How To Raise Girls With Healthy Self-Esteem: Anita Gurian, PH.D

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For Families > Disorders and Treatments > A-Z Disorder Guide > Body Dysmorphic Disorder

How to Raise Girls with Healthy Self-Esteem


by Anita Gurian, Ph.D.

 A View from the Middle: Life Through the Eyes of Middle Childhood

 Developing Healthy Eating Behaviors

 Gifted Girls - Many Gifted Girls, Few Eminent Women: Why?

 How to Raise an Educated Consumer

 Self-Injurious Behavior

 The Sexualization of Girls and Mental Health Problems: Is There a Connection?

Introduction

Although women have made gains in education and employment in the equal rights
war, they're still losing the self-esteem war. Girls' self-esteem peaks when they are
about 9 years old, then takes a nosedive. Here is a look at why girls' self-esteem
plummets and what can be done to prevent it.

What do we know about girls' self-esteem?

Self-esteem is related to how we feel about ourselves: it's not just how we look but
how we feel about how we look. And it's not just how successful or smart others say
we are, but how confident we feel about our talents and abilities. Consider the
following in order to understand the internal and external pressures girls feel and how
these pressures affect the development of their self-esteem:

 Eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression are the most common mental
health problems in girls.
 59% of 5–12th grade girls in one survey were dissatisfied with their body shape.
 20–40% of girls begin dieting at age 10.
 By 15, girls are twice as likely to become depressed than boys.
 Among 5–12th graders, 47% said they wanted to lose weight because of
magazine pictures.
 Health risks accompany girls' drop in self-esteem due to risky eating habits,
depression, and unwanted pregnancy.
 Girls aged 10 and 12 (tweens) are confronted with "teen" issues such as dating
and sex, at increasingly earlier ages. 73% of 8–12–year olds dress like teens and
talk like teens.

When and why does girls' self-esteem drop?

 Starting in the pre-teen years, there is a shift in focus; the body becomes an all
consuming passion and barometer of worth.
 Self-esteem becomes too closely tied to physical attributes; girls feel they can't
measure up to society standards.
 Between 5th and 9th grade, gifted girls, perceiving that smarts aren't sexy,
hide their accomplishments.
 Teenage girls encounter more "stressors" in life, especially in their personal
relationships, and react more strongly than boys to these pressures, which
accounts in part for the higher levels of depression in girls.
 The media, including television, movies, videos, lyrics, magazine, internet, and
advertisements, portray images of girls and women in a sexual manner—
revealing clothing, body posture and facial expressions—as models of femininity
for girls to emulate.

The sexualization of girls and mental health problems

In response to reports by journalists, child advocacy organizations, parents, and


psychologists, in 2007 the American Psychological Association (APA) created a Task
Force to consider these issues. The Task Force Report concluded that the
sexualization of girls is a broad and increasing problem and is harmful to girls' self-
image and healthy development. Sexualization is defined as occurring when a person's
value comes only from her/his sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other
characteristics, and when a person is sexually objectified, e.g., made into a thing for
another's sexual use. The report states that examples of sexualization are found in all
forms of media, and as 'new media' have been created and access to media has
become omnipresent, examples have increased.

The APA Task Force Report states that sexualization has negative effects in a variety
of domains:

 Cognitive and emotional health: Sexualization and objectification undermine a


person's confidence in and comfort with her own body, leading to emotional
and self-image problems, such as shame and anxiety.
 Mental and physical health: Research links sexualization with three of the most
common mental health problems diagnosed in girls and women—eating
disorders, low self-esteem, and depression or depressed mood.
 Sexual development: Research suggests that the sexualization of girls has
negative consequences on girls' ability to develop a healthy sexual self-image.

How can parents help their daughters develop healthy self-esteem?

Although the media, peers, and pop culture influence children, parents still hold more
sway than they think when it comes to having an impact on a daughter's developing
self-esteem. Here's how parents can help:

 Monitor your own comments about your self and your daughter.
 Get dads involved. Girls with active, hardworking dads attend college more
often and are more ambitious, more successful in school, more likely to attain
careers of their own, less dependent, more self protective, and less likely to
date an abusive man.
 Watch your own stereotypes; let daughters help fix the kitchen sink and let
sons help make dinner.
 Encourage your daughter to speak her mind.
 Let girls fail - which requires letting them try. Helping them all the time or
protecting them, especially if done by dad, can translate into a girl feeling
incapable or incompetent.
 Don't limit girls' choices, let them try math, buy them a chemistry kit. Interest,
not just expertise, should be motivation enough.
 Get girls involved with sports/physical activity, it can reduce their risk of
chronic diseases. Female athletes do better academically and have lower
school drop-out rates than non-athletes. Regular physical activity can enhance
girls' mental health, reduce symptoms of stress and depression, make them feel
strong and competent
 Watch television, movies, and other media with your daughters and sons.
Discuss how images of girls are portrayed.
 Counteract advertisers who take advantage of the typical anxieties and self-
doubts of pre-teen and teenage girls by making them feel they need their
product to feel "cool." To sensitize them to this trend and to highlight the
effect that ads can have on people, discuss the following questions (adapted
from the Media Awareness Network) with children:
1. Do you ever feel bad about yourself for not owning something?
2. Have you ever felt that people might like you more if you owned a
certain item?
3. Has an ad make you feel that you would like yourself more, or that
others would like you more if you owned the product the ad is selling?
4. Do you worry about your looks? Have you ever felt that people would like
you more if your face, body, skin or hair looked different?
5. Has an ad ever made you feel that you would like yourself more, or
others would like you more, if you changed your appearance with the
product the ad was selling?

It is within the family that a girl first develops a sense of who she is and who she
wants to become. Parents armed with knowledge can create a psychological climate
that will enable each girl to achieve her full potential. Parents can help their
daughters avoid developing, or overcome, negative feelings about themselves and
grow into strong, self-confident women.

is a concept in psychology which refers to someone's personal assessment of self worth. Someone with high self-esteem
tends to be very confident, and he or she feels good and has a lot of personal pride. Individuals with low self-esteem, on
the other hand, think that they are worthless, and they struggle with confidence and pride. From a very early age, people
are establishing their self-esteem, and there are a number of factors which can influence someone's sense of self-worth.

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Social and cultural factors play a huge role. For example, a child who is routinely praised by parents and teachers is more
likely to feel confident and valuable, while a child who is frequently criticized or who lives in an unstable home may feel
worthless. Approval of one's peers can also be an important factor in self-esteem; people who are popular tend to feel
better about themselves, while people who are marginalized and ignored by their peers feel less confident and proud of
themselves.

Low self-esteem can contribute to the development of depression and antisocial behavior. It is also usually unmerited,
because it is a reflection of personal opinion, not someone's actual worth and skills. Everyone has unique talents and
abilities, including people with low self-worth, and people are sometimes surprised to learn that people who are lacking in
self confidence may have hidden facets to their personalities, such as an astonishing talent for music, or excellent writing
skills.

Because building self-esteem is so dependent on social factors, parents and teachers are often encouraged to use praise and
other positive techniques to build up confidence in the minds of their charges. When a child despairs because an art project
isn't going right, for example, an instructor might point out that the use of colors is interesting, or ask if the child wants to
work in another medium to explore other possibilities. By positively reinforcing children and reminding them that they are
valuable, people can ensure that those children will feel good about themselves.

Adults can be influenced in the same way, and they can also work on self-esteem building exercises which are designed to
increase confidence. A salary worker at the bottom of the totem pole might, for example, go home and make a list of his or
her skills and positive traits, as a reminder that lackluster performance at work doesn't make someone worthless. Some
people also find that their self-esteem improves when they get active, involve themselves in community activities, or do
something simple like getting a hair cut or buying a nice pair of shoes

Lishner (1997, p67) summarized the characteristics of high self-esteem and low selfesteem,
which are listed in the following table:
High self-esteem
o Display initiative, independence,
curiosity, confidence
o Show pride in their work
o Trust their ideas
o Set goals independently
o Explore and ask questions
o Initiate activities with confidence
o Adapt to change or stress
o Handle teasing and criticism
o Tolerate frustration
o Are comfortable with transitions
o Can adjust to change
o Describe self in positive terms
o Have a cheerful mood
low self esteem
o Do not display initiative,
independence, curiosity, confidence
o Do not show pride in their work
o Do not trust their ideas
o Do not explore
o Lack confidence to initiate or
approach activities
o Have difficulty reacting to change or
stress
o Showing immature behavior when
facing stress
o Hang back or withdraw, sit apart
o Give up easily when frustrated
o React inappropriately to accidents
o Describe self in negative terms
o Display a depressed mood
Healthy self-esteem has been associated with happiness, success, and high
achievement, whereas low self-esteem has been associated with depression, anxiety, and
underachievement (Addeo 1994). What is uncertain, however, is whether higher selfesteem
results due to success, or success results in higher self-esteem. Despite the
widespread use of the term, considerable disagreement exists over the definition of selfesteem

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