried when I got that phone call
I'm so thrown, I don't know what to do
But to give part 2 of my

Better stand tall when they're calling you out

Don't bend, don't break, baby don't back down

These are my confessions

It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
These are my confessions
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life
Just when I thought I said all I could say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life
THIS SONG ROCKS!!!
Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

Yo momma's so fat,
when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

Yo momma's so fat,
the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

Yo momma's so fat,
at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest
jet.

Yo momma's so fat,
Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma's so fat,
she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key
violation.

Yo mama so fat,
that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.

Yo momma's so fat,
I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo mama' so fat,
she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

Yo momma's so fat,
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

Yo momma's so fat,
she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.

Yo momma's so fat,
the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.

Yo momma's so fat,
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

Yo momma's so fat,
all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR
Yo Momma"

Yo momma's so fat,
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Yo momma's so fat,
instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Yo momma's so fat,
when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.

Yo momma's so fat,
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to
live.
Yo momma's so fat,
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Yo momma's so fat,
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo momma's so fat,
a picture of her fell off the wall!

Yo momma's so fat,
her picture takes two frames.

Yo momma's so fat,
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND
DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

POEMS ! CREATEDATE 10/20/09 4:09 PM

JOKES! CREATEDATE 10/20/09 4:09 PM

LYRICS FOR IT’S MY LIFE IN GLEE!!! CREATEDATE 10/20/09

4:09 PM

Yo Momma’s so FAT! :P :D XD CREATEDATE 10/20/09 4:09 PM

Stuck In The Moment .

(With you, with you

I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place.)

Now Romeo and Juliet,

Bet they never felt the way we felt.
Bonnie and Clyde,
Never had to hide like we do, we do.
You and I both know it can't work,
It's all fun and games,
'til someone gets hurt,
And I know I wont let that be you

Now you don't wanna let go,

 And I don't wanna let you know
That there might be something real between us two (who knew?)
Now we don't wanna fall but,
We're tripping in our hearts and,
It's reckless and clumsy,
Cause I know you cant love me, hey
I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place,
But everything we have is stuck in the moment,
And there's nothing my heart can't do,
To fight with time and space,
Cause I'm still stuck in the moment with you

See like Adam and Eve,

Tragedy was our destiny,
Like Sonny and Cher,
I don't care I've got you baby.
See we both fighting every inch of our fiber,
Cause either way its gonna end right but,
We are both too foolish to stop.

Now you don't wanna let go,

And I don't wanna let you know
That there might be something real between us two (who knew?)
Now we don't wanna fall but,
We're tripping in our hearts and,
It's reckless and clumsy,
And I know you can't love me, hey
I wish we had another time,
I wish we had another place,
But everything we have is stuck in the moment,
And there's nothing my heart can't do,
To fight with time and space,
Cause I'm still stuck in the moment with you

See like just because this cold, cruel world

Saying we can't be,
Baby, we both have the right to disagree,
And I ain't with it.
And I don't wanna be so old and gray,
Reminiscing about these better days,
But convention's telling us to let go
 And I still let go,
So we'll never know

I wish we had another time,

I wish we had another place,
Cause everything we did,
And everything we have is stuck in the moment
(Yeaaah oh no no no)

I wish we had another time,

I wish we had another place,
But everything we have is stuck in the moment,
And there's nothing my heart can't do,
To fight with time and space,
Cause I'm still stuck in the moment with you