The Role of Grandparents: Anne Gauthier
The Role of Grandparents: Anne Gauthier
The Role of Grandparents: Anne Gauthier
Anne Gauthier
Introduction
Age is not only a biological datum but a social datum also. If it were only
biological, people having lived on Earth for the same number of years would
meet with the same fate irrespective of the time they lived in. Yet, it is not the
case at all. Two centuries ago, having lived on Earth for 60 years was an excep-
tional occurrence, which was very much held in respect; one century ago, it
meant belonging to the dregs of society. Today the situation has developed
even further in the sense that reaching 60 is nearly the beginning of a new life.
In order to distinguish properly what separates those three worlds, they must
be relocated in their global context.
The first world, which is also called the Ancien Régime, takes place
before the advent of modernity: people met with their – happy or unhappy
– fate, which was determined by their rank and was thus allotted to them at
birth. It was up to the family, and thus to the community in general, to take
care of both the production tasks (managing and optimizing the means of
subsistence through agriculture and cattle breeding) and the reproduction
On the one hand, longer life expectation makes it possible to bring grand-
parents and grandchildren closer for a longer period. So grandparents would
be present for a longer time on average. In the same way, the fertility drop
leads to an average drop in the number of grandchildren. Now, it seems easier
to put a lot into one’s relationships with one’s grandchildren when there are
only two of them than when there are 20 brought together for family
celebrations. This demographic phenomenon would thus enable grand-
parents to be more present. In short, those two elements combine to enable
grandparents to be more present and for a longer period.
On the other hand, the number of divorces and conjugal breakups keeps
rising. Some theories emphasize the fact that this instability in relationships
between partners leads to a tendency to turn towards more stable ties. Those
more stable ties mainly consist in kinship relationships. Pitrou (1978) under-
lines that filiation is likely to override unions because its permanence is better
ensured.
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40 %
31 %
PARENTS CHILDREN
15 %
14 %
Figure 1 Directions of the Flows of Help (Financial Help, Emotional Support and
Domestic Help
Source: PSBH (1999).
N = 1033.
Table 1 Directions of the Flows of Help According to the Type of Help (%)
Downward Upward
Type of Help Direction Reciprocity Direction No Help Total
were compared. They can result in four situations: either there is a support
that is more important from the parents to their children, or the support is
equivalent, or the support is more important from the children to their
parents, or there is no support at all. Figure 1 summarizes those four possi-
bilities. It shows two things: the absence of help is relatively frequent (14
percent), but when there is help, it is mainly from the parents to the children
(40 percent against 15 percent in the opposite direction). Help to the children
is not only provided during infancy but endures long after children have left
their parents’ house.
Let us now examine the different types of help. Table 1 schematizes all
the flows in specific categories (financial help, emotional support and
domestic help).
One can observe that the direction of the flow of help is clearly differ-
entiated according to the type of help. While the financial help is more
frequent in the downward direction, immediate reciprocity is on the agenda
for emotional support. For domestic help, percentages are approximately the
same for the downward and upward flows. One can also speak of reciprocity
but with a slightly different impact: it is less an immediate than a postponed
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Table 2 Directions of the Flows of Domestic Help According to the Parents’ Age (%)
Domestic help
• downward 50.39 25.44 10.0
• reciprocal 24.03 14.91 7.5
• upward 25.58 59.65 82.5
100 100 100
Source: PSBH (1999).
N = 283, 2 (p) = .001.
Educational Subcontractors
These grandparents are characterized by the fact that they tend to replace the
parents. They mainly belong to the working or middle classes, which does
not mean that they are not present elsewhere. The question is why such a
tendency is noted.
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Sociocultural environment
Being a grandparent
THREE TYPES
• Educational subcontractors
Figure 2
If one relates this educational style with the perception of youth, a new
light can be shed on the situation. For those people, most young people are
stricken by the plagues of our times: drugs, delinquency, violence, excessive
liberation of sexuality. According to them, those phenomena would be linked
to the parents being too lax. Therefore, one can see in their educational style
a way to preserve their grandchildren against a pervading ‘depravity’:
Young people are unhappy. Drugs and all that. Their parents have spoilt them
too much and now that they no longer have the money they want, many things
happen which didn’t happen in my time.
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Specialists
They tend to belong to the middle and upper classes, where the relationships
are based on less frequent contact, and this for a simple reason: the way those
people manage their time reveals a strong associative-type social integration
(whether they belong to cultural, artistic or sports associations and so on).
This element is important inasmuch as it makes it possible to estimate to
what extent those grandparents focus less on a career as grandparents. It is
particularly obvious in the middle classes that have been provided with
schooling: there, the grandmothers, who were professionally active through-
out their career, privilege a certain independence, a certain personal blos-
soming out with their partner, but also within the family at large. In other
words, they wish for a personal blossoming out beyond motherhood, but
also beyond grandmotherhood.
Of course, this does not mean that they love each other less or that family
solidarity is less strong. Simply, it finds other modes of expression. Conse-
quently, those grandparents tend to claim a more limited and thus more
specific responsibility. They advocate a rearguard policy with regard to the
line of conduct which is determined by the parents:
I’ve never wanted to take the place of the mother, because mothers have such
an unrewarding role. If the grandmother comes and takes what the mother gets
from her children away from her, that’s not possible. . . . I’ve never been a child
minder only, one likes to be free. It’s fine to help from time to time but not
daily.
This does not mean that they do not have a relationship with their grand-
children. In this respect, two main types of relationships could be distin-
guished among specialists.
Helping out with School and Homework and Organizing Leisure Activities
– the ‘Club Grandparents’ Educational training and the organization of
leisure activities are often associated, both at the level of the grandparents’
profile and in the grandchildren’s discourse. These people turn out to be
critical towards the past and are characterized by a strong social participation
as well as by a very favourable attitude towards young people: so many indi-
cations lead to the conclusion there is a reduction of the generational effect
in the relationship with the grandchildren. These two grandparents express
this clearly:
I don’t take myself seriously, I don’t see myself as an adult and I don’t tell the
others: ‘I’ve got experience, in my time . . .’. I hope to have kept my child’s soul.
I think it is useless to judge, criticize, make radical decisions and take oneself
as a reference.
My grandchildren are very independent, they no longer accept advice, it bores
them in the same way as school. So we go on winter and summer holidays
together. I think they feel comfortable with me, they don’t tell me things like:
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‘What a bore this grandmother is, she’s always lagging behind!’ During the year,
we chat about tennis, they love it.
Inculcating Roots Not all grandparents are story tellers whose only purpose
would be to create a link with the past. But the so-called ‘roots’ grandparents
have a close relationship with the past because the heritage they have to hand
over is threatened. In concrete terms, roots grandparents tend to come into
being when they are of foreign origin or when their grandchildren live
abroad, but also when they are the survivors from dying ways of life, at least
at family level, for example among farmers:
We tell them the life we had. It can seem unbelievable but when I went to
school, I wore clogs. Such a thing is unthinkable today. I see the children staring
at me wide-eyed. So we look at pictures and I tell things which relate to the
pictures. . . . Those things appeal to them because they’re different from their
daily life. I hope they’ll remember what it was to live in a farm because they’ll
grow up outside it.
Passive Grandparents
In one word, these are those to whom one pays a visit once or twice a year.
They can be divided into two categories.
But the parents’ and thus the grandchildren’s preferences are not totally
unconnected to the grandparents’ social position. Where the maternal grand-
parents have a social position which is superior to that of the paternal grand-
parents, a real stigmatizing of the latter is noticed. The particularly spicy
example of this related by this girl speaks for itself:
They’re philistines. Besides, mum thinks so as well. When I go to their place,
it’s looking at each other or nothing. Moreover, their home is awful. So because
of these little things, I don’t really feel like going there. At least, with my
maternal grandmother, we do loads of things, we ride in her car and then we
talk about our adventures.
Here, we see to what extent a club-type model is opposed to a model whose
nature remains unknown as it is nipped in the bud. In the case where the
paternal grandparents have a social position which is superior to that of the
maternal grandparents, the latter are much less stigmatized than in the
previous case, even if a preference is clearly expressed for the first, who are
more club-type:
It’s true that my maternal grandmother is more of an old dear, that when I go
to her place, I ask her how she is and not much more. With my paternal grand-
mother, conversations are much more lively. She has travelled more and also,
she was an English teacher. I like them both, but differently.
It thus appears that maternal grandparents are more easily forgiven their
modest origins.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we can see how important the role played by parents (those
‘adults’ children’) is. They could be compared to level-crossing keepers
between the two extreme generations. In some cases they will grant ‘full
powers’ to their parents, in other cases they will prevent them from playing
any role. Grandparents then become passive. Recall the comment: ‘They’re
philistines. Besides, mum thinks so as well [and much before her daughter
did].’ But in other circumstances grandparents adopt an intermediary pose.
Notes
1 About the first three points, the interested reader will refer, among others, to
Bawin-Legros et al. (1995, 1997).
2 The PSBH, or Panel Study on Belgian Households, is a longitudinal databank under
the auspices of the University of Liege and the University of Antwerp. The data
used here are drawn from the survey conducted in 1999.
3 The Department of Family Sociology of the University of Liege has not escaped
that trend; see Clokeur et al. (1995).
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References