CHRIST LIBERTY INT’L MINISTRIES

2021 FAMILY LIFE CONFERENCE

SATURDAY 21ST AUGUST, 2021
FAMILY STORMS - CAUSES, EFFECTS AND WAY OUT

A. INTRODUCTION

No marriage or family is without crisis or storm no matter how mild. There

have been cases of marriages which are not more than a week-old experiencing
crisis. The causes of storm in marriage are diverse and they will be discussed in
this lecture. Not all family storms lead to divorce most especially in African
settings but where the stakeholders still stay together, the union would only be
endured and not enjoyed as originally planned by God.

Perhaps we should briefly look at God's original purpose for marriage. I

believe that many, even so-called believers go into marriage without full
understanding of the purpose of God for marriage. If they do, they will do
everything humanly and divinely possible to maintain their marriage and manage
their homes properly.

Gen 2:18 says "And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be
alone, I will make him an help meet for him"

When God says a thing is not good, it means it is not good. It is not good for
the man to be alone in his life, alone in his labour, alone in his decisions, alone in
his pursuit, alone in his ministry, alone in his battles, alone in his achievements or
failure, alone in his planning, alone in his thoughts, alone in himself, alone in any
other way - it is not good.

This 'aloneness' is not just loneliness that can be overcome in a company of

many others neither can it be handled if another man comes close enough. It is a
'shared' life, a life in which another is part of, that is, a relationship of joining two
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of the same whole. In other words, the two, that is man and woman coming
together in such a way that makes each of them complete and whole.

Therefore, a man is incomplete without a woman. It is not incompetence, it

is incompleteness. A man alone is fraction of a whole. It is marriage that makes a
man complete.

What are the things God had in mind in bringing the woman to a man.

1. For labour in life and Ministry (Read Eccl 4: 9-12). A man has a lot of
responsibilities in this world. A man is not created for himself but rather created to
establish God's government on earth. It is to attain this goal that a woman is
brought to him. That is why the Bible says in Prov. 18:22 that "whoso findeth a
wife; findeth a good thing and hath obtained favour from God.

2. To forestall a fall: There are so many falls lined up by satan on a man's path of
glory. Satan's plan is to devour once you slip into any of the snares and if there is
none to help you immediately, woe betide you. God is so loving; He does not only
consider the immediate situation but also the future.

3. As a divine blanket against Cold: After a man's labour outside, he needs

somebody at the homefront he can share his experience, his failures, his
achievement, his sorrow, his laughter with.

Not only that God recognizes the need for the warmth/heat of love, the
warmth/heat of fellowship, the warmth/heat of acceptance, the warmth/heat of a
bossom, the warmth/heat of sexual intercourse between a man and his wife, That
is why God sets up the holy matrimony.

4. As an unbreakable cord in spiritual warfare: Marriage as purposed by God is

a great weapon against the enemy both within and without. The Bible says one

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shall chase a thousand, and two shall put ten thousand to fight. The scripture also
says a threefold cord is not easily broken.

5. As co-signatory to the heavenly bank (Read 1Pet 3:7 & Matt 18:19). Prayer is
the highest privilege any man can have on earth. It is the connection to the throne
of grace where destinies of men are set. When God wants to bless a man and raise
him up among men, He teaches him how to pray and grant him access to the place
of prayer.

When there is no accord in the family to facilitate joint prayer that carries
the force of the holy spirit, that family is bound to experience storms through the
attack of the enemies. Whatever a family asks in one accord is bound to be releases
from heaven

6. For raising godly offspring (Mal.2:15). God desires Godly offspring to

populate the earth and His methods is the family. The enemy's attack on God's
institution of marriage is actually to raise godless children, unteachable, wild and
untrainable children who grow up to bring confusion and recklessness unto the
society. You can see the harvock being wrecked on our society today by godless
children including those supposedly raised in so-called Christian homes.

B. CAUSES OF FAMILY STORMS/CRISIS

1. The Internet: The world is now a global village as you can read what is going
on around the globe by holding in your hand an Android or iPhone. A lot of
information, both positive and negative are also available on the internet.

Evil practices, pornography which can control and confuse the minds of old and
young are available on the internet. Prov. 4: 23 says guard your heart with all
diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.

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2. Loss of attraction: when the initial attraction fades away either as a result of
change in stature of the woman or non challant atitudes of either of the spouse.

3. Selfishness: Marriage is tough, you have to be constantly ready to give

something up even when you feel you are being cheated.

4. When you forget your manners: Respect begart respect, you need to be polite
and courteous to your spouse. This is the person you are sharing your life, home,
finances with. Some people treat their co-workers, friends and even their children
with decency than they treat their spouse.

A simple “Please”, “Thank you”, “Sorry” can really go a long way. Some
people think saying these simple things is a sign of weakness.

5. Financial infidelity: Hiding your spending will erode trust in the family

6. Turning to a friend or family member when you are upset with your spouse.

7. Incompatibility: while some people grow up in families where shouting is used

to resolve a conflict, others grow up in household where they ignore the matter.
This creates difficulties in communication.

8. Where you plan your wedding and not your marriage. Wedding is a day affair
whereas marriage is a life time project.

9. Marrying for wrong reason e.g money

10. Health related issues

11. When the sex is bad: High and low libido on either part can cause a problem.

12. When only one person is growing, most especially spiritual wise

13. When your career comes first - Distance, travels and unavailability.

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14. When one or the two of them have attention deficit. This can bring
misunderstanding, anger and frustration.

15. When you are falling out of like: Apart from love, you must also like your
partner. Dislike makes you focus too much on your spouse negative attitude, and
invariably you easily forget what initially attracted the two of you together or the
positive character they possess.

16. When you have "all-consuming hobby e.g politics, football or sports Involve
your spouse in your hobby

17. Going through a life challenge like loss of job or illness, premature death

18. Prioritizing your kids over your spouse

19. When you have more attitude than gratitude. A family can be abundantly
blessed by God, yet they argue and fight on petty issues.

20. You got married too young

21. When you are harboring resentment: Resentment is a deadly poison which can
erode the fabric of a relationship.

22. When there is apathy in a relationship. Taking your spouse for granted usually
cause crisis in a marriage.

23. Unrealistic expectations

24. Prayerlessness in marriage

25. Cultural issues: Seeing wife as a property or inconsequential or husband as a

slave.

26. Money issue: Making, spending and distribution

27. Interference from in-laws, friends or relations

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28. Food-Late preparation, poor culinary skills

29. Adultery: Strange person, closeness, to boss, staff and having love child out of
wedlock. We have heard cases where only one of the four children belong to the
husband. Adulterous affairs don’t start with sleeping together infidelity begins with
inappropriate friendships and emotional attachment with the opposite sex.

30. Ministry: where too much attention is paid to the ministry to the detriment of
the family.

31. Unforgiving spirit.

32. Jealousy, distrust and insinuations.

33. Irresponsible behaviour.

34. Drunkenness

35. Wrong method of resolving conflict

C. EFFECT OF FAMILY STORMS

1. Loss of composure: Becoming a ghost of normal self.

2. Crying, shouting, murmuring and weeping

3. Sulking, moody and looking morose

4. Runing helter skelter and from pillar to post

5. Taking wrong advice from friends and relatives

6. Blame game, holding grudges and malice

7. Fighting, abusing, cursing each other

8. Running to cults, herbalist, white-garment Churches and occult masters

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9. Commotion, separation and eventual divorce

10. Children of divorce parents becoming vagabonds

11.Where they still live together under the same roof, they act as strangers instead
of one family unit.

12. The woman especially becomes a slave of prophets and seers

D. THE WAY OUT OF FAMILY STORM

1. Compliment, Compliment, compliment. Remind your spouse of his/her

wonderful qualities.

2. Focus on intimacy more than sex. Share experience together, cuddle each other,
go for walk together.

3. Walk down memory lane. Take a few minutes to remember your courtship days.

4. Be an everyday Valentine

5. Have a conversation list

6. Make a list of positive qualities of your spouse.

7. Take care of yourself. Let your spouse be proud of your appearance

8. Mind your manner. Communication between spouses should be heartwarming

and not create wound in each other’s mind.

9. Be supportive of each other’s interest.

10. Enjoy each phase of relationship: There are about seven phases of marriage-viz

1. Phase of fervent love 2. Time of reality 3. Time of stress 4. Regret

5. Withdrawal 6. Total Sacrifice 7. Genuine love again

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11. It may be necessary sometime to give each other space, but not too long to
avoid adultery (1 Cor. 7:4-5)

12. See your marriage as unique. Don't compare your marriage or spouse to
another. Imitation is a limitation

13. Carry your spouse along with family decision.

14. For any abnormal behaviour from your spouse, rather than quarrelling, fighting
and argument, start spiritual warfare because the behaviour may not be ordinary.

15. Do not leave prayer out of your relationship

16. Stop speaking in anger when temper flare. Arguing out of anger is never
constructive and often lead to lashing out.

17. Consider whether an issue is really worth fighting over. Often in homes where
there is stress or unresolved issue, any little thing can turn into a blowout. Don't get
caught up in argument over trivial things.

18. Separate person from the problem. Try to look at the heart of the matter
objectively and discuss rather than making things personal.

19. Understand that the goal is to resolve the conflict in a satisfactory way and not
to win the fight.

20. Don't interrupt during a discussion or when resolving an issue in contention.

Let everyone complete their thoughts and listen to them respectively.

21. Remember that listening to your spouse and acknowledging his/her side does
not equal to obeying them or caving to him/her. It's simply a part of being
respectful and fair and no conflict is ever successfully resolved without it.

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22. Keep an even, calm tone and use your indoor voice. Shouting just raises
everyone stress level and puts them on the defensive. Resolutions usually happen
after people calm down and not when people scream at each other.

23. Resist the temptation to drag other unrelated issues or feeling into the current
conflict. Stay focus on the matter at hand or else things are likely to get off topic
rather than proceed toward resolution.

24. Give your spouse benefit of the doubt. A situation reported to you may not be
actually what happened.

25. Keep the conversation going with your spouse, life is a dialogue.

26. Ask yourself “would I rather be happy or right”.

27. Be easy to talk to. In a situation where you have answer to whatever your
spouse have to say, you will always have unresolved conflict.

E. Before I end this message let's look at some quotable quotes or words on
marble on marriage.

1. For two people from different background in a marriage to live together day
after day is a miracle.

2. A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

3. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times always with the same
person.

4. It is sometimes essential for a husband and wife to quarel- they get to know each
other better.

5. There is so little difference between husbands, you might as well keep the first.

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6. Before marriage a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you
said, after marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish saying it.

7. You come to love not by finding the perfect person but by seeing an imperfect
person perfectly.

8. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

9. A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong.

10. To keep your marriage brimming with love in the cup, whenever you are
wrong admit it, whenever you are right, shut up.

11. It is not lack of love, but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriage.

12. A great marriage is not when a perfect couple comes together, it is when an
imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

F. CONCLUSION

Marriage typifies Christ and the Church, Marriage is to be a human object

lesson of the divine relationship between Christ and believers (Eph. 5: 31-33).
Oneness in marriage takes place when two people with totally different
perspectives and opinions submit their thoughts, wills and emotions to the
Lordship of Christ.

A collapsed marriage is a disaster not only to the marriage partners and their
children but all who are looking up to them as an example and who will be
influenced by their decision for generation to come.

Thank you very much for listening.

PASTOR I.K YEROKUN.

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