Writing: Effective Sentences: Unity, Coherence, And Emphasis

Effective Sentences
There are three elements which make for effectiveness in sentences: unity, coherence and
emphasis.
 By unity we mean that every part of a sentence/composition must contribute to one main
unifying thought.
 By coherence we mean that the various parts of a sentence/composition must follow one
another in an order which makes their relationship clear.
 By emphasis we mean that the most important parts of a sentence/composition must be so
placed that attention is directed toward them rather than toward less important parts.
I. Unity: A good sentence should have unity, that is, it must express one main idea. Although a
sentence may contain more than one fact, all the facts must relate to the main idea. E.g. the
models were all dressed in the latest fashions and many of them are unemployed. This sentence
does not have unity. The first clause tells us about the model’s clothing, e.g. the models were all
dressed in the latest fashions and many of them are unemployed. While the second one mentions
unemployment; the two different ideas don’t belong to one another in one sentence. They should
be stated in two separate sentences. This sentence is a sample of a sentence that lacks unity.
Unity is violated in five ways:
(i) By combining unrelated ideas
(ii) Putting too many ideas / details in a single sentence.
(iii) Failure to complete an idea or grammatical construction
(iv) Subordination
(v) Parallelism
(i) Combining unrelated ideas e.g. The students at the college use a great deal of abusive
language and they are from all parts of the country.
(ii)Too many ideas or details put in a single sentence distract the reader from the main thought
of the sentence e.g. Reading his daily newspaper that morning, standing at the crowded bus stop,
the morning sun just lighting up the tops of the high buildings and making the sleepy-eyed people
shade their eyes, made a great impression on me.
EXAMPLES
i. The students at the college use a great deal of abusive language and they are from all parts of
the country.
ii.Reading his daily newspaper that morning, standing at the crowded bus stop, the morning
sun just lighting up the tops of the high buildings and making the sleepy-eyed people shade their
eyes, made a great impression on me.
(iii) Failure to complete an idea or a grammatical construction: Such sentences are the result
of carelessness on the part of the writer who thinks that the reader will not object to filling in the
gaps in the thought e.g. -
This is such a heavy chair.
I was so pleased about the letter.
The news is too wonderful.
All these expressions can be improved by adding a clause or substituting another word for such,
so and too. e.g.
This is such a heavy chair that it is not easy to carry.
I was so pleased about the letter that I ran to tell my mother.
The news is too wonderful to be believed. / The news is indeed wonderful.
Some clauses express complete thoughts and others do not. Those that express complete thoughts
are independent or main clauses, others are called dependent or subordinate clauses. Now if a
sentence contains not one single thought but a complete thought containing a number of
constituent thoughts, then you have to decide which of the several ideas is the main idea and
which ideas are subordinate and then so construct the sentence that the subordinate thoughts will
give emphasis to the main thought.
When you place the principal or main thought in a subordinate position unity of the sentence is
destroyed.
(Faulty) The fielder in the slips dropped the third catch, when the match was definitely lost.
(Improved) When the fielder in the slips dropped the third catch the match was definitely lost.
The fielder in the slips dropped the third catch, when the match was definitely lost (Faulty)
Consider these statements:
He was born of poor parents. He was obliged to work his way through college.
He graduated with honors at the heads of his class.
Two of these statements may be subordinated to the third.
Although he was born of poor parents and was obliged to work his way through college, he
graduated with honours at the head of his class.
He was born of poor parents. He was obliged to work his way through college.
He graduated with honours at the heads of his class.
Practice 1:
The following sentences can be improved by using the correct connectives and making the
subordinate thoughts give emphasis to the main thought.
1. I was reaching down to pick up my cap just as I saw the two snakes.
2. We came within sight of the village when our car suddenly caught fire.
3. Because he has been to college is no sign he is cultured.
4. The main reason I left early was because I was bored.
5. Mr. Jamshed is the Vice President while the Saeed is the Secretary.
Practice 2:
The following sentences are lacking in unity. Improve them by adding details & changing words
where necessary.
1. The librarian was so discouraged about the lack of funds.
2. Our situation is too wonderful
3. Trying to work when my neighbour is playing his drum is such a problem.
4. The young ladies wore bright coloured socks and were kind hearted
5. She is so talented.
6. Computer courses have more appeal for the college student today.
We have seen that less important ideas must be made subordinate to the main idea of a sentence.
However, if two ideas are co-ordinate, they must be given equal rank in the sentence. This is
known as parallelism. Students very often use faulty parallelism. Great care must be used in the
matter of parallel structure. Nouns must be parallel to nouns, verbs to verbs, subordinate clauses
to subordinate clauses gerunds to gerunds, etc…..
The following sentences are examples of faulty constructions.
(a) She told me to look on the table and that I should tell her what I found.
(b) Seema’s job is reading books and to write book reviews.
(c) He was considerate, friendly, and people respected him.
(d) The couple want to travel extensively and new experiences.
(e) The professor drew attention to the beginning of the revolution and how it ended.
(f) Getting the groceries, taking the children to school and to feed the dog are his daily tasks.
NOTE 1: e.g. For lunch I had an apple pie and banana.
NOTE :(1) It is often necessary to repeat preposition or other words in order to make
parallelism clear. e.g. For lunch I had an apple pie and banana.
(Improved) For lunch I had an apple pie and a banana.
(2) Correlatives (either…or / not only…also) should be used only with parallel elements.
He not only likes tennis but also golf.
(Improved)
He not only likes tennis but also golf.
You must bear in mind that faulty parallelism is worse than no parallelism at all. You should use
parallelism freely in your sentences but should resist all temptation to force into parallel structure
clauses which are not parallel in thought.
Practice 3:
The following sentences contain errors in parallelism. Correct the errors.
1. Swimming and to go fishing are my favourite sports
2. I both want exercise and to be amused.
3. He offered either to pay for it now or tomorrow.
4. Not only were they disappointed but also angry.
5. As we were unfamiliar with the route and because of approaching darkness, we decided to ask
for advice.
6. The boy’s face was streaked with dirt and his feet muddy.
II. Coherence: So far we have looked at how the unity of sentences is destroyed. Now we shall
turn to the second element, coherence, which helps to create an effective sentence. A sentence
has coherence when the various parts follow one another in an order which makes their
relationship clear.
Correct handling of matters of unity, parallelism and subordination contributes to coherence.
When working for coherence there are 4 pitfalls which must be avoided at all costs. These are
weak, general or ambiguous reference of pronouns, split constructions, use of mixed
constructions and mixed figures of speech and needless shifting from one point of view to
another – all these destroy coherence in a sentence.
1. Reference of Pronouns: e.g.
(i) Ahmed saw Basit and Zahid yesterday and he said that he had the money. (ambig)
(ii) My aunt’s cat was crippled; and she was never the same again. (Ambiguous aunt, cat?)
(iii) She put the computer on the table, which her sister had bought.
Note: Don’t treat an antecedent first as singular and then as plural. e.g.
(i) The Guard Company is now using coal in their furnaces instead of fuel oil.
(ii) The club has done their best to raise the money.
2. Split Constructions: e.g.
(i) The batsman started to viciously hit the stumps.
(ii) If we had the time, we could make some changes, if we wanted to.
3 (a). Bad construction
(i) This is the book to which I was referring to.
(ii) The author gives the best idea of the problem than any other I have read.
(b). Mixture of figures of speech
e.g. My castles in air came tumbling down into a bottomless heap.
4. Aimless shifting from one point of view another will destroy coherence in a sentence. This
can be due to a needless shift from
(a) Active to passive
(b) From singular to plural
(c) From past tense to present.
For Example
(i) He ran to the station and the train was taken by him. (Active to passive)
(ii) If one tries hard, they can accomplish much. (Singular to plural)
(iii) The only words that we were able to distinguish are ‘horse’ and ‘cart’.
(Past to present)
Practice 4:
The following sentences lack coherence. Try to make them better.
1. Susan and her sister both saw the film, but she was disappointed.
2. I wrote and asked my uncle to let me know about the books as soon as he can.
3. He took an oath to never, no matter what happened, reveal the secrets of the organization.
4. She is as old if not older than Henry.
5. We have and will again talk to him about his plans.
6. She, having worked steadily at the sewing machine for three hours and having finished
stitching five dresses, she sat down wearily in the armchair.
III. Emphasis.
(a) Position: e.g.
(i) Her son graduated with honours, we were told.
(ii) You shall be called a liar, in all probability. (Weak)
(iii) She flatly refused to see him, for some unknown reason.
(b) Order of Climax: e.g.
During his long stay with the club he served as president, secretary, treasurer and vice
president.
(c) Repetition e.g.
i) The dog was his only friend, his only companion, his only confidant, and his only heir.
ii) They believe that most of us believe they are lazy.
(i) I have never seen anything like it in my life. (Natural Order)
Practice 5:
The following sentences can be made more emphatic.
1. He testified that he had passed college, middle school, and high school examinations.
2. We were informed by the doctor that the young girl had been told of her mother’s death by
him.
3. Go away, if you don’t like it here.
4. His mother is one person he can confide in.
5. My sister is happy in her new house, on the other hand.
6. It is a worthy cause, I think.
In today's lesson we considered the general elements - unity coherence and emphasis which
make for effectiveness in sentences. We shall continue with sentence construction in the next
few lessons
Writing: Identifying Sentence Errors
In earlier lessons we have been exploring ways of writing more effective sentences. In this
lesson, we will look at the errors we all make and how to revise these errors.
Sentence Errors to be Avoided:
Having considered the general elements which make for effectiveness in sentences, we will now
take up four common errors in sentence construction. These errors should be avoided by all who
write in English. These errors are:
i Sentence Fragments
ii Run-on sentences
(a) Fused sentences (b) comma splice
iii Misplaced and Dangling Modifiers
Sentence Fragments
We said that a sentence is a group of words that must contain a subject and a verb. It must also
express one complete thought. Therefore a number of ideas must not be huddled together in a
simple unit. Now a sentence fragment, as the phrase tells you, is less than a sentence - it is a
fragment because it lacks a subject or a verb or because it does not express a complete thought.
The following are samples of fragments.
- My neighbour being a typical businessman who prides himself on his efficiency.
- Because there are two computers on his desk.
The writer of these incomplete statements apparently forgot that a sentence must express a
complete thought. You might say that professional writers-novelists, short story writers use
incomplete sentences, but if you look closely you will see that their fragments convey complete
thoughts and they convey them immediately
I. Dependent Word Fragments
Some fragments contain a subject and a verb, but they do not express a complete thought e.g.
- Since Ami was tired.
- When the postman arrived.
- After I had switched off the light.
- Since Ami was tired, she took a nap.
When the postman arrived, we handed him the letters.
There was loud knocking on the front door after I had switched off the light
Practice1
Identify the part you think is not a complete sentence.
1. After the new department store opened. Several small shops went out of business.
2. The nurse pierced my arm four times with a syringe. Trying to take a blood sample.
3. The old lady was trembling with excitement. As it was her first airplane ride.
4. The police cordoned off the area. Because there was a gas leak.
5. The small child was always active. Running, jumping, climbing on chairs, dashing in and out
of rooms.
- Sarah had to clean up the mess that the children left in the verandah.
- I passed the chemistry which I had expected to fail.
- Yesterday I ran to a man who was my best friend in school.
- Sarah had to clean up the mess that the children left in the verandah.
- I passed the chemistry which I had expected to fail.
- Yesterday I rant into a man who was my best friend in school.
Practice 2:
This practice will give you a sense of the difference between a dependent-word fragment and a
complete sentence. Turn each fragment into a sentence by adding a statement that completes the
thought.
1. When I rang the doorbell, ______________.
2. Since I had forgotten my house keys, ______________.
3. As I walked into the classroom, __________________.
4. Unless her temperature goes down soon, ____________.
5. Schools were closed yesterday, __________.
1. When I rang the doorbell, the lights of the house went out.
2. Since I had forgotten my house keys, I had to break the door.
3. As I walked into the classroom, the fire alarm rang.
4. Unless her temperature goes down soon, we will have to consult a specialist.
5. Schools were closed yesterday because of the political rally.
II. -Ing and To Fragments
(a) When a word ending in -ing appears at the beginning of a group of words a fragment may
result. e.g.
- Hoping to buy things cheaply. Poor people often go the Sunday bazaars.Here the second
statement is a complete sentence. But the first group of words lacks both a subject and a verb, so
it is a fragment.
(b) Here is an example of a ‘to’ fragment.
- The ladies jogged through the park. To lose weight.
There are two ways to correct -ing and to fragments.
a) Connect the fragment to the sentence it explains. e.g. - Hoping to buy things cheaply, poor
people often go to the Sunday bazaar. Remember to put a comma after an-ing or a to word group
that starts a sentence.
b) Create a complete sentence by adding a subject and a verb to the fragment and revise the
material as necessary. e.g. -Poor people often to the Sunday bazaar. They hope to buy things
cheaply.- The ladies jogged through the park. They wanted to lose weight.
Hoping to buy things cheaply, poor people often go to the Sunday bazaar.
-Poor people often to the Sunday bazaar. They hope to buy things cheaply.
- The ladies jogged through the park. They wanted to lose weight
Practice 3:
First identify the -ing or to fragment in each of the following items. Then rewrite the correct
version using one of the two methods just discussed.
1- Police officers stood all over the road. Directing traffic around the accident.
2. Rising high into the sky. The huge yellow kite could be seen for miles.
3. Sarah painted a landscape. To enter the contest
4. To get off the diving board. The swimmer did a somersault.
1- Police officers stood all over the road. Directing traffic around the accident.
- Police officers stood all over the road, directing traffic around the accident.
2. Rising high into the sky. The huge yellow kite could be seen for miles.
- Rising high into the sky, the huge yellow kite could be seen for miles.
3. Sarah painted a landscape. To enter the contest.
- Sarah painted a landscape. She wanted to enter the contest.
4. To get off the diving board. The swimmer did a somersault.
-The swimmer wanted to get off the diving board. He did a somersault.
III. Added-Detail Fragment-
Another common kind of fragment begins with one of the following words: like, including, such
as, for example, for instance, except, without, especially, and also. All these words introduce an
additional point or example to what has already been stated. e.g.
- Everyone enjoyed the feast. Except the fish.
Practice 4
Identify the added - detail fragment in each of the following items then write the correct version
using one of the two methods given earlier.
1. The former playmates walked passed one another. Without saying a word.
2. For a main dish, I often serve meat and vegetables. For example, fish and spinach.
3. The policeman searched the room for clues. Such as old photographs, old letters and old
receipts.
4. Oranges are full of nutrients. Especially vitamin C.
1-The former playmates walked past one another without saying a word.
2-For a main dish, I often serve meat and vegetables. For example, I mix fish with spinach.
3- The policeman searched the room for clues such as old photographs, old letters and old
receipts.
4- Oranges are full of nutrients especially vitamin C.
IV. Missing - Subject Fragments
Some word groups are fragments because, while they do have a verb, they lack a subject. e.g.
-The poor woman paid all her utility bills. But then had little money left over for food.
- The nurse held a smiling baby. Then posed for the photographers.
In each of the above examples the first statement is a complete sentence and second word group
is a fragment.
Note that in each fragment the subject is missing. The first fragments omits the subject of the
verb had and the second fragment omits the subject of the verb posed.
To correct a missing-subject fragment you again follow the same two methods that you used for
the correction of the earlier types of fragments.
(a) Connect the missing-subject fragment to the sentence that comes before it. Add a joining
word if needed for a smooth connection as given in the examples that follow.
(a) - The poor woman paid all her utility bills but had little money left for her food..
-The nurse held a smiling baby and then posed for the photographers.
(b) Create new sentence by adding a subject to the fragment. Normally you will add a pronoun
that stands for the subject of the previous sentence.
(b) - The poor woman paid all her utility bills. But she had little money left for her food..
- The nurse held a smiling baby. Then she posed for the photographers.
Practice 5:
Identify the missing subject-fragment in each of the following items. Then write the correct
version using one of the two methods you have learned.
1. The sleeping dog opened one eye to look at the postman. And then went back to sleep.
The sleeping dog opened one eye to look at the postman and then it went back to sleep.
2. Each morning, my secretary checks the answering machine for messages. Then opens the
mail.
-Each morning, my secretary checks the answering machine for messages. Then she opens the
mail.
3. Maryam skipped her afternoon classes. And worked on a paper due the next morning.
Maryam skipped her afternoon. Classes and she worked on a paper due the next morning.
4. The movie had melodious music and popular actors. Yet made little money at the box office.
Melodious and popular Yet it made little money at the box of
The movie had melodious and popular actors. Yet it made little money at the box office.