A Wedding in Germany

Ulrike Gahn from Germany

All over the world people get married and depending on their cultural background, religious
beliefs and family customs, they perform diverse—more or less colorful, sometimes exotic—
ceremonies. I'd like to give you an idea about the way couples start their married life in
Germany.

Although the number of single households continuously increases, people still get married.
Remarkably enough, education levels determine the time of their marriage: the higher the
education, the older couples are when they enter into matrimony. In former times, year-
long engagements were required. Nowadays short engagements are common and most
couples skip engagement at all.

There is an entertaining custom to "punish" men and women who reach the age of thirty
and still aren't married. Accompanied by their friends, those "offenders" are taken to the
city hall where the men have to sweep clean the stairs and the women have to clean the
shoe-polish-covered door handles of the building. Only if a "virgin" from the opposite gender
gives them a kiss are they allowed to stop their cleaning activities.

In contrast to the U.S. where you can get married in

hours, in Germany you have to give a six-week
notice of your intended marriage to the city. After
that, the civil wedding may take place in the city
hall, usually only with a few people such as two
witnesses and the parents attending. Nevertheless,
sometimes friends gather in front of the city hall to
congratulate.

Some days before the wedding, friends and relatives

Photo from Ulrike Gahn bring old porcelain and kitchenware to throw on the
After church, the bride and groom either
ground in front of bride and groom. This is supposed
get into a car whose flower-decorated
hood shows everybody that there is a to grant them a happy, lucky life; that's why this
evening event is called Polterabend--the evening
just married couple inside or they take a
coach with horses to take a ride to thewith lots of broken porcelain. The German
restaurant. proverb--"Scherben bringen Glück"—which can be
translated as "Broken crockery brings you luck." is
derived from this custom. The Polterabend often
develops into an informal and casual party.

If couples decide to have a church wedding in addition to that—and most do, the civil
wedding is scheduled one week or one day before the ceremony in church.

Bride and groom put a lot of effort to plan and prepare the ceremony and the following
celebration. At least six months ahead, a room in a restaurant or hotel is reserved, the band
is ordered and paper and design of the invitation cards are chosen. The menu has to be
considered, and they meet with the priest to talk about the mass: songs, readings, and the
ceremony itself are determined. My husband and I prepared a small booklet which was
given as a handout to every guest in church to provide them with all the songs and the
outline of the wedding.
On the wedding day, the bride enters the church in a long, usually white dress, carrying her
flower bouquet. Escorted by her father, she makes her way to the groom, who is waiting for
her in his dark elegant suit with neck or bow tie in front of the altar. We gave our promise
without any assistance from the minister, and it turned out to be the most touching moment
of our life.

After church, bride and groom either get into a car whose flower decorated hood shows
everybody that there is a just married couple inside or they take a coach with horses to take
a ride to the restaurant. Accompanied by their horn-honking guests in their white ribbon-
equipped cars, they make their way. Depending on the time schedule, the party may have
coffee and cakes or directly starts dinner. Some couples now take the chance to have some
wedding pictures taken.

During dinner, everybody who wants to, at least the two fathers, make a speech to praise
the new husband and wife. After that, bride and groom open the dance with a waltz,
parents and witnesses join them. With the next song, all guests are invited to perform their
ballroom dancing skills. Occasionally, dancing is interrupted by some friends or relatives
who present little stakes to entertain the party. It is very popular to ask the couple to take
part in those games.

Whereas in America, bride and groom leave the party after dinner to start their honeymoon
immediately, in Germany they stay and celebrate until the last guest goes home.
Consequently, this a very exhausting and long day (and night) for the new couple—my
husband and I closed the party room at five a.m.!

A lot of just married couples head for their one to two week honeymoon on the next day
and enjoy themselves on the beach recollecting the memories of their wonderful wedding.

Stages of Traditional German Weddings

The traditions have been divided here, based on the events occurring on the day before the
ceremony, during the ceremony and after the ceremony.

Before the Wedding Ceremony

On a day before the wedding ceremony, the following German wedding traditions are followed.

 At the engagement, the couples exchange gold bands, worn on the left hand.
 For the couple, a wedding newsletter, Die Hochzeitszeitung is created, that speaks only
about the couple, described with pictures and stories. It contains anecdotes, mock
interviews, and pictures from childhood into teen years, up to the marriage. This is
created by friends and family of the groom and the bride. It is then distributed as a
wedding souvenir once the ceremony is completed.
 On an evening before the wedding, a party is hosted at the house of the bride's parents.
No formal invitation is sent to guests, as it is taken for granted that everyone knows about
this tradition, and will attend the event if they wish to. The food served here is a home-
cooked buffet, to which some guests may contribute. This event is known as Der
Polterabend, a kind of a rehearsal dinner, where guests bring statuettes, dishes, crockery,
and flowerpots and smash them on the pavement outside the house. The couple is then
 expected to clear up the mess and discard it together. This is a German wedding tradition
that is known to bring luck to the couple, and drive away evil spirits.
 Another interesting one of the German wedding traditions, is that the bride is to buy new
shoes for her wedding, and pay for them with coins that she has collected since
childhood. This is a symbol of the bride's capacity to be able to control expenses. This
tradition is known as the Hochzeitsschuhe.

The Ceremony
The day of the wedding ceremony is full of fun and excitement, and includes old rituals that you
may follow if you wish to have some real fun!

 The wedding is first conducted in the form of a civil ceremony at the registry office,
attended only by close family and friends. This is followed by a religious ceremony at the
church, during the day, ideally before noon as this time is considered lucky.
 For this ceremony, called Die Hochzeit, the groom picks up the bride from her home,
traditionally in a horse-drawn carriage.
 They enter the church walk down the aisle to the altar together. the aisle is strewn with
flower petals as the couple walks down the aisle together. This is in order to attract the
goddess of fertility with the scent that emanates as the couple steps on the petals.
 The bride wears a traditional floral wreath, decorated with jewels and beads, which is
worn until midnight. If the bride is a first-time bride, she carries a bouquet made of
myrtle. She wears a white gown, that has been worn for generations and passed down.
 While the ceremony is conducted, the bride and groom hold candles in their hands, that
are decorated with flowers and ribbons.
 Immediately after the ceremony, as the bride and the groom leave the church, they are
faced with a heavy log, placed on two sawhorses. They must saw their way through, to be
able to get out of the church. They are given a whipsaw that is old and rusty, and that is
pulled on either side which means they have to work together. This is a symbol of the
couple's necessity to solve all problems that they may face ahead, together. This tradition
is known as the Sägen.
 The German wedding tradition that follows is Der Autokorso. A white ribbon is given to
every car driver after the wedding, which are meant to be attached to the antenna of their
cars. They then all start driving towards the reception venue, while honking incessantly.

After the Ceremony

Wedding receptions also contain a few fun rituals, and are indeed as interesting as the ones
before and during the ceremony.

 After the wedding ceremony, a luncheon is hosted by the bride's parents either at their
residence or at a hotel. This continues right into the evening with an informal buffet
followed by a party.
 The purpose of this event is to include as many people as possible, so more guests usually
join the party during the course of the day. Those with children are particularly invited, as
it is considered good luck. This event is called Der Hochzeitsschmaus.
 During the reception, the guests try and distract the groom while some others kidnap the
bride and take her to a pub in the vicinity. It is the groom's job to track her down, with the
 help of clues in the form of written notes, and pay the bill to win her back. He may also
have to do other things such as sing her a song, or promise her a lot of things before he
can have her. To keep this event fun, the bride must be kept entertained throughout, and
the couple must return to the event quickly. Else, the fun dies down and the party comes
to an end. This tradition is called Die Entführung der Braut.

Other German Wedding Traditions

There are some other old German wedding traditions that you may like to include.

 The entire wedding ceremony and reception is to be paid for by the bride's parents.
However, nowadays the cost is equally split among both sides.
 According to old German wedding traditions and customs, the bride would wear a black
dress while getting married, but with a white veil that was a symbol of her purity. At
midnight, she would dance alone, but in the presence of other unmarried women who
would try to tear pieces of her veil. The one who got the biggest piece would be
considered the next to get married. This custom marked the change of the bride from a
girl to a woman.
 This tradition has been modernized, with blindfolding the bride with her veil, and made
to catch unmarried girls. The one she catches first is the one who'll marry next.
 Finally, after the reception, the festivities continue with the guests who have stayed over
on the next day. All the decorations are removed during this party. This custom is called
Hahn Holen.