WRITTEN ANALYSIS AND COMMUNICATION

Learning objectives

By the end of the session you will have

 analysed a business email for basic writing skills

 discussed the structure of an email
 learnt how to write appropriate subject lines
 learnt to identify the tone and purpose of business emails
 identified the difference between business letter and business email
 discussed good email writing practice

A territory manager sent this email to the sales manager about the
performance of his team.

Read the email on the next page and comment on the following aspects:

- the subject line

- the data provided

- the paragraphing

- the sentences

- the choice of words

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Dear Pran
Please refer to our conversation dated......................... wherein you
asked me to submit a report on the performance of my team.
The team’s target was set at Rs 10 hundred thousand for the month,
of which we have been able to achieve a significant portion,
especially considering the fact that our team had only four members
compared to the others, which comprised seven people each. Our
team usually hands out together after work and all the four
executives in my team have been able to achieve their revenue
target. This in fact has been the highlight of this year and deserves
special mention. I would like to reiterate that our extraordinary
accomplishment has been that we have been able to work
successfully with less manpower.
Regards
Ashutosh

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 E-MAIL WRITING

EXERCISES AND CASE STUDIES

1.1 To what extent do you agree or disagree with the following

statements?

Agree isagree

5 4 3 2 1 0

You need the same language skills to write an e-mail as

you do to write a letter.

If you can speak English well, you can write good emails.

One of the most important features of an email is the

subject line

Accuracy is still very important when writing emails

Using the ‘cc’ option is a great way to inform others who

are not directly involved.

One reason for writing e-mails is to reduce the response

time.

If you need an answer straight away, it is better to use the

phone than send an email.

1.2 E-mail structure

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Subject line: should be -------------- and give ------------- information about
the ----------

of your message.

Salutation:

Match the salutation with the advice when it must be used

Dear Mr, Mrs, Ms Informal, usually used with colleagues you often work with

Dear Kamal Very informal, usually used in messages which are part of a
chain of email messages

Hello/Hi Meena A formal form of address, also used when first contacting a
person

No salutation Less formal. Either you have had contact with this person before,
or they have already addressed you by first name.

Opening sentence: This is used to explain why you are writing

When would you use these two types of openings?

 I’m writing to ………………………………………………….

 Just a quick note to ………………………………………….

Pre-closing: This is where you tell the reader what kind of response you
expect.

When would you use these two types of pre - closings?

.Looking forward to hearing from you.

 Hope to hear from you soon.

Close: Match the examples of closings with the appropriate situation

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Yours sincerely Most commonly used close- both formal and informal mails

Regards, Best wishes common when writing to close colleagues

Bye/All the best /Best Very formal, never used in email correspondence

Name only or initials Friendly, informal close.

Look at the following subject lines and decide which ones are good,
which ones are bad, and why.
 FYI
 Make $$$$
 Call Jacob Janardhan from ABA on 62358745
 Which brochure layout do you prefer?
 OP meeting – Mon 5 Feb – 6pm – room A6
 Stuff
 7.30 tonight – see you at Frank’s
 KM Journal – interesting bits this month
 Minutes of PDC monthly meeting (attached – June04.doc)

Write your rules here:

Email subject lines should contain the following information:



Email subject lines should be:


Refer back to what you said about subject lines in the previous section

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Look at the following excerpts from emails and write appropriate subject
lines:


Subject: ……………………………………..

Just a quick note to see if you’ve heard from Production about the new
schedule. We need the information for tomorrow’s meeting.

Subject ………………………………………..

Many thanks for your email. The handbook for the XL 20 model is now
available online at www.hardysgardensupplies.com

Subject ………………………………………………………..

I will be away from the office from 3-5 next month. Please direct all
enquiries to Monica in my absence.

Subject………………………………………………

I have to change our meeting to 3 p.m.instead of 12.00 Sorry! 6

 

Subject …………………………………………………………………

Could you send me those staff guidelines asap? Our dept hasn’t seen
them yet. thnx.

Subject

I am writing to confirm your order of 1000 coffee mugs with logo (see
attached), colour 32c.

Your order no. is 66193F/2. Please quote this number in future

correspondence.

Identifying purpose

Here are six different types of correspondence. Read each one and decide why
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 each one has been written. Choose from the list of reasons below.

Which of the above is

• complaining about
• advertising
something
• giving a personal message • apologising
• providing information • asking someone to do something

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Identifying tone

Read the six types of correspondence again and decide which of the above is

• very informal (the two people know each other very well)
• very formal (it is written to an individual the writer does not know)
• neutral (the two people are work colleagues)
• informal (it is written as if the writer knows who they are writing to)
• formal (it is written to an individual the writer knows but not very well)
• very formal (the two people know each other well)

2.3. Identifying the differences

Anita Keedwell, a training officer in Sri Lanka, wants to arrange a course on

negotiations.

She is writing to a lecturer at Trentville University who is not an English teacher

but who has

had a great deal of experience in training. She would like him to help her.

Read the two correspondence below (A is an e-mail and B is a letter) and

answer the following questions.

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1. Which message is written to somebody the writer knows well, and has an
informal tone?
2. Which message is written to a stranger, and has a very formal tone?
3. Which message is more personal?
4. Which message uses standard phrases?
5. Which message uses the passive (the meeting was arranged by Tim) and
which uses the active (Tim arranged the meeting?
6. Which message uses contractions? (I'm, we're, I've and not I am, we are,
I have)
7. Which message does not have complete sentences? (See you soon and
not I'll see you soon)
8. Which message uses a lot of exclamation marks? (!!!!)
9. Which message uses less phrasal verbs? (take off, sit down, hurry up)

10. Which message uses the first person singular more? (I)

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 2.4 Activity: Identifying purpose and Identifying tone.

Mary McCartney works for an international publishing company (Blackbird

Books) which have their headquarters in Liverpool. She works in the sales
department of a branch in Delhi. Last week Mary McCartney went to Liverpool
for a conference. During the conference she met the director, Paul Harrison, of
her department for the first time. Now back in Delhi she has written him an e-
mail.

Read the e-mail: what are her two reasons for writing?
 

Read the e-mail again. Do you think the tone is a) formal, b) neutral or c)
informal?

Do you think the tone is correct for this e-mail?

Now look at a neutral version of the same e-mail:

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Look at the main differences between the first e-mail which is formal, and the
second e-mail which is neutral. Fill in the chart below. The first one has been
done for you as an example.

Formal Neutral
Dear Mr Harrison Dear Paul
It was a great pleasure  
I trust you have fully recovered  
I am writing to thank you  
These will be very useful indeed  
If you are ever in Delhi please do not hesitate to  
contact me.
Yours sincerely  

Formal to neutral

The following e-mail is to your boss. However, as you have worked with your
boss for a number of years now it is far too formal. Rewrite the same e-mail but
use a more neutral tone. Decide which information can be omitted. Your boss is
called Sarah Wellington.

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USING ABBREVIATIONS

Look at the following examples of abbreviations from e-mail and online

chats. Can you understand them?

1. IDK what the answer is ATM. I’ll tell U ASAP.

2. TYVM for the proposal.
3. BTW, I’m going away on holiday next week so CU when I get back.
4. …so it’s quite difficult, UC.
5. I’m busy now. PLS can we call me L8R?
6. OK, CUL8R.
7. FYI I’m not here tomorrow.
8. THX for your MSG.
9. What are the advantages of using abbreviations? What are the
disadvantages?
10. Do you think it is possible, after you have developed an “e-mail
relationship” with a client, that abbreviations can be used?

GOOD PRACTICE

Look at the following suggestions about using e-mails for business

writing. Which ones are good advice, and which ones are bad advice?

1. All e-mails look the same so the subject heading should be clear.
2. E-mails are normally read quickly and need to be easily understood. It
is important that the first paragraph includes any action that is requested.
3. If an e-mail is too long it may not all be read. Remember the four Ss
when writing an e-mail: keep it Short, Simple and Straightforward, and
Spell correctly.
4. Only include one subject in each e-mail. A new subject needs a new
e-mail with a new subject heading.

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 5. People often reply very quickly to e-mails and this means that the
message is not always clear. Make sure your e-mails are as long as
possible.
6. Before you press “reply to all” make sure that everyone needs to see
your reply. Copying unnecessary mail to colleagues can add to e-mail
overload.
7. Some internal message systems show the first line of a message on
the screen before it is opened so imagine how this will read.
8. Don’t use emoticons. Many people don’t like them, and some people
don’t understand them.
9. Avoid using abbreviations unless you are sure that your reader will
understand them.
10. Don’t type words IN CAPITAL LETTERS – this looks like you are
shouting.
11. If somebody hasn’t replied immediately to an e-mail, don’t resend the
message. They may be away from the office or busy, and will feel that
you are bothering them.
12. If your message is very urgent, follow it up with a phone call, or
consider phoning rather than e-mailing.
13. The law regarding e-mailing is still unclear. It is safest to treat an e-
mail, even one sent on an internal system, like any other form of
published material.
14. Don’t use ‘bcc’ – many companies disapprove, and it can cause
problems.

WRITING AN E-MAIL

Frank Sony has replied to Peter Philips about the delivery of the computers.
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However, the
e-mail that needs to be improved. Look at all the advice and examples of good
practice,
and re-write the message.
 

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1. Bad Example

Subject: Meeting

Hi Jim,

I just wanted to remind you about the meeting we have scheduled next
week. Do let me know if you have any questions!

Best wishes,

Mark

2. Bad Example

Subject: Revisions For Sales Report

Hi Jackie,

Thanks for sending in that report last week. I read through it yesterday
and feel that you need more specific information regarding our sales
figures in Chapter 2. I also felt that the tone could be a bit more formal.
The report is going to be read by our Executive Team, and needs to
reflect our professionalism.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I've scheduled a meeting with the PR
department for this Friday, regarding the new ad campaign. It's at 11:00,
and will be in the small conference room.

Please let me know if you can make that time.

Thanks!

Monica

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3. Bad Example

From: [email protected]

Subject: Proposal

Lynn,

Did you get my proposal last week? I haven't heard back and wanted to
make sure.

Can you please call me so we can discuss? Thanks! Peter

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