Techniques For Coaching and Mentoring 2016

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TECH N IQU ES
FOR COACH I NG
AN D M E NTOR I NG
This is a fully revised and updated second edition of the successful Techniques for Coaching
and Mentoring, also incorporating the best bits of its sister text Further Techniques for
Coaching and Mentoring.
The book presents a comprehensive and critical overview of the wide range of tools
and techniques available to coaches and mentors. With a strong academic underpinning, it
explores a wide range of approaches, and provides techniques both for use with clients and
to support professional development of the coach or mentor. Key features include:
n Easy-to-use resources and techniques for one-to-one coaching.

n Case studies throughout the text, helping to put theory into practice.
n An overview of different theoretical approaches.
n A dedicated section on ‘themes for the coach’ discussing coaching across cultures,
evaluating your coaching and looking after yourself as a coach.
n Downloadable worksheets for each technique.
Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring Second Edition is an invaluable resource for
professional coaches and mentors looking to enhance their practice, and for students of
coaching and mentoring.
Natalie Lancer is Director of Higher Education at Immanuel College, UK. She has developed
a coaching programme for undergraduates and has a private coaching practice. She has also
lectured and published on coaching in education, including Getting into Oxford and
Cambridge, 11th Edition.
David Clutterbuck is one of Europe’s most prolific management thinkers and authors. He
is co-founder of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council, visiting professor at three
UK universities and practice lead at Coaching and Mentoring International.
David Megginson is Emeritus Professor of Human Resource Development at Sheffield

Hallam University and a Chartered Fellow of the CIPD.
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The first edition of this book is excellent because it is packed full of interesting and useful
skills, processes and techniques. This second edition has developed and built on this already
excellent book and lifted it in to the ‘essential buy’ category!
Professor Bob Garvey, Faculty Head of Research,
York St John Business School, UK
This is a remarkably useful book. Each of the three sections is valuable in its own right:
Part I clearly explains and informs us about coaching; Part II provides handy techniques to
bolster coaching practice; and Part III addresses some important contemporary issues that
coaches need to consider for their continued professional effectiveness. Highly
recommended.
Dr Elaine Cox, Author and Director of Coaching & Mentoring
Programmes at Oxford Brookes University, UK
This is a fabulously rich and comprehensive work, it will be an invaluable resource for any
coach or mentor – from the seasoned and experienced, to the novice. It covers every aspect
of the coaching and mentoring process. I totally recommend it.
Myles Downey, Author of Enabling Genius – a mindset for the
21st Century and Effective Modern Coaching
Wonderfully written by pioneers of our field. A vast array of coaching techniques with
illustrative examples every step of the way. One of the few coaching books that you’ll need
with you while coaching!
Dr Brian O. Underhill, Founder of CoachSource and author
of Executive Coaching for Results
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TECH N IQU ES
FOR COACH I NG
AN D M E NTOR I NG
SECOND EDITION
Natalie Lancer, David Clutterbuck

and David Megginson
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For support material associated with Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring, Second
Edition, please go to www.routledge.com/cw/Lancer
First published 2005

By Butterworth-Heinemann
Second Edition 2016
by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN
and by Routledge
711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2005 David Megginson and David Clutterbuck
© 2016 Natalie Lancer, David Clutterbuck and David Megginson
The right of Natalie Lancer, David Clutterbuck and David Megginson to be identified
as authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with sections
77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any
form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented,
including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system,
without permission in writing from the publishers.
Every effort has been made to contact copyright holders for their permission to reprint
material in this book. The publishers would be grateful to hear from any copyright holder
who is not here acknowledged and will undertake to rectify any errors or omissions in
future editions of this book.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks,
and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Names: Lancer, Natalie, author. | Clutterbuck, David, author. | Megginson,
David, 1943– author.
Title: Techniques for coaching and mentoring / Natalie Lancer, David
Clutterbuck and David Megginson.
Description: Second Edition. | New York : Routledge, 2016. | Revised edition
of Techniques for coaching and mentoring, 2005. | Includes bibliographical
references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015047635| ISBN 9781138913738 (hardback) |
ISBN 9781138913745 (pbk.) | ISBN 9781315691251 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Employees – Coaching of. | Mentoring. | Interpersonal
relations.
Classification: LCC HF5549.5.C53 L36 2016 | DDC 658.3/124 – dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2015047635
ISBN: 978-1-138-91373-8 (hbk)

ISBN: 978-1-138-91374-5 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-315-69125-1 (ebk)
Typeset in Akzidenz Grotesk

by Florence Production Ltd, Stoodleigh, Devon, UK
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CONTE NTS
List of figures vii

List of tables viii
About the authors ix
Foreword xii
Preface xiii
PART I: INTRODUCTION 1
1 Introduction 3
PART II: COACHING AND MENTORING TECHNIQUES 21

2 Getting ready for the coaching session 23
3 Contracting 40
4 Rapport building 47
5 Helping the coachee articulate their issues 55
6 Exploring beliefs and values 78
7 Setting and pursuing goals 103
8 Managing emotions 118
9 Managing relationships 128
10 Building support, influence and learning 131
11 Techniques for teams 139
12 Managing choices and decisions 147
13 Understanding context and systemic thinking 170
14 Developing resilience/coping with setbacks 187
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CONTENTS ■ ■ ■ ■
15 Feedback 197
16 Helping the coachee raise self-awareness/self-understanding/self-honesty 200
17 Managing boundaries 220
18 Dealing with problems in the coaching relationship 230
19 Ending the coaching relationship 239

PART III: THEMES FOR THE COACH 243

20 Supporting your coaching practice across cultures 245
21 Evaluating your coaching 265
22 Looking after yourself as a coach 301
Appendix 319
Bibliography 322
Index 324
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FIG U R ES
1.1 Diagram showing the link between developmental mentoring and

developmental coaching 6
2.1 The seven layers of dialogue 35
5.1 Stepping in/stepping out 66
5.2 Career pathing 71
5.3 Issues mapping 76
6.1 Career quadrants 100
7.1 Commitment to change 110
7.2 Logic tree example for public speaking 115
10.1 Coachee’s influences 132
10.2 Circles of contacts 134
11.1 Activity analysis 142
12.1 Stability vs. impact of choices to help manage the maximiser or minimiser
conversation 165
13.1 A simplified systems map 176
13.2 The support matrix 185
14.1 Sample responsibility pie to challenge faulty thinking 189
14.2 ‘What do you believe you can’t do, however hard you try?’ quadrants 191
16.1 Strengths bull’s eye 202
17.1 The support matrix 222
17.2 Boundaries of the coaching/mentoring relationship 226
18.1 The comfort/learning matrix 232
18.2 Moments of disconnect: a process management model 237
20.1 The cross-cultural kaleidoscope 254
20.2 Progression of empathetic curiosity 263
22.1 The Coach’s Resilience Wheel 311
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TAB LES
2.1 Challenging vs. supporting matrix 32

6.1 Taboo areas table 83
6.2 The values matrix 97
6.3 Level of commitment 102
7.1 The Wave of Five Rhythms (Whitaker, adapted from Roth, 1990) 113
8.1 Emotional map 119
8.2 Thinking/feeling matrix 121
10.1 Turning problems into opportunities – reflection and action 136
11.1 The alignment matrix 141
12.1 Conjoint analysis matrix: an example 149
12.2 For, against, interesting, instinct 159
12.3 Example of dream job description and person specification 163
12.4 Consequences matrix 166
13.1 Responsibilities: taken and given 179
13.2 Impact matrix 179
16.1 Thoughts record form 206
16.2 Cost–benefit analysis form 209
16.3 Example of contingency planning 210
20.1 The Cultural Orientations Framework (COF) 249
20.2 The Diversity Awareness Ladder 259
21.1 The five levels of listening 271
21.2 Template for self-evaluation of coaching behaviours 276
21.3 Supervision FAQs 285
22.1 Nathan’s action list 313
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ABOUT TH E AUTHORS
Natalie Lancer is Director of Higher Education at Immanuel

College in Hertfordshire and was previously Assistant Headteacher
at an ethnically diverse comprehensive school in London. Through
her work, she has recognised the desperate need for mentoring and
guidance for students in addition to their formal academic curric-
ulum. Having provided this guidance at schools and colleges,
Natalie established her own coaching practice, focused on
education and careers. She has helped countless students realise
their potential and secure places at the university of their choice.
At Birkbeck, University of London, Natalie is currently re-
searching the value of coaching undergraduates. She coaches young people as part of the
Business Skills and Personal Development Programme she designed, recognised by the
Institute of Leadership and Management. She is Director of the Educational Development and
Evaluation Centre (www.edecentre.org) and has lectured and published on coaching in the
education sector.
Natalie holds degrees from the University of Oxford and King’s College London as well
as post-graduate awards from Middlesex University and The Open University.
Professor David Clutterbuck is one of Europe’s most prolific

and well-known management writers and thinkers. He has written
60 books and hundreds of articles on cutting edge management
themes. He co-founded the European Mentoring and Coaching
Council, the primary professional organisation in the field within
Europe, and is now its Special Ambassador, promoting good
practice in coaching and mentoring internationally. He founded the
International Standards for Mentoring Programmes in Employment
and was external examiner for the Ashridge Coaching MBA from
2012 to 2015. He was voted Coaching at Work magazine’s first
Mentor of the Year and one of HR Magazine’s top 15 HR influencers. He is visiting professor
at Sheffield Hallam, Oxford Brookes and York St John Universities.
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS ■ ■ ■ ■
David is a serial entrepreneur, having built and sold two consulting businesses. He now
works with an international network of mentor trainers, Coaching and Mentoring International,
supporting organisations in developing capability in coaching and mentoring. He maintains
a continuous programme of research into mentoring, coaching and leader development.
He is an accomplished and controversial public speaker in high demand around the world.
The broad scope of his work can be seen on his websites: www.davidclutterbuckpartnership.
com and www.coachingandmentoringinternational.org. He likes to practise what he preaches,
setting himself the goal of achieving at least one major learning challenge each year – these
range from sky-diving to becoming a stand-up comic!
David Megginson is Emeritus Professor of HRD at Sheffield

Hallam University, UK, and founder of the Coaching & Mentoring
Research Unit in the University. His Ph.D. was from Lancaster, his
M.Sc. from UMIST and his B.Sc. from Bristol University. He is a
Chartered Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Personnel and
Development, UK, and has been on their national Membership and
Education Committee and two national working parties.
He has written and researched extensively about coaching,
mentoring, CPD and self-development. David Megginson and David
Clutterbuck founded the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) in 1992, and
David Megginson has chaired it, jointly with Sir John Whitmore. He has been an Ambassador
for EMCC in Europe and an Honorary Vice-President of EMCC UK. David has been Chairman
of the strategy consultancy group idm, and is now its Honorary President. As an executive
coach/mentor, he works with chief executives and directors of companies and in the public
service. David also supervises the practice of professional coaches and helps them to review
their cases. He has lectured recently at the universities of Bristol, Copenhagen, Gothenburg,
Lancaster, Manchester, Manchester Metropolitan, Middlesex, Oxford, Oxford Brookes,
Warwick, inter alia.
CONTRIBUTORS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
There have been many people who have contributed to the thinking behind, and the words
in, this book, and we would like to thank them all. We apologise to any whom we may have
inadvertently omitted in the following list.
We are particularly grateful to:
Anu Ahitan, Julie Allan, Gurbinder Bahra, Caroline Beery, Sue Blow, Peter Bluckert,
Sharon Collins, Tom Cox, Lloyd Denton, Daniel Doherty, Phil Donnison, Joseph Edwards,
Peter English, Richard Field, Ruth Garrett-Harris, Bob Garvey, Terry Gibson, Marion Gillie,
Elizabeth Gordon Duffy, John Groom, Theo Groot, Richard Hale, Dianne Hawken, Sandra
Henson, Gillian Hill, Kate Hopkinson, Kate Howsley, Zulfi Hussein, Barbara Jakob, Maria
■ ■ ■ x
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■ ■ ■ ■ ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Jichara, Kate Kennett, Paula King, Jan Kingsley, Eckard König, Diane Lennan, Gill Lewis, Julian
Lippi, Gladeana McMahon, Jens Maier, Ian Martin, Peter Matthews, Lis Merrick, Eileen
Murphy, Steve O’Shaughannessy, Elaine Patterson, Linda Phipps, Jenny Plaister-Ten, Karen
Price, Amarjeet Rebolo, Megan Reitz, Paul O’Donovan Rossa, Joyce Russell, Dolores Sarayon,
Gil Schwenk, Nicki Seignot, Maíre Shelly, Alan Sieler, Robert Smith, Marlene Spero, Amy
Stabler, Paul Stokes, Jenny Sweeney, Fons Trompenaars, Mike Turner, Mike van Oudtshoorn,
Constance Vieco, Mari Watson and Vivien Whitaker.
xi ■ ■ ■
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FOR EWOR D
As coaches we watch as our profession grows, develops and transforms into both an activity
and community rich in capability and resource. We are now a hugely diverse group of
individuals who bring a vast array of approaches, methods and experience to bear within our
work.
In support of us all, this book brings together the consolidated experience of some of
the most learned and experienced professionals in our field. Disregarding apparent boundaries
of philosophy or doctrine, they have mined gems from a broad range of developmental models
and approaches. What they offer here is practical, workable and ultimately effective. For those
who enjoy and require an understanding of context, you will find the origins of many techniques
here for reference. For the activists amongst us, you will find simple guidance and instruction
to help you grab, try and apply what works for you. It’s more of a banquet than a light buffet
and I encourage you to try the obvious along with the less familiar, to further develop the
strength and flexibility of your own coaching practice.
Enjoy this wonderful book, I hope it supports the work that you do.
Julie Starr
Author of The Coaching Manual, The Mentoring Manual
and Brilliant Coaching
xii ■ ■ ■
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PR E FACE
Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring, Second Edition, offers the best of Techniques for
Coaching and Mentoring and Further Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring, and aims to
capture gems from our own approaches and those of a wide variety of experienced coaches
from around the world.
This book is for all coaches and mentors in both traditional and nontraditional contexts.
It is particularly valuable for students studying coaching and mentoring, as it discusses
different theoretical approaches.
Specific features of this book include:
n Easy-to-use resources for those working in the field of one-to-one coaching, giving the
user specific techniques to try, think about and develop.
n The option of downloading the techniques in an editable format from the book’s
website, to facilitate the coach developing them for the benefit of their coachees.
n A range of case studies to see how the techniques can be used in practice.
n An overview of different theoretical approaches.
n A section on ‘Themes for the Coach’ which discusses the emerging topics of coaching
across cultures, evaluation of coaching practice and what is gained by this and finally,
the importance of looking after the coach, in terms of managing psychological well-being,
resilience and development and how this influences the coachee when the coach is
perceived as a role model.
We hope this book will be an invaluable compendium to your coaching and mentoring library
and that you use it as a springboard to developing your own style and techniques.
Natalie Lancer
David Clutterbuck
David Megginson
April 2016
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I
PA R T
I NTRODUCTION
CONTENTS
1 Introduction 3

1 I NTRODUCTION
The ideas and techniques in this book apply to mentoring and coaching equally. To avoid
‘clunkiness’, we use the word ‘coachee’ to be a catch-all for ‘coachee/mentee/client’ the word
‘coach’ to stand for both ‘coach’ and ‘mentor’ and ‘coaching’ to represent ‘coaching’ and
‘mentoring’.
CONTEXTUALISING TECHNIQUES
It often happens that coachees become so enmeshed in the complexities of their issues that
they are too confused to participate fully in the reflective process. They need a branch to
hang on to, while they draw breath and steady themselves within the maelstrom of their
thoughts and emotions. This branch provides a practical tool or approach that they can apply
and gives them a lifebelt, so they can concentrate less on ‘what am I going to do?’ than on
‘what more do I need to understand?’
One of the keys to effective mentoring and coaching is to constantly develop your
knowledge of different philosophies, tools and techniques, but not to hide behind them. Tools
are devices that help us talk about issues, whereas techniques have a process attached to
them, i.e. how to use the tool or a model in practice. Tools and techniques help your skills
to come to the fore, and you may be able to dispense with them altogether as you reach
‘coaching maturity’ (see Part III, Chapter 22).
We suggest you work through the following questions to help you decide whether to
use a technique in your context:
1 Does the use of a tool or technique offer something that the to and fro of dialogue can’t,
and/or does it get there more quickly than a normal conversation?
INTRODUCTION ■ ■ ■ ■
2 Does it put ‘another party’ into the room – a piece of paper, a flip chart, or some other
object that coach and coachee can interrogate?
3 Is it easy to make clear to the coachee what is involved in using the tool or technique
and how the process will go?
4 Does it leave open the content of the exploration so that it does not represent a
‘queggestion’ – a suggestion disguised as a question?
5 Is it possible to ensure informed consent from the coachee?
6 Are our motives for using the technique about supporting the inquiry of the coachee,
or are we being driven towards the technique by a desire to be seen to be clever, or
(equally unhelpfully!) a desire to be seen to be helpful?
On deciding which tool or technique to use, ask yourself the following questions:
1 Have you a good enough range of tools and techniques in your store cupboard so that
you are not using a few too often, whether they offer a good fit with the coachee’s needs
or not?
2 Is it the simplest technique that will do the job?
3 Have you tried it out on yourself or on fellow coachees or fellow supervisees?
4 Are you responding to a recognised and acknowledged need or wish of the coachee?
5 Can you adapt a tool or technique that you have used before so that it more closely
matches the needs or wishes of the coachee?
6 Does the tool or technique maximise the freedom of the coachee to come to their own
conclusion about the issue and to have a say at all stages about whether to continue?
When using a tool or technique, we suggest that you:
1 Explain the principles behind the technique. Are these agreeable to the coachee?
2 Offer a brief, vivid explanation of the purpose, process, benefits and any downside risk
of using the technique. Check again for acceptance.
3 Set up and implement the technique collaboratively with the coachee.
4 Simplify it, if that is what the coachee wants.
5 Review it: Was it useful? Did it add anything compared with just talking about the issue?
6 Write up your learning from the process in a journal. Think about whether the technique
could be improved, or if you could develop your own technique around this issue.
The following questions are ones that we have found generative in developing techniques
for this book, and in our own professional practice:
n What is the barrier I have encountered?

n How does it differ from issues I have tackled before?
n Why does the coachee find it difficult to deal with?
■ ■ ■ 4
■ ■ ■ ■ INTRODUCTION
n Why do I find it difficult to help?

n Whose benefit is this approach for? Whose agenda does it address?
n What are the risks and dangers of this approach? Have I explored these with the
coachee? What’s the worst that can happen if it doesn’t work?
n Is this approach really likely to move things along?
n Am I straying into areas beyond my competence?
n Have I exhausted my existing store of techniques?
n Have I engaged the coachee in thinking of new ways to tackle the issue?
n How can I capture the core of this approach so I can repeat it?
n How and when will I reflect upon the approach?
n How will I evaluate its effectiveness? (Can I obtain relevant feedback from the coachee?
Is there some way of gaining third-party feedback? See Chapter 21 in Part III for further
ideas.)
In addition to feeling comfortable with, adapting and developing your own range of techniques,
we recommend building your own library of good coaching questions. We call them RHQs
(Really Helpful Questions) because they oblige the coachee to pause and reflect, and
examine issues, at a level well below the normal surface response. At the end of each chapter
in Part II you will find relevant RHQs. Notice the predominance of ‘How’, ‘What’ and ‘Who’
questions, and the relative scarcity of ‘Why’. ‘Why’ takes us up into abstraction, whereas
‘How’, ‘What’ and ‘Who’ take us to the specific and concrete. Both, of course, are helpful in
the right context. What is the emphasis in your own list?
COACHING AND MENTORING
One of the problems practitioners in this field face is confusion of definitions: what one group
describes as coaching, another would perceive as mentoring. This arises due to the complexity
of coaching and mentoring and the plethora of different approaches. For example, there may
be more in common between certain types of coaching and mentoring than between certain
types of coaching.
The first recorded mentor was Athena, the goddess of wisdom. Athena took on the
appearance of Mentor, a character in Homer’s Odyssey, to guide the young man Telemachus
and his father Odysseus. Mentoring can be described as using one’s wisdom (the product
of reflection on experience) to help another person build their own wisdom. Both mentoring
and coaching mean different things in different parts of the world and have been used in
markedly different contexts. For example, the US model of mentoring involves a one-way
learning process where a mentor is a sponsor or advocate for a protégé, and is often an
experienced individual in the same field.
In Europe, mentoring is usually associated with ‘developmental mentoring’ and is more
of a two-way process. The focus is on helping the mentee develop their own high-quality
5 ■ ■ ■
Figure 1.1
Influence
Diagram
(Directive)
showing the link
between
developmental
mentoring and
Traditional Sponsorship
developmental
coaching Coaching Mentoring
Personal
Performance Career
Development
Developmental Developmental
Coaching Mentoring
Influence
(Non-directive)
thinking. The mentor has wisdom and experience, but uses them to help the mentee become
courageous and develop their own wisdom rather than to impart knowledge. Similarly, some
coaching is a process that is owned and directed by the coach whereas developmental
coaching is non-directive. The coach will assume a questioning style helping the coachee to
own the thinking and the learning/solutions.
In 2016, in the UK, there are greater similarities between developmental mentoring and
developmental coaching than between, for example, sponsorship mentoring (the name given
to the US-derived approach) and developmental mentoring and between traditional coaching
and developmental coaching. The two can be thought of as being related to the context rather
than the process, as Figure 1.1 shows.
In both developmental coaching and developmental mentoring, the coach uses their
experience to craft powerful questions. Advice-giving is permissible, but not as a first resort
and only in specific circumstances. The process of advising is primarily about providing
contextual information, which the coachee does not have, so the coachee can make better-
informed decisions. (A common complaint about ineffective coaches is their over-rigid
adherence to never giving advice.) Much of the learning occurs in the reflections of the
coachee/mentee between or long after sessions. Coach and mentor both have a duty of care
towards the coachee/mentee. We will discuss this duty of care in the next section.
Sponsorship mentoring is hierarchical. The mentor’s influence and authority is important.
The learning is mainly one way, from mentor to mentee. The mentor may be a sponsor, directly
intervening to influence the career of their protégé, and is sometimes the mentee’s line
manager. Transactional/instrumental (hands-on) help and direct advice play a large role.
However, developmental mentoring is different as both parties’ experience is valued and both
work to minimise power distance. The mentor helps the mentee to think and develop personal
wisdom and to grow in self-efficacy. Learning occurs in both directions.
■ ■ ■ 6
Developmental mentoring and developmental coaching are powerful because they

focus on the individual and their own aspirations, in their timescales. They encourage people
to raise their horizons, reinforcing belief in their own potential. They bridge the experience
gap between generations. The focus of their conversations is on the quality of the
coachee’s/mentee’s thinking and it can open up new worlds for the coachee/mentee.
COACHING AND MENTORING IN NONTRADITIONAL

CONTEXTS
Although much coaching and mentoring is conducted in the business context, new contexts
in which coaching and mentoring techniques are being applied are opening up. Below we
illustrate several contexts with case studies.
Maternity mentoring and coaching

The difference between mentoring and coaching is highlighted in the maternity context.
Maternity mentoring predates maternity coaching by at least a decade. Maternity coaches
are usually externally resourced professionals, who help mothers returning to the workplace
to cope with the multiple problems and stresses of this transition. Their perspective is
perforce generic. When they are most effective, they tend to have a strong counselling or
therapeutic background.
Maternity mentors are typically women in the same organisation, who have been through
the same transition. They are able to provide context, be available as needed (and hence more
flexible in the support they offer) and keep the mother up-to-date with what is happening in
the organisation, while she is on maternity leave. They are also a much cheaper alternative.
Maternity coaches and maternity mentors may sometimes work together, but this is not
common.
MENTORING CASE STUDY – ROYAL SOCIETY OF C

CHEMISTRY (UK) A
S
With over 51,000 members and a knowledge business that spans the globe, the Royal Society E
of Chemistry (RSC) is the UK’s professional body for chemical scientists, supporting and
S
representing members and bringing together chemical scientists from all over the world. In T
2014, the Cambridge offices of RSC commenced a maternity mentoring pilot. This case study U
is a reflective account of the mentoring support received by one of the pilot mentees. D
Y
Gemma's experience
“RSC as a business is very supportive of flexible working and, following my formal request to
return to work part-time, I was pleased to be offered a brand new role working three days a
7 ■ ■ ■
C week. I knew that I would be warmly welcomed back, yet I found I was dreading the actual
A return to work. My departure had been sudden. I finished work unexpectedly for health reasons,
S without a formal close down and without a mentor. I had had a blast on maternity leave. I loved
E
being with my baby and loved my new lifestyle. Two to three months before I was due back, I
S found the ‘Sunday night’ feeling creeping back.
T On my first day back, people were so welcoming, yet I felt like the whole world had
U
changed. Physically I was working in a different place, there was a new management structure
D
Y and a new manager. So despite being with the business for six years, I remember getting to
the front door and taking a big deep breath asking ‘Who am I in this workplace? What am I
doing?’ I had never had to think consciously like this before. Throughout the first day, I found
myself looking at the clock wondering ‘Can I go yet?’ I was simply not feeling myself – the
professional self, the confident self, the ‘I know what I’m doing’ self.
I think I’d completely underestimated coming back to a brand new role (new to me, new
to RSC), working part-time (my work had never been restricted by my hours before) and working
for a new boss who had been at the same level as me prior to my maternity leave. I gave myself
a month to adjust and feel better, but I knew that things weren’t right, so I approached the
Training and OD Manager to ask if she might consider mentoring me. The relationship was
born.
The mentoring support helped me to clarify what my issues were. I thought it was because
I didn’t want to leave my baby, but I think the issue was more about my relationship with myself
at work. I had been away so long, I had lost my confidence. The mentoring guided me through
and took me on a new journey to return.
I am a mentee who thrives on tools and models. Specifically, some of the tools which
worked for me included:
n Making a list of my strengths before I had the baby and strengths I brought back to the
workplace when I returned from maternity. When I analysed it, I was more organised
(because I had to be with a toddler!), actually more confident when making decisions (both
for myself and the whole family), and much more self-aware (I noticed more about myself
and work now). I recognised many issues were concerned with a lack of self-belief.
n I was asked by my mentor to write a letter to myself. Of all the things we did, I
procrastinated over this the most, yet as I got into it, it was like giving myself a stern talking
to. It was brilliant, so therapeutic, and it enabled me to draw on the things fundamental
to me, my beliefs and context. I know this is at the heart of what I do and who I am.
n Coaching cards: We used a variety of coaching cards. They were a great preparation tool;
‘Which ones speak to you today, and can be explored through the mentoring? Over time,
themes tended to come out.
n Mapping the network: The business is in constant change. It was really useful to prioritise
this, to focus on who are the immediate people to contact, why that relationship might
be important and what I wanted to get out of it. This tool also illustrated that I didn’t have
■ ■ ■ 8
to reconnect with everybody immediately and helped me to prioritise the key relationships C
I should re-develop. A
n Writing a plan of your ideal day: This taught me a lot and made it okay to say, as a new S
parent, my ideal day may not be all about work! E
n 28 days (an exercise) is one I really don’t want to forget and became a highlight. I sent S
a text to my mentor detailing something I’d achieved every day – work related (completing T
U
a project) or personal (making a really nice stew!). It encouraged me to focus on positive

D
achievements and importantly, my mentor responded every single day. It cemented the Y
relationship and helped me recognise there was an awful lot going on in my life that was
really good.
Mentoring made a safe space to think about myself. As a new parent, at work and at
home, it is a busy life, and it feels indulgent to take time for reflection. The mentoring enabled
me to have that time to reflect and helped me though an enormously challenging period in my
life. I fundamentally feel like myself again. I am the Gemma from before with added benefits
of being a mother and bringing all this experience back to the workplace. I am more grateful
to my employer than I have ever been. The mentoring time and space supported my actual
return to work.”
Ethical mentoring
One of the authors (David Clutterbuck) has been instrumental in pioneering ethical mentoring.
Ethical mentoring is a confidential learning relationship between peers, aimed at helping the
mentee resolve ethical dilemmas, develop increased ability to recognise and work with
ethical issues, influence the ethical culture of their organisation and to be become more
authentic, values-driven leaders. It is about helping others to make better decisions at work
that affect the well-being of others. It provides a moral context to help people evaluate
business processes and for resolving conflict between business and social imperatives. At
its core is:
n Identifying when an ethical issue is present.

n Developing/applying a process to evaluate options.
n Checking/reviewing decisions against ethical guidelines.
The UK National Health Service has been rocked by a series of ethical scandals in recent
years. Among them:
n Misusing data to suggest that targets had been achieved, when they had not.
n Retention and unsanctioned use of dead children’s body parts, without parents’ consent.
n A dismal record of targeting and intimidating whistleblowers.
9 ■ ■ ■
South Tees region volunteered to pioneer for the NHS an approach tried some months
before in the financial services sector – ethical mentoring. The role of an ethical mentor is to
be a resource to which people can go if they have (or suspect they have) an ethical dilemma,
or if they want to report unethical behaviour but are unsure how to go about it without negative
personal consequences, or if they wish to become more ethically aware. (The latter is
important in roles where ethical dilemmas are particularly likely to occur.)
A group of internal coaches, all with considerable experience both as coaches and as
NHS employees, was invited to take part in ethical mentor training. This involved exploration
of how to add mentoring skills to their coaching expertise; and grounding in the psychology
and practical mechanics of ethicality and how people make ethical choices. Issues of
particular importance included how people tend to believe themselves to be more moral in
their choices than is really the case; and the tendency in some circumstances of medical
practitioners to place colleague loyalty above their responsibilities towards patients. The
ethical mentors rapidly found that they had a ‘market’, with a wide variety of issues being
brought to them. (See the case study, ‘Ethical mentoring at South Tees Hospitals NHS
Foundation Trust’ for more detail.)
C ETHICAL MENTORING AT SOUTH TEES HOSPITALS NHS

A FOUNDATION TRUST, BY AMY STABLER AND ANU AHITAN
S
E Our NHS Trust is a 9,000 strong organisation that has invested in training a wide range of
S leaders in coaching skills. As part of the coaching network’s continuing development, we
T undertook to learn about ethical mentoring. In the light of the Francis Inquiry, we had recognised
U that our staff are confronted with complex ethical dilemmas in their daily work, both in relation
D to direct patient care, and also in relation to the practices of colleagues and the systems within
Y
which we work.
One member of our coaching network who participated in the ethical mentoring
programme is a Patient Safety Lead Nurse and is involved with supporting staff involved in
serious clinical incidents when a patient has been harmed. Learning about ethical mentoring
has helped our coaches to create safe conversations for staff to work through ethical problems
and to confront the often distressing and frightening feelings these raise. I believe that ethical
mentoring supports us to move away from a blame culture around mistakes.
The programme opened my eyes to the social pull towards unethical behaviour that we
all experience and provided techniques for us to support colleagues to consider the ethical
dimensions of their work. What follows is an example of ethical mentoring in practice.
Amy Stabler, Organisation Development Lead
A colleague decided to share a dilemma that they have been ruminating about for many years
and weren’t sure if they should or could do something about it. I stepped into ‘role’ and started
■ ■ ■ 10
to ask ‘questions’. We ended up discussing issues around patient safety, clinical risk, working C
with medical colleagues to view this person’s particular role as a peer (which would be A
incomprehensible to some) and how to take this forward so that decisions made by a medical S
consultant can be appropriately and effectively challenged without necessarily undermining E
them – all in half an hour! The issue isn’t resolved but I left my colleague with things to consider S
about what was possible. We also discussed to whom they might want to take the matter to T
U
find support to start an open dialogue with a view to developing a framework around addressing
D
a difference in opinion on a diagnosis between two professional groups. Y
Anu Ahitan, Senior Biomedical Scientist
Educational coaching
Most educational coaching programmes have focused on coaching teachers or lecturers,
rather than students. It is clear from the case study below that students can derive much
benefit from coaching and it increases their level of ‘ownership’ of the university experience.
EDUCATIONAL COACHING AT A LONDON UNIVERSITY, BY C

NATALIE LANCER A
S
One of the authors (Natalie) has set up several educational coaching programmes. One was E
for undergraduates at a prestigious London university. The aim was to see if the students felt S
that coaching supported them during the academic year and in what ways they felt it was T
beneficial. General topics that came up in coaching were: study–life balance including time U
management; prioritising activities according to students’ values; relationships – managing the D
Y
tutor–student relationship and relationships with flatmates and career exploration. Specific
techniques that were used included time management tools, realised and unrealised strengths
exercises and visualisation (as the students did not have much ‘life experience’ from which to
draw).
Eighteen out of the 20 students felt that the coaching had benefited them in various ways
including: improved confidence, resilience and motivation; being better able to tackle difficult
relationships and improved relationships in general; better time management; clarity on career
goals and life plans; more engaged in degree work; better sense of study–life balance and
where to invest energy; wider view of transferable skills; greater ability to make decisions; a
better sense of self and improved ability to articulate self.
Students made the following comments:
Coaching has helped me quite a lot. If I didn’t do the coaching I’d not be doing as well
as I am now. Especially with certain areas like procrastination. I’d be a wreck actually.
11 ■ ■ ■
C I think I would have got there eventually but coaching has speeded up my realising things
A – like a catalyst.
S
E My career plans have come together into something that’s quite tight, from something
that’s quite ‘airy fairy’.
S
T I now have better life plans – a clearer direction of where I’m heading. I’m more motivated
U
to apply for things, to get involved in things, to work hard at university, to study hard, and
D
Y to basically achieve these plans that I’ve got, and these plans that I value.
Coaching has enabled me to think of problems as looking for a solution and a forward
journey as opposed to it just being like something completely out of reach that stresses
me out.
COACH’S DUTY OF CARE
Coaches and mentors have a duty of care towards:
n The coachee.
n Themselves (it’s hard to help someone else, if you are not looking after your own mental
and physical well-being!).
n The profession (for professional coaches and mentors).
n Key stakeholders, including the coachee’s family, and the employer organisation.
Part of the duty of care is to avoid doing harm, which we can define with respect to the
coachee as ‘anything that might be detrimental to the coachee’s physical or mental well-being
or might bring about negative consequences (career, financial, etc.) for them’. The same
principle applies generally to the coachee’s organisation.
The duty of care towards the coachee involves two main aspects:
1 Protection (preventing, where possible and appropriate) the coachee from harming
themselves.
2 Coach behaviour, including:
– Knowing enough of the coachee’s circumstances and environment to recognise

potential sources of harm.
– Avoiding unethical collusion with the coachee or others.
– Avoiding inappropriate relationships.
– Recognising and avoiding the coach’s own agenda.
– Breaching boundaries between coaching and therapy.
■ ■ ■ 12
In an organisational context, while mentoring takes place largely outside the hierarchical
structures, the duty of care for a line manager coach is partially balanced by the requirement
to deal equitably with all direct reports and by their own responsibilities towards the
organisation. This may bring about a conflict of interest between what is good for the
coachee and the good of the organisation.
To manage this conflict, the line manager can:
n Recognise and be open about the issue, exploring with the coachee both the context
and what fair looks like.
n Offer support (from themselves and others) in helping the coachee determine their own
best strategy.
n Be honest with themselves about their own motivations and agenda.
If the line manager coach has any concerns about how to exercise their duty of care, they
should consult their coaching supervisor.
In the Appendix of this book, we have put in the EMCC Code of Ethics, for your
reference. It is a good idea to remind yourself of good practice and to reread your professional
body’s ethical code every few months. It is also useful to give the mentee/coachee a copy
of the code at the start of the relationship.
DIFFERENT THEORETICAL COACHING APPROACHES
If you have ever been to a co-coaching forum or a conference, you could easily be confused
by the different terms of coaching philosophies bandied about. Coaches often seem keen to
align themselves to one particular approach and to devalue (directly or indirectly) others. In
doing so, we believe, they risk devaluing their own practice. Different approaches have their
strengths and weaknesses and should be used according to the coachee’s needs. In Part II
of this book, we draw attention to which theoretical approach underlies a technique, where
appropriate.
In what follows, we briefly explain what is meant by each term. We have listed the
different approaches alphabetically.
Appreciative Inquiry: Appreciative Inquiry is a positive focused approach which looks at

what is going right in order to solve problems/effect change. The central concept of
Appreciative Inquiry is to focus on the positives (strengths, successes, etc.).
Coaching and the body: The influence of physiology is incorporated in a number of

coaching philosophies, for example ontological coaching and mindfulness. It involves being
intuitive about the language and signals the body is sending.
13 ■ ■ ■
Cognitive behavioural coaching (CBC): The underpinning tenet of CBC is that it is not
events themselves that upset us, but rather our response to them. If we manage to change
our thinking errors in a sustained way, there will be a knock-on effect on our feelings and
behaviour.
The classic framework in CBC is the ABC model (Ellis, 1962), where A is the activating
event, B is the beliefs/thoughts, and C is the consequences (emotional/behavioural/
physiological).
It is the job of the coach to listen for examples of what might be faulty thinking and help
the coachee work out whether or not their views are realistic and rational. Useful techniques
which a CBC coach may employ include: visualisations/imagery, cost–benefit analysis,
contingency planning and responsibility pies.
Existential coaching: The aim of existential coaching is to help the coachee live more fully.
Whereas performance coaching helps the coachee to be more successful in a relatively
limited sphere, existential coaching focuses on meaning, identity and purpose. There is a focus
on freedom, responsibility and authenticity. The focus, although philosophically grounded,
emphasises practical wisdom. The methods employed are ethical and reflective. The approach
draws on Phenomenology which takes experience as its main tenet. By describing and
analysing the human experience of a phenomenon we get to the nub of what it is to be human
and to live in this world. Existential coaching can help clarify a coachee’s experience.
Gestalt coaching: The main idea about Gestalt is that it is a ‘whole’ or a complete form.
A Gestalt (a structure or configuration) wants to be completed so that we are not left with
unfinished business. The coach is interested in what the coachee brings to the here and now
from past experiences and fantasies of the future. The coach uses their own physical, mental
and intuitive experiences ‘in the moment’ to help the coachee understand their own issues.
The coachee becomes aware of how they make meaning out of past experiences and
realises how they are anticipating an action. For example, if someone shouts at the coachee
it could be because they are in danger. However, a past childhood experience of bullying
may mean that they anticipate shouting as hostility. By becoming more aware of how they
perceive such actions, the coachee realises they have choices and can make changes to take
more control of their life.
Humanistic coaching: Humanistic coaching refers to Carl Roger’s person-centred

approach. Its aim is to restore a person to a functioning state, enhance personal growth and
unlock the coachee’s unique potential. It is based on the foundational premise of ‘self-
actualisation’. ‘Self-actualisation’ is the belief that all individuals have the ability to use their
experiences and inner resources to move forward and grow. Rogers proposed that human
development is directional (forward) and that people have a basic striving to reach their full
capacity. The humanistic approach is about developing a contextual climate that supports
self-actualisation. The coachee is both the source and the director of change. The coach is
there simply to facilitate the coachee’s own natural potential for growth.
■ ■ ■ 14
The nature of the coach–coachee relationship is paramount. It must be one of

collaboration and empathy. The coach must hold the coachee in positive regard. There is no
‘one size fits all’ approach. The coach must develop a specific personalised understanding
of the coachee. The whole experience of a coachee is relevant – the coach must take the
time to construct a full picture of the coachee – their personal selves (e.g. personality, goals,
health), their relationships (e.g. family, community), and their environment (e.g. work and
personal life, financial circumstances).
Mindfulness: Mindfulness is about being in the ‘here and now’ – of being fully aware of the
present moment, without one’s mind wandering off to thoughts of either the past or future.
There are a number of potential applications to coaching:
n The use of mindfulness practices as a coach, for example through the use of meditation
before a session.
n Helping the coachee practise mindfulness in the session, bringing their focus into the
present.
n Maintaining your focus on the coachee and the coachee’s agenda during the session,
and maintaining a non-judgemental and attuned relationship. Through mindful reflection,
a coach can non-judgementally gather information about the coachee. Mindful reflection
can help foster empathy and help the coach design appropriate and personalised
interventions.
Narrative approach to coaching: Stories are integral to how we understand the world.
This approach involves helping coachees shift their stories about themselves, about others
and about life itself, in order to achieve a more nuanced understanding of their situation.
NLP: Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) looks at neurological configuration patterns of

thinking and linguistic structures to find out how people perceive reality. Our personal
histories have coloured our representation of the world, which can lead to unhelpful
distortions. It is these representations of the world that the coach works with. There is,
however, an increasing divergence of opinion about whether NLP is a theoretical approach
at all.
Ontological coaching: ‘Ontology’ means the study of being. Ontological coaching aims to
bring about changes in self-limiting perceptions and attitudes. Ontological coaches often
divide the way of being into three constituents, namely language, moods/emotions and
physiology, and will look to address all three within the coaching sessions. The coachee
develops an increased awareness and can be helped to discover new ways of being.
Performance coaching: This approach to coaching focuses on setting goals for

performance improvement and helping the coachee to work towards them. The approach
owes much to developments in sports coaching where the coachee (called ‘the player’ by
15 ■ ■ ■
Myles Downey) has clear quantified goals. John Whitmore recommends that at the first
meeting goals should be set for the coachee’s life, for the coaching and for the current
session. Many performance coaches recognise that barriers to performance are often internal
within the coachee, and that addressing these barriers will automatically improve performance.
Performance coaching is often integrated with organisation goals and the requirements of
the coachee’s line manager, or HR programmes.
A model for performance coaching that is widely used is GROW, where the stages in
the process are: Goal for the coaching, Reality in the current state of the situation, Options
that could move matters forward and Will to make necessary changes.
Psychodynamic coaching: This approach is based on the work of Sigmund Freud and his
successors. The coach develops working hypotheses to describe the coachee’s inner and
external worlds. Attention is paid to the unconscious mind of the coachee, and to their
defensive patterns. Concepts used include transference (putting emotional responses
addressed to others onto the coach), defence mechanisms (responses such as denial and
intellectualising, that avoid facing up to the issues being explored), repression (pushing
unacceptable feelings into the unconscious) and projective identification (putting unaccept-
able feelings onto another person). This approach assumes that the coachee’s emotional
experiences shape their current behaviour; that addressing anxiety is important; that coachees’
internal conflicts can be productively addressed; that defensive patterns are used to address
difficult emotions and that early family relationships shape subsequent patterns of behaviour.
Psychodynamic coaches often address parallel process where what happens between coach
and coachee exhibits a pattern manifested in other relationships in the coachee’s life.
Psychometrics: Although psychometrics is not an approach in itself, its use espouses a

philosophy of the world: that people’s ideas and behaviour are measurable along pre-defined
dimensions and can therefore be put ‘in a box’ and compared with the rest of the population.
This can be useful in coaching for people who do not have a vocabulary to describe
personality, preferences or skills. Psychometrics are also helpful when they stimulate reflection,
introspection and purposeful conversation about the individual and their world. However,
coaching and mentoring celebrate and work with the uniqueness of individuals, rather than
how similar or dissimilar they are from others.
Psychometrics force people to answer pre-selected items that may or may not be
relevant to them. It is also important to recognise that even some of the most popular and
frequently used psychometrics have questionable validity. Self-report is subject to self-
deception and multi-rater instruments are also subject to influences that undermine accuracy.
The power of coaching derives in large part from addressing and allowing space for
individuality to flourish. So, when coaches do use psychometrics, it is important that they
understand the theory and limitations of the tool and are careful not to let the coachee limit
themselves by assuming ‘this is how I am’ rather than ‘this is how I choose to be’. We therefore
see at most a modest place for psychometrics in coaching.
■ ■ ■ 16
Solution-focused coaching: The key to solution-focused coaching is to challenge the

coachee’s perception, refocusing away from experienced problems to desired solutions and
to separate the person from the problem. No problem is present at all times and the coach
encourages the coachee to look for exceptions and strengths/past successes and to attend
to what these felt like. The coach helps the coachee to focus on what it feels like when the
problem is not there and to imagine a future without the problem. Techniques used include
reframing (e.g. ‘lazy’ may be reframed as ‘laid back’), scaling (e.g. If 10 is your desired state,
and 1 is your undesired state, how far are you between 1 and 10 now? What is working well
at the number you are in now? How did you manage to get to this number already? What
could make it go up by one on the scale? What’s in a ‘6’ that’s not in a ‘4’ on a scale?) and
the Miracle Question (e.g. you go home to sleep and you wake up the next morning to find
that the problem is solved. What small change will you notice that will alert you that the
problem has gone and what would others notice?). A limitation of solutions-focused coaching
is that it assumes the coachee wants or needs a solution at this point, when this may not
always be the case – they may simply wish to better understand an issue, so that they can
make decisions at a time of their own choosing.
Systemic coaching: This approach provides a model to organise and understand perceived
reality by helping the coachee build a systems map of a presented issue by capturing in
diagrammatic form a range of factors associated with it. The systemic coach helps coachees
find sense and meaning as the foundation for raising both their own performance and that of
the systems of which they are a part.
Systemic eclectic approach: We believe that a systemic perspective is beneficial to

adopt, meaning that the coach can alert the coachee to think about others’ perspectives
around them and to understand that they are not operating in a vacuum. We also emphasise
the importance of how the coachee prefers to work and the context, which may require the
use of several different approaches in this list. Indeed, it may not be possible to bring about
lasting change for a coachee without also indirectly coaching the system of which they are
a part. We therefore call our preferred approach the ‘systemic eclectic approach’.
The true eclectics we have encountered share a number of characteristics:
n They do not share a common philosophy; rather, they have developed their own
philosophy – one which continually expands and adapts, evolving as they absorb new
knowledge and ideas.
n They place great importance on understanding a technique, model or process in terms
of its foundations within an original philosophy.
n They use experimentation and reflexive learning to identify where and how a new
technique, model or process fits into their philosophy and framework of helping.
n They judge new techniques, models and processes on the criterion of ‘Will this enrich
and improve the effectiveness of my potential responses to coachee needs?’
17 ■ ■ ■
n They use peers and supervisors to challenge their coaching philosophy and as partners
in experimenting with new approaches.
We suggest that the systemic eclectic approach is correlated with coaching maturity
(see Part III, Chapter 22 for coaching maturity). Acquiring new techniques in response to
specific experiences with coachees is an important part of the maturation process. If the habits
of purposeful technique acquisition and integration can be learned early on in the coaching
journey, then the transition to full-fledged managed eclecticism ought to be faster and
smoother.
Transactional analysis: Eric Berne’s transactional analysis theory is based on the concepts
of: ego states, strokes and script. An ‘ego state’ is a way of understanding how we relate to
ourselves and others. Tone of voice, posture, gestures, choice of words, emotional state, etc.
can all be indicators of which ego state someone is in at any given time. At its simplest, there
are three ego states: Parent, Adult and Child:
n Parent: When we are in Parent ego state we think, behave and feel as our parents/
caregivers did when we were children. The Parent ego state can be divided into the
Nurturing Parent ego state (soft, loving, permission giving), and the Critical Parent
(points out flaws, highlights problems).
n Adult: The Adult ego state deals with the here and now reality. It is the only ego state
not connected to the past.
n Child: The Child ego state plays back thoughts, feelings and behaviours that we
experienced as a child. The Child ego state can be divided into the Free Child (playful,
expressive, emotional and spontaneous) and Adapted Child (learnt to comply with or
rebel against parental messages we received when growing up).
A ‘stroke’ is a unit of recognition. It may be a spoken word, look or gesture. Strokes

can be positive (‘hello’), negative (‘get lost’), conditional (‘you are so pretty’), or unconditional
(those that come to us just for being). Berne believed that we all seek strokes from others
and much of what we do is in order to be stroked. No stroke at all is worse than a negative
stroke.
A transaction is an exchange of strokes. Transactions may be complementary, crossed
or ulterior.
n Complementary transactions: A complementary transaction is one in which person

A says something from one ego state that invites a response from person B from a
complementary ego state, e.g. parent–child; adult–adult; child–parent; child–child;
parent–parent.
n Crossed transactions: In a crossed transaction, the response is from an ego state
other than the one that has been invited. For example, A says ‘Go and wash your dirty
■ ■ ■ 18
face’, and B responds with ‘Don’t be so rude!’ Parent A is inviting a Child ego response
but receives a Parent ego state (and is likely to be confused as a result). When
transactions are crossed, the conversation is likely to stop until one of the parties
changes ego state.
n Ulterior transactions: There is the social message (what we say) and the
psychological message (what we mean). Sometimes the two don’t match, e.g. sarcasm.
Script is an unconscious well-defined course of action that we decide on as a child.

According to the theory, we experience the world and make decisions about how we need
to be in order to survive in it. As we made the decision in the first place, it is within the power
of each of us to change it (once our script is brought into our awareness).
Transformational coaching: This is described by Peter Hawkins and Nick Smith as

helping to create fundamental shifts in coachees’ capacity through transforming their thinking,
feeling and behaving in relation to others (Hawkins and Smith, 2010). The approach focuses
upon shifting the meaning scheme; working on multiple levels; shifts in the room; and multiple
levels of engagement. It integrates a number of coaching psychology approaches including
psychodrama, Gestalt, systemic family therapy and Argyris’s levels of learning (Argyris,
1991).
Transpersonal coaching: Transpersonal literally means ‘beyond the person’. Transpersonal

coaching aims to create a safe environment for the coachee to undergo their own personal
inner journey, accessing their own inner wisdom and intuition. There is a particularly strong
emphasis on imagery, as the imagination is seen as the best entry point for transpersonal
insights. Employing the technique of mindfulness can be particularly useful in this method of
coaching.
19 ■ ■ ■

II
PA R T
The aim of Part II is to provide the coach with a wide
portfolio of techniques and approaches to helping others,
ordered in terms of the coaching journey.
COACH I NG AN D
M E NTOR I NG
TECH N IQU ES
CONTENTS
2 Getting ready for the coaching session 23

3 Contracting 40
4 Rapport building 47
5 Helping the coachee articulate their issues 55
6 Exploring beliefs and values 78
7 Setting and pursuing goals 103
8 Managing emotions 118
9 Managing relationships 128
10 Building support, influence and learning 131
11 Techniques for teams 139
12 Managing choices and decisions 147
13 Understanding context and systemic thinking 170
14 Developing resilience/coping with setbacks 187
15 Feedback 197
16 Helping the coachee raise self-awareness/self-
understanding/self-honesty 200
17 Managing boundaries 220
18 Dealing with problems in the coaching relationship 230
19 Ending the coaching relationship 239

2
G ETTI NG R EADY
SESSION
As a coach entering a coaching session, it’s important to be in a relaxed, calm and creative
frame of mind. If the coachee isn’t in a similar frame of mind, then the coach may need to
spend a large chunk of the session getting them there. Taking time shortly before the session
to switch off (often literally, in respect of telephones) and become mindful is essential for both
coach and coachee. Furthermore, to get the most out of the coaching session, both coach
and coachee need to prepare by:
n Reviewing key themes from the previous session.

n Reflecting on what has happened since (e.g. planned actions, unexpected events and
learning).
n Deciding what themes to bring to the session for discussion and where the priorities
lie (on the part of the coachee).
Simply having a conversation about these expectations helps, but the following approaches
are all designed to make the process easier.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Am I (the coach) in the mindset for coaching?

n Am I in equilibrium? (Both coach and coachee)
n Ascertaining the state of the coachee
n Raising the coachee’s ability to be coached
n Preparing for coaching
n Three-minute breathing space
n Coaching as a three-stage process
COACHING AND MENTORING TECHNIQUES ■ ■ ■ ■
n Tolerating ambiguity
n Taking notes in coaching and mentoring
n Helping the coachee to summarise
n Managing constructive challenge
n Setting expectations: the sound of silence
n The seven layers of dialogue and how to develop them
n Setting the direction
AM I (THE COACH) IN THE MINDSET FOR COACHING?
Hawkins and Smith (2006) suggest that the coaching session starts from the moment the
coachee and coach meet – the informal greetings and preparation can be very informative
about the coachee’s state of mind. However, it is important to note that the coach needs to
pay attention to his or her own state of mind as well, and this attentiveness may need to start
well before the session.
Before coaching, ask yourself these questions:
n Am I truly ready for coaching? (Am I relaxed, attentive and able to focus fully on the
coachee's issues?)
n What personal baggage am I in danger of importing into this conversation?
n What do I already know about this coachee, which may prevent me from being as helpful
as I’d like?
n What does my body tell me about my own mental state?
If you are not feeling completely at ease, use relaxation techniques to alter your frame of mind
before the coachee arrives.
Ensure that back-to-back coaching does not happen and you have time to reflect and
relax before the next coaching session.
AM I IN EQUILIBRIUM? (BOTH COACH AND COACHEE)
A mental state of high alertness, combined with relaxation stimulates awareness of both self
and each other, better listening behaviours and positive attentiveness. Most people are rarely
in this ‘true equilibrium’. A practical way of achieving this is to take time to reflect where you
are on nine areas of balance:
n Doing vs. being: Doing refers to our behaviours and actions; being is about our sense
of identity and awareness of self. Key to establishing equilibrium here is to take time
occasionally to slow down, both mentally and physically, until you are calm enough to
take note of everything within and around you.
■ ■ ■ 24
■ ■ ■ ■ GETTING READY FOR THE COACHING SESSION
n Me space vs. them space: Allowing both action time and thinking time for oneself,
rather than allowing all our attention to be taken up with things we do for or on behalf
of others.
n Past, present and future: Is your mental attention appropriately distributed between
these temporal perspectives?
n Balanced vs. unbalanced body: Very few people have perfect posture. How we sit,
stand and move has a strong impact on how we feel and vice versa. Checking for
positive posture is a useful habit for any activity, from sports competitions to a coaching
conversation.
n Participating vs. observing: We all have a natural inclination to either get stuck in
or watch from the sidelines. Effective coaching – from the perspective of both the coach
and the coachee – requires a conscious moderation to avoid going too far to either
extreme. Part of this is the balance between talking and reflecting quietly.
n Knowing vs. innocence: Some knowledge is important in shaping the conversation,
but both coach and coachee need to also cultivate a degree of naivety, from which
spring penetrating questions and honest responses.
n Accepting vs. judging: It’s common for pundits to say that coaches should never make
judgements about people and situations. That’s delusional, of course; unconsciously,
we are all making judgements all the time. Raising our awareness of where we may be
prone to make judgements and whether those are justifiable on the evidence, promotes
openness in the coaching conversation.
n Support vs. challenge: Coaches can usefully attend to how they balance their
support and challenge. An appropriate point on the scale will differ from coachee to
coachee and from time to time with any one coachee.
n Concrete vs. abstract: Some coachees focus on immediate issues or defined projects
and find abstractions difficult. However, if they are to generalise their learning they will
need to make broader sense of their immediate learning. By contrast, others like to deal
in abstractions and the coach’s role is to help them focus on grounding their learning,
for example by answering the questions: What? So what? Now what?
Reflecting on these balances creates a set of positive expectations of a coaching

conversation. It also helps ensure that both coach and coachee are able quickly to enter flow.
ASCERTAINING THE STATE OF THE COACHEE
It’s easy to assume that a coachee is ready for coaching, but are they in a calm mental state
ready for reflection? A lot can be deduced from simply observing the coachee as the
introductions take place. Does their body language indicate that they are relaxed and open,
or tense and suspicious? Does their verbal language suggest openness and reaching out to
you, or reserved aloofness, eagerness to learn or fear of being found out?
25 ■ ■ ■
In the initial ‘getting to know you’ conversation with the coachee, ask the following
questions to assess their coaching readiness:
n What do you expect coaching to do for you?

n Who else has an agenda for you to address through coaching? What do they want you
to do or achieve? What do you think/feel about this?
n What fears or concerns do you have about the coaching process?
n What previous experience have you had of being coached? What was positive and
negative about it?
n What is your energy level for coaching right now?
n Where and how do you find time to think?
n What does it feel like when you are able to be honest with yourself? Is that something
that happens frequently?
n How do you learn complex things?
n How comfortable do you feel with the ‘constructive chaos’ of creative thinking?
n Do you want coaching to focus on the really big, scary issues or on everyday problems?
How do you feel about moving from one to the other in the same conversation?
n How much challenge can you honestly take? What would other people say?
RAISING THE COACHEE’S ABILITY TO BE COACHED
This exercise is designed to make the coachee aware of how they can raise their own ability
to be coached. The coach can use standard scaling techniques to help the coachee work out
where they are on the issues that seem most significant to them. Are they willing/capable/
committed to:
n Spend at least 30 minutes on the day of the coaching session, or the day before, putting
their thoughts in order and prioritising them on an urgent/important matrix?
n Consider how they can best express these so that the coach can be as helpful as
possible?
n Carve out 10 minutes of quiet space immediately before the coaching session, where
they can ensure that they are in the right mindset for coaching – i.e. calm, creative,
curious, anticipatory?
n Share with you any relevant materials, such as performance appraisals, 360 feedback,
or psychometric tests that they have taken?
n Reflect when something has been particularly successful or unsuccessful, or where they
feel they have been either at their best or their worst, and consider this in light of the
purpose or goals of the coaching relationship?
n Take reflection notes on self-observations, if you have asked them to practise different
behaviours?
■ ■ ■ 26
n Explore issues from an emotional perspective and find ways to use emotions to support
them in achieving their goals?
n Address issues that they have avoided thinking about?
n Be as authentic as they can?
n Take the risk of open disclosure and self-honesty?
n Be as honest as they can with you and explore with you if they are being less than
honest?
n Take time to pause and reflect when a point strikes home?

n Spend at least 30 minutes within the following 24 hours after a coaching session in
deeper reflection about what they have learned? Useful questions include:
– What have I learned that will help me achieve my objectives?

– Who else do I want to talk to about these issues?
– What do I know and not know?
– What further information do I want to gather?
– What am I going to do (differently) between now and the next coaching session?
n Use the coach between sessions for brief virtual conversations (telephone, Skype, email,
text and so on)? For example, to use them as a sounding board for how you are going
to approach a difficult meeting; or to check your understanding of a management model
that you have discussed together.
n Be comfortable with each of the seven layers of dialogue (see page 35)? (The coachee
should aim to be comfortable with all seven!)
In addition or alternatively, ask the coachee:
n What do you think are the hallmarks of an effective coachee?

n What can you do to make sure that you get the most out of this coaching relationship?
PREPARING FOR COACHING
One of the most common reasons coaching results in stress and anxiety for the coach is that
they (and/or the coachee) enter the conversation in the wrong frame of mind. If they arrive
at the session with emotional baggage that will distract them, or hastily completing important
messages on their laptop or mobile, it makes for a much less effective session than when
both parties have a mind state of relaxed and creative focus. Once again, there are many
ways to achieve this, from formal meditation before sessions, to generating laughter. One of
the quickest is for the coach and the coachee to close their eyes and breathe deeply, then
to relax at least one muscle in their bodies and to let go of at least one emotion or concern
they have brought with them. This simple procedure can radically and immediately improve
the dynamics of the learning dialogue.
27 ■ ■ ■
THREE-MINUTE BREATHING SPACE
This is one of the simplest and quickest ways to ensure you enter the coaching conversation
in an alert but relaxed and mindful state of mind. The key steps are:
n Acknowledging:
Bring yourself into the present moment by deliberately adopting an upright and dignified
posture. Then ask yourself: ‘What is going on with me at the moment?’ Acknowledge
your current experience. As best you can, accept whatever you’re experiencing, in
thoughts, feelings or bodily sensations. Stay with these experiences for a few moments,
allowing any negative feelings of experiences to be just as they are.
n Gathering:
Gently focus your full attention on breathing. Experience fully each in-breath and each
out-breath as they follow one after the other. Let the breath be an anchor to bring you
into the present and to help you tune into a state of awareness and stillness. When the
mind wanders, as it will, gently bring it back to the breath.
n Expanding awareness:
Expand your awareness around the breathing to the whole body and the space it takes
up. Feel your whole body breathing. Have a sense of the space around you. As best
you can, hold your body sensations, feelings and thoughts in a broad awareness. Let
things be, just as they are.
COACHING AS A THREE-STAGE PROCESS
Bob Garvey, of York St John University, has applied Egan’s therapeutic model to coaching,
seeing it as a three-stage process of exploration, new understanding and action. Use the
three-stage process to:
n Think about your route.

n Find where you are when you get lost.
n Choose another route.
n Make choices about direction and destination.
Stage one
STRATEGIES FOR EXPLORATION
n Take the lead to open the discussion.

n Pay attention to the relationship and develop it.
■ ■ ■ 28
n Clarify aims and objectives and discuss ground rules.

n Support and counsel.
METHODS FOR EXPLORATION
n Open questions.
n Listening, listening and listening.
n Developing an agenda.
n Summary.
Stage two
STRATEGIES FOR NEW UNDERSTANDING
n Support and counsel.

n Offer feedback.
n Coach and demonstrate skills.
METHODS FOR NEW UNDERSTANDING
n Listening and challenging.

n Using both open and closed questions.
n Helping to establish priorities.
n Summary, paraphrasing, restating, reframing.
n Helping identify learning and development needs.
n Giving information and advice.
n Sharing experience and storytelling.
Stage three
STRATEGIES FOR ACTION
n Examine options and consequences.

n Attend to the relationship.
n Negotiate and develop an action plan.
METHODS FOR ACTION
n Encouraging new ideas and creativity.

n Helping in decisions and problem solving.
n Summary.
29 ■ ■ ■
n Agree action plans.

n Monitoring and reviewing.
n Giving and receiving feedback about the relationship and the meeting.
TOLERATING AMBIGUITY
One of the most common reasons coaching sessions lack creative thinking is that the coach,
the coachee or both close down interesting and potentially valuable areas of exploration. Some
of the reasons for this are that they:
n Are too eager to get to a solution, when putting the issue into a wider or different context
might open up different possibilities.
n The coach assumes they know ‘the answer’ to the coachee’s issue. They then run the
risk of second-guessing the coachee and asking leading questions (suggestions
disguised as questions – these are sometimes referred to as ‘queggestions’). A favourite
example is: ‘Have you thought about trying . . . ?’
A simple technique for raising awareness during the coming conversation is to spend a few
moments imagining the coachee and asking ‘What is going on inside you and what is going
on in your external world?’ For each thought that arises, ask ‘And?’ or ‘What else?’ It takes
less than a minute for most coaches to become more attuned to holding more options in mind
and to asking questions that open up possibilities, rather than close them down.
TAKING NOTES IN COACHING AND MENTORING
In meetings, people often take copious notes. The problem is that the more notes you take,
the less you attend. Our brains don’t have dedicated circuits for writing, so they have to
cannibalise circuits that would otherwise be used for listening.
Coaching requires intense listening skills and mindfulness. The coach needs to be fully
present and attentive. So taking notes in the flow of the conversation isn’t recommended.
Instead, take advantage of occasional pauses in the conversation to invite the coachee to
summarise the key points of what has been said. This has the advantage that it captures what
they think is important (not what you think) and gives you deeper understanding of how they
are making sense of their issue. You can, of course, then offer some thoughts of your own,
if you think this is helpful.
Capturing the thoughts from this summary (in writing) gives a much more useful and
focused picture of what’s important and insightful. Both you and the coachee can
subsequently use the notes you take during these summaries (you might have up to 10
summaries over the course of an hour) for reflection.
■ ■ ■ 30
HELPING THE COACHEE TO SUMMARISE
In some of the earliest observations of mentors, David Clutterbuck identified a number of major
differences between the most and least effective. One was that the least effective tended to
summarise more often than the mentee and to summarise at the very end of the session. In
doing so, they took away responsibility and control from the coachee. While it is clearly
appropriate for the coach or mentor to summarise at certain points in the conversation, a core
skill is enabling the coachee to take the overall lead in summarising.

For brief summaries, useful questions include:
n What strikes you about what we’ve just been saying?

n What words and phrases carry most significance for you?
n How are you feeling about the past few minutes?
n What themes are emerging here?
n What are you becoming curious about?
At the end of the session, the four ‘I’s provide an efficient method to review the conversation:
n Issues (what did we discuss?).

n Ideas (what creative thoughts did we have?).
n Insights (what new understanding emerged?).
n Intentions (what are you going to do as a result of this conversation?).
MANAGING CONSTRUCTIVE CHALLENGE
When coaches and coachees review their relationships, one of the most common issues that
arises is lack of constructive challenge. Both parties often report that the other is not tough
enough in questioning their assumptions, beliefs and behaviours.
The depth and quality of constructive challenge has its origins in the first coaching
conversations, where coach and coachee establish expectations of each other. It’s important
to agree something along these lines:
n I will always give you honest feedback about what I observe and hear in our
conversations.
n I will question whenever I feel that a statement, opinion or assumption is not fully thought
through.
n I will challenge whenever I perceive a divergence of values.
n I will welcome and give open consideration to constructive challenge.
n I will always seek to challenge with respect (i.e. in a way that does not undermine your
self-esteem).
31 ■ ■ ■
The key skills of constructive challenge are:
n Knowing when to challenge.

n Knowing what style of challenge to employ in different circumstances.
n Having the courage and appropriate language to make the challenge.
Knowing when to challenge

Useful guidelines here include:
n Is the person receptive to challenge right now? Is there a time when they will be more
receptive? For example, when there are other people present, the other party in the
coaching relationship is liable to be much less receptive.
n Where possible, try to challenge ‘in the moment’. Saying something like ‘You know, that
makes me feel very uncomfortable’ will have more impact if you do so immediately after
they have spoken.
n Don’t flood the other person with challenges. If the aim is for them to reflect deeply on
a new insight, then additional challenges will dilute their thinking.
Knowing what style of challenge to employ in different

circumstances
The challenging vs. supporting matrix (Table 2.1) shows four different situations the coachee
may bring to the coaching sessions. Sometimes the coachee just needs support; sometimes
to be stretched. Sometimes they need empathy; sometimes a higher level of objectivity.
Table 2.1 Challenging vs. supporting matrix

Empathy Objectivity
Challenging Stretching horizons – giving Direct feedback about areas of

encouragement and self-belief conscious or unconscious
development need
Supporting Encouraging when things get Pragmatic steps to plan solutions
tough
Selecting the right mode for the coachee is a core skill for coaches.
■ ■ ■ 32
Having the courage and appropriate language to make the

challenge
Having the courage is partly a function of psychological safety (how confident you feel that
the other person will accept and welcome the challenge and how reassured that there will
be no negative consequences from it) and partly a function of confidence in your own ability
to manage the conversation.
Key elements in giving appropriate challenge – as with any difficult conversation – are:
n Permission to explore: By getting them to agree to discuss an issue, you begin to create
a more open mindset (e.g. ‘I’d really value an opportunity to talk about . . . ’).
n Fearless questions: Questions that challenge in a constructive way, removing blame from
the conversation and allowing space for the person to respond constructively.
n Sharing responsibility for the issue: A useful phrase here is ‘What would help you to
understand . . . ?’ because it suggests less direct criticism on your part and a willingness
to countenance their perspective.
n Analysing assumptions, behaviours and values: Examining their assumptions, values and
behaviours by asking pertinent questions (e.g. ‘What do you think are the motivations
of the other people involved in this?’).
n Achieving clarity: Frequent checks on understanding (e.g. ‘Have we both taken the same
meaning from the conversation so far?’).
n Using silence: Give them space to reflect upon what is being said, to avoid knee-jerk
responses to criticism.
n Valuing the insights that come from different perspectives: Demonstrate that you are
open to their point of view, while reserving the right to maintain your own.
n Help them maintain their self-esteem.
n Challenge:
– Their behaviour, not their person (e.g. ‘What were you trying to achieve by being
aggressive to John?’ rather than ‘You just behaved like a bully.’).
– Their assumptions, not their intellect (e.g. ‘What assumptions were you making
about this issue?’ rather than ‘Did you really think that was clever?’).
– Their perceptions, not their judgement (e.g. ‘How did you see that meeting?’ rather
than ‘You lost it there, didn’t you?’).
– Their values, not their value (e.g. ‘How does that decision square with your personal
beliefs about how to treat other people?’ rather than ‘I’d expect that kind of ethics
from an ambulance chaser!’).
33 ■ ■ ■
C THE RELUCTANT MENTEE

A
S John (the mentee) and Roger (the mentor) were assigned to each other under a graduate entry
E scheme in a large UK-based multinational. This was John’s first job after university and he was
having trouble adapting to the very different lifestyle in an organisation. John found Roger, who
S
T was head of another department of 200 people, to be unsympathetic, overcritical and
U overwhelming.
D John spoke to the personnel department about his reservations. A few days later he
Y received a note from Roger suggesting four names of other, more junior managers he should
contact, to choose his own mentor. He hit it off so well with Mary, the first on the list, that he
didn’t talk to any of the others.
Two years later, he had outgrown Mary’s help and felt he was making a useful contribution
to the company. He applied to join a high-profile project team, only to be dismayed when he
discovered that Roger was on the selection panel.
The interview was every bit as tough as he expected, but, to his surprise, he enjoyed the
experience. Even more to his surprise, Roger recommended his inclusion on the team. After
working with Roger for a few months, John realised that he had matured to the point where
Roger’s challenging style was exactly what he needed. When the project ended, the two became
mentor and mentee without anyone raising the subject. ‘It just seemed the natural thing to do,’
said John.
SETTING EXPECTATIONS: THE SOUND OF SILENCE
One of the beneficial side effects of coaching is that the coachee learns to place greater
value on quiet thinking time. Coaching sessions provide a safe environment to practise using
silence. In fast-moving Western business cultures, particularly, this is an art that is easily lost.
Indeed, people are so uncomfortable with silence, that they frequently feel obliged to say
something to break it.
Coaches have a responsibility to assist coachees in using silence and one way of doing
so is to be a role model for holding back on automatic responses. A simple but effective
exercise is to count to three after the coachee has stopped speaking, before responding.
Frequently, the coachee will continue to explore an issue without prompting, within those three
seconds or so. Once you are comfortable with three seconds of silence, gradually increase
the length of your silences and observe the effect.
■ ■ ■ 34
n Some coaching sessions begin with a short period of meditation, but this is only
beneficial when:
– The coachee hasn’t decided what they want to talk about.

– The coachee needs to establish some inner calm in order to address an emotionally
difficult issue.
– The coachee is open to the concept.
n If they have asked a difficult question or a point has just ‘struck home’, the coach will
give the coachee time to think about what was said and reflect before moving forward.
THE SEVEN LAYERS OF DIALOGUE AND HOW TO

DEVELOP THEM
We tend to think of conversations as all being the same, but this is far from the case. For a
start, there is a difference between debate (where the aim is to win other people over to your
point of view), discussion (where the aim is to achieve a consensus) and dialogue (aimed at
achieving new meaning). Coaching sits firmly within dialogue, but even here there are multiple
types and purposes, which we describe below. Most coaches have a preference for some
of the seven types of dialogue over others and this can profoundly influence the coachees
and issues they choose to work with and how they manage coaching conversations.
Recognising these preferences (and those of our coachees) provides valuable insights.
Extending the range of our dialogue preferences enhances our coaching overall.
Figure 2.1
Depth of dialogue The seven layers
Integrative of dialogue
Behaviour changes
Self-insight
Strategic
Tactical
Technical
Social Impact
35 ■ ■ ■
How to develop social dialogue

n Demonstrate interest in the other person, in learning about them.
n Actively seek points of common interest.
n Accept the other person for who they are – virtues and faults, strengths and weak-
nesses.
n Be open in talking about your own interests and concerns.
How to develop technical dialogue

n Clarify the task and the coachee’s current level of knowledge.
n Be available when needed (just-in-time advice is always best).
n Be precise.
n Explain the how as well as the why.
n Check understanding.
How to develop tactical dialogue

n Clarify the situation (what do and don’t we know?).
n Clarify the desired and undesirable outcomes.
n Identify barriers and drivers/potential sources of help.
n Establish fall-back positions.
n Provide a sounding board.
n Be clear about the first and subsequent steps (develop a plan, with timeline milestones).
How to develop strategic dialogue

(The coach uses the same skills for tactical dialogue plus the following.)
n Clarify the broader context (e.g. who are the other players in this issue?).
n Assess strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.
n Explore a variety of scenarios (what would happen if . . . ?).
n Link decisions and plans closely to long-term goals and fundamental values.
n Consider radical alternatives that might change the game (e.g. could you achieve faster
career growth by taking a sideways move into a completely different function?).
How to develop dialogue for self-insight

n Ensure the coachee is willing to be open and honest with himself/herself.
n The helper merely opens the doors: it is the coachee’s journey of discovery.
n Give time and space for the coachee to think through and come to terms with each
item of self-knowledge.
■ ■ ■ 36
n Be aware of and follow up vague statements or descriptions – help the coachee be

rigorous in their analysis.
n Explore the reasons behind statements – wherever possible, help the coachee establish
the link between what they say/do and their underlying values/needs.
n Introduce tools for self-discovery – for example, self-diagnostics on learning styles,
communication styles, emotional intelligence or personality type.
n Challenge constructively – ‘How did you come to understand how/why . . . ?’.
n Give feedback from your own impressions, where it will help the coachee reflect on how
they are seen by others.
n Help the coachee interpret and internalise feedback from other people (e.g. 360
appraisal).
How to develop dialogue for behavioural change

(The coach uses the same skills for self-insight plus the following.)
n Help the coachee to envision outcomes – both intellectually and emotionally.

n Clarify and reinforce why the change is important to the coachee and to other
stakeholders.
n Establish how the coachee will know if they are making progress.
n Assess commitment to change (and if appropriate, be the person to whom the coachee
makes the commitment).
n Encourage, support and express belief in their ability to achieve what they have
committed to.
How to develop interactive dialogue

n Explore multiple, often radically different perspectives.
n Shift frequently from the big picture to the immediate issue and back again.
n Ask and answer both profound and naïve questions (often it is difficult to distinguish
between them).
n Encourage the coachee to build a broader and more complex picture of him/herself,
through word, picture and analogy.
n Help them write their story – past, present and future.
n Analyse issues together to identify common strands and connections.
n Identify anomalies between values – what is important to the coachee and how the
coachee behaves.
n Make choices about what to hang on to and what to let go.
n Help the coachee develop an understanding of and make use of inner restlessness,
and/or help them become more content with who and what they are.
37 ■ ■ ■
The most effective coaches invest considerable time and effort in building their repertoire of
skills so they can recognise the appropriate level of dialogue to apply at a particular point.
This engages the coachee appropriately.
SETTING THE DIRECTION

n Make note of the questions you (the coach) ask in a session, and briefly the responses
of your coachee.
n After 10 minutes or so, suggest to the coachee that you stop and review where the
conversation has gone and where it could most usefully go for them next.
n Pursue this direction.
n Stop after another 10 minutes and check again. The coachee may want to continue
and perhaps deepen the direction that you have taken, or they may wish to branch out
again.
C SETTING THE DIRECTION

A
S Carmel, an incisive accountant, was coaching Jean, who was her junior. In attempting to support
E Jean and not to put her own ideas into the equation, Carmel asked a string of open questions.
S But that was all she did. In reviewing the session Jean confessed that the experience was a
T bit like being grilled by a suspicious Inland Revenue inspector. Good training perhaps, but
U not what she expected from a coaching session. Carmel asked whether it would have been
D better if she had made more suggestions. Jean said no; rather, what she would have liked was
Y
a sense that she knew where the conversation was going. Carmel’s supervisor used the Setting
the direction technique and Carmel recognised that this was what Jean needed in their next
session.
REALLY HELPFUL QUESTIONS

n What baggage are you/we bringing to this conversation?
n What would help you become more aware?
n How open to constructive criticism are you?
n What would help you become fully receptive to uncomfortable feedback?
n If you were coaching yourself right now, what would you focus on?
n What’s the dialogue you really need to have but haven’t had so far?
■ ■ ■ 38
n What questions should you ask yourself before our next meeting to make good use of
our next coaching session?
n What help do you want/would you most value from me?
n If our roles were reversed, what would you be asking me right now?
n How ready are you for change?
n Could you treat this as an experiment and see what happens between now and our next
meeting?
39 ■ ■ ■
3 CONTRACTI NG
Coach supervisors tend to agree that a high proportion of the problems in coaching
relationships occur because of a failure in the contracting process, either between coach and
coachee, or between them (jointly or severally) and an organisational sponsor. Especially
where a coach is motivated strongly by the need to demonstrate that they can add value by
helping the coachee solve a problem, contracting can become a truncated or rote process.
We have noticed that coaches, who we would regard as masterly, tend to spend a lot more
time in the contracting stage than those with less experience and wisdom.
Contracting is less about getting the legalities right than ensuring that everyone has
the same expectations. It’s also about preparing for the unexpected, and so about sharing
principles and values. For example: ‘How prepared are you for me to ask questions that will
require you to question your deeply held assumptions and beliefs?’
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n The coaching contract

n Managing the three-way contract in executive coaching and mentoring
n Clarifying the three parts of the contract
n Managing allegiance in the coaching relationship/stakeholder management
n Establishing the grounds for relationship success
■ ■ ■ ■ CONTRACTING
THE COACHING CONTRACT
It’s not uncommon for the coach and the coachee to have different expectations of the
assignment and relationship. For example, one may see it in terms of medium-term learning,
while the other is more focused on solving some specific problems. Wherever this is
potentially the case, you can:
n Ask the coachee to share why they think a personal (as opposed to legal) contract is
needed. Typical responses may be:
– To clarify expectations about outcomes and behaviours.
– To provide a baseline to measure progress.
– To establish the boundaries of the relationship.
– To establish who is responsible for what in managing the relationship.
n Ask what they would expect/like to be in the contract and why. Encourage them to draw
up a list of items to include, under two headings:
– Formal, to be written down.
– Informal, simply to be discussed so both parties share the same understanding.
Together you can consider:
n What do we expect to learn from each other?

n What are our responsibilities towards each other? What are the limits?
n What responsibilities do we owe to others, if any (e.g. line managers, peers, HR
function) as a result of this relationship?
n Where and how often shall we meet? For how long?
n What limits (if any) are there on confidentiality?
n When and how shall we check if this relationship is right for both of us?
n How happy are you for me to challenge and confront you?
n How do you feel about receiving blunt feedback from me?
n Do you feel you can be really open with me? If not, what makes you reticent?
n Is there anything either of us definitely does not want to talk about?
n Are we agreed that openness and trust are essential? How will we ensure they happen?
n Are we both willing to give honest and timely feedback (e.g. to be a critical friend)?
n What are we prepared to tell others about our discussions?
n How formal or informal do we want our meetings to be?
n How will we measure progress?
n How will we manage the various transitions especially at the end of the formal
relationship?
n To what extent are we prepared to share networks?
n When and how shall we review the relationship?
n How will we celebrate achievements?
41 ■ ■ ■
Compare notes and discuss any differences of view. Anything the coachee declares off limits
may well be a key discussion topic once trust is established.
MANAGING THE THREE-WAY CONTRACT IN EXECUTIVE

COACHING AND MENTORING
The more stakeholders who can contract in to support the coachee, the better. However, the
most significant relationship is typically the coachee’s boss or sponsor. At the very least, they
need to contract to:
n Provide active support and encouragement (not to abdicate responsibility to the coach
to ‘fix’ the coachee).
n Accept that greater understanding of the issues is likely to lead to a revision of the goals
– and potentially further demands on them.
n Agree how they will recognise positive change as it occurs (bosses tend to give less
significance and attention to behaviours that don’t fit with their pre-suppositions about
direct reports than behaviours that do).
It’s important that the coach isn’t fobbed off with a meeting with the sponsor or an intermediary
(a frequent occurrence when the assignment is part of a block contract with an organisation
providing multiple coaches). It’s highly likely (if not inevitable) that the various parties will have
different expectations about their own and each other’s responsibilities.
Arguably the most common cause of problems coaches bring to supervision is mismatch
of expectations at the contracting stage of the relationship. Inexperienced coaches, in
particular, tend to see the coachee and their issues in a linear way – the coachee has
something they need to address and the coach’s job is to help them find the internal
resources to address it. This is the core of both performance and solution-focused coaching.
But many coachee issues are much more complicated and systemic. They require approaches
that recognise and work with the multiple systems of which the coachee is a part. Peers,
direct reports and other key stakeholders may all have a substantial influence on the likeli-
hood of achieving sustainable change – particularly at the behavioural or transformational
levels.
The three-way conversation between coach, coachee and coachee’s boss (sometimes
a four-way event, with Human Resources or a coaching sponsor also attending) is more than
a formality. It’s a vital part of the coaching process. Our recommended approach starts with
clarifying the purpose and importance of contracting, as the basis for clarifying the contract
itself – which we suggest has three key components: psychological, outcomes-focused and
systemic.
■ ■ ■ 42
CLARIFYING THE THREE PARTS OF THE CONTRACT
An integral part of the agenda is establishing the three core parts of the contract.
The psychological contract is essentially about inputs, relationships and the environ-
ment, in which the coaching takes place. It starts with the motivation of each of the
stakeholders:
n What makes them think that coaching is a suitable intervention for this issue at this time?
n What is their previous experience of coaching?
n What is the coachee’s commitment to making the coaching assignment work?
n What is the line manager’s and/or sponsor’s commitment to providing the required level
of support? (What expectations do they have of their input?)
n Where does the responsibility lie for identifying issues, gathering feedback, giving
feedback and so on?
The outcomes contract addresses a package of issues relating to intended and unforeseen
outcomes from coaching. These include:
n How each of the parties perceives coaching to add value. (For example, through short-
term improvement in performance; supporting the coachee through an unfamiliar
transition; focused on problems or focused on opportunities.)
n What kind of goals are they? (For example, ‘towards’ goals [e.g. I will contact 10
customers over the next month] or ‘away from’ goals [e.g. I will not miss any coachees
with a regular catch-up call]; or short-term vs. long-term goals.)
n Performance outcomes versus learning outcomes.
n The potential to review and revise goals.
n Who owns the outcomes/goals? (The coachee? The sponsor? Both equally?)
The systems contract encourages all parties to take a wider perspective, recognising that
success depends upon engaging with the key influencing systems as much as upon the
efforts of coach and coachee. Among questions it addresses are:
n What forces will work in support of the outcomes contract?

n What might get in the way?
n What is our strategy for ensuring the coachee gets the support they need?
n Who else’s support is needed and how?
It can also be helpful to review with the coachee and their boss/sponsor some examples of
where coaching has been less effective than it might have been, because all three parties
were not aligned in their expectations.
43 ■ ■ ■
In short, far from being an administrative task, the three-way contracting conversation
is an essential part of the coaching process. In essence, it is coaching the coachee’s system
and hence is important in preparing them for thinking about their issues in more complex,
systemic ways.
MANAGING ALLEGIANCE IN THE COACHING RELATIONSHIP/

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT
A recurrent theme in coaching supervision is the complexity of managing expectations and

conversations with other stakeholders in the coaching relationship. The coachee’s line
manager and HR, as well as, in some cases, important peers of the coachee, all have a view
of what the coach should be doing – and this can create both unwanted pressure, confusion
and conflict.
Sustainable, significant change in the coachee’s inner systems can often only happen,
if there is corresponding and supportive change in the system(s) around them. Creating clarity
– especially about the responsibilities of each of the people in the system – can head off
many of the problems relating to unmatched expectations. It helps right at the start, in the
contracting phase, to ensure that all parties reflect on and make commitments in response
to the following three questions:
n What are you going to do to support change in the coachee?

n To what extent are you willing to change what you do to support the changes you want
in (coachee)?
n How will you notice change when it happens?
Other practical steps include:
n Seek permission and create the expectation up front that the coach will also, as
necessary, coach the other key players in the system.
n Build in three-way or four-way meetings with the express intention of reviewing the
system. This is very different from the typical review meeting, which puts all the
emphasis on the coachee’s perceived progress.
n Create the expectation that opinions about coachee progress may often differ. For
example, the coachee may think that they have made substantial progress, while their
line manager may disagree. Agree what will happen, when this is the case.
n Emphasise the need for clarity. At the beginning of the assignment, asking the three
key questions above sets expectations and provides a framework for reminding all three
parties of their responsibilities. It also helps to clarify the coach’s responsibilities and
avoid comments like: ‘You seem to be taking their (the coachee’s) side’.
■ ■ ■ 44
n Clarify the hierarchy of responsibility for each. This should again be a multi-faceted
conversation. The coach’s responsibility will normally be first to the coachee, and then
in an agreed order to the organisation, the boss and the system. The coachee’s
responsibilities may be divided between the priorities set for them by their boss, their
own agenda for personal development and the system. The boss’s and HR’s
responsibilities include the organisation, the coachee and the system. The reason for
including the system in all of their responsibilities is that change is dependent on the
combined impact of integrating efforts of each of the parties.
There is no guarantee, of course, that this will remove all of the potential problems relating
to mismatched expectations and different perspectives. But it does set the ground for honest
and challenging conversations, which may keep the assignment on course!
ESTABLISHING THE GROUNDS FOR RELATIONSHIP

SUCCESS
Initial contracting can often be a brief and slightly embarrassing affair. This simple exercise
makes the process of setting out mutual expectations a lot more fun and, it seems, improves
both parties’ recollections of the agreed behavioural expectations.
n The coach and the coachee prepare a descriptive list for the coach and/or coachee
from hell. For example:
– What attitudes would they show? Always talking, never listening.

– What behaviours would they exhibit? Arrogance.
– What would they not do? Overfamiliarity.
– Kind of things they would do? Constantly postponing meetings.
– What kind of things would they not say?
n The two parties exchange their lists and compare. This helps to generate rapport and
opens up specific concerns and fears about the relationship.
n Together, the coach and coachee extract themes that are appropriate for defining the
positive behaviours that each expects from the other.
n The coach moves the conversation away from the relationship, to examine the context
in which it will operate. She/he uses questions such as:
– What would undermine our relationship, or prevent it from working as well as it

should?
– How will we make sure we don’t fall into any of these traps?
45 ■ ■ ■

n What do you, the coachee, want from me as a coach?
n What does confidentiality of these discussions mean for you?
n Who decides the focus for our conversation?
n How do you want to work on these issues?
n Who else is involved?
n If your direct reports could really say what they think, without fear of offending, what might
they tell you?
n How much could you have contributed to the problem?
■ ■ ■ 46
4 RAPPORT B U I LDI NG
It seems obvious that a coaching relationship can only achieve the level of openness it needs
if there is a reasonable level of rapport. That doesn’t mean that coach and coachee have to
be great friends – simply that there has to be a high level of mutual respect at both the
professional and personal levels. Research in mentoring (Hale, 2000) indicates that a sense
of shared values is a significant component of rapport in this context and this can be
extrapolated to coaching relationships. Building rapport rapidly is therefore a core competence
for a coach.
Building rapport is the first step in creating a successful mentoring relationship. Time
invested in the early meetings in just getting to know each other, establishing common ground,
sharing personal stories and starting to think how you will work together is time well spent.
If you are not able to establish this rapport, it will be challenging to move the relationship
forward to a place that will allow you to have the depth of conversation that will be needed
to have impact.
It is also important to be able to manage the conversation if you feel you are struggling
to find this common ground. If you aren’t able to establish rapport within a few meetings, it
will be important to be able to discuss this challenge with each other and be as open and
honest as you can around what is maybe getting in the way, and if you aren’t able to move
forward, to be able to agree to part, without blame.
There are five key components to great rapport:
1 Trust: You both need to feel that conversations will be kept confidential and that you
are fully committed to following through on any agreed actions. You also need to be
confident to share personal stories that may show your weaknesses and fears.
2 Focus: You both need to be fully attentive, using your active listening skills during your
conversations. It is also important that you listen and respond without judgement and
intent.
3 Empathy: The coachee needs to feel that their coach genuinely understands their
perspective and shows care and consideration for that even though they may not share
the same views.
4 Congruence: Both of you need to have the same expectations for the relationship – a
common understanding and agreement about what you want to achieve from the
relationship.
5 Empowerment: This relationship should enable the coachee to flourish and release
potential, not control or stifle it. There should be a feeling of liberation from both sides.
Building rapport is a responsibility for both parties and can take time. Do not be concerned
if you invest much of the first few meetings in establishing this understanding and trust. It will
pay dividends in the long run as the quality of future conversations will depend on the level
of rapport you establish.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Getting to know a coachee: Clutterbuck’s 13 questions

n What do you feel passionate about?
n Conversation ladder
n Circles of disclosure
n Creating the physical environment for rapport
n Establishing rapport: best and worst environments
n Gazing
GETTING TO KNOW A COACHEE: CLUTTERBUCK’S

13 QUESTIONS
Psychometrics and other forms of diagnostic, such as 360-degree feedback, can be very
helpful in getting to know a coachee and ‘what makes them tick’. But they take time, often
require lengthy analysis and can become somewhat mechanical processes that miss the
richness and complexity of ‘who is this person and how do they connect with the world around
them?’
By far the fastest way to get to know someone is through an initial dialogue, in which
empathetic curiosity plays a strong role. Ideally, we want to gain a multi-perspective, holistic
insight that encompasses values, aspirations, culture and both current and historical context.
The dialogue serves a dual purpose, creating awareness for both the coach-mentor and the
coachee.
■ ■ ■ 48
■ ■ ■ ■ RAPPORT BUILDING
The following 13 questions and their subsidiary questions provide a framework on which
to build this kind of exploratory conversation.
1 How did you become you?

2 Who do you admire? (What does this say about you?)
3 What do you most care about? (How does this influence the choices you make?)
4 What are your core values? (How do you put them into practice?)
5 What do you fear most? (How do those fears affect your behaviour?)
6 What does success mean for you? (What is your purpose in life?)
7 What’s the difference between your public and private selves?
8 Where do you find your energy and how do you focus it?
9 What do you still have to accomplish in your life? (What is your future story? Who do
you want to become?)
10 How does what you want to achieve in the short term fit with your long-term aspirations?
11 What creates interference for you, preventing you from focusing on what’s important
to you? (How do you manage interference?)
12 What resources do you have/could you create to support your aspirations?
13 How do you think coaching can help? (What are your expectations of me and of
yourself?)
Of course, other questions and topics will emerge from the dynamics of the dialogue.
However, these 13 questions are enough to establish the insights and rapport essential for
beginning a journey of deep learning and transformational change.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT?
One of the most direct ways to gain an insight into someone else’s values is to exchange
information on what you both feel passionate about. Although people often hesitate initially
at being asked about such matters, they usually soon respond with enthusiasm, revealing
aspects of their personality and interests that might otherwise be hidden. Themes might cover
both work and non-work issues, but they all emphasise positive and enthusiastic elements
of the individual’s persona. The effective coach can often use these insights as anchors for
other issues about which the coachee feels less enthusiastic.
Ask the coachee ‘What do you feel passionate about?’ As you listen, attempt to draw
what you hear. Write words only as a last resort, or to complete an image. After three minutes,
reverse roles, without sharing the picture. When you have both had a turn, share the pictures
and talk through them.
49 ■ ■ ■
Then discuss:
n How much rapport did you find you had?

n What did you see in the picture that surprised you?
n What did you see that particularly resonated with you?
n What did you learn about yourself?
CONVERSATION LADDER
As the name suggests, this approach provides a structure on which to build a ‘getting to know
you’ conversation.
n The coach asks a set of questions about topics of central concern to people, which
they will enjoy talking about. For example, they may want to give an account of:
– Their name and its significance to them.
– Family of origin.
– Home and current family.
– Education.
– Work.
– Successes.
– Difficulties.
– Interests.
– Strongest values.
– Dreams/aspirations.
n Retain in memory the sequence, using vivid imagery to do it. For example, these may
be retention imagery related to the sequence of questions above:
– A brass nameplate on a purple door.
– Inside, a woman changing a nappy on the person you are getting to know.
– Zooming out to the house again.
– A student slouching to school.
– The same scholar sitting behind a huge desk.
– Through the window a snow-covered peak with a tiny figure planting a flag at the
top of it.
– An avalanche undermining the figure’s position.
– And a beautiful garden clinging to the slopes.
– As the figure looks at the garden they fly off the mountain and sail towards a pass
between two peaks.
n Whatever images you choose, the images are just to remind you to explore a range of
areas.
■ ■ ■ 50
CIRCLES OF DISCLOSURE
This technique has particular relevance for people who are less open about some aspects
of their lives, which may be relevant either to working on their issues, or understanding
themselves, or both.
n The coach explains that no part of our life is completely separate from others. Our
experiences at work influence our behaviour at home – for example, how tired or irritable
we are in the evening, and vice versa.
n Starting on ‘safe ground’, the coach helps the coachee identify a number of dimensions
of work, which are relevant.
Examples: doing routine tasks on one’s own, working as part of the team, attending
cross-team meetings. Circle the dimensions and label each – for example, ‘Performance’ or
‘Personal Achievement’. The edge of the circle is ‘Border of Disclosure’ or the boundary
between private and public.
n The visual image takes the discussion from the emotional to the intellectual, which is
usually much less threatening. As the coachee becomes comfortable with discussing,
for example, how much openness is appropriate for a situation with which they feel
comfortable, they can gradually be helped to identify other circles.
n This opens up a number of relatively safe routes into more personal topics.
CIRCLES OF DISCLOSURE C
A
Miranda is an experienced professional in the client services function of an IT provider S
company. Her role requires her to maintain good relationships both with the customers and E
with the engineers, who design and implement technical solutions to customers’ problems. At S
the time in question, she had come into conflict with several of her internal colleagues and this T
had come to the attention of her manager. When he tried to address the issue, she dismissed U
D
the problem, saying only that it was a temporary matter and she’d sort it out.
Y
And so she did. She made a point of seeking out the colleagues in question and
smoothing things over with them.
All was well, until six months later, when the same problem recurred. This time, the
manager, an experienced coach, set aside time to discuss matters with her in detail. Clearly,
something was causing the dysfunctional behaviour; would she like to talk about it? No, she
wouldn’t. It was a personal matter, nothing to do with work, and would be resolved shortly again.
The manager accepted that there were boundaries of disclosure, but explained that they
should nonetheless discuss how she might better manage her behaviour towards colleagues
while the issue outside of work was affecting her. Would it be appropriate for her to reveal to
51 ■ ■ ■
C colleagues that she was under stress and would appreciate some tolerance from them for a
A while? After some thought, she agreed it would – but only to those who needed to know.
S Would it be appropriate to talk about sources of help within the company? ‘But it’s not
E
the company’s problem!’ Nonetheless, explained the manager, anything that affected work
S performance was an interest of the company and there were specific resources to help with
T a wide range of problems. Tentatively, she drew a small circle across the main circle rim. She
U
D would listen to what was available, she explained, but she didn’t want to go into detail about
Y her personal life.
The coach started to explain what counselling services were available. When he talked
about supporting carers, Miranda was unable to hide her interest. A few sensitive questions
later, she was explaining in detail about her difficulties managing the care of her mother, who,
although only in her 60s, was suffering severely from Alzheimer’s disease. The emotional trauma
of watching the decay of someone she loved had been bad enough; especially as she felt guilty
at pursuing her own career, so not having spent much time with her mother. Indeed, it was this
feeling of guilt, she admitted, that was the main reason behind her reluctance to discuss the
matter – she felt ashamed of her neglect.
There was also a lot of travel involved at weekends, because her mother lived 100 miles
away. Just as she thought she had come to terms with this practical and emotional upheaval
in her life, and was beginning to cope, a further problem arose. With her mother’s savings
exhausted, the financial burden of care fell on Miranda’s shoulders.
Although the coach couldn’t solve these problems for her, he was able to direct her to
support services that eased the burden to some extent. He also put her in touch with a
colleague in another department, who had been through a similar experience and would be
willing to talk about it. Miranda recognised that this was exactly the kind of confidante that she
wanted. Exchanging experiences with this person helped her overcome much of the guilt feeling
and prepared her for other effects of her mother’s deterioration as it progressed. In due course,
she also opened up to her colleagues and found them highly supportive.
CREATING THE PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT FOR RAPPORT
It’s obvious that some meeting environments are more conducive to reflective dialogue than
others. But coaches and mentors are often caught out if they do not discuss openly with the
coachee where they should meet. In one case, the mentors deliberately chose to meet with
shop floor supervisors in a ‘neutral’ office – not their own, because that would be seen as
their space; not the supervisor’s because that might seem threatening, because it was too
noisy and too prone to interruption. It was only after some months that one of the mentors
asked if meeting in the office of another manager, who was out for the day, was OK. ‘No,’
was the reply. The supervisor was acutely aware that he was not dressed appropriately for
■ ■ ■ 52
an office environment and was concerned he would leave oil stains on the carpet or the easy
chairs. The meetings shifted to an anteroom in the staff restaurant.
Some questions to help establish the environment to meet in:
n How shut off from the world do we want to be?

n How important is daylight?
n Do we need space to spread papers?
n What’s the right balance between being relaxed and business-like?

n Where do you normally feel most at ease?
n What kind of environment makes you feel uncomfortable? Threatened?
n Do you prefer to work across a table, or without anything between us?
n How comfortable do you feel with direct eye contact?
n How much of a distraction would be: corridor noise outside the room? Visible activity
outside the room? Other people being able to look in?
n Would a very small room/very big room be off-putting for you?
n Do you feel comfortable about being alone in a room with me? (Especially important in
cross-gender relationships, or coaching between an adult and a child.)
n Do you prefer a lot of light, so you can make notes, or softer lighting, so you can think?
n How can you create private space in a public place?
ESTABLISHING RAPPORT: BEST AND WORST ENVIRONMENTS
In getting someone to think about what they want, it often helps to start with what they don’t
want. This simple approach uses this principle to explore the kind of environment which will
be most conducive for a coaching conversation for this coaching pair.
n Take two sheets of paper (A3) and ask the coachee to draw the worst possible
environment for their meetings on one and the best on the other. The more humour that
can go into the exercise the better.
n Consider how, together, you may avoid the characteristics of the negative picture and
create as many of the positive characteristics in the positive picture as possible.
n Having established what is required, work together to determine where the optimum
space, time, etc. is to meet.
GAZING
This approach allows coach and coachee to experience profound levels of connectedness
between them and with the environment around them, thereby often encouraging intuitive
insight.
53 ■ ■ ■
n After a period of meditation, the coach and coachee should sit opposite each other and
close their eyes.
n Both should visualise, in great detail, an occasion when they felt truly connected to
another person; in ‘flow’ with them.
n The focus should be on the physical sensations experienced when in ‘flow’.
n Both should open their eyes and make gazing eye contact with each other. The gaze
should be held, in silence, for about five minutes (or more if wanted).

n How are things?
n What do we each care about?
n What are the big issues for you at the moment?
n What values do we share?
n How can we build rapidly the trust we need?
n What could the coach do to show interest/concern?
■ ■ ■ 54
5
H E LPI NG TH E COACH E E
ARTICU LATE TH E I R
ISSU ES
Helping the coachee articulate their issues involves building understanding through metaphor,
story and drama, techniques for mapping the context, and identifying the components of a
situation. These include developing both intellectual and emotional understanding.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Using metaphor to effect change

n All the world’s a stage
n Free writing
n My story
n Using fictional stories
n Creating new stories – starting from somewhere else
n Focusing on the senses
n Mask making
n Circles of empowerment
n Stepping in/stepping out
n Career pathing
n Future talk
n Visualisation – expand and contract
n Helping people articulate complex problems
n Drawing
n Developing ‘ways of being' through physiology and body posture
n Issues mapping
n Appreciative Inquiry
USING METAPHOR TO EFFECT CHANGE
Using metaphors or stories to illustrate a particular situation can elicit different information
than describing it. Exploring the commonalities and differences between the metaphor and
real life can enrich the understanding of a situation.
An effective metaphor:
n Establishes parallels between the situation as the individual sees it now and a different
context.
n Matches the listener’s experience, particularly at an emotional level.
n Uses strong imagery and language that captures the imagination.
n Contains clear transitions or decision points where choices have to be made.
n Explores the impact of choices.
A practical way to use metaphor is:
n Select the metaphor. Several alternatives may be discussed before the coachee
identifies one that they feel has sufficient relevance to their own situation.
n Place the coachee within the metaphor. Examine their role and fill in as much of the
context and background as possible, labelling other players if appropriate.
n Embed the metaphor in reality. The coach asks for examples of where and how the
metaphor has been played out in real life. If some elements of these examples do not
fit the metaphor, they are recorded and set aside for subsequent discussion.
n Explore the metaphor. Next, the discussion moves to how the metaphor has evolved in
the past and how it might be expected to evolve in the future. Exploring the metaphor
from the viewpoint of other players also enriches the understanding of the issue.
n Extract lessons from the metaphor. How does it make them feel? (Optimistic or
pessimistic? Challenged or bored?) What aspects of the metaphor have the greatest
impact on their work and/or life? What elements of the metaphor would they like to
change?
n The coach can then work through the cycle with them again, until they have a clearer
perception of the new metaphor and the role they aim to play within it.
C USING METAPHOR
A
S The coachee (a coach in supervision) had a lot of baggage relating to past professional
E relationships. Together she and the coach made the association between the clutter in her office
(files from 10 years plus) and the jumble in her mind. So she hired a skip and spent two days
S
T throwing old files out of the window. Then she was ready to move on in her life and work.
U
D
Y
■ ■ ■ 56
■ ■ ■ ■ HELPING THE COACHEE ARTICULATE THEIR ISSUES
EFFECTIVE METAPHORS C
A
An example of good use of metaphor concerns Claude, who was head of training and S
development for the continental European operations of a multinational services company. E
Having built an integrated team and delivered on some challenging targets, he was asked to S
take over the less able team in the UK and merge the two groups into one. A powerful metaphor T
was the battleground. Where were the battle lines drawn? Which troops were regulars and U
which were mercenaries, liable to change sides depending on how the merger was handled? D
Y
What were the pressures to create distrust and conflict; and those that could be used to avoid
a battle altogether? If he did not spill some blood, would an uneasy, potentially rebellious peace
be worse than an initial conflict that settled matters? The analysis provided a range of
alternative tactics, from which he was able to select.
Although many adults see telling stories to be a childish pursuit, it is in fact a core skill
for the effective coach. The parables of Jesus are still among the most powerful examples of
teaching through story. Storytelling is also a skill that is hard to do well. Regaling the coachee
with your old war stories and personal anecdotes is not recommended – indeed, as coaches
and mentors we require the ability to hold back on our own stories, until we are sure that they
form an appropriate metaphor for the learner. Equally, deciding between using a real story, from
our own experience, or one taken from the wider world of myth and reality, requires good
situational judgement.
ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE
Humans are designed to respond to drama at a far deeper level than simply by reading words.
The stories behind dramas link to some of our deepest emotions and mental associations.
The starting point in using this as a coaching technique is to select a play, which has some
echoes relevant to the coachee’s real life issues. You may wish to ask them to identify their
own play, or to suggest one, with which they will be familiar.
n Using the metaphor of a play, the coach helps the coachee take the perspective of each
of the principal actors, including him/herself.
n The coachee is asked to take the perspective of the audience and finally that of the
playwright.
n Each iteration provides an opportunity to open up new and different options.
57 ■ ■ ■
FREE WRITING
This technique is useful in helping coachees become more self-aware and to take a more
creative approach to difficult issues or decisions, once they have articulated their issue within
the coaching session or before they come to the session, as part of their preparation.
The ground rules are simple:
1 In conjunction with face-to-face coaching, encourage the coachee to do some ‘free

writing’ to really solidify the ideas and thoughts that have been floating around during
the coaching session.
2 If they are stuck and have nothing to write, then provide some prompts. For example:
‘Things that I forgot to say to my coach during our last coaching session were . . ., (finish
that sentence).
3 They should write as fast as they can in a limited time period (e.g. five to seven minutes).
4 They should not worry about grammar, writing style or language.
5 Then, you could ask the coachee to circle three words that particularly stand out for
them. Don’t get into any discussion around their narrative. Repeat the process twice,
using the three words generated in one narrative as the starting point for the next.
6 Finally, ask them to spend another period writing in a more considered way about what
they extract from these three narratives. This can be in prose or, if they feel creative, as
a short poem or haiku.
C A COACHEE EXPERIENCE OF FREE WRITING

A
S Oh well, here I am once more sitting at the kitchen table writing my coaching journal. Strange
E how normal this all feels when once it felt one of the strangest activities on earth. I remember
S it vividly the day my coach first suggested that I try to do some ‘free writing’ in support of our
T face-to-face coaching work. He said that it was something that he and others had found useful,
U recounting that they found that it somehow really solidified the ideas and thoughts that had
D been floated during the coaching session, and that it also provided an interesting and durable
Y
account of that conversation. I could see what he was getting at, but I also felt it was fine for
him to say that and believe it. He is probably a skilled writer, while writing is something that I
would normally travel a long way to avoid. However, he is nothing if not persistent, my coach,
and so it was, just a few months ago, that I first sat here contemplating putting pen to paper.
I must say that it all felt quite embarrassing at first. In fact I felt almost furtive about this alien
activity. After all, keeping a diary was something that I associated with angst-ridden teenage
girls clutching small strangely patterned books with flimsy locks barely containing within them
the deathless detail of their many unconsummated crushes. It simply did not feel like the kind
of thing that I did.
■ ■ ■ 58
I found that getting started at first was a really painful process. I recall at one point feeling C
virtually paralysed with pen in hand, numb to the page, until I remembered my coach giving me A
some ‘prompts’ to use in case I got stuck. So I dug these out, chose one at random, then got S
E
writing. The initial prompt that I chose was entitled:
S
Prompt 1: The things that I forgot to say to my coach during our last coaching session T
were . . . (finish that sentence . . . ). U
D
I well remember that, after a moment’s hesitation, I wrote down the prompt then launched into Y
about 20 minutes uninterrupted writing. It was as if a veritable tsunami of responses had been
released, crashing onto the beach of my virgin page in wave after wave of unbroken expression.
What I found myself writing down was a scribbled record of things that I had thought about
bringing up during the coaching session, but which, for one reason or another, I had held back
on. In fact I wrote beside some of them the category ‘things that I didn’t pluck up the courage
to mention’, implying that I had avoided them in the coaching conversation, which was probably
true. This list of shame included things that I had neglected to do; conversations at work that
I had chickened out of having, even when I knew that there were issues to be faced with people
that I do not find it easy to have things out with; commitments to myself that I had not followed
through on, and also a noting of occasions where I felt I had let myself and perhaps others
down. So I wrote all of this down and do you know, when I had finally exhausted myself I cast
an eye over my handiwork, and I was really quite impressed with the quality of the writing that
had made it onto the page. I was expecting it to be nonsense, but it wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong,
it was by no means velvet prose, but I felt that it did the job for me, capturing the things that
were on my mind with all manner of light and shade that I did not even know I was thinking.
It also included feelings that had never found a conscious voice before.
Such was the impact of all of this upon me that I distinctly remember putting my writing
pad down, while gazing in a dreamy way out of the window at the garden, without really seeing
the garden then at all. And then, unconscious that I had made a decision to move, finding myself
out in the garden itself, kicking the occasional log and caressing the odd leaf in an absent way
while allowing what I had written to settle in my mind. And again, without really realising that
I had done it, there I was indoors and at the table once again, writing. It was as though a second
wave of revelation was washing though me, bringing fresh perspective on the issues that I had
been identifying and wrestling with during my first outpouring on the page. I found myself feeling
really excited as this second wave revealed itself. There were within it nuggets of useful if un-
worked through ideas and even of viable solutions to some of the tricky issues I was then facing.
I even starred one or two of these ideas for immediate action.
Pleased with what was unfolding in front of me, I then decided to take things a step
further forward by writing up some of the ideas and conclusions on my laptop, carefully securing
it in a folder firmly labelled ‘private’. Part of the reason for doing this, I told myself, was because
these notes would prove really useful in the planning for my next coaching session the
following week, and that keeping them on my hard drive would mean that they were easily
accessible. If nothing else, I reasoned, the existence of these notes might help stiffen my resolve
59 ■ ■ ■
C not to avoid mentioning issues that need facing up to during coaching next time around. Then
A a penny dropped. It occurred to me that instead of relying on my own wavering courage to
S bring some of this stuff up, why not instead send on some edited highlights to my coach, with
E
a view to accelerating our conversation, and also to ensure that we spend our precious time
S addressing the issues that are big for me, rather than skirting around the interesting but
T probably diversionary periphery?
U
As I weighed the option of sending something through to my coach, I dimly remembered

D
Y my coach reflecting that while our coaching conversations only occupied one hour of our time
each week, that if the process worked well, that the thread of these conversations should
continue to play out somewhere in my awareness during the course of the intervening week.
Well, this had been somewhat true in my experience, though in all honesty the pressures of
deadlines and sometimes the sheer volume of decisions I have to make on a daily basis would
more often than not drive out any possibility of sustained reflection time. It occurred to me that
committing myself to the discipline of journaling, of writing up my coaching follow-up might
just provide the means to circumvent the tyranny of the day to day.
I have noticed that as I have proceeded more deeply into my experiment with incorporating
reflective writing into my coaching and learning experience, that the writing process has
somehow deepened as I have become more accustomed to the writing habit. The more familiar
I have become with this process, then the more it seems that my concerns for the mechanics
of writing or grammar or whatever have fallen away. These have proven of lesser and lesser
significance compared with my allowing some of my inner thoughts and disquiets and hopes
as well as nagging anxieties to find expression in my journal. Without this expression they would
not go away but instead remain in the shadows, grumbling around to God knows what
undermining effect on my daily life. In fact I am not at all sure how the writing process works,
but since doing it I have felt that I have somehow been more in charge of my job, and of my
life. It has felt as though I am running the show, the show of my life, rather than surrendering
that to someone else, to some unknown someone else.
A later journal entry, written after a particularly intense coaching session.
Gosh that was quite a coaching session, was it not? We seemed to cover so much. I feel at
one and the same time empty, exhausted yet also brimming full of semi-processed ideas and
suggestions. I feel a little giddy with it all. I am glad that I have gotten in the habit of doing this
coaching writing as soon as I can after the session as I am possibly able, before the spell of
what we have created between us is broken, before the bubble is punctured by the vibration
of my Blackberry in my pocket or the flicker of the ‘you have mail’ prompt across my screen.
Talking of prompts, I remember my coach creating a couple of coaching prompts for me
before the session ended, which might help me sort my head out. What he does now – and I
find this quite intriguing – is to create customised prompts for me at the end of each session,
depending on the subject matter we have covered, rather than pulling prompts that he has made
earlier out of some magic coach’s hat. At the time they seemed like great prompts. But do you
■ ■ ■ 60
know what, I am not quite ready for a prompt yet. I need to bide my time, wait for the thought C
to dawn. One thing I have learned from this writing business is I need what I call a ‘writing A
warm-up’, as much as a sports person needs a warm up before they perform. I need to write S
E
this kind of gibberish to myself before I am really ready to get going. In fact I notice as I write
that it is as if I am writing to someone, yet the person that I am writing this to is myself. How S
does that work? Is it some kind of inner chatter that I capture when I write to myself? Or is it T
U
to some unknown audience out there that I address, patiently reading and waiting for wisdom
D
to spill onto the Basildon Bond? The funny thing is that while you can’t predict when it is that Y
you will be ready to write the real stuff, the stuff that matters, you know that moment when it
comes, and then you let the real material flow, discarding by and large the writing generated
during the warm up. And just as I write this I sense that that feeling, that feeling of writing the
real stuff, is imminent. The kids are in bed if not asleep. Newsnight rumbles on somewhere in
the background, and I know now that I have the kitchen to myself for half an hour or so. Where
did I leave my list of prompts? Now is the time to pick one.
Prompt 3: ‘What will happen when I get found out?’
God, that is a biggie! Why did I ever pick that one out? The reason it features on the prompt list
is that during the coaching session I discovered that I have a deep underlying fear that at some
moment, when I least want or expect it, that I will be exposed, found out, revealed for the fake
that I am. And in the revelation it would be one of those moments like in one of my recurrent
dreams when you wake up in terror covering your bits because in the dream you have been
exposed stark naked for all to see and giggled at in remorseless mockery. Well, the exposure
I fear would be like that dream except in real time. So what is it that I actually fear being found
out about? There is a list in here somewhere. I am afraid of being exposed for the fact that I
skate upon thin ice financially, that shamefully enough I am not very good at adding up. I am
afraid that someone somewhere will find out that last year I fired someone whom I now think,
with the wisdom of hindsight, that I should have given the benefit of the doubt to. I fear someone
will discover that I am in occasional unguarded conversations disloyal to my boss, even though
I am fully supportive of her in meetings. Or I am exposed for the fact that while I proclaim my
commitment to my family and to planning my time to ensuring work–life balance, that the truth
is that most of the time, in my mind and in my actions, work actually comes first.
So what could all of that mean? What is the pattern here? How would it be if any of
these things – or anything else in the seemingly endless list that I could create – what if any
of these things were to be exposed? Well as I think about it the reality is the consequences
would be very few. So why do I make such a big deal of it? Does this fear serve me?
You know I don’t think it serves me at all. In fact I think it gets in the way. And in the
future I plan to be far more mindful of it, do what I can to defend against it rather than let this
fear sabotage my performance time and again. This issue needs further work with my coach
now that it is out there. And maybe, just maybe, it is all far less scary than it first seemed when
I first ’fessed up to it.
61 ■ ■ ■
MY STORY
One of the central tasks of coaching is to help people bring their lives into focus. Sometimes
this focus is directed at the whole of the coachee’s life; on other occasions it is more narrowly
directed at their career.
n Over a week or two the coachee is encouraged to write ‘My Story – past, present and
future’. It must have:
– A plot.
– Several sub-plots.
– A backcloth (the environment, place and society where the story unfolds).
– A moral (or several).
– Choices and dilemmas.
– Drama – deep disappointments and triumphs.
– A sense of continuity – grand themes that are echoed as the story unfolds.
n The coach then helps the coachee recognise and explore plots, moral and grand themes
so that they develop deeper understanding.
USING FICTIONAL STORIES
n Consider an issue that you are facing.

n Think of a fictional story that has parallels with and can be used to explore the issue.
Consider this story and speak out loud your thoughts and the story to your coach.
n Decide which is an effective method of dealing with the issue.
Note: The coachee must choose their own tale. However, there are some circumstances
under which a tale or a character can be offered by the coach, for example, ‘When you tell
me about that situation, it makes me think of the story of Pandora’s box’. Such comments
may help dialogue and exploration, but may not be productive if used for labelling a situation.
C USING FICTIONAL STORIES

A
S Stuart is a 34-year-old departmental head of a large charity. He works his socks off. He’s
E regarded as successful and has been using coaching to take an Appreciative Inquiry stance
S towards his own work and towards the development of those who work for him. His ‘people
T management’ capabilities were what he felt needed some attention.
U At one session, he raised a new issue. His own line manager was generally quite remote,
D and Stuart was becoming dissatisfied. He kept this man updated through a variety of reports
Y
■ ■ ■ 62
but felt his manager didn’t share his concern for what he believed to be key areas of the C
business. He had drafted a memo thanking his manager for his response to previous reports A
– a response which had not been forthcoming. He wanted advice from his coach on whether S
E
it was appropriate.
Now, there are many questions that might arise from this situation including ‘Does your S
line manager want or need those reports?’ and ‘What result do you wish to achieve?’ With T
U
Stuart’s permission, the coach used a story approach. D

The coach gave Stuart an invitation. ‘Take some time just to let your mind wander and Y
seek out a fictional story, or a story character, that you think has something in common with
your situation. It doesn’t have to be an exact match. And it can be any kind of fictional story,
old or new.’
Stuart quickly cast himself in the role of ‘the train who can’. As he spoke about his choice,
he came to the conclusion that the organisation was full of ‘trains who can’. In childhood, he’d
understood the tale to be all about persevering and, therefore, succeeding – which was a good
thing. And he’d been doing it ever since. But in relation to his current situation, he felt like ‘the
train who can’t’.
‘Why can’t the train this time?’ asked the coach.
‘Because I’m not a bloody train!’ came the reply.
‘Let’s find a fictional character you can be instead.’
‘Luke Skywalker. Did you know there’s a website where you can fill in a questionnaire
and find out which Star Wars character you are? I’m Luke Skywalker.’
‘OK, so what would Luke do?’
‘Luke would keep fighting for the side of good. My director isn’t Darth, he’s more of a
Wookie – on my side but I think speaking a different language. Luke would know Wookie, or
would know somebody who did.’
And so, Stuart’s personal hero engaged with the task. With his need to keep going up
the same steep hill at all costs abandoned, he went off to research a more useful and effective
communication method.
CREATING NEW STORIES – STARTING FROM

SOMEWHERE ELSE
History creates a lot of baggage that suppresses creativity, leaving us unable to think why
things cannot be done differently. When, where and why is this useful?
n Help the coachee create a story about their issue.

n Ask them to retell the story, starting from a different point or perspective. ‘If you were
in this story, starting from somewhere else, what would you do differently?’
63 ■ ■ ■
n Once these differences are listed, think creatively about how these approaches might
be adapted to overcome some of the constraints they are subject to in your world.
FOCUSING ON THE SENSES
Employing different and unfamiliar sensations can also be helpful in tapping into intuitive,
creative thinking.
Ask your coachee to:
n Set out a board and some clay; a plastic apron can also be useful, as this can get messy.
n Engage in a relaxation technique, going back to a memory of a place where they felt
creative (often back to childhood).
n Put on the blindfold and play with the clay for 10 minutes without a fixed idea of what
you want to create. Remember that they are researching and experimenting and not
trying to create beautiful things.
n After 10 minutes, take the blindfold off and write about your experience with your non-
dominant hand.
n After five minutes, or when you are finished, share your results with your coach for
discussion.
Alternatively, ask your coachee to:
n Use air-dried clay to create three-dimensional shapes as metaphors for a situation.

n Allow the shapes to dry to become visual reminders to move on in the future OR destroy
the shapes as a reminder that you need to let go.
MASK MAKING
In a similar way, mask-making can provide intuitive insights into complex issues. Although we
may strive to be authentic, our public persona (the mask we present to others and sometimes
also to ourselves) is rarely fully aligned with who we are or who we aspire to be.
n Create a mask with colour and detail of a situation or issue you are confronted with.
n Amend the mask, or create a second mask to signify the changes you want to make to
yourself or the situation.
■ ■ ■ 64
MASK MAKING C
A
Mark had opted into his organisation’s mentoring scheme as he had just been promoted to be S
leader of a team where he was previously a team member. He knew he needed to change his E
leadership style but hadn’t thought how to do this. S
His first task was to make a mask of his current leadership style. His mask had a big T
open smiley mouth, rays of sun coming from his eyes, topped with ‘just out of bed’ rumpled U
hair. He called it ‘Mr. Happy’ as he maintained a happy ‘work self’ at all times, even if he had D
Y
family problems or was feeling ill. Rather than create a second mask for how he wanted his
leadership style to develop, Mark chose to amend ‘Mr. Happy’.
Mark called his amended mask ‘Mr. Approachable’. He still had rays of sun coming from
his eyes, but his mouth was more closed and his ears were significantly bigger, signifying that
he wanted to say less and listen more. His hair was smoothed down indicating he wanted to
improve his time management and become more organised. There was also a tear coming from
one eye, showing that he wanted to be more authentic and honest about how he was feeling
to encourage his staff to be open and honest with him.
CIRCLES OF EMPOWERMENT
This technique comes from our work on diversity, but has much wider application, especially
in the context of recognising and overcoming self-limiting beliefs. It provides a visual
representation of the factors that may drive or hinder us in achieving aspirations.
n Identify as many aspects of their personality and background as possible.

n Locate them against a line that represents the border between being a positive and
negative factor in the specific context under examination. Circles entirely below the line
indicate a severe hindering factor; those entirely above the line are enabling of the
contextual goal. Those straddling the line have both positive and negative elements.
Having identified each of these elements, the coach helps the coachee define what they can
do to:
n Make more of the positives.

n Reduce the impact of negatives.
n Manage the line-straddling issues more effectively.
An optional intermediate is to discuss how large each circle should be. The bigger the
diameter, the greater its impact on the goal and the higher the priority it should acquire in
the dialogue between the coach and coachee.
65 ■ ■ ■
C CIRCLES OF EMPOWERMENT
A
S Circles of empowerment often prove useful in helping a mentee from an ethnic or gender
E minority understand the scope and sources of disadvantage they face in an organisation. In
S the example below, the enabling factors include having a degree, being articulate and being
T ambitious. Hindering factors are having the ‘wrong’ accent (i.e. not one associated with being
U educated), lacking access to networks that provide access to senior managers, family
D commitments and not having enough track record of working on high-profile projects. Line-
Y
straddling factors are being black and being female (in this organisation, positive action
policies have been instituted).
The mentee, whose situation this example describes, chose to focus on two factors to
increase the balance of advantage over disadvantage. She signed on, with some financial help
from the company, for an MBA; and she used the mentor to introduce her to a range of senior
managers, who she cultivated purposefully.
STEPPING IN/STEPPING OUT
This technique arises from our observations of hundreds of coaches. We noticed that the
most effective coaches frequently shifted the perspective of their questions as illustrated in
Figure 5.1.
Stepping into the box is about acknowledging the individual’s own perspectives, joining
them to try to understand what they are thinking and feeling, and why. Some people may come
at an issue from a purely rational viewpoint, not wanting to explore their emotions for fear of
what they might discover about themselves. Others may simply be too caught up in the
emotion of a situation to think about it rationally.
Figure 5.1 Out

Stepping
in/stepping out
Rational Emotional
In
■ ■ ■ 66
Stepping out of the box is about helping them to distance themselves from the issue,
either to examine it intellectually from other people’s or broader perspectives; or to help them
empathise with and understand the feelings of other protagonists in the situation under
discussion.
To truly understand and deal with an issue, it is frequently necessary to explore it from
each of these perspectives. A small insight into one perspective can generate progress in
another and a skilled coach uses frequent shifts of questioning perspective to generate these
incremental advances.
STEPPING IN/STEPPING OUT C

A
Jill came to her mentor in tears. She had just been bawled out publicly by her boss, in front of S
colleagues at a meeting. Her first question to her mentor was: Should I resign? Rather than E
address this issue, the mentor began to question her about her feelings. What did she feel S
when the incident happened? How did she feel about it now? Might her feelings change after T
she had slept on the matter? U
The mentor then switched from the emotional, self-focused quadrant to the rational, self- D
Y
focused quadrant. What actual harm has this done to your self-esteem? Your ability to do the
job? Your career prospects? Is this a one-off incident, or has it happened before?
She next moved to a rational, other-focused perspective. Would Jill’s colleagues really
be likely to use this incident against her? Were there wider issues of team morale here? Of
team performance?
Moving on to an emotional, other-focused perspective, the mentor asked: What do you
think your boss was feeling that made him do something so uncharacteristic? How do you think
he feels about it now?
The mentor then made shorter visits to each of the boxes as follows:
– Do you enjoy your job normally? (emotional, in the box)

– Are you good at it? (intellectual, self-focused)
– How do you want the relationship between you and your boss to be? (emotional,
out of the box)
– Do you think you have a responsibility to your colleagues, yourself and your
manager to confront and deal with this issue constructively? (intellectual, other-
focused)
– How could you make it easier for your manager to accept and discuss the impact
of his behaviour? (intellectual, other-focused)
– Do you have the courage and commitment to talk to him now? (emotional, self-
focused)
– Would you like to rehearse how you are going to open the discussion? (intellectual,
other-focused)
67 ■ ■ ■
C Jill asked her manager for a meeting as soon as possible that day. She turned up feeling
A very nervous, but had only gone a short way into her rehearsed discussion, when the manager
S
stopped her, apologised and then spent half an hour telling her about the pressures that had
E
made him behave as he did. Not only was he being driven hard by his boss, but he was
S desperately worried about his wife, who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
T Unconsciously at the time, Jill found herself using the same questioning technique with him,
U
D to work out how she and the rest of the team could support him through this stressful period.
Y He was adamant that he did not want his domestic problems more widely known, but agreed
with Jill a working plan that distributed many of his responsibilities among the team, to free
him up to concentrate on the other issues. Having started a few hours before, doubting her
ability to stay with the firm, Jill emerged from the meeting with a much higher feeling of her
own standing. Some months later, in an emotional speech at a team away-day, her manager
publicly recognised the support she had given.
RETRO-ENGINEERED LEARNING
The newcomer to a team is often at a severe disadvantage. Many of the tacit rules and
assumptions, by which the team operates, are unconscious and far from obvious. Although
some organisations make it easier by encouraging newcomers to question and challenge
accepted practice (‘Why on earth do we do it like that?!’), the reality in many cases is that
newcomers are expected to learn the ropes rather than undo the rigging. Being too
confrontational about the way things are done can be seen as threatening by established
colleagues and as questioning their competence.
Retro-engineered learning is a relatively unthreatening way of giving the newcomer
access to the evolution of culture and working practice. The process begins with the coach
facilitating a conversation between the newcomer and one or more people, who have been
in the team since its inception, or for a long time. The old hands are asked to explain briefly
what the intention was in setting up the team and the initial expectations of it. The newcomers
are then invited to say how they would have met this challenge. Then the old hands explain
what actually happened and why. The focus then returns to the newcomers to say what they
would have done next – what priorities they would have set, how they would have structured
the task and so on – before the old hands share again what actually happened. By going to
and fro in this way, the newcomers gain a sense of the team’s history and how it developed
norms of thinking and behaving.
■ ■ ■ 68
RETRO-ENGINEERED LEARNING C
A
Norman is the head of operations at an international charity, which has projects all over the S
developing world. It is a demanding job, for both him and his team, and sometimes harrowing. E
Tough decisions often have to be taken – for example, whether to leave staff in an area of S
high civil unrest and risk their lives or withdraw them, knowing that coachees will suffer and T
perhaps die as a result. He had recently appointed a new regional head for Latin American U
operations, but the appointment didn’t seem to be working out. D

Y
When he discussed the problem with his coach, it emerged that this wasn’t the first
recruiting problem he had experienced. Of his team of six, three had been appointed in the
shoes of a failed predecessor. ‘It’s a tough job and people don’t always work out,’ he explained.
‘But I have to ask myself if I’m part of the problem. And I don’t know.’
The main problem with the new Latin American manager, it seemed, was his inability to
accept that long-proven routines were essential. He had come from another international-aid
organisation and before that from the private sector and had a strong instinct for approaches
that solved the problem first then sorted out the bureaucracy. This caused conflict with both
Norman and some of the new manager’s peers. Norman was coming under pressure from his
own boss to ‘sort this guy out’.
The coach suggested using retro-engineered learning to ensure that the new regional
manager understood why things were done in the way they were. A meeting was arranged
between the three of them, where the coach acted as facilitator. The discussion went something
like this:
– Norman, when you were given the job of setting up the regional structure, what
were your starting points?
– Bernardo, having heard that, what would you have done to set up an efficient
operation?
– What did you actually do, Norman? (Norman explained the constraints he was
operating under and the factors that shaped the decision-making processes.)
– With what you know now, Bernardo, what would you have done differently?
(Bernardo thinks deeply and outlines a broad strategy.)
– Was that an option for you, Norman? What did you actually do? What constraints
were you operating under?
– Accepting the strategy that Norman had to work with, Bernardo, what would you
have done to create an efficient reporting system?
And so on, until the present.
69 ■ ■ ■
C Throughout this discussion, the coach ensured that neither Norman nor Bernardo was
A judgemental about decisions and practices. The past was done, he explained. While we were
S
not able to change it, and there may be decisions we regretted, by understanding the past we
E
could be more realistic about current decisions. To Bernardo, the history of the operations
S function was mostly new information. The more his understanding about the way the structure
T and systems in which his job operated evolved, the more empathetic he could be to his
U
D colleagues’ concerns. For Norman, reviewing the decision-making processes in hindsight

Y provided a number of lessons that could be applied to current dilemmas.
The process of learning together forged a bond between Norman and Bernardo, which
continued to grow. Because he could now put his criticism of the system into context, Bernardo
was able to make much more acceptable arguments for re-assessing some key aspects of the
operations and Norman authorised him to work with two of his colleagues to develop new
approaches.
CAREER PATHING
For many people, their career is something that happens to them, rather than something they
have planned and managed. A healthy approach to career self-management can be described
as one where there is sufficient proactivity to have a sense of purpose and direction, but a
high degree of openness to unexpected opportunities. Career pathing involves helping the
coachee reflect upon and learn from how they prepared for and managed past career
choices and transitions; and develop appropriate strategies for their future careers.
The key steps are:
n Encourage the coachee, on a large piece of paper, to write down an early career choice
– for example, which degree course to take at university.
n Take the coachee through a series of decision points, producing a map that looks
something like Figure 5.2.
n Help the coachee analyse each of the pivotal points in his or her career, drawing out
lessons concerning the nature and management of the process.
n Projecting this into the future involves questions such as:
– What pivotal decision points are likely to come in the next 24 months or so?
– To what extent have you prepared for these?
– Who will you want to consult and when?
– Will these expand or reduce your range of options?
– What values will you want to apply to the decision?
– How are you going to make sure you exert control over this next step in your career
direction?
■ ■ ■ 70
Figure 5.2
First Career pathing
supervisory
job
Second job
First job
University
CAREER PATHING C
A
Martin is a senior manager in a public sector organisation. The organisation was undergoing S
rapid and drastic change as the politic masters reshaped both its structure and scope. He felt E
frustrated that his ambitions of becoming a chief executive seemed to be receding, rather than S
getting closer. ‘It’s the sense of feeling impotent that really gets to me,’ he told his mentor. T
Using the career pathing exercise, Martin very quickly realised that virtually all the career U
moves he had made had been decided for him, or had been inevitable consequences of doing D
Y
a reasonable job in the post before. While that had been successful in a relatively stable
environment, it didn’t seem such a sensible tactic in an unstable one. Moreover, when he
benchmarked his career against that of more successful contemporaries, he realised that the
main difference was that they made many of the opportunities that came their way.
He and the coach therefore worked together to develop a plan to open up more options
for his next career move, against a background of several different scenarios for the
organisation. Important aspects of the plan included developing a much wider set of networks,
both inside and outside the public sector, and taking on a number of projects, which would
increase his general marketability.
FUTURE TALK
Future talk is a form of visualisation that is helpful in coaching. It allows coachees to identify
small, observable, achievable tasks that would bring about change in a difficulty they are
facing, whether it is a small difficulty, e.g. they feel left out of a group, or a bigger problem
71 ■ ■ ■
such as they don’t have enough confidence to engage in an activity, or they may lack support
at a meeting where they will be asked to address inappropriate behaviour.
It encourages all to hear a point of view that they may not have heard before and,
because it does not involve ‘blaming’, it allows others involved to hear their part in the change
process.
n Using ‘visualisation’, identify a small, observable, achievable task that would bring about
change in a difficulty you were facing.

n Ask questions such as the following to see how you expect it to pan out in the future:
– What’s happening differently now that you are doing OK?
– How do you control things?
– How do you cope now when you feel frustrated – what do you do?
– If I saw you the day after things started changing, what would I have noticed that
was different?
– What would others be doing differently?
– How are people different with you – what are they saying/doing differently?
Once you have established what they understand as needing to be done differently, set an
observation task. For example, ‘Because you said that doing this would make a difference to
your behaviour, I would like you to observe what difference it makes in the next week’.
VISUALISATION – EXPAND AND CONTRACT
Visualisation can help us slow down and focus on a particular issue.
n Start by closing your eyes and feeling the pressure of your feet on the floor and your
back on the chair.
n Become aware of other touch sensations, such as the feel of your spectacles or your
watch.
n Listen to your breathing and maybe your heartbeat. Become aware of the smells around
you.
n Open your eyes and focus on a spot immediately ahead and above you.
n Without moving your head, increase your awareness of what you can see to the sides
– your peripheral vision – but do not be distracted by things you hadn’t observed before.
Do the same for other points in the room.
n Enjoy the quiet for a while.
n Now close your eyes and visualise the issue or situation. Make sure to exaggerate or
minimise key elements, for example, ‘Instead of charging £1 an hour to Mark, what would
happen if we charged £10?’
n When these alternative scenarios have been explored, open your eyes and discuss any
insights that have arisen.
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HELPING PEOPLE ARTICULATE COMPLEX PROBLEMS
If we are in too much of a hurry to help a coachee find a solution, it’s easy to oversimplify the
issue they present. In practice, a presented issue may be a small part of a larger issue, or
composed of several distinct but overlapping issues. Giving the coachee space to talk through
and expand their understanding of an issue, before focusing down, helps us address it at the
right level.
As a coach, you can:
n Encourage coachees to start somewhere, and then meander in whatever direction

makes sense to them:
– Where and how they meander is information in itself.
– It is quicker to get something out, however confused, which you can subsequently
work on, than force them to try to be very logical about it (a move which may also
undermine rapport, since they may read it as critical of them).
n Once there is a ‘draft version’, you can use any or all of the following to help your
coachees see connections and understand the ramifications:
– Spider diagrams or mind maps can be very useful in teasing out connections in a
complex situation or issue.
– Other forms of drawing, for example:
° Time lines: Use a horizontal axis as development over time. A refinement here
is to draw a horizontal line, and invite the coachee to place positive aspects of
the situation above the line, and negative ones below it, moving through time
from left to right.
° Archery target: Put the coachee in the bull’s eye, and then place other people
closer or further away (using concentric circles as demarcations). Describe who
they are, and what their part in the situation is.
° Refinement: Have a ‘pie slice’ of the circle (or even a semi-circle) represent a
particular salient group – e.g. enemies. This technique is particularly useful
where you have a ‘cast of thousands’.
– Story perspectives: Ask the coachee to run through the story several times, as seen
from different people’s perspectives (e.g. themselves, their boss, an outsider).
– Ask for a ‘headline’ describing the nub of the issue. Then ask for examples of the
headline from the situation.
– Invite the coachee to liken the situation to several different analogies (‘it’s like a bear
pit in there’; ‘it’s like living in a Force 10 gale’; ‘it’s like nuclear winter’). Then ask
them how (a) it is like each analogy; and (b) how it is unlike each analogy.
– Introduce them to the distinction between the ‘truth of the physical world’ and the
‘truth of human being’. In the former, something cannot be both something and its
opposite at the same time. So a crow cannot be both black and not black. On the
73 ■ ■ ■
other hand, social truth can and does encompass paradox. Something can be
frightening and enjoyable at the same time. A person can be both helpful and unhelpful
at the same time. In other words, legitimise (apparent) contradictions as reasonable
and, quite possibly, true. This will give a much richer picture of their perceptions when
they don’t feel that they have to iron them into a logically coherent narrative.
DRAWING
Drawing helps people access creative circuits they may not normally employ – using stick
figures, and speech bubbles like a cartoon may assist in enhancing an atmosphere of
experimentation and exploration.
n Ask the coachee to draw a picture to describe the situation they are in now.
n Support them as they extract meaning from what they have drawn.
n Ask what or who is not in the picture – and what can be inferred from that.
C DRAWING
A
S A coachee was hesitant to start and asked where she should put herself in the picture. She
E was asked ‘How would it be if you put yourself in the middle of the picture?’ Her response
S was that she never put herself in the middle — she was always running around after everyone
T else. She chose to draw a picture that illustrated her desired situation – putting herself in the
U centre – and everything else in her life started to change.
D
Y
DEVELOPING ‘WAYS OF BEING’ THROUGH PHYSIOLOGY

AND BODY POSTURE
This exercise uses the body to get into more constructive and productive moods and
recognises how small shifts in body posture can generate a more positive outlook and produce
more effective communication. This exercise comes from the field of ontological coaching.
Ontological coaching is a focus on the coachee’s way of being. Our way of being can be
thought of as the internal reality we live in, which especially includes the relationship we have
with ourselves. It is from this internal reality that we form our reality about the external world
and how we participate in it. This contains our deeply ingrained attitudes and patterns of
perceptions, which may significantly limit our effectiveness and what we are capable of
accomplishing. By altering someone’s language, mood and posture you are changing their
negative perceptions of themselves and preparing them for success.
■ ■ ■ 74
n Ask your coachee to observe and comment on their body posture and muscular tension.
n Encourage the coachee to become aware of how they hold their head and neck,
shoulders, chest and torso and hips, and ask how the world is for them from this posture.
n The coachee decides with their coach what would be a more resourceful and beneficial
posture for them. What shifts need to take place?
n Ask your coachee to move into the posture that represents those shifts. With the
coachee’s permission, you can share some additional postural shifts.
n Ask how the world appears to the coachee from the different posture.
n Suggest that the coachee moves from their original posture to the new one a number
of times to ensure they have a ‘good feel’ for each and the different views of the world
both postures provide them.
DEVELOPING ‘WAY OF BEING’ THROUGH PHYSIOLOGY AND C

BODY POSTURE A
S
Karen was a manager in a suburban real estate office and listed some key areas of E
dissatisfaction in her life. S
Karen’s coach invited her to explore how her negative opinions and heavy moods were T
embodied, i.e. held in her body. With her permission, the coach provided some observations U
and invitations to explore making small shifts in her posture. It was observed that she was D
Y
slightly tilted forward from the shoulder blades to the neck and the top of the head. It was also
observed that her hips were pushed back and that her knees were locked tight, as well as
tightness in her jaw. Karen commented she often required chiropractic treatment to have her
back adjusted. With her permission the coach adjusted her posture so that she became more
upright. She was invited to imagine having a string attached to the crown of her head that was
being pulled upwards so that her neck vertebrae gently stretched, whilst her chin remained
parallel to the ground. Suggestions were made to adjust the position of her hips and to ‘take
a breath and exhale down into soft and flexible knees’.
Karen was asked how this different posture was for her. She found it amazing that she
felt so much lighter and things seemed so much clearer. She was invited to walk in her ‘new
posture’ and then go back to her ‘old posture’ to appreciate the difference. The world was a
very different place for her, including the world of possibilities, from each posture. The coach
observed that her face had opened up and there was more sparkle in her eyes – she ‘showed
up’ differently to the world! Karen reported that from her ‘new posture’ she was not stupid, as
she had described herself earlier in the coaching session, and that it was legitimate for her to
ask for what she wanted. She was provided with some gentle exercises to continue re-educating
her body into a more supportive posture.
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ISSUES MAPPING
This technique aims to capture, very quickly, in an initial coaching conversation, the dominant
themes and issues in a coachee’s life.
n Ask the coachee to tell the story of ‘How I became me’. Listen for recurring themes,
for contradictions, for opposites, for patterns of almost any kind. Each time the coach
identifies a theme, he draws it as a line (see Figure 5.3). At each end of the line, the
coach identifies a pair of competing demands upon the coachee.
n The emerging issues are then the topics for the next coaching session.
Figure 5.3 Creativity

Issues mapping Please yourself Honour
Liberation Career
Indian culture Daring/ risk taking
Comfort Western culture
Family Fear
Ambition Punish self

Stability
APPRECIATIVE INQUIRY
As the name suggests, Appreciative Inquiry explores issues from a positive perspective.
The start of the AI process is the Affirmative Topic Choice. The first question tends to
be something like, ‘What do you want to learn about and achieve?’ This is followed by
■ ■ ■ 76
questions checking whether the first response is all that is wanted, until the respondent gets
to the point of being emphatically clear about what they really want. This gives a focus for
the appreciative interview, which follows. The interview is about discovering information based
on questions such as:
n What gives life to your being in the organisation?

n What is the best there is here?
n What do you most appreciate about your work here?

n Could this be the basis for our coaching conversations?
n Can we see life in the organisation not as a problem to be analysed, planned for and
solved, but rather as an appreciation and valuing of what is best, an envisioning of what
might be and a dialogue with others affected about what should be? (This approach
conceives life in the organisation as a mystery to be embraced.)
The aim is to find the ‘positive change core’ – the essence of every strength, innovation,
achievement, imaginative story, hope, positive tradition, passion and dream that the individual
has, engaged in the pursuit of the Affirmative Topic.
The four-stage AI process (the 4Ds) is:
n Discovery: Mobilise a systemic inquiry into the positive change core.

n Dream: Envision the individual’s greatest potential for positive influence and impact on
the world.
n Design: Craft a way of going on in which the positive change core is boldly alive in all
strategies, processes, systems, decisions and collaborations.
n Destiny: Invite action inspired by the discovery, dream and design.
This represents a process for developing a coaching relationship over time.

n How could you have done this better?
n What does this mean for you?
n What does this situation/experience tell you about yourself?
n What else could you do?
n What else have you done?
n What happens if you do nothing?
n What is new in this situation?
n What else matters here?
n What can you do? What can you influence? What can you not influence?
n Who cares? Who can? Who will?
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6 EXPLOR I NG B E LI E FS
AN D VALU ES
We have already partly touched on values as an important component of building rapport.

However, helping the coachee understand and articulate their own values is often also a vital
step in helping them find lasting solutions to issues they are grappling with. If solutions are
not congruent with the coachee’s values, they are less likely to be implemented and even
less likely to stick.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Eliciting values
n Challenging deeply held beliefs and assumptions
n Taboo areas
n Changing beliefs
n Imposter syndrome
n Reassessing role models
n The leader’s story
n What is success?
n The meaning of success
n Changing belief sets
n Cognitive dissonance
n Life purpose I
n Life purpose II
n Life purpose III
n Building a sense of purpose
n Meaningful moments
■ ■ ■ ■ EXPLORING BELIEFS AND VALUES
n Digging for holes

n Making the right difference
n Writing your ethical code
n Exploring values
n The values matrix
n Personal credo
n The epitaph/memorial/leaving speech
n Throw away a role

n The transcript reflection technique
n Career metaphor
n Competing commitments
n Are you committed to pursuing this goal?
n The meaning of YES!
ELICITING VALUES
Values lie at the core of behaviour. Yet most people have only a shallow appreciation of the
values they hold, where they come from, and how they influence them. By helping coachees
articulate their values, we create greater potential for them to achieve change, by aligning
their goals and their values.
n Ask the coachee to identify special, peak moments in their lives, which were particularly
rewarding or poignant.
n When the coachee has a specific moment in mind, ask:
– What was happening?

– Who was there?
– What was going on?
– What was important about that?
– What else?
n Once a list has been established, ask the coachee to expand on each one by one asking
questions such as:
– What does truthfulness mean to you?

– Can you make it specific — is it truthfulness or integrity or truth?
n Repeat this exercise to ensure that, as the coachees’ self-awareness grows, their
understanding becomes deeper and more effective for them.
79 ■ ■ ■
The list of values can also be used to inform decision making using a values-based decision
matrix, where coachees list their values and score them out of 10 on their level of satisfaction.
They can be challenged to take decisions based on how their values are respected or ignored
for each outcome. This can also be used to review life-balance issues for coachees using
the scores as stimuli for action.
Other ways of eliciting values based on this model include asking the coachee:
n To list the ‘must haves’ in their life.

n To take what is important to them, and what others say about them, to an extreme –
and focusing on what they might be.
n To describe a time in their lives when they felt angry, frustrated or upset, and reversing
the descriptions of what shows up.
To make this exercise most effective, ask the coachee to describe what values mean to them
at the very start.
CHALLENGING DEEPLY HELD BELIEFS AND ASSUMPTIONS
There is a wide psychological literature on self-limiting beliefs and how easily being reminded
of these, even in very subtle ways, can undermine performance. Coaches also frequently
encounter strong ‘implicit bias’ in coachees – for example, assumptions about particular
groups of people that lead to them being marginalised; or assumptions about how a leader
should behave, which run contrary to evidence.
As a coach, you will need to:
n Be attentive to statements that indicate a deeply held belief or assumption and decide
whether it is in the coachee’s best interests to challenge this. (It may be appropriate
simply to make a note of it and bring it back into the conversation at a more apposite
time.)
n Draw attention to the finality of the statement by saying something like ‘Well, that’s that
then; no point in looking at that any further’ if it can be done in a way that shows the
coachee the defeatism of their belief. This relieves tension and enables them to stand
back from the belief and look at it more dispassionately.
n Ask the coachee to repeat the sentence and then add ‘Because . . . ’ or ‘Because, what
would happen if you did . . . ?’ When the coachee replies, say ‘And then what would
happen?’ or ‘And then what would you feel?’ until the coachee has reached the core
belief.
n Once the core belief has been stated, do not rush to fill the silence or provide ideas.
The coachee may need to first assimilate the new idea.
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CHALLENGING DEEPLY HELD BELIEFS AND ASSUMPTIONS C

A
The coachee may say something like, ‘I am permanently exhausted and snowed under at work S
but I couldn’t possibly ask my manager for an assistant’. Because it is so self-evident to her, E
as are all assumptions, she may then move on to a different subject or be lost in contemplation S
of the hopelessness of the situation. T
It is good then to flag up that you are going to help her examine this statement by saying U
something that brings her back to it, such as ‘Let’s stay with that and examine it a bit further’. D
Y
If appropriate, you could draw attention to the finality of the statement by saying something
such as ‘Well, that’s that then; no point in looking at that any further’ if you can do it in a way
that makes both of you smile and shows her the defeatism of her belief. This can reduce tension,
and enable her to stand back from the belief and look at it more dispassionately, rather than
being buried in the feelings that the belief engenders.
You could ask her to repeat the sentence as she might already have forgotten what she
said. Repeat it yourself and then add ‘Because’ or ‘Because, what would happen if you did . .
. ?’ When she replies, just say ‘And then, what would happen?’ or ‘And then, what would you
feel?’, until she has reached the core belief.
This could be something like ‘People will realise I am useless’. Because the core belief
causes such anxiety before it is discovered – which explains why a comfortable assumption is
created to conceal it – they will try to deflect themselves onto another subject. Your aim is to
be gently relentless:
– You can’t do that because . . .

– So, what would happen if . . .
– And then, what would happen . . .
– And then . . .
– And then you would feel . . .
– Ah, so is that the real fear?
You never deny or refute their belief because that stops the process of teasing it out. It
will only come out when you create a supportive environment where it is safe for anything to
be said, no matter how trivial or how enormous.
Along the way, use as few words as possible so that you become just a prompt and they
do not have to abandon their train of thought to focus on understanding what you are saying.
If you can keep it to ‘because’, ‘and then’, ‘and then’, ‘he would think what?’, so much the better.
Once the core belief has been stated, let it hang in the air. Do not rush to fill the silence
as sometimes a pause can produce, ‘Well, if that is the problem, I know how to handle it’.
Similarly, do not rush to provide options as the coachee may need first to assimilate the new
idea.
81 ■ ■ ■
C Do not use this approach with someone until a solid working relationship has been
A established as it can be challenging and could be felt as threatening.
S
For the same reason, it is not for use with someone who you can tell is fragile. They need
E
to be robust enough to reach the finishing line of their final realisation or core belief. It is
S important that the coachee feels that you are on their side, gently chivvying them to a
T realisation they are ready to make and can cope with. So, do not use it with anyone who wants
U
D to fix you in an opposing or authoritarian role.

Y Finally, ensure you do not undertake this approach in the closing moments of a session
as you both need time to process the realisation and/or to get back onto an easier, low-anxiety
footing with each other before the end of the session.
TABOO AREAS
A great coaching question is ‘What are the topics that this team/organisation avoids talking
about?’ You can, of course, also use the same question at an individual level. Almost
invariably, it opens up issues that have an impact on performance.
n Rate taboo subjects (subjects you have difficulty talking about) on a scale of 0–4
(no difficulty–high difficulty) on a table such as Table 6.1.
n Choose two or three areas that have a degree of difficulty that makes them a challenge
to discuss.
n Explore examples in this area. This can be an occasion when you or your coachee have
dealt with a difficult issue well, or more of a challenge, where there has been a failure
to deal with the issue satisfactorily.
n Explore the antecedents of this reluctance. What individual and/or collective values does
this align with or conflict with?
CHANGING BELIEFS
Here we offer three core exercises:
n Exploring values and how they are sustained by rules; examining values you move
towards and values you move away from.
n Costs and benefit of changing beliefs.
n Process for changing beliefs.
■ ■ ■ 82
Table 6.1 Taboo areas table

‘Taboo’ area Rating 0–4 Example
Golf
Emotions at work
Failure
Courage
Fraud
Love
Deceit
Cowardice
Joy
Fear
Life purpose
Spirit
Business ethics
Office politics
Getting old
Betrayal
Clandestine sex
Abuse of power
Bullying at work
Fulfilling your dreams
Rivalry
Rejection
Inadequacy
Loyalty
Malice
God
Despair
Fantasies
Death
Mental illness
Ecstasy
Redundancy
Physical illness
Opening up conflict
Pleasure
Suffering
Notes: 0 = No difficulty; 1 = Slight difficulty; 2 = Moderate difficulty; 3 = Strong difficulty; 4 = No way.
83 ■ ■ ■
1: Values and rules

This exercise will help the coachee to identify their current most important values and to
understand some of the current rules that they have in place to live by these values. It will
help shape these rules to better support them in achieving their goals.
n Ask the coachee to list the 10 most important values they are drawn towards; and rank
them in order of importance. Examples might include achievement, significance,
happiness, growth and freedom.

n Next they list the rules that they associate with each value. Ask the question ‘What has
to happen in order for me to feel . . . [insert value]?’ An example of a rule would be ‘For
me to feel respected, people would have to listen to my point of view, take my opinion
into account and solicit my views’. Or, ‘I receive recognition and validation every time
someone honours me by sharing his or her experiences, thoughts or feelings’.
n Now consider values, which they are moving away from, such as rejection, failure and
being embarrassed. List their top five moving-away-from values. Use questions such as
‘What are the feelings you would do almost anything to avoid having to feel?’
n List the rules they currently have for their moving-away-from values. An example might
be ‘If I don’t succeed the first time then I will have failed’ or ‘I will never ever again
indulge in the consistent experience of rejection as I always have something to
contribute, whether expressed or not’.
2: Cost–benefit exercise
This exercise will help your coachee to explore how holding certain beliefs can both benefit,
yet also prevent them from changing aspects of their life. Here are some questions for your
coachee:
n Write down the current belief, which you would like to change.
n What are the ways in which you are benefiting from holding this belief?
n What are the ways in which holding this belief costs you?
n What are the benefits of changing this belief?
n And what are the costs of changing the belief?
n What would you like your new belief to be?
3: Belief changing exercise

This exercise helps the coachee to understand how they underpin their beliefs. This
understanding allows you both to challenge those beliefs.
n What is a limiting belief you have which you would like to change?
n What behaviours underpin this belief?
■ ■ ■ 84
n Unpick the current behaviours and replace them with ones that take you towards your
goals.
n Reframe to replace the old limiting belief with a more empowering one.
IMPOSTER SYNDROME
Some coachees report feeling imposters in the jobs that they do. Often this is associated
with not having social confidence in carrying out their role. One senior executive coachee
said: ‘It’s not that I think I can’t carry out the role; it is whether I should’, reflecting on the
manual work that all other members of his family were engaged in.
To address imposter syndrome, ask the following questions to the coachee:
n Name the condition: What would you call this set of beliefs? What do others call it?
n Ideal state: How would you like to be? What could you realistically do to challenge your
own limiting assumptions?
n Gaining feedback to challenge assumptions: How do you gather information about how
you are perceived by others? How could you gain more data?
Note: A coach can experience imposter syndrome themselves, especially if working with
coachees who have bigger jobs than the coach has. Using a similar process in supervision
can be beneficial.
REASSESSING ROLE MODELS
Especially in our formative years, we are all influenced by role models. Mostly, this is an
unconscious, uncritical process. The problem is, the stronger the role model, the more likely
we are to absorb negative attitudes, behaviours and assumptions from them. Unpacking this
process helps us regain our own authenticity.
The coach firsts asks the coachee to think of people who have had a strong, positive
influence on their career or personal development. She/he asks them to:
n Picture each individual, and remember what they looked like and sounded like (this is
often best done with the eyes closed).
n Describe in up to six words or phrases the qualities they most readily associate with
this individual.
n Describe the feelings this individual stimulated in them (and whether the memory of the
person still elicits those feelings).
n Think about the impact that person had upon their career, the choices they have made,
the way that they think and so on.
85 ■ ■ ■
n Define, if possible, where and how they used that person as a role model.
n Recall the limitations of that person (i.e. what were they a poor role model for? Did they
fail the coachee in any way?).
n Consider what price, if any, that person paid for the help they gave the coachee.
n Consider whether how the coachee acts towards others is affected by the way this
person acted towards them.
This exploration of leadership in others provides a useful basis for developing an

understanding of where the coachee’s leadership values and behaviours have come from and
where some of the critical gaps might lie.
THE LEADER’S STORY
This technique has much in common with career pathing, but explores highs and lows, rather
than decision points.
n Look back upon their career (or other issue) and identify as many highlights as possible.
n These may be positioned above, below or across a horizontal line that divides them into
highs and lows (although some may be both).
n The coach explores these with the coachee asking questions such as:
– How did you change as a result of this experience?

– What was the impact on others?
– Has your view of that experience changed over time?
– How will these experiences affect the decisions and behaviours you make in the
future?
– How can you use these experiences to help others?
– What does this review of your story tell you about your values and what’s important
to you?
– Can you connect any part of your story to a challenge you currently face? That a
colleague currently faces?
WHAT IS SUCCESS?
It’s easy as a coach to assume that the coachee has a similar concept of what success looks
and feels like, but (if they have thought about it at all) people tend to have very different
pictures in mind. Helping the coachee put some structure and clarity around what success
means to them personally, in both the short term (task-focused) and longer term (personal
purpose) helps to provide a firm foundation for exploring their issues.
■ ■ ■ 86
The coach asks the coachee to reflect for a few minutes on their personal criteria for
success. Questions to ask include:
n What does success feel like to you?

n How would you know when you had got there?
n What evidence would you point to that indicates success for you?
n How will others regard you when you are successful?
n What about success in other areas of your life?
WHAT IS SUCCESS? C
A
Richard was an executive coach and he was working with Guy, a successful businessman, who S
wondered why everything seemed a burden, when it seemed he had nothing to worry about. E
Their conversation went as follows: S
Richard: What are your goals for next year? T
U
Guy: Next year I will become rich. D
Richard: How much will you need to be rich? Y
Guy: Dunno.
Richard: How much did you make last year?
Guy: £4 million.
Richard: So how much more will you need to make this year?
Guy: Still don’t know.
Guy is an extreme example of a condition that afflicts many of us. We have lots of ‘on’
buttons that get us going, but no ‘off’ buttons. Being clear about what success might mean is
a first and essential step in discovering what is enough for a good life.
THE MEANING OF SUCCESS
This technique is particularly useful when coach and coachee come from different generations
or different cultures. Over the past 15 years or more, one of us has asked thousands of people
in workshops and seminars to undertake it. Mostly, people’s answers divide into those that
emphasise achieving defined objectives and those that relate to personal achievement.
However, discussion soon reveals that success is a mixture of these expectations – or more
precisely, success is ‘achieving what you value’. And what you value may be very different
for coach and coachee.
87 ■ ■ ■
n Give the coachee a small number of generic success factors to consider. For example:
– Money.
– Status or peer recognition.
– Job satisfaction.
– Work–life balance.
– Contribution to society.
n Allocate a number of points between these factors, according to how much they value
each as part of what success means to them. Ideally, the total should be a number that
can’t be cleanly divided by the number of choices – so they are forced to assign
priorities.
n Do the same calculation, but looking backwards 10 years and forwards 10 years.
n Identify what changes they see in success criteria between these dates.
CHANGING BELIEF SETS
This is a logical sequence of questions that aims to help people understand and questions
their beliefs. This raises awareness of personal beliefs and values, with a view to initiating
change.
n What is your belief about XYZ? Can you be precise about it?
n How consistent is this belief? In all circumstances? Most? Some?
n Where and how do you apply this belief in practice? For example, in how you judge
your own actions and motives? Those of other people? Can you give me some examples
of how you have acted out of this belief?
n Where do you think this belief comes from? (Your personal experience? Your parents?
Society in general? Etc.)
n What is the benefit of this belief to you?
– Mentally.
– Physically.
– Materially.
– Spiritually.
n What is the benefit of this belief to others?
– Mentally.
– Physically.
– Materially.
– Spiritually.
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n How might this belief work to your disadvantage?
– Mentally.
– Physically.
– Materially.
– Spiritually.
n What would be the value to you of a different belief?
– Mentally.
– Physically.
– Materially.
– Spiritually
n What would be the value to others if you have a different belief (e.g. about them)?
– Mentally.
– Physically.
– Materially.
– Spiritually.
n What’s preventing you accepting and living out this alternative belief?
– What would you like to do about that?
COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
Cognitive dissonance occurs when the coachee feels mental discomfort or anxiety
experienced when two or more of their strongly held beliefs or assumptions are in conflict;
when they feel obliged to act in a way that is contradictory to their beliefs or values, or when
they are forced to acknowledge information that conflicts with their existing beliefs or values.
You can help your coachee recognise cognitive dissonance and then help them to
address the issue in a more self-aware, self-honest manner. Ask the coachee to:
n Identify a time when they have acted in cognitive dissonance. This occurs when you
appear to be acting in a way or taking an attitude that is contrary to the beliefs or values
you usually hold.
n When this is the case, they need to refocus on their values, attempting to identify a
different and preferably better way of resolving the conflict.
n Use techniques such as:
– Visualising the situation in which there would be no conflict of values or beliefs. For
example, ‘Suppose you had got that job. What would you be doing and saying
differently now?’
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– Quantify: ‘How big a real or potential environmental impact would there have to be
for you to come to a different decision?’
– Help identify the emotional mix: ‘How comfortable do you feel with this decision on
a scale of 1–10?’ ‘What fears do you have about this?’
– Follow the chain of reasoning:
° If you hadn’t had to worry about people losing their jobs, what would you have
decided?
° When and where did you become aware of potential conflict of values?
° What pressures did you feel that influenced your thinking and decisions?
° If you could have passed the responsibility for the decision to someone else
to have decided for you, what would you have wanted them to say?
° When you look back on the decision in X months’/years’ time, do you think you
will see it as short term or long term? Avoiding the issues or confronting them?
° Does the decision you have made enhance or demean your ideal self?
LIFE PURPOSE I
Purpose relates to the kind of person we want to become and how we want to contribute to
society, to the organisation and other key stakeholders in our lives. The following three
techniques aim to help them achieve greater clarity about this aspect of their lives and identity.
n Think about the times in their life when they felt truly joyful and in the flow.
n Discuss with their coach the top two or three talents they were using in those moments,
how the experience reflected their top two passions and how they impacted other
people in those moments.
n Think of how they can contribute to improving the world – what talents are they using?
n Put together a sentence to the effect of:
I use my (top talents) to (how you impact others) in order to (how I want to make
the world a perfect place) because (I am passionate about __________ ).
LIFE PURPOSE II
n First write down everything you hate in the world. It could be things like smoking, drugs,
poverty, violence, abuse of something, confusion.
n Then write down everything you love to do and are good at.
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n Now ask yourself, how can I use what I love to do and am good at to make a difference
to the things that I hate and would like to see change. Now you have a life purpose.
LIFE PURPOSE III
The coach helps the coachee to reflect upon the questions:

n The major contribution I want to make in the next five years is . . .

n The major change I want to bring about in my (life) circumstances is . . .
Then the coach asks them to think about and write down the goals they have for the next
6–12 months. And then to reflect on the question:
n How can I relate those goals to the purposes I have just defined for myself?
BUILDING A SENSE OF PURPOSE
A useful set of questions to pose to coachees is summarised in the acronym LIST – Life
purpose, Importance, Sharing/support, Time. Use these questions to stimulate the coachee’s
thinking:
L = Life purpose:
n Whether you believe in an external agency or not, what is the reason you are alive?
n What do you want to be remembered for?
n What kind of difference do you want to make?
n Who is your ideal self?
n What would make you feel fulfilled?
n When you listen to the still, small voice at your centre, what does it tell you?
n What is the metaphor for your life purpose?
I = Importance:
n Why does this matter to you?
n How much of this do you need to do/how like this do you need to be to feel fulfilled?
n How big a hole in your life will there be if you don’t make any progress towards achieving
your life purpose?
n How important does it have to be, to make you change your day-to-day priorities?
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S = Share/Support:
n Who shares your life purpose?
n Who would you like to share it with?
n Where can you find others who will share it?
n How could you work with them to achieve more than you could alone?
n Who else do you talk to about your life purpose?
T = Time
n How much of your time and energy do you currently spend on activities that support
your life purpose, compared with time spent on other things?
n When are you going to start investing seriously in achieving your life purpose?
n If you have started, are you making enough progress and what can you do to make more
progress?
MEANINGFUL MOMENTS
This involves recollecting occasions that carry special meaning in terms of self-fulfilment and
being aligned with our positive sense of identity. What aspects of these events do we want
to reproduce in the present or future?
Stimulate thinking using questions such as:
n When have you felt fully at peace with yourself?

n When have you felt that your talents have been used to their full?
n When have you contributed most?
n When did you feel you made a real difference?
n When did you feel you were who you aspire to be?
n When have you felt most alive?
C A MEANINGFUL MOMENT
A
S Ray was CEO of a retail company, part of a larger retail group. He explained to a newly
E appointed coach that he didn’t really have any problems, just a vague sense of unease that he
S was in the wrong job. He was seen as a rising star and he had a good, highly effective team
T working for him. He just had an itch . . .
U The question that unlocked the issue was ‘When have you felt most alive?’ It turned out
D
Y that Ray was an enthusiastic walker and climber. If he were to have any regrets about his
working life, it would be that he had spent too much time indoors. Could he combine his career
■ ■ ■ 92
and his interests? After a few months, it turned out that he could. He became CEO of a C
struggling sports goods company, where his enthusiasm gradually turned it round. The new A
job was harder and much more stressful, he subsequently told the coach, but he could identify S
E
with the product and he felt a much greater degree of alignment between his work and non-
work lives. S
T
U
D
Y
DIGGING FOR HOLES
It’s common to have a sense that something is missing in our lives, but struggle to identify
what that is.
Here, the main question to consider is ‘Where is the hole?’ For example, this may be
in the coachee’s heart, because of a distressing relationship. Visualising what is missing in
this way enables the coachee to build boundaries around what they are lacking in their lives
and to be more rational in considering what strategies they can adopt to fill the holes and
become a more complete person.
DIGGING FOR HOLES C

A
Vanessa was an extremely successful hairdresser and was managing four very busy hair salons S
in the city. She had been married for a number of years and loved her husband dearly. They E
didn’t have any family/children. When her mentor questioned why they didn’t have any children S
Vanessa realised that she felt there had never been a ‘right time’ to have children. There had T
always been something going on in her business career that she felt meant that she had to U
be in the salon. D
Y
Vanessa was very much a people person, but she confided in her mentor that when she
went home she felt so lonely, empty. The mentor conversation started to unpick that Vanessa
felt she rattled around in their big empty house. Vanessa wished that at some point in her
younger days she had taken time to have children but now had come to terms with the decision
that Vanessa and her husband had both made and that it was now too late in her life to think
about starting a family.
With further questioning, Vanessa thought that she might talk about adoption or fostering
with her husband but still wasn’t sure whether this was right for them. She felt that she had
made the decision not to have a family in return for having a successful business.
Using the ‘digging for holes’ technique helped Vanessa to explore her emptiness and
helped her to be more rational in considering what strategies she and her husband could adopt
to fill the emptiness to help her become more of a complete person.
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MAKING THE RIGHT DIFFERENCE
Knowing what difference we want to make can be very empowering. Equally, if a coachee is
prevented from making the difference they would most wish to, then a coach can help them
identify a different, but equally or more compelling difference they can aspire to.
Useful questions in this regard include:
n What talents do you have, that could most benefit others?

n When you have made a difference before, what ideal were you living up to?
n What part does other people’s opinion and responses have in determining how self-
fulfilled you feel?
n What would give you the strongest boost about how good you feel about yourself, for
the least change?
n What kind of a difference would those you respect/love like you to make?
n Could a lot of small contributions be worth as much as or more than one or two big ones?
C MAKING THE RIGHT DIFFERENCE

A
S Following on from the ‘digging for holes’ technique the coach started to explore the ‘making
E the right difference’ technique with Vanessa in considering what strategies she might want to
S adopt to fill the emptiness to help her become more complete.
T Vanessa had many talents in cutting and in styling and in running businesses. Vanessa
U suggested that other business entrepreneurs may want to hear and benefit from listening to
D how she had approached opening her salons, hurdles that she had overcome and some of the
Y
pitfalls that she had fallen into along the way.
Vanessa started to question whose opinion she was seeking and started to realise that
perhaps she was living up to other people’s business expectations (the bank/the accountant/
competitors/the staff) and ideas of what other people see as success rather than looking at
what she had really achieved in her life. She loved her husband dearly and it started to unfold
for Vanessa that perhaps she hadn’t asked her husband if he was happy and if this was what
he wanted.
The coach conversation started to unpick moments and occasions when things had not
gone so well in Vanessa’s business. The coach questioned from the perspective of how this
made her feel when she was driving home, approaching the house and in the house. It
transpired that Vanessa said that her husband was always there to pick her up when she was
feeling low or if there was a business crisis.
The more moments and occasions that the coach explored with Vanessa, the more she
started to realise how much she depended on her husband being there, coming to bail her out
and that she saw him as her ‘rock’. Vanessa just hadn’t realised.
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Interestingly, Vanessa was really looking forward to going home that evening and the drive C
home and her house just seemed all the more inviting and not half as empty as it had appeared A
before . . . S
E
S
T
WRITING YOUR ETHICAL CODE U
D
Y
The Institute of Leadership & Management and Business in the Community worked together
to produce a research-based report on ethics and values in business (June 2013). Two
thousand business leaders and managers at all levels within organisations were surveyed
about ethics at work.
Here are some of the findings:
n Nine per cent of managers have been asked to break the law at work.
n Sixty-three per cent of managers say they have been asked to do something contrary
to their own ethical code at some point in their career.
n Forty-three per cent of managers have been told to behave in direct violation of their
organisation’s own value statements.
Often in the press, scandals come out, and ultimately it is individuals that get prosecuted and
their reputation ruined. How can you ensure this doesn’t happen to the coachee?
n Think of a time (times) when you have been asked to do something that you considered
to be unethical.
n Answer the following questions:
– What made the situation unethical?

– Did you challenge the people involved?
– Was there a whistle-blowing procedure?
– Is it in your personal ethical code to stop the unethical behaviour or would you rather
just avoid taking part yourself?
– What are the consequences either way?
– How do you want to be remembered: as the one who colluded or the one who
exposed?
n Write down your ethical code.
n Consider what you would do if someone violated it.
Some ethical conflicts seem minor, but it is a good way to practise flexing your style and your
approach. Getting a reputation as the one who says ‘no’ is much better than getting a
reputation for some questionable activities.
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EXPLORING VALUES
This is one of a number of approaches to helping people clarify and feel comfortable with
their values. If the aim of coaching is to help people have conversations that appropriately
link their internal and external worlds, then understanding personal values contributes by
raising awareness not just of what is important to them, but why and what the implications
of holding a particular value are.
The coach initiates a discussion around a variety of themes, about which the coachee
is likely to hold strong values, starting with those closest to the coachee and working
outwards. Key questions include:
n What causes you to have strong positive and negative experiences about . . . ?
n What’s most important to you about . . . ?
The progression can be seen as a step-by-step expansion through four worlds.
The inner world

n What you feel you need to live up to.
n Who you feel you are.
n What raises/lowers your self-respect.
n What you feel you have achieved in life.
n What you feel you still have to achieve.
n What gives you a purpose in life?
The world of close others

n Who do you most care about and why?
n What is it about these relationships that you value?
n What things (as opposed to people) do you value?
n What makes you feel good/bad about these people?
The outer world

n Who you work for/with.
n Where you live.
The distant world

n What values do you hold about the environment? Foreign aid? Economic migration?
Climate change?
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You can then use these insights by the individual to help them apply their values more
consciously to issues they are facing. You could ask the coachee whether their answers reflect
how they would like to be or see themselves rather than what their behaviours and actions
say about them.
THE VALUES MATRIX

This provides a straightforward method for exploring values and it works particularly well
across barriers of racial, cultural or gender difference.
n Select one situation or issue.

n Consider the values matrix, filling in the four quadrants, giving the coach valuable insights
into what makes the coachee tick and what drives their responses in situations they
encounter.
n Sharing these differences may be the first steps in helping the coachee examine their
values and perhaps changing them.
Self-image in Table 6.2 concerns how the individuals see themselves, both as they are and
as the person they strive to be. This is important for putting goals into context and often
provides numerous points of similarity and hence empathy with the coach. Not surprisingly,
there may be large gaps between their actual and desired personae.
Other-image concerns how the person wants to be seen by other people, and how they
think they are seen by those people. Useful subsidiary issues here are who these people are,
i.e. whose opinion of them is particularly influential. Again, there may be considerable gaps
between how they want to be seen and how they think they are seen.
Table 6.2 The values matrix

Image Responsibility
Self n Who are you currently? n What is your responsibility towards

n Who do you aspire to be? other people?
n What makes you feel good/bad n What do you want to give?
about yourself?
n What are you best at?
Others n How do you want others to n What are your expectations of

perceive you? other people’s responsibility
n Who do you want to impress or towards you?
have an impact on?
n What do you want to receive from
others?
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Self-responsibility concerns who the person feels responsibilities towards and the
nature of those responsibilities. A recurrent issue here is the degree of willingness the coachee
feels towards this responsibility: is it a privilege or an obligation?
Other-responsibility concerns the coachee’s expectations of other people. What is ‘right’
in the way other people should behave towards them? People who are inner directed (i.e.
feel that they can control and are responsible for what happens to them) will tend to have
very different values from people, who are outer-directed (i.e. feel that the responsibility for
their circumstances lies elsewhere).
PERSONAL CREDO
The aim in this exercise is to help the coachee encapsulate their sense of purpose, or identity,
or a mixture of the two.
Ask your coachee to draft a personal motto that describes how they try to live their life,
such as ‘winners never quit, quitters never win’. Alternatively, you could ask them what they
would like to have on a family coat of arms. For example, ‘From thorns come grapes’.
THE EPITAPH/MEMORIAL/LEAVING SPEECH
Particularly as people enter late middle age, the ‘generative effect’ kicks in – an increasing
need to leave a positive legacy. There are various ways in which we can encourage the
coachee to think about what they would like to leave behind them, either in terms of
achievements that benefit others, or in how they will be remembered. Then, of course, we
can explore whether and to what extent what they do and how they behave now are taking
them towards or away from this goal. Here are a couple of simple methods.
Ask your coachee to write their obituary using no more than 100 words to describe
their life and achievements. Alternatively, using no more than 25 words, ask them to consider
what they would like to have as an epitaph. If that seems too depressing, then ask your
coachee to write their own leaving speech, which they would like to hear if they were to leave
their current organisation or retire.
THROW AWAY A ROLE
This tool is about helping the coachee establish what is most and least important in their lives.
We all adopt multiple roles, some consciously, some unconsciously. Some we seek and
welcome; others are imposed on us. Coaching is at one level about making better informed
choices, so here we clarify the various roles the coachee performs and help them choose
how much of their time and energy each should consume.
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n Ask your coachee to imagine the roles that they play in their life and to write these down
on different pieces of paper, e.g. husband/wife, manager/director, member of a sports
club.
n Now ask them to select a role that is least important to them and ‘throw it away’.
n Reflect on how their life would be if they did not have this role anymore. What was
important about this role? Repeat this process until you have thrown all the roles away.
THE TRANSCRIPT REFLECTION TECHNIQUE
An issue discussed in one coaching session may appear to the coach and coachee in a
different light later on. The transcript reflection technique involves making a transcript of the
coaching session and analysing it at a later point, in order to arrive at a new or deeper
understanding. The steps are:
n Record the coaching session, and type up the transcript. Always ask the coachee for
permission to record before a session, and remember they are free to decline.
n The transcript is then sent back to the coachee, and both the coachee and coach read
it, some days after the original coaching session. Send the recording as well as the
transcript to the coachee as they may prefer to listen to the session again rather than
to read the transcript, although this does make it more difficult to analyse it.
n Both coachee and coach ‘mark up’ the transcript, writing comments in the margins.
n This can be done on a number of levels, depending on how far your coachee wants to
read into their words and what they are trying to achieve. For example:
– A coachee who is trying to make some quick changes, may reread the transcript,
noting down all the action points that were mentioned, and checking that they had
carried them out.
– A coachee who wanted to become aware of thought patterns or ways of thinking
and perceiving a situation would look for themes in the transcript.
– A coachee who wanted to examine their values would analyse the transcript and
identify key relationships, processes and assumptions that structure the text, and
by extrapolation, their world. They could go one step further and try to identify what
these mean for them.
– They can also look at the language used, such as metaphors.
– Coach and coachee could also identify emotional responses represented by, for
example, talking fast and fluently, indicating a positive engagement.
n The coachee and coach could summarise the main themes and discuss it as part of
the next coaching session.
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CAREER METAPHOR
A career is for many people a large part of how they establish their identity and create meaning
for themselves. As such, it is closely connected to their personal narratives. So one way to
help them reflect on their careers is to explore those narratives by expressing them as
metaphors.
n The coachee is invited to think of a metaphor to describe their career. The metaphor
can be about anything that is vivid for the coachee. It can also be a map of different
career metaphors.
Figure 6.1 Vertical

Career
quadrants
Glass ceiling Ladder
Rut Crossroads
Horizontal
Closed Open
The coach can then ask questions along the lines of:
n Which of these quadrants (see Figure 6.1) do you see your own career as being in at
present?
n Are there any other quadrants that appear more attractive?
n What do you need to do that will help you to move positions within this map?
COMPETING COMMITMENTS
A classic truism in coaching is that, in order to bring about a desired change, it is as important
to be aware of what we are going to stop doing, or do less of, as of what we do want to do.
Consciously or unconsciously, our time, attention and energy are often taken up by things
that don’t contribute to achieving the desired change. So the coach can help the coachee
develop the habit of recognising and managing these competing commitments.
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n Commitment: Identify something that is important to you to have or that you value
which you don’t have yet in your life. Make this commitment explicit by completing the
stem ‘I am committed to . . . ’
n Behaviour: Given that the commitment you have just identified is not being fulfilled in
your life, complete the stem: ‘What I’m doing, or not doing, that is preventing my
commitment being fully realised is . . . ’
n Competing Commitment: Given what you’re doing, or not doing, what does this
suggest you’re actually committed to (the competing commitment)? Complete the

stem: ‘I may also be committed to . . . ’
n Big Assumption: Driving your competing commitment will be an assumption that you
treat as true. To uncover this Big Assumption, complete the stem ‘I assume that if my
competing commitment is (not) met . . . ’ with how you might feel then. (If you come up
with something that unnerves you a little, then you are probably on track. If you come
up with something noble, you probably need to try again!)
Sometimes merely being aware of the conflicting comments allows us to change our
behaviour. If not, one way forward is to find ways to challenge the Big Assumption. As we
recognise that the Big Assumption is not the truth, we free ourselves to achieve our
commitments.
ARE YOU COMMITTED TO PURSUING THIS GOAL?
If your coachee does not feel that they have energy for a particular goal, it is important to
explore whether they want to pursue it. For the coach and the coachee to invest resource
and energy in pursuing a goal, to which the coachee is not committed, is pointless. It is also
likely to undermine the relationship.
Reasons not to commit to a goal include:
n Not perceiving the issue to be serious enough (especially in relation to other changes,
which you regard as having greater urgency).
n Having no emotional commitment.
n Inner conflict with one’s values.
n A perception that the effort:reward ratio is inadequate.
n Lack of self-confidence.
n ‘I won’t get the support I need’.
n A perception that the other party(ies) is not really that bothered whether the change
happens or not – ‘Next time, he/they will pick on something completely different’.
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THE MEANING OF YES!
Being self-honest about just how committed we are to a course of action isn’t always easy.
This is a simple approach to bringing some clarity to just how motivated we are to fulfil the
task.
n Ask the coachee to be as candid as possible about where on the scale their level of
commitment lies (see Table 6.3). Anything below a six is unlikely to happen!
n Based on the response, explore whether the coachee should let go of this task (admit
it’s not going to get done and stop worrying about it) or explore tactics to increase their
motivation to achieve it.
Table 6.3 Level of commitment

10 I am totally determined to achieve this whatever the cost
9 I am very determined to do this and I’m prepared to make major sacrifices to do so
8 I will make this my number one priority
7 This will be one of my key priorities
6 It’s very important to me
5 It’s quite important to me
4 I feel obligated to do this
3 I’m not sure this is what I really want
2 I’m quite reluctant
1 Over my dead body!

n What are your values towards others?
n What are your values towards yourself?
n What are the connecting values between these?
n What are the organisation’s values?
n What are your core values?
n Where are they most and least aligned?
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7 SETTI NG AN D
PU RSU I NG GOALS
In the book Beyond Goals (David et al., 2013), two of us raise a lot of serious questions
about goal fixation in coaching. Our conclusions are that the processes of setting and pursuing
goals is much more complex and nuanced than most coaching textbooks tend to
acknowledge. In contrast to simplistic approaches, such as GROW,1 the majority of coaching
models do not place goal setting at the beginning of a coaching relationship or conversation.
They see goals as emerging from an understanding of context and hence evolving with the
relationship. Implicit within goal management are raising horizons, creating visions of the future
that mobilise internal energy, assessing and choosing from amongst complex options, and
creating a balance between too much and too little focus on specific outcomes. Goal
management also involves linking goals with evolving personal values to ensure that what you
are aiming for is truly what you want.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n The Boyatzis technique

n Visioning
n Working back to the future
n Looking back to move forward
n Itch, question, goal
n The cascade of change
n Becoming aware of different rhythms
n Establishing the current reality
n Logic trees
n Setting priorities
n Some ground rules for setting goals
n The KISS technique
1 GROW stands for Goal (what do you want to achieve?), Reality (what is happening?), Options
(what can you do?), Will (what will you do?).
THE BOYATZIS TECHNIQUE
Boyatzis et al. (2004) suggest that, if you ask anyone who has been most helpful to them
over their career and what they do, 80 per cent of the resulting comments will be about
extending dreams and reaching for new experiences.
n Note down a maximum of 10 people who have been helpful in their career and list briefly
what they did to develop them.
n Draw their attention to the role these people played in enlarging their sense of ideal
self and raising their horizons.
n Explore with them how the coaching relationship can follow this pattern; and what might
be achieved through self-coaching.
C THE BOYATZIS TECHNIQUE

A
S David’s list included the following:
E
n Challenging self-image.
S n Develop a shared purpose.
T
U
n Build a group identity.
D n Modelling becoming a good citizen.
Y n You can become more committed in your personal style.
n You can like yourself and thus be more likeable and helpful.
n Permission to focus on my own autonomy.
n Faith that I could do it.
n Excitement, challenge, possibility.
n You can fill this role for us.
n You can make this organisation far more than it has been.
n We can professionalise and democratise the organisation.
He reported that virtually all of these matched Boyatzis’s prediction – people who highlighted
his deficiencies didn’t help him.
Next, the aim was to develop a new or clearer sense of your ideal self. With David, the
focus of coaching was upon deciding which parts of his sense of self he needed to let go of
as well as which he needed to enhance. The experience was creative and liberating and enabled
him to make some commitments that had hitherto blocked his development over an extended
period. He reported that this was one of the most freeing experiences of development that he
had ever been through.
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■ ■ ■ ■ SETTING AND PURSUING GOALS
VISIONING
Visioning harnesses the power of imagination and the ability to connect the future and the
present (something that few other species are able to do). The theory is that establishing this
link makes us more mindful of future goals and more creative about different ways in which
we might achieve them. It also, in theory, makes a much stronger connection between goals
and emotions, hence deepening commitment.
n Close their eyes and relax, using relaxation techniques.

n Imagine him/herself as they want to be in a specified period of time. The bigger and
broader the goal, in general, the longer the forward projection will be.
n Discussion of these can be used in almost any planning/decision-making processes
where the outcomes will take some time to emerge.
The question set may vary, but is likely in most cases to follow a progression along these
lines:
Visualisation
n Where is it that you want to be (the place)?
n Describe what you see around you – the environment, the people. How do you appear?
n What are you doing? Why?
n Describe how you feel. If you feel good, what is making you feel that way?
n Describe how the people around you feel.
n Describe what you hear.
Determination
n How is this different from now?
n How big is the gap in how you see yourself? How others see you?
n How big is the gap in how you feel? How others feel?
n How do you feel about that gap? Do you have a real desire to bridge it?
Actualisation
n What could you do to make the vision a reality?
n What’s your first step?
105 ■ ■ ■
WORKING BACK TO THE FUTURE
As with the previous exercise, here we are trying to establish an emotional connection with
a desirable potential future scenario. This time, however, we add steps that provide a path
from the present to the future.
n Create and ‘step into the future’ as you wish it to be. This involves selecting a desired
state and imagining what it would feel like, look like and sound like when you are there.
This should be something important, which is aligned with your personal values and is
achievable, even if it is very stretching. Think about specific changes you want to bring
about such as definable achievements. Put a date on this vision of the future – when
will it become a reality?
n Work out the milestone actions and events that brought about this future state. Describe
an action or event that will have brought it about. What will you have done to make it
possible? Who else will be involved and how?
n Establish practical ways to start on the journey towards the envisioned future. How can
you make each event on the journey more likely to happen than not? What can you do
today to improve the probabilities?
C VISIONING THE FUTURE (1)

A
S Rosalyn was a bright young professional in her mid-20s, working for an international merchant
E banking house. She was also a talented singer, spending what free time she could take from
S a demanding, long-hours job practising or performing with amateur and, occasionally,
T professional bands. What she wanted emotionally was to become a singer full-time;
U intellectually, she knew she had a relatively secure, high-income job which she quite enjoyed.
D
She took her dilemma to an in-company coach when she had the option of a small but
Y
career-significant recording contract that would demand more time away from her job than she
would normally be able to take. Could she perhaps get a sabbatical, or a reduced-hours contract,
she asked.
Instead of focusing on the practicalities of her request, the coach used visioning to help
her think through what she really wanted as a career. It rapidly became clear that what she
really wanted was for someone to give her permission to follow her emotional instincts and
become a full-time singer. Visioning two different futures showed that doing something she
really enjoyed was as likely, if not more likely, to give her financial rewards. She quit, signed
the contract, is now earning more than in her previous job and feels far more fulfilled. She has
not yet completely fulfilled her vision of success, but she is less than one year into a two-year
project. However, she is already using visioning to look further ahead, to receiving a Best Solo
Singer of the Year award, presented by Robbie Williams!
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VISIONING THE FUTURE (2) C

A
Glenn was a senior manager working in a large organisation. Glenn had never married and S
felt that he had given his best years to the organisation. The coaching conversation began to E
reveal that Glenn wasn’t feeling that he was giving his best at work anymore. Glenn felt that S
because he wasn’t contributing as much as he should in decision making, he felt that the T
decisions he was being involved in were no longer high-profile decisions. He felt that decisions U
were being made around him. He felt that he wasn’t being consulted as much as he used to D
Y
be and as a result didn’t feel as valued. In fact the further the coaching conversation went on,
the more Glenn shared with his coach that he felt he was being overlooked if opportunities
came up.
Further coaching conversations started to disclose that Glenn was feeling constrained
in his role and was generally just going with the flow around his work and making decisions.
He didn’t feel he was particularly leading anyone, contributing as much as he possibly could
even in day-to-day management of the team, and was quite happy sitting on the fence playing
a ‘devil’s advocate’ role. He was aware that members of the management team had dubbed
him ‘Mr Negative’.
Glenn’s coach decided to use the ‘visioning for the future’ technique and asked him ‘to
step into the future and to imagine that he was five years in the future and what did the future
hold?’ Asking Glenn this important question enabled him to select his desired state, and begin
to imagine what it felt like and sounded like. He suddenly realised that he was imagining that
he was no longer a senior manager working for this organisation. It was as though a heavy
weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He hadn’t thought about a ‘five years on perspective’
before; no one had ever asked him that question. He was always caught up in the mundane
tasks of coming to work and suddenly he could imagine and see what was really important to
him.
In those few minutes Glenn had aligned his own personal values and suddenly realised
when he put it into a long-term perspective that he wanted to spend more time at home working
on his favourite pastime: painting. Glenn could picture himself in his garden room at home
painting, physically painting with his brushes, the smell of paint, the pots of paint, designing his
own prints, spending more time at home.
For each thought/achievement he described he talked through with his coach how he
was going to bring it about. The coach asked him to describe how it felt doing those things.
What was most noticeable was how Glenn’s face lit up when he spoke about his painting and
how Glenn’s voice became softer to reflect doing things that he enjoyed doing instead of the
drudgery that he often felt he was currently involved in.
When the coach asked him how he was going to achieve this and probed how he was
going to turn his ‘wish’ into a reality, Glenn started thinking about looking at various options
and how to approach applying for early retirement.
107 ■ ■ ■
LOOKING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD
Here is yet another variation on the same principle:
n Create a timeline that can be expressed as a line on a sheet of paper or any other device
that indicates a sense of distance.
n Mark the centre of the line as the present.
n Starting in the present, address questions such as:
– What, if anything, makes this goal unique in your experience?

– What other goals can you compare it with, which you have already achieved, in
whole or part?
– Why have you chosen this goal to work on now?
n Moving to the past, address questions such as:
– When did you first become consciously aware of this goal as meaningful to you?
– How long do you think it was unconsciously lurking ready to come into awareness?
– What have you already done, in terms of thinking and preparing to progress
towards this goal?
– What knowledge and skills do you already have, which will help you to achieve it?
– What experience have you acquired, which will be useful?
– What resources have you identified, which might help you?
– What barriers have you partly or wholly removed?
– What lessons have you learned/could you learn from your experience achieving
similar goals in the past?
– What personal strengths have you drawn on in the past, which will be useful in
pursuing this present goal?
n Now move back to the present and address questions such as:
– What does your experience of pursuing previous goals tell you about the issues
you need to be aware of pursuing this one?
– What will you do better in terms of managing the goal, than you have in the past?
– When and how will you look back at your progress?
– Compared with when you started this exercise, how far along the timeline to this
goal do you think you are now? Physically move the marker.
■ ■ ■ 108
LOOKING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD C

A
People who have a tendency to be visual can sometimes specify precisely what they are feeling S
more easily with pictures than by using spoken words. Working with Samantha’s drawing it was E
obvious to the coach that there were some areas that she could ask questions around and S
some areas which would require some sensitivity. T
Using the ‘looking back to move forward’ technique the coach tried to distinguish U
significant life events which may have affected Samantha’s career lifeline. It is interesting from D
Y
both the coach and coachee’s perspective to look at the obvious turning points and to explore
what decisions were made at those times, what resources were made available to the coachee,
what influenced decisions and what learning there may be now from reflecting on these events.
Asking someone to reflect on their past may trigger their dwelling on their past, not the
present! Therefore the coach must always leave enough time for adequate debriefing.
The coach asked Samantha to pause for a few minutes and reflect on the lifeline and
pictures that she had drawn. The coach asked Samantha, ‘What do you notice about the line
or the drawing?’ Samantha had drawn cloud shapes in thick black marker pen at different points
on her timeline. The coach explored with Samantha what the clouds represented. It transpired
that Samantha used the black clouds to symbolise what she described as her ‘bad times’ that
she had experienced both in her personal life and in her working life. For example, she had
placed a black cloud where she had left school and the coach started to unravel that Samantha
felt, because she hadn’t got the grades at school that she had hoped for, she didn’t pursue a
career in law. Samantha symbolised this as one of her bad times. Samantha had opted out of
university and drifted from one job to another and was now working as a customer service
manager in an IT organisation.
The coach explored with Samantha the positives from drifting ‘from one job to another’
(being careful to use Samantha’s own words). Looking more positively at the situation helped
Samantha draw on the good times that she had experienced, the friends she had made, the
good lessons that she had learned.
Further coach questions uncovered that another of Samantha’s black clouds represented
a difficult time in her personal life: the death of her sister.
The coach then started to explore the pattern or theme that was occurring after each
black cloud: it was transpiring that Samantha would work even harder to ensure she achieved
something such as a further qualification.
The coach looked at the low points with Samantha and they explored what she might
have done differently, what might have helped her?
The coach also explored the high points on Samantha’s drawing which were illustrated
by ‘smiley faces’ and which illustrated Samantha’s inner strengths and determination to
succeed. Again they were able to investigate the external conditions that had helped.
109 ■ ■ ■
ITCH, QUESTION, GOAL
This is a technique to help the coachee recognise and address issues that they are
consciously or unconsciously choosing to ignore.
n Invite the coachee to record over a period any ‘itches’ they experience. An itch is a sense
of discomfort or anxiety about some aspect of their work.
n In the next coaching session, help the coachee cluster these into a number of themes.
n For each theme, invite the coachee to develop a number of questions – for example,
‘What’s making our customers feel this way?’, or ‘What am I noticing and not noticing
about this issue?’
n Next, the coachee clusters the questions and seeks to find deeper/better questions.
Then they consider ‘What would I have to do to answer that question?’
n Finally, the coachee extracts one or more goals relating to the issues identified.
In addition to bringing unrecognised issues to the surface, this approach provides a balance
of ‘bottom up’ goals that link to ‘top down’ goals.
THE CASCADE OF CHANGE
This model recognises that people go through a number of steps to achieve commitment,
and then several more to move from commitment to achievement (see Figure 7.1).
Figure 7.1
Commitment to Awareness
change
Understanding
Acceptance
Commitment
Plan of action
Implementation
Support/Positive feedback
■ ■ ■ 110
n See where they have reached in the various stages.

n Discuss how they can move up the ladder.
n Use feedback and those around you to ensure they are reaching achievement and
awareness. Your role will be most effective when the coachee has at least reached the
awareness stage.
Note:
Awareness of a requirement to change is unlikely of itself to stimulate action, unless
the consequences of not doing so are immediate and dire. There may be intellectual
understanding that it would be beneficial to be more skilled at a specific task or behaviour,
but that is also true of hundreds of other tasks and behaviours – why should this one assume
any sense of urgency or priority?
Understanding occurs when the need for change is brought into focus, usually by some
external event, which underlines the benefits of taking action and the disadvantages of not
doing so. Although the stimulus may be emotional, this is primarily an intellectual recognition
and the sense of urgency can be rationalised away quite quickly.
Acceptance occurs when the emotional and intellectual senses of urgency align. The
benefits of action strongly outweigh those of inaction and the person is able to focus on this
issue without too much competition from other issues that demand his or her attention.
Commitment puts the seal on acceptance. It involves a promise to oneself or others,
whose respect you value. It links achievement of the change goal with our sense of identity.
Commitment will not deliver results without a plan of action. The plan will be of little use if it
is not implemented and implementation requires positive feedback both from oneself and from
others to reinforce commitment.
THE CASCADE OF CHANGE C

A
Jake was the owner-manager of a small IT services company. He was proud of his drive and S
of how his business had survived two major downturns in the sector, in which many of his E
competitors went to the wall. When he married his long-time partner, he took his laptop on S
honeymoon with him. Jake has two children, but saw relatively little of them. One of his excuses T
was that they were ‘too young to have a conversation with’. U
Jake understood intellectually that he was not spending enough time with his family, but D
Y
reasoned it would all be easier when the company was that bit bigger and he could hand things
over to other managers. In reality, the bigger the company became, the more time he spent on
work.
111 ■ ■ ■
C The crunch came when he was working at home one weekend. He was typing up an
A important and complex report and was so engrossed, he forgot to save what he was working
S
on. Only when the screen went blank did he notice his four-year-old son, holding the
E
disconnected power cable. ‘Time to play, Daddy,’ said the boy. For some reason he couldn’t
S explain, instead of losing his temper, Jake found himself asking what had caused his son to
T do something so destructive.
U
D When he rang his mentor on the Monday, Jake had two questions. ‘How do I develop a
Y plan to get my life back? And ‘How do I make sure I stick to it?’
It was pretty obvious to the mentor where Jake was on the change cascade. The
problem, as Jake himself had discerned, was how to keep him there and help him push himself
into new behaviours until they became habitualised. The key in this case lay partly in the plan,
which scheduled unbreakable family events into the diary every week – including collecting
his son from nursery school on Fridays, which forced him to come home early, and partly in
the feedback process, wherein Jake and his family instituted a regular discussion over dinner,
when they discussed what they had achieved together during the previous week and what they
were going to do together the week coming. Both these ideas were generated by Jake himself,
with guidance from the mentor.
In the three years since, Jake has relapsed twice, when work crises began to take over.
Each time, however, he has worked with his mentor to look again at his commitment and to
find a way back. A new habit has now become ingrained. Whenever he has to neglect the family
for a few weeks, they now take a short holiday to compensate and rebuild relationships.
BECOMING AWARE OF DIFFERENT RHYTHMS
Gabriel Roth (1990) maintains that there are five basic rhythms of life, which form a wave,
and that these are present in everything we do (see Table 7.1). Knowledge of these rhythms
can help us to become more aware of ourselves and the people we work with (Whitaker,
1996).
Research (Whitaker, 1996) has shown that we each tend to have a preferred rhythm/s,
which can be different from the people we work with.
n Which are your preferred rhythms?

n Identify the rhythms of people you work with.
n What insights does this give you?
■ ■ ■ 112
Table 7.1 The Wave of Five Rhythms (Whitaker adapted from Roth, 1990)
1 Flowing – Continuous graceful movement – think of a flowing river or a swirling wind. It is
purposeful and co-ordinated, yet smooth and strong – focused uninterrupted work
2 Staccato – Crisp, building and angular – a faster movement, increasing energy and getting
things done – the rhythm of meeting deadlines
3 Chaos – High energy, creative, top of the wave – encouraging thinking in random, original
patterns – the rhythm of brainstorming, synergistic team work and individual creativity
4 Lyrical – Light, expressive, laughter – the rhythm of humour and appreciation – often
undervalued and under-used in organisations
5 Moving stillness – Reflective, introspective, gentle – the rhythm of completion – ‘wash-ups’ at
the end of projects – reflect on successes, identify what to do differently next time, drawing
back to the centre
RHYTHMS C
A
Richard loved chamber music and was fascinated by Gabriel Roth’s Wave of Five Rhythms. He S
spent some time observing his colleagues in the arts organisation he worked in. E
He could identify with most of the team whose preferred rhythms were staccato and S
chaos. Then he had an ‘Ah-ha’ moment. He noticed that their director actively disliked these T
rhythms and withdrew to his office or to work at home. His colleagues thought that he was U
‘bunking off’; Richard recognised that the director had a different preferred rhythm – he thought D
Y
‘moving stillness’ and that he could only work at his best away from his colleagues.
When he mentioned this at a team meeting, it opened up a helpful dialogue which
improved communication and working together.
ESTABLISHING THE CURRENT REALITY
Given that none of us is perfect, the choice of what to work on in terms of personal growth
and improvement is endless. We often find that coachees know that there are a lot of things
they could work on, but can’t identify the one or two which are most important to them. In
this process, we help them review and prioritise learning opportunities.
n The coach presents the coachee with a number of factors they must rate themselves
on, or the coachee can come up with the factors themselves. For example:
– Being a better leader.

– Managing my reputation.
113 ■ ■ ■
– Being a good family member.

– Job satisfaction.
– Meeting targets.
– Being more in control (of work or life).
– Being more creative.
– Having a clear conscience.
– Developing my team.
– Being happy.
– Having a clear sense of direction.
– Building my confidence.
n The coach asks the coachee to rank these factors in some way – for example, by placing
them in baskets marked must do, should do, nice to do.
n The coachee selects the highest priority goals and defines more clearly what a particular
goal actually means to them (i.e. achieves a greater level of precision about the desired
state and how they would recognise it).
n The coachee then rates him/herself on a scale of 1–10 in terms of personal
effectiveness.
n The coach now asks the coachee on each goal what a perfect score would be like for
them and negotiates how much improvement they want to achieve within a given time
frame.
LOGIC TREES
This is a simple approach to breaking down a complex and/or long-term goal into ‘bite-size’
chunks, which are more easily managed. It is particularly useful when:
n The coachee doesn’t know where to start (so does nothing).

n They need a reality check on just what may be involved in achieving their goal (and when
they do work out what will be required of them, they may decide that the cost of pursuing
it is too great).
n Define the goal as clearly as possible. Help them refine this description to no more than
10 words.
n Explore what would need to be done to achieve the goal. For example, to become a
team leader, a coachee might need to demonstrate some key competencies, to make
their ambition known to particular people, to build confidence among peers in their ability
and to acquire more knowledge about managing others.
■ ■ ■ 114
n Break each element of step 2 into further sub-divisions and continue the same process,
layer by layer, until each results in a series of actions that could be undertaken relatively
easily and/or soon.
n Begin to apply some timelines. When do they want to have achieved each of the lowest
level objectives? Do they feel confident in their ability to do so? What timelines would
be appropriate for the next level? Gradually work up through the process chart to the
overall goal at the top.
n Step back and review the process. Does the goal now seem much more achievable
than it did before? Have we missed any important elements? What milestones would
it be appropriate to identify, where should we review progress and celebrate
achievement so far?
n Regularly review with the coachee where they think they have reached on the flow chart.
Where progress falters, help them think through the issues and develop alternative
strategies.
See Figure 7.2 for a logic tree example for public speaking.
Figure 7.2
What do I want I want to become a really competent Logic tree
to achieve? public speaker example for
public speaking
Learn how others do it

Gain confidence
Learn from the best
What can I do to achieve that?
Observe some Read up about Find opportunities

good speakers speaking skills to practise
Attend some Help my line

in-company/ Ask HR Join a local manager with
public for debating some of
lectures and recommendations society his/her
take notes presentations
Things I could do tomorrow
115 ■ ■ ■
SETTING PRIORITIES
Most coachees are intellectually aware of the urgent–important matrix, but applying the
concept to how they manage their priorities is another thing!
Ask your coachee to separate urgent tasks from their most important priorities. They
should focus on getting their urgent priorities dealt with. They could use the 4-D formula
below:
Dump it – learn to say ‘no I choose not to do this’. Be firm.
Delegate it – hand some tasks over to others.
Defer it – defer the issue to a later time and schedule a later time to do it.
Do it – do it now if it is an important project. Don’t make excuses. Give yourself a reward

for completing these projects.
Encourage them to ask themselves periodically, ‘Is what I am doing right now helping me
achieve my goals?’
SOME GROUND RULES FOR SETTING GOALS
The following ground rules can be helpful to share with coachees before deciding on goals
for the coaching relationship.
n Define your most important goals for yourself (don’t use goals given to you by other
people).
n Make your goals meaningful (e.g. what are the rewards and benefits you envision?).
n How specific and measurable do you want your goals to be? (SMART goals only work
some of the time for some people. It may be better to establish a broad purpose and
allow specific goals to emerge gradually.)
n Your goals must be flexible (don’t be so rigid that you lose good opportunities that come
along).
n Your goals must be challenging and exciting (e.g. what are the 100 things you want to
do in your life?).
n Your goals must be in alignment with your values (e.g. honesty, fairness, etc.).
n Your goals must be well balanced (e.g. make sure you consider spending time with your
family, leisure time, etc.).
n Your goals must be realistic – but remember, there are no such things as unrealistic
goals, only unrealistic time frames!
n Your goals must include contribution – you need to be a giver not just a taker.
n Your goals need to be supported.
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THE KISS TECHNIQUE
This is another simple way of prioritising actions.

Use the acronym below to help your coachee summarise their intended actions.
K – Things you should definitely KEEP doing

I – Things you should INCREASE or do more of
S – Things you should START doing that you are not doing already
S – Things you should STOP doing

n By how much do you want to improve, by when?
n How committed are you to achieving this?
n How genuinely committed are you to this goal?
n What could increase your commitment?
n What do you want the outcome to be?
n What do you want to become?
n What is your purpose? (Either general – what are you on earth for? or specific, about
this issue.)
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8 MANAG I NG
E MOTIONS
While coaching isn’t therapy, it nonetheless creates an environment in which coachees can
allow themselves to bring to the surface and reflect upon their emotions. Often it’s not possible
to make progress on an issue until the coachee has acknowledged its emotional content and
confronted their feelings. The role of the coach is to be there to support this process and to
assist the coachee in using their emotional understanding to develop rational responses to
situations.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Emotional mapping
n Making the coachee happier
n The thinking/feeling matrix
n Reframing
n Coping imagery to deal with negative emotions
n Naming an emotion
n Working with shame
n Coping with blame
EMOTIONAL MAPPING
Emotional mapping entered our practice as a result of coachees being unable to express their
emotions fully. It’s common, when someone feels an emotion strongly, that they are unaware
of the complex mix of other emotions they are not recognising. Often these less obvious
emotions become ‘unfinished business’ – they continue to influence our thoughts and
behaviours long after the event and after the primary emotion has been dealt with and packed
away.
■ ■ ■ ■ MANAGING EMOTIONS
Table 8.1 Emotional map
Calm Bored Friendless Distressed Cynical Hating

Placid Uninterested Deserted Miserable Suspicious/ Disliking
Content Disinterested Alone Sad Wary Ignoring
Relaxed Curious Welcome Numb Unconcerned Neutral
Laid back Intrigued Included Pleased Open Liking
Angry Stimulated Supported Happy Confiding Caring
Furious Inspired/Radiant Engaged Joyous Trusting Loving

Drained All at sea Despised Aimless Overwhelmed Frivolous
Tired/weary Unsure of myself Ignored Confused Frustrated Whimsical
Idle In control Respected Purposeful Keeping the Thoughtful
Interested Masterful Valued Decisive lid on Serious
Energised Proud In control
In the flow
Cowed Contemptuous Terrified Inferior Transparent Self-
Compliant Disrespectful Afraid Equal Open contemptuous
Assertive Respectful Threatened Superior Reserved Self-pitying
Rebellious Admiring Secure Mysterious Realistic
Confident Good about
myself
Arrogant
Vengeful Trapped Ignorant Disappointed Betrayed Sick
Judgemental Constrained Uninformed Unimpressed Let down Not at my best
Accepting Manipulated Informed Impressed Supported Not bad
Forgiving Empowered Knowledgeable Delighted Strongly Healthy
Liberated supported
Ugly Discouraged Resentful Self-sacrificing Stupid Hopeful
Plain Unmotivated Unappreciative Generous Uninspired Unconcerned
Pleasant Encouraged Appreciative Self-interested Clever Worried
Attractive Determined Grateful Selfish Inspired Despairing
n On the emotional map (see Table 8.1) underline all emotions you may be feeling. If you
are feeling any emotions which are not on the map, add these.
n Reflect upon your responses. What learning can you extract from an analysis of the
emotional map immediately? Do you think your emotions and feelings are more complex
than you had initially thought?
n Decide which feelings you would like to examine first using questions such as:
– What does the word ‘x’ (e.g. despised) mean to you?

– What makes you feel like that?
– What inner need drives that feeling?
– Is this a ‘good’/appropriate feeling?
– How long, if at all, do you want to hang on to this feeling?
119 ■ ■ ■
– If you’d like to change the feeling, what would you like to change it to?
– What would be the likely consequence of such a change?
– What could you do to make that change happen?
n Identify positive feelings you are feeling in order to energise them sufficiently to accept
and deal with stronger negative feelings.
C EMOTIONAL MAPPING – OUR EXPERIENCE

A
S One of us was helped by the other to use the emotional map to take a retrospective look at
E a period a few years before, when his university had been going through major structural
S change, which had caused considerable stress for many of the staff. As is so often the case,
T he recognised and recalled a number of different emotions which the situation had aroused
U in him. But at least one was a surprise, because it was not an emotion he would normally
D associate with himself – feeling self-interested. His learning from this was that his resentment
Y
of the behaviour of some managers at the time had had deeper and more lasting impacts than
he had realised. Having surfaced this ‘unfinished business’, he was able to deal with it and finally
put it to rest.
MAKING THE COACHEE HAPPIER
Helping the individual look beyond specific, immediate problems, and to focus on things they
can do something about, will give the coachee a greater feeling of well-being. The more active
they can be, the more likely they are to change the circumstances that reduce their sense of
happiness. Spending too much time commiserating with the coachee may actually make
things worse!
Help your coachee consider the following:
n How can you put your current concerns into context within the bigger picture?
n What are you doing in the rest of your life that compensates or could compensate for
the problems you are experiencing in this area?
n How could you improve your physical well-being to increase your capacity to cope?
n What would be the right balance of pessimism/optimism for you at this time?
n What goals could you set that would make you feel better about yourself and your
circumstances?
■ ■ ■ 120
THE THINKING/FEELING MATRIX
The matrix in Table 8.2 provides a way of structuring where the coachee and hence the
conversation is positioned in terms of emotional and rational thinking.
Table 8.2 Thinking/feeling matrix

Thinking about thinking Feeling about thinking
Thinking about feeling Feeling about feelings
Thinking about thinking relates to how the coachee structures information. Is there a logical,
step-by-step process to move from one conclusion to the next? Woolly thinking is one of the
most common issues coaches encounter in their coachees. Helping them develop more
structured, disciplined approaches can be a valuable legacy of the coaching intervention.
Thinking about feeling relates to the degree of conscious awareness the coachee has about
how their emotions (their values, beliefs, fears and so on) are influencing how they draw
conclusions. The illusion of rationality behind decision making is just that – most decisions
are made emotionally and rationalised later. Building awareness in the coachee of how this
process happens for them gives them opportunities to be more critical of their thinking, leading
to more effective decision making. Given time, the coach can help the coachee recognise
patterns of emotional–rational interaction.
Feeling about thinking relates to the way in which emotions may block or permit us to bring
issues into conscious reflection. From a psychodynamic perspective, they are exhibiting
resistance. When coachees say ‘It’s too painful to think about’ or seem to be avoiding an
issue, this is essentially an admission that their emotions are preventing them from making
progress on it. Here, the coach can help by creating a safe space in which to begin
addressing the issue. Emotional release may be an important part of this process and
coaches need to be sufficiently emotionally mature in themselves to accept and work with it.
Feeling about feelings concerns the coachee’s ability to give expression to their emotions
and to bring unconscious emotions to the surface, through language, posture or other
means. So often, coachees attempt to avoid the expression of emotion, seeing it as a
weakness. Again, the coach can create a safe space in which these barriers can be lowered.
In time, the coachee may learn to become comfortable with greater emotional openness with
other people as well.
121 ■ ■ ■
Coaches need to take stock from time to time of the coachee’s mental state and how
it is affecting the quality and outcomes of the learning conversation. Identifying which of the
four perspectives the coachee needs help with – and which they are ready to be helped with
– can result in radically different, more helpful dialogue.
REFRAMING
This is a standard coaching technique that (should be) included in all basic coach training.
We include it for completeness.
n Take a negative word that is inhibiting positive feeling states.

n Attach a less negative meaning to it in order to free you to alter behaviour and make it
possible to bring about changes.
C REFRAMING
A
S Peter is a middle-aged manager, who has come up the business ladder ‘the hard way’. He left
E
school at 16, spent time as an apprentice and had become a team leader by the time his talent
S for getting things done was noticed. His career was characterised by taking on difficult tasks
T and persuading others to collaborate in making them happen. He was well respected within
U
the company as someone who understood both the employee perspective and the business
D
Y need. He also had a reputation for showing little tolerance for theoretical discussion and was
prone to come into conflict with departments such as strategic planning, which he would berate
for being too ‘airy fairy’.
The CEO and the HR director both recognised Peter’s talent for dealing with people in
most other contexts and saw him as a potential board member, if he could add to his instinctive
grasp of business situations a more analytical approach. However, Peter strongly resisted being
put in situations that demanded deep analysis. He did attend an intensive two-week strategic
leadership programme at a leading business school, under some pressure, but it was clear he
did not enjoy it. Yet he remained highly ambitious.
The issue was raised in Peter’s annual appraisal and the suggestion made that he use
an external coach. He agreed with some reluctance and made it clear at the meeting that all
he needed was some specific skills development in analytical techniques.
The coach got him to draw a circle, which Peter agreed to describe as What I need to
make director. Inside the circle were to be the attributes he had now; outside, those that he
need to develop more fully. The coach started with an uncontentious issue, track record on
delivery. Peter decided that he was 80 per cent inside the circle on this issue.
■ ■ ■ 122
The coach then drew out other areas of capability that might be expected of a director, C
such as being a good communicator and being a role model for the values of the organisation. A
S
From the latter, he suggested they examine how Peter saw himself as a role model for learning.
E
This led to an analysis of what learning Peter had undertaken during his career and what kind
of things he felt most and least comfortable learning. One key statement was ‘I don’t need all S
T
that intellectual stuff’. U
The coach used that statement to explore what Peter meant by ‘intellectual’. Peter used D
a lot of dismissive phrases and words, such as airy-fairy and half-baked. The coach asked him Y
if he felt the same about intellect in the sense of good reasoning – ‘That’s what I call common
sense’ was the reply.
‘But is common sense enough? Don’t you also need clear thinking and accurate
contextual knowledge?’
‘Of course.’
‘So what is it you found most and least valuable about the leadership course? When did
you feel in “flow” and when did you find it tough going?’
By gradually chipping at the edges, the coach elicited that Peter felt least comfortable
when he was trying to hold his own in a discussion with quick-thinking, highly intelligent younger
people. He eventually admitted to feeling intimidated and then, finally, that he had been
devastated some years before by the results of a battery of psychometric tests he had
undergone. One result, in particular, stuck in his consciousness – that he did not have a
particularly high IQ. This admission opened the floodgates to a rush of self-recriminations about
his failure to go to university and the inferiority he sometimes felt in the company of people
who had – especially if they had advanced degrees or had gone to the ‘best’ universities.
Using the circle diagram, the coach helped Peter consider how much of a disadvantage
this really was. He had demonstrated over the years that he was able to function at a high
level by making use of the talents of brighter people around him – indeed, the identification,
recruitment and motivation of these people was a key strength for him. The circle he needed
to address was how he made himself even more effective in this rare and important capability
by adding basic skills of analysis. He needed not to become a statistician, but simply to have
sufficient know-how to ask the right questions and direct how he wanted the data presented
to him.
Once he had accepted that it didn’t matter whether he had a high IQ or not – that he
could still be very effective in his current role and the director’s role he aspired to – Peter
decided that the analytical skills requirement was 70 per cent outside of the What I need to
make director circle. The coach then helped him to plan a development approach, involving
both self-study and just-in-time discussion. With the fear and self-doubt removed he was able
to concentrate on learning the principles and was soon sufficiently confident to challenge data
in a more rigorous manner.
123 ■ ■ ■
COPING IMAGERY TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
When a coachee habitually responds to a stimulus with a negative emotion, in order to change
they may need to learn better coping strategies. To help them do so, the coach can focus
them first on less difficult situations, gradually building their capacity and confidence to
respond differently.
The coach takes the coachee through the following process:
n Ask the coachee to write out a problem list of various people, places and situations
that they feel uncomfortable with or in.
n Use a 0–10 scale as a way of rating the degree of discomfort felt in each of the aspects
listed (0 = no discomfort and 10 = maximum discomfort).
n Choose one aspect with a rating of no more than 5 (choosing a higher rating would be
akin to attempting to tackle the most difficult situation first, and a lower rating would
not be challenging enough, thus not providing enough learning).
n Ask them to close their eyes and imagine being at the beginning of the task. Use all
their senses to imagine the sights, the sounds and the smells associated with the
situation.
n Whilst imagining the situation, they can use a range of coping strategies such as
breathing exercises and different ways they could reframe the situation.
n Visualise the situation two or three times, each time seeing them cope with the situation
in a progressively more effective way.
NAMING AN EMOTION
Recent research at the University of North Carolina and elsewhere, into how we perceive
emotions, reveals that having a name for an emotion is important in both how we experience
it and how we cope with it. Academic Tiffany Watt Smith at Queen Mary University in London
explains that: ‘putting a name to a feeling can soothe us, bringing coherence to internal
turbulence . . . [but may also] play an even deeper role in our emotional lives, not only helping
us manage feelings, but actually bringing them into being in the first place’.
Different languages have words that describe and evoke emotions outside the normal
Anglo-Saxon lexicon. Writing in New Scientist, Watts explains that German has two separate
words to describe different kinds of disgust. The Pintupi of Western Australia recognise 15
types of fear, each with a different emotional and hence physiological response. Thais have
an emotion called ‘greng jai’, reluctance to accept an offer of help, because of the bother it
would cause the other person. Japanese has an emotional construct called ‘amae’, which
happens when we are able to be comforted by another in a loving manner that creates no
obligation to be grateful in return. The Baining tribe in Papua New Guinea feel deeply when
a visitor departs – a kind of heaviness, a mixture of sorrow to see them go and relief to be
■ ■ ■ 124
able to get back to normal. The Inuit, by contrast, use the word ‘Iktsuarpok’ to describe the
anticipation of an awaited visitor arriving. Our favourite is ‘rawa-dawa’, which comes from the
Mundari language of the Indian subcontinent and means ‘the moment of suddenly realising
you can do something reprehensible and no one is there to witness it’.
For the coach or mentor, a useful lesson from these insights is that we can better help
coachees understand and manage their emotions if they have the words to access them.
When a coachee is struggling to define an emotion:
n Ask them to tell a short story about it.

n When they have done so, ask them to create a word for it.
n This becomes part of your shared vocabulary and provides a short-cut to exploring this
emotion, whenever it recurs.
WORKING WITH SHAME
Shame is a universal experience of mentally healthy people. Defined as ‘a feeling of humiliation

or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour’, shame tends to have
the negative impact that it inhibits learning. Whenever people feel shame, they tend to avoid
discussing it with other people and they also try not to think about what lessons they could
learn, because revisiting the experience is too painful. Whenever we feel that we have let
ourselves or other people down, we feel diminished.
In the context of coaching and mentoring, shame might mean that, for example:
n A mentee doesn’t tell his or her mentor about something silly that they did, for fear it
will diminish the mentor’s respect for them.
n A direct report will cover up mistakes they have made, because they fear their boss will
see them as incompetent.
n People avoid certain tasks or places, because they don’t want to be reminded of the
embarrassment they felt on a previous occasion.
Overcoming shame requires an ‘honest conversation with oneself’.
n Invite the coachee to picture their ideal self – the person they are, when they live up to
their personal ideals and values.
n Explain that no one is their ideal self more than part of the time.
n Ask: ‘What would it be helpful for your ideal self to forgive you for, when you do not
behave or perform at your best?’ This partial distancing of the issue makes it safer to
engage with the idea of learning from the shame-inducing experience.
One of the good things about this approach is that you don’t have to identify the existence
of shame in the coachee, or even assume it might be present.
125 ■ ■ ■
COPING WITH BLAME
Coaching and mentoring conversations frequently run into the brick wall of blame, most often
in one of two common forms: self-blame (assuming responsibility for one’s own or other
people’s misfortunes) or other-blame (protecting one’s own self-image and reputation by
blaming others). Both forms block the coachee’s ability to be authentic and to make progress.
The limited research on blame offers some insights into what happens. Politicians, it
seems,
are motivated primarily by the desire to avoid blame for unpopular actions rather than
by seeking to claim credit for popular ones. This results from voters’ ‘negativity bias’:
their tendency to be more sensitive to real or potential losses than they are to gains.
Incentives to avoid blame lead politicians to adopt a distinctive set of political strategies,
including agenda limitation, scapegoating, ‘passing the buck’ and defection (‘jumping
on the bandwagon’) that are different than those they would follow if they were primarily
interested in pursuing good policy or maximizing credit-claiming opportunities.
(Weaver, 1986)
Blame arises from an instinctive need to attribute causation to a negative event – with
the underlying assumption that assigning culpability will reduce our anxiety. Frequently, this
means shifting causation from ourselves to another identifiable source. It is, in essence, about
creating some comforting certainty amidst the discomfort of a negative event that causes
strong negative emotions. (These may include disgust, fear, despair and so on.) Blame is also
closely associated to the way we make moral judgements. So, for example, Victorian society
created a distinction between deserving and undeserving poor, not recognising – or more
accurately, not choosing to recognise — that behaviours that made people ‘undeserving’ (such
as alcohol addiction or prostitution) were often caused by poverty, rather than vice versa.
Culpability implies deliberate choices on the part of the person blamed (negligence being
the choice to ignore something). Yet few situations are that clear cut and it is hard to
distinguish between the influence of choices of individuals or groups and the systems that
they are a part of.
As a coach or mentor, we can help the coachee step back from this instinctive response
and take a more rational, more constructive perspective on events and causation. The clues
to self-blame and other-blame are often quite obvious. For example:
n The language used – ‘I’ vs. ‘they’; ‘it’s not my fault’.

n Body posture – submissive or defiant (looking down vs. staring ahead).
n Extreme positions – ‘They always’, ‘I never’.
n Seeing the situation only from their own perspective.
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To bring the conversation into a more rational space, from which more positive and more
helpful emotions can arise, the coach can ask the coachee to consider what has happened
from a systems perspective. The basic starting question is often ‘What else is happening here
that we might want to take note of?’ The antidote to blame is curiosity.
Exploring the system can be undertaken in a variety of ways, but one of the simplest
involves:
n Defining who and what is involved. The coachee may perceive only themselves and the
immediate protagonists, but a systems perspective identifies other players, who may
exert an influence on how each party behaves. Sometimes the players are not people
at all, but cultures and processes.
n Exploring the assumptions, expectations and aspirations of each of the players – where
they align, clash and are tangential.
n Asking the following questions:
– What happens within this system that made the negative event more or less likely
to occur?
– Based on this understanding, to what extent was the negative event an outcome
of an action (or inaction) by one party, or an outcome of the system?
– How does this change our perception of what happened and/or where blame lies?
– What happens if we replace the desire to assign blame with the desire to learn?
– What responsibilities would it be helpful for you and other parties in the system to
assume, to prevent future negative events?
– Can you now let go of the need to blame?
Most people, even those who are naturally more judgemental than others, can emerge from
this process with a clearer sense of their personal responsibilities and with greatly reduced
self-defensiveness.

n Are there any emotions you are trying to avoid here?
n How will you make it possible to hear those unwelcome messages?
n How/what do you feel?
n What two or three things would make a difference to how you feel, if you focused on
doing them and ignored everything else?
n Do you dread the conversation with X? What’s causing that feeling? How might that
emotion affect whether you achieve the outcome you want?
127 ■ ■ ■
9 MANAG I NG
R E LATIONSH I PS
While managing emotions is largely internally focused (how we manage ourselves), managing
relationships with others requires a ‘theory of mind’ – an ability to sense what is happening
internally in others. The coach can help build understanding of the dynamics of the interactions
between the coachee and other people, and also what is happening between third parties.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Understanding values conflict

n Building relationships
n Four stages of fault-free conflict management
UNDERSTANDING VALUES CONFLICT
Of the three types of conflict (task, process and relational), relational is the most consistently
negative in impact. What we glibly describe as a personality clash may more accurately be
described as a clash of perceived values. Understanding the values that underlie someone
else’s behaviour can quickly lead to a more positive appreciation of their motives and
intentions. The coach can ask the coachee to:
n List your values – what’s important to you (about work; about family or whatever).
n List the other person’s values.
n Draw them as a dimension from high to low importance. Where do you place yourself
on each dimension? Where do you think they are?
n Where are you both most clearly aligned and/or misaligned?
■ ■ ■ ■ MANAGING RELATIONSHIPS
n What’s the impact of the gap on how each of you thinks and behaves? What’s the
impact of how the two of you behave on other people?
n Where would it be beneficial to close some of the gaps? In what ways would it be
beneficial to each of you and to other stakeholders?
n Where would it be useful simply to value the difference?
n What strategies could you now adopt to bring about a positive shift in the relationship?
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS
Many people find it hard to develop the quality of relationship they need with colleagues at
work. Research by the Heartmath Institute suggests that spending time each day thinking
about each key colleague from four perspectives can be highly beneficial.
The first perspective is care: What can they do or say to each person to show that they care?
What will give them hope, comfort or inspiration?
The second is compassion: Expressing empathy with their current concerns and difficulties.
Heartmath (2015) explains that this ‘not only lifts them up, it also triggers responses within
our bodies known to enhance our decision-making abilities and personal resilience’.
The third is appreciation: Similarly, expressing appreciation benefits both the giver and
receiver.
The fourth is authentic communication: Being open and honest about what you feel and
believe, while at the same time slowing down and making a sincere effort to listen. This raises
awareness of other people’s feelings and helps them to understand you better, as well.
n Think about each of your colleagues under these four headings

n Plan how you will transfer that thinking first into a daily routine of thinking about others,
and second into practical conversations with colleagues.
FOUR STAGES OF FAULT-FREE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
This is a process where the coach may take more of a facilitation role, working with the
coachee and the person(s) they are in conflict with. It is particularly useful where there is
habitual blame, or where the two people have lost trust in each other to the extent that they
need some form of mediation. A key outcome of the exercise should be that the coachee (or
both parties) has an enhanced capability of having this kind of conversation without the
intervention of the coach. The four stages are:
129 ■ ■ ■
n Reconfirm the positive: The coach helps the coachee to articulate areas of
agreement, using questions such as:
– What do you violently agree upon?

– Are you prepared to accept that each of you is acting with goodwill?
– Are we looking for broadly the same outcome?
– What do you respect the other party for?
Highlight to the coachee not to be negative or accusatory.
n Fault-free task analysis: Still maintaining the rule of no blame, the coach encourages
the coachee to explain what they are trying to achieve and why; what’s preventing them
from achieving it (but not assigning blame to anyone else); the implications for key
stakeholders and for achieving the team goals. The coachee should repeat this process
from others’ perspectives.
n Fault-free emotional analysis: Up until now, the intention has been to maintain the
dialogue at a rational level. But conflict is as much and more about emotion. The coach
now encourages the coachee to talk about how they feel (generally and at the moment)
and how they would like to feel. What would enable them to change how they felt? In
this way, the emotional content of the conflict is released, yet bounded by the continued
avoidance of blame.
n Solution generation: What can both parties do together to take ownership of the
issue and generate positive ways forward?

n What could you do to build a perfect relationship with this person?
n What would surprise this person into a new approach to your relationship?
n How might you transform the negatives in this relationship into positives?
n Can you remember when this person was more helpful than they are now? What was
different? How could we get back to this state?
n To what extent do you think your perceptions and expectations of X may be contributing
to the problems in your relationship with them?
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10
B U I LDI NG SU PPORT,
I N FLU E NCE AN D
LEAR N I NG
In this chapter we look at how the coachee can build around them the support they need to
fulfil their aspirations and goals. We explore how to help them build and use more effective,
more productive networks; manage politics, while remaining authentic; and become more
effective learners.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Fitting into the coachee’s network

n Revans’s questions
n Who would want to network with me?
n Who do we know?
n Raising personal profile
n Managing politics
n Turning problems into opportunities
n Finding opportunities in problems
FITTING INTO THE COACHEE’S NETWORK
It’s rare for a coach to be the only source of influence and learning for a coachee. The coachee
will normally have a network of other people, who they use in various learning and influence
roles. Understanding who the key people in those networks are, what their influence is and
how that influence is applied gives the coach a clearer picture, first of the systems of which
the coachee is a part, and second, of where the coaching relationship can most usefully be
focused.
Figure 10.1
Coachee’s
influences
Coachee’s
experience
Coachee’s Coachee’s
colleagues bosses
Coach’s
experience
Questions to help the coach understand include:
n Who has a clear perspective on how you’re doing in this area?

n Whose opinion do you trust and value on this?
n What would they say?
n Who knows about this aspect of your desired career?
n Who else would you ask about this?
n What would be your dream list of helpers on this matter?
REVANS’S QUESTIONS
Revans, the inventor of action learning (Revans, 1998), advised the use of three questions
in helping learners to work out who they need to talk with:
■ ■ ■ 132
■ ■ ■ ■ BUILDING SUPPORT, INFLUENCE AND LEARNING
n Who Knows? (Gives information the coachee needs.)

n Who Can? (Considers the dimension of power.)
n Who Cares? (Considers the problem of will.)
REVANS’S QUESTIONS C
A
Phil was a director of a high-profile national public body. He was deeply frustrated that the S
executive board of the organisation was ineffectual. In fact he thought it was dysfunctional, in E
that it was criss-crossed with resentments, rivalries and hidden agendas. Phil felt very alone in S
his concern about this. By using Revans’s questions, David helped Phil to focus down on people T
in the board who did have an agenda for improvement, and who, like him, currently felt U
powerless. He also identified non-executives and others in related bodies who had a stake in D
Y
making things different. Armed with this insight he developed a plan to do something about
what had, up until then, seemed a hopeless and lonely task.
WHO WOULD WANT TO NETWORK WITH ME?
One has to ask the questions ‘Why?’ and ‘How?’ to fully understand the power of building
effective networks.
Why?:
n Ask the coachee to think about how to solve a problem outside their work. They usually
go through a list of who they know could help.
n Keep challenging the following: ‘Suppose you didn’t know anybody who knew? What
would you do then?’
n Draw a diagram with lots of links and nodes back to the original person – friends of
friends, contacts of friends, business contacts.
n Consider the benefits of having that type of network and what it would mean for the
individual.
n Links can be made to show how an individual gains skills and the degree to which any
one person has the skills and knowledge they will need to help them achieve their
development plan.
How?:
The coach explores ‘how’ in a number of ways:
n Make direct contact themselves.

n Helping coach the individual through what they are going to say when they make the
call.
133 ■ ■ ■
n Helping the individual think about the benefits of what they might give in return for
developing a new relationship.
n Helping people cope with how individuals might feel if you ask them to introduce them
to one of their contacts.
n Helping people think outside the box in terms of what they could build.
WHO DO WE KNOW?
We often forget who our contacts are and how they can help us (and us help them). This
exercise explores how people we know can develop us further and help us get to where we
want to go.
Ask your coachee to draw out the circles in Figure 10.2 on a large sheet of paper. Think
about who you know, in whatever context and however loosely, and write their names in the
appropriate circle. Your inner circle might include close friends, family and trusted work
colleagues. Your middle circle might include people you are in contact with who you value
but you are not in touch with as frequently, and the outer circle are acquaintances you could
contact but haven’t done so yet, in spite of their being potentially useful.
Then ask them:
n What networks are you going to develop further? For what purpose? How?
n What existing relationships do you need to develop? Can you identify at least one
person in each ring?
Figure 10.2
Circles of
contacts Your outer circle
Your middle circle
Your inner circle
■ ■ ■ 134
n Should you try to promote or demote anyone up or down a level of the circle?
n What is the relative status of the people who make up your circles?
n What does each circle represent?
n Do you want to reframe this in some way?
n What is the potential impact of each person on you and you on each person?
n Can you leverage this for mutual advantage?
RAISING PERSONAL PROFILE
One way of raising one’s profile in an organisation is to ‘curate knowledge’ for their network.
Ask your coachee to consider what their networks want to know. Encourage them to think
about how they can map and signpost current reports or news items, or offer opinion pieces
to their network as a way of increasing their presence and profile. They could create an action
plan for doing this.
MANAGING POLITICS
Politics is a fact of life in all sectors of employment. Some people relish the politics and treat
it as an intellectual challenge; other people find it deeply distasteful and try to avoid any
political contamination. Both strategies have downsides – the former, because being seen
as political equates to being untrustworthy; the latter, because being politically naive makes
people highly vulnerable to change.
A common challenge for coaches is to help coachees develop sufficient political
astuteness to handle and work with organisational politics, while retaining their authenticity
and self-respect. (An excellent source of further reading is Political Dilemmas at Work, by
Gary Ranker and his colleagues, see the Bibliography.)
Among the helpful questions are:
n Who are the key players in this situation?

n What are their overt and covert motivations?
n What will make them consider you/your team as a key part of their strategy?
n What resources and skills do you have that they will find useful in achieving their
objectives?
n What have you done/could you do to make them aware of you/your team as a politically
strategic resource?
n What core values do you want to uphold in yourself, regardless of pressures from
others?
n How can you establish boundaries around those values without creating enemies?
n What resources do you have and what can you do to get advance warning of politically
motivated change?
135 ■ ■ ■
n What resources can you muster to block damaging, politically motivated change?
n When would be the best time to have those resources in place? (When would be too
late?)
n How much in credit is your ‘favour bank’?
n How clear are you about the intent (purpose) of your boss? Your boss’s boss? Key
colleagues?
n How can you ensure you are aware of the undercurrents in the organisation?
n What will enable you to remain authentic? (True to yourself?)

n What principles will you not let go of?
n Who are your champions and supporters? How are you keeping them motivated to
support you?
TURNING PROBLEMS INTO OPPORTUNITIES
A core role for coaches is to help coachees move from a ‘glass half empty’ perspective to a
‘glass half full’ one. Here, follow some practical questions you can ask your coachee to assist
this mindshift:
n What new opportunities does the identified problem bring?

n What does this problem change?
n What can you do now that you couldn’t before?
n What can you NOT do now that you could before?
n What do you want now that you didn’t want (as strongly) before?
n What can you let go of/stop doing that will free up time and energy for other things?
n What has become clearer as a result of this?
n What decisions/actions has this pushed higher up your agenda?
n What matters less to you now?
n Stimulate positive reflection and action as illustrated in Table 10.1.
Table 10.1 Turning problems into opportunities – reflection and action
What can/should I learn What change do I want to

from this? bring about in the
circumstances?
What change in behaviour For the immediate situation? Now?

does that require in me? For the future? In the future?
■ ■ ■ 136
Useful questions in the ‘What can/should I learn from this?’ box:
n Did you see this coming?

n If you did, what prevented you taking avoiding action?
n If you didn’t, what prevented you from seeing it?
n Is this a repeated pattern?
n What would you like to learn from this?
n What will you learn from this?

n What benefits will flow if you demonstrate to others that you have learnt from this?
n What strengths did you demonstrate in this situation?
Useful questions in the ‘What change do I want to bring about in the circumstances?’ box:
n What fallout do you need to manage/ameliorate?

n How can you prevent longer-term negative consequences?
n How motivated are you to prevent this recurring?
n How can you use the situation to your own or your organisation’s advantage?
n Is this an opportunity to tackle a number of related issues you (or others) have been
avoiding?
Useful questions in the ‘What change in behaviour does that require in me?’ box:
n What learning and performance goals should you set yourself as a result of this?
n What could you do more of to bring the change in circumstances about?
n What could you do less of?
n What opportunities can you find to practise these different behaviours?
n Ask your coachee to identify the worst-case scenario by imagining what could have
happened to make the situation worse. This will put things into perspective. An absence
of negatives will start their journey into positive territory.
FINDING OPPORTUNITIES IN PROBLEMS
Along the same lines, you can redirect the coachee’s attention to their innate resilience and
optimism, using questions such as:
n What are your unused skills/resources?

n What are your natural talents?
n How could you use some of these?
n What opportunities do you let go by?
n What ambitions remain unfulfilled for you?
137 ■ ■ ■
n What could you accomplish if you put your mind to it?

n What could you become good at if you tried?
n What opportunities should you be developing?
n Which role models could you be emulating?

n Is there anything other (key) people don’t understand about you?

n How sure are you that the other person knows your intentions?
n How would X describe you at your best?
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11 TECH N IQU ES FOR

TEAMS
Most of the approaches we have described so far are aimed at individuals. However, there
is a rapid growth in team coaching and very often one-to-one coaching results in the coach
helping the coachee think through how they can apply coaching approaches to their own
teams. The following techniques offer some ways of supporting change in the more complex
dynamic of a team.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Inclusive and exclusive conversations

n When the team can’t agree on goals
n The alignment matrix
n Functional analysis
n Building a positive team attitude
n Temporal orientation
n Building a team development plan
INCLUSIVE AND EXCLUSIVE CONVERSATIONS
Beneath the united façade, teams often have hidden divisions. A clue to these may lie in the
conversations that go on within the team. Inclusive conversations are ones that are open to
everybody in the team. Generally these are open and collaborative. Exclusive conversations
are confined to a smaller sub-group, and are more likely to be subversive and non-
collaborative.
By and large, team members are only peripherally aware of the exclusive conversations
– not least, because it’s less uncomfortable to ignore their existence. The team coach can
help by raising awareness and encouraging the team to discuss how it wants to deal with
the issues raised by exclusive conversations. Useful questions to stimulate thinking include:
n When recently have you felt left out of a conversation?

n When recently have you found that, unknown to you, a colleague held a piece of
information, which you needed?

n What conversations are you part of, which are not shared with the team as a whole?
n Who most often gets left out of conversations?
n What is the balance between inclusive and exclusive conversations?
n What’s the impact of that balance?
WHEN THE TEAM CAN’T AGREE ON GOALS
This simple approach is particularly helpful when the team is split in opinion about what it
wants to do or how.
n On a flipchart, draw two large, overlapping circles.

n In the area of overlap, record where the members are in agreement.
n In the rest of the spaces within the circles, capture the areas of disagreement, so that
each circle contains the perspective of one side.
n Starting with the left hand side, take the first statement of disagreement and ask both
sides to suggest ways of rephrasing to make it more inclusive of the opposing view.
n Then do the same for the parallel statement on the right hand side.
n Then ask both sides to consider what new statement might integrate these restatements.
n The process helps each side understand more clearly where the other is coming from,
reducing the level of conflict and allowing new solutions to be generated.
THE ALIGNMENT MATRIX
The alignment matrix is a tool to prevent conflict in context of goal management. As Table
11.1 shows, high alignment within the team on both what they are trying to achieve and how
they aim to achieve it leads to high collective performance. Each of the other alternatives leads
to severe underperformance.
n How much alignment does the team have?

n How are you going to deal with any differences or conflict of expectations that emerge?
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■ ■ ■ ■ TECHNIQUES FOR TEAMS
Table 11.1 The alignment matrix
High alignment on what Low alignment on what

we want we want
High alignment on how to High collective performance, Focus on individual

achieve our goals positive conflict performance
Low alignment on how to Disruptive conflict leads to low

Sub-teams dominate
achieve our goals collective performance
ALIGNING THE TEAM’S PERSPECTIVES C

A
The top team of a large public sector organisation was about to publish its long-term strategic S
plan. The coaching question was ‘We have agreed upon the words, but how aligned are we on E
what they mean?’ Working with other stakeholders, the coach was able to identify a series of S
statements where there might be differences of interpretation and to express these as pairs T
of alternatives. In some cases, the difference related to the goal itself; in others to how it was U
to be pursued. He and the team then examined each pair to determine which interpretation D
Y
they agreed with. With more than half of the statements, there was little or no disagreement.
But in the rest there were strongly held opposite views.
The coach’s question ‘What is your team process for resolving this kind of disagreement?’
pushed the responsibility for resolving the issue back to the team. With relatively little help from
the coach, other than to emphasise the need for consensus rather than compromise, they
discussed each statement in turn. On only two items was there still a significant gap in
interpretation and for these they agreed that the chief executive should make the decision, to
which they would collectively agree. The coaching session concluded with a review of how they
would ensure in future that they surfaced these kind of disagreements earlier (it had been a
lot easier not to rock the boat, but the results of different messages from the directors would
have been very damaging) and resolved them, as part of their day-to-day interactions.
FUNCTIONAL ANALYSIS
Effective teams have both internal and external foci which they manage and where they need
to maintain an appropriate balance. They also distinguish between key tasks (what they are
there to do) and support or maintenance tasks, which are enablers to the key tasks.
141 ■ ■ ■
Figure 11.1
Activity analysis Internal External
FOCUS
Key task
ACTIVITY
Maintenance/
support
Ask the team to:
n Fill in the matrix for a task.

n Analyse the matrix to see if the team can draw any insights.
BUILDING A POSITIVE TEAM ATTITUDE
It’s surprising how little effort it takes to stimulate people in a team to look out for positive
behaviours in colleagues. Ask the team to follow the instructions below:
n Decide on one thing you are willing to do for each of your team colleagues to make
their life or work easier.
n Write each of these on a sheet of paper and give them in a sealed envelope to the
appropriate colleagues. They will do the same for you. Don’t open the envelopes!
n Put your promise into action without informing the rest of the team what it is.
n Each team member should look out for and make a note of positive changes they
become aware of.
n After a month, each team member asks the others what they think was in the envelope.
Often, the colleague will have noted a number of positive behaviours. When they open
the envelope, they may typically say ‘Oh yes – and that as well!’
This reinforces mutual positive regard and encourages even more positive behavioural and/or
process change.
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TEMPORAL ORIENTATION
People differ considerably in their temporal orientation. Cross-cultural comparisons, for

example, show wide variations about how people think about time; these are reflected in both
language and behaviour. The sharp division in Western thinking between past, present and
future is not reflected in all cultures.
Within the Anglo-Saxon culture, however, it is generally the case that people tend to
have a preference as to whether they position issues in the past, the present or the future.
People who have a past orientation tend to have a preference for routine and what is known.
They take as their reference point what has happened before, rather than what is happening
now or may happen in the future. They are often good at establishing historical analogies,
which can be very helpful, for example, in avoiding repeating past mistakes. However, they
may also tend to miss current and future opportunities, to be reluctant to experiment and to
question the present validity of solutions and processes that used to work.
People with a predominantly present orientation, at the extreme, live for the moment.
They take the view that ‘what is done, is done’ and are eager to move on to the next problem
or opportunity. While this is highly beneficial in terms of getting things done, they tend to
miss opportunities to reflect upon and learn from experience. They may be, for example, always
busy but not necessarily delivering the goods or improving performance.
People with a strong future orientation are either visionaries (when effective) or dreamers
(when not effective). They may lack the sense of urgency inherent in present-oriented
colleagues, but they are often very good at working steadily towards a long-term goal, using
what happens in the present to create conditions under which that goal may come about.
In practice, both managers and the organisations in which they work need to have a
balance between all three temporal orientations. The advantages of a strong orientation in
one can very easily be undermined by a lack of attention or lack of capability in the others.
The coach can help:
n Raise awareness of what the temporal orientation is.

n Examine the implications of the temporal orientation.
n Capitalise on individual variations in temporal orientation between team members.
n Develop tools and processes to ensure that the team achieves the balance of temporal
orientation that will most effectively help it meet its goals.
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C TEMPORAL ORIENTATION
A
S Sarah is an HR director, who was struggling to cope with her new team, which had been formed
E from the HR departments of two companies which had recently merged. The merger had
S resulted in redundancy for colleagues in both departments, including both the previous heads
T of HR, and Sarah had been brought in subsequently to upgrade the role of HR in the new
U organisation. This was the first time the team had been led by a director. ‘I’ve never met such
D
a negative crowd,’ she told her coach in exasperation. ‘Everything I suggest, they find a reason
Y
for not doing. It didn’t work before, we haven’t got the resources, we find it better to do it the
old way . . . They just seem resistant to thinking about the future.’
‘Who does think about the future?’ asked the coach.
‘Me! And that’s it. It’s as if they think that’s my job only and not theirs at all.’
‘What forces might be focusing their minds on the present, or on the past?’
‘The merger hasn’t helped. There’s a lot of survivor syndrome there, I know. And they are
all overworked, because we are trying to do more with a smaller team. But surely they know
we can’t stand still?’
‘What might they be trying to protect or preserve?’
‘It was pretty cosy in the old structure. I think some of them would like to go back to that
. . . I guess, too, that there’s something about maintaining a level of certainty about what we do
and how we do it. But I can’t give them that, because our environment has changed and we
have to change too.’
‘How do you think they view your emphasis on the future?’
‘They keep using words like “unrealistic visions” – but they don’t offer any alternatives.’
‘What changes in your behaviour and language might bring them to dialogue about this?’
The coaching conversation brought Sarah to a realisation that she might be able to
engage the team, if she made more effort to recognise and legitimise their time orientation,
with the aim of encouraging them to recognise and participate in hers. With the coach’s help
she devised a strategy in which she hoped to enable them to view the future through the lens
of the present.
In the next team meeting, she initiated a discussion around what members valued from
the past and wanted to preserve in the present and future. She also encouraged them to discuss
what they would like to leave behind from the past. Then she moved to the present. ‘What
strengths do we have that we don’t want to lose? And what strengths do we not have – yet?’
The positive language infected the meeting sufficiently for one of the most recalcitrant
members to make the comment: ‘We have to stop worrying about throwing the baby out with
the bathwater. We just need to work out how to take the baby out before we pull the plug on
all that dirty water.’
Acknowledging the team’s temporal orientation gave them the psychological safety to
accept that she needed their support in focusing on the future. A practical suggestion from
■ ■ ■ 144
one of the team was that they could henceforth divide their meeting agendas into three, equal C
parts: A
S
n Past-oriented – feedback from surveys and happy sheets, reports on work done, plus E
opportunities to learn from each other’s varied experience. S
n Present – sorting out immediate problems, allocating work and making short-term T
improvements in processes. U
n Future – where are we going and why? D

Y
Another team member built on the idea by suggesting that the order these three parts
appeared on the agenda should be rotated, meeting by meeting. A few months later, the team
decided there still wasn’t enough time to talk about future issues and suggested they should
have quarterly strategic meetings in addition to their normal team meetings.
Questions the coach can ask to stimulate areas for change:
n When you need to illustrate a point, where do you turn to for examples?
n How often do you respond to a new idea with ‘We tried that and it didn’t work’?
n List the 10–20 most important issues for you right now, and the 10–20 most urgent.
Classify each list according to:
– Where they originate

– When would be (have been) the best time to address and resolve them?
n What do you regret and why? What is the likelihood of making the same mistakes again?
n How much of team meetings is spent on the past, near past, present, near future and
future?
n How much value do you place on:
– Experience vs. innovation (past vs. future)?

– Stability vs. change (present vs. future)?
– Action vs. reflection (near future vs. future)?
– Tactics vs. strategy (near future vs. future)?
– Embedding existing initiatives (good endings) vs. launching new initiatives (good
beginnings) (present vs. near future)?
– Resolving conflict vs. preventing conflict (present vs. near future)?
n How clear is the continuum between past and future?
n How well do you apply lessons of the past to the present?
n How well do you apply visions of the future to achieve change in the present and near
future?
145 ■ ■ ■
BUILDING A TEAM DEVELOPMENT PLAN
The team development plan provides a link between individual development plans and the
business plan. It starts with the question ‘What do we need collectively to be better at to
achieve our (performance) goals for the next 12 months?’ It then goes on to define:
n Skills and knowledge all team members therefore need to acquire.

n Skills and knowledge that can be brought in from outside the team.
n Skills and knowledge that are needed by only some members.
n Opportunities for sharing learning, or for being co-coached.
The key is making the team aware of the benefits of having a development plan, and initiating
a dialogue around how to achieve one.

n What’s the point of this team?
n Are we really a team or just a group?
n To what extent do we take responsibility for each other’s performance? For each other’s
learning?
n What are we like at our best and worst?
n How does this team compare with a really high-performing team?
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12 MANAG I NG CHOICES
AN D DECISIONS
Coming to the point of what to do can be difficult for some people who are inclined to
prevaricate. Techniques included here will help people make the decision that will unlock
future commitment to action. We look at a spectrum from helping coachees to do less to
encouraging them to impel themselves into more action.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n The change balloon

n Conjoint analysis
n Extremes
n Letting go using situational models
n Call your future self
n Are you feeling lucky?
n If the problem appears insoluble
n Helping stuck coachees become more creative
n Decision making
n For, against, interesting, instinct
n The free imaginative variation technique
n Busy fool syndrome
n Maximiser or minimiser?
n Consequences
n Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
n Using the metaphor of a roundabout
n Assessing alternatives
THE CHANGE BALLOON
This approach offers a way to visualise the priorities in a complex decision. It is particularly
useful when the coachee has multiple factors to consider in making a choice, but is struggling
to prioritise them.
n Ask the coachee to write down their wish list. This may refer to a specific situation, for
example what they want in their next job, or life in general.
n Draw a hot-air balloon, with a large basket. Each wish will be written on a post-it, which
becomes a weight hanging on the side of the basket.
n Ask the coachee to imagine that the balloon has sprung a slow leak. One of the weights
will have to be cut loose. Which can they afford to drop?
n The item is deleted and recorded elsewhere as the lowest priority from the list. One by
one the weights are allowed to fall until only one is left.
n How does the coachee feel about the resulting priority rankings?
n Any hints that the coachee had difficulty in letting go of any of the weights can be useful
to explore later.
C THE CHANGE BALLOON

A
S When Jane was working with Angela on the change balloon, they stuck the flip chart paper
E with the balloon on the wall. They then moved it up every time an item was taken out. When
S it was getting out of reach, Jane drew another hole in the balloon, and brought it down to within
T reach again. This physical engagement was accompanied by laughter and also wails of concern
U from Angela about the difficulty of choosing between two attractive options. They avoided
D ‘cheating’ where two items were seen to cover each other, and kept them separate to force
Y
the hard choices – this is the work of this activity. They finished their discussion by considering
the implications for Angela of what was left. Having the third party (the flip chart balloon and
post-its) meant that Angela had relatively little to do in this discussion as Angela was so
engaged.
CONJOINT ANALYSIS
This is an alternative to the change balloon, for people who prefer to take a more analytic
approach. It can also be used alongside the change balloon as an additional check or
reinforcement of the coachee’s view of their priorities.
■ ■ ■ 148
■ ■ ■ ■ MANAGING CHOICES AND DECISIONS
Table 12.1 Conjoint analysis matrix: an example
Supportive Work–life Benefits

Salary Location Training
colleagues balance package
Location Salary
Supportive
Salary Location
colleagues
Work–life Work–life Supportive

Salary
balance balance colleagues
Benefits Supportive Work–life

Salary Location
package colleagues balance
Supportive Work–life
Training Salary Location Training
colleagues balance
Job stretch Job stretch Job stretch Job stretch Job stretch Job stretch Job stretch
Conjoint analysis helps people prioritise between different goals, or different options
generally.
n List all the options, in whatever order they occur to the coachee. For example, what
they want in their next job or in a new house, or where they can concentrate their
developmental effort for the coming 12 months.
n Take some additional time to reflect if there are further options or choices to add.
n Create a matrix (see Table 12.1).
n Compare items, e.g. salary and location, and choose between them, i.e. which is more
important to you? Which do you value the most? Write the choice in the relevant box.
n Compare each item with all the other items, in turn, and record which item was chosen
in each comparison, ensuring all items have been compared only once with each other.
n Add the number of times each is the first preference; in this example the order of
importance is job stretch (5); salary (4); location and supportive colleagues (3); work–life
balance (2); training (1).
n If appropriate, repeat the exercise, using a different criterion of selection (e.g. if the first
selection was by what you value, the second could be by what you think another stake
holder would value).
149 ■ ■ ■
n Verify if:
– It makes your choices clearer.

– The results match your instincts.
– You feel motivated to act upon these insights.
C CONJOINT ANALYSIS
A
S Victor was an account manager with a major career decision to make. His home circumstances
E had changed substantially with the birth of his first child and he felt the need to earn more
S money. He was also eager to move up the management ladder – for someone who had just
T worked to live, he now had the bit between his teeth in terms of career. He’d demonstrated
U skill and commitment in a series of projects and roles at a non-managerial level, to the point
D where he was an automatic choice for troubleshooting territories in difficulty. As a result, he
Y
had come to the notice of senior management, one of whom now offered him a new role, with
a large increase in both salary and responsibilities – but also some significant risks attached.
Victor’s mentor, a senior manager in another division, helped him enumerate the risks
and opportunities. The list of risks and downsides included:
n The new role had a high potential for failure.
n The company did not have a good reputation for rewarding ‘good attempts’.
n Predicted changes in legislation might make it much harder to reach targets.
n This was his first step into management, so he had a lot to learn in a short time.
n There were a number of difficult characters to deal with, who could influence his results,
but over whom he had no control.
n The job involved a lot more travel and hence time away from his wife and new baby.
The opportunities and pluses included:

n The rise in salary and job grade, with attractive bonuses if he hit his targets.
n Promises of support from several sponsors in the senior team and the opportunity to work
more closely with them – and hence build alliances.
n The new role, being cross-functional, would give him a much wider understanding of the
organisation and hence be a stepping stone to the next layer of management.
n The challenge excited him.
Most of this Victor had already worked out in his own mind. It all seemed finely balanced.
So the mentor combined the list and, using conjoint analysis, helped Victor compare how
important to him each of the factors was against the rest. The results showed that the
opportunity factors outweighed the risk factors more often than vice versa. Finally, the mentor
asked the classic question ‘How does this result fit with your intuitive, gut feeling?’ Victor took
the job.
■ ■ ■ 150
EXTREMES
This technique emerged from helping coachees tackle situations which were complex in terms
of values conflict – in particular, when they feel they are being pushed towards a behaviour
or decision that doesn’t feel right (i.e. are experiencing a level of cognitive dissonance).
n Describe briefly the issue and the circumstances around it.

n Help the coachee define a spectrum, on which the dilemma sits. Typically questions
here are:
– What do you think you need to change from, to?

– How do you want circumstances to be different?
n Invite the coachee to identify extreme ends of the spectrum. You and the coachee can
then assign an emotive label to each of these extreme situations. Questions at this stage
might be:
– Where are you on this spectrum now? (How have you dealt with it so far?)
– Where do you think you should be?
– Who says this is where you should be? Your inner self? Colleagues/your boss?
The customer?
– What are the consequences of remaining where you are on the spectrum?
– What are the consequences of moving to the new position?
– Is there a position which you would be more likely to commit to and to stick to?
n Consider the best way to deal with the situation by exploring these two extremes.
EXTREMES 1 C
A
Some time ago, one of the authors had been battered by a business partnership, from which S
he had withdrawn, feeling he had been badly cheated. He told himself that he had to learn to E
become less trusting and this view was reinforced by a host of other well-wishers around him. S
The problem was that he did not feel comfortable with making such a change, so he T
prevaricated and did nothing. U
The peer mentoring relationship was the ideal place to explore this dilemma. The D
Y
statement ‘I need to become less trusting’ was quickly translated into a spectrum, with ‘trusting
fool’ at one end and ‘suspicious bastard’ at the other. Where was he now? About half-way
between the median and trusting fool. Where was the pressure to be? About half-way between
the median and suspicious bastard.
151 ■ ■ ■
C What were the benefits of being in the latter position? Less likelihood of being taken for
A a ride and more opportunity to oblige people to live up to their promises. What were the
S
negatives? It would be counter to his natural instincts; it would alienate some clients and
E
associates; and it would make relationships more transactional in nature.
S What were the benefits of staying as he was? Trusting others resulted in a tremendous
T amount of loyalty; the gift of much free time as associates collaborated on development projects;
U
D and much more enjoyable relationships. The negatives? From time to time, someone will take
Y advantage.
Looking at the balance of positives and negatives in each scenario, it soon became clear
that there was a compromise solution, which involved relatively little behaviour change. Instead,
it was possible to introduce more robust contracts, be more explicit about expectations of
business partners and be more rigorous in taking meeting notes. Being cheated occasionally
was a relatively small by-product, compared with the benefits of a more generous approach.
The relief he felt at not having to behave in ways that went against his personality and
values was palpable.
C EXTREMES 2
A
S Rebecca had left her home town in Lancashire to go to university, after which she settled into
E a career in London. Her elder sister, Gemma, had married without taking further education,
S moved with her husband into a house near to her parents and concentrated on raising a family.
T Both sisters are in their late 40s. Never close as children, they now have little in common and
U rarely see each other, except for family gatherings, such as when their father died last year.
D Their mother is now finding it difficult to cope on her own and the burden of looking after her
Y
falls largely on Gemma. The stress is clearly showing.
Gemma frequently calls, asking Rebecca to come up to help her. Rebecca has made the
trip up once a month, on average, but finds it very difficult to fit this in with the demands of
her job – especially the frequent overseas travel. It has gradually become obvious that Gemma
resents Rebecca’s comparative wealth and lifestyle. Rebecca dreads the visits home, because
of these emotional undercurrents. Her feelings of guilt were also affecting her work – she had
become somewhat short-tempered and uncharacteristically forgetful.
The dilemma she brought to a mentor development workshop was: should she confront
her sister and bring the issues into the open, or simply slog on in the same way, knowing that
it was only a matter of time before her mother died?
Working with a workshop colleague, Rebecca established a set of extremes that seemed
to sum up her dilemma. At one end was ‘Go all out to build the friendship with Gemma’; at the
other was ‘Be a career-focused bitch’.
■ ■ ■ 152
The pluses of building a friendship with her sister included removal of the stress and the C
knowledge that it would greatly please her mother, who still had enough of her marbles to sense A
the tension between her daughters. On the negative side, it would mean reducing her S
E
responsibilities and work and foregoing the promotion she had been working towards for a
long time. She also admitted to herself that she didn’t really like her sister and that the chances S
of success were small. T
U
The pluses of focusing on her career were that she would not have the time conflict. She D
could simply send money. Her sister would be so offended that she would not talk to her – Y
which was at least better than being constantly nagged at! On the minus side, she would lose
the opportunity to spend time with her mother in her last days and she would feel guilty about
destroying the last vestiges of family togetherness.
Where she was now was struggling somewhere in the middle. Where she felt she ought
to be was towards the ‘build friendship’ end. Where she wanted to be, she admitted to herself,
was closer to the ‘career-focused bitch’ end.
Understanding these conflicting goals helped her rethink her position. She resolved to
do a number of things. In particular, she would:
n sit down with her sister and explain what sacrifices she would have to make to visit her
mother more frequently;
n offer to share the burden in other ways – by paying for a home help and gardener;
n take her mother away on holiday with her, to give her sister a respite.
In this way, Rebecca found that she could stay as she was – steering a middle course
– but do so more effectively and with less stress. Clarifying what could and could not be
expected of her abated the sister’s demands and she actually got closer to her mother, by
spending holiday time with her, than she had ever done since she was a child. She still doesn’t
like her sister, but now accepts that as a fact of life!
LETTING GO USING SITUATIONAL MODELS
Here we add to the visual element a physical (kinaesthetic) aspect.
n Select a pile of different size rocks.

n Select rocks from the pile which represent the different presenting issues – the weight
of the rocks indicating the current importance of the issue.
n Write on the rock what it represents (all the rocks are varnished with a ‘wipe clean
surface’ so they can be written on in a water soluble pen).
n Place the rocks in a backpack and put on the backpack.
n After feeling the weight load, empty out the rocks and consider how you could lighten
your load by resolving and letting go of some of the issues/rocks.
153 ■ ■ ■
CALL YOUR FUTURE SELF
Tacit, intuitive knowledge about difficult decisions can often be accessed by imagining
oneself in the future. We have already addressed this to some extent in Part II Chapter 7,
under ‘visioning’, but here we ask the coachee to enter more deeply into a role play. A simple
way of starting is to ask the coachee, ‘If you were to call your future self (you five or ten years
from now) and ask them about this, what would they say?’
For coaches this can be more than just a powerful question to stimulate the coachee
to reflect on. Actually having the conversation can potentially achieve even more. There are
lots of ways to do this, but here are two:
n Ask the coachee to take out their mobile phone, but keep it switched off. When they
put the phone to their left ear, they are in the persona of their current self; when they
use the right ear, they are their future self. (An alternative is to swap chairs, but shifting
hands makes for smoother transitions!)
n Ask them what questions they would like to ask their future self, if only they had the
opportunity. Don’t worry if they start off with one or two flippant questions (such as ‘Who
will win the Derby/World Cup next year?’) – this can for some people be a necessary
step in getting into persona. Capture these and explore what value would come from
having an answer to each question. Now ask them to become their future self:
– How would they view these questions?

– What answers would they give?
– What single piece of advice would they offer?
– What critical question would the future self want to pose to the current self?
In both methods, it can be helpful to allow the conversations to come to a natural pause
(for example, when there seems to be nothing more to say). Offer the chance for a few
moments' quiet reflection. With the benefit of hindsight, would they like to rethink the
questions they might ask their future self? If so, repeat the exercise.
Conclude by asking them:
– What has changed for you?

– What have you realised about your current and future selves?
– What could you do to bring them more closely together and is this something you
would want to do?
And, if you and they are feeling particularly open and reflexive:
– In what ways, if any, has your future self become wiser?
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CALL YOUR FUTURE SELF C

A
Barbara has just become a team leader. She has requested the assistance of a mentor to help S
her develop her leadership style and explore her relationship with her new team. E
She recognises that she is a ‘hands-on’ kind of person so has chosen to use the Russian S
dolls to analyse how her new team is functioning at present. T
Initially she identifies the informal groupings within the team, identifying those members U
who have social power (though not necessarily status or position power). She decides that the D
Y
size of the dolls she is using is linked to informal influence rather than role.
She positions those who work closely together near to each other and explains the
relationships between sub-groupings as she moves the dolls around.
When she has modelled the current team dynamics to her satisfaction, including herself
within the model, her mentor asks probing questions about the dynamics of the relationships.
Then the mentor asks Barbara to change the model to how Barbara would like the team
to function in the future, changing both distances between the dolls and the sizes of the dolls,
if appropriate.
Once the future model has been developed, discussion focuses on action planning and
the necessary practical steps needed to bring about the changes.
ARE YOU FEELING LUCKY?
Exploring the concept of luck can help people change perspective about how much they
can influence better outcomes to problems they face. The axiom ‘you make your own luck’
provides an opportunity to reframe the issue in ways that encourage the coachee to take
greater responsibility for outcomes and to be more creative in thinking about alternative
solutions.
The following questions help the coachee consider luck:
n How much do you think the outcome depends on luck here?

n How lucky do you feel compared with the other players?
n To what extent do you think feeling unlucky is affecting how you approach this issue
(e.g. your confidence levels)?
n Would you behave differently if you felt lucky?
n What’s the difference between the luckiest players and you?
n What could you do to make yourself luckier?
n What, if any, are the downsides of playing and not winning?
n How will you feel, if you do win?
155 ■ ■ ■
The realisation that even pessimists can make their own luck often initiates a discussion
about how much the individual wants to achieve a goal and how they can increase the
chances of a lucky break occurring.
IF THE PROBLEM APPEARS INSOLUBLE

If a problem seems insoluble to the coachee, ask them to use their imagination to answer
the questions below:
n If you did have a solution, what would it look like? (But don’t use this routinely – it can
be very irritating if over-used!)
n Choosing different characters from history, film or literature, how would each of them
tackle this problem? What can you learn from their approaches?
n What solutions have you been avoiding? Sometimes we just don’t want to admit that
a solution is readily available because it means facing up to other issues which we don’t
want to acknowledge.
n Break the issue into chunks and explore potential solutions to each. Do solutions for
some or all of the parts suggest a solution for the whole?
n Explore the opposites. Draw a process map of the problem. What would happen if you
tackled every step in completely the opposite way to what you do now?
n Redefine the problem as a series of opportunities. What’s the silver lining in each aspect
of this situation?
If your coachee still doesn’t like any of the solutions on offer, you can help them to:
n Keep looking for an alternative. Does this problem have to be solved now? Is there a
valid argument for allowing a solution to develop of its own accord? One of the most
common outcomes of a learning conversation is that the coachee’s mind becomes open
to a wider range of different solutions. As a result, they tend to notice possibilities that
would otherwise have passed by their attention.
n Accept the least worst solution. Ranking various solutions against each other identifies
the solution with the fewest downsides. Is the coachee prepared to accept this as a
means of moving on and dealing with other, more important issues?
n Accept that they will just have to live with the problem.
n Think about how they could move out of the situation.
n Think about what changes they would have to make to themselves, their attitudes, their
behaviour or their assumptions to get a new perspective on the situation.
■ ■ ■ 156
IF THE PROBLEM APPEARS INSOLUBLE C

A
This is another perspective on a case we have already explored, in the context of supervision. S
The coachee is a young man in a high pressure job in a multinational company. His family, who E
were all living in another country, were uniformly high achieving and he, as a result, saw his S
self-esteem and life meaning in terms of his success in the fast-moving world of his profession. T
His self-image was based on the internalised expectations of his parents and siblings and on U
the successful colleagues with whom he worked. D

Y
Energy and intellect had coped with all life’s problems so far, but he felt a driven need
to perform and excel, with the evidence of success being constant career progress and an
income he could boast about. Then in a dramatic shock, he became seriously ill. With support
from his boss, he kept going, albeit with reduced performance and recovered – only for the
illness to recur less than a year later. Then his employer got into difficulties and laid off large
numbers of employees, including him. With his illness, he could not get another job without
lying to potential employers. Suddenly, his whole world – everything that gave it and himself
meaning – had come crashing down.
He did, however, have a coach as part of an educational course he had been taking.
Mindful of the need not to cross boundaries into therapy, the coach helped him to map out all
the important things in his life he still had control over – for example, engaging the help of his
friends, how productively he spent the sudden free time he had been given, and what attitudes
he chose to take towards his illness. Then she helped him think about things he couldn’t control,
but could influence – for example, what he ate and his overall life, which might help fight off
the illness a second time. Clarifying these issues gave him sufficient anchor points to feel less
panicked and more able to consider the third category of issues – those he could not control
or influence. Here he again had a choice – to fear them or accept them. The coach and a
specialist counsellor worked together, with the coach concentrating on practical support in
coping through crisis and the counsellor focusing on the emotional and psychological aspects.
HELPING STUCK COACHEES BECOME MORE CREATIVE
When someone says they are not very creative, it’s usually a self-limiting belief. It’s just that
their sense of being creative has been knocked out of them in the process of education and
adjusting to the expectations of the workplace. We’ve used many ways to help coachees
regain their creative instincts, from writing limericks to engaging in improv. The following are
ideas you can share with a coachee to give them a wider range of options:
n Capturing: Note down ideas as they occur to you, without judgement or criticism. For
example, spend a few minutes early every morning just writing about anything that comes
157 ■ ■ ■
to mind. The mind’s internal censor normally kills promising ideas because they don’t
fit our existing perspective, but free writing bypasses this censor.
n Challenging: Finding tough problems to chew over will promote new approaches and
perspectives.
n Broadening: Developing interests in lots of different areas which need not be closely
connected. The more interesting knowledge you acquire, the more connections you
perceive with problems that you want to solve. For example, plan an ‘adventure’ once
a week.
n Surrounding: Making the physical and social environments more stimulating. For
example, finding interesting places such as art galleries or museums to do some quiet
thinking, or having conversations with people who have very different perspectives than
yours.
DECISION MAKING
Individuals and teams alike tend not to have a very clear idea of how they make decisions.
We tend to think that our decisions are much more rational than is the case (we tend to jump
to instinctive conclusions, based on readily accessible knowledge, then rationalise them).
Daniel Kahnemann’s theories of level one and level two thinking are must reads for any coach
working with coachees, whose decisions impact the lives of others or the fortunes of a
company! Coaches can help their coachees develop better decision-making habits by working
with them to:
n Revisit decisions, unpicking the process and the assumptions the coachees have
made, or be more aware of the assumptions and biases in decisions to be made.
Useful questions to help the coachee consider include:
n What assumptions did they make in reaching this decision?

n Who might have been able to offer a different set of assumptions? How valid have these
been?
n What did they want the answer to have been?
n How did they assess the evidence? (What weight did you give to various sources and
why?)
n What outcomes might they expect from the opposite direction?
n Develop together the counter argument to the decision taken. This may result in
modification of the decision, or of the rationale behind it.
n The coachee can make a new decision based on the thoughts you have unpicked.
■ ■ ■ 158
Decision-making processes have six critical steps:
n Purpose: Why do we need to make a decision about this and why now?
n Awareness: How well do we understand this issue and its context? What assumptions
are we making that might limit the options we consider?
n Definition: How precise can we be in describing the issue? Is it really one issue or
several interlinked ones?
n Creative thinking: What options can we generate? What didn’t work before, but might
work now? What if we did the opposite to what we have always done?
n Choosing between alternatives: How can we be sure that we are applying the same
weightings in valuing alternatives? What biases should we be aware of in how we
select?
n Implementing: Do we have the resources and energy to implement? Who needs to
be engaged in thinking about implementation? How will we ensure they understand the
decision emotionally as well as rationally? Who has what role in implementation? Is there
a robust link between the macro-decision (usually by executives) and the micro-decisions
(making it work, usually by people much lower down)?
FOR, AGAINST, INTERESTING, INSTINCT
This simple process helps ensure that the coachee sees an idea or proposal from several
perspectives and doesn’t jump to instinctive conclusions. It stimulates a breadth of dialogue
and creativity. The art is to generate as many points as possible to go under each of the
headings in Table 12.2. Once all the thoughts have been combined, they provide a rich
resource for an informed dialogue.
Table 12.2 For, against, interesting, instinct
For Against Interesting Instinct
159 ■ ■ ■
n Ask the coachee to consider the decision they need to make:
– For refers to the potential benefits of the idea.

– Against refers to the possible downsides.
– Interesting is an opportunity to capture aspects of the idea that don’t necessarily
belong to ‘for’ or ‘against’.
– Instinct captures how you feel about the idea and the issues generated in the other
columns.
n Help them generate as many points as possible to go under each of the headings.
n Once they have filled in the table, it will act as a rich source of information for an informed
dialogue.
C FOR, AGAINST, INTERESTING, INSTINCT

A
S This example comes from team coaching, working with the top team of a medium-sized
E enterprise. The issue – whether or not to acquire a partial competitor – had split the team in
S two, with the CEO and marketing director strongly for and the finance director equally strongly
T against. The issue wasn’t one specifically on the coaching agenda, but the coach and the CEO
U recognised that failure to resolve it was preventing the team tackling the developmental issues
D that coaching was intended to address.
Y
The coach began by giving the team some direct feedback. In her observation, the more
each side insisted they were being rational and the other side was being emotional, the more
entrenched and polarised their views were becoming. Did they accept that this might be the
case? After some discussion, everyone agreed that it could be. Did they accept that emotional
judgements could be important, both in linking decisions to values and in ensuring commitment
to subsequent decisions? Yes. Did they therefore accept that the other perspective might have
both emotional and rational validity, even if they considered their arguments were stronger than
the other party’s? Yes. Were they now ready to bring together their analyses of the opportunity,
taking the perspective that the decision was still wide open?
The team listed all the for, against and interesting items, without at this stage assigning
any weight to them. Then the coach asked them to split into two groups: one composed of
people who still felt drawn to the ‘for’ decision and one who still felt drawn to ‘against’. Each
group was asked to go into a separate room and identify as many counter-arguments as they
could to their position. Three people, who were undecided, were formed into a third group and
asked to discuss ‘What have we not considered (fully or at all)?’ When they came back together
again, this third group presented their thoughts first and the other two groups were offered a
chance for further reflection on either their initial position or the counter-arguments they had
been asked for.
■ ■ ■ 160
The ensuing dialogue was notable for the very different tone compared with the original C
conversation. Both sides commented that the issue was more complex than they had allowed A
themselves to recognise. In particular, both the potential benefits and the potential risks of the S
E
acquisition had become much clearer. Against a background of cautions from the coach not
to seek compromise, but to aim for a solution that they could all believe in, they found ways S
to reduce the risks. These included telling the seller that they did not want one division, which T
U
they perceived would eat up management time and had been a source of the competitor’s D
difficulties; and setting a ceiling on how much they would pay. Surprisingly quickly, the seller Y
agreed to these terms – the unwanted division was where his real interests and enthusiasm
lay and the deal gave him the opportunity to concentrate on this area, while still acquiring a
retirement nest egg.
The experience demonstrated to the team that robust argument – something they all
professed to value – was only effective within a robust framework of decision making.
THE FREE IMAGINATIVE VARIATION TECHNIQUE
The free imaginative variation technique is an effective alternative to ‘come up with lots of
options to reach your goal’ in the GROW model of coaching. This technique can therefore
be employed to generate different ideas.
The technique can be applied to many different tasks.
Exploring your dream career

n Ask the coachee to write their ‘dream’ CV, populated with future job roles and
qualifications.
n Ask them ‘What can you change or leave out whilst still preserving your “dream CV”?’
They can actively experiment by changing and deleting skills, roles, companies and
qualifications (this is the ‘free imaginative variation’) until they have a clear picture of
the core items that must be present for their CV to be ‘ideal’.
n Once this is established, the coach can then help the coachee break down these goals
into smaller steps and find practical ways to attain them.
Maximising the value of your role

n Ask the coachee to write a ‘dream’ job description and person specification. The
coachee can either add to their existing job specification document (although these tend
to become quickly out of date!) or generate their own. The coachee should generate a
job description that is as far-reaching as possible, incorporating all the elements that
their job could entail, however ‘off the wall’.
161 ■ ■ ■
n Think about what attributes are required for the job description; these should be noted
in a separate ‘Person Specification’ column (see example in Table 12.3). The coachee
should not be worried if they do not have these attributes or skills – at the moment this
is a creative exercise.
n The coachee and coach use the ‘dream job description’ as a springboard to explore
how their role can be developed. The coachee explores what items they are not
currently doing and whether this is something that they would like to add to their role.
The coach can ask these questions:
– What skills would you need to do this new item?

– What value would it add to your organisation and to you?
– What’s stopping you doing this at the moment?
– Do you need permission from someone in order to do it?
– How do you think your line manager would react if you propose that you should
do it?
– How can you take the next steps to do this item?
It is possible that the coachee identifies some elements that they could be doing, but
decide they do not want to. Maybe it doesn’t play to their strengths and they do not
have an interest in developing it. If this is the case, it may be proposed as a strategic
idea for the team, i.e. it is a good idea, but someone else may want to or feel more
comfortable doing it. Alternatively, maybe some of the items don’t add value to the
business in which case they can either be discarded or reformed so that they do.
n The job description can now be edited to incorporate the coachee’s new ideas.
n Ask the coachee ‘What can you change or leave out whilst still preserving your “ideal
job description”?’ They can actively experiment by changing and deleting skills and roles
until they have a clear picture of the core items that must be present for their job
description to be ‘ideal’.
n The coach can then help the coachee work out how to make these roles a reality, such
as how to negotiate these with their boss.
Building on the fact that both job descriptions and people evolve, asking these follow-up
questions can be useful, either within the session or as an assignment to bring to the next
session:
n How might this role be expected to evolve in the next 12 and 36 months?
n What changes can we predict in the expectations of stakeholders over the next 12 and
36 months?
n What measures will define success in this role now, and in 12 and 36 months?
■ ■ ■ 162
This will allow the coachee to understand that it is normal and healthy for job roles to change
and to be alert to the shifting environment and how this may affect their role. This can help
reduce anxiety as change is cast as inevitable, but potentially liberating – as an opportunity
for development.
Table 12.3 Example of dream job description and person specification

Job roles Person specification
Write award bids n Communication skills – written

n Ability to work under pressure
n Time management
n Planning
n Attention to detail
Pursue grant funding opportunities n Seek opportunities

n Communication skills – written and oral
n Attention to detail
Develop relationships and partnerships with n Interpersonal and relationship building skills
similar organisations to consider ways to: n Networking skills
n Share expertise and best practice n Communication skills – written and oral
n Send out a similar message n Presentation skills
n Attend each other’s events such as n Influencing skills
conferences
n Confidence and assertiveness
n Flexibility
n Problem solving
Review operations systems and consider n Problem solving

improvements to maximise team efficiency e.g. n Flexibility
n Data management n Think about the bigger picture
n Training booking process n Time management
n Application process n Organisation
n Upwards management
163 ■ ■ ■
BUSY FOOL SYNDROME
Feeling indispensible is a powerful addiction – many managers find it hard to focus on their
own work, because they are too busy doing tasks that would be done equally well or better
by their direct reports. A classic coaching question is ‘Whose jobs are you doing in addition
to your own?’
Another manifestation of busy fool syndrome (trying to do so much that you achieve
too little) is when a coachee fills their day with avoidance tasks – things that take their attention
away from issues that are more important but difficult or painful to think about.
Here are some ways to help managers recognise they have a problem, so that you can
work together to find strategies to overcome it.
n The coach discusses with the coachee what the elements of their role are that:
– Have the greatest potential to add value.
– Enable direct reports to achieve more.
– Deliver longer-term, sustainable benefits.
n Consider questions such as:
– Why would you have to do this?
– Would the team achieve more if you were able to focus on more strategic issues,
or simply spend more time reflecting on what it does and how?
– How much of your time do you spend doing jobs that would be better done by
people who report to you?
– What tasks do you do because you enjoy them, rather than because they are
important?
– What important issues or tasks have you put off dealing with this week?
– What mechanisms do you have for getting to grips with such issues?
– What important issues or tasks have you prevented someone else from resolving
recently?
MAXIMISER OR MINIMISER?
Maximisers are people who are habitually driven to make the right or best choice. At a negative
extreme, they can come across to other people as ditherers, overly worried about the ‘right’
choice. Minimisers are more concerned with the utility of the decision. At a negative extreme,
they may be seen as slapdash. Most of us are a little of both, depending on the situation and
the importance we attach to a decision. It’s probably better to have a maximiser doing heart
surgery, for example, but not to have them in the front of the queue at a customer services
desk! Here is a bunch of questions to help a coachee work on inappropriate maximiser/
minimiser behaviours.
■ ■ ■ 164
n Ask the coachee to consider when they are faced with wide choices, do they:
– Cut to the quick and identify ‘good enough’ solutions?
– Agonise over the ‘best solution’?
n Use context and process questions to help manage choice.
– Context questions:
o
Why do you have to make a choice? (What are the consequences of not doing
so?)
o
Who else can/should you be sharing this decision with?
o
How quickly is the situation likely to change after the decision is made?
o
What’s the downside of getting it totally wrong? Partially wrong?
o
How easily will you be able to forgive yourself if you make a less than perfect
choice? A wrong choice?
– Process questions:
o
How much choice do you need to feel comfortable about this decision?
o
How many criteria do you have?
o
How can you reduce these criteria to a maximum of three?
o
How many choices meet these three criteria?
o
Does one choice stand out as clearly the overall best, based on these three
criteria? If not, what other criteria can you add that would differentiate between
the choices?
o
Can you increase the flexibility of your choice (i.e. build in the potential for
change with changing circumstance)?
n Use the matrix in Figure 12.1 to consider stability and the impact of choices.
n Use the matrix to discuss with your coach and facilitate understanding on effective
decision-making.
High Figure 12.1

Stability vs.
impact of
choices to help
manage the
maximiser or
Stability
minimiser
conversation
Low
Impact High
165 ■ ■ ■
CONSEQUENCES
Helping a coachee overcome ‘stuckness’ is often largely a matter of seeing things from a
different perspective. This is a graphic and rapid way to capture the implications of different
choices.
n Consider a decision you are pondering.

n Complete all boxes in Table 12.4. Make the consequences of each as vivid to you as
you can.
n Consider:
– Have you added new perspectives as a result?

– What direction does this lead you to adopt?
Table 12.4 Consequences matrix
What will happen . . . What will happen if I do it: What will happen if I don’t do it:
What will not happen . . . What will not happen if I do it: What will not happen if I don’t
do it:
. . . if I do it . . . if I don’t do it
■ ■ ■ 166
CONSEQUENCES 1 C
A
Mark, a senior manager in the European HQ of a US-based global company, was considering S
whether to take a promotion that would involve living in the USA. One of the key insights he E
gained from this framework was thinking through what would not happen if he took it. He S
recognised that his opportunities for quality time with his growing family and also holiday T
time to pursue a passionately held hobby of seeking out rare butterflies would be curtailed U
given the US attitude to holidays in contrast with the European style. He ultimately decided D
Y
not to go.
CONSEQUENCES 2 C
A
In another example, one of the authors was struggling to complete his Ph.D. thesis while also S
doing a demanding full-time job (in fact two of us have had this struggle, but this is the story E
of just one of us). His mentor got him to focus particularly upon the consequences of not S
completing the process. The vivid picture that was evoked was just too painful to imagine, and T
the negative consequences were sufficiently persuasive to lead to a final push that led to the U
eventual successful completion of the thesis. Looking back, the mentee was clear that it was D
Y
this conversation that represented the turning point that led to a successful outcome.
MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS
There can’t be many managers who haven’t encountered the hierarchy of needs. Whether
they have thought about how it applies to them is another matter. We have been surprised
by how often coaches overlook this fundamental management concept as a potential tool for
raising coachee self-awareness.
n Draw up an individual’s hierarchy of needs based on the following:

– What inner drives does each of these things address?
– Which inner needs do you feel are most fully/least fully satisfied from your work?
– What strategies do you use to bridge the gap between your inner drives and what
happens around you?
– In what other ways might you address those needs? (What other strategies could
you adopt?)
n Consider the following with the coachee:
– What do you think this hierarchy says about you?
167 ■ ■ ■
– Are other people aware of your personal hierarchy of needs?

– How does this fit with what they need from you, or what the organisation needs
from you?
– What does this tell you about the kind of job/lifestyle that would suit you best?
n Ask the coachee to redraw their hierarchy presented as a triangle with chunks of each
layer bitten away depending on the extent to which that need has already been met.
This opens discussion of how the under-met needs might be tackled. Useful questions
include:
– What prevents you from feeling fulfilled in each of these areas?

– What could you do differently to meet each of these needs?
– Do some of these needs conflict? Is it possible to make them mutually supportive?
– What compromises do you make now?
– What different compromises are you willing to make? Would you achieve a better
overall picture if you did?
USING THE METAPHOR OF A ROUNDABOUT
This technique is about generating a wide range of options and exploring them.
Using a sheet of flipchart paper and large pens, encourage your coachee through the
following steps:
n Ask them to imagine standing at a roundabout. Get them to draw the number of possible
exits (opportunities) that they consider are available to them at the moment – even the
most unlikely.
n There may be a road linked to what they wanted to do when young, but their
parents/carers thought this was impractical or impossible because of lack of funds or
lack of ‘suitability’.
n There may be a road linked to recurring dreams or fantasies.
n There may be a road that involves them in more risk or unknown factors than they face
at present.
n There may be a well-defined road, which they have been on for some time, which feels
as ‘comfy as an old pair of slippers’.
n There may be a road that their intuition is urging them to follow, but which other people
say is not in their interests.
n Explore each possible road/exit in turn in discussion together. Metaphorically walk up
each road and identify the possibilities of this route forward. Reassure your coachee
that they do not need to move forward on any of the routes. It is sufficient at present
to recognise that they have alternatives open to them.
n Get them to note down the positives and negatives of each potential route.
■ ■ ■ 168
n Ask your coachee for their gut reaction to each route – a route may feel safe or sensible
but does it feel exciting? What stirs their energy?
n Now get them to put a large cross at the beginning of all the roads they don’t want to
go down.
n When they are left with two or more routes, develop the appropriate number of different
possible future scenarios and encourage your coachee to research each of them
further.
n Suggest that your coachee takes their flipchart drawing of their roundabout and put it
in a place where they can look at it frequently. Encourage them to share with their
colleagues, partner or family, if appropriate, to gain their reactions and feedback.
ASSESSING ALTERNATIVES
‘SCAMPER’ is a simple menu of creative perspectives to draw upon. It is an acronym for:
Substitute
Combine
Adapt
Maximise/Minimise
Put to other uses
Eliminate (Elaborate)
Reverse (Rearrange)
n Look at a range of possible solutions to an issue by discussing each of the SCAMPER

possibilities with them.
n Discuss how to adapt ideas raised to make them work in the given context.

n Do you need to control this situation? If so, why?
n If all the obstacles disappeared, what would you do?
n If this issue were an animal/car, can you describe what it would be like?
n If you did know the answer, what would it be?
n If you get that outcome, will that give you what you want?
n What would you lose by winning?
n What is an opportunity that is available to you right now?
n Who is it asking you to be?
n What is the opportunity asking you to do?
169 ■ ■ ■
U N DE RSTAN DI NG
13
CONTEXT AN D
SYSTE M IC
TH I N KI NG
A large part of the coach’s role is to help the coachee step back and see their issues from
multiple perspectives. Here we offer some approaches to understanding what is happening
in and around them.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Systems mapping
n Solution building
n Mind mapping
n Responsibility mapping
n Unpicking issues
n Different realities
n Achieving influence
n The support matrix
SYSTEMS MAPPING
It is useful for the coachee to consider the different systems they are in, in order to understand
their issue(s). The basic starting question is often ‘What else is happening here of which we
might want to take note?’
■ ■ ■ ■ UNDERSTANDING CONTEXT
Exploring the system can be undertaken in a variety of ways, but one of the simplest
involves:
n Defining who and what is involved. The coachee may perceive only themselves and the
immediate protagonists, but a systems perspective identifies other players, who may
exert an influence on how each party behaves. Sometimes the players are not people
at all, but cultures and processes.
n Exploring the assumptions, expectations and aspirations of each of the players – where
they align, clash and are tangential.
n What happens within this system that makes the issue more or less likely to occur?
n Based on this understanding, to what extent was the issue (e.g. a negative event) an
outcome of an action (or inaction) by one party, or an outcome of the system?
n How does this change our perception of what happened?
n What happens if we replace the desire to e.g. assign blame with e.g. the desire to learn?
n What responsibilities would it be helpful for you and other parties in the system to
assume, to prevent this issue resurfacing?
Most people can emerge from this process with a clearer sense of their personal
responsibilities and with greatly reduced self-defensiveness.
The systems:
n The coachee’s work.

n The coachee.
n The coach.
n The coaching relationship.
n The team.
n The organisation.
n The work environment.
n The wider context – social, economic, environmental.
Some questions for the coach to ask/consider:
n The coachee’s work:
– Tell me about your work. What do you do? How? Where?

– What is particularly satisfying? Why is that?
– What part of your work is stressful/challenging? What makes it like that?
– What would you like to reflect on?
– What did you do? What happened then? What were the consequences? How did
you feel about that? What did you want to happen?
– How would you have liked it to happen?
171 ■ ■ ■
– How could that have been achieved? What would you have done differently?
– What resources would be useful in dealing with these kinds of situations again?
– What other options are there? Who are your allies? Who can you involve?
– What might happen if you did . . . ? How would you handle that? What might be
a metaphor for this?
– How would you describe the interaction?
– If someone else were telling this, how would they describe it, what would they say
to you? What would they do?

– What supports do you have for your work?
o
What do you need?
o
How can you access the support you need?
– What skills do you have?

o
What are you good at?
o
What needs development?
o
How can you acquire these skills and knowledge?
n The coachee:
– What is going on for you now?

o
What is happening to you physically?
o
Why do you think this is so?
o
Have you responded like this before?
o
How do you usually respond? Have you come across this before?
o
What do you notice about the way you work?
o
What patterns do you see?
– Why do you think these situations recur for you?

o
Do you want to change anything?
o
How might you begin? And then?
o
How do you see yourself in this role?
o
How similar or different is it from other roles you have been in?
– What do you want to say that you are not saying?

o
What makes it difficult for you? Why?
o
What would make it easier for you?
– What do you do to keep stress at bay? How are you balancing work and life outside
of work? What impact is this having on life beyond work?
– What are your personal goals? How do you want your life to unfold?
■ ■ ■ 172
n The coach:
– What am I experiencing/feeling? Is that what the coachee may be experiencing?

– What image comes to mind?
– Who does the coachee remind me of?
– What past experiences of mine are being triggered? Do I need to explore this issue
of mine with my mentor? Is this a distraction or may it help the coachee?
– Is this my agenda or the coachee’s?
– Plus the same as the questions in the coachee section above.

n The coaching relationship – questions to reflect on silently:
– What is going on between us? Is there a power issue?

– Is it coachee-led and focused?
– What are the accountabilities?
o
Is there a developing conflict of interest?
o
Are there any blocks/barriers that are hindering the development of this
relationship?
– How can deeper trust develop?

– Is there a parallel process going on?
– When will be the time to dissolve the relationship?
n The team:
– Where do you fit into the team? What part does the team play in this? What are
the team dynamics? What power issues are there?
– How does the team fit in to the rest of the organisation? How would the team see
this?
– What impact could this have on the team?
– How could you engage your colleagues? What resources can the team supply?
– What needs to change? How can you influence change?
n The organisation:
– Describe the organisational structure. Is it congruent with the goals and core
business?
– How does this affect the work environment?
– Who can you discuss this with in the organisation?
– What systems are set up to respond to this? What needs to be considered?
– Do they fit for this situation? What needs to be developed or challenged?
– What resources can you access?
o
Who do you need to liaise with?
o
What obstacles do you have to overcome?
173 ■ ■ ■
o
How will you do that?
o
What is the organisational culture?
o
What effect does this have on you and your work?
– How do you think the Board see this issue?
o
What advice would they give you?
o
How can you convey to them your perspective?
o
What would convince them?
n The work environment:
– What part does Information Technology have to play now and in the future?
– What Code of Ethics/Standard of Practice underpins the work? What ethical
tensions are there?
– Who are your stakeholders? What are issues for each group? What is most
crucial now?
– Who are your coachees and customers? What networking opportunities are
available?
– What strategic alliances can you make?
– Who are your competitors? What gives you the upper hand? What added value
do you give?
– What are the current industry issues being grappled with?
o
Where is your business positioned?
o
Where do you want it to be?
o
What is the funding/financial situation currently?
n The wider context:
– Social:
o
What part does gender/sexual orientation play here? What cultural values come
into play and take priority? What values are taking priority here?
o
What spiritual beliefs may be important?
o
What is the predominant/minority view on family commitments? How is this
influencing the decisions?
o
Is this discriminatory? How might it be seen? By different groups?
o
To what extent is this situation influenced by language difficulties?
o
How do you respond to the issues that multiculturalism raises?
o
How can you use the media for a positive outcome?
– Economic:
o
What government policies are influencing this direction? What are the
expectations of funders? Contract requirements? How does this policy impact?
What can you or others in the organisation do about it? What laws impact?
Are changes pending?
■ ■ ■ 174
o
What do you see are the global forces that will impact on you in the near future?
What can you control/not control?
o
Where will technology take this in the future?
– Environmental:
o
What effect will this have on the environment?
o
What responsibility do you have towards preserving the environment?
o
How far does this go? Who has the say?
Alternatively, help the coachee ‘map’ the context of a presented issue by capturing on paper
a range of factors associated with it. Some of these factors may be obvious; others may only
be revealed in the flow of the learning dialogue.
Headings to explore may include: goals, ambitions, values, people, fears, skills,
resources, self-esteem, beliefs and so on.
Approaching from the presented issue, the coach might ask ‘Who are all the people
who have an influence on this issue and how you react to it?’
Approaching from a broader perspective, the coach might ask:
n Who are the people who matter to you?

n Whose opinion of you influences how you think and/or behave?
n Who can make a difference to your ability to achieve what you want at work? In your
non-work life?
Each of these people may, if the occasion demands it, be linked to other factors in the system.
For example:
n What are your fears with regard to this person?

n How does this person affect the resources available to you?
n What values are you applying to your judgement about this person?
n For example, why do you hold these values about this situation, but different values about
another?
New factors can be added continuously, as they emerge from the dialogue (see Figure 13.1).
Alternatively again, use systems thinking to help the coachee build a systems map of
their situation, as follows:
n Write their name and a short description of their issue (20 words or so) in the centre
of a large sheet of paper.
n Link the individual with all the key people or entities which can influence what they do,
or can be influenced by them.
n Indicate the direction of influence (using arrows) and the strength of influence (using
width of arrow and numbers 1 = low, 5 = high).
175 ■ ■ ■
n Draw in the pattern of influences between these different people/entities in the same
way, using a different colour.
n Consider the coachee’s current issues in light of this systems map.
n What does it tell you about what tactics might succeed or fail?
n What critical judgements will the coachee have to make to achieve their goal?
n Are their goals realistic within the existing network of influence? If not, how can they
change the network/system?
A final alternative is for the coachee to select a range of objects to represent each individual
in the wider system. They can place the objects spatially in the room in a way that represents
something important in the system (such as emotional closeness/distance of the
relationships).
n Ask the coachee to stand in each place one at a time and speak from that place in
terms of what it feels like to be there and how they perceive the rest of the system if
they look around, for example, what needs they have, etc.
n Help the coachee to think about what strikes them most strongly about the system.
Figure 13.1
A simplified Jo Ann
systems map
People Goals
Fears
■ ■ ■ 176
SYSTEMS MAPPING C
A
Alex, a chief executive, was not clear which relationships in his partner organisations he needed S
to focus upon. As preparation for their next meeting, his coach invited him to draw a complex E
map with the size of circles indicating importance, and closeness to his circle in the middle S
symbolising closeness of the relationship. Alex decided instead to just list them as the issues T
were clear to him without these refinements. At the next meeting they worked through the five U
most important relationships and Alex made plans for improving these key partnerships. D
Y
SOLUTION BUILDING
If the way you are exploring a situation together is unclear, solution building is a way of
visualising and engaging with it.
n Take a large sheet of paper and draw a blank jigsaw on it. Draw it so only the outlines
of the pieces (20–30 is usually enough) are visible.
n Ask yourself the question ‘What do we know?’
n For every item you do know, write a note in a piece of the outer edge of the jigsaw,
gradually working inwards.
n Ask also ‘What do we not know?’ and write these items in pieces at the centre.
n Finally ask ‘What do we not know that we don’t know?’ and place any items this
generates somewhere between. Assume any remaining pieces belong to this category.
n Add colour to emphasise the differences.
n Once you have completed the jigsaw, you can begin to discuss how you can change
more of the picture to the colour of the ‘do knows’.
MIND MAPPING
This common approach to capturing the content of conversations or presentations can also
be used for exploring complex issues.
n Define the issue: put the main issue at the centre of the mind map. When deciding the
concept:
– Is this a dilemma (i.e. about choosing between two or more difficult options)?
– Is it a case of knowing what needs to be done, but not wanting to do it?
– Is it about knowing what needs to be done but not knowing how?
– Is it about not knowing either what needs to be done or how to do it?
177 ■ ■ ■
n Define the strands of relevant concepts. Your coach can help you categorise these:
– People – who?
– Processes – how?
– Resources – what?
– Objectives/outcomes – what?
n Expand the branches of the mind map using the following questions:
– What is the last thing you would want here?

– How will you know if . . . ?
– What is that like? What does it remind you of?
– Can you represent that thought as a picture or a symbol rather than a word?
C MIND MAPPING
A
S An HR director was having sleepless nights thinking about how to communicate to employees
E some unpleasant messages about plant closure and job losses. With his coach, he wrote at
S the centre of a mind map the words ‘closing down’. Then the two of them recorded all the words
T and concepts that came to them in five minutes, using the closest lines on the map for key
U concepts and the branches for ideas associated with the concepts. They were then able to
D
Y cluster these into four kinds of messages:
n Those the company wanted the employees to hear and accept.
n Those the company didn’t want the employees to hear or believe.
n Those the employees wanted to hear.
n Those the employees didn’t want to hear.
From this came a clear strategy for structuring the communications and managing the dialogue
with employees before, during and after the formal announcement.
RESPONSIBILITY MAPPING
This is a useful tool for stimulating insight into how comfortable the coachee is with their
responsibilities and the demands upon them.
n Ask your coachee to fill in the tables for each task they have. This will allow them to
rate their responsibilities from a variety of perspectives.
n Analyse each perspective with your coachee asking:
– How well do you fulfil the responsibilities you have now? How do you know?
– How well defined are those responsibilities? Would it help to make them clearer?
If so, how can you influence that?
■ ■ ■ 178
Table 13.1 Responsibilities: taken and given
What do you want Take full Take some Take no

to/need to . . . → responsibility for? responsibility for? responsibility for?
What are you . . . ↓
Completely
responsible for
Partially responsible
for
Not responsible for
Table 13.2 Impact matrix
How much does this A lot Somewhat None at all

impact on you? →
How much
responsibility for it
do you carry? ↓
Full
Partial
None
179 ■ ■ ■
– To what extent are these responsibilities imposed on you or willingly accepted?

– How can you exert greater control over the responsibilities you want to keep/gain?
– What responsibilities can you/do you want to let go? What ones do you want to
acquire?
– Who do you want to transfer some responsibilities to? How can you make that
happen?
n Ask your coachee to consider how they would feel if they could change their
responsibility map in these ways.
C RESPONSIBILITY MAPPING
A
S Elaine was finance director of a business that had seen better times. Acquired as a thriving
E independent concern six years before, it had changed hands twice since. Underinvestment and
S uncertainty had combined to undermine its sense of direction. Although all of her original
T colleagues had left, Elaine still felt loyal to the business. At some indefinable point, that loyalty
U had turned into a sense of personal responsibility for the business and its diminishing
D employees. Although she was responsible for the accuracy of the finances and for financial
Y
strategy, she also felt personally responsible for the collective performance of her top team
colleagues, some of whom she perceived as not pulling their weight. In particular, she saw the
new managing director as a short-term thinker, who was too weak to stand up to his bosses
in the holding company. She admitted to her coach that she was feeling greatly stressed and
had considered taking early retirement.
The coach used the responsibility matrices to help Elaine clarify those responsibilities that
belonged to the role of finance director, and those that she had assumed, because she was
conscientious. They also categorised responsibilities in terms of what she could control, what
she could influence and those over which she had little control or influence. Elaine saw that she
could focus the majority of her energy on the things that were within her direct responsibility
and which she could control or influence; for everything else, she would set aside a maximum
of 10 per cent of her time and energy. Letting go was hard, but whenever she found herself
feeling stressed, she was able to use the responsibility map to put her emotions in context.
Being more focused (‘bounded responsibility’ as the coach described it) enabled Elaine
to work out with the coach how she and the managing director could clarify their expectations
of each other; and what she could do to support him. The result was that she increasingly
became the spokesperson to group management on difficult issues – a role she enjoyed
immensely. Previously unknown in the group, she began to build alliances. Slightly more than
a year later, she chaired a steering group to merge her company with another, recently
acquired subsidiary. When she was offered the opportunity to take on a more senior finance
role at group headquarters, she told the coach that she had no hesitation in accepting – she
now felt she had fulfilled all her responsibilities to the original company.
■ ■ ■ 180
UNPICKING ISSUES
A simple and much-used process for helping coachees work out what is going wrong in a
problem situation is to compare and contrast with a similar situation where things went well.
n Ask the coachee to visualise two situations, one where they faced a problem and the
outcome was positive, and one where they were faced with a situation where things
were going wrong.

n Start with the positive situation. Draw out key components such as:
– Who was involved?

– How prepared was the coachee?
– What were the certainties and uncertainties?
– What happened that they didn’t expect?
– How did they feel at each key stage?
– How well did they feel things had worked out?
n Now ask them to visualise the second situation. Focus on the differences between the
two, allowing them to develop an understanding of the issues and an agenda for change.
UNPICKING ISSUES C
A
Simon admitted his fear of public speaking was irrational. Yet the thought of standing up to S
present in front of an audience was enough to raise his pulse rate and instil a sense of panic. E
At work, he’d avoided making presentations as much as possible, but now he had to be best S
man at a friend’s wedding. T
The coach asked him to recall an occasion when he had felt relaxed and comfortable U
making a presentation to a small group of people. What was the size of this group? D
Y
Next the coach asked him to focus on the conditions or circumstances of this event. With
help, Simon described himself as being confident in his knowledge of the subject, amongst a
group of supportive friends, to whom he had nothing to prove, and interacting closely with them.
In particular, there were lots of nods, smiles, some laughter and an evident interest in what he
had to say.
‘Let’s imagine, then, that there are only four of you at this wedding dinner. You know them
all well and like them. How would you feel about making your speech in this environment?’
Gradually the coach coaxed him to role play what he would say and how he would feel and
behave.
‘Let’s add a couple more people . . . Who would you feel most comfortable about inviting
in? . . . How would the speech go then?’
‘And maybe a couple more?’ . . .
181 ■ ■ ■
C Gradually, they increased the numbers to around 15. Simon volunteered that he could
A get people, who he felt less instinctively comfortable with, to nod in agreement early on, by
S asking them if they agreed with something fairly obvious and light-hearted. (‘He’s grown up a
E
lot now . . . well maybe a bit?’). He could also increase his confidence by learning his speech,
S practising until he could recite it without notes.
T Was Simon willing to double the number to 30? And again to 60? Gradually Simon
U
D recognised how he would apply the approaches, which he was now relatively comfortable with
Y in small groups, to ever larger groups. He and the coach also practised what he would do if
something happened in the middle of his speech, which sent him back into his habitual panic
state. He practised the panic control measure Stop, Breathe, Think, Act, returning in his mind
to the occasion when he felt relaxed presenting to a small group, and extending the scope of
his confidence up again through increasing audience numbers.
In due course, Simon learned through exposure to other public speaking duties that he
could hold a conversation with the audience, to speak with, rather than at, them. As a result,
his confidence increased to the extent that it was no longer obvious to observers that this was
not a natural skill for him.
DIFFERENT REALITIES
This approach works well in situations where the coachee’s views or assumptions hinder
achievement of their goals. It illustrates how people can hold different realities.
n Ask the coachee to:

– Accept that other people may have different perceptions of reality and that these
may be as valid as their own; or (if the issue is not one involving other people) that
their existing perception of reality is simply one of many that they could choose to
adopt.
– Help them understand the consequences of seeing the world differently and that
they can choose the realities they see.
– Help them choose realities which will help them towards their aspirations and goals.
n Useful questions to explore different realities are:
– What do you see in this situation?
– What do others see?
– How would you describe the difference?
– What filters are you applying when you see this situation? What might you be
avoiding noticing?
– What filters do you think they are applying? What might they be avoiding noticing?
– What benefits are there for you in holding this view on reality?
■ ■ ■ 182
– What benefits are there for them in holding this view on reality?
– What would be the benefits to you of a different view on reality?
– What would be the benefits to them of a different view on reality?
– What would be the benefits to the organisation if you and they shared a common
view on reality?
– What dialogue would help you and them to adapt your perception of reality?
ACHIEVING INFLUENCE
The following questions help to shift the coachee’s thinking towards gaining and using
influence in constructive, collaborative ways.
n How often do you get frustrated that other people operate with different priorities to
yours?
n Can you describe a situation where people have been happy to go along with your
ideas? And one where they weren’t? What was the difference?
n What are the pluses and minuses of influencing other people to do what you want them
to?
n What could you do to create the environment where people are pulling you along, rather
than being dragged by you?
n If you were in your colleagues’ shoes, what would influence you to follow this path?
n Given the choice between acquiescence, compliance or commitment, which would you
choose?
ACHIEVING INFLUENCE C
A
Philip was used to getting his own way. He’d risen through the ranks from graduate engineer, S
to supervisor, to manager and senior manager. Then he was promoted to a staff role, where E
few people reported to him, but where it was vitally important to the business that the cross- S
functional projects he initiated were successful. However, all the resources he needed – money, T
people, equipment and so on – were under the control of other people; and they had problems U
of their own. D
Y
His frustration at not getting his own way – at being seen to fail, for the first time in his
career – was eating away at him. He described himself to his coach as feeling impotent; he
described his peers, who were not helping him, as selfish.
The coach began by asking him what he thought were the aims and first principles of
influence. Philip replied that he thought influence was about making things happen and that
influencing skills were primarily about manipulating people and situations until they complied
with what you wanted. It was that lack of compliance that Philip so resented.
183 ■ ■ ■
C Next the coach asked him to describe what was happening when he tried to influence
A others. Philip talked about how he first explained what he was trying to do, sold them the
S
benefits and asked for their help. When that didn’t work, he had tried explaining to them the
E
difficulties he was facing, and how it made the whole team look bad if he wasn’t able to deliver
S – but again, little actual cooperation emerged, although his colleagues always made sympathetic
T noises.
U
D Then the coach offered a different definition of influence – creating the conditions where
Y people feel motivated and empowered to do what is needed and/or right. In this definition, the
role of the influencer is not to control or cajole, but to understand and enable. As Philip talked
this alternative perspective through, he realised that he had viewed influencing through only
one set of eyes – his own. He had seen his objectives and motivations, his sense of the barriers
to overcome, his ways of doing things and the impact that other people had on him and on his
job. What he had neglected was their objectives and motivations, their ways of doing things,
how they saw him and the impact he had on them.
Working with the coach, Philip set out to understand. He sat with each of the key people
he needed to influence and didn’t mention what he wanted them to do. When they queried
this, he replied that he had realised he couldn’t make progress with his project until he
understood in a lot greater depth what the implications were for other people and functions.
When he had spoken with all of them, he wrote a short paper summarising what he had learned,
then began a second series of meetings, this time aimed at exploring how he could make it
easier for them to give practical support to his project. It soon became clear that in some cases,
he and the colleague both needed to influence people at more senior levels and together they
applied the same strategy of building understanding and enabling with these persons. (In one
case, for example, the more senior manager simply wanted better information upon which to
base resource allocation decisions.)
Over a couple of months, Philip gradually obtained the willing collaboration of all of his
key colleagues. When asked by the coach what he had learned, he replied that influencing
was ‘not about the stick or the carrot, but about taking off the blinkers’.
THE SUPPORT MATRIX
Research into what happened when high flyers moved from one organisation to the next found
that they frequently failed to perform in the new environment. A key factor was that the
supportive context of the organisation, where they had shone, was not replicated in the new
role. Managers, in particular, often tend to assume that they have to be self-sufficient and
coaches can sometimes unwittingly reinforce that assumption. You can help by raising your
coachee’s awareness of the need for effective support networks and by passing on skills of
how to create and sustain such networks.
■ ■ ■ 184
Figure 13.2
High power/influence
The support
matrix
Champions Enemies
High Low
supportiveness supportiveness
Allies False friends
Low power/influence
n Ask your coachee to consider the support matrix in Figure 13.2, with two dimensions
of power/influence and supportiveness (low to high).
n Help them think about who they would need to help them implement change in their
organisation. They should consider the people who do fit into the quadrants; to maximise
support consider the following questions:
– Champions are people at a more senior level, who provide active support. Useful
questions include:
o
What can the coachee do to make them support them even more?
o
What risks lie in using the relationship with champions to drive the change
process? (Where might resentment build up?)
– Allies, sometimes called friends, provide practical ground support and encourage-
ment. Useful questions include:
o
What support does your coachee need from them?
o
How can they influence champions for you?
o
How can they protect themselves from false friends?
– Enemies are open about their opposition. Useful questions include:
o
How much is enemies’ opposition directed towards the change or the agents
of change?
o
What would move them to another quadrant?
185 ■ ■ ■
o
How will your coachee do that? Can champions help?
o
What are the risks of building better relationships with enemies?
– False friends make pretence of support but either fail to deliver support or actively
undermine the change process and those associated with it:
o
How can your coachee make the risks of opposition greater for false friends?
o
How could false friends be shifted to allies?
– General questions applicable to all four groups that you could discuss with the
coachee include:
o
What is this person’s primary motivation?
o
What other, less obvious motivations might they have?
o
Who influences them and how?
o
How courageous are they?
o
In what circumstances would your coachee trust them?
o
How might your personal perception of them prevent your coachee from using
them effectively to support the change?
Your coachee may identify a number of ‘unknowns’ – people whose attitude and orientation
towards the change is not clear. If this is the case, help your coachee to consider what they
could do to bring these people into one of the four quadrants.

n Could you treat this as an experiment and see what happens between now and our next
meeting?
n How much do you respect your colleagues? Yourself?
n How much is enough/good enough?
n How much/often is enough?
n How will you feel about this decision when you look back at it in two years’ time?
n How would you explain this to your children/partner/family?
n If you weren’t here for a month, what wouldn’t get done?
n What are your responsibilities here?
n What do you want the outcome to be?
n What would a fly on the wall say was going on?
n If we were approaching this issue completely naively, what would we want to know about
it, before we started thinking about decisions?
n What part of the context here have we avoided or skipped over as unimportant?
■ ■ ■ 186
14
DEVE LOPI NG
R ESI LI E NCE /COPI NG
WITH SETBACKS
When coachees suffer a reverse, they can lose motivation and sense of personal purpose.
Coaches require the insight to recognise when this is happening and a toolkit to help them
rebuild confidence and re-energise.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n How do people recover from setbacks?

n Supporting those with burnout
n Responsibility pie
n Appraising situations
n What do you believe you can’t do, however hard you try?
n Self-fulfilling prophecy
n Helping the coachee overcome procrastination
n When is the best time to procrastinate?
HOW DO PEOPLE RECOVER FROM SETBACKS?
People have different coping mechanisms when they receive a serious setback in their
careers. But some people emerge from the experience stronger than before. Useful advice
on how they do this comes from Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, head of the Yale Leadership Institute,
whose extensive research suggests that people who survive setbacks well:
Regroup immediately
Like the old adage about getting straight back onto a horse after falling off, the successful
people he studied:
n Accepted their own part in what had happened, acknowledging it both to themselves
and to other people.
n Set about rebuilding bridges immediately.

n Reconnected with their network of friends and colleagues, helping them to understand
his or her perspective and asking for continued support.
Redefine their mission
n What skills and strengths they have, which have got them so far.
n What they can still achieve.
n What they need to bring about those achievements.
Coaches and mentors can use these insights to help coachees either once they have
experienced a setback (to help them recover more quickly); or when it appears that a setback
may be likely, in which case the coach can help them prepare for the event and ride through
it more easily.
SUPPORTING THOSE WITH BURNOUT
Burnout is a condition that afflicts many high flyers in organisations. Their lack of experience
of failure or setbacks makes the golden ones particularly susceptible to burnout – they haven’t
been inoculated by misfortune.
Signs of burnout can include:
n Mood swings.
n Anger.
n Blaming
n Lack of feeling.
n Lack of energy.
There are various types of burnout:
n Classic burnout – crash and burn – leads to long-term absence from work and inability
to function.
■ ■ ■ 188
■ ■ ■ ■ DEVELOPING RESILIENCE/COPING WITH SETBACKS
n Chronic self-destructive pattern – resilience response – pulling back from the edge,
recovering and returning to work, but not learning from the experience, so no long-term
change in behaviour.
n Joyless depletion – concerned only with work – but in survival mode rather than with
energy or feeling.
The coach can respond to burnout in the coaching session in the following ways:
n Honour the experience – neither stigmatise nor trivialise what the coachee is
experiencing.
n Attend to the contract between the coachee and their organisation.
n Help the coachee find fulfilment more widely than achieving success in the
organisation’s terms.
n Help the coachee develop a sustainable model of leadership.
n Put the coachee’s story at the centre of their recovery.
n Help the coachee develop meaning and purpose.
RESPONSIBILITY PIE
The responsibility pie is a tool used to assist an individual to recognise that he or she is only
part of a much larger picture. Many people blame themselves or others for things that are
out of their control and this exercise is a useful process for working out what part of the
situation belongs to whom.
Figure 14.1
I could have Boss could have checked to Sample
checked see if I had received the email responsibility pie
30% 30% to challenge
faulty thinking
IT problems
40%
189 ■ ■ ■
n Describe the situation, all the parties involved and the sequence of events.
n Draw a circle to represent the whole of the situation – the circle equates to 100 per
cent.
n Ascribe a percentage to all of the parties or circumstances.
C RESPONSIBILITY PIE
A
S An individual was asked to submit a report by a certain deadline and then discovered that he
E had missed the deadline as the date had been brought forward. The individual concerned is a
S perfectionist and, as such, blames himself totally for the missed deadline. However, it soon
T became clear that an IT issue meant an email bringing the date forward was never received,
U and although his manager did think it was unusual not to receive an acknowledgement to his
D email, he did not check to see that the coachee had received the new information. The individual
Y
did hear something through the office grapevine that made him wonder if there was a change,
but because he was busy he did not follow this up.
As a perfectionist, the coachee is unhelpfully engaging in punishing self-talk, ruminating
over his error. He is defensive and irritable with those around him. The responsibility pie is used
to assist the coachee to engage in realistic thinking and by talking through each of the
component parts, the coachee is encouraged to consider the ways in which his current
attitudes actually hamper rather than encourage good performance.
APPRAISING SITUATIONS
It is easy to blame oneself for setbacks that occur, but context plays an important role. It can
be useful to have a tool to analyse one’s actions in terms of what the context demanded.
Harold Kelley (1967) developed the Theory of Covariance to explain how people attribute
causes, for example, someone else being late, to either the situation they are in or as due to
a dispositional reason, i.e. something internally to do with the person themselves. He argued
that for a particular event, the variables of consistency (whether the actor consistently
behaves in a certain way in the situation), distinctiveness (whether the action is distinctive to
the situation or also applied to other situations) and consensus (whether other people
behave in this way), each change – assuming a high or low position, which, in turn leads to
an internal (dispositional) attribution or an external (situational) attribution.
Using this framework, you can help the coachee unpick their behaviour in a certain
situation.
■ ■ ■ 190
n Ask the coachee to consider a time in which they believe they behaved admirably in a
given context, and a situation in which they are less proud of how they behaved.
Consider:
– Consensus: Would others have behaved in the same way in this situation? (For
example, if you found out they were about to get made redundant, their behaviour
may be reasonable, even if they were not proud of it.)

– Consistency: Do they always behave like this in this situation? (Do they need to
consider changing their default position?)
– Distinctiveness: Do they behave like this in other situations?
By answering these questions, you can help the coachee analyse if their behaviour was
context dependent (an external distribution) or something internal to do with them. They may
want to consider how they can change their context (where possible) or how they can change
their outlook/mood where necessary.
WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN’T DO, HOWEVER HARD

YOU TRY?
Ask the coachee to fill in the quadrants of the grid in Figure 14.2 with things they think they
can and can’t do, according to whether they have or haven’t tried.
Could do it Figure 14.2

‘What do you
believe you can’t
do, however
hard you try?’
quadrants
Not tried Have tried
Could not do it
191 ■ ■ ■
Then analyse what the quadrants mean for the coachee:
n The things they could do and have tried: These are their tried and tested staples,
within their comfort zone. When they do these, they feel good and believe in themselves.
n The things they could do and have not tried: These are things they may consider
trying. They may enjoy them, and realise they can do more, increasing their self-efficacy.
n The things they think they can’t do and have tried: Is it worth giving these
another shot? Can they ask someone for help? Can they think of how they can
overcome the difficulties?
n The things they think they can’t do and have not tried: How do they know they
can’t do them if they haven’t tried? There are some things they may not particularly want
to try – maybe jumping out of a plane doesn’t appeal – but they are still technically able
to do it. In reality, there are very few things that they actually can’t do. Highlight that
they are in control to decide if they want to try or not.
SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY
People who expect the best of themselves and others often get the best out of themselves
and others. People who expect the worst often get the worst. This is because your expect-
ations can affect your mood and feelings of self-efficacy, which in turn dictate your behaviour
and attitudes, which may well rub off on other people.
As a coach, you can address situations where you think the coachees are setting
themselves up for failure in the following way:
n Ask the coachee to think about the forthcoming project, task or meeting that they are
nervous about. Can they increase their expectations of success?
n The coachee notes down three ways they can increase their expectation of success.
For example, by planning what they are going to say, practising saying it and getting
feedback from a critical friend.
– What can go wrong?

– Have they planned ways of mitigating this?
– Do they feel more positive going into the situation?
– Do they feel upbeat?
– What are their success criteria?
After their project, task or meeting, the coach asks the coachee to note down how satisfied
they were with their performance.
n Was it as successful as it could have been, given the circumstances? What could they
have done differently?
■ ■ ■ 192
n Would it have improved the outcome?

n How did they score out of 10 for each of their success criteria, where 1 is not well and
10 is excellent?
The concept of self-fulfilling prophecy can be applied to many situations. For example, does
the coachee expect people to take notice of them when they speak? If not, then they should
not be surprised if they don’t!
Ask the coachee to think about what difference it would make if they expected people
to take notice of them. Who can give them feedback on their level of presence in specific
situations? How could they speak with greater authority? For example, they could arm
themselves with relevant facts and figures, presenting these in a relevant and engaging way,
publicising their knowledge on this issue, etc.
HELPING THE COACHEE OVERCOME PROCRASTINATION
Procrastination is a common cause of setback. People procrastinate for three main reasons:
n They don’t really want to do the task. In this case the motivation for the task is usually
external – i.e. they feel obliged to do it. Such obligations can be direct (expectations
of a boss, or family members) or indirect (real or imaginary expectations they have
internalised from other people).
n They do want to do it, but other powerful forces prevent them. For example, they might
really want to get fit, but can’t get out of working long hours.
n They do want to do it, but don’t know where to start.
Useful questions to ask when you suspect the coachee doesn’t really want to do it:
n What personal values does doing this evoke for you?

n Who is telling you to do this?
n What obligations are you feeling here?
n For whose benefit do you want to do this?
n How will doing this make you a better person/better manager, etc.?
Useful questions to ask when other forces prevent them from getting on with it:
n What could you stop doing that would allow you to give this a higher priority?
n How could you make yourself more frequently attentive to (or more mindful of) this issue?
n What could you do each day to ensure you made some progress?
n What resources (e.g. other people) do you have to help you prioritise this?
n What is your contract with yourself about this?
193 ■ ■ ■
Useful questions to ask when they don’t know where to start:
n What would help you see the path more clearly?

n Whose permission do you need to get started? (Often, realising that only their own
permission is needed can be enough of a kick-start!)
n What’s the simplest first step you could take?
n Imagine you had complete self-confidence about this. What would you do first?
General questions about procrastination:
n When you took this project on, where did the energy come from?
n What would enable you to inject a greater sense of energy into this project now?
n What happens if you do nothing?
n What are the benefits of doing nothing?
n What would happen if you gave up on this goal?
n Looking back from a year ahead, what will you wish you had done?
n If you were to have made my day today, what would you have done?
n What solutions have you been avoiding?
n What decisions did you avoid this week?
n What conversations have you avoided having recently?
WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO PROCRASTINATE?
Procrastination is typically a repeating cycle with four stages:
n Putting off something we aren’t positively motivated (energised) to do.

n Feeling guilty.
n Reduced self-esteem and self-efficacy.
n Reduced energy, which makes us more likely to put things off . . .
Coaches can help coachees break this vicious cycle by first helping them to recognise it,
then to develop strategies for addressing each stage. When people fail to break the cycle,
it is often because they address only part of it – so the process continues as before.
Here are some practical approaches for addressing each stage:
Putting things off

Useful questions:
n What are the common characteristics of things you put off?

n What are your emotional responses when you are faced with such a task?
■ ■ ■ 194
Useful strategies:
n Having a process for recognising and acknowledging tasks you are likely to put off.
n Alongside the traditional To Do list, create a Procrastination list, with three columns:
– What I’m likely to procrastinate about.
– The consequences (which may be a mixture of positive and negative).
– My tactics for getting this task done.
n The ‘quick peep’ strategy – saying to yourself ‘I know I don’t want to do this, but I’ll
take a look at it now, to see what’s involved’. Much of the time, it proves to be less
difficult and less discomforting than you thought, so you get on with it anyway.
n Saving up all the tasks you have low energy for and tackling them in one blitz on a Friday
morning. Many people find that they are energised by the fact that they won’t have these
things worrying them over the weekend. When this tactic becomes a habit, people
typically find that they are also motivated by the reward of having Friday afternoon to
concentrate more fully on tasks they particularly enjoy.
Feeling guilty
Useful questions:
n How would you like to feel?

n What small shift could make that happen?
Useful strategies:
n Identifying the emotional triggers that make you feel guilty, and reframing these.
n When I do get round to doing this, what can I add to improve the output, so that other
people feel it was worth waiting for? (Envisioning positive reactions from others can
help to motivate, too.)
Reduced self-esteem
Useful questions:
n How will you feel about yourself once you’ve done this?
n Who can you call upon for support and encouragement?
Useful strategies:
n Analyse how the task plays to your strengths and weaknesses. Explore how applying
your strengths to it could result in a better outcome.
n Practice self-forgiveness. Tell yourself you are sorry and agree on what you are going
to do to re-establish the balance of your self-respect.
195 ■ ■ ■
Reduced energy
Useful question:
n How do you recharge your batteries in other circumstances?
Useful strategies:
n Taking a brisk walk or doing some other exercise (physical exercise increases the flow
of blood sugars to the brain and so makes us mentally energised).
n Cultivate curiosity: what could I learn from tackling this in a different way from normal?
n Link the task with a reward.
n Do something that makes you laugh. Laughter produces endorphins, which give you an
immediate energy ‘fix’.
n Choose your time of day to tackle tasks you are likely to procrastinate about. We all
have more energy at some times of the day than others, so adapting to your energy
cycle makes sense.
When procrastination is habitual, it’s not easy to overcome. However, addressing it system-
atically creates much greater potential of positive change than working on it piecemeal.

n Is it more important to you to be: right rather than respected? Liked rather than efficient?
Understood rather than understanding?
n What do you notice about your part in this?
n What do you resent most about . . . ?
n What have you not done?
n How might (I help) you embrace your biggest fear about your work?
n How could you find the courage to do what you think is right?
n What first steps could you take that would give you the confidence to make real
progress?
n What is your need from this situation?
n What was your part in that?
■ ■ ■ 196
15 FE E DBACK
Some models of coaching see feedback as an essential part of the process; others don’t.
We are not going to weigh in on this argument, but we can offer some guidance on how to
gather and deliver feedback, and on how to help coachees gather their own feedback.
WORKING WITH FEEDBACK
A lot of attention is paid in coaching literature to coaches gathering feedback on behalf of

the coachee. The rationale is that the coachee’s colleagues are likely to be more open with
an independent outsider. Some assignments involve making use of data from 360 feedback,
with some consultancies making a generic questionnaire an integral part of their approach.
In our opinion and experience, this can be very limiting, because it focuses on selected
common issues, which may or may not be germane to the coachee’s actual needs. It also
over-emphasises performance outcomes against learning outcomes. In short, this kind of
feedback is most closely associated with mechanistic and hence simplistic coaching. It also
creates a very different relationship between coach and coachee, compared with one where
the coachee takes responsibility for managing their own feedback gathering.
In the latter approach, coach and coachee work together to identify what feedback
would be useful, who from and when, in relation to specific learning or behavioural objectives
the coachee wants to work on. The motivation for these objectives is ideally internally
generated, though a mixture of internal and external motivation can also work. This is stage
one of three.
The second stage is to support the coachee through the data gathering. Useful
questions include:
n How will you help other people to understand your need for feedback?
n What mixture of considered feedback and ‘in the moment’ feedback will be most
helpful?
n What format do you want feedback to be in?
n How will you ensure that they are honest in what they say?
n How will you ensure that they are attentive to changes you are trying to make, so that
they notice them as much as they notice current behaviours? (Bosses can be very poor
at this, unless they contract to look out for examples that illustrate the desired
behaviours, rather than examples that reinforce existing impressions.)
n How will you ensure that your response encourages them to continue to give you
feedback?
n What can you contract with them to reciprocate, if appropriate?
The third stage is to help them develop their skills of receiving feedback. We are all selective
in what we hear about ourselves. We tend to put more weight on feedback that aligns with
our perception of ourselves than feedback that doesn’t. Some guidance you can offer is:
n Focus on a small number of issues for feedback at a time — humans don’t have the
capability to handle multiple moving targets!
n Seek feedback primarily from people whose opinion you respect, because you will pay
more attention to them. But don’t ignore feedback from people you don’t respect — use
it to corroborate or gain further insight into how others perceive you.
n Always treat feedback as if it is offered with goodwill, even if it isn’t. If it was, the
feedback-giver will feel valued. If it wasn’t, they will be wrong-footed by your positive
reaction.
n Wherever possible, ask for clarification. Be genuinely curious about the interplay of intent
and impact — how you meant your words or actions to be interpreted versus how other
people actually interpreted them; your intended motivation and the motivation other
people ascribed to you. Use this discussion to ask for suggestions of what you could
have done to make your true intentions and motivations come through.
n Consolidate feedback into a summary of lessons you have learned, and report these
back to the feedback gatherers.
In taking this approach, the coach is turning feedback from a rote exercise overseen by the
coach into a dynamic, meaningful activity managed by the coachee. It’s also a valuable addi-
tional skill the coach leaves the coachee with, once the coaching assignment is finished.
■ ■ ■ 198
■ ■ ■ ■ FEEDBACK
GOOD PRACTICE IN BOTH GIVING AND RECEIVING

FEEDBACK
Ask the coachee to give five or more key characteristics of good feedback-giving and good
receiving of feedback.
n Feedback is a process which requires from both the giver and receiver:
– Openness (a willingness to set aside stereotypes and limiting beliefs).

– Observation (seeing both the large and small picture; recognising what is not there
as well as what is).
– Honesty and courage (in presenting and in absorbing comments and observations).

n What could you do to obtain timelier, more constructive feedback?
n What I notice about what you’re saying is . . .
n When you say that I feel . . .
n What can you hear yourself saying?
199 ■ ■ ■
HELPING THE
COACHEE RAISE
16
SELF-AWARENESS/
SELF-UNDERSTANDING/
SELF-HONESTY
Unless the coachee understands themselves – their motivations, values, strengths and
weaknesses – their attempts to bring about internal change will always be bounded. In this
chapter, we explore a variety of ways in which the coach can help someone develop ‘windows
into the soul’.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Head, heart and guts

n Identifying over-strengths
n Separate selves
n Identifying and challenging cognitive distortions
n Grounding assessments
n Cost–benefit analysis
n Contingency planning
n Changing the script
n Keeping a log of highs and lows
n The mindset for learning
n Entrepreneurial preferences
n The five whys
■ ■ ■ ■ HELPING THE COACHEE RAISE SELF-AWARENESS
HEAD, HEART AND GUTS
Whenever we consider a course of action we can engage thinking, feeling and willing – head,
heart and guts. It may be that these different faculties give us different answers, and the
unacknowledged war between them can fill us with anxiety and impede our taking action.
Your coachee can check out their reservations by seeing what message they are getting
from these three aspects of themselves.
n Encourage your coachee to identify the issue.

n Encourage your coachee to consider what their head, heart and guts are telling them.
As they speak, it is useful to note non-verbal cues and to feed these back.
– Example: ‘I noticed that you were talking quietly when you were saying what your
feelings were. What might that be about?’
n Having explored all three aspects of their perception and choice, explore contradictions
or alternatives. Is there a way of treating the alternatives as ‘both . . . and . . . ’ options
rather than ‘either . . . or . . . ’?
n If there isn’t, where is the energy? Where does the coachee feel the stronger impulse
to act? What can be done about the inhibiting forces?
HEAD, HEART AND GUTS C

A
Kimberley was a lawyer who was considering giving up her profitable practice, where she S
worked part-time while contributing, with her husband, to child care. She wanted to move into E
full-time work as a professional coach. Somehow she was finding it difficult to make the first S
step. When working through the ‘head, heart, guts’ technique, she came to the following T
realisations: U
D
— Head: More possibilities; concerned whether I am making myself too woolly; do not yet Y
have strong enough data to know whether I can make a go of it.
— Heart: Drawn to working with bigger companies; but these will be a greater challenge to
get into.
— Guts: I have got to tackle my lack of confidence that I can make it in an unfamiliar area
where I do not have years of experience.
The part of this story that came through most powerfully was the issue of confidence.
This was interesting, because Kimberley, like many lawyers, prepared meticulously for her
session and the lengthy paper outlining advantages and disadvantages did not mention or hint
at matters of self-confidence. In the session, she explored this some more. She talked about
how her confidence as a young woman in her academic and professional success had been
201 ■ ■ ■
C worn down by a series of setbacks through more recent years. She said that it was her
A determination that had pulled her through the setbacks. She also noticed that if she followed
S
her gut feeling of lack of confidence, it would be self-defeating, because she could not have
E
enough information about how she might fare in her chosen field unless she had a go. She
S determined to push ahead with building the new business and to work on confidence by noticing
T occasions when she was more confident than usual and exploring what it was about these
U
D situations that made this possible. This would provide an indication of where and how she might
Y work in building the new stream of work.
IDENTIFYING OVER-STRENGTHS
Over-strengths are strengths that we either use too much or use in an inappropriate setting.
They can be identified using a strengths bull’s eye.
n Using a strengths bull’s eye (see Figure 16.1) on flipchart paper, start in the centre,
brainstorming your key strengths.
n Gain feedback on your strengths from other people you work with and put this on the
second circle.
n Discuss these findings, recognising and valuing these strengths and explore how to
build on them.
n Assess whether any of the strengths identified could be over-strengths. For example,
over-conscientious – always striving for perfection; over-sensitive – taking professional
feedback personally. Then note down your over-strengths in the outer ring.
Figure 16.1
Strengths bull’s My over-strengths
eye
Strengths
perceived by others
Key strengths
I have identified in
myself
■ ■ ■ 202
n Explore ways to rebalance over-strengths so they are used less often and more
appropriately.
n Put the strengths bull’s eye in a place where it is seen regularly to remind you to build
on your strengths and adjust your over-strengths.
DRAWING OVER-STRENGTHS C
A
Karen enjoyed identifying her strengths using the strengths bull’s eye and was delighted by S
the feedback she had got from others. She knew she had over-strengths but was having E
difficulty identifying them. She was encouraged to draw on a large sheet of flipchart paper. S
The image that emerged had a large red ‘kiss me quick’ smile in the centre with two great T
big hands coming from each side of the smile. U
It brought tears to her eyes. This was her over-caring, over-helpful, over-guilty self. D
Y
She resolved to let go of guilt from her early religious upbringing, recognise that her views
on family life were different from her parents’. She decided to learn to say no more often at
work and create more ‘me time’ to nurture herself.
C
IDENTIFYING OVER-STRENGTHS
A
People are often unaware of how little of their time and energy is focused where it's really S
E
needed. Oliver is a senior manager – a regional director – in an insurance company. He has,
he says, ‘seen so many changes of ownership and structure in the past 10 years that he comes S
to work each day expecting to do a different job’. He attributes his survival to the fact that he T
U
never lost sight of the main goal – to sell high volumes of policies. Even though he is no longer
D
a front-line manager, he still sells a considerable volume himself, or is an active part of teams Y
making pitches at large corporate clients. This, he admits, is where he likes to be and where
his natural skills are most effective – closing the sale.
Oliver has been on a variety of leadership programmes – even attending the same one
twice, for two different owners of the business – which have emphasised other elements of
the senior management role, but he admits that not a lot of the content has stuck. With a new
merger looming, he has become aware that his job is on the line. Although he always hits the
numbers, he has been informed by HR that good people-development skills will be a key
criterion on which decisions will be made about who stays or goes. This was not an area where
he had been given very good appraisals in the past. The message was clear – change your
style or else.
This was the first time Oliver had worked with a coach and he was very nervous and
sceptical. ‘I’m not sure I can change the way I am, but I guess your role is to make that happen,’
203 ■ ■ ■
C he told her. ‘No,’ she replied. ‘My role is to help you work out exactly what you want to change,
A to help you develop your own plan and support you as best I can in making it happen for yourself.’
S
It soon became clear to the coach that Oliver had never really analysed his job content,
E
so they agreed she would shadow him for a day. For the week after that, he would also keep
S a log of what he did, why it was needed and who by. They then sat down together and analysed
T this data.
U
D What had seemed to Oliver a very clear-cut division between the selling role and the
Y people-development turned out to be anything but. On the first pass, only about 10 per cent
of what he did was genuinely in quadrant A (good at and needed), with the rest spread fairly
equally between B (good at and not needed) and D (needed but not good at). Rather than
advise him to make a radical shift from C to D, however, the coach explored with Oliver how
some of the B activities could be recast to move them into A or D. Oliver was spending a lot
of time, for example, overseeing and getting directly involved in preparing bids and contracts
– could he adapt the way he tackled this activity, so that instead of fulfilling the role, he was
coaching others to do this? Yes, he could.
The coach also encouraged Oliver to gather feedback from his direct reports and peers
about what they needed from him, so that he had an even more accurate picture of the capacity
management matrix. Analysis of this data revealed a number of activities that clearly belonged
in quadrant C (not good at, not needed). The net result was a remarkably swift transformation
as Oliver found he enjoyed the challenge of coaching others. He used the coach as a sounding
board and observer to increase his skills in the role. After six months, they repeated the capacity
management analysis and concluded that people development issues had moved from quadrant
D to at least the border of quadrant A, if not well inside. They then began to focus on other
quadrant D issues.
SEPARATE SELVES
This technique is particularly useful when the coachees are struggling to decide a course of
action, because they are experiencing inner conflict. It invites the coachee to observe
consciously their different expressions of personality.
For example:
n Your optimistic self vs. your pessimistic self.

n Your active/assertive self vs. your passive self.
n Your adventurous self vs. your cautious self.
n Your serious self vs. your fun self.
n Your private self vs. your public self.
■ ■ ■ 204
You may find clues to these opposites in any psychometrics the coachee has completed, but
best results usually come from intuitive observation and picking up on words or phrases the
coachee uses.
From the initial discussion, the coach identifies where there is potential or actual
conflict between opposing personality traits. She or he then offers to work through the issue
by taking on the role of half of the pair of opposites. For example, she or he might address
the issue as the coachee’s optimistic self, while the coachee focuses on how their pessimistic
self would react.

Alternatively, the coach invites the coachee to explore the issue from the perspective
of one of the opposites, then the other. (Changing chairs can be helpful here.)
IDENTIFYING AND CHALLENGING COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
It’s often said that coaches should use Socratic dialogue, but this is misleading, because,
while Socrates’ relentless logic revealed the flaws in other people’s thinking, it often did so
through reductio ad absurdum. This earned him a lot of enemies, who eventually got their
own back by forcing him to commit suicide, by drinking hemlock! A less hazardous approach
is to raise the coachee’s awareness of common errors in thinking and invite them to consider
when these might apply to them. This includes guided discovery through identifying the
cognitive distortions, encouraging the individual to become aware of the way they are
thinking. It allows identification of how thinking style can impact a given situation and how
such information is to be synthesised into a series of objectives that will control future
decision-making. Amongst the most common cognitive distortions are:
n All or nothing thinking – also called black or white thinking – not allowing for shades
of grey.
n Magnification – over-emphasising the negative in a situation and not looking at the whole
picture.
n Minimisation – reducing or discounting the positive in a situation.
n Personalisation – taking too much blame for an event happening, when actually there
may have been many factors.
n Emotional reasoning – thinking something is true because you feel it to be true, rather
than looking to the facts.
n Mind-reading and fortune-telling– assuming you know what someone is thinking or
feeling, when actually you do not and assuming you know how an event will pan out,
when you do not.
n Labelling – thinking that because you or someone else behaved in one specific way at
one time, that reflects your whole personality.
n Shoulds and Musts – assuming that you and others should act the same way at all times
and that everyone should live by your standards. Instead think of ‘could’ and be more
flexible!
205 ■ ■ ■
n Generalising – assuming that because one thing in a specific context didn’t work, no
other things will in that context.
n Catastrophising – assuming the worst and your inability to cope with it.
Once the individual becomes aware of his or her ways of distorting reality they have the
opportunity of putting in counter measures. Ask the coachee to consider the consequences
of adopting this type of thinking and ask them to complete a thoughts record form (Table
16.1).
Table 16.1 Thoughts record form
Problem Self-defeating Emotional/ Healthy response New approach to

. thinking behavioural reaction problem
A B C D E
Giving a I must perform well Anxious, inability to Logical: Although it is If I change my

public lecture or the outcome will concentrate strongly preferable to attitude, I will feel
be awful do well, I don’t have to. concerned and not
Logical: Just because Empirical: There is no anxious; also, I’ll be
I want to perform well, evidence that I will get able to concentrate
how does it logically what I demand even if and prepare for the
follow that I must it is preferable and lecture
perform well? desirable.
Empirical: Where is Pragmatic: If I don’t
the evidence that my perform well, the
demand must be outcome may be bad,
granted? Am I being but hardly devastating!
realistic? If I don’t If I continue holding on
perform well, will the to this belief, I will
outcome really be remain anxious and be
awful? even more likely to
Pragmatic: Where is it perform badly.
getting me holding on
to this belief?
n Now challenge them to help them re-evaluate their thinking:
– Empirical or evidence based challenge: ‘Where is the evidence?’

– Logical challenge: ‘Just because you believe x, is it logical to do so?’
– Pragmatic challenge: ‘Even if x is true, do you feel better or worse for believing it
and does it help you stop making mistakes?’
n Formulate a new approach to the problem encompassing outcomes from the empirical,
logical and pragmatic challenging.
■ ■ ■ 206
IDENTIFYING AND CHALLENGING COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS C

A
Peter is a manager in his early 30s in a retail company. He had joined as a graduate recruit S
and worked his way through the ranks to take over the largest store in his region. He was seen E
as bright and capable and was delighted to be offered a move to a staff position at S
headquarters. Not only was it a significant promotion, but it provided a stepping stone into senior T
management. U
Four months into the new role, it was all going wrong. The job required him to gain the D
Y
cooperation of a range of people, most more senior than himself. Up until now, his boyish good
humour, combined with the authority of his job roles, had enabled him to develop a track record
of getting things done with minimum fuss. Indeed, he had been brought to headquarters in part
because of his reputation as an effective trouble-shooter.
Peter asked his boss, his mentor and a couple of other people he trusted for feedback.
The recurring theme that emerged from these conversations was that he was seen by some
people as too ‘flippant’. This feedback took the wind out of his sails. He had always seen his
sense of humour as a strength. Had he simply entered an environment of humourless people,
or were his assumptions wrong about how he interacted with other people? Peter’s boss
suggested that he have three or four coaching sessions with a member of the HR team, who
had been trained to be an executive coach and was also a psychologist.
The coach could have started at any point on the antecedent, behaviour, consequences
continuum, but he chose not to begin with behaviour, the area that Peter was most focused
on, because Peter was too confused in his thinking about it. Instead, he explored first the
consequences – how other people reacted to his behaviour. They worked through several
examples of conversations which had not gone well and tried to establish patterns in what the
other people had said, their body language and what might have been going on in their minds.
A key question was ‘What qualities do you think they were looking for you to demonstrate?’
Next, the coach steered the conversation towards antecedents. How had Peter used
humour effectively in the past? Had there been occasions when it had ‘gone wrong’ then? How
had he learned to place so much value on humour as a way of getting things done? The coach
explained how behaviours that work in some situations, can become our dominant response
to all similar situations, but that they may not be universally appropriate. He also explained that
using humour is a common avoidance mechanism.
As they reflected on the various situations Peter had described, he realised that he
instinctively turned to humour in situations of stress, either within himself or observed in other
people. He also realised that a potential consequence of that strategy was that the other person
would misinterpret his attempt to lighten the mood.
From here it was a short hop to thinking about alternative behaviours he could use in
stress situations – about widening his portfolio of responses and exercising conscious choice
about which behaviours he would employ. The coach stimulated him to think of other strengths
he could draw upon. One of the most obvious was his ability to empathise. Could he achieve
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C more by saying less, encouraging the other person to talk and expressing understanding of
A their dilemmas? When Peter put these new behaviours into practice, he found that relationships
S
improved significantly and that gradually he could reintroduce humour, but in a more
E
spontaneous way. (NB: It may or may not have helped, but the coach recognised a lot of himself
S in this case!)
T
U
D
Y
GROUNDING ASSESSMENTS
Grounding assessments is a questioning strategy to explore deep meaning behind statements

and to investigate if there is any substance behind them. The grounding assessments
procedure is an inquiry based on five questions. We have taken the statement to be a negative
self-assessment as an example.
n For the sake of what? What purpose does the negative self-assessment serve for the
coachee or how does the assessment take care of the coachee? It is not unusual for
the coachee to respond, ‘It serves no purpose’.
n In which domain(s) of life? In what specific areas of life does the assessment apply?
It is important for the coach to be willing to ‘drill down’ in this question; for example, if
the domain identified is work, to what specific aspects of work is the assessment
relevant?
n According to what standards? Every assessment is always a comparison with standards
or acceptable criteria. With negative self-assessments we are not measuring up to our
own standards and it is crucial to be precise in exploring this question with the coachee
by clearly articulating their standards, whether these are standards they ‘own’ or think
they should have, how specifically they are not living up to their standards, and whether
the standards require revising.
n What facts support the assessment? The importance of this question is to ensure that
the assessment is not based on generalisations and opinions, that solid factual evidence
is cited.
n What facts do not support the assessment? This question is designed to provide
counter evidence of specific factual instances that contradict the negative assessment.
Sometimes the coachee can identify a number of positive opinions that others have
expressed of them and, while opinions per se do not count as evidence, the number of
opinions cited is factual.
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Through the questioning strategy coachees may find that there is no substance to negative
self-assessments.
COST–BENEFIT ANALYSIS
This exercise helps the coachee explore how holding certain beliefs can both benefit them
and prevent them from changing aspects of their life.
n Identify the current behaviour which you would like to change.

n Write down in the cost–benefit analysis form (Table 16.2) the costs and benefits of not
changing that particular behaviour.
n Identify the self-defeating thinking and unhelpful beliefs.
n Reframe this thinking into self-enhancing behaviour.
Table 16.2 Cost–benefit analysis form
Problem/behavioural tendency: Don’t seem to able to make decisions
Costs Benefits
n Worry a lot n Can’t be wrong

n Other people make decisions that I don’t like n Don’t have to stand up for myself
n Feel weak n Can avoid difficult situations
n Don’t get what I want
CONTINGENCY PLANNING
Time constraints mean that coaching tends to focus on issues that need resolution in the
here and now. However, it’s also important to help the coachee build resilience by looking
beyond the current issue and considering how they will prevent similar problems in the future.
n Identify the situation that is causing the coachee concern.

n List all the potential issues and concerns that they may be experiencing with that
particular situation until they cannot think of any more.
n Think of a series of contingency plans against each of the concerns listed.
See Table 16.3 as an example.
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Table 16.3 Example of contingency planning
Situation: Giving a Board presentation
Situation: What could go wrong? Action: What will I do if this happens?
A Experience IT problems n Arrive early to check equipment

n Arrange for an IT person to be present
n Take data stick and spare laptop even though one will
be available
B Forget my words n Take a deep breath

n Acknowledge I have lost my place (it happens to
everyone at some point)
n Ensure I have my cue cards/PP slide printout close to
check
C Asked a question I cannot answer n Simply state that I do not have the answer but that I
can get it
CHANGING THE SCRIPT
We’ve all experienced it. Those conversations where we recognise the pattern that is
emerging, knowing that it is going to end negatively, but feel powerless to prevent it
happening. Scripting is a powerful technique for helping break such habituated behaviours.
n The coachee describes an important conversation that has become habituated into a
negative, dysfunctional pattern. Help them relive the most recent occurrence and
capture the ‘script’.
– Create a table with three columns:

o
What the coachee said.
o
What the other person said.
o
What the coachee felt.
n Encourage the coachee to capture the script next time it is played out. The coachee
selects a point in the script where they would like to make a change.
n You can discuss with them how that relatively small change can be achieved and they
can try this next time the script is in danger of being replayed.
n As they become confident in changing one element of the script to be more positive,
they can move onto another until the whole conversation is different.
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CHANGING THE SCRIPT C

A
Alison was a team leader who had been appointed from the ranks. She was very nervous about S
her responsibilities and took them seriously. However, she found it very difficult to confront her E
former team-mates when their performance or behaviour was inappropriate. For example, she S
felt constrained from pulling them up if they took too long a lunch hour. Instead, she stored T
up her anger until, after a number of provocations, she would erupt like a volcano. This tended U
to occur in front of the whole team and on one occasion, in front of a customer. She and her D
Y
boss had discussed the problem and she was in no doubt that her future in management
depended on getting to grips with it.
Her mentor helped her capture the script on two occasions. As expected, there was a
lot of similarity in the sequence of events, words used and outcomes. ‘Which bit do you want
to change first?’
She could have chosen to start at the beginning – her inability to deal with poor behaviour
at source – but she felt this was too hard, because it required substantial changes in her own
behaviour. Instead she chose to alter the ending. With the mentor she developed a strategy
that involved recognising the feelings that would lead to an explosion. She realised that she
adopted a defensive, tight posture and that her tone of voice gradually increased until she was
shouting.
The alternative script, which she practised in front of a mirror, was to change her posture
(shoulders back, head up), adopt a controlled tone and say: ‘I’m very angry, but I’m not going
to deal with this now. I want to see you in my office in 30 minutes.’ This gave her time to
compose herself, and the direct report time to reflect on their own behaviour. They were then
able to have a more rational, appropriate discussion behind closed doors.
Once she had mastered this process, she gradually worked backwards towards the
beginning, making small changes in the script until she was able to develop tactics for confronting
poor behaviour as it occurred. Each step gave her more confidence in tackling the next.
KEEPING A LOG OF HIGHS AND LOWS
Our lives are full of repetitive patterns, of which we are largely unaware. At one extreme, for
example, is the coachee, who time and again starts a new job with enthusiasm and high
performance, then, when they are at the height of their success, appears to self-sabotage
and is forced to move on. Yet it takes a coach to help them recognise that this pattern occurs
and to consider why. At a more mundane level, personal effectiveness is affected by a host
of behaviours in ourselves and others – for example, how well we prepare for some meetings
compared with others. Recognising common patterns here allows us to develop remedial
strategies. Keeping a log of the highs and lows of each week creates a resource through
which repeated patterns become more obvious.
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n The coachee takes time to reflect each week on the things that have happened to them
– either at or outside work and in the coaching session.
Issues the coachee may record in their blog include:
– Personal fulfilment: What has really frustrated you/pleased you this week? What
encouraged/discouraged you? What tasks made you feel ‘in flow’?
– Completion: What tasks did you complete today? What did you leave incomplete?
What did you avoid completely?

– Insight: What did you get to see differently? What have you learned about yourself?
– Resourcefulness: Who did you add to your networks? What skills or processes
did you learn?
– Behaviour: Did you consciously change the way you behave in some way today?
What was the result?
– Goal fulfilment: What did you do today to take you towards longer-term goals?
– Decisions: What significant decisions did you make today? How do you feel about
them?
– Challenge: Who or what did you challenge today?
n They write a short descriptive paragraph about each: what happened, who was involved,
how they felt, how they prepared, etc.
n Once they have two or three weeks’ worth, they can begin to look for recurrent patterns.
n The coach can review the log and notice patterns they had not noticed. These patterns
– and sometimes specific instances in the log – become the basis for fruitful coaching
conversations.
C ALAN’S FRUSTRATION AND SUCCESS LOG

A
S Alan is chief executive of an organisation in the National Health Service. He asked for a mentor
E because this was his first CEO role and he wanted someone to help him think through political
S problems, which he was unfamiliar with. His mentor asked him to keep a log of frustrations
T and successes, which he did for six weeks, before presenting it for discussion. The discussion
U quickly focused on a series of incidents where he had felt frustrated with the chairman, or
D sensed that the chairman was annoyed with him. The mentor helped him look for common
Y
themes in these events, occasionally suggesting an interpretation, which Alan was able either
to accept or reject.
One overriding theme emerged from the frustrations – they all occurred around activities
where the boundaries of responsibility between Alan and his chairman were blurred. Conversely,
most of the successful encounters with the chairman were in situations where responsibilities
were clearly defined. From here, it was relatively simple to design tactics for gaining greater
role clarity.
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Alan eventually met with the chairman to set down clearer rules of engagement. C
Although this eased the problem, the chairman from time to time breached this agreement. A
Still recording his frustrations, Alan was able to explore new tactics with the mentor, keeping S
E
the problem in check, although it was never fully solved until the chairman moved on. With his
new chairperson, Alan took the initiative and established responsibilities and ground rules from S
day one; setting expectations from the beginning made for a much easier and mutually T
U
supportive relationship. D
Y
THE MINDSET FOR LEARNING
People with fixed mindsets assume consciously or unconsciously that there are some things
they are good at and some they are not good at, and that their ability is effectively set in stone.
They therefore tend to avoid challenges that take them into their areas of perceived weakness,
or where there is a risk of failure. People with growth mindsets see themselves as having
potential in a wide range of areas. They relish the opportunity to stretch their ability, regardless
of whether the subject is one where they are ‘naturally’ talented. Failure to them is just a step
on a learning journey.
Whether a manager has a predominantly fixed or growth mindset will likely have a
substantial impact on how they face up to (or avoid) situations which are complex, involve
high degrees of uncertainty, or simply stretch them beyond their comfort zone. If a manager
seems to be resistant to the coaching process, making little progress in tackling their issues,
then mindset is one area the coach might usefully explore.
Ask the coachee the following questions to determine if they have a fixed or a growth
mindset:
n Tell me about how you define talent in the people around you? . . . Leading to . . . How
do you describe yourself in terms of talent?
n Tell me about a time when you were faced with an apparently insoluble problem. How
did you tackle it?
n How do you decide when to stick with a problem until it’s solved and when to decide
there’s no point in putting in more time or effort?
n How important is it to you to be right?
n What excites you about taking on new responsibilities?
If the pattern of responses indicates that the coachee tends towards a fixed mentality, then
the coach can help them become aware both that this is the case and what the implications
are for tackling the issues which the coaching relationship is intended to address.
213 ■ ■ ■
Sharing the concept of the two mindsets provides a language which they can use to
explore or prevent impasses, by asking questions such as:
n If we were having this conversation from a growth mindset, what would we be saying
differently?
n Which mindset do you want to apply here? (Do you feel that you have the power to
choose your mindset?)
ENTREPRENEURIAL PREFERENCES
One of the most common developmental issues at senior levels is that the organisation wants
a coachee to become more entrepreneurial. But what does that mean? And how do you
facilitate someone in developing skills which may be innate and/or personality-based?
It is useful to break down the entrepreneurial process in such a way that the coach or
mentor can help a coachee identify where they have instinctive capabilities and preferences,
and where they need support from other people who have different strengths. In other words,
how can they establish a cooperative +grouping, which will deliver the required entrepreneurial
behaviours?
There are a number of capabilities required, each representing a different stage of the
process. The immediate need of the coachee will usually be to work out what is lacking in
their entrepreneurial inclinations. The coach can help by discussing each stage of the
entrepreneurial process and how the coachee approaches them.
The aim is to help the coachee recognise why they sometimes fail to turn good ideas
into good outcomes and to develop practical ways for them to be more effective – and to
be seen to be more effective – in the future.
Here are the stages and some useful questions for each one:
Opportunity recognition
n Having innovative ideas: In the main, these are not blue-sky, off-the-wall, but
extrapolative thinking – for example, seeing new applications for existing technologies,
or seeing the potential for putting together two or more existing ideas or processes.
n Adapting ideas: Moving from the theoretical to the practical. Here, the entrepreneur
uses creativity and experience to find ways to turn the idea into a saleable product, a
reproducible process and so on.
Questions the coach can ask:
n Do you often wake up with original ideas?

n Do you frequently see potential new business opportunities?
■ ■ ■ 214
n Do you habitually see possibilities where other people see problems?

n Do you easily combine ideas to produce a new approach or perspective?
n When and how have you been an active participant in coming up with innovative ways
forward?
n Do you see ways in which half-thought-through ideas could be turned into something
more practical?
n Have you ever found ways to capitalise on ideas that didn’t work before, so that they
will work in a different context?

n Do you find you can borrow from other areas of expertise to make an idea more
workable?
n Do other people use you as a sounding board for their ideas?
Coalition-building
n Networking: Finding and bringing together people who will provide advice and help
develop the concept.
n Alliance-building: The politics of gaining support from people, who will cooperate in
making the project work.
n Do you find it easy to identify people who might be useful to you?

n Do you usually know where to find a source of advice or help for the business issues
you encounter?
n Do you actively construct and maintain networks?
n Do other people want to be networked with you?
n Do you find it easy to identify what’s in it for other people to collaborate with you?
n Do you enjoy the politics of keeping people ‘on side’?
n Do other people see you as a source of influence or opinion former?
n Do you often act as the bridge between groups with different interests?
Development
n Product development: The detail of making the product or process market-ready.
Conceptual thinkers often have lots of ideas, but lack the patience and focus to carry
them through. Product development may also include figuring out how to make money
from the innovation.
n Route to market: Developing a clear understanding of who will buy the product and
why; of how to reach them; and of the psychology of the sale.
215 ■ ■ ■
n Do you frequently work through and test the logic of proposed innovations?
n Do you enjoy working at an idea until it feels completely ‘right’?
n Are you good at following through the implications of ideas until you have mapped out
all the details?
n Are you adept at ‘packaging’ a concept or product so that it is professionally presented?
n Can you visualise clearly who will buy a new product and why?
n Do you systematically investigate and define the intended market?
n Do you have the skill to distinguish between what you would like to believe about the
market and what the evidence says?
n Do you instinctively work your networks to find people who will be intermediaries to the
market?
Resourcing
n Acquiring Funding: The financial wherewithal.
n Acquiring Permission: In an entrepreneurial context, the sign-off from key resource
holders in the organisation.
n Acquiring Expertise: In the form of people and other stores of know-how.
n Can you usually find a ‘crock of gold’ for something worthwhile?

n Can you persuade people who hold the purse strings to back your judgement?
n Are you good at getting things done on an inadequate budget?
n Do you find it easier to ask for a lot of money than for a little?
n Do you often work on the principle of seeking forgiveness rather than permission when
you know something needs to be done?
n Do you often maintain support for a project by tackling it through small increments which
appear less of a risk or threat?
n Do you have a good mental picture of the skills and experience of the people around
you?
n Do you usually know where to turn for specific expertise, directly, or through your
networks?
n Do you frequently make a mental or physical note of a resource that might prove useful
in the future?
n Are you good at persuading other people to give you access to resources they control?
■ ■ ■ 216
Risk management
n It is common to confuse the audacity and creativity of innovation with taking great risks.
In reality, successful entrepreneurs tend to be relatively risk-averse. The risks they take
are considered and calculated rather than instinctive or reckless. Once a decision is
taken, however, they are typically impatient to see it implemented.
As a coach, you will need to ask:

n How would you describe your attitude towards taking risks?

n Do you have a good understanding of and skill in using risk management processes?
n Are you often taken by surprise by failures which you had not imagined?
n Can you easily describe and quantify for your own and other people’s benefits the risks
of failure and the risks of success?
Action-orientation
n Championing the changes: Taking ownership for them, promoting them at every
opportunity.
n Inspiring others to action: Instilling a sense of urgency in others.
n ‘Stickability’: Working through setbacks with determination.
n Chasing change: Ensuring that support is maintained, that barriers to making it
happen are overcome.
n Do you take visible ownership for projects or ideas you want to succeed?
n Do you take every opportunity to talk about them to relevant other people?
n Are you prepared to risk your own reputation by championing the project or idea?
n Do people typically see you as a leader or follower of change?
n Do you demonstrate a strong belief in ideas you espouse?
n Are you perhaps a little obsessive about them?
n Do you communicate a sense of urgency about the project or idea?
n Do you listen to and work with other people’s concerns about the implications of
change?
n Do you get easily discouraged if nobody seems interested?
n Do you get easily distracted by the next new idea?
n How do you sustain your own enthusiasm as the project progresses?
n How do you decide when enough is enough?
n What strategies and processes do you use to sustain other people’s enthusiasm?
217 ■ ■ ■
n Can you easily predict when projects or people are likely to ‘go off the boil’ and take
preventative action?
n Do you monitor progress closely without getting bogged down in detail?
n Do people keep you informed of progress or do you have to go find out?
Having clarified with the coachee where their natural entrepreneurial inclinations are strongest,
the coach can help with questions such as:
n How can you make sure there are more ideas to consider, even if you don’t create them
yourself? (How can you encourage people to bring you more ideas?)
n What can you do to question established ways of doing things?
n What could you do to improve your networking skills?
n How can you identify and attract the right coalition partners?
n Who will flesh out the idea, if you don’t?
n What expertise do you need to tap into, to ensure there really is a market and that it is
prepared for this idea?
n What’s your strategy for getting the money to make this happen?
n What’s your strategy for making it less threatening?
n What will your ideal team for this project look like?
n How will you establish and manage the risks?
n What behaviours would you expect from a change champion?
n How will you capture and sustain your own and other people’s enthusiasm?
n How will you get over the inevitable setbacks?
THE FIVE WHYS
The five whys is a simple technique for assessing motivations and making decisions. It begins
with the question Why do I want to do this? And keeps asking why until a much more
comprehensive picture emerges. A typical cascade might be:
n Why do I want to take a degree? To be more qualified in my role.

n Why do I want to be more qualified in my role? To earn more money.
n Why do I want/need to earn more money? To pay the mortgage.
n Why do I need to pay a mortgage (why not rent)? Because I want the security of owning
my own home.
n Why do I need security? Answer?
The cascade of whys almost invariably leads the discussion to a deeper level of reflection
that encompasses values and self-identity.
■ ■ ■ 218

n How do you like to be managed?
n How does this fit in with your personal values?
n How much of your work is challenging intellectually?
n If this is really what you want to do, why haven’t you started?
n What do you care about?
n What could you stop doing that would help your situation?
n What do you think you might be doing that would cause other people to fear/mistrust/
resent you?
n What messages do you not want to hear?
n What stops you walking away?
n What would a fly on the wall say was going on?
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17 MANAG I NG
BOU N DAR I ES
The approaches in this chapter are chosen to support the coach in identifying boundaries
and finding the ‘sweet spot’ between overstepping the boundary and, where appropriate,
taking the coachee to the edge, where the greatest learning will happen.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Helping the coachee to not depend on you

n Managing the coachee who needs more support than the coach can give
n Maintaining the boundaries
n Referring on
n Managing disclosure
n Who can I work with?
n A systems approach to manage the balance between coaching and psychotherapy
HELPING THE COACHEE TO NOT DEPEND ON YOU
The coach has a role as a source of motivation. Coachees may undertake a flurry of activity
in the week or so before a session, to ensure that they don’t have to admit that they haven’t
acted on the self-commitments they have made in the previous session. This motivational
dependency can be very gratifying, but it is also dangerous. How will the coachee self-
motivate once the coaching relationship ends?
The coach has a responsibility to keep an eye out for such dependency and to address
it. For many executives, a primary reason for having a coach is to remind them of what they
■ ■ ■ ■ MANAGING BOUNDARIES
need to do but are unlikely to get around to without an external stimulus. So it’s sometimes
important to engage in an exploration of how the coachee can increase their self-motivation
or create a network of motivational support. Some useful questions here include:
n Who else is a stakeholder in this issue?

n How can you involve them in reminding you of what you need to do?
n What do you allow to interfere with achieving your goal?
n In what ways are you rewarding yourself for not taking the actions you have committed
to? How could you change the way you reward yourself to achieve a different/better
outcome?
n What stories do you tell to yourself to avoid taking full responsibility for your actions on
this issue? Could you replace these with a different story, which would increase your
self-motivation?
n What happens just before you backslide? What could you change about your
behaviour/thinking pattern to achieve a different, better outcome?
MANAGING THE COACHEE WHO NEEDS MORE SUPPORT

THAN THE COACH CAN GIVE
People going through a temporary crisis typically need support. How much support they need
depends on a number of factors, including how severe the crisis is, how many simultaneous
crises there are for this person, and the extent to which their coping mechanisms are being
overwhelmed. The coach must be alert to the possibility that the coachee needs professional
help (for example, counselling) and ready to help them accept the need for such help.
It is relatively common for the coach to be faced with a situation where they appear to
be the only person the coachee can lean upon. The dangers here are many. They include:
n The potential to overwhelm the coach.

n The potential to build an unhealthy dependency.
n The likelihood that the relationship purpose may be undermined by concentration on
immediate, emotional needs rather than longer-term developmental needs.
n An expectation on the part of the coachee that the coach will solve some or all of their
problems, rather than that they must solve them themselves.
The coach can be of greatest real assistance by:
n Re-contracting to clarify the boundaries of the relationship – what they can and can’t
provide.
n Helping the coachee separate out and clarify what the issues are.
n Helping the coachee identify what sources of support they can call upon, outside the
coaching relationship.
221 ■ ■ ■
Figure 17.1
The support Work
matrix
Practical
Emotional
Non-work
A useful tool for achieving this is the support matrix as shown in Figure 17.1.
The matrix provides a basis for describing who can help in each quadrant; and where
the gaps are. Useful follow-on questions include:
n Who might be more helpful, if they were more aware of your circumstances/feelings?
n Who would you like to be more helpful?
n Who might be able to recommend additional sources of help you are not aware of?
n Who do you know who has been in a similar position to your own? What lessons could
you learn from their experience?
In terms of how the coachee leans on the coach, useful questions include:
n What are the three (maximum) most helpful things I can do in my role as coach to help
you?
n What specific part should this learning relationship play in supporting you?
n How much of this situation would you like to be able to solve with your own resources?
How can I help you make that happen?
MAINTAINING THE BOUNDARIES
It’s important for the coach or mentor to recognise when the coachee may need professional
therapeutic help to deal with particular emotions or mixes of emotions. A rule of thumb here
is to consider counselling if:
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n The emotion is at the extreme of one of the cascades, or flips between two extremes,
and
n The emotion is a permanent or semi-permanent feature of the coachee’s predominant
mood.
If in doubt, discuss with a qualified colleague, preferably in the context of supervision of

practice.
REFERRING ON
Knowing when to refer a coachee on can be a difficult decision. The simplest guideline is
that you should consider referring on when you are aware that the issues under discussion
or the depth of the discussion are outside of your competence, or require a re-contracting
of the relationship.
The process of referring on should involve:
n Explaining to the coachee why you feel that you have a boundary issue.
n Exploring their feelings and preferences about the order issues should be tackled in
(e.g. should you leave discussing a career decision until they have dealt with a
bereavement issue, which may be clouding their judgement?).
n Exploring, if appropriate, the benefits and disadvantages of referring on or working on
the issues within the current relationship.
n Advising on who to refer on to (should you offer a choice?) – this may require you to
take advice in turn from a coaching supervisor or from the HR department.
n Ensuring that the handover is managed efficiently and empathetically. (The professional
you refer on to will need to have some basic information about why you felt this was
appropriate, but may not require your thoughts on a diagnosis, if you have made any.)
n Ensuring there is an efficient process for liaising between the professional therapist (or
other specialist) and the coach, either while the two relationships continue in parallel,
or when the coachee is ‘handed back’.
If you decide to continue in the relationship, at the same time as referring on, it is important
to re-contract with the coachee and to form a clear contract with the therapist. The decision
whether to re-contract should depend on:
n How confident you feel in your ability to work in the new area (and what evidence/
relevant experience you have to justify that confidence).
n Whether the issue can be isolated from the initial or overarching purpose of the
relationship; or whether it replaces that purpose.
n Whether it will be in the coachee’s best interests to deal with these issues together or
separately.
223 ■ ■ ■
Contracting with the therapist should cover at a minimum:
n What understandings and communication should there be between the therapist and
myself? (In particular, what are the boundaries of confidentiality in this circumstance?)
n What conversations do we need to have to ensure that the boundaries are maintained?
n What process will we have to ensure that we can raise concerns with each other?
Any situation where the coach considers referring on is a potential issue to discuss with a
supervisor.
C MANAGING BOUNDARIES
A
S During supervision Meena brought the case of a young man, who was in remission from cancer.
E His firm, a large multinational company, had supported him through this difficult period. The
S coachee was a complex person. The youngest sibling in a high-achieving, emotionally and
T geographically distant family, he defined himself very much in terms of how much he earned
U and how successful he was in his high-intensity job. He had few close friends, but was
D
Y beginning to ‘get a life’ with the help of his coach – developing social networks and rethinking
his career ambitions. Then disaster struck. Not only did his cancer return, but his company
retrenched and he was suddenly out of a job.
Although Meena was qualified as a counsellor to help deal with the emotional trauma,
this situation was way outside the contract of the original coaching agreement. The coachee
was calling her frequently, in a state of increasing panic and, in spite of her professional
approach, she was herself panicking and even projecting that panic onto the supervisor.
Working the issue through with the supervisor, it became clear that she did not want to
take on the additional role of therapist – she was already too close to the coachee and needed
to give herself permission to draw a boundary on her involvement. Having done so, she could
begin to sketch the separate roles and responsibilities of herself and a therapist, with her
focusing heavily on practical issues, such as how the coachee could maintain his social
networks and use the career break (until he was in remission again, there was little potential
to return to a similar high-intensity job) to develop new working skills; and the therapist focusing
on helping him develop emotional resilience. With this role clarity, she was sufficiently re-
energised to have a firm discussion with the coachee about seeking therapeutic help through
the hospital (it had been offered, but he had not yet taken it up) and supporting him in making
the request.
■ ■ ■ 224
MANAGING DISCLOSURE
Personal disclosure is an important part of an open, trusting relationship. It allows us to build

multiple points of connection, in terms of shared experiences, shared values and shared hopes
and fears. Overused, it can have the opposite effect – as anyone will testify, if they find
themselves on a train or plane sitting next to someone determined to tell you their life history
in the first few minutes of acquaintance!
Effective disclosure is 100 per cent coachee-focused – in other words, it is about

providing information that will help build trust and encourage openness in the other person.
You have to trust in order to be really trusted. So a basic ground rule of disclosure is first to
ask yourself ‘How will saying this add value to this conversation?’
There are three types of disclosure:
n Empathetic disclosure aims to demonstrate shared experience, either real (‘I’ve been
there, too’) or projected (‘I can imagine how frustrating that must be’).
n Manipulative disclosure is about achieving superiority over the other person – for
example, ‘It was so much worse for me!’
n Emotional disclosure involves revealing feelings within you, which the other person may
not be aware of. It is fundamental to Gestalt therapy.
It is important in coaching to avoid manipulative disclosure entirely, and to use empathetic

and emotional disclosure sparingly and deftly. A little goes a long way! With empathetic
disclosure, it’s often enough to indicate that you understand and have similar experiences,
but not to go into any detail. If the coachee wants to tap into your experience, they will indicate
this.
Emotional disclosure can be used in a number of ways, all based upon what you are
feeling in the moment. For example:
n ‘I can feel a shift in how you are approaching the relationship with this person.’
n ‘When you spoke about this last time, your enthusiasm was infectious. Now I’m feeling
almost bored. What has changed for you?’
n ‘I’m sensing that you are reluctant to address this issue . . . ’
n ‘I’m feeling that you have a real sense of purpose now.’ (This is also empathetic
disclosure.)
n ‘I’m wondering about the irritation I’m feeling as you talk about the conversation with
your boss . . . Could that be what she was feeling, too?’
Emotional disclosure can be highly supportive – or highly challenging. It requires quite a lot
of courage sometimes, but used wisely, it usually has the effect of deepening both the
conversation and the coaching relationship.
225 ■ ■ ■
WHO CAN I WORK WITH?
Every coach has boundaries in respect of who they can work with. Some of these boundaries
relate to the difference in our experience or culture – it is generally easier to build empathy
and rapport with someone with whom we share important life experiences. So, for example,
convicted prisoners often find it helpful to be coached or mentored by someone who has
him/herself been in jail, but has subsequently ‘gone straight’.
Equally, some boundaries are needed because the coach is too similar or too drawn
to the coachee. When a relationship demands a high level of personal disclosure, the level
of intimacy may need careful management, if the coach is not to over-identify with the
coachee, for example.
Figure 17.2
Boundaries of Awe
the coaching/
mentoring
relationship
Admire
Respect
Love Dislike
Empathise
Like
Disrespect
Figure 17.2 illustrates some aspects of the boundary dilemma. The place where the
coach can operate most effectively and most comfortably is in the middle, where three ele-
ments of an effective helping relationship defined by Carl Rogers (Rogers, 1961) come
together. These are:
n Genuineness (congruence).
n Respect (unconditional positive regard).
n Empathy.
■ ■ ■ 226
Too much respect (awe) does not lead to a healthy relationship. Nor does too little respect
(disrespect). Similarly, it is difficult (though not impossible) to coach someone you don’t like.
And liking them too much can blind you to characteristics or behaviours which they would
benefit from addressing in the learning conversation.
The opportunity for the coach or mentor is to experiment with these boundaries and
with specific coachees to see how far they can expand their central circle. They can, for
example, learn to accept and work with people who they might otherwise avoid as coachees
because they disliked them, by searching out and finding things they can like about them.
The coach can similarly learn to change their own responses to authority and power, to enlarge
their comfort zone with respect to people who currently overawe them.
Recognising and challenging boundaries is an important part of continuous development
for a coach. One of the authors tested his own boundaries by taking on an assignment in
the justice system, which meant that he would have opportunities for dialogue with a variety
of prisoners. He moved most of his boundaries in this context well beyond their previous point,
but found a new boundary when it came to prisoners who had abducted and murdered
children. At this point, it became difficult for him to apply any of the Rogerian principles. While
this is an extreme example, we do take the view that most people – coaches and mentors
included – tend to seek coachees who are like themselves. We commend the developmental
opportunities inherent in seeking coachees who are different.
BOUNDARIES C
A
Jenny, an experienced coach, brought to supervision an apparently routine case of working S
with a director. At one point she voiced a concern that she would not be the right person to E
continue coaching this coachee once he became a chief executive, as was expected in a few S
months’ time. The supervisor encouraged her to explore this concern, but she switched back T
to talking about the coachee’s perspective about his job opportunity. The conversation lost U
much of its energy. After a while, the supervisor shared the feeling that she had walked to the D
Y
edge of a cliff, shuddered and walked away. The image clearly resonated with her. What was
she walking away from?
After some discussion, it emerged that she had substantial doubts about her self-
efficacy in coaching CEOs, having never been a CEO herself. Would she be able to extend the
necessary empathy, not knowing what it felt like to be in the top job? Turning the issue round
– why would she not be able to help? – and giving her space to look at the issue through the
coachee’s eyes allowed her to come to the conclusion that this was a great opportunity to learn
how to coach CEOs, with a coachee who was already well-disposed towards her.
227 ■ ■ ■
C COACHING SOMEONE WHO IS DIFFERENT TO YOURSELF

A
S Raj is a devout, though not orthodox Sikh. He was therefore placed in a dilemma when he was
E asked to mentor a new colleague, because this colleague was gay – something the Sikh religion
S takes a strongly negative view of. His duty as a manager was in conflict with the teachings of
T his religion. After reflection, he decided to take on the role as a learning experience. He reported
U back: ‘I thought I knew where my boundaries were, but now I don’t.’ He found that it was
D relatively easy to park this aspect of the other person’s life and concentrate on issues where
Y
they had a common interest – the mentee’s work and career.
A SYSTEMS APPROACH TO MANAGING THE BALANCE

BETWEEN COACHING AND PSYCHOTHERAPY
Any coach or mentor who has been through an advanced level of training in the role, should
be fully aware of the dangers of accepting presented issues at face value. One experienced
executive coach recently said that it was a rarity for any of his coachees’ presented issues
to be what they really needed to work on. Almost invariably, the presented issue was a clue
to deeper or broader issues, which the coachee had not identified or had been deliberately
or unconsciously avoiding.
At the same time, however, it is important that the coach should not place him/herself
in the role of amateur psychologist. Having enough knowledge to recognise indicators of
psychological conditions that require specialist help is critical in recognising and respecting
the boundaries of competence. But stepping over those boundaries is both dangerous (for
both parties) and irresponsible.
Does that mean that all professional coaches and mentors should be psychotherapists?
It is difficult to sustain such a position, especially with regard to mentoring, where critical parts
of the relationship are empathy and mutual respect, based on the mentor’s practical
experience in the world the mentee wants to learn about. In a sounding board role, clinical
detachment is a hindrance to the learning dialogue.
So how can the non-therapist coach or mentor ensure that they manage this delicate
balance, adding real value to the coachee’s thinking, assisting them in making behavioural
change, yet remaining within the bounds of their psychological competence? The answer
appears to lie in the development of an entirely different competence – systems thinking.
Systems thinking is about taking a holistic approach that views the individual and his
or her environment as interconnected and complex. Instead of focusing on problem/solution,
it attempts first to understand the context in which an issue is grounded. It explores the impact
or influence parts of this larger picture have upon each other – what may make a change in
one factor more or less effective, and what unexpected outcomes may occur. (See Chapter
13 for techniques using systems thinking.)
■ ■ ■ 228

n How will you know when you will be ready to flourish without this coaching?
n How will you access other sources of help when the coaching is over?
n Is it time for us to re-contract?
n I wonder what your deeper issue is of which this account is an example?
n Who can make a difference to your ability to achieve?
n How can you manage the conflicting agendas that you are seeing played out?
229 ■ ■ ■
DEALI NG WITH
18
PROB LE MS I N
TH E COACH I NG
R E LATIONSH I P
This chapter addresses some of the most common relationship problems within coaching. In
general, these problems stem mostly from failures in contracting, but they can also arise from
a change of coachee circumstances, or interventions by third parties. Being alert to signs of
trouble can help to head them off, but the coach needs practical ways to bring the relationship
back on track or, if necessary, to wind it up in a positive manner that is supportive of both
the coachee and the coach.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n The drama triangle

n The comfort/learning matrix
n When the coachee wants a solution too soon
n ‘Relationship droop’
n Overcoming zombie relationships
n Coach collusion
n Moments of disconnect
n Managing disconnections
THE DRAMA TRIANGLE
The drama triangle is a useful framework when empathetic curiosity breaks down. This
commonly used coaching tool is derived from Transactional Analysis and is attributed to
Steven Karpman. It is most often used to identify and explore dysfunctions in relationships
at work or home.
■ ■ ■ ■ PROBLEMS IN THE COACHING RELATIONSHIP
In the triangle, there are three roles people play towards others:
1 Persecutor: Someone who either attacks aggressively, or simply disturbs the equilibrium
by innovating or asking awkward questions.
2 Victim: Someone who feels the persecutor is targeting them, or who is affected by
changes the persecutor initiates (for example, a new boss, who wants to introduce
different ways of doing things).
3 Rescuer: A white knight or protector; or someone who tries to restore the equilibrium.
(Sponsorship mentors can easily fall into the rescuer role – the title protégé suggests
being there for the coachee to lean on.)
The characters in the drama triangle can be specific (a particular person) or general (a financial
situation, or an illness). Roles are also not static – people move from one to another rapidly,
repeating old behaviours. Once trapped inside a drama triangle, it can be hard to extricate
oneself, because the other players are still playing the game. These power games can be
very destructive.
In coaching, it is common for the coach to become either the persecutor (‘Why do you
keep asking me these difficult questions?’) or the rescuer (‘You are going to solve my
problems, aren’t you?’). It’s less common for the coach to become the victim, but it still
happens (‘This coachee is wilfully not addressing their issues, or implementing the changes
we discuss. It makes me feel useless’).
Sometimes, the drama triangle may be appropriate as a healthy response to a temporary
situation. But getting locked into a drama triangle is rarely, if ever, healthy.
Steps to break out of a drama triangle

n Recognise that you are in one.
n Consider how important it is to stop the drama. Are you and the other parties willing
to take the discomfort of ‘outing’ it? What is the payoff for doing so?
n Step back mentally and analyse what is happening. Who is playing what role? When
and how do the roles change? What benefits do they derive from behaving in this way?
How can we become emotionally detached from the game?
n Explain to the other players what you think is going on and the implications this has for
your relationship (and, in a team, for the team task).
n Invite them to join you in analysing the ‘game’. What do we agree and disagree on?
How do we want this relationship to function?
n Work with them in committing to a more adult relationship, in which none of the drama
triangle roles are played; and in which it is acceptable and welcome to query whether
a colleague is slipping back into a dramatic role.
231 ■ ■ ■
THE COMFORT/LEARNING MATRIX
This simple technique is used when coachees appear to be resistant to challenge. The comfort
axis (high to low) is about the emotions the coachee is feeling in the moment and generally
about the coaching or mentoring conversation. The learning axis is about the impact of the
conversation.
When the coachee feels in the low comfort–low learning quadrant, they are essentially
stuck. Their instinct may be to move to the high comfort–low learning space, but that
essentially is an avoidance tactic. The coach can make two other choices explicit: low
comfort–high learning; or high comfort–high learning. What tactics might they adopt together
to reach a position within or bridging one of these options?
Figure 18.1 High comfort

The comfort/
learning matrix
Low learning High learning
Coachee is
stuck
Low comfort
WHEN THE COACHEE WANTS A SOLUTION TOO SOON
When people have high anxiety about a problem, they often instinctively seek someone else
to tell them what to do. In the face of internal confusion and uncertainty, we seek confident
direction from an external source. This can be very beguiling for a coach, because we want
to be helpful and useful. However, we can be most helpful if we address the cause (what is
creating the confusion and uncertainty), rather than symptom (their need to be rescued from
■ ■ ■ 232
their anxiety). Jumping straight into solution mode pretty much guarantees you will address
the wrong issue. It’s also analogous to giving a dehydrated person water – giving too much
too soon will cause harm; it’s better to start with small sips.
When the coachee explicitly or implicitly asks ‘What should I do?’ the coach first needs
to help them achieve a state of mind, where they are able to absorb and think about any
solutions that are generated. A useful question is ‘What can you do right now to let go of
some of your anxiety, so that you are able to think more clearly about this?’ By their tone of
voice, their posture and their attentiveness, the coach invites them into the protective bubble
of their own calm.
Next, the coach can help the coachee let go of the need for an immediate solution.
Useful questions include:
n What confusion do you feel that might be preventing you from finding your own
answer?
n What is driving your need for a solution now?
n Are you looking for a permanent solution or a quick fix?
n What assumptions need challenging before you think about what to do next?
The combination of calm reflection and gentle support allows the coachee to put aside their
anxiety, at least to a considerable extent, because they feel relatively safe. They can therefore
be more creative and the coach can encourage that creativity with questions, such as:
n What are the hidden opportunities in this situation?

n What questions are in your mind now?
Eventually, of course, the coachee has to leave the protective bubble of the coaching
dialogue. If they have made no progress towards a solution, then the anxiety is likely to return
and they are likely to feel that the session has not helped at all. If a clear solution has emerged,
that’s fine. If it hasn’t, the coach can support the coachee with questions, such as:
n How clear are you about what you still have to find out, in order to make a decision,
and how you are going to do so?
n What other conversations do you still need to have with other people and with yourself
about this?
n What are you taking away that will enable you to start resolving this issue?
n What do you now realise you need to just accept, and move on from?
n What strategies do you now have to manage your anxieties about this issue?
Resisting the coachee’s instinct to be given or find an instant solution helps make sure the
decisions they make are better than if taken in haste.
233 ■ ■ ■
‘RELATIONSHIP DROOP’
A common occurrence in coaching and mentoring is that, after the first flush of enthusiasm,
the relationship begins to run out of steam. Both parties are reluctant to take each other’s
time when there appear to be no urgent or significant things to talk about. The initial sense
of purpose becomes dulled.
Managed effectively, this apparent setback can be an excellent opportunity to revitalise
the relationship and set it upon a much deeper and more useful track. Key steps here include:
n Openly recognise and discuss what you feel.

n Review and celebrate what you have achieved so far.
n Be honest in considering what issues, if any, you have avoided discussing – these are
often fruitful areas for more substantial personal development.
n List the coachee’s medium- and long-term personal goals (both career and personal
competence): what learning conversations would help make these easier to achieve
and/or achievable in a shorter time period?
Insight provoking questions (RHQs at the end of each chapter) have an important role to play
here, stimulating the coachee to think more deeply and from different perspectives about the
challenges they face. In many cases, they may be unaware or only partially aware of these
challenges.
If the coachee still feels they now have everything they need to get on with their original
goal(s) and wants to focus exclusively on this for a period, using their own resources, it’s
best to accept the situation gracefully. The coachee should never feel you are struggling to
find reasons to keep the relationship going! However, you can legitimately:
n Make it clear that you are available to them when they do have an issue to discuss or
if they run into difficulties.
n Offer occasional – regular or ad hoc – goal-free meetings, where they can simply use
you as a sounding board on current issues.
n Drop them a short monthly or bi-monthly e-mail to pass on some relevant information
or contacts you have found, or to pose them a new question to think about.
It is very common in these circumstances for the learning relationship to renew itself in a more
powerful form, after a period of reflection.
■ ■ ■ 234
OVERCOMING ZOMBIE RELATIONSHIPS
Zombie relationships are those that are static and have ceased to perform any useful function
but, for a variety of reasons, we don’t bring to an end. They are not moving forward – the
agenda doesn’t develop; the coachee isn’t reflecting on the content of earlier sessions, if any,
and building new issues and insights. Zombie relationships also seem to be hard to get out
of: the coach may find it difficult to let go and the coachee often seems to have a wish to
keep a coach on their books, as it were, even though they are not using the relationship for
any developmental purpose.
Here are some ways to overcome potential zombie relationships:
n Brief the line manager thoroughly for the three-way conversation; let the coachee
manage the meeting, the line manager should not dictate the agenda.
n Build the commitment of the coachee; including help with focus.
n Address passivity and readiness to act.
n Be prepared to hand on relationships – no false pride.
n Name slowness and superficiality.
n Address power issues.
n Clarify the purpose of coaching.
COACH COLLUSION
Could leaders and managers be using having a coach as an excuse to abdicate their
responsibilities for their self-development? Is the coach colluding with this in some way? The
coach may consciously or unconsciously agree to limit the level and scope of their challenge
and the coachee provides a long-term relationship, with all the attendant financial benefits.
Indeed, long-term coaching assignments (more than a year) are almost, by definition, collusive.
To address this issue:
n Include some discussion of this issue in the initial contracting conversation.

n Focus assignments less on single, specific goals and more on fulfilment of a more
comprehensive Personal Development Plan (PDP), of which those goals are a part.
n Review progress against the PDP as a regular agenda item.
n Help the coachee understand and work with their personal learning styles/approaches
to learning. If possible, help them expand the range and flexibility of their approaches
to learning.
n Encourage them to keep a learning diary and to share this, as appropriate, with you and
with other key stakeholders in their development.
n Help them develop a more systemic view of their learning – to recognise how dependent
sustainable individual change is on learning and adaptation by others around them. How
235 ■ ■ ■
can they take greater responsibility for the collective learning of the leadership team?
Are they willing to do so?
n Look out for signs of hidden procrastination – lots of verbiage about how they perceive
they are changing, with little real evidence that is anything but superficial. Have the
courage to call this!
n Early in each coaching conversation, ask questions such as ‘What has changed
noticeably for you since we last met? How much of that change have you initiated?’
n Explore the issue of pace of learning. How fast does this business need to change to
compete? How fast does that mean that the leaders have to change? How fast does
that mean you have to change?
n If you suspect that the relationship is being used for development avoidance, explore
what might enable and motivate them to spend more of their time in learning mode. What
deeply held values can they associate with such behaviour?
If a coach does not at least address these issues in their own mind, they are tacitly laying
the foundations for collusion!
MOMENTS OF DISCONNECT
Most coaches encounter occasional moments of disconnect – points in the learning

conversation when they begin to doubt their ability, are unsure how to move the dialogue
forward, or feel that they simply aren’t helping the coachee as well as they might. When you
do have such feelings, don’t feel guilty; feel grateful, because they are valuable for reflective
practice and the continuous improvement of your coaching competence.
Some of the most common moments of disconnect occur:
n When you begin to lose rapport with the coachee.

n When you feel the learning conversation has lost its energy.
n When the learning conversation doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
n When the coachee’s problem seems insoluble.
Consider and discuss the disconnect openly. Has it occurred because:
n You are making assumptions about the issue, which led you into questions that the
coachee does not feel are helpful?
n The coachee is avoiding the issue?
n The process you are using does not fit the coachee or the issue (or both) sufficiently
well?
n You are being too mechanistic in using the process?
n The pace of the learning dialogue is inappropriate?
n You are working on the wrong issue entirely?
■ ■ ■ 236
Figure 18.2
Awareness Moments of
disconnect: a
process
management
Action model
Learning Location
Impact
Description Conditions
It is easier to prepare for moments of disconnect if the coach makes a point of reflecting from
time to time on the quality of the conversation. Some useful questions include:
n Why are we having this conversation?

n To what extent am I reflecting back my experience of the conversation?
n How relevant is this to the broader context?
n Do we both feel comfortable with the conversation, even if we don’t know where it is
going?
n Is my intuition switched on? Is theirs?
n How aware are we both of what is going on in the present, even if we are dealing with
issues relating to the past or future?
n Are we both being truly authentic?
MANAGING DISCONNECTIONS
n Refer to Figure 18.2 and consider who is aware of the disconnection. Often the
coachee is unaware. Signs might include postural change, change in the pace of the
conversation, a shift in mood, mindfulness or even a breakdown of communication
altogether.
n Where is the disconnection located? It could be within the coachee (e.g. something
they are avoiding), within the coach (e.g. a question or comment that has an unexpected
effect, interrupting the coachee’s reflection, or a distracting body posture), or in the
space between them (e.g. different interpretations of the same word or phrase). It may
also be part of a pattern.
237 ■ ■ ■
n Do we have the conditions for sustained connection? Issues to consider include:

– Are the conditions for flow present?
– Where is the energy?
– Did we begin with an appropriate mood for reflection?
n In what ways can we each describe the disconnection?
– What sense do we both have about what happened?
– What sense do we each have about the coachee’s role in the disconnection?
– How effectively is the supervisor bringing the coachee into the conversation?
n What is the impact of the disconnection? The impact may be immediate (e.g. the
conversation dies) or potential (recognition of an opportunity for learning and personal
growth). Useful questions might include:
– How did it affect the flow of our conversation?
– What conflicts, if any, did it illuminate?
– What else has now entered our awareness?
n What learning potential does the disconnection contain? What lessons can we extract
about the coachee’s issues and/or about the coaching process?
n What action, if any, do we want to take as a result? Can we now take the learning
conversation more deeply? Do we want to park and return to the issues that the coachee
raised? Do we want to change the coaching process?

n What do we need to do now?
n What’s new?
n Who else is involved now? What difference does this make?
n How can you step away from victim, persecutor and rescuer roles?
n How can you get into high learning? How can you deal with the discomfort this might cause?
n What assumptions need challenging before you think about what to do next?
n What issues have we avoided discussing?
n What’s blocking us?
n What’s changed noticeably for you since we last met?
n How aware are we both about what is going on?
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19
E N DI NG TH E
COACH I NG
R E LATIONSH I P
The main issue here is how the coach or mentor terminates the relationship, leaving the
coachee stronger for the intervention. Also here we explore the crucial part that review plays
in maximising learning and preparing for a good closure.
LIST OF TECHNIQUES
n Ending the relationship

n Defining relationship success
ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP
Relationships can either be wound down – where they fall into disuse; or wound up – where
they are concluded deliberately.
Winding down comes down to two issues:
n The nature of the contract set up front.

n The degree to which mentor and mentee are prepared to review the living contract as
the relationship evolves.
Time, breakdowns, tensions and differing personal agendas tend to suggest that it can be
very easy for relationships to drift apart. Sometimes a coachee might lack confidence in the
face of a more senior or powerful figure. Coach–coachee relationships tend to start with a
flourish, launched by a programme, but tend to die over a fairly short period of time.
This can be avoided by ensuring the following:
n A clear contract about how and when the relationship might end.
n Willingness to revisit and change the contract.
n A sense of two-way benefit, where the coach tries to gain as much as the coachee by
asking for feedback on skills and from being encouraged to seek new insights by the
coachee.
n Willingness to confront issues as they occur, particularly when things are getting
difficult.
DEFINING RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS
One of the most confining things a coach can do is to limit discussion about desired
outcomes to the coachee’s set goals. By focusing instead on goals for the relationship, the
coach opens up a wide vista of opportunities to enhance the value and quality of the time
the two people have together. It is useful to explore what both parties would like to get out
of the relationship, in terms of:
n Learning outcomes (e.g. self-awareness, knowledge about a profession or organisation).

n Career outcomes (e.g. achieving a new position).
n Capability outcomes (e.g. improving or acquiring a key skill).
n Enabling outcomes (e.g. having a clearer career plan).
n Emotional outcomes (e.g. greater self-confidence).
It is important not to promise too much, or create expectations that all these desired outcomes
will occur to a significant degree (though it is surprising how often this does seem to be the
case in relationships that achieve both depth and longevity). Prioritising the outcomes helps
the coachee be realistic in his or her expectations and helps focus both parties’ dialogue in
subsequent meetings. It also encourages the review process, in which helper and coachee
periodically summarise for each other what they have gained from the relationship and how
its impact could be enhanced.
Clearly defining success, at the start of the relationship, can mean that emotional issues
of ending are minimised. If the parties have set realistic goals, and have worked towards them
steadily, then ending becomes an obvious and natural process.
■ ■ ■ 240
■ ■ ■ ■ ENDING THE COACHING RELATIONSHIP
TWO-WAY BENEFIT OF COACHING C

A
Some years ago, one of the authors was facilitating a mentoring scheme for a public sector S
employer. There were just over 50 pairs and virtually all participants turned up for a review E
session. When they were asked what they had gained from the relationship, virtually everyone S
was enthusiastic. However, when asked what they thought the other party had gained, they T
mostly admitted they had no idea and many felt guilty they were taking so much and giving so U
little. When they did share their thoughts and experiences, they were surprised at the extent D
Y
to which the flow of benefit was two-way. From then on, many of these relationships
strengthened in both intensity and quality of outcome to the participants.

n What is different since we started this?
n What would have happened without this coaching?
n How can you measure the changes you have made through the coaching?
n How will you keep the momentum of your development when we are through?
n What do you mean by success?
n How has your understanding of success changed over the period of the coaching?
n What successes do we need to celebrate?
n How can we celebrate your achievements?
n What else do we need to say?
n Are we done?
241 ■ ■ ■

III
PA R T
In Part III, we consider three important themes
contributing to the development of the coach and
the coaching profession.
TH E M ES FOR TH E
COACH
CONTENTS
20 Supporting your coaching practice across cultures 245

21 Evaluating your coaching 265
22 Looking after yourself as a coach 301
Further techniques in these areas need to be developed as the

profession matures.

SU PPORTI NG
20
YOU R COACH I NG
PRACTICE ACROSS
CU LTU R ES
Coaches and mentors often work abroad, for multinational companies or in their home
country with people from different backgrounds. Coaches and coachees from different
cultural backgrounds have a great learning opportunity. But it is all too easy to waste the
opportunity by failing to recognise, accept and value those differences. Maintaining a dialogue
about difference is an important part of relationship management. We recommend that
coaches actively explore these issues, using the dimensions of culture below. This section
provides some helpful questions to begin a conversation around each of the cultural
dimensions. Talking these through will quickly give rise to other questions, which should help
both coach and coachee build understanding of where their perceptions and expectations
coincide and differ. The skilled coach will also aim to stimulate stories and examples from
daily life that will bring the cultural differences to life and show how they are relevant to the
learning process.
In what follows, we draw on different models of working with culture as a coach
including Hofstede’s (1984) Dimensions of Culture, Rosinski’s (2003) Cultural Orientations
Framework and Plaister-Ten’s Cross-Cultural Kaleidoscope model (2013). We also describe
techniques that can be used when coaching across cultures.
DIMENSIONS OF CULTURE
Hofstede, Trompenaars and others identified the following dimensions of national culture
which represent a country’s preference for one pole of the dimension over the other. Below
are questions to begin a conversation around each of these cultural dimensions with your
coachee. Talking these through will quickly give rise to other questions, which should help
both you and your coachee build understanding of where your perceptions and expectations
coincide and differ.
THEMES FOR THE COACH ■ ■ ■ ■
Universalism vs. particularism

What is more important – rules or relationships?
n Do you prefer to have precise guidelines to work to, or to work things out yourself from
general principles?
n How do you approach problems which are outside of your previous experience?
n When do you feel you can and should break the rules?
Individualism vs. communitarianism

Do we function in a group or as individuals?
n Do you like to be rewarded for your own efforts or as just one of the team?
n When, if ever, should the needs of an individual outweigh those of the community?
n How important are family obligations to you?
Analysing vs. integrating

Do we focus on the details or the big picture?
n How important is it to you to know exactly what is happening in your department?

n How comfortable are you making big decisions on only part of the evidence?
n What’s your opinion of people who typically try to step back and see the big picture?
Affective vs. neutral

Do we display our emotions?
n Do we have our emotions or do our emotions have us? (Are we controlling and using
our feelings to achieve our objectives?)
n Do we empathise with others though deliberate self-disclosure (i.e. choosing to share
personal information to encourage the coachee to explore their own feelings)?
Achievements vs. ascription

Do we strive for status or is it given to us?
n Do you think that you have to earn recognition every day?

n What’s the best way to achieve status?
n Is the position someone holds more important, in terms of giving them respect, than
the person they are?
■ ■ ■ 246
■ ■ ■ ■ SUPPORTING YOUR COACHING PRACTICE ACROSS CULTURES
Sequential vs. synchronic

Do we do one thing at a time or several things at once?
n How important is it to you to have a structured work programme, with one task following
another?
n Are you comfortable coping with lots of things happening at once?
When and how do you identify the connections between tasks?
Internal vs. external control

Do we control our environment or work with it?
n Do you prefer to solve problems through your own ingenuity or by asking others for
advice?
n When things go wrong, do you look first at your own responsibility, or at other people’s
responsibility?
n How much do you feel you are in charge of what happens to your career?
Equality vs. hierarchy

Are we more comfortable with everyone being equal or do we value knowing where people’s
place is in a hierarchy?
n Should you defer to someone else’s opinion, just because they are more senior (or older)
than you are?
n How important is it to have a clear chain of command?
n How important are equal rights?
Fons Trompenaars, the Dutch organisational theorist, has elaborated further on universalism
versus particularism (Trompenaars and Hampden-Turner, 1998). Universalists value
consistency, systems, standard and rules, uniform procedure, demanding of clarity and the
letter of the law. Particularists value flexibility, pragmatism, they make exceptions and have
an ‘it depends’ attitude, they are at ease with ambiguity and believe in the spirit of the law.
He highlights the fact that although there seem to be two polar ends to each dimension, e.g.
universalism is the antithesis of particularism, one can join the two elements of the ‘problem’
to create a meta-solution. For example, in discussing universalism vs. particularism, he gives
an example of a friend breaking the speed limit. A universalist would ascribe to the idea of a
universal truth, i.e. if the rule is that 50 kilometres per hour is the speed limit, this would need
to be followed at all times. A particularist would say that in a particular situation we can ignore
this rule, such as if it is 3 a.m. and there is no one on the road. He proposes that different
247 ■ ■ ■
cultures have different tendencies along this dimension, for example, the Swiss are universal-
istic and the Italians are particularistic.
He uses the following scenario to measure if you are a universalist or a particularist:
You’re riding in a car next to a good friend who is driving. Your friend is speeding and
he hits a pedestrian. You know he was speeding. He was going 50 kph in a place where
the limit is 30. You go to court and you’re the only witness. Now we have two questions.
One is, what is the right of your friend to expect you to testify and to lie for him? Does
he have the right, some right, or no right? The second question is, would you lie – yes
or no?
The extreme universalist would say my friend has no right, and I would not help by lying. The
extreme particularist would say, ‘Yeah, my friend obviously has the right. That’s what friends
are for.’ Then there are people in-between who want more information, such as how badly
was the pedestrian injured.
In Japan, they’ve come up with an interesting answer. They say they would test the
strength of their friendship by asking their friend to tell the truth in court, so they can talk the
judge into lowering the sentence for his courage. They have found a meta-solution by joining
different elements of the problem.
ROSINSKI’S (2003) CULTURAL ORIENTATIONS FRAMEWORK

(COF)
Another model which is useful when working with different cultures is Rosinski’s (2003)
Cultural Orientations Framework (COF) (see Table 20.1) which has built on Hofstede’s and
Trompenaars’ work. It examines cultural orientations in terms of dimensions. Cultural
orientations are defined as ‘inclinations to think, feel or act in ways that are culturally
determined’ (Rosinski, 2003: 50). They can be related to nationality, and also to other factors
such as gender, generation, education, profession, beliefs and personal inclination.
COACHING WITH THE COF
The COF is an adaptable and flexible tool, which can be used for individual, team or
organisational coaching. In individual or team coaching, participants get an assessment of
their personal and collective COF profile, and this information can be readily used as a
coaching tool. Given the wide range of choices offered by the COF, coachees usually select
a range of relevant dimensions and work with them in order to find solutions to their cultural
challenges. As we have seen, these are not always related to nationality as such, but also to
ways of thinking, of relating to others, and of managing identity, time and situations. People
■ ■ ■ 248
Table 20.1 The Cultural Orientations Framework (COF)
Categories Dimensions
Sense of power and responsibility n Control/Harmony/Humility
Time management approaches n Scarce/Plentiful

n Monochronic/Polychronic
n Past/Present/Future
Definition of identity and purpose n Being/Doing

n Individualistic/Collectivistic
Organisational arrangements n Hierarchy/Equality

n Universalist/Particularist
n Stability/Change
n Competitive/Collaborative
Notions of territory and boundaries n Protective/Sharing
Communication patterns n High Context/Low Context

n Direct/Indirect
n Affective/Neutral
n Formal/Informal
Modes of thinking n Deductive/Inductive

n Analytical/Systemic
make discoveries about themselves and others, and use them to find their own insights and
solutions (see case study, ‘Making the most of diversity in a multicultural organisation’). In
the case of organisations, the model is useful in the global context of mergers and acquisitions,
when organisations that come together are faced with the challenge of integrating different
and often divergent or even conflicting cultures.
MAKING THE MOST OF DIVERSITY IN A MULTICULTURAL C

A
ORGANISATION, BY CONSTANCE VIECO S
From 2003 to January 2012 Constance worked as an internal coach in a multicultural E
international institution. She coached ‘Kim’ from 2010 to 2011. S
I had been coaching ‘Kim’ for three months. Kim was a manager from one of the Baltic T
countries recently arrived in the international organisation where I worked as an internal coach. U
D
Y
249 ■ ■ ■
C At the end of one of our sessions I approached him with the intention of kissing him goodbye,
A as I often did with my coachees. The alarm I saw in his face made me stop and ask him what
S
his facial expression meant. ‘I do not belong to a kissing culture,’ he said, ‘and this is one of
E
the challenges I face as a newcomer in this organisation.’ We shook hands, as we had been
S doing from the start, and I suggested we discuss this cultural difference at our following session.
T The conversation on culture became one of the main themes in Kim’s coaching, and was crucial
U
D to support him in operating effectively in his new professional environment.

Y
Coaching in a multicultural context
Kim came from a Baltic country that gained independence from the Soviet Union in 1991.
As a new nation, it has a strong sense of its identity and cultural traditions. Its people are
proud of ‘having kept the Russians out’ more than the other countries in the region (Lewis,
2012). They are also proud of having joined the European Union in 2004. As it has grown
more and more separate from the bureaucratic culture of the Soviet time, the country has
grown closer to the West, and a ‘young leadership are developing a Western, dynamic style
with Northern encouragement’ (Lewis, 2012). Kim was a brilliant representative of this new
class of young leaders.
The international institution, where both Kim and I worked, is dedicated to the integration
of its members into a community of states, with a membership of 27 nations and a staff of
25,000. A truly multicultural organisation in which 27 nationalities work and cooperate
together, it can be described as having reached a stage of cultural development in which
‘cultural differences are recognised and accepted’ by members of the organisation (Rosinski
and Abbott, 2006). As new countries have joined along the years, new layers of culture have
been added. The result is a sui generis culture, characterised by an organisation of the
hierarchical type, tempered by high levels of respect and tolerance, and friendly, equalitarian
and relaxed relationships among the staff.
In Kim’s coaching sessions we worked with three dimensions of the COF that he chose
as the most relevant to his personal culture. These included: ‘Affective’ and ‘Neutral’
communication patterns; ‘Protective’ and ‘Sharing’ choices related to territory and boundaries;
and two types of organisational arrangements: ‘Hierarchy’ and ‘Equality’.
Communication Patterns: ‘Affective’ and ‘Neutral’

This cultural dimension describes two styles of communication. People from ‘neutral style’
cultures are concerned with conveying a precise and objective message. Emotions and
feelings are of little importance, and are viewed with impatience when they get in the way of
clear reasoning. ‘Affective’ cultures value personal and social relationships, as well as the
expression of emotions and warmth. Cold, objective and logical communication can be
perceived as a flaw.
■ ■ ■ 250
As one of the ‘new young leaders’ of his country, at the start of his coaching Kim’s style C
of communication was clearly of the ‘neutral’ kind. Kim spoke about facts in an objective and A
logical way and a kept a cool head at all times. Kissing a colleague, or showing any form of S
E
emotional connection in a professional context was highly embarrassing to him. He had
observed the staff in the organisation ‘showing frequent signs of affection to each other’. He S
remarked that he only kissed his family members, and seldom at that. He said, ‘I don’t T
U
understand this kissing culture.’ D

As part of an ‘affective’ culture, staff members of the organisation attribute considerable Y
value to personal and social relationships. They readily display emotions and warm feelings.
This is due to the fact that most of them live away from their country of origin. As a
consequence, they rely to a great extent on their colleagues for their personal and social
relationships. In this context, a person who practises a neutral style of communication runs
the risk of being perceived as cold and aloof, and finding himself isolated from the social life
of the organisation.
As we discussed his views on our organisation’s customs, I asked Kim what could help
him to acknowledge its affective culture while still keeping the ‘cool managerial head’ that
was important to him. He said he would like to practise ‘goodbye air kissing’ in our coaching
sessions, as preparation for social and professional gatherings where he intended to merge
in the prevailing ‘affective’ culture. We did practise, in a good humoured way, so that in the
end Kim learned to combine a warm personal touch with the cool head of a competent
manager.
Territory and boundaries: ‘Protective’ and ‘sharing’

This dimension refers to how we define our personal territory, both physical and psychological.
Some cultures protect it by keeping personal and emotional life private. Others seek to create
closer relationships by sharing physical and psychological spaces. Kim’s style was definitely
protective. He kept his personal life and feelings to himself and did not want intrusions in his
personal space: hence his alarm when I approached him.
In our discussion, Kim’s country history came up. The country had been independent
from Soviet domination for only 20 years. Habits of secrecy and protectiveness in the Soviet-
controlled society were still prevalent: ‘the less I am known, the less vulnerable I am’.
As he considered how this protectiveness affected his professional relationships, Kim
acknowledged his tendency to erect boundaries and keep people at a distance. His
observation of the organisation’s environment showed, by contrast, that there was a high level
of cordiality among his colleagues and the staff in general. They went for lunch or coffee
together, and did not hesitate to share details of their personal life. Many of them met socially
outside of work. Kim realised the importance of these relationships for the performance of
his team. The sharing culture helped them to feel better and perform better in a context of
high professional pressure.
251 ■ ■ ■
C Kim realised that it was in his interest to find a stance that would balance his personal
A tendency to avoid intrusion and the expectations for closeness of his colleagues. A team-
S
building day he shared with his team was helpful to challenge his assumptions about privacy
E
and protection. As he went through the activities of the day, he discovered that some
S personal disclosure brought increased trust and mutual support. As a result, Kim was able
T to reflect on what he wished to share and what he wished to protect in the light of the image
U
D he desired to project as the manager of the team. As he soon discovered, the trusting
Y relationships in the team helped them to go through the tough professional challenges that
they had to face at one point.
Organisational arrangements: ‘Hierarchy’ and ‘equality’

This dimension describes favoured ways to structure societies and organisations. Hierarchical
cultures consider that stratification ensures proper functioning. Equalitarian ones believe that
people are equals who happen to play different roles.
Kim’s culture was definitely hierarchical: his previous working experience in his country
had accustomed him to a system still under Soviet influence. Those at the top of an
organisation had great power and privileges that sharply distinguished them. ‘Orders’
continued to be given to subordinates, as it had traditionally been done in the past. Old-style
managers still ‘toed the Party line’ and maintained habits inherited from former bureaucratic
times.
The organisational culture has also traditionally been hierarchical, largely influenced by
the French ‘autocratic management style’ (Lewis, 2012). This style promotes ‘interdepend-
ence, mutual tolerance and team work’ under the guidance of the ‘carefully appointed leaders
(who are) encouraged to excel in their work by the high expectations on the part of their
subordinates’ (Lewis, 2012: 113–114). The arrival of new states as members of the European
Union, as well as the recruitment of younger and highly qualified staff, has gradually
transformed the culture. Managers and staff in the organisation have increasingly realised the
advantages of a less hierarchical and more relaxed and informal style.
In Kim’s case, the coaching discussion was about supporting him in finding a style that
would help him to be more effective in his role. He was aware that a more relaxed and informal
way of managing would be in his favour. While keeping his authority as the boss of his team,
he worked on cultivating a friendly and equal relationship with his staff. Rather than giving
them ‘orders’ and sticking to the rigid code of conduct expected of a ‘boss’, he was able to
share jokes and moments of informal conversation with them in the course of the day. In order
to do this, he tapped into the ‘good manners combined with liveliness’ of his national culture
(Lewis, 2012) and in doing so, appeared to his staff in a new light, as a manager of the
‘new style’.
■ ■ ■ 252
OTHER CULTURAL DIMENSIONS
Kim’s example shows how a number of cultural dimensions were at play in the seemingly
insignificant incident described at the start of this article. It also makes clear how intercultural
awareness supported Kim in finding creative thinking and more successful behaviours for his
role as a manager.
Kim chose three dimensions in the COF that he thought were particularly relevant in
his case. Given the COF’s flexibility and adaptability, we could have used other elements in
the coaching. We could, for example, have worked on how ‘Control’ and ‘Harmony’ would
relate to Kim’s managerial culture. ‘Formal’ or ‘Informal’ communication could also have
unearthed helpful insights. Other useful dimensions could have been ‘Competitive’ or
‘Collaborative’ working arrangements, and ‘Being’ or ‘Doing’, ‘Individualistic’ or ‘Collectivistic’
definitions of purpose.
PLAISTER-TEN’S (2013) CROSS-CULTURAL KALEIDOSCOPE

MODEL
One model that takes a systems approach to working with cultural difference is Plaister-Ten’s
(2013) cross-cultural kaleidoscope.
The model (see Figure 20.1) is called a kaleidoscope to represent the dynamic
environment of the multiple influences interweaving and interchanging in the external
environment, providing the context for the internal, cultural self that makes meaning of all these
influences. The external lenses, for example ‘Legal/Political/Education’ suggest a ‘window’
through which an issue may be examined and which in turn have a bearing on the thoughts,
feelings and decisions that drive behaviour. The ‘internal’ influences of culture are largely
expressed as a form of self-identity and represented by the ‘cultural self’ (or selves). As such,
the inner part of the kaleidoscope represents the thoughts, feelings and emotions held by an
individual about their own cultural identity. The experiences throughout their lifespan contribute
to a shift in this identity; or indeed a need to shift brought about by a change in context such
as an expatriate posting, repatriation or merger with a company from a different national and
organisational culture.
Examining factors such as family communities, for example, can provide some clues as
to the levels of social responsibility a person might exhibit. Examining the economic structure
that a leader has been influenced by can bring some insights as to how they will lead, for
example; those who have experienced economically challenging conditions may not
demonstrate leadership qualities such as decision-making and planning for the long term.
253 ■ ■ ■
Figure 20.1
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Furthermore, there is much that may be gleaned from examining the historical and
political landscape of a country. Examining history brings with it multiple opportunities to
understand the fabric of society that the person originates from. The leader of a person who
has lived with political oppression such as slavery, for example, is perhaps unlikely to realise
how that could affect their attitude to work. They could perhaps be conformant or militant.
Or they could pay lip service to the organisation culture whilst taking steps to sabotage it
outside of work.
People brought up in diverse cultures may be ‘cultural chameleons’ – they are required
to adapt in many diverse situations, environments and cultures. Cultural chameleons or
global nomads may therefore lose sight of who they really are. Their core values may have
become eroded or perhaps even more typically, start to conflict. These people may have
sought coaching, in part because they have values that no longer work well for them. They
may, for example, struggle with the need to deliver short-term business results, at the expense
of a personal belief system that values long-term relationship-building in business. Conversely,
they may have become so ‘Westernised’ in their management approach that they strive to
deliver results at the expense of meeting the needs of the team or the long-term future of the
organisation or of society.
■ ■ ■ 254
Building on the definition of the essence of good coaching (Whitmore, 2002), the model
serves primarily as an awareness-building tool. If there are no cultural issues manifesting in
the coaching issue, then it is clearly inappropriate to go searching for them. It does, however,
also have applications in building responsibility for the coachee (see the last two points under
the following section, ‘Applications to coaching practice’).
Applications to coaching practice

Various ways in which the Kaleidoscope model has been used in coaching include:
n As a visual image for the coach to keep in mind either before or during the coaching
and mentoring relationship in order to alert his or her ‘antennae’ to possible cultural
issues (or the cultural impact upon the issue).
n To discuss with the coachee and use as a basis for exploration either before or during
the coaching relationship.
n To identify which of the segments or lenses of the Kaleidoscope holds the most
resonance for the coachee and which may represent a good starting point for the
coaching conversation.
n To identify the ‘cultural self’/selves – working at the level of cultural identity.
n To identify the impact of external influences upon leadership styles.
n To identify cultural imperatives and conflicting internal values.
n To raise the coach’s own cultural awareness to his/her own cultural bias.
n To be presented as a global ‘wheel of life’ tool – i.e. on a scale of 1–10 how would
you rank the importance of each of these influences in your life?
n To create culturally appropriate choice and behavioural change. This approach
accommodates those coachees that are constrained by cultural mandates, such as a
lack of assertiveness in deferent societies or strongly held religious mandates.
n To ‘unlearn’ those cultural values that no longer work for the coachee. This approach
accommodates exposure to different value systems, organisational structures and
societies during the course of the coachee’s life span along with potential for internal
conflict based upon conflicting and even competing values.
The Kaleidoscope as a team tool

The Kaleidoscope can also be used as a tool for use with multi-cultural teams in the following
ways:
n A team-building tool: Here team members are typically seeking to understand each other
or to share knowledge and can use each lens as a starting point to share information
with their team mates.
255 ■ ■ ■
n A problem-solving tool: Here team members are typically engaged in solving business
or technical issues and are ‘solutioneering’, i.e. innovating new products, solutions or
services or new ways of doing things. By exploring some or all of the lenses they can
identify where the blockages or problems lie.
n A transformational tool: Used in combination with a positive enquiry approach to
coaching and a storytelling approach to leadership, the Kaleidoscope can be used as
a transformational tool.
TECHNIQUES FOR COACHING ACROSS CULTURES
Building on these models, we have developed a number of techniques which can be used
when coaching across cultures.
List of techniques
n Cross-cultural communication
n Questioning assumptions and stereotypes
n The Diversity Awareness Ladder
n Different frames of reference
n ‘Connectedness’ – how we see the connections between things
n Being sensitive to culture
n Empathetic curiosity
Cross-cultural communication
Cross-cultural coaching provides an ideal opportunity to enhance the understanding of
different cultures for both coaches and coachees. It also promotes learning for both partners
on how to communicate across cultures.
Coaches and coachees need to accept and appreciate differences for the relationship
to be most effective. This can be done by:
n Acknowledging that cultural differences exist;

n Being open to understanding cultural differences.
n Recognising that there is more than one way of looking at and doing things.
n Handling differences with respect and sensitivity.
■ ■ ■ 256
Coaching can be promoted across cultures by:
n Helping employees understand and appreciate diversity.

n Extending personal and professional development opportunities to all employees.
n Ensuring that the organisational environment supports rather than hinders cross-cultural
communication.
OUR COLLEAGUE, ZULFI HUSSEIN, DISCUSSES HIS C

EXPERIENCE OF CROSS-CULTURAL COMMUNICATION A
S
As a mentor I have used a combination of good questioning, active listening and constructive E
feedback skills to help people from different backgrounds reach their full potential. However, S
I have found that there is a real need to have a good understanding of the different cultures T
that come into play in a mentoring relationship (e.g. my culture, the coachee’s culture and the U
culture of the organisation) and their potential impact on communication. I have often had to D
Y
adjust my style to suit the needs of the coachee. For example, I have not expected the same
level of eye contact from a young Muslim female as from a young English female because I
know that the young Muslim female will avoid lots of eye contact as a sign of respect. I have
also had to take account of the fact that an African male may well make more use of his hands
and arms, which could be perceived by some as being aggressive.
Although it has taken me some time to develop cultural literacy through research and
practice, I have found this to be an invaluable asset when mentoring across cultures. It has
helped me quickly develop sustainable and highly effective mentoring relationships, which has
led to a great deal of mutual learning and growth.
Questioning assumptions and stereotypes

n Share three assumptions that you have made about the other person in a coach/
coachee relationship.
n As a pair, explore:
– How accurate or not they were.

– How they arrived at the assumption in the first place.
For example:
o
You must have a very tidy home (because you wear a lot of jewellery and take
care of your appearance).
o
You are a very passionate person (because you wear large red beads).
o
You drive a red sports car (because you are highly extrovert).
257 ■ ■ ■
n Continue to work through the chain of logic and assumptions. This helps the coachee
to understand how they come to conclusions about other people.
The Diversity Awareness Ladder

The Diversity Awareness Ladder is a tool created by David Clutterbuck, to help both coachees
and coaches understand and work with their stereotypes and implicit biases about people
who they perceive as different from themselves. It has also been used widely in the context
of general diversity education.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
The Ladder is a model of two conversations – the inner conversation, which represents
instinctive, emotional responses to difference and is not normally spoken out loud; and the
outer conversation, which offers a way of engaging with the other person to counter and
overcome the concerns of the inner conversation. On the early steps of the Ladder, people
tend to avoid conversation with the ‘different’ person or group – often for positive reasons,
such as not wanting to offend by saying the wrong thing. When a coachee defines where
they are on the ladder, they have a starting point for addressing the assumptions and
concerns that prevent them from having fully open conversations that genuinely value
difference.
The five stages of awareness are:
1 Fear: Characterised by low self-awareness and low awareness of others. At its extreme,
the fear stage becomes bigotry – the deliberate avoidance of examining one’s own
beliefs and perspectives, for fear of undermining them. Having the inner conversation
is essential in moving people on, allowing them to confront and understand their fears.
The outer conversation is a stepping stone to doing so, but equally the inner
conversation may stimulate more productive outer conversations.
2 Wariness: When the individual is sufficiently self-aware and aware of others to

recognise that their fears are irrational, but lacks the confidence to be truly open with
people who they perceive as different. At this stage, for example, white managers are
often reluctant to give clear and open feedback to black or opposite gender direct
reports, because they are overly concerned not to offend, or worried that they will be
accused of bias. This isn’t helpful for the team or the direct report.
3 Tolerance: People who express tolerance of other groups often can’t let go of their
own feelings of superiority. Tolerance involves no attempt to understand issues and
events from the other person’s perspective. It assumes that the tolerant person is right
and the other person is misguided, sinful, or in some other way less worthy.
■ ■ ■ 258
Table 20.2 The Diversity Awareness Ladder
Stage The inner conversation The outer conversation
1. Fear n What do I fear from this person? n What do we have in common?

n What do I fear learning about n What concerns do you have
myself? about me and my intentions?
n What might I be avoiding
admitting to myself?
2. Wariness n What if I say the wrong thing? n How can we be more open with
n Is their expectation of me each other?
negative and/or stereotyped? n How can we recognise and
n How open and honest can I be manage behaviours that make
with them? each other feel
uncomfortable/unvalued?
3. Tolerance n What judgements am I making n How can we exist/work together

about this person and on what without friction?
basis? n How can we take blame out of
n What boundaries am I seeking/ our conversations?
applying in dealing with this
person?
4. Acceptance n Can I accept this person for who n What values do you hold?
they are? n How do you apply them?
n Can I accept and work with the n How can we make our
validity of their perspective, even collaboration active and
if it’s different from mine? purposeful?
5. Appreciation n What can I learn from this n What can we learn from each
person? other?
n How could knowing them make n How will we learn from each
me a better/more accomplished other?
person?
4 Acceptance: Involves an understanding that the other person’s perspectives are valid,
well-intentioned and reasonable, in their own context. Acceptance creates the possibility
of working together in a truly collegiate manner, with differences put aside as simply
part of the wallpaper.
5 Appreciation: Takes the relationship and the conversation into the realms of mutual
learning. The very fact of difference becomes a valuable opportunity to explore new
perspectives and ideas, to test assumptions and to create a new, more powerful sense
of reality. Difference becomes a driver of change, self-awareness and the creation of a
wider, healthier and inclusive community.
259 ■ ■ ■
USING THE TOOL
The Ladder is most often used in the context of a diversity coaching programme, as a means
of helping people open up about the difficult topic of implicit bias and stereotyping. However,
it can also be valuable in any coaching relationship, where the coachee needs to become
more at ease and more effective in dealing with diversity issues. The Ladder helps the coachee
identify and acknowledge the inner conversation, and explore with their coach how to replace
that inner conversation with one that is more authentic, more self-honest and more likely to
result in positive communication and mutual respect with regard to groups they may
consciously or unconsciously avoid. It can also be useful in training coaches to become more
aware of how they can build rapport more effectively with people from backgrounds very
different from their own.
The critical steps in using the Ladder are:
n Helping the coachee recognise their instinctive, often unconscious assumptions about
groups of ‘others’. (How they categorise a group may vary considerably.) Simple ways
to do this include recalling times when they have had (or avoided) conversations with
people from that group. How did they feel? What inner conversation was going on for
them?
n Recognising the benefits of adopting a different inner conversation, which might lead
them to a different conversation with people from that group.
n Helping them gradually replace the existing internal and external conversations with new,
more inclusive conversations that show greater appreciation of difference.
n Helping them embed these new conversations – and the new ways of thinking that
underpin them – into their day-to-day responses to other people.
MAKING USE OF THE ‘DIVERSITY AWARENESS LADDER’
n Close your eyes and think of a stranger you have recently met who is from a different
racial background, culture or sexual preference to you.
n Identify a situation where you have felt uncomfortable or unsure how to react in the
presence of someone from a different racial background, culture or sexual preference.
n Choose between the following sets of words and phrases which most closely describe
how you felt (there is no option for neither nor ‘somewhere in-between’ – you must opt
for one over the other):
– Relaxed or tense.
– Like or dislike.
– Trust or distrust.
– Cold or warm.
– Valued or discounted.
■ ■ ■ 260
– Respected or disrespected.
– Open or defensive.
– Reassured or threatened.
– Welcoming or reserved.
– Empathetic or uninvolved.
– Intrigued or dismissive.
Repeat the exercise for how you think the other person felt.
n
n Talk through with your coach your answers to ascertain where you are on your diversity
ladder (see Table 20.2), if their reactions to people from that background were always
similar.
n Try to move up the diversity ladder; however, to do that, ensure that you:
– Acknowledge where you are now.

– Perceive the personal and wider benefits of a change in how you react and behave.
– Begin to have the kind of conversation with your coach that helps you explore and
become comfortable with the next situation.
Being able to move up the diversity ladder takes time. A coach can be valuable in this context
because they can assist you with all three of these requirements for change. Common ways
of doing so include:
n Asking questions that stimulate insight.

n Giving feedback that helps the coachee recognise their current reality and question any
self-deceptions that, for example, allow them to convince themselves that they are not
‘really’ biased.
n Demonstrating values and behaviours at the next layer of awareness (more than one
rung above and the coachee may struggle to understand what is being asked of them).
n Talking through tactics to help the coachee engage in conversation with people different
to themselves.
n Providing support in working through setbacks.
Different frames of reference

n Watch out for those moments, in conversations with people, whose language is not the
same as yours and/or who come from a different culture, when there is a slight flash of
puzzlement and both of you attempt to extract meaning from what the other person has
just said.
n This provides an opportunity to explore the questions:
– What are our respective frames of reference for understanding this question or
statement?
261 ■ ■ ■
– When we hesitate, what alternative ways of sense-making or meaning are we both

considering?
– What was each of our instinctive responses and considered responses to what was
said?
‘Connectedness’ – how we see the connections between things

In understanding how someone else views an issue and what they see as important, simply
ask them ‘What are the key connections you see relating to this issue? What gives them
significance?’
Being sensitive to culture

In the Middle East, it is has often been observed that there is a deep-seated avoidance within
the culture towards giving and receiving feedback. People don’t like to feel criticised and
hence tend to reject negative feedback. It’s therefore important to contextualise feedback
giving in terms of relative strengths. This we can do in two ways:
n Present negative behaviours as examples of strengths being overused or used in the

wrong way.
n Present weaknesses as embryonic and emerging strengths, upon which to build and
consolidate.
Empathetic curiosity
Developing empathetic curiosity is very important. It is a technique for demonstrating interest
in the other as a person, while being sensitive to their concerns and emotions. This may be
particularly salient whenever partners in a learning alliance have significant differences in
gender, age, culture, race, disability and so on. Studiously ignoring reference to the coachee’s
colour or disability can be as disruptive to rapport as the mentor making intrusive enquiries.
The essential process is as follows:
n Ask yourself the following questions:
– What is my motivation in asking this question?

– How will it help me: (a) feel comfortable in the relationship; (b) frame appropriate
questions; (c) understand issues from their perspective?
– What preconceptions do I have about people in their situation? How deeply have
I questioned the validity of these preconceptions?
n Initial questions to ask of the coachee:
– What do I need to know about you and your circumstances to be of real help?
– What do you like to be valued for? What makes you feel devalued?
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– I’m very aware that people can sometimes be too helpful. What can I do to be just
helpful enough?
– How can you help me avoid being patronising? What do I need to learn?
n Subsequent questions to ask yourself:
– How clear am I about how the coachee feels?

– Have we identified where and how the difference currently prevents them achieving
their ambitions?
– How honest are we being with each other?
– Are we making the most of the potential to learn from the differences between us?
n Subsequent questions to ask the coachee:
– What do you want to change in your circumstances?

– What can you change and what can’t you change?
– How relevant is it to do that?
– Can we start the changes here, in this relationship?
Figure 20.2
Examine your own Progression of
motivations empathetic
curiosity
Gain permission to
explore
Understand the mentee’s

perceptions
Create a co-learning
process
Review own motives,

learning and practice
263 ■ ■ ■

n What assumptions might you hold that would prevent you seeing the potential in others
who are different from you?
n What conversations could you have that would help you appreciate more deeply other
values and perspectives?
■ ■ ■ 264
21 EVALUATI NG
YOU R COACH I NG
INTRODUCTION
Evaluation of the coach’s practice is important for their development and for the coachee.
Evaluation can be used to answer the following questions about our coaching practice:
n What impact does our coaching have on our coachees?

n How can we maximise that difference for that individual and for others moving forward?
n How can we identify developmental areas we want to work on?
It involves using data of various kinds to inform the content and approach of further coach-
ing sessions. Data can be qualitative (about emotions, opinions or feelings) or quantitative
(using numerical scales or closed questions). It can also be introspective – i.e. reflections
from the coach, or gathered from the coachees and/or their line managers, measuring
behaviour change and impact. We have developed a framework which splits evaluation into
two parts:
n Section 1: Evaluation of your coaching practice (see p. 273).

n Section 2: Evaluation of the coaching relationship and outcomes (see p. 285).
MODELS OF REFLECTION
First we consider three models of reflection which help you reflect on the coachee’s
experience of the session as well as your own. Thinking about the coachee’s experience will
enrich your evaluation. The first is Clutterbuck’s Seven Conversations, which provides a
framework for exploring the sub-conversations that contribute to the spoken dialogue of
coaching. The second is Clutterbuck’s five levels of listening. The third is Peter Hawkins’
Seven Eyes model, which contextualises the coaching conversation as a series of overlapping
systems.
Clutterbuck's Seven Conversations

Being an effective coach requires a continuously expanding portfolio of RHQs – Really Helpful
Questions (see the end of each chapter in Part II of this book). These are what stimulate the
coachee to reflect and gain personal insight. Equally important, however, are the RHQs we
ask ourselves.
For example:
n For whose benefit am I asking this question?

n Can I do more here by saying nothing?
n What am I afraid of in this conversation or situation?
n What can I learn from this person?
n What emotions am I feeling and to what extent are these influencing my approach to
the coachee’s issue?
The coaching conversation is actually seven conversations:
n The coach’s initial inner dialogue before the session.

n The coachee’s inner dialogue before the session.
n The coach’s inner dialogue during the conversation.
n The spoken dialogue.
n The coachee’s inner dialogue during the conversation.
n The coach’s reflection after the conversation.
n The coachee’s reflection after the conversation.
Most coach training focuses on the middle of these – the spoken dialogue. Yet the
effectiveness of the spoken dialogue depends heavily on the other six conversations. Building
our competence in each of the conversations is essential in mastering the coaching role.
THE COACH’S INITIAL INNER DIALOGUE BEFORE THE SESSION
The purpose of this dialogue is to ensure that the coach is mentally prepared for the coaching
conversation. The quality of the conversation is dependent, to a significant extent, on the
quality of thinking both coach and coachee put into their preparation – although spontaneity
of dialogue still plays a major role, too! Useful questions include:
n How have I helped so far?

n What are my motivations in this relationship?
■ ■ ■ 266
■ ■ ■ ■ EVALUATING YOUR COACHING
n What is the ‘big picture’ for this coachee?

n Do I really understand what drives the coachee?
n What is this coachee avoiding?
n What am I avoiding?
n How do I feel about this relationship?
n Am I looking forward to this meeting? (If not, what’s the issue and what should I be
doing about it?)
n What are my responsibilities in this relationship?

n Who else is present and in what ways?
THE COACHEE’S INNER DIALOGUE BEFORE THE SESSION
Preparation by the coachee is equally important and can be equally demanding. At least an
hour’s quality reflective space is typically required to prepare for an intensive coaching session.
Questions coachees can ask of themselves before the meeting include:
n What has happened to me since our last meeting? How have I changed?
n What issues have been resolved and what new issues have arisen?
n What’s the relationship between these issues and my overall goals?
n What thinking have I already done around these issues?
n How do I want my coach to help?
n What information can I provide to help the coach understand the issue?
n Do I really want to resolve this issue? What are my motivations for introducing it now?
n How do I feel about this relationship?
n Am I looking forward to this meeting? (If not, what’s the issue and what should I be
doing about it?)
n What are my responsibilities in this relationship?
THE COACH’S INNER DIALOGUE DURING THE CONVERSATION
This inner dialogue takes place in parallel with the process of listening and asking questions.
Sometimes called ‘reflection-in-action’, it requires us to both participate fully in the
conversation and observe it as dispassionately as possible. In some ways, it’s like the running
commentary advanced drivers use when they talk themselves through how they observe the
road ahead of them. Useful questions include:
n What is the quality of my listening? (Am I fully focused on the coachee?)

n What am I observing/hearing? What am I missing?
n Is my intuition turned on?
n What assumptions am I making? How might these be acting as a filter on my listening
and my understanding?
267 ■ ■ ■
n Am I spending too much attention on crafting the next question? (Is this affecting my
ability to be ‘in the moment’?)
n How am I helping?
n What is the coachee not saying?
n What is the quality of the coachee’s thinking?
n How am I feeling in the moment? If I feel uncomfortable, what is making me so?
n How is the coachee feeling at this moment?
THE SPOKEN DIALOGUE
This is the part that attracts the most attention. It’s also the easiest conversation and therefore
highly beguiling. Inexperienced or inexpert coaches frequently are aware only of this
conversation, and oblivious to the inner conversations going on simultaneously in themselves
and the coachee (if they have an inner conversation at all!). Effective coaches maintain
awareness of all three inner conversations while instinctively reviewing the dynamics of the
spoken conversation, asking themselves questions such as:
n Is there consonance between what is said and our body language?

n Is there a logical pattern of development to the conversation?
n Are we exploring issues from multiple perspectives?
n Who is doing most of the talking/coming up with most of the ideas/asking most of the
questions?
n Is the pace sufficiently varied (e.g. is there space for both quiet reflection and rapid
building on ideas)?
n Are we both engaged in the conversation?
n Are we exploring issues in sufficient depth?
THE COACHEE’S INNER DIALOGUE DURING THE CONVERSATION
The coachee can contribute more to the learning dialogue if he or she is also process-aware.
The management of the conversation and its direction becomes a shared activity. It’s a further
step, however, to becoming aware of the inner conversation. The coach can help build that
awareness by interrupting the flow of the spoken conversation at appropriate times to raise
the coachee’s internal awareness, helping them to reflect upon questions such as:
n How open and honest am I being with myself and with my coach?
n Am I saying what I want to say?
n What assumptions or filters am I applying in answering the coach’s questions?
n How am I feeling about the conversation? If I feel uncomfortable, what is making me
so?
n How is my coach feeling at this moment?
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n What are the opportunities for learning in this conversation?

n How am I helping the coach understand my issues?
In due course, some coachees learn how to carry on the inner conversation without prompting
from the coach.
THE COACH’S REFLECTION AFTER THE CONVERSATION
‘Reflection-in-action’ is also a critical part of the coach’s continuous improvement and

personal growth. While the meeting is still fresh in his or her memory, the coach should review
the five antecedent conversations, asking, for example:
n How did I help? What insights did we create together? What did I do to enhance the
quality of the coachee’s thinking?
n Was I appropriately directive/non-directive?
n Where did I struggle?
n Did we create a ‘bias for action’?
n What insightful questions did I ask, which might be useful in other learning
conversations?
n What questions did I withhold and why?
n Was I sufficiently challenging? Did I receive sufficient challenge in return?
n Did I give the coachee sufficient time to think?
n What did I learn?
n What patterns can I discern from this and previous conversations with this coachee?
n What would I do differently another time?
n Am I still looking forward to the next meeting?
n What can I usefully discuss with my supervisor?
THE COACHEE’S REFLECTION AFTER THE CONVERSATION
The coachee’s post-meeting reflection is vital in terms of translating good thoughts into
practical action. The thinking process can be helped through questions such as:
n What did I learn?

n How am I going to put that learning into practice?
n What do I need to think about more deeply?
n What do I want to explore with other people?
n Was I sufficiently open and honest?
n What could I have done to extract more value from the conversation?
n What could I have done to make it more enjoyable for my coach?
269 ■ ■ ■
n What changed expectations do I now have of myself? How do these align with other
people’s expectations of me?
n Am I still looking forward to the next meeting?
Each of these conversations requires an appropriate space and sufficient time (at least half
an hour in most cases) for reflection. The quality of reflection at each stage can also be
improved through:
n Initial mental relaxation exercises to establish an appropriate mental state.

n Doing something completely different and enjoyable beforehand to stimulate creativity.
n Considering what psychological contract (a description of the shared understanding
between coach and coachee of the roles, responsibilities and commitments that each
party makes to the other) we have with ourselves about coaching in general and this
relationship in particular.
n Being as open as one can to discovery – about the context, other people and oneself.
For the coach, it can also be valuable to summarise reflection by thinking what your supervisor
might say, were they listening in. What elements of each of the seven conversations would
be helpful in giving the supervisor greater insight into the dynamics of the issues and how
you approached them? Other useful questions include:
n What am I aware of, but have not yet recognised or acknowledged?

n What is the coachee aware of, but has not yet recognised or acknowledged?
n What is the quality of the learning that is taking place? How have I contributed to that?
n How can my reflection-on-practice and reflection-in-action improve my performance as
a coach?
The seven conversations provide a useful framework for planning a coaching intervention by
broadening the coach’s perspective, reaching a new understanding and challenging oneself.
They can also be valuable in helping the coachee understand how they can make the most
of the learning dialogues in which they engage.
Five levels of listening: behaviours, assumptions and

consequences
The second model that we advocate to aid reflection on coaching practice is Clutterbuck’s
five levels of listening. This involves the coach thinking about what type of listening they
engaged in and the consequences of this. Each level requires more complex listening.
■ ■ ■ 270
Table 21.1 The five levels of listening
Focus Behaviours Assumptions Consequences
Listening to Coach: How can I show Coach: I have superior Coach: Failure to understand the
argue or refute them where they are going knowledge or understanding complexity of the issue/Loss of
wrong? Coachee: My views aren’t rapport/Premature decision-
Coachee: If they aren’t being respected making
taking what I say seriously, Coachee: Low ownership of

why should I listen to solutions generated/
them?/I need to justify Defensiveness/Lack of openness
myself and my opinions and trust/Feeling of being
railroaded into solutions/Fight or
flight responses
Listening to Coach: What question can I Coach: I have to Coach: The coach directs the
respond ask next? What experience demonstrate that I know conversation, even though they are
of my own can I share/draw what I’m doing/I’ve failed if trying to be non-directive (and
upon? What can I say to we don’t find a often believe they are being non-
make them challenge their solution/Coaching is about directive)
own thinking? How can I achieving Coachee: In extremis, sense of
make sure I’m helping? Coachee: Often compliant being manipulated
Coachee: This is a bit of a or resistant
grilling . . .
Listening to Coach: Is this logical? Do I Coach: I can’t help Coach: Focus on defining and
understand believe what the coachee is effectively until I understand understanding the issue
saying? What impact is this the issue Coachee: Focus on their thinking
conversation having on me? Coachee: I feel I can share so far
Coachee: I need to explain my issue with someone
this clearly. What will help supportive
my coach help me?
Listening to Coach: What would help the Coach: I can’t help Coach: Relatively low pressure to
help the coachee explore their own effectively until the coachee jump to solutions/Increased
coachee feelings? What might be understands the issue emphasis on coachee self-
understand going on in a wider, systemic Coachee: I am in charge of discovery
context? What’s important my own thinking and choices Coachee: Is more honest with self
but not being said?
Coachee: We are learning
together
Listening Coach: What is my intuition Coach: Less activity = Coach: Comfort with longer
without intent telling me? How can I enable greater learning/The most silences and greater space for the
deep reflection simply by important insights into my coachee to engage in deep
being there? coachee’s world often come reflection
Coachee: This is a safe from the periphery of my Coachee: Deeper reflection and
space for me to reflect with attention connection with internal processes
self-honesty and creativity Coachee: I can proceed at and values
my own pace
271 ■ ■ ■
HAWKINS AND SMITH: THE SEVEN-EYED MODEL
Each eye of this model offers a standpoint from which to analyse the coaching holistically,
usually in a supervision session. The supervisor helps the coach to consider what is going
on for the coachee, the coach, the supervisor and others and how this might impact the
coaching session. When the coach has greater awareness, they can use these insights for
the coachee’s benefit. The eyes are:
n The coachee system: This eye attends to understanding what is going on in the
coachee’s world: what sort of person they are, where they have come from and what
is going on for them.
n The intervention: This eye focuses on what the coach did – did they ask relevant
questions, what techniques did they use and why?
n The coachee–coach relationship: The level of rapport between coachee and coach
is explored and how this may affect the coaching session and outcomes. Unconscious
processes such as transference (when the coachee sees characteristics in you from
someone else in their life, e.g. you may start to represent a mother-figure for them) and
counter-transference (when the coach takes on some of the characteristics of the
coachee, such as speaking in a certain way).
n The coach’s processes: What is going on for the coach? Are you questioning your
ability, did something in the coachee’s story resonate with you and bring up certain
feelings that need processing? Is this affecting the coaching session in some way? The
aim is to understand these feelings and use them for the coachee’s benefit.
n The coach–supervisor relationship: As your supervisor gets to know you, they can
help spot patterns in your coaching and suggest areas to work on. A ‘parallel process’
may be occurring in the coach–supervisor relationship and the coachee–coach
relationship which can help shed light on what is happening in coaching sessions. There
may be some changes to your normal style as a result of your interactions with the
coachee which your supervisor can help you analyse.
n The supervisor’s processes: What is going on for the supervisor? Have they had a
similar experience in the past as the coach? Can any insights be passed on to the coach
which could benefit the coachee?
n The wider context: How does the organisational or non-work context affect the
coaching sessions? How will the coachee’s actions affect the people around them?
Conclusion
Whichever model you use (and whether you use a model or not), it’s important for your own
professional development that you use a variety of reflective practices to draw learning from
every session you have with a coachee. Different techniques can shine a different light on
■ ■ ■ 272
issues, allowing us to approach them from different angles. We can think of these reflective
processes as:
n De-constructive (analysing what happened and theorising why).

n Constructive (identifying recurrent themes, from both a rational and emotional
perspective).
n Intuitive (acknowledging what we are only partially aware of, in the shadows of our
conversations and relationships).
A useful technique for coach reflection is a Transcript Reflection Technique. See Part II,
Chapter 6.
SECTION 1: EVALUATION OF YOUR COACHING PRACTICE
There are different levels of evaluation that you as a coach can undertake. The first is
immediate reflection after each coaching session.
Immediate reflection after the coaching session

Reflect on your session immediately after it ends. In particular, consider:
A. What went well?

n When were we in flow? What was happening for both me and for the coachee at
that point?
n To what extent did I live up to my ideals as a coach?
B. What went awry?

n When did I experience a ‘moment of disconnect’? What was happening for both
of us at that point?
n How did I and the coachee acknowledge and explore that moment of disconnect?
n What doubts, fears and concerns do I have?
n What concerns do I have about my practice?
n If I had an opportunity to do the session all over again what would I do differently?
C. Emotional issues
n What emotions did I feel as the conversation progressed? In what ways did I
acknowledge these?
n What emotions did I observe in the coachee? In what ways did I/the coachee
acknowledge these?
273 ■ ■ ■
D. Focus
n What do I feel positive and less positive about and why?
n What conscious choices did I make about what to say and what questions to ask?
What can I learn from reviewing those choices?
n What is the balance of my caring? (Too much, too little, or just enough?)
E. Coachee progress
n Do I have a sense of progress on the part of the coachee?

n From the perspective of the coachee how do I think the session went?
n If I were to work with this coachee in a number of sessions what strategy would I
use to help the coachee to progress?
F. Boundary issues
n What real or potential boundary issues did I sense or encounter?
n Have I, at any point, felt a sense of unease about the coaching relationship or my
role as a coach?
n What concerns do I have about boundaries, such as level of intimacy?
n How safe is the environment I am creating for my coachees?
G. Systems perspective
n To what extent was I able to address the coachee’s issues, within the systems of
which they are a part?
n How well do I understand the dynamics of this coachee and their systems?
n What choices did I make working with this coachee?
H. Power issues
n Are the coachee’s goals genuinely their own and intrinsic, or imposed and extrinsic?
n Did I feel manipulated by the coachee? For example, did they divert to ‘safe’ topics;
act passively while feeling aggressive; claim powerlessness?
n What issues, if any, did we both tacitly agree to avoid? Do I think this was an
appropriate decision?
I. Psychodynamic concerns
n What is happening for me in each of the seven eyes of coaching? (See Models of
Reflection on page 265.)
n What issues might I be avoiding?
n What might be happening in terms of transference and counter-transference?
J. Ideals/values/purpose
n To what extent did I live up to my ideals as a coach?
n How is my identity as a coach evolving?
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K. Choices
n How might I have coached differently? What patterns or potential patterns do I
observe in my coaching conversations? (Recurrent themes, emotions, behaviours.)
n What metaphor(s) describe how I feel about coaching these coachees?
n How can I better respond to specific situations?
L. Self-learning
n What did I learn from this conversation about myself as a person and as a coach?
n If my supervisor had been present in this coaching conversation, what would they
have observed?
n Where am I on my journey to be a better coach?
n What specifically do I need to spend quality time working through in greater depth
on my own (or with other people)?
n Which coachees do I want to use as cases, to learn from?
M. Development plan
n How am I progressing against my coach development plan? Do I need/want to
revise this?
n Where am I on the journey to coach maturity?
Using case studies: Reflections after approximately every three

sessions with coachees
The next level of evaluation involves analysing your coaching practice more holistically than
an immediate reflection allows, for example, after three sessions. Table 21.2 is a suggested
template for self-evaluation. Look at the positive and negative behaviours and try to be honest
with yourself about what you actually did in the coaching or mentoring session. You might
like to score yourself (out of three) on these criteria and think about how to overcome any
negative behaviours next time. You can discuss your answers with a supervisor.
Evaluating your coaching through supervision

The concept of supervision in coaching is borrowed from the world of psychotherapy and
counselling, where supervision is a condition of practice. Most of the professional bodies in
coaching, in Europe at least, insist that all professional coaches undergo regular supervision.
European standards for supervision should be published by The European Mentoring and
Coaching Council.
275 ■ ■ ■
Table 21.2 Template for self-evaluation of coaching behaviours
Positive behaviours Negative behaviours Score How to overcome

out any negative
of 3 behaviours next
time
Establishing n Establish professional credibility n Jump into the coaching

the as a coach without establishing

relationship n Provide a clear explanation of rapport
the role of the coach n Dominate the
n Create rapport with the conversation
coachee n Focus too much on your
n Demonstrate interest in the credentials
coachee
n Appropriate self-disclosure
Useful questions
n What is the chemistry between
you and the coachee?
n Did you put the other person at
ease? How quickly?
n Did you establish a friendly, but
business-like atmosphere?
n How observant were you of the
coachee’s mood?
n Did you project a ‘quiet
confidence’ that helped the
coachee relax?
Managing the n Establish coachee needs/ n Over-control

coaching priorities at the beginning of n ‘If you know where the
session the session conversation is going, it’s
n Collaboratively manage the not coaching!’
time allocated to the session n Jumping to conclusions
n Confirm the action the coachee about what the
will take coachee’s problem is
n Review coaching process to n Pushing too early for
ensure that the coachee is solutions
satisfied with the coaching n Not letting the coachee
session come to their own
conclusions
Useful questions
n Did you let the coachee
influence the process?
n Did you contract at the start?
n Who generated the ideas and
options?
n Did you check progress at key
points?
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Table 21.2 continued

out any negative
time
n Did you ensure the presented
goals were the real goals, or

take them at face value?
n Did you manage the coachee’s
expectations with grace and
clarity?
n Did your notes capture what
you thought important or what
the coachee thought was
important?
Quality of n Demonstrate active listening by n Interrupt the coachee

listening re-phrasing and summarising to n Tell the coachee whatto
check understanding do
n Seek clarification of points that n Being more focused on
are not explicit your own inner thoughts
n Offer non-judgemental than on the coachee
responses that encourage the n Talking more than 20%
coachee to explore and validate of the time
his/her feelings, concerns and
aspirations
n Use silence appropriately
n Being attentive and aware
n Demonstrating appropriate
empathy
Useful questions
n Did you seek mainly to
understand for yourself or to
clarify how they made sense of
their issues?
n Did you listen with your ears
only, or with your eyes and
intuition as well?
n Was your intuition working
well?
Questioning n Ask questions to elicit n Use primarily closed

skills information questions
n Explain the reason for a n Use judgemental
question questions
n Ask powerful incisive questions n Use suggestions
(quality rather than quantity) disguised as questions
n Ask too many questions
277 ■ ■ ■

out any negative
time
n Ask questions appropriate to
the coachee’s situation/

state
Useful questions
n Did the conversation reach
appropriate depth?
n Did the questions take the
coachee to significant
insight?
Other n Show sensitivity to the needs n Talk too much

communicating and emotions of the coachee n Use inappropriate
skills n Respond to both spoken words language
and body language of the n Talk across the coachee
coachee n Language colourless/
n Mirror and match the coachee’s toneless
physical and emotional state n Tellirrelevant stories
n Explore the meaning of the
coachee’s words and
metaphors
n Help the coachee articulate
their thoughts and emotions
n Communicate back what
(emotions) they are
experiencing
Useful questions
n Did you have intuitive insights
into the coachee’s issues?
n Did you recognise and
acknowledge silent partners in
the conversation?
n Did you create powerful
metaphors that helped the
coachee to insight?
Other n Demonstrate an awareness of n Inappropriate

intervention the influence of organisational interventions
skills dynamics on business process, n Excessive interventions
interactions and outcomes n Manipulate the coachee
n Enable the coachee to discover
the thoughts, feelings and
behaviours that could support
■ ■ ■ 278

out any negative
time
the achievement of desired

outcomes
n Use a range of tools and styles
to facilitate coachee learning
n Assist the coachee to define
actions that could enable
him/her to demonstrate,
practise and deepen new
learning
n Promote active experimentation
and self-discovery
n Express belief in the coachee’s
ability to manage their own
issues
Useful questions
n Did you help the coachee take
third-party perspectives/get
inside the thoughts and
motivations of other
stakeholders in the issue?
n Was there appropriate use of
challenge?
n Did you demonstrate systemic
thinking?
n Did you explain tools you used
and invite the coachee’s
collaboration?
n Did you make appropriate use
of their own knowledge and
experience?
Diversity n Demonstrate awareness of n Feel uncomfortable

issues different perceptions and about addressing
values difference/diversity
n Create an environment where issues?
difference could be explored
n Where appropriate, recognise
and acknowledge the role of
racial difference in this and
other relationships
279 ■ ■ ■
The professional bodies support supervision for a number of practical reasons:
n All coaches should be attuned to the continued development of their coaching skills.
n All coaches meet situations where guidance on different approaches would be useful
in helping with a specific issue.
n All coaches have a duty of care to those they coach. For example, a coach may not be
aware that they are imposing their own agenda on the coachee – supervision raises
their awareness of such situations.
Supervision has attracted an increasing amount of interest in the coaching profession in recent
years. In the UK and Northern Europe, particularly, both professional bodies in coaching and
large employers recognise the value of supervision in raising the quality of coaching (and
hence how effective it is).
What is supervision?
The most commonly used definition of coaching supervision comes from Peter Hawkins and
Nick Smith (2006: 35): ‘The process by which a Coach with the help of a Supervisor, can
attend to understanding better both the Coachee and their wider system and themselves
as part of the Coachee–Coach system, and by so doing, transform their work and develop
their craft.’ We would add that supervision can be used as part of the evaluation process
itself. It can also help the coach come to terms with their evaluation and move forward.
Writers on supervision tend to identify three roles of supervision: Qualitative (Q —
ensuring the quality and safety of coaching); Developmental (D); and Resourcing or
Supportive (R). Among the functions of supervision, as defined again by Hawkins and Smith,
are:
n Helping the coach to develop their internal supervisor and become a better reflective
practitioner. (D)
n Helping to keep the coach honest and courageous, attending to what they are: not
seeing, not hearing, not allowing themselves to feel, or not saying. (Q)
n Continuous professional development and action learning of the coach. (D)
n Providing a supportive space for the coach to process what they have absorbed from
their coachees and their coachees’ system. (R)
n Identifying where and how the coach may need to refer the coachee on for more
specialised help. (Q)
Another way of looking at supervision is as formative (developing skills, knowledge and

competence), normative (focused on issues of quality, coachee safety, boundary management
and so on) and restorative (building the coach’s self-confidence and attending to their well-
being) (Proctor, 1987).
■ ■ ■ 280
Questions we might ask ourselves/be asked under these headings include:
Formative Issues
n What would it be helpful to discuss in the context of my coach development plan?
n What specific learning would I value?
n What knowledge and skills do I want to acquire?
n Where am I on the journey to coach maturity?
n What is happening for me in terms of my identity as a coach?

n How can I better respond to specific situations?
n Which coachees do I want to use as cases, to learn from?
Normative Issues
n What concerns do I have about my practice?
n What concerns do I have about boundaries, such as level of intimacy?
n What is happening for me in each of the seven eyes of coaching?
n What issues might I be avoiding?
n What might be happening in terms of transference and counter-transference?
n How safe is the environment I am creating for my coachees?
Restorative Issues
n How well am I looking after my own emotional and physical needs as a coach?
n Where do I lack confidence?
n What emotions present themselves when I think about this coachee?
n To what extent do issues I notice in my coachees reflect issues in my own life?
n How can I remain authentic?
Other
n How can I develop my business as a coach?
TYPES OF SUPERVISION
Supervision is typically categorised as either peer or professional; and either individual or

group.
Peer supervision occurs between two or more coaches, who provide mutual support. While
it can work well between very experienced coaches who bring different perspectives to each
other’s practice (for example, business knowledge and counselling expertise), it is not
recommended for less experienced coaches. While peer supervision provides emotional
support, it cannot normally provide the other functions of supervision. Peer supervision
281 ■ ■ ■
between inexperienced coaches, or between coaches who have insufficient understanding

of supervision, may become collusive and not offer enough challenge.
Professional supervision involves regular meetings with a qualified coaching supervisor. By

qualified we mean either that they have completed a post-graduate diploma (or equivalent)
in coach supervision or that they are experienced coaches, who also have qualifications in
supervision from a parallel profession, such as psychotherapy. The UK has more qualified
coach supervisors than any other country in the world, in large part because of the number
of supervisor training courses available.
Individual supervision is a regular one-to-one event, where the coach is able to address their
experiences and concerns in an open, exploratory manner. The main benefit of this form of
supervision is that the coach is able to receive concentrated attention on their practice.
Group supervision is increasingly popular, because it is cheaper and because each

participating coach has the opportunity to learn from the experiences of peers. It often
happens that an issue addressed by another coach raises awareness of similar issues for
you. Group coaching uses a wide variety of techniques, many derived from group therapy
and family therapy. It often also incorporates peer supervision, with coaches exploring
together issues that colleagues bring to the session – however, in this form, peer supervision
is facilitated (supervised) by at least one qualified supervisor. The downside of group
supervision is that you may not have the opportunity to present and explore your issue
every time, but most groups have rules that ensure (a) that members who have an urgent
issue will always have an audience and (b) that everyone presents at least once every three
sessions.
Many experienced coaches have several different supervision arrangements, for different
aspects of their practice. For example, they may have an individual coach to develop their
use of Gestalt and belong to a group supervision set to address broader development issues.
SELECTING YOUR SUPERVISOR
In corporate programmes, a small group of supervisors (or just one) is usually appointed. If,
however, you find you need to select your own supervisor, the following advice may be helpful:
n Be clear what kind of supervision you are looking for (e.g. individual or group?; with an
emphasis on a particular psychological approach?) and look for a supervisor with that
experience or background.
n Write a ‘job description’ for what you want to achieve from the relationship.
n If you are looking for professional supervision, make sure they are genuinely qualified
and not just a peer supervisor in disguise!
■ ■ ■ 282
n Look for someone who will challenge you and help you gain a deeper understanding
of yourself as a coach (and as a person).
n Look for someone you will be able to be honest with.
PREPARING FOR SUPERVISION
Preparing: Immediately after coaching

Preparation starts during and immediately after each coaching session. Spend time reflect-
ing on:
n What went well and less well in this session?
n When did I feel uncomfortable and why?
n What patterns are emerging with this coachee or across several coachees?
n Where would I have valued a different approach?
n What would I like to take to supervision?
n How will I explain the issue to my supervisor? (Consider both ‘What do I know?’ and
‘How do I know it?’)
Preparing: Before the supervision session

n What specifically would I like to review and why?
n Where am I on my journey to be a better coach?
n How do I want this supervision session to help me progress on that journey?
n How specifically am I going to present my selected issue(s) to my supervisor, so they
understand enough to help?
n What patterns or potential patterns do I observe in my coaching conversations?
(Recurrent themes, emotions, behaviours.)
n What do I sense instinctively that I want to address, even if I can’t articulate it clearly?
n What metaphor(s) describe how I feel about coaching these coachees?
n What doubts, fears and concerns do I have?
n What gives me confidence in my role as a coach?
n What have I learned since my previous supervision session?
n How is my identity as a coach evolving?
n How am I progressing against my coach development plan? Do I need/want to revise
this?
Although thinking through the issue before the supervision session is helpful, be prepared to
take along quite vague feelings of concern or disquiet about an aspect of your coaching. The
supervisor will help you investigate these and either provide reassurance or enable you to
clarify what you are instinctively feeling.
283 ■ ■ ■
Preparing: Immediately before the supervision session

Just as we want our coaching coachees to be ‘fit for coaching’, it helps to ask ‘Am I fit for
supervision? What can I do to ensure I begin the supervision in an appropriate mental state
to take full advantage of the learning opportunity?’ If you are not in the right mental state,
how can you explain this to the supervisor and how would you like them to help you get there
before you examine the issues you want to bring for discussion?
You can also reflect upon what your coachees seem to be asking of you, and how you
might respond to these expectations.
In the supervision session

There are several ground rules that will ensure you get the most out of the session:
n Whatever happens is a learning opportunity – for example, if you feel defensive, your
instinctive reactions should include asking yourself why.
n Ask yourself from time to time ‘How can I help the supervisor help me?’
n In group supervision, aim to respect all your colleagues and to value both their strengths
and their weaknesses.
n Take time out of the conversations, when you need it, to reflect on comments or
perspectives that strike a chord for you; extend the same courtesy to others, when they
need similar personal space.
After the supervision session

Once again, it’s important to spend time shortly afterwards, reflecting on what you have
learned. Some useful questions are:
n What am I now going to do differently?
n What am I going to continue to think about?
n How am I extracting value from this supervision relationship?
n What could I do to extract more value?
n How did I help the supervisor understand my issues?
n How honest was I with them and with myself?
n What specifically did I learn?
n What specifically do I need to spend quality time working through in greater depth on
my own (or with other people)?
n How has this helped me on my journey to being the coach I want to be?
n Do I have a sense of any unfinished business from this conversation?
n How can I reflect this back to my supervisor?
■ ■ ■ 284
Table 21.3 Supervision FAQs
How much supervision It depends on several factors:

do I need? n The level of coaching you are doing (i.e. whether it is, for example,
predominantly skills coaching or, say, behavioural coaching) – the
more significant and complex the issues your coachee faces, the
more supervision you need
n How often you coach (at least once every 20 hours of coaching is
typical)
Greater experience as a coach doesn’t mean less supervision. In
practice, the more experienced a coach is, the more complex the
issues they address with coachees and the deeper they explore those
issues – so they still need frequent supervision to remain grounded!
How long should a Individual supervision tends to last between one and two hours. Group
supervision session supervision lasts between two and six hours, depending on size of
last? group and frequency of meeting
How long should a Expect to change supervisors as your practice evolves and you
supervisory relationship develop new needs. Review the relationship every six months or so, to
last? assess whether it’s time to move on. A sense of declining levels of
challenge or personal insight is often a good indicator
How do I decide what to n Prioritise anything that makes you feel anxious or have self-doubts
take to supervision? n Try to bring a variety of issues. Recurrent themes will emerge
naturally
Where do I go to find a As coaching supervision matures, lists may be published. Furthermore,

list of qualified the reputable organisations providing coach supervisor training may
supervisors? provide lists of their graduates
SECTION 2: EVALUATION OF THE COACHING RELATIONSHIP

AND OUTCOMES
Evaluation takes some initial planning. The first question to ask yourself is ‘If you had the
perfect evaluation system, what would it tell you?’ The answer may well change depend-
ing on the coaching assignment and context. It is important that coachees recognise the
importance of evaluation to maximise the impact of the coaching relationship. It is good
practice to involve potential participants and other interested parties (e.g. line managers,
top management) to agree measurements at the beginning. At the very least this discussion
will establish the extent to which measurements can be ‘soft’ (qualitative) or ‘hard’
(quantitative).
285 ■ ■ ■
You will probably find that you have more potential measures than are practical. In
deciding upon the measures to use, consider:
n What will this measure tell us that will be useful to:
– The coachee?
– Their boss?
– HR?
– To me, the coach?

n How important is this measure to them?
n How credible will it be to each of the stakeholders?
n What are the priority measures?
n How difficult will it be to gather this data?
Building on Kirkpatrick’s Model of Four Levels of Evaluation, we advocate the coach and
coachee evaluating at various time points, in order that changes can be made to the coaching
if necessary to derive maximum impact for the coachee and if applicable, their organisation:
n Before coaching commences – Level 0.

n Review after two meetings – Level 1.
n Mid-point review – Level 1 and Level 2.
n The wind-up review – Level 3.
n Ad hoc conversations and opportunities for participants to raise issues, for example, in
the coaching session or with meetings with line managers/programme managers and
formal review built into each meeting.
n After 12–24 months (have changes stuck?) (Level 3 and 4).
Indicators of success should be set out in advance, but be allowed to change as the
coaching agenda changes. The coachee should be asked what success would look like at
each level. Indicators of success for individuals could be quite specific, such as greater
participation in meetings or better presentational skills (see Level 3). If the coaching is part
of an organisational programme, there should be clearly defined goals for the programme as
a whole, such as increased staff retention (see Level 4). This is to give a steer to the coaching,
but all stakeholders should be open to the possibility that the outcomes may be different and
unexpected, but still positive. Many of the most valuable outcomes of coaching are often not
predicted at the start. It is important to map out what will be measured, how and when. Be
prepared to alter the measures to meet with changed goals. The mid-point, informal evaluation
is usually a good place to do this.
■ ■ ■ 286
The multiple time-points model of evaluation
LEVEL 0 – EXPECTATIONS
A brief survey before the relationship starts to check expectations and preparedness for
coaching.
A sample pre-relationship questionnaire

n Do you feel you have enough understanding of what is expected of you to make your
coaching relationship work?
n How appropriate do you think it is for a coach to do each of the following (score 10
for ‘coaches should always do this’ and 0 for ‘coaches should never do this’)?
– Challenge the coachee’s thinking.

– Help coachees work things out for themselves.
– Be a positive role model.
– Give encouragement and help the coachee build self-confidence.
– Help the coachee build and implement their personal development plan and career
development plan.
– Decide what the topic of conversation should be.
– Give advice.
– Make introductions.
– Explain the politics.
– Intervene with the coachee’s boss.
– Be the coachee’s sponsor or advocate.
– Do most of the talking.
– Give the coachee tasks to do.
n What are your broad learning goals from the coaching relationship?
n How excited and enthused are you about the potential of the coaching relationship?
Questions to coachee’s line manager at the beginning of the coaching assignment

n What changes do you want to see in the coachee’s:
– Leadership behaviour?
– Personal performance?
– Team performance?
– Thinking/decision-making processes?
– Specific skills (e.g. communication, risk-management)?
– Other?
n How will you recognise this change?
n What specifically will you do to support the change?
287 ■ ■ ■
NB: Bosses often do not notice improvements, unless they are specifically looking for them.
They tend, instead, to notice evidence that confirms their previous opinion!
Questions to coachees at the start of the assignment

n What changes are you trying to achieve in:
– Leadership behaviour?
– Personal performance?
– Team performance?
– Thinking/decision-making processes?
– Specific skills (e.g. communication, risk-management)?
– Other?
n How will this change be recognised by:
– You?
– Your coach?
– Your team?
– Your peers?
– Your bosses?
n Who will you invite to give feedback?
(These should be people who have an opportunity to observe and who are stakeholders in
the change.)
LEVEL 1 – REACTIONS (FORMATIVE ASSESSMENT – THROUGHOUT THE COACHING)
This measures how coachees have reacted to the coaching and the coach. Questions can
be answered about the coachee’s perceptions and reactions towards coaching. Is the
coaching being well received and is it relevant to their work? If not, adjustments can be made
to address this. This allows the coach or programme manager to check how well the
coaching relationship is working – so it’s possible to provide immediate support, if needed.
The coach and coachee discuss openly how the relationship is living up to their expectations
and whether they should continue or seek a rematch, i.e. is the relationship working?
A template for the two-meeting review discussion is as follows:
n To what extent do we feel able to be honest with each other?

n Is there sufficient similarity of values, personality and so on to provide a good foundation
for strong rapport?
n Do we feel comfortable challenging each other? If not, do we feel we will be able to
develop sufficient comfort to do so?
■ ■ ■ 288
n How does this relationship compare with our ideal expectations?

n Do we both find the coaching conversations so far energising or hard work?
n Have we established strong rapport and trust, sufficient to work together?
n Does the coachee perceive the mentor’s input as relevant and stimulating?
n If not, what sort of person does the coachee need to work with?
Coaching assignments often get extended, but lose momentum. Encourage your coachee to
think about what stage your relationship has reached (i.e. is it time to move on)?
How can you measure this?
n Questionnaire (online or paper) – use Snap and Survey Monkey – six questions. This
can be done by the coach, line manager or HR professional or a self-report.
n Face-to-face – at the end of a coaching session, by the coach, or by the line manager
or HR professional.
n Phone call/text between coach and coachee.
n Field notes – noting down coachee’s organic comments during the coaching sessions,
or any emails, etc. that they send.
n Coach’s impressions of the coachee, for example how engaged they are in the coaching
sessions.
n Learning log of coach/coachee.
However reactions are to be measured, the coach and coachee need to discuss these to
effect any changes in their working relationship if necessary.
LEVEL 2 – LEARNING
Measures what coachees have learned from the coaching in terms of knowledge, skills and
change of attitudes.
n Was knowledge/understanding learned or gained? This could include self-knowledge

or understanding of the politics of their organisation.
n Were new skills or ways to improve existing skills gained?
n Were attitudes changed?
Level 1 and Level 2 evaluation should occur at the mid-point mentoring review. The intent
here is to ensure that the relationship remains on course. By now, it should have moved into
the ‘heightened learning’ phase, where the conversations are relatively deep, challenging,
stimulating and open. The coachee’s understanding of themselves and of their environment
(the internal and external contexts) should have grown considerably, typically leading to a re-
evaluation of their identity, personal purpose and goals.
289 ■ ■ ■
How you can measure this:
n Questionnaire completed by coachee.

n 360 questionnaire completed by colleagues.
n Informal comments made to coachee by colleagues and reported in face-to-face
interview with coach/line manager or HR professional.
n Coach’s impressions of the coachee.
A sample mid-point survey
n Do you feel the relationship has achieved sufficient:
– Rapport and trust?

– Sense of purpose and direction?
– Depth of discussion?
– Constructive challenge?
– Openness and honesty?
n Are we meeting sufficiently frequently?
n Are these meetings long enough?
n Are we preparing adequately for meetings?
n Are we reflecting sufficiently after meetings?
n What would you like to see your coach do:
– More of?
– Less of?
n Do we review the quality and progress of the relationship?
n Which of the following outcomes have already begun to emerge for you from the
relationship?
– Learning about specific roles, behaviours, areas of knowledge?

– Learning about yourself?
– Learning about the context (e.g. organisation or profession) in which you work?
– Clarity about your career options and aspirations?
– Clarity about how to achieve your career aspirations?
– Clarity about your personal development priorities?
– Increased self-confidence?
– Improved relationships with key colleagues?
– Improved performance in your current role?
– Larger/more effective networks?
– Improved reputation?
– Other (please specify)?
■ ■ ■ 290
n What do we need to change to make our time together more effective?

n Do we both have confidence that we will achieve our goals?
n What percentage of the talking did both of you do? Ideally the coach does 20 per cent,
the coachee 80 per cent.
n Who found the solutions? This should be the coachee with support from the coach.
n What should either of us do more of/less of?
n What do we need to change to make this more effective?
n On a scale of 1–5 (5 being high), how true is each of the following statements?
– We are both clear about the coaching agenda and learning goals.
– We are able to confront and discuss difficult issues openly.
– Our discussions are creative and reflective.
– Our discussions are constructively challenging.
– Our discussions have depth.
– We trust and have confidence in each other.
– We are both well prepared for coaching sessions.
– We review the relationship regularly and discuss how to improve it.
– We revisit and re-evaluate the relationship goals from time to time.
– I leave the coaching session feeling motivated to action.
– I feel the coaching sessions are having a significant impact on my thinking and
decision-making.
Questions to coachee’s direct reports

n To what extent have you observed positive change in your boss, about (list previously
agreed goals)?
Where appropriate, this data can be compared with 360 feedback ratings on these
competencies/behaviours at the beginning of the coaching relationship.
Questions to coachee’s line manager at the midpoint of the coaching assignment

n Do you have any concerns about the coaching assignment?
n Do you perceive that the coachee is making progress?
LEVEL 3 – BEHAVIOUR: MEASURES WHETHER WHAT WAS LEARNED IS BEING

APPLIED ON THE JOB
Has the coachee translated their new understanding/skills to ‘the real world’?
Our research shows that it matters a great deal how the formal relationship comes to
a close and so a wind-up review is important. Preparing for the ending and reviewing what
has been achieved and not achieved, what has changed and what comes after the coaching
291 ■ ■ ■
relationship all help to bring about positive recollections. This wind-up review needs to happen
within three weeks after the last coaching session or before renewal of contract, if the
assignment is to be extended. The same questions may be asked after 12–24 months to
evaluate if the changes have stuck.
How you can measure this:
n Questionnaire completed by coachee about their own behavioural changes in, for
example, their organisation.
n Formal 360 questionnaire completed by colleagues, direct reports, supervisors and

peers.
n Informal comments made to coachee by colleagues and reported in face-to-face
interview with coach/line manager or HR professional.
n Coach’s impressions of the coachee:
– Face-to-face: In the coaching session, by the coach, or by the line manager or HR

professional or a self-report.
– Field notes: Noting down coachee’s organic comments during the coaching
sessions, or any emails, etc. that they send.
– Bringing together coach, coachee and line manager for an evaluation conversation
at the end of the assignment.
– Requiring coachee and/or coach to produce Statement of Return on Investment,
in which they gather their own evidence of where coaching has and has not had a
significant impact.
A sample wind-up review

n Which of the following outcomes have you achieved from the coaching relationship?
– Learning about specific roles, behaviours, areas of knowledge?

– Raised your competence in critical areas?
– Learning about yourself?
– Learning about the context (e.g. organisation or profession) in which you work?
– Clarity about your career options, direction and aspirations?
– Clarity about how to achieve your career aspirations?
– Clarity about your personal development priorities?
– Increased self-confidence?
– Improved self-awareness?
– Improved relationships with key colleagues?
– Improved performance in your current role?
– Larger/more effective networks?
– Improved reputation?
– Improved leadership skills (e.g. influencing)?
– Improved thinking skills?
■ ■ ■ 292
– Improved quality of critical relationships?

– Other (please specify)?
n What changes would you suggest to the coaching programme, if any?
n If you are nearing the end of the formal relationship, what would you like to say thank
you to your coach/coachee for?
n Thinking back to your expectations at the beginning of the relationship, which have been:
– Met?
– Not met?
– Exceeded?
n What advice would you give to future coachees on this programme?
n What will take the place of this coaching relationship for you?
General
n To what extent have you achieved your original goals?
n To what extent have you achieved other goals that emerged during the coaching
process?
n What development needs will you want to address over the next 12 months?
n Are you now using more of a coaching style within your team?
n How has the coaching added value to your organisation?
n Would you recommend this coach to colleagues?
Performance goals
I have:
n Increased my productivity.
n Gained or improved leadership skills/knowledge.
n Gained or improved technical skills/knowledge.
n Met key targets, about which I was concerned.
n Improved performance of my team.
Enabling goals
I have:
n Reduced my stress levels.
n Gained confidence in my ability to do my job role.
n Gained greater understanding of my own motivations.
n Gained greater understanding of my strengths and weaknesses.
n Gained a clearer sense of purpose.
n Clarified work-related goals and priorities.
293 ■ ■ ■
n Clarified personal (non-work) goals and priorities.

n Stronger commitment to work-related goals.
n Stronger commitment to non-work goals.
n Established a wider range of resources, on which I can call to help my development.
n Improved my reputation.
n Improved the quality of my relationships with:
– Bosses.
– Peers.
– Direct reports.
– Customers.
n What did we expect to achieve?
n What did we actually achieve?
n What else did we learn on the way?
n How will we use what we have learnt in future developmental relationships?
Questions to coachee’s line manager at the end of the coaching assignment

n To what extent have you perceived changes in the coachee?
n To what extent has coaching the coachee resulted in positive outcomes for you?
n Has the assignment changed your view of coaching as a method of leadership
development and, if so, in what ways?
n What, if anything, could have been done by the company or by you better to support
the coaching assignment?
n What do you recommend takes the place of the external coach for the coachee’s
continued development over the next 12 months?
Questions to coaches at end of the assignment

n To what extent do you feel the coachee’s initial goals have been met?
n What additional goals emerged during the assignment and to what extent have these
been met?
n On a scale of 1–10, how effective has this coaching assignment been?
n In what ways has it added value for the coachee? For your organisation?
n To what extent do you feel that the coaching relationship has been supported by your
organisation?
n What, if anything, could have been done by the company or the coachee’s line manager
better to support the coaching assignment?
n What learning from the coaching has been communicated to others in the organisation?
How can this be done without jeopardising confidentiality?
n What do you recommend takes the place of the external coach for the coachee’s
continued development over the next 12 months?
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LEVEL 4 – RESULTS
This measures whether the application of coaching is achieving results:
n For the organisation, e.g. financially, staff retention.

n For the coachee, e.g. better interpersonal relations, better performance.
This can be done six months after the end of the coaching assignment, as it may take some
time for the coachee to have implemented the necessary changes and for results to have
been generated. Unless the coach is internal to the organisation, the programme manager,
line manager or HR professional will collect this data. This data can be shared with the
programme sponsors and also with future coachees to encourage participation. The same
measures can be applied after 12–24 months to evaluate if the changes have stuck.
The evaluation can measure general organisational qualitative or quantitative measures
such as:
n Improved performance and wider personal impact.

n Increased profit and decreased costs.
n Increase in sales and productivity.
n Improved customer relations quality.
n Reduced absenteeism.
n Positive changes in management style, leadership skills, thinking skills or in general
behaviour.
n Improved quality of critical relationships.
n Increase in engagement levels of direct reports and colleagues.
n Increase in staff retention and job satisfaction.
n Employee engagement.
n Employee satisfaction.
n Employee well-being.
n Financial return on investment – the systematic conversion of behavioural change and
organisational results captured into monetary value, isolating the effects of training,
and calculated by comparing with training costs.
n Improved score in 360 feedback.
n Increased team reputation.
n Increased motivation, confidence, self-efficacy, self-awareness.
n Increased number of promotions or number of potential successors to roles.
These can be measured by:
n Questionnaires.
n 360 assessments/feedback.
n Achievement of specific targets/goals.
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n Coachee’s learning log.

n Informal feedback.
n Employee opinion survey.
n Surveys – given to customers, colleagues.
n Interviews.
n Internal performance reviews/appraisal systems.
n Focus groups.
n Team reputation.
n Hard data, e.g. staff absenteeism, employee turnover, increased profit and decreased
costs.
C COACHING IN KIRKLEES COUNCIL (2014)

A
S BY JOE EDWARDS
E
Kirklees Council have invested resources in trying to implement a culture of coaching within
S
T their organisation. The researchers were interested in measuring the impact of coaching on
U the organisation, focusing especially on the financial impact and any potential return on
D investment.
Y In order to measure this impact, questionnaires were sent out to all trained internal
coaches, anyone who had received coaching from these trained coaches, and employees who
had attended the coaching skills programme. The questionnaire included items such as:
n Perceived benefits of coaching (from individual benefits to business benefits).
n Perceived impact of coaching on performance.
n A psychological empowerment measurement (based on a scale by Spreitzer, 1995).
n A job satisfaction measurement (based on a scale by Hackman and Oldham, 1975).
n Which part of the Council they belonged to.
Further to the questionnaire, semi-structured interviews were conducted with 12 trained

internal coaches in order to gain more detailed anecdotal evidence as to the impact of
coaching.
Qualitative evidence pointed to many areas where coaching was providing financial
benefits to Kirklees Council, including:
n Saving on recruitment costs by coaching, leading to internal promotions.
n Enabling some employees to realise they are better placed in careers outside the Council
– in the face of huge cuts, this could potentially save money in redundancy payments.
n Resolving problems that would otherwise have resulted in staff taking time off through
sickness.
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n Savings being made due to issues resolved in coaching that have been used to employ C
extra staff where needed. A
S
Quantitative findings included: E
n Trained coaches had significantly higher levels of psychological empowerment than the S
rest of the sample. T
U
n Employees who were part of the directorate with the highest take-up of coaching had D
significantly higher job satisfaction scores than employees who were part of the Y
directorate with the lowest take-up of coaching, suggesting that being part of a culture
of coaching may be associated with higher job satisfaction.
n Coaching improves performance: 63 per cent of coachees say their manager has noticed
an impact on their job, and 53 per cent of coaches report improved performance in their
coachees.
n Coaching increases confidence: 92 per cent of coaches observed higher confidence
levels in coachees, and anecdotal responses suggest this has a positive impact on
performance.
DEFINITION OF METHODOLOGICAL TERMS
360 feedback: This involves the coachee’s colleagues (both bosses and direct reports)
answering a set of questions about the coachee anonymously. The questions often involve
the respondents placing their colleague on a scale between 1 and 10 for a given quality, e.g.
resourcefulness. A 360 assessment can be done by colleagues before and after the coaching
intervention to see if colleagues have observed any changes in the coachee’s behaviours.
This could be a proxy for evaluating the coaching, i.e. it could demonstrate the effectiveness
of the intervention. However, colleagues may rate the coachee according to their mood rather
than give an accurate rating.
Good practice includes:
n Ensure that the coachee has an input into the design of the questions.
n Ensure that the coachee chooses who they wish to give feedback to (people, whose
opinion they will respect).
n Keep it simple – maximum of six questions.
n Gather both quantitative and qualitative data (ask for examples of both positive and
negative behaviours).
n Recognise that poor bosses often score better than good ones, because respondents
are afraid to be honest with the former!
See Chapter 15 Feedback in Part II for more information.
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Action research: A disciplined process of inquiry conducted by and for those taking the
action. The primary reason for engaging in action research is to assist the ‘actor’ in improving
and/or refining his or her actions.
Case studies: A case study is an inquiry into an event at an individual or organisational level.
A good case study provides an in-depth study of a particular case that gives a good sense
of relationships and processes that shape a wider phenomenon.
Closed questions: Closed questions are those that elicit a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or a number as a
response, such as ‘How many coaching sessions have you had?’ or ‘Do you think you gained
from these coaching sessions?’ This gives you quantitative data which is easy to analyse.
However, they do not tell you anything behind these answers and if the question is
complicated, the respondent may not be answering the question as set, but their interpretation
of the question.
Interviews: An interview is a conversation between a researcher and an interviewee where

the researcher asks a set of questions. Interviewing your coachee to get feedback may not
be reliable as they may not give you honest answers (particularly if they do not wish to offend
you to your face!). You could ask a colleague to interview the coachee or use a different
method such as a questionnaire.
There are several types of interview that you or a colleague could do to get feedback:
structured, semi-structured, unstructured or group. Unstructured interviews are informal, with
no rigid structure and use open-ended questions. Semi-structured interviews are when the
interviewer asks standardised questions and the interviewee is able to elaborate where
necessary thus producing both quantitative and qualitative data. Structured interviews ask
the same standardised questions each time. The questions are closed questions, with set
multiple-choice answers. The interviewer can explain and clarify the questions. The interviewer
has to follow the list of questions so they can’t ask for more detail if the respondent says
something particularly interesting.
Group interviews (focus groups) are usually semi- or unstructured interviews. Group
interviews may only gain the views of the most self-confident as the others may be intimidated
and avoid speaking.
If you use an interview, it is a good idea to record it rather than trying to make notes in
the session. Always get the permission from the coachee first.
Observation: A method that offers the researcher a distinct way of collecting data by
following direct evidence of an eye witness that is present in certain events. This method does
not rely on what people say they do or what they say they think but on collecting evidence
on how people behave in natural occasions.
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Open-ended questions: Open-ended questions are those that elicit a longer answer. They
may start with words such as ‘describe’, e.g. ‘Describe what effect these coaching sessions
have had on you?’ They can give you insight into meanings and beliefs but they are harder
to categorise if you wanted to compare answers between respondents.
Qualitative research: A method focused on how people feel, what they think and why they
make certain choices.
Quantitative research: A data-led approach which provides information about people’s

behaviour and thoughts from a statistical and numerical point of view.
Questionnaires: A questionnaire is a pre-set, pre-coded list of standardised questions given

to a respondent. Questionnaires mainly use closed questions and standardised multiple-
choice answers but some questionnaires use open-ended questions. Questionnaires should
use clear, simple questions which are easy to understand, and give clear instructions and
make it easy for the respondent, have a nice clear layout that doesn’t intimidate people, give
a range of options on multiple-choice questions. Questionnaires should not ask embarrassing,
threatening or complex questions, be too long or lead the respondent to answer a question
in a particular way. It is a good idea to test the questionnaire out on a friend/colleague first
to check it is clear.
You could give out a questionnaire at the end of a coaching session, although the
coachee may feel a bit ‘put upon’. It may be a good idea to set up an online questionnaire
(there are free ones available such as Survey Monkey), as this means the coachee can
complete it in their own time and you can monitor whether or not it has been completed. You
can send a reminder email if it has not.
Reliability: Whether the test is consistent or dependable.
Scales: Scales are standardised tests that can be given to respondents to assess a particular
characteristic such as ‘job satisfaction’ or ‘psychological empowerment’. They could be given
to a coachee before and after a coaching intervention to assess the impact the intervention
made. Researchers and statisticians ‘invent’ the scales based on what they feel the
components of the characteristic are. The scales are calibrated and tested on huge samples
and often have high reliability. However, often since the questions are not personalised, they
may not always apply to or be relevant for each individual which means respondents can give
an answer that is low in validity. By searching the academic literature, it is relatively easy to
find a peer-reviewed scale for the characteristic you are interested in. You could adapt the
scale for your own context (but remember the reported level of validity and reliability will no
longer be accurate). Useful scales include the Job Diagnostic Survey as described by
Hackman and Oldham (1975) to measure Job Satisfaction, Spreitzer’s (1995) Psychological
299 ■ ■ ■
Empowerment, the Positive and Negative Affect Scale (PANAS; Watson, Clark and Tellegen,
1988), to measure well-being and Gallup Q12 (Harter, Schmidt and Hayes, 2003) or the
Utrecht Work Engagement Scale (Schaufeli, Bakker and Salanova, 2006) to measure
workplace engagement.
Surveys: Collecting information from members of a group of persons that are associated
with the topic of the research. Most surveys are based on samples of a specified target
population.
Validity: How well a test measures what it claims to.
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22
LOOKI NG AFTE R
YOU RSE LF AS
A COACH
Most of this book explores ways in which the coach can help the coachee to achieve insight,
to grow and to progress in their work, career or wider life. In this chapter, we switch attention
to the coach. From our observations of hundreds of coaches in action, we observe that
effective coaching requires the coach to be able to recognise how they may be influencing
the coachee in often subtle ways. We now consider how the coach can actively moderate
their impact as role model by offering approaches to monitor and evaluate their own needs
and well-being.
THE COACH AS ROLE MODEL
Whether they wish it or not, one of the core functions of the coach is to be a role model for
qualities that are shared by effective leaders and effective developers. In particular, these
include being a role model for:
n Self-development – have a planned and well-executed approach to managing one’s own

personal development and career development.
n Reflective practice – taking time to gain self-knowledge and have honest conversations
with oneself (see Part III, Chapter 21, ‘Evaluating your coaching’).
n Humility and authenticity – being open to challenge and constantly challenging oneself.
n Personal well-being – paying attention to factors, such as general health and stress
management, which affect our ability to function well.
In initial training of mentors, in particular, we often spend time considering the skills of being
an effective role model. People often start with the assumption that role modelling is a passive
process, but when it is done well, it is proactive. When someone uses another person as a
role model, they typically do so, at least partly, unconsciously, so they exercise little judgement
in what they adopt and incorporate into their own ways of thinking and behaving. Coaches
can unwittingly make this worse, by subtly (or sometimes overtly) encouraging the coachee
to ‘do as I do’. Over the years, we have heard numerous brief accounts of coaching
relationships where this has led to negative outcomes, with the coachee trying to become
like their coach, instead of being themselves.
Proactive role modelling involves understanding one’s own strengths and weaknesses,
helping the coachee to do the same and exploring together how the coachee can develop
behavioural strategies that align to who they are. The coach may provide context and, if
relevant, share coping strategies – not with the view that the coachee should necessarily
adopt these, but to help the coachee develop their own, congruent coping strategies.
A useful regular reflection for coaches, therefore, is to pose the following questions:
n What could my coachees usefully use me as a role model for?

n What would it be dangerous for them to use me as a role model for?
n How might each of my current coachees be using me as a role model?
n What is the conversation I need to have with them, to ensure that any role modelling
that happens is beneficial?
n Who am I choosing and using as my own role models?
n How can I be more effective in doing so?
BEING A ROLE MODEL FOR SELF-DEVELOPMENT
A coach who does not invest energy and time into their own development is automatically
limiting their effectiveness with coachees. In contrast, those who take their own development
seriously are well equipped to establish and maintain a true developmental partnership with
their coachees – who are potentially the most powerful teachers of all!
As coaches, we expect our coachees to have and to review regularly a personal
development plan. But how do we respond, if they ask us about our own personal development
plan? In a series of recent workshops with coaches, less than 30 per cent overall said that
they had one.
Apart from maintaining credibility with coachees, a Coach Development Plan (CDP):
n Makes the coach more mindful of how they are growing in comparison with the world
of coaching and the needs of their coachees (what might have passed for ‘good’ a few
years ago, now looks increasingly average).
n Helps maintain the humility essential to effective coaching (‘I may have a lot of
experience, but I’m still learning, too’).
n Provides a rich source of topics for reflection and to take to supervision.
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■ ■ ■ ■ LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF AS A COACH
n Gives focus and direction to the development of coaching skills, practice and
philosophy.
Because a CDP is a very individual document, there’s no single ‘right’ way to create it.
However, the following template and questions can be helpful in designing a structured
approach that fits your learning style and your preferred style of setting and pursuing learning
goals.
A TEMPLATE FOR COACH DEVELOPMENT PLANNING
A practical structure for a coach development plan covers the following seven areas:
Knowledge
How will you expand your understanding in a range of important areas, including:
n Coaching?
n The sector in which you coach, e.g. Business, Education?
n Related disciplines, such as psychology, counselling, neuroscience and so on?
n Yourself – looking inward to develop greater understanding of your motivations, thought
processes, ambitions, strengths and weaknesses, personality traits and so on, and
your context looking outwards, keeping abreast of developments in coaching and your
position on them?
n What is your reading list for the next six months?
n What resources are available to support your development as a coach? (E.g., reading,
social networks, role models, courses, supervision . . . )
n Who can you rely on to help you?
Skills
That is, the practicalities of being an effective coach – how you listen, question, give
feedback, summarise, interpret and generally support the coachee.
n What skills do I most want to improve on? Or, what skills improvements in me would
be of greatest benefit to my coachees? (Skills might, for example, include
listening/mindfulness; self-awareness; systems awareness; or use of silence.)
n What tools, techniques or coaching constructs do I want to add to my toolbox? How
will I ensure I understand them in sufficient depth to apply them safely and wisely? How
will I integrate these with my existing toolbox?
n How can I reduce my reliance on models, processes, tools and techniques?
303 ■ ■ ■
Characteristics
That is, personal qualities that you wish to develop – for example, curiosity, empathy,
presence, authenticity.
n How can I develop and more clearly enunciate my personal philosophy as a coach?
n How can I build my self-confidence as a coach?
How can I become even more authentic?
n
n What can I do to increase the quantity and quality of the feedback I receive on my
coaching?
n What are my sources of feedback?
n What is my vision for the coach I want to be in one, two and five years’ time?
n How much energy, time and other resources can I invest in making this vision happen?
Range of practice
n Who can I work with and in what circumstances?
n How can I extend my portfolio by taking on coachees who will stretch me and/or who
come from a very different cultural background?
n In what ways do I want to stretch the boundaries of my coaching?
n Where can I find appropriate challenges to my assumptions about coaching and my
role as a coach?
n Can I create learning opportunities by seeking challenging assignments?
n How will I know I’m making progress?
Context
How will you create a more fertile developmental framework for your coaching – through, for
example, network development, and how you use supervision?
n What are my sources of support?

n Who will be my role models?
n How can I evaluate my practice to move forward in my coaching?
n How can I learn from my peers?
n On what can I usefully be coached?
n How will I improve the quality of my reflections on my practice?
n When am I at my most/least effective as a coach? How do I know? Who holds up the
mirror to me as a coach?
n How can I extend my learning network? Who can I use as role models of good
practice?
n What do I need from my professional supervisor? Is it time to trade them in?
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Business development
n How will I build a business that aligns with my values and provides the income I want?
n How will I market my services and ensure that the business is soundly managed?
n What do I need to focus on in my business?
n How can I build my reputation?
Contribution to the profession

What will you put back into the world of coaching, through research, writing, supporting new,
less experienced coaches, contributing to social networking sites and so on?
Practical ways of keeping the momentum of a CDP include:
n Reviewing it regularly with peers and supervisors.

n Setting monthly targets in terms of knowledge acquisition (e.g. reading, attending
courses or professional development events).
n Joining with peers in online or face-to-face learning groups.
n Setting yourself a developmental challenge at least once a quarter.
n With coachees’ permission, experimenting with different approaches that may extend
your repertoire (but always prioritising their needs over yours).
Reflective practice
We can define reflective practice in coaching as having four elements:
n Reflection before action (i.e. before a coaching session).

n Reflection during action (i.e. taking time to step back from the content of the
conversation with a coachee to look at context and intuition – ideally by creating pauses,
where both coach and coachee can reflect.
n Reflection after action (reviewing what happened during a coaching conversation).
n Reflection between actions (ad hoc periods of introspection and review to create
perspective on coaching practice overall and on personal growth).
Developing the habit of reflection is invaluable for identifying issues to take to supervision
and for building on insights that arise from supervision. The four elements form the basis for
an effective learning log. See Part III, Chapter 21 for an in-depth discussion on reflective
practice.
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Being a role model for humility and authenticity

Jim Collins, the US researcher on leadership, describes amongst the key qualities of authentic
leaders, the balance of personal humility and professional will. Personal humility involves,
amongst other attributes, ‘quiet, calm determination’. Humility is equally an important
characteristic of the effective coach, because:
n It prevents us from dominating the coaching conversation and the process of learning
dialogue.
n It helps us listen more deeply and with less ego-interference.
n It encourages us to question assumptions and beliefs.
n It enables us to be more realistic about comparisons between ourselves and others.
n It makes it easier to admit and address weaknesses and mistakes.
n It helps us be more honest with ourselves and others.
We have found the following questions to be helpful in gaining an appropriate balance

between arrogance and humility:
n What am I particularly proud of having achieved lately?

n When my coachees achieve am I more proud of them or of myself?
n What has made me feel humble lately and why?
n What did I do (could I do) to savour and engage with that humble feeling?
n How can I expose myself to suitably humbling experiences?
n What happens if I underplay or overplay humility?
n When does humility become a virtue and when does it become a vice, in my role as a
coach?
Useful questions to explore one’s own authenticity include:
n How succinctly can I describe my personal values and how they contribute to my identity
as a coach?
n When do I most live up to those values and my aspired identity? (What is happening
within me and around me?)
n When do I least live up to them? (What is happening within me and around me?)
n How do I calibrate how authentic I am being?
This last question is particularly interesting, because it gets to the heart of ethical psychology.
Human beings have an in-built set of scales linking their behaviour to the values they espouse,
and they unconsciously seek to maintain an equilibrium. So for example, if we have just done
a good deed, we tend to be less inclined to generosity in the period following – and vice
versa (Bazerman and Tenbrunsel, 2011). A little painfully honest reflection can help us
understand how this compensating mechanism works in our case – and hence recalibrate
to become more consistent with our authentic self.
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Being a role model for personal well-being

If we aim to be coachee-centred, we need to look first to ourselves and how fit we are in
body, mind and soul for the coaching dialogue. Fortunately, we have a large toolkit available,
in the approaches we would use to support coachees in their well-being and work–life balance
– anything we might recommend to a coachee, we can apply for ourselves.
It’s common for coaches to be so concerned about the well-being of their coachees
that they become oblivious to their own. Coaching, when done well, is frequently emotionally
draining and intellectually demanding. Having a portfolio of tools for managing our own well-
being – and making sure we use them – is not an option; it’s a necessity for a high-performing
coach.
Some of the key areas where we each need robust tools and techniques include:
n Managing workload – coaches can burn out, too!

n Managing our own psychological well-being.
n Developing our personal resilience
n Managing the loneliness of being a coach.
n Living wisely – making life choices that align with our internal store of wisdom.
Managing workload
Every now and then, there are comments in the coaching social media about how coaches
(and especially those working by telephone) can earn more by cramming more coachees into
a day. All it takes is some personal discipline and effective coachee management. It’s hard
not to cringe at this self-serving myopia. The reality is that coaching all day, with multiple
candidates (and especially telephone coaching, with its relatively lean communication
environment) is poor practice and damaging to both coach and coachee, for the following
reasons:
n The human brain has a limited capacity for concentration. Our ability to attend fully to
the coachee wanes as the brain loses energy – then we need time to recuperate. If we
try to pack in too many sessions across a day, we become less attentive and less caring
(neuroscience research suggests that the areas of the brain related to empathy actually
shrink over time when people do not moderate the intensity of their intellectual
concentration). Creativity, productivity and the quality of our intuition all suffer when our
brains are tired.
n When we deal with lots of coachees, their individuality tends to blur in our minds,
increasing the likelihood that we will objectify them (that is, coaches become
desensitised to the feelings and needs of coachees).
n An effective coach experiences, through Gestalt, the powerful emotions felt by
coachees. If those emotions connect with traumatic experiences that the coach has met
in their own life, the impact is even greater. We need time between coaching sessions
307 ■ ■ ■
to confront our own demons – to acknowledge our feelings (both our own and those
felt vicariously) and purposefully let them go. Saving them up for the next supervision
is not adequate, because it gives too much time for them to fester.
n Sitting down too long isn’t good for our physical health. It’s not something our bodies
were designed for. Standing up activity (preferably reasonably vigorous to get the blood
pumping) helps with our thinking and speeds up the process of topping up blood sugar
in our brain.
n Our sense of ethicality suffers, too, when we are not fully refreshed. We are more likely
to go along with ethically dubious opinions or assumptions by the coachee, and less
able to distinguish our agenda from theirs.
So what can the coach with a heavy caseload do differently? Here are 10 practical steps:
1 Manage your caseload so that you have frequent gaps of at least 45 minutes to reflect,
refresh and take notes between each session.
2 If possible, create a coaching environment where you can walk about, or at least stand
— but make sure you do so in a way that does not distract the coachee.
3 Plan how you will conserve your mental and physical energy across the day.
4 Take your ‘emotional temperature’ regularly — build into your day a few moments of self-
honesty.
5 Ensure you have opportunities to laugh (laughter is a powerful energy restorer).
6 Meditate/reflect for a few minutes before and after each coaching session.
7 Select your coachees, where possible, for their diversity — variety helps maintain your
curiosity.
8 Let go of the need to help the coachee find a solution — it’s usually your need, not theirs
and it leads you to focus on the goal, instead of on the coachee. Have confidence that
solutions will emerge when the coachee is ready for them! Letting go in this way greatly
reduces the stress that comes from worrying whether you are being helpful enough.
9 Be grateful to your coachees for the learning you acquire from them and tell them this
is the case. Gratitude is yet another energy restorer (Chopra, 1993)!
10 Recognise positive and negative stress in your coaching sessions. (Positive stress is
energising; negative stress is energy sapping.) Use these insights to adapt the way you
coach.
Managing our own psychological well-being

There are several models of psychological well-being. The most commonly referred to are by
Seligman (2011) and by Ryff (1989) (see boxes below). Coaches with substantial experience
in this area often amalgamate these models in ways that work well for them and for their
coachees. (There are, of course, multiple overlaps.)
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RYFF’S MODEL OF PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING (1989)

1 Autonomy (being in control of how you think and what you do)
2 Environmental mastery (functioning well and authentically in complex environments)
3 Personal growth
4 Positive relationships with other people
5 Purpose and meaning in life
6 Self-acceptance
SELIGMAN’S MODEL OF WELL-BEING (2011)

1 Positive emotions
2 Engagement
3 Relationships
4 Meaning
5 Achievement
The various diagnostic instruments derived from these models can be very helpful, but very
often all that is needed is a quick check in, especially in the context of regular short reflections
– the coaching equivalent of a regular health check. For this purpose, the following short list
of questions (which do not constitute a scale in the academic sense) can be helpful:
n Am I generally more positive than pessimistic in outlook? (Do I have a full reservoir of
hope?)
n Am I excited by the work I will be doing with coachees over the next few months?
n Do I feel I am still growing as a coach?
n Do I feel valued as a coach?
n Would I choose me as a best friend? As a coach?
n Do I feel I have the support networks I need?
n Do the conversations I have with other coaches energise me?
n Does my role as a coach enable me to be the person I aspire to be?
n Am I able to forgive myself, when I’m not as good a coach as I aspire to be?
n Do I have a vibrant life outside my role as a coach?
n Do I have the confidence to deliberately take myself out of my comfort zone, to stimulate
new learning?
n Do I feel in control of the factors that are most likely to cause me stress?
n Do I have sufficient ‘me time’ to enjoy being myself?
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Developing our personal resilience

It happens to every professional coach at some time. What seemed like a fairly straightforward,
normal assignment turns into a nightmare. Perhaps the coachee refuses to engage with the
coaching process, or terminates early, or their boss decides that change is not happening
fast enough, or you feel that the coachee is demanding far more of you than you are willing
or able to give. In all of these situations and many more, it’s natural for the coach to feel a
mixture of inadequacy or self-doubt, perhaps tinged with guilt at having let down the coachee
and/or the sponsor. If we didn’t have those feelings, it would be a sign that we don’t care
enough.
Research in recent years (Seery, 2011) emphasises the connection between cumulative,
moderate adversity and both resilience and well-being. No one can be completely resilient
all the time. Our development as a coach is partly dependent on our ability to embrace
setbacks as important staging posts on our journey to coach maturity.
Writers on resilience refer to the following qualities in people, who are able to recover
from setbacks quickly:
n Perseverance: Continued persistence in an activity or undertaking in spite of counter-

influences, opposition or discouragement.
n Flexibility: A readiness and ability to adapt to new, different or changing requirements.
n Confidence: A feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s skills,
knowledge and abilities.
n Compassion: Sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress, combined with a desire
to alleviate it.
n Humour: The mental faculty of discovering, expressing or appreciating the ludicrous,
even in the face of threat, danger or distress.
n Honesty: Adherence to the facts and recognition of the reality in any given situation.
n Balance: An aesthetically pleasing integration of elements, an ability to maintain focus
on diverse elements.
n Positive relationships: Nurture our mind, body and spirit; a generative source of
enrichment, vitality and learning assisting us to grow, thrive and flourish.
We are grateful to our colleague Paula King for the concept of the coach’s resilience wheel
(see Figure 22.2) – an adaptation of the wheel of life, based on the literature on resilience.
The coach decides where they are on a scale of 1 to 10 for each section, 1 = low, 10 =
high.
For a quick pick-me-up to recover from a setback, the following questions can be very
powerful:
n What am I grateful for?

n How far should I care? (Caring too much is as dysfunctional as caring too little.)
n How would the ideal me respond to what has happened?
■ ■ ■ 310
Figure 22.1
The Coach’s
Resilience
Wheel
Positive
Perseverance
Relationships
Flexibility Balance
Confidence Honesty
Compassion Humour
n What gives me hope?

n How can I use this experience to become stronger?
n How can I use it to reconnect to my values and identity?
n What do I want to take responsibility for, so I can move on?
Once we have regained our balance, we can enhance our future resilience through Systemic
Failure Analysis, which is also a practical way of extracting learning from the experience. The
system includes all the relevant players in the coaching relationship – you, the coachee, the
sponsor, HR, your own supervisor, the organisational culture (players don’t have to be
people!). Taking each of the players in turn (with you last) consider:
n What were their primary expectations relating to the coaching assignment?

n What assumptions were they likely to hold about the coaching assignment?
n How might their assumptions (and yours) have changed with experience?
311 ■ ■ ■
n Where were their behaviours congruent or incongruent with those expectations and
assumptions?
n What could you do now to re-align expectations and assumptions?
n What could you do in future to promote greater alignment at the contracting stage and
at each stage of the relationship/assignment development?
C DEVELOPING RESILIENCE AS A COACH

A
S Nathan was struggling in his role as Senior Executive Coach in a multinational organisation.
E The company was going through a major change programme and, as a result, a number of
S Nathan’s coachees were experiencing anxiety as they navigated the sea of uncertainty they
T were encountering on a daily basis. Issues discussed in the coaching room increasingly
U focused on these fears and uncertainties as roles and responsibilities changed and as a number
D of employees accepted the redundancy package on offer.
Y
Nathan’s coaching supervisor noted that Nathan was beginning to absorb the negative
emotions he was encountering and raised the issue with him. This led to a discussion on how
Nathan might go forward positively whilst continuing to provide a positive and professional
experience for his coachees.
Nathan’s supervisor introduced him to the Coach’s Resilience Wheel (see Figure 22.1).
This tool incorporates the studies carried out by the Mayo Clinic into resilience and the traits
of a person who displays high resilience. The wheel creates a powerful visual to assist a person
to understand what might be useful for them in order to become re-energised. Nathan’s
supervisor worked with him utilising the following steps:
n He explained to Nathan that the zero at the centre of the wheel indicated that nothing
was really effective in that domain and the outer circle was a 10 where everything was
perfect.
n He then invited Nathan to ‘journey’ around the wheel marking where he felt he was in
that area between 1 and 10 drawing a new hub.
On completion of the Coach’s Resilience Wheel, they began to look at actions which
would bring Nathan closer to a 10 in each area thereby increasing his own resilience and
capability of coping with the current challenges he was facing.
The actions listed in Table 22.1 were those agreed.
When Nathan returned to his supervisor the following month he said that he was amazed
at how much more positive he felt. He was able to work with his coachees without absorbing
any negativity and truly enjoyed every interaction with them.
■ ■ ■ 312
Table 22.1 Nathan’s action list
Domain Score Action Agreed
Perseverance 4 In order to keep everything in perspective and persevere in a positive way Nathan committed to
starting a daily journal documenting his own thoughts, emotions and actions in order to gain
some fresh insights. He would then share these with his supervisor at their next meeting.
Flexibility 2 Nathan was struggling with this domain. As he worked his way around the wheel he gained an
understanding that he himself was probably having far more difficulty in adjusting to the new
regime than some of his coachees. He was adapting poorly to the unfamiliar, unpredictable and
dynamic circumstances he was currently experiencing. He also realised that he was continuing to
practise old behaviours in this new setting and this was proving ineffective and inefficient. His
supervisor reminded him of the ABCDE exercise (see Table 16.1 and section titled ‘Identifying
and challenging cognitive distortions’) and Nathan agreed, as an action, to assess his self talk
and behaviours in certain situations.
Confidence 1 Nathan would always have viewed himself as a confident person; however, he was beginning to
doubt himself and gave himself the lowest score in this domain. Nathan was feeling discouraged
and was beginning to doubt his own effectiveness as a coach. Working on this domain he
decided that it would be beneficial to revisit his strengths. Even agreeing this action began the
process of rebuilding his confidence. In the session he became visibly happier as he discussed
when he was in flow and when he was at his happiest. He acknowledged that he got extremely
positive feedback from his coachees and reflected on the joy he got when his coachees
achieved their goals.
Compassion 8 Nathan enjoyed the discussion about compassion. He had always been an empathic person with
the ability to be aware of, understand and appreciate the feelings and thoughts of his coachees.
He truly cared about his coachees and genuinely held them in unconditional positive regard. He
was able to challenge his coachees to live their best lives whilst not judging or criticising them in
any way. This was one of the gifts he brought to his coaching sessions and it allowed him to
understand his coachees’ perspective of the world whilst not necessarily agreeing with them.
Humour 5 In order to up his score in this domain Nathan recognised that he had moved into a Circle of
Concern. He resolved to move back to his Circle of Influence through utilising the CIA Model, i.e.
recognise what he could Control/Influence or must simply Accept.
Honesty 6 Nathan explained that he scored this domain a 6 because, as he worked his way around the
Resilience Wheel, he recognised that he had catastrophised in a number of areas and he
resolved to bring a daily reality check through keeping a reflective journal which he felt would
assist him to become more grounded and resilient.
Balance 6 Although Nathan recognised that he was having difficulty coping with his current situation he
also recognised that there were some positives, not least the fact that he had now begun the
process of moving forward positively – he felt that this would allow him to integrate well-being
elements into his life.
Positive 3 This part of the discussion proved very positive for Nathan. He gave this domain a low score, not
Relationships because he did not have positive relationships in his life but rather because he realised he was
neglecting them. He decided to address this immediately by contacting friends he hadn’t seen
for some time, spending time with his family and organising an outing with his partner.
313 ■ ■ ■
Managing the loneliness of being a coach

One of the factors that appears to undermine resilience is isolation or loneliness – an issue
that comes up time and again in supervision. In our reading and conversations with coaches,
we have identified four types of loneliness:
n The loneliness of abandonment or isolation, which comes from an absence of

relationships that are nurturing and supportive.
n The loneliness of chosen seclusion, as practised by hermits, where the emotion of loneli-
ness is a source of reflection and learning about oneself and the nature of existence.
n The loneliness of wisdom, which comes from a deeper understanding than those
around you and the recognition that you can only ever partially bridge that gap (a sense
of partial connection).
n The loneliness of caring too much, which comes from being so focused on the well-
being of others that we neglect the pivotal relationships with people closest to us.
The first and last of these are unhealthy. Even though coaches meet lots of people, they may
experience the loneliness of isolation, because as professionals, they must maintain an
emotional distance from their coachees. If they lack close others, who they can use as
shoulders to cry on, or to share the joy of their coaching experiences with, then this can be
emotionally debilitating. Adding more and more coachee relationships won’t solve the problem
– and doing a high proportion of assignments by Skype, telephone or other distance media
can exacerbate it. Coaches who care too much about coachees and see their identity in terms
of their coachees’ successes and failures, may find themselves without the mental, emotional
and spiritual energy to invest in the intimate relationships upon which they rely for their own
emotional support.
While few coaches would want to go and live in a cave for months or years, short bursts
of chosen seclusion can – by contrast – have a valuable restorative function. Acknowledging
and savouring isolation as an opportunity to reflect and know oneself better is important in
grounding our coaching practice. There are many ways of doing this, from meditation, to
walking the hills or attending a retreat. Similarly, the loneliness of wisdom enables us to step
back from and contextualise how we and the world around us (including our coachees) are
interconnected. Again, if we are prepared to acknowledge this loneliness, it can become a
gift. The secret, it seems from examples brought to supervision, is to use the insights from
these reflections to permit ourselves to connect with others in ways that align with how they
make sense of the world around them.
In short, professional coaches can benefit from asking themselves regularly:
n When do I experience loneliness?

n How do I acknowledge and explore it?
n Is it enhancing or undermining my well-being and practice?
n How can I ensure I take a positive approach to loneliness?
■ ■ ■ 314
Living wisely
One of our favourite definitions of coaching is ‘using one’s wisdom (the product of reflection
on experience) to assist another person in creating their own wisdom’. Living wisely pulls
together many of the themes of self-development, humility, authenticity and resilience. Some
of the components include:
Frequently reconnecting with your purpose as a coach (and in life).

n
n How you draw meaning from your experiences as a coach.
n Developing your reflective capacity.
n Being kind to yourself.
n Paying attention to diet, exercise and other aspects of healthy living.
n Developing your own resilience.
n Managing your own self-doubt.
Because we have covered most of these themes already, we cover in this short section only
one issue: being kind to yourself, which can form part of regular self-evaluation and reflection.
Being kind to yourself
n What can you forgive yourself for?

n What can you accept more fully?
n What can you appreciate (like) more fully about yourself?
n How can you support yourself better?
A number of coaches have told us of their engagement with Ho’oponpono, or Hawaiian

Spiritual Healing – a simple but powerful ritual of forgiveness. At its root is the concept that
we have to forgive ourselves before we can forgive others. Approaches like these can
provide simple routines, which the coach can incorporate into their regular rebalancing of self.
THE COACH’S JOURNEY TO MATURITY
An important but often overlooked part of well-being is a sense of personal progress – feeling
that your experience and your reflection on it are developing you as a coach and as a human
being. From our observations of hundreds of coaches, we have been able to establish a broad
picture of what the learning journey to coaching mastery looks like. It’s not about the number
of hours of coaching someone does, but about progression through four distinct mind-frames
– how you perceive yourself and the relationship with your coachees and the coaching
profession. The concept of ‘coach maturity’ is now widely accepted, yet appears in the majority
of coach education programmes.
315 ■ ■ ■
Beginner coaches tend to have learned a particular model of the coaching conversation
(most often GROW). At this stage, their practice is about doing coaching to a coachee.
Inevitably, there are times when the coachee’s issue and circumstances don’t fit this approach
and it’s common for coaches at this stage to have crises of self-confidence, when they don’t
seem to get the results they expect. Often, too, at this stage, the coach‘s need to be useful
becomes entangled with what the coachee needs in the moment – so, for example, the coach
may be pushing for a solution before the coachee is ready for one.
With experience and a broader portfolio of tools and techniques, a coach may move
from the models stage into the process stage. More confident and hence more relaxed, they
now do coaching with the coachee. This is the point where most coaches appear to slow
down or stop their journey towards maturity.
A proportion of coaches maintain the pace of their learning, absorbing knowledge and
skills from a wide spectrum of parallel disciplines and reflecting deeply on their experience.
Gradually they develop their own philosophy of coaching, one that integrates with their
personal values and sense of self. They have progressed from doing to being. We call this
the philosophy-based stage.
A small proportion of coaches go even further. We call them systemic eclectics,
because they:
n Have an immense knowledge and store of wisdom.

n See the coachee and their issues in the context of multiple, complex systems.
These coaches have great calm, speak less than a quarter of the time that model- or process-
based coaches do, and demonstrate great empathy and connectedness with their coachees.
They do even less than philosophy-based coaches – we describe them as ‘holding the
coachee while he or she has the conversation they need with themselves’.
All of these stages are good places to be. It’s possible for someone to be a master
coach in ICF terminology and still be at the process level of maturity, for example – indeed,
being relatively close in one’s own development to the stage of the person you are helping
can be an advantage, because you can more easily empathise with the self-doubts and
conflicts they are experiencing.
You can’t hurry the development of coach maturity, no more than you can hurry
becoming an adult. To a significant extent, maturing as a coach happens in parallel with
maturing as a person. We suspect that each reinforces the other, so that reflective coaches
become cognitively and socio-emotionally mature individuals earlier in their careers, and
reflective individuals become mature coaches more quickly. We strongly recommend the
writing and thinking of Otto Laske as essential reading for any coach wishing to understand
this process more fully.
■ ■ ■ 316
BALANCING THE NEEDS OF COACH AND COACHEE
When we wrote Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring and Further Techniques for
Coaching and Mentoring, our intent was simply to provide coaches with a wider portfolio of
approaches in working with their coachees. This section represents a significant extension
of our own thinking and awareness. Increasingly, we recognise that coaches and their
coachees form a complex, adaptive system – interdependent, dynamic and constantly evolving
– and that this is an area that will warrant a lot more attention in future.
CONCLUSION
We have attempted, in Techniques for Coaching and Mentoring, Second Edition, to extend
significantly the scope of the tools and techniques we have included. There are, of course,
many others that we haven’t included – and yet more that will be created in future. We are
grateful to those coaches and mentors from around the world who have shared with us the
techniques that they have created, discovered, adapted or borrowed – please continue to
do so! Indeed, it can be argued that a sign of a coach’s maturity in the role is their ability to
experiment and generate new approaches.
When we experiment, sometimes we don’t get the results we expected (positively or
negatively). This is a great opportunity for learning about ourselves, our coachees and the art
of coaching.
In our observations of coaches in assessment centres, we notice a strong correlation
between willingness to experiment with new approaches, the breadth of the portfolio of
resources the coach can draw upon, and the overall effectiveness of their coaching practice.
We hope that you, the reader, will find in this book a wealth of ideas to stimulate the creativity
of your practice!
317 ■ ■ ■

APPE N DIX
EMCC CODE OF ETHICS (FEBRUARY 2010)
Downloaded from https://emccuk.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/EMCC-Code-of-Ethics.

pdf (10 April 2015)
Introduction
The coach will acknowledge the dignity of all humanity. They will conduct themselves in a
way which respects diversity and promotes equal opportunities.
It is the primary responsibility of the coach to provide the best possible service to the
coachee and to act in such a way as to cause no harm to any coachee or sponsor.
The coach is committed to functioning from a position of dignity, autonomy and personal
responsibility.
The EMCC code of ethics covers the following:
n Competence
n Context
n Boundary Management
n Integrity
n Professionalism
1. COMPETENCE
The coach will:
a) Ensure that their level of experience and knowledge is sufficient to meet the needs of
the coachee.
b) Ensure that their capability is sufficient to enable them to operate according to this Code
of Ethics and any standards that may subsequently be produced.
c) Develop and then enhance their level of competence by participating in relevant training
and appropriate Continuing Professional Development activities.
319 ■ ■ ■
APPENDIX ■ ■ ■ ■
d) Maintain a relationship with a suitably-qualified supervisor, who will regularly assess their
competence and support their development. The supervisor will be bound by the
requirements of confidentiality referred to in this Code. What constitutes a ‘suitably-
qualified’ supervisor is defined in the EMCC’s standards document.
2. CONTEXT
The coach will:
a) Understand and ensure that the coach relationship reflects the context within which the
coach is taking place.
b) Ensure that the expectations of the coachee and the sponsor are understood and that
they themselves understand how those expectations are to be met.
c) Seek to create an environment in which coachee, coach and sponsor are focused on
and have the opportunity for learning.
3. BOUNDARY MANAGEMENT
The coach will:
a) At all times operate within the limits of their own competence, recognise where that
competence has the potential to be exceeded and where necessary refer the coachee
either to a more experienced coach, or support the coachee in seeking the help of
another professional, such as a counsellor, psychotherapist or business/financial advisor.
b) Be aware of the potential for conflicts of interest of either a commercial or emotional
nature to arise through the coach relationship and deal with them quickly and effectively
to ensure there is no detriment to the coachee or sponsor.
4. INTEGRITY
The coach will:
a) Maintain throughout the level of confidentiality which is appropriate and is agreed at

the start of the relationship.
b) Disclose information only where explicitly agreed with the coachee and sponsor (where
one exists), unless the coach believes that there is convincing evidence of serious
danger to the coachee or others if the information is withheld.
c) Act within applicable law and not encourage, assist or collude with others engaged in
conduct which is dishonest, unlawful, unprofessional or discriminatory.
■ ■ ■ 320
■ ■ ■ ■ APPENDIX
5. PROFESSIONALISM
The coach will:
a) Respond to the coachee’s learning and development needs as defined by the agenda
brought to the coach relationship.
b) Not exploit the coachee in any manner, including, but not limited to, financial, sexual or
those matters within the professional relationship. The coach will ensure that the
duration of the coach contract is only as long as is necessary for the coachee/sponsor.
c) Understand that professional responsibilities continue beyond the termination of any
coach relationship. These include the following:
n Maintenance of agreed confidentiality of all information relating to coachees and
sponsors
n Avoidance of any exploitation of the former relationship
n Provision of any follow-up which has been agreed
n Safe and secure maintenance of all related records and data
d) Demonstrate respect for the variety of different approaches to coaching and other
individuals in the profession.
e) Never represent as their own the work and views of others.
f) Ensure that any claim of professional competence, qualifications or accreditation is
clearly and accurately explained to potential coachees and that no false or misleading
claims are made or implied in any published material.
321 ■ ■ ■
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I N DEX
360 Feedback 197, 297 Collusion, coach 235–6

Comfort/ learning matrix 231
Ability to be coached, raising coachee’s 26–7 Commitments, competing 100–1
Action research 298 Committed to pursuing goal 101
Alignment matrix 140–1 Conflict management, four stages of fault free
All the world’s a stage 57 129–130
Alternatives, assessing 169 Conjoint analysis 148–150
Appraising situations 190–1 Connectedness 262
Appreciative Inquiry 13, 76 Consequences 166 -7
Are you feeling lucky? 155–6 Contingency planning 208–9
Authenticity 306 Contract, coaching 41
Conversation ladder 50
Back: to the future 106–107; to move forward, Conversations, inclusive and exclusive
108–109 139–140
Belief sets, changing 88–9 Coping imagery 124
Beliefs: challenging deeply held 80–2; Cost-benefit analysis 208
changing 82, 84–5 Cross-cultural: communication 256;
Blame, coping with 126 Kaleidoscope model 245, 253
Body, coaching and the 13 Cultural Orientations Framework 245, 248
Boundaries, maintaining the 222–3 Culture; dimensions of 245; sensitive to
Boyatzis technique 104 262
Burnout, supporting those with 188–9 Curiosity, empathetic 262
Busy fool syndrome 164
Decision making 158–9
Career: metaphor 100; pathing 70–1 Depend, helping the coachee to not 220–1
Case studies 275, 298 Different frames of reference 261
Challenge, managing constructive 31–4 Digging for holes 93
Change: balloon 148; cascade of 110–112 Direction, setting the 38
Changing the script 209 Disclosure: circles of 51; managing 225
Closed questions 298 Disconnect, moments of 236
Clutterbuck’s: thirteen questions 48; seven Disconnections, managing 237–8
conversations 265–270 Diversity Awareness Ladder 258
Coach development planning 303 Drama triangle 230–1
Coaching 5; developmental 5; educational 11 Drawing 74
Code of Ethics, EMCC 319–321 Duty of care 12
Cognitive behavioural coaching (CBC) 14
Cognitive: dissonance 89–90; distortions, Emotion, naming an 124–5
204–6 Emotional mapping 118–120
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■ ■ ■ ■ INDEX
Empowerment, circles of 65–6 Making the right difference 94–5

Ending the relationship 239–241 Mask making 64–5
Entrepreneurial preferences 214–218 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs 167–8
Epitaph/memorial/leaving speech 98 Maturity 3; coach’s journey to 315
Equilibrium 24–5 Maximiser or minimiser? 164–5
Ethical code, writing your 95 Meaning of yes 102
Evaluation 265–300; of coaching relationship Meaningful moments 92–3
and outcomes 285; Multiple time-points Mentoring 5; developmental 5; sponsorship 6;
model of 287–296 maternity 7; ethical 9
Existential coaching 14 Metaphor: of a round-about 168–9; using

Expectations, setting 34 56–7
Extremes 151–3 Mind mapping 177–8
Mindfulness 15
Feedback: receiving 198; good practice in Mindset: for coaching 24; for learning
giving and receiving 199; gathering 198; 213–214
identifying useful 197 Multicultural context 250
Five levels of listening 270–1 My story 62
Five whys 218
For, against, interesting, instinct 159–161 Narrative approach to coaching 15
Free imaginative variation technique 161–3 Network: fitting into the coachee’s 132; who
Free writing 58–61 would want to 133–4
Functional analysis 141–2 NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) 15
Future: self 154–5; talk 71
Observation 298
Gazing 53 Ontological coaching 15
Gestalt coaching 14 Open-ended questions 299
Goals, some ground rules for setting 116 Opportunities in problems, finding 137–8
Grounding assessments 207 Over-strengths, identifying 202–3
Happier, making the coachee 120 Performance coaching 15–16

Head, heart and guts 201–2 Personal credo 98
Hofstede 245 Plaister-Ten 245, 253
Humanistic coaching 14–15 Politics, managing 135–6
Humility see authenticity Preparing for coaching 27
Priorities, setting your 116
Imposter syndrome 85 Problem appears insoluble, if the 156–7
Influence, achieving 183–4 Problems: into opportunities 136–7; helping
Interviews 298 people articulate 73–4
Issues: mapping 76; unpicking 181–2 Procrastinate, when is the best time to 194–6
Itch, question, goal 110 Procrastination, helping the coachee overcome
193–4
Kind, being 315 Profile, raising your 135
KISS technique 117 Psychodynamic coaching 16
Psychometrics 16
Leader’s story 86 Psychotherapy 228
Letting go 153 Purpose: life 90–1; building a sense of 91–2
Living wisely 315
Log, keeping a 211–213 Qualitative 299
Logic trees 114 Quantitative 299
Loneliness of being a coach 314 Questionnaires 299
325 ■ ■ ■
INDEX ■ ■ ■ ■
Rapport 47–8; physical environment for 52–3; Surveys 300

establishing 53 Systemic coaching 17
Realities, different 182–3 Systemic eclectic approach 17–18
Reality, establishing the current 113–114 Systems mapping 170–7
Referring on 223–4 Systems thinking 228; see also systems
Reflection: models of 265; immediate 273–5 mapping
Reframing 122–3
Relationship: droop 234; success 45, 240 Taboo areas 82–3
Relationships, building 129 Taking notes 30
Reliability 299 Team: attitude 142; can’t agree 140;

Resilience 310–313 development plan 146
Responsibility: mapping 178–9; pie 189–190 Techniques 3
Retro-engineered learning 68–70 Temporal orientation 143–5
Revans’ questions 132–3 Theoretical coaching approaches 13–19
RHQs 4 Thinking/feeling matrix 121–2
Rhythms, becoming aware of different Three minute breathing space 28
112–113 Three stage process, coaching as a 28–30
Role model: reassessing 85–6; coach as Three way contract: managing 42; clarifying
301–2 43–4
Role, throw away a 98 Tolerating ambiguity 30
Rosinski 245, 248 Tools 3
Transactional analysis 18–19
Scales 299 Transcript reflection technique 99
Self-evaluation template 276–9 Transformational coaching 19
Self-fulfilling prophecy 192–3 Transpersonal coaching 19
Senses, focusing on the 64 Trompendaars, Fons 247, 245
Separate selves 203–4
Setbacks, how do people recover from 187–8 Validity 300
Seven layers of dialogue 35–8 Values: eliciting 79–80; exploring 96–7; matrix
Seven-eyed model 272–3 97; conflict 128–9
Shame, working with 125 Visioning 105
Solution: focussed coaching 17; builing 177; Visualisation 72
when the coachee wants a 231–2
Stakeholder management 44–5 Way of being, developing 74
State of the coachee, ascertaining 25–6 Well-being: 307; Ryff’s model of psychological
Stepping out/stepping In 66–8 309; Seligman’s model of 309
Stereotypes, questioning assumptions and 257 What do you believe you can’t do, however
Stories: fictional 62; new 63–4 hard you try? 191–2
Stuck coachees, helping 157–8 What do you feel passionate about? 49–50
Success: what is 86–7; meaning of 87 Who can I work with? 226–8
Summarise, helping the coachee to 31 Who do we know? 134–135; see also
Supervision 275, 280; types of 281; preparing network
for 283; FAQs 285 Workload, managing 307
Supervisor, selecting your 282
Support: matrix, 184–6; managing the coachee Zombie relationships, overcoming 235
who needs more 221–2
■ ■ ■ 326

Techniques For Coaching and Mentoring 2016

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6834 TECHNIQUES FOR COACHING PT5_246x189 mm 24/06/2016 11:43 Page i

n Easy-to-use resources and techniques for one-to-one coaching.

David Megginson is Emeritus Professor of Human Resource Development at Sheffield

Natalie Lancer, David Clutterbuck

First published 2005

ISBN: 978-1-138-91373-8 (hbk)

Typeset in Akzidenz Grotesk

List of figures vii

PART II: COACHING AND MENTORING TECHNIQUES 21

5 Helping the coachee articulate their issues 55

6 Exploring beliefs and values 78

7 Setting and pursuing goals 103

8 Managing emotions 118

9 Managing relationships 128

10 Building support, influence and learning 131

11 Techniques for teams 139

12 Managing choices and decisions 147

13 Understanding context and systemic thinking 170

14 Developing resilience/coping with setbacks 187

16 Helping the coachee raise self-awareness/self-understanding/self-honesty 200

17 Managing boundaries 220

18 Dealing with problems in the coaching relationship 230

19 Ending the coaching relationship 239

PART III: THEMES FOR THE COACH 243

21 Evaluating your coaching 265

22 Looking after yourself as a coach 301

1.1 Diagram showing the link between developmental mentoring and

2.1 Challenging vs. supporting matrix 32

Natalie Lancer is Director of Higher Education at Immanuel

Professor David Clutterbuck is one of Europe’s most prolific

ABOUT THE AUTHORS ■ ■ ■ ■

David Megginson is Emeritus Professor of HRD at Sheffield

CONTRIBUTORS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

■ ■ ■ ■ ABOUT THE AUTHORS

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When using a tool or technique, we suggest that you:

n What is the barrier I have encountered?

n Why do I find it difficult to help?

COACHING AND MENTORING

Developmental mentoring and developmental coaching are powerful because they

COACHING AND MENTORING IN NONTRADITIONAL

Maternity mentoring and coaching

MENTORING CASE STUDY – ROYAL SOCIETY OF C

a project) or personal (making a really nice stew!). It encouraged me to focus on positive

n Identifying when an ethical issue is present.

C ETHICAL MENTORING AT SOUTH TEES HOSPITALS NHS

EDUCATIONAL COACHING AT A LONDON UNIVERSITY, BY C

COACH’S DUTY OF CARE

Coaches and mentors have a duty of care towards:

– Knowing enough of the coachee’s circumstances and environment to recognise

DIFFERENT THEORETICAL COACHING APPROACHES

Appreciative Inquiry: Appreciative Inquiry is a positive focused approach which looks at

Coaching and the body: The influence of physiology is incorporated in a number of

Humanistic coaching: Humanistic coaching refers to Carl Roger’s person-centred

The nature of the coach–coachee relationship is paramount. It must be one of