HE Leaflet 70 Rep.

February 1997 S T R E S S
Lesson 5
From Family Stress to Family Strengths
Sometimes a family is like a circuit box. When too Why the Whole Family?
many things go wrong, the circuits overload and
throw a breaker. Here is a quick activity to see how Usually, discussions on stress have focused on a single
much stress your family is loading on the circuits. person—how stress affects that person and how that
Simply write in each slot something that is causing person copes with stress. But when considering
stress in your family. Then read on to learn more family stress, you need to focus on the total family
about family stress, how families can cope with stress, and its ability to cope with stress. For example, does
and ways to bring out the strengths of your family. the stress of an alcoholic teen affect just that teen?
No, it affects all members of that family, the rela-
Family Stress tives, and possibly the community. If you focused
only on the teen, you would miss about 80 percent of
Benjamin Franklin said the only things a person can the potential stresses that could occur.
be sure of in this world are death and taxes. It should
be noted that a third sure thing exists. This third Definition
reality is family stress and it involves change.
Children change, parents change, often for the Family stress can be defined as a real or imagined
better. But you are also expected to endure those imbalance between the demands on the family and
not-so-pleasant life events such as death and illness the family’s ability to meet those demands. For
in the family. Certainly, these events bring about example, if a family is forced to renegotiate a home
feelings of hurt, frustration, anger, and depression. In mortgage from 7 percent interest to the current
the family we may experience marital conflict, market rate, this could place the family under stress.
sibling conflict, or parent-child conflict, all in re- There is a real imbalance between the demand—the
sponse to family stress. current market rate—and a lack of financial re-
sources to meet that demand.

In the definition of family stress, the demands in the

family are commonly referred to as stressors. A
stressor is a life event or transition that happens in
the family. It can be either positive or negative and
can cause a change in the family’s coping pattern.
Examples of stressors could be an event like the birth
of a child, drought, death, or divorce. Other stressors
could be a hardship such as increased medical ex-
penses because of a chronically ill child or a normal
change in a family member’s development, such as a
family member becoming a teen or turning 40.
Perception Coping

How the family perceives the stressor will have a Developing skills to respond to crisis occurs over
great effect on the seriousness of the family stress. time. How families accomplish this is called family
This perception reflects the family’s values and its coping. It is often the strength of families.
previous experience in dealing with change and
meeting crisis. A family’s outlook can vary from Coping is what one does with resources both from
seeing life changes as challenges to be met to view- inside the family and throughout the community. It
ing a stressor as uncontrollable and the beginning of is the action the family takes to remove the stressor,
ruin for the family. live with the hardships, or develop new resources in
response to a crisis.
Role of Resources
Try completing Exercise 1 to find out about the
Families also have resources for meeting the de- strength of your family’s coping strategies.
mands of a stressor. These resources are a part of the
family’s ability to handle stress. They include: family
communication patterns, the family’s ability to solve
problems, the goals of the family, money, relatives
and friends, and services in the community.

Will Crisis Occur?

These conditions:
• the stressor event,
• the family’s perception of the event, and
• the family’s resources for dealing with the
event all help to determine how vulnerable a
family is and its ability to prevent the stressor
from creating a crisis.

In some families, stress may not reach a crisis because

the family is able to use existing resources and sees
the situation in such a way to prevent a crisis. For
example, a one family may experience a move as
very stressful because it involves emotional changes
as well as physical changes. Another family may
view a move as a great opportunity for advancement
and “starting over.” Some families who have moved
often realize there is a period of adjustment to a
move and relax through the process.

In other cases, families may experience crisis. A

crisis is a situation in which the usual behavior
patterns are ineffective and new ones are called for
immediately. A crisis provides families with both
dangers and opportunities.
Exercise 1—Coping Skills for Families

Read the list of family statements. Ask yourself, “How well does this statement describe our family?” Rate
each of the statements on a 1-5 scale (1 = your family is weak in that area and 5 = extremely strong). There is
no definite score for a strong family but items rated 1 or 2 should be discussed. After completing this activity,
read on to learn about managing family stress.

Weak Strong
1 2 3 4 5

1. Our family does many things together.

2. Our family holds family meetings whenever necessary or on a regular basis

3. We encourage family members to help each other whenever possible.

4. Our family is a priority to our members.

5. Our family allows members to participate in activities outside the family.

6. Our family members express appreciation to one another.

7. Our family tries to look on the bright side no matter what happens.

8. A variety of feelings are able to be expressed in our family.

9. Our family members are active in clubs or organizations.

10. We can count on family and friends for help when needed.

11. Our family gets together with other families who have the same lifestyle.

12. Our family is able to accept outside help when needed.

13. We ignore criticisms of others about how we “should” function as a family.

14. We believe there are more advantages than disadvantages to the way we live.

15. Our roles in the family are shared.

16. We believe that our lifestyle has made us better people and a stronger family.

17. Our family doesn’t let problems go unresolved.

18. We relieve tension through sports, exercise, jogging, relaxing.

19. Our family tries to stay healthy by eating right, not smoking, keeping active.

20. Our family has many hobbies to help us manage stress.

Coping Skills for Families • They develop and use a range of tension-reduc-
ing devices. Examples are exercise, relaxation, a
Hamilton McCubbin, family stress researcher at the positive outlook, and keeping involved in activi-
University of Wisconsin, states that families who do ties. These techniques help manage the tensions
a good job of managing stress have the following and conflicts that are a part of family life. (State-
characteristics: ments 17-20 in Exercise 1, Coping Skills for
Families, are examples of reducing tension.)
• They do things as a family. They work hard at
keeping the family functioning. When under Family Strengths
stress, it is very easy for family members to
withdraw from each other. Just because families Families can decrease the effects of stressful situations
live under the same roof does not mean they do by building up their strengths. Learning to commu-
things together. (Statements 1-4 in Exercise 1, nicate with family members helps in times of stress.
Coping Skills for Families, are examples of Encourage talking and listening. Accept each other’s
families doing things together.) feelings, concerns, and ideas. Develop problem-
solving skills. Let each family member know he or
• They build esteem in each other and them- she is appreciated and loved. Being able to accept
selves. They show appreciation for each other the support of friends and neighbors can also help
and let other members know they understand. It strengthen your family.
is very common for a family member’s self-esteem
to be affected when stress occurs. Families who The purpose of Exercise 2 is to help families discover
do a good job of managing stress take care of the positive strengths they already have.
themselves physically and mentally. They build
their own self-esteem. (Statements 5-8 in Exer-
cise 1, Coping Skills for Families, are examples of
families building esteem in each other.)

• They develop social support within the commu-

nity. Families are better able to endure hardships
if they reach out to the community instead of
becoming isolated from it. Meeting new friends,
joining clubs, using community facilities are
examples of utilizing community supports.
(Statements 9-12 in Exercise 1, Coping Skills for
Families, are examples of developing social
support.)

• They enjoy the lifestyle they have chosen and

can endure the hardships of that lifestyle better
than those who are not satisfied with their
current way of life. For example, a homemaker
who enjoys that lifestyle and is supported by
family and friends will feel less stress than the
person who would rather be away from home but
for various reasons cannot. (Statements 13-16 in
Exercise 1, Coping Skills for Families, are ex-
amples of accepting one’s lifestyle.)
Exercise 2—Our Family Coat of Arms

Directions:
On a piece of paper, copy the Coat of Arms below. Make one for each person participating in the activity.
Answer each one of the questions with pictures. The pictures can be simple.

The important thing is that each person knows what the drawings mean. When everyone has completed all
six areas, share your drawings and their meanings with one another.

1. What do you consider to be our family’s 2. What three family activities do you enjoy
greatest achievement? doing?

3. What one thing could other family 4. What three family rituals mean a lot to
members do to make you happy? you?

5. What is something that our family 6. What three words could be a family
improved over the past two years? motto that we could all believe in?
Finding Time segments—6 a.m. to 9 a.m., 9 a.m. to noon, noon to
3 p.m., 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to
“Our problem is not doing things as a family; it is midnight, midnight to 3 a.m., and 3 a.m. to 6 a.m.
finding a time when everyone is together.” You may Have each person make his or her own chart. Then
have heard this before, or even said it yourself. It is a simply keep track of how you spend your day. (This
common complaint. might have to be done for younger children.) Pick a
typical week—not when you have overnight guests
It might be helpful to actually keep a record of how or the kids are away at camp.
family members spend their day. One way to find
out is to keep a Week-at-a-time Chart for everyone. At the end of a week, review all the charts carefully.
It is similar to keeping a checkbook, and it will show You will be able to see how your family spends its
you how often your family is together. time and when you are together. Seeing how often
and when your family is together may help you
Divide the chart into seven sections, one for each determine the types of activities appropriate for your
day of the week. Then divide each day into eight family.

Week-at-a-time Chart

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

6 a.m.-9 a.m

9 a.m.-noon

noon-3 p.m.

3 p.m.-6 p.m.

6 p.m. - 9 p.m.

9 p.m. - midnight

midnight - 3 a.m.

3 a.m. - 6 a.m.

Are you satisfied with your family time? Lesson 6

will provide specific guidance and activities for
enhancing family time and building family strengths.
Study Questions

Lesson 5
From Family Stress to Family Strengths

1. How does the idea of family stress differ from stress as explained in Stress Management For the Health of
It (Lesson 1)?

2. Why is it that some families adapt to the stress of a move, for example, easier than other families adapt?

3. What are the characteristics of families that manage family stress effectively?

4. What is a favorite activity of your family that helps build family strengths?
Study Answers

Lesson 5
From Family Stress to Family Strengths

1. Family stress refers to an imbalance between demands facing a family and the ability of that family to
handle the demands. In other words, if there are more stressful events happening to a family than the
family can handle, family stress results.

Stress as defined in Lesson 1 means the “wear and tear” on our bodies caused by the physical and mental
adjustments we make to living. In this definition, stress focuses on an individual’s reaction to stress.

2. A family that sees stress as a challenge, feels confident in its ability to handle stress, has had success in
handling previous stressful situations, and has prepared for potential problems will manage stress more
effectively.

3. (1) They do things as a family; (2) They build esteem in each other; (3) They “reach out” to their com-
munity; (4) They enjoy their chosen lifestyle; and (5) They reduce tension and conflict.

4. Thanks for sharing your ideas. If you haven’t already mentioned them, here are some others to try:
• read a favorite book as a family,
• sort old snapshots,
• build a snow fort,
• fly a kite,
• get out the table games,
• invest a few dollars in lawn game equipment,
• take a family bicycle ride,
• visit local historical sites.
Additional Reading Reference

The Joy of Success: How To Make Stress Work for You Family Stress, Resources and Coping by H. McCubbin
by P. Hanson, M.D., Kansas City, Missouri: Andrews and J. Patterson, St. Paul, Minn.: Department of
and McMeel, 1988. Family Social Science, 1981.

Love, Medicine and Miracles by B. Seigel, M.D., New

York, N.Y.: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1986.

Stress and the Healthy Family by D. Curran, Minnea-

polis, Minn.: Winston Press, 1985.
 NOTES

This lesson was revised by Brenda J. Thames, EdD, Program Development Specialist, and Deborah J. Thomason, EdD, Family and
Youth Development Specialist, Department of Family and Youth Development. These materials were originally adapted by
Lucy J. Pearson from the “Stress on the Farm Home Study Course” prepared by Randy Weigel, Marilyn Schnittjer, and
Barb Abbott, Cooperative Extension Service, Iowa State University of Science and Technology.

Printed on recycled paper with soy ink

The Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service
offers its programs to people of all ages, regardless of race, color, sex, religion, national origin, or disability and is an equal opportunity employer.
Clemson University Cooperating with U.S. Department of Agriculture and South Carolina Counties. Issued in Furtherance of
Cooperative Extension Work in Agriculture and Home Economics, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914.