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    This Is How You Know If Your Ex Is Turning Your Child Against You

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    This document discusses parental alienation and how to identify if a child is being alienated against one parent. It provides insights from a counselling psychologist and family law advocate. There are typically continuous efforts by the alienating parent to disrupt or shorten contact with the targeted parent through badmouthing and criticism. While there are no definitive evaluation tools, psychologists look for themes indicating alienation through interviews and family assessments. Legally, courts will consider facts like a sudden change in a child's affection to determine if the defiant parent is using alienating techniques, which is a form of child abuse. Common signs of an alienated child or favoured alienating parent manipulating the situation are also provided.

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    This Is How You Know If Your Ex Is Turning Your Child Against You

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    This document discusses parental alienation and how to identify if a child is being alienated against one parent. It provides insights from a counselling psychologist and family law advocate. There are typically continuous efforts by the alienating parent to disrupt or shorten contact with the targeted parent through badmouthing and criticism. While there are no definitive evaluation tools, psychologists look for themes indicating alienation through interviews and family assessments. Legally, courts will consider facts like a sudden change in a child's affection to determine if the defiant parent is using alienating techniques, which is a form of child abuse. Common signs of an alienated child or favoured alienating parent manipulating the situation are also provided.

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    This document discusses parental alienation and how to identify if a child is being alienated against one parent. It provides insights from a counselling psychologist and family law advocate. There are typically continuous efforts by the alienating parent to disrupt or shorten contact with the targeted parent through badmouthing and criticism. While there are no definitive evaluation tools, psychologists look for themes indicating alienation through interviews and family assessments. Legally, courts will consider facts like a sudden change in a child's affection to determine if the defiant parent is using alienating techniques, which is a form of child abuse. Common signs of an alienated child or favoured alienating parent manipulating the situation are also provided.

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    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    64 views4 pages

    This Is How You Know If Your Ex Is Turning Your Child Against You

    Uploaded by

    P S
    This document discusses parental alienation and how to identify if a child is being alienated against one parent. It provides insights from a counselling psychologist and family law advocate. There are typically continuous efforts by the alienating parent to disrupt or shorten contact with the targeted parent through badmouthing and criticism. While there are no definitive evaluation tools, psychologists look for themes indicating alienation through interviews and family assessments. Legally, courts will consider facts like a sudden change in a child's affection to determine if the defiant parent is using alienating techniques, which is a form of child abuse. Common signs of an alienated child or favoured alienating parent manipulating the situation are also provided.

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    of 4

    Parent 24.

    07 January

    This is how you know if your ex is turning your child against you

    One of the more tricky aspects of parental alienation is how to accurately establish whether there
    really is alienation, or such intent, on the part of the other parent.

    Parent24 spoke to two experts who explained this issue from a psychological and a legal point of
    view.

    Also see below for a list of typical behaviours. 

    Psychologically 

    Joburg-based Counselling Psychologist Ace Chiheya explained to Parent24 that there is usually a


    continuous pattern of efforts to stop the child’s contact or visit with the targeted parent, as well
    as efforts to disturb or shorten contacts or visits.

    Examples include "baseless recrimination and badmouthing by the alienating parent, with little
    or no good words about the targeted parent", he said.

    Such efforts do not only target the targeted parents, but their family members as well like aunts,
    uncle, grandparents, he added.  

    Because parental alienation is neither a diagnosable psychological condition nor a psychological


    construct, Chiheya explained, there is no established psychological evaluation or psychometric
    tool specifically designed to measure parental alienation.

    "Nevertheless, there are various methods of evaluation that are used to pick themes that point to
    parental alienation and these include drawings, clinical interviews, collateral information, family
    relations tests and so on," he told us. 

    Read more in our series: #NoOneWins | Everything you need to know about Parental
    Alienation 

    Legally 

    Advocate Riani Ferreira of Circle Chambers also provided insight, explaining that there are
    certain clear signs and based on the facts, it can be established that the child was one day still
    loving the parent and the next day not.

    To make a decision, the court will consider the facts.

    "Children don’t loose their affinity for a parent overnight," Ferreira says.
    If there are no actions that caused the "estrangement" by the rejected parent him or herself, the
    inference is that the other parent, the defiant parent, is using techniques to alienate, which is a
    form of child abuse. 

    The court will determine when a child has been alienated, based on facts or through the evidence
    and assistance of a suitably qualified expert. 

    Typical signs of alienation 

    According to the book Children Who Resist Postseparation Parental Contact, typical behaviour
    exhibited by the child, or children, in question include the following examples:

    • Opinion of parents is one sided, all good or all bad, idealizes one parent and devalues the other

    • Vicious vilification of rejected parent, campaign of hatred

    • Trivial, false, and irrational reasons to justify hatred

    • Reactions and perceptions unjustified or disproportionate to parent’s behaviours

    • Talks openly and without prompting about rejected parent’s perceived shortcomings

    • Extends hatred to extended family and pets of rejected parent (hatred by association)

    • No guilt or ambivalence regarding malicious treatment, hatred, etc.

    • A stronger, but necessarily healthy, psychological bond with alienating parent than with the
    rejected parent

    Typical Behaviours exhibited by favoured (alienating) parent

    • Insists that the child has the right to make decisions about contact

    • Rarely talks about the other parent, uninterested in the child’s time with other parent after
    contact, gives a cold shoulder or silent treatment or is moody after the child expresses
    dissatisfaction about the contact

    • No photos of rejected parenting in the home; removes reminders of the other parent

    • Tells child fun things that were missed during the child’s time with the other parent

    • Indulges child with material possessions and privileges• Rejected parent is discouraged or


    refused permission to attend school events and activities
    • Telephone messages; gifts and mail from other parent to child are destroyed, ignored, or passed
    on to the child with disdain

     • Does not believe that child has any needs for the relationship with other parent

    • Exaggerate negative attributes of the other parent and omits anything positive

    • Projection of own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours onto the other parent

    • Does not correct the child’s rude, defiant, and/ or omnipotent behaviour directed towards the
    other parent but would never permit child to do this with others

    • Convinced of harm when there is no evidence 

    • False or fabricated allegations of sexual, physical, and /or emotional abuse

    • Says that the other parent left "us," divorced "us", and does not love "us"

    • Over-involves child in adult matters and litigation

    • Relocation for minor reasons and with little concern for the effects on the child

    Typical behaviour exhibited by rejected (alienated) parent

    • Harsh, rigid, and punitive parenting style

    • Outrage at child’s challenge to his or her authority

    • Passivity or withdrawal in face of conflict

    • Immature, self-centred in relation to child

    • Losses tamper, angry, demanding, intimidating character traits, but not to level of abuse

    • Counter rejecting behaviour

    • Lacks empathic connection to child

    • Inept and unempathetic pursuit of child; pushes calls and letters, unannounced or embarrassing
    appearances at school or activities

    • Challenges child’s beliefs or attitudes and tries to convince him or her otherwise

    • Dismissive of child’s feelings or negative attitudes

    • Attempt to induce guilt


    • May use force to reassert parental position

    • Vents rage, blames alienating parent for brainwashing the child, and takes no responsibility

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