Wed, 210915

Challenge yourself to step out of the norm | Khanh Vy Tran | TEDxVinschoolHanoi

Hi good morning

Hello thank u for having me. So lets get started with my ted talks. My very first time. I am the last born in
my family that follows enor traditional values. My oldest sister in a lecturer and my second sister is
working fro the public secture. And theirs pasts are exactly the same how my parents expected: finishing
college, getting married at the age of 24, having a job and then having kids. And my parents expected
me to have the same path. In my suphermore year of high school, when both of my sisters got married,
my family got a big đad. I still remember my parents, they had to get up everyday to work very hard to
make sure that I still got a decent life and a good education regardless. I still remember my mom she
had to borrow money so that she could have enough 23mil vnd for me to pay my tuition fee when i was
a candidate international excellent student contest, the subject of english, which was pretty expensive
by then. and then i passed the contest which meant that i got the right offers from several universities
within the country. And when we got the news, my mom was the happiest as she was like hooray now
you are able to get into security academy. So for your information to get into that uuni you have to get a
score of around 29/30 in the university entrance exam which was obviously impossible for me because i
was super bad at maths. And plus you were very likely to get a job offer after graduation and that is the
reason why my parents wanted me to study to that uni because they wanted to feel reassured that i got
a stable good job i got a foreseeable future. As much as i did not want to disappoint my parents, i knew
that this path is not for me. I knew that was not cut out for this job as a police officer because all i
wanted to do was television and communication and that was my very first step outside the norm which
i think does not necesssarily mean that you r the first person to do sth and the world is just simply mean
that what you are doing is not normal its not familiar in your close network, of your friends, of your
family and you have no idea how it would turn out so i got into college and on a very beautiful day i
posted a video of me covering a very cute song name Nguoi Am Phu. After one night, that video went
viral over the internet and wow, after few weeks later, i got an invitation to film the music video and
write some parts of the song with the song writers and wow the song became a hit and the mv got
millions of views and wow a CEO of an entertainment agency contacted me. Everything happened so
quyickly that i did not have to to process and the CEO persuaded me to becoming a singer into his
company and i was like yeah i was pretty interested but still have college to finish and then he told me
his a story of dropping out of college in his senior years to become a director and now he made it and i
was like that would be a lot of fun. I think this would be a very big opportunities for me, my time to
shine. On the other side of the spectrum, the mv got good reponse in general but regarding my voice
and my singing, people did not like it that much. And of course i was very sad pretty sad and
discouraged. I asked my parents for advice adn my mom asked me so despite all the opinions all people
on your voice, do you still wanna pursue your career as a singer? And i was hesitating and i told mom oh
mom im not so sure. Another story, still doing that time, i hosted 3 english shows on vtvt7 which is the
national education channel. Everything was going pretty well until i read comments on the internet and
most of the audiences did not like my voice and they complaint about the hosting skills my english and
you know that show was for learning english so the host is supposed to have good english. You know if i
was trying to sell you a pen and you did not buy okay i could blame the pen its not good. But when the
product is me, when its me appearing on the national tv and sevring millions and audience all across the
nation, its getting harder and harder to sleep at night. And seeing me getting disappointed, being sad in
myself from time to time, my mom asked me have you ever considered quiting this job? I mean you are
all students, you dont have to work. You can feel you can try i just want you to be healthy and happy
everyday. And my voiuce in me right at that moment told my mom that nooo mom i still wanna keep
working becasue i know that i can fix it and then my mom told me then congratulations i think that you
have already found your passion and i was like passions? And yes I found my passion on that day. I soon
realized that passion is sth that persuade you through difficult time because you dont care whatever it
tastes to become better. I like to sing but i did not have enough determinaton to push myself through
people’s opinions of my voice and i quit that means i did not have enough passion for i. I like to do the
job as a tv host and i know that i have strong willingness to face and overcome adversities for what i
love. And as a result i rejected the offer of the CEO and a lot of people i know and a lot of the experts in
the industry told me that uh i think that was a bad decison if i were you i would not do that but the
things here that the best advice is the advice that ppl give you for you not the advice of what would they
do if they were you because evereyone is differrent. And the last night learns half way from this speak
event in my life is that people cannot take the right decisions in your life. Only you can, by listening more
to your inner voice and by staying true to your vision and i know that my vision has always been that
education, education has always been my family’s backbone. As finishing college and using what i learnt
to bring value to people as a host as a social influencer and an author has always been my autimate goal.
It can be very difficult to navigate in at first but it is sometimes better to take a conscious decision that
might appear very crazy, very not right for others and just following the norm likely. Getting back to my
story, i still continue with my work as a tv host at vtv7, still a full time student at my diplomatic academy
of vietnam. Regarding my voice, as a lot of audience complained about my too hgiht pitvh voice which
was very irritating to listen to and they did not like my voice. I decided and i was so determined to
change my voice by lowering the tone of my voice when speaking english from hello this is a very nice
day yes this was exactly my voice in the past to hello this is a very nice day. Everything was going pretty
well once again and one day the producer and the director of the show that i hosted uploaded a podcast
that had me hosting with that high pitch voice i guess probably back in season 1 the first ss of the show.
And then i asked him if it was okay to delete the podcast because i thought the voice was terrible and
the audience might not like it and i was too afraid to be judged again by the audience and then he
texted me back and i could feel the disappoinment and the anger a little bit in his text messages and he
told me that voice was a part of you why did you deny it? Okay so no more podcast that had you will be
uploaded ever again. And i was like what did i do sth wrong what was happening am i making you angry i
did not know what was happening back then, i was so stupid. It was not until when i talked to people i
talked more to my audience and i read more comments and people started to say what happened to
your voice Vy you spoke too quietly and softly that is really hard to listen to you and we could not really
find the positive energy the fun vibes like before and that moment left me speechless because i was too
confident that the positive energy was sth that i could always bring to people that was my unique selling
point. But when the audience would not find that in me, it felt like a loss of a part in my body. I really
lost sight of who i was i listened to people’s opinions and i changed who i am because i think that ohers
would accept me for it but i was wrong. What i had been doing doing so far is not trying to become
better but trying to become someone else by rejecting myself by seeking validation from every single
one. And what the director told me just when on a loop in my brain for weeks: that voice was a part of
you why did you deny it? Why did i deny it? I did not know. I think becasue we as human often make a
lot of mistakes and we often very often punish ourselves for those past mistakes because those mistakes
often come back with an overwhelming feleing of guilt, of shame of i am not good enough and i have
ever bene good enough. And i realized that the hardest person to forgive on the earth is not someone
who betrayed you, not a friend who wasnt there for you when you them most, not your ex boyfriend
who broke your heart to pieces, ther hardst peronm to forgive on this earth is myself. And then my best
friend told me to stop doing what i have been doing so far which is pleasing every single one and he said
just be yourself. That three words. I know we listened to this phrase all the time. Just be yourself. I mean
when im having a shower just be yourself, when im eating just be yourself when im on the stage just be
yourself. When im talking to you just be yourself. Just be yourself just three words that we hear all the
time and we are getting tired of it. But its the use of the word just that really surprises me because
when we use the word just it means that it is sth that is very easy to do. Then why just being myself is
still the hardest thing for me to do. Why? i did not know. And after talking to my therapyst, after
learning more about meditation, about my inner piece, listening more to my inner voice, i realized that
my true self is actually being covered up with the thinking and with the proception which is based on
fear. My true self is who i really am when i let go of all those the stories of all the judgements that i
myself plays on me. Do you still remember the challange on faceboook where people would post
10years challenge, where people would post their pictures when they were a kid and peoiple and your
friends will comment oh you look so cute you look so happy you look so nice and then the person would
say oh yeah yeah i was so so cute i was a cute kid back then. But you know my challenge i think for you
today is that take a picture of your face today and remember that in 10 years time you would be amazed
how gorgeous and beautiful you are because right now you are already gorgeous and beautiful. You just
dont see it yet. My story of stepping outside the norm is challenging myself but its not about changing
myself becaus eyou see i failed when i tried to change myself. At the end of the day we as human we are
allowed to make mistakes we are allowed to laugh at ourselves we are allowed you know to do sth
wrong just make a mistake. Its not the end of the world. Who on Earth has not made a mistake tell me a
name, who? No one. So its okay to feel bad its okay to feel down and heavy sometimes because the
cloud rains when its heavy too so its really okay its totally normal you dont have to try to become any
else. You dont have to try to become this guy that guy this lady that lady no. You dont have to try to
become anyone else you just be you and being you being authentic, being an individual is enough.
Because individuality makes diversity and individuality and diversity are too most precious thing on this
Earth. I know that some of you here, every single one of you here might be having some problems and
pressure to deal with every single day. Maybe with your friends with your family with your work with
your study, with your lovelife. And i just wanna tell you that no matter who you are no matter you come
from you are the one and only and that’s what make you beautiiful and special in your own ways. And
no matter what you are facing right now, no matter what the future hosts for you, please never change
yourself. Love yourself, except yourself and then transform yourself. I really hope you have a great day
today. Thank you.