Post Breakup Trauma- Behavioral Changes Between The Two Sexes

Post Breakup Trauma

Behavioral Changes Between The Two Sexes

Submitted To-

Dr. Uttam Kumar Panda

(Faculty, Sociology)

Submitted By-

Aunnesha Dey

Sem V, Sec- C

Roll No. 38

Project Submitted On 1st September, 2014

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Acknowledgement

The project has been prepared in consideration within the available time and resources. On
completion of the project satisfactorily and successfully land new in the midst of elation at the
movement. On the culmination of finishing my project, I am in dept to all those who helped me
continuing my task, up till end especially to my lecturers who were the sources of constant
inspiration and encouragement for the completion of the project. I owe a deep sense of gratitude
and in debt to our lecturers for giving us opportunity to write, help and guide us with throughout
the project. To make subject clearer suitable details have been given. Errors do creep of every
care has been taken as it is well known fact that it is impossible to escape the devil of errors.

Words fail to express my deep sense of glee to my honorable teacher, Dr. Uttam Kumar Panda
who enlightened me with his beautiful work on the topic. I would like to thank him for guiding
me in doing all sorts of researches, suggestions and having discussions regarding my project
topic by devoting his precious time.

My heartiest thanks also go to H.N.L.U for providing Library, Computer and Internet facilities.
And lastly I thank my friends, seniors and all those around me who have helped me in the
completion of the project in collecting and locating all the required source of materials. It is my
great pleasure to acknowledgement my deep sense of gratitude to our teachers for their valuable
guidance and thanks to all my friends for their valuable contribution and help in completion of
the project.

Aunnesha Dey

Roll No-38

Sociology(Majors)

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 Post Breakup Trauma- Behavioral Changes Between The Two Sexes

Introduction

A relationship breakup, often referred to simply as a breakup is the termination of an intimate

relationship by any means other than death. The act is commonly termed "dumping [someone]"
in slang when it is initiated by one partner. The term is less likely to be applied to a married
couple, where a breakup is typically called a separation or divorce. When a couple engaged to be
married breaks up, it is typically called a "broken engagement."

Susie Orbach has argued that the dissolution of dating and cohabiting relationships can be as
painful as or more painful than divorce because these non-marital relationships are less socially
recognized.

Dictionary Meaning

Breakup- the separation or breaking up of something into several pieces or sections.

Eg-"the break-up of the Ottoman Empire"

 Synonyms: separation, split, split-up, parting, estrangement, rift, rupture, breach.

the end of a relationship.

Stages Of Breakup

There are five stages leading ultimately up to a breakup:-

1. Dissatisfaction – one or both partners grow dissatisfied with the relationship.

2. Exposure – both partners mutually become aware of the problems in the relationship.

3. Negotiation – both partners attempt to negotiate a solution to problems.

4. Resolution and transformation – both partners.1

1
Lee, L. (1984). "Sequences in Separation: A Framework for Investigating Endings of the Personal (Romantic)
Relationship".Journal of Social and Personal Relationships .

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Post Breakup Scenario.

Memories can never be forgotten, especially the happy ones. Past relationship are also memories
we tend to cherish even if it ended with reasons or pain. These experiences gave people ways to
know themselves and taught them to refrain from their mistakes. In situations, like meeting up
with old friends and classmates, they cannot avoid to encountering their exes. During these
times, they will be feeling as if they were caught in a whirlwind back to old times when they
were younger. Happy memories and funny bloopers will be brought in, together with the traits
they know people have before. What is important is that people are with themselves and that
people know where they stand now. People should take hold of their feelings, if there is still any,
and stick to the fact that the past is past. People should always bear in their mind that they will be
doing themselves a favor in raising their integrity if people will not console on the past and move
on. People have learned from him/her, but their life will not depend on it because people have a
better life now. 2

Breakup is always painful. It leaves you shattered, tortured and depressed. Its a bit difficult for
guys to come out of this sad traumatic situation. We have come through some acts which are
done by people after post breakup which are more dramatic that they really are !

Breakups are more salient today

In North America, the average age of people entering their first marriage is rising. Many are
constantly reminded by their parents that by the age of 25 they were married with two children
(Implication: hurry up and get married!). Today, those of us in that age range are still in school,
just entering the workforce, or just not ready to settle down. This change means that today,
people are involved in more non-marital relationships and by extension, are more likely to
experience multiple romantic breakups.
It is no surprise then that in colleges/universities, the most common problem that counselors face
is dealing with the psychological difficulties that come with breakups. Breakups can have a
negative impact on us both psychologically and physically. For example, breakups are associated
with anxiety, depression, insomnia, loneliness, physical injuries and accidents, and in some cases
suicide or homicide. Put bluntly, breakups can hurt.
2
JULIUS EDRADAN- What people do after breakup.
 http://www.likelovequotes.com/holding-back-your-feelings-when-meeting-your-exes/

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Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus

How often do we hear that “men are from Mars” and “women are from Venus?” Societal and
popular culture messages definitely push the pervasive narrative that significant differences
between men and women exist. And we sure love to focus on these differences even though
research strongly suggests that men and women are more similar than they are different.
But, who are we kidding? That does not stop us from believing it, right? So let’s put this to the
test, in a specific, yet highly relevant aspect of our relationships: breakups.
Who experiences more distress?
Historically, women have been stereotyped as the more emotional and sensitive sex in
comparison to men. This view has led to the belief that women are more likely to experience
guilt, anxiety, sadness, and anger after breakups. Although some research has supported this, a
larger body of research has suggested that it is men who suffer more after breakups. One reason
for this is the idea that men may have more of their emotional and practical needs met in their
love relationships, so they tend to “lose” more when a close relationship ends.
A survey was done asking University students to recall their emotional reactions immediately
after a breakup. They found that though men and women both have emotional reactions to
breakups, including anxiety, sadness, and anger, and ambivalence, women experienced more joy
and relief following the breakup than men did.3
It is argued that women are typically more attuned towards possible difficulties in a relationship.
They are able to anticipate breakups and are more concerned about warning signs. This enables
them to prepare themselves in advance for the potential breakup. Secondly, women express their
emotions and feelings more readily with their friends, thus making it easier to process and cope
with their feelings, and ultimately come to a resolution. Men, on the other hand, do not typically
share their feelings with their friends, usually keeping these feelings to themselves. In other
words, women can foresee the “writing on the wall”, whereas men may not pick up on the
warning signs and are faced with shock and surprise when the breakup occurs.4

3
Amy Nicole Marietta | Elite Daily http://elitedaily.com/dating/ways-girls-handle-breakups/

4
Maneet Bhatia, 29th June 2011 http://psychstateofmind.com/2011/06/29/%E2%80%9Ci%E2%80%99m-sorry-it
%E2%80%99s-over-%E2%80%9D-men-and-women%E2%80%99s-reactions-to-romantic-breakups/

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How do females handle Breakups?

It’s just so amusing to think about how little guys know about girls .how they think we just
bounce right back, better than ever, immediately following “the talk.” I mean, that’s not a bad
thing. Their assumptions are way less disturbing (and pathetic) than the reality for most of us.

A reality which is about to be laid out, in all its honest glory.

So let’s break down some walls:

Male Says: They’ll do better without us. Reality: Yes, girls probably will. Once girls don’t have
to waste our time getting in text fights or taking care of your drunk ass, their lives will finally
have some meaning again. They’ll return to the gym. They’ll look hotter than ever. We’ll get our
swagger back and hit the town….hard.
First, of course, we’ll focus on all the happy fun times we won’t have any more. The amazing
kisses. The snuggle sessions. The cute way you furrowed your eyebrows when you were
working on an Econ problem. How cute you looked in those Nike classics. How romantic you
were that one time when we first started dating, even though you haven’t done jack-shit since
then. We’ll rely on our friends to remind us hourly (and every 4 minutes when we’re drunk) how
awful and selfish and annoying the ex was.

Male Says: She will Sleep with that guy. Reality:  Yeah, there’s a chance that in a fit of deep
depression we’ll finally give in to the sexual tension and get with someone who’s been around
for awhile. More likely though, after our friends throw us in the shower, stab us in the eye
applying some eyeliner, squeeze us into a pair of skinny jeans (that got a lot tighter thanks to the
post-break up chocolate binges) and force us to go out to the bar we’ll get really drunk and make
out with a boy in the corner just to prove that we’ve still got it.
And while it might be fun and exciting in the moment, we’ll cry about it – a lot – the next day.

Male Says: They’ll go “Girls Gone Wild”. Reality: Yeah, if girls gone wild now means girls
gone on a downward spiral in sweatpants and no makeup with a Package of Cookie Dough in
their bed while crying through a re-run of a sad movie.

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He Says: They’ll tell other girls about us. Reality: You better freaking believe we will. No girl
likes to admit to the shame of being a dumpee or the judgment of being the a-hole dumper. So
we’re obviously going to have to explain to anyone who asks (or anyone who happens to cross
our paths in the weeks following the break-up, be it a friend of a friend ) how lazy you were, how
often you couldn’t get it up, how often you couldn’t get it up, how you got all Ronnie aggressive
when you were drinking and, of course, how often you couldn’t get it up.

He Says: They’ll miss having sex with us. Reality: For some, maybe. For others, it’s more about
the companionship than the sex. The snuggles. The Sunday night TV marathons. The security in
knowing we’ll always have someone to grab dinner with, see a movie with, stumble home from a
party with. That’s what we’ll miss the most.
If we really want sex, we can just call up “that guy,” right?

In my opinion the reality is, 99.9% of girls, even if they’re the ones doing the dumping, hit
a low in the weeks or months immediately following a break up. They question themselves
(“What’s wrong with me?!”), they question love (“Am I ever going to find someone else?”),
they question you (“Why did I ever let him buy me that drink and take my number?”). But
then one day, they wake up out of that greasy/pity food coma and they don’t feel the need
to check their phone to see if the ex texted. And the next day, they don’t even think about
creeping’ the ex’s Facebook page. And a week after that, they don’t spend 15 extra minutes
making themselves look extra hot to make the ex hate himself just in case they happen to
run into him. Eventually, be it weeks or months down the road, they wake up one day
feeling great and realize that they can do better than that douche lord and they will.5

5
June 28, 2011 2:00 pm‚ He said, She said- How girls really handle breakups  By LAUREN - UNIVERSITY OF
MICHIGAN

http://collegecandy.com/2011/06/28/he-saidshe-said-how-girls-really-handle-a-break-up/

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How Do Males handle Breakups?

To start, I wanted to write this to dispel some of the misconceptions I’ve heard in regards to men
and breakups.
I’ve heard things like “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her. When a woman’s
relationship ends, she mourns. “He’s just hooking up with such-and-such to spite the ex-
girlfriend”. “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.
Breakups are hard on all guys.  Simple enough to say, but I know plenty of women will talk
about some guy who was an insensitive jackass to her after the relationship fell apart.
The fact is: If a guy is profoundly obnoxious or terrible after a breakup, it is just testament to
how rough the breakup was on him. Some people simply cope by lashing out.

But what about the guy who breaks up and goes totally cold?
Jerry Seinfeld once said that breaking up a relationship needs to be like taking off a Band-aid –
One motion: OFF! In the same regard, when a relationship ends, it is much harder for a guy to go
back and discuss and revisit and talk through and explain, etc. etc.
In fact, guys like to keep their emotional spectrum focused on a tight range of emotions –
somewhere between amusement and contentedness. So any interaction that a guy knows will
bring him out of that sweet range of emotions is an interaction he’s going to do everything he can
to avoid.
It’s not that they simply stopped caring. They wanted her to be OK and wanted good things for
her in life, but they knew that nothing was going to make the situation better.
No discussion was going to fix things, no clarity was to be had – it would have just been an
emotional toilet for both of us. They realize it probably came off jerky, but when they cut off
communication; their heart is in the right place. 6

6
January 22, 2013 by Jacob Sammuel- Why Are Men So Mean After A Break Up

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/364512-how-men-deal-
breakups-interesting-read

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But what about the guy that immediately gets into a new relationship right afterward?
This is a no-brainer – a guy does this because he doesn’t want to be alone and he doesn’t want to
“deal with himself.”
If he jumps into another relationship, he can still maintain his dose of external female validation
and self-esteem. It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness. Guys
need to work their internal issues out, which brings me to another question.

But what about the guy that “goes off the deep end” and just starts hooking up with every
girl he sees?
A guy once told me that “A man is devastated at the end of a relationship to the extent to which
he sold himself out.”
What does it mean for a guy to sell himself out (in the context of a relationship)?
Every guy has a set of core values for who he is, what he stands for, and what he really wants out
of life. Sometimes in a relationship, a guy will really, really love a girl and may start to
compromise these core values. Maybe he changes his lifestyle, stops hanging out with certain
friends, or changes his habits.
It seems innocent enough, but over time the guy begins to starve for whatever it was he got from
the things he gave up. It changes the guy and, in turn, changes the relationship. As a result,  the
relationship usually suffers and, in the case of this example, ends.

So what’s the solution? Hook up with a bunch of girls and have a series of flings. I mean, think
about it – no chance of love, no chance of commitment (which, in this wounded stage translates
to changing oneself to something bad and misery) and plenty of plausible external validation that
the guy is a “worthy man” since he’s getting so much ass.
Problem is, once the guy is done licking his wounds and mentally revisiting the pain of his past
relationship, a feeling of loneliness will set in and hook-ups will seem empty and hollow.7

7
Decoding Male Behavior: How Guys Deal With Breakups- by ERIC CHARLES

http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/guys-deal-with-breakups/2/#sthash.725Q2tAA.dpuf

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In my opinion, the best thing a guy can do is hang out with his friends after a breakup. Get some
male perspective on the situation, forgive himself for what he wishes he did differently and take
some time be single.
And when I say single, I don’t mean single on a man-whore rampage or single because he’s
seeing a girl that he doesn’t want to call his girlfriend. I mean single – comfortable with not
having an attachment for a while without going to an extreme.
Sooner or later, a guy will come to this place of reconciliation with himself and I think it’s
essential that he does before he starts another relationship.
Long story short, if a guy acts extreme after a breakup, it’s his way of dealing with (or not
dealing with) his emotions about his relationship and relationships in general.

Why men are so mean after breakup?

Break ups can send men through a roller coaster of emotions. Emotions,which can cause men to
react in a variety of ways. One of those ways is by being mean to the woman that he once was
with. This can cause the woman to wonder why men so mean after a break up.

 Bruised Ego-All men have egos, some larger than others but to an extent all men are a
victim of pride and ego. This is because some men mistake having an ego with
confidence and others are compensating for a lack of something else.

 Regret- this is a feeling that can cause a man to lash out in anger after breakup, regret
over a decision made. Perhaps for some reason he regrets the break up with her.

 Bottled Emotions- It’s no secret that men hide their feelings. Women have always
been better at expressing their feelings and tend not to bottle it up. they do not know how
to handle or express the feelings to others how they feel about the breakup

A recent survey says that couples who had been together longer than six months were most likely
to break up because

  They fought too much (and who likes that?)

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 They became interested in someone else.

 Because they cited reasons such as "she's too high-maintenance," "he's too overweight,"
"sex drive is too low," or "issues of gambling."
 Not surprisingly, sex was the culprit for many relationship blowups. And of the sexual
complaints, people referenced things like, "we just had lack of chemistry," and "he
finishes sex too quickly" and "he/she was not generous in bed."8

Of all the reasons, these comments were most common:

 "I was insecure about our age difference."

 "I think we're sexually incompatible." 
 "Nag, nag, nag."
 "Not a fan of facial hair."
 "I wasn't feeling it."9

How do men and women cope with emotional breakups?

When we experience breakups we all engage in different activities and strategies to help “get
over” the other. Some go out and party, others drink, some become more socially active and
others more socially isolated. Men and women use all of these coping strategies, but research has
shown that they may rely on some more than others. For example, men will rely more heavily on
emotional distraction whereas women are more likely to ruminate. Both men and women are
inclined to turn to alcohol or drugs after the breakup, and to blame themselves for the breakups.
Women, however, are more likely to blame their partner after the breakup. It has been speculated
that women usually invest more energy and resources into maintaining relationships. Therefore,
when relationships fail they blame their partner for not investing as much into it as they did. No
matter how it goes down, breakups are no joke.

What the general public thinks about the same?

8
Sarah Jio- http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2013/11/top-reasons-couples-relationships-break-split-up.html

9
MIND OF MAN: WHAT’S GOING ON IN OUR HEADS AFTER A BREAKUP Posted by John DeVore 

November 20, 2008

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While making this project, I have asked some very basic questions to the people around me
about their views on the aforesaid topic.

Opinion difference between the two sexes

I have generally asked the following questions to three girls and three boys.

1. Are you in a relationship?

Girl one (X)- yes

Girl two (Y)- yes

Girl three (Z)- yes but things are different as it used to be before.

Boy one (A)- yes

Boy two (B)- no

Boy three (C) – yes but I guess she is cheating on me.

2. Were you in a relationship before?

Girl one (X)- yes

Girl two (Y)- yes

Girl three (Z)- yes

Boy one (A)- yes

Boy two (B)- yes

Boy three (C) – yes.

3. Why did you breakup?

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Girl one (X)- I was being cheated by him.

Girl two (Y)- I broke up because he did not respect me. I wanted to marry him but he did
something in front of his friends which he shouldn’t have done.

Girl three (Z)- I broke up because his parents found out about our relationship and wanted
him to discontinue. Later that turned out be a lie.

Boy one (A)- because she was in a relationship with me for money. She loved brands like
Zara, Chanel, Versace more than me.

Boy two (B)- She got someone else and dumped me.

Boy three (C) – I dumped her because it wasn’t working out. In the sense, there was too
much of expectations and I was really clueless about what needs to be done to handle the
situation.

4. How did you feel after that?

Girl one (X)- I felt lonely.
Girl two (Y)- happy because I got rid of a person who was a moron.
Girl three (Z)- sad..slightly broken.
Boy one (A)- Happy because she was getting heavy on my pocket.
Boy two (B)- I felt cheated but then life moves on so did I.
Boy three (C) – When I used to see couples after my breakup, I really missed her.
5. If you were happy/sad what did you do? Any unusual or the common things which
people tend to do?
Girl one (X)- I started drinking reason being lack of sleep. I wanted to sleep peacefully
so I took to drinking. I abused the guy and questioned him what made him cheat me?
Girl two (Y)- I left the past to deal with itself and moved on. Music has always been my
therapy so listening music for easing out the frustration was of great help.
Girl three (Z)- Some songs made me cry. I did not stalk him because that is the most
stupidest thing one can ever do. I blocked him on the social networking sites because
facing him was the reminder of happier times. No change in appetite, got a tattoo though.

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Boy one (A)- I went on hunting for girls wherever possible because at that point I
thought the best solution to overcome the trauma was to be in a relationship again.
It wasn’t actually a trauma but I was sad with the fact that my choice was totally a
blunder. I was into smoking and drinking.
Boy two (B)- I felt cheated. I was loyal from my side but then she wasn’t. I took to
heavy gyming so that no one can reject me in near future.
Boy three (C) – I don’t why but for a couple of days after breakup I used to cry
remembering the happy moments we had spent together. I was the one who brokeup and
perception still didn’t change that it wasn’t working out. I joined a guitar class and rock
music has always been my first love.

6. One line for your Ex? (good/ bad/ abusive/ sentimental)

Girl one (X)- You are a big time Loser.
Girl two (Y)- I don’t care even if you die. You got someone like me because of your
luck. I won’t meet you ever again not even in your dreams
Girl three (Z)- I’d say goodbye because I never got a chance to say the same.
Boy one (A)- Please go to someone who has the same attitude which you possess then
maybe you will know the value of emotions.
Boy two (B)- Please don’t come back.
Boy three (C) – I miss you but the door to my heart is closed for you.

My opinion- In my opinion, if I consider judging the girls then for some time they were
disheartened with their breakup because they thought it to be a lifetime relationship.

On the other hand if boys are concerned as I have stated earlier that they are very bad in
portraying their emotions which in turn hurts them the most.

Girls can deal with their breakup quite sensibly whereas a boy needs some to take care of him.

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What to do after breaking up?

There are a couple of significant mistakes that a lot of newly-single people make after a break up
that prolong their pain and suffering. Following these breakup rules will assist them to find peace
with the end of their relationship and avoid what not to do after a break up.

 The "Just Friends" Trap

Accepting that your relationship is over is the very first step after a break up, and without
this realization you'll be hard pressed to move on. Now is the time for renewal, not hopes
for reconciliation. Sure, there may be a slight chance the two of you will get back
together, but even the most astute 'get your ex back' manuals start with this first simple
step: take a break.
Give yourself some time to mourn your loss. Get to know yourself as a single person. Toe
your lines of independence and find out what makes you happy again. Staying friends
with your ex will only prolong the pain. Think of any interaction with your ex like
an addiction -every single time you succumb, it'll be that much harder to refuse later.
 Keeping Remnants of the Relationship
There are quite a few things considered 'remnants' of a relationship, including photos,
cutesy trinkets, mementos, clothing, and even food. After a break up, especially if the two
of you have children together, it can be challenging to remove all of these items from
your home. Luckily that's not what I am asking you to do. Instead, fill a box with
whatever items you feel will be necessary at some point in time in the future but still
remind you strongly of your ex, and then put that box in a private, out-of-the way place
for the time being. There will be more than enough reminders on a day-to-day basis of
your ex just because of how the human mind works. You won't need any extra help to
add fuel to the breakup fire.10

10
 How To Survive a Breakup - Things To Do After a Breakup - By Casey Gueren
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g1706/10-things-to-do-after-a-breakup/#ixzz3BTon09ux

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 Ignoring the Negative Emotions That Surface- There is no doubt that you will feel
strong emotions after a break up, such as loneliness, anger, fear, shame, uncertainty,
humiliation, sadness, despair and jealousy. For many, these feelings will also surface
physically, like crying or feeling like your heart is breaking. Not only are these 'negative'
emotions are healthy, but they are important to feel in order to remain healthy. Sure, they
seem miserable and probably don't make you feel better in the moment, but allowing
yourself time to grieve is an important part of healing after a breakup. Plus, a scientific
study undertaken in 1980 by Margaret Crepeau found that frequent criers are healthier
people. So don't be afraid to comfort yourself via expressing your negative emotions.
 Self-Medicating- If there were issues related to addictions, abuse, mental health (i.e.
depression), or self-mutilation prior to your break up, please seek out professional help to
assist with your specialized needs. The same goes for those finding themselves using
drugs, alcohol, sex, cutting, or any other harmful self-medicating behaviors to cope with
the pain after a break up.
 Beat Yourself Up- Most people's basic needs are the same: food, sleep and protection
from the elements (i.e. shelter and food). During a particularly difficult break up, some
people aren't able to manage even these simple tasks -- which is understandable, although
not acceptable.
 If you cannot be your own best friend right now, ask for help. Talk to your friends,
family, a counselor and/or loved ones and let them know you may need a bit of extra
support in the next little while. Additionally, create a break up action plan to post in key
places, such as on your fridge or hidden away in your desk at work. That way you'll have
no only have people checking out for you, but you'll also have created a foolproof list of
things that make you happy to refer to.

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Breakups: 10 Things You Should Never, Ever Do After

 Don't be "on the hunt"

Debunk that ridiculous myth: "The best way to get over a man (or woman) is to get
under another one. Take your time. And when anyone asks you why you're not going
out with someone because you're so great with that sad sack face of theirs tell them
to take a hike. Enjoy your new freedom!
 Don't stalk him/her
You’re way too smart to stalk him or her physically  after your breakup. Of course you
are but on social media? That's tempting. Dump him and all his friends and family.
It's simply too easy to track him or her on these outlets. We had our exes blocked
from all of our accounts because we knew one of those 3 a.m. nights after a martini
or three, we'd go sniffing. Don't. You don't need to know where he or she's going or
who he or she's going with. Move on.
 Don't tell "your story" to everyone
Hold back. Don't tell everybody how you've been wronged. Boring! Save your
droning for your journals and very, very good friends. The longer you hold on to
"your story" and keep soliciting sympathy, the longer it will take you to move
forward...and we don't want your pals to dump you, too.
 Don't waste energy on revenge.
Revenge is utter crap. Don't get even. Get over it.
 Don't isolate yourself
You're way too fabulous to be a shut-in. Get out and beyond your 4 walls. Push
yourself away from your comfort zones -- take some risks! Meet your fabulous
women friends for cocktails. Wear red lipstick and some killer stillettos and work it
because you can.
 Ease up on your regret bullshit
See your ex for what he or she truly was and try not to obsess about what could have
or should have happened. That romanticized, idealized version can torment you after
a breakup. Don't let it. It's done, over, finite.11

11
Breakups: 10 Things You Should Never, Ever Do After by- Maryjane Fahey & Caryn Beth Rosenthal 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maryjane-fahey/breakup-things-you-should-never-do-after_b_1644695.html

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 Post Breakup Trauma- Behavioral Changes Between The Two Sexes

Conclusion
Let's face it: Some relationships aren't meant to be, so a breakup averts a bigger disaster. So
when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: women.
Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after breakups
than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a
breakup, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly. 

When a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a
couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped
party should get drunk with the guys after a breakup.
But those beer spillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new
ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing—masks
for their true feelings. They can’t deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after
they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship.

Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight
talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on,
and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers
like basement mold.

One of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they break up
with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that
men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas
women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers,
sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever—the more times she tells the story about what a
jerk he was, the better she's going to feel.

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 Post Breakup Trauma- Behavioral Changes Between The Two Sexes

After the breakup, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects—the women
he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long
time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon
University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they’ve already
given consideration to the possibility of a breakup, whereas men are typically unprepared for it.

While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him
realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on.
And perhaps the only time he lets his guards down enough to admit the emotional truth is when
he's drunk-dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.

It is important to note that the differences between men and women outlined here are not
necessarily universal, and do not reflect all relationship types, or all individuals. The findings
discussed here are not “set in stone” and can vary across situations, cultures, and specific
relationship dynamics. The intention of this article is not to highlight whether one gender is a
“better” partner in romantic relationships than the other, but rather to provide insights and
awareness into how men and women experience heterosexual romantic relationship breakups and
how they cope with them. In a qualified and contextualized way, we can say that yes, in some
cases, “men are from Mars” and “women are from Venus.”

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